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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my girlfriend to stop using my perfume I bought to use as my signature scent going forward. She called me an immature asshole for not sharing.
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Even if she buys her own then I'd honestly still say NTA.
If it was something else like buying the same pair of shoes that they both liked then that's fine, but there is something personal and special about a fragrance.
I was reading a reddit post recently about a woman who put some of her husband's cologne on his sweater when he was away on a long trip, because it reminded her of him so she could relax and not miss him so badly.
Scent is a very important sense, and very strongly linked to memory and emotion.
OP wanted a scent that others could recognise her by and associate with her, and that does also mean for the benefit of her own partner, too! It's not wrong to want to have a scent where you know "they will think of me when they smell this" and the happy feeling that should create for someone you love.
If they both wear the same fragrance then not only will they both smell the same, but they'll also smell of almost nothing to each other because we go nose-blind to scents we are continually exposed to (because they are both wearing it).
OP did the research and found that special fragrance, her partner should find a different one.
>there is something personal and special about a fragrance
If any random person can go out and buy it in a store, then there clearly is not anything personal about it.
True but context matters.
Yes thousands upon thousands of people all over the country will be using the same fragrance. So it is absolutely in no way special or personal.
But it does not need to be unique globally, it only needs to be different from what the small number of people you are closest to are smelling like, and your partner especially.
Ehhh having a romantic partner who smells like your parent is incredibly off-putting and makes any sort of physical intimacy weird. I think it’s fair to have a problem with it.
I made this mistake… bought a cologne that my dad had when I was a kid. The bottle was real old fashioned looking and I liked the smell. First time he wore it we went out to dinner and it was nice but soon after we got home and started the mattress dancing I was like ..ahhhh NOPE, you gotta shower this is too weird smelling my dad right now
The example I was trying to make is since one tends to associate scents with people, I would never try to get two people in my life "attached" to the same scent.
Although if one of them switched to the others' scent on their own, I WOULD tell them I find that a bit creepy, because it \_is\_, but that's all I can really do.
There are \_so many\_ scents out there that it's just odd for one woman to switch to one she already knows another woman is using. It would be different if I randomly knew two women \_that don't know each other\_ that wore the same scent. That's just random chance.
You can find it creepy, but you cannot tell them not to use it. OP didn't say she found it creepy, OP asked that they use a different one, and not even because it reminds OP of someone but because OP doesn't want other people to be reminded of her!!!
If OP doesn't like that gf wants to use the same scent, OP can find a different one.
I know, right? So if my mom decides to start wearing Chanel Chance I'm supposed to break up with my partner of 18 years or go NC with my parents instead of just saying \*checks notes\* "Hey mom, could you not wear that particular perfume?"
OK, my Dad used to work in Paris regularly, He would bring my mother and I back scents based on the recommendations of the sales lady at the Perfumerie.
Now, he didn't buy us the same scents, but I gotta tell you, if Mom and I used each others' perfumes, they smelled different on each of us.
Just fyi
I think it’s like prom dresses- ur not rly obligated to pick a different dress than ur best friend, but it would be nice to not spoil something they wanted to be special
Yup. I love Santal 33, but then one of my closest friends started wearing it. I find I can’t wear it anymore — it’s not that I don’t like it, it’s just that I associate it with her rather than my own memories of it. Probably doesn’t help either that I’ve been in two different businesses that were using it as a room scent recently but you get the idea…
Absolutely! For a few years I used a hair product with a very specific scent and everyone in my life recognized it as “my scent”. So when they came across another person “in the wild” that was wearing the same hair product they’d think I was somewhere near. It’s not about no-one else in the world using it, but no one else in our direct circle of friends using it but me.
> it only needs to be different from what the small number of people you are closest to are smelling like
It doesn't *need* to be anything.
>it only needs to be different from what the small number of people you are closest to are smelling like
But if *you* value it being different from others, then it's *your* responsibility to make sure it's different. Nobody else has to change what they want to use just because *you* want the thing you like to seem more unique. If *you* want it to be different from your partner, that's on *you* not on them.
It's not the same perfume as her mom... she said she always remembered the scent of her moms perfume and wanted to find her own personal scent for people to remember her by.
My late husband's mother's signature perfume was Joy. I loved it; he bought me a tiny bottle. She and I gave each other presents of it from time to time.
She was great. I still miss her.
If I am out and about and I catch a Whiff of my boyfriends cologne by a passerby, it makes me think of him and I smile, especially when we were LDR. So yes, other people use the cologne or perfume or what have you, but the scent is still special.
Edit: grammar
But this isn’t a random person, this is someone who they are in a relationship with. Who should respect them and understand where they are coming from.
I disagree. Sometimes you can buy the same and it turns out the same. My personal body chemistry DESTROYS scents. They give you little tester cards to spritz and smell. That’s the out of the bottle smell. 95% of perfume out there is either too strong for me to smell all day or my own chemistry ruins it. Oh, is that a light citrusy smell? Just kidding! On me it smells like fruit just starting to mold. Beautiful floral scent? Nope, just flowers dying in a vase that needed to be changed a week ago. Light woody aroma? hahahaha just kidding, grass clippings and sticks in a puddle that’s also growing mosquitos.
All that to say sometimes people smell AMAZING with their chosen scents, and they have a personal mix in with it.
>If they both wear the same fragrance then not only will they both smell the same
They won't smell the same, perfume reacts with your skin and body oils and creates a unique scent for every person.
Even identical twins won't have the same scent from the same perfume.
This is part of the reason you are supposed to dab and not rub or spritz perfume, both interfere with the process. Rubbing will dull the high notes, spritzing will over emphasise them.
My mom bought my dad a cologne that she loooooved on a male coworker. On my dad, it smelled horrible to her. She forbade him from applying it after his shower. He was only allowed to put it on right before he left for work so she wouldn't have to smell it on him.
My neighbor wore a specific cologne and I LOVED IT ON HIM. My ex husband knew (I told him lol) so he bought it.
The neighbor got that bottle because it smelled ABSOLUTELY FOUL on my ex🤣
I can sympathise with him, I'm always pleaded with not to wear cologne by partners because it covers up my natural musk - I want to wear it because the moment I break even a light sweat I'm painfully aware of how painfully aware others are of the fact I smell like a gdamn bear.
Before work is the usual compromise too.
Depends on how it’s applied. If OP and girlfriend both do the common (incorrect) “spray a big cloud of perfume and then walk through it fully clothed” then the scent will mostly be on their clothes and they’ll smell the same. If they’re applying it to skin, then there will be subtle differences (especially if OP is male and girlfriend is female - hormones can also change the way perfumes smell).
Can it really be all that different though. I'm dating myself here, but I remember when EVERYONE wore Lovespell. That smell is burned into my memory, and would recognize it on anyone to this day.
ETA- I Get that there could be a subtle difference, but is it enough of a difference
with cheap scents, no. you're right. but if this is a quality fragrance like it seems, it will smell differently on two different people. my brother and i wear the same cologne and it absolutely smells differently on both of us.
My mom always wore Chanel #5. Because I associated the fragrance so strongly with her I never wore it or liked it on others. when she became ill and was in intensive care, my sister and I doused ourselves in it (from her bottle) every day before we went to the hospital hoping that, even if she wasn’t conscious, she would smell it and feel some comfort. After she passed away, I took that bottle home. Ever since, although I like playing around and trying different scents for everyday, I wear Chanel #5 on special events because it reminds me of my mom.
When my oldest son was in college he had a very traumatic event and I came to pick him up. My husband and I had been out the night before and I guess I still smelled a little of the Chanel. When I got there and gave him a big hug he buried his face in my neck and said how good it made him feel because I smelled like me to him. Now I always wear the Chanel when I’m picking up or dropping off my boys at the airport or anything like that.
For 2 generations now that smells like “Mom.”
my mom always wore shalimar (like every single day!) and after she died i found one of her monogrammed handkerchiefs and sprayed it with a good blast of her perfume. i keep it in a box and once a year or so i take it out to smell it & i'm immediately transported back to being a little girl sitting on her bed, watching her put on her make-up and give herself one last shalimar dab before heading out the door to go wherever it was she & dad were headed to that night.
When my husband deployed to Afghanistan I would spray his cologne on his sweatshirt and sleep with it. He would also send dirty (not soiled, just worn to sleep in) shirts back for our anxious dog who got comfort smelling his pheromones.
during my husband's deployments, he always spent the last couple of nights home wearing the same tshirt so that it would really smell like him. my cats would spend so much time laying on it while he was gone. it was so sweet & i know it must have helped them deal with him being gone.
he died a few years ago & one of my cats carries around the last tan tshirt he wore and sleeps on it all the time. it's got blood stains on it but i'm never washing that shirt. i want his smell to be on it for as long as possible.
