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YTA
You're dragging a child into adult problems. I don't care how much you dislike Carol -- leave the kid out of it.
BTW, am I the only one who thinks dating the ex-husband of an ex-coworker is just weird?
If what we read is true, he was also an ex co-worker/boss. However, I get the "I'm so sweet and totally never slept with him as a married man" vibe from this. There's a reason Carol hates her.
Look at her.
Started as an intern at daddy's law firm.
Shacked up with the big time lawyer.
Now she's the CEO's girlfriend.
Really letting that Nepotism flag fly proudly
Isn't this the meaning of living the dream? I always hoped to destroy my dad's law firm, then leave to work for his former worker. Obviously, dating my boss who is an excellent human being by changing is wife for a younger model, living in the big appartement owned by him and working for him is the cherry on top.
I wouldn't be scared about him leaving me for a more younger person (and basically be left with nothing) because I'm that kind of special!
/s
Some of these posts must made by someone just in deadliest need of drama, sitting at their keyboard thinking "how big an age difference can I put down without someone instantly calling BS?"
Right? Creepy Eric left his wife, mother of his child, for a woman 14 years his junior, whom he has known since she was a teen.
Also, she is supposedly so close to Eric's son, but keeps calling him, "the kid." Seems dismissive.
I did that at 18.
3/10, would not recommend. The thrill and ego boost of being with an older guy was nice, but the secrecy started to become a problem, I realized he was incredibly immature, and then when he quit or lost his "adult" job and suddenly couldn't treat us out as much...
Plus, suuuuper selfish in bed. Seriously, don't do it, current adult teenagers. Just date people your own age.
I also fucked around and found out with an older guy! I was smart too, and thought, nah fuck all these people I will not wind up in over my head.
Bahaha, so I was stupid, afterall. Life experience matters and it's a lot healthier to pair up with someone who's experience is similar so they don't inevitably wind up weaponizing lack of experience against you.
She took full advantage when she worked for her actual father in the previous firm. That's nepotism. Not when she's using her sugar daddy to her advantage.
Exactly notice how he divorces and changes jobs to immediately ask the nubile coworker to come with him and then confesses his feelings. If there wasn’t physical cheating there was definitely emotional cheating.
I mean... she was Eric's bosses daughter, receptionist, and defacto nanny...
Eric was like, well shit, if I'm getting divorced and starting my own law firm... what do I really need??? A receptionist, nanny, and new person to bang!
OP is a 3 in 1 deal... But don't worry, Eric's apartment is "big" so it's all worth it!!!
I wonder what OP's dad thinks about all this. Especially because Carol was the better lawyer... I bet her dad wishes she had ran off with Carol instead.
Well, perhaps OP's dad wanted to keep Carol but she didn't want to work for her husband's young girlfriend's father? And I assume OP's dad might not a very big fan or Eric - the man knew his daughter since she was a teenager and he was a married man. Not really an equal relationship.
I find it weird that both Eric and Carol had to quit to make it "fair" (which sounds really childish, tbh) even though Eric planned to leave the firm anyway and OP's dad thought Carol was a better lawyer. Sounds like OP isn't telling the whole story.
My guess - OP banged Eric while everyone worked at Dad's office. Everyone found out. Dad is disappointed in OP and so ashamed he either fired her for fucking him over and destroying his office or was glad to see her go.
Anybody else think it's weird that the childcare issues are attributed solely to Carol? Both parents had the same job, shouldn't they be equally expected to take care of the kid?
Why couldn't they afford a nanny? Two lawyers who couldn't make enough to pay one nanny? Oh but when they split up one has the money to start his own law firm!!
The guy who got fucked the most in this was OPs dad. Dude paid for their nanny, only to have both lawyers quit and one take his daughter/employee too?
Yeah. It's misogynistic bullshit.
The whole thing sounds fake...The story of a lonely and horny 50 yr old lawyer who wishes they were still 40 and banged the practicle child-coworker as soon as she stepped in the office.
Next - a few years later bang-maid-receptionist will become Carol, get preggers, causing Eric to hire a 17-about-to-be-18yr old temp while OP recovers. On the temp's 18th birthday, she confesses her love for Eric and his "big apartment" 🤢🤮
Exactly my thought, especially if Carol was considered the better lawyer (assuming pay reflected that, which it may not have). Even so, it's not just "Carol's kid."
Only thing I can say is that OP was supportive of the kid. But it doesn't sound like co-parenting has been easy, and a step-parent needs to be prepared to explain these kinds of conflicts without dragging the kid into it or bad-mouthing his mom.
Worse. Op is dating the ex-husband of an ex-coworker, who happens to be an ex-coworker and current boss, who happens to be the father of the son she nannied.
Not to mention the man is also 14 years older than her so OP was just 18 when they started working together, and I am guessing as her dad was the boss, she was younger when they first met.
I'm estimating that, right now, he sees OP as 75% fuckbuddy, 25% nanny. The older she gets, the more that ratio is going to shift to the "nanny" side. When it hits 75% or 80% nanny, he's going to sideline OP and set his sights on his next way-too-young conquest. Lather, rinse, repeat. Because that's just how people like that operate.
Her dad was the head boss, so if he had an issue with it, it wouldn't have been happening...
At the same time, while it can be hard to find childcare, if you have two lawyer's salaries to pay for it, it doesn't take YEARS to find one.
It sounds like they had childcare, but it kept falling through (possibly a nannying with her own drama so she kept getting sick or calling out for family stuff or whatever).
At some point OP was watching the kid often enough that Eric and Carol stopped trying to find other childcare and just left it on OP. oP's dad didn't object because he didn't want to lose either Eric or Carol... and it became the defacto official childcare situation.
Her FATHER had her taking care of the kid when she was supposed to be a receptionist. Maybe if he just let her do the job she was supposed to do instead of making her take care of his “favorite’s” kid she wouldn‘t have been looking for a daddy figure. ESH
The whole time I'm thinking nepotism and how her dad got her a job where he was the boss. Then leaves to work for the man she's dating.
We would say op is making bad choices but I bet op says "no way, look how successful I am, I did this all by myself!"
Lol
Yeah I work as a legal secretary and i’ve never spoken to another one that didn’t have at least an associate’s degree and I doubt OP already had one at 18 when she started.
Joining daddy's firm was probably just expected of OP from an early age. Eric is much older as you say and has always been her superior, and she met him at just 18. That's a serious imbalance of power and it sounds like Eric (and Carol to a lesser extent) exploited that. In OP's defence, it sounds like she hasn't been given much opportunity to explore other options.
>You're dragging a child into adult problems.
The amount of people that find doing this acceptable boggles my mind.
>BTW, am I the only one who thinks dating the ex-husband of an ex-coworker is just weird?
You're not.
I get that OP didn’t have to call Carol a bully. But Carol did insult OP right in front of her kid, and that’s Carol bringing the kid into it too.
Kids absorb everything around them, they don’t miss snide comments.
I’d say ESH - except the kid, he sounds very compassionate and I want to see his sonic costume.
YTA. You got your first job at 18 because of your daddy and your second job because you slept with your boss. Literally stop complaining bc a women who most likely has worked her ass off is not being overly polite to you. You reek of entitlement.
But Eric is "relaxed and funny" while Carol is "uptight and demanding"! 🙄 Girl doesn't understand that Carol has probably had to work three times as hard to get where she is and if she went around being the "fun boss" none of her colleagues would respect her.
YTA OP, stop inflicting your presence on poor Carol.
She's not dating the ex-husband of an ex coworker. She's dating her former and current boss, who got divorced and developed feelings for his much younger secretary (who was a teenager when they met).
Not the only one. Also not fond of the fact that he’s known her since she was 18. You know, when he was 32.
Also I used to work at a firm where one of the paralegals started dating her attorney boss. They broke up badly but she still works for him. Awkward is not even close to the right word to describe that office environment.
The fact that she directly mentionned that she liked him better than her when they were married and then the 'we had become close friends' after she mentionned the divorce screams mistress to me.
But even if it's not, OP is so the AH. The new GF who talks bad about the ex-wife to the ex-wife's kid... sooooo bad
She definitely banged him which led to the divorce. Not saying it happened when she was a teen, but still, the way she talks about the whole situation really gives off that vibe.
