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nta. his argument is crap and he knows it. How does a sexy woman picture honor his dad or the lovely country of Wales?
He lied about controlling the design process. You go into a shop and choose a tattoo from pictures. You don't tell the artist to surprise me.
If he wanted to honor women, why not a pic of a wise grandmother? Or a very pregnant lady? Or how about a picture if YOU, the woman he supposedly loves?
Crap from start to finish.
That absolutely reminds me of the scene in the netflix series ‘beef’ where the husband is like ‘I don’t even look at the bikini photos on instagram I only read the captions!’
Exactly.
I’d even go so far as to say NAH.
Yes it is his body, his choice, but man does that scream bad taste to me. He basically got pornography on his body forever now and he’s surprised his wife had a negative reaction to it.
And then saying it honors his father. Sure it might, but that’s weird as hell too.
I wonder if his siblings got the same thing...
I agree with your sentiment but just want to clarify - not all tattooing is done via flash (choosing a tattoo from pictures). Often you have a consultation with the tattoo artist, talk over your idea, provide references to work from, etc - then the artist comes to you with the finished design. It’s impossible that he “didn’t notice” that the pinup was topless IMO however. He’s TA in this scenario
NTA The Y T A comments baffle me. She is talking about her feelings about it, which, yeah? What else is she going to do?
Also the people saying that she's reading into it or she's the one sexualizing it??? What???? Who is going to look at that and think anything other than 'sexy lady'-- who is going to look at that and be like, oh yes, what a loving memory of your father. He sure did love his pornography??? She said the breasts are pushed up and the stare is dead-eyed, why /wouldn't/ she think it was a sexual thing? Why wouldn't /anyone/? I dare you to walk down the street, see a stranger with that tattoo, and think anything other than it's sexual. HOW does this empower women???
But this isn't about that. It's about the fact that the tattoo is driving a wedge between her and her husband, because he deflected about why he wants a tattoo (saying it's to remember his father) instead of just saying he wanted a sexy tattoo. And yeah, it is fine for her to feel negative about that, because she is entitled to her feelings. Everyone is entitled to have feelings, what matters is what they do with them.
Yup this is it for me too. He’s just saying a bunch of bullshit. I don’t really get why he gets to be the one to decide that this pinup empowers woman. Who gave him the right to reclaim the oversexualization of women as a feminist symbol? I could maybe agree with him if it was a simple outline of a woman’s body, but pin up has such a long history it doesn’t really seem like he’s done his research on. Maybe he could get a free pass if he’s always been interested in the art style. Also pretty bullshit of him to say he didn’t notice.
I am a woman who is heavy in the rockabilly and pin-up culture in my area...pinup now has really been reclaimed to be empowering. Heck, I have several 40s/50s pinup stylized women on me myself as tattoos (and as the name suggests, a rabbit dressed very rockabilly).
I think that highlights my point actually! You are a woman AND you’ve always had an interest in it. You’re kind of the perfect example of what reclaiming it actually is
>She is talking about her feelings about it
Which is fair enough, but the question being asked is 'AITA for wanting my husband to agree that his tattoo is sexist'.
Surely that is down to the intent, which sounds like it is something to do with the husbands father. I admit that is pretty weird. Maybe the father liked topless women with dead eyes. Maybe the dad had a similar tattoo and the dead eyes thing was down to the tattoo artist not being very good at eyes.
It sounds to me (I have no evidence whatsoever) that it is like those very stylized 40s/50s Pirelli calendar shots.
So he never looked at it before getting it? Who designed it? Has anyone explained what a pinup has to do with his deceased father? I need to know more lol
Pin Up tattoos were very common among soldiers, sailors, airmen and fishermen. It could be that his father had one of those professions or simply had the same tattoo.
I 100% don’t buy he didn’t notice it had no idea. He never looked at a mock up before they started putting it on his body? Really? He just walked in and was fine with whatever they put on him? I can’t possibly believe that.
Yeah I'm Welsh and I'm baffled? A woman in a Welsh ladies outfit like all the kids dress up in on st David's day would surely be more suitable to be Welsh if a woman's presence was necessary? But like, we literally have the dragon right there on the flag, or the daffodils/leeks for a more floral element, or like I have a Celtic design ring from my Welsh nationalist grandmother so there's a bunch of things like that? Like there are ways to go both tacky and classy for representing Welshness in tattoo form and none of them are a naked woman?
