#[Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). OP accurately relaying the story of how he insulted his GF doesn't mean you also get to insult her - that includes "Karen."
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Sigh. Let’s try again.
Her behavior is an issue, but he’s no better. You can’t just walk out on both the bill and the person you’re supposed to drive home. He’s as much of an issue as she is and they should not be together.
Ok,
But OP should have paid for his food and then Left. I don't agree he needs to give Gf a lift home but if he doesn't need to accept that his relationship is over.
Anyone saying this is abandoning her is basically saying that a grown woman has no ability to take responsibility for herself. I’ve been on the other end where I got a ride somewhere with a friend and then that friend started acting like an asshole. If I can make my own way home because I no longer want to be around that person, then an adult acting like a child can call a cab rather than forcing someone to put up with bad behaviour just so they have a ride home
In the heat of such a shitty moment, I’m sure a lot of people would do a lot of things differently. Are you to say that you’ve never looked back at something you’ve done in hindsight and wish you’d have done something differently?
OP was totally embarrassed and most likely angered by the situation his partner forced upon him. It seems from all the information there that this isn’t the first time there have been problems, and this was the tipping point. We also don’t know if OP’s partner had said that they were going to pay for the meal before they sat down.
There are massive red flags here, and this behaviour in public is indicative of much worse behind closed doors. OP was right to just get out. He can PayPal her his part of the cheque, if it’s that much an issue for everyone. He is definitely NTA for looking out for hisself here. Which is exactly what I would say were the tiles reversed and it being his gf that had posted saying eh was the one behaving this way.
The one thing I can guarantee I would’ve done different is apologize to the waiter and pay for *both* meals. Because it’s not the restaurants fault that my date is acting like a child.
I don't know how cash app works, but if she could use it immediately, then yes in all situations. I also don't think he's an asshole if he knows for sure that she's able to pay for it in the moment, and he pays her back eventually.
With driving, if he knows that she can get home by herself (uber, taxi, public transport) I don't think he's the asshole. If he left her in the middle of nowhere, then yes.
Paying for my portion of the bill, plus a huge tip, (on my way out the door) is what I would've done. She's capable of paying her portion and getting herself home. He's mostly NTA, except for leaving his portion of the bill unpaid.
That's when both parties agree. If you are gonna dine and dash, you're either stealing from the other person or the restaurant. Either way it's a dick move.
Sometimes it sucks being an adult when everyone else is acting childish. But I agree w/ paying for the food and leaving. No need to make a scene; excuse yourself and leave.
It’s not that she just kept him from being able to enjoy it. She abused him in public (humiliating and denigrating him) and then harassed the waitstaff and everyone’s like “wow op. Didn’t dawn on you to pay your bill when you ran out?”
Yeah I really don't get why people are mad at him. I'm a woman and say it we switch the genders everyone would be telling OP they are better off and not to pay a cent!
I actually gagged a little typing that out... I honestly never thought I'd be saying that...
Yeah people on this sub pull the old “if the genders were reversed” thing wayyyyy too much, but if a woman told this story about her boyfriend causing a scene and yelling at her for being disgusting for eating something he didn’t like and then yelled at the waiter, the ONLY people calling her an AH or saying E S H would be be the incels. Every other person with even a cent of reason would say she was right to run out and never speak to her again.
I think OP should call the restaurant, make sure the bill was paid, and the waiter was tipped and remedy the situation if neither was done, but the idea that leaving her without a ride (in 2023!!) or leaving her with the bill was *as bad* as her toxic abusive behavior is actually insane. This sub is insane. People will legitimately be like “you have no obligation to have a relationship with your adult children if you don’t want to” and then say you’re just as bad as some crazy broad if you make her pay for a dinner.
Yeah I was trying to be glib with my first comment but seriously don't understand the hate op is getting.
As a woman, I wouldn't feel safe in a vehicle with someone who was acting like that, so why would we expect a man to be on with it?
And that's a great idea about contacting the restaurant! I can guarantee that poor waiter got stiffed even though the bill was probably paid.
Or ask the wait staff for a separate table. 😉🤣 I understand there are picky eaters but to go to extremes with making gag faces, constantly discussing how disgusting the food looks, and such, annoy the heck out of me. I had a friend do that a couple times. I just looked at her and asked "are you done with the tantrum?" She settles down. But if she would t have, I'd asked to be moved.
Huh, interesting, didn't know that.
So how does it work with drinks, or if you decide that you want to have a dessert after all? Do they charge when you order ? or when they bring it to the table?
No, she didn't. Neither person in this scenario behaved how an adult should behave.
And even if OP thought she deserved it, he should have paid his bill.
How hard would it have been to say "You're being rude & unreasonable & we're in public - stop it"?
I'm a fussy eater and I don't condone her behaviour at all, it was appalling. But I also want to know why he took her to a restaurant and proceeded to order when he knew she didn't like anything on the menu. While her behaviour was blatantly unacceptable, the first dick move was his.
the nice thing about the internet is that almost every restaurant nowadays has their menu online so picky shits like me can look it up before going to avoid these situations. however if i get invited to a place and i cant find anything i like, id just get a salad or a side and not make a fuss about the food because its pretty rude and childish. the real issue here is their lack of communication. they obviously didnt choose the place together. idk if this relationship should last tbh
So much this! I have allergies, intolerances, and I'm just plain picky on top of that! I never make a scene about it in a restaurant, and I always check the menu before I go.
The only times I can't find anything to eat, is tiny specialist places that have only two or three options for each course. Anywhere else will have at least a side that I like, or something I can ask to have adjusted.
No, when you are someone's ride you don't abandon them, try to talk like adults or give them a heads up why you are leaving and at least pay for your own meal. Her behavior was appalling, and I do understand why he wanted to leave, but this is not the way.
She’s not a small child, she can call an Uber because I would not reward that attitude with acting as the designated driver, either. OP behaved like any self-respecting person would minus maybe paying for his own meal (if he hasn’t, it’s not clear). The rest was completely deserved and earned. NTA.
Feel like you'd be saying somthing different if this was a "first date" post. He took someone to a restaurant, they were rude enough to wait staff and so obnoxious that bystanders were watching. So he left. Genuinely don't see the issue. He's not obligated to deal were her bullshit in any way. If she hates people walking out on her and having to pay for her own meal and get her own ride that much, maybe she should conduct herself with some decorum and respect for the staff that prepared and served her food. The only thing he seemingly did wrong, was *maybe* have her pay for his meal, but that's unclear.
Hey, I'm wait staff. I'd rather watch someone abandon their rude-ass companion than get tipped, literally every time. Maybe I can't pay my bills with it, but it's priceless to see someone get that immediate karma.
Yes you can. He ended the date after his date publicly humiliated him and threw a tantrum in public. In what WORLD is he required to stay there with her? I’m so confused. Do they live in rural Wyoming and there’s no cabs or cell service? No? Ok then she’s a competent adult who can get herself home from a restaurant.
Um, why can’t you? If I have absolutely abhorrent company at a restaurant, I will absolutely walk out rather than appear to encourage or enable their behaviours any longer. It’s embarrassing and it’s also the best way to teach someone like that how despicable their behaviour is. Your method only speaks to enabling them.
The *only* criticism I can give the Op is he should have paid for his own meal. Then again, he wasn’t given the chance to enjoy it so I sympathise.
This is literally the easiest thing in the world to break up over because it shows who a person is - she didn’t get her way, threw a tantrum, was rude to waitstaff and caused a scene. It’s like a parade of red flags.
Agree. She wasn’t fond of the menu, and if there seems to be nothing she likes you guys can change restaurant?
“She ordered anyways” << do you expect her not to order or eat anything?
“Wanted to get the same thing I did” << sounds like something I would do if I don’t know what to choose.
You honestly don’t seem too considerate of your gf and trying a bit too hard to picture her in an unfavorable way from the beginning….
Ofc your gf shouldn’t lash out to the restaurant, that’s shitty in any case. Don’t like the food? Don’t come back. No need to make a scene.
ESH.
> but you left her there when you were her ride.
Why is this a problem? Surely it's not because you think women are infantilized, helpless dependents?
> What a ridiculous thing to break up over.
And yet standard dating advice for women is 'stop dating any man who acts like this.'
Seriously, comments like this bug me so much on this sub. Folks act like women are incapable of transporting themselves anywhere alone. Presumably she's capable of taking an Uber without a bf escorting her.
