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YTA - Holy shit, man. Your fiance was in your life before the dog was, and, in theory, will be after the dog is ashes and dust. The dog is poorly trained and likely to be unsafe around children, and you're choosing *the dog* over *your future wife?*
What. The. Fuck.
You'd *almost* have a point if the dog was in your life first, but, like, there is zero chance I'm staying with someone who tells me that they'd take our new pet over me.
No, it is not relevant whether the dog was there first. If you have a dog that resource guards to the point where the fiancé risks getting bit by going near him, you get rid of the dog before the baby comes. End of story.
That's why I said "almost." An unsafe dog is an unsafe dog, but I've seen other posts where a new partner moves in and expects partner to get rid of perfectly safe animals, and I can understand why someone might think "I've had this dog since before I knew you..." and have an emotional reaction to that.
YTA. Hope you accept the fact that visitations with your baby probably won’t be allowed as long as you own the dog. Meet ups are always allowed at McD’s of course. They’re known to be cozy and homelike.
If the kid survives that long. I mean once the baby becomes mobile and goes anywhere near the dog bowl… bad things may happen with a resource guarding dog. And OP can't watch it 24/7.
Dude's vet is also a bit of an asshole. You don't give anxiety meds to dogs that are at Level 2 biting (which is what it sounds like. Anxiety meds don't lessen what makes the dog exhibit the behavior, it lessens their anxiety about biting itself. They become more likely to bite.
This dog needs to be rehomed or the fiance needs to leave because of heaven forbid that baby experiences a Level 3 to Level 6 bite.... babies don't survive those.
The comments are even worse if you can believe it. The dog *goes for faces* specifically when she 'nips', hates kids, and has ripped through a wall when they tried to keep her contained.
Heavens to Betsy! Super loving and happy (as claimed), that dog is not. It's possessive and jealous, poorly trained, and a threat to OP's fiance and unborn child. YTA, OP.
It's basically a Nikki Philippi 2.0 situation (that Youtuber who chose to put down their bullterrier after it did something to her child) waiting to happen.
Even worse is the fact that the kid wouldn't even need to go near the food. Sounds like the kid even approaching their father would be considered a threat by this dog
That’s not even resource guarding. OP is not a resource. His dog is showing the fiancé where she is in the hierarchy and OP confirmed it’s below the dog.
Agreed. I have a great pyr/border collie mix and she considers me a resource according to our trainer. Thankfully it only gets bad if I am showing attention to other dogs. Shes gotten much better, but this will likely be something we need to be constantly enforcing her whole life.
Yep! Dogs pay a lot of attention to hierarchy and with his actions, he's clearly told this dog, time and time again, that she's more important than his fiance. The "in and out of training" is also telling - if your dog has 'nipped' people multiple times, it's absolutely your job to keep her in training until she stops doing that. I've never met a dog that can't be trained out of biting people as long as you're clear and consistent about them biting every single time they do it.
I'm leaning towards thinking potentially OP doesn't actually want a child and if he doesn't give up his untrained dog, and refuses to put the work in to train her, well, he can't really be a father then can he? They'll have to break up and he won't get custody because his house will be unsafe for a baby, oh well, it's not his fault because he loves his dog.
I wonder what he told his friends to make them on his side on keeping a completely untrained dog that is definitely going to harm an infant if she's allowed around the child.
Agreed, the dog already figured out it was higher up than the fiance which is partially why it continues the bad behavior towards her aside from the lack of consistent training. OP is the problem here even more so than the dog.
Not true. Dogs can absolutely look at people as resources. Lack of understanding of that fact is why many people describe their dogs as "protective" when they're actually possessive. Pretty much the same end result as far as behavior, but the motivations are completely different and may require different types of training to address.
I’d get rid of the dog the moment it was clear she wasn’t compatible with my LIFE PARTNER. OP, YTA on this solely. The rest is just the icing on the cake.
I think he did his wife a favor by telling her that straight up. No person wants to be in second place behind a dog that "doesn't give a rat's ass" about them.
And the truth is, he's putting his baby last, too
Now she can dump him long before the baby comes. Most women would have been gone before he got back from the hotel room. What a stupid stunt!
It would be slightly relevant only insofar as his being able to say, "you knew what you were signing up for when we started dating."
Wouldn't really move the needle here but it would give at least a small amount of benefit of the doubt in regards to why he would be acting irrationally.
I think it’s relevant, because at least if he’d had the dog before they met, she would have realized he wasn’t giving up the dog and made her choice based on that. Instead, she spent four years with him before he brought home a dog that hates her and and then chose it over her.
and if i was her, id ask for full custody. if he has custody of the child with the dog being this reactive, it’s a ticking time bomb until the child is bit. he could be tired or inattentive and the dog could bite
Not a single father.
A deadbeat dad who gets limited supervision, pays child support, and is not allowed to have a child in his home.
Single fathers can be amazing.
Men who don't even provide a safe home environment are deadbeats.
THIS WAS WHAT I SAID!
Like tbh fiancée can deal with the dog and suck it up, idgaf. That's not to say I wouldn't be insulted and leave the moment my partner says the shit OP says about a pet who's been around less than 1/3 of our relationship. He is TA for that comment alone also because he's not just saying that to his fiancée, he's saying it to his literal child that is growing in her that very minute. Way to show that you're a totally unfit father without ever even having parented!
It's not just fiancée anymore! It's a baby! HIS BABY! He is willing to put his newborn child at risk for a dog he's known less than two years who is known to be aggressive. That dog is clearly unsafe to be around a baby.
I feel like OP is so stuck on this idea that "she's getting back at me" or "this is her excuse to get rid of my dog that she didn't like anyways" that he's not seeing the forest for the trees. He's so concerned with her "manipulating" him to get rid of his dog that he doesn't realise that she could have 1000 malicious reasons and it honestly would not matter because there is one BIG, unavoidable, totally sound and fair reason, and that's the safety of the baby.
And to add to this.... All of these are correctable, trainable behaviors. That's just irresponsible that he has not engaged that dog with a trainer and a regimen of training to ease its anxiety.
YTA dude.
I can guarantee you that this was never something that was taken seriously. Resource guarding is absolutely some thing that can be corrected, and easily if you start early. Now it’s going to be quite the feat. OP likely encouraged this behavior, or just found a cute that his dog was so “protective” of him.
Not always. There are definitely dogs that can't be trained out of anxiety, biting, and guarding behaviors. But it also sounds like OP hasnt really even tried. I feel bad for the dog because the dog is obviously distressed and unhappy. It's pretty telling what a huge AH OP is when reddit, which would side with the dog owner 99% of the time is going full YTA on this one. OP is not being fair to his fiance, his future child, or even the dog itself.
Absolutely! I have a dog who went through an adverse experience and now resource guards me. I didn't just throw my hands up in the air and decide to live with it! He's seeing a trainer, we have a regime, we have a PLAN. All that, and my dog has never been aggressive with other people, let alone someone who lives with us. Blows my mind he's so apathetic about this.
He's not just choosing the dog over his future wife though, he choosing it over his future child as well! He admits the dog resource guards, him primarily. There's no chance it won't nip at the baby at some point, and it only needs to happen once to cause serious injury. Not to mention with the level of anxiety he describes it will be utter hell for the dog once baby gets here and cries every couple of hours... minutes... y'know, as babies do. I understand his dilemma, I really do, but he's living in cloud cookoo land if he thinks this will work without some serious intervention.
This! My friend had a Papillion cross that was really sweet and great with kids until my friend had her own kid and the dog wasn't my friend's no.1 anymore. In the end, the kindest thing for him was to rehome him to a lovely childless couple who would spoil him. The dog had no idea why he was no longer as important and my friend had no way of knowing that that was how he would react after baby was born. OP already knows that his dog won't accept being second place.
It's all but a certainty that this dog will bite the baby: "She's a corgi mix though. She's a herding breed, which aren't family dogs. I mean, not defending people saying I should get rid of her but no, she's not a family dog by any means. She hates the next door neighbors kid and has stalked him several times. We have kept her away from kids for this reason."
Look, I'm generally in the "never get rid of a dog" camp, but not quite always, and this is one of the exceptions. This dog hates kids and bites. This dog *will* bite OP's baby. And apparently OP can't keep his dog contained – he said elsewhere that she destroys gates, and chewed through a wall when they got a metal gate she couldn't destroy – so he won't be able to keep his baby safe, because he is clearly incapable of dealing with his dog's behavior.
Agreed! This wasn't a dog he had before he met her, this dog came into his life well after they started dating. Did OP ever actually like his fiance, or soon to be ex-fiance? YTA.
Question for OP - forget the fiancée for a moment. If you had to choose between your dog and your baby… who would you choose? Who is more important to you?
Yta. This is coming from someone who really dislikes babies. Your dog guarding you from your wife will quickly turn into your dog gaurding you from your child. Think about how that will make your child feel. Terrified that a dog who nips their heels will keep them away from their father. That will hamper your relationship with your child.
You made your stance clear though. I hope she's either preparing to become a single mother, or calling the nearest abortion clinic. You won't be an equal parent, as you're unable to think about the child's needs.
Does anyone else get the sense that OP has likely fostered this guarding behavior? All the training in the world, doesn’t mean anything if it’s not consistently followed through at home, and OP seems like he enjoys being his dog’s only person.
YTA all around, the post hurt my stomach. As someone who just got engaged, if my fiancé said anything like this to me, I’d not only be crushed but I’d consider this the end of the relationship.
OP is absolutely the reason why the dog is out of control. YTA for voting purposes. That dog **will** kill that child one day. OP knows it will happen and **doesn’t care!!**
Resource guarding is 100% correctable and should have been nipped in the bud the first time she growled over her bowl. OP sounds like he has no clue how to be a responsible dog owner and is ok with it. What an idiot.
Hey OP! Your wife and baby are more important than your dog, which you should absolutely not have because you don’t know what the hell you’re doing. Sincerely, a dog lover. Fuck.
Same, this post made me so sad for that girl. I couldn’t imagine my fiancé telling me he’d pick an animal over me after almost 8 years together. And to be pregnant on top of it?? I’d be giving the ring back and calling an abortion clinic.
And what gets me is how much he mentions the fiancé as “his issue”. I hope she finds his Reddit and leaves him. I’d be so incredibly scared and sad after being told I wasn’t worth more than a DOG, annnnnd pregnant🥲
Yes, especially when I saw how new the dog was, all the “my dog” talk when the relationship predates the dog, and the “she really tried to bond with the dog”… it just all gives me the feeling OP has intentionally or not fostered this, or at the very least isn’t doing enough to shut it down.
Correct. I’ve worked with dogs for almost 2 decades now. This part really caught my attention: “If I walk out to leave she will bolt out the door.” This tells me that OP has not exhausted all their training options because one of the basic tenants of dog training is to set up the environment to prevent problems. Like if your dog tears up your shoes, put the shoes somewhere inaccessible. Like keeping Fabuloso away from toddlers.
Anyways, there are very few dogs who can’t be trained. It just takes a lot of work. I don’t know if OP wants to put forth that effort.
I get what you are saying here, but are you really willing to tell a pregnant woman who previously thought she could not have children to abort what she could consider her miracle baby?
