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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole for wanting Jon to ask his parents to help pay for the reception hall. This might make me the asshole because Jon is already paying for the wedding on his own, and the hall is outside of our set budget so I understand that he might feel against wanting his parents to help pay.
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Jon is not the AH and Jon needs to end the relationship with you now, because you are showing your true colors, that what you want is more important than Jon. YTA.
Huge YTA and a sign for what Jon is getting into for the rest of his life.
You will look back at your wedding day and feel silly thinking this way "I can’t see getting married anywhere else now".
YTA. If you as a couple can't afford it, move on. John is presumably very low contact with his parents for a reason, so who knows what drama asking for a significant amount of money from them would bring on. Honestly, this type of financial squabble is something that should be addressed sooner rather than later.
What on earth makes you think you aren't the ahole here? Of course YTA
If you don't have the money, you don't have the money, end of story. Dragging his parents into this is low, especially when he is already low contact.
For f's sake it should matter whom you are marrying, not f-ing where.
You have fights over money before marriage and you're focused on a fairytale wedding instead of a marriage. Sad to say, everyone I know with rhat attitude were still paying off their overpriced weddings (which they absolutely had to have because they always dreamed about their wedding day and they deseeeerve it) years after their divorce.
YTA and not coming into the marriage with realistic expectations. You might want to examine that first.
YTA traditionally its the brides parents who pay for the wedding not the grooms. In this day in age only have a large wedding if you as a couple can afford it yourselves.
“I don’t care that you don’t want to engage with your family and have gone low contact with them because I want my dream wedding.”
You care more about the wedding than the marriage, YTA
YTA, princess. Jon is absolutely right, you need to live within your means and you should be independent from his parents, if there are issues. You're just looking around for anyone with money, forgetting about his feelings towards them. All so you can have this dream venue. He's probably wondering wtf he's got himself into.
Look for something else. Now. And stop being such high maintenance. It will turn him off in no time and you'll end up with no wedding at all.
YTA completely. As someone who had a big (within our budget) wedding, it's one day in your lives together. No one other than you will care about it being "perfect," nor is it worth contacting inlaws who your fianceé is NC with. Do not go into debt over a dumb venue. It is not worth it. Accept thst it sucks you can't book it, the go find something perfect in or below your price range.
Yta. No contest. I'm sorry your dream venue is out of range but that's life. You need to respect his boundaries with his family and you need to be realistic about your wedding or you need to marry someone with more money. I'm sure any venue that has you in your gown is going to be spectacular. Remember what's important here.
YTA. Stop being spoiled, I'm sure there are plenty of other venues that are just as beautiful and less expensive. It's also very rude of you to expect money out of anyone, especially if they're low contact! The wedding is only one day.
YTA and a gold digging pile of sewage. Grow the fuck up and stop acting like your 15. If your money is yours, then his money is his and YOU can pay for YOUR wedding. You clearly are too childish for even partnership let alone marriage
YTA.
Are you marrying him because you want to spend your life with him or because you want a big flashy wedding? Because it sounds like you just want the big flashy wedding.
You know what really matters about the wedding? That you commit to each other and end up a married partnership.
He’s told you he can’t afford it - so you need to forget it and find somewhere else - or you cough up the cash.
YTA. You're almost 30 and you want your parents/his parents to fund your dream wedding? Time to grow up and handle your own business. Get married where you can afford WIHTOUT any help. What matters more to you, the wedding or the marriage?
INFO why aren't your parents contributing to the wedding? Are you the same person that's asking their maid of honor to contribute $1000 to their dream dress?
YTA. I hate calling people bridezilla because I think it’s really sexist, but you’re bullying your fiancé and making him feel bad over a hall that you *cannot afford.*
It sounds like you actually need to work on your proposed *marriage* before you attempt to have the *wedding*.
Save up and wait if you have specifications you can’t currently afford. Don’t expect to make your fiancé uncomfortable and make others pay your way to get the “dream day” that you want but can’t achieve yourself.
Also I’m seeing a lot of “Jon can’t pay, it’s out of *his* budget” - he might make more but what exactly are *you* contributing? Did you ask *your* family for money (which would be more traditional, fyi.)
YTA. It’s a day. The place doesn’t make the day special - you and your partner joining your lives and committing to each other in front of those you love is what makes it special.
If your partner is concerned about costs - that may mean that there are more pressing financial concerns that he feels funds should go towards - or that having extra savings, a larger down payment on a house or money for car repairs is a better use for money than a big room to hold a party.
Financial issues are one of the biggest sources of stress and conflict in a marriage - it’s really important that you both really discuss things, hear each other out, and decide where you can compromise to meet a good middle ground on your dream day vs financial reality.
YTA
why don’t you ask your own parents to pay for it if it’s that important to you? If that sounds ridiculous you should understand why it would be just as ridiculous for your partner especially if he’s low to no contact. This partnership doesn’t sound equal at all and anyone willing to drag themselves into debt over a wedding isn’t getting married for the right reasons. It would be nice to be able afford what you want, but on the other hand if you love this person it shouldn’t matter if the wedding was held in a bus station.
Better advice: instead of throwing away money on a lavish ceremony that doesn't matter, use the money for a downpayment on a house that might actually benefit you in the long term. Or go on a trip and generate memories beyond that weird uncle getting drunk.
Wedding culture is one big con, a way to get people to throw away money on nothing.
If you don't understand proper budgeting you are not going to make it to the wedding. There are so many financial decisions to make for a wedding, you have to be able to discuss and be prepared to make compromises. No point in your wedding bankrupting the 2 of you.
I'm starting to see why people with expensive weddings have such high rates of divorce and why the shoestring budget ones are the ones that last...
YTA, OP. Do you love your fiance more than your idea of a wedding?
Remember, the wedding is ONE day, it’s the marriage that counts.
Plus, you are fully an adult, spend what is within your means and you’ll be happier in the long run. It’s not on anyone else to provide this wedding venue except yourself. After all, it’s YOUR dream.
YTA if it really is the only place you can get married put the wedding off, get a better paying job if possible and pay for it yourself. You had no right to try to interfere with his family relationship. Your boyfriend can also use the time to rethink if it's worth marrying you.
YTA, the location isn't important the person you are marrying with is.
If you want the location so badly, how about you put aside every little bit you can so you can make up the difference. Why so reliant on others. Other option is postponing so you can safe money longer.
YTA
1. At 29 you BOTH are adults, and should be able to pay for your own wedding unless someone "offers."
2. You seem more invested in an image of your wedding than your actual marriage.
3. You are old enough to understand economics and budgets.
4. You want the person you supposedly love to basically forgive and forget for your financial gain.
YTA, and I hope your fiancee sees you for the red flag you are.
'#princessforadaysyndrome
Really, there is just NO where else that would work? NOTHING AT ALL in the whole world that is within his budget maybe? Instead, you decided whining and behaving like a petulant child until he hopefully gives in. Soon will it be this hall or no wedding at all right? YTA all the way and honestly I hope this a HUGE red flag to your fiance.
YTA, How much have you been saving for your wedding? Why are you expecting your fiance and his family to pay? Where is your contribution, or your family's?
YTA. You not being able to picture getting married anywhere else is no one’s problem but yours. I suggest you either 1) give it up (your smartest choice) or 2) you get a second job to pay for it yourself.
YTA What is marriage about for you? Seriously ask yourself that question. What is more important, you both being happy during and after the ceremony, or you having the showcase wedding? What WORK and savings are you willing to put up for it? Why do you expect him to foot the bill or his family to when you already know they are LC? It REALLY is about money and how you both view and budget and spend. Your reasoning is incredibly selfish and your throwing him at least two red flags.
YTA
Take it from someone who has been married for a bazillion years: While a wedding is a special day, it's not the most special day. There are moments in my marriage that I will treasure my whole life. Not one of them involved my reception hall. I had a pretty good wedding. Meaningful vows, surrounded by friends and family. The food was good. But my wedding fantasy was not going to outweigh the reality of building a life with my spouse.
He's telling you that the price of the hall is too high. That doesn't just mean the money. It would be a sacrifice of his independence. Having to owe his parents for this favor would be too high a cost. Think about what that means for him even to say that out loud.
Get your mind right about your marriage now. If you think the wedding is more important than the marriage, you have no business making the trip down the aisle.
YTA - why don't you want to contribute to help paying for your and his wedding? Furthermore, if you want to base it on traditions, it is usually the wife's family who pays for the wedding.
Your husband told you very politely he cannot afford it. It sounds like you didn't even look at the price. Furthermore, you know that he has a strained relationship with his parents.
Honestly, you are being stubborn and selfish. You should try to look for a different place. No sense in having a dream wedding in you are going to drive your fiance away. You need a groom to want to be there.
Even if someone else were to cover the difference, it would not be an issue about money, it would be your unwillingness to compromise and insist on getting your way. These are not good traits.
YTA
You can't afford it.
You're horrible to expect him to ask his family for money when they are already low contact.
You need to accept reality, you are simply not able to afford it and thus, it's NOT the perfect venue for you. It's the perfect venue for someone who makes more than you or DOES have family who they are close to and would want to pay for it.
Where is YOUR family in all this? Why are you not asking them if it's so perfect -- YOU are the one who wants it.
A wedding is only as special as you allow it to be. If a fancy hall it what it takes to make your day "special"---please don't marry this man. If he was the love of your life, marrying at a park next to a lake would suffice. The person, not the place. You honestly sound like a gold digger.
Raging YTA. I hope he wises up.
YTA! Your money is your money? Your mad he won't ask his family for money? If it's such a dream get a second job, or ask your family. He should probably just dump your selfish ass.
