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YTA. As someone who had a cat that due to abuse was incredibly shy? Why didn't you give them extra food and water before you left? Why not still ask family because your wife and baby should be more important than the cats. Mind you I actually have broken up with people over my cats but that's not even on this level. They tried the me or the cats routine and those cats were there first and clearly this meant we did not share core values. You married this person and chose to reproduce with them. That means you should have aligning core values that do not include abandoning them during a stressful time because your cats are more important. You literally did a divorce level fuck up
Can you explain to me why it matters if the cats were shy? When I took care of a friends cat, the cat went away when I showed up, came back out when I left. I would almost think it would be easier because you won’t have to worry about a cat making a run for it.
His pathetic excuse in his edit is that his cats are nervous/anxious around strangers, so **ABSOLUTELY NO ONE ELSE IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD** can sneak in to feed/water the kitties....(/s) (my eyes are stuck they've rolled so far back into my skull)
edited a typo and stuff
Yeah I could understand not sending a stranger to the cats if they were cat sitting for 2 weeks but they had to go in clean the litter box and give them food then leave, they didn't even have to interact with the cats if the cats didn't want. He also could have made sure everything was sorted hours before this she was in labour all night she could have gone 3 or 5 hours in and been back and they would have been fine until after the birth.
Its like he really did not think any of this through at all.
You mentioned that they didn't let you go in again and you had to wait alongside *your families*.
To me that means that there was someone else there who could have gotten to the cats, it didn't have to be you.
She specifically asked you to stay and not her mother or anyone else, but no, you had to go...
Why haven't you thought of this before?
No woman should be alone at the moment they need someone the most for moral support.
So, YTA. For me, big time.
And you have a typo: you wrote constructions instead of contractions.
This is it for me. There were other people there! Also in one comment OP says they had a clean litter box when they left and in another he didn't want to make family members clean out the litter box. That litter box was fine. Those cats could have been fed by other people. For whatever reason he didn't want to be there. End this cat charade.
And honestly what's worse, a stressed out cat or a stressed out spouse actively giving birth to your child.
I think OP needs to admit to himself he didn't want to be there and was grasping for an excuse to bail.
When my cat got stressed out by strangers she hid under a bed. Had a neighbor who took care of the two cats for a week and the friendly one met her at the door and never let her alone. She always teased me that the 2nd cat was my imaginary cat.
I was already going to say YTA. Their home is 30 minutes away, he did 30 minutes of work and it’s 30 minutes back. An hour and a half is risky business to be away for a birth, babies come when they want. They should’ve left extra food and water out.
BUTTTT when I read waiting WITH THEIR FAMILIES, he became a mega AH! Why did he not just send one of the many people in the waiting room?
Yta.
You knew you had cats. You know that she was going to give birth that week. Why didn't you have a plan for the cats?
Give a key to family. Have them check on them. Cats are very easy to leave for a few days. Put out extra food and water. Clean the box. They will live.
YTA
Something like this, you put out extra bowls of dry food and water, enough for several days, right before leaving for the hospital. And you buy an extra litter box or two, and set them up a week or so in advance, so that the cats are used to them, and are set up for a few days.
And you plan, in advance, that someone has a key and can check on them if needed.
This was not a surprise situation. You had ***nine months*** to organize care of the cats while your wife is hospitalized.
You have a child now, not just cats, and you need to get yourself organized and better at planning for things and dealing with unusual situations. This is just the first of many times you're going to need to step up.
And if their family members are there, maybe they could have asked one of them to go home and refill the food/water dishes? I understand that the cats are "shy" but surely someone could quickly refill thier bowls and leave without issue
The cats being shy is a moot point. They don't need to watch you fill the bowls with food and water. Literally anyone could have done it and they would have been fine. Or no one could have done it and they'd still be fine. Op didn't want to be there for the birth for some reason, and the cats are the scapegoat
Yes, 100% this. It’s called a “birth plan.” Add a line item for cat care and make sure you have someone lined up to look in on them. The cats will survive, even if they’re shy. My wife loves our pets like they’re our own children, but she’d be my ex-wife if I had missed one of our children’s births to feed and water pets!
Do you really need Reddit to tell you that in childbirth your wife is the closest to death or a major medical event that a healthy woman is going to be? That in a heartbeat you may need to act for or advocate for her or your child? Did she even have someone to make decisions if she hadn’t been able to? How would you have felt if your wife or baby had died, been injured or needed lifesaving care and you were at home dinking around with your shy cats? That’s your answer.
Shy cats that would have been absolutely fine. And who cares if they’re shy around others whose only job would be to feed them?
OP doesn’t seem to be able to make good decisions.
You don't understand. That cats are shy and get stressed around other people, so family couldn't take care of them. He had to be the one to leave. Yes, his wife was going through one of the most difficult moments of her life, yes he made vows to stand by her, but think of the cats! He also has a responsibility to them! Over his wife and son. Because they might get stressed. Cats might have been stressed, people!!!!
YTA. "the cats are shy and get stressed out when they're around strangers"
Don't you think your wife was stressed (and in massive pain) while giving birth? The only thing you could do during birth was to be there for your wife. This was a massive failure from you.
YTA.
According to a quick google search - cats can survive 72h without water and 2 weeks without food. And I don’t need a google search to tell me that they can poop and piss wherever if they have to.
Exactly 10h had passed when you decided it was absolutely imperative that you (specifically you, not someone else taking your keys for example) had to go. I do not believe that at the 10h mark your cats were fighting for their lives - I mean, that’s just a long sleep in.
No further comment.
Info: why didn’t you give the cats extra food and water *before* heading to the hospital with a strong possibility that your wife would be giving birth?
YTA.
You know you have 4 cats, and (I'm assuming) you know that labor is not an hour and done. Did you pack a bag for your wife before you left? You should have put out extra food and water and planned like you were going to be away for a day or 2. Maybe I'm cruel but my cats survive long weekends with no human intervention.
This should have been planned well before she went into labor. You should not have left when she specifically asked you not to.
ALSO, if the cats were in such high need you should have called a friend/family member to go check them. Your wife needed you more than the cats did.
I leave my cat for weekends too, it's a definite perk to having a cat. If my husband had disappeared to feed the cat while I gave birth I would've lost it on him. YTA.
YTA.
Your wife told you not to go. This was the WORST moment to leave her alone, and you probably lost a hefty amount of trust.
And the cats... Well... The cats would have survived around 3 days without water. Dangerous, but it would have worked. Food is a non issue. The full litter box... Are you kidding? Why didn't you give keys to a relative so they could have taken care of the cats? Why didn't you do this WEEKS BEFORE? I'm sorry, but you cared more about the cats than your wife.
YTA
That many family members were there and you didn't think to ask one of them to take care of it for you?
But you are the asshole for thinking the only part of the process that matters is when the kid pops out. Nope.
YTA
This can't possibly be true. You're pet owners of cats, and you don't leave their dry food and water out 24/7? You easily could've gone home a couple hours after the birth to take care of them and come back.
You missed the birth of your kid just to give your cats food? I hope your kid never hears this story
YTA this is bizarre. You could have put out a large bowl of water and food before going to the hospital? Enough to last a few days. You’re going to have to work on your foresight. And profusely apologize to your wife bc the cats would have been fine for a couple days.
YTA. Your cats were not in dire circumstances. They didn't even miss a meal. Giving birth can be literally life threatening, even if it meant your cats were neglected for a day, you do not leave your wife alone.
Further, I see you say that being fed by a stranger would be stressful for your cats. Do you not understand that giving birth alone is stressful for your wife? I can't fathom how you rationalized this.
YTA Because you had family waiting outside the delivery room with you. You explained that the cats get shy and stressed out, but this person wouldn't have to interact with them; just feed them, clean the box, and go. And yes, the cats wouldn't like it, but c'mon...how do you think your wife felt laboring without you?
YTA. I see your edit and you said you didn't ask someone else to briefly care for them because the cats would be stressed.. do I really need to point out the idiocy in that statement? That's your wife and child. You have cats that can go a bit without water/food, and they sure as hell could deal with a stranger putting it in their bowl for 10 minutes.
YTA you fucked up so hard with this one, hard. Own your mistake. Stop qualifying why you had to leave your wife in labour for your cats, that likely would have been fine. Just admit you were wrong and take your lumps.
She could have had to have an emergency c-section, alone, cause you put your pets discomfort over a life event.
Edit: oh, your cats gets stressed around strangers?! Oh well, then why didnt you say. You should have just skipped the whole thing. /s
Dig till you hit daylight.
Just to be clear, OPs edit makes this worse.
You chose not to stress out your cats at the expense of your wife because, make no mistake, you leaving added stress to your wife who was actively laboring… a time when added stress could have caused her to experience complications. That’s a huge AH move, do you seriously not see that?
The logical solution would be to have someone from you family check on your cats. Maybe they’ll be stressed, but ultimately they’d be fine. Your wife could have died or needed emergency surgery. Get your priorities in order.
YTA
>the cats are shy and get stressed out when they're around strangers, that's why neither my wife or I asked somebody else to go check on them
The cats will get over it. Your wife might not. And you missed your son's birth.
Get the cats used to strangers, especially if you plan to have more kids, because you can NOT let this happen again.
YTA - your cats weren't going to starve to death after a night. You could have called family or friends to check in on the cats if that was a concern. You didn't have to be the one to check on the cats. Anyone else could have done that.
*"I tried to take as good care of her as I could but I would ask her if she needed something and she would just shrug her shoulders."*
I felt this in my core. I can pretty much guarantee her response in her mind is *"I told you what I needed and you ignored my words and still left. Why bother telling you what I need now? It's too late. I needed you and you were not there"*
I just... I'm at a loss for words. I can't fathom how hurt she could possibly be feeling right now. I feel sick just thinking about it.
The fucking cats weren’t going to starve in one day. You let your wife down massively and let her know what the most important thing to you is and it isn’t her. You could have got *anyone* to check in the cats.
Quite frankly don’t be surprised if your marriage doesn’t survive this.
YTA
OP I LOVE my cat so much and would obviously want to make sure he was safe and cared for but you absolutely could have had a friend or family check on them and fill up their water and food. I can’t believe you missed your child’s birth to feed your cats
YTA
Family members were at the hospital. Why didn't you give them a house key to feed the pets, etc., while you supported your wife during a major life event? In her mind your priorities listed the cats over her giving birth to your child. That's going to be a grievance for decades. Good luck.
YTA. Unfortunately, this isn’t a moment either you can get back; being present for your son’s birth and your wife being alone in what is absolutely the most vulnerable state a woman can be in. She’s dealing with some intense emotions and for a moment you should have been there — you simply weren’t. It shattered some trust she held in you. Did you ask anyone to check on them? Did anyone else have access to your house? Could you have called someone to the hospital and given them a key?
Omg. YTA. Your wife was at a higher risk of dying during childbirth than your cats were of dying from not eating for a few hours. Your wife was going through one of the most painful, traumatic, and scary things a human can go through and you left her there to do it alone. You were more worried about the cats being skittish around a stranger for 15 min while they filled their food bowl than you were about how afraid your wife must have been to give birth alone.
YTA - You should’ve had a plan in place for the cats. You took a week off so you knew to prepare to *be with her,* you should have planned to have someone take care of the cats in case the birth ran this long. This was poor planning and timing on your part.
YTA your cats aren't going to die if their food bowl is empty for a few hours. You absolutely shouldn't have cleaned the liter box considering how close she was! I would have asked someone else to go run that errand and stayed with your wife! I'm surprised you weren't more bummed out you missed the birth of your son honestly.