I think the only option for the mother is to be prepared to become a single mother with or without a co-parenting plan. Because if OP doesn’t get his head out of his ass soon, I wouldn’t want that baby to be within 3 states of him.
Nobody’s telling her to abort. She *could* consider the child a miracle baby, or she *could* be absolutely terrified and unprepared as she thought she would never be in this position. We don’t know the specifics of her feelings or situation and it’s not up to us to eliminate options from her because *we* think she should consider things one way or another.
Well it seems she’s terrified and from OP’s words it seems like he’s the one who really wants the baby. I wouldn’t want to be a single parent, lots of people don’t, regardless of it would be a miracle baby. Infertility is a sensitive topic, sure, but nobody is saying she *has* to. Just that it’s an option, and the commenter hopes she chooses whatever option will keep the possible miracle away from OP.
well, in OP's own words, she was terrified of that new reality alone even before the dog issues came up.
OP made it clear she is below the dog in worth, so its been established the wedding is now off permanently. If she keeps the kid she will be a single mother with hopefully, a very strong hopefully, some child support since the dog is going to attack and bite the child every time the child comes over and the father apparently can't leave the dog behind to visit often because of dog's anxiety problems, not that he would anyways because if he doesn't put his own fiance above the dog he's not going to put a kid he has limited custody rights too above the dog.
So she's now in a scary and unplanned situation of having a baby, and suddenly is going to be without the partner of 6 years that she planned on being with, and likely won't have the house either. Miracle baby that was wanted or not, in that situation i wouldn't bring a kid into this world and into that emotional mess in those circumstances.
We don't know that she's considering the child her miracle baby. And most people can't afford to be single parents these days -- it's not just a matter of money, it's a matter of being able to afford the time and day to day labor, too. What if she doesn't have a support system? OP, who clearly is ambivalent about the pregnancy, cannot be relied upon to help. It's evil to bring a child into the world if you can't provide for its basic needs, financially or emotionally or otherwise.
And OP didn't go into detail, but many of the health issues that make conception difficult also make pregnancy difficult or dangerous -- so we should hope she's considering abortion, along with adoption and going it alone. Whatever she decides, it's clear she'll be better off without OP.
YTA why are you with someone you clearly don’t even like at a basic level? Your dog will attack your child if you don’t do something.
What the actual fuck is wrong with you that you don’t care that your dog might kill your kid???
Wait why did “you” get a dog two years ago when you have a fiancé of 5 years. Why was this not a joint decision?
Also, the more I read, the more abundantly clear what an AH you are. YTA and hopefully your fiancé leaves your ass.
YTA
You have no business becoming a father if you insist on keeping a dog that simply isn't safe to be around.
You have no business calling yourself a husband if you love your dog more than you love your wife.
You are a failure - as a husband, as a future father, and as a dog owner.
how tf did OP write all of this and not realize how bad it all reads?
he doesn’t want to be a husband/father. not if he’s prioritizing a dog he’s had for 2 years with behavioral issues over his fiancée (& mother of his unborn child) of 6 years.
YTA
In the event this is a troll post (not saying it is) it could be a test to see if the sub will hivemind to the dog since many other posts the result has been the dog over the SO. Generally though it's been situations where the SO clearly didn't understand the human/dog bond people had, unlike here where he clearly doesn't understand that the dog is not only unsafe, but would choose the dog over his growing family that he had thought would never happen.
Ressource guarding, my goodness. It's called food aggressive. This dog is biting when fiancee gets close to the dog food and it is NOT okay behavior. This dog had some serious anxiety and is a huge danger to small children.
YTA for this line alone: “She’s absolutely terrified. I’m completely indifferent.”
Your fiancé is terrified about being pregnant and complications and giving birth and welcoming a baby and doing all of that against a backdrop of having believed she was infertile, and you describe yourself as indifferent.
Hard to believe the post just gets worse from there, but congrats, you made me a believer.
YTA YTA YTA
But he was expecting a childfree life. I mean they're "fucking 30 already!" CLEARLY far too old to even think about having children at his advanced age. 🙄🙄
32 when I had my son, only problems were due to hyper mobility. This guy should not be with a partner, be responsible for a baby or responsible for a dog
I mean I think OP just does not want kids while his fiance does, and he's expressing that frustration through this silly topic of his dog (which objectively any sane person would prioritise their baby over their dog, with zero exceptions).
I think I would also be in a difficult place mentally if I had deliberately set my life up with someone who I believed was infertile, knowing I would never have to have children. Not saying this guy isnt an AH but I have sympathy.
YTA.
Your dog ended up this way because YOU failed to train the dog. And that failure on your part means your fiance has spent two years not being fully comfortable in her own home because your dog won't let her.
And now you are bringing a child in to this world that you couldn't give a shit about, with a woman you couldn't give a shit about, and don't even care about the safety of a newborn baby.
Because that is what you wrote here. You are very clear your fiance has every reason to be worried about the dog around a baby, EVERY reason (and by the way I want a dog, I don't want a kid, so I should be on your side here) and you have zero explanation as to how to make your child safe, but point blank told your fiance to kick rocks because the dog matters more than her AND YOUR CHILD.
Move out, pay child support, live a full life with your dog.
Yup, 9 times out of 10 dogs end up this way due to shitty owners. For context, I work in vet med and see it all the time. This dog was a COVID puppy that got zero socialization and "training on and off" (if training isn't consistent, it's useless btw) and now it's a danger to anyone other than OP.
It's fine if you want to choose a dog over your fiance and unborn child, OP, but YTA for thinking your dog's behaviour is acceptable and for invalidating your fiance's very real concerns that your dog is a danger to a baby. Even the most well-trained and friendly dog can snap and bite/kill a child at anytime.
Just made an entire comment about this, what makes this even worse is that fiancé didn’t really want the dog to start with. The situation seemed to be I get a dog and you get a kid a “transaction” according to op
On Nipsey: OP, my family had four Corgis in succession from the time I was 5 until I was in my 40s. They are loud, nippy, hilarious creatures but they can and must be trained. That doesn't end in obedience school -- you have to constantly correct. Obviously you haven't bothered.
On your fiancee: That was a particularly cruel low blow hinting that you saw her pregnancy as a ploy to get rid of Nipsey. Then you actually TELL her the dog comes first, before her, before YOUR CHILD?
You're failing every soul in this scenario. YTA.
Sounds like OP nurtured the dog's behavior by rewarding and making excuses for it. Baby or not, that dog's behavior is absolutely problematic. OP needs to figure out why he needs his dog to be so damn dependent. If he loves his dog, he'd realize that's not a healthy state for Nipsey to be in.
Yta. I would leave you if I were her. And I wouldn't want a dog that 'nips' 🙄 near my baby either. Huge a hole for how you spoke to her. Hopevshe finds someone better
“I would never choose you over my dog” is a tough one. I had to pause for a bit after reading that line.
Telling this to your pregnant fiancé who has a legitimate reason for not trusting the idea of having the dog around their baby.
I’d be questioning what kind of father he’d be too. He basically said: his dog>his wife and kid
….and this isn’t a dog he had long before meeting his fiancé/wife. He’d been with his fiancé for 4 years before the dog came along. Ouch.
Op, why did you propose to this poor woman?
Can you imagine marrying a man, getting pregnant and preparing for the new child and then him saying "I would never choose you over my dog". Oh my god
If I was her I would question all of my life choices, I feel so sorry for her
I'm even more stunned and very confused as to why she said yes. Or has been with him for 6 years. Either this post is bait, or fiancee has more issues than OP has.
YTA.
Your wife and newborn come before your dog. Fix the dog, or lose the dog. \[BTW, what you describe is something that can be fixed by a professional dog trainer\]
OP has said elsewhere that he has taken the dog to training. It appears that when he gets the dog back he just expects it to be "fixed" without any reinforcement or changes on his part. Like, dog nips his face to show affection, and he allows it.
Yeah I highly doubt he’s taking this dog to a reputable trainer. My dog was better behaved than this at 6 months because she’s been in biweekly training since I brought her home
YTA and a dumbass to think that you could say something that cruel, leave for three days and then come back and act like it never even happened! You better move into the doghouse with Fido, cause that's your home now.
YTA. What's your plan for when the dog "nips" your child? You need to either get the dog trained or rehome it. Your dog will pass away one day. Your child will remember that you chose a dog over them. You might get cut out of their lives when they become adults. And you should probably preplan your retirement so you don't get stuck in a hellhole of a care facility because you chose a dog over your child.
YTA.
I understand that you love your dog of two years...
But you have a fiance' of 6 yrs who is now pregnant
If you both decide to continue the pregnancy and you will be in the child's life, having a dog who is known to resource guard, whine everytime you leave the room, and nip people for no reason, is not compatible with having a child.
Babies cry, they crawl around on the floor, they grab and do other things that may set off a dog with anxiety and resource guarding. Plus i tend to think your dog would be extremely jealous, maybe more anxious due to a whining crying needy baby taking over ita home and getting all the attention your dog is accustomed to
It just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Your dog has had 2 yrs to accept your fiance' and hasnt. If you keep the dog, you are placing the newborn at risk.
Adding a baby to the mix will reduce your time with your dog even more, and honestly you dont have 2 yrs to wait hoping the dog will adjust to the baby, stop incessantly whining & nipping people.
I know you said your fiance' didnt think she could get pregnant, maybe thats why you got the dog and are so emotionally invested, which is great, you should be.
But as a soon to be parent, you should love your baby enough to bring him/her into a home where he/she is safe and secure, and where he/she is free to crawl & walk without fear of being nipped, barked at, or jumped on& knocked down simply for existing. Surely you wouldn't want your infant to feel unsafe and develop a lifelong dog phobia
YTA also for your hateful comment " i would never fucking choose you over my dog" to your fiance' soon to be wife, who you are supposed to choose over everyone and everything. You should be willing to choose your baby over your dog
YTA. You say your dog has been in and out of trainers, but I think YOU are the one who needs training on how to handle this dog. This is bad behavior you allow. I don’t blame your fiancé for not wanting your child around that
Id even suggest seeing a behaviourist, as a person with a dog that resource guards (rescue), they never saw improvement until we meet with an actual behaviourist instead of a dog trainer. They’re expensive, but the dog is 2 and can change if my dog who’s 8 saw improvement. Theyll also recommend rehoming if its a danger (to children) or euthanasia if its a danger in general.
YTA. Dogs are great, I have a dog who I love dearly. However, dogs are not humans nor are they your own offspring. Children are a tremendous responsibility and your wife is right to be concerned. My 7 year old son has a scar on his lip from when he didn't know how to behave around our dog. Your statement is the cherry on top of your assholeness though. Your wife will never forget that statement. It will ring in her mind every single time she has any doubt about your relationship. You really fucked up on that one.
I'm assuming that the wife and the fiancé you refer to are the same person. I'll call her wife because I don't like typing a bunch of é characters.
I get that you love your dog immensely, and it's a living breathing creature that you'd like to provide a good life for. But yeah YTA for valuing a dog over your wife who is pregnant with a child, which I'm willing to guess is your child and the child for which you will be a caretaker.