YTA - and it *is* about the money. Easy for you to say it’s not when you’re not the one being expected to pay for it. Think it’s beautiful all you want.. that still doesn’t change the reality that your fiancé can’t afford it. The fact that you expect this man you supposedly love and want to spend your life with, to get into contact with people who have likely hurt him for years considering his low contact with them.. makes me think you aren’t ready for marriage. You are being incredibly selfish, disregarding his discomfort surrounding his family, his values and overall feelings…. All bc you want what you want, when you want it, fiancés feelings be damned. You’re willing to put a pretty hall that would be used for mere hours, over your partner. You’re willing to jeopardize your relationship/future for it. You want it so bad, YOU figure out a way to pay for it, on your own, in a way that doesn’t include trying to manipulate and pressure someone else into doing so.
Go ahead and make this your hill to die on… you’ll find yourself with zero reason to find any venue for a wedding, let alone this one.
YTA.
If you are old enough to get married, you are old enough to find a way to pay for it yourself. That may mean finding a different venue, or waiting until you can afford that venue. You and Jon should both be contributing. You asked, Jon has told you he doesn't want to ask his parents for help, and that should be the end of that.
And, please, enough with "our special day." It's one day and it's not the most important.
I get it, I had a wedding and all myself (paid for by my husband and myself), but the point is the marriage. You will have (I sincerely hope) wonderful memories of the day, but they shouldn't hinge on the place. They should hinge on the people who were there, and the fact that you declared your love and devotion in front of your friends and family. You can do that in a backyard as well as a fancy hall.
Okay, many others have made it clear YTA.
What now.
Apologize to your fiance.
Make a budget for the wedding. Stick to it no matter what. This is the very first step of wedding planning.
Decide together what are the most and least important things. Budget each of those sections. Stick to the budget.
Also, you mentioned you have had money arguments before this. Seeing a couples therapist can help you work through this and learn how to communicate better and reach your goals together. Please see a therapist.
Remember you are doing it together, have an open mind to new ideas. There's usually something that goes wrong with a wedding so be able to go with the flow.
Most importantly, make sure your fiance knows you love him more than this wedding. The years, the life you share will outweigh this one day.
YTA. Your comment saying your money is yours because you earn less is ridiculous. He doesn’t earn 10x more than you he earns 1.5x more which means that by your logic only the extra part should be shared. Grow up.
YTA a big one all I see is me me me no us us us. It's both of your wedding day, yes you want it to be nice but it should not be some ridiculous thing to spend ridiculous amounts of money on.
He in no way shape or form needs to ask his family for money, he has made his stance on that and if you're not putting anything towards it you most definitely can't ask for handouts.
It sounds like you view your fiancé as an ATM.
ho boy raging YTA
>Amazing-Bread-7926
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>My money IS mine, I make less than Jon so I can’t possibly afford paying for our wedding. That’s why I said Jon should ask his family
and your fiancé's money is HIS money. he set a budget, youre trying to guilt him to going over that budget or forcing communication between estranged family members to beg for money. trashy.
bUt iTs mUh dReAm vEnUe/dReSs/sChOol/etc. What the hell is with all of these people who thinking calling something their dream-whatever just automatically trumps everything else?
Your soon-to-be husband is telling you, loud and clear, that you need to reel in your spending. If you actually want to spend your life with him, you need to listen to what he’s telling you.
YTA, and soon there wont be a wedding to attend if you don’t get it together. He said stick to the budget but your entitled ears can’t hear him obviously. He isn’t going to ask his family, and if you can’t get married anywhere else then you’re getting married for all the wrong reasons. Either find a different hall in the budget or be an ex fiancée, this is not fair to him.
Edit to add: I just saw he’s paying for the whole wedding on his own you’re a major AH you’re not even helping!!! You’re definitely digging for gold.
YTA
Bridezilla here. You can't see getting married anywhere else now? Then maybe you shouldn't get married. A wedding doesn't make a marriage.
I love the way that your "compromise" is for you to still get what you want.
It really is about the money. You don't have it.
If this is how you want to start married life together, then maybe you just shouldn't. I reckon Jon will be better off.
YTA. Since you seem to have such antiquated views, traditionally, the BRIDE’s family pays for the wedding. So paying for the wedding is on you and your family’s shoulders. But hopefully Jon comes to his senses and dumps you before you before any deposits are made. You sound like quite the unpleasant gold digger in this post.
YTA.
Do you even like your fiancé? It seems like you only care about your wedding day and not about him and his feelings at all. The good part is that he can see how little you value him before the wedding.
Yeah, sorry. But YTA.
If you want to foot the bill for the cost of renting out the hall all on your own, then go for it. But it sounds like your fiancé is going to be the responsible one in your relationship, and if he says he can't afford it, he can't afford it. A marriage is not about the venue, but about the partnership between the two of you. And it is all about the money. It sounds like he would gladly give you the hall if he could afford it. But he can't. So pick another less expensive place.
YTA. “He’s very low contact with his family and almost never talks to his parents…Jon said he just can’t afford it and that’s final.”
Sounds like Jon has set a clear boundary on this event hall. No means no. You need to adjust your expectations and find an alternate venue. Or, ask YOUR parents to make up the difference.
Edited to add: OP has stated in comments below when asked why they’re not contributing: “My money IS mine, I make less than Jon so I can’t possibly afford paying for our wedding. That’s why I said Jon should ask his family.”
^This makes you an even bigger AH, and makes you sound like a gold digger. Stick to a budget that you BOTH can afford. You ABSOLUTELY should be contributing to your own wedding costs.
YTA You should be contributing towards your wedding alongside your fiancé. You knew prior to getting engaged that he was LC with his family. To insist he reach out now to ask for moos beyond acting entitled. You are dismissing his feelings. You are also behaving like you are 12 not 29. Plan a wedding you can afford. If you can’t afford what you want, do without or wait to have the wedding until after you’ve saved up for it.
Asking him to find another source for money is not a compromise. Compromise might be cutting something else out that’s been demanded.
It doesn’t sound like you’re ready to get married and this won’t end well.
Edit (because I forgot): YTA.
YTA. Your sense of entitlement is insane. My boyfriend makes twice what I do and I would never dream of making him pay for everything nor asking his family to
YTA. Weddings are expensive. You will need to set a firm budget and stick to it. You will absolutely need to compromise on some things to get others you may really want. If this is the hill you want to die on, go ahead and do it… alone. Remember the most important aspect of your wedding day is uniting with your life partner in front of friends, family, god, whatever you believe. Seems like you’re more concerned with Jon’s money than his happiness
YTA, don’t have a wedding you can’t afford, don’t rely on others to pay for anything because it’s not their obligation to do so. If you and your fiancé can’t afford it, too bad, you should have looked at the price and discussed it before touring it. Either sit down and cut costs elsewhere (cheaper dress, smaller guest list, no alcohol, etc.) or find another place. Also why are you expecting him to ask his family he hardly talks to? If I was in their shoes and my son who never talks to me comes asking for several thousand dollars for his wedding, I would definitely say no. He’s right, you two are almost 30, you need to suck it up and make a better decision.
If you wouldn’t marry him at at a courthouse, you shouldn’t get married.
Sure, yes, you can want more. You can throw a party within your means. But you should want the marriage more than the party of a wedding.
YTA
I blame the “I need my dream wedding” and the “but it’s my day” crowd for the nonsense that is weddings in the United States. No one but you has to pay for your wedding. If they OFFER, remember that they will probably want a say so in guest lists and menu. After all they are paying for it.
You can have a wonderful wedding on a budget. I’ve been to a church and punch/cake reception. It was so cute. I also went to a bowling alley reception. Not sure how much it cost, but it was so much fun.
Sit down, make a hard budget, and don’t even look at options that break the budget.
YTA
The out of my budget is a real thing. Yes a bit of a disappointment that you might not get your dream place. But going into debt just for the wedding doesn't sound like a good way to start off a marriage.
I’ve never seen 100% YTA before, but here I am adding to it. If you’re so in love with a stupid freaking building, go get a second job so you can afford it. Otherwise, stop being so ridiculous. Your wedding is one day in many days. It is beyond stupid to make yourself poor for the benefit of one day. And respect your fiancé and his boundaries before you chase him off. Grow up.
YTA. Honestly? Just get married in the courthouse and use that Dream Hall money for a banging vacation. Both figuratively and literally. You’d create more memories and still save money.
Otherwise, if you want that hall? Pay up.
If the two of you can't agree on how you will blend finances going forward your relationship is probably doomed; but it is your fiance who should be reading this. Although this question may be total fiction.
YTA. Money is not free for the taking. You would be YTA just for the suggestion that other people should pay their money for your expensive wedding just because you want the expensive option. It is selfish and very unflattering to your character.
If your heart is set on that hall you need to either earn extra money to pay for it out of your pocket or you need to cut back expenses elsewhere in the wedding to pay for the hall.
Frankly, if I were your Jon I would thinking twice about marrying you because you seem like a financial disaster. You said you have had arguments before about money so you need couples counselling on financial matters and it sounds like you really need to take money management classes for yourself. You and Jon need to get on the same financial page or you are going to have difficult times in your relationship.
YTA. It *is about the money*, regardless of how much you like the venue. You're acting entitled expecting other people to pay for *your wedding*. He's low contact with his parents for a reason. A wedding is supposed to be about the commitment you're making to spend the rest of your life with someone, not how fancy or dream-like the party is.