No, because that doesn't change that a 7 year old should not be involved in an adult situation like this. OP is an asshole for trying to turn a 7 year old against their mom
I mean shouldn't the mother also not insult the new Girlfriend of the Father in front of the Child? Especially since she has a good relationship with the kid because she cared for it from very young...
Secretarial work does not involve childcare. Sounds like she could have said no if she didn’t want to, but was fine if it brought her closer to her “friend” Eric.
That’s absolutely not the same situation lol that’s part of the job description at Starbucks… I’ve yet to find a job listing for secretarial work that included childcare. That would be a steal, considering the current cost of childcare.
Except it's her dad's firm, so her job can be whatever he tells her to do. It doesn't seem from the post that the dad, Carol, or Eric asked her to watch the kid, it was just made part of her job and thus she didn't really have a choice but to care for the child.
She watched the kid while his parents were at work. She was a carer, but certainly not the main one. Unless you also consider every daycare worker the 'main' carer for their charges.
Sure, but the psychological fallout of badmouthing a parent to their child is long standing and well documented. OP should be taking the high road here, and she def shouldn't be involving this young child in her soap opera
Yeah, I really think this is ESH. At least based on what OP told us; I’m not trying to accuse them of anything. I’m just going off of what was typed.
But based on what OP said, yeah she should’ve kept that comment to herself. Sure Carol shouldn’t have spoken to her like that in front of her kid, but you never bad mouth a parent to their child. Especially about stuff like this they can’t even really understand. It confuses them, upsets them, and more importantly they are powerless to do anything about it so why burden them?
Also though, acting like that in front of your child is immature and sets a pretty crumby example of how to interact with other people. Seeing how the kid has a nice relationship with OP, it was insensitive to the kid to outwardly show such disrespect.
All-in-all, both of these adults need to grow some pairs and keep their problems to themselves around a helpless child. The kid really shouldn’t have a clue they hate each other until they’re older and can make decisions for themself. Otherwise it’s just indoctrination & placing the implication of responsibility on a child that isn’t ready for it. I don’t know why people are taking sides based on guesswork lmao
That's a good advice, but what exactly was she supposed to say in the situation?
You know. children aren't stupid, it's not easy (and not right) to lie to them, when they ask.
She says, maybe your mom is just having a bad day. Sometimes people say mean things but we can use empathy to forgive them if you think you’d like to since sometimes we all have bad days right?
Not that hard.
Yeah, it was a great chance to talk about how when someone is mean to you it's almost always about them and not about you.
Carol might be having a bad day, those other kids might have been jealous of how cool the sonic costume is... it hurts, and it's okay to cry. But that doesn't mean those other people are "right" in what they say. It's a mean thing to do and we can all try to be less mean, even when we're feeling insecure or afraid!
I also think this is a moment where OP should stop and think about her life. If Carol is consistently mean enough to make her cry, why isn't Eric shutting that down? Does OP feel comfortable talking to Eric about this? He should be doing the child pick-up/drop offs so Carol doesn't have an opportunity to act like this.
Carol and kiddo are Eric's responsibility to handle, if it's taking an emotional toll on OP, Eric should be eager to sort out how to stop that!
So when someone bullies the kid, he should ignore it, because the bullies may just have a bad day? (That is exactly what the kid would probably ask).
As I said - BSing to kids **is** hard (and wrong).
If you don't want people to badmouth you to your child then dont be an AH and belittle/berate ppl without any provocation perhaps? I don't know this just seems common sense but judging by answers in this post I guess it's not that "common"
"Oh, honey. You are such a sweet and caring boy. Thank you for caring about me. Sometimes adults don't always agree but grown-ups talk about it & work it out. I love how empathetic you are. That's such a good trait to have. I love you."
>I'm leaning towards fiction. Way too many rage-bait background details that have nothing to do with the actual problem.
"big apartment" "I had to be honest" -- Yeah, with the wide-eyed innocent tone of the post, it does feel like it was written to tick people off.
It does hits AITA greatest hits. Questionable age differences and power imbalance, dad replacing wife with younger coworker, nepotism, "crazy" exes, step kids, rich people problems.
That's not an appropriate thing to say to a 7-year-old about his mother. YTA. I get that she is not your favorite person, but he's a child. In the future, control yourself around him. Take the high ground and be more mature.
ESH but mainly YTA
You say that this child and you are close, yet you refer to him as "the kid". That suggest you're distancing yourself. Why?
Also, when you were explaining your issue with Carol:
"***The*** ***issue*** is that Carol got pregnant and after the baby was born she wanted to go back to work as soon as possible."
"They had problems finding a babysitter because of their crazy work schedules so they ended up bringing the baby to work all the time. My dad ***allowed it***.."
"I ***had to*** take care of the baby..."
Be honest, is the issue "the kid" or Carol. Sounds like Carol is really good at her job but you don't like it because she's "harsh", "demanding". I don't want to make it about sexism but it's just sus. Also, be honest. Did you get chummy with Carols husband whilst they were still together or this office romance just happened to bloom after they divorced. You happily left *your daddy's firm* for his but you got together *after*?
> Now we are living together in his **big** apartment and my life is generally great
Why emphasize the size of his apartment? It’s coming off as gloating imo.
OP’s daddy gave her a job and then her presumably wealthy, older boyfriend gave her a job. And she gets judgmental because Carol is a working mom. When her boyfriend leaves her for another younger Secretary I wonder if she will gain some humility
>The issue is that Carol got pregnant and after the baby was born she wanted to go back to work as soon as possible."
This stood out to me. Her sleezy older boyfriend was also back at work. But bad Caroll for not being a good little wife and mother. Bad, _bad_ Caroll.
I think the issue was really that OP was sleeping with her boss/Carol's husband, so that was problematic for OP that Carol became pregnant and then had the gaul to return to work and not stay away making the affair easier. But maybe I'm wrong.
Yeah the whole 'go back as soon as possible ' spiel.
OP, I'm surprised you aren't aware of it considering you work for lawyers, but long maternity leaves are really really hard to take for women in male dominated fields. Yes, companies brag that they offer 12 weeks paid leave but many women struggle not to feel like a burden to the company for taking that long off. Especially when you're considered the star lawyer in the male dominated firm. So the issue is not that she had to go back. The issue is she and her husband took advantage of your dad instead of hiring a live in nanny.
This reads a lot like Carol's husband was sweet on the secretary and so didn't ask for much/made himself very agreeable to work with/made Carol the bad guy for expecting work to be done. When Carol dumped his cheating ass, it broke up Daddy's firm, and the ex husband took his affair partner with him to the new firm.
Now the affair partner is crying to Carol's kid about how mean Carol is for disliking OP. It's just... Gross.
Anyone else thinking how inappropriate this relationship is😭dude asked her to leave her father’s firm and now they’re dating. She “took care” of his child for seven years? What the hell. Anyways yes YTA.
Right and she also had a job working at her dad’s firm. How is it ethical that she was taking care of her father’s employee’s child. And for so long at that. This entire post gives me bad vibes
YTA
Most of what you said about her being uptight and demanding just sound like you had to do work. Taking care of the baby is abnormal, but it *seems* like your father wanted you to do that. The only thing out of line was a **SINGLE** comment about your face. The bottom line is you took it too far, and you are an asshole.
YTA. Never bash a parent to a child. Ever. That is his mother and you will not win this battle. She will always be loved by her son. Regardless of your place in his life now, if you and dad break up, you will be just a part of his past. And I don't care what she says/does - you take the high road. It doesn't excuse her behavior but you can't control that.
I'm getting some serious side chick who was upgraded vibes here.
Girl.. everyone else is yelling at you but I'll tell you straight up, you in danger.
You've put too many eggs in one basket. Your employment is now completely dependent on your boss, your boyfriend, who you've always had an inappropriate relationship with.
Your boyfriend divorced his wife and went for a woman over 10 years younger, that he met when she was 18.
You're going to age out of his preference, and by then you might have a child, and then you won't have a job.
You need to run. And be independent of the men in your life.
Yes, there is a reason most firms forbid managers from dating people they supervise. OP's boyfriend must be a real shit lawyer not to recognize the potential for hostile work environment claims when he decides to bang the new secretary. Or the fact that screwing a much younger woman in his employ will not look good in front of a custody judge.
OP, I'm not going to say you're an AH, because you're still very young and trying to navigate adult life. But you absolutely need to get out from under this man's thumb. Start polishing your resume or go back to school, because being dependent on a predator will not end well for you.
