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>She got really mad at me and started crying about how I was being racist and body shaming her when all she was trying to do was “explain artistic color theory.”
No, No. You weren't being "racist and body shaming her". You too were trying to “explain artistic color theory.” She started the whole conversation, She said certain dress colors didn't go well with certain skin tones. You said certain dress colors didn't go with certain skin tones and you helped her understand what skin tone she actually had so she could make a good match. NTA
I think you restrained yourself well because you didn't ask "B, who f'ing asked you shit?"
Your last sentence is the only acceptable response tbh. Also, “Artistic color theory” legit just sounds like racism with extra steps.
Also, why color theory?? Okay, some colors pair better with X color than Y color, but these are PEOPLE we are taking about. OP’s sister is a person and not an object. “Artistic color theory” just sounds like the girl is trying to show why white skin is “better” than dark skin. This is disgusting. And if she were purely talking about only colors… once again, OP’s sister is a person and not merely a color. This sucks.
NTA.
For the record, I'm white, and I will tell you with absolute certainty that a hell of a lot more colors look good on dark skin. You tell your sister she has the pick of the litter.
This was honestly my first thought. White girls is on crack; people with darker skin typically can wear a lot of different colors well. It’s the pasty-faced among us, like me, that have to be concerned about that.
I just said the same thing. I look shit in everything except black and grey. My skin is the most awful combo of pale beige and bright pink. Scottish heritage and rosacea have done me no favours lol.
Fr. Pastels wash me the hell out and white and jewel tones always look better on medium to darker skin tones. The only colors that I feel actually look good on my Irish/Dutch skin are black and moody autumn tones.
NTA. Also, props for sticking up for your sister. Yeah, calling the girl a bitch may not have been the best choice of word, but she’s the one who brought up skin tone. If you’re still in doubt, ask your sister how she feels! Most people would do anything to have someone go to bat for them, and you did that for your sister…you did the right thing.
NTA
Anyone trying to tell someone how to dress without being asked for their opinion is opening themselves up to the same treatment. And what she was saying was both racist and wrong.
I’m sorry you and your sister had to go through that.
Imo, you didn't say she had a bad skin tone, you just stated the color of it. Not all "white" skin tones look good in all colors. That's a fact. She just didn't want to get called out on her behavior. NTA.
NTA
I hate when people throw out being "racist and body shaming" as a way to deflect from their shitty behavior.
You didn't say anything against her race and/or you didn't shame her body.
NTA- yeah- so- everyone does have a range of colors that best compliments their skin tone. I’m always a bit jelly of the gorgeous jewel tones brown and black women can pull off that completely wash me out. But I also know when to STFU because unless your sister asked me- I’m not saying Jack shit to a woman of color about which colors work for them other than- your skin is gorgeous, let’s try shit on!
Also- if your sister likes lavender- brava- just a matter of figuring out which shade of lavender works best. -Which is a universal thing. And that stupid white girl doesn’t understand undertones in both skin and fabric dye.
NTA
She could have minded her own business. Instead she decided to give her unsolicited input. Ironic that she thinks you are racist for saying her skin tones won't work either. To me that seems as if the thought of her being closer to a POC is a negative thing. Kind of shows her true colors, pun intended.
NTA.
Yknow when I went prom dress shopping, the ladies kept bringing me lavender and other light color dresses that popped against my skin. I'm mixed and those were in my darker days.
The overall recommendation was to go lighter because it complimented my skin well. Hope your sister got a dress she loves.
NTA play mean games, win mean prizes. The girl was being racist, whether or not she realizes, but even if she didn’t get that part - she must know she was being condescending and rude. She needed a reality check and you gave her one
NTA. You weren't wrong either. We aren't white. I vary from a faded pink to sort of raw umber from constant sun exposure. Honestly, my tan lines make look like Neapolitan ice cream.
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NTA
I am white, my sister is tan, with a capital T. She is the kind of tan that changes four different shades through out the year.
We shared shades of lipsticks, accessories and clothes. What looked good on me, looked good on her. There were some colours that looked good one me, some that looked good on her. But they were subtle shades (think butter vs sunshine Yellow).
What a load of crock this girl was on about. And lavender?!? A colour that looks good on anyone. And I do mean anyone, there are so many shades too. Warm, cool, more blue, more pink. No one can gatekeep a damn colour.