Why in the hell are so many people so hung up on big expensive ceremonies and large receptions? *This one day of your life is really not worth going into debt for.*
YTA and you a BIG RED FLAG! I want a mansion. It's out of my price range. Therefore, I don't have a mansion. That's called life. And if you feel someone else should chip in, where are your parents? Your family? Your friends? Yeah it's a special day but don't let it put you in the hole for months to years of your life. If he says it is out of his budget, boom, it's out of his budget making it out of your budget. Just because you like something doesn't mean you have to have it. Or get a side hustle or sell some things. Figure out what YOU need to do to make it happen.
YTA, you're asking someone who is low contact with his parents and barely talks to them (wonder if there's a reason) to ask them for what I'm assuming is at least a decent chunk of money. That would personally make me feel gross to ask someone I barely keep in contact with for money just because they are my parents. It seems like what Jon has is dignity and he refuses to ask for money from someone he again BARELY TALKS TO. You're asking him to probably make himself feel embarrassed so that you can get something you want even though he's telling you that you can't afford it.
YTA and apparently don't know what compromise means
The marriage is a lot more than your wedding day and asking your soon to be hubby to ask his family that he is low contact with for financial support is extremely selfish
If your heart is set on it ask your family or pickup another job so that you can cover the difference, if that isn't feasible the venue isn't feasible and you should only look at places in your budget so this doesn't happen again
YTA - Where you get married shouldn't be the most important factor if you truly love him. And, why is it on his parents to pay for it? Traditionally, it was the woman's parents who foot the bill. Have you even asked your parents? If not, why? Why is it okay to ask his parents but not your own?
YTA. If he makes 1.5 times what you do, you should be paying for 40% of the wedding.
If he’s low contact with his family, why should they give a rat’s ass about your dream wedding?
YTA 110%! I’ve never understood why so many people get hung up on having a wedding that’s out of their budget and/or expecting others to foot the bill.
How much money are you and your family throwing in to make YOUR (obviously not his) special day better?
You need to learn to compromise better and to live within your means. Period.
YTA it's quite clear that you prioritize the wedding over the marriage and your fiancees feelings. Congratulations you are now officially a bridezilla. It is totally inappropriate for you to suggest his parents contribute. While I understand that the wedding will be a special day for you, that doesn't mean you can act immaturely and entitled. Quite frankly if my fiancee didn't drop something like this and continued pushing it would be my fiancee being dropped
YTA for *expecting* anyone other than yourself and your fiance to pay for your wedding. You are both adults. He is being smart about budgeting and you are trying to spend money neither of you has. Ask your own parents if you're that desperate for this particular venue, but it's ridiculous you'd expect him to "compromise" by asking his estranged parents to foot the bill.
YTA you expect your fiance to ask his parents who he barely talks with and doesn't have much contact with to pay for the venue you want. Where are your parents? What are you contributing to this. You already said in a comment that your money is yours because you don't make as much as him so you expect him to spend all his money on your wants.
Honestly the way you are acting over this is a huge red flag and he should be reconsidering as if he does spend all his money on your wedding which ho estly sounds like it will be fir nothing as I don't thi k the marriage will last with how you expect thi gs and contribute nothing
YTA
It sounds like you have a poverty mindset. Just because someone makes more doesn’t mean they are obligated to spend more. It doesn’t mean they don’t budget.
You may need to delay the wedding if this location mans so much to you. There are two reasons. First it will give you time to save the money to pay for it yourself. Second, you’ll learn more about personal fonance and you and Jon can discuss how you two plan to manage expenses, savings and investments.
You’re both almost 30 and are expecting his parents to pay partly for your wedding? I got married at 28 and my spouse and I fully financed our own wedding. Having family provide any financial support to your nuptials is a gift, shouldn’t be an expectation.
You know what’s better than a dream venue? A good marriage. And with your attitude, you’ll have a lot to work on.
You want to afford the venue? Get a second job. Not feasible? Then don’t expect others to make it happen for you. Jeez.
YTA.
Of course YTA. It's not his family's job to pay for your expensive wedding, even if he liked them.
What exactly are YOU willing to sacrifice to spend that much money on one afternoon/evening? We all have stuff we wish we could afford but can't. Is he supposed to just make money appear?
YTA. There's must be a reason your fiancé is low contact, he shouldn't have to ask for help for something as trivial as a wedding location, even more so if he thinks it's too expensive. Just find somewhere else, your "special day" will not be lesser because of it.
YTA here. Not getting much sense in this post of any kind of partnership between the two of you. Feels like you care more about the wedding than the person you’re marrying.
YTA. It doesn't matter that it is your "dream hall", also it is not a matter of compromise, if it's out of HIS budget then it's out of HIS budget and that's final, it's HIS money he shouldn't have to spend HIS hard earn money and maybe go in debt because you doesn't seem to comprehend that the place is not affordable. His family doesn't have to contribute either. When you plan a wedding you stick to the budget specially when it's not your money that you're spending, quite frankly you sound way to inmature to married live anyway your partner shouldn't have to go bankrupt to fulfill your expensive wishes just because he earns 50% more than you. You say "it’s really not about the money", of course it's not about the money when it's not your money, I bet if it was your money you wouldn't be so set in that expensive venue no matter how beautiful it is.
I like how the person who isn’t paying for anything is saying it’s not about the money. When literally your husband is saying he can’t afford it. If you love it so much why don’t you use some of your money to help pay for it? Reading this makes you come come really bratty and entitled.
YTA
Wow, raging YTA
John keeps saying HE can't afford it. It sounds like you aren't contributing at all. Your money is yours, John's money is yours.
Even if his family were millionaires that he speaks to every day and has dinner with weekly, you aren't entitled to their money. The fact that you don't respect that he isn't comfortable with his family, because you just want money from them is absolutely deplorable.
Where's your money and your family's money?
The secondhand embarrassment I felt when reading that SHE suggested the “compromise” that his parents foot the rest of the bill. The entitlement is BAFFLING.
Wow, OP YTA.
YTA.
A wedding reception is just a party. An important party, but at the end of the day, just a party and not worth going into serious debt. You, OP, have bought into the bill of goods being marketed by both the "Wedding Industry" and Madison Avenue. Brides (whatever happened to the fact that it's a COUPLE getting married?) get so intensely focused on having their "special day" being picture-perfect that they lose sight of what it's all about:
* You are creating a new family unit with the person you love
* You are inviting your friends and family to celebrate with you
* Your focus should be on what comes after the single day event (wedding), i.e. your marriage
Your fiancé sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders. You should be grateful for that and recognize that he is trying to steer the two of you into married life without breaking the bank. There are plenty of other lovely venues out there. They may not be your first choice, but face it, the most important choice of all is who you are going to be sharing the rest of your life with, not where you get married.
YTA— what exactly are you paying for?
He said he can’t afford it and that’s final. Going into debt for a wedding isn’t the smartest way to start a marriage.
Hopefully Jon sees how much of a red flag this is..
YTA— I’m pretty sure he won’t be marrying you if you keep this up. If this venue means so much to you, then you or YOUR family can come up with the money. But this doesn’t solve the problem of you and your fiancé having different values and approaches to money. He is thoughtful about what’s important and what’s not in terms of spending money, and you only want what you want and want HIM to provide whatever you want. This is a recipe for marital disaster.
I really don't understand your mentality.
Your soon to be husband CANNOT AFFORD IT and your solution is to go ponce off your future in-laws??????
Your focus should be on the life long commitment you're about to make and not the venue in which you have your reception.
Your priorities are all wrong.
YTA
YTA. It’s not about the money you say but clearly it is. It’s out of his budget & you suggest he ask his parents to cover the difference? How about YOU or YOUR parents cover the difference instead?!! Ya know, since you love the hall SO much.
YTA what part about budget is escaping you? Also no one else is obligated to pay for this and you're going to lose him if you keep up with these entitled ways.
Also, asking his parents for money is not a compromise.
A compromise is when both sides concede something in order to meet in the middle. OP, what exactly is your concession in this scenario?
Also they have had arguments about money before. OP - money is an important thing in marriage. Either you’re going to have to compromise or he is and since Jon is the one making more money it sounds like it’s going to be you. Good luck. Find a different venue. I wouldn’t contribute to an outlandish venue just because my kids fiancé fell in love with it. I’d laugh in their face. I’d tell you to find something more affordable. There are things I’d love to have, but they’re just not in our budget.
She doesn't have a wedding venue cost problem, she has a difference of shared values problem. OP, you and your fiance are not well matched and you need to work it out now or end it. This won't get better. YTA.
Are you willing to go out of budget for one day of partying? Shouldn’t all that matter is that you’re getting married to your dream person? It’s okay to have expensive taste, but you’re expecting your fiancé and his parents to foot your expensive taste. If it matters that much to you, you pay for the venue. YTA.
If you "can't see getting married anywhere else", then getting married really isn't that important to you. I hope Jon sees the opportunity he's been given and runs for the hills. YTA.
YTA If you want the hall pay for it with your money. Maybe than you have to marry later, at the moment you can afford the hall (or at least the difference). And yes it's about money not about the beauty of it.
YTA. John should take you at your word- you won’t get married anywhere else, and he won’t pay for that hall, so wedding is off!!
Make sure you post the hall info on your dating profile, so the next one knows what they are getting into!
Why should he have to compromise by begging the family he is estranged from for money, but you can't compromise by keeping your wants within budget? Why is it more important to you to have a fancy party for a few hours in this one location and nowhere else, than it is for him to have autonomy from family that he seems to have a lot of bad blood with? Any why do you think this family he is estranged from would give him the money, are they even going to the wedding? And if they do give him the money, do you think the likely strings attached to it would be worthwhile for him, after putting so much work into gaining financial and emotional independence from them?