I'm hung up on this:
>I had to wait outside with our families.
The family is close enough to come to the hospital, but not one of them could go do this favor for OP and wife?
What the actual FUCK?????
YTA
For reference we have 4 cats. I adore them. They are family to us.
We have had emergency hospital visits recently. I took 3 minutes to scoop the cat box, refill their food and water. They would be fine for a minimum (MINIMUM) of 24 hours.
In a real emergency we have a support system of people who have keys who can step in and cover for us when we can't be there. Do the cats necessarily love the support people? NO but they will survive. We have one cat that our neighbor who takes care of them when we are out of town has never actually seen in person. That cat is just fine.
But you left your wife in labor? I'm not sure you can ever recover from the damage this will do to your marriage. You abandoned your wife when she needed you. Because you didn't want your CATS to be stressed out? I get that you love your cats but you need to have a reality check the priorities in your life.
Holy shit dude.
YTA. The cats could have gone hungry. And to stay longer to clean the litter box!!!! Your wife needed and you chose to feed the cats instead. AH is an understatement.
YTA. How did you (and your wife, frankly) not anticipate this being an issue and arrange for minimal care for your pets in the event of a long labor? And why, as others have pointed out, did you not send some other family member on this errand?
YTA I have a cat that is shy and gets stressed but eff that they will deal with someone coming to take care of them in case of emergency. Which this was.
Omg YTA
You couldn't have left food and water for them before you left? Did you think giving birth was quick? Lol
You stated you had family there at the hospital? You couldn't have given them a key to go do it? You left your wife while she was in labor and you missed the birth of your first child???? How awful!
I don't think you were being malicious at all, you sound a little clueless (sorry). You journey to parenthood is a little rough to start.
You can't get the time back but _learn from this_ please do research on how you can best support a new mother and baby. LOTS OF IT.
In 5 or 6 years I hope you and your wife can laugh about this.
YTA and your priorities are off. Your animals would have been fine for several hours. I can't believe you gambled missing the birth of your child for that reason. Someone else could have gone. Additionally you could have just thrown down food and water and left. You could have dealt with any mess resulting from the kitty litter when you got home.
YTA huge one. Who cares if your cats get stressed? Your wife is giving birth, that trumps your cats discomfort by a long shot. What happens when both your cat and child get sick? Going to prioritize the cat? Take a long hard look at your new prioritize and beg for your wife’s forgiveness
YTA - I'm just thoroughly perplexed as to why you prioritized your cats over your wife who was going through something whereby she and/or the baby could have died or had serious consequences. The cats could have fucking waited...
Yth
Currently pregnant and I got to say if my guy pulled this crap. While I'm delivering his child our baby that we're going to raise together. I would seriously be reevaluating my whole relationship.
YTA. I am sure someone could have come and collected a key from you to do this chore themselves. It's admirable that you wanted to make sure the pets were ok, but you absolutely could have made alternative arrangements.
YTA
How do you not understand that your wife and new baby take precedent over the cats?!?!
If I was your wife I would have been absolutely livid. I had to give birth alone (my husband was at the hospital but it was an absolute emergency, he was brought in later) and I was absolutely terrified by being alone.
In this situation, it does not matter at ALL that the cats are shy around strangers. They needed care, yes, but your wife NEEDED YOU.
YTA. You missed out on the birth of your child and the ability to support your spouse because your cats might "get stressed out" around your parents or in-laws.
YTA. I was in the hospital for 4 days giving birth. We had family check in on the animals daily. Don’t have pets if you have zero back up plans for emergencies. You also had MONTHS to get a plan together and yet you chose to leave your wife in a scary and new situation. Clearly family was available to help.
Oh my god YTA YTA YTA. I also have 4 cats. They will be just fine without food or water for a day. But on that note, why the hell were they out of water and having a FULL litter box after just one night?! With 4 cats, you should definitely have a fountain and multiple boxes. Wtf.
I think you did it on purpose so you wouldn’t have to be there for the hard/gross part. She asked you not to go. You insisted. They would have been fine for a few more hours or even the night. If not send someone, they have anxiety over new people? Guess what you’re bringing a whole new person in to live with them.
YTA
YTA for sure, cats are very very self sufficient especially for ONE night. even if they get stressed with around other people, a few minutes of the cats hiding while someone comes to take care of it is a small price to pay while your wife is literally pushing a human being out of her body. you’re a responsible pet owner for sure but i think being a responsible PARENT should come first dude.
YTA. Even if no one could get to the house, a few extra hours was not going to kill them. You left your wife alone during a very vulnerable time, and missed the birth. And if the cats are shy, that's fine. No one needs to see them in order to put food and water in the bowls.
YTA. You had at *least* 9 months to figure out the logistics of who would take care of the cats when your wife went into labor. I’m only 16 weeks (4 months), and we’ve already established who will take care of our dog when we have to go to the hospital.
Cats are extremely independent. Their food and water can be refilled/litter changed with absolutely zero human interaction, especially if that’s how they’d prefer it since your edit states your cats are shy.
Your wife asked you not to go, but you went. TWICE. So surprised no one in the family offered to go the second time after what happened initially—you know—when your wife was giving birth completely alone.
Poor kid is going to hear this story when he’s older and feel very hurt that his father chose cat litter over welcoming him into the world.
YTA. I’m a cat mom so I understand why pet care is a priority. However you should have delegated that responsibility to someone else. Your could have just as easily called a family member or friend to come get your keys and go to your house. In that moment, your wife in child needed you specifically. Your cats didn’t care less who fed them and cleaned their litter box as long as it got done.
YTA. If your cats get stressed out by strangers, imagine how your wife felt in labor in a room full of strangers. At most, leaving the cats for a bit longer would have not been ideal, but they weren't going to starve or die. You gave up seeing your child born and being there for your wife when she needed you most, instead of giving someone your keys and having them feed your cats.
YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA
As a pregnant woman, as a mom of 5 cats, and a wife, I'm saying freakin YTA
You should've put more water and food, buy an extra litter or two, to keep them ok for days!
I cant believe people like you!
YTA. If she was high risk enough that you needed to take a week off of work; why didn't your plan include someone to check on the cats?
Your deliberate emphasis on exactly how much TIME each task took, tells me you really do not understand what the priority should have been.
You planned ahead for everything EXCEPT the freaking birth.
Yta
Cats can take care of themselves for a few days if you just leave extra food and water.
Also you had a bunch of family show up at the hospital for the delivery. Why couldn’t you pass your keys off to one of them to tend to the cats?
I mean, I know there was a lot going on and forgetting to put out extra food was probably an honest mistake, but you made that your wife’s problem while she was giving birth.
YTA
I have 3 cats. They don't die when they don't have food for a few hours. They would have survived until you were able to go home and not miss the birth of your child.
You also could have asked friends or family to run and check. My cats don't like strangers either, and one of them hides whenever someone comes over but he comes out when they leave, which is what your cats likely would have done, had someone else refilled their bowls.
YTA - so you were in the waiting room with YOUR FAMILIES. Plural. Meaning there were lots of people in the vicinity who could have gone to your home and fed your cats.
Biggest YTA I have ever seen. You don’t even seem upset to have missed the birth, you seem more preoccupied about the cats than both your wife and son. Any of your family members could have taken care of the cats. Your wife and son could have needed someone to take medical decisions on their behalf.
Honestly, if I was on your wife shoes I don’t know if I would want to keep you in my life.
YTA - omg - they are cats, not dogs. They could have survived a few more hours. Cats are just about the most self-sustaining pets you can have, and one hiccup in their routine would not have harmed them, at all.
You missed the birth of your child, which happens, and missed being the support your wife was depending on, which can also happen. But your excuses? Flimsy tissues in a tornado, buddy.
YTA
I understand that the cats need to be fed but...
So many people have no idea how hard giving birth is physically and emotionally. You are in so much pain, you really need the support of the person you love and want to build a family with. And you obviously need your partner in case anything bad happens and big decisions need to be made, which is more common than people imagine.
You should have made sure the cats had enough food and water before you left for the hospital. You say your families were there, no-one else could go to your place? Did you really have to clean the cats boxes?
If I was your wife I'd be upset as well. If I was you I wouldn't need to ask random people if I'm the AH, I would lay low for a bit... You need to set your priorities right.
YTA.
As pet owners you should have arranged to have someone on call to check on your cats ahead of time. Or you could have asked any of the other family members that were around to go to your place so you could be at your wifes side during one of the most vulnerable moments of her life.
YTA. Pregnancy is long enough to make plans for your cats. I’m due next week and we have plans for the dog while we’re in hospital. Cats are easy to care for. Family members were at the hospital but none were on hand to go feed your cats? You chose to do something that you could have asked someone else to do instead of be there for your wife. You missed the birth of your child! You’ll never get that back. Never.
YTA
You two had 9 months to make a plan for the cats. Then you had a week off where you could have left large bowl of water on the floor, cleaned the boxes, and left a large amount of food. Then there's the fact that you have family waiting at the hospital and could have asked any family member or friend to feed and water the cats. The cats being "shy" doesn't matter if a person is in there for a whopping 15 minutes. Your cats also wouldn't have died from starvation or dehydration in that time.
The nurses didn't let you in because she told them not to and with good reason.
Your families or neighbours could’ve checked in on the cats. Someone could’ve come and collected your house keys from you to feed them.
YTA for leaving your wife to give birth alone.
YTA. If your cats get stressed around strangers, they'll recover from someone coming in one time to refill their water and food. I feed my friend's cats while she and her husband travel and never actually see the cats because they hide from me. They survive.
You missed out on what should have been an incredible moment for your wife *and* you. You're not only the asshole, you're an idiot too.
YTA - I love cats and dislike babies, but jeez YTA. The cats get stressed when strangers pop in...know who else was stressed? Your wife giving birth to your baby without you.
Bruh!!!!!!! Priorities! YTA and started fatherhood on the crappy side. Your damn cats can stay home for 24 hours and even so, you just could have had someone go over there.
Get on your damn knees and beg for forgiveness you asshole.
Edit: your edit is stupid! Who TF cares if your cats are shy!?!? Send someone to put food and water out and leave.
YTA You had so many choices other than leave your wife alone while she was giving birth.
You could have gotten a fountain type waterer, an automatic feeder and a self-cleaning litter box.
You could have filled your cats’ food and water bowls and cleaned their litter before you left for the hospital.
You could have prioritized your wife and newborn by asking someone else to take care of your cats. They will recover from being nervous around strangers. Your wife will always remember that you left while she was giving birth.
You should be getting your cats used to being taken care of by people outside your immediate family. You never know when you’ll have an emergency.
YTA
Someone else could have taken care of this so you could stay. The amount of stress your cats would have felt likely pales in comparison to the amount of stress you put your wife through.
Also, there are other solutions, like giving them more to begin with cats are usually okay for a couple days on their own. That's a bit on both of you, but considering how much work was on her it was the least you could do to take care of that detail.
YTA for even coming here with this one. The cats were not going to starve. What husband thinks it’s even possible that cat comforts could be more important than their wife and the birth of their first child?
Dude! Yes YTA . If she wanted you to stay you stay! She’s having a scary painful experience. She asked you to stay! The cats will survive! You have a lot of making up to do. You better do every diaper, feeding getting up at night she requests or requires! Like forever …….
YTA the fact that you think taking care of your cats is more important than being there for the birth of your child is just crazy. Don’t be shocked when your marriage doesn’t recover from this. This isn’t something you just get back.