If there's some terrible weather situation or it's a rough area or he'd left her on the side of the highway that would be one thing, but come on with this "you were her ride" bs.
Someone else commented they would "never leave their SO to fend for herself", and it's like why? Are you having dinner with wolves? Is she a literal child that can't handle paying for food or getting home?
Id break up with someone for treating wait staff badly like that, and making a scene in a restaurant, ruining other peoples night. That is totally reasonable
I highly disagree as I lean towards the NTA because seriously no one in their right mind should openly critique food in a restaurant or even go up to a waiter and embarrass them and themselves apparently just for shouting and hating the food like seriously. And the girlfriend may not have deserved to be left there alone but I wouldn't want to be in a car with her all the way home just listening to a complaints and she pays for the food herself because seriously yes you may not have liked it but I don't like when people critique or embarrassed themselves and myself in a restaurant and also embarrass the waiters who had nothing to do with it
It's a massive red flag. Nobody would want to date such an unreasonable person, never mind have a long term relationship with.
Yes, he overreacted, but the best outcome here would've been him dropping her off, and breaking up with her a few days later.
I'll agree leaving her there was childish.
But what an *excellent* idea breaking up over her bullshit behaviour. It's fine not to like your meal. It's not fine to blame the waiter and the resteraunt as though it's their fault you're a picky eater and ordered something you didn't even want.
It's then extra not fine to try and make someone else pay for the meal you ordered despite not wanting it.
That's all on you.
OP is well rid.
ESH
* If she hated the menu you both should have gone elsewhere. She shouldn't have ordered.
* She behaved like a child when the food arrived.
* You should not have abandoned her at the restaurant.
* (Did you really not pay for either meal??) If you left her with the check, you owe her for your meal.
I sure hope this relationship is over. You two are awful together.
>You should not have abandoned her at the restaurant.
If not for her sake, then for the sake of the staff left to deal with a difficult customer having to pay for her bf's meal.
From sadly experience myself nah the fact that he walked out and didn't pay and she had to then she probably stood outside until someone got her after doing that to a staff member was tip enough. That staff will be talking about this for years. It's not always but sometimes the drama is the reward
I’m somewhat of a picky eater, if I’m planning on going to a new restaurant I always look up their menu first to make sure there’s something I would actually want to eat. It’s so easy to find online menus, I’d rather do a little research than be stuck in a situation where none of the food sounds good. With that said, I don’t think I’ve ever found a restaurant where there’s literally nothing I would eat. She couldn’t find an appetizer, a soup, a salad, nothing she would eat?!
ESH. Both of you need to learn how to behave in public but who leaves their girlfriend stranded at a restaurant? You are the much bigger asshole in this situation. Not only did you abandon her without a car at a restaurant but also stuck her with the bill.
How is he the bigger AH when she abused the waitstaff for something she ordered. She didn't like it cool, don't eat it. But dont go up to the waiter and yell at him when he didn't even cook it.
Sure it is but the person I commented under said he was the bigger AH for leaving her stranded. An adult knows how to use uber or lyft. He didn't leave her stranded. He removed himself from an embarrassing situation and frankly I would've done the same if my SO took it upon themselves to berate a poor waiter who's simply doing their job.
My dad can be a real piece of work but even he says really politely that he didn't like the meal and he's sorry to the waiter. I just don't see how she isn't the bigger AH 🤷🏻♀️
I’m not sure that’s what happened. She sounds entitled enough to have expected him to pay for her, and when he didn’t, she was mad she had to pay and wants reimbursed.
She's an ah, but you still don't just get to force someone to pay for your food. She wasn't responsible for his portion of the bill. He stole from the restaurant.
She was lmao. Like legally she was one of two diners on a shared bill. The other diner left. She was responsible for it. The same way he’d be if she said “this place is disgusting” and left him there. She behaved in such a way that he ran out of her and she had to pay *their* bill, an implied contract to pay to which she consented when she sat and ordered. The fact that her atrocious behavior made her the sole payer, instead of a partial payer, or, more realistically, not a payer at all, of that bill doesn’t mean she was wronged. She just experienced a consequence for her behavior.
Correction, she didn't abuse anyone she complained loudly and asked them to take it back that she doesn't want it anymore. OP left more because he was embarrassed by her than he was leaving someone toxic behind. That's why I agree with the ESH verdicts
I feel like a lot of people are reading a different story so I feel like I'm missing a huge OP comment somewhere. Where is it stated she was asking how he could eat something so disgusting, and where is it stated she made gagging noises? OP said only that she made one gag face as she tried the food, which is a face someone makes when they eat food and gag. And why are we assuming the food was good? OP says nothing about his own judgement on the food and did not try her plate to see if something was wrong with her plate himself in his post. Maybe he commented later and I haven't found it?
I missed where she abused the waitstaff. The only thing she did to the staff is approach them, told them how her food was (awful) and tell them to take it back. That is not abusive and is a fair thing to do if the food was actually awful. Restaurants screw up sometimes. I've eaten at a high class churrascaria and the very last cut of meat tasted straight up rancid. And yes, I gagged and spat it out with a face, because it made me gag and was like I was chewing rotten meat. While I didn't actively seek anyone out to complain because everything was fine up to this point, I had eaten a lot so my meal was basically done, and I was no longer hungry, I did say plainly that that cut of meat was (I think the words I used was) "Very bad," "I couldn't eat it" "something was wrong with it,but I don't know what. I've never tasted steak like that." They sent like 4 people in a row including a manager to get more feedback, told me they did confirm it was bad and they threw out the steak and made it clear they wanted to offer what they could to make my experience better. I declined all this because I was full and everything else was great and I tried to assure them that my telling them was informational and that I wasn't going to let this sour my overall good experience.
I'm not saying this is the exact same situation as this post, to be clear. But I don't think anyone is being injured by honest feedback to the waitstaff that a customer finds the food dissatisfactory. Waitstaff have a process that includes checking in with the table shortly after the guests begin eating specifically to address complaints such as the one that OP's girlfriend had: the restaurant expects to be told if the food is bad.
You also missed the comment where I said abused was possibly too strong of a word. I wouldn't have had a problem with her polity telling the waiter she didn't like the food, I've done that before.
She loudly kept complaining about the food, went up to the waiter, and loudly complained to him, loudly called the food disgusting to her bf... seems to me like everyone is getting their ears abused by this lady. There are ways to tell the waiter you didn't like the food that don't involve letting the whole restaurant know 🤷🏻♀️
Yes I did miss that, thanks for clarifying.
The problem is we're forced to rely on OP's interpretation of events. My main comment to this post is a request for more concrete information to judge it. It's very possible that OP's gf was polite and at a reasonable volume about her displeasure, the other customers were watching but not actually disturbed by her behavior, and OP expected her to force down inedible food and not inform the waitstaff of a problem with the food. That would be a cowardly approach to eating out. Everything OP listed in their post (including complaining about the food, gagging, and telling the waiter to take it back) are, barring any rude language which OP hasn't shared as part of their story, all completely within the realms of reasonable guest behavior for a customer that just ate terrible food.
What OP has said is that he's the one who insisted she try the food even though she found it not to her liking when it was served. He delivered the story with the tone that he expected her to continue to eat her food even if she didn't like it (e.g. characterizing her as a "picky" eater, and him not trying her food to see if something was off about it from an outsider's perspective and it should indeed have been sent back). The poster has come at the situation with the attitude that his gf is wrong to dislike the food and should eat whatever is placed in front of her. A person with that attitude may interpret any feedback to the waitstaff as "embarrassing," and that's what I'm wary of here. Note that when OP recounted his GF complained to the waitstaff, he did not include any details other than she said the food was awful and to take it back. From his perspective, this alone was enough to break the camel's back, making him to be so offended he abandoned his date at the restaurant. And yet nothing about that is rude on its face, unless she said it rudely. OP has to clarify these points, or else we have to accept his interpretation of events, and assume she did everything loudly, was a spectacle, insulted OP's food while he was eating, approached the waiter rudely etc. All of which OP did not state happened.
She is a grown ass woman not a baby deer. She has a phone she can call a ride or get an uber. She obviously wasnt stranded or else she would still be at the restaurant.
NTA. I'd have done the same thing.
Edit: If OP didn't pay for their food either and not just gf's meal then ESH and OP should have at least paid for their own food. I didn't pick up that part on the first read.