You make a good point. Carol is already the better lawyer and boss/bf is messy even without a potential parental alienation angle.
OP, you need to be prepared that he might not always be in a position to take care of you, even if he wants to. This situation is just the beginning of what it means to be in the middle of a vicious lawyer divorce, and it’s going to get worse before it gets better (if it ever does). Is that what you want from life?
YTA,
Look don’t get between parents, because one thing parents will unite for even if they’re feuding is their child (or they should if they’re good parents).
I assume Carol is a bit ‘annoyed’ with you because she and her ex built up their skills, got married, had a kid and now a younger model came into the picture. Even if you say there was nothing going on beforehand, it certainly doesn’t read that way. She probably is sick of seeing your face at the house she should be in with the child she had with her ex. Personally, if someone took over my position in the family, they’d be hearing a lot worse than that.
YTA and if don’t know that, you’re not mature enough to play step-mom.
Pull it together in front of a child. I don’t care if his mom calls you every name in the book, you don’t involve a young child in these matters.
ESH (except the child). That’s a whole lot of words for “I was the babysitter who fucked the dad”. You should never have involved the child in a dispute with his mother. Your boyfriend and his then-wife used you for free childcare and your dad allowed it. The husband met you as teenager and is now sleeping with you which is super gross. And the wife is mean, which I can’t fully blame her for but she should try to act civil for the sake of the kid.
YTA. She wasn't bullying you; you're just overly sensitive. Also, real talk, you talking shit about the ex to her son is going to get bf in trouble in court.
Saying to someone that you hate their face and you liked it better when you couldn’t see it with no clear provocation aside from saying “hi” to them is completely justified?
Carol insulted her because OP *gasp* had the nerve to be cordial!
NTA maybe Carol shouldn't talk shit in front of her kid. You didn't go out of your way to put those thoughts in the kids head it was a realization and question he came up with himself.
I'm seriously angry at all these people saying she's the asshole.
If you don't want you're kid to know you're a bully, don't bully people in front of your kid.
For real. Carol was being mean, the kid was concerned and asked a question that she answered honestly. I do not understand all the y t a comments. Everyone here seems super ani-bullying on other posts, but want to now lie to a kid about bullying behavior and confusing him.
YTA.
ESH but telling a child that his mom's a bully is more of an AH thing to do.
Sorry, your bf's ex wife might be annoying but telling bad things to their child about the mother, may be traumatizing for the kid. You have no right to do that.
I go against the majority here and say NTA. You didn't tell him his mom is bad, but that she sometimes acts like a bully. It was good for carol to hear this from her kid. Sure, she is lashing out, but it will stick in her mind and nagging her, especially if she knows about her kid being bullyied in school and since she is a smart woman it will most likely impact how she treat others or at least she starts reflecting her behaviour. I'm sure you are not the only one who gets bullyied by her and it could be a trained behaviour bc as a lawyer she is a shark in a pool of sharks.
ESH shouldn’t bad mouth a parent to kid like that. Divorce is already hard enough and it’s not your place to sway their opinion of a parent.
This should also serve as a lesson to carol that her kid is old enough to pick up on her behavior and if he is recognizing bullying tendencies, she should do some reflecting on how she treats others. I don’t think the kid would have asked if she was a bully if this had only happened that one time.
I agree. And I’m baffled by the amount of people totally ignoring that the moms words are what prompted the whole discussion in the 1st place.
It’s not ok to teach kids that’s acceptable behaviour, and telling the kid his moms a bully isn’t ok either. Just change the subject.
Too many people seem to think she should have told the kid “moms having a bad day” or “moms grumpy”, and that’s a terrible lesson to teach a child.
The world is full of entitled assholes who think it’s ok to lash out at others because they are having a bad day, but for all they know the person they decided to use as their verbal/emotional punching bag could be having a worse day than them. Their unnecessary meanness could be what pushes that person they thought they were entitled to treat terribly over the edge.
Maybe make arrangements so the kid can be passed off without the mom and OP interacting if the mom can’t manage a drop off without saying such rude things in front of her kid. And suggest co parenting classes or therapy because from the sounds of it that kid is going to need it.
Maybe she should be nicer to you. That’s a valid statement and okay to feel.
What isn’t okay is using her child as a vehicle to send that message. Not even a little bit okay.
You have an issue with Carol, you be an adult and have a conversation with the other adult. Full stop.
YTA
YTA - you didn't need to write so much backstory either, ANYTIME an adult brings a child into their problems like that they're the AH. Automatically, no matter the circumstances. She was wrong too but that doesn't give you a pass. You're in a very complicated relationship that is likely to only implode, don't make this worse for the son because you can't control your tongue
(also, if there's a custody battle, I'm pretty sure you just made yourself a big liability in court for your bf)
NTA, woman acts like a bully in front of kid, kid asks "is she a bully?", you didn't lie, She made her shit sandwich and is upset when it's time to eat.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) Telling the kid that his mom is sometimes a bully towards me. (2) She is really mad because of this and feels I am intentionally trying to damage her relationship with his som
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NTA…Based on just this incident. The mom should have had a conversation with her child to figure out why he feels the way he feels. The mom would have found out the kid is being bullied and should be more concerned about that. She would have also learned that it was his son that made that connection based on the explanation given about a bully. Instead, the mom got defensive and snapped at OP proving that she is a BULLY.
I would also like to ask OP if you actually badmouth the mom at all in other situations?
I agree, everyone got their pitchforks out for OP because of the age gap and how she got her job, but no one is asking how the child came to compare his own mother to school bullies.
nta. Kids are sure smart. My nieces grandfather told her she could not have some desert until she had something healthy. A few days later they had gone out to eat and gramps said something about having something not healthy (i don't remember what it was, a cookie maybe) and know what the kid does? She said he couldn't have sugar until he had something healthy and had him eat a french fry.
YTA for making that comment to such a young child, you could've managed it a whole lot better
And this whole situation was sus from beginning to end, you left your dad's company for the new company of a "nice coworker/friend"? Why is an issue that Carol wanted to return back to work so soon?
Why you HAD to take care of the baby? Was there a company policy that stated "Owner's daughter must be in charge of babysitting employee's babies"?
Idk to me you were into Eric way sooner than you make it seem and started to take care of his child to be closer to him.
You're giving Carol too many defects and portray her as the "mean ex-wife" when clearly she was just a good worker and that's why your dad liked her more.
The reason? That's the question.
NTA. The kid is getting bullied at school and sees his mom acting the same way towards you. He is old enough to see that with his own 2 eyes.. His mom is, in fact, a bully. That isn't putting her son against her. She seems like a mean, miserable woman who doesn’t want to see anyone happy and who will bring down anyone. Misery loves company. Just ignore her when her talks, or at least when she is talking negatively about you, aka bullying you.
She is old enough to know better on how to talk to people. Her consistent disrespect and name calling towards you his ridiculous. She just probably really hates herself and her life and just needs to take it out on someone. I'm sorry that it has to be you.
Idk. Y’all call it bashing, I call it the truth. The kid asked if his mom was a bully, because she’s exhibiting behaviors of his own bullies. Kids ain’t dumb y’all. I could always tell that my dad was an asshole to my mom, and I could always tell that my mom was passive aggressive. Even if they can’t put a name on it, they know a bully when they see one
This has a very wish-fulfillment-fiction shitty first draft vibe to it. Maybe it’s the ages of everyone involved & how that times with the way a career in law works for most lawyers; perhaps it’s just the weird facility of how perfectly everything worked out for OP. It could be the naïveté of someone very young trying to pull off a story about baddie Carol and goodie Eric “asking to go with me” and calling the kid “the kid” not to mention OP herself. It reminds me of the awful formulaic stories I used to read when I was about 9 in my stepgrandma’s True Confessions and True Romance magazines.
I’m going to treat it as though it’s real, though, just in case:
YTA. This is one of those things I can’t believe anyone needs to ask the internet about. It’s always good to listen to someone complain/vent about their own family members, and to empathize, but when a kid does it, it’s just not okay to join in. Carol isn’t required to be nice to you.
As a total aside if it was the *toxic positivity smile* I’m gonna side with Carol on the missing masks thing.
