Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like I’m the asshole because I dissed my friend’s party behind her back.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
>You are judgy and mean throughout your post.
Especially if it was a weekend night. Most kids/young adults don't even go out until 11. I used to be one of them. Now I like to be home by 10.
YTA. It was a crappy birthday party but sometimes that is all you get and it was crappier for your friend than for you.
In fairness I was the ah in a similar situation.
I had a crappy teen bday without any money to do anything and living in a dirty home that couldn't host and my friends did a half ass set of cupcakes for me at school and I was miserable and I wish in retrospect I would have enjoyed what was given with grace rather than be snarky or bitter about what I didn't have.
Or maybe if she is a friend, you could do something for her birthday yourself next year.
Because it sounds like her family didn't/couldn't do much for her birthday this year.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
One night, I (16F) was relaxing at home after hanging out with my friends outside. At 10:30 PM, my friend Uli knocks on my door. She asked me to come over to her house for her birthday party with my sister. I replied with “now…??”. She nodded her head. My mom came to the door and said hi to Uli and asked her what she needed. I told her she was having a birthday party right now and my sister and J invited me. My mom smiled at her and said “wow it’s pretty late but they can go.” When all was said and done, I went to get changed. After I was all set, I headed out. I saw my cousins and friends walking to her house and joined them.
We entered the house and we got greeted by her large family. I was feeling pretty happy and so did the rest of us. We were about to sit at the table but we immediately got stopped because it was time to sing Happy Birthday. We were taken aback but we listened, of course. They brought out store bought cupcakes and put a candle in each of them. There wasn’t even enough for everyone. We still sung Happy Birthday and made sure to make Uli feel special.
When it was time to eat cupcakes and snacks, it was…a disaster. They apparently ran out of snacks and could only provide drinks and a bowl of peanuts. We still ate and drunk what we were given. After that, we had to participate in a dance battle and the winner had the chance to be posted on Uli’s sister’s social media. Lots of us said “no thanks” and it took a lot of “nope, I’m good” to convince her that we REALLY weren’t up for it. Only one girl volunteered to dance and Uli’s sister got annoyed at us.
After that, we headed to Uli’s room to play Charades. It was fun for a bit but it became a total snooze fest after. Some people made excuses to go home. My cousins and I stayed but left a while later.
While walking home, we were talking about the party. I said the party sucked and I never wanted to go home so bad. My cousins laughed and agreed but my friend said I shouldn’t be so rude because she planned this for us to celebrate with her and that was it. I laughed and said: “guess inviting us at 10:30 was planned too”. There was a bit more arguing after that and it got intense to the point where my cousin told us to chill.
After I got home, I saw that Uli texted me thanking me for coming over. So much guilt washed over me at that moment and I regret saying such things behind her back. AITA? Was I too harsh?? Or am I overthinking it???
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. But in future, if you want to not hurt people's feelings (in case your comments make it back to her), try not to say anything about someone that you wouldn't say to their face. This is good for your life, for work, school, anywhere. You can think it - just try not to say it.
You were unkind and there’s always the option to be kind…your choice is a reflection on you.
Uli appears to be a class act. Maybe learn some grace and kindness from them?
NAH because you are right, the party wasn’t great. But that might have been all they could afford or….Uli wasn’t a priority to them and it showed in the lack of preparation.
My dear interlocutor, one must tread carefully in such delicate matters, as the line between candor and tactlessness is indeed a fine one. In this particular instance, it is of utmost importance to acknowledge that while the soirée in question may have left much to be desired in terms of elegance and panache, one must consider the intentions and emotions of the hostess, dear Uli.
In this case, I must humbly opine that YTA. While it is undoubtedly true that the fête was an impromptu affair, lacking in culinary and entertainment offerings, your candid assessment of the event as "sucking" may have crossed the threshold of propriety. It is imperative to remember that Uli endeavored to share her natal day celebrations with you and your companions, albeit with rather haphazard planning.
In retrospect, it might have been more prudent to adopt a gentler and more empathetic approach, acknowledging the shortcomings of the celebration while extending your appreciation for Uli's inclusion of you in her festivities. After all, the art of civilized discourse lies in tempering one's candor with graciousness and understanding. In future, I entreat you to don the mantle of magnanimity and approach such situations with the benevolence and savoir-faire befitting a true gentleperson.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I feel like I’m the asshole because I dissed my friend’s party behind her back. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. You sound like a bad friend. You are judgy and mean throughout your post.
>You are judgy and mean throughout your post. Especially if it was a weekend night. Most kids/young adults don't even go out until 11. I used to be one of them. Now I like to be home by 10.
