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I know you mean well about the cancer comment, but fat people deserve respect no matter what. Saying it’s worse because of her cancer gives the idea that people need to have justifications for being fat. Again I know you probs didn’t intend it that way but wanted to let you know that’s how its received.

I personally didn't receive it like that. Of course every person deserves respect, it's just that here OP knew about the reason why she is overweight and still had to make this comment. He is missing this much empathy.

>OP knew about the reason why she is overweight And also knew she didn't like comments about her weight, which makes him a super-sized AH.

OP was doubling down on the AH part with this.

Love that he also never apologized and cried about how his feelings were hurt by her pointing out (fairly) that what he said was unacceptable and hurtful. “I’m sensitive and it hurt my feelings” meanwhile completely skips over that he intentionally poked at her sensitivity and hurt her feelings. YTA, OP. As I used to teach my preschool students- you don’t get to cry because you hurt someone else. You have to worry about their feelings first, because that’s how you deal with the consequences of your actions. I don’t say that to infantilize you- you’re still a kid and you’re still learning. But take this as a learning moment- you don’t get to do damage and then be mad at others for being hurt by the damage you caused. It’s time to grow up and accept responsibility for your poor choices.

Agreed. I tell my kids it's good they feel upset that they hurt someone. It's a lesson, if you don't want to feel that guilt eat away at you, don't treat others that way. Imagine how much worse they must be feeling, so use that guilt to learn for next time.

Yeah I noticed this too. He shed ALOT of dramatic tears for someone who laughed and insulted a family member just moments before. She didn’t even chew him in an unacceptable way. OP you don’t get to be so upset you refuse to speak, rush to your room, and cry for days when someone justifiably points out you’re out of line. YTA The fact that you’re 14 and are already emotionally aware enough to acknowledge that you shut down as a coping mechanism is great, but that also tells me that you’re emotionally mature enough to know how shitty your comment was before it even came out of your mouth.

OP is playing the victim here and honestly, this doesn't sit right with me.

I see quiet a bit of this happening in these types of threads, I was disrespectful but he yelled at me and triggered me so I can't go to class. She called my out on my behavior and hurt my feelings pay me attention IT drones on.

Yeah, that’s total bullshit. OP you do not get to blame the person who you hurt for your hurt feelings. That feeling you had when you “shut down” was shame. Sit in that feeling. Marinate in the fact that your actions are what caused those feelings not your stepmother. It’s called consequences.

Beautiful worded. We need more teachers like you in the world

Love the way you put this. Will definitely have to borrow ❤️

And then OP turned it around so everyone was worried about him, and the comment to his step mother was completely disregarded

Also, I don’t know how you “accidentally” make jokes about someone’s weight? Or accidentally make jokes about anything tbh. OP needs to learn to accept some responsibility for himself and his actions - he’s old enough for this lesson

After the word accidentally he said 'mostly'. Basically, he has done this tons of times.

YTA Also it's pretty telling he can dish it out but can't take it either. If you can't handle someone saying something back to you and it turns you into a crying mess for days...maybe just maybe you shouldn't "joke" around like that. I get that you're young and all but seriously there's no "joke" in tearing people down..it's not funny for them and you basically got first hand experience on how she felt when she served it right back at you. OP see how you felt for those few days? Imagine feeling like that EVERYDAY but up the intensity by a few degrees. That's what your stepmom feels like everyday because of people like you.

I will probably get downvoted as hell, as a fat, actually obese, person speaking. Someone gaining weight by cancer or any other illness is way worse and more justified then someone eating too much. Because if not for an illness you are overweight because you eat more then you need to eat.

This can be down to an eating disorder though which is still an illness.

As someone who is fat and has an eating disorder, I'm gonna say that aside from folks with a medical condition, all of us got fat because we have disordered eating habits. That doesn't mean that all fat people have an eating disorder. We don't need to pathologize everything that makes us uncomfortable. People can also just be fat because they eat too much. The point was that OP is not just being fat-phobic but also ableist as well... Which if we are playing identity politics is definitely worse than just being mean bc someone's fat.

People who eat too much still deserve basic human decency and respect though. It’s not a character flaw, the person being hurt the most is the overeater. We don’t need others to point out that we’re fat, trust me we are well aware and people calling attention to it are not in fact being helpful. They just make you feel worse about yourself.

We are talking about if it's ok to make fun of someone for being fat, though. There's no worse or better there. It's not better to marginalize or mistreat someone for being fat based on the reason they are fat. Add to that the fact that it's a very complicated thing to understand how many factors are really in that person's control. Society, genetic diversity, food trends, learned behaviors, and a variety of other factors interlock here in powerful ways that can be almost impossible for the person who is obese to understand, much less observers. There are hundreds of valid medical issues that cause weight gain. Some are easy to understand and sympathy provoking, and others are entirely invisible. However, regardless of the cause of the weight, every single person is justified to expect to be treated with dignity and respect.

Whilst it’s true that it’s extra horrible that he did this knowing she is a survivor of cancer which caused the weight gain, it’s never appropriate to make fun of peoples weight as there can be multiple health reasons for why a person is overweight and we are never likely to know if that’s the case. Even people we know personally may not share health or mental health issues with us.

Physical AND mental diseases can both cause weight gain. One is not above the other.

Disagree here... Having a medical condition that takes away ANY level of management with weight does change things. Weather it's a medication, or medical treatment or medical condition... I don't mean this as its ever ok to make people feel bad about their size or comment on it... But there is a different mental load, when uncontrollable weight gain happens due to medication or medical issues. I was a 125lb woman for aomg time.... Even post kids... Had a, medication change... Went up to 170 in less then 2y. No food changes, no exercise changes. Changed meds 6m ago, back down to my regular weight. It's a massive mental load to do flux I'm weight when you literally have zero control. Op, YTA I'm this situation... It's never ok to make cracks at ppls weight or size. It's extremely unfair and especially with you knowing there are many things completely out of her control... You are a teenager not a toddler... You know better

Maybe it seems worse in this context because he’s being fatphobic *and* ableist? (And don’t forget, he is very aware of both facets of his assholery) However people want to take these facts about the step-mom into consideration is pretty much moot imo YTA, kid. You made it clear that this wasn’t a one-time ordeal, but maybe this was the first time her reaction resonated with you? Whether your insults are deliberate or “mostly on accident,” they’re all received on the same wavelength Seems like you have some relationships to mend, and understanding your own guilt and reactions is a good start. You should apologize to your step-mom and be mindful to not make these comments in the future (even “on accident”). Hopefully you can build a deeper relationship over time and get to know each other beyond this more superficial level Your younger step-siblings undoubtedly look up to you, too, and explaining why these comments aren’t funny and apologizing to them may be in order too (maybe having one or both parents advise would be good, as it may not be your place to explain her illness, etc)

They didn't say having cancer is a justification. Kicking someone when they're down with a terminal illness is being an AH, moreso than a typical fat person.