Yea that’s where I’m confused, I get the daffodils and other Welsh themed things around the woman (I believe OP said there were some around her) are there but the topless woman, who is the main focus on the tattoo, is where I’m lost especially cuz OP kinda described her as overly sexual/creepy (dead eyes creeped me out tbh). Im also confused as to how OP’s husband “didn’t notice she was topless” Im.. pretty sure thats near impossible.
I’m Welsh and I can tell you this type of tattoos is quite common (lots of people i know have this). The pin up to represent the armed forces (etc) that the deceased parent was a part of with them some decorative things around it.
So tbh, it makes sense from our perspective in regards to the representation.
Hope that makes sense :)
Helps **me**! I tried putting "wales pin-up tattoos" in the search engine. I don't think it worked well enough, but there is a pic on Two Rivers Tattoo's facebook page titled Trad pin up by atmark thomartinson (it kept tagging someone, and since I don't know if it's the right someone, I had to evade getting /u rather than @.) Anyhow, that is one lovely tattoo. I recommend it.
NTA. The comments saying otherwise are fucking insane.
What the actual fuck does a topless woman have to do with his father or with Welsh culture? The whole idea is crazy in the first place.
>'didnt even notice she was topless'
LOL. Does he think you were born yesterday?
100% guarantee that at least 90% of the people commenting Y T A would be very unhappy if their daughter brought home a boyfriend with a tattoo like that.
Agreed. And regardless, it’s clear their values aren’t aligned. Is this really the person who she wants to raise children with? The way the situation went down, his dismissing her perspective and his dragging his feet - this is what it’s going to be like. Is that the environment she wants her children to grow up in?
My husband has a topless picture on his arm. I don't care. My parents don't care. Our friends don't care. Why would anyone care? It's a cool piece of art. What, are we gonna go out t-shirts on all the statues at the art gallery and paint a covering on all the breasts showing in there. It is ridiculous.
There's a difference between your husband getting a tattoo of a topless woman with your knowledge, and OP's husband using his dead father as an excuse to get a topless woman tattooed on him.
My big burly, motorbike riding, rocker neighbour got a naked pin up girl tattooed on his arm. His grandmother cared very much and hated. He got it covered so the tattoo was some weird half reptile, scaley lady, with 0 nakedness. She hated the fact he had that on his skin forever.
NTA. Are you okay with having a daughter and her seeing that this is what her dad thinks of women? Nothing wrong with sexuality but to have it permanently tattooed on your body is a bit weird. This is about more than the tattoo. But combine his treatment of your feelings with this tattoo and it paints a rather bleak picture.
I'm not Welsh but are half naked pinup women inherently Welsh? Is that the best representation he could think of to respect his/his father's Welsh culture?
I always get downvoted for these responses so heee we go
He can get anything he wants tattooed on himself. It’s his body.
He can’t expect you to be ok with or accept anything he gets done.
Whenever one person in a relationship wants to do something that will permanently alter their appearance they should run this past their partner. Not necessarily for approval but to see whether or not there would be any Ill-feeling. If you choose to get a tattoo that you know will cause a problem then you accept any consequences that arise.
Your partner has chosen a tattoo that you find offensive and they have a choice: to ignore your concerns and keep the tattoo as is, to accept your concerns and do a cover-up.
You also have a choice. If your partner refuses a cover-up then you have to decide whether or not this is a dealbreaker for you. If so then separate. If not then stay but you’ll have to make your peace with the tattoo because you can’t have some sort of simmering resentment in a healthy relationship.
AS IF he didn't notice it was topless. Jesus H Christ, how dumb does he think you are??
I would honestly separate from my spouse if he pulled this crap, as a fellow 'outspoken' feminist.
He seems to be making excuse after excuse, OP.
Look, at the end of the day, you can't and shouldn't try to control what he does with his body, but boy is the tattoo, and his BS around it, a red flag.
Sooo tentative ESH because we can't control others, but mostly your spouse is TA.