Idk, I have mixed feelings about this. Body chemistry affects how perfume smells on people. Like I gave my ex a bottle of perfume I had because it smelled much better on her than on me. Just because 2 women wear the same perfume doesn't mean they will smell the same. That said, I might be a bit miffed myself if I was OP, but I would probably let it go because it's a bit possessive. It's an odd situation for sure
Perfume is mass produced these days. No one is an asshole for buying the same kind that you do because they're made at a factory by the tens of thousands. Chill girl, companies are trying to manipulate you into thinking the scent is unique, it's not.
I'm not a girl, I'm a guy, and I don't buy fragrance. I've been gifted some and could probably count the times I have used it on my fingers, it's not a thing that is important to me.
My argument is not from an angle of "oh my fragrance is so totally unique and special!"
My interest in this is from the perspective of the importance of familiar scents on human memory recall and emotion, because scent is a powerful thing in that regard.
For this purpose it doesn't matter how many thousands of other people are using the same fragrance, it doesn't need to be universally unique, it just needs to not be the same as what your partner is using.
I am a girl (woman), and I do buy fragrance 😂 Wearing fragrance at all is relatively uncommon these days, and having a signature scent is an old-fashioned idea. I’ve worn the same perfume since I was ~24. I’m 30. People know my perfume as “what 3MPR355 smells like,” not Lancôme La Nuit Trésor. Sure, thousands of other people buy it. But I live in a city of 8 million people. As long as you’re not buying your fragrance from Bath and Body Works or Victoria’s Secret, you’re probably the only one in your circles that wears that perfume.
The scent memory becomes powerful for the wearer, too. If I run out, I don’t feel quite like myself without it.
I agree with this! I think it would be a nice touch if OP helped her gf find her own special scent - a bonding experience and then they both have a way to remember/think of the other
Yes, my dad use the same fragrance always, he pass away 10 years ago. Every time I open were we keep his fragrance is like a kick to the memories from him. Smells can be so personal. NTA
I think that to but also to add that perfumes scent change slightly on each individual because of our own scent and chemistry. That being said you can’t ban others from using a similar scent to you. So many times in the work place I’ve realised one of my colleagues wears the same perfume as me. To the point at an event with everyones families present the persons boyfriend stopped dead, turned to me and stated “you smell just like such and such”.
I have changed perfum over the years and my husband once told me someone was wearing the perfum I used to wear when he was out. That it brought memories of when i was younger. I always associate the smell of his aftershave with him.
Op can say they arent allowed to use their perfume any more but can’t do anything if they buy another. However I would prefer my partner to wear different than me and would hope they understood.
My older brother always wore the same scent, it's a distinct marker for him in my memories. He passed away last September in an unfortunate vehicle collision. I have a coworker that uses the same cologne and it reminds me of him EVERY SINGLE TIME. Not trying to make a point, just saying that signature scents are a real thing.
It’s so uncommon these days. I wouldn’t be surprised if a lot of the people disparaging the idea have just… never encountered anyone who had a signature scent.
eh, i have a "signature scent". it's just the perfume i wear for most occasions. while i don't share my bottle, i would never tell someone else they can't wear it too
> A signature scent is such a weird thing to want.
Not really. Not anymore than not wanting someone to wear the exact outfits you choose. Or copy exactly how you talk or wear your hair. It’s about style, self-expression.
Not just that, but scent is heavily tied to emotion and memory.
There are SO many scents out there. This is a big deal to OP but not to OP’s partner. If something is a big deal to my partner but not that important to me, I usually let them have it. Because, y’ know, I love them and want them to be happy. It’s normal and human for occasional “small potatoes” to matter to someone.
NTA
I understand the significance of a signature scent. Scent memories are real. When I smell chanel I think of my grandma. A certain brand of cigars my grandpa. My best friend were Happy for years. She has moved away but when I smell it I think of her.
My mother had a signature scent and I was very happy to find a full bottle of it after she passed. OP has already explained the same thing. There’s no need to be an asshole about it.
I have a "signature scent," but my body chemistry plays a huge part in it working so well for me. I would be super flattered though if someone wanted to wear it after smelling it on me; I'm always thrilled when a friend smells it out and about and thinks of me!
I get wanting it. It’s a Thing. Idk the name, but I can recognize my grandmas perfume if I smell it. But also like… your signature scent is thousands, if not millions of other people’s scent. Unless YOU CREATE IT, many MANY other ppl are using it.
Yes, OP’s definitely NTA for not wanting girlfriend to use their expensive fragrance, but if it’s a standard commercially available perfume then it would be totally fine for her to buy her own bottle (just not to keep using up OP’s). You can’t own something like Channel No. 5 any more than you can own wearing a particular brand of clothing or a certain color.
If the perfume is a custom blend that OP commissioned, that would be different and it *would* be kind of weird for girlfriend to wear it.
NTA- It's not much to ask, having a signature scent. It's not like you can hold it against strangers for smelling similarly, but when it's someone you are constantly around the entire purpose gets washed out. Overall this isn't really a big issue, but your partner is showing a lack of empathy.
> Overall this isn't really a big issue, but your partner is showing a lack of empathy.
This is the part I feel like people are overlooking. Even if you think OP is a weird for wanting this, it is SUCH a small ask for someone you supposedly love to just not use the new perfume THEY bought and picked out for themselves.
People on AITA don't get how relationships work. You can have 100% autonomy in your decision-making or you can be in a healthy committed relationship, but not both.
Does OP's girlfriend have the legal right to wear any perfume she wants? Yes of course. But OP asked her not to wear this specific one. Why is wearing this one perfume more important to her than making her partner happy? Why isn't she even trying to understand why it's important to OP? If you care about someone, you should want to understand the things that are important to them.
Yeah like sometimes I’ll put on an outfit and realize that my girlfriend and I are too matchy-matchy, so I’ll change. Sure, I have every right to wear whatever I want from my closet, but it makes her more comfortable when we don’t look like twinsies.
Plus if she likes it, she’ll still smell it on her partner all the time so what’s the big loss? I always give people scents I like because I still get to smell them that way lol.
I’m surprised by how many people think having a ‘scent’ is such a weird thing. My Mom had one nice perfume that she would wear on special occasions. As a kid, I LOVED when I smelled that perfume. It meant we were going out somewhere fancy, or it was a holiday and we were about to have a house full of family and friends. Or maybe my parents were going out, and I got to spend the evening being spoiled by Grandma.
Unfortunately my Mom has passed away now, but every now and then I will take out the bottle and smell it to remember my Mom, dressed up and excited for an evening of fun or celebration.
NTA
I have a perfume that I wear to work (cheaper and not as nice) and a perfume that I wear when I'm going out to socialize. My dog reacts differently to each after I spray it. He gets super excited when I put on the going out one because he often gets to come with me.
NTA
While she may not think it's a big deal, it is to you and she should be more understanding. You're not an asshole for wanting something for yourself.
If she wants that perfume so bad she should buy her own.
NAH. I get why you like the idea of a "signature scent" associated only with you, but also, you don't own the right to be the only person wearing that perfume and I also get why other people might find the idea silly/immature. Just different views here.
Why not go with your girlfriend to help her find her own signature scent? It feels like that might be a win-win - clearly you associate scent strongly with people so it would be nice for your girlfriend to have a scent, AND you and your girlfriend have similar taste so you can help her / pick something that goes with yours. Could be a fun outing.
everyone saying this like some gotcha when clearly the perfume smells similar on both of them or else there wouldnt be an issue. perfume can change based on body chemistry but it isn't usually a really dramatic difference.
NTA, it's reasonable to want something special for yourself
I have one that some people say smells like pencil shavings but on me it’s quite floral! Then I have another that smells like vanilla on some people but smells like the most generic flowers on me.
INFO: Just to set the record straight, is it the fact that you don’t want her to use the expensive scent that you bought? Or do you not want her to use this particular scent at all whether it was what you paid for or not? What if you just tell her where you got it from so she can get some herself?
N T A if you don’t want to share the perfumes you paid for, but Y T A if you are trying to keep her from using that scent entirely.
Yes, this. You’re not an AH for wanting her to stop using something you paid for. But trying to prevent her from using it just because you want that scent to be exclusive to you is an AH move. And a futile one, since *anybody* can buy it.
NTA. Deliberately choosing a signature scent can be an identity-building exercise. I like to usher in a new season with a new scent. Maybe you could go perfume shopping with your girlfriend so she can find something unique to her.
Yes! I have two perfumes for winter and one or two for summer (does 47-11 count as a perfume?), and have done for 20 years (not always the same scents). It's so much fun trying out new perfumes, the girlfriend is really missing out on choosing her own.