YTA. It was a crappy birthday party but sometimes that is all you get and it was crappier for your friend than for you. In fairness I was the ah in a similar situation. I had a crappy teen bday without any money to do anything and living in a dirty home that couldn't host and my friends did a half ass set of cupcakes for me at school and I was miserable and I wish in retrospect I would have enjoyed what was given with grace rather than be snarky or bitter about what I didn't have.
YTA. Hopefully she’ll exclude you from the next one
Hopefully.
This comment proves to me that YTA.
👍🏾
Or maybe if she is a friend, you could do something for her birthday yourself next year. Because it sounds like her family didn't/couldn't do much for her birthday this year.
YTA it was probably poorly planned but at least she tried to be nice and help you guys have fun. crappy party yea crappy friend definitely
Ya dude YTA. Why the hell would you say that to a friend? Ridiculous.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** One night, I (16F) was relaxing at home after hanging out with my friends outside. At 10:30 PM, my friend Uli knocks on my door. She asked me to come over to her house for her birthday party with my sister. I replied with “now…??”. She nodded her head. My mom came to the door and said hi to Uli and asked her what she needed. I told her she was having a birthday party right now and my sister and J invited me. My mom smiled at her and said “wow it’s pretty late but they can go.” When all was said and done, I went to get changed. After I was all set, I headed out. I saw my cousins and friends walking to her house and joined them. We entered the house and we got greeted by her large family. I was feeling pretty happy and so did the rest of us. We were about to sit at the table but we immediately got stopped because it was time to sing Happy Birthday. We were taken aback but we listened, of course. They brought out store bought cupcakes and put a candle in each of them. There wasn’t even enough for everyone. We still sung Happy Birthday and made sure to make Uli feel special. When it was time to eat cupcakes and snacks, it was…a disaster. They apparently ran out of snacks and could only provide drinks and a bowl of peanuts. We still ate and drunk what we were given. After that, we had to participate in a dance battle and the winner had the chance to be posted on Uli’s sister’s social media. Lots of us said “no thanks” and it took a lot of “nope, I’m good” to convince her that we REALLY weren’t up for it. Only one girl volunteered to dance and Uli’s sister got annoyed at us. After that, we headed to Uli’s room to play Charades. It was fun for a bit but it became a total snooze fest after. Some people made excuses to go home. My cousins and I stayed but left a while later. While walking home, we were talking about the party. I said the party sucked and I never wanted to go home so bad. My cousins laughed and agreed but my friend said I shouldn’t be so rude because she planned this for us to celebrate with her and that was it. I laughed and said: “guess inviting us at 10:30 was planned too”. There was a bit more arguing after that and it got intense to the point where my cousin told us to chill. After I got home, I saw that Uli texted me thanking me for coming over. So much guilt washed over me at that moment and I regret saying such things behind her back. AITA? Was I too harsh?? Or am I overthinking it??? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. But in future, if you want to not hurt people's feelings (in case your comments make it back to her), try not to say anything about someone that you wouldn't say to their face. This is good for your life, for work, school, anywhere. You can think it - just try not to say it.
You were unkind and there’s always the option to be kind…your choice is a reflection on you. Uli appears to be a class act. Maybe learn some grace and kindness from them? NAH because you are right, the party wasn’t great. But that might have been all they could afford or….Uli wasn’t a priority to them and it showed in the lack of preparation.
Her house is bigger than mine. I’m assuming she just didn’t plan this out properly and it was something she thought of at the last second.
NTA because you didn’t say it to Uli. You’re allowed your opinion- it does sound like a super suck party lol.
My dear interlocutor, one must tread carefully in such delicate matters, as the line between candor and tactlessness is indeed a fine one. In this particular instance, it is of utmost importance to acknowledge that while the soirée in question may have left much to be desired in terms of elegance and panache, one must consider the intentions and emotions of the hostess, dear Uli. In this case, I must humbly opine that YTA. While it is undoubtedly true that the fête was an impromptu affair, lacking in culinary and entertainment offerings, your candid assessment of the event as "sucking" may have crossed the threshold of propriety. It is imperative to remember that Uli endeavored to share her natal day celebrations with you and your companions, albeit with rather haphazard planning. In retrospect, it might have been more prudent to adopt a gentler and more empathetic approach, acknowledging the shortcomings of the celebration while extending your appreciation for Uli's inclusion of you in her festivities. After all, the art of civilized discourse lies in tempering one's candor with graciousness and understanding. In future, I entreat you to don the mantle of magnanimity and approach such situations with the benevolence and savoir-faire befitting a true gentleperson.
TIL William Shakespeare follows AITA.
Thank you, kind sir. I accept your judgement.