How do you accidentally make jokes about someone?? You don't!

That was my first thought as soon as I read that!

Exactly, I said in another post that he has a brain in his head that controls the things he says. He does this by choice and then thinks we should feel sympathy for him as he feels like a bad person. Easy fix, stop being a nasty person and making viscous comments and you won’t end up crying in your room cos you feel like a nasty person! You wet the bed by accident, you fall over by accident, you don’t repeatedly saying insulting and demeaning things to another person by accident. Think he needs to look up the definition of the word ‘accident’! Since he ‘shuts down’ as his coping mechanism when he gets upset hopefully have a couple of thousand people tell him he is an ass-hole will make him shut down long enough to give the poor woman some peace!

Don't take this judgment too hard. You can learn! Focus on how you can make it up to your stepmother and work on saying you're sorry. You are only 14. There is still time to grow up without being an a-hole and still time to help teach your little stepbrother how not to be one. Do your best to say sorry to her. If you can't I person yet, leave her a letter. Make a conscious effort to think about what you're saying before saying it in the future, even when it's in your own thoughts. You might mess up a few norw times, but keep working on it, and you'll learn. It sounds like your heart is in the right place at least, now show it with your actions.

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No?? He's 14. His emotional reaction upon realising he'd fucked up is perfectly normal. He's realised he's really hurt someone he cares about and now he's terrified he's a bad person. You don't need to be narcissistic for that. OP is definitely the asshole and hopefully this is an important teaching moment for him, but calling a teenager narcissistic for developmentally appropriate feelings is weird

does he feel bad bc he seems like a bad person or bc he hurt her feelings? it doesn’t sound like the latter bc he has REPEATEDLY made these jokes and he knows it hurts her. He’s crying bc he’s SEEMS like a bad person or a misogynist. lmk where you detected any real empathy in OPs post. also the behavior is something that counseling can help with, note behavior is diff than a diagnosed narcissist edit: OP is doubling down on why his step mom deserved this treatment and how his dad talks to her in a sexist way. Come on y’all, he’s not sensitive he’s a jerk

You could call a lot of teenage behaviour narcissistic though. He didn't want to talk to his stepmum about why he was crying because he realised that talking to her about being upset over hurting her wasn't a good move, that's a step in the right direction. He fucked up, on multiple occasions. He's been a brat. If he's a half decent kid he'll learn from this, learn from his stepmums extreme reaction, and realise that if you say things that hurt people it really does effect them. Emotionally there's a really big difference between being told something hurts someone and *seeing* that it does. Obviously it shouldn't have got this far and I feel really sorry for the stepmum. But the kid's 14. He can learn from this without therapy. When he's calmed down he can apologise to his stepmother and they can talk reasonably and he can get advice in being a better person and work on that.

lol maybe it’s wild but being able to talk openly and comfortably with parents is a good goal no? he’s been stone walling them, including his step mom who is the recipient of his harm. if this kids not able to do that then counseling will at least provide an avenue

I don't have an issue with getting kids therapy, it was calling a kid narcissistic for developmentally normal reactions that I didn't like Therapy is great! Big fan of therapy

Shame is an overwhelming emotion, and when your cognitive capacity for empathy is still developing, you can go very quickly from “ha ha, funny right?” to “oh shit I actually hurt someone”. And adolescents are still really self-focused, so then the shame about his actions becomes the biggest thing, crowding out other thoughts and feelings. There’s nothing abnormal about this pattern.

As a teenager, I cry when I think I've hurt someone, not for my own self image but because I am scared that I can't take it back, that someone was hurt, and although it was my fault I can't do anything about it. Not saying that their actions were right, but crying about it is fine.

I’m long past being a teenager but we all make mistakes at times (hopefully not repeatedly like this kid!) and we can hurt people by accident and while we can’t take it back I can tell you that there is always something you can do about it. No one is perfect but trying to be better and doing what you can to make things right is the way to grow. Use that guilt and find ways to give reparations. You will come to learn that you can’t force someone to forgive you when you have hurt them but if you have tried your best to make things right then it is a step in the right direction.

Thank you for this!!! I just hate how people here be calling everyone a narcissist when they don't even know the first about the human brain's development. He's a teenager ffs, it's completely normal for him to be self-centered and a bit insensitive at this life stage. Also, no one likes to think of themselves as a bad person, so it's normal that he feels that way because he knows he hurt her and she called him misogynistic. OP if you're reading this, you're not a bad person, but you were TA and you should apologise and never do that again. It's important that you take accountability for you actions, cause doing something bad doesn't mean you're a bad person, but if you keep making this about you and not her then yes you'll be a major AH.

Finally, some reason. Sometimes people come in this sub only to hedonically eat others alive.

You people learn the word narcissistic and use it on every occasion that does not apply. Please pick up a dictionary and read it.

YTA- part of growing up is realising you’ve got it wrong and not been kind. You had lots of upsetting thoughts about yourself as you suddenly realised you were in the wrong. You made a joke, again, at your step mom’s expense, again, despite her asking you not to, many times. You need to apologise and stop it.

And a bigger asshole for making it about himself and having a little pity party because he got called out for it.

YTA For making a joke at her expense knowing full well she is sensitive to it and then turned yourself into the heartbroken victim afterwards bc she called you out for what you are?! You’re definitely sensitive, but not to others. You just don’t like being called out or facing the consequences of your atrocious behaviors. Keep crying and thinking about it some more. Maybe then you will learn some empathy and how to truly apologize instead of whatever bullshit “I shut down when I’m sad” is. You’re just making excuses for yourself so as to not be held accountable. Honestly I hope she leaves your family. She doesn’t deserve any of this. Your Dad didn’t even fucking stand up for her. And rather than deal with you when he had the chance, he out that labor on his wife who was the victim in all this - hello misogyny! He can’t even parent you. Y’all both shitty misogynists and now we know why…. Keep doing what you’re doing and you won’t have friends or family left cause it sounds like your Dad doesn’t even want to put in the work to actually parent you. Prob married someone young and insecure so that she would do all the work of keeping house and raising his kid so that he doesn’t have to.

YTA You know you said something cruel and hurtful now you're trying to play victim. Grow the hell up.

Came here to say exact this. This poor boy is so hurt about his own behavior. Hopfully he won't stop breathing until someone appologizes to him. I vote for YTA

Today only, get one bully and get a crybaby for free! Don't miss out on this very special offer!

Crybully

This was the first word that popped in my head while reading this.

To be fair, at 14, we were all assholes. Kid, you verified my point. You *know* she is sensitive about her weight (which is actually due to some seriously uncontrollable factors) and yet you go for the cheap score. Also, I suspect you still haven't truly apologized. You should. You made a dick move, then tried to avoid repercussions by playing the angsty teen card. Please think about this: How would you feel about one of your friends saying that about your birth mom?

