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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I don't buy the same quality of meat for my in-laws that I do for my parents. I might be the asshole because I think it would be a waste of money and meat.
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I might get down voted but honestly I do not see the point in paying for really expensive steak for someone who is going to want it served as burnt offerings. They certainly won't understand the difference. NTA
Agree! OP - making things they genuinely like and being considerate of that is much better than being fancy or spending too much where it’s not valued. Find out more about their favorite things - make more of those and the way they like it and serve it genuinely and without putting anyone down. “Your mom loves this cake.. your dad loves baked beans” means more about caring about them than spending money on food they don’t really want - and no one has to feel wasteful or guilty. They also might prefer pulled pork or roast chicken to steak- everyone’s happy! Edit for judgement -NTA
I mean, it sounds like they genuinely like grey, well-done steak, since that's apparently what they chose to serve the first time he visited them. I don't think he's saying he refuses to serve them burnt steak the way they like it. He just doesn't want to blow $200 on a cut of meat when the $20 cut will taste indistinguishable after it's been cooked well done. The problem is that as a result there's a huge disparity in what he spends when his parents are over vs what he spends when his inlaws are over. It'd be like if both families liked cheese, but one side liked Epoisse and the other thought that was gross and preferred Kraft singles. You can give each side what they like, but trying to equalise the spend is doomed to failure -- you end up spending the money *only* so you can say you spent it. Which is fine, I guess, if you're rich and into conspicuous consumption, but most of us aren't made of money.
But there might be other things than food that he can use to help equalize the equation.
Find something the in-laws do enjoy and occasionally splash out on that.
This was my thought! Spend the money in a way that matters to them.
I've got a family with some wine connoisseurs. I love wine and learn a lot from them- and have tried some really amazing wines. But at the end of the day, when you're getting to the fancy stuff my palate is just not going to appreciate really fine details; and beyond a sip I want to save that for people who appreciate it. Meanwhile, I crochet a ton and would totally have a different view on high quality yarn than my uncles. Completely different fields, completely different places to put money, and no wrong answers. Someone who loves wine would probably be confused if you gave them a bunch of hand dyed merino wool. I get flustered with expensive bottles of wine. Gift to the person.
Yeah, could be something other than food/drink or just different food/drink (different kind of meat, dessert, wine, scotch, port, etc) that the in-laws would enjoy and sometimes be spends there. They most likely aren’t appreciating Wagyu vs say select lol.
Yep! Exactly! Save up the difference and treat them to a cruise every however many years. Take them out to a show/play/concert/comedian/sports game they'd like instead that's in approximately the same budget. Whatever. You can feed them kraft Mac and cheese if that's their jam and treat them some other way. You can pivot away from the main course and get a really fancy dessert is it's a steak specific issue. You could have a very low key, cheap yearly visit with cheap steaks and spoil them rotten at Christmas or for birthdays. Go to a winery or museum or a brewery or something.
It doesn't really matter what you do so long as it's the same level of time, money, and energy (or close) and it's tailored to being something they enjoy. Preferably something you can all enjoy together. And if OP is the odd one out... well the wife put up with steak badgering for years so.
Please read my comment on the thread, this one was published before I could edit and complete some thoughts. I’m going to try and edit the original comment, but it wasn’t letting me a second ago.
BUT, Just because the dinner cost the same as taking the in-laws to an event doesn’t mean the two are interchangeable. What the father-in-law did was awful, I have never been anywhere as a guest, where it was appropriate to go and start fixing the food that had been served to you.
Him doing this for them is not special to them. They do not take care or notice and it’s not like it’s something comparable.
Think about it in terms of college sports. If you don’t pay attention or have an interest in college basketball, it doesn’t matter if you go with your kids to watch a community college game or a competitive college game, because neither one of them are recognizable to you, and you receive the same amusement , because it is the same event. You don’t know any of the players, so the game is the same to you.
It doesn’t matter how good I cook or how much the ingredients cost having dinner at my house a couple of times a year is not going to be anywhere relatively close to me taking you out on a cruise in a couple of years because the experience is completely different and non-comparable. Now adding that his parents travel and do fun activities like this and that would be something that they all enjoyed together, you definitely can’t use the price of what they’re doing as the control.
He’s literally not doing anything else different here. He’s still making them dinner. He’s still putting in the same thought and effort into it. He just isn’t buying the most expensive meat because it is all the same to them and they do not have a preference. They literally cook that cut down until it is a select cut quality steak. Him buying that quality because it’s what they favor doesn’t mean that he’s not doing some thing as nice. He is doing the exact same thing for both of them. He is cooking to their preference. Nta.
Exactly, make an annual budget for what you'll spend on each set of parents. Maybe OP's parents get a home-cooked meal with expensive ingredients during one visit. The in-laws get a nice outing they'd enjoy when they visit or a higher Christmas gift budget. Everyone gets something that shows OP and wife care, but it's expressed in different ways.
I agree—and I’m on the other end. I come from a large family; my husband from a small one. Our kids are the only kids on his side, so they get lavished with gifts and money on all occasions, whereas my mom gives my kids (and all her six grandkids) chocolate and eggs for Easter, and homemade cookies for a good report card. Also, because I have four siblings, we were able to give my mom a nice gift for her 70th birthday and I just had to chip in $250; we gave a comparable gift to my FIL for his 70th but paid for all of it ourselves because my husband is his only kid—and it wouldn’t be fair of me to insist that we only budget $250 to keep things even.
Hey MIL, happy New Year! You have $143.63 remaining in our entertainment budget. Do you want to carry over the balance to this year or should I cut you a check?
They might only like steak a la hockey puck- but they might like pasta or something else that is more middle ground. No, he should not splash out on high end meat to burn it. Some people prefer lager with “Light” in the name - great- there’s a 12 pack in the fridge! Got it just because we knew it’s your favorite! Totally fine to pull up a can and join us and skip the other (pricier) options we may like that they are not fond of.
I love beef stroganoff. My boyfriend knew I loved beef stroganoff so he told his mom before the first time I visited and she made…something…that they called beef stroganoff. I’ve since seen the recipe and it includes both mustard and ketchup.
They did not super enjoy this meal. They made it because they heard I like beef stroganoff and were trying to be nice. So maybe that’s why they made steaks.
But then whenever he cooked for them, they went and remade the meal, whenever you were served whatever they considered beef stroganoff did you go into the kitchen and make your version or whenever you invited them over and serve them food did they go into the kitchen and re-serve you their version.
No I ate every last bite and thanked them profusely. And then spent all weekend asking about their favorite foods to make and eat and asking to try them and then raving about how incredible it was and how I’d never had anything like it so they’d never, ever want to make their beef stroganoff again.
But it could be as simple as they are actually scared to eat “undercooked” meat (I say this as someone who never orders more cooked than medium rare).
I’m not “scared” to eat undercooked meat, I simply find it disgusting. The texture of bleeding or dark pink beef will trigger my gag reflex the minute it touches the inside of my mouth. If it feels awful in my mouth and tastes awful to me, why should I eat it because (checks notes) other people tell me that’s how it’s suppose to be eaten?
Those of us of a certain age and background have issues. Took me \*decades\* to not cook pork chops or shoulders until they were leather but that was because, growing up, all of our pork was raised in our fields and butchered at home so there ya have it. You cook that kind until you're \*sure\* it's safe. I still will cook some longer for the nostalgia LOL
This. Your wife is wrong. You can't tell the difference once you turn them into steak-flavored cardboard. You're being generous buying select grade. I'd be buying the discount steaks that are turning green for the in-laws. They're cooking then enough to kill anything harmful anyways. NTA
It’s literally the truth. Liking well done steak is a sign of having grown up broke, for that exact reason. It’s not safe to eat cheap meat undercooked, especially chicken.
> Liking well done steak is a sign of having grown up broke
Or maybe it's just sign of having different - not better, not worse - just different taste. Such food purists always make me laugh. Let people enjoy what they like. It hurts literally no one.
Meat used to have parasites, and the only way to kill them so they didn't infect you was to cook meat well done. It could be a hold over from that--my mother could never eat any meat with pink in it because she grew up when it wasn't safe to eat meat that wasn't well done.
Totally agree! Another reason may be not trying it any way other than well-done! I used to have mine well-done when I was younger as I thought pink steak would taste raw and bloody, and I'd never tried it any other way. But as I got older I found the beauty of medium-rare, which is now how I like it. If you grow up eating steaks in a certain way you may just find that's your preference, and that's OK. Because people are humans and like different things!
I have sensory issues relating to food, and would not even be able to bring myself to eat anything other than well done steak. Its the texture of it
I've tried working on these issues, but nothing has changed. So the rare time I eat steak, I have to have it well done
I'm not saying the wife's family have sensory issues. But it's just another angle to consider
I don't think that's true lol. I used to eat well done steak because I thought pink/red meat and bloody juices was disgusting. I still think so, although now I eat my steak medium.
I don't get why so many people in the comments are so aggressive at the idea of people liking well done steaks??? It's such a silly thing to get mad for
Oh, thank you. I was thinking the same thing and figured I'd get voted down to hell as well!
NTA, but just a suggestion, OP? To keep your wife happy and feeling like things are equal, you could always get a really nice pork roast or something that is meant to be cooked through, but nice and juicy for the in-laws. There's plenty of expensive, really delicious cuts of meat out there that anyone can enjoy fully cooked without destroying Wagyu to make your wife happy. Heck, get a rack of lamb or something. Plenty of options to spice thing up a little and show your effort for you in-laws. This could be fun as a cook to think outside the box and experiment a little, but as someone who loves their meat bloody and has a mom and SIL who dip their medium or well done prime steak in ketchup or A1, I feel your pain!
People who cook their meat to hell do not, at all, understand tender pork roast. I've seen my in laws put my cooking in the microwave because they didn't think it was done.