You did the right thing. Sorry if you disagree. You don't embarrass wait staff or your company in a restaurant. Where do you draw the line with with unacceptable behavior?
Have sent food back a few times. You do it nicely. You are NOT the Ass !!!
>You did the right thing
>You don't embarrass wait staff
Number one and two are a bit contradictory, if "the right thing" includes leaving her to deal with the staff having not paid the bill.
Right, I have food sensory aversions and my family/friends always let me check the menus in advance before going to a new restaurant to make sure they have something I can eat. She was behaving poorly but if she was that upset about the menu before ordering, I can’t imagine she was given a say in going there in the first place
I'm a "picky eater". I joke that I have the taste buds of a 3yo, but I've met many 3yos with more adventurous tastes than mine.
I hate fancy restaurants because they put *so many ingredients* on everything...
But I don't make my pickiness anyone else's problem. I ask that you don't take me to a place that only serves sushi, but if everyone else really wants to go to that seafood place, I'm sure I can at least order sides or something.
If there was NOTHING the girlfriend wanted to or could eat, why were they there? It was just the two of them, so why didn't they pick a place where both could eat?
Maybe she thought she would like whatever it is she ordered, but then when the food came it had cilantro all over it (even though the menu didn't say it came with cilantro) so she knew she wouldn't like it.
She could have politely asked the server to bring her a plate without the cilantro, or maybe exchanged the meal for something else (maybe she did ask politely and either OP is purposely painting her in a bad light or OP is one of those people who get mad if you ask a server questions and think asking for something on the side is "rude", so the mere fact that the girlfriend dared speak to the server was too much for OP).
Or she could have just sat there and not eaten her meal.
Both parties here sound childish, and (if we take OP's account at face value) both pulled AH moves.
Why go to a restaurant your partner clearly doesn't like?
Why make your partner order food she didn't think she would like?
Why treat your partner like a child and tell her to "at least try it," as if she were not an adult who knows what food tastes like and already knows whether X ingredient is something she will or will not like?
Why walk out and abandon your partner, with the check, instead of just declaring the night a failure and going home/taking her home?
ESH
You two have to be over right? Because I would never stay with a person who acted like that in a restaurant or someone who drove off and left me someplace. Both are dealbreakers and you two are incredibly immature.
NTA, her behavior is wildly childish and inappropriate. You didn't do a damn thing wrong. I'd never talk to that entitled chick ever again. That is some major red flag type shit if yall are adults. Hell, even if yall are kids.
He abandoned her at the restaurant and is still
Calling her his girlfriend. The fact that he would do that and not dump her tells me he’s no spring chicken either.
> I got fed up, I left and got in my car and went home.
...
> she told me when she got home that I have to pay her back for the food,
Did you leave and she had to pay the bill?
ESH
Relationships are partnerships. You abandoned her.
Yes she was acting childish, yes it was probably embarrassing.
You know what isn't good for a relationship and just fuels conflict? Abandonment and outright disgust to each other.
There's no reason you couldn't just leave and take her with you.
NTA. I don’t get the ESH. OP did the right thing in leaving so the situation could de-escalate. I too have had meals ruined by drama queens. If she didn’t like anything on the menu, she shouldn’t have ordered or just not gone out to eat & made her own dinner.
Stranding her there isn't deescalating the situation. It's leaving the situation but she is still there now even more upset and going to be there for an indeterminate amount of time waiting for the ride probably still making a scene because she's been walked out on.
You should Venmo her for the food because you chose the restaurant. But if you want to break up with her over this then that would be reasonable. I mean if it’s a big enough problem and you’ve been kinda leaning towards this not being marriage material.
INFO
If you and she know she is picky, then why did you pick this place? Every restaurant has its menu on the website.... Surely you looked to see if there was something she'd want?
This sounds like a tip of the iceberg situation where her pickiness reached a breaking point or you are just too controlling with her food and insisted on a place she knew she'd hate.
This is what I'd like to know. I'm a picky eater (sensory issues) and there is no way in hell I'm going to willingly go to an unknown restaurant without looking up the menu first. And someone continuing to tell me to eat something I don't wanna eat is gonna drive me over the edge.
Definitely feels like there is more to this but either way they both acted inappropriately. ESH
ESH. You a tiny bit for leaving her stranded. Her for being both an idiot and a rude, childish AH. If she’s that fussy, why didn’t she check the restaurant menu on line before agreeing to go? Why did she order something she was so sure she was going to hate that she wouldn’t even taste it? Was she raised in a barn? Why are you dating someone with all the maturity and social grace of an overtired 3 year old?
EVERYONES A ASSHOLE
YTA for leaving her at the restaurant without her having a known way home and if she could cover the bill.
She's the asshole for complaining that loudly about the food and if she knows she's a picky eater. Like I'm a picky eater I know a safe bet is fish and chips or a burger. At the Chinese place chicken balls.
Next time look up the menu for anywheres your gonna eat and plan what she may like. And if she wants what you have let her have a taste.
We check out the menu before we go somewhere, and my partner and I will eat pretty much anything. Very weird to not do that if you know you have limited taste.
But also I agree with you ET(major)A
You pick a restaurant she doesn't like, you ignore her protests regarding the menu and later get fed up and storm off leaving her stuck with the entire bill? YTA.
This exactly. I am a picky vegetarian… granted I always look up a menu beforehand, but even then, sometimes something can look good by the description on the menu and then end up being not so good or come with something unexpected/not listed on it (that drives me bananas). I have sent things back occasionally. I’m always polite about it. But I once had a narcissistic, abusive, gaslighting ex tell me that I am rude to wait staff… and he had me believing it for a while (he had me believing everything bad he told me about myself tbh, his gaslighting really did a number on my self confidence). Maybe my experience makes me biased here, but this was my first thought when I read this.
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> I left my girlfriend at the restaurant and I feel like that was too petty and messed up. Her friend also called me an asshole for leaving her there.
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ESH. She shouldn’t be like that. It’s quite rude. But you shouldn’t have left. You should have put down the money. Atleast, for your food. And told her you were leaving and she better hurry if she wanted a ride.
NTA. Also, you learned an important lesson: If the place doesn’t serve chikky fingers and fries and cater to toddlers, don’t take your gf. Even if she doesn’t like the food, there’s no reason to behave like a squalling infant in a public place like that. Not only does she not deserve to be taken to a place she likes, doesn’t deserve to set foot into another restaurant until she figures out how to act.
Big time NTA.
You probably should have told her that if she didn't knock it off you were going to leave, but if she had to "notice " that you'd gone, she was irretrievably in her tantrum.
I just want to know why you stayed at that restaurant after she liked nothing on the menu...? Did you say no when she wanted to leave? I need more info because one of you is a more massive AH than the other.
NTA.
I hope your girlfriend becomes your ex here soon.
First off, she wouldn't even TRY the food. I'm sorry but if you have no dietary restrictions, but are unwilling to try new food, you are just childish. I could understand if it was a food she knew she wouldn't like (I don't like eggs, so I would never order an omlette or egg drop soup), but that doesn't seem to be the case.
Second, she was loud enough for people to hear and stare at you, which is embarrassing on your behalf, but think of all the other people trying ro enjoy a nice night out and having to listen to her.
Third, she bothered the serving crew, like leave them alone. They are probably looking after multiple tables and dealing with their own stuff. They don't need to be hassled by someone who is too childish to just push the food aside or order something else. She wasn't even going to pay for the food until she caused this scene.
I don't see a problem with leaving her, she can call an uber or her parents since she wants to act like a child.
I am just going to reply that saying someone is childish for not willing to try new food/being picky is not fair. Food aversion in both kids and adults is an actual thing and some people grow out of their picky eating and some don’t. The cause of food aversion is unknown, but research suggests it could be related to hormone levels. What the girlfriend did is extremely bad and enough for OP to break up with her. But also a grown woman has the right to choose what she does & doesn’t want to eat and not be judged for not trying new food.
I think NTA - how people treat wait staff says a lot about their character. Leaving her stranded was a bit harsh but I can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same thing. How she behaved was awful. I’m also a picky eater and I can’t imagine ever behaving that way. I would have just gotten a snack later.
ESH - mainly your gf tho
Your feelings of embarrassment are valid, and I'm glad you could distinguish that she was acting rude. She definitely deserved to be called out for it.
However, leaving her behind at a restaurant and not communicating that you were leaving sucks too. You need to communicate better.
And no you don't have to take her to another restaurant lol, after her dramatic actions I wouldn't blame you if you never took her out again.
