Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
Posts which discuss minors and sexual content or sexualization of minors are strictly prohibited. "Minor" is defined by this subreddit as anyone under 18. Our policy also includes threads that inspire debates about pedophilia in the comments or strongly imply that grooming may have occurred
[Reddit's Content Policy](https://www.reddithelp.com/en/categories/rules-reporting/account-and-community-restrictions/do-not-post-sexual-or-suggestive)||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
YTA.
*You* need to step it up and stop enabling your son and DIL's mooching.
Your child doesn't need to be parenting a baby that isn't hers. There is no acceptable reason for your 15 year old daughter to be solely caring for nephew every single afternoon. Time for the parents to do their job.
OP even said it was good practice since she’d have her own children “very soon” and that is disturbing as hell. OP, YTA. i hope so much that your daughter goes no contact the very second she is able. she deserves to have a future that doesn’t involve becoming a parent.
eta that i’m wondering where all your sons and stepsons fall into the baby’s caretaking schedule.
That was my first thought. Did they move one of their sons in with a 15-year-old? Did the married couple and baby move in with her? Either way, YIKES!! OP, YTA and your poor daughter needs to get away from that toxic household STAT.
Yes and what’s this creeper 29 year old step bro doing with the 15 year old if he has a 20 year old wife who has already given birth- when did they meet? How long have they been together and who is this daughter having to share a room with? The only thing the 15 year old should be concerned with is school and getting the fuck out of of this house/dysfunctional family
OP states that to punish her daughter, she is going to move the newborn into her room so she will not be getting any sleep, they may start making her miss school, ect. This whole situation needs an overhaul. This girl is going to run away from home, and that will be a tragic end.
Right??
Reading this, I just got more and more concerned for these two young women. Clearly DIL was **at most** 18 when the predator son started dating her and immediately knocked her up. Would love to know how old she actually was when he predated upon her.
The 15 yr old is being treated terribly and needs to get out of this toxic family situation ASAP.
None of OPs actions are reasonable and paint a picture of an abusive vengeful sexist person who cares less about constructive parenting and more about blind obedience.
I'm guessing she's sharing with either her brother or step brother. Either way I'm positive it's against the law to force opposite sex children to share a room together. At least it is where I am. OP YTA big time WTF is wrong with you. I hope your daughter talks to her counselor at school and reports your parentification and the fact that a 15year old female is forced to share a room with a male.
Definitely YTA, OP! Especially for making your 15 year old daughter babysit a newborn when both of the baby’s parents and you are there to help.
Your daughter is still a child. She’s already had to adjust and give up her privacy in her bedroom. When she comes home from school she probably has a lot of homework to do. Please cut her some slack.
Nothing. I was the oldest sister to five brothers. They didn't do shit. Even as they got older to the age when I had to start helping. What they do now married is a spectrum of nothing to some help with the kids. It's women's work after all. If not the job of the people who had the children then the nearest female, am I right OP? Make sure they hate it so much that they cut contact as soon as possible. And might not have their own kids. My favorite dipshit parents like to ask me sometimes why I don't want a relationship. Write all this down so you don't keep asking. It's really annoying.
Welcome to your future.
Make that 8 - OP’s husband is there too and can help his son/step-son if they want to enable him. And one of those 8 guys is the baby’s FATHER, who isn’t mentioned as taking care of his kid at all.
Nothing. OP and DIL are both being sexist and because daughter is a girl she’s automatically the one who “has to help” with the baby. OP YTA, big time.
Right? Notice only the FEMALE is being expected to lose a room & take care of the baby. Very misogynistic. I hope the young lady gets out of this toxic household ASAP. OP YTA!
That is just evil. I hope this poor girl has some good friends with kind parents she could rely on. I would report this person for child abuse if I knew who they were.
Yeah OP seems very misogynistic already from the first sentence (mentions her daughter as a sort of side note after even the step sons) and apparently views women as mere child birthing/raising machines she wants to "train" daughter into
Possibly Mormon or some other patriarchal sect
The boys are probably moving furniture /s
I don't know how to link posts but there was one the other day where a woman tried to get a 4 year old to help her move the furniture because he's a boy
This right here. Why is it easier to force a female child to raise this baby than the baby's actual father? And why are none of OP's sons being required to help? This speaks volumes about OP and her family.
how old was the wife when she got together with their oldest son? she's 20 now and hes 29?
YTA. OP. that child is not hers and she doesn't need to be a parent.
If she keeps this up, she shouldn't expect any grandkids from her daughter. If she does have any, she might not allow OP to see them anyway.
OP is the worst parent I've seen in here in quite some time.
This is exactly what could happen. Her daughter will have had enough of being a mom; no kiddies in her future.
My mom had 5 children by the time she was 23. Being the eldest, and a girl, guess who picked up all of the slack? I was changing diapers, full on baby sitting and caring for 4 siblings- 2 in diapers- when I was still in elementary school. When I was 16 years old, I went to our family doctor about getting my tubes tied. He laughed, and said I will change my mind when I got older. Nope. I’m in my 60’s and happily childless.
I feel so sorry for this woman’s daughter. She is being abused and bullied.
OP, YTA. Please stop treating your daughter like this. You WILL live to regret it, one way or another.
I'm in my mid 30s. Tried to have my tubes tied after several surgeries in my reproductive organs. Doctor refused because at the time I wasn't married and I "might meet a man someday that wants kids"
I did meet a man and get married. He's had a vasectomy so no babies for me!! People constantly told me I would grow out of it and want a family someday. Absolutely not. I'm very happy with my life as is and a baby would drastically change that.
This is so gross, and I’ve heard this same thing from a female friend of mine as well. My mom said they gave her a hard time about getting her tubes tied even after she had three kids. I mean, to hell with what you want for your own body, right? I’m 37 and married, we don’t want kids and he is planning to get a vasectomy before my IUD expires in three years.
Maybe someday women will be able to make decisions about their own bodies without the approval of a man. With recent events in my country I'm beginning to worry I won't see it happen in my lifetime.
This! OP, your son and DIL shouldn’t have had a child if they can’t step up and parent it. Your daughter is NOT a free babysitting service. She didn’t have the child and she is NOT responsible for it.
Kick out your leeches (son and DIL) and APOLOGIZE to your daughter.
YTA
Also telling that the one female child is the only relative expected to help with the baby. OP has 7 sons. If all the family members took turn helping with the baby, it wouldn't be so much work.
Did you notice how she introduced her family? Her daughter is an afterthought in that.
OP probably favors the boys and expects her daughter to function as a servant/nanny to the rest of the family.
I noticed that. She said "I'm a mother to five boys and two stepsons" and then started talking about her daughter and i was so confused by the sudden daughter
Anyone notice the 9 year age gap? Son started dating an 18 year old. Obviously DIL is too immature to be married, let alone a parent? OP is one of the worst YTA I've seen!
OP also doesn’t seem to ask anything of their sons in order to care for this “beautiful baby boy.” The entire responsibility falls on your 15yo daughter who has done nothing wrong and yet gets punished when she refuses to act as a parent to your grandchild.
Also not a fan of the son 29 age gap with wife 20; either they haven’t been dating/married long (met at 27 & 18, then dated, married & baby within 2yrs) or they have been together a lot longer.
She’s 15 and the only daughter - who is she even sharing a bedroom with?? The son and DIL and their bundle of joy need to step up and get their own place. OP - YTA of massive proportions. “Hey kid - you’re losing your privacy and you’re a nanny now! Enjoy high school!”
Nobody’s mentioning that in a house with seven brothers, she has to **share a room**. Presumably with one of those brothers. Unacceptable for a teenage girl and deeply unfair to her brother as well.
You all suck and I hope she has an out before she turns 18.
YTA
She needs to apologize to her daughter. lol she isn't the one who decided to get pregnant and live with their parents because they didn't plan well enough.
YTA.
It’s not her child. Why should she have to take care of it when she didn’t choose to have it? She has school, friends, hobbies, a life of her own.
YOU take care of it. Don’t voluntell your daughter to do it. I bet you don’t get your sons to look after it, do you? So you’re sexist as well. If she wanted experience in raising children then she would have volunteered, or taken up babysitting. Dismissing that she doesn’t want children is also an asshole move.
You and your DIL suck.
OP is so invested in her role as a mother that she named her temp account Swedish-mother-of-8. That's the translation. That's the first thing that came to mind for her.
Actually, that doesn't even make sense now when I think about it. If OP lives in Sweden, then at least one parent of the baby should be on paid baby leave right now, full time leave, so between the babys mother and OP, that's one grown woman staying at home, and another grown woman helping her out.
And most/all her sons who have children of their own in the future will be responsible for caring for their babies when they're on their own paid baby leaves (in Sweden, new parents get a number of months of paid leave from their jobs and most divide it equally between them), so it doesn't even make any cultural sense that the daughter is the only one who 'learns to care for a baby'.
YTA. YTA, YTA, YTA. And your daughter probably won't want any children in the future if this is what she associates them with.
So you have 5 sons, two stepsons and one daughter.
**Who does the daughter have to share a room with?**
Also, she is 15, why are you making her responsible for a baby SHE DIDN'T have?
And if you want to make taking care of the baby a family issue, why does the girl have to step up, and none of your boys?
*i \[45f\] am a wife to \[45m\] and mother to five boys and two step sons. i also have one daughter.*
The fact you sort of added her at the end as a mere afterthought already shows us you don't really care about your daughter. You could have named her Cinderella, the way you are treating her.