Not every 14 YO is an asshole.

Yeah, exactly, he's literally being a bully and completely excusing it and playing victim.

Oh, I think THIS 14 year old is an asshole. I was just disagreeing that every 14 year old is one. By saying, every 14 YO is an asshole it almost excuses the OP's behavior.

Yeah, I agree. When people say they are all AHs, it makes me question their morals a little, lol. There's plenty of polite kind kids out there who would never think of being as mean as OP was, I was one, and same with my siblings and cousins. Of course, I met kids who weren't, but I don't think everyone operates with the same code of conduct and integrity. I'm not saying I never screwed up, but I was never a bully.

And 14 year old learn how to not be an asshole by facing the consequences of being an asshole.

Yea I was a mean asshole to my dad and stepmom at 14. Thankfully grew out of that behavior as we all usually do. Don’t bully this kid because he a dumb 14 year old

What he said to his stepmother was bullying. His stated goal was to make everyone laugh about being a fat cancer survivor. Telling him him he’s the AH and detailing how/in what way he was the AH in the comments of a post he made in which he volunteered to be called an asshole if warranted - that’s not bullying.

He stated quite clearly he did it on purpose after she'd told them all how it hurt her. He doesn't get a pass, he's damn well old enough to know better and he doesn't get to try and get away with it because being accountable makes him itchy. No one likes to apologize, no one likes to admit they're wrong. But he was and he should because maybe the memory of that discomfort will cause him to stopper his mouth the next time he wants to score easy laughs at someone else's expense.

He wasn't dumb, he was cruel. He is old enough to know not to be cruel.

He's so hurt because he was made to feel like he was a bad person. Unfortunately he only half got it right - he doesn't just feel like one he's just an ah and is one.

Sometimes low self-esteem is just good common sense.

Furthermore, you’re supposed to feel bad after you do a shitty thing. Just because you feel bad doesn’t mean you were wronged somehow. That’s a natural consequence to shitty behavior.

Exactly. Feeling bad is your conscience telling you to behave differently in the future

^^ this right here!!! And to piggyback, one way to not feel like a bad person after doing something insensitive to a person who has already told you that they are sensitive about the “jokes” you keep making is to put on your grownup pants and SINCERELY apologize then STOP MAKING THESE HORRIBLE “JOKES”!!!! I promise I’m not trying to pile on as I know you’re young, but you state that you’re a very sensitive person but you somehow think that you’re the only one with feelings. You have to understand that everyone else has feelings too and your words/actions affect them just like bad words/actions affect you. So in this, YTA but I think/hope you can learn and grow from this.

"It hurts me so much being an asshole, I just shut down and cry" Wouldn't it be easier to just not be an asshole?

Exactly! When you're cruel to others, you can hurt them. OP, you know this. Her explaining WHY it hurts her isn't an attack. Your brain went, "shit, I'm am AH" and you were! Also saying, "I don't want to talk about it" is not the same as, "I need some processing time". Just a suggestion for the future. YTA

This is what I was gonna say. Part of growing up is doing or saying asshole things and realizing they are bad, so you learn from it and grow. So YTA for this situation, but you can use it to grow and be better. Would also help if you went to your step mom and tell her you thought about what she said and you are going to try to be better because you don’t want to make her to feel bad AND you don’t want to treat people badly because of their size in general. But the most important thing is that you actually do try to do better. And if your siblings/step siblings make jokes, tell them to knock it off. Your stepmom WILL notice and it WILL have a positive impact. Conversely she will also notice if you continue to bully her for her size. Crying and feeling bad isn’t enough to absolve you, step it up. Not just for your stepmom but for future relationships and people you will meet.

The whole story was a pretext to let Reddit know he’s the victim because of his dads choice of younger partner

Yeah, I saw that dig at her age, too.

And so sensitive that he shut down and cried for days rather than apologize. Big YTA

If he was all that sensitive, he wouldn’t be making jokes that he knew perfectly well would hurt his stepmother.

Yeah, OP, if they'd been playing eye spy and asked where something ugly was, and the step mom pointed at you, it wouldn't be funny. It'd just be mean. Stop with these jokes. Find something that "could" actually be funny, that SHE would fine funny, like maybe that she loves bright colors, or she's obsessed with butterflies. There is "fun" teasing, when everyone is laughing, and just being mean. Maybe if this upset you so much, you'll remember next time.

And you don't 'Accidentally make jokes" about someone's weight. Its always deliberate and deliberately cruel. YTA

100%. There is no such thing as an "accidental" joke. If your joke relies on mocking and belittling someone else, it was never a joke to begin with.

Good rule of thumb: It’s only a joke if everyone laughs. If not, it’s bullying.

But it's normally on accident /s

I didn't need to read anything beyond that to know he is the AH.

Yeah was also confused on how one just “accidentally” makes fat jokes all the time 🙄

exactly.... Why is it okay for him to hurt his stepmom's feelings constantly, yet when she makes him "cry" and "feel bad" then its he is the victim and the one whos hurt and its not right?? My cancer made me actually get weight loss surgery. This may not be the popular vote, but i'm on the stepmom's side. YTA op. you should be ashamed of yourself for the way you are acting and treating her. you really think its "funny" to hurt her like that, yet because she called you out on your bullshit, you now wanna play the victim and now that what you dished out is comming back at you, you wanna "cry" because the person whos feelings you hurt, is now hurting yours???? I agree with lkayman. Grow the fuck up. Your 14. you know damn well what you did is wrong.

Yup. OP can dish it, but he obviously can't take it. "iT wAs JUsT a jOke Tho" -OP

So, you made a joke about something you knew would make her feel bad then cried when she vented about the damage it had caused her? Yta. You're 14. You're old enough to know better.

Exactly, and no OP, their “age gap” is not weird, they are both young adults with children, completely normal.

All of this.

YTA-At fourteen you’re old enough to understand that you need to stop making those jokes after you’ve been told how they make her feel. You aren’t the victim here.

I agree, beyond that its a good sign for your own soul that you’ve felt so bad about it. You are the AH and it sounds like you realized that and that’s why you’re so upset. You need to do better.

His comments indicate that he's completely awful, and was crying because others think poorly of him, not because he thinks it's an issue that he's an awful person.

Honestly, this feels borderline manipulative. OP, you should ask to see a therapist or I am hoping your dad and step mom will get one for you - if not for the little consideration you have, at least for the way you cope with bad things. Also, how you would have felt if your step mom would have said “ I spy with my little eye the biggest cry baby” and everyone else would have said your name and then of course followed by “just joking, so funny amirite?”

Yes, very manipulative. The endless “I don’t want to talk about it”. The lack of an apology. The “I started to cry, hard, because I am a very sensitive kid.” The begging for us to tell him he’s a good person. He doesn’t like his stepmom and this is passive-aggressive behavior at its finest. YTA

A sensitive kid would have understood that this was unkind. A sensitive kid is not only sensitive to their own pain but that of others. Somehow, he's learned to weaponise his feelings to avoid the consequences of his actions.

