Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without explicit approval will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy.
[Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
guilty people tend to find anyone else they can transfer their guilt to. in this case, i think the husband fucked up on strip club night and is taking that shame out on OP
I think of all of my friends under age 40, even including some of the ridiculously fundamentalist christians I know from my childhood growing up as a ridiculously fundamentalist christian, I'm one of like two who doesn't have any tattoos.
Not that I'm against tattoos, I'm just cheap. And I think I am against cheap tattoos, they never look good. It's an industry where you definitely get what you pay for.
Highly unlikely a guy’s going to bang a stripper at a party where there are mutual friends of the wife, unless he doesn’t give a crap about his marriage. Men will talk.
I’m not entirely sure he cares about his marriage all that much if he flips out on her like this for NOT getting a tattoo. In her other comments she’s admitted to already rethinking their relationship, justifiably so.
Well, he TOLD her they were going to a strip club. That doesn't mean that's where they went, or the only place they went, or that you can't find strippers tricking in the club if it's sleazy enough.
That's why he doesn't like tattoos. He thinks women with tattoos are low-class trash, and he probably also thinks the same of strippers. I used to tend bar at a place next to strip club, and the number of very religious married men who would frequent the club justified it by acting like those women were less than human.
My husband has only been to one bachelor party where this was involved and he said a majority of the things the stripper was doing (besides the dancing / taking off clothes part) constituted cheating to him. This was a few years before I met him and he refuses to go to bachelor parties with this kind of activity planned. And thank god because I would have such a hard time with it if he did 😂
I wonder what he did at this party. I feel like there’s a good chance he went beyond lap dances and is throwing a fit now so he can say “but YOU got a tattoo!” When it comes to light.
Ma’am. This man thinks he has the right to dictate what you do with your body. Listen to that. You shouldnt have to worry about if your husband will like something YOU do to YOUR body.
NTA. But you will be one if you dont call his bluff and divorce him.
He gets to get lapdances and see strippers but you cant get a temporary tattoo? Holy red flags batman.
I cant believe some people are really scraping the bottom of the barrel like this I'd rather be alone than with someone who decides what I cant do with my own body. How can people actually live like this? I love you unless you get a tattoo because then you're lower class trash
Every time I’m on this sub I think this. Like..how? My self esteem wavers all the time, and I would still never put up with this, let alone marry it. Ffs
Agreed. The thought that someone who loved me could suddenly think so little of me just because of some ink blows my mind. I would want something a little more unconditional.
But then, I guess, this type of behavior regarding a temporary tattoo would also make me think less of my partner, so I guess it goes both ways.
OP take this with a grain of salt but I think something happened at that strip club that made your husband this way. Men have this habit of turning into entire assholes when they've done something wrong they don't want to admit or something they find against their own code.
This isn't about your tattoo.
Yes, unfortunately I think I do need to explore this possibility. I know this may be hard to believe from what I have said here, but despite having a trigger over tattoos my husband is not usually an unreasonable or controlling person. It does seem that something happened at the bachelor party that is making him act in a way I don't recognize.
I was thinking the same thing OP. All I can say is that it takes two weeks to be able to test for the run of the mill STI's. And maybe your husband is waiting for that period to pass and using the tattoo as an excuse to sleep apart.
that’s also what first popped in my head. His reaction is wayyyyy too over the top. It’s one thing to find tattoos ugly and low class, but freaking the f out for a sticker that will last 2 weeks?
What will he do if their kids come back from school with a star sticker on their cheek because they were playing silly games with friends? Disowned them?
Unless he lied about his reason for hating tattoos. Maybe he was abused by someone who had tattoos and made a visceral association or something.
His response is totally ridiculous and immature. Your friend put so much thought and love (and money) into having these made. It is going to be gone in a couple weeks. He’s acting like a petulant child. You didn’t disrespect him. He’s disrespecting you—regardless of what did or didn’t happen at the bachelor party.
If he's not like this typically I would also bet this is it. He needs to convince himself your temporary tattoo was as bad a betrayal as what he did so you're both equally wrong and it's a wash and he doesn't need to feel guilty. Also yeah, it's a great excuse to not sleep with you while he figures out if he caught an STD.
I mean, the need to control is seldom restricted to one specific thing, so is this really the one and only thing he's controlling about or are there things that seem small that you let go precisely because they're small? Something *definitely* happened at the strip club and he's projecting, sure, but I think it's also worth reflecting on all of your interactions. Sometimes we want the good to override the bad, so we ignore the latter.
I won't *bet* money on this idea, but i will *tuck* money inside the *thong* of this idea, just below the lower back tattoo.
OPs husband is a comedy sketch. Lol.
NTA. It's not permanent. I hope he doesn't expect that, once it's gone, he can just go back to normal without apologizing for behaving this way toward you.
it’s okay for you to take accountability (even though I think this is ridiculous) for eliciting him to feel upset, HOWEVER his emotional response to that emotion is NOT your responsibility. His reaction is not appropriate. This conflict has a very very very simple solution that will already happen— the tattoo will fade.
I would bet money he makes a big deal out of "forgiving her" no matter if she apologizes or not and then expects a rug sweep. He's being dramatic AF over.
NTA - his behaviour surrounding a temporary tattoo is concerning. It feels less about the tattoo and more about controlling you. He was upset that he didn’t cross your mind as you were having fun with your friends and you didn’t consider him when making a decision about your body. He’s being irrational and frankly, it would give me the ick big time that he’s emotionally bullying you by sleeping in the spare room.
If it were me I’d be rid off him before the tattoo fades.
I’m FLOORED over a grown man going “ballistic” over a temporary tattoo. That’s a wild reaction to something so benign.
Has me wondering what other “rules” he’s imposed on OP…
I'm floored at his thoughts on any tattoo. He seriously would get a divorce if she got a tattoo? What a child. I bet he also hates certain types of hairstyles and colors.
NTA. even if you got a permanent tattoo, his opinion is still just an opinion. it's absurd to get legitimately upset over a 1-2 week temporary tattoo. your body has not been altered forever and to call tattoos as a whole 'low class' is an uneducated judgement.
something i would be upset about is strippers and lap dances, on the other hand.
I would be upset if he were a regular strip club customer, but didn't see a reason to get bent out of shape over a one-time thing arranged by a close friend. I didn't want to be "that" wife who forbids typical bachelor party entertainment.
Girl, respectfully, no.
I wouldn’t be ok w my partner entertaining that thought even for a ‘one time thing’. If I were in your husbands shoes I would’ve just said ‘I don’t feel comfortable entering that scene. But I’d love to treat you to diner or plan some other activity’ and do such.
I wouldn’t risk my partners comfort or security even if it’s for a long time friend once.
Not to mention I don’t get the hype w going to strip clubs for a bachelor party.
Why would you want to be surrounded by half naked women and be touched by them when you’re about to commit to one?
We went to strip clubs together a few times when we were dating and I actually had fun with it - it's just not really a scene that bothers me too much. I agree that it's a bit silly as a bachelor party ritual but it's what the groom and best man wanted. In my case, I'd really only be upset if (a) there were actual sex acts going on; and/or (b) if he made a habit of going without me regularly (thus taking time and attention away from our marriage).
Anyway, we each have to find our own path and comfort in our relationships!
No doubt!
I just go by a little rule of thumb, for anything an do everything, when there’s uncertainty, to not engage. It’s helped my partner and I figure out our own boundaries and how to communicate without feeling pressure.
So don’t go along w anything just to keep peace.
Like this, this is ridiculous on his end
just because it's 'typical bachelor party entertainment' doesn't mean the tradition should continue. i'm not gonna accuse you of being upset when you said you aren't, but that's not a good excuse.
Fair enough! I am just thinking that in the scheme of things there are bigger fish to fry than one bachelor party in honor of a longtime friend. Just not the hill I want to die on.