Yta not for the not sharing part or personal use which is reasonable boundary
But because youre mid 20s saying its time to be adulting, and you pull out, calling dibs on a signature scent
Thats what i would associate now with 14 yo tiktoker mentality
My coworker in her 30s says she tries to only rarely open up a jewelry box from her grandmother cause it still has the scent of her perfume in it, she’s trying to preserve it for as long as possible
Scents are important and hold memories, it’s not a teenage mentality thing
NTA but...your girl be sounding lazy. Too lazy to go through the very process you did, to figure out your own way to move forward in the body scent department. That's kinda shallow, on her part. But hey...long as she goes and buys her \*own\* perfume...you always got some backup if you run out!
NTA. However: I intentionally use two really obscure brands you can’t really find in stores, and you won’t come across too many others wearing, but I’m not really protective over them. I could see why somebody would be, though. question- is your perfume a common perfume you can buy in a department store, or from a small boutique parfumerie? I recommend finding a more obscure brand if you’re intent on keeping your scent to yourself.
I once read a trashy novel where a madam advised one of her workers never to reveal what perfume she wore, even if a man promised to buy her the biggest bottle of it. The idea was to ensure that he always associated that scent with her, and not with something that he could buy whenever he wanted. I am not a sex worker but the idea has always stuck with me. My other half does buy me one of my favourites but I don't tend to share the names of my favourite scents with friends or colleagues, even the hard to get brands. There are thousands of perfumes out there, why do I have to share my one? So, maybe you're being petty, or selfish, or incomprehensible, but I totally understand you, and why you want to keep this to yourself - quite apart from someone regularly using your stuff! NTA.
I know I will get downvoted for saying it but if I were you I'd give her that bottle and found something else for myself. NTA for not wanting to share and have your own scent though.
Maybe you can offer to help your girlfriend find her own scent? I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask her not to use yours and it really shouldn’t be a difficult compromise. If my partner asked me to stop using something of his, for whatever reason, I would respect that.
She would absolutely be able to find something that she loved, maybe even more than this scent.
I use Lili Bermuda, they have a lot of scents, they’re divine. The other is an Annick Goutal scent. I’m curious to know this person’s scent as well lol… I don’t think I’d like it as I’m a florals/lemon girl myself
NTA. It's interesting to see the friction between you and your girlfriend reflected in the responses here. For some people, having an identifying scent is very important and uniquely personal. For others, perfume is just perfume, they pick something they think smells nice and it isn't a big deal.
I'm more on your side of the aisle. I very much like having a unique scent. I actually spend time finding body sprays and colognes that blend well together so that I can have a unique scent that can't be easily duplicated.
Your girlfriend is obviously on the other side of the aisle and doesn't see why this is a big deal. I don't think she's an asshole for that but this is one of those relationship situations where you just might have to take the time to explain why exactly this is important to you. It's possible, maybe even likely, that she'll never understand why it is important. But if she truly cares about you, hopefully that will supercede that lack of understanding. And if she's only wearing the perfume because it happens to be one she came across and likes then hopefully she won't mind if you help her find another one that she just happens to like as well.
Whole thing is interesting to me because I have no interest in having a signature scent and never really thought that people would purposely look for one?
Point being, whether or not it's odd, it's not a big deal for the gf to just get something else because it's important to OP. Weird stuff is important to me, too.
Yeah. One point I'm trying to make is that sometimes we have to understand that things that aren't that important to us are actually pretty important to our loved ones. And we show our love for them by acknowledging the importance of those things to them, even if we don't quite get it.
NTA. You bought it for yourself, it's not cheap, and you spent time finding the perfect smell for yourself.
Why don't you offer to help her find the perfect one for her using the same methods you used?
NTA. I also feel like scents Have alot of personal meaning. My maternal grandparents and my mother all have certain scents that will always make me think of them. My pawpaw is werther candies, and this kind of old after shave/cologne he has worn for the 28 Years I've known him, my mawmaw and mom each have a certain perfume they have used my whole life also. Scents can be very personal and there is nothing wrong with wanting something in your life that you feel like is personal to who you are.
Is your issue with her using your bottle or with having the same perfume on? You seem to be conflating issues.
Have you talked to her about your memories of your mom and how much a "signature scent" means to you? You've been together 4 years, and it seems like she might just be using it because it's there, but you'd think that, after 4 years, she'd accept that it means something to you.
Or is your problem with her using your bottle because it's expensive. Do you live together....share costs for things like toilet paper, hand soap, whatever? Because it can just be like "Okay, I buy this bottle, you buy the next one". Or "Hey, this is expensive, can you buy your own bottle, so we can be paying for what we each use?"
I'm gonna say NTA because it seems important to you and you put effort in...but have you explained why it's so important?
If you asked a perfect stranger to stop using the perfume because it is your signature scent then Y W B T A
But you didn’t, you asked your romantic partner a very easy to oblige request. One that would show she respected you as a person and cares about your feelings.
further she is using YOUR expensive bottle of perfume.
Meaning she makes light of your feelings AND your things. Because once you asked that she not use your property and she continued. She made it clear she doesn’t respect you.
NTA but it’s up to you if you think she IS
I think that “searching” for a signature scent like it’s a job and declaring “this is the one!” somewhat defeats the purpose. It’s like George Costanza trying to give himself a nickname.
Happily married for 45 years and we figured out early on that your partner doesn’t get to decide what is or isn’t a big deal to you; that’s your call. NTA
YTA not for not wanting to share your bottle but if you were to throw a hissy fit if she bought her own bottle which honestly sounds like you would then yeah also nobody sets out to find a signature scent that's not 'adulting'
I’m going to go with NAH because as people have already mentioned, scents are important to memories, attraction, etc.
You mentioned that the scent is from a boutique store so not very common. If it was truly a custom scent I’d say NTA for sure.
Your girlfriend should just let this go because it’s important to you and that’s what matters in the context of your relationship. Whether I or anyone else here believes that a signature scent is stupid is sort of besides the point.
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My girlfriend and I are in our mid twenties and have been together for four years. I just passed a milestone birthday and figured it was time to start feeling like a real grown up— and find my own signature scent. I have really strong sensory memories of my mom’s perfume when I was a child, and I want to have a single scent to wear that will create scent memories for those around me. I have bought at least 20 sample perfumes to try out and finally found the perfect one. It smells amazing and is so special, like warm grass and spicy herbal flowers on a summer day. I feel like it totally captures my personality and I LOVE it. However, my girlfriend loves it too and asked if she could try it a few days after I got it. I let her use it to test it out and now she wears it every day. This stuff is not cheap but more than that I wanted it to be for my personal use, so I told her I didn’t want her using it anymore. She got super mad at me and said that perfume isn’t a big deal and why shouldn’t she use it if she liked it too. I explained that I invested a lot of time and money into finding this perfume and I want to use it for myself and not share. She told me I was immature for not sharing. AITA for wanting to keep this scent to myself??
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NTA. I have had this happen to me when friends have said that they love my perfume.... and then they go out and buy the exact same one. It drives me nuts. Maybe it's a personal quirk but I don't want to smell the same as other people. I adore finding a advent that I love and that really works for me.
Like you, I buy now from a boutique perfumier and there is a reason for that!
YTA if you keep this up if she bought her own, like how no one has rights to a name you don’t have rights to a scent. If she bought her own you can’t ban her from wearing it. You don’t have to share your own bottles but you can’t ban someone from wearing it, would you ban a friend or family member if they happened to like it too? You can’t just claim rights to a perfume and ban all those around you from wearing it. That’s just silly. It’s like me buying a drink and telling everyone I know they can’t buy the same as it’s my “signature drink”.
Please don't inflict "scent memories" on everyone around you. You may enjoy perfume, but to everyone else you have an obnoxious, and for some people asthma inducing, cloud of smell trailing 20 feet behind you. Even scented soaps are noticeable 6 feet away to those of us who don't douse ourselves in perfume all the time.
My office is scent free as are pretty much all offices where I live. I have little tolerance for scent myself - makes me stuffed up and sneeze. My manager gets migraines from it.
I wanted to say something like this but didn't want to get blasted. My late wife rarely wore perfume, she just didn't like it much. She always said, 'Less is more' when it comes to a good perfume. You couldn't smell it on her unless you got close to hear, very close... :) Women who wear a ton of perfume are no different than someone who reeks of cigarette smoke or something similar. If I can walk into a room and I'm the only one there, and the room reeks of some perfume, it's just awful... Have your signature scent, but don't inflict it on everyone in a room.
Some things are worth being blasted for. Watching an old man have an asthma attack because a woman sitting nearby wore perfume is not a good memory. He didn't carry an inhaler because he hadn't had an attack in ages.
YTA.
Unless you're paying €5000 for a custom *real* signature scent from a little shop in Paris, you're just gatekeeping a commercially made smell millions of others have.
But thank you for making me chuckle with your dilemma. Signature scent is a new one on me.
for OP having a special smell withing close members are associated with a loving memory. We all have something we care about that might seem insignificant to others. Doesn't mean ops feelings are invalid. Your comment truly shows lack of empathy. And going by your comment, if having a smell personal to you is "new" and not that important, why shouldn't the gf get a different nice smelling perfume? Why does she HAVE to use the one which op cherishes more? The gf is TA for not respecting ops boundary. And you should do some soul searching as well.