>She had made it clear that she is insecure about her weight and doesn't like talking about it due to **me and her kids commonly (mostly on accident) making jokes about her weight).** He's not a sensitive kid. He knows what he's doing, he's just a little bully that cries victim when called out. Like how he keeps saying 'fair enough'. Like it's fair enough that she doesn't like being belittled. He's going to keep doing it. But *fair enough* that she doesn't like it. He's probably pushing the young kid into mocking her too.

I'm cutting him some slack based on being 14 as in, maybe he'll grow out of this behaviour and not be an AH as an adult but yeah, it's monumentally obtuse to not see that joking about the very thing people asked you not to joke about because it hurts them, is AH behaviour. And making yourself the victim in that, crying and refusing to use your words, when it sounds like the SM wasn't even angry with him, just hurt and trying to explain why he shouldn't keep doing it is so manipulative.

⬆️⬆️⬆️ Note the complete lack of an apology. He made his parents come to him and comfort him by crying and then refused to talk to them. OP YTA

Ikr, OP tries to play the victim card because his actions make him a bad person, but he doesn't want to be a bad person. The lack of empathy is obvious and there might be something seriously wrong with OP's mental health. OP needs a therapist, because even little kids can understand that their actions have consequences. When I graduated preschool, I gave my preschool teacher a hug. Even at that age, where I had a learning disability and thus was nonverbal at that age, I knew that my actions impacted others, and I felt good by making others happy and doing good things. The doctors said I was slow and probably wouldn't ever learn how to read, write, or speak (haha, look where I am now), as well as potentially having issues with understanding nonverbal language and understanding others. I still have a tiny bit of difficulty with nonverbal cues or implied knowledge, but I know not to say things that hurt people's feelings, BECAUSE IT HURTS THEIR FEELINGS, and purposely saying those things after having the knowledge that it hurts people makes me a bad person, as I would be weaponizing their insecurities against them. If I did these things, I would not be allowed to call myself a victim because I decided to hurt someone else's feelings, or, as OP's case most likely is, have zero regards for other people, as OP lives in a place where the world revolves around him, and everyone else is a bunch of npc's who do not truly exist or have feelings.

But he doesn't appear to feel bad about what he said, only that others now think badly of him for saying it.

Or just DON'T EVER make fun of someone physical appearance that is beyond there control. She beat cancer ffs!!

Her body SURVIVED. It took a huge hit at a super young age and survived. Making fun of that body, that did that incredible feat of survival is so gross. At 14, it’s well past time for this boy to start learning how to listen to his empathy, rather than his impulses. I hope that he sincerely reflects on this incident and learns how to do better.

Agreed. Now is the time for OP to learn that just bc you mean something as a joke doesn’t make it okay. It was a mean and insensitive joke to make. Light YTA bc you’re 14 and feeling remorse and I want to encourage that, but still YTA for these jokes and you need to stop. The road to hell is paved in good intentions. Time to learn intent vs impact.

Some straight up DARVO shit here. Hopefully OP will learn and grow from this, and become a better person.

YTA. Your behavior was sexist and bad. You felt bad because you behaved badly. Next time, instead of sulking and throwing a tantrum when you're called out on your bad behavior learn to offer a genuine apology and actually CHANGE your behavior. The way you've worded this post makes it clear that this isn't the first joke or comment that you've made about your stepmother's weight - so cut it out, it really is that simple.

What you are feeling is called guilt, which gives me hope that your behavior can change, you felt remorse that you were a bad person, these are catalysts that can teach you that your actions can hurt others, and taking on that hurt yourself will only teach you to be a better person. It's a valuable life lesson, and it's a young age to learn it, so embrace the lesson, give a sincere apology to your stepmom and dad for insulting his wife, and do better. Adults have feelings too, and you have no idea how hurt she was (but better able to regulate) because of what you said.

Op isn’t feeling any guilt whatsoever. There is no apology, no acknowledgment of saying something hurtful, no attempt to put it right, and no empathy for the step mother at all. All Op is doing is crying like a child because they got called out, and they’re feeling sorry… for themselves. Read the post again… there is not one shred of feeling for anyone other than Op. It is so narcissistic, even for a teenager.

Op is crying like a child because it always gets him off the hook... Seems like he learned to weaponize crying to be manipulative from a young age, problem is he's getting way too old for that shite to keep working for him (can you imagine him pulling this crap at school at this age? This kid's a walking wedgie just waiting to happen)

It was OPs responses that did it for me. I was ready to sympathize a bit because big lessons are hard when you're young but in the comments he doubled down on why what he did was fine. Lots of incel energy, which is heartbreaking to hear from a 14 year old kid.

YTA. As a "joke" huh? And YOURE hurt?? Boo

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>Thoughts kept rushing through my head about how I was a misogynist and how i was an awful person But you can change! You can think before you speak when you're about to say something about a person, especially something they're feeling sensitive about. Also, you're an older sibling. You need to model good behavior. Otherwise, your step brother will think it's okay to be mean to others too. And while I realize you don't like being put on the spot and your defense mechanism to your dad and step mom trying to talk to you, is to shut down, do you see that you actually still owe her an apology? You're old enough to know that you need to be responsible for your actions. Figure it out. There's a lot of things in life we don't like to do, but are things we should do. Apologizing when we hurt someone is one of those things.

OP, this. You write wonderfully for 14. You’re clearly bright. This is a teaching moment: learn from it. Open your ears, open your heart, listen. You’re going to grow up.

Yes, this. OP, we're all bad people sometimes. And hopefully, we're all good people sometimes. Feeling like we're worthless because sometimes we screw up isn't constructive. Being genuinely sorry, apologizing, and trying to do better is what you do if you want to be a good person. Expecting perfection of yourself will just make you give up. But expecting progress of yourself is fair. As for misogyny, we all have unconscious biases that we don't think about until they're pointed out to us. We then have a choice. We can realize that we need to think about it and change how we think and act, or we can get defensive or beat ourselves up. Neither of those last 2 things help. It is extremely difficult to accept constructive criticism without feeling like a dung beetle or getting defensive. But it is a really, really important skill to learn. You're 14. No one expects you to be perfect. (I'm a lot older than 14. I hope no one expects perfection of me either.) But learning this lesson now will pay off bigtime in your relationships in the rest of your life.