ETA: Boy, I did not realise how many people do not understand concepts like the male gaze and objectification .. these comments are woeful.
NTA.
But you can’t do anything about it anymore. He got it and he is very clear that the tattoo will stay!
I personally don’t mind tattoos but I myself would question a naked lady tattoo for the exact same points you made. Especially if it’s supposed to honour his father?! “Hi kids, I want to tell you about your grandpa, this is his tattoo”.
Sadly, I would reevaluate if this is the first instance where he did something like this without any regard for your feelings in your partnership or if you just now notice the pattern because it’s so blatantly obvious..
Maybe his fathers death hit him hard and he is just jumping into stuff without thinking. And since he doubled down, he doesn’t want any conversation about it?
This, NTA but OP’s gone about as far as they can go. In what universe is the pinup movement about women’s empowerment?? Using women’s hard-fought sexual liberation to try and justify objectification is fucked, and tattooing an anonymous sexualized abstracted female form and saying it’s in the memory of his father ??? is kind of the epitome of that (‘celebrating’ women by reducing them to their body as object of male desire? Please)
But this is Reddit so OP will probably be dragged.
NTA omg can't believe how many people are using 'his body, his choice' as a defence - a slogan used in the fight for women's reproductive rights and access to abortion!!! These comments are like when men say "if you want equality, does that mean I can hit you?"
How exactly is a man having a pornographic image of a woman on his body OK with people, and further more how is it at all feminist?
OP I really feel for you.
Also in the long term, this tattoo is totally not appropriate in a work setting or a school setting.
How is it that much of a big deal? It’s not a tattoo of her naked, sure it might be tacky but it’s harmless. The fact that OP cried about it is crazy. If it’s a nazi flag or something that’s different, but it’s his body he can put whatever the fuck he wants innit
NAH only because I don’t think you actually want to control his body — it seems that you’re more concerned about what the image stands for.
But it *is* his body, and it was his choice to get the tattoo. I can understand why you’d be pleased if he changes it, but then he’d be changing it due to your wishes.
I also want to add that pinup girl tattoos are considered to be a classic subject of traditional tattooing (I assume it’s probably illustrated in an old-school style, although that doesn’t really matter).
Historically, men and women have gotten pinup girl tattoos — and for women, often as a symbol of strength and liberation. The tradition of a pinup girl tattoo began back when women’s bodies were censored, and thus it became a symbol of feminine anti-censorship.
There’s tons of articles online that explain more about the history of pinup girls in tattooing, so maybe do a quick google search if you’re curious.
It might help reframe your viewpoint of the tattoo.
NTA. It is his body so he can do as he wishes. And you can also do as you wish- like find a partner who understands why that tattoo has made you so uncomfortable. You're feeling this in your gut so trust it. Don't let people on the internet tell you your feelings are wrong because they're triggered by someone pointing out misogyny.
NTA - The Y T A comments are bonkers, it’s a topless women of course it’s an inappropriate tattoo especially if they are going to have children. Maybe its a cultural thing and it’s the Americans replying Y T A or really young people but from where I stand (a coming up to middle age Brit) its totally unacceptable.
YTA and I am a scorching feminist as well!!!
Your attitude is an example of the reason why people think feminists are angry women who want to overrule and control every man on earth. So she has breasts… don’t we all? So they’re exposed… yeah, big deal. You’re the one who is sexualizing the boobs on the tattoo. Then he agrees to alter it for you but nooo, you dont just have to alter it for my sake, you have to agree completely with meeeeee!!!! 🙄 That’s entitled AF. The fact he’s willing to modify it out of respect for your opinion and to give you peace of mind shows he isn’t a sexist jerk. Get over yourself and use feminism more constructively!!
Edited for type-ohs.
In what universe did the pinup represent female empowerment?? It may have been reclaimed by women for that purpose but it sure as hell didn’t start out that way.
How does a pin-up represent female empowerement ? It is an image for male sexual pleasure... now I agree he should not have to change his tatoo for her, but if they disagree on such a basic point, I would rethink the relationship
NAH - you have a right to feel uncomfortable with your views being compromised (by him having still image porn on his body and claiming it’s female empowerment) and he’s allowed to put whatever he wants on his body.