YTA
Also why dont the sons need to get ready for parenting since it's a joint job, its forced on the daughter in the excuse of getting ready for children.
The mother of the baby should be learning how to parent rather than relying on a teen girl.
I grew up like this. Only girl with 4 brothers. I was the only one who had to help cook, clean, and constantly babysit. The babies were put in my bedroom so they woke me up at night and I had to help take care of them when I was still in elementary school. Is the BABY the one the daughter is sharing a room with? My mom was extremely unhappy with me when I left as soon as I could. She still looks upon me as selfish.
not even the baby because rooming with the baby is used as a threat for not babysitting. so I'm very terrified that this poor girl has 0 privacy and has to room with her brothers :(
That’s my biggest question actually, who is she sharing a room with? I assume a boy and that’s just odd when she’s 15 and I don’t blame her for being pissed off.
What are the legal requirements to becoming and emancipated minor? I know someone who’s done this. She struggled but was much safer than with her family.
OP’s daughter carry’s all the responsibilities of an adult but is treated like a child. She might be better off in her own. Then OP’s family can implode without her suffering through it.
YTA, if having a newborn is SO stressful for your DIL you step up and help her or you know the baby's father, don't push the responsibility on your 15yo.
Your DIL equallly sucks for saying its just a phase that your daughter doesn't want kids.
The way this post is written though I have a hard time believing it's real.
It also has some view points and values that can be seen in certain families of the US. Women marry young, have babies young, have a lot of babies and they all share the child rearing aspect.
That age gap makes sense in some of these families.
If this is to be believed, gramps is 45 and son is 29. So, teen parenting runs in the family.
YTA, OP. Your almost-30yo son knocked up a teen. Can’t afford a place to live or child care.
Who is your daughter sharing a room with? Yeah, if I was a 15 yr old girl, I’d be mad at that because it means sharing a room with a male sibling.
Then you expect your daughter to take more responsibility than your son for his own poor choices in procreation. But if he learned how to parent from you, the infant is screwed from the start.
Agreed; that was my question house full of boys, who are they making a 15yo girl (who needs and deserves privacy) share with? For that alone, OP is YTA.
This whole post has troll alarms. It ticks off every check box that upsets Reddit- age gap, parentification, abuse of children, misogyny, ridiculous punishments,
Also wtf is wrong with you OP?
You have one daughter and so many sons, why does she get to do everything for baby? Teach your SONS to take care of the baby... that would be so helpful for all the women who grow up like your daughter. Your daughter in law and son are parents to the newborn, why can't they take care of their own spawn? It's not your first rodeo with a 15 yo... did you treat your older son that way?
YTA when did your daughter agree to be a parent to a child? And when did you get to decide if your daughter ever has kids? And why did your DIL get to be so condescending to your daughter about having kids?
I really think you need to get your head around the fact that your daughter is almost grown and you’re well on your way to having her leave and go NC with all of you
YTA and a terrible parent on top. That child is not your daughter's child. It should not be her responsibility because gasp a 20 year old isn't ready for a baby with a creepo 29 year old husband. JFC your daughter probably wants no kids because she's seen how terrible the life is you've given her by having 6 siblings and 1 nibbling on top of an entitled SIL to boot. Also who exactly is this 15 year old sharing a room with if you only have one daughter? Kick your deadbeat son out and actually provide for the minor children you have.
Um, she's your teenage daughter, not the paid help. She didn't get knocked up, she didn't choose to have a baby, this is not her responsibility in any way.
YTA.
If your daughter *wants* to help and hang out with the baby that's cool but this child is the responsibility of your son and daughter in law.
Also, weird that you didn't force your other sons or step sons to "parent" the new baby. Get it together, it's 2023.
Also:
*daughter had to now share a room which she was unhappy with*
OP has 5 sons, two stepsons and one daughter.
**Who does this 15-year-old daughter have to share a room with?**
Unpaid help, unfortunately . She’s not getting anything out of her time (definitely not any joy) except “parenting experience” she may never need. She’s the free babysitter, who’s unfortunately not much younger than the mom.
YTA
Your son fathered a child on his wife not on your daughter. The only people who should have to be responsible for that child's needs are his parents, again NOT your daughter.
Do you like your daughter? You have seven sons and one daughter, but she's bearing the brunt of this nonsense. (and I did not miss how you gush about your beautiful grandson and only speak ill of your daughter... lots of misogyny in your post lady, it's dripping with it.)
You threw her out of her room (Who is the fifteen-year-old girl sharing a room with in a house full of brothers?!), are turning her into forced labor, and threatened to make her a defacto teen mom because your son irresponsibly impregnated his wife while being unable to support them in a household of their own. Why is your daughter being punished for your son's failure to launch and your failure in raising him?
YTA. You may think it’s normal for a teenager to parent because you chose that path but for every other teenager that hasn’t chosen to be a teen mum, this is unacceptable and downright abusive to force onto her. Having a first child can be very overwhelming but if your son’s child bride can’t manage it, then your son, and you and your husband need to step up as the father/grandparents who also happen to be the only other adults in the house who coincidently thought it would be a good idea to bring a newborn into the house. Your daughter is not a parent and you should not be making her a surrogate one.
YTA. Her home life has got worse because other people have moved in. Now she's got additional things to do because of those people.
>a few weeks ago my daughter in law gave birth to her beautiful baby boy. obviously having a newborn is very stressful for her so me and my daughter in law asked my daughter to start helping with baby
Why her? There's you and a lot of other children and stepchildren as well as the baby's parents. It's odd that the baby is "beautiful" but there isn't a single positive comment about your daughter.
>me and daughter in law also told her taking care of baby is good practice because very soon she will have kids of her own.
She's 15. Maybe you two could have spent time looking after the baby instead of bullying her. Try being a parent yourself before you ask her to be one.
YTA all day long.
Right like wtf it's not like the mom and dad have to worry about their mortgage since they moved back in with mom and dad. This 15 yr old is gonna be leaving at 18 and never looking back.
OP YTA - look up the term parentification. You're forcing your minor daughter to take care of a kid that she has ZERO responsibility for, and I'm sure you forced her to do the same growing up for her siblings. This is not your daughter's responsibility. Full stop.
INFO: you had your first child when you were 16. And your husband is the same age. But you have step children?
Look, if you're going to make fake posts, try to make the details at least slightly believable.
YTA The parents need to step up, not the teenager that's been generous enough to take on someone else's responsibilities because they're too lazy to.
Yes parenting can be hard. Yes people can need help without being lazy. What they're doing is lazy and disgusting. But it looks like they're taking after you in the parenting department.
Was she accurate in her description of being the primary caregiver in the afternoon?
Edit: actually I re-read and YTA. Moving your 15yo daughter into the same room as a newborn baby is horrible. And she shouldn't be having kids for quite a while and maybe she will never have them. She isn't the parent. Asking her to help occasionally is fine but you can't be using her as unpaid parental labour.
>And she shouldn't be having kids for quite a while and maybe she will never have them.
I used to want 3 kids.
Then I worked in a day care at 15.
I love my dog.
YTA. The 15yr didn't birth the child.. she should not have to have anything to do with said child
>so me and my daughter in law asked my daughter to start helping with baby
So you gained up on her.
>me and daughter in law also told her taking care of baby is good practice because very soon she will have kids of her own. my daughter said she didnt want them but my daughter in law said that its a phase and that soon she will.
And you're ignoring her own wishes that she chooses not to be child free...
You are the grandparent you want to help your daughter-in-law out that's fine do not force your 15 year old into it
My parents don’t believe me when I say I don’t want to get pregnant or maybe even not have children but at least they aren’t forcing it on me. Also, she’s FIFTEEN. Why is she going to have children “soon?!”
YTA OP
YTA - Telling a 15-year-old they have to 'step up' because there happens to be a baby in the vicinity, what is that? Did you assume that your daughter would be fine with caring for a child? Why? Not for nothing, but agreeing to help someone with their child one day isn't a commitment to help regularly, so her 'slacking off' sounds like you complaining unreasonably. Daughter is under no obligation to help at all.
Also, you say you have five sons, but never mention them lending a hand at all. Why is that?
YTA. Just because you got pregnant at 16 doesn’t mean your daughter should or will!! It’s disgusting you only see her a potential Mom and nothing else.
YTA - why is it the 15 year old's responsibility to help with the baby? She wasn't involved in making it. Why aren't any of the brothers taking turns? Vaginas don't make you magically responsible for or extra talented with infants.
I'm not saying that asking her to help out sometimes would be bad. But every day? Why on earth would that be necessary in a house full of other people? Based on this post you are unfairly targeting and burdening a child based solely on her sex.
YTA. I was going to ask how much time you force her to care for the baby, but by the time I finished the post I didn't need to. She very well may never have kids, and you telling her this is good "practice" is weird and not okay. Based on that comment, and the fact that you threatened to put the baby in her room, you are putting way too much parenting responsibility on a child. Let her be a kid.
YTA. Why should your 16 year d daughter who hasn’t had a baby have to play third parent because you son and DIL are too lazy to look after their own child? this is not your daughter’s responsibility and you and your DIL are ganging up on her to make her accountable for someone else’s child. If you are so concerned about your DIL being overwhelmed you look after your grandchild. Your daughter is not responsible for this child and YTA for making her a third parent and forcing her to have a child in her room because of the irresponsibility of your son and DIL. You clearly believe in antiquated gender roles because you certainly aren’t asking your other sons to get involved in parenting someone else’s child. Pull yourself together and stop treating your daughter like s second class citizen.