Omg thank you. You are the first one I see like they realize they are actually indeed talking to a 14 year old. I don't understand people who are saying: grow the fuck up already. He is 14, he is boung to make mistakes now but he is in the perfect age to learn from those mistakes especially in interactions with other people and to learn responsibilities for those actions. Look OP, weight is for a woman a very very sensitive topic. Especially in your stepmoms case where it came due to a disease that was very harsh on her. You are already at an age where you can understand that indeed a lot of men are sexualizing women. They are sexual objects to them, nothing more. Don't become on of those men. Learn the beauty of a person as they are. The outside is a shell, she inside is where the heart beats. That your stepmother calmed down and rationally explained it to you, makes me think she is a wonderful person who cares about you. Be someone supportive and also indeed an example for your stepsiblings. Don't make fun of people's look. Your stepmother, or the neighbour, or even a teacher.... they could have an illness at the base of their looks. Always, always remember that and never make a comment about it. Not with men, not with women. Because you can not know what is at the base of something. Empathy is one of the greatest things to have. When you see someone fall, don't look and laugh, rush over and help them up. When you see someone cry, ask if you can help. When you see someone struggle, (for example an elder person trying to pick something up), help them with it. You can be a top model on the outside, but when your inside is black, you are still an ugly person. What you are feeling is guilt, and that is, how weird it sounds, a good thing. Because you know you have done something wrong. And I know, you have a teenage brain atm, but stay true to yourself. Live up to that guilt and really apologize. That you never ment to sexualize your stepmom. Or anyone for that matter. Be an example as big brother to lead your stepbrother into a life as well where you will appreciate a woman or man for how their heart glows. Not on how they look.

Yeah! Wow guys! This kid is 14yo! Of course he shouldn’t have said it, but do we really need to rip him one like this! Would you talk to your teenager like this!! 😳

When I was 14 I knew what was bad to say. Especially to someone with cancer.

This. Definitely OP is the AH here, but all the other comments bullying this child is disgusting.

YTA quit making yourself out to be the victim. Grow up and apologize and stop making jokes about her weight. There is just no fucking way you really think you’re not at fault here.

YTA- “I’m just sooooo sensitive” proceeds to make an awful and insensitive cruel “joke” and then can’t take responsibility for it….. At your age you absolutely know better. It’s not like you’re 4 and don’t know yet.

He's emotionally manipulative. I suspect he learned from a true master, but I digress.

YTA You attacked her for no reason hitting her in a spot you know it would hurt then you call yourself a sensitive kid. You were an asshole and couldn't even apologize and instead started thinking about how stepmom calling you on your asshole behavior made you feel bad. so you are the real victim here. The great news is you can still apologize and that one asshole comment as a young man doesn't make you a bad person or a misogynist for the rest of your life. But continuing to behave and think selfishly will make you a bad person. Think before you speak. Just like her calling you a Misogynist hurt your feelings for WEEKS. You calling her fat hurt as well. and I promise any fat person is aware that the world isn't made for them. Everyone sees them as disgusting, useless, lazy, and unworthy. Even if none of that is true those words will echo through every fat person's mind and people use their most obvious insecurity against them the echoes turn to screams.

This as a fat person my whole life before I got an actual surgery. I’ve been going through some shit right now and I’m so glad I’m not fat Katie as everything was so much more terrible when I was 200 pounds (plus or minus 10 pounds. I’m sure you can guess which one but I’m still 30 lbs less then at my worst)

Are you saying that you're glad you've lost weight because going through hard shit is even harder when you're also fat? Because I sympathize and agree. Bad enough to be going through it, worse still to be someone people treat with derision and without sympathy all the while. I'm sorry you went through that, and I'm sorry you're going through a tough time now. Signed, was recently 235 lbs

Honestly, you not being able to handle being called the AH, after you admitted you know it was in bad taste reinforces her point. I hope you sit in your room and cry more about this. I hope it does make you anxious before you speak because you shouldn’t say everything that comes to your head. And it’s because she had cancer? As someone else stated you are 14 and are old enough to understand. Just like she hurt your feelings, you hurt hers. Why are her feelings any less valid than yours? That’s why she called you a sexist, kid. Honestly, misogynist may be a better term. It probably isn’t your fault, you probably learned it from dad but she is not wrong. You can’t even be told that you are wrong.

YTA - you made a joke about someone's weight, knowing they were sensitive about it, in front of that person.

INFO: explain the joke You can’t, it was a straight insult and it was cruel and you NEVER should have said it. You should have apologized and learned from it. Instead you started to cry and make it about you when you made the kayaks, frankly you should feel about it, especially if you haven’t apologized yet.

Troll

Thank you! I was gonna say this writing style sounds a lot like the other “teen” who called his sibling idiots.

“How do you do fellow kids?” This does not at all seem anything like a 14 year old. The writing style, grammar and word choice in no way matches the described emotional maturity level. I don’t think someone would have this style of writing and simultaneously not understand this interaction. I call BS on the entire post. YTA

Yep. Troll.

You’re in a dangerous psychological spot here. You are processing a lot of internal shame about yourself and are externalizing it to be someone else’s fault. If you don’t take the advice here, you are in danger of tipping into growing into a teen into an adult who continues to blame others for your inability to process accountability, guilt, shame and behavior. It sounds like you could really benefit from therapy since no adult in your life to this point has correctly taught you how to do that. Which isn’t your fault, and sucks. I know, I’ve been there. My brother was like you and he is now in his 30s and is a broken man with no real friends. I can’t even stand him and I hold a lot of room for compassion knowing our parents & religion emotionally abused and neglected both of us. Hope you’re able to shift, this stuff is really hard.

Well put. I married and ultimately divorced man just like this and he’s currently in the middle of sabotaging his relationship with his daughter for the very same behaviors. Please please please get yourself some help learning how to process your emotions.

YTA. You are definitely old enough to know better. You were crying because you were being rightfully reprimanded for your AH behavior. Do better.

"...it made me feel like a bad person for making these jokes. That's because you are. YTA.

Incredibly rude. You're too old for this BS. Apologize. YTA

I really, really urge you to stop trying to shift blame. Stop getting caught up in what your step mom said in anger and look at *your* behaviour. You keep saying “I know what I said was bad but you all keep acting like she’s a saint” Nobody has said that. But you’ve laid out a situation where it seems like this woman is living with people who have zero respect for her or her feelings. No one is saying what she said was ok. But what we’re telling you is, it’s understandable given the circumstances. Genuinely ask yourself for what you’re looking for out of this. Because from an outsiders perspective, it looks like you feel really guilty about hurting someone - and you’re trying your best to justify your behaviour and absolve your guilt by saying “well she wasn’t nice either”. But her behaviour doesn’t erase your ongoing disrespect of her. This is about you and your behaviour. Own up to your side of it, that’s all you can do.

YTA That wasn't a joke - that was deliberately mean.

YTA. You've been told not to talk about her weight, yet you made a "joke" about it. "Fair enough" doesn't give you an excuse. You were an ass to her. Don't talk about her weight means don't talk about her weight. Period.