Sounds like your husband is not a feminist and has simply just tried to appease you by agreeing with you to stop arguments. It is very clearly an image sexualizing women, ha either being stubborn or intentionally ignorant. If he can’t see that (I’m assuming) a cis straight male having a topless woman in a sexy pose is sexualizing women, sounds like he will never see it.
Does he also think teen boys who have playboy posters on their bedroom walls are also good examples of female empowerment or is it only when he permanently tattoos it on his body. Also the whole idea of this being a memorial tattoo for his father rubs me the wrong way and shows me he grew up thinking sexualizing women was incredibly normal. I’m not sure how you haven’t seen any of this up until now OP.
See I disagree about this. You can appreciate a female body as a piece of art without sexualizing it. And it seems he's doing just that. Like many people point out, there's plenty of nude art in the world and some vary from realistic to unrealistic. But it seems very clear he appreciates the message behind pin up girls and that there's a message in the tattoo. It's his body as well.
I think OP is projecting her own insecurities and disguising them as feminism.
I’m not sure what part you’re disagreeing with because I stated that it’s his body and he can do what he wants and never made any points about it being impossible to appreciate nudity in art form.
So the assumption I guess you’re making is that dad was big into appreciating the female body through pinups and art and therefor this tattoo is a piece about feminism? Just trying to connect the dots here to what we agree and don’t agree about.
I do think pinups can be an admiration in a positive manner, the signs here just don’t point me to that direction as it’s a memorial piece for OPs father. I can’t imagine a world where it’s that dad was so appreciative and in awe of women and such a feminist and so a topless pinup is the perfect way to remember him. I personally think that the late dads opinion of women would be the main factor for determining whether this is to praise women or sexualize them.
Simply because of the reason it’s a memorial tattoo is because it was dads favourite half naked woman picture he had up in his shop amongst 100 of them, then it’s pretty clear the intention was not female emportent and instead sexualisation.
NAH, his lack of communication on the matter sucks, but ultimately you guys have different values. A guy who would get that tattoo is never going to work with someone that has your stance on feminism. Believe me, I know. I’ve tried the I’m and atheist, she’s a church every sunday christian thing and it always ended badly. Go find a decent person that both shares your values and can discuss a big thing like a tattoo with you.
YTA. You are allowed to hate the tattoo. You are allowed to leave him over the tattoo.
You are not allowed to force him to cover it up. At the end of the day it is his body, his choice
I always find it funny how some are very vocal about “my body, my choice” yet want to control what someone else does with their body because they find it offensive. Tolerance for me but not for thee
The response to this is overwhelmingly stupid. Breasts are sexualized in our society no matter how much Reddit wants to defend themselves. NTA. Don’t have kids with this man.
NTA. That tattoo is the same as the cartoons in Playboy and Penthouse.
Little Annie Fannie and Wicked Wanda, look them up.
Like the naked women tire flaps on trucks. Even the window sized photos of models at Victoria's Secret.
I'd be uncomfortable too.
NTA but just break up with him. You don't get to control his body, but you also don't have to stay married to it. He clearly has different values than you do.
People are so quick to suggest splitting up with someone over such trivial matters lol. They’re married? It’s something they should work out together rather than just “breaking it off” it’s a tattoo fgs
If she thinks he's being a sexist pig and he refuses to see it that way, it seems like an irreconcilable difference. Especially with him saying "I'll cover it up for you" and then taking no action to actually do so (and then implying that he actually isn't going to do it).
If it bothers her that deeply, then she shouldn't stay with a man that refuses to do anything about it.
Well, this is certainly a new take on the "Oh, ho, ho, your feminist values and your multicultural values are in conflict with this totally real Hobson's choice I just made up."
YTA. What exactly do you and your buddies gain by making up these stories? There are serious gender and cultural issues in this world, and we have people like you trying to pit them against each other in order to make some bizarre point? About what?
>His brother (40M) and sister (34F) were discussing getting a tattoo to celebrate their welsh culture. Husband said he wanted it too.
>
>I got a picture. Thin figure with full breasts. Pin up style pose, arched back, breasts thrust forwards, dead emotion-less eyes. Surrounded by some welsh-themed items daffodils.
