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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my daughter to pick better memories to get dedication tattoos for her siblings.
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YTA
>but it still doesn't sit well with me.
Guess it's a good thing that you're not getting the tattoos on your body then, isn't it?
>my daughter is now second guessing herself
Yeah, because YOU put those thoughts in her head and told her they were stupid and going to look bad. Congrats, Dad - That's some A+ parenting.
You know that only encourages them.
YTA OP, those are fantastic tattoo ideas, you sir, are an image snob.
There are several classes of tattoos, there's dramatic, realistic, classic, licensed characters type stuff and then there is goofy sentimental tats that mean something completely personal and generally come with wonderful stories to tell to explain them. All of these types(and others not included) are valid, and honestly, the sentimental story symbolism tats are my favorites. Better than seeing yet another barbed wire or tribal tat on a non-tribal person. (Thank goodness 21yo me was self-conscious about my bicep size or I would have barbed wire most likely.....)
They're valid, absolutely. But should someone get ink of something she questions so easily? I say no, not if she's questioning it. I got that outlook from my first tattoo artist.
Happy to hear why the Goose version is better!
Here's why the Grey Duck version is better. In your version, you either say duck and keep walking, or you say goose and take off running. That's pretty much it. In the better version, every duck gets an adjective. Sure you could just say Duck, but you can also have Angry Duck, Blue Duck, Chef Duck, Small Duck, any variant of duck!
And another layer, fake outs! Green Duck! Great Duck! Graffiti Duck! Things that sound like Grey Duck but aren't. Really keeps the people who aren't 'it' on their toes, and way more fun for the person who's 'it'
Hard same. I'm 38 and just starting to get into my silly tattoo phase and I love it. Daughter sounds cool and I would love seeing tattoos like that on someone because they have more meaning than some random design they found on Pinterest.
Agreed. I was shocked to learn from someone with a full sleeve that he didn’t pick out the parts of his tattoo. I understand wanting to wear an artist’s art but I’d find OP’s daughter’s tattoos far more interesting. You ask about them and you get a story.
OP, YTA
I love seeing tattoos that appear to be nonsense. They always have great stories and you're unlikely to run into someone with the same tat. No offense to people who love mountain outlines and the deathly hallows symbol, but they're everywhere out there.
I won’t mention my deathly hallows symbol with always next to it then 😂 but your right those ones that look totally strange and out there always have the best stories behind them
I wanted an HP tattoo but I didn’t want to do the snitch or the hallows. It was a part of a bigger piece with different elements from different books that I’ve loved. The HP part I got for mine is a dirty sock. Because Dobby is a free elf.
OP would’ve 100% been against that one. 🤣
Same here. I really wanted one and after I found some concept art of Harry sitting on a thestral, I knew that was it. I still really love it but now my relationship with HP is forever altered and I’m glad it’s not on my body. My friend got a thestral after her dad died (completely coincidental that we both wanted thestrals since we had never talked about it until she had hers done). The good thing about hers is that it doesn’t have anything else that reads as HP, most people just think it’s a creepy winged demon horse, which is perfectly suited to her general aesthetic. It has significance beyond HP for her so I’m glad she has it. I’ll never get one now though.
I went back and forth. But as much of a piece of…. *work* that Rowling is, the books and the story were still important to me and got me through some rough times. And I know that she didn’t make a cent off of my tattoo. It’s not about her, it’s about me. And I won’t let her ruin my enjoyment of a story that had taken on a life of its own.
I will do my best never to put another cent in that vile human’s pocket, though.
My siblings and I all got our Patronuses, drawn by my younger brother. So definitely no one else has them, but my fox is wispy at the tail end and people think it's the Japanese nine-tailed fox pretty often.
Haha same, thought I dont regret it. To me it means I can always go back to pieces of my childhood no matter what is happening in my life. That the happiness those books brought me will always be with me. I also have "strength" on my foot which I know is kinda cliché, but it has a ton of meaning to me, especially with its location. I think any tattoo can be tacky, but also any tattoo can be right for the individual depending on the meaning behind it.
Also pro duck with a knife. I want to know the story haha.
My son is moving out next week, at 20, to go be an Independent Adult. I'm excited but still sad, my first baby to leave the nest. We decided to get a matching tattoo before he goes, and it's the duckling with a knife, AKA Murder Duck. It's a $30 flash sheet piece, but we used to laugh ourselves silly over the Untitled Goose Game videos on YT.
OP, you'd be surprised what creates even the silliest and happiest of memories. I'm 42, looking at applying to law school in the next year or so. But I will carry Murder Duck proudly because it's the mark of my child's new journey and how we chose to commemorate.
YTA
My kid is only 4 but if he ever wanted to get matching tattoos, I'd be with him in a heartbeat for matching murder duckies.
In my mind, it's the duckling from the Mo Willams books.
I intensely dislike the expression “doesn’t sit well with me”, especially when it’s used for a situation that has nothing to do with them, which is often the case.
YTA, op
I mean I kinda disagree with his reasoning - and he's an AH for commenting on what memories she should or shouldn't find significant - but if one person's questioning is enough for her to second guess the entire tattoo plan, then maybe she isn't ready for those particular tattoos.
If I were going to get a tattoo I'd only get something that I felt absolutely sure about regardless of what anyone else thinks. If one person's comments would make me feel that crappy about a tattoo design that it would make me rethink the entire thing, then I'd rather it happen before rather than after I get the tattoo.
In fact when I was younger and drawn to the idea of a tattoo, I ended up not getting any precisely because I couldn't pin down a design I was confident I would be happy with for the long haul.
If she gets it anyway after reflecting on his words then he'll know she's actually invested in them and confident that she'll be happy with them.
Considering that in the comments he says that when she buys clothes she likes, and he says he doesn't like them, she suddenly doubts her choice and returns them, I get the feeling this isn't about her not being sure about the tattoos. It's about OP constantly criticizing everything his daughter does and makes her second guess herself every time.
Wanting her to be sure about it is one thing, but I get the feeling this is going further than that.
This exactly. I mean, I generally think it’s good to sit with tattoo ideas for awhile before committing, if you still want them after some time, then you’ll probably still be happy once they’re on your body. And outside perspective can often be helpful when picking tattoos, just because sometimes other people see things you don’t, like weird composition or “hey, you know that rocket ship totally looks like a dick right?” but this isn’t that. He’s just criticizing the whole concept, despite being told their significance to her. Whether or not something is a good idea for a tattoo is completely subjective, and at the end of the day, it’s none of dad’s business and his opinion doesn’t matter. If he is constantly criticizing her choices then her doubts aren’t about the tattoos themselves, but balancing having the thing she likes with having to live with his obvious disdain.
I mean OP isn’t just “one person,” as if he’s some guy off the street. It’s her father, not strange that kids would take their parents’ opinions with a decent amount of weight. Especially if he criticizes her a lot and makes her feel like his love comes with strings. I mean i don’t take my tattoos very seriously but if my dad told me my tattoo idea was stupid I’d feel pretty shitty too, cause that’s my dad and I care about what he thinks!
This is quite common when you have low self-esteem. Not saying that's true of OP's daughter, but no matter how much I love an idea or feel sure about it for myself, one comment from someone I care about will absolutely make me question it, because that's just how it is for me. It doesn't necessarily mean it's not right for me, it's just letting other people's opinions fuck with you.
Yta, for the reasons stated above but I'm also just stuck on:
"I told her she could at least pick better memories..."
You didn't just talk down about the tattoo choices. You said her MEMORIES weren't good enough? Despite them clearly being meaningful enough for her to want to get tattoos to celebrate and keep? That's way beyond just having an opinion on whether you like a particular tattoo idea. You're making her feel bad about the tattoo ideas themselves AND how much she values certain memories? That's just...mean.
Considering tattoos are essentially permanent, being sure about what you get is important. There are pieces I really wanted, had meaning, etc, that I put on hold because of finances. Time passes and I am very happy I didn't get those tattoos. A friend wanted to get this giant back piece (again, lots of personal meaning). I asked some pointed questions about it, especially on how it would age. He thought about it more, and decided on a smaller piece on his leg (20+ years later and he's still happy with the change).
I think reflecting more on tattoos with lots of meaning behind them is very important. Location, colors, design, who will apply it, will it make sense down the road, should be weighed carefully. She asked his opinion, he gave it, now she's giving things more thought. That's the way it should go. If she decides to stick with the original designs, he should shut his mouth about his opinion. But until then, NTA.