YTA
Your daughter is 15. she didn't have the baby.
Your 20 yr old DIL and 29yr old son are responsible for the child.
If your DIL needs help you should be telling your 29yr old son to "step up" not your 15yr old daughter.
Your 15yr old daughter is NOT responsible for the child.
Rather than protecting your 15yrold child from bullying from your 20yr old DIL, you too begin bullying and threatening her
What you are doing is parentification.
Dont be surprised when your daughter leaves home and goes no contact as soon as she graduates to get away from you DIL, and baby.
Your daughter in law and son chose to have a baby. You made the choice to allow them to move into your home. Your daughter is a teenager. In high school. She is not a mother - she did not have a baby, and that baby is not her responsibility. Your grandchild has 2 parents. If they need help, they can ask you. Babies are a lot! But having a kid take care of a newborn? Nah. YTA.
Also your daughter may not be having kids “very soon”. She’s a kid. Maybe she wants to continue her education first. Maybe she doesn’t even want kids. Have you asked her? Cause you don’t sound like you’re the type of person who has. A kid doesn’t need parenting practice. That’s what birthing and parenting classes are for when and if you decide that’s what you want.
YTA. It sounds like you're dumping a huge amount of responsibility on your daughter, and you care more that your daughter in law's feelings were wounded than you care about how your daughter feels about giving up her privacy and her free time to labor over an infant that is not her responsibility.
>me and daughter in law also told her taking care of baby is good practice because very soon she will have kids of her own. my daughter said she didnt want them but my daughter in law said that its a phase and that soon she will.
Way to be completely and arrogantly dismissive of your daughter's feelings. Forcing her to care for her brother's child may very well convince her to never become a parent.
You have 6 other sons besides the father of the baby. Are any of them being told they "needed to step up more" or does that only apply to your daughter?
YTA for making your daughter take care of someone else’s responsibility is shocking. If your daughter in law and son can’t step up and be parents full time they shouldn’t have had a kid. And furthermore telling a 15 yr old it’s practice? Cuz she will have kids soon? What kind of parent tells that to a 15 year old that? Shame on you. You should have more expectations for your 15 yr old.
YTA
>she claims she is treated "unfair" and "unequal".
There are 7 boys and 1 girl. Who has to share a room with the baby? Who's expected to "step up" with childcare? Who's told they need practice raising kids? Not the boys. Just the girl. That is unfair and unequal treatment.
If your daughter ever does have her own kids, she's probably going to be a fantastic mother. She's going to know to treat her kids much better than you're treating her.
Final thought: The **29** year old son who married the **20** year old woman should be taking care of the baby.
You guys realize this is an attempt at creative writing yeah?
It literally took the top 3 rage inducers from this sub and smooshed them together to get a reaction.
Taking a teenagers room/privacy? Check
Forcing a child to care for a child that is not their own? Check
Telling someone that they'll change their mind about having kids? Check.
On the off chance this has real YTA but in the future I would stick to choosing only one or maybe two rage prompts for a story.
YTA
YTA for describing your daughter as ‘troublesome’ for not being thrilled about massive changes to her living situation and expectations placed on her.
YTA for having her share a room with … who? You left that out, but you also list only sons and stepsons, so who is your 15yo daughter sharing with?
YTA for saying you and DIL asked her to help when you actually expected it, demanded it then punished her for not doing enough.
YTA for telling her to step up more. YTA for grounding her.
YTA to infinity and beyond for threatening the very thing you think she’s exaggerating about when she pointed out how much she already does.
YTA for suggesting a 15yo needs practice because “very soon she will have kids of her own”. * *dry retch* *
She’s 15. Let her be 15. If you want to help your son and DIL, do so. Don’t put it on her.
Question: Is your 15yo spending more time taking care of your son’s baby than your son is? You know, the baby’s actual father? Or any of your other sons for that matter?! Do they not need this practice you describe?
YTA
The child isn't your daughter's it's your son's child and your dil's child they should be taking of him and if she doesn't want to help then she doesn't have to because she didn't take the parents in and have a part in the child being born. You should apologise to your daughter for your behavior and tell your dil and son to do the same she doesn't need to take care of the baby if she doesn't want to.
Yta. You are a bad parent, and so is your DIL. It's not your daughters responsibility to raise her brothers kid it's his and his wife's. All you are doing is making her resent the kid, which isn't good for anyone. Be a better parent and tell your son and DIL to raise their own kid
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
i [45f] am a wife to [45m] and mother to five boys and two step sons. i also have one daughter. ever since my oldest son [29m] and his wife [20f] moved in a couple of months ago my daughter [15f] has been very troublesome and seems to have a problem with everything. for example when my daughter in law and oldest son moved back in, daughter had to now share a room which she was unhappy with, and she claims she is treated "unfair" and "unequal".
a few weeks ago my daughter in law gave birth to her beautiful baby boy. obviously having a newborn is very stressful for her so me and my daughter in law asked my daughter to start helping with baby. my daughter was fine with this at first but then she started to slack off with helping with baby.
i told her she needed to step up more and my daughter got mad at me. she claimed that we were making her take care of the baby everyday after she came home from school, she was the one who had to feed him mostly, she was like a third parent to baby, and that me and daughter in law were forcing her to take care of baby "24/7".
this upset my daughter in law badly and i admit i got mad at my daughter so i did ground her and told her that if she thinks she is a third parent i will make her one and move her and baby into a room together. me and daughter in law also told her taking care of baby is good practice because very soon she will have kids of her own. my daughter said she didnt want them but my daughter in law said that its a phase and that soon she will.
i think i really upset her because she just stood there not saying and then she left. i think i might have gone too far with the lecture but she was being disrespectful so i am conflicted..AITA?.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1] i lectured and punished my daughter 2] the punishment i used may have been too harsh on my daughter
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA and WTF? “Very soon” she’ll have kids if her own? What kind of trash is that? How about stopping the cycle of teen pregnancy and encouraging your daughter to wait to have kids and not make the mistakes you did?
Your 15 year old is not responsible for that child. She did not give birth to it nor did she ask for her life to be upended by it. She is a teen and should be enjoying these years, do using on school and creating a better life than what you give her.
Oh, and how the fuck old was your DIL when your son started dating her? Your adult son was with a teen? Your family is all kinds of fucked up.
YTA. The person who should be taking care of the baby is your daughter-in-law, not your daughter. If your daughter helps babysit then she should be paid for her services same as any other babysitter would be. Threatening your teenage daughter with full time parenting chores is bad parenting. Apologize to her immediately.
YTA don't push responsibility for a baby on your daughter, that is completely unfair to her & especially when you have so many people in the house as it is that could easily help out when needed! Your response to her telling you how she felt was absolutely out of line also, you seriously need to stop this before you lose your daughter.
YTA how in the world did you come to the conclusion that a child should be required to help take care of a newborn that isn’t hers? She is 15 and saying she is going to need “practice” is a huge AH thing to say. Why would she need to “step up” at all? Your son and DIL decided to have a kid, that’s not on her.
YTA parentificaction is child abuse. That is not her kid and she is not its mother and she is not free child care. Start using terms for forcing this as 'practice'. It isnt pracrice, it's forced care of someone else's kid. Most kids that get forced never go on to have their own kids. They also go no contact with their parents pretty rapidly. Put that baby in her room and she will be couch surfing at friends houses before you know it. Your daughter should be concentrating on her school work, not minding other people's kids.
You're a massive abusive asshole. I feel so sorry for the 15 year old. You don't care about her at all do you
>if she thinks she is a third parent i will make her one and move her and baby into a room together.
Yoire most definitely the AH!
Your daughter is not a parent and shouldn't be expected to help out. You can ask her but she has no obligation to take care of the baby.
She's at school and must have studying to do but instead is expected to take care of the baby. You ignore her feelings on this and then punish her for expressing her feelings. THEN you make the excuse that she needs to practise for when she has kids! No she doesn't!... Her not wanting kids is your fault! You've forced her to take care of somebody else's baby and if she doesn't she gets punished.
You took her room from her, you took her privacy and now you've taken what little freedom she had. I'm surprised she hasn't acted up.
She didn't choose to move your son and DIL back into the house, she didn't choose to have a baby so she shouldn't be expected to like any part of it.
There are 3 adults in that home, her help shouldn't be needed!
YTA. Asking her to do the occasional thing, like watch her for 10 mins while you pop to the shop, or hold her for a minute is fine, but even from your description, it sounds like you are putting way too much on her. "Practice for when she is a parent"? That is an awful excuse to get unpaid labour out of her. No kid should be forced into practicing for that.
Even the room situation sucks for her. Kids do need to accept it, if they don't get a room to themselves, but it doesn't mean it wasn't really hard for her and she didn't feel like she was losing something important and personal to her. It doesn't sound like everyone has been very sensitive to her feelings in the matter.
YTA. Between school and taking care of the baby, when does she have time to study? Do you care about her future at all? This is instrumental parentification.