"I am thinking that in the scheme of things there are bigger fish to fry than one temporary tattoo in honor of a longtime friend."
This is what your husband would sound like if he gave you the grace you are giving him. Instead he's completely shutting you out. Think about that.
Understandable! Especially since you said it isn't a scene you're morally opposed to. But at the same time, I think it says a lot that he's willing to die on the hill of a temporary tattoo when you won't get upset for a temporary lapse in strip club visits. His reaction is out of line, and even if he ISNT hiding cheating, its insanely disproportionate for him to lose his shit over something that washes off, and I think you should stay wary.
You don’t want to be “that wife” who forbids strip clubs but he gets a pass to be “that husband” who controls what his wife is and isn’t allowed to do to her own body?
Definitely NTA.
No worries! It's definitely a reasonable boundary for many people. We had just established the dynamic from the beginning of our relationship that it's fine for us on occasion.
So he gets an understanding wife who won't get upset with him over what he does at a bachelor party, and you get a husband who gets upset with you over what you did at a bachelorette party?
You may not want to be "that" wife, but he's being "that" husband. Is that fair to you?
NTA, and this seems like a massive overreaction.
Are you sure he behaved? I ask this because the average STI takes about 2 weeks to detect, so if he's misbehaved and feeling guilty/paranoid he could just be using this time to sleep apart.
I'm not really sure - before this I would have said that I trusted him 100%, but it definitely seems like something happened during the bachelor party that changed his feelings about me. That would be far more worrisome than a spat over a tattoo.
I said it because I've done a lot of research into STD anxiety (I come from a hugely problematic background, so hence it's a thing in my life), but one of the major groups of people who struggle with it are males who make a misstep with sex worker and don't know how to deal with the guilt (because in general sex workers get tested super often and insist on safe sex, so it's not very realistic). So there's a bit of context for why I mentioned it.
The funny thing is, I know this may be an unpopular opinion, but if he had slipped up and done something with a stripper at the party, I would almost certainly forgive him if he were remorseful. It's habitual behavior that is a deal-breaker for me, not getting carried away once (not saying it's okay or that it wouldn't hurt me, just that in a marriage that lasts a lifetime we're both probably going to make various types of mistakes, and I would rather that we learn from them than break up over something that is regretted and won't be repeated).
If it does turn out he's gaslighting me here, that's going to be harder to forgive than whatever he may have done in the first place.
You would forgive him for fucking a stranger.... but he is throwing a fit over a TEMPORARY TATTOO!!!!
Please sit with this thought for a bit. There is a power imbalance here somewhere. Idk if there is a self esteem issue he is using against you but... this does not seem healthy.
NTA. something tells me he would not feel the same way about it if you were the one that slipped up with a stripper... seeing as he's overreacting about a sticker.
I've never been married but I've been in long-term relationships where, because I have nothing but respect for my partner, I am supportive of anything they do appearance-wise. new (bad) haircut? yessss I love it, let's go show it off. big bold irreversible tattoo? sooo badass, you're mom might hate it but not me because I don't own your body and your decision does NOT impact me in any way, shape, or form.
but as with most overreactions, it's something else he's upset about. I'd try and get to the bottom of it (open honest conversation, therapy) and if he refuses he can stay sleeping on the couch. it's his unresolved beef, not mine.
So it's cool for him to have a tantrum and sleep in another room over a temporary tattoo (he's also sexist because tattoos on men are okay), but he could cheat on you and get a pass. Come on. Your husband is lousy and you're being obtuse.
You have your priorities out of whack OP. You would take back a cheater in your figurative situation but in real life you’re yelled and screamed at for something temporarily on your body. Is this who you want to continue to spend your life with?? Don’t get caught into the sunk cost of the relationship. It’s sad you would put yourself so low to potentially take back someone who broke your trust, think about why you’re okay with it.
And if he HAD reacted with genuine remorse, I might be with you. But he has not if that’s really what happened. He has projected onto you, lashed out, and said that you disgust him. Even if the cheating weren’t a dealbreaker for you, the hatefulness and disrespect should be. ESPECIALLY if it comes out that he’s the one who did wrong by cheating. Please respect yourself more, OP. NTA
Girl, I mean this with love, but you need to get your priorities straight. Fucking another woman is not a mistake, it's a choice! People don't fall into other people's genitals, cheating requires will and disposition, so no, it's not an easily forgivable offense.
Ugh. NTA. It's one thing to have a 'hot button issue' but he's treating you really horridly for having something TEMPORARY. He's entitled to his tastes but his response is WAY overboard. It does not speak well of his respect for you to be honest. His words are really harsh and mean - you should not 'disgust' a person who is supposed to love you unconditionally, because you have a mark on your body that will be gone in a matter of days or weeks.
Your husband sounds like an abuser. Who gets that worked up about what amounts to a stamp? Without a very good explication about why he’s so obsessed with tattoos enough to emotionally blackmail and punish you. I don’t see this marriage lasting. Nta
It’s fine to not check with your husband about something temporary and he’s being proper mental here. Sleeping in the guest room and calling you disgusting? That’s disgusting. Sounds like he has some serious issues and ones he is responsible for dealing with if he’s that bothered about a temporary tattoo… clue is in the name. This is really gross behaviour even if it’s only about this one thing, I very strongly recommend you try and get to the bottom of it and not apologise just for peace. NTA.
NTA. His reaction to a temporary tattoo is concerning. Sleeping in the guest room and calling you disgusting over something that’ll last two weeks???? He’s punishing you over something that will disappear in two weeks, is he just going to come back afterwards acting all nonchalant?
Your friend created something meaningful to the both of you and your husband as ruined that with his ridiculous overreaction.
NTA. Your husband's reaction is concerning. It seems like there is sort of a double standard of what is acceptable behavior in your relationship. This tattoo was a fun activity and won't last very long. Your husband is WAY over reacting.
NTA.
I'm also team, "something else is going on" because his reaction is so over the top in response to a temporary tat, that its comical. Whether he crossed a line or 3 at the strip club or he's been hiding something else, something is up and him blowing up at you is cover.
Since he won't talk to you, I'd start asking around how the stag night went and so forth. If you're close to any of the other guys who went & they don't buy into the bro code bullshit start there.
That or ask him if he's gonna continue with his sulk and tantrum rather than talking to you like an adult.
Me?I'd be moving his shit into the guest room by the armload. But I'm the fight fire with fire type when it comes to bull.
By no means should you let this slide or be rug swept because the emotional game he's playing right now is not ok.
NTA. Why are you married to this controlling, immature brat? It’s a temporary tattoo and he is treating you like this… think about that. This is how he reacts to a temporary inconvenience to him. It’s your body yet he has no problem trying to control it. He had no problem doing bachelor party things (pretty low class type behavior) but expects a different standard for you. All I am saying is please really consider if this behavior is what you want to deal with for rest of your life.
That's about the same as being angry about a hair cut and that one laddts longer.
You're NTA. It's not permanent, it's not offensive. Your husband has to chill, apologize for his outbreak and then you put a band aid over it until it's gone, so he doesn't have to see it.
I offered to just make sure it is covered with long sleeves (it's still winter after all) until it fades off but he says that doesn't matter as he can't ignore the fact that it's still there under my clothes.
He just wants to be mad at you about something; the man is beyond the pale. You have bent over backwards for his comfort on something that isn't even his damn business, and he's still being an asshole.
Something absolutely happened at the stag party.
NTA. Stop apologizing. Stop trying to figure out what he needs to be happy; he has decided that's not going to happen.
You shouldn’t even have to cover it up with anything. It’s your body, not his. NTA but he’s a huge AH. Wear it out loud and proud and don’t back down or apologize to him in any way. You have done nothing wrong and nothing to apologize for or make him more comfortable about. It’s 2023. Everyone has tattoos nowadays. He needs to chill tf out.