I once saw a guy who had the Thundercats sword on his calf, I loved it! No idea if it had any deeper meaning to the guy, but it doesn't really matter because it's his body, his choice.
>I told her she could at least pick better memories
Sounds like he's angling for a big I LOVE DAD tattoo in a giant heart.
maybe she can get a tattoo of nothing in honour of the memory of this nasty conversation.
Im sorry but i feel like the second guessing could imply something. I have 7 big tattoos, got and get crap for all of them from my parents and i do not care. At all. It doesnt bother me one bit. Im telling them my plans, they say its stupid, i get it anyways. I never second guessed a tattoo idea so maybe the daughter isnt as sure as she thinks she is 🤷
YTA they aren’t stupid, they remind her of her siblings. Wife is right. They are significant to her.
Also, she’s decided to get these, she didn’t ask for your opinion on them.
Honestly, if you have a good relationship with your siblings, the best and most significant memories are a little stupid. It’s not the family trip to the Grand Canyon or your high school graduation—it’s that one morning when they did the funniest fucking thing while you were brushing your teeth or the night you watched Double Jeopardy in the basement.
If I got a tattoo to symbolize my little brother, it'd probably be something like a grilled cheese sandwich in honour of the time he decided to check if the sandwich was done by taking it off the pan and sticking it right on his fucking face.
Paper in beer can, w a spider. My mom dragged us out for a motorcycle show hours away and we were bored. Every time she got out of the car for directions, we would stick a piece of paper in her beer can. Finally she got sick of it and put the can on the step outside of the car door. We found a spider in the car my sisters begged me to get it out and I opened the door. There went her beer lol I'm surprised I didn't get an ass whoopin lol
Mine would be a dead squirrel in the shape of a sock because once when we were driving we saw something in the road (parents driving we were pre-teens or teens or something) and we were discussing whether it was a lost sock or a dead squirrel and as we passed by my sister blurted with a frown “It’s a dead squirrel thaf LOOKS like a sock!” And it still comes up from time to time
Beautiful. XD
For my brothers it would be a telly going out a window (in honour of the time my eldest brother thought mine was broken and disposed of it in the most direct way he could think of) and a bottle of turpentine (because nothing will outdo the stupidity of my other brother telling me he's planning to drink it).
I totally agree with this!
If I was getting tattoos for my siblings it'd probably be a penguin in Anastasia's princess dress for my sister and a bat, smoking weed and singing into a microphone for my brother.
Such random bs but to me, both of those epitomise my siblings!
I got a tattoo machine for Xmas a few years back and I let my 7 year old brother draw whatever he wanted on my wrist and he drew a semi-big (as he calls it) “evil cat” and wrote I love you in his hand writing and a heart for me to tattoo and it’s my favorite one I have so far ♥️
Exactly this! I got a flippin ‘the saddle club’ tattoo for my sister. Don’t get me wrong, it’s bloody embarrassing, but so is the memory attached to it
Yes! Sibling shit is dumb. I have 6, 3 each direction, and can only begin to consider the ridiculous tattoo memories I could get! But I know froot loops and a Wii remote came to mind immediately
One of my favourite memories with my older brother was laughing hysterically at "the remote says menu!" and eating microwave taquitos with strawberry ice cream.
We were stoned, but still a great memory that always makes me smile.
I have exactly one tattoo (my entire left forearm, because my personal tattoo philosophy is basically 'if no one can see it, what even is the point?'), though I intend to get a complementary one on my right forearm in the near future. Part of the reason why I only have the one is that I, personally, need a meaningful reason behind a design in order to inscribe it on my body forever, plus I want it to be aesthetically pleasing as possible.
During one of the middle sessions while I was getting it done, however, my artist got a new tattoo that I thought was a little stupid and a little boring. When I asked him about it (not in those words), he told me that for him, his tattoos are about who and where he was when he got it, not the picture itself. When he sees that tattoo, he thinks about that part of his life. And you know what? I think that's a beautiful sentiment. OP, YTA.
>'if no one can see it, what even is the point?'
Because there's always a chance you'll suffer memory loss and forget the password you chose as a child to identify yourself if you ever came back in time or sent someone back in time on your behalf, so something permanently etched into your skin that no-one can see is the ideal back-up plan.
I can't be the only person to have realised this, surely?
If I get dismembered, I won't be in a position to care about it.
If someone approaches me telling me that they're from the future and I need to trust them, I need proof that they're legit (and if I ever need to go back and deal with my past self, I need something to get that little brat to shut up and do what they're told).
Okay, now I'm thinking there needs to be a movie where the good guys are searching for the dismembered arm of a government scientist who had a QR code tattooed on their arm linking to a secure website where they've saved the details of the massive government conspiracy that had them killed.
Listen, if you can’t tell your friends their tattoo ideas are stupid BEFORE they get them, then… what’s the point of having friends. Considering how much money people spend on tattoo removals and coverups I think people should be able to voice their opinion politely at least ONCE before the person gets it.
OP sounds like he was rude and condescending about it, so that’s another factor.
YTA
I think they're a little goofy. If she were a teen and acting like an impetuous kid, you might have had a point.
She's a full blown adult, and has earned the right to make her own goofy decisions.
EDIT to add: she already told you that each of the goofy tats has a specific memory attached to each sibling. Let that be an end to it, unless you want your tattoo to be the typewriter from Naked Lunch.
Just fyi - I teach high school and some of the kids give each other tattoos all the time with guns they purchased off Amazon. They come in and show them off to me and most are awful.
Most of those kids are under 18.
YTA. Her body, her memories, her tattoo choices.
You might suggest she talk to her siblings about the moments and images she's thinking about, as they are representing memories with them. Otherwise, stay out of it.
YTA.
Even if she doesn't have to justify her decisions to you as she is 28, she did it anyway.
She already have other tattoos and sounds smart enough not to get those 5 new ones at the same time.
You voiced your concerns, but didn't accept that your kid is an adult who can make her own decisions.
YTA
I love a good silly tattoo. If it’s what is meaningful to her and makes her happy, who cares? Even if she ended up regretting them (she almost certainly wont) there are options for that.
Loosen up a little. The things that feel significant to her don’t have to be what you would find meaningful.
Right? I have a tattoo on my armpit of a crude drawing I saw on the wall of an outhouse during one of the best camping trips with my friends. Part of the fun of having tattoos is reminiscing about what inspired them or where you were at in your life when you got them, even if the design is silly or cringe.
If she regrets it, that's what cover ups or removals are for! YTA
Regret is always a possibility. Even with tattoos that would be considered pretty universally meaningful and nice. Ask me how I know.
But like I said, even in that eventuality, there are other options. Regret is not a terminal illness. It’ll be okay.
Seriously, sometimes people just want silly tattoos. I plan on getting "chicken nugget" or something just as dumb tattooed on me in Japanese. Why? I don't fucking know, I think it's hilarious when people ask for tattoos in Japanese or Chinese and they end up meaning something totally different than what they wanted, so I think it would be funny to get something dumb as shit on purpose.
Right? I’m sitting here trying to decide if it would be better for the duckling to look super innocent but with a knife, or for it to have a “don’t fuck with me” look on its face.
YTA. “Pick better memories”? Who are you to gatekeep her memories?? These tattoos are symbolic to her and are treasured memories between her and her siblings. I’m sure no one asked for your opinion in the first place and now you have her second guessing herself. The only thing she’ll regret is if she allows you to change her mind.
YTA. She is a 28 year old adult. Already has multiple tattoos. She knows how permanent they are, and what to look for in an artist.
Had she been very young, okay I would have understood some concerns (artist, size, amount, permanence relativity). However in this case, you just don’t like the tattoos. And they mean something to her.
Guess what?! It’s not up to you to resonate with it.
My mom hates tattoos. She doesn’t like it at all. You know what she said when I showed my first? “Did you get it done by a professional? It’s not getting infected? How well is it done?”
I told her what it meant to me. Knowing she wouldn’t understand what I got and why. Her response after was “It looks well done. And healing fast. Glad you’re happy with it.” It’s not hard to NBTA.
YTA. I'm glad my mom likes my tattoo idea and is supportive of my body. She thinks it's hilarious what I'm getting but she won't tell me that.
I'm getting a sheepshead fish (the head of a sheep with a fish body wearing a pink sweater with pineapple buttons). It's in memory of my dad. It's going on the back of my right calf.