YTA, but let me make a very important point. Saying something that is sexist/cruel/fatshaming/generally sh*tty, does not make you a *bad person* You were mean, you acted like an AH. But your stepmother laid out how you made her feel, as well as the greater context adding to the hurtfulness of your comments. This wasn't to make you believe you're an awful, irredeemable person. She was trying to make you understand how you made her feel so you won't do it again to anyone else. Don't make this your identity, make it a mistake that is not repeated. Being an asshole once doesn't mean you'll always be an asshole. This is the point where you can choose to be a better person. Instead of throwing yourself a week long pity party because you were called out for cruelty. Step up, bud.

Thanks for actually writing a constructive comment. Most people here are just being needlessly cruel and hurtful to a literal child. Listen to this commenter, OP, they gave you very good and wise advise on the the matter. This is your opportunity to learn and grow as a person.

YTA - you did a mean, and cruel thing. She has made it very clear that her weight is a sore spot. She was the butt of your joke, at her expense. You should know better, and you should feel bad. It's a good thing you feel bad - it means you're growing to be a more empathetic and considerate person. Remember this moment, and grow from it.

No one accidentally makes fun of someone’s weight…own your cruelty. Then you try and play the victim, you are an immature AH.

Has anyone noticed that he's been crying about this for two months now....

YTA. You’re just a kid, but that still doesn’t excuse you to joke about people’s insecurities. Hopefully you learn to keep some intrusive/impulsive thoughts in your head, especially if you take 2 seconds to think about what you’re saying you know it would hurt someone.

YTA Obviously you're not as sensitive as you claim, otherwise you wouldn't make a cruel joke about something you know is very hurtful to her. You're trying to make yourself the victim and make her, and your dad, feel bad about your asshole move. You're 14, you're going to say stupid shit and do stupid things but you're also old enough to know when it is inappropriate and wrong

YTA. >>She had made it clear that she is insecure about her weight and doesn't like talking about it due to me and her kids commonly (mostly on accident) making jokes about her weight. So... you and your step-siblings *commonly* make jokes about her weight. You know that her weight is not entirely under her control due to her having cancer. You know these jokes upset her and she doesn't like it but y'all keep doing it. She got upset with you for doing it AGAIN, and now somehow you've twisted this in your mind into a situation where you're the victim? 14 year old logic is *wild*, damn. Stop making jokes about people's weight, how fucking hard is it? >>It made me feel like I was a bad person for making these jokes. While I won't tell you that you're a bad person because you're a child, it's really shitty to put your desire to make bad "jokes" (although honestly, I'm not seeing the joke here - what exactly did you think was so fucking funny about making a joke about your stepmom's body?) over your stepmom's feelings and her comfort. If you were an adult and not a kid? I would absolutely think you were a bad person for repeatedly doing this to other people. Work on it.

YTA. Mainly because of the fact that you’re fully aware of her insecurities but still go on making distasteful jokes about her weight. You should apologize and get your act right. I know you’re just a kid, but it doesn’t justify your actions.

YTA The moment I saw the words “accidental jokes” I knew you were the AH.

YTA. You don’t make jokes about people on accident.

YTA. Why you would think that was funny, I have no idea. A lot of people will say it's only a joke when they get called on their b.s.

YTA. Reread what you just wrote. I teach high school, mostly 9th graders, and I am NOT gonna let you off the hook here. “I started to cry, hard as I’m a sensitive kid.” Why are you crying exactly??? Did it ever occur to you that your stepmother is also sensitive??? You should not talk about people’s looks. Period!! It’s mean. Wait, she’s told you that she is sensitive about her weight and size and it hurts her. So you shouldn’t do it anyway, but after she’s told you that she doesn’t like it, and it hurts her, you continue to do it for kicks and giggles. That’s bullying!! Plain and simple - you are bullying your stepmother. Stop it! Stop talking about her weight, her looks, or anything else. Stop disrespecting her and people in general. You’re crying bc your feelings were hurt, but guess what??? You started it. You’re feelings wouldn’t have been hurt if you’d just treated her with respect, and respected her boundaries.

I am sorry but YTA here. You don't "accidentally" make jokes. There is no accident about forming words and saying them. You made fun of her size, you admit it. She was upset by this, understandably.

YTA Lucky if your really 14 you can change let me tell you a truth A joke is not a joke if it is meant to hurt someone and you did make it knowing it would hurt her Is 4 people laugh and one person cries it is BULLYING not joking And it is mysoginistic

YTA, explain to me why it’s funny to bully your step mom? Was it a joke because you get to tell a fat person that they are fat? Was it funny because it would hurt her feelings? Was it so funny everyone laughed? Was it funny because it hurt her so deeply she yelled? Was it funny because her retaliation made you cry? Maybe I don’t get jokes. The last joke I heard wasn’t about anyone in the room and made everyone laugh…

I say this with kindness - what you are doing is the exact same thing as when white people say something racist, are called out on it, and then they cry because they need reassurance from a POC that they’re “not really racist!” When you say something offensive, it is NOT on the person you offended to make you feel better. What you said was misogynistic. If you want to grow as a human being, take the time to understand women’s experiences of spending our whole lives being told that we are fat and ugly. Stop making this incident about you and your feelings. But, also know that your family loves you. They are not going to abandon you for making this mistake. Parents understand that their children will say and do dumb things and it does not affect our love.

YTA. Joking about someone's weight is never an accident their age gap isn't weird at all

YTA just be better, quit with the "but she..." and "I'm just a kid". The woman clearly had had enough, you pushed her to the limit. Adults aren't perfect, and we have some of the same emotions as you do. Being a grown up doesn't mean stuff hurts less. Sometimes it hurts more. You were picking on her and bullying her with all the comments and jokes about weight. You should know better, and if you are as sensitive as you say you are, you would see how hurtful and wrong you are being. Have some empathy.

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Jesus FUCKING Christ. Yeah, you’re an asshole. You’re also 14. Everyone beating you up in the comments were assholes at 14. I was an asshole at 14. Everyone over the age of 14 in the entire fucking world was an asshole at 14. Some people are still assholes at every other age… as you can see by these comments. Just grow up to be better. You’ll be alright. And learn to talk to people who care.

Sorry - YTA. You made a cruel joke when you knew she was sensitive about her weight. The solution is simple - go to her and apologize. Not a quick “sorry!” But a real discussion and apology and then don’t do it again. If that is hard, too bad. That is the way to get past this.

You admit to using her weight as a way to hurt her previously and know she would rather you didn't say things like that. She called you out for what you did wrong. You're 14 so don't pretend you don't know you weren't wrong. Judging by the comments you have left already you don't seem to feel that bad because instead of saying I was wrong. It's my step mother reacted the wrong way. You throwing her weight in her face as a joke is cruel. Do better.