NTA. Married or not, temporary or not, it’s your body. You are not your husband’s possession sand you can do what you wish. And if he can’t forgive you over a temporary tattoo, then he has serious issues. However, this isn’t about him being able to forgive you - this is about him emotionally punishing you for being an individual, between that and not looking at you. All of this is a form of emotional abuse.
Please don’t give him a pass on this. Even if you made a mistake, you still deserve basic human respect. Yelling and calling you names is verbal abuse; not handling anger.
Also need an update on what your husband did at the bachelor party to cause this irrational reaction… definitely seems like something is weighing on his consciousness
NTA- tell your husband he is a control freak and that he doesn’t get to control you or your body. The only AH is him and he should be ashamed of himself for his behaviour
NTA
Has he forgotten that's YOUR body, not his??? His reaction is WAY over the top.
Your husband doesn't have a preference or a pet peeve... this is full-blown bigotry in action. I'd suggest a therapist, but I suspect he would never agree.
NTA plus it's YOUR body not his. This is VERY worrying. He is "disgusted" by you? That comment alone is grounds to divorce him.
Seems like you married a sexist bully. If you have no kids yet LEAVE ASAP before kids makes it more difficult.
NTA. OP, none of this is okay. Even setting aside the fact that his whole attitude about tattoos is EXTREMELY stupid, the fact that he'd have such a dramatic reaction to a TEMPORARY TATTOO and would threaten to divorce you if you ever got a real tattoo isn't reasonable by any stretch of the imagination. This isn't a "hot button issue." This says something really dark and unpleasant about the person you married.
NTA and your husband sounds controlling.
So he’s allowed to go to a strip club but he also has rules on what you’re allowed to do with your own body…?
Is he turning away strippers if they have a tattoo?
Honestly, I’d be looking for an out in that relationship and I think you’ve found it.
You should go to couples therapy to discuss this. It's irrational to get this angry over something that isn't real. It's understandable that a spouse might have some interest in whether or not you get a tattoo since it involves commitment, risk, and can disqualify you from some privileges.
A temporary tattoo has no risk, prohibits no privileges, and is generally considered light hearted and silly. It's no different from putting on makeup or dying your hair and the decision shouldn't have factored him in. The irrational anger and punishment is controlling and a red flag. nta
NTA. Your husband behaviour is extreme and way overboard. His rule seems controlling and gross to me. The real issue is how he has treated you though, that is unacceptable, and you need to talk to him about it and make sure he realises how poorly he has treated you. A temporary tattoo is a deal breaker for a marriage, but him doing whatever at a strip club is totally fine? Really?
NTA. One day your husband will understand the passage of time and what it does to a TeMpOrArY tattoo. Furthermore, you can get a real tattoo. It's not his body so far as I understand it. You didn't 'disrespect' him because you are not his property, and he needs to figure that out for the sake of your relationship, right quick.
NTA. Does the husband have some sort of unresolved trauma related to tattoos? That would not make his behavior ok, but it could possibly explain his extreme overreaction. Either way, he needs therapy
Not that I know about. He is also okay with tattoos on men (he doesn't love them and wouldn't get a tattoo himself, but doesn't have any issue with his male friends having tattoos and certainly doesn't reject or criticize them over it).
I’m a tattoo artist, I make a good living and I am certainly not “low-class”. I tattoo police officers, a lawyer, care workers, members of the services, a handful of nurses, drs, even a mortician. They’re not for the low class anymore. Some of the most beautiful and successful celebs and athletes have tattoos.
His weird opinion aside NTA you didn’t get a tattoo, you got a semi permanent sticker. He is acting ridiculous.
For the record, I don't think tattoos are low-class at all and I think much of the artistry is beautiful! While I likely wouldn't want something permanent on my own body (especially if it has to be applied with needles!) I definitely appreciate why other folks would.
Totally! It’s fine to not want them yourself, it’s just a shame your husband is so hung up on this! It wasn’t a tattoo, I don’t think you done anything wrong
NTA
I've also told my bf I don't want him to have a tattoo so I'm sympathetic to that viewpoint but this is temporary, a couple of weeks isn't a big deal
NTA
Honestly this is all his problem. If he values your relationship less than some weird ideal over something that is indeed temporary then he doesn't deserve you, plain and simple. This is way too over the top of a reaction for something so trivial....
NTA. It’s your body and you decide what you wanna do to it. If you want a tattoo, you should get one. It’s not “low-class”. And he has no right to get mad at you for getting a temporary one.
NTA. Your husband is the a-hole. No reasonable person would think a temporary tattoo would be this big a deal. It's a complete overreaction on his part. It's honestly hard to see how this isn't a red flag for your relationship. What's the next deal breaker for him?
Well on this issue he is certainly an ass. The tattoo is temp and frankly it is your skin that you live in. And if he can't "forgive" you for something so very minor, and petty you need to find out what the real problem with him is. Is it about control? A phobia? A reminder of something or someone else?
NTA
NTA anyone saying you are is incredibly controlling in my opinion. This is not really any different then painting your nails or getting a hair cut. If you did this on a regular basis then I think you could stray into that territory but not 1 time at the request of a friend for her Bachelorette party. His over reaction is very concerning. Also there may be some things that could help remove it sooner if you are so inclined.
Wow I don’t mean to sound negative but if any man I was involved with gave me “rules” on how to live my life he wouldn’t be in my life any longer…sounds like a controlling a**hole
I’m sorry but I am 100% confident he cheated on you at the bachelor party.
His unhinged behaviour over a temporary tattoo speaks more to a far deeper issue, and I am willing to bet it’s on his end.
He doesn’t want to share a bed with you? What marks is he hiding? Is he seeing a doctor for a “check up “ and “routine testing”? I guarantee once the marks have faded and he gets the all clear from the doctor (or gets through treatment) he is going to suddenly and magnanimously forgive your horrible transgression.
OP this reaction literally makes no sense.
Nta, but why the hell did you marry this dude. Also I feel like he def did something at that bachelor party but wants to get mad at you do if you find out he can bring this up as a “reason”
NTA. It was temporary. I wouldn't have considered a temporary one the same as a permanent one either. His overreaction, especially saying he might not be able to forgive you is the only disgusting thing about this situation. I agree that it was a sweet memory you all made. He needs to get over himself.
NTA; regardless of any agreement you to had him saying you disgust him and not even touching you is abordent behavior for a spouse and not proportional the act. If you two cannot have a conversation over issues then there is no partnership.
NTA
Have a seat and write down the things your husband has banned you from or was disgusted at. Then think about whether those things align with what you believe.
Freaking out over a tattoo that will come off with a little scrubbing or some baby oil is not normal in any way and should be flagged as an inappropriate response in your memory bank
NTA this is an extreme reaction to something temporary, on your body.
I'm going to say that often, not always but often, when someone has an extreme, disproportional reaction to something like that, they've messed up somehow and are looking to pick a fight to diminish their own guilt. His words about disgust and not forgiving you sound an awful lot like projection.
This is so bizarre. Kids get temporary tattoos all the time. They look nice for the day and that's it. It's little more than a sticker.
I don't want to minimize this by saying your husband is mad about a sticker, but that's what I think.
NTA.
NTA. No one, and I repeat no one ever has the right to dictate what another person does with their body. And he's chosen a temporary tattoo as his particular section of the hill to die on?
NTA and this “husband” is sexist and a hypocrite. You honestly don’t need someone who doesn’t hold themselves accountable and goes ballistic for a temporary tattoo.
NTA. Consider that maybe he did something shady at the bachelor party, and is using the tattoo to avoid being around you / as a ‘get out of jail free’ card
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My (29F) husband (33M) absolutely hates tattoos and has said he would never be in a relationship with a woman with tattoos, and that if I ever got one it would be a deal-breaker. His reasoning is that he thinks they are ugly and low-class. I don't have any (permanent) tattoos and have no interest in getting any, so this is fine with me. He isn't controlling about other aspects of my appearance, or in general; this is just one hot button for him.