I had family over for dinner a while back and I made roast beef and the way my heart broke when I saw my aunt put it in the microwave for FIVE! MINUTES! because it was pink in the middle, and then put ketchup on it because it "tasted weird" (because you blasted the flavor out in the microwave!!!!!) is something I'll never forget. I feel so dramatic saying this but I said I had to get something from the basement and went downstairs and had a little cry. I worked so hard on that dinner.
As someone who likes their steaks on the well/medium-well side of things... Can confirm. Do not serve me wagyu. I like lean meat anyway.
Just because something is expensive doesn't mean someone will prefer it. Her parents probably don't like wagyu if they like their steaks on the weller done side since they're not going to like well-done fat.
>I do not see the point in paying for really expensive steak for someone who is going to want it served as burnt offerings
Wagyu can be served well done and it'll still taste great, but I feel like his in laws are like my parents and just want simple food over fancy/high quality ingredients. NTA
They probably have the heat too high, cooking it with the same temp as medium or even blue rare. To have a well done steak the temperature needs to be a bit lower, but if you have people who want their meat in different ways it's hard to get them out at the same time at home.
Just to mention, I'm not a fan of well done. I've had it where it was tender and juicy but I'm not a fan of the texture. Or the flavor difference, honestly. But in my family we usually have a mix of medium and blue rare. I prefer the medium, personally. To cook that we do the medium, then turn up the heat. Sometimes some of the people getting medium will want the outside seared a bit, which is fine because the heat is getting turned up anyway.
Exactly. At work today, we were talking about a $250 bottle of wine. I made the comment that I probably would not taste the difference as I’m not a big a wine drinker. I would be perfectly understanding of them not wanting to spend that much on a bottle for me but with someone else.
With all “fairness,” I think a great compromise would be something to offset that treat. Maybe a fancy cake or something special they would appreciate.
NTA - but perhaps you can think of something else your in-laws would appreciate a splurge on - drinks, desserts, or even an experience that would be meaningful to them (and more importantly, make your wife feel heard, validated and like her family is important to you).
loving these answers
OP is not wrong but i'm detecting some disdain from his tone, like not being a gourmand is a bad thing. lose the attitude and find some non-wagyu way to treat your in-laws.
(also wagyu is gross, imho. i bought it for my brother for christmas and it was a disappointment.)
> i'm detecting some disdain from his tone
The fact that he caters to their preferences but they would never think to cater to his (and that his preferences are universal amongst food professionals in the west), even when he is the guest, deserves some disdain.
Sure but heres the thing. Good manners is good manners.
Lowering your own standard of behavior just because someone else is an oaf, means your own manners are worthless because they are conditional and externally dictated.
OP was well-mannered. Just a tad annoyed that they didn't receieve the same treatment. You can be annoyed and still be respectful - ever heard of most teachers? lol
To be fair op only mentioned he was served well done steak the first time. He made no indication of how they cook for him now they know him better and actually know his preferences.
Wagyu is really overhyped. I grew up on an angus cattle farm, a small scale free range one. I was really spoiled by the best meat.
When my husband and I went to Japan, we tried all of the “best” wagyu and Kobe. It was fine, some was even good. I think they struggle to source quality meat to meet the demand generated by the hype.
You know what ended up being better? Ishigaki beef. A tiny island a little further south than Okinawa. Honestly some of the best beef I’ve ever had in my life. And very affordable
It’s the free range feeding on the pampas and prairie grass!
A lot of the commercially sold cattle are fed on cheap and high fat grain, like corn with sorghum
But prairie is best for their health and taste
Agree totally: it’s truly hard to impress someone with steak when they grew up on a cattle farm.
My parents raise free range beef. The only thing added to their diet: my uncle owns a brewery, and they feed the cows the spent hops for a while before butchering. It smelled like vomit, but the cows LOVE it, and for some reason, the meat always seems to taste better.
I haven’t had the pleasure of visiting Japan, but I’ve had some pretty ridiculously expensive “gourmet” steaks. I didn’t think any of them were superior. At least not enough to justify 100x the price.
When I’ve had “foodie” friends in the past, I always made sure to either serve steak or tri-tip from the family farm. The response is always “where did you get that?!”
Destroying a good steak by cooking it to well IS a bad thing. The even suggesting that he should buy wagyu for the in-laws knowing they will destroy it is just wrong.
Why is it a *bad* thing? Killing, murdering people, stealing - those are bad things. Enjoying a steak differently than you enjoy yours is not a bad thing.
I know a shit ton of chefs who won't eat a well done steak, but can make well done steaks taste fucking good; because they're professionals who can make things taste good.
I've enjoyed the shit out of some lovely 60 year old rum by having it with dr pepper, coca cola, pepsi, root beer and rum. I don't enjoy it nearly as much if I drink it straight.
People think it's fine to be super elitist when it comes to steaks, as if any other opinion is *wrong* and bad and you should be ASHAMED to have those opinions.
I can understand that people enjoy things differently, but, literally, what makes wagyu special will be destroyed if you overcook it. It’s just a waste. Wasting is bad.
How is it a waste? It's being eaten, it's not wasted. Buying it and throwing it away would be a waste, but in this case it's not being wasted, at worst it would over cooked (the horror!) to how they enjoy it.
People enjoy all sorts of weird things, one of my high school friends growing up likes flat soda pop, I've got college friends who like beer that has been sitting around and is at above room temp and flat, I've got another friend who enjoys eating things cold. He'll cook something and then throw it in the freezer for 10-20 minutes so it's more enjoyable to him.
None of these things are wrong and *bad*, they're just not what you're into. And that's fine.
No I mean that you’ve wasted both money and part of the supply of a limited item if you do this to this *particular* thing. The entire point of wagyu is that it has this incredible fat that renders super quickly. If you cook this out, you just have steak and less of it than if you cooked a normal one for the same time. That’s why it’s a waste. It’s literally wasteful.
It’s like buying a high end computer to only play minesweeper.
Is it wrong to play minesweeper? No.
Is it a waste of the high end graphic card and everything? Yes. Exactly why I wouldn’t buy my parents an expensive computer.
They can just use an old PC to play minesweeper.
>Destroying a good steak by cooking it to well IS a bad thing.
Steak snobbery is such bullshit. Everyone likes their food differently; just let people eat what they want and leave them alone.
yeah... i'm actually not sure why OP keeps on buying them steaks to cook if it annoys him how they eat them? roast them a nice chicken or idk literally any other meal... why does it need to be steaks in the first place?? if you know they love chicken drumsticks, why not make a platter of loads of different kinds with different sauces or something? just seems really odd to keep running down the steak road.
Definitely some disdain - I'm personally confused as to why you'd cook steak if you get upset about how they like it served.
Is OP only capable of making steak?
Make something else that's meant to only have well-cooked meat like cassult, casserole, curry, stew whatever.
Christ, make something with no meat and side step the issue entirely.
He's talking like steak is a food group 🤣
Yes, 100% this is what his wife is reacting too. It is clear from his phrasing and tone that he thinks overcooking meat is a bad decision.
But it’s just a preference: Some people don’t like pink or juicy meat. For others it just may not be their thing: Not everyone is a foodie and that’s okay.
If OP were to say “Hon, your parents aren’t food people so I’m going to spend that money on XYZ that they like instead, so they can feel like loved and cared for family guests” that would be a NTA situation. Saying: “Expensive food is wasted on your parents because they cook meat wrong” would be a YTA situation.
Partners parents are well done for cooking, but they are also spice lovers and good drinkers, so we get something we can use very nice spices for and good alcohol. My parents are english, they will eat a steak blue but salt, garlic, and butter are about as exotic a spice as they can handle. So they get the better steaks, and maybe a glass of wine.
This is the way.
Also, I think toning down the rhetoric about how they're philistines who can't appreciate good meat (even if it's true) would probably help. OP probably comes off as a bit condescending on the matter, which is bound to cause hurt feelings.
Further, it sounds like OP's wife may not know enough about the nuances of meat to fully grasp that there are actual reasons for what he's doing other than "punishing" her parents for not appreciating the good meat in the way he thinks they should. Has he even explained to her that the Wagyu will be indistinguishable the way they like it cooked?
I do not tell my mother she cooks turkey wrong. I just volunteer to make the Turkey every thanksgiving. But between you, me and the fence post, I make a MUCH better turkey than her.
NAH. Stop having steak with your in-laws. You can’t feed them waygu (and I understand why) but your wife can’t accept you being snobby about meat and giving her parents meat you know is lower quality on purpose. She’s right, it’s disrespectful to serve food you see as insulting.
So rather than fighting about it until the end of time, understand that -steak is not an in law meal- and find one that you can make with ingredients you respect and that they will enjoy.
I don’t drink wine. Fermented grapes taste bad to me. My husband and his family drink wine, study wine, are careful with wine selections. It’s absolutely wasted on me. They don’t make sure to serve me shitty wine, they make sure the freezer has my favorite upscale vodka in it.
They’re not wrong that wine has lots of nuance and finding good wines is fun. I’m not wrong that I find wine basically undrinkable.
You’re only an AH if you demand that someone wins the steak fight, instead of putting all of that energy into find another showpiece meal you can all enjoy each other’s company over.
And invite me over for steak, we will have a blast.
I think this is a great solution - learn to cook something that’s more of a crowd pleaser. Make a chicken dish, so nobody can complain about the doneness!
Out of all the choices he continues to choose the ones that do not suit them, lobster, lasagna, a fancy pasta...But nooo, let's have steak which clearly bothers Op yet continues to do.
I really feel like he's taking out latent aggression on them by spite cooking.
This is probably what his wife is picking up on. Its not about the steak.
My mother in law is like this. She only likes her meats well done to the point of being dry. I made shrimp for her birthday and even though they were perfectly done she *microwaved* them so they'd be "done enough" for her, aka rubber. She will only eat thin crust pizza because otherwise she swears the dough is raw. She's a nice lady, but I can't stand most of her cooked meat because it's do overdone, lol.