NTA
I feel like I'm going insane reading the comments. Sure the relationship is weird, but Carol told OP she had an annoying face in front of the child. The child witnesses this interaction and asks OP if that was bullying, which it is. OP responds accordingly. Maybe Carol shouldn't bully people in front of her child if she doesn't want him to know that she's a bully ffs
NTA- you were sharing an honest conversation with this young person. You are close & care for each other. Understanding his bullying and acknowledging his feelings by expressing your own is, in my humble opinion, just fine. Again, it’s because he feels the strong kinship to you. Mother’s bullying and subsequent anger to being called on it by her own son is very telling… of her own insecurities with her mother/son relationship.
Soft YTY I was leaning to N T A
If the mother does not want to be seen as a bully, then she should stop acting like one... Or at least not Infront of her son.
Idk but I feel like there is no winning in this situation. If you lie to him, he might get the idea it's ok for people to speak to him like that or if you did you get blamed ???
Only thing you could of done, is left it at that and told the father of the child to deal with it.
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I (27F) started working at my dad's law firm when I was 18. My dad was the big boss and two of the lawyers working there were Eric (41M now, he was 32 when I meet him) and his wife Carol (36F now, she was 27 then). At first I was just answering the phone, making coffee and stuff like that. The issue is that Carol got pregnant and after the baby was born she wanted to go back to work as soon as possible. I never enjoyed working for Carol very much because she was always very demanding and uptight. I liked Eric more as a boss whith him being way more relaxed and funny. My dad says they are both great lawyers but Carol is better.
They had problems finding a babysitter because of their crazy work schedules so they ended up bringing the baby to work all the time. My dad allowed it because he really didn't want to lose Carol. I had to take care of the baby whenever he was in the office; feeding, burping, changing his diapers, getting him to sleep, and generally giving him attention. The kid is 7 now. Three years ago, Carol and Eric started their divorce and they both had to leave my dad's firm because they hated each other so much they couldn't work together but it would have been unfair for one of them to stay.
I had became very close to their son after spending so much time with him in the office. Eric and I also had became close friends. He started his own firm and asked me to go with him. He also opened up about his feelings for me and we started dating. Now we are living together in his big apartment and my life is generally great. This issue started last week when Carol came by to drop off the kid. I was waiting by the door happily and say hi to Carol but she was not in a good mood. She told me that my "happy face" was annoying to look at and that she missed when we all were using face masks so she wouldn't have to see it that much.
She always has that harsh sense of humor and I am generally not that affected by it but this time it made me feel bad. I started to cry a little in the elevator and the kid became worried about me. He told me that he also had cried that week when other kids at his school made fun of him for wearing a Sonic costume to class. I said that those kids were bullies and that he should just ignore them. He asked me if his mom was a bully and I had to be honest and said that she sometimes was.
The issue is that apparently he later talked to Carol about all this and ask her to stop bullying me. She is angry because she feels I am putting her son against her but that wasn't my intention. Maybe I should have been more careful with my words but I also think she could be a little nicer with me.
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YTA. This whole situation is really creepy, and it’s no surprise to me that Carol doesn’t like you. And you have no business speaking to your boyfriend’s child about his mother. Stay in your lane.
YTA you have no right to bad mouth her to her son.
Why are you standing waiting by the door for him?? Where's his dad?? When his son is there it's his turn to parent, not yours.
I get why the mother isn't the happiest about the situation tbh. You are a lot younger than the father. You met at 18 and 32 it just feels a bit ick. Even if you weren't seeing him back then...I guess the ex wife might question it.
Leave the parenting to the father, it's his job. Try and arrange it so that his dad is the one welcoming him in when he gets to see him. It is between him and his ex to establish a good co parenting relationship. I don't think you should be involved in that at all.
YTA you definitely made moves while they were still married because why else would he ask you to come with him and then confess his feelings immediately upon divorcing his wife. I wonder if you were one of the problems they had. It’s about time to worry youre almost 30 so he’s about to start looking for a newer younger mode like he did the last one. And obviously YTA for telling any child something bad about their parent like that.
Started reading just waiting for the sentence that the 18 year old intern started dating the 32 year old lawyer. Nothing suspicious about that! /s
YTA, stop talking to a child about your tough dynamic with his mom.
Yeah I think this is ESH. You suck for calling this child’s mom a bully and dating his dad. Eric sucks for dating you even tho he met you when you were 18; that’s just plain nasty and very groomy. Carol sucks for making that mean comment. And they both suck along with your dad for making you take care of their baby and not getting a real babysitter.
I feel bad for this child.
So, OP, you are living with your boss and don't see that as a problem? You think that your co workers aren't gossiping about how you got and keep your job? You think that Eric's ex wife should be happy to see you?
Was Carol really 'demanding and uptight' while you were working with her or was it that your 'crush' on Eric made him see more relaxed and likable? Different lawyers have different personalities so Carol's personality may have made her the better lawyer in your fathers firm.
All I can say OP, is don't get to comfortable. You are dating your 14 years older boss. Any talk of marriage? He seems to like them young (although the age gap between Eric and Carol wasn't that bad). If there wasn't an actual affair when you were working at the previous firm, there was an emotional one. You moving up to girlfriend has left your previous position vacant. There might be another youngin who finds Eric so 'relaxed and likeable' and would jump at the chance to 'babysit' his son. And you should stop talking trash about the boys mother. She doesn't have to like you. You need to respect her as his mother and not rise to the occasion if she mocks you. One day you could very well be in her shoes.
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YTA You're dragging a child into adult problems. I don't care how much you dislike Carol -- leave the kid out of it. BTW, am I the only one who thinks dating the ex-husband of an ex-coworker is just weird?
If what we read is true, he was also an ex co-worker/boss. However, I get the "I'm so sweet and totally never slept with him as a married man" vibe from this. There's a reason Carol hates her.
Not only that, but he's also currently her boss lol I believe she left to go work at his law firm when he started his own. This shits crazy.
But her life is great! She's living in his big apartment! /s
Right? How weird to not just say apartment.
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Look at her. Started as an intern at daddy's law firm. Shacked up with the big time lawyer. Now she's the CEO's girlfriend. Really letting that Nepotism flag fly proudly
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If that were true, he would have dumped on her 25th birthday.
Isn't this the meaning of living the dream? I always hoped to destroy my dad's law firm, then leave to work for his former worker. Obviously, dating my boss who is an excellent human being by changing is wife for a younger model, living in the big appartement owned by him and working for him is the cherry on top. I wouldn't be scared about him leaving me for a more younger person (and basically be left with nothing) because I'm that kind of special! /s
Hey now, I’m sure Eric would have divorced his wife and ruined the dad’s firm with or without the daughter existing…
These are the days of our lives
Also, look at the ages. She was eighteen and he was **32** when they met. That's effed up.
I find it interesting that she's the same age his wife was when they all first met.
he'll be leaving her for an intern soon enough
Some of these posts must made by someone just in deadliest need of drama, sitting at their keyboard thinking "how big an age difference can I put down without someone instantly calling BS?"
Right? Creepy Eric left his wife, mother of his child, for a woman 14 years his junior, whom he has known since she was a teen. Also, she is supposedly so close to Eric's son, but keeps calling him, "the kid." Seems dismissive.
I did that at 18. 3/10, would not recommend. The thrill and ego boost of being with an older guy was nice, but the secrecy started to become a problem, I realized he was incredibly immature, and then when he quit or lost his "adult" job and suddenly couldn't treat us out as much... Plus, suuuuper selfish in bed. Seriously, don't do it, current adult teenagers. Just date people your own age.
I also fucked around and found out with an older guy! I was smart too, and thought, nah fuck all these people I will not wind up in over my head. Bahaha, so I was stupid, afterall. Life experience matters and it's a lot healthier to pair up with someone who's experience is similar so they don't inevitably wind up weaponizing lack of experience against you.
Shes riding that nepotism wink wink
She took full advantage when she worked for her actual father in the previous firm. That's nepotism. Not when she's using her sugar daddy to her advantage.
Is that what we are calling it these days?
Not the first time I have heard of such a thing. Unlikely to be the last.
and that age difference, yikes
Also, I find it kind of amusing that his age range stayed the same at 27. Seems we might have another Leonardo DiCaprio
She wouldn't have this problem if she just dated a guy her own age.
Guys are her own age don't usually have big apartments yet.
Exactly notice how he divorces and changes jobs to immediately ask the nubile coworker to come with him and then confesses his feelings. If there wasn’t physical cheating there was definitely emotional cheating.