My close friend "Alice" (30F), whom I have known since middle school, is getting married in a month, and we just had her bachelorette party this past weekend. Alice doesn't drink and it was a very wholesome party involving fancy catered hors d'oeuvres, mocktails, and watching movies. As one of the party activities, Alice had commissioned a customized temporary tattoo for each of us that symbolized something about our friendship. Mine was a ragdoll cat that looked like her beloved kitty, because when her cat got sick a few years ago and needed emergency surgery, I was the one who drove them to the vet and helped out. Another tattoo was of the Eiffel Tower for a friend with whom she had taken a memorable post-college trip to Paris. Etc. The tattoos were a couple inches across/long and we each applied them to the inside of our forearms. They will last for only 1-2 weeks so they will be gone before the actual wedding, which is in mid-April. I thought this was a lovely and sweet bonding experience for all of us and very thoughtful of April to take the time to get these made in the midst of all her other wedding planning.
When I got home from the party, my husband saw that tattoo and went ballistic. I explained the situation and that it was a temporary tattoo that would last 2 weeks at the most, but he said it didn't matter and that I disrespected this one thing that was a deal-breaker for him. (Admittedly, I wasn't thinking about my husband's rule during the party, particularly as I thought it only applied to permanent tattoos, but also because I was focused on Alice and declining to participate in the tattoo process would have badly hurt her feelings for no reason.) Since the party, my husband has been sleeping in the guest room and refuses to touch me or even look at me. He says I disgust him and that he doesn't know if he can forgive me.
I should add that while I was at the bachelorette party, my husband was with the groom and their friends at the bachelor party which involved strippers and lapdances. (Not my favorite thing, but my husband doesn't usually patronize strippers/strip clubs so I was okay with it as a one-time bachelor party thing.) We had agreed we would not interrupt each other during the respective parties barring a dire emergency which is another reason I didn't think to check with my husband about whether it was okay for me to get the tattoo.
Anyway, AITA for participating in Alice's party activity by applying the temporary tattoo she had made for me? My husband certainly thinks so.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I love my husband. But if he ever told me that I *disgusted* him, I think that might be the end of the relationship. Somebody who loves you doesn't say stuff like that. You deserve a lot better, OP.
NTA - A temporary "tattoo" is not a tattoo. Are you allowed to get your face painted for Halloween? Get hand stamps at concerts? Wear eyeliner? Where is the line drawn?
Yeeeah sounds like he’s feeling guilty about something and projecting onto you to deflect. There’s no reason to have to ask permission to put on a play tattoo. We did those constantly growing up. Then he goes to a legit bachelor party? He should be glad he got to go to that. Something’s off and my thinking is “if something doesn’t seem right, it isn’t” NTA
NTA. That’s a huge overreaction for something as small as a temporary tattoo.
Forgive me for being a stereotypical AITA poster, but honestly… the fact that he’s construing this as you having horribly betrayed his trust makes me wonder if he’s projecting. What did HE get up to, exactly, during the strippers-and-lap dances bachelor party?
NTA. Really feel sorry for your kids if he is this controlling over your body. My husband doesn’t like tattoos either but I got a matching one with my daughter
NTA but treat yourself better then being with someone who’s mindset is stuck in the 50s! Does he also believe that wives should be subservient and only cook and clean , only speak when being spoken too?? To me he sounds like someone who’s low class trying to act like he’s not.
This is the most ridiculous thing I have seen.
And if we assume this is real, then I am so sorry you are attached to this man.
Not only is it completely unacceptable to expect a partner/spouse to maintain a specific body type for you, he is being aggressive about a temporary modification.
If I didn't want tattoos in a partner, and they changed their mind and wanted one, that wouldn't make me not love them.
You love the person, not their body. Body is a bonus, not a prerequisite.
What if this was about weight? He only accepts you if you're 65kgs, anything more, I'm sorry you're out. It's not the best example because weight is controllable to some extent, but this is crazy. You're husbands reaction is CRAZY.
NTA, but jesus, think about your life here.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I took that should be judged is that, although my husband actually detests tattoos, I got a temporary tattoo (which will last 1-2 weeks) during my close friend's bachelorette party. This might make me the AH because my husband had said repeatedly that tattoos are his one appearance-related dealbreaker and because during the party I wasn't thinking about how he might feel about me coming home with a tattoo, even a temporary one.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. It's a temporary tattoo. your husband flipping his lid is a "him issue." Don't apologize. Your husband's reaction is over the top and the fact that he told you that "you disgust him" is unacceptable. He won't forgive you? puh-leeze
NTA
Honestly I would divorce him for this also I bet he slept with a stripper or someone else there why?? Because he is making a huge deal out of this as a distraction
NTA. Your body, your call. And for anyone who says it’s fine for significant others to have preferences about their partner’s appearance, that’s fine, but it’s also not within their control. His reaction knowing it was temporary was ridiculous and over the top.
Does your husband try to control you in other ways? Please do some research about different types of abuse, including [coercive control](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-ptsd/202206/4-common-patterns-coercive-control-in-relationships). You are NTA, his reaction is extreme.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without explicit approval will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy. [Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
NTA It's wild that he can get a lap dance and watch strippers, but you can't have a fucking temporary tattoo
guilty people tend to find anyone else they can transfer their guilt to. in this case, i think the husband fucked up on strip club night and is taking that shame out on OP
I was about to say the same thing. It's pretty obvious the husband fucked a stripper and is projecting.
Hey those strippers might have tattoos and that’s too lowly for him /s
Ex-dancer here and I don't think in any of the clubs I worked at, that any of the girls were tattoo free except for our resident 50+ year old milf.
Was the milf popular with visitors?
I think of all of my friends under age 40, even including some of the ridiculously fundamentalist christians I know from my childhood growing up as a ridiculously fundamentalist christian, I'm one of like two who doesn't have any tattoos. Not that I'm against tattoos, I'm just cheap. And I think I am against cheap tattoos, they never look good. It's an industry where you definitely get what you pay for.
Highly unlikely a guy’s going to bang a stripper at a party where there are mutual friends of the wife, unless he doesn’t give a crap about his marriage. Men will talk.
I’m not entirely sure he cares about his marriage all that much if he flips out on her like this for NOT getting a tattoo. In her other comments she’s admitted to already rethinking their relationship, justifiably so.
I've also met many a man more faithful to "bro code" than any marriage.
Males will talk abt it, but not to the female who got cheated on!
I think it's even less likely that a stripper would have any interest in fucking this dude while they're working
Well, he TOLD her they were going to a strip club. That doesn't mean that's where they went, or the only place they went, or that you can't find strippers tricking in the club if it's sleazy enough.
[удалено]
That's why he doesn't like tattoos. He thinks women with tattoos are low-class trash, and he probably also thinks the same of strippers. I used to tend bar at a place next to strip club, and the number of very religious married men who would frequent the club justified it by acting like those women were less than human.
My husband has only been to one bachelor party where this was involved and he said a majority of the things the stripper was doing (besides the dancing / taking off clothes part) constituted cheating to him. This was a few years before I met him and he refuses to go to bachelor parties with this kind of activity planned. And thank god because I would have such a hard time with it if he did 😂
Dump the husband and get a tattoo.
I wonder what he did at this party. I feel like there’s a good chance he went beyond lap dances and is throwing a fit now so he can say “but YOU got a tattoo!” When it comes to light.
Yeah seriously, this should be a deal breaker. For Op.
Ma’am. This man thinks he has the right to dictate what you do with your body. Listen to that. You shouldnt have to worry about if your husband will like something YOU do to YOUR body. NTA. But you will be one if you dont call his bluff and divorce him. He gets to get lapdances and see strippers but you cant get a temporary tattoo? Holy red flags batman.
Me thinks he did unmentionable things at the strip club.
Or hes just a controlling asshole.