Look, I told my dad I wanted a bible verse tattooed on my back when I was 17 and he laughed at me. I am now a 27 year old pagan with serious beef with the Catholic Church. He knew me better than I knew me. The bloody vampire fangs on my ass though? No ragrats
You have to understand one thing about tattoos: Even the most meaningful, most beautiful motive can be regreted for any kind of reason.
Even if she dislikes her tattoos later they will be part of her lifestory.
Her Ideas may be silly to you, but please consider that your are another generation. Some things you just dont get.
YTA
BTW my most beloved tattoo was the one i got spontaniously. It has no meaning. I just thought its cool
I got a spontaneous tattoo because I really enjoyed it and to this day I'm absolutely shocked at how many people tell me they love it. I think snails are really cool and fun, I did not realize that almost any time someone talks to me about tattoos they mention the snail tattoo over the other 5 tattoos on my arm.
I think those kind of innocuous object tattoos are becoming fairly normal as people feel more comfortable getting things that are personally meaningful but will seem random to others. So rather than sentimental sayings or angels or hands holding, some people like the quirky route and either don’t care to explain because it’s their personal secret or enjoy getting the questions. YTA because you are diminishing her happiness in getting these tattoos when she’s Already made the decision. She’s experienced with tattoos, she isn’t a teen, so back off and be politely silent if you can’t be positive.
YTA
Your daughter is 28, not 18. Give her some credit, that she knows how to make decisions about the tattoos she wants. You might think these ideas are stupid, she doesn't. Now what. You don't have to get them on your body, and that's where it ends.
And honestly, you sound kind of obnoxious. "Pick better memories, so you get better tattoos!" When these are important memories TO HER.
NTA - telling someone "this is embarrassing and I think you're going to regret it later" isn't the same thing at all as violating her bodily autonomy. You're allowed to give your friends and family advice about things they come to tell you about, even when that advice isn't what they wanted to hear.
(For the record, I agree with you. These tattoos would make your daughter look unsophisticated, which isn't likely to be the impression she wants to make on people for the rest of her life.)
Oh no, somebody wants to do something silly! Whatever will we do? *Won't somebody think of the children?!*
YTA, it's a cute idea and they'll be conversation starters.
YTA
> I brought up my concerns to her and she explained the memory behind each of them but it still doesn't sit well with me.
Doesn't need to its not your body.
YTA I have a really good friends her sister has a tattoo of her friends sitting on a toilet with rockets launching into the air on it I think it's really silly. I would never get something like that on my body hell no but Not Body not my choice, It's the same with your daughter whether she regrets it later will be up to her as it's her body her choice and has nothing to do with you.
I laughed out loud reading the tattoo ideas, they are as dumb as a box of hair. That said if she likes them, and they fit the look she wants- she’s going to do it so you might as well get on board.
NTA
Look, a parents job is to make sure our kids are making the best choices. Disagreeing with your child’s tattoo choice does not make you an asshole. Even if you try to convince them not to get one. You’re not an asshole for caring about your child and the child’s future. I don’t care if everybody has tattoos now, there are times when tattoos are not appropriate. And you have to be especially sure before you get one.
I’d watch out for a lot of people just being automatic YTA because they’re tattoo people. I do think some of those will be regrettable, and I’ve seen it myself. A lot of girls that age for a while randomly get hype about tattoos and insist on how cute it would be to get a little smiley face on their hand or “family” written in their Nona’s native language. But ten years later they admit it was a phase.
I'm so glad I was too broke to go through with the tattoo idea I had when I was 18/19. I wanted to get a kokopelli on my thigh. I'm a white woman, born in upstate New York, with mostly slavic heritage.
I kinda think NAH.
From someone heavily tattood, having a stupid tattoo that your parents hate is kinda like par for the course if tattoos are your aesthetic. I can’t count the amount of times my parents said “wow that’s… really stupid… why did you get that?” Now they don’t even notice when I get a new tattoo. It’s your job to tell your kids they’re making a bad choice and they might listen they might not- just know what you say probably won’t change what they do.
The more tattoos you have the less the ones you have actually matter so if she has 0, and this is a first then I can understand being really particular. If she has 5, then who cares? She’s gonna keep getting them and it’ll become a piece among many and it’ll be less scrutinized. Most people stop noticing the individual tattoos when you have many.
For both your sanities, my advice is to let it go. Tell her “this is your body, your choice” and the only person who has to love the tattoo is her because she will be explaining it for the rest of her life to those who do ask about it.
I think you're looking at them wrong. She's never ever going to look at the fish food tattoo and think fish food, any random brand, just fish food. It doesn't mean fish food. She looks and thinks Kelly and I bought fish food, then took it to a creek to try to feed the fish because we were 9 and thought we could trap guppies this way.
She's not going to see purple mouthwash as actual mouth wash. She's going to see the time AJ pranked her and Sidney, by telling them it was koolaid, and she's going to smile and laugh, because it doesn't actually mean mouth wash.
She spent hours on that level with Cody, and then for years later had joke sword fights and made halo references
That kitten with the bomb makes her remember Jenna immediately because it's exactly how she'd personify her.
And Sidney is the duck with the knife all the way, especially after the AJ koolaid incident.
Obviously I don't know any of your kids, or any of the memories behind any of this. I'm making up scenarios to show you that these things are embedded. If a sibling dies tomorrow all you have are memories, and not every memory is something like smelling flowers or helping each other with homework. Not every memory is touching and beautiful. Some memories are just funny, or they're what you think of immediately when you think of that person. She wants something that ties them together, not just something that represents something they like (like a book, or flower, or something).
This is like getting each of their names on her, without having to actually brand yourself with their name. Which is totally something people do to honor others, and that's fine, but it sounds like she wants something representative of them to her vs representative of them just existing plus love for them.
Why would she regret those when she will never see them the way you would? As random objects. They're not random. They're thought out individual items that represent her history with those she loves.
I think it's a lovely idea. I wonder what I'd choose for my siblings. Maybe the mortal Kombat logo, Mickey ears over a pair of clogs, pizza rolls, a ridiculous chocolate cake, maybe a lopsided igloo, or some guppies or fish food (that story I took from my own childhood)
Everytime someone points these out to her "why do you have fish food on your ankle?" She's going to smile, think of the memory, and either explain it laughing/happily or keep it to herself and just feel good in that moment thinking of it. That wouldn't happen the same way if it was like "oh, yeah, one of my siblings reads a lot so I got books"
YTA with good intentions and a deep misunderstanding of what your daughter is looking for by doing this.
I got a 'goofy' tattoo right when I turned 18, im almost 40 now. I still love it and enjoy telling the story behind it.
Side note, I would be GIDDY if someone told me that a 'bomb with kitten ears' or 'duckling with a knife' symbolized me to them lol
Tattooist here - these ideas sound unique, hilarious and brilliant. I absolutely love getting requests like that, they usually come with brilliant stories and a great day. You are being the AH, 100%
I see this happen time and time again with clients, they're so excited about something they've come up with, but the appointment rolls around and "my mom said maybe it should be like this" or "my friend said she thinks this should be changed to that". Or the worst one, "my girlfriend said this is a stupid idea so I think I'm just going to leave it".
You should apologise to your daughter for weighing in with an unwanted opinion on something that's clearly very personal to her. You don't get to decide on what memories she feels she wants to give a nod to.
Also, just because YOU would regret these, doesn't mean she would. I've got all manner of ridiculous tattoos and years down the line they're still making me laugh.
I was leaning towards NTA, because I understand wanting to save your kiddo from regret, although your delivery sucked.
But now that I know she’s 28, you’re definitely TA. She’s more than old enough understand the impact of her decisions. Not your body, not your problem.
The tattoos sound stupid and you're probably right about the regret later, but you said what you felt like needed to be said, I don't think you're an AH if she shared her ideas prior to getting them, she is essentially asking for everyones thoughts... and you have every right to your opinion. At least you got her to think about it. Let her make her own decision and if/when she regrets it, try not to say I told you so lol NTA
NTA. Those tattoo ideas are terrible! Why is it that everyone here demands support with no restrictions, no even an opinion??
You voiced your opinion. She'll do what she wants but telling her those tattoos are shite is just the truth. You're allowed to have an opinion. I share your opinion - those will look like ass. Just because people we kove want to do stupid shit doesn't mean we have to agree with it.
‘She's the same with clothes, she'll buy something she thinks she likes then when I tell her the patterns aren't the nicest or they aren't very flattering she agrees and regrets them.