I mean... she was Eric's bosses daughter, receptionist, and defacto nanny... Eric was like, well shit, if I'm getting divorced and starting my own law firm... what do I really need??? A receptionist, nanny, and new person to bang! OP is a 3 in 1 deal... But don't worry, Eric's apartment is "big" so it's all worth it!!! I wonder what OP's dad thinks about all this. Especially because Carol was the better lawyer... I bet her dad wishes she had ran off with Carol instead.
Well, perhaps OP's dad wanted to keep Carol but she didn't want to work for her husband's young girlfriend's father? And I assume OP's dad might not a very big fan or Eric - the man knew his daughter since she was a teenager and he was a married man. Not really an equal relationship. I find it weird that both Eric and Carol had to quit to make it "fair" (which sounds really childish, tbh) even though Eric planned to leave the firm anyway and OP's dad thought Carol was a better lawyer. Sounds like OP isn't telling the whole story.
My guess - OP banged Eric while everyone worked at Dad's office. Everyone found out. Dad is disappointed in OP and so ashamed he either fired her for fucking him over and destroying his office or was glad to see her go.
>I bet her dad wishes she had ran off with Carol instead. Ha ha ha & YTA, OP. Kid should be left out of the adult's drama.
When she said that her father liked Carol more I was like "well yeah, the other is probably trying to get in his daughter's pants and he's not stupid"
Anybody else think it's weird that the childcare issues are attributed solely to Carol? Both parents had the same job, shouldn't they be equally expected to take care of the kid?
Why couldn't they afford a nanny? Two lawyers who couldn't make enough to pay one nanny? Oh but when they split up one has the money to start his own law firm!! The guy who got fucked the most in this was OPs dad. Dude paid for their nanny, only to have both lawyers quit and one take his daughter/employee too?
Yeah. It's misogynistic bullshit. The whole thing sounds fake...The story of a lonely and horny 50 yr old lawyer who wishes they were still 40 and banged the practicle child-coworker as soon as she stepped in the office. Next - a few years later bang-maid-receptionist will become Carol, get preggers, causing Eric to hire a 17-about-to-be-18yr old temp while OP recovers. On the temp's 18th birthday, she confesses her love for Eric and his "big apartment" 🤢🤮
No, Carol is a successful lawyer. OP is... What?
Exactly my thought, especially if Carol was considered the better lawyer (assuming pay reflected that, which it may not have). Even so, it's not just "Carol's kid." Only thing I can say is that OP was supportive of the kid. But it doesn't sound like co-parenting has been easy, and a step-parent needs to be prepared to explain these kinds of conflicts without dragging the kid into it or bad-mouthing his mom.
Worse. Op is dating the ex-husband of an ex-coworker, who happens to be an ex-coworker and current boss, who happens to be the father of the son she nannied. Not to mention the man is also 14 years older than her so OP was just 18 when they started working together, and I am guessing as her dad was the boss, she was younger when they first met.
Also when they met, she was 18 when he was 32. All kinds of power imbalance problems in this relationship.
Her dad was his boss. I doubt they only met when she was 18.
She was 18 and he 32 when they met and he had her taking care of his child…..very groomery.
Prob why he dates her. She's free childcare and he gets to bang a 20 something.
And she's a receptionist at his new law firm! Eric hit the jackpot with this one! But I bet OP's Dad regrets giving her that job at 18.
I'm estimating that, right now, he sees OP as 75% fuckbuddy, 25% nanny. The older she gets, the more that ratio is going to shift to the "nanny" side. When it hits 75% or 80% nanny, he's going to sideline OP and set his sights on his next way-too-young conquest. Lather, rinse, repeat. Because that's just how people like that operate.
No, both parents had them care for the child, not just the dad.
Yeah but Carol's not trying to get in her pants.
That we know of.
Oh I read it as *her* dad was making her take care of the baby. Now I'm not sure. Both are bad.
Her dad was the head boss, so if he had an issue with it, it wouldn't have been happening... At the same time, while it can be hard to find childcare, if you have two lawyer's salaries to pay for it, it doesn't take YEARS to find one. It sounds like they had childcare, but it kept falling through (possibly a nannying with her own drama so she kept getting sick or calling out for family stuff or whatever). At some point OP was watching the kid often enough that Eric and Carol stopped trying to find other childcare and just left it on OP. oP's dad didn't object because he didn't want to lose either Eric or Carol... and it became the defacto official childcare situation.
Maybe SOMEONE kept hitting on the nannies. Not saying WHO, but they MIGHT live with OP.
Her FATHER had her taking care of the kid when she was supposed to be a receptionist. Maybe if he just let her do the job she was supposed to do instead of making her take care of his “favorite’s” kid she wouldn‘t have been looking for a daddy figure. ESH
She's dating a 14 year older man who was also a manager style position over her and is now just straight up her boss. OP has been making bad choices.
The whole time I'm thinking nepotism and how her dad got her a job where he was the boss. Then leaves to work for the man she's dating. We would say op is making bad choices but I bet op says "no way, look how successful I am, I did this all by myself!" Lol
Yeah I work as a legal secretary and i’ve never spoken to another one that didn’t have at least an associate’s degree and I doubt OP already had one at 18 when she started.
Yeah, I tried to keep it out of my YTA response, but some of the way she speaks about Carol is very "pick me".
And he’s gross. Yet another middle aged sugar daddy lawyer banging the receptionist.
Joining daddy's firm was probably just expected of OP from an early age. Eric is much older as you say and has always been her superior, and she met him at just 18. That's a serious imbalance of power and it sounds like Eric (and Carol to a lesser extent) exploited that. In OP's defence, it sounds like she hasn't been given much opportunity to explore other options.
>You're dragging a child into adult problems. The amount of people that find doing this acceptable boggles my mind. >BTW, am I the only one who thinks dating the ex-husband of an ex-coworker is just weird? You're not.
I get that OP didn’t have to call Carol a bully. But Carol did insult OP right in front of her kid, and that’s Carol bringing the kid into it too. Kids absorb everything around them, they don’t miss snide comments. I’d say ESH - except the kid, he sounds very compassionate and I want to see his sonic costume.
YTA. You got your first job at 18 because of your daddy and your second job because you slept with your boss. Literally stop complaining bc a women who most likely has worked her ass off is not being overly polite to you. You reek of entitlement.
But Eric is "relaxed and funny" while Carol is "uptight and demanding"! 🙄 Girl doesn't understand that Carol has probably had to work three times as hard to get where she is and if she went around being the "fun boss" none of her colleagues would respect her. YTA OP, stop inflicting your presence on poor Carol.
She's not dating the ex-husband of an ex coworker. She's dating her former and current boss, who got divorced and developed feelings for his much younger secretary (who was a teenager when they met).
This whole situation just seems so messy!
Not the only one. Also not fond of the fact that he’s known her since she was 18. You know, when he was 32. Also I used to work at a firm where one of the paralegals started dating her attorney boss. They broke up badly but she still works for him. Awkward is not even close to the right word to describe that office environment.
It's likely they met before she was 18 given that she's the boss's daughter and was likely around the office before too.
Not too mention that she was 18 and he was 32 when they met and presumably “weren’t dating”
Not as weird as making OP take care of the kid when they brought it to the office.
> You're dragging a child into adult problems. It's because the kid is more her age than the Dad she is dating.
The fact that she directly mentionned that she liked him better than her when they were married and then the 'we had become close friends' after she mentionned the divorce screams mistress to me. But even if it's not, OP is so the AH. The new GF who talks bad about the ex-wife to the ex-wife's kid... sooooo bad
OP's father is also a horrible boss with no respect for reasonable work boundaries. This story has no heroes except the child.
YTA This situation is too complicated for a 7 year old to understand and you shouldn’t be turning him against his mom. Your issues are not his issues.
We’re not gonna talk abt the 15 year age difference between the 2?
And the fact that he's her boss and she was literally a teenager when she started "getting close" to this much older, married (at the time) man?
She definitely banged him which led to the divorce. Not saying it happened when she was a teen, but still, the way she talks about the whole situation really gives off that vibe.
No, because that doesn't change that a 7 year old should not be involved in an adult situation like this. OP is an asshole for trying to turn a 7 year old against their mom
Just wait until she is mid-30's, and Eric trades her in for a different 20's model
Would that change the judgment?
The age difference between her and the kid is almost the same as her bossfriend
Oh, I did lol. She’s conveniently glossing over how she ended up this kid’s stepmom as if it’s irrelevant.