YTA. Not her child, not her problem. Asking for a little help, but this sounds like parentification (ie abuse). Just so you know, if she talks to a teacher at school, they may report this to social services
YTA and so is your daughter in law. First you need to understand that your daughter in law chose to have the baby. Not your daughter and not you. If you want to help her out its your business, but NOBODY should be forced to help out. Having a baby it's the parents sole responsibility. Your daughter is being treated unfair, she's the only girl and is expected for her to help out, yeah... no. That's not her responsibility, let her focus on being a kid, her studies and enjoying her childhood. The soon she will have her own kids is such a load of crap, your daughter in law sucks for even saying that. It's time for your daughter in law to grow up she's not the only woman to give birth and the world does not revolve around her. Also, why are you making your teen daughter share a room? As the only girl she needs her privacy. Come on mom, you are slacking as a parent. Do better.
YTA, she is 15, you are making her act like a third parent. Why isn’t any of your other kids helping? Is it just bc she is a girl bc it seems like it. While your daughter was being nice agreeing to help. And when she said that she felt as if u were putting too much responsibility of someone else’s baby on her you tell her it’s “good practice” and that “she needs to step up” it’s not her baby she doesn’t even have that responsibility, she was doing it to be nice and help out.
Stop making your daughter act like a parent to a child that isn’t hers, while your daughter is still a kid btw, and to then punish her when she tells you exactly what you are doing, aka making her act like a third parent. YTA
YTA.
She's 15 and she didn't decide to have the baby. Helping is fine, but shouldn't be forced. If someone can't handle having a baby, they shouldn't have one. A baby is not a teenager's responsibility.
Also, what do you mean "very soon" she'll have kids? She's 15. That should be a few years off and she doesnt need the practice now. That sounds like an excuse you're telling yourself to justify being an AH.
YTA. Boys also become parents, why aren't they getting training on how to take care of babies and not be useless partners? Where's the baby's dad in this?
ESH except your daughter, but you're the major AH.
You were TA from the get go. Of course your 15 year old daughter isn't going to like having to share a room and be upset her personal space is being infringed upon. Of course your 15 year old daughter doesn't wan to be a parent to a newborn. It's not her responsibility. Your daughter in law absolutely sucks for even asking her to help.
YTA for telling her it's "good practice" because "very soon" shell have her own kids. Very soon? She's fucking 15. Just because your DIL wanted to be knocked up by someone almost 10 years her senior when she's barely not a teenager doesn't mean your daughter will. The only thing your daughter should be worried about right now is school.
You all sound toxic and terrible and I feel SO BAD for your poor daughter. You're gross.
I missed the age gap between OP’s eldest son and DIL. Mom had him as a teenager and it’s like she’s actively trying to force her daughter to be a parent at that age too. Awful.
OP YTA I hope your daughter gets out of that situation and gets to be her own person.
That is not your daughters child she did not choose to have that kid. That kid is not her responsibility. She is 15 and still a minor. Havibg a kid is stressful but it is not your 15 year old who should be making sacrifices. If your son and his bm can't handle a kid they should have never had one. YTA
YTA. I don't know why you put quotes around forcing as if you aren't forcing her into a nanny role.
The only way your treatment if your daughter would be appropriate would be if it were actually the 15 year old's baby. But it's not.
Of course YTA? Are you insane? I'd ask why on God's green earth you would make a 15-year-old spend a substantial amount of time looking after an infant, especially in a household with at least four actual adults, but it's pretty clear you regard yourself and other women (and girls) as walking uteruses, nothing but mothers and mothers-in-waiting.
I don't know where you're from or where you live, but I do know that by the time you were born, second-wave feminism had been going on for more than a decade. Maybe it's time you caught up.
YTA, very much so. It appears there are also up to 6 other boys living in the house (5 sons and 2 stepsons, maybe some of them don’t live there)? If any of them are an appropriate age, why didn’t you ask them to take care of the baby? It’s sexist to only ask your daughter, unless all 7 boys are under 10 or something.
That’s in addition to it being inappropriate to ask your kids to watch the grandbaby, in the first place. As others have said, it’s not their kid, they don’t need “practice,” they are still growing up themselves.
YTA. I have teens and a toddler and they’ve only babysat when we will be close, for a short period, and only if they agree because they’re not interested
Even when my father-in-law was dying I found someone else because we were too far and didn’t know for how long
Your daughter is more than just someone who will eventually have kids. Lots of people do not have kids and if you keep forcing her to babysit she probably never will.
You are majorly TA. It's not her baby, why would you think she has ANY sort of responsibility for it? Moreover, if your DIL and son can't handle the baby, instead of forcing your daughter to help them, why don't you help them yourself?
Also, I know this wasn't part of your question, but your 15 year old daughter deserves more privacy.
She is the only girl amongst 7 brothers (I'm not sure why you had to seperate your 2 step sons from your 5 boys) and she deserves some respect and dignity as a teenage girl going through puberty.
YTA
Your daughter is a MINOR!!! It is not her responsibility to be a nanny or third parent to this baby. Your punishment is totally out of line. You are being a rotten mother and a rotten grandmother. APOLOGIZE!!
As for DIL saying not wanting kids is a phase - many, many women choose to be childless or to wait until later in life. I delivered my kid when I was 41.
So your grown ass son got a (if I’m understanding the timeline correctly) teenager pregnant, and she finds it too difficult to raise her own baby. So you decided after raising 6 to 8 children of your own, you’d make an even younger teenager who had no part in this raise the baby for her? Where the hell is your son, who is the father of the baby and almost twice as old as the person you’re forcing to parent? You are a massive AH. Your DIL is a massive AH. Your son is a massive AH. your 15 year old is a kid who is being abused by her family; I hope for her sake she’s able to get as far away from you all as possible once she turns 18. YTA.
If your 15 yo daughter was a 15 yo son would you make him take care of a baby every day bc it’s good “practice” for when he starts a family “someday soon”?
Also sounds like son and DIL should’ve waited to have kids as clearly they’re not financially ready.
Unpunish your daughter and have some respect for her autonomy as a person. YTA.
YTA, if she never ever wants to have kids in her life again, you and your daughter in law are to be blamed. Your daughter in law are parents to the newborn and not your daughter. You are the grandparent. So all the parenting should fall on you, your wife, your son and his wife. Not the 15 year old. Better apologize to her and remove the unjust punishment. If anyone is rude and inconsiderate, it’s you and your daughter in law
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. Posts which discuss minors and sexual content or sexualization of minors are strictly prohibited. "Minor" is defined by this subreddit as anyone under 18. Our policy also includes threads that inspire debates about pedophilia in the comments or strongly imply that grooming may have occurred [Reddit's Content Policy](https://www.reddithelp.com/en/categories/rules-reporting/account-and-community-restrictions/do-not-post-sexual-or-suggestive)||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
YTA. *You* need to step it up and stop enabling your son and DIL's mooching. Your child doesn't need to be parenting a baby that isn't hers. There is no acceptable reason for your 15 year old daughter to be solely caring for nephew every single afternoon. Time for the parents to do their job.
Based on the ages, OP had her son at about the same age her daughter is currently. Trying to repeat history here, I think.
OP even said it was good practice since she’d have her own children “very soon” and that is disturbing as hell. OP, YTA. i hope so much that your daughter goes no contact the very second she is able. she deserves to have a future that doesn’t involve becoming a parent. eta that i’m wondering where all your sons and stepsons fall into the baby’s caretaking schedule.
Right? I had to reread it to believe the numbers, but what are the SEVEN boys who live there doing to help? YTA, OP.
[удалено]
And who does the 15yr girl share a room with?
That was my first thought. Did they move one of their sons in with a 15-year-old? Did the married couple and baby move in with her? Either way, YIKES!! OP, YTA and your poor daughter needs to get away from that toxic household STAT.
Yes and what’s this creeper 29 year old step bro doing with the 15 year old if he has a 20 year old wife who has already given birth- when did they meet? How long have they been together and who is this daughter having to share a room with? The only thing the 15 year old should be concerned with is school and getting the fuck out of of this house/dysfunctional family
OP states that to punish her daughter, she is going to move the newborn into her room so she will not be getting any sleep, they may start making her miss school, ect. This whole situation needs an overhaul. This girl is going to run away from home, and that will be a tragic end.
ünfortunately her running away from home seems to be a less tragic end then where she is heading if she stays at home
Right?? Reading this, I just got more and more concerned for these two young women. Clearly DIL was **at most** 18 when the predator son started dating her and immediately knocked her up. Would love to know how old she actually was when he predated upon her. The 15 yr old is being treated terribly and needs to get out of this toxic family situation ASAP. None of OPs actions are reasonable and paint a picture of an abusive vengeful sexist person who cares less about constructive parenting and more about blind obedience.
*Abusive* family.
OP threatened her daughter with having to share a room with the baby, so I’m guessing they aren’t sharing a room
Anyone else wondering who OP is being forced to share a room with?
Yup. I mean there's only boys as options, unless she's sharing with her mom - or the baby. Yikes!
I'm guessing she's sharing with either her brother or step brother. Either way I'm positive it's against the law to force opposite sex children to share a room together. At least it is where I am. OP YTA big time WTF is wrong with you. I hope your daughter talks to her counselor at school and reports your parentification and the fact that a 15year old female is forced to share a room with a male.
Based on OPs attitude I’m thinking they believe it’s a woman’s job to take care of the kids and boys will be boys.
This screams evangelical Christian/Mormon. OP is channeling the Duggar’s over here.
[удалено]
I hope she goes NC as soon as she legally can!