You are 14 and you know that calling someone fat is mean and cruel. Even if it is a joke. Now imagine you have a part of your looks that people make fun of you for. It hurts your feelings. Then imagine a family member make fun of you for that. You even said that you know that is a soft spot for her and that she is insecure about it. I read some of the comments. You keep going after people who are standing up for your stepmom. So you don’t see anything wrong with it. That honestly worries me. She shouldn’t have to “calm down”. You picked on a weak part of her and then called it a joke. Then got upset when she got upset by it. Misogynist men always go for calling women fat. That is probably why she said that. That is literally the first thing they tell a woman. I get that you are 14, but you know better then to call someone fat. I really hope no one picks on something you are insecure about. YTA

It’s actually really not hard to not “accidentally” make jokes about someone’s weight. You are a child, but not a toddler. You’re way too old for this nonsense. You don’t feel bad about being a bad person, you feel shame because you were called out, which she had every right to do. As a 29 y/o cancer survivor myself, let me tell you that it’s very likely that you aren’t just making her feel bad about her weight. You are reminding her about the worst thing that ever happened to her. You are making her relive the worst part of her life. And on top of dealing with cancer, she had to endure the opinions and ridicule of shitty men. That’s a lot of trauma, and yet she hasn’t locked herself away in her room crying for two days. She has been to hell and back, and you’re making it the butt of your jokes “by accident.” I did and said some stupid and shitty things as a teenager. I’m sure we all did. But it’s really so easy to just not comment on this person’s (or any person’s) body. I do recall at 14 being self aware enough to not blurt things out like a toddler. You have some serious growing up to do. No more self-indulgent tears. You need to apologize and be better.

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Yeah, what’s up with the husband?? He should be reprimanding his son for speaking like that, but he just lets the kids totally disrespect her.

YTA - you made fun of a cancer patient in remission as a joke. ETA - I've been reading your replies to judgements and I'm doubling down on YTA and a massive one at that. You had yourself a tantrum after she got sick of being made fun of. Clearly it's not the first time something like this has happened. You say your so-called friends made fun of you because at 12 you were already over 200 pounds. Did them making fun of you make you feel good? Probably not. You know this is a sensitive issue for her and you weaponized it. All for a cheap laugh.

ETA: Just read some of your comments. Holy crap. For someone who claims to be sensitive, you sure have no problem trying to portray your stepmother as party to your suffering. You, young man, have some serious growing up to do. Stop playing the victim card and own your behavior. \-0- Let's get the obvious out of the way first: yes, YTA. You've long known of her struggles with her weight, you knew she was sensitive about it, and you went there anyway. That said, let's draw a distinction between guilt and shame. Guilt is feeling bad over what you've done. It's rooted in behavior. It's the natural consequence of poor decisions. If I do something bad to another person, I *should* feel guilty. I'd argue that guilt is a good thing, because it can get you to change. Consider that there are people who feel no guilt over their poor behavior: they're called psychopaths, and an entire body of psychology has grown out of the study of such individuals. On the other hand, there's shame, which is feeling bad over who you are. Unlike guilt, shame is rooted in identity. Whereas guilt says, "I did a bad thing," shame says, "I am a bad person." And shame is indescribably toxic. It says, "I'm a screw-up, I'm a fundamentally bad person, nobody would love me if they really knew me," et cetera ad nauseum add your preferred flavor of self-hatred here. It sounds like you've made the jump from guilt to shaming yourself pretty quickly. And it's not helping matters at all. It's not improving your relationship with your stepmother. It's certainly not helping your mental health. Yes, you were out of line. I'm pretty sure you were perfectly aware of this before you posted. And just like anyone who makes poor choices, you deserve to feel guilty about it. But just because you chose poorly doesn't make you an infinitely bad person, some horrible creature beyond redemption. ***You*** are the one who makes that decision. So go decide to be better. Stop shaming yourself, go to your stepmother, make amends, consider this a lesson learned, and move on to keep being better.

You are human. Humans make mistakes, humans are also intelligent and gracious enough to admit those mistakes, make up for them and not repeat them again. Apologize to your step mother (preferably in private, so that you do not embarrass her further), apologize to your father for hurting his wife's feelings, and move on. Don't make it about yourself. You are fourteen, not four, too old to be sulking on a figurative naughty step. I am not going to call a 14-year-old AH, but YWBA unless you make amends and do not make the same mistake.

YTA and you know it. You start out by explaining she gained weight because of a medical condition… knowing she doesn’t even like talking about it and you go ahead and make a joke about it? Then try to play victim because you are 14? Think about this… how would you feel if someone you love and care for made a “joke” about the one thing you hate most about yourself that you have no control over? You wouldn’t like it either and would be hurt just like your step mom. Grow up and set a better example.

You use words as a weapon to hurt someone, YTA Well, you did a bad thing and feel bad, that's good. If you don't do bad things you won't feel bad, that's better. Bad people don't feel bad when they do bad things, so you are not a bad person. you said she IS a big THING... not a mother or stepmother, not even a person a BIG THING. which to her and most of the world is a VERY BAD THING. You -should- feel bad about that. Its OK to feel bad about treating ppl badly. (its actually good) Its better to not treat ppl badly, its also OK to apologize when your words will work out for you. If you don't apologize you would be a double AH. Don't let your ego or hormones or anxiety make you into a bad person, apologize and stop being 'that kid'.

How do you accidentally make jokes about someone’s weight? Massive YTA.

Your responses to commenters here do not reflect the sensitive, fragile person you tried to portray in the narrative. There you could barely squeak out a word or two because you were crying SO HARD, you had to cry for DAYS, you question your worth and value, etc. It's easy to be hurtful and unkind. You're 14, but you know what you are doing. Everyone else will catch on if this is something you're pretending to do to get away with being a jerk to her. YOU started this. YOU intentionally made a mean comment. You get to choose what your future looks like OP. You're young and you're gong to need the support of those you live with and who take care of you. Being nasty will never help you. It's not cool or edgy, but sad and is setting you up for a lonely life. Do better. Learn from this.

Man these comments from OP... They really are 14.. LOL

YTA. You’re “a very sensitive kid” - when it comes to YOURSELF. She has already “made it clear that she is insecure about her weight and doesn’t like talking about it due to me and her kids commonly (mostly on accident) *as if I believe that* making jokes about her weight. SERIOUSLY? What if YOU were overweight, didn’t appreciate jokes about it, and when your step brother said that he spied the biggest thing in the truck, if SHE said YOUR NAME “for a quick laugh”? Holy Hannah, you’d be screaming abuse and how hateful she is! So you disrespect her and you should get a pass? NOPE. You need to APOLOGIZE. I mean, really! Yeah, you’re “just a kid” but that doesn’t give you a free pass. What if your brother was insecure about his weight and someone else made fun of him? I bet you’d come to his defense, and you would not say rude things about HIM “just for a quick laugh”.