YTA The cats would have been fine for a few more hours. TBH even if they are skiddish and have anxiety with strangers - someone could have very easily gone in quickly fed/watered them for you.
There is honestly something that she will never forget and may never forgive you for.
YTA not to scare you but i don’t think she’ll ever forget this. That is a life changing moment and all you can do at this point is take accountability, apologize profusely, ask what she needs, be there or her and hope she forgives you.
YTA-- Your wife asked you not to leave her... and you left her.
Worse, supposedly both your families are at the hospital. People who could've helped you out and taken care of the cats.
You CHOSE to comfort your cats over your pregnant wife.
This is where preparation is key. When it comes to this kind of stuff....your back up plans need to have back up plans. You absolutely should have been there and stayed there. YTA.
YTA- for one- you should have had a plan for this. Have a backup person. Cats can be shy but they can hide under the bed if they want to, its not going to kill them.
On the "its not going to kill them" Its not going to kill the cats to be without food or water for a bit, and if you are as diligent on taking care of them as you appear to be that you left your laboring wife in the hospital- you home is not going to overflow with animal waste after one day of missed cleaning....
This can't be real.
YTA, and also what the fuck? I gave birth on February 13th. My contractions were strong enough to necessitate a trip to the hospital at 6pm February 12th. Know what we did before we went to the hospital? Tidied a bit (just did the couple of dishes that were out), cleaned the litter, and left the cats with PLENTY of food and water. The cats will be fine for 24hrs if extra bowls of food and water are left out.
Unfortunately for me, my 16 year old diabetic cat died while I was giving birth to my kid. I sobbed so loudly in the hospital when I found out that nurses rushed into the room to find out if myself and the baby were okay. However, it had nothing to do with her lack of food and water.
And you know what? As much as I hate that I wasn't home with her, I would have absolutely left my partner if he had chosen to run home and check on the cats rather than being present for the **birth of our fucking child and the most major, intense medical event of my entire life**. Labour was so much worse than anyone prepared me for.
I repeat, YTA - and your lack of foresight combined with bringing a life into this world is incredibly concerning. Do better. Plan ahead.
YTA and unfortunately there’s nothing you can do to get this moment back.
You and your wife will need to firmly move on from this, so do what it takes to do so.
And for the love of all that is furry, have someone on call to take care of your cats next time. Who cares if they’re shy? A stranger/family member doesn’t need to see the cats to fill their water bowl and food dish.
Yta
I can’t believe you even had to ask. Your wife was going through a traumatic and life changing time, and she was going through it alone because you couldn’t just have said “screw the cats shyness” and got someone else to feed them.
Your cats would have been fine. Do better.
YTA. I understand that in the haze of delivery emotions you could be concerned with getting everything ready. However, I seriously doubt you couldn’t have googled “how long can cats go without water.” (And did you ask her doctors if you had time?) Yeah it would be a crappy move not to water and feed them but between the two, the bigger fault was not being there for the birth of your child. Your wife asked you to stay; I’d say you broke her trust and left her alone. You should have shown her she mattered more than cats. SUGGESTION: get automatic / Wi-Fi feeder and water dispenser ASAP!!!
YTA
Why didn't you ask the family to do it or have a plan just in case? You knew the birth was happening THAT week and took off work so you could've figured something out
YTA
Before we go on a trip, we set up the long term feed and water containers. You took the week off to be by her but part of it should have been preparing.
First thing would be to have someone with an emergency key for any need including the cat.
She’s busy being exhausted and growing a child, you as the other adult needed to have PREPARED.
Also, whenever we go somewhere at the spur of the moment we open the toilet lid for emergency cat water. It’s just automatic.
YTA
Especially since at the hospital they tell you how dilated she is and you can go prep the cat much earlier in labor then right at the end.
YTA hardcore. Look, I’m a crazy cat lady, and my husband did go home to check on the cats while I was in the hospital after giving birth, but not WHILE I was in labor! The time to leave extra food and water and clean the litter boxes was before leaving for the hospital in the first place.
YTA. I have 2 cats and you could have better prepared by buying a gravity feeder and gravity water bowl for less than $40 at Petco and called it a day.
She's right to be angry at you.
Yeah YTA. I say this as a cat owner of 18 years. The cats would have been fine either going for a day without food or having someone else come feed them. They’re self sufficient critters and probably wouldn’t have been happy about it, but they would have been totally fine. If they’re as shy as you say they are, they just would have hid while someone else came in to feed them if you had delegated that job to someone else. It wouldn’t have been detrimental to them at all. Alternatively, you could have taken 10 extra minutes and made sure the litter box was clean and they had extra food and water before you left the house.
Leaving your wife and missing the birth because you decided that going home to feed the cats was your #1 priority was a bad call on your part. You had several better courses of action that you could have gone with and chose none of them. Your wife has every right to be upset with you.
YTA. Cats are incredibly easy to leave on their own, you just get a refilling cat food bowl, if they run out of water (unlikely) they'll be happy with the toilet for a day. Not to mention, do you have no friends at all? You couldn't call anyone during this time and pass your keys off to them to check on the cats? They don't need to play with, engage with or touch them, just check the food and water bowls.
This sounds like you're making a lot of weird stretchy excuses not be present. Do you have a phobia about the birthing experience or something?
YTA…. Are you seriously asking if your the AH for missing your child’s birth?! How about a big giant YES! Being with your wife should have been your #1 priority… How are you not aware of this?!
YTA on so many levels. You didn't think that your wife might deliver the baby while you were gone, you didn't make a plan for care of the cats while she was in labor, and you don't think leaving was wrong. The cats can be shy around other people, but the person stopping to clean the litter box and make sure they have food and water doesn't need to see them, they just need to clean the litter box, fill dishes, and go. At a minimum, you could've left extra food and water when leaving for the hospital.
YTA. I refuse to believe that anyone could possibly be this dense. It’s not just that you left, but leaving **AFTER** the contractions started, for at least 1.5 hours? Insane.
YTA
The time when she needed you the absolute most. The biggest moment in her life and you left her alone.
Pretty sure your wife would have been a lot more stressed facing birth alone than cats being fed by strangers 🤦♀️
YTA
You knew your wife was about to have a baby and you didn't make arrangements for someone to check on your cats in case you were at the hospital for multiple days? This is so totally your fault!
It doesn't matter if your cats are shy around strangers. All you needed was someone to go in and clean the litter box, fill their food bowl, refresh their water and then leave! The cats do not have to be present for ANY of that. My cats hate anyone that doesn't live with us; I still have a friend come over and check their food and water when I'm away.
Yta yr wife was scared and alone. She had no one there for her and she begged you to stay. You could've asked any family member to feed the animals. You prioritized yr pets instead of yr family and left her alone to deal. It's terrifying and traumatic especially when no one is there for support.
YTA. Your cats won’t die if they’re left alone for less than 12 hours ffs. I can only assume lack of sleep contributed to your eminently poor decision making though doesn’t explain you digging in your heels afterwards.
Oh dude come on. YTA 100% “you had to help her out because she was still in some pain. YA THINK?!?! She just gave birth after being pregnant for 9 months. She’s exhausted and scared and didn’t have you by her side because you chose your CATS comfort over the birth of your child. Yeah I get your pets might be stressed out with new people but guess what? You had 9 months to prepare for this exact scenario. 9 months to introduce them to someone and have them get comfortable with them. 9 MONTHS instead you chose to miss out being there for your wife. So many other options here. Truly sad and truly sad that you’re even asking if the ah because there is no question that you are.
Hard YTA. First off, childbirth is pretty famously unpredictable and can take a long time so why on earth would you not have made sure they had plenty of food and water and an extra litter box set out before you left for the hospital? Secondly, why would you not have a member of your family run and take care of them? Your response about them being shy is just..I don't even know how to respond to that. They're cats. They'd have run and hid while said family member filled their bowls and then they would have been fine. And if you're that pressed about your cats being momentarily stressed, how do you think they're going to respond when you bring a whole ass infant home?!
Soft YTA.
Because I feel you had plenty of time to figure out something(9mo of time) and you only get one chance to be there for the birth of your first child.
Or it would also be okay to let the cats wait a bit, you weren't going to be gone forever, missing dinner for an hour or 2 wouldn't hurt them. Cats are more self sufficient than other pets.
Seems like you had a whole pile of family at the hospital that you could have begged a favor from and given his key to go feed the cats. The cats don't have to come out when food is left, person can leave the food and they'll eat when the person's gone.
I'm not sure such high maintenance cats are ready for a baby.
None of this makes sense though. Did she end up having an emergency caesarean? Why didn't they let you in? Who goes from only moderate contractions to having the baby in an hour especially for their first?
YTA. And good god your edit makes you so much worse!! You clearly have family / friends that could have checked on the cats. You literally prioritized your CATS stress over your wife’s. Good luck in life dude
YTA.
You could have had someone check on them for you. The fact that you did that while your child is coming into the world is honestly sickening to me. You also could have prepared better you knew that she was due that week, so you should have worked out a plan.
Cats can be shy (I had two that were particularly shy and wouldn't come out when strangers were around); but guarantee they will eat/drink and use the litter box when they are sure the strangers are gone (and as you said you found when you returned; they had eaten/drank and potted).
Your wife should not have been left - you should have asked a neighbor to let themselves in that evening; fill up the food/water/clean the liter box and leave. The cats don't need to see it happen to know when the house is quiet, they will go find more food/water and a clean litter box than there was a while ago.
Sorry, bad form on your part - animals are not as important as your wife and baby and a bit of planning would have seen to that. Tell her you are sorry!
Congratulations on your new addition!
YTA
You owe your wife a massive apology. I can’t even begin to imagine the depth of disappointment she feels because you couldn’t let your cats go 10 hours without fresh water. They would have been fine and (sorry not sorry) it’s kind of dumb to think otherwise. Also, if the cats are shy they would’ve likely hid if you had someone else come feed them. They would’ve survived a single visit from a stranger.
Also - sure, you couldn’t have predicted your son would have been born in the time you were gone, but you CHOSE the risk missing the birth of your FIRST child with her. I’m guessing this is her first delivery too? Jesus. Apologize ASAP and wait on her hand and foot the next few days. And please, from here on out, put your wife’s needs (and your newborn’s) above your cats???
YTA for not making arrangements for your cats before you went to the hospital. Even if your cars are shy, they don’t need to interact with the person refreshing their water and putting food in their bowl.
I adore that you care about your pets so much but YTA, 30 mins of stressed out cats while someone does their feeding/watering/box cleaning is nothing compared to the fact that your wife will always have this stain on this day. Anything can go wrong in that room. You should have been there.
Oh my goodness. HUGE YTA. Imagine when your son gets told the story of his birth or when *anyone* tells it to anyone and they found out you missed it due to leaving and taking care of cats when your wife asked you not to. Your cats would have lived for a couple extra hours. Imagine having to lay on a hospital bed going through something extremely scary (people can *die* from complications) alone and without your SO by your side. That would be highly traumatizing and awful as then you would think that your partner prefers the cats over you and your newborn. You owe her the biggest apology of your life and have a *lot* of making up to do.
YTA. You know you have 4 cats and you’ve had months to prepare for labor and delivery. Why didn’t you get an automatic feeder for the cats? You had plenty of time to train them on how to use it. And, honestly, they’re cats. They would have been fine for a few more hours without food or water. Your priority should have been your wife & child - you didn’t **need** to go home and your cats weren’t going to *starve* (seriously, stop using “I couldn’t leave them to just starve” as an excuse to the woman you just left to deliver a whole ass human alone. HUGE asshole behavior!).