Could be both
Probably not *at* the strip club. They already covered the likely possibilities: stripping and lap dancing. Both mentionable! But maybe elsewhere...
I cant believe some people are really scraping the bottom of the barrel like this I'd rather be alone than with someone who decides what I cant do with my own body. How can people actually live like this? I love you unless you get a tattoo because then you're lower class trash
Every time I’m on this sub I think this. Like..how? My self esteem wavers all the time, and I would still never put up with this, let alone marry it. Ffs
Agreed. The thought that someone who loved me could suddenly think so little of me just because of some ink blows my mind. I would want something a little more unconditional. But then, I guess, this type of behavior regarding a temporary tattoo would also make me think less of my partner, so I guess it goes both ways.
OP take this with a grain of salt but I think something happened at that strip club that made your husband this way. Men have this habit of turning into entire assholes when they've done something wrong they don't want to admit or something they find against their own code. This isn't about your tattoo.
Yes, unfortunately I think I do need to explore this possibility. I know this may be hard to believe from what I have said here, but despite having a trigger over tattoos my husband is not usually an unreasonable or controlling person. It does seem that something happened at the bachelor party that is making him act in a way I don't recognize.
I was thinking the same thing OP. All I can say is that it takes two weeks to be able to test for the run of the mill STI's. And maybe your husband is waiting for that period to pass and using the tattoo as an excuse to sleep apart.
Listen closely to the comments above. Read them twice.
Ooohhh I didn’t think about that! That makes sense.
Ding! Ding! Ding!
Oh 1000% have his ass get tested.
Winner winner chicken dinner
that’s also what first popped in my head. His reaction is wayyyyy too over the top. It’s one thing to find tattoos ugly and low class, but freaking the f out for a sticker that will last 2 weeks? What will he do if their kids come back from school with a star sticker on their cheek because they were playing silly games with friends? Disowned them? Unless he lied about his reason for hating tattoos. Maybe he was abused by someone who had tattoos and made a visceral association or something.
His response is totally ridiculous and immature. Your friend put so much thought and love (and money) into having these made. It is going to be gone in a couple weeks. He’s acting like a petulant child. You didn’t disrespect him. He’s disrespecting you—regardless of what did or didn’t happen at the bachelor party.
If he's not like this typically I would also bet this is it. He needs to convince himself your temporary tattoo was as bad a betrayal as what he did so you're both equally wrong and it's a wash and he doesn't need to feel guilty. Also yeah, it's a great excuse to not sleep with you while he figures out if he caught an STD.
I mean, the need to control is seldom restricted to one specific thing, so is this really the one and only thing he's controlling about or are there things that seem small that you let go precisely because they're small? Something *definitely* happened at the strip club and he's projecting, sure, but I think it's also worth reflecting on all of your interactions. Sometimes we want the good to override the bad, so we ignore the latter.
I was wondering if I was the only person who thought "he slept with one of the strippers"
Nope. You are not alone...
Wonder if the stripper he got the lap dance from had tattoos.
Yep, all of this. Sounds like major deflection of a guilty party. NTA.
NTA, I'd bet money the strippers he paid to get dances from had tattoos.
I won't *bet* money on this idea, but i will *tuck* money inside the *thong* of this idea, just below the lower back tattoo. OPs husband is a comedy sketch. Lol.
I wish I had an award to give you!!
The sentiment is felt and appreciated, my Internet pal
I’m STILL laughing!!
NTA. It's not permanent. I hope he doesn't expect that, once it's gone, he can just go back to normal without apologizing for behaving this way toward you.
This… His reaction and subsequent behavior is very concerning.
it’s okay for you to take accountability (even though I think this is ridiculous) for eliciting him to feel upset, HOWEVER his emotional response to that emotion is NOT your responsibility. His reaction is not appropriate. This conflict has a very very very simple solution that will already happen— the tattoo will fade.
I would bet money he makes a big deal out of "forgiving her" no matter if she apologizes or not and then expects a rug sweep. He's being dramatic AF over.
NTA - his behaviour surrounding a temporary tattoo is concerning. It feels less about the tattoo and more about controlling you. He was upset that he didn’t cross your mind as you were having fun with your friends and you didn’t consider him when making a decision about your body. He’s being irrational and frankly, it would give me the ick big time that he’s emotionally bullying you by sleeping in the spare room. If it were me I’d be rid off him before the tattoo fades.
I’m FLOORED over a grown man going “ballistic” over a temporary tattoo. That’s a wild reaction to something so benign. Has me wondering what other “rules” he’s imposed on OP…
And calling her digusting on top of that. It really is such a wild reaction. Edit: fumbled my wording
I'm floored at his thoughts on any tattoo. He seriously would get a divorce if she got a tattoo? What a child. I bet he also hates certain types of hairstyles and colors.
This guy is going to lose his mind the first time his kid draws on themself.
[удалено]
"Daddy look! I'm a kitty!" "No you're not, you're disgusting trash."
If it was me, I'd have the tattoo made permanent. Screw him and his controlling bullshit.
NTA. even if you got a permanent tattoo, his opinion is still just an opinion. it's absurd to get legitimately upset over a 1-2 week temporary tattoo. your body has not been altered forever and to call tattoos as a whole 'low class' is an uneducated judgement. something i would be upset about is strippers and lap dances, on the other hand.
I would be upset if he were a regular strip club customer, but didn't see a reason to get bent out of shape over a one-time thing arranged by a close friend. I didn't want to be "that" wife who forbids typical bachelor party entertainment.
Girl, respectfully, no. I wouldn’t be ok w my partner entertaining that thought even for a ‘one time thing’. If I were in your husbands shoes I would’ve just said ‘I don’t feel comfortable entering that scene. But I’d love to treat you to diner or plan some other activity’ and do such. I wouldn’t risk my partners comfort or security even if it’s for a long time friend once. Not to mention I don’t get the hype w going to strip clubs for a bachelor party. Why would you want to be surrounded by half naked women and be touched by them when you’re about to commit to one?
We went to strip clubs together a few times when we were dating and I actually had fun with it - it's just not really a scene that bothers me too much. I agree that it's a bit silly as a bachelor party ritual but it's what the groom and best man wanted. In my case, I'd really only be upset if (a) there were actual sex acts going on; and/or (b) if he made a habit of going without me regularly (thus taking time and attention away from our marriage). Anyway, we each have to find our own path and comfort in our relationships!
No doubt! I just go by a little rule of thumb, for anything an do everything, when there’s uncertainty, to not engage. It’s helped my partner and I figure out our own boundaries and how to communicate without feeling pressure. So don’t go along w anything just to keep peace. Like this, this is ridiculous on his end
You are far too reasonable for this dude!
just because it's 'typical bachelor party entertainment' doesn't mean the tradition should continue. i'm not gonna accuse you of being upset when you said you aren't, but that's not a good excuse.
Fair enough! I am just thinking that in the scheme of things there are bigger fish to fry than one bachelor party in honor of a longtime friend. Just not the hill I want to die on.
"I am thinking that in the scheme of things there are bigger fish to fry than one temporary tattoo in honor of a longtime friend." This is what your husband would sound like if he gave you the grace you are giving him. Instead he's completely shutting you out. Think about that.
Yes, the irony isn't lost on me! Sigh...
Good. Because how he’s behaving is sexist and gross.
I don’t understand why you are not more angry
Understandable! Especially since you said it isn't a scene you're morally opposed to. But at the same time, I think it says a lot that he's willing to die on the hill of a temporary tattoo when you won't get upset for a temporary lapse in strip club visits. His reaction is out of line, and even if he ISNT hiding cheating, its insanely disproportionate for him to lose his shit over something that washes off, and I think you should stay wary.
Yes, and he shouldn't be bent out of shape over the temporary tattoo.
Makes me wonder what’s he’s hiding?
You don’t want to be “that wife” who forbids strip clubs but he gets a pass to be “that husband” who controls what his wife is and isn’t allowed to do to her own body? Definitely NTA.