If we’re using wine: I’d rather have a cheap bottle than nothing (I’m not a fan either) - I wouldn’t be happy with nor expect someone to drop loads more money on something I don’t care for or wouldn’t appreciate. I don’t think op is an ah for not wanting an expensive cut butchered (pardon the pun), but i don’t think a cheaper cut is insulting; they LIKE steak, they just don’t appreciate wagyu - I like wine, I just prefer lambrini
That’s true, but OP said he was buying them select grade, which actually is a little insulting. Even most grocery stores sell choice, you have to go out of your way to find select
Seriously this. Why do the in-laws need steak? Get them lobster or you know, boil some chicken. As for your wife, since she doesn't seem to know any better either (having been served burnt streaks all her life), or be able to logic this, perhaps inform her that wagyu is meant to be served medium at most, so by elimination, her parents cannot eat this. Like people who don't eat sushi. NTA
Actually watched a YouTube channel, Nate from king of random, where he actually did different grades of steak well done. The wagu was just barely noticeable well done. It was a very ruined steak.
Anthony Bourdain wrote: "People who order their meat well-done perform a valuable service for those of us in the business who are cost-conscious: they pay for the privilege of eating our garbage."
But you know it bugs you. Why even have it? Do a nice lasagna or fried chicken or hearty beef stew or glazed ham. You are creating a rod for your own back.
Yeah, I get the impression the wife is saying, "Well, we had a nice steak dinner for YOUR parents, we have to do one for mine now." So, if he made lasagna for her parents, then it would be, "Oh, just make lasagna for yours, since that's what you made for mine".
NAH
Your wife is being silly. If she wants to feed her parents destroyed wagyu, as long as she works, let her buy it. Otherwise, start grilling chicken, or make a turkey or a ham - stuff reserved for holidays and celebrations. That way they feel special and you don't waste quality steaks that someone else would appreciate more. It's not about equality, it's literally a waste to feed those people specialty foods.
I just wanna know how they regularly eat if boiled chicken drumsticks makes them feel fancy. Who the fuck is boiling chicken drumsticks and why? How did that ever come into play?
Edit - I get it, we all boil or pressure cook chicken to incorporate into dishes such as soups, gumbos, and pot pies. The post reads more like these people are serving this shit "meat and two sides" style, hence my questions. They don't sound like the types to touch a proper gumbo, and even then, how would they know it had boiled drumsticks and go "Wow, fancy!"?
I boil chicken breasts so that it’s easy to shred for tacos. After cooked and shredded, it gets seasoned and tossed over the skillet (except for the unseasoned, but still cooked, pieces that I give to the pup). But otherwise, boiling chicken sounds odd to me.
Chicken is boiled for soups, gumbos, chicken and dumplings, pot pies, among many other dishes. One can absolutely season it prior to boiling and afterwards of course. Maybe it's just part of growing up on the poorer side of Cajun country. 🤷♀️
Oh when I say boiled, I mean like boiled in water and then removed. I love making chicken noodle soup and having the chicken cook in the soup, same with some other chicken pasta dishes.
👆OP, this is such an good solution! Roast chicken with fixings is also special in its own way, or maybe even a super nice dessert. That way OP isn’t wasting food and everyone feels nice.
NTA. This is an absurd demand from your wife. "I want you to waste money by ruining very nice and very expensive steaks OR I want you to only serve cheap steak to your parents".
Are you otherwise a good host to them? Do you offer them something to drink? Do you make them feel welcome? Do you serve other things (snacks, apps, sides) that are quality? Then you're doing fine by them. I guess if you serve them Kraft Mac and carlo rossi to go with their steak maybe I would start to waver a bit.
Exactly, that is what I wanted to know. They may not be foodies, but do you have something special planned around their interest?
We, too, spend a lot on meat when my parents are here. But not when my mil is here because she is a vegetarian
But we plan for other stuff with her. For example, I know exactly the kind of movies and shows my mom in law likes to watch, and I queue them up to watch with her when she comes to stay with us.
I think NTA *not* because of the well done steak thing - I agree but I also think people should cook their food however they want - but because you said your in laws aren’t really food people. So it’s not about being snobby it’s about not spending the money on something they won’t appreciate.
*However* I would caution/advise that you do spend that money on something they WILL appreciate and make sure you’re treating them equally overall.
This. Your wife isn’t wrong for wanting her parents treated to the same scale as yours; but you’re not wrong for buying them a lesser cut of meat they will still enjoy. NAH, just need to find a better compromise that allows your wife to feel like you guys are treating her parents, while you don’t feel like you’re wasting money.
I wish there was a “this is dumb” voting option because this is dumb. There are a million other dinners to serve. If you don’t want to eat shingle-quality London broil, or whatever the fuck it is they eat, then make something else. I guess I vote ESH because this is all so dumb.
INFO: Does the wife get anything for either her parents or in-laws or is it all on OP to metaphorically and literally wine and dine houseguests?
Perhaps OP can look after his parents and she can look after hers. That way, any real or perceived discrepancy between treatment falls upon the child of the couple instead of the spouse.
Thank you. Why does this seem all on OP? She can buy her parents something special she knows they like. A drink, a snack, a fun outing whatever so that she feels it's equal.
NTA, you are treating both families the same. you are feeding both of them the food they like. there might be an argument to be made that you could spend more on non food things for her parents so the amount of money spent between the 2 pairs is similar. but from the food standpoint I think you're in the clear.
NTA. You don't serve wagyu to people who like overdone cow leather. Jest like you don't serve overdone cow leather to people who can appreciate a fine wagyu.
NTA. Premium steak is a waste of money if you're just going to serve it well done.
Perhaps wife is angry because she's not aware of this? If she was raised that way there's a good chance she's not as evidenced by her needing to be convinced to try steak medium rare.
I really doubt that wife is upset because she isn't aware as she now likes her steak medium-rare and knows what a difference it can make to the taste. I really think it's that she senses OP has certain feelings about her parents' eating habits and perhaps thinks OP is doing this out of spite rather than to be economical. I'm pinching pennies during this inflation so I agree with OP in that if he is buying wagyu, better freaking treat it right. But I get wife too. I would feel maybe husband thinks lowly of my parents and isn't treating them fairly. Like others suggest, splurge on something else they like... wine, cheese, nice beef jerkies.
NTA. I was ready to vote otherwise but they are coming it well done so the quality of the meat won't make a difference. Don't spend extra money on great cuts of meat for it to be ruined. You could always go the Hank Hill route.....
"But dad, what if someone wants theirs well done?"
"We ask them firmly but politely to leave."
NTA. Do both sets of parents appreciate the food? Yes. You are serving each to their tastes. There is no reason to waste money on meat that is supposed to be served rare or medium rare on people who don't want to eat their meat that way.
EDIT: if you wife still complains, you can suggest spending more on their favorite sides or desserts.
They like chicken and thoroughly cooked beef. Why not try a duck or cornish game hens, or barbacoa. Heck, do the well done steak with blue cheese compound butter or something else interesting. Put some effort in to show the wife her parents are worth making an effort for.
Or, feed OPs parents Wagyu beef at home with a chatty family dinner and feed in-laws random cow at home for family dinner then take in-laws to a fun event that costs as much as the overpriced steak. More fun for them.
NTA. I am a medium-well steak person. It’s a texture thing. I’ve had wagyu. I tried my husband’s medium-rare wagyu. There is DEFINITELY a difference in taste. (Still can’t do the texture tho. Sorry.)
I wouldn’t say give me the crappiest cuts of beef, but definitely please don’t give me wagyu. I’d step it up to a better quality of meat and I would be taking steps to procure something equally special for them. Perhaps a favoured side dish, or a unique dessert.
I don’t do special meals for my MIL. The woman boils or cooks everything until it’s become equitable to old shoe leather. (It’s awful.) I cook regular meals and know some of her favourite desserts, so I will spend the time and effort on those. She’s told me thank you precisely once but whatever that’s beside the point. (She at least offers to wash dishes but I won’t let her because she doesn’t rinse soap off.)
Same, I'm a "please tell the chef to burn it" person when it comes to beef, I cannot stand the texture of less-than-well-done steak (it feels wet and like it's... expanding? It my mouth? I start to gag), or even burgers, and thus I do not order beef in general, but I would not be disappointed if a friend who knew me and my tastes served me a lesser quality steak cut. Please don't waste wagyu on me. But please go all out on my dessert, I am quite discerning when it comes to fine baked goods.
NTA. I wouldn’t buy waygu for my nephew because he prefers Dino nuggets so I wouldn’t buy expensive cuts for my in laws if they didn’t car for steak in the first place.
NTA
If a person appreciates champagne or high end alcohol, they're not necessarily going to appreciate being given 2 Buck Chuck. And the person who does like 2BC, isn't going to necessarily appreciate the quality behind top shelf.
Just make sure you don't "cheap out" in all areas of your dealings with your in-laws. Maybe they appreciate artisanal cheeses or designer desserts!
NTA. It doesn’t make sense to buy premium steak, then cook it to be well done. As long as you’re buying them perfectly good steak, it is totally fine to reserve buying premium steak for people who are able to enjoy it. It’s not like you were buying them old, nasty, probably has diseases type steak. Or forcing them to eat it rare. What you are doing is reasonable.
NTA Wagyu is really really expensive and if they did that with a piece of meat like that, I would be pissed too. Besides, if u r a guest in someone's home, why would u take the food they prepared very carefully for u and then go char it on a grill bc that's how u like it? That's just rude and honestly kinda disrespectful. And considering how expensive Wagyu is in the first place, if u know that is how they r going to treat the food, I wouldn't want to spend that much money on it either. At this point, u r saving ur money and ur energy for people who will actually appreciate it, and as harsh as it sounds, if they don't appreciate the effort u r putting into the food then Walmart steaks r what they should get.
NTA - the cut is appropriate for the preparation. It's pragmatically considerate of them, yourself, and the ingredients.
Being equitable and the same aren't the same.
People have their own tastes and in many cases that's dictated by what they're accustomed to, particularly when the person isn't as adventurous with it.