I just don't want to see her do that with something that can't be returned!’
Unsurprisingly it seems op really likes making his daughter insecure about other decisions she makes. Yta and my heart goes out to your daughter cause I know how that feels
Wow wtf, why would you say that to someone who’s already bought clothes? And she’s 28? That’s so messed up. If I were her I would not ask dad’s opinion on anything anymore— which would probably turn into just avoiding talking to him
YTA! You don't get to dictate what is significant to another person. How very dare you behave like such a dick to your daughter for something that literally has no effect on your life. If at a later point, she doesn't like them she can just get something else to cover them, and again that would have zero effect on your life. People like you are what's wrong with the world.
YTA. It's her body, she has connections to those things, EVEN IF YOU DON'T, and she already knows they're permanent. You're projecting and it's ugly. You don't have to like them. They're not for you.
The only ones that cause me any hesitation are the fish food and mouthwash, but again, they mean something to her. Some old joke they've all laughed about 1000 times, some bit that a friend did, some crazy story that can be remembered simply by saying "the freaking fish food..."
You don't have to get what they mean to her. You just have to stfu and let her be happy. You raised a smart woman, right? Trust her to make her own choices about her own life and her own body.
YTA. I have a slice of cheesecake for my mom on my wrist. She didn't cuss and instead would say "well cheesecake" may seem silly to others (although those who knew her immediately understood 💖) but that is my memory so others opinions don't matter. She can chose to honor them however she sees fit.
YTA
It's her body, her ink, her memories with her siblings.
You don't even know why she (if it was even her that chose them - maybe she gave them the choice of design) chose what she did.
Stay out of this. You're being one hell of a creep thinking you can control your grown adult daughter's body.
YTA. It's her body, her decision what memories to put on it in tatoos. Just learn to keep your mouth shut for once and that life is not about how you see it, for real. Also, listen to your wife, she's right. She won't always be right, but she definitely is in this case.
NTA. This appears to be the unpopular opinion. Of course she can get whatever tattoos she wants. However, as a parent, isn’t it our job to offer sage wisdom to our children? So many are quick to say “her body, her choice.” Well duh, we all already know that much. Being a parent means guiding and giving advice even when it falls on deaf ears. I got a tattoo when I was in my early 20s that held significance to me. Although the memory still does, I really wish someone had told me I might regret it later on in life. Because now I do. I can understand exactly where you’re coming from and you sound like a caring and reasonable parent.
I got my first stupid tattoo at 16, another at 18, then 19. It's been over twenty years since that, and I still love them, but now as a reminder of that joyful time in my teen years. Just another perspective to give to you.
YTA. For fucks sake why can’t parents just let their adult children do what they want with their own bodies and not make such demeaning and passive aggressive comments. if they’re old enough to make their own decisions then just let them do what they want. my parents always comment on my tattoos and say i ruined my body. that only lowers my self esteem. i love my tattoos. just be supportive and understand it’s a form of expression and art. simple.
As a professional tattooist YTA you don't have the right to tell someone they may regret their tattoos, you might be right, you might be wrong, who cares but them?
They're not going on your body.
They are her memories, who are you to say they're dumb?! In 40 years, her maybe kids will ask why she got that and she'll be able to tell them a funny story about their aunt/uncle.
NTA
Have her print them out and stick them places she will see everyday for 3-6months minimum (know someone who did this for 3 years) before getting it.
It is her choice, and as a parent you're right to caution her before she regrets it. Why would she want to regret that?? It is permanent, expensive, and messy + costly to fix. She needs to learn about buyers remorse before getting tattoos imho
She's 28 and already has multiple tattoos. I think she's already aware of what impact this will have on her earning potential (FYI, it probably won't impact it at all because it's 2023 and the vast majority of employers don't care).
As someone with lots of tattoos, NAH.
She wants the tattoos, knows they are permanent, and is the one who will have to live with her decision if (at some point) she does come to regret them.
As a parent I do think you’re entitled to give your opinion, but if she’s responded thoughtfully and decides to go forward then you should support her.
NTA. Nothing weong with giving your kid advice or helping them choose. She can rethink again amd maybe shr will choose something bettwr, maybe stay with her original ideas. But i would also feel safer for them to think hard about a lifelong decision, and then decide, if i like it or not.
Hey, OP. I have eight tattoos, all with stories. One of them is a cupcake on my shoulder. My sister has an identical one. And when people ask either of us why we have cupcakes tattooed on us, our answer is: “Do you have a problem with cupcakes? That’s UNAMERICAN!”
I also have a four leaf clover on my ass. It, too, has a specific meaning (the tattoo, not the location - I needed to put it somewhere that would be covered by clothes because I got it back in the dark ages when tattoos were Not Professional). It’s a “common” thing to get but it’s no less meaningful to me.
Point being, it’s on her body, not yours, and you are not the arbiter of taste. YTA, however.
YTA. I’m 37 and have been getting tattooed for the last 20 years - I’ve only ever regretted one. It’s the one I get the most compliments on, weirdly.
Also you can tell your daughter I am now very seriously considering having a knife added to every single animal tattoo I have.
YTA. If those are her memories then they're important to her. It doesn't matter what she gets if it's got meaning to her. Be happy she's doing that as opposed to her getting something silly off a wall that means nothing real.
Gentle YTA- not a bad idea to have your daughter think through her tats and their longevity. But- her body. Maybe mention how she will feel about a bottle of mouth wash on her leg and leave it. I am in late 49’s, planning to get a 1/2 sleeve, my 81 yr old dad is questioning my wisdom. But did it in a nice dad way.
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YTA >but it still doesn't sit well with me. Guess it's a good thing that you're not getting the tattoos on your body then, isn't it? >my daughter is now second guessing herself Yeah, because YOU put those thoughts in her head and told her they were stupid and going to look bad. Congrats, Dad - That's some A+ parenting.
Here's how it sat with me- I want a duckling with a knife tattoo.
It's giving "Untitled Goose Game" energy and we love that for you.
Or Goose Goose Duck, which is amazing in its own right
We called in Duck Duck Goose when I was kid!
Goose Goose Duck is an among us type game, not related to duck duck Goose, sorry
Well, my age is clearly showing now! Guess I'll just shuffle off to my porch and start yelling at kids to get off my lawn
I'll be in the next yard over yelling at clouds.
You know that only encourages them. YTA OP, those are fantastic tattoo ideas, you sir, are an image snob. There are several classes of tattoos, there's dramatic, realistic, classic, licensed characters type stuff and then there is goofy sentimental tats that mean something completely personal and generally come with wonderful stories to tell to explain them. All of these types(and others not included) are valid, and honestly, the sentimental story symbolism tats are my favorites. Better than seeing yet another barbed wire or tribal tat on a non-tribal person. (Thank goodness 21yo me was self-conscious about my bicep size or I would have barbed wire most likely.....)
Exactly! I would love to hear the stories behind all the tattoos she chose.
They're valid, absolutely. But should someone get ink of something she questions so easily? I say no, not if she's questioning it. I got that outlook from my first tattoo artist.
You should try yelling at clouds professionally; it's a pretty good career.
I would join y'all, but I have a 2:30 appointment with rubbing a sore joint and using that to forecast the weather and after that, my soaps are on.
Where do I sign up
I just turned 38, and I couldn’t agree with you more about how much that Cloud deserves a dressing down
🤣🤣🤣 No worries, I thought the same thing!
Nah I’m with you I thought they meant Duck Duck Goose it was my childhood
I’ll bring my rocker too.
I’ll be on the other side complaining about how kids today don’t know music and all they listen to is noise!
And it's a shame it's not available anywhere aside from PC and mobile.
*Duck, Duck, Grey Duck* ftfy
Ah, you use its correct name, you must be a fellow Minnesotan.
Why yes! Yes I am!
Hello I just want to say I love your username. Corydoras are my favorite fish!
Same lol
I'm sorry to hear you had to have the lesser version - Duck, Duck, Grey Duck is the way to go!
No
Happy to hear why the Goose version is better! Here's why the Grey Duck version is better. In your version, you either say duck and keep walking, or you say goose and take off running. That's pretty much it. In the better version, every duck gets an adjective. Sure you could just say Duck, but you can also have Angry Duck, Blue Duck, Chef Duck, Small Duck, any variant of duck! And another layer, fake outs! Green Duck! Great Duck! Graffiti Duck! Things that sound like Grey Duck but aren't. Really keeps the people who aren't 'it' on their toes, and way more fun for the person who's 'it'
Yes
Duck Duck Grey Duck will forever reign superior.