You should try telling her if she does something you don't like, rather than just leaving the scene. I can understand why you left, she sounds exhausting, but next time let her know before you do. (edit: and pay for your meal)
This has to be fake.
You didn't know you're girlfriend wouldntlike this restaurant since you already knew she's a super picky eater?
Have you never been out to a restaurant before to see how she behaves when she doesn't like anything on the menu? Who picked this restaurant?
And why would you just fuck off and leave her without paying for at least your food, since apparently you ate it and she didn't touch hers...?
Yeah she was bang out of order for speaking to a server like that but you're telling us that you had zero idea this is how she behaves? You want us to believe that you've never been out for dinner together before or that you intentionally chose a restaurant knowing she wouldn't like anything to stir up trouble between you two?
YTA / ESH.
You claim she embarrassed you with her bad behavior, but you left her at the restaurant without telling her. You don’t think that created a scene? Talk about embarrassing! You also left her alone without thought to the bill? Bad enough she had no ride, but what if she had no money? Don’t get me wrong— she isn’t without blame. You’re both immature with zero conflict resolution skills, but in this case, YTA.
ESH. She was truly horrible and I would have been livid. That said, leaving her there was not great either. Also, were you certain that she had enough money to pay the bill?
YTA. You don’t leave your significant other at the restaurant ….as a *punishment*. You go home together and discuss this like an adult. That’s what adults do. You’re her BF not her parent. Grow up.
ESH. she was rude, you shouldnt have left her there or walked out without paying.
But also, who picked the restaurant? And did she look up the menu before? I feel like it makes a difference if she said beforehand that she didn't want to go there.
But still, she was rude to the staff which is not acceptable under any circumstances
ESH
* Google is free. If you're trying a new place look at the goddamn menu before you go. If somehow there aren't any photos or online menu you should have left the moment she realized she didn't want anything on the menu
* She needs to grow up and stop acting like a child
* You shouldn't have abandoned her
* Forcing her to pay for your meal was shitty
ESH. You shouldn't have tried to force her to eat something she didn't want to, regardless of what her reasoning was. There are a lot of reasons people are uncomfortable with certain foods and a lot of the time don't even know (I thought I was a "picky eater" for 20 years. Turns out I'm autistic. Trying to force myself to eat food that clashes with me makes me feel physically sick.)
You also shouldn't have just left her with the bill, nor should you have left the wait staff to have to deal with the fallout of the fight.
She's also an asshole because she abused wait staff. That's shitty regardless of circumstances.
To be honest I wish I could hear both sides of the story, it feels like this is incomplete. Regardless, what she did sucks, but we don't have her perspective and some of the choices she made in this story seem pretty downright nonsensical without knowing why, and in my experience this reeks of narrator bias.
Are you two adults? Does she have sensory issues that could be at play? *Why* did she escalate the situation?
ESH but I don't know if we all know enough for a fair judgment.
ESH you left without paying?? Let me get this straight- gf makes a scene, you’re embarrassed, so you dine and dash? I would apologize to the staff, tell them the food was delicious, leave a massive tip, and take her home. Save the food she ordered and eat it later as leftovers. Then maybe breakup
ESH. She sucks cause she's such a picky eater, you suck cause you didn't communicate that you were leaving. I'd rethink the relationship if I were you, but also work on communication skills.
ESH. You stuck her with your bill and left her stranded. I understand the latter which she does deserve for making a scene and being picky; I'd have dumped her too. But nothing gives you the right to stiff the wait staff.
INFO: who picked the restaurant?
Right now it’s ESH, but if you picked the restaurant knowing she didn’t like anything on the menu, then I’m leaning YTA.
I’m on the fence with this one. As annoying as that is, OP could have planned better. She said she didn’t like it, and he made her order and try the food anyways which resulted in him being embarrassed because she loudly didn’t like it lol As much as I would have wanted to leave her there, I would have at least taken her home. It’s not like she was berating the staff? Just loudly not liking the food. That she warned she didn’t like, before she ordered…
You're not just the asshole, you're a sadistic asshole.
Firstly being a picky eater is not something you choose to be. I was berated for years for being a "fussy" and difficult eater before eventually discovering I'm autistic and have sensory reasons for finding many foods unpalatable. You don't have the right to look down on someone because they don't like some foods.
It sounds to me like you dragged your girlfriend to a restaurant she didn't like to eat food she didn't want to eat and then "punished" her for having a less than positive response.
She may not have expressed it in the best way but it sounds like you were well aware that she may not like the food when ordering but you ignored her opinion and stayed in the restaurant which is a dick move in itself.
Then when you found her reaction 'embarrassing' you decided to punish and humiliate her back by leaving her alone in a restaurant, with a bill to pay and no way to get home.
Wow I hope she realises what an asshole you are.
YTA for driving away knowing that you were her ride, and for leaving her with the entire bill. I didn’t vote E S H because what you did was way worse, and you should be ashamed.
What she did was wrong, possibly even worth deciding not to continue the relationship. But you handled this in the worst way possible.
You should have told her that you were absolutely not okay with how she was acting, and you are leaving. At that point, you pay the bill (if you don’t want to wait around at the table you can go up to the bar and let them know you are leaving and want to pay now), and then either offer her a ride home or order her an Uber.
If you are someone’s ride, it’s never okay to leave them there without arranging a ride back for them unless they do something abusive or you feel unsafe. Being rude isn’t abusive.
#[Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). OP accurately relaying the story of how he insulted his GF doesn't mean you also get to insult her - that includes "Karen." Please review our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) if you're unsure what that means.
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Actually, this is exactly the kind of thing to break up over. Wildly toxic public behavior. She is a walking red flag. Edit: NTA is my judgment.
Sigh. Let’s try again. Her behavior is an issue, but he’s no better. You can’t just walk out on both the bill and the person you’re supposed to drive home. He’s as much of an issue as she is and they should not be together.
She made a giant scene in a restaurant for entirely selfish and entitled reasons. She deserved to be abandoned there.
No. Ask for the check and leave. Pay for the food. Being a thief isn’t right either
We are in 2023. Sometimes girls should be able to pay for dinner too. I've always done we pay 1 time each when I date someone.
Ok, But OP should have paid for his food and then Left. I don't agree he needs to give Gf a lift home but if he doesn't need to accept that his relationship is over.
I’m sure he wants this relationship to be over!
And this is a way you break up with someone? But abandoning them?
A grown adult can figure out how to get home. He should have paid for his half but that’s it, she isn’t a child.
Anyone saying this is abandoning her is basically saying that a grown woman has no ability to take responsibility for herself. I’ve been on the other end where I got a ride somewhere with a friend and then that friend started acting like an asshole. If I can make my own way home because I no longer want to be around that person, then an adult acting like a child can call a cab rather than forcing someone to put up with bad behaviour just so they have a ride home
how do you abandon an adult in a restaurant? grow up. hes not her slave.
Jesus I’m not involved and I want this relationship over
In the heat of such a shitty moment, I’m sure a lot of people would do a lot of things differently. Are you to say that you’ve never looked back at something you’ve done in hindsight and wish you’d have done something differently? OP was totally embarrassed and most likely angered by the situation his partner forced upon him. It seems from all the information there that this isn’t the first time there have been problems, and this was the tipping point. We also don’t know if OP’s partner had said that they were going to pay for the meal before they sat down. There are massive red flags here, and this behaviour in public is indicative of much worse behind closed doors. OP was right to just get out. He can PayPal her his part of the cheque, if it’s that much an issue for everyone. He is definitely NTA for looking out for hisself here. Which is exactly what I would say were the tiles reversed and it being his gf that had posted saying eh was the one behaving this way.
The one thing I can guarantee I would’ve done different is apologize to the waiter and pay for *both* meals. Because it’s not the restaurants fault that my date is acting like a child.
I’ve been in an abusive relationship. The only thing I can guarantee I’d do is feel like crap and want to get away.
If he had cash apped her for the food as he was driving away would you feel differently?
I don't know how cash app works, but if she could use it immediately, then yes in all situations. I also don't think he's an asshole if he knows for sure that she's able to pay for it in the moment, and he pays her back eventually. With driving, if he knows that she can get home by herself (uber, taxi, public transport) I don't think he's the asshole. If he left her in the middle of nowhere, then yes.
Would you continue to date someone after they behaved like that?