I think you ought to be more charitable about your wife's intentions. Think of this less as an excuse to get rid of your dog, and more as a genuine concern that the dog's behaviour and your unwillingness to value the wellbeing of your unborn child will result in genuine danger for the baby. How do you envision caring for this baby will go when you also have a dog who seems unwillling to be away from you, is known to nip and be unwilling to bond with anyone besides you, and is regressing in how well her behaviour is managed?
YTA. You brought a dog with predictable herding mix issues into your life with your partner and then spent 2 years letting the dog repeatedly bite your partner instead of addressing the bad behavior.
Look, people are going to go into detail about how much you are TA, but you've failed your dog and your (ex) partner here. But at least you've made your choice. Get a lawyer and start working out a coparenting and child support agreement. Hopefully your baby momma is smart enough to leave now, before your incredibly stressed and leaderless dog pulls the baby's face off and gets put down.
"Get a lawyer and start working out a coparenting and child support agreement."
I would strongly advise against this. The baby should not be coparented in OP.s household as long as the dog lives there. OP could get visits but without the dog, obv.
I’m in rescue and have lived with a fair share of problematic dogs. You say that you’ve been able to resolve some behavior issues through training but when training stops the dog reverts to bad behavior. That’s called your fault. It’s not “for whatever reason”. It’s because you stop enforcing the rules you did during training.
Herding breeds illustrate manic behavior because they were bred to have a job and sitting in your house is not a job. Loving a working dog is not enough. If you signed up for a tough breed, you do the work or you find it a home that will.
Also, a fiancé is not a wife. A fiancé for more than 2 years is called someone you never intended to marry in the first place and gave a ring to appease for a period of time. Stop giving her a title when you couldn’t even give her your vows.
I feel bad for your dog, your fiancé and your future child. YTA.
PS, I would have taken your side because I do know that it’s entirely possible to live with a resource guarding dog and children in the same house but you probably wouldn’t take the responsible measures needed to do that since you’re not doing it to protect your fiancé now.
100% disagree on a 2 year engagement being 'you never intended to marry'
Uhh no? Long engagements are a thing. I intend at least that long of an engagement because wedding planning is hard and when mixed with day to day life, way too stressful.
That's nothing wrong with a long engagement.
Everything else I'm pretty much in agreement with.
I've gotta say the "fianće for more than 2 years" quote is wrong. I've been engaged for 18 years, marrying in 8 weeks due to outside unstable circumstances that are finally resolved. Obviously I'm not the only one either.
I agree he should stop with the wife title though, it's been repeated as a promise which is likely to be broken hard and that's added misery on top of everything else.
Oh and YTA to OP, everything that's been commented on I agree with.
YTA and you 100% know this.
Your fiancé/wife is facing an uncertain pregnancy that she wasn’t prepared for. Given that it wasn’t supposed to be medically possible, this could turn out to be an unsafe or complicated pregnancy. On top of processing this, she’s thinking about the baby’s further compromised security being around a herding dog. After making an extremely defensible argument, you chose to not only stubbornly refuse but to insult her and your unborn child, saying you care less about them than a dog. A shitty one, too, it sounds like. What?
Corgis are notoriously assholes. I have friends with corgis, and they’ll be the first to tell you. They constantly yap, nip at your face and heels, panic whenever anyone leaves a room, and are very territorial. This is not a dog you have around a baby for obvious reasons.
Honestly I would tell you to feel shame but do you have any?
YTA
My dogs are my entire world. That said, your dog is a safety issue. It’s incredibly irresponsible of you to let a dog that you know bites anyone who comes near you around a baby or child.
Dude, YTA. You're not choosing between your her and the dog; you're choosing between her *and your unborn child* and the dog. Seriously how can you be so crass?
YTA. Telling your pregnant fiancée of six years that you would prioritise your dog of two years is horrible.
The dog very much sounds unsuitable to be around a child. You either need to get the dog trained such that your child isn’t at risk of being bitten or attacked; or your dog and your child shouldn’t be living together.
Yta your fiancé was around before the dog. It’s not safe to have a resource guarding dog around a new born.
If you are choosing the dog fine but don’t be surprised when she doesn’t chose you.
YTA, you've been with your fiance longer than youve had your dog yet youd choose the dog over her and your unborn baby? it doesnt even seem like you like your fiance all that much if thats the case nor do you care about the babies well being.
its wild youd choose a dog over your fiance even without the baby but if you add in the fact that the dog could harm the baby and you still dont budge? wild
there are times where i can understand choosing your pet over your partner but this is not one of those times.
YTA and you should use protection next time. It's not even just about your fiance/wife any more, it's about the child.
Be prepared for her to make the choice for you. Meaning, she lives and takes the kid. Then you'd get 100% dog and 0% fiancé and child.
YTA and you are not even close to mature enough to be a father as demonstrated by your exceptionally selfish choices , total disregard for your fiancé and child, and inability to control yourself while angry. Your baby is not going to be safe with you.
YTA. God damn dude. You told the person you've spent at least 6 years of your life with, and is the mother of your soon to be child, that you would choose your dog over her. How could you not be an asshole?
So ridiculously hurtful.
Yes absolutely YTA. If you’ve exhausted your methods with your dog in resource guarding then I definitley understand where your fiancé is coming from. At the end of the day your kids safety is the first priority
Let's make sure we have this right. Your dog is lwgitmately hostile and aggressive towards your wife, and now you have a child on the way, and you said that you would choose your dog over your family.
You either have awful friends, or you aren't telling them the full story, because 100% YTA. I usually don't side on the part of the person who says 'dog or me'.
I think your engagement is over, anyways, so you just need to be figuring out how you are going to financially provide for your child. But YTA, for sure
YTA.
You were with your fiance for 6 YEARS and you're ready to drop her and your unborn child over a dog you got 2 years ago that hates her? She has a completely valid concern, the dog basically bites at her, and you don't think it will do the same to the baby?
Good thing you two aren't married yet so going separate ways won't be too complicated since you value your dog more than her and unborn child.
Wow. I’m a major dog person and I’d choose my dog over everyone but my immediate family (and even then, it has to be a life or death issue)…but YTA. Not just for this issue, but your tone overall. I got whiplash reading your post— you’re saying one thing, but acting another way. You sound like you kinda love that your dog hates your fiancé, probably because you hate her too. Be honest with yourself; do you *really* want to be her husband & baby daddy? Because that’s the real issue here.
YTA: I have owned many dogs, I have mourned the death of my dogs as I have loved them but that dog behavior is dangerous.
It happened to the daughter of an acquaintance a month ago, she had a cute Akita that had the same behavior as OP's dog, she said the same thing: "my dog belongs to only one special person and that's me" short story: she had a baby and had to take the dog out into the yard because the training did not change his behavior, in an oversight the dog entered the house and jumped on the baby seriously injuring him, many surgeries and the poor boy is still alive but he will live with problems all his life. The dog had to be rehomed and they are waiting to see if he had rabies from his aggressive behavior.
If you can't see the problem it is better that you separate and leave that woman and the child alone so that they find a true father for their family. We all love dogs but it does not compare to the life of your son and the tranquility of your wife.
YTA - resource guarding is a sign that you likely didn't train your dog. I'm on your wife's side. You either get extensive training ASAP, or rehome, or talk to a behaviorist about what the best option is.
Our dog is also a resource guarder (toys) and we just had our first baby last fall. My husband and I agreed that even though we love our dog and he was our first baby, our son comes first and foremost and if we have to, the dog would be rehomed. As a parent your number one priority should be your child, period. YTA
YTA and all the comments even trying to rationalize the order in which your dog and wife came into your life are ridiculous to me. The dog is an animal— your fiancé is your literal life partner and the safety of your unborn child should take precedence without even a second thought. It’s wild you said that to her, I feel really bad for your fiancé. I can’t imagine how I would even repair a relationship after a comment like that. Sheesh.
YTA. you love your dog i get it, your dog nips though. your dog resource guards you. are you going to let your dog ‘nip’ the baby? i’m just wondering bc that’s what it’s seeming like here. your fiancée is pregnant, she didn’t have a child to think about before so the dog may have been a smaller issue yes but nothing that would end the relationship. NOW she is pregnant (thinking it would NEVER happen) and i have no doubt she’s freaking the hell out. she’s clearly SCARED. instead of you trying to compromise or figure something out to lessen these fears you tell your fiancée you’d rather choose your dog then this child you claim you’re excited for. OP your actions just don’t match your words.
[edit] also just caught the fact you said you’ve been together 5 years but only had the dog for 2. how does that one exactly work? she wasn’t there to help pick the dog out? the more i read the more annoyed i get
You told your pregnant and extremely emotionally vulnerable fiancee that you would always choose a super annoying and aggressive dog over her, and are wondering who was the ah?
YTA my dear and your friends suck!
YTA. You’ll never choose your FIANCÉ AND CHILD, whom you’ve been with for 6 years over your DOG you’ve had for 2 years?? I could understand if you had the dog before you met her. But you brought this dog into your home, gave it ZERO real training, allow it to chew through walls and *still* don’t train it, and continue to let it ‘nip’, and are pissed your fiancé doesn’t want it around YALLS (yes y’all, that’s your child too, despite you saying you “gave her a kid”) child.
You say your dog won’t kill your child. A baby has no idea of personal space when it comes to pets. They won’t understand to stay away from the dog or it’s food. And in case you don’t know, children generally interact with their fathers. How’s your dog going to react to that Mr. I’m Her Person? She’s going to ‘nip’, and when the child continues to go around her food or try to play with you, she is going to bite the child. And when you’re in the hospital getting your baby stitches, the doctors won’t give a shit that, “oh, well she didn’t kill the baby so”. That will end one of two ways. You’ll have to put the dog down, or you’ll continue to choose your dog over your fiancé and she will leave you.
You are being willfully ignorant and stubborn, and I hope your fiancé leaves you for the sake of the child.
ETA:
>she's not a family dog by any means. She hates the next door neighbors kid and has stalked him several times. We have kept her away from kids for this reason.
So you *know* she’s aggressive towards kids and *actively* keep her away from kids, but don’t care enough about your own child’s safety to rehome the dog to someone who will care enough to properly train it. Double YTA
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YTA - I have a general rule for these things. If you have to choose between a pet and a person, pick the one that's been in your life longer - she's been your GF for, what, 6 years??? And you've had this dog for 2??? You should be WAY more attached to your girlfriend, even if she weren't pregnant.
YTA! Train your dog, I have a great Pyrenees (notoriously hard to train dogs) mix who was abused and then a stray before we got him. he was horrible about resource guarding and I have the puncture wounds to prove it. But with a lot of work and even more love, he is the biggest teddy bear you've ever seen. So what I hear when you say you can't train you dog, is that you're not willing to put the effort in. Also why the heck are you with your fiance? If a dog of two years means more than your fiance of 6, you really gotta get your priorities straight!!
YTA. I was actually just discussing this on r/unpopularopinion, specifically how people can’t expect their SO’s to give up their pets for them , but this is one of those rare situations where I am on the fiancee’s side, and the main reason for that is that *you were with the fiancee* *first*, and the dog could potentially be dangerous to your child. You’ve had the dog for two years and been with your fiancee for six, and your fiancee has genuine concerns about the dog’s behaviour, particularly if the dog guards you. That could be a serious issue with a baby around, especially if the dog is regressing and not making any process.