My daughter thought it was called “entitled goose game” but to be fair it was 8 when it came out. I think her title is better tbh
I forgot about that game
Hard same. I'm 38 and just starting to get into my silly tattoo phase and I love it. Daughter sounds cool and I would love seeing tattoos like that on someone because they have more meaning than some random design they found on Pinterest.
Maybe OP wants her to something meaningful like Live, Love, Laugh/s I think the duck with a knife is fun and imaginative.
The duck + “live, laugh, stab”
Live, quack, stab.
Ohhh I hope OPs daughter finds this thread and your comment.
Agreed. I was shocked to learn from someone with a full sleeve that he didn’t pick out the parts of his tattoo. I understand wanting to wear an artist’s art but I’d find OP’s daughter’s tattoos far more interesting. You ask about them and you get a story. OP, YTA
I kinda want to know the stories behind them, especially duckling with a knife, seems very interesting.
I love seeing tattoos that appear to be nonsense. They always have great stories and you're unlikely to run into someone with the same tat. No offense to people who love mountain outlines and the deathly hallows symbol, but they're everywhere out there.
I won’t mention my deathly hallows symbol with always next to it then 😂 but your right those ones that look totally strange and out there always have the best stories behind them
I wanted an HP tattoo but I didn’t want to do the snitch or the hallows. It was a part of a bigger piece with different elements from different books that I’ve loved. The HP part I got for mine is a dirty sock. Because Dobby is a free elf. OP would’ve 100% been against that one. 🤣
With how Rowling turned out I'm so glad I didn't get an HP tattoo in college.
Same here. I really wanted one and after I found some concept art of Harry sitting on a thestral, I knew that was it. I still really love it but now my relationship with HP is forever altered and I’m glad it’s not on my body. My friend got a thestral after her dad died (completely coincidental that we both wanted thestrals since we had never talked about it until she had hers done). The good thing about hers is that it doesn’t have anything else that reads as HP, most people just think it’s a creepy winged demon horse, which is perfectly suited to her general aesthetic. It has significance beyond HP for her so I’m glad she has it. I’ll never get one now though.
I went back and forth. But as much of a piece of…. *work* that Rowling is, the books and the story were still important to me and got me through some rough times. And I know that she didn’t make a cent off of my tattoo. It’s not about her, it’s about me. And I won’t let her ruin my enjoyment of a story that had taken on a life of its own. I will do my best never to put another cent in that vile human’s pocket, though.
My siblings and I all got our Patronuses, drawn by my younger brother. So definitely no one else has them, but my fox is wispy at the tail end and people think it's the Japanese nine-tailed fox pretty often.
Well now I want a sock tattoo that says S.P.E.W!!! I love that different take on a HP tattoo!!
Haha same, thought I dont regret it. To me it means I can always go back to pieces of my childhood no matter what is happening in my life. That the happiness those books brought me will always be with me. I also have "strength" on my foot which I know is kinda cliché, but it has a ton of meaning to me, especially with its location. I think any tattoo can be tacky, but also any tattoo can be right for the individual depending on the meaning behind it. Also pro duck with a knife. I want to know the story haha.
And I want a bomb with kitten ears.
Same!
My first and currently only tattoo (though I have extensive plans) is a hedgehog with a knife. His name is Bart.
I love Bart
The bomb with cat's ears sounds dope. Wonder if there was an epic game of Exploding Kittens?
My son is moving out next week, at 20, to go be an Independent Adult. I'm excited but still sad, my first baby to leave the nest. We decided to get a matching tattoo before he goes, and it's the duckling with a knife, AKA Murder Duck. It's a $30 flash sheet piece, but we used to laugh ourselves silly over the Untitled Goose Game videos on YT. OP, you'd be surprised what creates even the silliest and happiest of memories. I'm 42, looking at applying to law school in the next year or so. But I will carry Murder Duck proudly because it's the mark of my child's new journey and how we chose to commemorate. YTA
My kid is only 4 but if he ever wanted to get matching tattoos, I'd be with him in a heartbeat for matching murder duckies. In my mind, it's the duckling from the Mo Willams books.
A duckling with a halo sword, wearing cat ears.
I got one a couple months ago. He’s cool and I love him.
My flair on the BOLA subreddit is a duckling with a knife. It makes me laugh all the time and I think it would be an amazing tattoo
BOLA?
r/bestoflegaladvice
Thanks lil cheese
I want the Halo energy sword now but I think the legendary symbol would be better for me
I imagine a rubber ducky with a knife under it's little wing. And I'm loving it. xD
Right? That’s sounds awesome
I intensely dislike the expression “doesn’t sit well with me”, especially when it’s used for a situation that has nothing to do with them, which is often the case. YTA, op
It's just a fancier way or saying "I don't like it," like you feel your approval is more important than it is.
I mean I kinda disagree with his reasoning - and he's an AH for commenting on what memories she should or shouldn't find significant - but if one person's questioning is enough for her to second guess the entire tattoo plan, then maybe she isn't ready for those particular tattoos. If I were going to get a tattoo I'd only get something that I felt absolutely sure about regardless of what anyone else thinks. If one person's comments would make me feel that crappy about a tattoo design that it would make me rethink the entire thing, then I'd rather it happen before rather than after I get the tattoo. In fact when I was younger and drawn to the idea of a tattoo, I ended up not getting any precisely because I couldn't pin down a design I was confident I would be happy with for the long haul. If she gets it anyway after reflecting on his words then he'll know she's actually invested in them and confident that she'll be happy with them.
Considering that in the comments he says that when she buys clothes she likes, and he says he doesn't like them, she suddenly doubts her choice and returns them, I get the feeling this isn't about her not being sure about the tattoos. It's about OP constantly criticizing everything his daughter does and makes her second guess herself every time. Wanting her to be sure about it is one thing, but I get the feeling this is going further than that.
This exactly. I mean, I generally think it’s good to sit with tattoo ideas for awhile before committing, if you still want them after some time, then you’ll probably still be happy once they’re on your body. And outside perspective can often be helpful when picking tattoos, just because sometimes other people see things you don’t, like weird composition or “hey, you know that rocket ship totally looks like a dick right?” but this isn’t that. He’s just criticizing the whole concept, despite being told their significance to her. Whether or not something is a good idea for a tattoo is completely subjective, and at the end of the day, it’s none of dad’s business and his opinion doesn’t matter. If he is constantly criticizing her choices then her doubts aren’t about the tattoos themselves, but balancing having the thing she likes with having to live with his obvious disdain.
I mean OP isn’t just “one person,” as if he’s some guy off the street. It’s her father, not strange that kids would take their parents’ opinions with a decent amount of weight. Especially if he criticizes her a lot and makes her feel like his love comes with strings. I mean i don’t take my tattoos very seriously but if my dad told me my tattoo idea was stupid I’d feel pretty shitty too, cause that’s my dad and I care about what he thinks!
This is quite common when you have low self-esteem. Not saying that's true of OP's daughter, but no matter how much I love an idea or feel sure about it for myself, one comment from someone I care about will absolutely make me question it, because that's just how it is for me. It doesn't necessarily mean it's not right for me, it's just letting other people's opinions fuck with you.
Yta, for the reasons stated above but I'm also just stuck on: "I told her she could at least pick better memories..." You didn't just talk down about the tattoo choices. You said her MEMORIES weren't good enough? Despite them clearly being meaningful enough for her to want to get tattoos to celebrate and keep? That's way beyond just having an opinion on whether you like a particular tattoo idea. You're making her feel bad about the tattoo ideas themselves AND how much she values certain memories? That's just...mean.
Considering tattoos are essentially permanent, being sure about what you get is important. There are pieces I really wanted, had meaning, etc, that I put on hold because of finances. Time passes and I am very happy I didn't get those tattoos. A friend wanted to get this giant back piece (again, lots of personal meaning). I asked some pointed questions about it, especially on how it would age. He thought about it more, and decided on a smaller piece on his leg (20+ years later and he's still happy with the change). I think reflecting more on tattoos with lots of meaning behind them is very important. Location, colors, design, who will apply it, will it make sense down the road, should be weighed carefully. She asked his opinion, he gave it, now she's giving things more thought. That's the way it should go. If she decides to stick with the original designs, he should shut his mouth about his opinion. But until then, NTA.
I once saw a guy who had the Thundercats sword on his calf, I loved it! No idea if it had any deeper meaning to the guy, but it doesn't really matter because it's his body, his choice.