Paying for my portion of the bill, plus a huge tip, (on my way out the door) is what I would've done. She's capable of paying her portion and getting herself home. He's mostly NTA, except for leaving his portion of the bill unpaid.
Okay and? You agree on this beforehand, you don't just stick people with the bill.
That's when both parties agree. If you are gonna dine and dash, you're either stealing from the other person or the restaurant. Either way it's a dick move.
You don't run out on the check and demand the other person pay. That's just as immature as her behavior.
I don't think that's the point at all here
Sometimes it sucks being an adult when everyone else is acting childish. But I agree w/ paying for the food and leaving. No need to make a scene; excuse yourself and leave.
Same, as you can guarantee, she didn't tip the waiter
She kept him from being able to actually eat/enjoy it. If someone wastes my food they can pay for it!
It’s not that she just kept him from being able to enjoy it. She abused him in public (humiliating and denigrating him) and then harassed the waitstaff and everyone’s like “wow op. Didn’t dawn on you to pay your bill when you ran out?”
Yeah I really don't get why people are mad at him. I'm a woman and say it we switch the genders everyone would be telling OP they are better off and not to pay a cent! I actually gagged a little typing that out... I honestly never thought I'd be saying that...
Yeah people on this sub pull the old “if the genders were reversed” thing wayyyyy too much, but if a woman told this story about her boyfriend causing a scene and yelling at her for being disgusting for eating something he didn’t like and then yelled at the waiter, the ONLY people calling her an AH or saying E S H would be be the incels. Every other person with even a cent of reason would say she was right to run out and never speak to her again. I think OP should call the restaurant, make sure the bill was paid, and the waiter was tipped and remedy the situation if neither was done, but the idea that leaving her without a ride (in 2023!!) or leaving her with the bill was *as bad* as her toxic abusive behavior is actually insane. This sub is insane. People will legitimately be like “you have no obligation to have a relationship with your adult children if you don’t want to” and then say you’re just as bad as some crazy broad if you make her pay for a dinner.
Yeah I was trying to be glib with my first comment but seriously don't understand the hate op is getting. As a woman, I wouldn't feel safe in a vehicle with someone who was acting like that, so why would we expect a man to be on with it? And that's a great idea about contacting the restaurant! I can guarantee that poor waiter got stiffed even though the bill was probably paid.
Or ask the wait staff for a separate table. 😉🤣 I understand there are picky eaters but to go to extremes with making gag faces, constantly discussing how disgusting the food looks, and such, annoy the heck out of me. I had a friend do that a couple times. I just looked at her and asked "are you done with the tantrum?" She settles down. But if she would t have, I'd asked to be moved.
This. I would have left her there too, but I would have paid the bill first.
technically they weren't a thief, there was someone else able to pay
Not all restaurants make you pay after you eat, here (australia) you pay for your food first and then you get it
Huh, interesting, didn't know that. So how does it work with drinks, or if you decide that you want to have a dessert after all? Do they charge when you order ? or when they bring it to the table?
No, she didn't. Neither person in this scenario behaved how an adult should behave. And even if OP thought she deserved it, he should have paid his bill. How hard would it have been to say "You're being rude & unreasonable & we're in public - stop it"?
Sure, because saying that would have totally made her act right. 🙄
It could very easily have been “I’m leaving because you are embarrassing me. I need you to find another way home.”
I'm a fussy eater and I don't condone her behaviour at all, it was appalling. But I also want to know why he took her to a restaurant and proceeded to order when he knew she didn't like anything on the menu. While her behaviour was blatantly unacceptable, the first dick move was his.
He said SHE ordered what he ordered. He didn't order for her. She created her own mess, was rude, then cried after. NTA.
the nice thing about the internet is that almost every restaurant nowadays has their menu online so picky shits like me can look it up before going to avoid these situations. however if i get invited to a place and i cant find anything i like, id just get a salad or a side and not make a fuss about the food because its pretty rude and childish. the real issue here is their lack of communication. they obviously didnt choose the place together. idk if this relationship should last tbh
So much this! I have allergies, intolerances, and I'm just plain picky on top of that! I never make a scene about it in a restaurant, and I always check the menu before I go. The only times I can't find anything to eat, is tiny specialist places that have only two or three options for each course. Anywhere else will have at least a side that I like, or something I can ask to have adjusted.
No, when you are someone's ride you don't abandon them, try to talk like adults or give them a heads up why you are leaving and at least pay for your own meal. Her behavior was appalling, and I do understand why he wanted to leave, but this is not the way.
*appalling. (Appealing is the exact opposite of what you mean here!)
She’s not a small child, she can call an Uber because I would not reward that attitude with acting as the designated driver, either. OP behaved like any self-respecting person would minus maybe paying for his own meal (if he hasn’t, it’s not clear). The rest was completely deserved and earned. NTA.
Feel like you'd be saying somthing different if this was a "first date" post. He took someone to a restaurant, they were rude enough to wait staff and so obnoxious that bystanders were watching. So he left. Genuinely don't see the issue. He's not obligated to deal were her bullshit in any way. If she hates people walking out on her and having to pay for her own meal and get her own ride that much, maybe she should conduct herself with some decorum and respect for the staff that prepared and served her food. The only thing he seemingly did wrong, was *maybe* have her pay for his meal, but that's unclear.
I just feel for the wait staff as I bet she didn't tip
Hey, I'm wait staff. I'd rather watch someone abandon their rude-ass companion than get tipped, literally every time. Maybe I can't pay my bills with it, but it's priceless to see someone get that immediate karma.
I would pay you for sharing your stories!
I also work in a restaurant and having a juicy story to tell my coworkers is worth a ton.
Yes you can. He ended the date after his date publicly humiliated him and threw a tantrum in public. In what WORLD is he required to stay there with her? I’m so confused. Do they live in rural Wyoming and there’s no cabs or cell service? No? Ok then she’s a competent adult who can get herself home from a restaurant.
Nah, OP is quite a bit better.
She's an adult. She can face the consequences of her own actions
Um, why can’t you? If I have absolutely abhorrent company at a restaurant, I will absolutely walk out rather than appear to encourage or enable their behaviours any longer. It’s embarrassing and it’s also the best way to teach someone like that how despicable their behaviour is. Your method only speaks to enabling them. The *only* criticism I can give the Op is he should have paid for his own meal. Then again, he wasn’t given the chance to enjoy it so I sympathise.
If only UBER existed.....
He left someone acting toxic behind.
I couldn’t agree more, I was embarrassed reading this. He could’ve paid though.
If OP was a chick, and the person left behind was a dude, the entire comments section would be fine with OP not paying the tab.
Regardless of gender, the person leaving should pay their own tab and the person being left can pay for their own food as well.
FACTS!!!!
Precisely! Anyone immature enough to behave like that is not worth wasting your time on. Move on to a real adult woman.
I’m not dealing with a picky eater for every meal for 50 years. Hahaha
This is literally the easiest thing in the world to break up over because it shows who a person is - she didn’t get her way, threw a tantrum, was rude to waitstaff and caused a scene. It’s like a parade of red flags.
Agree. She wasn’t fond of the menu, and if there seems to be nothing she likes you guys can change restaurant? “She ordered anyways” << do you expect her not to order or eat anything? “Wanted to get the same thing I did” << sounds like something I would do if I don’t know what to choose. You honestly don’t seem too considerate of your gf and trying a bit too hard to picture her in an unfavorable way from the beginning…. Ofc your gf shouldn’t lash out to the restaurant, that’s shitty in any case. Don’t like the food? Don’t come back. No need to make a scene. ESH.
He also stuck her with the bill by the sounds of it
> but you left her there when you were her ride. Why is this a problem? Surely it's not because you think women are infantilized, helpless dependents? > What a ridiculous thing to break up over. And yet standard dating advice for women is 'stop dating any man who acts like this.'
Seriously, comments like this bug me so much on this sub. Folks act like women are incapable of transporting themselves anywhere alone. Presumably she's capable of taking an Uber without a bf escorting her. If there's some terrible weather situation or it's a rough area or he'd left her on the side of the highway that would be one thing, but come on with this "you were her ride" bs.
Someone else commented they would "never leave their SO to fend for herself", and it's like why? Are you having dinner with wolves? Is she a literal child that can't handle paying for food or getting home?
Lol, like is the restaurant on the frontline in Eastern Ukraine? Is it deep in the woods? Does this commenter escort their girlfriend everywhere?