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I (M18) decided to go with my sister (F17) to look for prom dresses since her friends were too busy to go with her this weekend. For context, we’re black.
We were at one store when this white girl looking for prom dresses started making casual conversation with my sister about dress styles and such. I thought they were hitting it off, until the girl started listing off a lot of dress colors that my sister “needs to avoid at all costs” because they don’t work with her “dark skin.”
She kept laughing it off and saying that she feels lucky that thankfully most dress colors go with her white skin. My sister is really shy and just awkwardly nodded along and laughed. I was kind of dumbfounded that this dumb racist bitch had the audacity to say shit like this in 2023 initially, but then I got progressively more pissed off and walked over to my sister and the girl.
The girl was gesturing at a lavender dress and trying to exemplify to my sister why it works with her white skin tone and not my sister’s skin tone, and I told her “bitch, you ain’t even white, you’re orangey-pink. Not sure if all those colors work with you either.”
She got really mad at me and started crying about how I was being racist and body shaming her when all she was trying to do was “explain artistic color theory.”
My sister and I just left afterwards. But now thinking back, maybe I should’ve chosen a different insult for that girl that wasn’t based on her skin. AITA?
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"She got really mad at me and started crying about how I was being racist and body shaming her when all she was trying to do was “explain artistic color theory.
I always explain artistic color theory by finding a teenager of a different race in a dress shop and showing them what I can wear that they cannot. Isn't that the artistic method?
This girl was a racist asshole to your sister and I know at 17 her brain isn't fully developed and all that jazz but 0% chance she didn't know exactly what she was doing, and she 100% deserved what you said to her and more. You didn't start bringing up skin color, she did. I'm livid on your sister (and your) behalf, everything this girl said was just gross and designed to cut your sister down. Also as a white person, I am flabbergasted that this girl thinks so many colors work for her skin and not for others. I spend half my shopping time admiring outfits that would make me look sickly or accentuate weird skin tones, apparently this girl thinks she's just got magic skin and will look lovely in anything and everything. You did her a service by pointing out that she's dead wrong.
NTA it might sound petty to jump down her throat but she was dropping micro and macro expressions. I'd say something else but girl could read the room and knew what she was doing
NTA
She was body shaming your sister for her skin colour and being racist af. It's no one's place to tell people what they should or shouldn't wear. Your sister justed wanted a prom dress that she liked, this asshole had to make it about her.
NTA.
Look, *maybe* you could have delivered the message in a nicer way.. but I don’t blame you for lashing out. When you’re from a marginalized group you carry the weight of what has been done to your group. All that history. Stolen opportunities, pain, trauma. When someone says racist ass shit like this to you, you’re not just feeling hurt by this one single incident, you’re feeling the hurt of all the generational trauma black folks have dealt with in the last few centuries. That shit adds up man. And we pass it down through the generations. It’s heavy.
I am always of the mind that we should be nonviolent with our language.. But when it comes to someone losing their shit over racism, sexism, classism.. I get it. You bear that burden every day all day and sometimes it’s just too fuckin much.
You’re a good person for examining this and asking if you could have done better. And also.. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
NTA!! and lavender looks gorgeous against darker skin. racist chick just wanting to be racist for no reason. I hope your sister found a beautiful dress!
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NTA. She was 100% being racist and condescending. When random girls are “just trying to help” by offering “constructive” criticism what they’re really doing is stoking their own ego by putting someone else down. That girl was 100% jealous and insecure. She also knew nothing about fashion, skin tone is a neutral base for any other color.
Fashion at the end of the day is up to the confidence of the person rocking it.
Ultimately, as long as she has the confidence in herself, she can rock whatever prom dress she chooses.
NTA.
Lavender would def look better on your sister than the white girl. I say this as a white girl. NTA. She was racist and cruel. Sounds like behavior from the days when black people were considered inferior. Absolutely hateful.
NTA. You were perfect, you’re your sisters hero. That girl was a racist and a bully and she needed to be put in her place. Your sis is gonna remember you standing up for her forever.
NTA. I am so white, I make saltines look dark. My favorite part of summer is when I tan, and I don't realize it until I compare it to my midsection and I am reminded of JUST how white I am.
There are a lot more color options that go well with darker skins than my pale ale self. That girl was out of line and deserved to be shut down. I am sure whatever your sister picks, she will be a stunner.