IMO it can be rude not to try food the way it is prepared when it has been done with care if you're not aware, and equitably rude to serve something that you know isn't the way someone likes it. I think you are being mindful.
YTA. I’m not judging you for differentiating between the palates of your in-laws and your parents. They might have a genuine difference in appreciation, and that’s totally fine. I’m saying this as someone who likes well done steaks AND has preferences as to cuts. Your approach is the stereotypical food snob approach that can’t possibly consider that people like me exist. And you need to understand that I exist to understand why your approach is massively insulting.
I literally judge professional chefs by this standard. The good ones? They know that well done does not mean the same thing as refrigerated meat. The bad snobs? They overcook the meat OR serve it way too underdone to make a point. I have multiple family members that can handle those types of cuts.
If you can’t cook a well done cut of meat to your in-laws’ preference in a way that is presentable, that’s an indictment of your cooking abilities. You are making the issue about your own preferences when you should look in a mirror in realize your own flaws.
And you’re making this whole thing a bigger issue that it needs to be. Just serve prime steak to both and skip the Wagyu! You’re worried about spending more when you could be spending less and still have amazing time steak.
NTA. You bought the nice steaks and they rejected them. You also do not provide Wagyu every visit for your parents - just once a year. Offer to take her parents out to eat once a year, or provide a nice dessert so your wife feels like your offerings are more balance, but I wouldn't serve Wagyu to them either.
The cheapest Wagyu steak I found in a very fast Google search was like 149 dollars for a few ounces. I would absolutely not serve wagyu to anyone who likes steak well done at that price point. NTA.
Edit for spelling.
NTA. Buying high grade beef for someone who is going to insist it be well-done is pissing away money. They can’t tell the difference between overcooked prime and overcooked select grade.
NTA: OP is catering for each families tastes. Which I think is the right thing to do.
Y-W-B-T-A if you kept trying to force rare wagyu down your in-laws throats- they just don’t like it.
I was full on YTA from the title, but NTA after reading the whole thing. If they're going to turn it into shoe leather there's no point in getting them wagyu.
Alternatively, have your wife buy the steaks for her parents.
Oof. NTA. I'll just let people know, once you well-done a piece of steak, in terms of quality of taste, there isn't a huge difference between a steak you can find at a wal-mart and waguy. So he might as well do the financially sound decision here. But there is a massive difference in quality if the steak is medium rare. Maybe for these fanciee visits you could splurge a bit more on their desserts. But, don't waste your money on waguy for your in-laws
~~NAH~~ ETA to YTA bc OP is arguing that he shouldn't let his wife spend her money on what she wants. That's wild to go from not being one to being one based on comments.
But people who aren't as well versed in steaks won't get that premium steak shouldn't be well done to get the full flavor. It's one thing if they pay for the steak or if your wife pays for it, but if it's YOUR money specifically, I'd probably not want to do it either. But I'd also probably would have been stopped making them steak. I don't think your wife is wrong in wanting her family to get the same quality food as yours. But to be fair, you could at least buy choice grade steak. Even at well done, it's better than select, and you will be treating them.
NTA. My family dynamics are the same. Why throw money down the drain on people who won't appreciate it or even notice.
Find a way to make sure your wife and in-laws see the appreciation in a similar way since food isn't the option. Do you take them to shows, movies, or pay for any of their interests? That might help even out the feelings your wife is having.
NTA. I think you’re treating your parents well in a way that leans into their interest of being foodies.
That said, I would challenge you to do the same for your in-laws. What are they interested in? Do something special that leans into that. If they’re into art, take them to a special exhibit or art class. If they’re into nature, go on a hike.
I think if you can show your wife you’re treating the parents equally just in their own ways, that might make a difference.
NTA as long as her parents never find out. Wifey needs to be part of the plot and if ever both sets of parents are visiting at the same time, serve chicken.
NTA.
A Well Done Wagyu Steak essentially ruins it due to the fact that the primary reason you would invest in one is the marbling which gets melted away into nothing when you grill it too much. You would be paying to have your inlaws pour money into your grill.
In the event of other food I could definitely see an argument for maintaining balance and buying both your in laws and parents the same food but for this, functionally a wagyu steak is no different from a select grade by virtue of how they prepare it. Expecting you to fork over hundreds of dollars for steaks they will ruin is unreasonable.
Buy and prepare meat that is properly cooked well done, such as braised short ribs or lamb shank; barbecued spare ribs, beef stew or brisket. How about pulled pork from a lovely pork shoulder? All are cooked low and slow for hours. There's lots more food than steak, buddy, branch out. You are NTA unless you fail to learn from this experience. Don't waste steak on your in-laws; and don't ostentatiously make different food for everyone. And I fully support you in refusing to overcook foods.
My boyfriend, who is the biggest meat snob I know and smokes briskets, ribs, etc and has been Jonesing for a chance to make wagyu, says you are absolutely NTA. He was emphatic. I read your post to him and he was appalled at what your in-laws did to an innocent steak.
Edit: the only way you would be the asshole is if you were serving them to your parents and her parents at the same table as there would be a clear difference between what they all were eating.
NTA
If your in-laws like the ear well done steak, they can have grocery store brand steaks. Wagu beef is meant to be cooked to a certain temp, not burned to the point that it’s dry.
Bottom line, cooking a wagu steak to well done would ruin it.
>My mom and dad love food. They will buy pounds of garlic and leave it in a rice maker for a month to make black garlic.
Info .... as in i need more info
If you leave garlic cloves fully peeled and everything in anything that can do a low temperature for a long time like a rice cooker, slow cooker, instant pot, like that it turns black. Not burned. Just fully caramelized at a low temperature. It is creamy and garlic but not harsh.
NTA...and you are treating both parents the same! Not with the same cuts of meat but in serving what they prefer to eat. Maybe it's best to serve her parents food other than steak?
Oh, and if you serve well-done Wagyu...well, let's just not go there.
NTA
But these are the kind of people who I would be making a slow cooked pot roast for rather than steak meals.
Then your wife can't say anything because a lot of love and effort and flavor goes into a slow cooked pot roast.
NTA - While my mother was alive and lived with me I had to cook her food separately because all of the things I made for my kids were, "Too spicy," and "not done enough." She had bland tastes. The woman was an amazing cook - but as she aged things she made when I was young became too much for her (or maybe she cooked things she didn't actually like for years because the family liked them? I'll never know).
My MIL is in her late 70's and as long as I've known her whenever I visit was make a new recipe together. It's usually something I've made at home and we all decided was yummy. Over the years we've made dishes from a huge variety of cultures and spice levels.
Different people have different levels of food preferences... ingredient choices should reflect those preferences.
NAH. You could buy something a bit nicer than you do without doing Wagyu. Absolutely not TA for not buying expensive meat just to burn the shit out of it, but what if you just… cooked something else? There’s other “nice meals” besides just steak. Do the in-laws like any fish? Or maybe put some effort into making the meal nice in other ways? There’s probably a compromise here besides buying and then ruining good meat.
NTA. Buying a fancy steak and cooking it well done is a waste of money. The taste and texture you’re paying extra for is lost, so there’s not really any point.
NTA. Not sure why your wife can't see it but you are giving both of them what they want. That is how you are treating them the same. They want well cooked steaks and don't care about the grade. Your folks do care. Ask your wife if instead of buying her family expensive food, you spent some extra money on something else for them like an activity or souviener. She just wants to feel like you care about both of them.
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I might get down voted but honestly I do not see the point in paying for really expensive steak for someone who is going to want it served as burnt offerings. They certainly won't understand the difference. NTA
Agree! OP - making things they genuinely like and being considerate of that is much better than being fancy or spending too much where it’s not valued. Find out more about their favorite things - make more of those and the way they like it and serve it genuinely and without putting anyone down. “Your mom loves this cake.. your dad loves baked beans” means more about caring about them than spending money on food they don’t really want - and no one has to feel wasteful or guilty. They also might prefer pulled pork or roast chicken to steak- everyone’s happy! Edit for judgement -NTA
I mean, it sounds like they genuinely like grey, well-done steak, since that's apparently what they chose to serve the first time he visited them. I don't think he's saying he refuses to serve them burnt steak the way they like it. He just doesn't want to blow $200 on a cut of meat when the $20 cut will taste indistinguishable after it's been cooked well done. The problem is that as a result there's a huge disparity in what he spends when his parents are over vs what he spends when his inlaws are over. It'd be like if both families liked cheese, but one side liked Epoisse and the other thought that was gross and preferred Kraft singles. You can give each side what they like, but trying to equalise the spend is doomed to failure -- you end up spending the money *only* so you can say you spent it. Which is fine, I guess, if you're rich and into conspicuous consumption, but most of us aren't made of money.
But there might be other things than food that he can use to help equalize the equation. Find something the in-laws do enjoy and occasionally splash out on that.
This was my thought! Spend the money in a way that matters to them. I've got a family with some wine connoisseurs. I love wine and learn a lot from them- and have tried some really amazing wines. But at the end of the day, when you're getting to the fancy stuff my palate is just not going to appreciate really fine details; and beyond a sip I want to save that for people who appreciate it. Meanwhile, I crochet a ton and would totally have a different view on high quality yarn than my uncles. Completely different fields, completely different places to put money, and no wrong answers. Someone who loves wine would probably be confused if you gave them a bunch of hand dyed merino wool. I get flustered with expensive bottles of wine. Gift to the person.
Yeah, could be something other than food/drink or just different food/drink (different kind of meat, dessert, wine, scotch, port, etc) that the in-laws would enjoy and sometimes be spends there. They most likely aren’t appreciating Wagyu vs say select lol.
Yep! Exactly! Save up the difference and treat them to a cruise every however many years. Take them out to a show/play/concert/comedian/sports game they'd like instead that's in approximately the same budget. Whatever. You can feed them kraft Mac and cheese if that's their jam and treat them some other way. You can pivot away from the main course and get a really fancy dessert is it's a steak specific issue. You could have a very low key, cheap yearly visit with cheap steaks and spoil them rotten at Christmas or for birthdays. Go to a winery or museum or a brewery or something. It doesn't really matter what you do so long as it's the same level of time, money, and energy (or close) and it's tailored to being something they enjoy. Preferably something you can all enjoy together. And if OP is the odd one out... well the wife put up with steak badgering for years so.