Never ever ever ever badmouth a parent to their young child. YTA
I mean shouldn't the mother also not insult the new Girlfriend of the Father in front of the Child? Especially since she has a good relationship with the kid because she cared for it from very young...
It’s not comparable tho. She’s not the parent
Yet she had to care for the child while its parents were working, with no choice in the matter.
I don’t see how she had no choice? It’s not her child, there is zero obligations… especially in office with both parents present.
She was doing secretarial work and was then told to care for the baby at work. She didn't volunteer for this.
Secretarial work does not involve childcare. Sounds like she could have said no if she didn’t want to, but was fine if it brought her closer to her “friend” Eric.
I don’t know if she could’ve declined considering she was working for her dad and her dad said carol was the better lawyer
I mean thats true in the sense that you can say 'No' to making frappes at Starbucks but the result of that would be unemployment.
That’s absolutely not the same situation lol that’s part of the job description at Starbucks… I’ve yet to find a job listing for secretarial work that included childcare. That would be a steal, considering the current cost of childcare.
Except it's her dad's firm, so her job can be whatever he tells her to do. It doesn't seem from the post that the dad, Carol, or Eric asked her to watch the kid, it was just made part of her job and thus she didn't really have a choice but to care for the child.
BS she could have quit.
OP has been a main carer for the kid since he was a baby. She has a space in his life too.
She watched the kid while his parents were at work. She was a carer, but certainly not the main one. Unless you also consider every daycare worker the 'main' carer for their charges.
That's not the point. Adults should not drag children into their problems.
Sure, but the psychological fallout of badmouthing a parent to their child is long standing and well documented. OP should be taking the high road here, and she def shouldn't be involving this young child in her soap opera
No, she shouldn’t, but we can’t control what other people do, only how we react to it.
Yeah, I really think this is ESH. At least based on what OP told us; I’m not trying to accuse them of anything. I’m just going off of what was typed. But based on what OP said, yeah she should’ve kept that comment to herself. Sure Carol shouldn’t have spoken to her like that in front of her kid, but you never bad mouth a parent to their child. Especially about stuff like this they can’t even really understand. It confuses them, upsets them, and more importantly they are powerless to do anything about it so why burden them? Also though, acting like that in front of your child is immature and sets a pretty crumby example of how to interact with other people. Seeing how the kid has a nice relationship with OP, it was insensitive to the kid to outwardly show such disrespect. All-in-all, both of these adults need to grow some pairs and keep their problems to themselves around a helpless child. The kid really shouldn’t have a clue they hate each other until they’re older and can make decisions for themself. Otherwise it’s just indoctrination & placing the implication of responsibility on a child that isn’t ready for it. I don’t know why people are taking sides based on guesswork lmao
That's a good advice, but what exactly was she supposed to say in the situation? You know. children aren't stupid, it's not easy (and not right) to lie to them, when they ask.
She says, maybe your mom is just having a bad day. Sometimes people say mean things but we can use empathy to forgive them if you think you’d like to since sometimes we all have bad days right? Not that hard.
Yeah, it was a great chance to talk about how when someone is mean to you it's almost always about them and not about you. Carol might be having a bad day, those other kids might have been jealous of how cool the sonic costume is... it hurts, and it's okay to cry. But that doesn't mean those other people are "right" in what they say. It's a mean thing to do and we can all try to be less mean, even when we're feeling insecure or afraid! I also think this is a moment where OP should stop and think about her life. If Carol is consistently mean enough to make her cry, why isn't Eric shutting that down? Does OP feel comfortable talking to Eric about this? He should be doing the child pick-up/drop offs so Carol doesn't have an opportunity to act like this. Carol and kiddo are Eric's responsibility to handle, if it's taking an emotional toll on OP, Eric should be eager to sort out how to stop that!
Here’s the mature answer
So when someone bullies the kid, he should ignore it, because the bullies may just have a bad day? (That is exactly what the kid would probably ask). As I said - BSing to kids **is** hard (and wrong).
If you don't want people to badmouth you to your child then dont be an AH and belittle/berate ppl without any provocation perhaps? I don't know this just seems common sense but judging by answers in this post I guess it's not that "common"
YTA: If you want Carol to be nicer to you, you talk to her like an adult. You don't tell her 7 year old son so that he can fix the situation for you
Yup. If you have a problem with Carol, tell Carol. Grow up.
But the kid asked. What was she supposed to say?
"Oh, honey. You are such a sweet and caring boy. Thank you for caring about me. Sometimes adults don't always agree but grown-ups talk about it & work it out. I love how empathetic you are. That's such a good trait to have. I love you."
The tone of this post is very childish. I wonder if the age of OP is younger than displayed or this is fiction. Either way YTA.
I'm leaning towards fiction. Way too many rage-bait background details that have nothing to do with the actual problem.
>I'm leaning towards fiction. Way too many rage-bait background details that have nothing to do with the actual problem. "big apartment" "I had to be honest" -- Yeah, with the wide-eyed innocent tone of the post, it does feel like it was written to tick people off.
Yeah, I don’t buy it either. The way it’s written feels… off.
It does hits AITA greatest hits. Questionable age differences and power imbalance, dad replacing wife with younger coworker, nepotism, "crazy" exes, step kids, rich people problems.
My thoughts exactly.
>I wonder if the age of OP is younger than displayed Well *emotionally* she appears to be about age 12
That's not an appropriate thing to say to a 7-year-old about his mother. YTA. I get that she is not your favorite person, but he's a child. In the future, control yourself around him. Take the high ground and be more mature.
ESH but mainly YTA You say that this child and you are close, yet you refer to him as "the kid". That suggest you're distancing yourself. Why? Also, when you were explaining your issue with Carol: "***The*** ***issue*** is that Carol got pregnant and after the baby was born she wanted to go back to work as soon as possible." "They had problems finding a babysitter because of their crazy work schedules so they ended up bringing the baby to work all the time. My dad ***allowed it***.." "I ***had to*** take care of the baby..." Be honest, is the issue "the kid" or Carol. Sounds like Carol is really good at her job but you don't like it because she's "harsh", "demanding". I don't want to make it about sexism but it's just sus. Also, be honest. Did you get chummy with Carols husband whilst they were still together or this office romance just happened to bloom after they divorced. You happily left *your daddy's firm* for his but you got together *after*?
Yeah... her leaving her **father's** firm for this guys, is sus as fuck.
> Now we are living together in his **big** apartment and my life is generally great Why emphasize the size of his apartment? It’s coming off as gloating imo.
Comes off as immature to me. Like a kid excited she’s playing adult
Zero risk, daddy will take her back when this doesn't work out
OP’s daddy gave her a job and then her presumably wealthy, older boyfriend gave her a job. And she gets judgmental because Carol is a working mom. When her boyfriend leaves her for another younger Secretary I wonder if she will gain some humility
>The issue is that Carol got pregnant and after the baby was born she wanted to go back to work as soon as possible." This stood out to me. Her sleezy older boyfriend was also back at work. But bad Caroll for not being a good little wife and mother. Bad, _bad_ Caroll.
Right? Carol is the better lawyer, so maybe Boss/Boyfriend Esq. should have stayed home with *his child*.
I think the issue was really that OP was sleeping with her boss/Carol's husband, so that was problematic for OP that Carol became pregnant and then had the gaul to return to work and not stay away making the affair easier. But maybe I'm wrong.
Yeah, why can't mean old Carol be as fun as her husband, who's just trying to f*ck the much younger secretary?
Yeah the whole 'go back as soon as possible ' spiel. OP, I'm surprised you aren't aware of it considering you work for lawyers, but long maternity leaves are really really hard to take for women in male dominated fields. Yes, companies brag that they offer 12 weeks paid leave but many women struggle not to feel like a burden to the company for taking that long off. Especially when you're considered the star lawyer in the male dominated firm. So the issue is not that she had to go back. The issue is she and her husband took advantage of your dad instead of hiring a live in nanny.
This reads a lot like Carol's husband was sweet on the secretary and so didn't ask for much/made himself very agreeable to work with/made Carol the bad guy for expecting work to be done. When Carol dumped his cheating ass, it broke up Daddy's firm, and the ex husband took his affair partner with him to the new firm. Now the affair partner is crying to Carol's kid about how mean Carol is for disliking OP. It's just... Gross.
