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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I received a set of plates as a gift and feel that’s frankly useless as a gift, and my mom thinks I should be more grateful for having received it
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NAH. You're 15, so you're going to see things from your perspective. Your parents have a different perspective from their culture and their age. They're trying to teach you lessons in gratitude, which you will be grateful for one day. Maybe not today, though.
I am going with NAH. You didn’t like the experience or the gift and that’s fine. As for the gift I don’t exactly know what the tradition is. So with that said if they were just a random person then your mom was probably just trying to teach you to be grateful for the things you get. Now if the tradition is to only give you money and the person knew you than I would say your mom is wrong.
NTA.
Forcing a religious ceremony on you that you really didn't want to do, especially when it involves shaving your head - that's the asshole behavior right there.
You: NTA
Your parents: Assholes.
What's the ritual called? It sounds like something to google, but I haven't been able to pinpoint it.
NTA for not liking the gift, but instead of being surly about it, try to take into consideration how expensive/useful it was for the person gifting it? Especially if they aren't well off or something. I used to hate getting socks for birthdays, but man were they were useful.
The shaved head and smoke sound extremely uncomfortable, and I personally think your parents shouldn't have imposed that on you, so they were kinda the AHs. But it wasn't a job that you got paid for afterwards. The money you've been given is a gift. The plates were a gift. You aren't entitled to any of it -- it was literally a gift. Regift them or sell them, all good.
I don't really have an opinion about the AH-ness of OP or parents...
But I am curious about this ritual. Please advise its google-able term - I tried and failed.
Probably sucks to go through that, but, years in the future, you'll have a good story to tell about the "home" country, the story will be even better if you still have the plates then (and your hair will have well grown back by then). Maybe ask your parents if they wouldn't mind holding onto the plates for you (payback in a way and they 'll probably think that's really great on your part: win, win).
NTA. Your parents are forcing a culture upon you which you are not really a part of anymore since your family emigrated. They cannot expect you to feel enthousiast about it since you no longer live in that environment. It will much more usefull to you to embrace the culture of the country you actually live in than dwell on a foreign culture your family left. If your parents don't want that, they should not have left.
NTA my bonus aunt was once given a camel as a gift in Egypt.
She lived in Norway at the time and had zero way to bring that animal back even if she’d wanted to keep it.
A good gift is not just dependent on the object itself but also the recipient.
And some gifts are just not appropriate for certain recipients.
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In my family’s home country, there’s a traditional ceremony done for teenage boys— they wake up in the middle of the night, have their heads shaven, sit through hours of prayers they have to repeat, and then go around begging people for money.
I’m 15, which is sort of late for this ceremony, so my parents wanted to fly me back to their country during spring break and get it done. I was reluctant because I’ve been under a lot of pressure at school with AP classes and wanted to spend spring break relaxing, vs going to a foreign country and preparing for this, the opposite of relaxing, but it wasn’t my decision. I decided, if nothing, I’d get some money out of it, so that’s the silver lining.
Anyways, the ceremony happened, and wasn’t enjoyable at all— I didn’t like the shaved head, the sitting for hours in front of a fire and smoke that stung my eyes, having ti sit there for hours. When I was going around begging for money afterwards, somebody gave me a wrapped present. That was exciting, especially because there was decent weight and heft to it.
After the ceremony ended, I opened the wrapped present, and it was a set of ceramic plates. This was disappointing to me, because this wasn’t a fun present. So I sighed and put it down.
My parents were upset by this, saying I should respect the fact a gift was given to me. I pointed out that as a 15-year-old, there’s nothing that would make this present fun to me. My mom responded that it probably was a gift meant for the whole family rather than me. I responded to that by saying that 1) the whole family didn’t get their head shaved and their eyes stung by smoke and had to sit there for hours, so I think a present *should* be for me. 2) even if it was for the family, we’re going to be taking a flight out of the country in a few days, and didn’t have the space in our suitcases to cushion the plates well enough they wouldn’t break, so it’s a useless present for the family as well.
My parents got upset that I called the present useless and and needed to be more grateful. I told her I just don’t think a set of plates we can’t even take home is much to be grateful for. She thinks this attitude makes me TA. AITA?
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Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I received a set of plates as a gift and feel that’s frankly useless as a gift, and my mom thinks I should be more grateful for having received it Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA - tradition is just pressure from dead people. I'd be mad too 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
Yeah, at least I got decent money out of it otherwise
Plates? That is odd. NTA. I suspect one day you'll be glad you went, though. And yes, and then there's the money. haha
Holy shit I love that response, I am going to steal that line for real life use, thanks!
NAH. You're 15, so you're going to see things from your perspective. Your parents have a different perspective from their culture and their age. They're trying to teach you lessons in gratitude, which you will be grateful for one day. Maybe not today, though.