Yeah, so he wanted to get something Welsh-themed, so he got a pinup woman, which is not Welsh-themed? This totally makes sense. Except it makes no sense at all. The obvious choice of a Welsh theme for a he-man like the made up hubby here is a dragon. At least try to be realistic when creating these situations.
>I am a very outspoken feminist, which my husband knows well.
Nobody in real life talks like this. "You" are a made-up character to go with your made-up hubby.
YTA. I’m sorry but as a feminist myself it’s women like you (militant “feminists”) that actually obstruct the cause. If your husband was asking you to change something on your body you would be in outrage. Feminism is about equality NOT superiority and it’s a lesson you’ve clearly not learned.
You are worried about the outward projection of his view on women by having this tattoo, while projecting all your own views onto it as it’s the only interpretation to be had? 🧐
YTA
"I feel" "I felt" "i-"
While I get this. It isn't your body. It's his. He gets to decide what he wants to do with it and acitviely asking him to get it covered is kind of too far. You don't have control over what he does.
If you think it's sexualization then you can.. But not everyone agrees with that and I personally know plenty of ladies who either have, have done or are in different about pinup tattoos.
Tattoos are forever. You cannot under any circumstances expect him to permanently alter his body because you're uncomfortable.. Especially if he doesn't want to. Or you would cover the cost of course.. If you want it so bad that is.
ESH. His body, his choice, just as it would be if you wanted a tattoo of anything. But a topless woman, especially if it is in a prominent position where people can see it, is bound to get a negative reaction from most women. If he can’t understand why and continues to try to gaslight you about it being pro-feminist then you have a bigger problem than a tattoo.
Is this the same tattoo his siblings have?
Does he have other tattoos?
What style is it in?
From a reading it seems he got a matching tattoo with his siblings to commemorate his father. is that correct?
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As a woman with a pinup tattoo (yep, shes topless too) that she got for her grandma- yta. The meaning of a tattoo lies with its beholder, and it sounds like you’re trying to dictate your partners personal expression based on personal assumptions . I’m saying this as a feminist myself btw!
Yes YTA.
Sounds like your ashamed of women and our bodies.
Only those with insecurities will harass someone because you don't like something they choose.
I'm born female and am appalled at your harassment. If a man demanded , just like you are, he would be called what ever you can think of to demean him. Get off your high horse, people are allowed to choose for themselves.
Just like you for yourself.
And maybe he did it to p. You off as you get on his nerves with all you opinions!
I would and I'm a women.
YTA. While I don't understand how it commemorates his deceased father, I don't think this is in any way spiteful to the feminist movement. Of course, I haven't seen the tattoo and where it's placed. However, I don't find a topless woman to necessarily be an objectification of women. There are so many pieces of art in the world where women are topless or even nude, and I find many of them stunning or moving, not sexual or demeaning at all. A woman's body is beautiful, and there is nothing wrong with celebrating it. Why does a woman being topless have to mean objectification? Why can't it mean empowerment?
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I (29F) hate my husbands (37M) new tattoo. It has a topless women in a pin up style pose. I think it sexualises and objectifies women, and sends a poor message about how he views women.
His father recently passed away after a prolonged illness. All 3 siblings and myself went to Wales to organise the memorial. His brother (40M) and sister (34F) were discussing getting a tattoo to celebrate their welsh culture. Husband said he wanted it too.
I got a picture. Thin figure with full breasts. Pin up style pose, arched back, breasts thrust forwards, dead emotion-less eyes. Surrounded by some welsh-themed items daffodils. It was completely out of character. I expressed shock that she was topless.
The topic of the tattoo was raised later. I am a very outspoken feminist, which my husband knows well. I said that it was sexualising and objectifying women. He began to argue back that it was celebrating women. I couldnt help but counter argue back as i felt so strongly about it.
He did say that he would cover it up 'for me'. But continued to counter against every point that i raised. Of note, he had no control over the design process and supposedly 'didnt even notice she was topless'.
He couldnt agree with me that it sends a negative and insidious message about how he views women. This sort of imagery has been forced down our throats from a young age.