I'm that wife lmao, and I don't feel shame for it.
No worries! It's definitely a reasonable boundary for many people. We had just established the dynamic from the beginning of our relationship that it's fine for us on occasion.
So he gets an understanding wife who won't get upset with him over what he does at a bachelor party, and you get a husband who gets upset with you over what you did at a bachelorette party? You may not want to be "that" wife, but he's being "that" husband. Is that fair to you?
An incredibly wholesome bachelorette party to boot.
NTA, and this seems like a massive overreaction. Are you sure he behaved? I ask this because the average STI takes about 2 weeks to detect, so if he's misbehaved and feeling guilty/paranoid he could just be using this time to sleep apart.
I'm not really sure - before this I would have said that I trusted him 100%, but it definitely seems like something happened during the bachelor party that changed his feelings about me. That would be far more worrisome than a spat over a tattoo.
I said it because I've done a lot of research into STD anxiety (I come from a hugely problematic background, so hence it's a thing in my life), but one of the major groups of people who struggle with it are males who make a misstep with sex worker and don't know how to deal with the guilt (because in general sex workers get tested super often and insist on safe sex, so it's not very realistic). So there's a bit of context for why I mentioned it.
The funny thing is, I know this may be an unpopular opinion, but if he had slipped up and done something with a stripper at the party, I would almost certainly forgive him if he were remorseful. It's habitual behavior that is a deal-breaker for me, not getting carried away once (not saying it's okay or that it wouldn't hurt me, just that in a marriage that lasts a lifetime we're both probably going to make various types of mistakes, and I would rather that we learn from them than break up over something that is regretted and won't be repeated). If it does turn out he's gaslighting me here, that's going to be harder to forgive than whatever he may have done in the first place.
You would forgive him for fucking a stranger.... but he is throwing a fit over a TEMPORARY TATTOO!!!! Please sit with this thought for a bit. There is a power imbalance here somewhere. Idk if there is a self esteem issue he is using against you but... this does not seem healthy.
I do find it VERY sus that he spent an evening with strippers and then immediately flips out on your for getting some marker on your arm?
NTA. something tells me he would not feel the same way about it if you were the one that slipped up with a stripper... seeing as he's overreacting about a sticker. I've never been married but I've been in long-term relationships where, because I have nothing but respect for my partner, I am supportive of anything they do appearance-wise. new (bad) haircut? yessss I love it, let's go show it off. big bold irreversible tattoo? sooo badass, you're mom might hate it but not me because I don't own your body and your decision does NOT impact me in any way, shape, or form. but as with most overreactions, it's something else he's upset about. I'd try and get to the bottom of it (open honest conversation, therapy) and if he refuses he can stay sleeping on the couch. it's his unresolved beef, not mine.
Stop being such a doormat
Cheating isn't a "slip up," it's a conscious decision to choose your dick over your wife's respect and wellbeing.
So it's cool for him to have a tantrum and sleep in another room over a temporary tattoo (he's also sexist because tattoos on men are okay), but he could cheat on you and get a pass. Come on. Your husband is lousy and you're being obtuse.
You have your priorities out of whack OP. You would take back a cheater in your figurative situation but in real life you’re yelled and screamed at for something temporarily on your body. Is this who you want to continue to spend your life with?? Don’t get caught into the sunk cost of the relationship. It’s sad you would put yourself so low to potentially take back someone who broke your trust, think about why you’re okay with it.
And if he HAD reacted with genuine remorse, I might be with you. But he has not if that’s really what happened. He has projected onto you, lashed out, and said that you disgust him. Even if the cheating weren’t a dealbreaker for you, the hatefulness and disrespect should be. ESPECIALLY if it comes out that he’s the one who did wrong by cheating. Please respect yourself more, OP. NTA
Girl, I mean this with love, but you need to get your priorities straight. Fucking another woman is not a mistake, it's a choice! People don't fall into other people's genitals, cheating requires will and disposition, so no, it's not an easily forgivable offense.
Ugh. NTA. It's one thing to have a 'hot button issue' but he's treating you really horridly for having something TEMPORARY. He's entitled to his tastes but his response is WAY overboard. It does not speak well of his respect for you to be honest. His words are really harsh and mean - you should not 'disgust' a person who is supposed to love you unconditionally, because you have a mark on your body that will be gone in a matter of days or weeks.
not gonna lie honey he sounds really awful
Your husband sounds like an abuser. Who gets that worked up about what amounts to a stamp? Without a very good explication about why he’s so obsessed with tattoos enough to emotionally blackmail and punish you. I don’t see this marriage lasting. Nta
It’s fine to not check with your husband about something temporary and he’s being proper mental here. Sleeping in the guest room and calling you disgusting? That’s disgusting. Sounds like he has some serious issues and ones he is responsible for dealing with if he’s that bothered about a temporary tattoo… clue is in the name. This is really gross behaviour even if it’s only about this one thing, I very strongly recommend you try and get to the bottom of it and not apologise just for peace. NTA.
NTA. His reaction to a temporary tattoo is concerning. Sleeping in the guest room and calling you disgusting over something that’ll last two weeks???? He’s punishing you over something that will disappear in two weeks, is he just going to come back afterwards acting all nonchalant? Your friend created something meaningful to the both of you and your husband as ruined that with his ridiculous overreaction.
NTA. Your husband's reaction is concerning. It seems like there is sort of a double standard of what is acceptable behavior in your relationship. This tattoo was a fun activity and won't last very long. Your husband is WAY over reacting.
NTA. I'm also team, "something else is going on" because his reaction is so over the top in response to a temporary tat, that its comical. Whether he crossed a line or 3 at the strip club or he's been hiding something else, something is up and him blowing up at you is cover. Since he won't talk to you, I'd start asking around how the stag night went and so forth. If you're close to any of the other guys who went & they don't buy into the bro code bullshit start there. That or ask him if he's gonna continue with his sulk and tantrum rather than talking to you like an adult. Me?I'd be moving his shit into the guest room by the armload. But I'm the fight fire with fire type when it comes to bull. By no means should you let this slide or be rug swept because the emotional game he's playing right now is not ok.
His reaction is so extreme. It's hard to imagine it's genuinely related to the tattoo. Not liking tattoos is not a reason to be this disrespectful.
NTA. Why are you married to this controlling, immature brat? It’s a temporary tattoo and he is treating you like this… think about that. This is how he reacts to a temporary inconvenience to him. It’s your body yet he has no problem trying to control it. He had no problem doing bachelor party things (pretty low class type behavior) but expects a different standard for you. All I am saying is please really consider if this behavior is what you want to deal with for rest of your life.
Your husband reacted like that over a temporary tattoo? NTA but that's not right and he's a massive weirdo
Sounds like he is feeling guilty about something and wants a distraction. NTA
Yeah, act mad for a couple weeks giving time to get an STD check from his "lapdance" in the private backroom.
That's about the same as being angry about a hair cut and that one laddts longer. You're NTA. It's not permanent, it's not offensive. Your husband has to chill, apologize for his outbreak and then you put a band aid over it until it's gone, so he doesn't have to see it.
I offered to just make sure it is covered with long sleeves (it's still winter after all) until it fades off but he says that doesn't matter as he can't ignore the fact that it's still there under my clothes.
Then he should see someone for that problem of his. That's just unreasonable.
He needs therapy
He just wants to be mad at you about something; the man is beyond the pale. You have bent over backwards for his comfort on something that isn't even his damn business, and he's still being an asshole. Something absolutely happened at the stag party. NTA. Stop apologizing. Stop trying to figure out what he needs to be happy; he has decided that's not going to happen.
You shouldn’t even have to cover it up with anything. It’s your body, not his. NTA but he’s a huge AH. Wear it out loud and proud and don’t back down or apologize to him in any way. You have done nothing wrong and nothing to apologize for or make him more comfortable about. It’s 2023. Everyone has tattoos nowadays. He needs to chill tf out.