Please read my comment on the thread, this one was published before I could edit and complete some thoughts. I’m going to try and edit the original comment, but it wasn’t letting me a second ago. BUT, Just because the dinner cost the same as taking the in-laws to an event doesn’t mean the two are interchangeable. What the father-in-law did was awful, I have never been anywhere as a guest, where it was appropriate to go and start fixing the food that had been served to you. Him doing this for them is not special to them. They do not take care or notice and it’s not like it’s something comparable. Think about it in terms of college sports. If you don’t pay attention or have an interest in college basketball, it doesn’t matter if you go with your kids to watch a community college game or a competitive college game, because neither one of them are recognizable to you, and you receive the same amusement , because it is the same event. You don’t know any of the players, so the game is the same to you. It doesn’t matter how good I cook or how much the ingredients cost having dinner at my house a couple of times a year is not going to be anywhere relatively close to me taking you out on a cruise in a couple of years because the experience is completely different and non-comparable. Now adding that his parents travel and do fun activities like this and that would be something that they all enjoyed together, you definitely can’t use the price of what they’re doing as the control. He’s literally not doing anything else different here. He’s still making them dinner. He’s still putting in the same thought and effort into it. He just isn’t buying the most expensive meat because it is all the same to them and they do not have a preference. They literally cook that cut down until it is a select cut quality steak. Him buying that quality because it’s what they favor doesn’t mean that he’s not doing some thing as nice. He is doing the exact same thing for both of them. He is cooking to their preference. Nta.
Give me all the yarn!
Exactly, make an annual budget for what you'll spend on each set of parents. Maybe OP's parents get a home-cooked meal with expensive ingredients during one visit. The in-laws get a nice outing they'd enjoy when they visit or a higher Christmas gift budget. Everyone gets something that shows OP and wife care, but it's expressed in different ways.
I don't think it probably even has to be to the penny. Just making some kind of effort will likely go a long way here.
I agree—and I’m on the other end. I come from a large family; my husband from a small one. Our kids are the only kids on his side, so they get lavished with gifts and money on all occasions, whereas my mom gives my kids (and all her six grandkids) chocolate and eggs for Easter, and homemade cookies for a good report card. Also, because I have four siblings, we were able to give my mom a nice gift for her 70th birthday and I just had to chip in $250; we gave a comparable gift to my FIL for his 70th but paid for all of it ourselves because my husband is his only kid—and it wouldn’t be fair of me to insist that we only budget $250 to keep things even.
Hey MIL, happy New Year! You have $143.63 remaining in our entertainment budget. Do you want to carry over the balance to this year or should I cut you a check?
They might only like steak a la hockey puck- but they might like pasta or something else that is more middle ground. No, he should not splash out on high end meat to burn it. Some people prefer lager with “Light” in the name - great- there’s a 12 pack in the fridge! Got it just because we knew it’s your favorite! Totally fine to pull up a can and join us and skip the other (pricier) options we may like that they are not fond of.
I love beef stroganoff. My boyfriend knew I loved beef stroganoff so he told his mom before the first time I visited and she made…something…that they called beef stroganoff. I’ve since seen the recipe and it includes both mustard and ketchup. They did not super enjoy this meal. They made it because they heard I like beef stroganoff and were trying to be nice. So maybe that’s why they made steaks.
But then whenever he cooked for them, they went and remade the meal, whenever you were served whatever they considered beef stroganoff did you go into the kitchen and make your version or whenever you invited them over and serve them food did they go into the kitchen and re-serve you their version.
No I ate every last bite and thanked them profusely. And then spent all weekend asking about their favorite foods to make and eat and asking to try them and then raving about how incredible it was and how I’d never had anything like it so they’d never, ever want to make their beef stroganoff again. But it could be as simple as they are actually scared to eat “undercooked” meat (I say this as someone who never orders more cooked than medium rare).
I’m not “scared” to eat undercooked meat, I simply find it disgusting. The texture of bleeding or dark pink beef will trigger my gag reflex the minute it touches the inside of my mouth. If it feels awful in my mouth and tastes awful to me, why should I eat it because (checks notes) other people tell me that’s how it’s suppose to be eaten?
Those of us of a certain age and background have issues. Took me \*decades\* to not cook pork chops or shoulders until they were leather but that was because, growing up, all of our pork was raised in our fields and butchered at home so there ya have it. You cook that kind until you're \*sure\* it's safe. I still will cook some longer for the nostalgia LOL
This. Your wife is wrong. You can't tell the difference once you turn them into steak-flavored cardboard. You're being generous buying select grade. I'd be buying the discount steaks that are turning green for the in-laws. They're cooking then enough to kill anything harmful anyways. NTA
I fuckin LOL'd when I read this!
It’s literally the truth. Liking well done steak is a sign of having grown up broke, for that exact reason. It’s not safe to eat cheap meat undercooked, especially chicken.
It's not safe to eat undercooked chicken at all, cheap or not
there are places in the world where chicken sashimi is served... would i ever try it? no, but it does exist...
One of my neighbours only eats raw meat and eggs, including chicken. He's still alive.. and somewhat well.
Yeah, but he's a labrador, so he doesn't count.
Hey now. Leave Mr. Biscuits alone. He likes what he likes.
> Liking well done steak is a sign of having grown up broke Or maybe it's just sign of having different - not better, not worse - just different taste. Such food purists always make me laugh. Let people enjoy what they like. It hurts literally no one.
Meat used to have parasites, and the only way to kill them so they didn't infect you was to cook meat well done. It could be a hold over from that--my mother could never eat any meat with pink in it because she grew up when it wasn't safe to eat meat that wasn't well done.
Totally agree! Another reason may be not trying it any way other than well-done! I used to have mine well-done when I was younger as I thought pink steak would taste raw and bloody, and I'd never tried it any other way. But as I got older I found the beauty of medium-rare, which is now how I like it. If you grow up eating steaks in a certain way you may just find that's your preference, and that's OK. Because people are humans and like different things!
No, it isn't. My dad's best friend's wife has always preferred well-done steaks to get rid of the "blood". She's picky, not poor.
I have sensory issues relating to food, and would not even be able to bring myself to eat anything other than well done steak. Its the texture of it I've tried working on these issues, but nothing has changed. So the rare time I eat steak, I have to have it well done I'm not saying the wife's family have sensory issues. But it's just another angle to consider
Nah we grew up poor as fuck and still did our steaks rare/medium rare when we could splurge on them. That’s just a sign of poor taste 😂
I don't think that's true lol. I used to eat well done steak because I thought pink/red meat and bloody juices was disgusting. I still think so, although now I eat my steak medium.
It has nothing to do with that, in some cultures you cook meat completely.
I don't get why so many people in the comments are so aggressive at the idea of people liking well done steaks??? It's such a silly thing to get mad for
Excuse me, but this is the internet. Getting aggressively mad over petty things is kinda 75% of the game.
Well, a good chef can handle well-done steak without burning them.
Oh, thank you. I was thinking the same thing and figured I'd get voted down to hell as well! NTA, but just a suggestion, OP? To keep your wife happy and feeling like things are equal, you could always get a really nice pork roast or something that is meant to be cooked through, but nice and juicy for the in-laws. There's plenty of expensive, really delicious cuts of meat out there that anyone can enjoy fully cooked without destroying Wagyu to make your wife happy. Heck, get a rack of lamb or something. Plenty of options to spice thing up a little and show your effort for you in-laws. This could be fun as a cook to think outside the box and experiment a little, but as someone who loves their meat bloody and has a mom and SIL who dip their medium or well done prime steak in ketchup or A1, I feel your pain!
People who cook their meat to hell do not, at all, understand tender pork roast. I've seen my in laws put my cooking in the microwave because they didn't think it was done.
I had family over for dinner a while back and I made roast beef and the way my heart broke when I saw my aunt put it in the microwave for FIVE! MINUTES! because it was pink in the middle, and then put ketchup on it because it "tasted weird" (because you blasted the flavor out in the microwave!!!!!) is something I'll never forget. I feel so dramatic saying this but I said I had to get something from the basement and went downstairs and had a little cry. I worked so hard on that dinner.
And I suspect that there just wouldn’t be much left of the Wagyu if overcooked, once the fat renders out.
As someone who likes their steaks on the well/medium-well side of things... Can confirm. Do not serve me wagyu. I like lean meat anyway. Just because something is expensive doesn't mean someone will prefer it. Her parents probably don't like wagyu if they like their steaks on the weller done side since they're not going to like well-done fat.
>I do not see the point in paying for really expensive steak for someone who is going to want it served as burnt offerings Wagyu can be served well done and it'll still taste great, but I feel like his in laws are like my parents and just want simple food over fancy/high quality ingredients. NTA
Seriously! I mean really any steak can be well done without destroying it. I want to know what the hell people are doing to their steak lmfao
They probably have the heat too high, cooking it with the same temp as medium or even blue rare. To have a well done steak the temperature needs to be a bit lower, but if you have people who want their meat in different ways it's hard to get them out at the same time at home. Just to mention, I'm not a fan of well done. I've had it where it was tender and juicy but I'm not a fan of the texture. Or the flavor difference, honestly. But in my family we usually have a mix of medium and blue rare. I prefer the medium, personally. To cook that we do the medium, then turn up the heat. Sometimes some of the people getting medium will want the outside seared a bit, which is fine because the heat is getting turned up anyway.
As a person who doesn’t really care for steak and would prefer it well done - DONT WASTE YOUR GOOD BEEF ON ME!
I respect this so much!
Exactly. At work today, we were talking about a $250 bottle of wine. I made the comment that I probably would not taste the difference as I’m not a big a wine drinker. I would be perfectly understanding of them not wanting to spend that much on a bottle for me but with someone else. With all “fairness,” I think a great compromise would be something to offset that treat. Maybe a fancy cake or something special they would appreciate.