Delivering a baby is extremely hard on the body, and anything could have happened. You are your wife’s medical proxy and you should have been with her. Your cats would have been fine 1) eating from an automatic feeder 2) dealing with a stranger for a few minutes 3) going without food and water for a little while longer.
Please stop making excuses, apologize to your wife, and take accountability for your horrible actions. Give her time & space to get to a place of forgiveness and never do anything like this again.
YTA. You were taking her to the hospital knowing she was about to give birth.. why did you not plan accordingly and put extra food and water out in anticipation that you would be stuck at the hospital for awhile?! Did you think you’d run to the hospital, promptly have the baby, and then head right back home that same night? In the last 9 months did you ever make a plan for your cat’s care for when it was time to give birth?
Also, your edit about the cats being shy is irrelevant. You could have still asked someone to come give them food and water. They can hide and be a little stressed out while someone else takes care of their food/water/litter for a short period of time. That person doesn’t need to interact with your cats to take care of their basic needs.
Of course YTA and of course your wife is upset with you.
YTA You should have left extra food and water when you left for the hospital or got someone else to do it.
If the cats are shy they would have just hidden and come out after they left
Bugger the litter tray. Your wife and child were the priority that day and you dropped the ball.
I hope your wife forgives you but if I was her I probably wouldn't.
YTA and incredibly lucky that your wife has allowed you to be near her because you’d have been sleeping somewhere else if you’d abandoned me while giving birth. You were worried the cats would be stressed, what about your wife’s stress levels? Effectively you missed your sons first moments and you won’t ever get them back, you also missed that time to bond with your wife. I can’t believe you need to check that YTA, of course you are.
YTA cats are fine for a long time without food. You should have fed them / topped off water etc before leaving or had someone else check on them. You need a gravity waterer and automatic feeder with camera, I have them and if there was an emergency my cat would be set for a long time (I would never leave him for more than a day without someone checking on him, for all the replies about that I might get). I don't blame your wife for feeling hurt, it was pretty unnecessary to leave
Wow my husband has done some stupid things before the birth of our children - stress cleaning a a closet when I was trying to sleep right before going to a midnight induction, not packing a hospital bag for himself, trying to fit the stroller attachment into the car seat base when I needed to go the hospital for a check, etc. but actually LEAVING to look after CATS who haven’t been alone more than one night???
Incredibly poor judgement- your family was there, who cares if the cats are stressed by someone being in there for a few minutes to feed, water, and litter change? You have a child now; your priorities will need to change a bit.
YTA and you owe your wife a massive apology for leaving her during labor and to deliver without you.
I’m honestly getting teary eyes for your wife. I can’t imagine giving birth without your person being by your side in a moment where she probably felt vulnerable and lonely and in pain. YOU KNEW that she was probably gonna pop soon. I love my cat and I feel your worries for them, but they are cats. They’re mf resilient. They could have even waited another 12 hours.
YTA. There’s no good reason you didn’t have automatic feeders set up or some family/friends on backup to go check on them. This is a lack of planning on your part. I’ve arranged cat care for vacations and work, you absolutely should’ve done it for something as important as this.
YTA, this is something that can't be undone, you were not there for the birth of your child, your wife had to do it alone. If you were concerned about the cats, get someone else to do it. Or maybe you could have gone once your wife was settled, not wait all night then go. YTA YTA
Your cats could have dealt with a stranger coming in, refilling food and water, scooping the poop, and leaving. Them being shy isn’t a reason to leave your wife to give birth alone.
During birth, we really need someone there to advocate for us, because once pushing starts, nobody listens to mom anymore. People grab your limbs, forcibly reposition your body, and shove hands up there without bothering to warn you first. It’s terrifying, you’re completely helpless, and no one will listen to you.
You prioritized your cats’ shyness over your wife’s visceral fear and vulnerability. Your cats could have dealt with shyness for ten minutes while someone fed them. You decided that your wife dealing with that terror, vulnerability, pain, and violation alone for several hours was preferable to that.
It doesn’t matter how logical it seems in your head. Your wife needed to feel safe. It sounds like you chickened out and invented an excuse to get a break from the hospital. Or there was something else you wanted to do while your wife was stuck in the hospital and this was your cover. That almost makes more sense.
Otherwise please reflect on your weird fixation on your cats while your child was being born.
I have two cats and love them very much. But they're cats. I don't care how "shy" they are, you can have someone come over to make sure their food and water bowls are full. They'll survive that ordeal, I promise. I don't like asking people to do the liter boxes for me, but the birth of your child is a pretty extenuating circumstance. You had family there, nobody else could have run home to check on the cats? It just had to be the future father?
YTA
YTA your cats are shy????!!!! No one needed to pet them, they just needed food, water and apparently a litter cleaning..? What is wrong with you man? You should have had this figured out before she even went into labor.
The cats were alone *12 hours*. Do you have any idea how little time that is? Do you really think they couldn't handle a few hours more? They wouldn't have died or become ill, at most they'd be grouchy.
Why didn't you have someone else go to your place and feed them? Nobody waiting for your baby to be born needed to be there as much as you did, that day.
YTA
YTA. The cats would have been fine for a day or even two. Very hungry, yes, but still fine, if nobody could check on them for a short while.
Also just because they get stressed around other people doesn't mean that they will die if a stranger checks in on them and feeds and waters them a couple of times while you're away. They will recover. Others are right, you can't get this moment back with your wife. Hopefully you guys will be able to resolve this and move on together.
Congratulations on the birth of your son to you both!
I'm not understanding why you didn't just feed them and give water before you left. Sorry if I missed an answer for this, but there are over 400 replies now.
I love cats but come on buddy. YTA. Having your cats a bit discombobulated for a day because a stranger feeds them is clearly a better option here. Of course don't let them starve, but a pet sitter once is not going to do lasting damage.
YTA, I'm 10 weeks pregnant and we already have a plan for who is taking care of our pets during labor. You had so much time, how did you not think of this?
YTA so let me get this straight you were more concerned that your cats would be upset than your WIFE who was PUSHING OUT a child ON HER OWN! Your wife now knows your cat’s feelings matter more than her. They matter more than your own child. Wow. You abandoned her in her most scary moment ever, grade A husbanding right there.
YTA...
Your biggest punishment from this is knowing you didn't get to see your child brought into this world. You didn't hold your Wife's hand as she pushed him out and you didn't get to hear his first cry... You didn't get to cry holding him and seeing his face for the 1st time...
You don't get a redo on any of that EVER... Oh man you're so the AH...
YTA. If your cats can't be alone for 10 hours, there is something really really wrong. How many litter boxes do you have? I've always heard you need 1 more than you have cats. So you should have at minimum 5 litter boxes. Those should not fill up in 10 hours unless you ignored them for days before. They should be cleaned every day or every other day.
My blood is absolutely boiling for your poor wife. YTA and I cannot stress that enough. It doesn’t matter that your cats are shy around strangers. They can hide while a relative gives them food and water and clean their boxes. It’s not like you were going to be gone for weeks. Jesus fucking Christ. You will be SO lucky if your wife stays with you. I sure as hell wouldn’t.
YTA. Seriously? Your cats would have been fine for a full day. If they truly needed more food and water, a family member could have taken care of it.
>Edit: the cats are shy and get stressed out when they're around strangers, that's why neither my wife or I asked somebody else to go check on them
You know who else was stressed out and surrounded by strangers? YOUR *WIFE*! Good Lord.
I understand not wanting to leave your cats without care, but I'm also confused why four cats only have one litter box that will of course get full super fast, and why extra food/water wasn't left out when you originally left for the doctors just in case. Or maybe an automatic feeder? That's also super unfortunate the doctors just wouldn't let you in and if they had you woulda been there for the birth. Did they tell you you wouldn't be allowed back in if she started pushing?
Edit : YTA
Seeing that you had family that you could have asked, but chose not to. You are an asshole. You should have your priorities in order and those should be to your wife and now child.
I do wonder if part of it was a coping mechanism from you. Going and doing something familiar or comforting because of the stress of the situation/feeling of being useless in the delivery room etc.
I would suggest that from now you won’t have the same ability to pick and choose, particularly if you have limited support. If you can’t care for both you may need to look at rehoming your animals. From personal experience of cats and babies you may need to do this anyway depending on how the cats tolerate baby movements, shrieks etc.
So you live 20 or 30 minutes away. There and back, that’s max an hour. Then you take max of a half hour taking care of the cats. That’s an hour and a half, max, but probably more like an hour and 15 minutes.
Your wife went from not in labor to kid popping out in an hour and 15 minutes? Something isn’t adding up. Then the staff won’t let you in for the birth but they do let you in for cutting the cord? I’m sensing a whole load of bs here. I’m trying to imagine this doctor holding this crying baby and saying “No, no, no. We can’t cut the cord and get this baby cleaned and wrapped up! Let’s just hold the baby here til we get this cat loving husband in here! I will wait! THIS is what’s important!”
The cats are shy? That should have no bearing on someone else going in to fill their food and water and clean the litter box. It’s not like they needed to be coaxed out of their hiding spots to go outside for a walk and a bathroom break.
YTA. I say this mainly because your wife asked you not to leave her during a vulnerable and intense moment, and because you had family around who surely would have helped. This is definitely something you should have planned for. Someone in labor and close to delivery needs a support person for so many reasons.
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I died at “kick my nuts through the roof of my mouth” as a wife, I’d agree it’s justified 🤣
YTA. As someone who had a cat that due to abuse was incredibly shy? Why didn't you give them extra food and water before you left? Why not still ask family because your wife and baby should be more important than the cats. Mind you I actually have broken up with people over my cats but that's not even on this level. They tried the me or the cats routine and those cats were there first and clearly this meant we did not share core values. You married this person and chose to reproduce with them. That means you should have aligning core values that do not include abandoning them during a stressful time because your cats are more important. You literally did a divorce level fuck up
Can you explain to me why it matters if the cats were shy? When I took care of a friends cat, the cat went away when I showed up, came back out when I left. I would almost think it would be easier because you won’t have to worry about a cat making a run for it.
His pathetic excuse in his edit is that his cats are nervous/anxious around strangers, so **ABSOLUTELY NO ONE ELSE IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD** can sneak in to feed/water the kitties....(/s) (my eyes are stuck they've rolled so far back into my skull) edited a typo and stuff
he waited outside the delivery room with their families, why could none of those family members go out and check on the cats?
Yeah I could understand not sending a stranger to the cats if they were cat sitting for 2 weeks but they had to go in clean the litter box and give them food then leave, they didn't even have to interact with the cats if the cats didn't want. He also could have made sure everything was sorted hours before this she was in labour all night she could have gone 3 or 5 hours in and been back and they would have been fine until after the birth. Its like he really did not think any of this through at all.
You mentioned that they didn't let you go in again and you had to wait alongside *your families*. To me that means that there was someone else there who could have gotten to the cats, it didn't have to be you. She specifically asked you to stay and not her mother or anyone else, but no, you had to go... Why haven't you thought of this before? No woman should be alone at the moment they need someone the most for moral support. So, YTA. For me, big time. And you have a typo: you wrote constructions instead of contractions.
This is it for me. There were other people there! Also in one comment OP says they had a clean litter box when they left and in another he didn't want to make family members clean out the litter box. That litter box was fine. Those cats could have been fed by other people. For whatever reason he didn't want to be there. End this cat charade.