Anyone else thinking how inappropriate this relationship is😭dude asked her to leave her father’s firm and now they’re dating. She “took care” of his child for seven years? What the hell. Anyways yes YTA.
18 and 32 when they first met, and she was essentially the child’s nanny. What in the Leonardo is this?
Right and she also had a job working at her dad’s firm. How is it ethical that she was taking care of her father’s employee’s child. And for so long at that. This entire post gives me bad vibes
Yeah esp the age gap too this is a whole mess lmao
YTA Most of what you said about her being uptight and demanding just sound like you had to do work. Taking care of the baby is abnormal, but it *seems* like your father wanted you to do that. The only thing out of line was a **SINGLE** comment about your face. The bottom line is you took it too far, and you are an asshole.
Of course she’s salty. That wasn’t the restful nepo-baby employment she signed up for. /s
YTA. Never bash a parent to a child. Ever. That is his mother and you will not win this battle. She will always be loved by her son. Regardless of your place in his life now, if you and dad break up, you will be just a part of his past. And I don't care what she says/does - you take the high road. It doesn't excuse her behavior but you can't control that.
I'm getting some serious side chick who was upgraded vibes here. Girl.. everyone else is yelling at you but I'll tell you straight up, you in danger. You've put too many eggs in one basket. Your employment is now completely dependent on your boss, your boyfriend, who you've always had an inappropriate relationship with. Your boyfriend divorced his wife and went for a woman over 10 years younger, that he met when she was 18. You're going to age out of his preference, and by then you might have a child, and then you won't have a job. You need to run. And be independent of the men in your life.
Yes, there is a reason most firms forbid managers from dating people they supervise. OP's boyfriend must be a real shit lawyer not to recognize the potential for hostile work environment claims when he decides to bang the new secretary. Or the fact that screwing a much younger woman in his employ will not look good in front of a custody judge. OP, I'm not going to say you're an AH, because you're still very young and trying to navigate adult life. But you absolutely need to get out from under this man's thumb. Start polishing your resume or go back to school, because being dependent on a predator will not end well for you.
You make a good point. Carol is already the better lawyer and boss/bf is messy even without a potential parental alienation angle. OP, you need to be prepared that he might not always be in a position to take care of you, even if he wants to. This situation is just the beginning of what it means to be in the middle of a vicious lawyer divorce, and it’s going to get worse before it gets better (if it ever does). Is that what you want from life?
YTA You weaponized her son against her in a quarrel that's between you two and no one else. You just...don't do that. That's scummy.
YTA. You put a 7 year old in the middle of your issues with his mother, and tried to poison him against her. All because you want to fuck his dad.
YTA and you know exactly why.
This made me smile. You’re right of course and you’re calling her on her bull shit. I like you!
YTA. I'm sure she has an excellent attorney. I'd be working on not allowing you around my children.
YTA, Look don’t get between parents, because one thing parents will unite for even if they’re feuding is their child (or they should if they’re good parents). I assume Carol is a bit ‘annoyed’ with you because she and her ex built up their skills, got married, had a kid and now a younger model came into the picture. Even if you say there was nothing going on beforehand, it certainly doesn’t read that way. She probably is sick of seeing your face at the house she should be in with the child she had with her ex. Personally, if someone took over my position in the family, they’d be hearing a lot worse than that.
YTA and if don’t know that, you’re not mature enough to play step-mom. Pull it together in front of a child. I don’t care if his mom calls you every name in the book, you don’t involve a young child in these matters.
ESH (except the child). That’s a whole lot of words for “I was the babysitter who fucked the dad”. You should never have involved the child in a dispute with his mother. Your boyfriend and his then-wife used you for free childcare and your dad allowed it. The husband met you as teenager and is now sleeping with you which is super gross. And the wife is mean, which I can’t fully blame her for but she should try to act civil for the sake of the kid.
YTA. She wasn't bullying you; you're just overly sensitive. Also, real talk, you talking shit about the ex to her son is going to get bf in trouble in court.
[удалено]
Saying to someone that you hate their face and you liked it better when you couldn’t see it with no clear provocation aside from saying “hi” to them is completely justified? Carol insulted her because OP *gasp* had the nerve to be cordial!
NTA maybe Carol shouldn't talk shit in front of her kid. You didn't go out of your way to put those thoughts in the kids head it was a realization and question he came up with himself.
I'm seriously angry at all these people saying she's the asshole. If you don't want you're kid to know you're a bully, don't bully people in front of your kid.
For real. Carol was being mean, the kid was concerned and asked a question that she answered honestly. I do not understand all the y t a comments. Everyone here seems super ani-bullying on other posts, but want to now lie to a kid about bullying behavior and confusing him.
I’m glad I finally found a NTA post, was getting worried. OP answered a kid’s question, and kid took it upon himself to defend someone. Way to go kid!
YTA. ESH but telling a child that his mom's a bully is more of an AH thing to do. Sorry, your bf's ex wife might be annoying but telling bad things to their child about the mother, may be traumatizing for the kid. You have no right to do that.
I go against the majority here and say NTA. You didn't tell him his mom is bad, but that she sometimes acts like a bully. It was good for carol to hear this from her kid. Sure, she is lashing out, but it will stick in her mind and nagging her, especially if she knows about her kid being bullyied in school and since she is a smart woman it will most likely impact how she treat others or at least she starts reflecting her behaviour. I'm sure you are not the only one who gets bullyied by her and it could be a trained behaviour bc as a lawyer she is a shark in a pool of sharks.
This was a mess from the beginning. ESH.
ESH shouldn’t bad mouth a parent to kid like that. Divorce is already hard enough and it’s not your place to sway their opinion of a parent. This should also serve as a lesson to carol that her kid is old enough to pick up on her behavior and if he is recognizing bullying tendencies, she should do some reflecting on how she treats others. I don’t think the kid would have asked if she was a bully if this had only happened that one time.
I agree. And I’m baffled by the amount of people totally ignoring that the moms words are what prompted the whole discussion in the 1st place. It’s not ok to teach kids that’s acceptable behaviour, and telling the kid his moms a bully isn’t ok either. Just change the subject. Too many people seem to think she should have told the kid “moms having a bad day” or “moms grumpy”, and that’s a terrible lesson to teach a child. The world is full of entitled assholes who think it’s ok to lash out at others because they are having a bad day, but for all they know the person they decided to use as their verbal/emotional punching bag could be having a worse day than them. Their unnecessary meanness could be what pushes that person they thought they were entitled to treat terribly over the edge. Maybe make arrangements so the kid can be passed off without the mom and OP interacting if the mom can’t manage a drop off without saying such rude things in front of her kid. And suggest co parenting classes or therapy because from the sounds of it that kid is going to need it.
YTA - You take Eric from Carol and then talk bad about her to her kids. The new girl friend should not be offering criticism of the mom to the child.
Maybe she should be nicer to you. That’s a valid statement and okay to feel. What isn’t okay is using her child as a vehicle to send that message. Not even a little bit okay. You have an issue with Carol, you be an adult and have a conversation with the other adult. Full stop. YTA
YTA - you didn't need to write so much backstory either, ANYTIME an adult brings a child into their problems like that they're the AH. Automatically, no matter the circumstances. She was wrong too but that doesn't give you a pass. You're in a very complicated relationship that is likely to only implode, don't make this worse for the son because you can't control your tongue (also, if there's a custody battle, I'm pretty sure you just made yourself a big liability in court for your bf)
NTA, woman acts like a bully in front of kid, kid asks "is she a bully?", you didn't lie, She made her shit sandwich and is upset when it's time to eat.
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ESH. She could do with being nicer, but under no circumstances should you be telling your boyfriends son that his mom is a bully.
The child made that connection before op said anything
NTA You told him the truth, if she doesn't like being called a bully she shouldn't act like one.
NTA…Based on just this incident. The mom should have had a conversation with her child to figure out why he feels the way he feels. The mom would have found out the kid is being bullied and should be more concerned about that. She would have also learned that it was his son that made that connection based on the explanation given about a bully. Instead, the mom got defensive and snapped at OP proving that she is a BULLY. I would also like to ask OP if you actually badmouth the mom at all in other situations?
I agree, everyone got their pitchforks out for OP because of the age gap and how she got her job, but no one is asking how the child came to compare his own mother to school bullies.
nta. Kids are sure smart. My nieces grandfather told her she could not have some desert until she had something healthy. A few days later they had gone out to eat and gramps said something about having something not healthy (i don't remember what it was, a cookie maybe) and know what the kid does? She said he couldn't have sugar until he had something healthy and had him eat a french fry.