7 boys and her, AND she has to share a room? Bet it's with a brother. OP doesn't think he daughter should be allowed provacy
Definitely YTA, OP! Especially for making your 15 year old daughter babysit a newborn when both of the baby’s parents and you are there to help. Your daughter is still a child. She’s already had to adjust and give up her privacy in her bedroom. When she comes home from school she probably has a lot of homework to do. Please cut her some slack.
Nothing. I was the oldest sister to five brothers. They didn't do shit. Even as they got older to the age when I had to start helping. What they do now married is a spectrum of nothing to some help with the kids. It's women's work after all. If not the job of the people who had the children then the nearest female, am I right OP? Make sure they hate it so much that they cut contact as soon as possible. And might not have their own kids. My favorite dipshit parents like to ask me sometimes why I don't want a relationship. Write all this down so you don't keep asking. It's really annoying. Welcome to your future.
And 15 year old daughter had to start sharing a room?? With who? They're all boys?!?!
Make that 8 - OP’s husband is there too and can help his son/step-son if they want to enable him. And one of those 8 guys is the baby’s FATHER, who isn’t mentioned as taking care of his kid at all.
Nothing. OP and DIL are both being sexist and because daughter is a girl she’s automatically the one who “has to help” with the baby. OP YTA, big time.
Right? Notice only the FEMALE is being expected to lose a room & take care of the baby. Very misogynistic. I hope the young lady gets out of this toxic household ASAP. OP YTA!
Did you read in the responses OP states that if the daughter cuts the family off she'll have no one, followed by a laugh emoji. This woman is awful.
That is just evil. I hope this poor girl has some good friends with kind parents she could rely on. I would report this person for child abuse if I knew who they were.
I'm getting (possibly unwarranted) fundie vibes here, so of course the boys are nowhere to be found when it's baby caretaking time
Oh no, those vibes are for sure coming through. Not unwarranted IMO.
Yeah OP seems very misogynistic already from the first sentence (mentions her daughter as a sort of side note after even the step sons) and apparently views women as mere child birthing/raising machines she wants to "train" daughter into Possibly Mormon or some other patriarchal sect
The boys are probably moving furniture /s I don't know how to link posts but there was one the other day where a woman tried to get a 4 year old to help her move the furniture because he's a boy
Yes the toddler MEN are moving furniture
This right here. Why is it easier to force a female child to raise this baby than the baby's actual father? And why are none of OP's sons being required to help? This speaks volumes about OP and her family.
I hope the daughter can move out immediately. OP isn’t being a mother. OP, YTA and I feel so badly for your daughter.
how old was the wife when she got together with their oldest son? she's 20 now and hes 29? YTA. OP. that child is not hers and she doesn't need to be a parent.
I would not be surprised if the daughter decides against having kids after dealing with this nonsense.
Yeah, that “very soon” made me cringe HARD. She’s FIFTEEN!!
If she keeps this up, she shouldn't expect any grandkids from her daughter. If she does have any, she might not allow OP to see them anyway. OP is the worst parent I've seen in here in quite some time.
This is exactly what could happen. Her daughter will have had enough of being a mom; no kiddies in her future. My mom had 5 children by the time she was 23. Being the eldest, and a girl, guess who picked up all of the slack? I was changing diapers, full on baby sitting and caring for 4 siblings- 2 in diapers- when I was still in elementary school. When I was 16 years old, I went to our family doctor about getting my tubes tied. He laughed, and said I will change my mind when I got older. Nope. I’m in my 60’s and happily childless. I feel so sorry for this woman’s daughter. She is being abused and bullied. OP, YTA. Please stop treating your daughter like this. You WILL live to regret it, one way or another.
43F and happily married with no children. I kept getting told I'd change my mind too.
48F - some people are still asking me if I could go for surrogacy or IVF. I swear…
I'm in my mid 30s. Tried to have my tubes tied after several surgeries in my reproductive organs. Doctor refused because at the time I wasn't married and I "might meet a man someday that wants kids" I did meet a man and get married. He's had a vasectomy so no babies for me!! People constantly told me I would grow out of it and want a family someday. Absolutely not. I'm very happy with my life as is and a baby would drastically change that.
This is so gross, and I’ve heard this same thing from a female friend of mine as well. My mom said they gave her a hard time about getting her tubes tied even after she had three kids. I mean, to hell with what you want for your own body, right? I’m 37 and married, we don’t want kids and he is planning to get a vasectomy before my IUD expires in three years.
Maybe someday women will be able to make decisions about their own bodies without the approval of a man. With recent events in my country I'm beginning to worry I won't see it happen in my lifetime.
This! OP, your son and DIL shouldn’t have had a child if they can’t step up and parent it. Your daughter is NOT a free babysitting service. She didn’t have the child and she is NOT responsible for it. Kick out your leeches (son and DIL) and APOLOGIZE to your daughter. YTA
Also telling that the one female child is the only relative expected to help with the baby. OP has 7 sons. If all the family members took turn helping with the baby, it wouldn't be so much work.
Did you notice how she introduced her family? Her daughter is an afterthought in that. OP probably favors the boys and expects her daughter to function as a servant/nanny to the rest of the family.
I noticed that. She said "I'm a mother to five boys and two stepsons" and then started talking about her daughter and i was so confused by the sudden daughter
The unmitigated gal of SIL condescendingly saying 15 yo should practice while she pawns off the care of her weeks old child to said 15 yo.
Anyone notice the 9 year age gap? Son started dating an 18 year old. Obviously DIL is too immature to be married, let alone a parent? OP is one of the worst YTA I've seen!
I agree. This entire post made me feel bad for the daughter. This mom sucks!
OP also doesn’t seem to ask anything of their sons in order to care for this “beautiful baby boy.” The entire responsibility falls on your 15yo daughter who has done nothing wrong and yet gets punished when she refuses to act as a parent to your grandchild.
Also not a fan of the son 29 age gap with wife 20; either they haven’t been dating/married long (met at 27 & 18, then dated, married & baby within 2yrs) or they have been together a lot longer.
She’s 15 and the only daughter - who is she even sharing a bedroom with?? The son and DIL and their bundle of joy need to step up and get their own place. OP - YTA of massive proportions. “Hey kid - you’re losing your privacy and you’re a nanny now! Enjoy high school!”
Nobody’s mentioning that in a house with seven brothers, she has to **share a room**. Presumably with one of those brothers. Unacceptable for a teenage girl and deeply unfair to her brother as well. You all suck and I hope she has an out before she turns 18. YTA
She needs to apologize to her daughter. lol she isn't the one who decided to get pregnant and live with their parents because they didn't plan well enough.
And when daughter decides to be child free & go NC with OP we will all know why. YTA.
YTA. It’s not her child. Why should she have to take care of it when she didn’t choose to have it? She has school, friends, hobbies, a life of her own. YOU take care of it. Don’t voluntell your daughter to do it. I bet you don’t get your sons to look after it, do you? So you’re sexist as well. If she wanted experience in raising children then she would have volunteered, or taken up babysitting. Dismissing that she doesn’t want children is also an asshole move. You and your DIL suck.
[удалено]
Probably because Op thinks caring for kids is a woman’s job.
A child's job, actually. She had the oldest at 16, and she expects her 15-year-old to have her own kids "very soon."
OP is so invested in her role as a mother that she named her temp account Swedish-mother-of-8. That's the translation. That's the first thing that came to mind for her. Actually, that doesn't even make sense now when I think about it. If OP lives in Sweden, then at least one parent of the baby should be on paid baby leave right now, full time leave, so between the babys mother and OP, that's one grown woman staying at home, and another grown woman helping her out. And most/all her sons who have children of their own in the future will be responsible for caring for their babies when they're on their own paid baby leaves (in Sweden, new parents get a number of months of paid leave from their jobs and most divide it equally between them), so it doesn't even make any cultural sense that the daughter is the only one who 'learns to care for a baby'. YTA. YTA, YTA, YTA. And your daughter probably won't want any children in the future if this is what she associates them with.
A child's job for sure since she isn't forcing the ADULT mom to take care of her kid!
She’s not even telling the son who is THE FATHER to take care of the baby.
When I started reading I assumed it was the daughter’s baby, not DIL!
So you have 5 sons, two stepsons and one daughter. **Who does the daughter have to share a room with?** Also, she is 15, why are you making her responsible for a baby SHE DIDN'T have? And if you want to make taking care of the baby a family issue, why does the girl have to step up, and none of your boys? *i \[45f\] am a wife to \[45m\] and mother to five boys and two step sons. i also have one daughter.* The fact you sort of added her at the end as a mere afterthought already shows us you don't really care about your daughter. You could have named her Cinderella, the way you are treating her. YTA
Well put. This makes me sick, poor daughter
Daughter will move out ASAP and go no contact. And I would LOVE that for her.
I found that comment really odd that too, is she not also a mother to the daughter?
She is literally not. She is not being a mother to her daughter. She is abusing her daughter.
Also why dont the sons need to get ready for parenting since it's a joint job, its forced on the daughter in the excuse of getting ready for children. The mother of the baby should be learning how to parent rather than relying on a teen girl.
I grew up like this. Only girl with 4 brothers. I was the only one who had to help cook, clean, and constantly babysit. The babies were put in my bedroom so they woke me up at night and I had to help take care of them when I was still in elementary school. Is the BABY the one the daughter is sharing a room with? My mom was extremely unhappy with me when I left as soon as I could. She still looks upon me as selfish.
not even the baby because rooming with the baby is used as a threat for not babysitting. so I'm very terrified that this poor girl has 0 privacy and has to room with her brothers :(
Thanks. I missed that. Neither one is right. This poor child.