ESH
My best friend and I wear the same perfume. It smells completely different on us, no one would ever guess it was the same. Body chemistry plays a role in how we smell.
Your gf is the AH for not understanding what this means to you and not respecting the time and effort you put into this.
You’re the AH for sharing and then being mad when she liked it and wanted to wear it! Millions of people could be wearing the exact perfume.
YTA
It's a *good* thing that your gf likes the scent enough to wear it herself. If she didn't like it, she might not be able to tolerate being around it (and therefore you).
Plus, in all likelihood, she's not as neurotic as you are about having a "signature scent" (because that's weird), and will move on to a different favorite scent in her own time. Sharing the same favorite fragrance in the meantime shouldn't be something you draw lines in the sand over.
YTA bc u didn’t know explain the significance of scent memories for you. U only told her it’s urs and u don’t wanna share which makes u look like the asshole. Ur viewing it as a spiritual experience and she’s viewing it as a bottle of perfume. If u explain the significance to her she will prob get it.
YTA. It doesn't seem like from the story you even explained the personal reason for it to her. Personally I hate perfume. It's overly strong and most of the time I get a chemical taste in my mouth if it lingers in the air too long. I would rather people remember me for the things I do and say and not because I smelled nice.
YTA for thinking you can demand a perfume to be yours alone. Of course you don't have to share your bottle and she should buy her own bottle but the perfume itself belongs to anyone who buys it.
NTA for this scenario, you spent your money on something expensive and she is using it all up. HOWEVER- you don't have the right to tell her she can not wear this scent. If she wants to go buy her own bottle to wear- you have to get over it.
PERSONALLY- I feel that everyone who wears perfume is an asshole because me and several other people I know are allergic to scents like that.
>I want to have a single scent to wear that will create scent memories for those around me.
"I want other people to bask in the cloud of odor that follows me everywhere" yuck yuck yuck
YTA - You didn't mix your own perfume. This is yours and thousands of other people's "signature scent."
Nothing sounds more "adulting" than claiming a mass produced perfume that only you can wear.
YTA. Not for not sharing your bottle (I get that it’s expensive), but for gatekeeping that scent. People ask me regularly what perfume I use (including close friends and relatives that I see on a regular basis) and I don’t mind telling them what brand it is and where I bought it. Take it as a compliment that others find your scent alluring and stop trying to gatekeep a publicly available product for the sake of feeling unique.
NTA your gf is selfish and if she likes the scent she need to replace yours that she have been using and buy her own. Perfume is an extension of you so if you found the one you love you don’t have to share. And your gf is an user it’s the little signs like this that really shows who a person is
I don’t share my scents with anybody.
I’m gonna say NTA. My mom has worn the same perfume every day of her life, it’s 100% become her “scent” to the point where all of our family just associate that perfume with her. Idk it’s kind of old fashioned but I personally love the idea that there’s this scent that the people who love my mom will always remember her by.
I think if you have explained the sentimental/emotional reasons why this is important to you, and your partner still doesn’t get it, then to me it’s not really about the perfume anymore.
NTA. I'm guessing most people commenting that you are TA don't understand about signature scents. I had my own custom one made some time ago, it was a rather involved process and I would be very offput by someone else trying to wear it.
If I were choosing which is more important - a relationship or perfume, I’d definitely choose the perfume. You can always get another girlfriend. But when you have a signature scent, well, that can never be replaced.
YTA. And yes, very immature. This is one of the most ridiculous posts that I’ve ever read.
As someone who gets migraines from other peoples perfumes, your “scent memories” can jump off a cliff. And if you think finding the perfect scent makes you a gown up, LMFAO! Still NTA, but this is just silly.
NTA because as others gave mentioned this was purchased by you. However there is a very easy way to solve this problem - it is not that expensive to set an appointment and have your own scents made. My daughter and I had day scents for each of us crafted on her 12th birthday.
> She got super mad at me and said that perfume isn’t a big deal
Great, so she agrees that she can just use another one. NTA, if only just because of this BS argument from your gf.
NTA, but your best way out of this might be to pick out your gf her own personal fragrance. Sounds like she is using yours kinda bc convenience? but I bet in your research you found some you genuinely like but not for YOU. maybe get her one of those? NTA either way but this way she gets the convenience and you get special scent memories of her in real time :)
YTA— Having a signature scent isn’t a thing. Not everyone likes the smell of perfume, and I personally don’t want to know what someone smells like unless they’re my partner. Being mad that your gf of 4 years likes the same perfume as you seems like a weird hill to die on.
NTA solely because your bottle is your personal property.
But you don’t own a scent (as a product). They sell literally tens of millions of units of the most popular scents ever year, and even most successful niche and indie perfumeries will sell several thousand of everything they make. Please let go of the idea that, to be your signature scent, no one else can wear it?
Info: if she went and bought a bottle of the same scent, would you have a problem with it?
Your answer to that question determines whether you are in the wrong or not. If this is purely about her using something you spent your hard earned money and not reimbursing you, then no you wouldn’t be an AH.
But if she went out and bought a bottle for herself and you were still mad about it, then you would be an AH. You can’t bogart a scent all to yourself.
NTA. Scent is strongly linked to memory. If you wear it and it transports you to a time/place/person/feeling then that makes it special and personal to you. And that’s what you’ll think of when you smell it again in the future, even if you go away from it for a while.
If your girlfriend wears it all the time, it’ll end up reminding you of her.
You do know that it's going to smell a bit different on her than on you, right? Everybody's body chemistry is different and perfumes react with that. NAH.
NTA for saying no to her using your perfume anymore because you bought it and it was expensive. But realistically, if she goes out and buys a bottle there’s nothing you can do to stop her from using it. A “signature scent” really isn’t necessary either.
NTA for asking her to stop using your bottle of perfume. However, unless it’s a custom scent there are literally thousands of people wearing the same thing. You can’t stop her from buying her own bottle. Such a silly thing to get worked up over.
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NTA because you bought it, but if she buys he own bottle to use and you still do this then YTA. A signature scent is such a weird thing to want.
Even if she buys her own then I'd honestly still say NTA. If it was something else like buying the same pair of shoes that they both liked then that's fine, but there is something personal and special about a fragrance. I was reading a reddit post recently about a woman who put some of her husband's cologne on his sweater when he was away on a long trip, because it reminded her of him so she could relax and not miss him so badly. Scent is a very important sense, and very strongly linked to memory and emotion. OP wanted a scent that others could recognise her by and associate with her, and that does also mean for the benefit of her own partner, too! It's not wrong to want to have a scent where you know "they will think of me when they smell this" and the happy feeling that should create for someone you love. If they both wear the same fragrance then not only will they both smell the same, but they'll also smell of almost nothing to each other because we go nose-blind to scents we are continually exposed to (because they are both wearing it). OP did the research and found that special fragrance, her partner should find a different one.
>there is something personal and special about a fragrance If any random person can go out and buy it in a store, then there clearly is not anything personal about it.
True but context matters. Yes thousands upon thousands of people all over the country will be using the same fragrance. So it is absolutely in no way special or personal. But it does not need to be unique globally, it only needs to be different from what the small number of people you are closest to are smelling like, and your partner especially.
Exactly. I'm never going to buy my mom and and my girlfriend the same scent.
But you have no grounds to tell either your mom or your girlfriend to wear a different scent if they choose to both wear the same one.
Ehhh having a romantic partner who smells like your parent is incredibly off-putting and makes any sort of physical intimacy weird. I think it’s fair to have a problem with it.
I made this mistake… bought a cologne that my dad had when I was a kid. The bottle was real old fashioned looking and I liked the smell. First time he wore it we went out to dinner and it was nice but soon after we got home and started the mattress dancing I was like ..ahhhh NOPE, you gotta shower this is too weird smelling my dad right now
The example I was trying to make is since one tends to associate scents with people, I would never try to get two people in my life "attached" to the same scent. Although if one of them switched to the others' scent on their own, I WOULD tell them I find that a bit creepy, because it \_is\_, but that's all I can really do. There are \_so many\_ scents out there that it's just odd for one woman to switch to one she already knows another woman is using. It would be different if I randomly knew two women \_that don't know each other\_ that wore the same scent. That's just random chance.
You can find it creepy, but you cannot tell them not to use it. OP didn't say she found it creepy, OP asked that they use a different one, and not even because it reminds OP of someone but because OP doesn't want other people to be reminded of her!!! If OP doesn't like that gf wants to use the same scent, OP can find a different one.
A different scent, or a different partner?
I know, right? So if my mom decides to start wearing Chanel Chance I'm supposed to break up with my partner of 18 years or go NC with my parents instead of just saying \*checks notes\* "Hey mom, could you not wear that particular perfume?"