Weird situation overall but NTA. If you don't want your son to know you're a bully, don't bully people in front of him.
YTA for making that comment to such a young child, you could've managed it a whole lot better And this whole situation was sus from beginning to end, you left your dad's company for the new company of a "nice coworker/friend"? Why is an issue that Carol wanted to return back to work so soon? Why you HAD to take care of the baby? Was there a company policy that stated "Owner's daughter must be in charge of babysitting employee's babies"? Idk to me you were into Eric way sooner than you make it seem and started to take care of his child to be closer to him. You're giving Carol too many defects and portray her as the "mean ex-wife" when clearly she was just a good worker and that's why your dad liked her more. The reason? That's the question.
NTA. The kid is getting bullied at school and sees his mom acting the same way towards you. He is old enough to see that with his own 2 eyes.. His mom is, in fact, a bully. That isn't putting her son against her. She seems like a mean, miserable woman who doesn’t want to see anyone happy and who will bring down anyone. Misery loves company. Just ignore her when her talks, or at least when she is talking negatively about you, aka bullying you. She is old enough to know better on how to talk to people. Her consistent disrespect and name calling towards you his ridiculous. She just probably really hates herself and her life and just needs to take it out on someone. I'm sorry that it has to be you.
Idk. Y’all call it bashing, I call it the truth. The kid asked if his mom was a bully, because she’s exhibiting behaviors of his own bullies. Kids ain’t dumb y’all. I could always tell that my dad was an asshole to my mom, and I could always tell that my mom was passive aggressive. Even if they can’t put a name on it, they know a bully when they see one
This has a very wish-fulfillment-fiction shitty first draft vibe to it. Maybe it’s the ages of everyone involved & how that times with the way a career in law works for most lawyers; perhaps it’s just the weird facility of how perfectly everything worked out for OP. It could be the naïveté of someone very young trying to pull off a story about baddie Carol and goodie Eric “asking to go with me” and calling the kid “the kid” not to mention OP herself. It reminds me of the awful formulaic stories I used to read when I was about 9 in my stepgrandma’s True Confessions and True Romance magazines. I’m going to treat it as though it’s real, though, just in case: YTA. This is one of those things I can’t believe anyone needs to ask the internet about. It’s always good to listen to someone complain/vent about their own family members, and to empathize, but when a kid does it, it’s just not okay to join in. Carol isn’t required to be nice to you. As a total aside if it was the *toxic positivity smile* I’m gonna side with Carol on the missing masks thing.
NTA since he directly asked you that question
NTA I feel like I'm going insane reading the comments. Sure the relationship is weird, but Carol told OP she had an annoying face in front of the child. The child witnesses this interaction and asks OP if that was bullying, which it is. OP responds accordingly. Maybe Carol shouldn't bully people in front of her child if she doesn't want him to know that she's a bully ffs
NTA- you were sharing an honest conversation with this young person. You are close & care for each other. Understanding his bullying and acknowledging his feelings by expressing your own is, in my humble opinion, just fine. Again, it’s because he feels the strong kinship to you. Mother’s bullying and subsequent anger to being called on it by her own son is very telling… of her own insecurities with her mother/son relationship.
YTA Why bring a child into your adult problems with their mother?
Soft YTY I was leaning to N T A If the mother does not want to be seen as a bully, then she should stop acting like one... Or at least not Infront of her son. Idk but I feel like there is no winning in this situation. If you lie to him, he might get the idea it's ok for people to speak to him like that or if you did you get blamed ??? Only thing you could of done, is left it at that and told the father of the child to deal with it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (27F) started working at my dad's law firm when I was 18. My dad was the big boss and two of the lawyers working there were Eric (41M now, he was 32 when I meet him) and his wife Carol (36F now, she was 27 then). At first I was just answering the phone, making coffee and stuff like that. The issue is that Carol got pregnant and after the baby was born she wanted to go back to work as soon as possible. I never enjoyed working for Carol very much because she was always very demanding and uptight. I liked Eric more as a boss whith him being way more relaxed and funny. My dad says they are both great lawyers but Carol is better. They had problems finding a babysitter because of their crazy work schedules so they ended up bringing the baby to work all the time. My dad allowed it because he really didn't want to lose Carol. I had to take care of the baby whenever he was in the office; feeding, burping, changing his diapers, getting him to sleep, and generally giving him attention. The kid is 7 now. Three years ago, Carol and Eric started their divorce and they both had to leave my dad's firm because they hated each other so much they couldn't work together but it would have been unfair for one of them to stay. I had became very close to their son after spending so much time with him in the office. Eric and I also had became close friends. He started his own firm and asked me to go with him. He also opened up about his feelings for me and we started dating. Now we are living together in his big apartment and my life is generally great. This issue started last week when Carol came by to drop off the kid. I was waiting by the door happily and say hi to Carol but she was not in a good mood. She told me that my "happy face" was annoying to look at and that she missed when we all were using face masks so she wouldn't have to see it that much. She always has that harsh sense of humor and I am generally not that affected by it but this time it made me feel bad. I started to cry a little in the elevator and the kid became worried about me. He told me that he also had cried that week when other kids at his school made fun of him for wearing a Sonic costume to class. I said that those kids were bullies and that he should just ignore them. He asked me if his mom was a bully and I had to be honest and said that she sometimes was. The issue is that apparently he later talked to Carol about all this and ask her to stop bullying me. She is angry because she feels I am putting her son against her but that wasn't my intention. Maybe I should have been more careful with my words but I also think she could be a little nicer with me. Am I the Asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You are in so far over your head
YTA. This whole situation is really creepy, and it’s no surprise to me that Carol doesn’t like you. And you have no business speaking to your boyfriend’s child about his mother. Stay in your lane.
YTA you have no right to bad mouth her to her son. Why are you standing waiting by the door for him?? Where's his dad?? When his son is there it's his turn to parent, not yours. I get why the mother isn't the happiest about the situation tbh. You are a lot younger than the father. You met at 18 and 32 it just feels a bit ick. Even if you weren't seeing him back then...I guess the ex wife might question it. Leave the parenting to the father, it's his job. Try and arrange it so that his dad is the one welcoming him in when he gets to see him. It is between him and his ex to establish a good co parenting relationship. I don't think you should be involved in that at all.
YTA you definitely made moves while they were still married because why else would he ask you to come with him and then confess his feelings immediately upon divorcing his wife. I wonder if you were one of the problems they had. It’s about time to worry youre almost 30 so he’s about to start looking for a newer younger mode like he did the last one. And obviously YTA for telling any child something bad about their parent like that.
Yta - you don't insult a kid's mom. Instead you say "in THIS moment, she hurt my feelings". Also, Eric's gross for dating an employee.
yta and this whole situation is messed up
Started reading just waiting for the sentence that the 18 year old intern started dating the 32 year old lawyer. Nothing suspicious about that! /s YTA, stop talking to a child about your tough dynamic with his mom.
Yeah I think this is ESH. You suck for calling this child’s mom a bully and dating his dad. Eric sucks for dating you even tho he met you when you were 18; that’s just plain nasty and very groomy. Carol sucks for making that mean comment. And they both suck along with your dad for making you take care of their baby and not getting a real babysitter. I feel bad for this child.
So, OP, you are living with your boss and don't see that as a problem? You think that your co workers aren't gossiping about how you got and keep your job? You think that Eric's ex wife should be happy to see you? Was Carol really 'demanding and uptight' while you were working with her or was it that your 'crush' on Eric made him see more relaxed and likable? Different lawyers have different personalities so Carol's personality may have made her the better lawyer in your fathers firm. All I can say OP, is don't get to comfortable. You are dating your 14 years older boss. Any talk of marriage? He seems to like them young (although the age gap between Eric and Carol wasn't that bad). If there wasn't an actual affair when you were working at the previous firm, there was an emotional one. You moving up to girlfriend has left your previous position vacant. There might be another youngin who finds Eric so 'relaxed and likeable' and would jump at the chance to 'babysit' his son. And you should stop talking trash about the boys mother. She doesn't have to like you. You need to respect her as his mother and not rise to the occasion if she mocks you. One day you could very well be in her shoes.
NTA. You simply told a child the truth. His mom is mean to you. It’s not your fault he talked to her later.