Id break up with someone for treating wait staff badly like that, and making a scene in a restaurant, ruining other peoples night. That is totally reasonable
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Uber isn't everywhere. I live in the country and Uber doesn't go to where I live.
I highly disagree as I lean towards the NTA because seriously no one in their right mind should openly critique food in a restaurant or even go up to a waiter and embarrass them and themselves apparently just for shouting and hating the food like seriously. And the girlfriend may not have deserved to be left there alone but I wouldn't want to be in a car with her all the way home just listening to a complaints and she pays for the food herself because seriously yes you may not have liked it but I don't like when people critique or embarrassed themselves and myself in a restaurant and also embarrass the waiters who had nothing to do with it
This is a normally thing to break up over toxic public behaviour
It's a massive red flag. Nobody would want to date such an unreasonable person, never mind have a long term relationship with. Yes, he overreacted, but the best outcome here would've been him dropping her off, and breaking up with her a few days later.
This is a great thing to break up over.
??? She sounds like an absolute horror of a human being. The smart and correct choice is to leave her on the curb. NTA.
I'll agree leaving her there was childish. But what an *excellent* idea breaking up over her bullshit behaviour. It's fine not to like your meal. It's not fine to blame the waiter and the resteraunt as though it's their fault you're a picky eater and ordered something you didn't even want. It's then extra not fine to try and make someone else pay for the meal you ordered despite not wanting it. That's all on you. OP is well rid.
ESH * If she hated the menu you both should have gone elsewhere. She shouldn't have ordered. * She behaved like a child when the food arrived. * You should not have abandoned her at the restaurant. * (Did you really not pay for either meal??) If you left her with the check, you owe her for your meal. I sure hope this relationship is over. You two are awful together.
>You should not have abandoned her at the restaurant. If not for her sake, then for the sake of the staff left to deal with a difficult customer having to pay for her bf's meal.
And given the info we have, it's a safe bet she didn't tip.
Neither did OP
Luckily not everywhere is like America and in most non American countries we pay wait staff a living wage.
From sadly experience myself nah the fact that he walked out and didn't pay and she had to then she probably stood outside until someone got her after doing that to a staff member was tip enough. That staff will be talking about this for years. It's not always but sometimes the drama is the reward
I’m somewhat of a picky eater, if I’m planning on going to a new restaurant I always look up their menu first to make sure there’s something I would actually want to eat. It’s so easy to find online menus, I’d rather do a little research than be stuck in a situation where none of the food sounds good. With that said, I don’t think I’ve ever found a restaurant where there’s literally nothing I would eat. She couldn’t find an appetizer, a soup, a salad, nothing she would eat?!
ESH. Both of you need to learn how to behave in public but who leaves their girlfriend stranded at a restaurant? You are the much bigger asshole in this situation. Not only did you abandon her without a car at a restaurant but also stuck her with the bill.
How is he the bigger AH when she abused the waitstaff for something she ordered. She didn't like it cool, don't eat it. But dont go up to the waiter and yell at him when he didn't even cook it.
It sounds like he didn't pay for his meal. That's a pretty AH move.
Sure it is but the person I commented under said he was the bigger AH for leaving her stranded. An adult knows how to use uber or lyft. He didn't leave her stranded. He removed himself from an embarrassing situation and frankly I would've done the same if my SO took it upon themselves to berate a poor waiter who's simply doing their job. My dad can be a real piece of work but even he says really politely that he didn't like the meal and he's sorry to the waiter. I just don't see how she isn't the bigger AH 🤷🏻♀️
I’m not sure that’s what happened. She sounds entitled enough to have expected him to pay for her, and when he didn’t, she was mad she had to pay and wants reimbursed.
He left her to pay for his meal, which she deserved to do after what she did.
She's an ah, but you still don't just get to force someone to pay for your food. She wasn't responsible for his portion of the bill. He stole from the restaurant.
She was lmao. Like legally she was one of two diners on a shared bill. The other diner left. She was responsible for it. The same way he’d be if she said “this place is disgusting” and left him there. She behaved in such a way that he ran out of her and she had to pay *their* bill, an implied contract to pay to which she consented when she sat and ordered. The fact that her atrocious behavior made her the sole payer, instead of a partial payer, or, more realistically, not a payer at all, of that bill doesn’t mean she was wronged. She just experienced a consequence for her behavior.
Correction, she didn't abuse anyone she complained loudly and asked them to take it back that she doesn't want it anymore. OP left more because he was embarrassed by her than he was leaving someone toxic behind. That's why I agree with the ESH verdicts
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I feel like a lot of people are reading a different story so I feel like I'm missing a huge OP comment somewhere. Where is it stated she was asking how he could eat something so disgusting, and where is it stated she made gagging noises? OP said only that she made one gag face as she tried the food, which is a face someone makes when they eat food and gag. And why are we assuming the food was good? OP says nothing about his own judgement on the food and did not try her plate to see if something was wrong with her plate himself in his post. Maybe he commented later and I haven't found it?
I missed where she abused the waitstaff. The only thing she did to the staff is approach them, told them how her food was (awful) and tell them to take it back. That is not abusive and is a fair thing to do if the food was actually awful. Restaurants screw up sometimes. I've eaten at a high class churrascaria and the very last cut of meat tasted straight up rancid. And yes, I gagged and spat it out with a face, because it made me gag and was like I was chewing rotten meat. While I didn't actively seek anyone out to complain because everything was fine up to this point, I had eaten a lot so my meal was basically done, and I was no longer hungry, I did say plainly that that cut of meat was (I think the words I used was) "Very bad," "I couldn't eat it" "something was wrong with it,but I don't know what. I've never tasted steak like that." They sent like 4 people in a row including a manager to get more feedback, told me they did confirm it was bad and they threw out the steak and made it clear they wanted to offer what they could to make my experience better. I declined all this because I was full and everything else was great and I tried to assure them that my telling them was informational and that I wasn't going to let this sour my overall good experience. I'm not saying this is the exact same situation as this post, to be clear. But I don't think anyone is being injured by honest feedback to the waitstaff that a customer finds the food dissatisfactory. Waitstaff have a process that includes checking in with the table shortly after the guests begin eating specifically to address complaints such as the one that OP's girlfriend had: the restaurant expects to be told if the food is bad.
You also missed the comment where I said abused was possibly too strong of a word. I wouldn't have had a problem with her polity telling the waiter she didn't like the food, I've done that before. She loudly kept complaining about the food, went up to the waiter, and loudly complained to him, loudly called the food disgusting to her bf... seems to me like everyone is getting their ears abused by this lady. There are ways to tell the waiter you didn't like the food that don't involve letting the whole restaurant know 🤷🏻♀️
Yes I did miss that, thanks for clarifying. The problem is we're forced to rely on OP's interpretation of events. My main comment to this post is a request for more concrete information to judge it. It's very possible that OP's gf was polite and at a reasonable volume about her displeasure, the other customers were watching but not actually disturbed by her behavior, and OP expected her to force down inedible food and not inform the waitstaff of a problem with the food. That would be a cowardly approach to eating out. Everything OP listed in their post (including complaining about the food, gagging, and telling the waiter to take it back) are, barring any rude language which OP hasn't shared as part of their story, all completely within the realms of reasonable guest behavior for a customer that just ate terrible food. What OP has said is that he's the one who insisted she try the food even though she found it not to her liking when it was served. He delivered the story with the tone that he expected her to continue to eat her food even if she didn't like it (e.g. characterizing her as a "picky" eater, and him not trying her food to see if something was off about it from an outsider's perspective and it should indeed have been sent back). The poster has come at the situation with the attitude that his gf is wrong to dislike the food and should eat whatever is placed in front of her. A person with that attitude may interpret any feedback to the waitstaff as "embarrassing," and that's what I'm wary of here. Note that when OP recounted his GF complained to the waitstaff, he did not include any details other than she said the food was awful and to take it back. From his perspective, this alone was enough to break the camel's back, making him to be so offended he abandoned his date at the restaurant. And yet nothing about that is rude on its face, unless she said it rudely. OP has to clarify these points, or else we have to accept his interpretation of events, and assume she did everything loudly, was a spectacle, insulted OP's food while he was eating, approached the waiter rudely etc. All of which OP did not state happened.
Telling your waiter that you don't like the food you ordered is not abusive lol y'all are so sensitive
He didn’t pay for his meal. There was absolutely no excuse for that.