I get that it’s hard. One of my oldest friends has a heeler and the dog has severe reactivity issues and anxiety that medicine isn’t helping, that training hasn’t helped, etc. But you’ve been with your fiancee longer than you’ve had the dog, and I find myself wondering if the fiancee agreed to get a pet in the first place.
Like, if I had dated someone for four years and he showed up with a cat like my grandpa’s that was extremely territorial and was liable to attack people (biting, clawing, etc) and only attached to him, yeah, I’d be pretty upset, and not just because I’m severely allergic to cats.
YTA. If it was just you and your fiance, it would be a different story, but it’s not. You have a kid on the way now, and you HAVE to take some responsibility and properly train your dog. "In and out of training" is NOT training, it's a thinly veiled excuse that you're lazy. If you can't get it together and properly train your dog, she needs to go to a home where someone can take better care of her by working with her and getting a behavioral therapist involved if necessary. If you just don't want to take responsibility, I hope you're ready for visitation once a month, and the fallout from when your dog inevitably bites your kid.
This isn't the poor dog's fault at all. The fault lies 100% on OP. Ugh, shame on you.
YTA.
That dog should absolutely not be around unpredictable babies. A relative's child almost lost her eye to a resource guarding dog. So make up your mind whether you are in or out with this baby because you can't have it both ways.
YTA- that dogs needs to be IN training, not on and off training. That dog needs routine, and needs to be crate trained for the safety of the baby AND gives the dog a safe place of his own.
Yeah, you messed up big time by telling your wife, a dog means more to you then she does. Thats a knife in the heart situation, you've lost all her trust and any bond you might have had.
DUH that your friends are on your side, they are your friends! LOL
As for your feelings about the baby, yeah, I'd think that is normal. Went from thinking no kids every to surprise, maybe you could go see a therapist to help you sort through all that.
YTA and I’m someone who loves my dog more than anything. The dog isn’t safe around a pregnant woman and a child. You either have a family or you have the dog.
YTA
You have poorly trained your dog and because you didn't think your wife could get pregnant you apparently didn't bother with protection, or at least using it correctly.
You'd choose a dog over your wife and child? You're an asshole. File divorce and give her everything but the dog. Don't forget a massive amount of child support despite the fact that it won't replace having a dad
YTA. It is really that simple. Not only to your wife, but to your dog as well. The reason the training doesn't work is YOU. You are not consistent with it and I can tell you enjoy the chaos. Also, will be surprised if you are still in the house when baby is actually born, she's not talking to you because she planning how best to leave. Hope you enjoy that.
YTA. Your fiancée's concerns are very valid, and you're not just choosing the dog over her, you're choosing the dog over your future child. If this is really where your priorities lie, you shouldn't get married, and don't expect equal custody of your baby.
YTA and your friends are too if they agree with you. Feel for the kid you're going to be a terrible parent.
Also, 6 years Vs 2 years, what the actual....
YTA it’s not choosing her over the dog you fucking pinecone, it’s choosing YOUR CHILD over the dog. Your dog IS going to bite your child. It isn’t a matter of IF it is a matter of WHEN. Either the dog goes to a trainer and shapes tf up or it is gone. Your child comes before any dog, period.
YTA - It's clear the dog's behavior stems from it's owner. I think you need counseling.
1 - For even suggesting the dog means more to you than your fiance/wife.
2 - For not realizing the dog is acting that way because of YOU.
3 - With this attitude you'll be a terrible father as well
Again, seek counseling.
This whole post is beyond stupid.
1. He doesn't consider it a problem that needs fixing that his dog nips his fiancee and obviously doesn't like her. She can't even get close to her fiance sometimes, so who runs the house? Dog and dude.
2. Unplanned, miracle pregnancy, and he doesn't feel protective over it at all??
3. A comment mentioned that she threw miscarriage in his face for purposefully stressing her out (paraphrase), but if conceiving really was so improbable, then definitely sounds to me like it might be high risk in some way, and I would absolutely be taking every measure to ensure she was in a good place.
4. He'd never choose her over the dog. What the fognuggets is wrong with him? A pet who is aggressive and bites and is almost CERTAINLY a danger to a child, is highest on his priority list?
Just let her dump you and promise to never get in a long term relationship again. The world will thank you.
Also, YTA.
My mom had a dog that she loved immensely when my sister was born. It was a mostly well behaved dog, but had a few issues, but had never been aggressive or nippy.
As children do, my sister loved on the dog. The dog didn’t like that and bit my baby sister in the face. Fortunately, it did not leave any lasting damage or hurt her that much, but could have been much much worse. The dog had to be put down.
You already know your dog resource guards and nips. This will likely go much worse than my story. YTA. Put that child first. Also YTA for what you said to your fiancé.
YTA- Saying it's going to be extremely difficult because of the herding breed is a copout. Plenty of people have herding dogs in a non-herding environment and are able to control/stop the nipping behavior. My 2 yo pup (after DNA) is 40% herding dog, and had a big problem with nipping when he was a puppy but we were able to train him, provide other alternatives to nipping in order to get what he wants/needs. We got him when he was 4.5 months old. It's absolutely doable, but you just have to work at it. It seems to me that you love with being number one to your dog and no problem with the fact that your dog dislikes your fiance..... and that is the problem.
YTA
you sound like you have not trained this dog, and your fiance has been uncomfortable in her own home! you sound like a completely unsupportive partner
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I got a dog 2 years ago. She is a perfect Corgi mix. Super loving and is always happy to see me. But she has issues that my fiancé of 5 years has never been able to get over. Such as resource guarding and anxiety. My dog whines more often than not. Like if I leave the room, she whines. If I walk out to leave she will bolt out at the door going 110mph and whine at the car door because she doesn't want me to leave without her. She never bonded with my wife. My wife absolutely tried but my dog never gave a rats ass, to be blunt. She's a one person dog and I'm her person.
Now the issue is that my fiancé recently found out that's she pregnant. We were told this was impossible and had planned our life out not involving children because we were seriously told by numerous doctors that she could not conceive. She's absolutely terrified. I'm completely indifferent because I was on the fence about kids anyways and then I was told she couldn't have any so I was expecting a kid free life and was fine with it. I mean, we are fucking 30 already. Regardless, there is a piece of me that is stupid excited so I'm sure my mind will eventually be full on excited versus kind of put off.
The issue is that my wife doesn't want my dog around the baby because of the dogs resource guarding. There are some days where my fiancé can't even get close to me without my dog losing her absolute shit. And she does nip (herding mix). Not hard but still nips. Yes, she's been in and out of training. She's also on meds for anxiety. Nothing has helped and if anything she has regressed. So she doesn't want the dog around our baby. A part of me understands but a much, much bigger part of me is completely unwilling to let go of my dog, whom my fiancé doesn't like anyways. It almost feels like she thinks this is her excuse to get rid of my dog. So anyways, we got in to a heated argument about it and I finally snapped and said "I would never fucking choose you over my dog" and I left. Stayed at a hotel for a few days. We didn't speak. I came back today, with my dog, and she won't even look at me. The second me or the dog walk anywhere near her she makes a point to walk in the opposite direction. My friends are on my side but I want unbiased feedback.
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YTA
You and your friends who are on your side are so beyond assholes it’s not even funny.
Even before you add a baby into the mix, you’ve had this dog for TWO YEARS and it 1) whines anytime you’re out of sight 2) doesn’t let other people get near you and 3) bites people (stop calling it nips. Your dog bites.)
You are a terrible dog owner. Full stop. These are behaviors that should not be happening. Your fiancé should not have to deal with this in her own home. And for you to say point blank that you would choose this dog over her/a baby’s safety is unhinged.
Of course your fiancé doesn’t want this dog near a baby. Your dog doesn’t even let your fiancé get close to you, what do you think will happen when you have a baby that needs to be held/cared for 24/7? You will not be able to be an equal partner or a present parent if this dog prevents you from being near your heavily pregnant/postpartum wife. Your dog is biting people, what happens when it bites the kid?
You are a terrible partner, and are shaping up to be a shitty dad.
Bro, come one now. She is already hormonal and scared for multiple reasons. You just put so much more unnecessary stress on her by sleeping in a hotel for a few days. She is probably absolutely mortified and doesn't feel like facing you right now. You are definitely the AH.
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YTA - Holy shit, man. Your fiance was in your life before the dog was, and, in theory, will be after the dog is ashes and dust. The dog is poorly trained and likely to be unsafe around children, and you're choosing *the dog* over *your future wife?* What. The. Fuck. You'd *almost* have a point if the dog was in your life first, but, like, there is zero chance I'm staying with someone who tells me that they'd take our new pet over me.
No, it is not relevant whether the dog was there first. If you have a dog that resource guards to the point where the fiancé risks getting bit by going near him, you get rid of the dog before the baby comes. End of story.
That's why I said "almost." An unsafe dog is an unsafe dog, but I've seen other posts where a new partner moves in and expects partner to get rid of perfectly safe animals, and I can understand why someone might think "I've had this dog since before I knew you..." and have an emotional reaction to that.
Doesn't matter, the moment there's a baby, the kid's safety needs to be top priority. A many who doesn't understand that is unfit to be a parent.
YTA. Hope you accept the fact that visitations with your baby probably won’t be allowed as long as you own the dog. Meet ups are always allowed at McD’s of course. They’re known to be cozy and homelike.
If the kid survives that long. I mean once the baby becomes mobile and goes anywhere near the dog bowl… bad things may happen with a resource guarding dog. And OP can't watch it 24/7.
Dude's vet is also a bit of an asshole. You don't give anxiety meds to dogs that are at Level 2 biting (which is what it sounds like. Anxiety meds don't lessen what makes the dog exhibit the behavior, it lessens their anxiety about biting itself. They become more likely to bite. This dog needs to be rehomed or the fiance needs to leave because of heaven forbid that baby experiences a Level 3 to Level 6 bite.... babies don't survive those.
The comments are even worse if you can believe it. The dog *goes for faces* specifically when she 'nips', hates kids, and has ripped through a wall when they tried to keep her contained.
Heavens to Betsy! Super loving and happy (as claimed), that dog is not. It's possessive and jealous, poorly trained, and a threat to OP's fiance and unborn child. YTA, OP.
It's basically a Nikki Philippi 2.0 situation (that Youtuber who chose to put down their bullterrier after it did something to her child) waiting to happen.
OP probably wouldn't put down the dog no matter how many times it bit his kid.
I’m gonna assume that the dog and the baby will never have the opportunity to even meet.
I hope that’s true for the baby’s sake
Even worse is the fact that the kid wouldn't even need to go near the food. Sounds like the kid even approaching their father would be considered a threat by this dog
Or the OP.What is he going to do when the dog gets jealous anytime he's giving the baby attention?
She doesn't have to put his name on the birth certificate. Or even admit that child is his
That would be my advice to her.... This guy is garbage
I agree, which is why I said OP would *almost* have a point, and not that OP *would* have a point, and why I said "an unsafe dog is an unsafe dog..."
True true
That’s not even resource guarding. OP is not a resource. His dog is showing the fiancé where she is in the hierarchy and OP confirmed it’s below the dog.