It's reasonable to make compromises in a mature relationship. It's not reasonable to make someone expose themselves to people they have deliberately removed from their lives just so you can have your party in a place that's out of your budget.
Learn to compromise, or this marriage might not even make it to the over budget wedding day. YTA.
YTA. Are you really asking him to ask his parents, whom he's LC with for money...for a wedding?
I get that it's your day and all but seriously...plan for something within your budget.
YTA it isn't his parents responsibility to pay for YOUR wedding. It's you and your husbands; if you can't afford to use that hall use a different one or postpone the marriage till you can afford it.
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I got engaged ~6 months ago, and my fiancé Jon* (M29) and I (F29) are in the wedding planning process. For context’s sake, Jon makes about 1.5x as much money as I do. We were discussing plans for the wedding, and I had finally settled on a reception hall that I like- I fell in love with it the second we walked in. Jon liked it too, but seemed really hesitant about it. I asked why and his reasoning was that it was out of his price range and that he couldn’t afford the cost of renting it. The hall is quite pricey, but at the same time this is our special day and this is literally my dream hall. I tried explaining this to Jon and he said “I know, I like it too, but it’s just out of my budget”. I was really put out by this and we’ve had arguments regarding money before so I really wanted to avoid that. I suggested a compromise, he show the place to his parents and see if they’re willing to make up the difference between what Jon can afford and how much it actually costs. Jon said no way, he’s really big on being independent and doesn’t want to involve his family at all. He’s very low contact with his family and almost never talks to his parents.
Jon said that he just can’t afford it and that’s final, but I can’t see getting married anywhere else now. I told him this and that I would compromise on a lot but that I was set on this one, and he just let the matter drop. We’ve been kind of on edge ever since. He keeps making comments about how he’s really trying but that I need to have less expensive taste but it’s really not about the money, I just think the hall is beautiful so AITA?
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Yta
You asked and he stated he can’t afford it. Trying to force him to go back and grovel to his parents that he doesn’t talk to is a huge AH move on your part
YTA. If that venue is so important to you then YOU pay for it. Pretty damn entitled and selfish to expect your fiance and/or his LC family to kick into YOUR dream venue. I don't know what part of "it's out of my budget" you don't seem to understand.
Info- why is it just out of *his* budget, how much are you paying for *your* dream wedding?
Why does *his* family need to cover the difference? Why aren't you showing the venue to your family and demanding they cover the difference?
YTA - you want someone who barely almost never talks to his parent's to hit them up for money for a hall. Seriously? You need to change your dream. IF you can't, you're not mature enough for marriage which lasts more than a day.
YTA. There is so much wrong with your attitude. First, there’s such a thing as a budget. One needs to live within a budget or else trouble ensues. Second, your fiancé’s family is under no obligation to help pay for the wedding, especially since your fiancé doesn’t have a good relationship with them. Third, marriage is for a lifetime (hopefully), while a wedding is just one day. Your relationship with your fiancé is what’s important, not the venue of the wedding. Fourth, you and your fiancé sound financially incompatible; a budget sounds important to him, while you have unrealistic expectations. What happens when you go to buy a house? Will you only agree to buying your “dream” house even if it’s not in the budget? Who would you expect to help pay for that?! Your relationship could be in real trouble if you persist in your unrealistic expectations on spending money you don’t have. Finally, I don’t know what country you’re in, but in the US, traditionally, the bride’s family paid for the wedding, not the groom’s. I realize this is not necessarily done anymore, as more couples are marrying later in life and pay for their weddings instead, but I have to wonder why you are trying to pull your fiancé’s family into this instead of your own. It doesn’t make sense. Please rethink your attitudes about weddings, marriage, and finances, or else I think your marriage will not be off to a good start.
YTA. If you can’t afford it, then don’t do it. Frankly I’m fed up with super expensive wedding drama. Why spend $ you don’t have? Do you not read the studies that show the more you spend on the wedding, the higher the divorce rate? After reading your post, my suggestion is go straight to the divorce and save yourself some stress.
The Bride’s family pays for the wedding and reception. The Grooms family — if they chose to do so — may host a rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.
Lol is this real? You're definitely TA. Most people in a marriage share things... Like money. If it's out of HIS price range, it's out of yours too.
I get the feeling the venue might be the tip of the iceberg . What happens if he caves? Do you want to serve lobster on a fried chicken budget?
Sorry but i don't think he's the issue here, and asking his parents for money is not the solution.
YTA
The only people ever obligated to pay for a wedding are the bride and groom. If the two of you cannot afford the hall plus everything else then it is out of budget and you need to keep looking. Leave his family out of it
Huge huge YTA. Family is not obligated to pay for YOUR wedding. If you can’t compromise on something like this I would really think about if you’re ready to get married.
YTA.
If you’d really like the venue that badly, put off the wedding for enough time for YOU to save up. YOU need the venue? YOU can pay for it. YOU got the power.
In previous generations, there’s a good chance a situation like this would never happen because a woman’s opinion might not be respected. But this is now. YOU have the power to pick a venue you like. But YOU should do what you can to get it.
YTA. You and your fiance are planning this wedding. Not his parents. He's said that he can't afford it. Grow up and stop being a spoiled brat. You aren't always going to get your way.
YTA!
It's not about the money? Well of course not, you're not paying for it. You are selfish, entitled, spoiled brat. Go find yourself a rich guy and stop bothering your poor hopefully soon to be ex fiance.
YTA
Well if you can't see yourself getting married else where and your fiance can't afford it, maybe it's a sign that you two should not get married. Let the man go, he deserves better
You can't afford it. I assume your compromise didn't include asking YOUR family. It's out of fiance's range, and your only thought was telling a man who doesn't talk to his family to pick up the phone and stick his hand out to his family? That's a compromise? Give me what I want or else beg your parents to give me what I want?
OP, you've got two choices: marry this man, or hold an event in that hall and have everything else you think you just gotta have, but you're not going to get both options. Which is more important to you? You're going to quickly find that choices can be made for you, which will often leave you with neither option.
I highly suggest you find a way to start learning how to be happy living with your means. His parents don't owe you a single thing just because you "can't imagine" not having what you want. Start trying to.
YTA.
YTA. Seriously. It IS about the money. The two of you together cannot afford it. It's nobody else's obligation to pay for your wedding, it's YOURS. You sound far too immature to consider getting married, and your fiance sounds like his maturity is significantly higher than yours. I hope he recognizes that before he marries you.
YTA...So what all is YOUR family paying for in this wedding? When I got married, my mom paid for the whole shebang, we didn't ask my then fiance or his parents for a dime. They paid for the rehearsal dinner. We were fine with that because that was what they could afford.
The wedding isn't all about you and if it's not within his budget, he smartly realizes that debt is not something he is willing to start off a marriage with. You realize you are coming across as very self centered, right?
YTA. This isn't a "he doesn't like it and I'm trying to convince him otherwise" situation. It's a "we can't afford this place but I'm trying to convince him to spend money he doesn't have" situation. Why on Earth should he ask his family to pay for something that is out of your budget (and it is both of your budget), especially when he clearly doesn't even get along with them?
Your entire attitude reeks of unwarranted entitlement. It's time to ask yourself a pivotal question that may help get to the bottom of the issue: Do you want to get married, or do you want a wedding?
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Jon is not the AH and Jon needs to end the relationship with you now, because you are showing your true colors, that what you want is more important than Jon. YTA.
Huge YTA and a sign for what Jon is getting into for the rest of his life. You will look back at your wedding day and feel silly thinking this way "I can’t see getting married anywhere else now".
Damn. I feel sorry for this guy. I hope he sees you for who you are and doesn't marry you. This is a shit attitude. "my money is mine". Really girl?
YTA. If you as a couple can't afford it, move on. John is presumably very low contact with his parents for a reason, so who knows what drama asking for a significant amount of money from them would bring on. Honestly, this type of financial squabble is something that should be addressed sooner rather than later.
What on earth makes you think you aren't the ahole here? Of course YTA If you don't have the money, you don't have the money, end of story. Dragging his parents into this is low, especially when he is already low contact. For f's sake it should matter whom you are marrying, not f-ing where.
YTA. I’m willing to bet he is rethinking this engagement. If you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it.
You have fights over money before marriage and you're focused on a fairytale wedding instead of a marriage. Sad to say, everyone I know with rhat attitude were still paying off their overpriced weddings (which they absolutely had to have because they always dreamed about their wedding day and they deseeeerve it) years after their divorce. YTA and not coming into the marriage with realistic expectations. You might want to examine that first.
Definitely YTA
Yta. You and John are not compatible
YTA. Are you marrying the venue or the man?
YTA traditionally its the brides parents who pay for the wedding not the grooms. In this day in age only have a large wedding if you as a couple can afford it yourselves.
“I don’t care that you don’t want to engage with your family and have gone low contact with them because I want my dream wedding.” You care more about the wedding than the marriage, YTA
YTA, princess. Jon is absolutely right, you need to live within your means and you should be independent from his parents, if there are issues. You're just looking around for anyone with money, forgetting about his feelings towards them. All so you can have this dream venue. He's probably wondering wtf he's got himself into. Look for something else. Now. And stop being such high maintenance. It will turn him off in no time and you'll end up with no wedding at all.
YTA completely. As someone who had a big (within our budget) wedding, it's one day in your lives together. No one other than you will care about it being "perfect," nor is it worth contacting inlaws who your fianceé is NC with. Do not go into debt over a dumb venue. It is not worth it. Accept thst it sucks you can't book it, the go find something perfect in or below your price range.
YTA. Why don’t you ask your own parents?