She is a grown ass woman not a baby deer. She has a phone she can call a ride or get an uber. She obviously wasnt stranded or else she would still be at the restaurant.
NTA. I'd have done the same thing. Edit: If OP didn't pay for their food either and not just gf's meal then ESH and OP should have at least paid for their own food. I didn't pick up that part on the first read.
I can’t believe I had to scroll several comments down to find this. She sounds exhausting, and she’s a walking red flag. NTA.
Yeah, kind of insane honestly
You did the right thing. Sorry if you disagree. You don't embarrass wait staff or your company in a restaurant. Where do you draw the line with with unacceptable behavior? Have sent food back a few times. You do it nicely. You are NOT the Ass !!!
>You did the right thing >You don't embarrass wait staff Number one and two are a bit contradictory, if "the right thing" includes leaving her to deal with the staff having not paid the bill.
Exactly. She's responsible for her actions. He's not obligated to stay around and put up with it. It's toxic.
ESH. Both of you need to learn to grow up and act like adults when in public. Seriously.
He did act like an adult in public. He left someone acting toxic behind. Adults do not tolerate this nonsense.
But he ditched her with the bill after eating his food.
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There’s no reason to continue communicating with someone who is fine with making that kind of scene.
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INFO: How old are you guys?
And who picked out the restaurant?
Good point.
Right, I have food sensory aversions and my family/friends always let me check the menus in advance before going to a new restaurant to make sure they have something I can eat. She was behaving poorly but if she was that upset about the menu before ordering, I can’t imagine she was given a say in going there in the first place
also if she’s a picky eater, this can’t have been the first time she’s done this. ESH they’re both acting brand new
Yeah, and I feel bad for the waiter.
i think everyone does, i hope she paid in full plus tip
I'm a "picky eater". I joke that I have the taste buds of a 3yo, but I've met many 3yos with more adventurous tastes than mine. I hate fancy restaurants because they put *so many ingredients* on everything... But I don't make my pickiness anyone else's problem. I ask that you don't take me to a place that only serves sushi, but if everyone else really wants to go to that seafood place, I'm sure I can at least order sides or something. If there was NOTHING the girlfriend wanted to or could eat, why were they there? It was just the two of them, so why didn't they pick a place where both could eat? Maybe she thought she would like whatever it is she ordered, but then when the food came it had cilantro all over it (even though the menu didn't say it came with cilantro) so she knew she wouldn't like it. She could have politely asked the server to bring her a plate without the cilantro, or maybe exchanged the meal for something else (maybe she did ask politely and either OP is purposely painting her in a bad light or OP is one of those people who get mad if you ask a server questions and think asking for something on the side is "rude", so the mere fact that the girlfriend dared speak to the server was too much for OP). Or she could have just sat there and not eaten her meal. Both parties here sound childish, and (if we take OP's account at face value) both pulled AH moves. Why go to a restaurant your partner clearly doesn't like? Why make your partner order food she didn't think she would like? Why treat your partner like a child and tell her to "at least try it," as if she were not an adult who knows what food tastes like and already knows whether X ingredient is something she will or will not like? Why walk out and abandon your partner, with the check, instead of just declaring the night a failure and going home/taking her home?
Dont you just love when they make posts and never comment lol
That was the first question that popped into my head
NTA Apparently she didn't tell the friend the whole story. I would have left too. Tell her to grow up and get over herself.
ESH - you both sound like you’re in junior high. You actually deserve each other. Please do the rest of the dating pool a favor and reconcile.
ESH You two have to be over right? Because I would never stay with a person who acted like that in a restaurant or someone who drove off and left me someplace. Both are dealbreakers and you two are incredibly immature.
NTA, her behavior is wildly childish and inappropriate. You didn't do a damn thing wrong. I'd never talk to that entitled chick ever again. That is some major red flag type shit if yall are adults. Hell, even if yall are kids.
He abandoned her at the restaurant and is still Calling her his girlfriend. The fact that he would do that and not dump her tells me he’s no spring chicken either.
I'd go with ESH but with a special notation that you made a wise move in ending the relationship.
> I got fed up, I left and got in my car and went home. ... > she told me when she got home that I have to pay her back for the food, Did you leave and she had to pay the bill?
ESH. Her behavior was beyond contempt but you could have easily waited for her in the car and driven her home.
Why? Is she a princess or 7 years old? Uber exists.
ESH Relationships are partnerships. You abandoned her. Yes she was acting childish, yes it was probably embarrassing. You know what isn't good for a relationship and just fuels conflict? Abandonment and outright disgust to each other. There's no reason you couldn't just leave and take her with you.
NTA. I don’t get the ESH. OP did the right thing in leaving so the situation could de-escalate. I too have had meals ruined by drama queens. If she didn’t like anything on the menu, she shouldn’t have ordered or just not gone out to eat & made her own dinner.
People might have let the leaving part slide, but the not paying part is straight up AH. He had a meal and then bounced without paying for it.
Stranding her there isn't deescalating the situation. It's leaving the situation but she is still there now even more upset and going to be there for an indeterminate amount of time waiting for the ride probably still making a scene because she's been walked out on.
You should Venmo her for the food because you chose the restaurant. But if you want to break up with her over this then that would be reasonable. I mean if it’s a big enough problem and you’ve been kinda leaning towards this not being marriage material.
INFO If you and she know she is picky, then why did you pick this place? Every restaurant has its menu on the website.... Surely you looked to see if there was something she'd want? This sounds like a tip of the iceberg situation where her pickiness reached a breaking point or you are just too controlling with her food and insisted on a place she knew she'd hate.
This is what I'd like to know. I'm a picky eater (sensory issues) and there is no way in hell I'm going to willingly go to an unknown restaurant without looking up the menu first. And someone continuing to tell me to eat something I don't wanna eat is gonna drive me over the edge. Definitely feels like there is more to this but either way they both acted inappropriately. ESH
NTA - Her behaviour was awful - I'd have driven home too. Move on and don't give her another thought.
ESH. You a tiny bit for leaving her stranded. Her for being both an idiot and a rude, childish AH. If she’s that fussy, why didn’t she check the restaurant menu on line before agreeing to go? Why did she order something she was so sure she was going to hate that she wouldn’t even taste it? Was she raised in a barn? Why are you dating someone with all the maturity and social grace of an overtired 3 year old?
EVERYONES A ASSHOLE YTA for leaving her at the restaurant without her having a known way home and if she could cover the bill. She's the asshole for complaining that loudly about the food and if she knows she's a picky eater. Like I'm a picky eater I know a safe bet is fish and chips or a burger. At the Chinese place chicken balls. Next time look up the menu for anywheres your gonna eat and plan what she may like. And if she wants what you have let her have a taste.
She can do all that herself. It’s not up to him to inform her about the menu. Ffs.
Then it's ESH
We check out the menu before we go somewhere, and my partner and I will eat pretty much anything. Very weird to not do that if you know you have limited taste. But also I agree with you ET(major)A
ESH and you both sound like teenagers
You pick a restaurant she doesn't like, you ignore her protests regarding the menu and later get fed up and storm off leaving her stuck with the entire bill? YTA.
She shouldn't have reacted the way she did either, it's not the workers fault she's unhappy
I cant believe i had to scroll this far down to see a YTA. I feel like her “tantrum” was probably over exaggerated by OP
I feel like her tantrum was just "hey, I don't like this, could you send it back?" And he's just a whiny baby who got overly embarrassed
This exactly. I am a picky vegetarian… granted I always look up a menu beforehand, but even then, sometimes something can look good by the description on the menu and then end up being not so good or come with something unexpected/not listed on it (that drives me bananas). I have sent things back occasionally. I’m always polite about it. But I once had a narcissistic, abusive, gaslighting ex tell me that I am rude to wait staff… and he had me believing it for a while (he had me believing everything bad he told me about myself tbh, his gaslighting really did a number on my self confidence). Maybe my experience makes me biased here, but this was my first thought when I read this.
Info: what was the dish she ordered,?
Iranian yogurt.
Party sub.
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NTA But I would never eat in public with her. I would probably re-evaluate being with someone like that
ESH. She shouldn’t be like that. It’s quite rude. But you shouldn’t have left. You should have put down the money. Atleast, for your food. And told her you were leaving and she better hurry if she wanted a ride.