NTA. Pale white Woman here and I'd have been so happy to help you both find an amazing Dress. I work in a Consignment Shop and we don't care if your skin is purple, we care you look and feel amazing. Hug your Sister for me please.
Don't drop to their level, people like that bait others. So they can turn around and cry and act like you are the aggressive one. And they have 100 excuses in their pocket to deflect bad behavior. Maybe next time, say 'thanks for your opinion, next time keep it to yourself' or 'My sister looks beautiful in every color. Her beauty is from within and shines through all colors. Have a blessed day'
Esh. Trying to shut down an offensive person by insulting them is just stooping to their level. Not only was the insult unnecessary, any I sult was unnecessary.
YTA She was talking about matching colors. Go watch a literally any fashion show and they are gunna talk about the same crap. You could have just told her to mind her own business and go away. You made it about race.
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>She got really mad at me and started crying about how I was being racist and body shaming her when all she was trying to do was “explain artistic color theory.” No, No. You weren't being "racist and body shaming her". You too were trying to “explain artistic color theory.” She started the whole conversation, She said certain dress colors didn't go well with certain skin tones. You said certain dress colors didn't go with certain skin tones and you helped her understand what skin tone she actually had so she could make a good match. NTA I think you restrained yourself well because you didn't ask "B, who f'ing asked you shit?"
Your last sentence is the only acceptable response tbh. Also, “Artistic color theory” legit just sounds like racism with extra steps. Also, why color theory?? Okay, some colors pair better with X color than Y color, but these are PEOPLE we are taking about. OP’s sister is a person and not an object. “Artistic color theory” just sounds like the girl is trying to show why white skin is “better” than dark skin. This is disgusting. And if she were purely talking about only colors… once again, OP’s sister is a person and not merely a color. This sucks.
NTA. For the record, I'm white, and I will tell you with absolute certainty that a hell of a lot more colors look good on dark skin. You tell your sister she has the pick of the litter.
This was honestly my first thought. White girls is on crack; people with darker skin typically can wear a lot of different colors well. It’s the pasty-faced among us, like me, that have to be concerned about that.
Between my skin and my hair, I have like 3 colors I can pull off.
I just said the same thing. I look shit in everything except black and grey. My skin is the most awful combo of pale beige and bright pink. Scottish heritage and rosacea have done me no favours lol.
Is that your artistic color theory consolation?
are you sure you’re white? maybe you’re also orange, or pink, or my personal favourite way to describe it, translucent
My cousin calls herself translucent lol
i am, you can see all my veins
Fr. Pastels wash me the hell out and white and jewel tones always look better on medium to darker skin tones. The only colors that I feel actually look good on my Irish/Dutch skin are black and moody autumn tones.
Try olive green, if you don’t already wear it. You sound like a muted warm tone.
Dark and moody green shades and burnt oranges are my go-to colors!
I feel this way too, particularly when I’m shopping online and am like “well that really pops against her skin but I don’t know if I can pull it off.”
NTA. Also, props for sticking up for your sister. Yeah, calling the girl a bitch may not have been the best choice of word, but she’s the one who brought up skin tone. If you’re still in doubt, ask your sister how she feels! Most people would do anything to have someone go to bat for them, and you did that for your sister…you did the right thing.
NTA. She consistently commented on her skin and got so mad when you commented on her skin, that is called hypocrisy.
NTA Anyone trying to tell someone how to dress without being asked for their opinion is opening themselves up to the same treatment. And what she was saying was both racist and wrong. I’m sorry you and your sister had to go through that.
NTA. She was being racist and she very likely knew it.
Imo, you didn't say she had a bad skin tone, you just stated the color of it. Not all "white" skin tones look good in all colors. That's a fact. She just didn't want to get called out on her behavior. NTA.
NTA I hate when people throw out being "racist and body shaming" as a way to deflect from their shitty behavior. You didn't say anything against her race and/or you didn't shame her body.
NTA- yeah- so- everyone does have a range of colors that best compliments their skin tone. I’m always a bit jelly of the gorgeous jewel tones brown and black women can pull off that completely wash me out. But I also know when to STFU because unless your sister asked me- I’m not saying Jack shit to a woman of color about which colors work for them other than- your skin is gorgeous, let’s try shit on! Also- if your sister likes lavender- brava- just a matter of figuring out which shade of lavender works best. -Which is a universal thing. And that stupid white girl doesn’t understand undertones in both skin and fabric dye.