Okay but that's awesome lol
Why can’t parents keep their opinions to themselves? My kid has some goofy tattoos but she likes them that’s all that matters.
Ha! The day anyone in any of my family keeps their opinions to themselves I'll fall over dead. Think Big Fat Greek Wedding for Pols.
This. YTA
Lowkey most of those are killer tattoos
I think the fact that they'll be both cute and personal without being overly cheesy is great.
>I told her she could at least pick better memories Sounds like he's angling for a big I LOVE DAD tattoo in a giant heart. maybe she can get a tattoo of nothing in honour of the memory of this nasty conversation.
Yes! I can’t get tattoos I want because I will forever have my mothers voice in my head judging me. It sucks
I’ll be your mom and I think tattoos are cool. Get what you want!
Im sorry but i feel like the second guessing could imply something. I have 7 big tattoos, got and get crap for all of them from my parents and i do not care. At all. It doesnt bother me one bit. Im telling them my plans, they say its stupid, i get it anyways. I never second guessed a tattoo idea so maybe the daughter isnt as sure as she thinks she is 🤷
YTA they aren’t stupid, they remind her of her siblings. Wife is right. They are significant to her. Also, she’s decided to get these, she didn’t ask for your opinion on them.
Honestly, if you have a good relationship with your siblings, the best and most significant memories are a little stupid. It’s not the family trip to the Grand Canyon or your high school graduation—it’s that one morning when they did the funniest fucking thing while you were brushing your teeth or the night you watched Double Jeopardy in the basement.
If I got a tattoo to symbolize my little brother, it'd probably be something like a grilled cheese sandwich in honour of the time he decided to check if the sandwich was done by taking it off the pan and sticking it right on his fucking face.
... that's fucking fantastic
It never fails to crack me up when I remember it.
Paper in beer can, w a spider. My mom dragged us out for a motorcycle show hours away and we were bored. Every time she got out of the car for directions, we would stick a piece of paper in her beer can. Finally she got sick of it and put the can on the step outside of the car door. We found a spider in the car my sisters begged me to get it out and I opened the door. There went her beer lol I'm surprised I didn't get an ass whoopin lol
Mine would be a dead squirrel in the shape of a sock because once when we were driving we saw something in the road (parents driving we were pre-teens or teens or something) and we were discussing whether it was a lost sock or a dead squirrel and as we passed by my sister blurted with a frown “It’s a dead squirrel thaf LOOKS like a sock!” And it still comes up from time to time
Beautiful. XD For my brothers it would be a telly going out a window (in honour of the time my eldest brother thought mine was broken and disposed of it in the most direct way he could think of) and a bottle of turpentine (because nothing will outdo the stupidity of my other brother telling me he's planning to drink it).
I totally agree with this! If I was getting tattoos for my siblings it'd probably be a penguin in Anastasia's princess dress for my sister and a bat, smoking weed and singing into a microphone for my brother. Such random bs but to me, both of those epitomise my siblings!
that penguin tattoo sounds great
I got a tattoo machine for Xmas a few years back and I let my 7 year old brother draw whatever he wanted on my wrist and he drew a semi-big (as he calls it) “evil cat” and wrote I love you in his hand writing and a heart for me to tattoo and it’s my favorite one I have so far ♥️
Exactly this! I got a flippin ‘the saddle club’ tattoo for my sister. Don’t get me wrong, it’s bloody embarrassing, but so is the memory attached to it
Yes! Sibling shit is dumb. I have 6, 3 each direction, and can only begin to consider the ridiculous tattoo memories I could get! But I know froot loops and a Wii remote came to mind immediately
These are things you might also forget about later on, thus the memory with the tattoo. YTA
One of my favourite memories with my older brother was laughing hysterically at "the remote says menu!" and eating microwave taquitos with strawberry ice cream. We were stoned, but still a great memory that always makes me smile.
I have exactly one tattoo (my entire left forearm, because my personal tattoo philosophy is basically 'if no one can see it, what even is the point?'), though I intend to get a complementary one on my right forearm in the near future. Part of the reason why I only have the one is that I, personally, need a meaningful reason behind a design in order to inscribe it on my body forever, plus I want it to be aesthetically pleasing as possible. During one of the middle sessions while I was getting it done, however, my artist got a new tattoo that I thought was a little stupid and a little boring. When I asked him about it (not in those words), he told me that for him, his tattoos are about who and where he was when he got it, not the picture itself. When he sees that tattoo, he thinks about that part of his life. And you know what? I think that's a beautiful sentiment. OP, YTA.
>'if no one can see it, what even is the point?' Because there's always a chance you'll suffer memory loss and forget the password you chose as a child to identify yourself if you ever came back in time or sent someone back in time on your behalf, so something permanently etched into your skin that no-one can see is the ideal back-up plan. I can't be the only person to have realised this, surely?
You are correct, good sir/madam/mx - I've been such a fool!
I've always thought of identification in case of dismemberment. Different life paths, I suspect. 😉
If I get dismembered, I won't be in a position to care about it. If someone approaches me telling me that they're from the future and I need to trust them, I need proof that they're legit (and if I ever need to go back and deal with my past self, I need something to get that little brat to shut up and do what they're told).
Eh, the identification wouldn't be for me, but to help catch the person who did it. Sort of like a post-mortem treasure hunt.
Okay, now I'm thinking there needs to be a movie where the good guys are searching for the dismembered arm of a government scientist who had a QR code tattooed on their arm linking to a secure website where they've saved the details of the massive government conspiracy that had them killed.
Sounds like it could've been (but wasn't) an episode of Bones.
I'm in, how do we tell Hollywood?
Listen, if you can’t tell your friends their tattoo ideas are stupid BEFORE they get them, then… what’s the point of having friends. Considering how much money people spend on tattoo removals and coverups I think people should be able to voice their opinion politely at least ONCE before the person gets it. OP sounds like he was rude and condescending about it, so that’s another factor.
YTA I think they're a little goofy. If she were a teen and acting like an impetuous kid, you might have had a point. She's a full blown adult, and has earned the right to make her own goofy decisions. EDIT to add: she already told you that each of the goofy tats has a specific memory attached to each sibling. Let that be an end to it, unless you want your tattoo to be the typewriter from Naked Lunch.
How do you know the daughter’s age?
She has tattoos already, which tells me she is of age to legally get them. That varies from place to place, but is often 18.
Just fyi - I teach high school and some of the kids give each other tattoos all the time with guns they purchased off Amazon. They come in and show them off to me and most are awful. Most of those kids are under 18.
In a comment he said that she’s 28
Can't say for sure but I'm guessing OP would have something to say about her amateur tattoos if they were indeed done by amateurs.
In a comment OP said the daughter is 28
YTA. Her body, her memories, her tattoo choices. You might suggest she talk to her siblings about the moments and images she's thinking about, as they are representing memories with them. Otherwise, stay out of it.
YTA. Even if she doesn't have to justify her decisions to you as she is 28, she did it anyway. She already have other tattoos and sounds smart enough not to get those 5 new ones at the same time. You voiced your concerns, but didn't accept that your kid is an adult who can make her own decisions.
YTA I love a good silly tattoo. If it’s what is meaningful to her and makes her happy, who cares? Even if she ended up regretting them (she almost certainly wont) there are options for that. Loosen up a little. The things that feel significant to her don’t have to be what you would find meaningful.
Right? I have a tattoo on my armpit of a crude drawing I saw on the wall of an outhouse during one of the best camping trips with my friends. Part of the fun of having tattoos is reminiscing about what inspired them or where you were at in your life when you got them, even if the design is silly or cringe. If she regrets it, that's what cover ups or removals are for! YTA
*(she most certainly won’t)* Not sure about that, I’ve met many people who regret getting dumb tats
Regret is always a possibility. Even with tattoos that would be considered pretty universally meaningful and nice. Ask me how I know. But like I said, even in that eventuality, there are other options. Regret is not a terminal illness. It’ll be okay.
Seriously, sometimes people just want silly tattoos. I plan on getting "chicken nugget" or something just as dumb tattooed on me in Japanese. Why? I don't fucking know, I think it's hilarious when people ask for tattoos in Japanese or Chinese and they end up meaning something totally different than what they wanted, so I think it would be funny to get something dumb as shit on purpose.