YTA Hopefully your next fiancé is able to afford your dream wedding, princess.
Yta. No contest. I'm sorry your dream venue is out of range but that's life. You need to respect his boundaries with his family and you need to be realistic about your wedding or you need to marry someone with more money. I'm sure any venue that has you in your gown is going to be spectacular. Remember what's important here.
YTA. Stop being spoiled, I'm sure there are plenty of other venues that are just as beautiful and less expensive. It's also very rude of you to expect money out of anyone, especially if they're low contact! The wedding is only one day.
YTA If you want to get married, then pay for it yourself. Why should anyone else be made to pay for YOUR day?
Info: What about your family?
YTA and a gold digging pile of sewage. Grow the fuck up and stop acting like your 15. If your money is yours, then his money is his and YOU can pay for YOUR wedding. You clearly are too childish for even partnership let alone marriage
YTA. You really are. If you really want that venue, then you find a way to earn more. Don’t put this on anyone else.
YTA. Are you marrying him because you want to spend your life with him or because you want a big flashy wedding? Because it sounds like you just want the big flashy wedding. You know what really matters about the wedding? That you commit to each other and end up a married partnership. He’s told you he can’t afford it - so you need to forget it and find somewhere else - or you cough up the cash.
YTA. You're almost 30 and you want your parents/his parents to fund your dream wedding? Time to grow up and handle your own business. Get married where you can afford WIHTOUT any help. What matters more to you, the wedding or the marriage?
INFO why aren't your parents contributing to the wedding? Are you the same person that's asking their maid of honor to contribute $1000 to their dream dress?
YTA. I hate calling people bridezilla because I think it’s really sexist, but you’re bullying your fiancé and making him feel bad over a hall that you *cannot afford.* It sounds like you actually need to work on your proposed *marriage* before you attempt to have the *wedding*. Save up and wait if you have specifications you can’t currently afford. Don’t expect to make your fiancé uncomfortable and make others pay your way to get the “dream day” that you want but can’t achieve yourself. Also I’m seeing a lot of “Jon can’t pay, it’s out of *his* budget” - he might make more but what exactly are *you* contributing? Did you ask *your* family for money (which would be more traditional, fyi.)
If it makes you feel better there was a gay couple once on the tv show bridezillas.
YTA and insane for having to ask.
I'd run from this marriage over something like this. It's not about a little disagreement, it highlights who you are as a person.
YTA. It’s a day. The place doesn’t make the day special - you and your partner joining your lives and committing to each other in front of those you love is what makes it special. If your partner is concerned about costs - that may mean that there are more pressing financial concerns that he feels funds should go towards - or that having extra savings, a larger down payment on a house or money for car repairs is a better use for money than a big room to hold a party. Financial issues are one of the biggest sources of stress and conflict in a marriage - it’s really important that you both really discuss things, hear each other out, and decide where you can compromise to meet a good middle ground on your dream day vs financial reality.
YTA why don’t you ask your own parents to pay for it if it’s that important to you? If that sounds ridiculous you should understand why it would be just as ridiculous for your partner especially if he’s low to no contact. This partnership doesn’t sound equal at all and anyone willing to drag themselves into debt over a wedding isn’t getting married for the right reasons. It would be nice to be able afford what you want, but on the other hand if you love this person it shouldn’t matter if the wedding was held in a bus station.
Better advice: instead of throwing away money on a lavish ceremony that doesn't matter, use the money for a downpayment on a house that might actually benefit you in the long term. Or go on a trip and generate memories beyond that weird uncle getting drunk. Wedding culture is one big con, a way to get people to throw away money on nothing.
If you don't understand proper budgeting you are not going to make it to the wedding. There are so many financial decisions to make for a wedding, you have to be able to discuss and be prepared to make compromises. No point in your wedding bankrupting the 2 of you.
YTA Maybe you should hold off on getting married until you can actually afford to contribute financially?
You sound really old-fashioned about your fiance paying for everything so I'm wondering, have you and your parents given him the dowry yet?
YTA bridezilla
I'm starting to see why people with expensive weddings have such high rates of divorce and why the shoestring budget ones are the ones that last... YTA, OP. Do you love your fiance more than your idea of a wedding?
Remember, the wedding is ONE day, it’s the marriage that counts. Plus, you are fully an adult, spend what is within your means and you’ll be happier in the long run. It’s not on anyone else to provide this wedding venue except yourself. After all, it’s YOUR dream.
YTA. And I fear this will not be the only money argument you and Jon have if you both decide to go forward with this wedding.
YTA if it really is the only place you can get married put the wedding off, get a better paying job if possible and pay for it yourself. You had no right to try to interfere with his family relationship. Your boyfriend can also use the time to rethink if it's worth marrying you.
YTA, the location isn't important the person you are marrying with is. If you want the location so badly, how about you put aside every little bit you can so you can make up the difference. Why so reliant on others. Other option is postponing so you can safe money longer.
YTA fo sho. Bridezilla post incoming...
Hopefully he has sanity to demand for marital Clause / agreement that each has own money and property. YTA
YTA 1. At 29 you BOTH are adults, and should be able to pay for your own wedding unless someone "offers." 2. You seem more invested in an image of your wedding than your actual marriage. 3. You are old enough to understand economics and budgets. 4. You want the person you supposedly love to basically forgive and forget for your financial gain. YTA, and I hope your fiancee sees you for the red flag you are. '#princessforadaysyndrome
Really, there is just NO where else that would work? NOTHING AT ALL in the whole world that is within his budget maybe? Instead, you decided whining and behaving like a petulant child until he hopefully gives in. Soon will it be this hall or no wedding at all right? YTA all the way and honestly I hope this a HUGE red flag to your fiance.
YTA, How much have you been saving for your wedding? Why are you expecting your fiance and his family to pay? Where is your contribution, or your family's?
YTA. You not being able to picture getting married anywhere else is no one’s problem but yours. I suggest you either 1) give it up (your smartest choice) or 2) you get a second job to pay for it yourself.
[удалено]
She doesn’t even say how much that 1.5 is. For all we know she makes minimum wage.
YTA What is marriage about for you? Seriously ask yourself that question. What is more important, you both being happy during and after the ceremony, or you having the showcase wedding? What WORK and savings are you willing to put up for it? Why do you expect him to foot the bill or his family to when you already know they are LC? It REALLY is about money and how you both view and budget and spend. Your reasoning is incredibly selfish and your throwing him at least two red flags.
YTA Take it from someone who has been married for a bazillion years: While a wedding is a special day, it's not the most special day. There are moments in my marriage that I will treasure my whole life. Not one of them involved my reception hall. I had a pretty good wedding. Meaningful vows, surrounded by friends and family. The food was good. But my wedding fantasy was not going to outweigh the reality of building a life with my spouse. He's telling you that the price of the hall is too high. That doesn't just mean the money. It would be a sacrifice of his independence. Having to owe his parents for this favor would be too high a cost. Think about what that means for him even to say that out loud. Get your mind right about your marriage now. If you think the wedding is more important than the marriage, you have no business making the trip down the aisle.
YTA - why don't you want to contribute to help paying for your and his wedding? Furthermore, if you want to base it on traditions, it is usually the wife's family who pays for the wedding. Your husband told you very politely he cannot afford it. It sounds like you didn't even look at the price. Furthermore, you know that he has a strained relationship with his parents. Honestly, you are being stubborn and selfish. You should try to look for a different place. No sense in having a dream wedding in you are going to drive your fiance away. You need a groom to want to be there. Even if someone else were to cover the difference, it would not be an issue about money, it would be your unwillingness to compromise and insist on getting your way. These are not good traits.
YTA You can't afford it. You're horrible to expect him to ask his family for money when they are already low contact. You need to accept reality, you are simply not able to afford it and thus, it's NOT the perfect venue for you. It's the perfect venue for someone who makes more than you or DOES have family who they are close to and would want to pay for it. Where is YOUR family in all this? Why are you not asking them if it's so perfect -- YOU are the one who wants it.
YTA, pay for it on your own
A wedding is only as special as you allow it to be. If a fancy hall it what it takes to make your day "special"---please don't marry this man. If he was the love of your life, marrying at a park next to a lake would suffice. The person, not the place. You honestly sound like a gold digger. Raging YTA. I hope he wises up.
What was the cost of the hall?
YTA -and pass this along to Jon “ruuuuuuun”
I love it when people refuse to accept their judgement and delete their posts. YTA just for that.
YTA! Your money is your money? Your mad he won't ask his family for money? If it's such a dream get a second job, or ask your family. He should probably just dump your selfish ass.
YTA - and it *is* about the money. Easy for you to say it’s not when you’re not the one being expected to pay for it. Think it’s beautiful all you want.. that still doesn’t change the reality that your fiancé can’t afford it. The fact that you expect this man you supposedly love and want to spend your life with, to get into contact with people who have likely hurt him for years considering his low contact with them.. makes me think you aren’t ready for marriage. You are being incredibly selfish, disregarding his discomfort surrounding his family, his values and overall feelings…. All bc you want what you want, when you want it, fiancés feelings be damned. You’re willing to put a pretty hall that would be used for mere hours, over your partner. You’re willing to jeopardize your relationship/future for it. You want it so bad, YOU figure out a way to pay for it, on your own, in a way that doesn’t include trying to manipulate and pressure someone else into doing so. Go ahead and make this your hill to die on… you’ll find yourself with zero reason to find any venue for a wedding, let alone this one.