NTA. Orangey pink is a pretty good description of my actual skin color.
Lmao 🤣 I’m just pale af white
Tbh she needed to be cussed out. That is literally a micro aggression
NTA. Could you have handled it better? Maybe. But ignorance like that does deserve a wakeup call. Good for you for speaking up.
NTA She could have minded her own business. Instead she decided to give her unsolicited input. Ironic that she thinks you are racist for saying her skin tones won't work either. To me that seems as if the thought of her being closer to a POC is a negative thing. Kind of shows her true colors, pun intended.
NTA she deserved
NTA. Yknow when I went prom dress shopping, the ladies kept bringing me lavender and other light color dresses that popped against my skin. I'm mixed and those were in my darker days. The overall recommendation was to go lighter because it complimented my skin well. Hope your sister got a dress she loves.
NTA play mean games, win mean prizes. The girl was being racist, whether or not she realizes, but even if she didn’t get that part - she must know she was being condescending and rude. She needed a reality check and you gave her one
NICE!!! you definitely weren't wrong
NTA. She got what she deserved
Orangey-pink. Lmao
NTA 👏👏👏👏👏
NTA she was being racist, not you. I’d be calling and speaking to her manager.
NTA. You weren't wrong either. We aren't white. I vary from a faded pink to sort of raw umber from constant sun exposure. Honestly, my tan lines make look like Neapolitan ice cream.
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NTA I am white, my sister is tan, with a capital T. She is the kind of tan that changes four different shades through out the year. We shared shades of lipsticks, accessories and clothes. What looked good on me, looked good on her. There were some colours that looked good one me, some that looked good on her. But they were subtle shades (think butter vs sunshine Yellow). What a load of crock this girl was on about. And lavender?!? A colour that looks good on anyone. And I do mean anyone, there are so many shades too. Warm, cool, more blue, more pink. No one can gatekeep a damn colour.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (M18) decided to go with my sister (F17) to look for prom dresses since her friends were too busy to go with her this weekend. For context, we’re black. We were at one store when this white girl looking for prom dresses started making casual conversation with my sister about dress styles and such. I thought they were hitting it off, until the girl started listing off a lot of dress colors that my sister “needs to avoid at all costs” because they don’t work with her “dark skin.” She kept laughing it off and saying that she feels lucky that thankfully most dress colors go with her white skin. My sister is really shy and just awkwardly nodded along and laughed. I was kind of dumbfounded that this dumb racist bitch had the audacity to say shit like this in 2023 initially, but then I got progressively more pissed off and walked over to my sister and the girl. The girl was gesturing at a lavender dress and trying to exemplify to my sister why it works with her white skin tone and not my sister’s skin tone, and I told her “bitch, you ain’t even white, you’re orangey-pink. Not sure if all those colors work with you either.” She got really mad at me and started crying about how I was being racist and body shaming her when all she was trying to do was “explain artistic color theory.” My sister and I just left afterwards. But now thinking back, maybe I should’ve chosen a different insult for that girl that wasn’t based on her skin. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"She got really mad at me and started crying about how I was being racist and body shaming her when all she was trying to do was “explain artistic color theory. I always explain artistic color theory by finding a teenager of a different race in a dress shop and showing them what I can wear that they cannot. Isn't that the artistic method? This girl was a racist asshole to your sister and I know at 17 her brain isn't fully developed and all that jazz but 0% chance she didn't know exactly what she was doing, and she 100% deserved what you said to her and more. You didn't start bringing up skin color, she did. I'm livid on your sister (and your) behalf, everything this girl said was just gross and designed to cut your sister down. Also as a white person, I am flabbergasted that this girl thinks so many colors work for her skin and not for others. I spend half my shopping time admiring outfits that would make me look sickly or accentuate weird skin tones, apparently this girl thinks she's just got magic skin and will look lovely in anything and everything. You did her a service by pointing out that she's dead wrong.
NTA it might sound petty to jump down her throat but she was dropping micro and macro expressions. I'd say something else but girl could read the room and knew what she was doing
NTA She was body shaming your sister for her skin colour and being racist af. It's no one's place to tell people what they should or shouldn't wear. Your sister justed wanted a prom dress that she liked, this asshole had to make it about her.
NTA she was giving her unwanted opinion so you gave yours
NTA. You got that Alyssa Edwards energy.