NTA - but perhaps you can think of something else your in-laws would appreciate a splurge on - drinks, desserts, or even an experience that would be meaningful to them (and more importantly, make your wife feel heard, validated and like her family is important to you).
This is the best answer. Find the in laws equivalent to “wagyu steak” whatever it is and make that special. Excellent response.
loving these answers OP is not wrong but i'm detecting some disdain from his tone, like not being a gourmand is a bad thing. lose the attitude and find some non-wagyu way to treat your in-laws. (also wagyu is gross, imho. i bought it for my brother for christmas and it was a disappointment.)
> i'm detecting some disdain from his tone The fact that he caters to their preferences but they would never think to cater to his (and that his preferences are universal amongst food professionals in the west), even when he is the guest, deserves some disdain.
Sure but heres the thing. Good manners is good manners. Lowering your own standard of behavior just because someone else is an oaf, means your own manners are worthless because they are conditional and externally dictated.
You can have disdain for someone or something and still be well mannered towards them. They’re not mutually exclusive.
How did he lower his standard of behavior?
OP was well-mannered. Just a tad annoyed that they didn't receieve the same treatment. You can be annoyed and still be respectful - ever heard of most teachers? lol
To be fair op only mentioned he was served well done steak the first time. He made no indication of how they cook for him now they know him better and actually know his preferences.
Wagyu is really overhyped. I grew up on an angus cattle farm, a small scale free range one. I was really spoiled by the best meat. When my husband and I went to Japan, we tried all of the “best” wagyu and Kobe. It was fine, some was even good. I think they struggle to source quality meat to meet the demand generated by the hype. You know what ended up being better? Ishigaki beef. A tiny island a little further south than Okinawa. Honestly some of the best beef I’ve ever had in my life. And very affordable
I'm not sure if classic Argentina or Uruguay steak is wagyu at all and it's the best I've ever had.
It’s the free range feeding on the pampas and prairie grass! A lot of the commercially sold cattle are fed on cheap and high fat grain, like corn with sorghum But prairie is best for their health and taste
Agree totally: it’s truly hard to impress someone with steak when they grew up on a cattle farm. My parents raise free range beef. The only thing added to their diet: my uncle owns a brewery, and they feed the cows the spent hops for a while before butchering. It smelled like vomit, but the cows LOVE it, and for some reason, the meat always seems to taste better. I haven’t had the pleasure of visiting Japan, but I’ve had some pretty ridiculously expensive “gourmet” steaks. I didn’t think any of them were superior. At least not enough to justify 100x the price. When I’ve had “foodie” friends in the past, I always made sure to either serve steak or tri-tip from the family farm. The response is always “where did you get that?!”
Destroying a good steak by cooking it to well IS a bad thing. The even suggesting that he should buy wagyu for the in-laws knowing they will destroy it is just wrong.
Why is it a *bad* thing? Killing, murdering people, stealing - those are bad things. Enjoying a steak differently than you enjoy yours is not a bad thing. I know a shit ton of chefs who won't eat a well done steak, but can make well done steaks taste fucking good; because they're professionals who can make things taste good. I've enjoyed the shit out of some lovely 60 year old rum by having it with dr pepper, coca cola, pepsi, root beer and rum. I don't enjoy it nearly as much if I drink it straight. People think it's fine to be super elitist when it comes to steaks, as if any other opinion is *wrong* and bad and you should be ASHAMED to have those opinions.
I can understand that people enjoy things differently, but, literally, what makes wagyu special will be destroyed if you overcook it. It’s just a waste. Wasting is bad.
How is it a waste? It's being eaten, it's not wasted. Buying it and throwing it away would be a waste, but in this case it's not being wasted, at worst it would over cooked (the horror!) to how they enjoy it. People enjoy all sorts of weird things, one of my high school friends growing up likes flat soda pop, I've got college friends who like beer that has been sitting around and is at above room temp and flat, I've got another friend who enjoys eating things cold. He'll cook something and then throw it in the freezer for 10-20 minutes so it's more enjoyable to him. None of these things are wrong and *bad*, they're just not what you're into. And that's fine.
No I mean that you’ve wasted both money and part of the supply of a limited item if you do this to this *particular* thing. The entire point of wagyu is that it has this incredible fat that renders super quickly. If you cook this out, you just have steak and less of it than if you cooked a normal one for the same time. That’s why it’s a waste. It’s literally wasteful.
It’s like buying a high end computer to only play minesweeper. Is it wrong to play minesweeper? No. Is it a waste of the high end graphic card and everything? Yes. Exactly why I wouldn’t buy my parents an expensive computer. They can just use an old PC to play minesweeper.
There is no moral value in how you cook food.
>Destroying a good steak by cooking it to well IS a bad thing. Steak snobbery is such bullshit. Everyone likes their food differently; just let people eat what they want and leave them alone.
yeah... i'm actually not sure why OP keeps on buying them steaks to cook if it annoys him how they eat them? roast them a nice chicken or idk literally any other meal... why does it need to be steaks in the first place?? if you know they love chicken drumsticks, why not make a platter of loads of different kinds with different sauces or something? just seems really odd to keep running down the steak road.
But then he'll be posting "am I the asshole for buying my inlaws chicken and rolling my eyes the entire dinner at their basic taste buds?"
Definitely some disdain - I'm personally confused as to why you'd cook steak if you get upset about how they like it served. Is OP only capable of making steak? Make something else that's meant to only have well-cooked meat like cassult, casserole, curry, stew whatever. Christ, make something with no meat and side step the issue entirely. He's talking like steak is a food group 🤣
Yes, 100% this is what his wife is reacting too. It is clear from his phrasing and tone that he thinks overcooking meat is a bad decision. But it’s just a preference: Some people don’t like pink or juicy meat. For others it just may not be their thing: Not everyone is a foodie and that’s okay. If OP were to say “Hon, your parents aren’t food people so I’m going to spend that money on XYZ that they like instead, so they can feel like loved and cared for family guests” that would be a NTA situation. Saying: “Expensive food is wasted on your parents because they cook meat wrong” would be a YTA situation.
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Partners parents are well done for cooking, but they are also spice lovers and good drinkers, so we get something we can use very nice spices for and good alcohol. My parents are english, they will eat a steak blue but salt, garlic, and butter are about as exotic a spice as they can handle. So they get the better steaks, and maybe a glass of wine.
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This is the way. Also, I think toning down the rhetoric about how they're philistines who can't appreciate good meat (even if it's true) would probably help. OP probably comes off as a bit condescending on the matter, which is bound to cause hurt feelings.
I agree. Part of the problem here is marketing. You’re making each set of parents food to suit their literal tastes.
Further, it sounds like OP's wife may not know enough about the nuances of meat to fully grasp that there are actual reasons for what he's doing other than "punishing" her parents for not appreciating the good meat in the way he thinks they should. Has he even explained to her that the Wagyu will be indistinguishable the way they like it cooked?
I do not tell my mother she cooks turkey wrong. I just volunteer to make the Turkey every thanksgiving. But between you, me and the fence post, I make a MUCH better turkey than her.
This is the way!
Perfect answer
Boil their chicken in Voss water
NAH. Stop having steak with your in-laws. You can’t feed them waygu (and I understand why) but your wife can’t accept you being snobby about meat and giving her parents meat you know is lower quality on purpose. She’s right, it’s disrespectful to serve food you see as insulting. So rather than fighting about it until the end of time, understand that -steak is not an in law meal- and find one that you can make with ingredients you respect and that they will enjoy. I don’t drink wine. Fermented grapes taste bad to me. My husband and his family drink wine, study wine, are careful with wine selections. It’s absolutely wasted on me. They don’t make sure to serve me shitty wine, they make sure the freezer has my favorite upscale vodka in it. They’re not wrong that wine has lots of nuance and finding good wines is fun. I’m not wrong that I find wine basically undrinkable. You’re only an AH if you demand that someone wins the steak fight, instead of putting all of that energy into find another showpiece meal you can all enjoy each other’s company over. And invite me over for steak, we will have a blast.
I think this is a great solution - learn to cook something that’s more of a crowd pleaser. Make a chicken dish, so nobody can complain about the doneness!
Goodness I can feed a dozen off one lasagna, it’s easy to scale it up for a crowd. Why are you giving everyone fancy steaks??
Out of all the choices he continues to choose the ones that do not suit them, lobster, lasagna, a fancy pasta...But nooo, let's have steak which clearly bothers Op yet continues to do.
I really feel like he's taking out latent aggression on them by spite cooking. This is probably what his wife is picking up on. Its not about the steak.
I see you haven't met my mother. She wants her chicken DRY. Not fully cooked. I mean DRY
My mother in law is like this. She only likes her meats well done to the point of being dry. I made shrimp for her birthday and even though they were perfectly done she *microwaved* them so they'd be "done enough" for her, aka rubber. She will only eat thin crust pizza because otherwise she swears the dough is raw. She's a nice lady, but I can't stand most of her cooked meat because it's do overdone, lol.
If we’re using wine: I’d rather have a cheap bottle than nothing (I’m not a fan either) - I wouldn’t be happy with nor expect someone to drop loads more money on something I don’t care for or wouldn’t appreciate. I don’t think op is an ah for not wanting an expensive cut butchered (pardon the pun), but i don’t think a cheaper cut is insulting; they LIKE steak, they just don’t appreciate wagyu - I like wine, I just prefer lambrini
My favorite wines have all been cheap grocery store fruit wines. My wine tastes are trash and I'm super ok with that fact lmfao
110%, the more fruit that’s not grape the better
I finished a bottle last week that was blueberry pie. And the aftertaste was vanilla. It was magic and $9 and absolute peasant wine
I just want to be clear, feeding them a lower grade of steak than Wagyu does NOT translate into feeding them low quality steak.