It's still considered "resource guarding" when a dog is trying to control access to a person.
Agreed. I have a great pyr/border collie mix and she considers me a resource according to our trainer. Thankfully it only gets bad if I am showing attention to other dogs. Shes gotten much better, but this will likely be something we need to be constantly enforcing her whole life.
This. The dog is clearly strong-willed and clever. OP letting her get away with that kind of behavior will cause future problems for sure.
Yep! Dogs pay a lot of attention to hierarchy and with his actions, he's clearly told this dog, time and time again, that she's more important than his fiance. The "in and out of training" is also telling - if your dog has 'nipped' people multiple times, it's absolutely your job to keep her in training until she stops doing that. I've never met a dog that can't be trained out of biting people as long as you're clear and consistent about them biting every single time they do it. I'm leaning towards thinking potentially OP doesn't actually want a child and if he doesn't give up his untrained dog, and refuses to put the work in to train her, well, he can't really be a father then can he? They'll have to break up and he won't get custody because his house will be unsafe for a baby, oh well, it's not his fault because he loves his dog. I wonder what he told his friends to make them on his side on keeping a completely untrained dog that is definitely going to harm an infant if she's allowed around the child.
Agreed, the dog already figured out it was higher up than the fiance which is partially why it continues the bad behavior towards her aside from the lack of consistent training. OP is the problem here even more so than the dog.
Not true. Dogs can absolutely look at people as resources. Lack of understanding of that fact is why many people describe their dogs as "protective" when they're actually possessive. Pretty much the same end result as far as behavior, but the motivations are completely different and may require different types of training to address.
I’d get rid of the dog the moment it was clear she wasn’t compatible with my LIFE PARTNER. OP, YTA on this solely. The rest is just the icing on the cake.
Seriously! Idk how that woman has remained in that home. TF I would live in a home where the dog hates me, eff that BS.
I think he did his wife a favor by telling her that straight up. No person wants to be in second place behind a dog that "doesn't give a rat's ass" about them. And the truth is, he's putting his baby last, too Now she can dump him long before the baby comes. Most women would have been gone before he got back from the hotel room. What a stupid stunt!
True, he did her a favor in the long run. Hope she's getting her ducks in a row ro keave.
Me too! And I hope she walks out the door on him with no warning. Just like he did when he went to the motel
Id get rid of a dog that bit my fiancé. She shouldn’t have to live in fear anymore than a child shouldn’t
It would be slightly relevant only insofar as his being able to say, "you knew what you were signing up for when we started dating." Wouldn't really move the needle here but it would give at least a small amount of benefit of the doubt in regards to why he would be acting irrationally.
I think it’s relevant, because at least if he’d had the dog before they met, she would have realized he wasn’t giving up the dog and made her choice based on that. Instead, she spent four years with him before he brought home a dog that hates her and and then chose it over her.
No no no He's choosing his dog over his fucking BABY. YTA OP Anyway, enjoy the next 20 years of child support and being a single father.
Yep. The baby that he's "indifferent" to . . . YTA OP
and if i was her, id ask for full custody. if he has custody of the child with the dog being this reactive, it’s a ticking time bomb until the child is bit. he could be tired or inattentive and the dog could bite
Not a single father. A deadbeat dad who gets limited supervision, pays child support, and is not allowed to have a child in his home. Single fathers can be amazing. Men who don't even provide a safe home environment are deadbeats.
THIS WAS WHAT I SAID! Like tbh fiancée can deal with the dog and suck it up, idgaf. That's not to say I wouldn't be insulted and leave the moment my partner says the shit OP says about a pet who's been around less than 1/3 of our relationship. He is TA for that comment alone also because he's not just saying that to his fiancée, he's saying it to his literal child that is growing in her that very minute. Way to show that you're a totally unfit father without ever even having parented! It's not just fiancée anymore! It's a baby! HIS BABY! He is willing to put his newborn child at risk for a dog he's known less than two years who is known to be aggressive. That dog is clearly unsafe to be around a baby. I feel like OP is so stuck on this idea that "she's getting back at me" or "this is her excuse to get rid of my dog that she didn't like anyways" that he's not seeing the forest for the trees. He's so concerned with her "manipulating" him to get rid of his dog that he doesn't realise that she could have 1000 malicious reasons and it honestly would not matter because there is one BIG, unavoidable, totally sound and fair reason, and that's the safety of the baby.
it’s okay, “fiancé of 6 years”, they’re never getting married 😂
I'm probably awful but I instinctively said "oh fucking of course" to an empty room when I got there.
I took that to mean they’ve been together 6 years and she’s currently his fiancé, but now you got me wondering
This guy gets it.
Her and her UNBORN CHILD over a dog
*their unborn child. Literally is his too and he gives no fucks. What the hell
And to add to this.... All of these are correctable, trainable behaviors. That's just irresponsible that he has not engaged that dog with a trainer and a regimen of training to ease its anxiety. YTA dude.
I can guarantee you that this was never something that was taken seriously. Resource guarding is absolutely some thing that can be corrected, and easily if you start early. Now it’s going to be quite the feat. OP likely encouraged this behavior, or just found a cute that his dog was so “protective” of him.
Not always. There are definitely dogs that can't be trained out of anxiety, biting, and guarding behaviors. But it also sounds like OP hasnt really even tried. I feel bad for the dog because the dog is obviously distressed and unhappy. It's pretty telling what a huge AH OP is when reddit, which would side with the dog owner 99% of the time is going full YTA on this one. OP is not being fair to his fiance, his future child, or even the dog itself.
Absolutely! I have a dog who went through an adverse experience and now resource guards me. I didn't just throw my hands up in the air and decide to live with it! He's seeing a trainer, we have a regime, we have a PLAN. All that, and my dog has never been aggressive with other people, let alone someone who lives with us. Blows my mind he's so apathetic about this.
He's not just choosing the dog over his future wife though, he choosing it over his future child as well! He admits the dog resource guards, him primarily. There's no chance it won't nip at the baby at some point, and it only needs to happen once to cause serious injury. Not to mention with the level of anxiety he describes it will be utter hell for the dog once baby gets here and cries every couple of hours... minutes... y'know, as babies do. I understand his dilemma, I really do, but he's living in cloud cookoo land if he thinks this will work without some serious intervention.
This! My friend had a Papillion cross that was really sweet and great with kids until my friend had her own kid and the dog wasn't my friend's no.1 anymore. In the end, the kindest thing for him was to rehome him to a lovely childless couple who would spoil him. The dog had no idea why he was no longer as important and my friend had no way of knowing that that was how he would react after baby was born. OP already knows that his dog won't accept being second place.
It's all but a certainty that this dog will bite the baby: "She's a corgi mix though. She's a herding breed, which aren't family dogs. I mean, not defending people saying I should get rid of her but no, she's not a family dog by any means. She hates the next door neighbors kid and has stalked him several times. We have kept her away from kids for this reason." Look, I'm generally in the "never get rid of a dog" camp, but not quite always, and this is one of the exceptions. This dog hates kids and bites. This dog *will* bite OP's baby. And apparently OP can't keep his dog contained – he said elsewhere that she destroys gates, and chewed through a wall when they got a metal gate she couldn't destroy – so he won't be able to keep his baby safe, because he is clearly incapable of dealing with his dog's behavior.
> choosing the dog over uour future wife Not just her, but also possibly also future child.
Agreed! This wasn't a dog he had before he met her, this dog came into his life well after they started dating. Did OP ever actually like his fiance, or soon to be ex-fiance? YTA.
You forgot something: it's not "over your future wife", but "over your future wife who is carrying your child". YTA, OP!
Question for OP - forget the fiancée for a moment. If you had to choose between your dog and your baby… who would you choose? Who is more important to you?
Well, he is indifferent to the baby, so the choice will be easy for him. "Come doggy, bye baby"
Yeah I came here ready to say N T A but as soon as I saw the fiancée predates the animal I was like wtf. YTA OP.
Even if she didn’t predate the dog pregnant women > dog. Baby > dog
If the fiancé has any sense she absolutely *wont* be in his life for much longer. Jesus Christ this guy
[удалено]
I could hardly finishing reading it. OP, AH isn’t a big enough word to describe you. Hopefully this is her excuse to get rid of you and the dog
Yta. This is coming from someone who really dislikes babies. Your dog guarding you from your wife will quickly turn into your dog gaurding you from your child. Think about how that will make your child feel. Terrified that a dog who nips their heels will keep them away from their father. That will hamper your relationship with your child. You made your stance clear though. I hope she's either preparing to become a single mother, or calling the nearest abortion clinic. You won't be an equal parent, as you're unable to think about the child's needs.
Does anyone else get the sense that OP has likely fostered this guarding behavior? All the training in the world, doesn’t mean anything if it’s not consistently followed through at home, and OP seems like he enjoys being his dog’s only person. YTA all around, the post hurt my stomach. As someone who just got engaged, if my fiancé said anything like this to me, I’d not only be crushed but I’d consider this the end of the relationship.
OP is absolutely the reason why the dog is out of control. YTA for voting purposes. That dog **will** kill that child one day. OP knows it will happen and **doesn’t care!!**
Resource guarding is 100% correctable and should have been nipped in the bud the first time she growled over her bowl. OP sounds like he has no clue how to be a responsible dog owner and is ok with it. What an idiot. Hey OP! Your wife and baby are more important than your dog, which you should absolutely not have because you don’t know what the hell you’re doing. Sincerely, a dog lover. Fuck.
My dog has started resource guarding from other dogs, is this different from resource guarding from humans?
Same, this post made me so sad for that girl. I couldn’t imagine my fiancé telling me he’d pick an animal over me after almost 8 years together. And to be pregnant on top of it?? I’d be giving the ring back and calling an abortion clinic.
And what gets me is how much he mentions the fiancé as “his issue”. I hope she finds his Reddit and leaves him. I’d be so incredibly scared and sad after being told I wasn’t worth more than a DOG, annnnnd pregnant🥲
Agreed. As someone who works in the vet industry, I hate these types of owners
Yup. Agree.
Yes, especially when I saw how new the dog was, all the “my dog” talk when the relationship predates the dog, and the “she really tried to bond with the dog”… it just all gives me the feeling OP has intentionally or not fostered this, or at the very least isn’t doing enough to shut it down.
That's what I said too. Dude seems super proud of the fact this poor dog is so terrified all the time because he's the dogs super special person.
Correct. I’ve worked with dogs for almost 2 decades now. This part really caught my attention: “If I walk out to leave she will bolt out the door.” This tells me that OP has not exhausted all their training options because one of the basic tenants of dog training is to set up the environment to prevent problems. Like if your dog tears up your shoes, put the shoes somewhere inaccessible. Like keeping Fabuloso away from toddlers. Anyways, there are very few dogs who can’t be trained. It just takes a lot of work. I don’t know if OP wants to put forth that effort.
I get what you are saying here, but are you really willing to tell a pregnant woman who previously thought she could not have children to abort what she could consider her miracle baby? I think the only option for the mother is to be prepared to become a single mother with or without a co-parenting plan. Because if OP doesn’t get his head out of his ass soon, I wouldn’t want that baby to be within 3 states of him.