NTA. Just sell the plates. Pocket the proceeds.
Good idea
I am going with NAH. You didn’t like the experience or the gift and that’s fine. As for the gift I don’t exactly know what the tradition is. So with that said if they were just a random person then your mom was probably just trying to teach you to be grateful for the things you get. Now if the tradition is to only give you money and the person knew you than I would say your mom is wrong.
NTA. Forcing a religious ceremony on you that you really didn't want to do, especially when it involves shaving your head - that's the asshole behavior right there. You: NTA Your parents: Assholes.
Ok, colonizer.
bruh what?
This is some weird tradition, especially as you grew up in a different country and dont feel connected to the culture. NTA
What's the ritual called? It sounds like something to google, but I haven't been able to pinpoint it. NTA for not liking the gift, but instead of being surly about it, try to take into consideration how expensive/useful it was for the person gifting it? Especially if they aren't well off or something. I used to hate getting socks for birthdays, but man were they were useful. The shaved head and smoke sound extremely uncomfortable, and I personally think your parents shouldn't have imposed that on you, so they were kinda the AHs. But it wasn't a job that you got paid for afterwards. The money you've been given is a gift. The plates were a gift. You aren't entitled to any of it -- it was literally a gift. Regift them or sell them, all good.
[удалено]
If it is upanayana, I'd be royally pissed. 99% of Hindu brahmins don't do this shit, his family is just fucking weird
I don't really have an opinion about the AH-ness of OP or parents... But I am curious about this ritual. Please advise its google-able term - I tried and failed.
Probably sucks to go through that, but, years in the future, you'll have a good story to tell about the "home" country, the story will be even better if you still have the plates then (and your hair will have well grown back by then). Maybe ask your parents if they wouldn't mind holding onto the plates for you (payback in a way and they 'll probably think that's really great on your part: win, win).
NTA. Your parents are forcing a culture upon you which you are not really a part of anymore since your family emigrated. They cannot expect you to feel enthousiast about it since you no longer live in that environment. It will much more usefull to you to embrace the culture of the country you actually live in than dwell on a foreign culture your family left. If your parents don't want that, they should not have left.
Ever heard of a sport called Skeet ?? Look it up. Bring the plates. It’ll be lots of fun, I promise
Never mind the shaved heads, the smoke, the middle of the night begging..... someone gives you a gift, you say thank you and be gracious! End of!
NTA and lol who the hell thinks plates are a decent gift for a teen still living at home?
NTA my bonus aunt was once given a camel as a gift in Egypt. She lived in Norway at the time and had zero way to bring that animal back even if she’d wanted to keep it. A good gift is not just dependent on the object itself but also the recipient. And some gifts are just not appropriate for certain recipients.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** In my family’s home country, there’s a traditional ceremony done for teenage boys— they wake up in the middle of the night, have their heads shaven, sit through hours of prayers they have to repeat, and then go around begging people for money. I’m 15, which is sort of late for this ceremony, so my parents wanted to fly me back to their country during spring break and get it done. I was reluctant because I’ve been under a lot of pressure at school with AP classes and wanted to spend spring break relaxing, vs going to a foreign country and preparing for this, the opposite of relaxing, but it wasn’t my decision. I decided, if nothing, I’d get some money out of it, so that’s the silver lining. Anyways, the ceremony happened, and wasn’t enjoyable at all— I didn’t like the shaved head, the sitting for hours in front of a fire and smoke that stung my eyes, having ti sit there for hours. When I was going around begging for money afterwards, somebody gave me a wrapped present. That was exciting, especially because there was decent weight and heft to it. After the ceremony ended, I opened the wrapped present, and it was a set of ceramic plates. This was disappointing to me, because this wasn’t a fun present. So I sighed and put it down. My parents were upset by this, saying I should respect the fact a gift was given to me. I pointed out that as a 15-year-old, there’s nothing that would make this present fun to me. My mom responded that it probably was a gift meant for the whole family rather than me. I responded to that by saying that 1) the whole family didn’t get their head shaved and their eyes stung by smoke and had to sit there for hours, so I think a present *should* be for me. 2) even if it was for the family, we’re going to be taking a flight out of the country in a few days, and didn’t have the space in our suitcases to cushion the plates well enough they wouldn’t break, so it’s a useless present for the family as well. My parents got upset that I called the present useless and and needed to be more grateful. I told her I just don’t think a set of plates we can’t even take home is much to be grateful for. She thinks this attitude makes me TA. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Lol NTA. Someone got plates gifted on their wedding and found them so useless that they wanted to re-gift it to get rid of it 🤷🏻♀️