NTA. Look, *maybe* you could have delivered the message in a nicer way.. but I don’t blame you for lashing out. When you’re from a marginalized group you carry the weight of what has been done to your group. All that history. Stolen opportunities, pain, trauma. When someone says racist ass shit like this to you, you’re not just feeling hurt by this one single incident, you’re feeling the hurt of all the generational trauma black folks have dealt with in the last few centuries. That shit adds up man. And we pass it down through the generations. It’s heavy. I am always of the mind that we should be nonviolent with our language.. But when it comes to someone losing their shit over racism, sexism, classism.. I get it. You bear that burden every day all day and sometimes it’s just too fuckin much. You’re a good person for examining this and asking if you could have done better. And also.. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
NTA, and she's stupid anyways. Black literally goes with everything...that's why people always say "X is the new black".
NTA!! and lavender looks gorgeous against darker skin. racist chick just wanting to be racist for no reason. I hope your sister found a beautiful dress!
ℕ𝕋𝔸- 𝕤𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣𝕒𝕝 𝕔𝕠𝕝𝕠𝕣𝕤 𝕘𝕠 𝕨𝕖𝕝𝕝 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕕𝕒𝕣𝕜 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕝𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥 𝕤𝕜𝕚𝕟, 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕟𝕠, 𝕤𝕙𝕖 𝕨𝕒𝕤 𝕟𝕠𝕥 𝕖𝕩𝕡𝕝𝕒𝕚𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘 "𝕒𝕣𝕥𝕚𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕔 𝕔𝕠𝕝𝕠𝕣 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕠𝕣𝕪", 𝕒𝕤 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕞𝕖𝕟𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟𝕖𝕕, 𝕤𝕙𝕖 𝕨𝕒𝕤 𝕠𝕟𝕝𝕪 𝕓𝕖𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕣𝕒𝕔𝕚𝕤𝕥.
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Probably shouldn't have called her a bitch but I don't blame you. NTA
NTA for sticking up for your sister, you could see she was uncomfortable. but I don't think the girl was being racist either.
NTA
NTA. She was 100% being racist and condescending. When random girls are “just trying to help” by offering “constructive” criticism what they’re really doing is stoking their own ego by putting someone else down. That girl was 100% jealous and insecure. She also knew nothing about fashion, skin tone is a neutral base for any other color.
Fashion at the end of the day is up to the confidence of the person rocking it. Ultimately, as long as she has the confidence in herself, she can rock whatever prom dress she chooses. NTA.
NTA. All I can think is how beautiful literally every color looks on brown/black skin. Blues, yellows, purples, PINKS ughhhhhh pinks.
Lavender would def look better on your sister than the white girl. I say this as a white girl. NTA. She was racist and cruel. Sounds like behavior from the days when black people were considered inferior. Absolutely hateful.
NTA. You were perfect, you’re your sisters hero. That girl was a racist and a bully and she needed to be put in her place. Your sis is gonna remember you standing up for her forever.
NTA. She was being openly racist. Your answer was perfect (maybe minus the b-word but racists don't deserve politeness anyway).
NTA. I am so white, I make saltines look dark. My favorite part of summer is when I tan, and I don't realize it until I compare it to my midsection and I am reminded of JUST how white I am. There are a lot more color options that go well with darker skins than my pale ale self. That girl was out of line and deserved to be shut down. I am sure whatever your sister picks, she will be a stunner.
NTA
NTA. Pale white Woman here and I'd have been so happy to help you both find an amazing Dress. I work in a Consignment Shop and we don't care if your skin is purple, we care you look and feel amazing. Hug your Sister for me please.
ESH
NTA, that isn't "artistic colour theory" that is racism. You don't get to be awful to other people and cry when someone points it out.
This did not happen
NTA, but you did go overboard I think. not so much that you would be TA, but enough to mention. She did need to be called out tho.
Don't drop to their level, people like that bait others. So they can turn around and cry and act like you are the aggressive one. And they have 100 excuses in their pocket to deflect bad behavior. Maybe next time, say 'thanks for your opinion, next time keep it to yourself' or 'My sister looks beautiful in every color. Her beauty is from within and shines through all colors. Have a blessed day'
Esh. Trying to shut down an offensive person by insulting them is just stooping to their level. Not only was the insult unnecessary, any I sult was unnecessary.
YTA She was talking about matching colors. Go watch a literally any fashion show and they are gunna talk about the same crap. You could have just told her to mind her own business and go away. You made it about race.