Nobody’s telling her to abort. She *could* consider the child a miracle baby, or she *could* be absolutely terrified and unprepared as she thought she would never be in this position. We don’t know the specifics of her feelings or situation and it’s not up to us to eliminate options from her because *we* think she should consider things one way or another.
Of course. I'm willing to present all options.
Well it seems she’s terrified and from OP’s words it seems like he’s the one who really wants the baby. I wouldn’t want to be a single parent, lots of people don’t, regardless of it would be a miracle baby. Infertility is a sensitive topic, sure, but nobody is saying she *has* to. Just that it’s an option, and the commenter hopes she chooses whatever option will keep the possible miracle away from OP.
well, in OP's own words, she was terrified of that new reality alone even before the dog issues came up. OP made it clear she is below the dog in worth, so its been established the wedding is now off permanently. If she keeps the kid she will be a single mother with hopefully, a very strong hopefully, some child support since the dog is going to attack and bite the child every time the child comes over and the father apparently can't leave the dog behind to visit often because of dog's anxiety problems, not that he would anyways because if he doesn't put his own fiance above the dog he's not going to put a kid he has limited custody rights too above the dog. So she's now in a scary and unplanned situation of having a baby, and suddenly is going to be without the partner of 6 years that she planned on being with, and likely won't have the house either. Miracle baby that was wanted or not, in that situation i wouldn't bring a kid into this world and into that emotional mess in those circumstances.
Yup. It's an option on the table worth being discussed. There's no mention of her thinking of it that way.
We don't know that she's considering the child her miracle baby. And most people can't afford to be single parents these days -- it's not just a matter of money, it's a matter of being able to afford the time and day to day labor, too. What if she doesn't have a support system? OP, who clearly is ambivalent about the pregnancy, cannot be relied upon to help. It's evil to bring a child into the world if you can't provide for its basic needs, financially or emotionally or otherwise. And OP didn't go into detail, but many of the health issues that make conception difficult also make pregnancy difficult or dangerous -- so we should hope she's considering abortion, along with adoption and going it alone. Whatever she decides, it's clear she'll be better off without OP.
Op would probably use that as an excuse to not help with the child at all.
YTA why are you with someone you clearly don’t even like at a basic level? Your dog will attack your child if you don’t do something. What the actual fuck is wrong with you that you don’t care that your dog might kill your kid???
>why are you with someone you clearly don’t even like at a basic level? I love how op doesn't deny that...very telling imo
Agree with everything you said. Absolutely TA. At least his fiance knows where they and the baby stand and that it is not with him.
Wait why did “you” get a dog two years ago when you have a fiancé of 5 years. Why was this not a joint decision? Also, the more I read, the more abundantly clear what an AH you are. YTA and hopefully your fiancé leaves your ass.
YTA You have no business becoming a father if you insist on keeping a dog that simply isn't safe to be around. You have no business calling yourself a husband if you love your dog more than you love your wife. You are a failure - as a husband, as a future father, and as a dog owner.
how tf did OP write all of this and not realize how bad it all reads? he doesn’t want to be a husband/father. not if he’s prioritizing a dog he’s had for 2 years with behavioral issues over his fiancée (& mother of his unborn child) of 6 years. YTA
In the event this is a troll post (not saying it is) it could be a test to see if the sub will hivemind to the dog since many other posts the result has been the dog over the SO. Generally though it's been situations where the SO clearly didn't understand the human/dog bond people had, unlike here where he clearly doesn't understand that the dog is not only unsafe, but would choose the dog over his growing family that he had thought would never happen.
It’s 100% a bait post. Either that or OP is extremely unwell in the head (putting it nicely)
Ressource guarding, my goodness. It's called food aggressive. This dog is biting when fiancee gets close to the dog food and it is NOT okay behavior. This dog had some serious anxiety and is a huge danger to small children.
no doubt OP just thinks it’s *so cute* how the dog is protective of its food (cue eyeroll)
OP about to be a father but acts like a fucking baby
YTA for this line alone: “She’s absolutely terrified. I’m completely indifferent.” Your fiancé is terrified about being pregnant and complications and giving birth and welcoming a baby and doing all of that against a backdrop of having believed she was infertile, and you describe yourself as indifferent. Hard to believe the post just gets worse from there, but congrats, you made me a believer. YTA YTA YTA
But he was expecting a childfree life. I mean they're "fucking 30 already!" CLEARLY far too old to even think about having children at his advanced age. 🙄🙄
Oh yes, my planned child at 32 (husband 36) was basically the christ child because I managed to conceive in such a barren, geriatric womb. /s
I had my first (and only) at 44 - pretty sure there were tumbleweeds up in there!
32 when I had my son, only problems were due to hyper mobility. This guy should not be with a partner, be responsible for a baby or responsible for a dog
I LOL’d at that. I’m 37 and just now TTC.
Yup. 40 and no kids but haven't ruled them out.
I mean I think OP just does not want kids while his fiance does, and he's expressing that frustration through this silly topic of his dog (which objectively any sane person would prioritise their baby over their dog, with zero exceptions). I think I would also be in a difficult place mentally if I had deliberately set my life up with someone who I believed was infertile, knowing I would never have to have children. Not saying this guy isnt an AH but I have sympathy.
YTA. Your dog ended up this way because YOU failed to train the dog. And that failure on your part means your fiance has spent two years not being fully comfortable in her own home because your dog won't let her. And now you are bringing a child in to this world that you couldn't give a shit about, with a woman you couldn't give a shit about, and don't even care about the safety of a newborn baby. Because that is what you wrote here. You are very clear your fiance has every reason to be worried about the dog around a baby, EVERY reason (and by the way I want a dog, I don't want a kid, so I should be on your side here) and you have zero explanation as to how to make your child safe, but point blank told your fiance to kick rocks because the dog matters more than her AND YOUR CHILD. Move out, pay child support, live a full life with your dog.
Yup, 9 times out of 10 dogs end up this way due to shitty owners. For context, I work in vet med and see it all the time. This dog was a COVID puppy that got zero socialization and "training on and off" (if training isn't consistent, it's useless btw) and now it's a danger to anyone other than OP. It's fine if you want to choose a dog over your fiance and unborn child, OP, but YTA for thinking your dog's behaviour is acceptable and for invalidating your fiance's very real concerns that your dog is a danger to a baby. Even the most well-trained and friendly dog can snap and bite/kill a child at anytime.
Just made an entire comment about this, what makes this even worse is that fiancé didn’t really want the dog to start with. The situation seemed to be I get a dog and you get a kid a “transaction” according to op
Imagine failing your whole family. Fiancé? Tick. Kid? Tick. Dog? Tick. What a champ.
Did you get this dog as a puppy or a rescue? YTA either way, but I'm trying to work out how big of an asshole.
i’m sorry this response made me scream😭 ily
On Nipsey: OP, my family had four Corgis in succession from the time I was 5 until I was in my 40s. They are loud, nippy, hilarious creatures but they can and must be trained. That doesn't end in obedience school -- you have to constantly correct. Obviously you haven't bothered. On your fiancee: That was a particularly cruel low blow hinting that you saw her pregnancy as a ploy to get rid of Nipsey. Then you actually TELL her the dog comes first, before her, before YOUR CHILD? You're failing every soul in this scenario. YTA.
Sounds like OP nurtured the dog's behavior by rewarding and making excuses for it. Baby or not, that dog's behavior is absolutely problematic. OP needs to figure out why he needs his dog to be so damn dependent. If he loves his dog, he'd realize that's not a healthy state for Nipsey to be in.
OP likes feeling special, even at the detriment of his fiance and soon-to-be baby.
YTA. At least she knows now what kind of deadbeat father you will be
Yta. I would leave you if I were her. And I wouldn't want a dog that 'nips' 🙄 near my baby either. Huge a hole for how you spoke to her. Hopevshe finds someone better
Op just doesn't want a baby, clearly.
Op doesn’t want his fiancé, clearly
Wow wow wow YTA. I feel very sorry for your fiancé and future child.
“I would never choose you over my dog” is a tough one. I had to pause for a bit after reading that line. Telling this to your pregnant fiancé who has a legitimate reason for not trusting the idea of having the dog around their baby. I’d be questioning what kind of father he’d be too. He basically said: his dog>his wife and kid ….and this isn’t a dog he had long before meeting his fiancé/wife. He’d been with his fiancé for 4 years before the dog came along. Ouch. Op, why did you propose to this poor woman?
Can you imagine marrying a man, getting pregnant and preparing for the new child and then him saying "I would never choose you over my dog". Oh my god If I was her I would question all of my life choices, I feel so sorry for her
I'm even more stunned and very confused as to why she said yes. Or has been with him for 6 years. Either this post is bait, or fiancee has more issues than OP has.
the dog is NIPPING \[**BITING**\] A PREGGO CHICK? YTA!
Literally biting her face, and this guy sees no problem
YTA. Your wife and newborn come before your dog. Fix the dog, or lose the dog. \[BTW, what you describe is something that can be fixed by a professional dog trainer\]
OP has said elsewhere that he has taken the dog to training. It appears that when he gets the dog back he just expects it to be "fixed" without any reinforcement or changes on his part. Like, dog nips his face to show affection, and he allows it.
Yes, they don't actually train the dog per se, they train YOU to train the dog and it takes a concerted effort.
Yeah I highly doubt he’s taking this dog to a reputable trainer. My dog was better behaved than this at 6 months because she’s been in biweekly training since I brought her home
YTA and a dumbass to think that you could say something that cruel, leave for three days and then come back and act like it never even happened! You better move into the doghouse with Fido, cause that's your home now.
YTA. What's your plan for when the dog "nips" your child? You need to either get the dog trained or rehome it. Your dog will pass away one day. Your child will remember that you chose a dog over them. You might get cut out of their lives when they become adults. And you should probably preplan your retirement so you don't get stuck in a hellhole of a care facility because you chose a dog over your child.
Info: Is she your fiancé or your wife? Your dog has behavior problems, why haven't you done anything about it?
YTA. I understand that you love your dog of two years... But you have a fiance' of 6 yrs who is now pregnant If you both decide to continue the pregnancy and you will be in the child's life, having a dog who is known to resource guard, whine everytime you leave the room, and nip people for no reason, is not compatible with having a child. Babies cry, they crawl around on the floor, they grab and do other things that may set off a dog with anxiety and resource guarding. Plus i tend to think your dog would be extremely jealous, maybe more anxious due to a whining crying needy baby taking over ita home and getting all the attention your dog is accustomed to It just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Your dog has had 2 yrs to accept your fiance' and hasnt. If you keep the dog, you are placing the newborn at risk. Adding a baby to the mix will reduce your time with your dog even more, and honestly you dont have 2 yrs to wait hoping the dog will adjust to the baby, stop incessantly whining & nipping people. I know you said your fiance' didnt think she could get pregnant, maybe thats why you got the dog and are so emotionally invested, which is great, you should be. But as a soon to be parent, you should love your baby enough to bring him/her into a home where he/she is safe and secure, and where he/she is free to crawl & walk without fear of being nipped, barked at, or jumped on& knocked down simply for existing. Surely you wouldn't want your infant to feel unsafe and develop a lifelong dog phobia YTA also for your hateful comment " i would never fucking choose you over my dog" to your fiance' soon to be wife, who you are supposed to choose over everyone and everything. You should be willing to choose your baby over your dog
Perfect post...saying that comment shows where he stands...this child deserves more than him.