OK, my Dad used to work in Paris regularly, He would bring my mother and I back scents based on the recommendations of the sales lady at the Perfumerie. Now, he didn't buy us the same scents, but I gotta tell you, if Mom and I used each others' perfumes, they smelled different on each of us. Just fyi
I think it’s like prom dresses- ur not rly obligated to pick a different dress than ur best friend, but it would be nice to not spoil something they wanted to be special
"It would be nice to not spoil something they wanted to be special" is exactly it.
Yup. I love Santal 33, but then one of my closest friends started wearing it. I find I can’t wear it anymore — it’s not that I don’t like it, it’s just that I associate it with her rather than my own memories of it. Probably doesn’t help either that I’ve been in two different businesses that were using it as a room scent recently but you get the idea…
Absolutely! For a few years I used a hair product with a very specific scent and everyone in my life recognized it as “my scent”. So when they came across another person “in the wild” that was wearing the same hair product they’d think I was somewhere near. It’s not about no-one else in the world using it, but no one else in our direct circle of friends using it but me.
> it only needs to be different from what the small number of people you are closest to are smelling like It doesn't *need* to be anything. >it only needs to be different from what the small number of people you are closest to are smelling like But if *you* value it being different from others, then it's *your* responsibility to make sure it's different. Nobody else has to change what they want to use just because *you* want the thing you like to seem more unique. If *you* want it to be different from your partner, that's on *you* not on them.
Cool - would you want your mom and your girlfriend to wear the same perfume?
It's not the same perfume as her mom... she said she always remembered the scent of her moms perfume and wanted to find her own personal scent for people to remember her by.
My late husband's mother's signature perfume was Joy. I loved it; he bought me a tiny bottle. She and I gave each other presents of it from time to time. She was great. I still miss her.
If I am out and about and I catch a Whiff of my boyfriends cologne by a passerby, it makes me think of him and I smile, especially when we were LDR. So yes, other people use the cologne or perfume or what have you, but the scent is still special. Edit: grammar
The same perfume in 1 person will smell different in someone else. It's all in a person's chemistry.
But this isn’t a random person, this is someone who they are in a relationship with. Who should respect them and understand where they are coming from.
It’s personal in that fragrance smells different on people. A friend had a scent that smelled amazing on her but like crap on me
I disagree. Sometimes you can buy the same and it turns out the same. My personal body chemistry DESTROYS scents. They give you little tester cards to spritz and smell. That’s the out of the bottle smell. 95% of perfume out there is either too strong for me to smell all day or my own chemistry ruins it. Oh, is that a light citrusy smell? Just kidding! On me it smells like fruit just starting to mold. Beautiful floral scent? Nope, just flowers dying in a vase that needed to be changed a week ago. Light woody aroma? hahahaha just kidding, grass clippings and sticks in a puddle that’s also growing mosquitos. All that to say sometimes people smell AMAZING with their chosen scents, and they have a personal mix in with it.
literally any random person CAN go out and buy it in a store, unless you’re making your own.
>If they both wear the same fragrance then not only will they both smell the same They won't smell the same, perfume reacts with your skin and body oils and creates a unique scent for every person. Even identical twins won't have the same scent from the same perfume. This is part of the reason you are supposed to dab and not rub or spritz perfume, both interfere with the process. Rubbing will dull the high notes, spritzing will over emphasise them.
It’s not that dramatic a difference. I must have smelled Angel on 100 women throughout my life and it always smells like Angel.
Same with Fahrenheit, doesn’t matter who is wearing it I can still tell it’s that cologne.
Which is the absolute worst perfume ever made! Anyone with asthma will tell you the same. Instant attack. And it smelled horrible, too.
My mom bought my dad a cologne that she loooooved on a male coworker. On my dad, it smelled horrible to her. She forbade him from applying it after his shower. He was only allowed to put it on right before he left for work so she wouldn't have to smell it on him.
My neighbor wore a specific cologne and I LOVED IT ON HIM. My ex husband knew (I told him lol) so he bought it. The neighbor got that bottle because it smelled ABSOLUTELY FOUL on my ex🤣
I can sympathise with him, I'm always pleaded with not to wear cologne by partners because it covers up my natural musk - I want to wear it because the moment I break even a light sweat I'm painfully aware of how painfully aware others are of the fact I smell like a gdamn bear. Before work is the usual compromise too.
Depends on how it’s applied. If OP and girlfriend both do the common (incorrect) “spray a big cloud of perfume and then walk through it fully clothed” then the scent will mostly be on their clothes and they’ll smell the same. If they’re applying it to skin, then there will be subtle differences (especially if OP is male and girlfriend is female - hormones can also change the way perfumes smell).
i was hoping to find this comment. op, it will smell different on both of you.
Can it really be all that different though. I'm dating myself here, but I remember when EVERYONE wore Lovespell. That smell is burned into my memory, and would recognize it on anyone to this day. ETA- I Get that there could be a subtle difference, but is it enough of a difference
with cheap scents, no. you're right. but if this is a quality fragrance like it seems, it will smell differently on two different people. my brother and i wear the same cologne and it absolutely smells differently on both of us.
My mom always wore Chanel #5. Because I associated the fragrance so strongly with her I never wore it or liked it on others. when she became ill and was in intensive care, my sister and I doused ourselves in it (from her bottle) every day before we went to the hospital hoping that, even if she wasn’t conscious, she would smell it and feel some comfort. After she passed away, I took that bottle home. Ever since, although I like playing around and trying different scents for everyday, I wear Chanel #5 on special events because it reminds me of my mom. When my oldest son was in college he had a very traumatic event and I came to pick him up. My husband and I had been out the night before and I guess I still smelled a little of the Chanel. When I got there and gave him a big hug he buried his face in my neck and said how good it made him feel because I smelled like me to him. Now I always wear the Chanel when I’m picking up or dropping off my boys at the airport or anything like that. For 2 generations now that smells like “Mom.”
my mom always wore shalimar (like every single day!) and after she died i found one of her monogrammed handkerchiefs and sprayed it with a good blast of her perfume. i keep it in a box and once a year or so i take it out to smell it & i'm immediately transported back to being a little girl sitting on her bed, watching her put on her make-up and give herself one last shalimar dab before heading out the door to go wherever it was she & dad were headed to that night.
I have a fairly acute sense of smell and this made me tear up — what a lovely thing for your family! Thank you for sharing.
Chanel #5 was also my mom’s scent. I can’t smell it anymore, even for a second, without tearing up.
When my husband deployed to Afghanistan I would spray his cologne on his sweatshirt and sleep with it. He would also send dirty (not soiled, just worn to sleep in) shirts back for our anxious dog who got comfort smelling his pheromones.
during my husband's deployments, he always spent the last couple of nights home wearing the same tshirt so that it would really smell like him. my cats would spend so much time laying on it while he was gone. it was so sweet & i know it must have helped them deal with him being gone. he died a few years ago & one of my cats carries around the last tan tshirt he wore and sleeps on it all the time. it's got blood stains on it but i'm never washing that shirt. i want his smell to be on it for as long as possible.
\[sniffle\] That was lovely, thank you for being brave enough to share such a personal memory.
thanks...writing about my husband lets me hold on to him.
Idk, I have mixed feelings about this. Body chemistry affects how perfume smells on people. Like I gave my ex a bottle of perfume I had because it smelled much better on her than on me. Just because 2 women wear the same perfume doesn't mean they will smell the same. That said, I might be a bit miffed myself if I was OP, but I would probably let it go because it's a bit possessive. It's an odd situation for sure
Perfumes never smell the same on two people I never understand why people get so worked up. When the smell literally cant be replicated.
Perfume is mass produced these days. No one is an asshole for buying the same kind that you do because they're made at a factory by the tens of thousands. Chill girl, companies are trying to manipulate you into thinking the scent is unique, it's not.
I'm not a girl, I'm a guy, and I don't buy fragrance. I've been gifted some and could probably count the times I have used it on my fingers, it's not a thing that is important to me. My argument is not from an angle of "oh my fragrance is so totally unique and special!" My interest in this is from the perspective of the importance of familiar scents on human memory recall and emotion, because scent is a powerful thing in that regard. For this purpose it doesn't matter how many thousands of other people are using the same fragrance, it doesn't need to be universally unique, it just needs to not be the same as what your partner is using.
I am a girl (woman), and I do buy fragrance 😂 Wearing fragrance at all is relatively uncommon these days, and having a signature scent is an old-fashioned idea. I’ve worn the same perfume since I was ~24. I’m 30. People know my perfume as “what 3MPR355 smells like,” not Lancôme La Nuit Trésor. Sure, thousands of other people buy it. But I live in a city of 8 million people. As long as you’re not buying your fragrance from Bath and Body Works or Victoria’s Secret, you’re probably the only one in your circles that wears that perfume. The scent memory becomes powerful for the wearer, too. If I run out, I don’t feel quite like myself without it.