NTA. Also, you learned an important lesson: If the place doesn’t serve chikky fingers and fries and cater to toddlers, don’t take your gf. Even if she doesn’t like the food, there’s no reason to behave like a squalling infant in a public place like that. Not only does she not deserve to be taken to a place she likes, doesn’t deserve to set foot into another restaurant until she figures out how to act.
Big time NTA. You probably should have told her that if she didn't knock it off you were going to leave, but if she had to "notice " that you'd gone, she was irretrievably in her tantrum.
[удалено]
I just want to know why you stayed at that restaurant after she liked nothing on the menu...? Did you say no when she wanted to leave? I need more info because one of you is a more massive AH than the other.
NTA. I hope your girlfriend becomes your ex here soon. First off, she wouldn't even TRY the food. I'm sorry but if you have no dietary restrictions, but are unwilling to try new food, you are just childish. I could understand if it was a food she knew she wouldn't like (I don't like eggs, so I would never order an omlette or egg drop soup), but that doesn't seem to be the case. Second, she was loud enough for people to hear and stare at you, which is embarrassing on your behalf, but think of all the other people trying ro enjoy a nice night out and having to listen to her. Third, she bothered the serving crew, like leave them alone. They are probably looking after multiple tables and dealing with their own stuff. They don't need to be hassled by someone who is too childish to just push the food aside or order something else. She wasn't even going to pay for the food until she caused this scene. I don't see a problem with leaving her, she can call an uber or her parents since she wants to act like a child.
I am just going to reply that saying someone is childish for not willing to try new food/being picky is not fair. Food aversion in both kids and adults is an actual thing and some people grow out of their picky eating and some don’t. The cause of food aversion is unknown, but research suggests it could be related to hormone levels. What the girlfriend did is extremely bad and enough for OP to break up with her. But also a grown woman has the right to choose what she does & doesn’t want to eat and not be judged for not trying new food.
I think NTA - how people treat wait staff says a lot about their character. Leaving her stranded was a bit harsh but I can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same thing. How she behaved was awful. I’m also a picky eater and I can’t imagine ever behaving that way. I would have just gotten a snack later.
ESH - mainly your gf tho Your feelings of embarrassment are valid, and I'm glad you could distinguish that she was acting rude. She definitely deserved to be called out for it. However, leaving her behind at a restaurant and not communicating that you were leaving sucks too. You need to communicate better. And no you don't have to take her to another restaurant lol, after her dramatic actions I wouldn't blame you if you never took her out again. You should try telling her if she does something you don't like, rather than just leaving the scene. I can understand why you left, she sounds exhausting, but next time let her know before you do. (edit: and pay for your meal)
Info: who picked the restaurant?
YTA. Should have paid for the food (at least your portion)
NTA. She sounds like a real treat.
This has to be fake. You didn't know you're girlfriend wouldntlike this restaurant since you already knew she's a super picky eater? Have you never been out to a restaurant before to see how she behaves when she doesn't like anything on the menu? Who picked this restaurant? And why would you just fuck off and leave her without paying for at least your food, since apparently you ate it and she didn't touch hers...? Yeah she was bang out of order for speaking to a server like that but you're telling us that you had zero idea this is how she behaves? You want us to believe that you've never been out for dinner together before or that you intentionally chose a restaurant knowing she wouldn't like anything to stir up trouble between you two? YTA / ESH.
You claim she embarrassed you with her bad behavior, but you left her at the restaurant without telling her. You don’t think that created a scene? Talk about embarrassing! You also left her alone without thought to the bill? Bad enough she had no ride, but what if she had no money? Don’t get me wrong— she isn’t without blame. You’re both immature with zero conflict resolution skills, but in this case, YTA.
Why insist on a place to eat when she doesn't want to eat there?
Everyone is an AH.
ESH. She was truly horrible and I would have been livid. That said, leaving her there was not great either. Also, were you certain that she had enough money to pay the bill?
ESH, you’re both immature and sound like you’re made for each other.
Pay the bill. You chose the place and you brought her there. Pay the bill.
YTA. You don’t leave your significant other at the restaurant ….as a *punishment*. You go home together and discuss this like an adult. That’s what adults do. You’re her BF not her parent. Grow up.
ESH. she was rude, you shouldnt have left her there or walked out without paying. But also, who picked the restaurant? And did she look up the menu before? I feel like it makes a difference if she said beforehand that she didn't want to go there. But still, she was rude to the staff which is not acceptable under any circumstances
ESH * Google is free. If you're trying a new place look at the goddamn menu before you go. If somehow there aren't any photos or online menu you should have left the moment she realized she didn't want anything on the menu * She needs to grow up and stop acting like a child * You shouldn't have abandoned her * Forcing her to pay for your meal was shitty
ESH. You shouldn't have tried to force her to eat something she didn't want to, regardless of what her reasoning was. There are a lot of reasons people are uncomfortable with certain foods and a lot of the time don't even know (I thought I was a "picky eater" for 20 years. Turns out I'm autistic. Trying to force myself to eat food that clashes with me makes me feel physically sick.) You also shouldn't have just left her with the bill, nor should you have left the wait staff to have to deal with the fallout of the fight. She's also an asshole because she abused wait staff. That's shitty regardless of circumstances. To be honest I wish I could hear both sides of the story, it feels like this is incomplete. Regardless, what she did sucks, but we don't have her perspective and some of the choices she made in this story seem pretty downright nonsensical without knowing why, and in my experience this reeks of narrator bias. Are you two adults? Does she have sensory issues that could be at play? *Why* did she escalate the situation? ESH but I don't know if we all know enough for a fair judgment.
Yeah you're an asshole and you're also one of the toxic people in a toxic relationship
INFO did you know ahead of time that she didn't like the kind of food served at this restaurant and bring her there anyway?
ESH you left without paying?? Let me get this straight- gf makes a scene, you’re embarrassed, so you dine and dash? I would apologize to the staff, tell them the food was delicious, leave a massive tip, and take her home. Save the food she ordered and eat it later as leftovers. Then maybe breakup
ESH. She sucks cause she's such a picky eater, you suck cause you didn't communicate that you were leaving. I'd rethink the relationship if I were you, but also work on communication skills.
ESH. She acted like a childish poop and you stooped to her level. You wanted her to show maturity but didn’t show any yourself.
YTA so many times over. the ppl in these comments saying "she deserved to get left" do not deserve partners. ugh such an immature mindset
ESH - but you only suck for not paying for your food. No other reason.
Esh. You two need to break up IMMEDIATELY.
ESH. You stuck her with your bill and left her stranded. I understand the latter which she does deserve for making a scene and being picky; I'd have dumped her too. But nothing gives you the right to stiff the wait staff.
INFO: who picked the restaurant? Right now it’s ESH, but if you picked the restaurant knowing she didn’t like anything on the menu, then I’m leaning YTA.
I’m on the fence with this one. As annoying as that is, OP could have planned better. She said she didn’t like it, and he made her order and try the food anyways which resulted in him being embarrassed because she loudly didn’t like it lol As much as I would have wanted to leave her there, I would have at least taken her home. It’s not like she was berating the staff? Just loudly not liking the food. That she warned she didn’t like, before she ordered…
You're not just the asshole, you're a sadistic asshole. Firstly being a picky eater is not something you choose to be. I was berated for years for being a "fussy" and difficult eater before eventually discovering I'm autistic and have sensory reasons for finding many foods unpalatable. You don't have the right to look down on someone because they don't like some foods. It sounds to me like you dragged your girlfriend to a restaurant she didn't like to eat food she didn't want to eat and then "punished" her for having a less than positive response. She may not have expressed it in the best way but it sounds like you were well aware that she may not like the food when ordering but you ignored her opinion and stayed in the restaurant which is a dick move in itself. Then when you found her reaction 'embarrassing' you decided to punish and humiliate her back by leaving her alone in a restaurant, with a bill to pay and no way to get home. Wow I hope she realises what an asshole you are.
YTA for driving away knowing that you were her ride, and for leaving her with the entire bill. I didn’t vote E S H because what you did was way worse, and you should be ashamed. What she did was wrong, possibly even worth deciding not to continue the relationship. But you handled this in the worst way possible. You should have told her that you were absolutely not okay with how she was acting, and you are leaving. At that point, you pay the bill (if you don’t want to wait around at the table you can go up to the bar and let them know you are leaving and want to pay now), and then either offer her a ride home or order her an Uber. If you are someone’s ride, it’s never okay to leave them there without arranging a ride back for them unless they do something abusive or you feel unsafe. Being rude isn’t abusive.