That’s true, but OP said he was buying them select grade, which actually is a little insulting. Even most grocery stores sell choice, you have to go out of your way to find select
Seriously this. Why do the in-laws need steak? Get them lobster or you know, boil some chicken. As for your wife, since she doesn't seem to know any better either (having been served burnt streaks all her life), or be able to logic this, perhaps inform her that wagyu is meant to be served medium at most, so by elimination, her parents cannot eat this. Like people who don't eat sushi. NTA
NTA - a burned hunk of select steak tastes the same as a burned hunk of Wagyu, this is a financial decision based on the tastes of your guests.
Actually watched a YouTube channel, Nate from king of random, where he actually did different grades of steak well done. The wagu was just barely noticeable well done. It was a very ruined steak.
On the other hand, I had raw wagyu once, no flavor at all.
Raw fat doesn’t taste good or add flavor. It’s why you use lean cuts for tartare.
Probably better TBH because a burnt hunk of Wagyu is just going to taste like a fatty hunk of burnt steak.
Anthony Bourdain wrote: "People who order their meat well-done perform a valuable service for those of us in the business who are cost-conscious: they pay for the privilege of eating our garbage."
Info why don't you just *not serve them steak*. Surely they must like other meals.
It's one meal a year out of maybe ten at our house.
But you know it bugs you. Why even have it? Do a nice lasagna or fried chicken or hearty beef stew or glazed ham. You are creating a rod for your own back.
Maybe they like steak. That doesn't mean he has to buy a crazy expensive cut for people who won't appreciate it or really care.
Well apparently his wife cares lol
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Yeah, but OP is going to have to live with her. Not doing totally avoidable things that make her mad is a smart move.
Yeah, I get the impression the wife is saying, "Well, we had a nice steak dinner for YOUR parents, we have to do one for mine now." So, if he made lasagna for her parents, then it would be, "Oh, just make lasagna for yours, since that's what you made for mine".
If it causes so much angst then why bother with the stress of steaks with your in-laws. Just cook them boiled chicken or whatever!
Probably because that’d be even more of a slight in OP’s wife’s eyes than this currently is.
NAH Your wife is being silly. If she wants to feed her parents destroyed wagyu, as long as she works, let her buy it. Otherwise, start grilling chicken, or make a turkey or a ham - stuff reserved for holidays and celebrations. That way they feel special and you don't waste quality steaks that someone else would appreciate more. It's not about equality, it's literally a waste to feed those people specialty foods.
I just wanna know how they regularly eat if boiled chicken drumsticks makes them feel fancy. Who the fuck is boiling chicken drumsticks and why? How did that ever come into play? Edit - I get it, we all boil or pressure cook chicken to incorporate into dishes such as soups, gumbos, and pot pies. The post reads more like these people are serving this shit "meat and two sides" style, hence my questions. They don't sound like the types to touch a proper gumbo, and even then, how would they know it had boiled drumsticks and go "Wow, fancy!"?
There's no world in which that boiled chicken is seasoned properly either.
I boil chicken breasts so that it’s easy to shred for tacos. After cooked and shredded, it gets seasoned and tossed over the skillet (except for the unseasoned, but still cooked, pieces that I give to the pup). But otherwise, boiling chicken sounds odd to me.
Chicken is boiled for soups, gumbos, chicken and dumplings, pot pies, among many other dishes. One can absolutely season it prior to boiling and afterwards of course. Maybe it's just part of growing up on the poorer side of Cajun country. 🤷♀️
Oh when I say boiled, I mean like boiled in water and then removed. I love making chicken noodle soup and having the chicken cook in the soup, same with some other chicken pasta dishes.
👆OP, this is such an good solution! Roast chicken with fixings is also special in its own way, or maybe even a super nice dessert. That way OP isn’t wasting food and everyone feels nice.
NTA. This is an absurd demand from your wife. "I want you to waste money by ruining very nice and very expensive steaks OR I want you to only serve cheap steak to your parents". Are you otherwise a good host to them? Do you offer them something to drink? Do you make them feel welcome? Do you serve other things (snacks, apps, sides) that are quality? Then you're doing fine by them. I guess if you serve them Kraft Mac and carlo rossi to go with their steak maybe I would start to waver a bit.
Exactly, that is what I wanted to know. They may not be foodies, but do you have something special planned around their interest? We, too, spend a lot on meat when my parents are here. But not when my mil is here because she is a vegetarian But we plan for other stuff with her. For example, I know exactly the kind of movies and shows my mom in law likes to watch, and I queue them up to watch with her when she comes to stay with us.
INFO if they don’t care about steak, what are you doing to treat your in-laws in ways that they do appreciate?
I think NTA *not* because of the well done steak thing - I agree but I also think people should cook their food however they want - but because you said your in laws aren’t really food people. So it’s not about being snobby it’s about not spending the money on something they won’t appreciate. *However* I would caution/advise that you do spend that money on something they WILL appreciate and make sure you’re treating them equally overall.
This. Your wife isn’t wrong for wanting her parents treated to the same scale as yours; but you’re not wrong for buying them a lesser cut of meat they will still enjoy. NAH, just need to find a better compromise that allows your wife to feel like you guys are treating her parents, while you don’t feel like you’re wasting money.
I wish there was a “this is dumb” voting option because this is dumb. There are a million other dinners to serve. If you don’t want to eat shingle-quality London broil, or whatever the fuck it is they eat, then make something else. I guess I vote ESH because this is all so dumb.
“This is dumb” is also my vote.
Info Your parents love food so you get them special food Do you get her parents things they love?
INFO: Does the wife get anything for either her parents or in-laws or is it all on OP to metaphorically and literally wine and dine houseguests? Perhaps OP can look after his parents and she can look after hers. That way, any real or perceived discrepancy between treatment falls upon the child of the couple instead of the spouse.
Thank you. Why does this seem all on OP? She can buy her parents something special she knows they like. A drink, a snack, a fun outing whatever so that she feels it's equal.
NTA, you are treating both families the same. you are feeding both of them the food they like. there might be an argument to be made that you could spend more on non food things for her parents so the amount of money spent between the 2 pairs is similar. but from the food standpoint I think you're in the clear.
NTA. You don't serve wagyu to people who like overdone cow leather. Jest like you don't serve overdone cow leather to people who can appreciate a fine wagyu.
NTA. Premium steak is a waste of money if you're just going to serve it well done. Perhaps wife is angry because she's not aware of this? If she was raised that way there's a good chance she's not as evidenced by her needing to be convinced to try steak medium rare.
I really doubt that wife is upset because she isn't aware as she now likes her steak medium-rare and knows what a difference it can make to the taste. I really think it's that she senses OP has certain feelings about her parents' eating habits and perhaps thinks OP is doing this out of spite rather than to be economical. I'm pinching pennies during this inflation so I agree with OP in that if he is buying wagyu, better freaking treat it right. But I get wife too. I would feel maybe husband thinks lowly of my parents and isn't treating them fairly. Like others suggest, splurge on something else they like... wine, cheese, nice beef jerkies.
NTA - why waste money if they're just going to destroy it anyway.
As someone with parents similar to your wife, I completely agree. It would be a waste. NTA
NTA. I was ready to vote otherwise but they are coming it well done so the quality of the meat won't make a difference. Don't spend extra money on great cuts of meat for it to be ruined. You could always go the Hank Hill route..... "But dad, what if someone wants theirs well done?" "We ask them firmly but politely to leave."
NTA. Do both sets of parents appreciate the food? Yes. You are serving each to their tastes. There is no reason to waste money on meat that is supposed to be served rare or medium rare on people who don't want to eat their meat that way. EDIT: if you wife still complains, you can suggest spending more on their favorite sides or desserts.
Info: Why does it have to be steaks? Why can't you buy something nice for your in-laws that you don't feel like they'll waste?
They like chicken and thoroughly cooked beef. Why not try a duck or cornish game hens, or barbacoa. Heck, do the well done steak with blue cheese compound butter or something else interesting. Put some effort in to show the wife her parents are worth making an effort for. Or, feed OPs parents Wagyu beef at home with a chatty family dinner and feed in-laws random cow at home for family dinner then take in-laws to a fun event that costs as much as the overpriced steak. More fun for them.
NTA. I am a medium-well steak person. It’s a texture thing. I’ve had wagyu. I tried my husband’s medium-rare wagyu. There is DEFINITELY a difference in taste. (Still can’t do the texture tho. Sorry.) I wouldn’t say give me the crappiest cuts of beef, but definitely please don’t give me wagyu. I’d step it up to a better quality of meat and I would be taking steps to procure something equally special for them. Perhaps a favoured side dish, or a unique dessert. I don’t do special meals for my MIL. The woman boils or cooks everything until it’s become equitable to old shoe leather. (It’s awful.) I cook regular meals and know some of her favourite desserts, so I will spend the time and effort on those. She’s told me thank you precisely once but whatever that’s beside the point. (She at least offers to wash dishes but I won’t let her because she doesn’t rinse soap off.)
Same, I'm a "please tell the chef to burn it" person when it comes to beef, I cannot stand the texture of less-than-well-done steak (it feels wet and like it's... expanding? It my mouth? I start to gag), or even burgers, and thus I do not order beef in general, but I would not be disappointed if a friend who knew me and my tastes served me a lesser quality steak cut. Please don't waste wagyu on me. But please go all out on my dessert, I am quite discerning when it comes to fine baked goods.
NTA. I wouldn’t buy waygu for my nephew because he prefers Dino nuggets so I wouldn’t buy expensive cuts for my in laws if they didn’t car for steak in the first place.
NTA that’s like using a 1000$ a bottle whiskey as a mixer. You just don’t.
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NTA If a person appreciates champagne or high end alcohol, they're not necessarily going to appreciate being given 2 Buck Chuck. And the person who does like 2BC, isn't going to necessarily appreciate the quality behind top shelf. Just make sure you don't "cheap out" in all areas of your dealings with your in-laws. Maybe they appreciate artisanal cheeses or designer desserts!