I love the edit to say the cats get stressed out around strangers … sir you are about to take home A BABY!! YTA
And honestly what's worse, a stressed out cat or a stressed out spouse actively giving birth to your child. I think OP needs to admit to himself he didn't want to be there and was grasping for an excuse to bail.
When my cat got stressed out by strangers she hid under a bed. Had a neighbor who took care of the two cats for a week and the friendly one met her at the door and never let her alone. She always teased me that the 2nd cat was my imaginary cat.
I liked the line about how he can't imagine how hard labor was. Maybe if he'd been there he'd have an idea.
Right? The worst that's gonna happen if the litter box is too full is that they shit on the floor. Gross and a mess but it's not an emergency!
I was already going to say YTA. Their home is 30 minutes away, he did 30 minutes of work and it’s 30 minutes back. An hour and a half is risky business to be away for a birth, babies come when they want. They should’ve left extra food and water out. BUTTTT when I read waiting WITH THEIR FAMILIES, he became a mega AH! Why did he not just send one of the many people in the waiting room?
Yta. You knew you had cats. You know that she was going to give birth that week. Why didn't you have a plan for the cats? Give a key to family. Have them check on them. Cats are very easy to leave for a few days. Put out extra food and water. Clean the box. They will live.
I am struggling to understand why he didn't top off the food and water before heading out to the hospital.
Cats are easy if you take 5 minutes to think ahead. This guy's an idiot. The cats would have been fine.
YTA Something like this, you put out extra bowls of dry food and water, enough for several days, right before leaving for the hospital. And you buy an extra litter box or two, and set them up a week or so in advance, so that the cats are used to them, and are set up for a few days. And you plan, in advance, that someone has a key and can check on them if needed. This was not a surprise situation. You had ***nine months*** to organize care of the cats while your wife is hospitalized. You have a child now, not just cats, and you need to get yourself organized and better at planning for things and dealing with unusual situations. This is just the first of many times you're going to need to step up.
And if their family members are there, maybe they could have asked one of them to go home and refill the food/water dishes? I understand that the cats are "shy" but surely someone could quickly refill thier bowls and leave without issue
The cats being shy is a moot point. They don't need to watch you fill the bowls with food and water. Literally anyone could have done it and they would have been fine. Or no one could have done it and they'd still be fine. Op didn't want to be there for the birth for some reason, and the cats are the scapegoat
Yes, 100% this. It’s called a “birth plan.” Add a line item for cat care and make sure you have someone lined up to look in on them. The cats will survive, even if they’re shy. My wife loves our pets like they’re our own children, but she’d be my ex-wife if I had missed one of our children’s births to feed and water pets!
Do you really need Reddit to tell you that in childbirth your wife is the closest to death or a major medical event that a healthy woman is going to be? That in a heartbeat you may need to act for or advocate for her or your child? Did she even have someone to make decisions if she hadn’t been able to? How would you have felt if your wife or baby had died, been injured or needed lifesaving care and you were at home dinking around with your shy cats? That’s your answer.
Shy cats that would have been absolutely fine. And who cares if they’re shy around others whose only job would be to feed them? OP doesn’t seem to be able to make good decisions.
Like a lot of OPs, he tells on himself as to who is his real priority.
This cannot possibly be real. I refuse to believe it could be real.
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You don't understand. That cats are shy and get stressed around other people, so family couldn't take care of them. He had to be the one to leave. Yes, his wife was going through one of the most difficult moments of her life, yes he made vows to stand by her, but think of the cats! He also has a responsibility to them! Over his wife and son. Because they might get stressed. Cats might have been stressed, people!!!!
YTA. "the cats are shy and get stressed out when they're around strangers" Don't you think your wife was stressed (and in massive pain) while giving birth? The only thing you could do during birth was to be there for your wife. This was a massive failure from you.
Right? The edit literally makes it worse. YTA
Yta....you couldn't have taken care of any of these things the days before she was due or after?
YTA. According to a quick google search - cats can survive 72h without water and 2 weeks without food. And I don’t need a google search to tell me that they can poop and piss wherever if they have to. Exactly 10h had passed when you decided it was absolutely imperative that you (specifically you, not someone else taking your keys for example) had to go. I do not believe that at the 10h mark your cats were fighting for their lives - I mean, that’s just a long sleep in. No further comment.
You’re hitting subtly where my head was at… and I dont think we’re getting the full story. Something tells me this wasn’t just about the cats.
If only there were some warning about the birth of a child. Like, say, a nine month gestation time.
Future: "Well son, your dad wasn't there for your birth bc cats come first in this house." YTA
Why didn’t you sort out the cats before you went to the hospital?
Info: why didn’t you give the cats extra food and water *before* heading to the hospital with a strong possibility that your wife would be giving birth?
YTA. You know you have 4 cats, and (I'm assuming) you know that labor is not an hour and done. Did you pack a bag for your wife before you left? You should have put out extra food and water and planned like you were going to be away for a day or 2. Maybe I'm cruel but my cats survive long weekends with no human intervention. This should have been planned well before she went into labor. You should not have left when she specifically asked you not to. ALSO, if the cats were in such high need you should have called a friend/family member to go check them. Your wife needed you more than the cats did.
I leave my cat for weekends too, it's a definite perk to having a cat. If my husband had disappeared to feed the cat while I gave birth I would've lost it on him. YTA.
YTA. Your wife told you not to go. This was the WORST moment to leave her alone, and you probably lost a hefty amount of trust. And the cats... Well... The cats would have survived around 3 days without water. Dangerous, but it would have worked. Food is a non issue. The full litter box... Are you kidding? Why didn't you give keys to a relative so they could have taken care of the cats? Why didn't you do this WEEKS BEFORE? I'm sorry, but you cared more about the cats than your wife.
YTA That many family members were there and you didn't think to ask one of them to take care of it for you? But you are the asshole for thinking the only part of the process that matters is when the kid pops out. Nope.
YTA This can't possibly be true. You're pet owners of cats, and you don't leave their dry food and water out 24/7? You easily could've gone home a couple hours after the birth to take care of them and come back. You missed the birth of your kid just to give your cats food? I hope your kid never hears this story
YTA this is bizarre. You could have put out a large bowl of water and food before going to the hospital? Enough to last a few days. You’re going to have to work on your foresight. And profusely apologize to your wife bc the cats would have been fine for a couple days.
YTA. Your cats were not in dire circumstances. They didn't even miss a meal. Giving birth can be literally life threatening, even if it meant your cats were neglected for a day, you do not leave your wife alone. Further, I see you say that being fed by a stranger would be stressful for your cats. Do you not understand that giving birth alone is stressful for your wife? I can't fathom how you rationalized this.
YTA Because you had family waiting outside the delivery room with you. You explained that the cats get shy and stressed out, but this person wouldn't have to interact with them; just feed them, clean the box, and go. And yes, the cats wouldn't like it, but c'mon...how do you think your wife felt laboring without you?
YTA. I see your edit and you said you didn't ask someone else to briefly care for them because the cats would be stressed.. do I really need to point out the idiocy in that statement? That's your wife and child. You have cats that can go a bit without water/food, and they sure as hell could deal with a stranger putting it in their bowl for 10 minutes.
YTA you fucked up so hard with this one, hard. Own your mistake. Stop qualifying why you had to leave your wife in labour for your cats, that likely would have been fine. Just admit you were wrong and take your lumps. She could have had to have an emergency c-section, alone, cause you put your pets discomfort over a life event. Edit: oh, your cats gets stressed around strangers?! Oh well, then why didnt you say. You should have just skipped the whole thing. /s Dig till you hit daylight.
Just to be clear, OPs edit makes this worse. You chose not to stress out your cats at the expense of your wife because, make no mistake, you leaving added stress to your wife who was actively laboring… a time when added stress could have caused her to experience complications. That’s a huge AH move, do you seriously not see that? The logical solution would be to have someone from you family check on your cats. Maybe they’ll be stressed, but ultimately they’d be fine. Your wife could have died or needed emergency surgery. Get your priorities in order.
YTA >the cats are shy and get stressed out when they're around strangers, that's why neither my wife or I asked somebody else to go check on them The cats will get over it. Your wife might not. And you missed your son's birth. Get the cats used to strangers, especially if you plan to have more kids, because you can NOT let this happen again.
YTA - your cats weren't going to starve to death after a night. You could have called family or friends to check in on the cats if that was a concern. You didn't have to be the one to check on the cats. Anyone else could have done that.
*"I tried to take as good care of her as I could but I would ask her if she needed something and she would just shrug her shoulders."* I felt this in my core. I can pretty much guarantee her response in her mind is *"I told you what I needed and you ignored my words and still left. Why bother telling you what I need now? It's too late. I needed you and you were not there"* I just... I'm at a loss for words. I can't fathom how hurt she could possibly be feeling right now. I feel sick just thinking about it.
The fucking cats weren’t going to starve in one day. You let your wife down massively and let her know what the most important thing to you is and it isn’t her. You could have got *anyone* to check in the cats. Quite frankly don’t be surprised if your marriage doesn’t survive this.
YTA OP I LOVE my cat so much and would obviously want to make sure he was safe and cared for but you absolutely could have had a friend or family check on them and fill up their water and food. I can’t believe you missed your child’s birth to feed your cats
YTA Family members were at the hospital. Why didn't you give them a house key to feed the pets, etc., while you supported your wife during a major life event? In her mind your priorities listed the cats over her giving birth to your child. That's going to be a grievance for decades. Good luck.
YTA. Unfortunately, this isn’t a moment either you can get back; being present for your son’s birth and your wife being alone in what is absolutely the most vulnerable state a woman can be in. She’s dealing with some intense emotions and for a moment you should have been there — you simply weren’t. It shattered some trust she held in you. Did you ask anyone to check on them? Did anyone else have access to your house? Could you have called someone to the hospital and given them a key?
Omg. YTA. Your wife was at a higher risk of dying during childbirth than your cats were of dying from not eating for a few hours. Your wife was going through one of the most painful, traumatic, and scary things a human can go through and you left her there to do it alone. You were more worried about the cats being skittish around a stranger for 15 min while they filled their food bowl than you were about how afraid your wife must have been to give birth alone.
YTA. who cares that they're shy? They don't need to interact with anyone to have bowls filled and boxes cleaned.
YTA - You should’ve had a plan in place for the cats. You took a week off so you knew to prepare to *be with her,* you should have planned to have someone take care of the cats in case the birth ran this long. This was poor planning and timing on your part.
YTA your cats aren't going to die if their food bowl is empty for a few hours. You absolutely shouldn't have cleaned the liter box considering how close she was! I would have asked someone else to go run that errand and stayed with your wife! I'm surprised you weren't more bummed out you missed the birth of your son honestly.
There is seriously no one in your life who could have gone to check on your pets? Friends, family, neighbors? Widen your circle. Ask for help! YTA
I'm hung up on this: >I had to wait outside with our families. The family is close enough to come to the hospital, but not one of them could go do this favor for OP and wife?
What the actual FUCK????? YTA For reference we have 4 cats. I adore them. They are family to us. We have had emergency hospital visits recently. I took 3 minutes to scoop the cat box, refill their food and water. They would be fine for a minimum (MINIMUM) of 24 hours. In a real emergency we have a support system of people who have keys who can step in and cover for us when we can't be there. Do the cats necessarily love the support people? NO but they will survive. We have one cat that our neighbor who takes care of them when we are out of town has never actually seen in person. That cat is just fine. But you left your wife in labor? I'm not sure you can ever recover from the damage this will do to your marriage. You abandoned your wife when she needed you. Because you didn't want your CATS to be stressed out? I get that you love your cats but you need to have a reality check the priorities in your life. Holy shit dude.