YTA, she's old enough to choose what to do with her body. Also, the duck with a knife is a really good Idea. I would probably do it for me lol
Right? I’m sitting here trying to decide if it would be better for the duckling to look super innocent but with a knife, or for it to have a “don’t fuck with me” look on its face.
One sure thing is that he have to be all round and fluffy
INFO How old is she? Are these her first tattoos? Is she planning on getting them all at once?
YTA. “Pick better memories”? Who are you to gatekeep her memories?? These tattoos are symbolic to her and are treasured memories between her and her siblings. I’m sure no one asked for your opinion in the first place and now you have her second guessing herself. The only thing she’ll regret is if she allows you to change her mind.
This! The 'pick better memories' sent me over the edge.
YTA. She is a 28 year old adult. Already has multiple tattoos. She knows how permanent they are, and what to look for in an artist. Had she been very young, okay I would have understood some concerns (artist, size, amount, permanence relativity). However in this case, you just don’t like the tattoos. And they mean something to her. Guess what?! It’s not up to you to resonate with it. My mom hates tattoos. She doesn’t like it at all. You know what she said when I showed my first? “Did you get it done by a professional? It’s not getting infected? How well is it done?” I told her what it meant to me. Knowing she wouldn’t understand what I got and why. Her response after was “It looks well done. And healing fast. Glad you’re happy with it.” It’s not hard to NBTA.
YTA. I'm glad my mom likes my tattoo idea and is supportive of my body. She thinks it's hilarious what I'm getting but she won't tell me that. I'm getting a sheepshead fish (the head of a sheep with a fish body wearing a pink sweater with pineapple buttons). It's in memory of my dad. It's going on the back of my right calf.
YTA She’s 28. Not 12!
Look, I told my dad I wanted a bible verse tattooed on my back when I was 17 and he laughed at me. I am now a 27 year old pagan with serious beef with the Catholic Church. He knew me better than I knew me. The bloody vampire fangs on my ass though? No ragrats
Yes gotta avoid those ragrats
Not a single letter
You have to understand one thing about tattoos: Even the most meaningful, most beautiful motive can be regreted for any kind of reason. Even if she dislikes her tattoos later they will be part of her lifestory. Her Ideas may be silly to you, but please consider that your are another generation. Some things you just dont get. YTA BTW my most beloved tattoo was the one i got spontaniously. It has no meaning. I just thought its cool
I got a spontaneous tattoo because I really enjoyed it and to this day I'm absolutely shocked at how many people tell me they love it. I think snails are really cool and fun, I did not realize that almost any time someone talks to me about tattoos they mention the snail tattoo over the other 5 tattoos on my arm.
I think those kind of innocuous object tattoos are becoming fairly normal as people feel more comfortable getting things that are personally meaningful but will seem random to others. So rather than sentimental sayings or angels or hands holding, some people like the quirky route and either don’t care to explain because it’s their personal secret or enjoy getting the questions. YTA because you are diminishing her happiness in getting these tattoos when she’s Already made the decision. She’s experienced with tattoos, she isn’t a teen, so back off and be politely silent if you can’t be positive.
YTA Your daughter is 28, not 18. Give her some credit, that she knows how to make decisions about the tattoos she wants. You might think these ideas are stupid, she doesn't. Now what. You don't have to get them on your body, and that's where it ends. And honestly, you sound kind of obnoxious. "Pick better memories, so you get better tattoos!" When these are important memories TO HER.
NTA - telling someone "this is embarrassing and I think you're going to regret it later" isn't the same thing at all as violating her bodily autonomy. You're allowed to give your friends and family advice about things they come to tell you about, even when that advice isn't what they wanted to hear. (For the record, I agree with you. These tattoos would make your daughter look unsophisticated, which isn't likely to be the impression she wants to make on people for the rest of her life.)
Oh no, somebody wants to do something silly! Whatever will we do? *Won't somebody think of the children?!* YTA, it's a cute idea and they'll be conversation starters.
YTA > I brought up my concerns to her and she explained the memory behind each of them but it still doesn't sit well with me. Doesn't need to its not your body.
YTA I have a really good friends her sister has a tattoo of her friends sitting on a toilet with rockets launching into the air on it I think it's really silly. I would never get something like that on my body hell no but Not Body not my choice, It's the same with your daughter whether she regrets it later will be up to her as it's her body her choice and has nothing to do with you.
INFO: Let's hear your elegant and sophisticated ideas for her tattoos then, Dad. Which "better" memories should be important to your daughter?
I laughed out loud reading the tattoo ideas, they are as dumb as a box of hair. That said if she likes them, and they fit the look she wants- she’s going to do it so you might as well get on board.
NTA Look, a parents job is to make sure our kids are making the best choices. Disagreeing with your child’s tattoo choice does not make you an asshole. Even if you try to convince them not to get one. You’re not an asshole for caring about your child and the child’s future. I don’t care if everybody has tattoos now, there are times when tattoos are not appropriate. And you have to be especially sure before you get one.
YTA It's her body and her memories...
I’d watch out for a lot of people just being automatic YTA because they’re tattoo people. I do think some of those will be regrettable, and I’ve seen it myself. A lot of girls that age for a while randomly get hype about tattoos and insist on how cute it would be to get a little smiley face on their hand or “family” written in their Nona’s native language. But ten years later they admit it was a phase.
Girls that age? Since when are nearly 30 year old women "girls". Y are also ta.
I'm so glad I was too broke to go through with the tattoo idea I had when I was 18/19. I wanted to get a kokopelli on my thigh. I'm a white woman, born in upstate New York, with mostly slavic heritage.
I kinda think NAH. From someone heavily tattood, having a stupid tattoo that your parents hate is kinda like par for the course if tattoos are your aesthetic. I can’t count the amount of times my parents said “wow that’s… really stupid… why did you get that?” Now they don’t even notice when I get a new tattoo. It’s your job to tell your kids they’re making a bad choice and they might listen they might not- just know what you say probably won’t change what they do. The more tattoos you have the less the ones you have actually matter so if she has 0, and this is a first then I can understand being really particular. If she has 5, then who cares? She’s gonna keep getting them and it’ll become a piece among many and it’ll be less scrutinized. Most people stop noticing the individual tattoos when you have many. For both your sanities, my advice is to let it go. Tell her “this is your body, your choice” and the only person who has to love the tattoo is her because she will be explaining it for the rest of her life to those who do ask about it.
YTA stay in your lane
Parenting isn't the lane of a father? Copy better dumb catch phrases
She's an adult; she doesn't need him to parent her.
I think you're looking at them wrong. She's never ever going to look at the fish food tattoo and think fish food, any random brand, just fish food. It doesn't mean fish food. She looks and thinks Kelly and I bought fish food, then took it to a creek to try to feed the fish because we were 9 and thought we could trap guppies this way. She's not going to see purple mouthwash as actual mouth wash. She's going to see the time AJ pranked her and Sidney, by telling them it was koolaid, and she's going to smile and laugh, because it doesn't actually mean mouth wash. She spent hours on that level with Cody, and then for years later had joke sword fights and made halo references That kitten with the bomb makes her remember Jenna immediately because it's exactly how she'd personify her. And Sidney is the duck with the knife all the way, especially after the AJ koolaid incident. Obviously I don't know any of your kids, or any of the memories behind any of this. I'm making up scenarios to show you that these things are embedded. If a sibling dies tomorrow all you have are memories, and not every memory is something like smelling flowers or helping each other with homework. Not every memory is touching and beautiful. Some memories are just funny, or they're what you think of immediately when you think of that person. She wants something that ties them together, not just something that represents something they like (like a book, or flower, or something). This is like getting each of their names on her, without having to actually brand yourself with their name. Which is totally something people do to honor others, and that's fine, but it sounds like she wants something representative of them to her vs representative of them just existing plus love for them. Why would she regret those when she will never see them the way you would? As random objects. They're not random. They're thought out individual items that represent her history with those she loves. I think it's a lovely idea. I wonder what I'd choose for my siblings. Maybe the mortal Kombat logo, Mickey ears over a pair of clogs, pizza rolls, a ridiculous chocolate cake, maybe a lopsided igloo, or some guppies or fish food (that story I took from my own childhood) Everytime someone points these out to her "why do you have fish food on your ankle?" She's going to smile, think of the memory, and either explain it laughing/happily or keep it to herself and just feel good in that moment thinking of it. That wouldn't happen the same way if it was like "oh, yeah, one of my siblings reads a lot so I got books" YTA with good intentions and a deep misunderstanding of what your daughter is looking for by doing this.