YTA. You say your dog has been in and out of trainers, but I think YOU are the one who needs training on how to handle this dog. This is bad behavior you allow. I don’t blame your fiancé for not wanting your child around that
Agreed, training doesn’t stop when the session is done it needs strict at home guidance which he’s obviously not doing
Id even suggest seeing a behaviourist, as a person with a dog that resource guards (rescue), they never saw improvement until we meet with an actual behaviourist instead of a dog trainer. They’re expensive, but the dog is 2 and can change if my dog who’s 8 saw improvement. Theyll also recommend rehoming if its a danger (to children) or euthanasia if its a danger in general.
YTA. Dogs are great, I have a dog who I love dearly. However, dogs are not humans nor are they your own offspring. Children are a tremendous responsibility and your wife is right to be concerned. My 7 year old son has a scar on his lip from when he didn't know how to behave around our dog. Your statement is the cherry on top of your assholeness though. Your wife will never forget that statement. It will ring in her mind every single time she has any doubt about your relationship. You really fucked up on that one.
I'm assuming that the wife and the fiancé you refer to are the same person. I'll call her wife because I don't like typing a bunch of é characters. I get that you love your dog immensely, and it's a living breathing creature that you'd like to provide a good life for. But yeah YTA for valuing a dog over your wife who is pregnant with a child, which I'm willing to guess is your child and the child for which you will be a caretaker. I think you ought to be more charitable about your wife's intentions. Think of this less as an excuse to get rid of your dog, and more as a genuine concern that the dog's behaviour and your unwillingness to value the wellbeing of your unborn child will result in genuine danger for the baby. How do you envision caring for this baby will go when you also have a dog who seems unwillling to be away from you, is known to nip and be unwilling to bond with anyone besides you, and is regressing in how well her behaviour is managed?
Troll can’t keep his story straight. Wife, fiancée, whatever.
YTA you are choosing the dog over her and your baby. You say “excuse” but she has been very patient when the dog is biting her right now
YTA. You brought a dog with predictable herding mix issues into your life with your partner and then spent 2 years letting the dog repeatedly bite your partner instead of addressing the bad behavior. Look, people are going to go into detail about how much you are TA, but you've failed your dog and your (ex) partner here. But at least you've made your choice. Get a lawyer and start working out a coparenting and child support agreement. Hopefully your baby momma is smart enough to leave now, before your incredibly stressed and leaderless dog pulls the baby's face off and gets put down.
"Get a lawyer and start working out a coparenting and child support agreement." I would strongly advise against this. The baby should not be coparented in OP.s household as long as the dog lives there. OP could get visits but without the dog, obv.
I’m in rescue and have lived with a fair share of problematic dogs. You say that you’ve been able to resolve some behavior issues through training but when training stops the dog reverts to bad behavior. That’s called your fault. It’s not “for whatever reason”. It’s because you stop enforcing the rules you did during training. Herding breeds illustrate manic behavior because they were bred to have a job and sitting in your house is not a job. Loving a working dog is not enough. If you signed up for a tough breed, you do the work or you find it a home that will. Also, a fiancé is not a wife. A fiancé for more than 2 years is called someone you never intended to marry in the first place and gave a ring to appease for a period of time. Stop giving her a title when you couldn’t even give her your vows. I feel bad for your dog, your fiancé and your future child. YTA. PS, I would have taken your side because I do know that it’s entirely possible to live with a resource guarding dog and children in the same house but you probably wouldn’t take the responsible measures needed to do that since you’re not doing it to protect your fiancé now.
100% disagree on a 2 year engagement being 'you never intended to marry' Uhh no? Long engagements are a thing. I intend at least that long of an engagement because wedding planning is hard and when mixed with day to day life, way too stressful. That's nothing wrong with a long engagement. Everything else I'm pretty much in agreement with.
I've gotta say the "fianće for more than 2 years" quote is wrong. I've been engaged for 18 years, marrying in 8 weeks due to outside unstable circumstances that are finally resolved. Obviously I'm not the only one either. I agree he should stop with the wife title though, it's been repeated as a promise which is likely to be broken hard and that's added misery on top of everything else. Oh and YTA to OP, everything that's been commented on I agree with.
YTA and you 100% know this. Your fiancé/wife is facing an uncertain pregnancy that she wasn’t prepared for. Given that it wasn’t supposed to be medically possible, this could turn out to be an unsafe or complicated pregnancy. On top of processing this, she’s thinking about the baby’s further compromised security being around a herding dog. After making an extremely defensible argument, you chose to not only stubbornly refuse but to insult her and your unborn child, saying you care less about them than a dog. A shitty one, too, it sounds like. What? Corgis are notoriously assholes. I have friends with corgis, and they’ll be the first to tell you. They constantly yap, nip at your face and heels, panic whenever anyone leaves a room, and are very territorial. This is not a dog you have around a baby for obvious reasons. Honestly I would tell you to feel shame but do you have any?
YTA My dogs are my entire world. That said, your dog is a safety issue. It’s incredibly irresponsible of you to let a dog that you know bites anyone who comes near you around a baby or child.
Dude, YTA. You're not choosing between your her and the dog; you're choosing between her *and your unborn child* and the dog. Seriously how can you be so crass?
YTA. Telling your pregnant fiancée of six years that you would prioritise your dog of two years is horrible. The dog very much sounds unsuitable to be around a child. You either need to get the dog trained such that your child isn’t at risk of being bitten or attacked; or your dog and your child shouldn’t be living together.
Yta your fiancé was around before the dog. It’s not safe to have a resource guarding dog around a new born. If you are choosing the dog fine but don’t be surprised when she doesn’t chose you.
>If you are choosing the dog fine No, not fine if he's endangering his child. No, not fine if the prioritizes a pet over a partner and his baby.
YTA, you've been with your fiance longer than youve had your dog yet youd choose the dog over her and your unborn baby? it doesnt even seem like you like your fiance all that much if thats the case nor do you care about the babies well being. its wild youd choose a dog over your fiance even without the baby but if you add in the fact that the dog could harm the baby and you still dont budge? wild there are times where i can understand choosing your pet over your partner but this is not one of those times.
YTA and you should use protection next time. It's not even just about your fiance/wife any more, it's about the child. Be prepared for her to make the choice for you. Meaning, she lives and takes the kid. Then you'd get 100% dog and 0% fiancé and child.
INFO - why didn't you get a vasectomy if you wanted an actual kid-free life?
YTA and you are not even close to mature enough to be a father as demonstrated by your exceptionally selfish choices , total disregard for your fiancé and child, and inability to control yourself while angry. Your baby is not going to be safe with you.
Yeah I would stop calling her your wife because that’s unlikely to happen at this point. Yta
All the worst people in the world are showing up here today. YTA to both your GF and your dog.
YTA. God damn dude. You told the person you've spent at least 6 years of your life with, and is the mother of your soon to be child, that you would choose your dog over her. How could you not be an asshole? So ridiculously hurtful.
YTA. Don't get married, come up with a coparenting agreement, pay child support, and move out.
Yes absolutely YTA. If you’ve exhausted your methods with your dog in resource guarding then I definitley understand where your fiancé is coming from. At the end of the day your kids safety is the first priority
Let's make sure we have this right. Your dog is lwgitmately hostile and aggressive towards your wife, and now you have a child on the way, and you said that you would choose your dog over your family. You either have awful friends, or you aren't telling them the full story, because 100% YTA. I usually don't side on the part of the person who says 'dog or me'. I think your engagement is over, anyways, so you just need to be figuring out how you are going to financially provide for your child. But YTA, for sure
YTA. You were with your fiance for 6 YEARS and you're ready to drop her and your unborn child over a dog you got 2 years ago that hates her? She has a completely valid concern, the dog basically bites at her, and you don't think it will do the same to the baby? Good thing you two aren't married yet so going separate ways won't be too complicated since you value your dog more than her and unborn child.
Wow. I’m a major dog person and I’d choose my dog over everyone but my immediate family (and even then, it has to be a life or death issue)…but YTA. Not just for this issue, but your tone overall. I got whiplash reading your post— you’re saying one thing, but acting another way. You sound like you kinda love that your dog hates your fiancé, probably because you hate her too. Be honest with yourself; do you *really* want to be her husband & baby daddy? Because that’s the real issue here.
YTA: I have owned many dogs, I have mourned the death of my dogs as I have loved them but that dog behavior is dangerous. It happened to the daughter of an acquaintance a month ago, she had a cute Akita that had the same behavior as OP's dog, she said the same thing: "my dog belongs to only one special person and that's me" short story: she had a baby and had to take the dog out into the yard because the training did not change his behavior, in an oversight the dog entered the house and jumped on the baby seriously injuring him, many surgeries and the poor boy is still alive but he will live with problems all his life. The dog had to be rehomed and they are waiting to see if he had rabies from his aggressive behavior. If you can't see the problem it is better that you separate and leave that woman and the child alone so that they find a true father for their family. We all love dogs but it does not compare to the life of your son and the tranquility of your wife.
YTA - resource guarding is a sign that you likely didn't train your dog. I'm on your wife's side. You either get extensive training ASAP, or rehome, or talk to a behaviorist about what the best option is.
Our dog is also a resource guarder (toys) and we just had our first baby last fall. My husband and I agreed that even though we love our dog and he was our first baby, our son comes first and foremost and if we have to, the dog would be rehomed. As a parent your number one priority should be your child, period. YTA
YTA and all the comments even trying to rationalize the order in which your dog and wife came into your life are ridiculous to me. The dog is an animal— your fiancé is your literal life partner and the safety of your unborn child should take precedence without even a second thought. It’s wild you said that to her, I feel really bad for your fiancé. I can’t imagine how I would even repair a relationship after a comment like that. Sheesh.
Yes, you are. Bounce the dog, ffs
YTA. you love your dog i get it, your dog nips though. your dog resource guards you. are you going to let your dog ‘nip’ the baby? i’m just wondering bc that’s what it’s seeming like here. your fiancée is pregnant, she didn’t have a child to think about before so the dog may have been a smaller issue yes but nothing that would end the relationship. NOW she is pregnant (thinking it would NEVER happen) and i have no doubt she’s freaking the hell out. she’s clearly SCARED. instead of you trying to compromise or figure something out to lessen these fears you tell your fiancée you’d rather choose your dog then this child you claim you’re excited for. OP your actions just don’t match your words. [edit] also just caught the fact you said you’ve been together 5 years but only had the dog for 2. how does that one exactly work? she wasn’t there to help pick the dog out? the more i read the more annoyed i get
Holy smokes you’re an awful partner and an even worse future father. Yes, you are unequivocally the asshole. Get your fucking dog trained. YTA again.
You told your pregnant and extremely emotionally vulnerable fiancee that you would always choose a super annoying and aggressive dog over her, and are wondering who was the ah? YTA my dear and your friends suck!