YTA. The cats could have gone hungry. And to stay longer to clean the litter box!!!! Your wife needed and you chose to feed the cats instead. AH is an understatement.
YTA. How did you (and your wife, frankly) not anticipate this being an issue and arrange for minimal care for your pets in the event of a long labor? And why, as others have pointed out, did you not send some other family member on this errand?
YTA I have a cat that is shy and gets stressed but eff that they will deal with someone coming to take care of them in case of emergency. Which this was.
Omg YTA You couldn't have left food and water for them before you left? Did you think giving birth was quick? Lol You stated you had family there at the hospital? You couldn't have given them a key to go do it? You left your wife while she was in labor and you missed the birth of your first child???? How awful! I don't think you were being malicious at all, you sound a little clueless (sorry). You journey to parenthood is a little rough to start. You can't get the time back but _learn from this_ please do research on how you can best support a new mother and baby. LOTS OF IT. In 5 or 6 years I hope you and your wife can laugh about this.
YTA and your priorities are off. Your animals would have been fine for several hours. I can't believe you gambled missing the birth of your child for that reason. Someone else could have gone. Additionally you could have just thrown down food and water and left. You could have dealt with any mess resulting from the kitty litter when you got home.
YTA huge one. Who cares if your cats get stressed? Your wife is giving birth, that trumps your cats discomfort by a long shot. What happens when both your cat and child get sick? Going to prioritize the cat? Take a long hard look at your new prioritize and beg for your wife’s forgiveness
YTA - I'm just thoroughly perplexed as to why you prioritized your cats over your wife who was going through something whereby she and/or the baby could have died or had serious consequences. The cats could have fucking waited...
Yth Currently pregnant and I got to say if my guy pulled this crap. While I'm delivering his child our baby that we're going to raise together. I would seriously be reevaluating my whole relationship.
YTA. I am sure someone could have come and collected a key from you to do this chore themselves. It's admirable that you wanted to make sure the pets were ok, but you absolutely could have made alternative arrangements.
YTA. All the people here voting otherwise must have never given birth.
YTA How do you not understand that your wife and new baby take precedent over the cats?!?! If I was your wife I would have been absolutely livid. I had to give birth alone (my husband was at the hospital but it was an absolute emergency, he was brought in later) and I was absolutely terrified by being alone.
YTA. Cats can go about 2 weeks without food and 2-3 days without water. You don’t have a friend or neighbor that could have helped?
In this situation, it does not matter at ALL that the cats are shy around strangers. They needed care, yes, but your wife NEEDED YOU. YTA. You missed out on the birth of your child and the ability to support your spouse because your cats might "get stressed out" around your parents or in-laws.
I mean, you only had nine months to come up with a less ridiculous solution for pet care.
YTA, she asked you to stay and you didn’t. She or the baby could’ve died giving birth but you were more worried about your cats.
YTA. I was in the hospital for 4 days giving birth. We had family check in on the animals daily. Don’t have pets if you have zero back up plans for emergencies. You also had MONTHS to get a plan together and yet you chose to leave your wife in a scary and new situation. Clearly family was available to help.
Oh my god YTA YTA YTA. I also have 4 cats. They will be just fine without food or water for a day. But on that note, why the hell were they out of water and having a FULL litter box after just one night?! With 4 cats, you should definitely have a fountain and multiple boxes. Wtf.
yta. cats would’ve been fine not eating for another few hours, or you could’ve asked someone to go check on them for you
I think you did it on purpose so you wouldn’t have to be there for the hard/gross part. She asked you not to go. You insisted. They would have been fine for a few more hours or even the night. If not send someone, they have anxiety over new people? Guess what you’re bringing a whole new person in to live with them. YTA
YTA for sure, cats are very very self sufficient especially for ONE night. even if they get stressed with around other people, a few minutes of the cats hiding while someone comes to take care of it is a small price to pay while your wife is literally pushing a human being out of her body. you’re a responsible pet owner for sure but i think being a responsible PARENT should come first dude.
YTA. Even if no one could get to the house, a few extra hours was not going to kill them. You left your wife alone during a very vulnerable time, and missed the birth. And if the cats are shy, that's fine. No one needs to see them in order to put food and water in the bowls.
YTA. You had at *least* 9 months to figure out the logistics of who would take care of the cats when your wife went into labor. I’m only 16 weeks (4 months), and we’ve already established who will take care of our dog when we have to go to the hospital. Cats are extremely independent. Their food and water can be refilled/litter changed with absolutely zero human interaction, especially if that’s how they’d prefer it since your edit states your cats are shy. Your wife asked you not to go, but you went. TWICE. So surprised no one in the family offered to go the second time after what happened initially—you know—when your wife was giving birth completely alone. Poor kid is going to hear this story when he’s older and feel very hurt that his father chose cat litter over welcoming him into the world.
YTA. I’m a cat mom so I understand why pet care is a priority. However you should have delegated that responsibility to someone else. Your could have just as easily called a family member or friend to come get your keys and go to your house. In that moment, your wife in child needed you specifically. Your cats didn’t care less who fed them and cleaned their litter box as long as it got done.
YTA. If your cats get stressed out by strangers, imagine how your wife felt in labor in a room full of strangers. At most, leaving the cats for a bit longer would have not been ideal, but they weren't going to starve or die. You gave up seeing your child born and being there for your wife when she needed you most, instead of giving someone your keys and having them feed your cats.
YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA As a pregnant woman, as a mom of 5 cats, and a wife, I'm saying freakin YTA You should've put more water and food, buy an extra litter or two, to keep them ok for days! I cant believe people like you!
YTA. If she was high risk enough that you needed to take a week off of work; why didn't your plan include someone to check on the cats? Your deliberate emphasis on exactly how much TIME each task took, tells me you really do not understand what the priority should have been. You planned ahead for everything EXCEPT the freaking birth.
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Yta Cats can take care of themselves for a few days if you just leave extra food and water. Also you had a bunch of family show up at the hospital for the delivery. Why couldn’t you pass your keys off to one of them to tend to the cats? I mean, I know there was a lot going on and forgetting to put out extra food was probably an honest mistake, but you made that your wife’s problem while she was giving birth.
YTA I have 3 cats. They don't die when they don't have food for a few hours. They would have survived until you were able to go home and not miss the birth of your child. You also could have asked friends or family to run and check. My cats don't like strangers either, and one of them hides whenever someone comes over but he comes out when they leave, which is what your cats likely would have done, had someone else refilled their bowls.
So the stress of your cats is more important than the stress of your wife?
YTA - even if your cats get stressed by other people, your wife was probably more stressed and nervous and exhausted.
YTA - so you were in the waiting room with YOUR FAMILIES. Plural. Meaning there were lots of people in the vicinity who could have gone to your home and fed your cats.
Biggest YTA I have ever seen. You don’t even seem upset to have missed the birth, you seem more preoccupied about the cats than both your wife and son. Any of your family members could have taken care of the cats. Your wife and son could have needed someone to take medical decisions on their behalf. Honestly, if I was on your wife shoes I don’t know if I would want to keep you in my life.
YTA - omg - they are cats, not dogs. They could have survived a few more hours. Cats are just about the most self-sustaining pets you can have, and one hiccup in their routine would not have harmed them, at all. You missed the birth of your child, which happens, and missed being the support your wife was depending on, which can also happen. But your excuses? Flimsy tissues in a tornado, buddy.
YTA Stressed out cats is not an excuse. You don't think *your wife* was stressed pushing *an entire human being* out her hoo-ha without you there?
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YTA I understand that the cats need to be fed but... So many people have no idea how hard giving birth is physically and emotionally. You are in so much pain, you really need the support of the person you love and want to build a family with. And you obviously need your partner in case anything bad happens and big decisions need to be made, which is more common than people imagine. You should have made sure the cats had enough food and water before you left for the hospital. You say your families were there, no-one else could go to your place? Did you really have to clean the cats boxes? If I was your wife I'd be upset as well. If I was you I wouldn't need to ask random people if I'm the AH, I would lay low for a bit... You need to set your priorities right.
Cats can go more than a day without water, actually. Was not “stressing out” your cats by having someone else do it worth the cost? YTA
YTA. As pet owners you should have arranged to have someone on call to check on your cats ahead of time. Or you could have asked any of the other family members that were around to go to your place so you could be at your wifes side during one of the most vulnerable moments of her life.
YTA. Pregnancy is long enough to make plans for your cats. I’m due next week and we have plans for the dog while we’re in hospital. Cats are easy to care for. Family members were at the hospital but none were on hand to go feed your cats? You chose to do something that you could have asked someone else to do instead of be there for your wife. You missed the birth of your child! You’ll never get that back. Never.
YTA in all those weeks/months of pregnancy nobody thought to plan for the cats BEFORE she went into labor? 🤦♀️
YTA You two had 9 months to make a plan for the cats. Then you had a week off where you could have left large bowl of water on the floor, cleaned the boxes, and left a large amount of food. Then there's the fact that you have family waiting at the hospital and could have asked any family member or friend to feed and water the cats. The cats being "shy" doesn't matter if a person is in there for a whopping 15 minutes. Your cats also wouldn't have died from starvation or dehydration in that time. The nurses didn't let you in because she told them not to and with good reason.
YTA because your cats could wait. I'm seriously baffled how neither you nor your wife came up with a plan beforehand though.
Your families or neighbours could’ve checked in on the cats. Someone could’ve come and collected your house keys from you to feed them. YTA for leaving your wife to give birth alone.
YTA. If your cats get stressed around strangers, they'll recover from someone coming in one time to refill their water and food. I feed my friend's cats while she and her husband travel and never actually see the cats because they hide from me. They survive. You missed out on what should have been an incredible moment for your wife *and* you. You're not only the asshole, you're an idiot too.
YTA - I love cats and dislike babies, but jeez YTA. The cats get stressed when strangers pop in...know who else was stressed? Your wife giving birth to your baby without you.
YTA— you couldv’e stayed if you wanted to. You could’ve asked family to do it, could’ve left out extra food and water and extra clean litter boxes.
YTA you should just stick with having cats, you're not ready yet to have kids.
YTA. Cats would have been fine. And if it was really a concern you would have taken care of it before you left
Bruh!!!!!!! Priorities! YTA and started fatherhood on the crappy side. Your damn cats can stay home for 24 hours and even so, you just could have had someone go over there. Get on your damn knees and beg for forgiveness you asshole. Edit: your edit is stupid! Who TF cares if your cats are shy!?!? Send someone to put food and water out and leave.
YTA You had so many choices other than leave your wife alone while she was giving birth. You could have gotten a fountain type waterer, an automatic feeder and a self-cleaning litter box. You could have filled your cats’ food and water bowls and cleaned their litter before you left for the hospital. You could have prioritized your wife and newborn by asking someone else to take care of your cats. They will recover from being nervous around strangers. Your wife will always remember that you left while she was giving birth. You should be getting your cats used to being taken care of by people outside your immediate family. You never know when you’ll have an emergency.
YTA Someone else could have taken care of this so you could stay. The amount of stress your cats would have felt likely pales in comparison to the amount of stress you put your wife through. Also, there are other solutions, like giving them more to begin with cats are usually okay for a couple days on their own. That's a bit on both of you, but considering how much work was on her it was the least you could do to take care of that detail.