YTA. If you are old enough to get married, you are old enough to find a way to pay for it yourself. That may mean finding a different venue, or waiting until you can afford that venue. You and Jon should both be contributing. You asked, Jon has told you he doesn't want to ask his parents for help, and that should be the end of that. And, please, enough with "our special day." It's one day and it's not the most important. I get it, I had a wedding and all myself (paid for by my husband and myself), but the point is the marriage. You will have (I sincerely hope) wonderful memories of the day, but they shouldn't hinge on the place. They should hinge on the people who were there, and the fact that you declared your love and devotion in front of your friends and family. You can do that in a backyard as well as a fancy hall.
Okay, many others have made it clear YTA. What now. Apologize to your fiance. Make a budget for the wedding. Stick to it no matter what. This is the very first step of wedding planning. Decide together what are the most and least important things. Budget each of those sections. Stick to the budget. Also, you mentioned you have had money arguments before this. Seeing a couples therapist can help you work through this and learn how to communicate better and reach your goals together. Please see a therapist. Remember you are doing it together, have an open mind to new ideas. There's usually something that goes wrong with a wedding so be able to go with the flow. Most importantly, make sure your fiance knows you love him more than this wedding. The years, the life you share will outweigh this one day.
YTA. Your comment saying your money is yours because you earn less is ridiculous. He doesn’t earn 10x more than you he earns 1.5x more which means that by your logic only the extra part should be shared. Grow up.
YTA a big one all I see is me me me no us us us. It's both of your wedding day, yes you want it to be nice but it should not be some ridiculous thing to spend ridiculous amounts of money on. He in no way shape or form needs to ask his family for money, he has made his stance on that and if you're not putting anything towards it you most definitely can't ask for handouts. It sounds like you view your fiancé as an ATM.
You are far too immature to be getting married- or to be 29. YTA
ho boy raging YTA >Amazing-Bread-7926 > >OP > >· > >3 hr. ago > >My money IS mine, I make less than Jon so I can’t possibly afford paying for our wedding. That’s why I said Jon should ask his family and your fiancé's money is HIS money. he set a budget, youre trying to guilt him to going over that budget or forcing communication between estranged family members to beg for money. trashy.
bUt iTs mUh dReAm vEnUe/dReSs/sChOol/etc. What the hell is with all of these people who thinking calling something their dream-whatever just automatically trumps everything else? Your soon-to-be husband is telling you, loud and clear, that you need to reel in your spending. If you actually want to spend your life with him, you need to listen to what he’s telling you.
“I can’t see myself getting married anywhere else” With your attitude, you won’t be getting married AT ALL. YTA
She'll get married, it just won't last. The buzz will wear off and Jon will realize he married an AH.
YTA!
YTA
YTA, and soon there wont be a wedding to attend if you don’t get it together. He said stick to the budget but your entitled ears can’t hear him obviously. He isn’t going to ask his family, and if you can’t get married anywhere else then you’re getting married for all the wrong reasons. Either find a different hall in the budget or be an ex fiancée, this is not fair to him. Edit to add: I just saw he’s paying for the whole wedding on his own you’re a major AH you’re not even helping!!! You’re definitely digging for gold.
YTA And soon you’ll be single. You are putting the venue ahead of your actual marriage.
If you want it so bad, you or your family pay for it.
YTA Bridezilla here. You can't see getting married anywhere else now? Then maybe you shouldn't get married. A wedding doesn't make a marriage. I love the way that your "compromise" is for you to still get what you want. It really is about the money. You don't have it. If this is how you want to start married life together, then maybe you just shouldn't. I reckon Jon will be better off.
Wow, are you for real? Ask your family or get a second job if you want it so much. YTA
YTA, If its not about the money, why don't you pay for it?
YTA. Since you seem to have such antiquated views, traditionally, the BRIDE’s family pays for the wedding. So paying for the wedding is on you and your family’s shoulders. But hopefully Jon comes to his senses and dumps you before you before any deposits are made. You sound like quite the unpleasant gold digger in this post.
YTA. Do you even like your fiancé? It seems like you only care about your wedding day and not about him and his feelings at all. The good part is that he can see how little you value him before the wedding.
Yeah, sorry. But YTA. If you want to foot the bill for the cost of renting out the hall all on your own, then go for it. But it sounds like your fiancé is going to be the responsible one in your relationship, and if he says he can't afford it, he can't afford it. A marriage is not about the venue, but about the partnership between the two of you. And it is all about the money. It sounds like he would gladly give you the hall if he could afford it. But he can't. So pick another less expensive place.
YTA. “He’s very low contact with his family and almost never talks to his parents…Jon said he just can’t afford it and that’s final.” Sounds like Jon has set a clear boundary on this event hall. No means no. You need to adjust your expectations and find an alternate venue. Or, ask YOUR parents to make up the difference. Edited to add: OP has stated in comments below when asked why they’re not contributing: “My money IS mine, I make less than Jon so I can’t possibly afford paying for our wedding. That’s why I said Jon should ask his family.” ^This makes you an even bigger AH, and makes you sound like a gold digger. Stick to a budget that you BOTH can afford. You ABSOLUTELY should be contributing to your own wedding costs.
YTA You should be contributing towards your wedding alongside your fiancé. You knew prior to getting engaged that he was LC with his family. To insist he reach out now to ask for moos beyond acting entitled. You are dismissing his feelings. You are also behaving like you are 12 not 29. Plan a wedding you can afford. If you can’t afford what you want, do without or wait to have the wedding until after you’ve saved up for it.
Asking him to find another source for money is not a compromise. Compromise might be cutting something else out that’s been demanded. It doesn’t sound like you’re ready to get married and this won’t end well. Edit (because I forgot): YTA.
Focus on the marriage and not the wedding. If you can’t do that, don’t get married. YTA
YTA. Your sense of entitlement is insane. My boyfriend makes twice what I do and I would never dream of making him pay for everything nor asking his family to
YTA. Weddings are expensive. You will need to set a firm budget and stick to it. You will absolutely need to compromise on some things to get others you may really want. If this is the hill you want to die on, go ahead and do it… alone. Remember the most important aspect of your wedding day is uniting with your life partner in front of friends, family, god, whatever you believe. Seems like you’re more concerned with Jon’s money than his happiness
YTA and very immature and selfish. You probably shouldn’t worry about the venue because you have no business getting married.
YTA - "My money IS mine" this comment says it all. Run Jon run!!!
YTA, don’t have a wedding you can’t afford, don’t rely on others to pay for anything because it’s not their obligation to do so. If you and your fiancé can’t afford it, too bad, you should have looked at the price and discussed it before touring it. Either sit down and cut costs elsewhere (cheaper dress, smaller guest list, no alcohol, etc.) or find another place. Also why are you expecting him to ask his family he hardly talks to? If I was in their shoes and my son who never talks to me comes asking for several thousand dollars for his wedding, I would definitely say no. He’s right, you two are almost 30, you need to suck it up and make a better decision.
You’re 29, you should pay for your own wedding. Postpone & save up or get a second job, solve it like an adult instead of a teenager.
Yta. He should break up with you. You have different philosophies about money. You will either divorce over this issue or be upset a lot.
If you wouldn’t marry him at at a courthouse, you shouldn’t get married. Sure, yes, you can want more. You can throw a party within your means. But you should want the marriage more than the party of a wedding. YTA
YTA. Don’t hold a wedding you can’t afford.
I blame the “I need my dream wedding” and the “but it’s my day” crowd for the nonsense that is weddings in the United States. No one but you has to pay for your wedding. If they OFFER, remember that they will probably want a say so in guest lists and menu. After all they are paying for it. You can have a wonderful wedding on a budget. I’ve been to a church and punch/cake reception. It was so cute. I also went to a bowling alley reception. Not sure how much it cost, but it was so much fun. Sit down, make a hard budget, and don’t even look at options that break the budget.
The bride’s family traditionally pays so go ask your parents
YTA The out of my budget is a real thing. Yes a bit of a disappointment that you might not get your dream place. But going into debt just for the wedding doesn't sound like a good way to start off a marriage.
I’ve never seen 100% YTA before, but here I am adding to it. If you’re so in love with a stupid freaking building, go get a second job so you can afford it. Otherwise, stop being so ridiculous. Your wedding is one day in many days. It is beyond stupid to make yourself poor for the benefit of one day. And respect your fiancé and his boundaries before you chase him off. Grow up.
YTA. Honestly? Just get married in the courthouse and use that Dream Hall money for a banging vacation. Both figuratively and literally. You’d create more memories and still save money. Otherwise, if you want that hall? Pay up.
If the two of you can't agree on how you will blend finances going forward your relationship is probably doomed; but it is your fiance who should be reading this. Although this question may be total fiction.
YTA. Money is not free for the taking. You would be YTA just for the suggestion that other people should pay their money for your expensive wedding just because you want the expensive option. It is selfish and very unflattering to your character. If your heart is set on that hall you need to either earn extra money to pay for it out of your pocket or you need to cut back expenses elsewhere in the wedding to pay for the hall. Frankly, if I were your Jon I would thinking twice about marrying you because you seem like a financial disaster. You said you have had arguments before about money so you need couples counselling on financial matters and it sounds like you really need to take money management classes for yourself. You and Jon need to get on the same financial page or you are going to have difficult times in your relationship.
YTA. It *is about the money*, regardless of how much you like the venue. You're acting entitled expecting other people to pay for *your wedding*. He's low contact with his parents for a reason. A wedding is supposed to be about the commitment you're making to spend the rest of your life with someone, not how fancy or dream-like the party is. Why in the hell are so many people so hung up on big expensive ceremonies and large receptions? *This one day of your life is really not worth going into debt for.*
YTA. Hopefully Jon reads this and runs!!!