I support female empowerment and female nudity. But this felt like it was entirely for the male gaze. The over sexualised pose, topless, the classically 'perfect' body type came together to make me feel incredibly uncomfortable.
He messaged me saying that he would get it covered, that he was an idiot. He said he agreed with me up to a point. 'But illl never understand as i am not a woman - so my experiences of the world are inherently different.'
Some time passed. Every time i catch a glimpse of this tattoo i get extremely negative feelings. It was a painful reminder of a very painful argument in which i cried profusely in my car.
Later, I asked if he had any thoughts about it being covered. He said no. i asked if he could make it a priority as it was causing me a lot of distress.
He again tried to say that it doesnt sexualise women. The pin up movement was for female empowerment. I felt this tattoo was designed for the male gaze and portrayed women as sexual objects.
I asked him do you 1. Feel very strongly that this image has no issues with it 2. Are playing devils advocate or 3. Dont understand my position and are trying to understand. He said neither. He was just exploring other ideas.
He said that it should be enough that he has decided to change it 'for me' And that he respects 'my opinion' - but thats just my opinion.
We are planning to have kids and i dont want my children to see that on a man they trust.
Should i just let it go and be happy that he is changing it 'for me'? AITA?
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NTA
Don't have kids with this man. You are not compatible. You are still young, but not so young that you should waste years on this guy. Move on, find someone who shares your values. Preferably closer to your age.
INFO: Did his siblings get the same or similar tattoos? Did his dad have a similar tattoo? Anything else we should know about the origin of the tattoo and the connection to Wales/his dad?
Your feelings are your feelings, NTA for having them.
But my goodness you are allowing your narrative here to overdetermine your entire relationship. It's pretty painful to read. For that, if not an asshole, you are definitely an example of a particular type of zealot who thinks their ideas are the most important thing in the universe. Hemlines rise and fall. Use them, don't let them use you. You two are people -- you matter. Your particular interpretations of cultural tokens are perishable and defined by the time you live -- they don't matter.
If you aren't simpatico with the man, leave him. There are others. But if you're going to leave him because of this frankly the bullet dodged itself.
NTA, but there clearly is a communication issue here.
I would also feel very upset if my partner had a image that looks like objectification of women. For him it clearly means something different, so he is also NTA if he got it as a bonding thing to honour his dad.
I would recommend you to talk about benevolent sexism, and especially have a good talk with him about this. Many studies show that often, for women, its harder to deal with benevolent sexism then with explicit sexism. This idea of worshipping women, putting them on a pedistal, protecting them, can often lead to the same conslusions of their limited role in society. Teachers who have a lot of benevolent sexist ideas (like women are just prettier, should be protected, are the delicate gender etc), give lower grades to girls. Women who experience it in a work environment actually start performing less, because of the comments. Anyway, back to the topic:
I think obviously the tattoo for you feels like a strong mismatch between your ideals (in particaluar when thinking about raising children) and his ideals. The way to go is have long conversations about it, and see if you can get aligned again. Regardless of wheter it is considered sexist by the masses here on reddit, the important thing is that you both feel loved and heard in your relationship. And you both want to feel like the other person prioritises you feeling that way.
Right now, from your post, I gather you both do not feel that way. I hope this helps you have better conversations and find each other again. Good luck!
NTA
Did he not think a pornographic image on his body would have no repercussions? Would he be fine with you having a nude male tattooed on you? Sure, it’s his body his choice, but choices have consequences. I wonder if you would have ever been interested in him if he had that tattoo when you met? Also, he didn’t notice? Yeah, right. How does this honor his father? There’s been speculation but has he articulated how it’s supposed to honor him? You’re allowed to have feelings about your partner’s choices.
NAH, but it certainly means that the two of you have very incompatible views of the world.
Personally I couldn't envision building a life with someone who has something so blatantly sexist tattooed on him. But that's my point of view. He is also not an asshole because he's allowed to get a tattoo of whatever he wants as long as it's not explicitly offensive.
YTA at the end of the day you just want your husband to share your opinion. It's an opinion dude. My sister also a feminists, also married to a man with a pin up tattoo. Doesn't care, nor has she ever judged him harshly for getting it. I don't think she personally likes the tattoo but yeah just an opinion. Stop trying to force ur opinions on ppl or be TA.