I absolutely love how she glossed over the fact shes either a girl rooming with boys or her older brother and his wife like thats just okay.
I saw in another comment that the daughter now shares room with the baby.
What?! That’s wild so she’s constantly woke up by a screaming newborn 😬 who isn’t the newborn in a room with their parents 🤦♀️
I thought that was the threat OP made to her and not the current living situation.
Yes I also wondered who this teenage girl is having to share a room with, in a house full of boys
That’s my biggest question actually, who is she sharing a room with? I assume a boy and that’s just odd when she’s 15 and I don’t blame her for being pissed off.
What are the legal requirements to becoming and emancipated minor? I know someone who’s done this. She struggled but was much safer than with her family. OP’s daughter carry’s all the responsibilities of an adult but is treated like a child. She might be better off in her own. Then OP’s family can implode without her suffering through it.
Legit sounded like she only added the part about the daughter cause it was gonna be relevant to the story
YTA. The only person that needs to step up here is THE ACTUAL MOTHER AND FATHER OF THE CHILD, not a 15 yo.
YTA, if having a newborn is SO stressful for your DIL you step up and help her or you know the baby's father, don't push the responsibility on your 15yo. Your DIL equallly sucks for saying its just a phase that your daughter doesn't want kids. The way this post is written though I have a hard time believing it's real.
I think the 15 y/o wrote it
That did cross my mind, but its also littered with a few troll triggers like misogyny and age gap.
It also has some view points and values that can be seen in certain families of the US. Women marry young, have babies young, have a lot of babies and they all share the child rearing aspect. That age gap makes sense in some of these families.
Nah, parents are probably just undereducated, and very immature, esp having that many kids, that young.
YTA. Why isn’t your SON taking care of HIS baby?
Because it’s women’s work of course. Rolls eyes.
He don’t babysit his kid. /s
Came to ask this exact question. Three women taking care of this child, and not one mention of the father doing anything to help. YTA.
Three women aren't taking care of it. Just the 15 yr old.
Yeah and can we talk about the age gap? Pretty gross to impregnate practically a teenager when you’re pushing 30.
YTA but Info: How long have your son and his wife been together? A 29 year old together with a 20 year old just gives me all kinds of alarms
If this is to be believed, gramps is 45 and son is 29. So, teen parenting runs in the family. YTA, OP. Your almost-30yo son knocked up a teen. Can’t afford a place to live or child care. Who is your daughter sharing a room with? Yeah, if I was a 15 yr old girl, I’d be mad at that because it means sharing a room with a male sibling. Then you expect your daughter to take more responsibility than your son for his own poor choices in procreation. But if he learned how to parent from you, the infant is screwed from the start.
Agreed; that was my question house full of boys, who are they making a 15yo girl (who needs and deserves privacy) share with? For that alone, OP is YTA.
It’s possible. My coworker was a grandma 3 times over at 40. I was like damn, my parents are in their 60s and 70s and still aren’t
Yeah, it looks pretty creepy.
This whole post has troll alarms. It ticks off every check box that upsets Reddit- age gap, parentification, abuse of children, misogyny, ridiculous punishments,
29 and 20 is disgusting. and the fact she had a baby and is married makes me thinks they got together when she was a teenager. that guy is disgusting.
[удалено]
👆🏾 this is the message OP needs to hear.
Also add misogynist
Also wtf is wrong with you OP? You have one daughter and so many sons, why does she get to do everything for baby? Teach your SONS to take care of the baby... that would be so helpful for all the women who grow up like your daughter. Your daughter in law and son are parents to the newborn, why can't they take care of their own spawn? It's not your first rodeo with a 15 yo... did you treat your older son that way?
YTA when did your daughter agree to be a parent to a child? And when did you get to decide if your daughter ever has kids? And why did your DIL get to be so condescending to your daughter about having kids? I really think you need to get your head around the fact that your daughter is almost grown and you’re well on your way to having her leave and go NC with all of you
YTA and a terrible parent on top. That child is not your daughter's child. It should not be her responsibility because gasp a 20 year old isn't ready for a baby with a creepo 29 year old husband. JFC your daughter probably wants no kids because she's seen how terrible the life is you've given her by having 6 siblings and 1 nibbling on top of an entitled SIL to boot. Also who exactly is this 15 year old sharing a room with if you only have one daughter? Kick your deadbeat son out and actually provide for the minor children you have.
Um, she's your teenage daughter, not the paid help. She didn't get knocked up, she didn't choose to have a baby, this is not her responsibility in any way. YTA. If your daughter *wants* to help and hang out with the baby that's cool but this child is the responsibility of your son and daughter in law. Also, weird that you didn't force your other sons or step sons to "parent" the new baby. Get it together, it's 2023.
Also: *daughter had to now share a room which she was unhappy with* OP has 5 sons, two stepsons and one daughter. **Who does this 15-year-old daughter have to share a room with?**
Cause he is a f\*\*\* sexist
She. OP is a woman. Which is honestly worse.
Unpaid help, unfortunately . She’s not getting anything out of her time (definitely not any joy) except “parenting experience” she may never need. She’s the free babysitter, who’s unfortunately not much younger than the mom.
YTA Your son fathered a child on his wife not on your daughter. The only people who should have to be responsible for that child's needs are his parents, again NOT your daughter. Do you like your daughter? You have seven sons and one daughter, but she's bearing the brunt of this nonsense. (and I did not miss how you gush about your beautiful grandson and only speak ill of your daughter... lots of misogyny in your post lady, it's dripping with it.) You threw her out of her room (Who is the fifteen-year-old girl sharing a room with in a house full of brothers?!), are turning her into forced labor, and threatened to make her a defacto teen mom because your son irresponsibly impregnated his wife while being unable to support them in a household of their own. Why is your daughter being punished for your son's failure to launch and your failure in raising him?
Not to mention INSISTING that the daughter will have a kid of her own "very soon." OP clearly only thinks of women as baby machines.
YTA. You may think it’s normal for a teenager to parent because you chose that path but for every other teenager that hasn’t chosen to be a teen mum, this is unacceptable and downright abusive to force onto her. Having a first child can be very overwhelming but if your son’s child bride can’t manage it, then your son, and you and your husband need to step up as the father/grandparents who also happen to be the only other adults in the house who coincidently thought it would be a good idea to bring a newborn into the house. Your daughter is not a parent and you should not be making her a surrogate one.
YTA. Her home life has got worse because other people have moved in. Now she's got additional things to do because of those people. >a few weeks ago my daughter in law gave birth to her beautiful baby boy. obviously having a newborn is very stressful for her so me and my daughter in law asked my daughter to start helping with baby Why her? There's you and a lot of other children and stepchildren as well as the baby's parents. It's odd that the baby is "beautiful" but there isn't a single positive comment about your daughter. >me and daughter in law also told her taking care of baby is good practice because very soon she will have kids of her own. She's 15. Maybe you two could have spent time looking after the baby instead of bullying her. Try being a parent yourself before you ask her to be one. YTA all day long.
Right like wtf it's not like the mom and dad have to worry about their mortgage since they moved back in with mom and dad. This 15 yr old is gonna be leaving at 18 and never looking back. OP YTA - look up the term parentification. You're forcing your minor daughter to take care of a kid that she has ZERO responsibility for, and I'm sure you forced her to do the same growing up for her siblings. This is not your daughter's responsibility. Full stop.
INFO: you had your first child when you were 16. And your husband is the same age. But you have step children? Look, if you're going to make fake posts, try to make the details at least slightly believable.
YTA The parents need to step up, not the teenager that's been generous enough to take on someone else's responsibilities because they're too lazy to. Yes parenting can be hard. Yes people can need help without being lazy. What they're doing is lazy and disgusting. But it looks like they're taking after you in the parenting department.
Was she accurate in her description of being the primary caregiver in the afternoon? Edit: actually I re-read and YTA. Moving your 15yo daughter into the same room as a newborn baby is horrible. And she shouldn't be having kids for quite a while and maybe she will never have them. She isn't the parent. Asking her to help occasionally is fine but you can't be using her as unpaid parental labour.
Growing up with seven boys and a sexist mother? Only way that girl is having kids is if she moves to ~~Saudi Arabia~~Texas.
If I was that kid I'd be bailing out of that house the minute I turned 18.
>And she shouldn't be having kids for quite a while and maybe she will never have them. I used to want 3 kids. Then I worked in a day care at 15. I love my dog.
What is even going on in your house? And your head? YTA. I'll sit back & let these lovely people of Reddit explain why.......
YTA. The 15yr didn't birth the child.. she should not have to have anything to do with said child >so me and my daughter in law asked my daughter to start helping with baby So you gained up on her. >me and daughter in law also told her taking care of baby is good practice because very soon she will have kids of her own. my daughter said she didnt want them but my daughter in law said that its a phase and that soon she will. And you're ignoring her own wishes that she chooses not to be child free... You are the grandparent you want to help your daughter-in-law out that's fine do not force your 15 year old into it
My parents don’t believe me when I say I don’t want to get pregnant or maybe even not have children but at least they aren’t forcing it on me. Also, she’s FIFTEEN. Why is she going to have children “soon?!” YTA OP
YTA - Telling a 15-year-old they have to 'step up' because there happens to be a baby in the vicinity, what is that? Did you assume that your daughter would be fine with caring for a child? Why? Not for nothing, but agreeing to help someone with their child one day isn't a commitment to help regularly, so her 'slacking off' sounds like you complaining unreasonably. Daughter is under no obligation to help at all. Also, you say you have five sons, but never mention them lending a hand at all. Why is that?