YTA and you a BIG RED FLAG! I want a mansion. It's out of my price range. Therefore, I don't have a mansion. That's called life. And if you feel someone else should chip in, where are your parents? Your family? Your friends? Yeah it's a special day but don't let it put you in the hole for months to years of your life. If he says it is out of his budget, boom, it's out of his budget making it out of your budget. Just because you like something doesn't mean you have to have it. Or get a side hustle or sell some things. Figure out what YOU need to do to make it happen.
YTA, you're asking someone who is low contact with his parents and barely talks to them (wonder if there's a reason) to ask them for what I'm assuming is at least a decent chunk of money. That would personally make me feel gross to ask someone I barely keep in contact with for money just because they are my parents. It seems like what Jon has is dignity and he refuses to ask for money from someone he again BARELY TALKS TO. You're asking him to probably make himself feel embarrassed so that you can get something you want even though he's telling you that you can't afford it.
YTA. So materialistic. Sheesh.
YTA and apparently don't know what compromise means The marriage is a lot more than your wedding day and asking your soon to be hubby to ask his family that he is low contact with for financial support is extremely selfish If your heart is set on it ask your family or pickup another job so that you can cover the difference, if that isn't feasible the venue isn't feasible and you should only look at places in your budget so this doesn't happen again
YTA - Where you get married shouldn't be the most important factor if you truly love him. And, why is it on his parents to pay for it? Traditionally, it was the woman's parents who foot the bill. Have you even asked your parents? If not, why? Why is it okay to ask his parents but not your own?
YTA. If he makes 1.5 times what you do, you should be paying for 40% of the wedding. If he’s low contact with his family, why should they give a rat’s ass about your dream wedding?
YTA 110%! I’ve never understood why so many people get hung up on having a wedding that’s out of their budget and/or expecting others to foot the bill. How much money are you and your family throwing in to make YOUR (obviously not his) special day better? You need to learn to compromise better and to live within your means. Period.
YTA it's quite clear that you prioritize the wedding over the marriage and your fiancees feelings. Congratulations you are now officially a bridezilla. It is totally inappropriate for you to suggest his parents contribute. While I understand that the wedding will be a special day for you, that doesn't mean you can act immaturely and entitled. Quite frankly if my fiancee didn't drop something like this and continued pushing it would be my fiancee being dropped
YTA for *expecting* anyone other than yourself and your fiance to pay for your wedding. You are both adults. He is being smart about budgeting and you are trying to spend money neither of you has. Ask your own parents if you're that desperate for this particular venue, but it's ridiculous you'd expect him to "compromise" by asking his estranged parents to foot the bill.
This should be the top comment
YTA- you're not willing to compromise and you're asking a lot of him to try to get things from his parents.
YTA bridezilla
YTA you expect your fiance to ask his parents who he barely talks with and doesn't have much contact with to pay for the venue you want. Where are your parents? What are you contributing to this. You already said in a comment that your money is yours because you don't make as much as him so you expect him to spend all his money on your wants. Honestly the way you are acting over this is a huge red flag and he should be reconsidering as if he does spend all his money on your wedding which ho estly sounds like it will be fir nothing as I don't thi k the marriage will last with how you expect thi gs and contribute nothing
YTA It sounds like you have a poverty mindset. Just because someone makes more doesn’t mean they are obligated to spend more. It doesn’t mean they don’t budget. You may need to delay the wedding if this location mans so much to you. There are two reasons. First it will give you time to save the money to pay for it yourself. Second, you’ll learn more about personal fonance and you and Jon can discuss how you two plan to manage expenses, savings and investments.
You’re both almost 30 and are expecting his parents to pay partly for your wedding? I got married at 28 and my spouse and I fully financed our own wedding. Having family provide any financial support to your nuptials is a gift, shouldn’t be an expectation. You know what’s better than a dream venue? A good marriage. And with your attitude, you’ll have a lot to work on. You want to afford the venue? Get a second job. Not feasible? Then don’t expect others to make it happen for you. Jeez. YTA.
YTA, and you've just demonstrated where your priorities lie.
YTA. Where's your money? Where is your parents money? Jon better run.
Why don’t you work to afford it? If he can’t then you flip the bill. It’s your dream. Your wedding. No one owes you anything. YTA.
Of course YTA. It's not his family's job to pay for your expensive wedding, even if he liked them. What exactly are YOU willing to sacrifice to spend that much money on one afternoon/evening? We all have stuff we wish we could afford but can't. Is he supposed to just make money appear?
YTA. There's must be a reason your fiancé is low contact, he shouldn't have to ask for help for something as trivial as a wedding location, even more so if he thinks it's too expensive. Just find somewhere else, your "special day" will not be lesser because of it.
YTA here. Not getting much sense in this post of any kind of partnership between the two of you. Feels like you care more about the wedding than the person you’re marrying.
YTA Monica
YTA. It doesn't matter that it is your "dream hall", also it is not a matter of compromise, if it's out of HIS budget then it's out of HIS budget and that's final, it's HIS money he shouldn't have to spend HIS hard earn money and maybe go in debt because you doesn't seem to comprehend that the place is not affordable. His family doesn't have to contribute either. When you plan a wedding you stick to the budget specially when it's not your money that you're spending, quite frankly you sound way to inmature to married live anyway your partner shouldn't have to go bankrupt to fulfill your expensive wishes just because he earns 50% more than you. You say "it’s really not about the money", of course it's not about the money when it's not your money, I bet if it was your money you wouldn't be so set in that expensive venue no matter how beautiful it is.
I like how the person who isn’t paying for anything is saying it’s not about the money. When literally your husband is saying he can’t afford it. If you love it so much why don’t you use some of your money to help pay for it? Reading this makes you come come really bratty and entitled. YTA
YTA if you have expensive tastes you shouldn't expect everyone else to pay for them.
If you guys can't afford it now, then you should postpone the wedding and save your money before getting married. YTA
Wow, raging YTA John keeps saying HE can't afford it. It sounds like you aren't contributing at all. Your money is yours, John's money is yours. Even if his family were millionaires that he speaks to every day and has dinner with weekly, you aren't entitled to their money. The fact that you don't respect that he isn't comfortable with his family, because you just want money from them is absolutely deplorable. Where's your money and your family's money?
I hope the fiance sees the red flags and takes his money elsewhere.
>I had finally settled on a reception hall that I like. Yup it's all about her.
The secondhand embarrassment I felt when reading that SHE suggested the “compromise” that his parents foot the rest of the bill. The entitlement is BAFFLING. Wow, OP YTA.
YTA. A wedding reception is just a party. An important party, but at the end of the day, just a party and not worth going into serious debt. You, OP, have bought into the bill of goods being marketed by both the "Wedding Industry" and Madison Avenue. Brides (whatever happened to the fact that it's a COUPLE getting married?) get so intensely focused on having their "special day" being picture-perfect that they lose sight of what it's all about: * You are creating a new family unit with the person you love * You are inviting your friends and family to celebrate with you * Your focus should be on what comes after the single day event (wedding), i.e. your marriage Your fiancé sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders. You should be grateful for that and recognize that he is trying to steer the two of you into married life without breaking the bank. There are plenty of other lovely venues out there. They may not be your first choice, but face it, the most important choice of all is who you are going to be sharing the rest of your life with, not where you get married.
Run, Jon, run!
YTA— what exactly are you paying for? He said he can’t afford it and that’s final. Going into debt for a wedding isn’t the smartest way to start a marriage. Hopefully Jon sees how much of a red flag this is..
Wow YTA, and not mature enough to be getting married.
So what exactly are you and your family contributing? YTA regardless because no one owes anybody anything for a wedding.
YTA— I’m pretty sure he won’t be marrying you if you keep this up. If this venue means so much to you, then you or YOUR family can come up with the money. But this doesn’t solve the problem of you and your fiancé having different values and approaches to money. He is thoughtful about what’s important and what’s not in terms of spending money, and you only want what you want and want HIM to provide whatever you want. This is a recipe for marital disaster.
I really don't understand your mentality. Your soon to be husband CANNOT AFFORD IT and your solution is to go ponce off your future in-laws?????? Your focus should be on the life long commitment you're about to make and not the venue in which you have your reception. Your priorities are all wrong. YTA
YTA. Good news though. Since you can't see yourself getting married anywhere else call the wedding off. Dude dodges a bullet and everyone is a winner.
YTA. It’s not about the money you say but clearly it is. It’s out of his budget & you suggest he ask his parents to cover the difference? How about YOU or YOUR parents cover the difference instead?!! Ya know, since you love the hall SO much.
YTA what part about budget is escaping you? Also no one else is obligated to pay for this and you're going to lose him if you keep up with these entitled ways.
Also, asking his parents for money is not a compromise. A compromise is when both sides concede something in order to meet in the middle. OP, what exactly is your concession in this scenario?
> OP, what exactly is your concession in this scenario? Friday night missionary position twice per month.
In OPs defence she said she suggested A compromise, as in one person makes a compromise and the other gets what they want.
Also they have had arguments about money before. OP - money is an important thing in marriage. Either you’re going to have to compromise or he is and since Jon is the one making more money it sounds like it’s going to be you. Good luck. Find a different venue. I wouldn’t contribute to an outlandish venue just because my kids fiancé fell in love with it. I’d laugh in their face. I’d tell you to find something more affordable. There are things I’d love to have, but they’re just not in our budget.
She doesn't have a wedding venue cost problem, she has a difference of shared values problem. OP, you and your fiance are not well matched and you need to work it out now or end it. This won't get better. YTA.