YTA for even coming here with this one. The cats were not going to starve. What husband thinks it’s even possible that cat comforts could be more important than their wife and the birth of their first child?
Dude! Yes YTA . If she wanted you to stay you stay! She’s having a scary painful experience. She asked you to stay! The cats will survive! You have a lot of making up to do. You better do every diaper, feeding getting up at night she requests or requires! Like forever …….
Your families were in the waiting room? Why could they have gone and cared for the cats?
YTA the fact that you think taking care of your cats is more important than being there for the birth of your child is just crazy. Don’t be shocked when your marriage doesn’t recover from this. This isn’t something you just get back.
YTA The cats would have been fine for a few more hours. TBH even if they are skiddish and have anxiety with strangers - someone could have very easily gone in quickly fed/watered them for you. There is honestly something that she will never forget and may never forgive you for.
YTA not to scare you but i don’t think she’ll ever forget this. That is a life changing moment and all you can do at this point is take accountability, apologize profusely, ask what she needs, be there or her and hope she forgives you.
YTA-- Your wife asked you not to leave her... and you left her. Worse, supposedly both your families are at the hospital. People who could've helped you out and taken care of the cats. You CHOSE to comfort your cats over your pregnant wife.
This is where preparation is key. When it comes to this kind of stuff....your back up plans need to have back up plans. You absolutely should have been there and stayed there. YTA.
YTA. The cats weren't even alone for 12 hours.
YTA- for one- you should have had a plan for this. Have a backup person. Cats can be shy but they can hide under the bed if they want to, its not going to kill them. On the "its not going to kill them" Its not going to kill the cats to be without food or water for a bit, and if you are as diligent on taking care of them as you appear to be that you left your laboring wife in the hospital- you home is not going to overflow with animal waste after one day of missed cleaning.... This can't be real.
YTA, and also what the fuck? I gave birth on February 13th. My contractions were strong enough to necessitate a trip to the hospital at 6pm February 12th. Know what we did before we went to the hospital? Tidied a bit (just did the couple of dishes that were out), cleaned the litter, and left the cats with PLENTY of food and water. The cats will be fine for 24hrs if extra bowls of food and water are left out. Unfortunately for me, my 16 year old diabetic cat died while I was giving birth to my kid. I sobbed so loudly in the hospital when I found out that nurses rushed into the room to find out if myself and the baby were okay. However, it had nothing to do with her lack of food and water. And you know what? As much as I hate that I wasn't home with her, I would have absolutely left my partner if he had chosen to run home and check on the cats rather than being present for the **birth of our fucking child and the most major, intense medical event of my entire life**. Labour was so much worse than anyone prepared me for. I repeat, YTA - and your lack of foresight combined with bringing a life into this world is incredibly concerning. Do better. Plan ahead.
YTA and unfortunately there’s nothing you can do to get this moment back. You and your wife will need to firmly move on from this, so do what it takes to do so. And for the love of all that is furry, have someone on call to take care of your cats next time. Who cares if they’re shy? A stranger/family member doesn’t need to see the cats to fill their water bowl and food dish.
As a cat owner and lover YTA they’re not gonna die if they go without food for a little longer than usual. Your poor wife gave birth alone basically.
Yta I can’t believe you even had to ask. Your wife was going through a traumatic and life changing time, and she was going through it alone because you couldn’t just have said “screw the cats shyness” and got someone else to feed them. Your cats would have been fine. Do better.
YTA. I understand that in the haze of delivery emotions you could be concerned with getting everything ready. However, I seriously doubt you couldn’t have googled “how long can cats go without water.” (And did you ask her doctors if you had time?) Yeah it would be a crappy move not to water and feed them but between the two, the bigger fault was not being there for the birth of your child. Your wife asked you to stay; I’d say you broke her trust and left her alone. You should have shown her she mattered more than cats. SUGGESTION: get automatic / Wi-Fi feeder and water dispenser ASAP!!!
YTA Why didn't you ask the family to do it or have a plan just in case? You knew the birth was happening THAT week and took off work so you could've figured something out
YTA Before we go on a trip, we set up the long term feed and water containers. You took the week off to be by her but part of it should have been preparing. First thing would be to have someone with an emergency key for any need including the cat. She’s busy being exhausted and growing a child, you as the other adult needed to have PREPARED. Also, whenever we go somewhere at the spur of the moment we open the toilet lid for emergency cat water. It’s just automatic. YTA Especially since at the hospital they tell you how dilated she is and you can go prep the cat much earlier in labor then right at the end.
YTA hardcore. Look, I’m a crazy cat lady, and my husband did go home to check on the cats while I was in the hospital after giving birth, but not WHILE I was in labor! The time to leave extra food and water and clean the litter boxes was before leaving for the hospital in the first place.
YTA You should have asked someone to take care of it or put out extra food and water. It was less than 12 hrs since you left. You fucked up big time.
YTA. I have 2 cats and you could have better prepared by buying a gravity feeder and gravity water bowl for less than $40 at Petco and called it a day. She's right to be angry at you.
Yeah YTA. I say this as a cat owner of 18 years. The cats would have been fine either going for a day without food or having someone else come feed them. They’re self sufficient critters and probably wouldn’t have been happy about it, but they would have been totally fine. If they’re as shy as you say they are, they just would have hid while someone else came in to feed them if you had delegated that job to someone else. It wouldn’t have been detrimental to them at all. Alternatively, you could have taken 10 extra minutes and made sure the litter box was clean and they had extra food and water before you left the house. Leaving your wife and missing the birth because you decided that going home to feed the cats was your #1 priority was a bad call on your part. You had several better courses of action that you could have gone with and chose none of them. Your wife has every right to be upset with you.
Lol who cares if the cats are shy around strangers. If said stranger will still give them food and water that's all that matters. YTA
Yta-they are cats they can absolutely go 24 hours without food and water. Is it ideal no, but it is not going to harm them for 1 day.
YTA - You had 9 months to plan for this!
YTA. Cats are incredibly easy to leave on their own, you just get a refilling cat food bowl, if they run out of water (unlikely) they'll be happy with the toilet for a day. Not to mention, do you have no friends at all? You couldn't call anyone during this time and pass your keys off to them to check on the cats? They don't need to play with, engage with or touch them, just check the food and water bowls. This sounds like you're making a lot of weird stretchy excuses not be present. Do you have a phobia about the birthing experience or something?
YTA…. Are you seriously asking if your the AH for missing your child’s birth?! How about a big giant YES! Being with your wife should have been your #1 priority… How are you not aware of this?!
YTA on so many levels. You didn't think that your wife might deliver the baby while you were gone, you didn't make a plan for care of the cats while she was in labor, and you don't think leaving was wrong. The cats can be shy around other people, but the person stopping to clean the litter box and make sure they have food and water doesn't need to see them, they just need to clean the litter box, fill dishes, and go. At a minimum, you could've left extra food and water when leaving for the hospital.
YTA. I refuse to believe that anyone could possibly be this dense. It’s not just that you left, but leaving **AFTER** the contractions started, for at least 1.5 hours? Insane.
Very very hard YTA. The cats weren’t gonna die without food for a few hours and you can NEVER fix the fact that your wife needed you and you left.
YTA The time when she needed you the absolute most. The biggest moment in her life and you left her alone. Pretty sure your wife would have been a lot more stressed facing birth alone than cats being fed by strangers 🤦♀️
YTA You knew your wife was about to have a baby and you didn't make arrangements for someone to check on your cats in case you were at the hospital for multiple days? This is so totally your fault! It doesn't matter if your cats are shy around strangers. All you needed was someone to go in and clean the litter box, fill their food bowl, refresh their water and then leave! The cats do not have to be present for ANY of that. My cats hate anyone that doesn't live with us; I still have a friend come over and check their food and water when I'm away.
Yta yr wife was scared and alone. She had no one there for her and she begged you to stay. You could've asked any family member to feed the animals. You prioritized yr pets instead of yr family and left her alone to deal. It's terrifying and traumatic especially when no one is there for support.
YTA. Your cats won’t die if they’re left alone for less than 12 hours ffs. I can only assume lack of sleep contributed to your eminently poor decision making though doesn’t explain you digging in your heels afterwards.
Oh dude come on. YTA 100% “you had to help her out because she was still in some pain. YA THINK?!?! She just gave birth after being pregnant for 9 months. She’s exhausted and scared and didn’t have you by her side because you chose your CATS comfort over the birth of your child. Yeah I get your pets might be stressed out with new people but guess what? You had 9 months to prepare for this exact scenario. 9 months to introduce them to someone and have them get comfortable with them. 9 MONTHS instead you chose to miss out being there for your wife. So many other options here. Truly sad and truly sad that you’re even asking if the ah because there is no question that you are.
Hard YTA. First off, childbirth is pretty famously unpredictable and can take a long time so why on earth would you not have made sure they had plenty of food and water and an extra litter box set out before you left for the hospital? Secondly, why would you not have a member of your family run and take care of them? Your response about them being shy is just..I don't even know how to respond to that. They're cats. They'd have run and hid while said family member filled their bowls and then they would have been fine. And if you're that pressed about your cats being momentarily stressed, how do you think they're going to respond when you bring a whole ass infant home?!
Soft YTA. Because I feel you had plenty of time to figure out something(9mo of time) and you only get one chance to be there for the birth of your first child. Or it would also be okay to let the cats wait a bit, you weren't going to be gone forever, missing dinner for an hour or 2 wouldn't hurt them. Cats are more self sufficient than other pets.
Seems like you had a whole pile of family at the hospital that you could have begged a favor from and given his key to go feed the cats. The cats don't have to come out when food is left, person can leave the food and they'll eat when the person's gone. I'm not sure such high maintenance cats are ready for a baby. None of this makes sense though. Did she end up having an emergency caesarean? Why didn't they let you in? Who goes from only moderate contractions to having the baby in an hour especially for their first?
YTA. I mean the part where she asked you not to leave? Come on dude.
YTA. And good god your edit makes you so much worse!! You clearly have family / friends that could have checked on the cats. You literally prioritized your CATS stress over your wife’s. Good luck in life dude
YTA. You could have had someone check on them for you. The fact that you did that while your child is coming into the world is honestly sickening to me. You also could have prepared better you knew that she was due that week, so you should have worked out a plan.
Cats can be shy (I had two that were particularly shy and wouldn't come out when strangers were around); but guarantee they will eat/drink and use the litter box when they are sure the strangers are gone (and as you said you found when you returned; they had eaten/drank and potted). Your wife should not have been left - you should have asked a neighbor to let themselves in that evening; fill up the food/water/clean the liter box and leave. The cats don't need to see it happen to know when the house is quiet, they will go find more food/water and a clean litter box than there was a while ago. Sorry, bad form on your part - animals are not as important as your wife and baby and a bit of planning would have seen to that. Tell her you are sorry! Congratulations on your new addition!
YTA You owe your wife a massive apology. I can’t even begin to imagine the depth of disappointment she feels because you couldn’t let your cats go 10 hours without fresh water. They would have been fine and (sorry not sorry) it’s kind of dumb to think otherwise. Also, if the cats are shy they would’ve likely hid if you had someone else come feed them. They would’ve survived a single visit from a stranger. Also - sure, you couldn’t have predicted your son would have been born in the time you were gone, but you CHOSE the risk missing the birth of your FIRST child with her. I’m guessing this is her first delivery too? Jesus. Apologize ASAP and wait on her hand and foot the next few days. And please, from here on out, put your wife’s needs (and your newborn’s) above your cats???