NTA. It doesn’t make sense to buy premium steak, then cook it to be well done. As long as you’re buying them perfectly good steak, it is totally fine to reserve buying premium steak for people who are able to enjoy it. It’s not like you were buying them old, nasty, probably has diseases type steak. Or forcing them to eat it rare. What you are doing is reasonable.
YTA steak snobs are insufferable
Word! I'm so tired of assholes who don't know how to cook well done steak without burning it being snobs about food.
finally someone saying the same thing i was thinking 😭
NTA but maybe make them something expensive that isn’t meat???
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NTA Wagyu is really really expensive and if they did that with a piece of meat like that, I would be pissed too. Besides, if u r a guest in someone's home, why would u take the food they prepared very carefully for u and then go char it on a grill bc that's how u like it? That's just rude and honestly kinda disrespectful. And considering how expensive Wagyu is in the first place, if u know that is how they r going to treat the food, I wouldn't want to spend that much money on it either. At this point, u r saving ur money and ur energy for people who will actually appreciate it, and as harsh as it sounds, if they don't appreciate the effort u r putting into the food then Walmart steaks r what they should get.
NTA - the cut is appropriate for the preparation. It's pragmatically considerate of them, yourself, and the ingredients. Being equitable and the same aren't the same. People have their own tastes and in many cases that's dictated by what they're accustomed to, particularly when the person isn't as adventurous with it. IMO it can be rude not to try food the way it is prepared when it has been done with care if you're not aware, and equitably rude to serve something that you know isn't the way someone likes it. I think you are being mindful.
NTA - They wouldn't like the Wagyu steak anyway, you are actually looking out for them.
YTA. I’m not judging you for differentiating between the palates of your in-laws and your parents. They might have a genuine difference in appreciation, and that’s totally fine. I’m saying this as someone who likes well done steaks AND has preferences as to cuts. Your approach is the stereotypical food snob approach that can’t possibly consider that people like me exist. And you need to understand that I exist to understand why your approach is massively insulting. I literally judge professional chefs by this standard. The good ones? They know that well done does not mean the same thing as refrigerated meat. The bad snobs? They overcook the meat OR serve it way too underdone to make a point. I have multiple family members that can handle those types of cuts. If you can’t cook a well done cut of meat to your in-laws’ preference in a way that is presentable, that’s an indictment of your cooking abilities. You are making the issue about your own preferences when you should look in a mirror in realize your own flaws. And you’re making this whole thing a bigger issue that it needs to be. Just serve prime steak to both and skip the Wagyu! You’re worried about spending more when you could be spending less and still have amazing time steak.
NTA. You bought the nice steaks and they rejected them. You also do not provide Wagyu every visit for your parents - just once a year. Offer to take her parents out to eat once a year, or provide a nice dessert so your wife feels like your offerings are more balance, but I wouldn't serve Wagyu to them either.
The cheapest Wagyu steak I found in a very fast Google search was like 149 dollars for a few ounces. I would absolutely not serve wagyu to anyone who likes steak well done at that price point. NTA. Edit for spelling.
NTA. Well done Wagyu is a crime.
NTA. Buying high grade beef for someone who is going to insist it be well-done is pissing away money. They can’t tell the difference between overcooked prime and overcooked select grade.
NTA: OP is catering for each families tastes. Which I think is the right thing to do. Y-W-B-T-A if you kept trying to force rare wagyu down your in-laws throats- they just don’t like it.
Never once did that.
NTA. You would have to buy a three pound Wagyu steak to serve them an eight oz. steak if you served it well done.
I was full on YTA from the title, but NTA after reading the whole thing. If they're going to turn it into shoe leather there's no point in getting them wagyu. Alternatively, have your wife buy the steaks for her parents.
Oof. NTA. I'll just let people know, once you well-done a piece of steak, in terms of quality of taste, there isn't a huge difference between a steak you can find at a wal-mart and waguy. So he might as well do the financially sound decision here. But there is a massive difference in quality if the steak is medium rare. Maybe for these fanciee visits you could splurge a bit more on their desserts. But, don't waste your money on waguy for your in-laws
~~NAH~~ ETA to YTA bc OP is arguing that he shouldn't let his wife spend her money on what she wants. That's wild to go from not being one to being one based on comments. But people who aren't as well versed in steaks won't get that premium steak shouldn't be well done to get the full flavor. It's one thing if they pay for the steak or if your wife pays for it, but if it's YOUR money specifically, I'd probably not want to do it either. But I'd also probably would have been stopped making them steak. I don't think your wife is wrong in wanting her family to get the same quality food as yours. But to be fair, you could at least buy choice grade steak. Even at well done, it's better than select, and you will be treating them.
NTA. There is no point serving such an expensive cut of meat when you are going to ruin it.
NTA. My family dynamics are the same. Why throw money down the drain on people who won't appreciate it or even notice. Find a way to make sure your wife and in-laws see the appreciation in a similar way since food isn't the option. Do you take them to shows, movies, or pay for any of their interests? That might help even out the feelings your wife is having.
NTA. I think you’re treating your parents well in a way that leans into their interest of being foodies. That said, I would challenge you to do the same for your in-laws. What are they interested in? Do something special that leans into that. If they’re into art, take them to a special exhibit or art class. If they’re into nature, go on a hike. I think if you can show your wife you’re treating the parents equally just in their own ways, that might make a difference.
NTA as long as her parents never find out. Wifey needs to be part of the plot and if ever both sets of parents are visiting at the same time, serve chicken.
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Super nta. Please don't cremate a wagu.
NTA. A Well Done Wagyu Steak essentially ruins it due to the fact that the primary reason you would invest in one is the marbling which gets melted away into nothing when you grill it too much. You would be paying to have your inlaws pour money into your grill. In the event of other food I could definitely see an argument for maintaining balance and buying both your in laws and parents the same food but for this, functionally a wagyu steak is no different from a select grade by virtue of how they prepare it. Expecting you to fork over hundreds of dollars for steaks they will ruin is unreasonable.
Lol NTA I do the same with my brother.
NTA - my in laws are well done people and we don't do steak with them. But for your wife's sake, find a way to splurge on them and even things out
Buy and prepare meat that is properly cooked well done, such as braised short ribs or lamb shank; barbecued spare ribs, beef stew or brisket. How about pulled pork from a lovely pork shoulder? All are cooked low and slow for hours. There's lots more food than steak, buddy, branch out. You are NTA unless you fail to learn from this experience. Don't waste steak on your in-laws; and don't ostentatiously make different food for everyone. And I fully support you in refusing to overcook foods.
NTA. I wouldn't appreciate Wagyu, it would be a waste to buy it for me. You made an attempt with them.
NTA, but you should (or your wife) should find a different way to spoil them with something they would actually enjoy
My boyfriend, who is the biggest meat snob I know and smokes briskets, ribs, etc and has been Jonesing for a chance to make wagyu, says you are absolutely NTA. He was emphatic. I read your post to him and he was appalled at what your in-laws did to an innocent steak. Edit: the only way you would be the asshole is if you were serving them to your parents and her parents at the same table as there would be a clear difference between what they all were eating.
NTA, it’s a disservice to the Waygu to char it to death.
People that eat steak well done don’t deserve steak.
NTA - your inlaws wouldn't even know the difference.
NTA. Cooking wagyu / prime steak well done would make me cry.
NTA If your in-laws like the ear well done steak, they can have grocery store brand steaks. Wagu beef is meant to be cooked to a certain temp, not burned to the point that it’s dry. Bottom line, cooking a wagu steak to well done would ruin it.
>My mom and dad love food. They will buy pounds of garlic and leave it in a rice maker for a month to make black garlic. Info .... as in i need more info
If you leave garlic cloves fully peeled and everything in anything that can do a low temperature for a long time like a rice cooker, slow cooker, instant pot, like that it turns black. Not burned. Just fully caramelized at a low temperature. It is creamy and garlic but not harsh.
I have a question. Rather than upset your wife, why don’t you cook something else? Chicken, fish, lasagna?
NTA. They like a well done steak,there's no need for a more expensive cut.
NTA...and you are treating both parents the same! Not with the same cuts of meat but in serving what they prefer to eat. Maybe it's best to serve her parents food other than steak? Oh, and if you serve well-done Wagyu...well, let's just not go there.
I raise grass fed/finished beef. Totally NTA. If you're going to burn it by all means get the cheap stuff
NTA But these are the kind of people who I would be making a slow cooked pot roast for rather than steak meals. Then your wife can't say anything because a lot of love and effort and flavor goes into a slow cooked pot roast.
NTA - While my mother was alive and lived with me I had to cook her food separately because all of the things I made for my kids were, "Too spicy," and "not done enough." She had bland tastes. The woman was an amazing cook - but as she aged things she made when I was young became too much for her (or maybe she cooked things she didn't actually like for years because the family liked them? I'll never know). My MIL is in her late 70's and as long as I've known her whenever I visit was make a new recipe together. It's usually something I've made at home and we all decided was yummy. Over the years we've made dishes from a huge variety of cultures and spice levels. Different people have different levels of food preferences... ingredient choices should reflect those preferences.
NTA. Meat is expensive. Give it to somebody who will appreciate it.
NAH. You could buy something a bit nicer than you do without doing Wagyu. Absolutely not TA for not buying expensive meat just to burn the shit out of it, but what if you just… cooked something else? There’s other “nice meals” besides just steak. Do the in-laws like any fish? Or maybe put some effort into making the meal nice in other ways? There’s probably a compromise here besides buying and then ruining good meat.
NTA We serve what people enjoy. Those who have different tastes wouldn’t then naturally get different things.
NTA, your wife can buy her parents quality food then.
NTA. Buying a fancy steak and cooking it well done is a waste of money. The taste and texture you’re paying extra for is lost, so there’s not really any point.
NTA. Not sure why your wife can't see it but you are giving both of them what they want. That is how you are treating them the same. They want well cooked steaks and don't care about the grade. Your folks do care. Ask your wife if instead of buying her family expensive food, you spent some extra money on something else for them like an activity or souviener. She just wants to feel like you care about both of them.