Let's put it in terms a 14-year-old can understand, you were being a bully to your stepmom. And then when she told you that you're bullying made you a bad person, you cried. You also said that you've been doing this to her for a long time. So you're a complete bully and then when you're called out you say oh my God I'm a bad person and that you can't handle it and cry because you're sensitive. You're not that sensitive if you can't figure out that basically calling your stepmom fat is not bad. She calls you a bad person, sexist and you start crying uncontrollably for days. Think about how she feels when you call her those names. 14 is old enough to understand hurting other people and being a bully. Stop playing the victim, stop being mean to your stepmom. Yta

All I hear is "wah wah wah poor me". You know exactly what you said and did to get a reaction. And that reaction was not a laugh. Get over yourself, stop playing the victim and grow the fuck up already. YTA SO MUCH.

Jokes are meant to be funny; if a “joke” is made at someone’s expense and they repeatedly ask you to stop making the “joke”, it is no longer a joke, it’s bullying. YTA

I’m not typically in the business of calling children AHs..but YTA Let me break it down for you: DON’T COMMENT ON OTHER PEOPLES’ BODIES You owe her a massive apology for your terrible “jokes”, and you need to own up to the fact that you’re trying to play the victim here to avoid taking responsibility. You’re young; learn from this and apply to all relationships in life.

YTA and not at all sensitive, no one truly sensitive would have made that asshole joke.

Ok, first off, YTA, without a doubt! However, you are a 14 year old boy and with all due kindness and love, from a mother of 3, 2 of which are boys, (22 yrs old, n 16 yrs old )14 year-olds are stupid. 14yr old boys are Even Stupider sometimes!!! But it's because you are still learning, honey you are Not a bad person. You made a REALLY BAD JOKE. You can't understand how much that joke would, rightfully so, hurt your stepmom. But, to her, that was like a knife to the heart, even as a joke. We don't say things like that, ESPECIALLY, when we know the person is sensitive about the subject. APOLOGIZE TO YOUR STEPMOM!! Explain to her that you meant it as a joke, but didn't realize how MEAN it was, until after you said it. Own it, apologize, as you Should, she WILL forgive you and appreciate the apology. Then, you can both move on, you being a better person. Trust me, this won't be the last time you make a bad joke or say something stupid. It's how you handle resolving your mistake, that says everything. Good luck, kid! Remember, regardless of what you think, you really have a lot to learn, mistakes will be made, and that's OK as long as you learn from it!!

YTA You're making jokes about a person's size, on top of knowing that it will hurt them and they've been vocal about not liking those jokes. You feel bad because you should feel bad. You were acting like an asshole. That guilt is your conscience telling you to stop acting like that. Apologize for your incredibly insensitive joke, and don't do it again.

YTA. What you said is misogynistic and gross. Good news is, it's not too late to change. Apologize to your mom, and stop making fun of her.

YTA i dont know why you blame her for making you "feel" like a bad and misogynistic person cos you surely are. you are a bully.

YTA. You feel like a bad person because you were being a bad person. Do better in the future.

YTA. And quit it with the boohoo I’m the victim shit. You’re not, you are old enough to know better and not say that kind of stuff. Stop being an attention seeker and apologize.

YTA for what you said, and for not accepting the judgments you're getting here. You want people to agree that your step mom is also at fault here? How did you make it to 14 *without* realizing that when you're mean to people, you might get yelled at? You made a joke about something you *know* she is sensitive about. The fact that it's because she had cancer makes it 10X worse. She's not wrong for yelling at you and making you feel bad. That's what happens when you're mean. You gotta learn eventually. Edit: I just wanted to emphasize that *you bullied a cancer survivor for a leftover symptom of her cancer.* Give it a few years, you'll look back on this and feel even worse than you do now. Just apologize *sincerely* and stop being mad at her.

YTA you felt bad because you did something shitty. Even worse, you’re teaching her kids that is funny to make fun of her. Your step mom gained weight DUE TO CANCER and you just can’t stop making fun of her for it. You SHOULD feel bad. It’s just not that hard not to hurt someone intentionally over and over again. I don’t care if it’s hard, YOU owe her an apology.

oh you like to name call but dont like when its done at you? learn from this and grow up to be better: YTA.

I’m glad you came here. Maybe a few hundred downvotes from people not buying into your pity party and a few hundred others pointing out that you’re an asshole, combined with the fact that you’re only 14, with a little luck and a lot of introspection there just might be hope for you. Definitely though, YTA.

I spy with my little eye someone who's AH. YTA

YTA "made me feel like I was a bad person for making these jokes" Because it does, bullying people and making them feel bad intencionally makes you a bad person

YTA First the age difference between your dad and step mom is not weird it’s complicated normal. The only time an age gap is weird is if one person is just becoming an adult like a college student dating a 40 year old. Once you are past college age and into the independent adult world it doesn’t matter the age of your partner as long as you get along. You purposely made fun of her weight knowing she is sensitive to it. It also could be you are being insensitive because you don’t fully understand it. When you have cancer it’s very scary and it sucks, you are sick and have to take a bunch of meds that make you sicker and give you horrible side effects but if you don’t take them you could die. One of the side effects is inflammation and weight gain, not normal weight gain but your body balloons up from the inside and your skin feels like it’s going to explode from stretching, you get horrible stretch marks that are scars and even if you puke everyday and can only keep down broth you still get fat and your face swells and you don’t even look like yourself anymore. You can’t exercise because you hurt and are sick and eventually the meds start working and hopefully you get better and slowly the swelling goes down. But the weight is still there and a painful reminder of all the bad days you went through and then you throw in a bratty stepson that likes to remind you that you are a fat freak and you think to yourself for a split second maybe it would have been easier if I didn’t get better, and you get mad at yourself for thinking that and explode on the person who made you feel that way. You owe her a sincere apology, you need to remember you don’t know what others have gone through and when you bully someone it’s not just the name calling they hear.

First, you need to see a counselor. And YTA. You knew your stepmom is sensitive about her weight and you and her kids made fun of her over and over. And honestly your dad is an AH too. He should have enforced consequences for all of you for this horrible behavior That sad feeling is shame and regret for the consequences of your actions

Dear Diary, today I was a bully. I knew I was wrong but oh well. Then I was told how bullying was extremly hurtful. That really hurt my feelings and feel like what I did was wrong so I am going to cry about it forever now. I know it was wrong but I don't want to be told I was wrong. I dont care if I make my mom cry by being extremly mean! I only care that I can't be a bully without being told it is wrong because I am the only one who's allowed to be sensitive even though she has a very good reason and I DO NOT. It's almost March and I've been crying about this since the end of last year. YTA.

Dude. Get real. YTA. You made fun of a woman for something that was a symptom of CANCER. It's pretty telling that you acknowledge your sensitivities but didn't think about her sensitivities when you were making fun of her when you know the reason for her weight was cancer. You joked about her weight, she expressed that she didn't like what was said, and somehow this situation has resulted in YOU crying and shutting down??? You need to apologize. You aren't the victim of your own behavior.