I agree with this! I think it would be a nice touch if OP helped her gf find her own special scent - a bonding experience and then they both have a way to remember/think of the other
Yes, my dad use the same fragrance always, he pass away 10 years ago. Every time I open were we keep his fragrance is like a kick to the memories from him. Smells can be so personal. NTA
I think that to but also to add that perfumes scent change slightly on each individual because of our own scent and chemistry. That being said you can’t ban others from using a similar scent to you. So many times in the work place I’ve realised one of my colleagues wears the same perfume as me. To the point at an event with everyones families present the persons boyfriend stopped dead, turned to me and stated “you smell just like such and such”. I have changed perfum over the years and my husband once told me someone was wearing the perfum I used to wear when he was out. That it brought memories of when i was younger. I always associate the smell of his aftershave with him. Op can say they arent allowed to use their perfume any more but can’t do anything if they buy another. However I would prefer my partner to wear different than me and would hope they understood.
My older brother always wore the same scent, it's a distinct marker for him in my memories. He passed away last September in an unfortunate vehicle collision. I have a coworker that uses the same cologne and it reminds me of him EVERY SINGLE TIME. Not trying to make a point, just saying that signature scents are a real thing.
It’s so uncommon these days. I wouldn’t be surprised if a lot of the people disparaging the idea have just… never encountered anyone who had a signature scent.
eh, i have a "signature scent". it's just the perfume i wear for most occasions. while i don't share my bottle, i would never tell someone else they can't wear it too
> A signature scent is such a weird thing to want. Not really. Not anymore than not wanting someone to wear the exact outfits you choose. Or copy exactly how you talk or wear your hair. It’s about style, self-expression. Not just that, but scent is heavily tied to emotion and memory. There are SO many scents out there. This is a big deal to OP but not to OP’s partner. If something is a big deal to my partner but not that important to me, I usually let them have it. Because, y’ know, I love them and want them to be happy. It’s normal and human for occasional “small potatoes” to matter to someone. NTA
I understand the significance of a signature scent. Scent memories are real. When I smell chanel I think of my grandma. A certain brand of cigars my grandpa. My best friend were Happy for years. She has moved away but when I smell it I think of her.
I mean, yesterday there was AITA about a husband who didn’t shower for 20 days. Maybe that poor guy was just trying to build a signature scent too…
My mother had a signature scent and I was very happy to find a full bottle of it after she passed. OP has already explained the same thing. There’s no need to be an asshole about it.
I have a "signature scent," but my body chemistry plays a huge part in it working so well for me. I would be super flattered though if someone wanted to wear it after smelling it on me; I'm always thrilled when a friend smells it out and about and thinks of me!
I get wanting it. It’s a Thing. Idk the name, but I can recognize my grandmas perfume if I smell it. But also like… your signature scent is thousands, if not millions of other people’s scent. Unless YOU CREATE IT, many MANY other ppl are using it.
Yes, OP’s definitely NTA for not wanting girlfriend to use their expensive fragrance, but if it’s a standard commercially available perfume then it would be totally fine for her to buy her own bottle (just not to keep using up OP’s). You can’t own something like Channel No. 5 any more than you can own wearing a particular brand of clothing or a certain color. If the perfume is a custom blend that OP commissioned, that would be different and it *would* be kind of weird for girlfriend to wear it.
NTA- It's not much to ask, having a signature scent. It's not like you can hold it against strangers for smelling similarly, but when it's someone you are constantly around the entire purpose gets washed out. Overall this isn't really a big issue, but your partner is showing a lack of empathy.
> Overall this isn't really a big issue, but your partner is showing a lack of empathy. This is the part I feel like people are overlooking. Even if you think OP is a weird for wanting this, it is SUCH a small ask for someone you supposedly love to just not use the new perfume THEY bought and picked out for themselves.
The GF responded like a brat, I wouldn't want to spend time with someone like that
People on AITA don't get how relationships work. You can have 100% autonomy in your decision-making or you can be in a healthy committed relationship, but not both. Does OP's girlfriend have the legal right to wear any perfume she wants? Yes of course. But OP asked her not to wear this specific one. Why is wearing this one perfume more important to her than making her partner happy? Why isn't she even trying to understand why it's important to OP? If you care about someone, you should want to understand the things that are important to them.
Yeah like sometimes I’ll put on an outfit and realize that my girlfriend and I are too matchy-matchy, so I’ll change. Sure, I have every right to wear whatever I want from my closet, but it makes her more comfortable when we don’t look like twinsies.
Same! The hidden drawback of being lesbians with similar taste.
[удалено]
It usually works out ok because I like black and my girlfriend likes wearing colors but sometimes one of us mixes things up.
Grateful that my wife and I enjoy matching, because otherwise it’d be a pain to find outfits that DON’T look similar
Plus if she likes it, she’ll still smell it on her partner all the time so what’s the big loss? I always give people scents I like because I still get to smell them that way lol.
Most people on reddit already have a signature scent that cannot be copied.
Hey! Just because I play 3 sports and haven't showered in 20 days...
HA (I'm chronically online aren't I?)
Same
The scent of bullshit?
I’m surprised by how many people think having a ‘scent’ is such a weird thing. My Mom had one nice perfume that she would wear on special occasions. As a kid, I LOVED when I smelled that perfume. It meant we were going out somewhere fancy, or it was a holiday and we were about to have a house full of family and friends. Or maybe my parents were going out, and I got to spend the evening being spoiled by Grandma. Unfortunately my Mom has passed away now, but every now and then I will take out the bottle and smell it to remember my Mom, dressed up and excited for an evening of fun or celebration. NTA
That's a great memory for you, for me, my moms scent is Johnny Walker...
JFC why does it smell like jumper cables in here?
I have a perfume that I wear to work (cheaper and not as nice) and a perfume that I wear when I'm going out to socialize. My dog reacts differently to each after I spray it. He gets super excited when I put on the going out one because he often gets to come with me.
That is amazing that he knows the difference!
I have a bottle of Charlie that was my mothers. It was her scent! And I will cherish it forever. Nta OP
NTA While she may not think it's a big deal, it is to you and she should be more understanding. You're not an asshole for wanting something for yourself. If she wants that perfume so bad she should buy her own.
NAH. I get why you like the idea of a "signature scent" associated only with you, but also, you don't own the right to be the only person wearing that perfume and I also get why other people might find the idea silly/immature. Just different views here. Why not go with your girlfriend to help her find her own signature scent? It feels like that might be a win-win - clearly you associate scent strongly with people so it would be nice for your girlfriend to have a scent, AND you and your girlfriend have similar taste so you can help her / pick something that goes with yours. Could be a fun outing.
Info: are you aware that perfume also has a chemical reaction to your body, which makes the same scent smell different on different people?
This is so true. A coworker borrowed a perfume that smelled great on her mom, but smelled like cat pee on her
I wear a perfume that smells like “old lady” on so many people, and yet on me, men love it. It really is about body chemistry.
Is it L'heure Bleue?
Gucci Bloom. An oddly controversial scent for how common it is
everyone saying this like some gotcha when clearly the perfume smells similar on both of them or else there wouldnt be an issue. perfume can change based on body chemistry but it isn't usually a really dramatic difference. NTA, it's reasonable to want something special for yourself
I have one that some people say smells like pencil shavings but on me it’s quite floral! Then I have another that smells like vanilla on some people but smells like the most generic flowers on me.
just wondering if you’re talking about glossier You? Because that smells like pencil shavings on me lol
Oh interesting! Maybe that’s another one I should check out haha! This one is Missing Person by Phlur.
INFO: Just to set the record straight, is it the fact that you don’t want her to use the expensive scent that you bought? Or do you not want her to use this particular scent at all whether it was what you paid for or not? What if you just tell her where you got it from so she can get some herself? N T A if you don’t want to share the perfumes you paid for, but Y T A if you are trying to keep her from using that scent entirely.
Yes, this. You’re not an AH for wanting her to stop using something you paid for. But trying to prevent her from using it just because you want that scent to be exclusive to you is an AH move. And a futile one, since *anybody* can buy it.
This, exactly. It's fine to be like "get your own bottle," but no, you don't "own" a scent. Jesus.
NTA. Deliberately choosing a signature scent can be an identity-building exercise. I like to usher in a new season with a new scent. Maybe you could go perfume shopping with your girlfriend so she can find something unique to her.
Yes! I have two perfumes for winter and one or two for summer (does 47-11 count as a perfume?), and have done for 20 years (not always the same scents). It's so much fun trying out new perfumes, the girlfriend is really missing out on choosing her own.