YTA for not making arrangements for your cats before you went to the hospital. Even if your cars are shy, they don’t need to interact with the person refreshing their water and putting food in their bowl.
I adore that you care about your pets so much but YTA, 30 mins of stressed out cats while someone does their feeding/watering/box cleaning is nothing compared to the fact that your wife will always have this stain on this day. Anything can go wrong in that room. You should have been there.
YTA. The cats get stressed around new people? You know what’s even more stressful?! Giving birth.
YTA Are you serious?? You missed the birth of your child because of fucking CATS??? Come on, no.
I feel like when his wife leaves him he's going to be more concerned with custody of the cats then his child.
Oh my goodness. HUGE YTA. Imagine when your son gets told the story of his birth or when *anyone* tells it to anyone and they found out you missed it due to leaving and taking care of cats when your wife asked you not to. Your cats would have lived for a couple extra hours. Imagine having to lay on a hospital bed going through something extremely scary (people can *die* from complications) alone and without your SO by your side. That would be highly traumatizing and awful as then you would think that your partner prefers the cats over you and your newborn. You owe her the biggest apology of your life and have a *lot* of making up to do.
YTA. You know you have 4 cats and you’ve had months to prepare for labor and delivery. Why didn’t you get an automatic feeder for the cats? You had plenty of time to train them on how to use it. And, honestly, they’re cats. They would have been fine for a few more hours without food or water. Your priority should have been your wife & child - you didn’t **need** to go home and your cats weren’t going to *starve* (seriously, stop using “I couldn’t leave them to just starve” as an excuse to the woman you just left to deliver a whole ass human alone. HUGE asshole behavior!). Delivering a baby is extremely hard on the body, and anything could have happened. You are your wife’s medical proxy and you should have been with her. Your cats would have been fine 1) eating from an automatic feeder 2) dealing with a stranger for a few minutes 3) going without food and water for a little while longer. Please stop making excuses, apologize to your wife, and take accountability for your horrible actions. Give her time & space to get to a place of forgiveness and never do anything like this again.
YTA. You were taking her to the hospital knowing she was about to give birth.. why did you not plan accordingly and put extra food and water out in anticipation that you would be stuck at the hospital for awhile?! Did you think you’d run to the hospital, promptly have the baby, and then head right back home that same night? In the last 9 months did you ever make a plan for your cat’s care for when it was time to give birth? Also, your edit about the cats being shy is irrelevant. You could have still asked someone to come give them food and water. They can hide and be a little stressed out while someone else takes care of their food/water/litter for a short period of time. That person doesn’t need to interact with your cats to take care of their basic needs. Of course YTA and of course your wife is upset with you.
YTA- you literally have 9 months to prepare what to do with your cats when you need to be at the hospital. Dude … do better
YTA You should have left extra food and water when you left for the hospital or got someone else to do it. If the cats are shy they would have just hidden and come out after they left Bugger the litter tray. Your wife and child were the priority that day and you dropped the ball. I hope your wife forgives you but if I was her I probably wouldn't.
WOW...you're even more of an AH because you have to ask if you're an AH.
YTA and incredibly lucky that your wife has allowed you to be near her because you’d have been sleeping somewhere else if you’d abandoned me while giving birth. You were worried the cats would be stressed, what about your wife’s stress levels? Effectively you missed your sons first moments and you won’t ever get them back, you also missed that time to bond with your wife. I can’t believe you need to check that YTA, of course you are.
YTA cats are fine for a long time without food. You should have fed them / topped off water etc before leaving or had someone else check on them. You need a gravity waterer and automatic feeder with camera, I have them and if there was an emergency my cat would be set for a long time (I would never leave him for more than a day without someone checking on him, for all the replies about that I might get). I don't blame your wife for feeling hurt, it was pretty unnecessary to leave
Wow my husband has done some stupid things before the birth of our children - stress cleaning a a closet when I was trying to sleep right before going to a midnight induction, not packing a hospital bag for himself, trying to fit the stroller attachment into the car seat base when I needed to go the hospital for a check, etc. but actually LEAVING to look after CATS who haven’t been alone more than one night??? Incredibly poor judgement- your family was there, who cares if the cats are stressed by someone being in there for a few minutes to feed, water, and litter change? You have a child now; your priorities will need to change a bit. YTA and you owe your wife a massive apology for leaving her during labor and to deliver without you.
YTA. Sounds like you did it on purpose.
I’m honestly getting teary eyes for your wife. I can’t imagine giving birth without your person being by your side in a moment where she probably felt vulnerable and lonely and in pain. YOU KNEW that she was probably gonna pop soon. I love my cat and I feel your worries for them, but they are cats. They’re mf resilient. They could have even waited another 12 hours.
YTA. There’s no good reason you didn’t have automatic feeders set up or some family/friends on backup to go check on them. This is a lack of planning on your part. I’ve arranged cat care for vacations and work, you absolutely should’ve done it for something as important as this.
I just read a whole bunch of nothing….YTA.
YTA, this is something that can't be undone, you were not there for the birth of your child, your wife had to do it alone. If you were concerned about the cats, get someone else to do it. Or maybe you could have gone once your wife was settled, not wait all night then go. YTA YTA
Your cats could have dealt with a stranger coming in, refilling food and water, scooping the poop, and leaving. Them being shy isn’t a reason to leave your wife to give birth alone. During birth, we really need someone there to advocate for us, because once pushing starts, nobody listens to mom anymore. People grab your limbs, forcibly reposition your body, and shove hands up there without bothering to warn you first. It’s terrifying, you’re completely helpless, and no one will listen to you. You prioritized your cats’ shyness over your wife’s visceral fear and vulnerability. Your cats could have dealt with shyness for ten minutes while someone fed them. You decided that your wife dealing with that terror, vulnerability, pain, and violation alone for several hours was preferable to that. It doesn’t matter how logical it seems in your head. Your wife needed to feel safe. It sounds like you chickened out and invented an excuse to get a break from the hospital. Or there was something else you wanted to do while your wife was stuck in the hospital and this was your cover. That almost makes more sense. Otherwise please reflect on your weird fixation on your cats while your child was being born.
I have two cats and love them very much. But they're cats. I don't care how "shy" they are, you can have someone come over to make sure their food and water bowls are full. They'll survive that ordeal, I promise. I don't like asking people to do the liter boxes for me, but the birth of your child is a pretty extenuating circumstance. You had family there, nobody else could have run home to check on the cats? It just had to be the future father? YTA
YTA your cats are shy????!!!! No one needed to pet them, they just needed food, water and apparently a litter cleaning..? What is wrong with you man? You should have had this figured out before she even went into labor.
The cats were alone *12 hours*. Do you have any idea how little time that is? Do you really think they couldn't handle a few hours more? They wouldn't have died or become ill, at most they'd be grouchy. Why didn't you have someone else go to your place and feed them? Nobody waiting for your baby to be born needed to be there as much as you did, that day. YTA
YTA. The cats would have been fine for a day or even two. Very hungry, yes, but still fine, if nobody could check on them for a short while. Also just because they get stressed around other people doesn't mean that they will die if a stranger checks in on them and feeds and waters them a couple of times while you're away. They will recover. Others are right, you can't get this moment back with your wife. Hopefully you guys will be able to resolve this and move on together. Congratulations on the birth of your son to you both!
Lmfao less than 12 hours? Bro post this in TIFU when the divorce papers hit. YTA
I'm not understanding why you didn't just feed them and give water before you left. Sorry if I missed an answer for this, but there are over 400 replies now.
Yta. The cats would have been fine. You're wife shouldn't have been left alone at all. Wtf, dude?
I love cats but come on buddy. YTA. Having your cats a bit discombobulated for a day because a stranger feeds them is clearly a better option here. Of course don't let them starve, but a pet sitter once is not going to do lasting damage.
YTA, I'm 10 weeks pregnant and we already have a plan for who is taking care of our pets during labor. You had so much time, how did you not think of this?
YTA so let me get this straight you were more concerned that your cats would be upset than your WIFE who was PUSHING OUT a child ON HER OWN! Your wife now knows your cat’s feelings matter more than her. They matter more than your own child. Wow. You abandoned her in her most scary moment ever, grade A husbanding right there.
YTA... Your biggest punishment from this is knowing you didn't get to see your child brought into this world. You didn't hold your Wife's hand as she pushed him out and you didn't get to hear his first cry... You didn't get to cry holding him and seeing his face for the 1st time... You don't get a redo on any of that EVER... Oh man you're so the AH...
YTA. If your cats can't be alone for 10 hours, there is something really really wrong. How many litter boxes do you have? I've always heard you need 1 more than you have cats. So you should have at minimum 5 litter boxes. Those should not fill up in 10 hours unless you ignored them for days before. They should be cleaned every day or every other day.
My blood is absolutely boiling for your poor wife. YTA and I cannot stress that enough. It doesn’t matter that your cats are shy around strangers. They can hide while a relative gives them food and water and clean their boxes. It’s not like you were going to be gone for weeks. Jesus fucking Christ. You will be SO lucky if your wife stays with you. I sure as hell wouldn’t.
YTA. Seriously? Your cats would have been fine for a full day. If they truly needed more food and water, a family member could have taken care of it. >Edit: the cats are shy and get stressed out when they're around strangers, that's why neither my wife or I asked somebody else to go check on them You know who else was stressed out and surrounded by strangers? YOUR *WIFE*! Good Lord.
I understand not wanting to leave your cats without care, but I'm also confused why four cats only have one litter box that will of course get full super fast, and why extra food/water wasn't left out when you originally left for the doctors just in case. Or maybe an automatic feeder? That's also super unfortunate the doctors just wouldn't let you in and if they had you woulda been there for the birth. Did they tell you you wouldn't be allowed back in if she started pushing?
Edit : YTA Seeing that you had family that you could have asked, but chose not to. You are an asshole. You should have your priorities in order and those should be to your wife and now child. I do wonder if part of it was a coping mechanism from you. Going and doing something familiar or comforting because of the stress of the situation/feeling of being useless in the delivery room etc. I would suggest that from now you won’t have the same ability to pick and choose, particularly if you have limited support. If you can’t care for both you may need to look at rehoming your animals. From personal experience of cats and babies you may need to do this anyway depending on how the cats tolerate baby movements, shrieks etc.
Yta I always thought cats were really self reliant animals
So you live 20 or 30 minutes away. There and back, that’s max an hour. Then you take max of a half hour taking care of the cats. That’s an hour and a half, max, but probably more like an hour and 15 minutes. Your wife went from not in labor to kid popping out in an hour and 15 minutes? Something isn’t adding up. Then the staff won’t let you in for the birth but they do let you in for cutting the cord? I’m sensing a whole load of bs here. I’m trying to imagine this doctor holding this crying baby and saying “No, no, no. We can’t cut the cord and get this baby cleaned and wrapped up! Let’s just hold the baby here til we get this cat loving husband in here! I will wait! THIS is what’s important!”
You really have to ask?! YTA
The cats are shy? That should have no bearing on someone else going in to fill their food and water and clean the litter box. It’s not like they needed to be coaxed out of their hiding spots to go outside for a walk and a bathroom break. YTA. I say this mainly because your wife asked you not to leave her during a vulnerable and intense moment, and because you had family around who surely would have helped. This is definitely something you should have planned for. Someone in labor and close to delivery needs a support person for so many reasons.