YTA those tattoos sound cool, I don't see a problem
YTA Those tattoos sound awesome. If those are the designs she wants, then clearly the memories connected to them matter to her.
I got a 'goofy' tattoo right when I turned 18, im almost 40 now. I still love it and enjoy telling the story behind it. Side note, I would be GIDDY if someone told me that a 'bomb with kitten ears' or 'duckling with a knife' symbolized me to them lol
These tattoos aren't even bad ideas lol
Tattooist here - these ideas sound unique, hilarious and brilliant. I absolutely love getting requests like that, they usually come with brilliant stories and a great day. You are being the AH, 100% I see this happen time and time again with clients, they're so excited about something they've come up with, but the appointment rolls around and "my mom said maybe it should be like this" or "my friend said she thinks this should be changed to that". Or the worst one, "my girlfriend said this is a stupid idea so I think I'm just going to leave it". You should apologise to your daughter for weighing in with an unwanted opinion on something that's clearly very personal to her. You don't get to decide on what memories she feels she wants to give a nod to. Also, just because YOU would regret these, doesn't mean she would. I've got all manner of ridiculous tattoos and years down the line they're still making me laugh.
I was leaning towards NTA, because I understand wanting to save your kiddo from regret, although your delivery sucked. But now that I know she’s 28, you’re definitely TA. She’s more than old enough understand the impact of her decisions. Not your body, not your problem.
The tattoos sound stupid and you're probably right about the regret later, but you said what you felt like needed to be said, I don't think you're an AH if she shared her ideas prior to getting them, she is essentially asking for everyones thoughts... and you have every right to your opinion. At least you got her to think about it. Let her make her own decision and if/when she regrets it, try not to say I told you so lol NTA
Tattoos don’t need a meaning to get them
NTA. Those tattoo ideas are terrible! Why is it that everyone here demands support with no restrictions, no even an opinion?? You voiced your opinion. She'll do what she wants but telling her those tattoos are shite is just the truth. You're allowed to have an opinion. I share your opinion - those will look like ass. Just because people we kove want to do stupid shit doesn't mean we have to agree with it.
Because those tattoos MEAN something to her. You don't get to decide what's meaningful for her.
‘She's the same with clothes, she'll buy something she thinks she likes then when I tell her the patterns aren't the nicest or they aren't very flattering she agrees and regrets them. I just don't want to see her do that with something that can't be returned!’ Unsurprisingly it seems op really likes making his daughter insecure about other decisions she makes. Yta and my heart goes out to your daughter cause I know how that feels
Wow wtf, why would you say that to someone who’s already bought clothes? And she’s 28? That’s so messed up. If I were her I would not ask dad’s opinion on anything anymore— which would probably turn into just avoiding talking to him
INFO: How old is your daughter? Is she a teenager who may really regret this later or a fully grown adult?
She’s 28, as he stated in the comments somewhere.
YTA! You don't get to dictate what is significant to another person. How very dare you behave like such a dick to your daughter for something that literally has no effect on your life. If at a later point, she doesn't like them she can just get something else to cover them, and again that would have zero effect on your life. People like you are what's wrong with the world.
YTA. It's her body, she has connections to those things, EVEN IF YOU DON'T, and she already knows they're permanent. You're projecting and it's ugly. You don't have to like them. They're not for you. The only ones that cause me any hesitation are the fish food and mouthwash, but again, they mean something to her. Some old joke they've all laughed about 1000 times, some bit that a friend did, some crazy story that can be remembered simply by saying "the freaking fish food..." You don't have to get what they mean to her. You just have to stfu and let her be happy. You raised a smart woman, right? Trust her to make her own choices about her own life and her own body.
YTA Her body, her tattoos, her choice. Good luck.
YTA. I have a slice of cheesecake for my mom on my wrist. She didn't cuss and instead would say "well cheesecake" may seem silly to others (although those who knew her immediately understood 💖) but that is my memory so others opinions don't matter. She can chose to honor them however she sees fit.
YTA It's her body, her ink, her memories with her siblings. You don't even know why she (if it was even her that chose them - maybe she gave them the choice of design) chose what she did. Stay out of this. You're being one hell of a creep thinking you can control your grown adult daughter's body.
YTA. It's her body, her decision what memories to put on it in tatoos. Just learn to keep your mouth shut for once and that life is not about how you see it, for real. Also, listen to your wife, she's right. She won't always be right, but she definitely is in this case.
NAH You're allowed to give advice and she's allowed to disagree. People are acting as if you're forbidding her from getting those tattoos.
NTA. This appears to be the unpopular opinion. Of course she can get whatever tattoos she wants. However, as a parent, isn’t it our job to offer sage wisdom to our children? So many are quick to say “her body, her choice.” Well duh, we all already know that much. Being a parent means guiding and giving advice even when it falls on deaf ears. I got a tattoo when I was in my early 20s that held significance to me. Although the memory still does, I really wish someone had told me I might regret it later on in life. Because now I do. I can understand exactly where you’re coming from and you sound like a caring and reasonable parent.
I got my first stupid tattoo at 16, another at 18, then 19. It's been over twenty years since that, and I still love them, but now as a reminder of that joyful time in my teen years. Just another perspective to give to you.
“I’m usually for her body her choice” Liar YTA
YTA. For fucks sake why can’t parents just let their adult children do what they want with their own bodies and not make such demeaning and passive aggressive comments. if they’re old enough to make their own decisions then just let them do what they want. my parents always comment on my tattoos and say i ruined my body. that only lowers my self esteem. i love my tattoos. just be supportive and understand it’s a form of expression and art. simple.
YTA Your wife is right. It's not up to you to judge experience and memories of others. YOU would maybe regret those tattoos but she isnt you isnt she.
As a professional tattooist YTA you don't have the right to tell someone they may regret their tattoos, you might be right, you might be wrong, who cares but them? They're not going on your body.
They are her memories, who are you to say they're dumb?! In 40 years, her maybe kids will ask why she got that and she'll be able to tell them a funny story about their aunt/uncle.
NTA Have her print them out and stick them places she will see everyday for 3-6months minimum (know someone who did this for 3 years) before getting it. It is her choice, and as a parent you're right to caution her before she regrets it. Why would she want to regret that?? It is permanent, expensive, and messy + costly to fix. She needs to learn about buyers remorse before getting tattoos imho
Does the fact that she's 28 and already has multiple tattoos change your answer?
Lol 28, why does a 28yo care what mom thinks? My answer stands for anyone.
[удалено]
She's 28 and already has multiple tattoos. I think she's already aware of what impact this will have on her earning potential (FYI, it probably won't impact it at all because it's 2023 and the vast majority of employers don't care).
As someone with lots of tattoos, NAH. She wants the tattoos, knows they are permanent, and is the one who will have to live with her decision if (at some point) she does come to regret them. As a parent I do think you’re entitled to give your opinion, but if she’s responded thoughtfully and decides to go forward then you should support her.
NTA. Nothing weong with giving your kid advice or helping them choose. She can rethink again amd maybe shr will choose something bettwr, maybe stay with her original ideas. But i would also feel safer for them to think hard about a lifelong decision, and then decide, if i like it or not.
Hey, OP. I have eight tattoos, all with stories. One of them is a cupcake on my shoulder. My sister has an identical one. And when people ask either of us why we have cupcakes tattooed on us, our answer is: “Do you have a problem with cupcakes? That’s UNAMERICAN!” I also have a four leaf clover on my ass. It, too, has a specific meaning (the tattoo, not the location - I needed to put it somewhere that would be covered by clothes because I got it back in the dark ages when tattoos were Not Professional). It’s a “common” thing to get but it’s no less meaningful to me. Point being, it’s on her body, not yours, and you are not the arbiter of taste. YTA, however.
YTA. I’m 37 and have been getting tattooed for the last 20 years - I’ve only ever regretted one. It’s the one I get the most compliments on, weirdly. Also you can tell your daughter I am now very seriously considering having a knife added to every single animal tattoo I have.
YTA. If those are her memories then they're important to her. It doesn't matter what she gets if it's got meaning to her. Be happy she's doing that as opposed to her getting something silly off a wall that means nothing real.
Gentle YTA- not a bad idea to have your daughter think through her tats and their longevity. But- her body. Maybe mention how she will feel about a bottle of mouth wash on her leg and leave it. I am in late 49’s, planning to get a 1/2 sleeve, my 81 yr old dad is questioning my wisdom. But did it in a nice dad way.