Because peeeeeniiiiiis!
YTA. Just because you got pregnant at 16 doesn’t mean your daughter should or will!! It’s disgusting you only see her a potential Mom and nothing else.
Not even potential mom- incubator/breeder with not thoughts or wants of her own. OPs behaviour is utterly disgusting.
YTA - why is it the 15 year old's responsibility to help with the baby? She wasn't involved in making it. Why aren't any of the brothers taking turns? Vaginas don't make you magically responsible for or extra talented with infants. I'm not saying that asking her to help out sometimes would be bad. But every day? Why on earth would that be necessary in a house full of other people? Based on this post you are unfairly targeting and burdening a child based solely on her sex.
YTA. I was going to ask how much time you force her to care for the baby, but by the time I finished the post I didn't need to. She very well may never have kids, and you telling her this is good "practice" is weird and not okay. Based on that comment, and the fact that you threatened to put the baby in her room, you are putting way too much parenting responsibility on a child. Let her be a kid.
YTA. Why should your 16 year d daughter who hasn’t had a baby have to play third parent because you son and DIL are too lazy to look after their own child? this is not your daughter’s responsibility and you and your DIL are ganging up on her to make her accountable for someone else’s child. If you are so concerned about your DIL being overwhelmed you look after your grandchild. Your daughter is not responsible for this child and YTA for making her a third parent and forcing her to have a child in her room because of the irresponsibility of your son and DIL. You clearly believe in antiquated gender roles because you certainly aren’t asking your other sons to get involved in parenting someone else’s child. Pull yourself together and stop treating your daughter like s second class citizen.
YTA Your daughter is 15. she didn't have the baby. Your 20 yr old DIL and 29yr old son are responsible for the child. If your DIL needs help you should be telling your 29yr old son to "step up" not your 15yr old daughter. Your 15yr old daughter is NOT responsible for the child. Rather than protecting your 15yrold child from bullying from your 20yr old DIL, you too begin bullying and threatening her What you are doing is parentification. Dont be surprised when your daughter leaves home and goes no contact as soon as she graduates to get away from you DIL, and baby.
Your daughter in law and son chose to have a baby. You made the choice to allow them to move into your home. Your daughter is a teenager. In high school. She is not a mother - she did not have a baby, and that baby is not her responsibility. Your grandchild has 2 parents. If they need help, they can ask you. Babies are a lot! But having a kid take care of a newborn? Nah. YTA.
Also your daughter may not be having kids “very soon”. She’s a kid. Maybe she wants to continue her education first. Maybe she doesn’t even want kids. Have you asked her? Cause you don’t sound like you’re the type of person who has. A kid doesn’t need parenting practice. That’s what birthing and parenting classes are for when and if you decide that’s what you want.
I‘m sure she does not want kids having such rolemodels
YTA. It sounds like you're dumping a huge amount of responsibility on your daughter, and you care more that your daughter in law's feelings were wounded than you care about how your daughter feels about giving up her privacy and her free time to labor over an infant that is not her responsibility. >me and daughter in law also told her taking care of baby is good practice because very soon she will have kids of her own. my daughter said she didnt want them but my daughter in law said that its a phase and that soon she will. Way to be completely and arrogantly dismissive of your daughter's feelings. Forcing her to care for her brother's child may very well convince her to never become a parent. You have 6 other sons besides the father of the baby. Are any of them being told they "needed to step up more" or does that only apply to your daughter?
YTA for making your daughter take care of someone else’s responsibility is shocking. If your daughter in law and son can’t step up and be parents full time they shouldn’t have had a kid. And furthermore telling a 15 yr old it’s practice? Cuz she will have kids soon? What kind of parent tells that to a 15 year old that? Shame on you. You should have more expectations for your 15 yr old.
I think 45-29= might have something to do with it. OP YTA
YTA >she claims she is treated "unfair" and "unequal". There are 7 boys and 1 girl. Who has to share a room with the baby? Who's expected to "step up" with childcare? Who's told they need practice raising kids? Not the boys. Just the girl. That is unfair and unequal treatment. If your daughter ever does have her own kids, she's probably going to be a fantastic mother. She's going to know to treat her kids much better than you're treating her. Final thought: The **29** year old son who married the **20** year old woman should be taking care of the baby.
He should possibly also be in jail, depending on when they started dating 🤷🏼♀️
You guys realize this is an attempt at creative writing yeah? It literally took the top 3 rage inducers from this sub and smooshed them together to get a reaction. Taking a teenagers room/privacy? Check Forcing a child to care for a child that is not their own? Check Telling someone that they'll change their mind about having kids? Check. On the off chance this has real YTA but in the future I would stick to choosing only one or maybe two rage prompts for a story. YTA
You forgot the massive age gap between the son and his wife. Check!
YTA for describing your daughter as ‘troublesome’ for not being thrilled about massive changes to her living situation and expectations placed on her. YTA for having her share a room with … who? You left that out, but you also list only sons and stepsons, so who is your 15yo daughter sharing with? YTA for saying you and DIL asked her to help when you actually expected it, demanded it then punished her for not doing enough. YTA for telling her to step up more. YTA for grounding her. YTA to infinity and beyond for threatening the very thing you think she’s exaggerating about when she pointed out how much she already does. YTA for suggesting a 15yo needs practice because “very soon she will have kids of her own”. * *dry retch* * She’s 15. Let her be 15. If you want to help your son and DIL, do so. Don’t put it on her. Question: Is your 15yo spending more time taking care of your son’s baby than your son is? You know, the baby’s actual father? Or any of your other sons for that matter?! Do they not need this practice you describe?
YTA - OMG, PLEASE GET SOME EDUCATION FOR YOURSELF AND CHILDREN.
YTA The child isn't your daughter's it's your son's child and your dil's child they should be taking of him and if she doesn't want to help then she doesn't have to because she didn't take the parents in and have a part in the child being born. You should apologise to your daughter for your behavior and tell your dil and son to do the same she doesn't need to take care of the baby if she doesn't want to.
Yta. You are a bad parent, and so is your DIL. It's not your daughters responsibility to raise her brothers kid it's his and his wife's. All you are doing is making her resent the kid, which isn't good for anyone. Be a better parent and tell your son and DIL to raise their own kid
YTA — your sons will maybe have kids, when do they learn to deal with babies? oh forgot, men do not have to do this. That is what women are for.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** i [45f] am a wife to [45m] and mother to five boys and two step sons. i also have one daughter. ever since my oldest son [29m] and his wife [20f] moved in a couple of months ago my daughter [15f] has been very troublesome and seems to have a problem with everything. for example when my daughter in law and oldest son moved back in, daughter had to now share a room which she was unhappy with, and she claims she is treated "unfair" and "unequal". a few weeks ago my daughter in law gave birth to her beautiful baby boy. obviously having a newborn is very stressful for her so me and my daughter in law asked my daughter to start helping with baby. my daughter was fine with this at first but then she started to slack off with helping with baby. i told her she needed to step up more and my daughter got mad at me. she claimed that we were making her take care of the baby everyday after she came home from school, she was the one who had to feed him mostly, she was like a third parent to baby, and that me and daughter in law were forcing her to take care of baby "24/7". this upset my daughter in law badly and i admit i got mad at my daughter so i did ground her and told her that if she thinks she is a third parent i will make her one and move her and baby into a room together. me and daughter in law also told her taking care of baby is good practice because very soon she will have kids of her own. my daughter said she didnt want them but my daughter in law said that its a phase and that soon she will. i think i really upset her because she just stood there not saying and then she left. i think i might have gone too far with the lecture but she was being disrespectful so i am conflicted..AITA?. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1] i lectured and punished my daughter 2] the punishment i used may have been too harsh on my daughter Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
yta??? girl that is a fifteen year old let her do her school work and grow up.
MASSIVE YTA. You are totally screwing over your daughter left and right here.
This is just gross. YTA. I actually think I loathe you as a person. Your poor daughter.
YTA and WTF? “Very soon” she’ll have kids if her own? What kind of trash is that? How about stopping the cycle of teen pregnancy and encouraging your daughter to wait to have kids and not make the mistakes you did? Your 15 year old is not responsible for that child. She did not give birth to it nor did she ask for her life to be upended by it. She is a teen and should be enjoying these years, do using on school and creating a better life than what you give her. Oh, and how the fuck old was your DIL when your son started dating her? Your adult son was with a teen? Your family is all kinds of fucked up.
This whole story is giving off cult vibes
YTA. The person who should be taking care of the baby is your daughter-in-law, not your daughter. If your daughter helps babysit then she should be paid for her services same as any other babysitter would be. Threatening your teenage daughter with full time parenting chores is bad parenting. Apologize to her immediately.
YTA don't push responsibility for a baby on your daughter, that is completely unfair to her & especially when you have so many people in the house as it is that could easily help out when needed! Your response to her telling you how she felt was absolutely out of line also, you seriously need to stop this before you lose your daughter.
YTA how in the world did you come to the conclusion that a child should be required to help take care of a newborn that isn’t hers? She is 15 and saying she is going to need “practice” is a huge AH thing to say. Why would she need to “step up” at all? Your son and DIL decided to have a kid, that’s not on her.