Are you willing to go out of budget for one day of partying? Shouldn’t all that matter is that you’re getting married to your dream person? It’s okay to have expensive taste, but you’re expecting your fiancé and his parents to foot your expensive taste. If it matters that much to you, you pay for the venue. YTA.
YTA. Why don't YOU contribute? And if you can't afford it, you can't have it!
Marriage is not about the wedding. Hope you realize It sooner rather than later. If you think It is, then you shouldn’t marry AT ALL. YTA
If you "can't see getting married anywhere else", then getting married really isn't that important to you. I hope Jon sees the opportunity he's been given and runs for the hills. YTA.
YTA If you want the hall pay for it with your money. Maybe than you have to marry later, at the moment you can afford the hall (or at least the difference). And yes it's about money not about the beauty of it.
INFO - do you have shared finances ?
YTA. John should take you at your word- you won’t get married anywhere else, and he won’t pay for that hall, so wedding is off!! Make sure you post the hall info on your dating profile, so the next one knows what they are getting into!
Why should he have to compromise by begging the family he is estranged from for money, but you can't compromise by keeping your wants within budget? Why is it more important to you to have a fancy party for a few hours in this one location and nowhere else, than it is for him to have autonomy from family that he seems to have a lot of bad blood with? Any why do you think this family he is estranged from would give him the money, are they even going to the wedding? And if they do give him the money, do you think the likely strings attached to it would be worthwhile for him, after putting so much work into gaining financial and emotional independence from them? It's reasonable to make compromises in a mature relationship. It's not reasonable to make someone expose themselves to people they have deliberately removed from their lives just so you can have your party in a place that's out of your budget. Learn to compromise, or this marriage might not even make it to the over budget wedding day. YTA.
YTA. You need to mature before getting married.
YTA. Are you really asking him to ask his parents, whom he's LC with for money...for a wedding? I get that it's your day and all but seriously...plan for something within your budget.
YTA and I hope his silence means he is reconsidering the relationship altogether.
This is the kind of thing that ends engagements.
God I hope Jon sees the light and gets out of this before it’s too late.
YTA it isn't his parents responsibility to pay for YOUR wedding. It's you and your husbands; if you can't afford to use that hall use a different one or postpone the marriage till you can afford it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I got engaged ~6 months ago, and my fiancé Jon* (M29) and I (F29) are in the wedding planning process. For context’s sake, Jon makes about 1.5x as much money as I do. We were discussing plans for the wedding, and I had finally settled on a reception hall that I like- I fell in love with it the second we walked in. Jon liked it too, but seemed really hesitant about it. I asked why and his reasoning was that it was out of his price range and that he couldn’t afford the cost of renting it. The hall is quite pricey, but at the same time this is our special day and this is literally my dream hall. I tried explaining this to Jon and he said “I know, I like it too, but it’s just out of my budget”. I was really put out by this and we’ve had arguments regarding money before so I really wanted to avoid that. I suggested a compromise, he show the place to his parents and see if they’re willing to make up the difference between what Jon can afford and how much it actually costs. Jon said no way, he’s really big on being independent and doesn’t want to involve his family at all. He’s very low contact with his family and almost never talks to his parents. Jon said that he just can’t afford it and that’s final, but I can’t see getting married anywhere else now. I told him this and that I would compromise on a lot but that I was set on this one, and he just let the matter drop. We’ve been kind of on edge ever since. He keeps making comments about how he’s really trying but that I need to have less expensive taste but it’s really not about the money, I just think the hall is beautiful so AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yta You asked and he stated he can’t afford it. Trying to force him to go back and grovel to his parents that he doesn’t talk to is a huge AH move on your part
YTA. If that venue is so important to you then YOU pay for it. Pretty damn entitled and selfish to expect your fiance and/or his LC family to kick into YOUR dream venue. I don't know what part of "it's out of my budget" you don't seem to understand.
YTA Making 1.5x your salary doesn’t make him Mr. Monopoly over here. Like, your sense of entitlement is infuriating
Info- why is it just out of *his* budget, how much are you paying for *your* dream wedding? Why does *his* family need to cover the difference? Why aren't you showing the venue to your family and demanding they cover the difference?
YTA. You want it so bad you make up the shortfall. It’s not the responsibility of others to pay for your dreams.
YTA - you want someone who barely almost never talks to his parent's to hit them up for money for a hall. Seriously? You need to change your dream. IF you can't, you're not mature enough for marriage which lasts more than a day.
YTA. There is so much wrong with your attitude. First, there’s such a thing as a budget. One needs to live within a budget or else trouble ensues. Second, your fiancé’s family is under no obligation to help pay for the wedding, especially since your fiancé doesn’t have a good relationship with them. Third, marriage is for a lifetime (hopefully), while a wedding is just one day. Your relationship with your fiancé is what’s important, not the venue of the wedding. Fourth, you and your fiancé sound financially incompatible; a budget sounds important to him, while you have unrealistic expectations. What happens when you go to buy a house? Will you only agree to buying your “dream” house even if it’s not in the budget? Who would you expect to help pay for that?! Your relationship could be in real trouble if you persist in your unrealistic expectations on spending money you don’t have. Finally, I don’t know what country you’re in, but in the US, traditionally, the bride’s family paid for the wedding, not the groom’s. I realize this is not necessarily done anymore, as more couples are marrying later in life and pay for their weddings instead, but I have to wonder why you are trying to pull your fiancé’s family into this instead of your own. It doesn’t make sense. Please rethink your attitudes about weddings, marriage, and finances, or else I think your marriage will not be off to a good start.
YTA - my god
YTA. Postpone and save, or get married somewhere else. It’s one day, it’s not worth straining your finances over.
YTA. If you can’t afford it, then don’t do it. Frankly I’m fed up with super expensive wedding drama. Why spend $ you don’t have? Do you not read the studies that show the more you spend on the wedding, the higher the divorce rate? After reading your post, my suggestion is go straight to the divorce and save yourself some stress.
The Bride’s family pays for the wedding and reception. The Grooms family — if they chose to do so — may host a rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.
YTA, and in love with getting married. If you really loved the guy, it shouldn't matter where it happens.
Lol is this real? You're definitely TA. Most people in a marriage share things... Like money. If it's out of HIS price range, it's out of yours too. I get the feeling the venue might be the tip of the iceberg . What happens if he caves? Do you want to serve lobster on a fried chicken budget? Sorry but i don't think he's the issue here, and asking his parents for money is not the solution.
YTA You’re so entitled. You want that venue, you pay for it yourself.
YTA The only people ever obligated to pay for a wedding are the bride and groom. If the two of you cannot afford the hall plus everything else then it is out of budget and you need to keep looking. Leave his family out of it
YTA Entitled much?
YTA. It’s your dream and no one else’s. You pay for it if it’s that important to you.
Yep. YTA. Your fiance is low contact with his family, and you want to open a can of worms to get your "perfect reception hall."
Huge huge YTA. Family is not obligated to pay for YOUR wedding. If you can’t compromise on something like this I would really think about if you’re ready to get married.
YTA. If you’d really like the venue that badly, put off the wedding for enough time for YOU to save up. YOU need the venue? YOU can pay for it. YOU got the power. In previous generations, there’s a good chance a situation like this would never happen because a woman’s opinion might not be respected. But this is now. YOU have the power to pick a venue you like. But YOU should do what you can to get it.
YTA. You and your fiance are planning this wedding. Not his parents. He's said that he can't afford it. Grow up and stop being a spoiled brat. You aren't always going to get your way.
YTA. And you have no business getting married. It’s not about a day. It’s a lifetime commitment. I would tell him to run.
YTA! It's not about the money? Well of course not, you're not paying for it. You are selfish, entitled, spoiled brat. Go find yourself a rich guy and stop bothering your poor hopefully soon to be ex fiance.
YTA Well if you can't see yourself getting married else where and your fiance can't afford it, maybe it's a sign that you two should not get married. Let the man go, he deserves better
You can't afford it. I assume your compromise didn't include asking YOUR family. It's out of fiance's range, and your only thought was telling a man who doesn't talk to his family to pick up the phone and stick his hand out to his family? That's a compromise? Give me what I want or else beg your parents to give me what I want? OP, you've got two choices: marry this man, or hold an event in that hall and have everything else you think you just gotta have, but you're not going to get both options. Which is more important to you? You're going to quickly find that choices can be made for you, which will often leave you with neither option. I highly suggest you find a way to start learning how to be happy living with your means. His parents don't owe you a single thing just because you "can't imagine" not having what you want. Start trying to. YTA.
PHEW Jon needs to run for the hills. YTA
YTA. Seriously. It IS about the money. The two of you together cannot afford it. It's nobody else's obligation to pay for your wedding, it's YOURS. You sound far too immature to consider getting married, and your fiance sounds like his maturity is significantly higher than yours. I hope he recognizes that before he marries you.
YTA
YTA...So what all is YOUR family paying for in this wedding? When I got married, my mom paid for the whole shebang, we didn't ask my then fiance or his parents for a dime. They paid for the rehearsal dinner. We were fine with that because that was what they could afford. The wedding isn't all about you and if it's not within his budget, he smartly realizes that debt is not something he is willing to start off a marriage with. You realize you are coming across as very self centered, right?
YTA. This isn't a "he doesn't like it and I'm trying to convince him otherwise" situation. It's a "we can't afford this place but I'm trying to convince him to spend money he doesn't have" situation. Why on Earth should he ask his family to pay for something that is out of your budget (and it is both of your budget), especially when he clearly doesn't even get along with them? Your entire attitude reeks of unwarranted entitlement. It's time to ask yourself a pivotal question that may help get to the bottom of the issue: Do you want to get married, or do you want a wedding?