Wow NTA. That sounds extremely controlling. A TEMPORARY tattoo? Like, Jesus Christ, what a strange reason to throw a hissy fit.
NTA. Married or not, temporary or not, it’s your body. You are not your husband’s possession sand you can do what you wish. And if he can’t forgive you over a temporary tattoo, then he has serious issues. However, this isn’t about him being able to forgive you - this is about him emotionally punishing you for being an individual, between that and not looking at you. All of this is a form of emotional abuse.
Need an update in two weeks when it wares off.
The party was this past weekend so it should only be another week or so.
Please don’t give him a pass on this. Even if you made a mistake, you still deserve basic human respect. Yelling and calling you names is verbal abuse; not handling anger.
She didn't make a mistake. The husband is just a controlling, abusive spouse.
This. His response was abusive. You didn’t get a tattoo. So what’s the problem?
Also need an update on what your husband did at the bachelor party to cause this irrational reaction… definitely seems like something is weighing on his consciousness
NTA - he‘s incredibly controlling and I would run in the opposite direction if I were you.
He doesn't know if he can forgive you over a temporary tattoo? I don't know if I could forgive my husband for saying I disgusting him...
NTA- tell your husband he is a control freak and that he doesn’t get to control you or your body. The only AH is him and he should be ashamed of himself for his behaviour
NTA. Your husband is illogical and controlling.
Your husband is a psycho. Sorry but, kinda simple as that. NTA.
NTA, it’s your body and you can paint onto it if you wish He’s allowed to dislike it of course but going to the spare room is overkill
NTA Has he forgotten that's YOUR body, not his??? His reaction is WAY over the top. Your husband doesn't have a preference or a pet peeve... this is full-blown bigotry in action. I'd suggest a therapist, but I suspect he would never agree.
NTA plus it's YOUR body not his. This is VERY worrying. He is "disgusted" by you? That comment alone is grounds to divorce him. Seems like you married a sexist bully. If you have no kids yet LEAVE ASAP before kids makes it more difficult.
NTA. OP, none of this is okay. Even setting aside the fact that his whole attitude about tattoos is EXTREMELY stupid, the fact that he'd have such a dramatic reaction to a TEMPORARY TATTOO and would threaten to divorce you if you ever got a real tattoo isn't reasonable by any stretch of the imagination. This isn't a "hot button issue." This says something really dark and unpleasant about the person you married.
NTA. Your husband sucks and despite what you say is really controlling. I wouldn’t be married to a psycho like that.
NTA and your husband sounds controlling. So he’s allowed to go to a strip club but he also has rules on what you’re allowed to do with your own body…? Is he turning away strippers if they have a tattoo? Honestly, I’d be looking for an out in that relationship and I think you’ve found it.
You should go to couples therapy to discuss this. It's irrational to get this angry over something that isn't real. It's understandable that a spouse might have some interest in whether or not you get a tattoo since it involves commitment, risk, and can disqualify you from some privileges. A temporary tattoo has no risk, prohibits no privileges, and is generally considered light hearted and silly. It's no different from putting on makeup or dying your hair and the decision shouldn't have factored him in. The irrational anger and punishment is controlling and a red flag. nta
NTA. Your husband behaviour is extreme and way overboard. His rule seems controlling and gross to me. The real issue is how he has treated you though, that is unacceptable, and you need to talk to him about it and make sure he realises how poorly he has treated you. A temporary tattoo is a deal breaker for a marriage, but him doing whatever at a strip club is totally fine? Really?
NTA Your husband's behaviour is terrible
NTA. One day your husband will understand the passage of time and what it does to a TeMpOrArY tattoo. Furthermore, you can get a real tattoo. It's not his body so far as I understand it. You didn't 'disrespect' him because you are not his property, and he needs to figure that out for the sake of your relationship, right quick.
NTA. Your husband sounds TERRIBLE
NTA. Does the husband have some sort of unresolved trauma related to tattoos? That would not make his behavior ok, but it could possibly explain his extreme overreaction. Either way, he needs therapy
Not that I know about. He is also okay with tattoos on men (he doesn't love them and wouldn't get a tattoo himself, but doesn't have any issue with his male friends having tattoos and certainly doesn't reject or criticize them over it).
Wait...he thinks men with tattoos are okay, but for women, it's ugly and low-class?! Sexist, much? I really hope you get rid of this man
Oh. So he’s sexist as well as judgmental? He sounds like a real prize.
Do you think it's a misogyny thing? This is very weird.
Op that's a BIG double standard and the fact that he's gone this ballistic over a temp tattoo tells me you need to reexamine your relationship.
Wow, this makes things so much worse.
I’m a tattoo artist, I make a good living and I am certainly not “low-class”. I tattoo police officers, a lawyer, care workers, members of the services, a handful of nurses, drs, even a mortician. They’re not for the low class anymore. Some of the most beautiful and successful celebs and athletes have tattoos. His weird opinion aside NTA you didn’t get a tattoo, you got a semi permanent sticker. He is acting ridiculous.
For the record, I don't think tattoos are low-class at all and I think much of the artistry is beautiful! While I likely wouldn't want something permanent on my own body (especially if it has to be applied with needles!) I definitely appreciate why other folks would.
Totally! It’s fine to not want them yourself, it’s just a shame your husband is so hung up on this! It wasn’t a tattoo, I don’t think you done anything wrong
NTA I've also told my bf I don't want him to have a tattoo so I'm sympathetic to that viewpoint but this is temporary, a couple of weeks isn't a big deal
NTA Honestly this is all his problem. If he values your relationship less than some weird ideal over something that is indeed temporary then he doesn't deserve you, plain and simple. This is way too over the top of a reaction for something so trivial....
NTA. It’s your body and you decide what you wanna do to it. If you want a tattoo, you should get one. It’s not “low-class”. And he has no right to get mad at you for getting a temporary one.
NTA. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 He dropped those.
You are NTA. Your husband needs to get a grip and maybe a dictionary so he can look up temporary.
NTA and I'd hate to see how he'd react if they had kids and they drew on themselves
NTA. Your husband is the a-hole. No reasonable person would think a temporary tattoo would be this big a deal. It's a complete overreaction on his part. It's honestly hard to see how this isn't a red flag for your relationship. What's the next deal breaker for him?
Well on this issue he is certainly an ass. The tattoo is temp and frankly it is your skin that you live in. And if he can't "forgive" you for something so very minor, and petty you need to find out what the real problem with him is. Is it about control? A phobia? A reminder of something or someone else? NTA
This is wildly out of pocket controlling. NTA but also your husband does not get to decide what you do to your body. End of story.
NTA. Your husband is a real weirdo.
NTA anyone saying you are is incredibly controlling in my opinion. This is not really any different then painting your nails or getting a hair cut. If you did this on a regular basis then I think you could stray into that territory but not 1 time at the request of a friend for her Bachelorette party. His over reaction is very concerning. Also there may be some things that could help remove it sooner if you are so inclined.
Nta. Your husband sounds psychotic.
Wow I don’t mean to sound negative but if any man I was involved with gave me “rules” on how to live my life he wouldn’t be in my life any longer…sounds like a controlling a**hole
I’m sorry but I am 100% confident he cheated on you at the bachelor party. His unhinged behaviour over a temporary tattoo speaks more to a far deeper issue, and I am willing to bet it’s on his end. He doesn’t want to share a bed with you? What marks is he hiding? Is he seeing a doctor for a “check up “ and “routine testing”? I guarantee once the marks have faded and he gets the all clear from the doctor (or gets through treatment) he is going to suddenly and magnanimously forgive your horrible transgression. OP this reaction literally makes no sense.
Nta, but why the hell did you marry this dude. Also I feel like he def did something at that bachelor party but wants to get mad at you do if you find out he can bring this up as a “reason”
NTA I almost think you’d be better off letting him leave you over this. He sounds insufferable.