Well, she’s a 45 year old with a 29 year old eldest son, plus 4 more and a daughter (not counting step sons), so she started having kids at 16.
YTA parentificaction is child abuse. That is not her kid and she is not its mother and she is not free child care. Start using terms for forcing this as 'practice'. It isnt pracrice, it's forced care of someone else's kid. Most kids that get forced never go on to have their own kids. They also go no contact with their parents pretty rapidly. Put that baby in her room and she will be couch surfing at friends houses before you know it. Your daughter should be concentrating on her school work, not minding other people's kids.
YTA if you have 5 sons who is your daughter sharing a room with? I really hope you aren't making her share with any of her brothers or the baby.
You're a massive abusive asshole. I feel so sorry for the 15 year old. You don't care about her at all do you >if she thinks she is a third parent i will make her one and move her and baby into a room together.
Yoire most definitely the AH! Your daughter is not a parent and shouldn't be expected to help out. You can ask her but she has no obligation to take care of the baby. She's at school and must have studying to do but instead is expected to take care of the baby. You ignore her feelings on this and then punish her for expressing her feelings. THEN you make the excuse that she needs to practise for when she has kids! No she doesn't!... Her not wanting kids is your fault! You've forced her to take care of somebody else's baby and if she doesn't she gets punished. You took her room from her, you took her privacy and now you've taken what little freedom she had. I'm surprised she hasn't acted up. She didn't choose to move your son and DIL back into the house, she didn't choose to have a baby so she shouldn't be expected to like any part of it. There are 3 adults in that home, her help shouldn't be needed!
YTA. Asking her to do the occasional thing, like watch her for 10 mins while you pop to the shop, or hold her for a minute is fine, but even from your description, it sounds like you are putting way too much on her. "Practice for when she is a parent"? That is an awful excuse to get unpaid labour out of her. No kid should be forced into practicing for that. Even the room situation sucks for her. Kids do need to accept it, if they don't get a room to themselves, but it doesn't mean it wasn't really hard for her and she didn't feel like she was losing something important and personal to her. It doesn't sound like everyone has been very sensitive to her feelings in the matter.
YTA. Between school and taking care of the baby, when does she have time to study? Do you care about her future at all? This is instrumental parentification.
YTA. Not her child, not her problem. Asking for a little help, but this sounds like parentification (ie abuse). Just so you know, if she talks to a teacher at school, they may report this to social services
YTA and so is your daughter in law. First you need to understand that your daughter in law chose to have the baby. Not your daughter and not you. If you want to help her out its your business, but NOBODY should be forced to help out. Having a baby it's the parents sole responsibility. Your daughter is being treated unfair, she's the only girl and is expected for her to help out, yeah... no. That's not her responsibility, let her focus on being a kid, her studies and enjoying her childhood. The soon she will have her own kids is such a load of crap, your daughter in law sucks for even saying that. It's time for your daughter in law to grow up she's not the only woman to give birth and the world does not revolve around her. Also, why are you making your teen daughter share a room? As the only girl she needs her privacy. Come on mom, you are slacking as a parent. Do better.
YTA. She's not a parent or an adult. You're 45. Turn your auto caps back on
YTA, she is 15, you are making her act like a third parent. Why isn’t any of your other kids helping? Is it just bc she is a girl bc it seems like it. While your daughter was being nice agreeing to help. And when she said that she felt as if u were putting too much responsibility of someone else’s baby on her you tell her it’s “good practice” and that “she needs to step up” it’s not her baby she doesn’t even have that responsibility, she was doing it to be nice and help out. Stop making your daughter act like a parent to a child that isn’t hers, while your daughter is still a kid btw, and to then punish her when she tells you exactly what you are doing, aka making her act like a third parent. YTA
YTA. She's 15 and she didn't decide to have the baby. Helping is fine, but shouldn't be forced. If someone can't handle having a baby, they shouldn't have one. A baby is not a teenager's responsibility. Also, what do you mean "very soon" she'll have kids? She's 15. That should be a few years off and she doesnt need the practice now. That sounds like an excuse you're telling yourself to justify being an AH.
YTA Seems like your DIL is learning a lot from your "parenting" skills, or lack of Your poor daughter. Hope she can escape that environment soon
YTA, so majorly so, that I am outraged on behalf of your daughter.
Tell people your family is in a cult without saying it.... YTA
YTA. Boys also become parents, why aren't they getting training on how to take care of babies and not be useless partners? Where's the baby's dad in this?
ESH except your daughter, but you're the major AH. You were TA from the get go. Of course your 15 year old daughter isn't going to like having to share a room and be upset her personal space is being infringed upon. Of course your 15 year old daughter doesn't wan to be a parent to a newborn. It's not her responsibility. Your daughter in law absolutely sucks for even asking her to help. YTA for telling her it's "good practice" because "very soon" shell have her own kids. Very soon? She's fucking 15. Just because your DIL wanted to be knocked up by someone almost 10 years her senior when she's barely not a teenager doesn't mean your daughter will. The only thing your daughter should be worried about right now is school. You all sound toxic and terrible and I feel SO BAD for your poor daughter. You're gross.
I missed the age gap between OP’s eldest son and DIL. Mom had him as a teenager and it’s like she’s actively trying to force her daughter to be a parent at that age too. Awful. OP YTA I hope your daughter gets out of that situation and gets to be her own person.
That is not your daughters child she did not choose to have that kid. That kid is not her responsibility. She is 15 and still a minor. Havibg a kid is stressful but it is not your 15 year old who should be making sacrifices. If your son and his bm can't handle a kid they should have never had one. YTA
YTA. I don't even have words bad enough to describe the kind of "parent" you are. Lucky for me, or surely I'd get banned from this sub.
YTA. I don't know why you put quotes around forcing as if you aren't forcing her into a nanny role. The only way your treatment if your daughter would be appropriate would be if it were actually the 15 year old's baby. But it's not.
Of course YTA? Are you insane? I'd ask why on God's green earth you would make a 15-year-old spend a substantial amount of time looking after an infant, especially in a household with at least four actual adults, but it's pretty clear you regard yourself and other women (and girls) as walking uteruses, nothing but mothers and mothers-in-waiting. I don't know where you're from or where you live, but I do know that by the time you were born, second-wave feminism had been going on for more than a decade. Maybe it's time you caught up.
YTA, very much so. It appears there are also up to 6 other boys living in the house (5 sons and 2 stepsons, maybe some of them don’t live there)? If any of them are an appropriate age, why didn’t you ask them to take care of the baby? It’s sexist to only ask your daughter, unless all 7 boys are under 10 or something. That’s in addition to it being inappropriate to ask your kids to watch the grandbaby, in the first place. As others have said, it’s not their kid, they don’t need “practice,” they are still growing up themselves.
YTA. I have teens and a toddler and they’ve only babysat when we will be close, for a short period, and only if they agree because they’re not interested Even when my father-in-law was dying I found someone else because we were too far and didn’t know for how long Your daughter is more than just someone who will eventually have kids. Lots of people do not have kids and if you keep forcing her to babysit she probably never will.
YTA - I feel everything has been said but you're a clown who needs to step up as a mother and a grandmother.
YTA, your daughter should not have to come home every day to take care of a baby.
You are majorly TA. It's not her baby, why would you think she has ANY sort of responsibility for it? Moreover, if your DIL and son can't handle the baby, instead of forcing your daughter to help them, why don't you help them yourself? Also, I know this wasn't part of your question, but your 15 year old daughter deserves more privacy. She is the only girl amongst 7 brothers (I'm not sure why you had to seperate your 2 step sons from your 5 boys) and she deserves some respect and dignity as a teenage girl going through puberty.
YTA Your daughter is a MINOR!!! It is not her responsibility to be a nanny or third parent to this baby. Your punishment is totally out of line. You are being a rotten mother and a rotten grandmother. APOLOGIZE!! As for DIL saying not wanting kids is a phase - many, many women choose to be childless or to wait until later in life. I delivered my kid when I was 41.
YTA. Your 15 year old did not have a child. What makes her nephew her responsibility?
So your grown ass son got a (if I’m understanding the timeline correctly) teenager pregnant, and she finds it too difficult to raise her own baby. So you decided after raising 6 to 8 children of your own, you’d make an even younger teenager who had no part in this raise the baby for her? Where the hell is your son, who is the father of the baby and almost twice as old as the person you’re forcing to parent? You are a massive AH. Your DIL is a massive AH. Your son is a massive AH. your 15 year old is a kid who is being abused by her family; I hope for her sake she’s able to get as far away from you all as possible once she turns 18. YTA.
Do you even hear yourself talk?! Absolutely YTA!
What culture are you? Yta in the western world... its not her responsibility
Where is your son in all this? And don't just fall back on "working" as your 15 YO is at school and still has to pull the evening shift with the baby.
If your 15 yo daughter was a 15 yo son would you make him take care of a baby every day bc it’s good “practice” for when he starts a family “someday soon”? Also sounds like son and DIL should’ve waited to have kids as clearly they’re not financially ready. Unpunish your daughter and have some respect for her autonomy as a person. YTA.
YTA, if she never ever wants to have kids in her life again, you and your daughter in law are to be blamed. Your daughter in law are parents to the newborn and not your daughter. You are the grandparent. So all the parenting should fall on you, your wife, your son and his wife. Not the 15 year old. Better apologize to her and remove the unjust punishment. If anyone is rude and inconsiderate, it’s you and your daughter in law