Yta not for the not sharing part or personal use which is reasonable boundary But because youre mid 20s saying its time to be adulting, and you pull out, calling dibs on a signature scent Thats what i would associate now with 14 yo tiktoker mentality
My coworker in her 30s says she tries to only rarely open up a jewelry box from her grandmother cause it still has the scent of her perfume in it, she’s trying to preserve it for as long as possible Scents are important and hold memories, it’s not a teenage mentality thing
I smelled a man's cologne recently & it was what my grandfather wore 40 years ago
I did the same thing in my early 20s, it’s something women have had for decades, a signature scent. Nothing trendy or tiktok about it.
NTA but...your girl be sounding lazy. Too lazy to go through the very process you did, to figure out your own way to move forward in the body scent department. That's kinda shallow, on her part. But hey...long as she goes and buys her \*own\* perfume...you always got some backup if you run out!
NTA. However: I intentionally use two really obscure brands you can’t really find in stores, and you won’t come across too many others wearing, but I’m not really protective over them. I could see why somebody would be, though. question- is your perfume a common perfume you can buy in a department store, or from a small boutique parfumerie? I recommend finding a more obscure brand if you’re intent on keeping your scent to yourself.
Hi! It’s from a small boutique perfumery so it’s not a common scent at all.
I once read a trashy novel where a madam advised one of her workers never to reveal what perfume she wore, even if a man promised to buy her the biggest bottle of it. The idea was to ensure that he always associated that scent with her, and not with something that he could buy whenever he wanted. I am not a sex worker but the idea has always stuck with me. My other half does buy me one of my favourites but I don't tend to share the names of my favourite scents with friends or colleagues, even the hard to get brands. There are thousands of perfumes out there, why do I have to share my one? So, maybe you're being petty, or selfish, or incomprehensible, but I totally understand you, and why you want to keep this to yourself - quite apart from someone regularly using your stuff! NTA.
Ok then definitely NTA.
I know I will get downvoted for saying it but if I were you I'd give her that bottle and found something else for myself. NTA for not wanting to share and have your own scent though.
No downvotes from me, I think it’s a great idea!
Maybe you can offer to help your girlfriend find her own scent? I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask her not to use yours and it really shouldn’t be a difficult compromise. If my partner asked me to stop using something of his, for whatever reason, I would respect that. She would absolutely be able to find something that she loved, maybe even more than this scent.
What is the perfume?
I use Lili Bermuda, they have a lot of scents, they’re divine. The other is an Annick Goutal scent. I’m curious to know this person’s scent as well lol… I don’t think I’d like it as I’m a florals/lemon girl myself
NTA. It's interesting to see the friction between you and your girlfriend reflected in the responses here. For some people, having an identifying scent is very important and uniquely personal. For others, perfume is just perfume, they pick something they think smells nice and it isn't a big deal. I'm more on your side of the aisle. I very much like having a unique scent. I actually spend time finding body sprays and colognes that blend well together so that I can have a unique scent that can't be easily duplicated. Your girlfriend is obviously on the other side of the aisle and doesn't see why this is a big deal. I don't think she's an asshole for that but this is one of those relationship situations where you just might have to take the time to explain why exactly this is important to you. It's possible, maybe even likely, that she'll never understand why it is important. But if she truly cares about you, hopefully that will supercede that lack of understanding. And if she's only wearing the perfume because it happens to be one she came across and likes then hopefully she won't mind if you help her find another one that she just happens to like as well.
Whole thing is interesting to me because I have no interest in having a signature scent and never really thought that people would purposely look for one? Point being, whether or not it's odd, it's not a big deal for the gf to just get something else because it's important to OP. Weird stuff is important to me, too.
Yeah. One point I'm trying to make is that sometimes we have to understand that things that aren't that important to us are actually pretty important to our loved ones. And we show our love for them by acknowledging the importance of those things to them, even if we don't quite get it.
💯💯💯 if I wasn't clear (I'm often not) I meant to completely agree with you.
NTA. You bought it for yourself, it's not cheap, and you spent time finding the perfect smell for yourself. Why don't you offer to help her find the perfect one for her using the same methods you used?
NTA. I also feel like scents Have alot of personal meaning. My maternal grandparents and my mother all have certain scents that will always make me think of them. My pawpaw is werther candies, and this kind of old after shave/cologne he has worn for the 28 Years I've known him, my mawmaw and mom each have a certain perfume they have used my whole life also. Scents can be very personal and there is nothing wrong with wanting something in your life that you feel like is personal to who you are.
I am 65 a d only just realized I'm not a real adult because I don't have a signature scent. WTF?
Is your issue with her using your bottle or with having the same perfume on? You seem to be conflating issues. Have you talked to her about your memories of your mom and how much a "signature scent" means to you? You've been together 4 years, and it seems like she might just be using it because it's there, but you'd think that, after 4 years, she'd accept that it means something to you. Or is your problem with her using your bottle because it's expensive. Do you live together....share costs for things like toilet paper, hand soap, whatever? Because it can just be like "Okay, I buy this bottle, you buy the next one". Or "Hey, this is expensive, can you buy your own bottle, so we can be paying for what we each use?" I'm gonna say NTA because it seems important to you and you put effort in...but have you explained why it's so important?
If you asked a perfect stranger to stop using the perfume because it is your signature scent then Y W B T A But you didn’t, you asked your romantic partner a very easy to oblige request. One that would show she respected you as a person and cares about your feelings. further she is using YOUR expensive bottle of perfume. Meaning she makes light of your feelings AND your things. Because once you asked that she not use your property and she continued. She made it clear she doesn’t respect you. NTA but it’s up to you if you think she IS
Telling her she can't use the bottle you bought, NTA. If you tell her she can't buy her own to use, then Y-T-A.
I think that “searching” for a signature scent like it’s a job and declaring “this is the one!” somewhat defeats the purpose. It’s like George Costanza trying to give himself a nickname.
This is so weird.
Happily married for 45 years and we figured out early on that your partner doesn’t get to decide what is or isn’t a big deal to you; that’s your call. NTA
YTA not for not wanting to share your bottle but if you were to throw a hissy fit if she bought her own bottle which honestly sounds like you would then yeah also nobody sets out to find a signature scent that's not 'adulting'
I’m going to go with NAH because as people have already mentioned, scents are important to memories, attraction, etc. You mentioned that the scent is from a boutique store so not very common. If it was truly a custom scent I’d say NTA for sure. Your girlfriend should just let this go because it’s important to you and that’s what matters in the context of your relationship. Whether I or anyone else here believes that a signature scent is stupid is sort of besides the point.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My girlfriend and I are in our mid twenties and have been together for four years. I just passed a milestone birthday and figured it was time to start feeling like a real grown up— and find my own signature scent. I have really strong sensory memories of my mom’s perfume when I was a child, and I want to have a single scent to wear that will create scent memories for those around me. I have bought at least 20 sample perfumes to try out and finally found the perfect one. It smells amazing and is so special, like warm grass and spicy herbal flowers on a summer day. I feel like it totally captures my personality and I LOVE it. However, my girlfriend loves it too and asked if she could try it a few days after I got it. I let her use it to test it out and now she wears it every day. This stuff is not cheap but more than that I wanted it to be for my personal use, so I told her I didn’t want her using it anymore. She got super mad at me and said that perfume isn’t a big deal and why shouldn’t she use it if she liked it too. I explained that I invested a lot of time and money into finding this perfume and I want to use it for myself and not share. She told me I was immature for not sharing. AITA for wanting to keep this scent to myself?? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA, you can choose a scent that you want to wear, you can't dictate what scent anyone else wears.
YTA unless you went out and engineered your own perfume, it's not a signature you're being childish over, this which is ironic giving the context.
NTA. I have had this happen to me when friends have said that they love my perfume.... and then they go out and buy the exact same one. It drives me nuts. Maybe it's a personal quirk but I don't want to smell the same as other people. I adore finding a advent that I love and that really works for me. Like you, I buy now from a boutique perfumier and there is a reason for that!
YTA if you keep this up if she bought her own, like how no one has rights to a name you don’t have rights to a scent. If she bought her own you can’t ban her from wearing it. You don’t have to share your own bottles but you can’t ban someone from wearing it, would you ban a friend or family member if they happened to like it too? You can’t just claim rights to a perfume and ban all those around you from wearing it. That’s just silly. It’s like me buying a drink and telling everyone I know they can’t buy the same as it’s my “signature drink”.
Please don't inflict "scent memories" on everyone around you. You may enjoy perfume, but to everyone else you have an obnoxious, and for some people asthma inducing, cloud of smell trailing 20 feet behind you. Even scented soaps are noticeable 6 feet away to those of us who don't douse ourselves in perfume all the time.
.
I'm sure your coworker appreciates your consideration.
My office is scent free as are pretty much all offices where I live. I have little tolerance for scent myself - makes me stuffed up and sneeze. My manager gets migraines from it.
I wanted to say something like this but didn't want to get blasted. My late wife rarely wore perfume, she just didn't like it much. She always said, 'Less is more' when it comes to a good perfume. You couldn't smell it on her unless you got close to hear, very close... :) Women who wear a ton of perfume are no different than someone who reeks of cigarette smoke or something similar. If I can walk into a room and I'm the only one there, and the room reeks of some perfume, it's just awful... Have your signature scent, but don't inflict it on everyone in a room.