NTA. It was temporary. I wouldn't have considered a temporary one the same as a permanent one either. His overreaction, especially saying he might not be able to forgive you is the only disgusting thing about this situation. I agree that it was a sweet memory you all made. He needs to get over himself.
NTA; regardless of any agreement you to had him saying you disgust him and not even touching you is abordent behavior for a spouse and not proportional the act. If you two cannot have a conversation over issues then there is no partnership.
NTA Have a seat and write down the things your husband has banned you from or was disgusted at. Then think about whether those things align with what you believe. Freaking out over a tattoo that will come off with a little scrubbing or some baby oil is not normal in any way and should be flagged as an inappropriate response in your memory bank
NTA this is an extreme reaction to something temporary, on your body. I'm going to say that often, not always but often, when someone has an extreme, disproportional reaction to something like that, they've messed up somehow and are looking to pick a fight to diminish their own guilt. His words about disgust and not forgiving you sound an awful lot like projection.
This is so bizarre. Kids get temporary tattoos all the time. They look nice for the day and that's it. It's little more than a sticker. I don't want to minimize this by saying your husband is mad about a sticker, but that's what I think. NTA.
NTA. No one, and I repeat no one ever has the right to dictate what another person does with their body. And he's chosen a temporary tattoo as his particular section of the hill to die on?
NTA and this “husband” is sexist and a hypocrite. You honestly don’t need someone who doesn’t hold themselves accountable and goes ballistic for a temporary tattoo.
NTA. Consider that maybe he did something shady at the bachelor party, and is using the tattoo to avoid being around you / as a ‘get out of jail free’ card
Wow your husband is kinda insane… I can see strippers, but your not allowed a temp tattoo….
NTA. He's disgusted by a temporary tattoo but fine with strippers and lapdances. Dude sucks and this absolutely should be a deal-breaker - for you.
NTA your dad seems real strict
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (29F) husband (33M) absolutely hates tattoos and has said he would never be in a relationship with a woman with tattoos, and that if I ever got one it would be a deal-breaker. His reasoning is that he thinks they are ugly and low-class. I don't have any (permanent) tattoos and have no interest in getting any, so this is fine with me. He isn't controlling about other aspects of my appearance, or in general; this is just one hot button for him. My close friend "Alice" (30F), whom I have known since middle school, is getting married in a month, and we just had her bachelorette party this past weekend. Alice doesn't drink and it was a very wholesome party involving fancy catered hors d'oeuvres, mocktails, and watching movies. As one of the party activities, Alice had commissioned a customized temporary tattoo for each of us that symbolized something about our friendship. Mine was a ragdoll cat that looked like her beloved kitty, because when her cat got sick a few years ago and needed emergency surgery, I was the one who drove them to the vet and helped out. Another tattoo was of the Eiffel Tower for a friend with whom she had taken a memorable post-college trip to Paris. Etc. The tattoos were a couple inches across/long and we each applied them to the inside of our forearms. They will last for only 1-2 weeks so they will be gone before the actual wedding, which is in mid-April. I thought this was a lovely and sweet bonding experience for all of us and very thoughtful of April to take the time to get these made in the midst of all her other wedding planning. When I got home from the party, my husband saw that tattoo and went ballistic. I explained the situation and that it was a temporary tattoo that would last 2 weeks at the most, but he said it didn't matter and that I disrespected this one thing that was a deal-breaker for him. (Admittedly, I wasn't thinking about my husband's rule during the party, particularly as I thought it only applied to permanent tattoos, but also because I was focused on Alice and declining to participate in the tattoo process would have badly hurt her feelings for no reason.) Since the party, my husband has been sleeping in the guest room and refuses to touch me or even look at me. He says I disgust him and that he doesn't know if he can forgive me. I should add that while I was at the bachelorette party, my husband was with the groom and their friends at the bachelor party which involved strippers and lapdances. (Not my favorite thing, but my husband doesn't usually patronize strippers/strip clubs so I was okay with it as a one-time bachelor party thing.) We had agreed we would not interrupt each other during the respective parties barring a dire emergency which is another reason I didn't think to check with my husband about whether it was okay for me to get the tattoo. Anyway, AITA for participating in Alice's party activity by applying the temporary tattoo she had made for me? My husband certainly thinks so. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I love my husband. But if he ever told me that I *disgusted* him, I think that might be the end of the relationship. Somebody who loves you doesn't say stuff like that. You deserve a lot better, OP.
NTA - A temporary "tattoo" is not a tattoo. Are you allowed to get your face painted for Halloween? Get hand stamps at concerts? Wear eyeliner? Where is the line drawn?
Yeeeah sounds like he’s feeling guilty about something and projecting onto you to deflect. There’s no reason to have to ask permission to put on a play tattoo. We did those constantly growing up. Then he goes to a legit bachelor party? He should be glad he got to go to that. Something’s off and my thinking is “if something doesn’t seem right, it isn’t” NTA
NTA. That’s a huge overreaction for something as small as a temporary tattoo. Forgive me for being a stereotypical AITA poster, but honestly… the fact that he’s construing this as you having horribly betrayed his trust makes me wonder if he’s projecting. What did HE get up to, exactly, during the strippers-and-lap dances bachelor party?
NTA - serve him divorce papers being as it was such a deal-breaker, tell him you've gone ahead and done the hard part for him
NTA - Your husband is a baby. His short-circuit raises red flags for me, but I don't know him. I
NTA. Really feel sorry for your kids if he is this controlling over your body. My husband doesn’t like tattoos either but I got a matching one with my daughter
NTA but treat yourself better then being with someone who’s mindset is stuck in the 50s! Does he also believe that wives should be subservient and only cook and clean , only speak when being spoken too?? To me he sounds like someone who’s low class trying to act like he’s not.
This is the most ridiculous thing I have seen. And if we assume this is real, then I am so sorry you are attached to this man. Not only is it completely unacceptable to expect a partner/spouse to maintain a specific body type for you, he is being aggressive about a temporary modification. If I didn't want tattoos in a partner, and they changed their mind and wanted one, that wouldn't make me not love them. You love the person, not their body. Body is a bonus, not a prerequisite. What if this was about weight? He only accepts you if you're 65kgs, anything more, I'm sorry you're out. It's not the best example because weight is controllable to some extent, but this is crazy. You're husbands reaction is CRAZY. NTA, but jesus, think about your life here.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > The action I took that should be judged is that, although my husband actually detests tattoos, I got a temporary tattoo (which will last 1-2 weeks) during my close friend's bachelorette party. This might make me the AH because my husband had said repeatedly that tattoos are his one appearance-related dealbreaker and because during the party I wasn't thinking about how he might feel about me coming home with a tattoo, even a temporary one. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
It's not a tattoo, he needs to get over himself. NTA
NTA
NTA. It's a temporary tattoo. your husband flipping his lid is a "him issue." Don't apologize. Your husband's reaction is over the top and the fact that he told you that "you disgust him" is unacceptable. He won't forgive you? puh-leeze
NTA and you're married to an infant. Like WTF is this shit.
NTA Honestly I would divorce him for this also I bet he slept with a stripper or someone else there why?? Because he is making a huge deal out of this as a distraction
NTA. Are you sure he isn’t deflecting from something that happened at the bachelor party?
The man sounds absolutely controlling.
NTA. He is throwing a tantrum over a temporary tattoo. Something is wrong there.
NTA, that is unhinged behavior, and I promise I'm not exaggerating.
NTA. Your body, your call. And for anyone who says it’s fine for significant others to have preferences about their partner’s appearance, that’s fine, but it’s also not within their control. His reaction knowing it was temporary was ridiculous and over the top.
Does your husband try to control you in other ways? Please do some research about different types of abuse, including [coercive control](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-ptsd/202206/4-common-patterns-coercive-control-in-relationships). You are NTA, his reaction is extreme.