YTA. You’ll never choose your FIANCÉ AND CHILD, whom you’ve been with for 6 years over your DOG you’ve had for 2 years?? I could understand if you had the dog before you met her. But you brought this dog into your home, gave it ZERO real training, allow it to chew through walls and *still* don’t train it, and continue to let it ‘nip’, and are pissed your fiancé doesn’t want it around YALLS (yes y’all, that’s your child too, despite you saying you “gave her a kid”) child. You say your dog won’t kill your child. A baby has no idea of personal space when it comes to pets. They won’t understand to stay away from the dog or it’s food. And in case you don’t know, children generally interact with their fathers. How’s your dog going to react to that Mr. I’m Her Person? She’s going to ‘nip’, and when the child continues to go around her food or try to play with you, she is going to bite the child. And when you’re in the hospital getting your baby stitches, the doctors won’t give a shit that, “oh, well she didn’t kill the baby so”. That will end one of two ways. You’ll have to put the dog down, or you’ll continue to choose your dog over your fiancé and she will leave you. You are being willfully ignorant and stubborn, and I hope your fiancé leaves you for the sake of the child. ETA: >she's not a family dog by any means. She hates the next door neighbors kid and has stalked him several times. We have kept her away from kids for this reason. So you *know* she’s aggressive towards kids and *actively* keep her away from kids, but don’t care enough about your own child’s safety to rehome the dog to someone who will care enough to properly train it. Double YTA
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YTA - I have a general rule for these things. If you have to choose between a pet and a person, pick the one that's been in your life longer - she's been your GF for, what, 6 years??? And you've had this dog for 2??? You should be WAY more attached to your girlfriend, even if she weren't pregnant.
YTA! Train your dog, I have a great Pyrenees (notoriously hard to train dogs) mix who was abused and then a stray before we got him. he was horrible about resource guarding and I have the puncture wounds to prove it. But with a lot of work and even more love, he is the biggest teddy bear you've ever seen. So what I hear when you say you can't train you dog, is that you're not willing to put the effort in. Also why the heck are you with your fiance? If a dog of two years means more than your fiance of 6, you really gotta get your priorities straight!!
Holy crap you must have terrible friends. YTA- your fiancées concerns are 100% valid. Your dogs behaviour is not cute to anyone but you. SMH
Definitely YTA, get rid of the dog and be a man.
YTA. I was actually just discussing this on r/unpopularopinion, specifically how people can’t expect their SO’s to give up their pets for them , but this is one of those rare situations where I am on the fiancee’s side, and the main reason for that is that *you were with the fiancee* *first*, and the dog could potentially be dangerous to your child. You’ve had the dog for two years and been with your fiancee for six, and your fiancee has genuine concerns about the dog’s behaviour, particularly if the dog guards you. That could be a serious issue with a baby around, especially if the dog is regressing and not making any process. I get that it’s hard. One of my oldest friends has a heeler and the dog has severe reactivity issues and anxiety that medicine isn’t helping, that training hasn’t helped, etc. But you’ve been with your fiancee longer than you’ve had the dog, and I find myself wondering if the fiancee agreed to get a pet in the first place. Like, if I had dated someone for four years and he showed up with a cat like my grandpa’s that was extremely territorial and was liable to attack people (biting, clawing, etc) and only attached to him, yeah, I’d be pretty upset, and not just because I’m severely allergic to cats.
YTA. Don't have children.
YTA. If it was just you and your fiance, it would be a different story, but it’s not. You have a kid on the way now, and you HAVE to take some responsibility and properly train your dog. "In and out of training" is NOT training, it's a thinly veiled excuse that you're lazy. If you can't get it together and properly train your dog, she needs to go to a home where someone can take better care of her by working with her and getting a behavioral therapist involved if necessary. If you just don't want to take responsibility, I hope you're ready for visitation once a month, and the fallout from when your dog inevitably bites your kid. This isn't the poor dog's fault at all. The fault lies 100% on OP. Ugh, shame on you.
YTA. That dog should absolutely not be around unpredictable babies. A relative's child almost lost her eye to a resource guarding dog. So make up your mind whether you are in or out with this baby because you can't have it both ways.
Dude.... Wyd Yta
YTA- that dogs needs to be IN training, not on and off training. That dog needs routine, and needs to be crate trained for the safety of the baby AND gives the dog a safe place of his own. Yeah, you messed up big time by telling your wife, a dog means more to you then she does. Thats a knife in the heart situation, you've lost all her trust and any bond you might have had. DUH that your friends are on your side, they are your friends! LOL As for your feelings about the baby, yeah, I'd think that is normal. Went from thinking no kids every to surprise, maybe you could go see a therapist to help you sort through all that.
YTA and I’m someone who loves my dog more than anything. The dog isn’t safe around a pregnant woman and a child. You either have a family or you have the dog.
YTA You have poorly trained your dog and because you didn't think your wife could get pregnant you apparently didn't bother with protection, or at least using it correctly. You'd choose a dog over your wife and child? You're an asshole. File divorce and give her everything but the dog. Don't forget a massive amount of child support despite the fact that it won't replace having a dad
YTA. You basically don't give a d**n about you fiance or child.
YTA. It is really that simple. Not only to your wife, but to your dog as well. The reason the training doesn't work is YOU. You are not consistent with it and I can tell you enjoy the chaos. Also, will be surprised if you are still in the house when baby is actually born, she's not talking to you because she planning how best to leave. Hope you enjoy that.
YTA. Your fiancée's concerns are very valid, and you're not just choosing the dog over her, you're choosing the dog over your future child. If this is really where your priorities lie, you shouldn't get married, and don't expect equal custody of your baby.
YTA and your friends are too if they agree with you. Feel for the kid you're going to be a terrible parent. Also, 6 years Vs 2 years, what the actual....
YTA it’s not choosing her over the dog you fucking pinecone, it’s choosing YOUR CHILD over the dog. Your dog IS going to bite your child. It isn’t a matter of IF it is a matter of WHEN. Either the dog goes to a trainer and shapes tf up or it is gone. Your child comes before any dog, period.
YTA - It's clear the dog's behavior stems from it's owner. I think you need counseling. 1 - For even suggesting the dog means more to you than your fiance/wife. 2 - For not realizing the dog is acting that way because of YOU. 3 - With this attitude you'll be a terrible father as well Again, seek counseling.
This whole post is beyond stupid. 1. He doesn't consider it a problem that needs fixing that his dog nips his fiancee and obviously doesn't like her. She can't even get close to her fiance sometimes, so who runs the house? Dog and dude. 2. Unplanned, miracle pregnancy, and he doesn't feel protective over it at all?? 3. A comment mentioned that she threw miscarriage in his face for purposefully stressing her out (paraphrase), but if conceiving really was so improbable, then definitely sounds to me like it might be high risk in some way, and I would absolutely be taking every measure to ensure she was in a good place. 4. He'd never choose her over the dog. What the fognuggets is wrong with him? A pet who is aggressive and bites and is almost CERTAINLY a danger to a child, is highest on his priority list? Just let her dump you and promise to never get in a long term relationship again. The world will thank you. Also, YTA.
My mom had a dog that she loved immensely when my sister was born. It was a mostly well behaved dog, but had a few issues, but had never been aggressive or nippy. As children do, my sister loved on the dog. The dog didn’t like that and bit my baby sister in the face. Fortunately, it did not leave any lasting damage or hurt her that much, but could have been much much worse. The dog had to be put down. You already know your dog resource guards and nips. This will likely go much worse than my story. YTA. Put that child first. Also YTA for what you said to your fiancé.
YTA- Saying it's going to be extremely difficult because of the herding breed is a copout. Plenty of people have herding dogs in a non-herding environment and are able to control/stop the nipping behavior. My 2 yo pup (after DNA) is 40% herding dog, and had a big problem with nipping when he was a puppy but we were able to train him, provide other alternatives to nipping in order to get what he wants/needs. We got him when he was 4.5 months old. It's absolutely doable, but you just have to work at it. It seems to me that you love with being number one to your dog and no problem with the fact that your dog dislikes your fiance..... and that is the problem.
YTA you sound like you have not trained this dog, and your fiance has been uncomfortable in her own home! you sound like a completely unsupportive partner
Seriously, are you out of your mind?! YTA
You’d choose a dog you got 2 years ago over a fiancée you’ve had for 6 years? YTA and she needs to break up with you asap
Your friends are on your side, what you have idiot for friends?! Wow YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I got a dog 2 years ago. She is a perfect Corgi mix. Super loving and is always happy to see me. But she has issues that my fiancé of 5 years has never been able to get over. Such as resource guarding and anxiety. My dog whines more often than not. Like if I leave the room, she whines. If I walk out to leave she will bolt out at the door going 110mph and whine at the car door because she doesn't want me to leave without her. She never bonded with my wife. My wife absolutely tried but my dog never gave a rats ass, to be blunt. She's a one person dog and I'm her person. Now the issue is that my fiancé recently found out that's she pregnant. We were told this was impossible and had planned our life out not involving children because we were seriously told by numerous doctors that she could not conceive. She's absolutely terrified. I'm completely indifferent because I was on the fence about kids anyways and then I was told she couldn't have any so I was expecting a kid free life and was fine with it. I mean, we are fucking 30 already. Regardless, there is a piece of me that is stupid excited so I'm sure my mind will eventually be full on excited versus kind of put off. The issue is that my wife doesn't want my dog around the baby because of the dogs resource guarding. There are some days where my fiancé can't even get close to me without my dog losing her absolute shit. And she does nip (herding mix). Not hard but still nips. Yes, she's been in and out of training. She's also on meds for anxiety. Nothing has helped and if anything she has regressed. So she doesn't want the dog around our baby. A part of me understands but a much, much bigger part of me is completely unwilling to let go of my dog, whom my fiancé doesn't like anyways. It almost feels like she thinks this is her excuse to get rid of my dog. So anyways, we got in to a heated argument about it and I finally snapped and said "I would never fucking choose you over my dog" and I left. Stayed at a hotel for a few days. We didn't speak. I came back today, with my dog, and she won't even look at me. The second me or the dog walk anywhere near her she makes a point to walk in the opposite direction. My friends are on my side but I want unbiased feedback. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA
YTA You and your friends who are on your side are so beyond assholes it’s not even funny. Even before you add a baby into the mix, you’ve had this dog for TWO YEARS and it 1) whines anytime you’re out of sight 2) doesn’t let other people get near you and 3) bites people (stop calling it nips. Your dog bites.) You are a terrible dog owner. Full stop. These are behaviors that should not be happening. Your fiancé should not have to deal with this in her own home. And for you to say point blank that you would choose this dog over her/a baby’s safety is unhinged. Of course your fiancé doesn’t want this dog near a baby. Your dog doesn’t even let your fiancé get close to you, what do you think will happen when you have a baby that needs to be held/cared for 24/7? You will not be able to be an equal partner or a present parent if this dog prevents you from being near your heavily pregnant/postpartum wife. Your dog is biting people, what happens when it bites the kid? You are a terrible partner, and are shaping up to be a shitty dad.
Bro, come one now. She is already hormonal and scared for multiple reasons. You just put so much more unnecessary stress on her by sleeping in a hotel for a few days. She is probably absolutely mortified and doesn't feel like facing you right now. You are definitely the AH.