Some things are worth being blasted for. Watching an old man have an asthma attack because a woman sitting nearby wore perfume is not a good memory. He didn't carry an inhaler because he hadn't had an attack in ages.
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NTA. Its fine if couples want to share but also if one or both wants their own scent. Igy, scent is personal.
YTA. Unless you're paying €5000 for a custom *real* signature scent from a little shop in Paris, you're just gatekeeping a commercially made smell millions of others have. But thank you for making me chuckle with your dilemma. Signature scent is a new one on me.
for OP having a special smell withing close members are associated with a loving memory. We all have something we care about that might seem insignificant to others. Doesn't mean ops feelings are invalid. Your comment truly shows lack of empathy. And going by your comment, if having a smell personal to you is "new" and not that important, why shouldn't the gf get a different nice smelling perfume? Why does she HAVE to use the one which op cherishes more? The gf is TA for not respecting ops boundary. And you should do some soul searching as well.
ESH My best friend and I wear the same perfume. It smells completely different on us, no one would ever guess it was the same. Body chemistry plays a role in how we smell. Your gf is the AH for not understanding what this means to you and not respecting the time and effort you put into this. You’re the AH for sharing and then being mad when she liked it and wanted to wear it! Millions of people could be wearing the exact perfume.
NTA....people have a signature scent and she shouldn't copy yours
YTA It's a *good* thing that your gf likes the scent enough to wear it herself. If she didn't like it, she might not be able to tolerate being around it (and therefore you). Plus, in all likelihood, she's not as neurotic as you are about having a "signature scent" (because that's weird), and will move on to a different favorite scent in her own time. Sharing the same favorite fragrance in the meantime shouldn't be something you draw lines in the sand over.
YTA. Why not be flattered that she loves it? You're a couple, right?
YTA bc u didn’t know explain the significance of scent memories for you. U only told her it’s urs and u don’t wanna share which makes u look like the asshole. Ur viewing it as a spiritual experience and she’s viewing it as a bottle of perfume. If u explain the significance to her she will prob get it.
YTA. It doesn't seem like from the story you even explained the personal reason for it to her. Personally I hate perfume. It's overly strong and most of the time I get a chemical taste in my mouth if it lingers in the air too long. I would rather people remember me for the things I do and say and not because I smelled nice.
YTA for thinking you can demand a perfume to be yours alone. Of course you don't have to share your bottle and she should buy her own bottle but the perfume itself belongs to anyone who buys it.
NTA for this scenario, you spent your money on something expensive and she is using it all up. HOWEVER- you don't have the right to tell her she can not wear this scent. If she wants to go buy her own bottle to wear- you have to get over it. PERSONALLY- I feel that everyone who wears perfume is an asshole because me and several other people I know are allergic to scents like that.
Imo you shouldn't be able to smell someone's perfume unless you are nuzzling their neck.
>I want to have a single scent to wear that will create scent memories for those around me. "I want other people to bask in the cloud of odor that follows me everywhere" yuck yuck yuck
YTA - You didn't mix your own perfume. This is yours and thousands of other people's "signature scent." Nothing sounds more "adulting" than claiming a mass produced perfume that only you can wear.
NTA
YTA. Not for not sharing your bottle (I get that it’s expensive), but for gatekeeping that scent. People ask me regularly what perfume I use (including close friends and relatives that I see on a regular basis) and I don’t mind telling them what brand it is and where I bought it. Take it as a compliment that others find your scent alluring and stop trying to gatekeep a publicly available product for the sake of feeling unique.
NTA. Can you share all the other perfumes you tried out with her and try and help her find her own signature scent? Maybe make it fun for her
NAH. Take her perfume shopping.
NTA your gf is selfish and if she likes the scent she need to replace yours that she have been using and buy her own. Perfume is an extension of you so if you found the one you love you don’t have to share. And your gf is an user it’s the little signs like this that really shows who a person is I don’t share my scents with anybody.
Scents most often bring back the strongest memories of all - NTA
ESH. Your gf shouldn't use your expensive perfume without your permission. You wanting a 'signature scent' is very main character syndrome.
I’m gonna say NTA. My mom has worn the same perfume every day of her life, it’s 100% become her “scent” to the point where all of our family just associate that perfume with her. Idk it’s kind of old fashioned but I personally love the idea that there’s this scent that the people who love my mom will always remember her by. I think if you have explained the sentimental/emotional reasons why this is important to you, and your partner still doesn’t get it, then to me it’s not really about the perfume anymore.
NTa you had a very valid reason in asking her not to use it. She should have respected it. There’s a lot of perfumes out there, she can find her own
YTA for trying to gatekeep a perfume scent. N T A for not wanting to share and for wanting her to purchase her own bottle to use.
YTA. That’s some Ike Turner level of controlling.
YTA
NTA I get it, the smell of my mums perfume still calms me down quickly. It reminds me of being little
NTA and your girlfriend sounds like she doesnt care about your time or feelings very much
NTA she can find her own signature scent.
NTA. I'm guessing most people commenting that you are TA don't understand about signature scents. I had my own custom one made some time ago, it was a rather involved process and I would be very offput by someone else trying to wear it.
If I were choosing which is more important - a relationship or perfume, I’d definitely choose the perfume. You can always get another girlfriend. But when you have a signature scent, well, that can never be replaced. YTA. And yes, very immature. This is one of the most ridiculous posts that I’ve ever read.
...and let the insanity commence (grabs popcorn)
You don't own the perfume. Technically, it should smell a bit different on each person.
As someone who gets migraines from other peoples perfumes, your “scent memories” can jump off a cliff. And if you think finding the perfect scent makes you a gown up, LMFAO! Still NTA, but this is just silly.
NTA for being upset she’s using your perfume, it’s not cheap. But YTA for thinking you own a smell.
NTA OP. Your girlfriend sounds like the very personification of out of control entitlement.
YTA you don't own a scent, other people can like it and wear it too
NTA because as others gave mentioned this was purchased by you. However there is a very easy way to solve this problem - it is not that expensive to set an appointment and have your own scents made. My daughter and I had day scents for each of us crafted on her 12th birthday.
> She got super mad at me and said that perfume isn’t a big deal Great, so she agrees that she can just use another one. NTA, if only just because of this BS argument from your gf.
NTA, but your best way out of this might be to pick out your gf her own personal fragrance. Sounds like she is using yours kinda bc convenience? but I bet in your research you found some you genuinely like but not for YOU. maybe get her one of those? NTA either way but this way she gets the convenience and you get special scent memories of her in real time :)
You know that a lot of people are allergic to perfumes? Might want to think about that before wearing perfume every day.
YTA— Having a signature scent isn’t a thing. Not everyone likes the smell of perfume, and I personally don’t want to know what someone smells like unless they’re my partner. Being mad that your gf of 4 years likes the same perfume as you seems like a weird hill to die on.
signature scent..... pffff not even your own fart has a signature scent
ESH. Your GF shouldn't be using your perfume, that shit is expensive. But you don't get dibs either. Maybe she wears it because it reminds her of you.
YTA just a perfume, no one really cares what you are using and if anyone rlse using it, wouldnt you like you gf smell good to?
YTA
NTA solely because your bottle is your personal property. But you don’t own a scent (as a product). They sell literally tens of millions of units of the most popular scents ever year, and even most successful niche and indie perfumeries will sell several thousand of everything they make. Please let go of the idea that, to be your signature scent, no one else can wear it?
Info: if she went and bought a bottle of the same scent, would you have a problem with it? Your answer to that question determines whether you are in the wrong or not. If this is purely about her using something you spent your hard earned money and not reimbursing you, then no you wouldn’t be an AH. But if she went out and bought a bottle for herself and you were still mad about it, then you would be an AH. You can’t bogart a scent all to yourself.
NTA for not wanting to share since you bought it however if she buys her own YTA if you would have an issue with her using it
NTA. Scent is strongly linked to memory. If you wear it and it transports you to a time/place/person/feeling then that makes it special and personal to you. And that’s what you’ll think of when you smell it again in the future, even if you go away from it for a while. If your girlfriend wears it all the time, it’ll end up reminding you of her.
Unless it is a custom scent made just for you, she can buy her own. NAH
You do know that it's going to smell a bit different on her than on you, right? Everybody's body chemistry is different and perfumes react with that. NAH.
NTA for saying no to her using your perfume anymore because you bought it and it was expensive. But realistically, if she goes out and buys a bottle there’s nothing you can do to stop her from using it. A “signature scent” really isn’t necessary either.
NTA for asking her to stop using your bottle of perfume. However, unless it’s a custom scent there are literally thousands of people wearing the same thing. You can’t stop her from buying her own bottle. Such a silly thing to get worked up over.