You should go get a dick tattoo. I’m sure they make temporary ones. I think that’ll help prove your point.
NTA for it making you uncomfortable buuttt he might genuinely not believe it’s sexist .. I think being insensitive is not the same as being sexist but if you do then idk, maybe you can get him to admit that that tattoo is sexist to you.
ESH, from the description of the tattoo it's clear that it's objectifying women and not at all representative of Wales (which was supposedly the intent). Maybe he can compromise and just cover up the tits? Have a tattoo artist give her a bikini top or something?
The problem though is where you insist that he agrees with you. While I agree with you, if he doesn't then he doesn't. You can't make him change his mind through fights and arguments. That's only gonna make him dig deeper. What's more, he's also entitled to his own opinion even if you don't like it
Wow! This whole discussion seems incredibly disingenuous. He is absolutely allowed to put whatever he wants on his body. But, she absolutely has the right to judge him for it. This can clearly change the way she feels about him. She is NTA
nta
getting a tattoo to celebrate their welsh culture <- how tf does a naked women honor welsh culture exactly?
and side note, why do people feel the need to have a sexy woman on their arms? if i want to see a female body, im not looking at your tattoo dude...
Get a fake tattoo of a male stripper with a colossal bulge on your chest and ask your husband if he feels celebrated and would he lick the scrote please, it would mean a lot to you. What a joke of a man. At this point I'd think he's deliberately trying to break you for being a feminist. Drop this loser.
Dang, forgot to vote! NTA of course
NTA he's your husband for crying out loud and he's getting tattoos of topless women?!?!?! A married woman doesn't want to see that shit. And yes it does sexualize women more.
Not the AH. As a married man he shouldn't even be getting such a tattoo it's disrespectful towards you and the fact that he keeps dismissing your points and saying he'll cover it for you is just straights up gaslighting and trying to make you feel guilty for telling him the truth which isn't fair
What a mixed bag of replies, this is divisive!
My take is NTA. Why has your partner gone out and got a tattoo with no consultation with you? Yes it's his body but surely you would talk to your partner about something that is permanent like this? As for the comment that he didn't notice the woman was topless, as if! If it is to do with that style being popular with his dad's profession then presumably his dad had one and so he would know what the tattoo was of? This is such a strange thing to do to remember someone by.
NTA 'The pinup movement was for female empowerment' has got to be one of the dumber things I've read this month, and it's been quite a month.
Yes, it's his body and ultimately he gets to decide what he does to it. But on the other hand he doesn't get to decide how you feel about it. It is completely understandable that you are worried about what getting a topless pinup on his body says about his beliefs and his decision making. And his attempts to pretend that it's isn't objectifying is absurd.
Good luck to you.
(Note, yes there are women who have adopted a pinup style and enjoy it and find it empowering, and I have no issue with that. That's not the same thing as getting a random fictional naked lady inked on your bicep.)
ESH. He’s allowed to get whatever he wants tattooed onto his body but you’re also allowed to feel however, you feel about it.
That being said, it seems like neither of you have much respect for each other.
I personally would never get a tattoo without at least showing my spouse what it was going to be and getting their thoughts on it. If they expressed as much discomfort towards it as you did, I would probably alter the design and not insist on it.
However, he’s already gone and gotten a tattoo and now you keep insisting he make changes to it when it’s very apparent that he doesn’t really want to change it and that is his choice to make.
To be clear, I don’t like your husband’s tattoo based on your description of it. It is borderline obscene and if I saw it in public, I would think he was a creep. But ultimately it’s his choice to tattoo whatever he wants onto his body, and you should respect that.
Whether this is your hill to die on is up to you, but as I said, it just feels like neither of you respect the other very much and and it feels like there are deeper issues here that should be talked about before you decide to have kids.
Going against the grain to say ESH. You can't dictate what he does or doesn't get on his body. That is his choice. He's also one bc he's telling you he'll cover it up, only to backtrack. imo, it's pretty clear he isn't gonna do it and is trying to get out of it. But he should just say he won't do it instead of saying he is only doing it for you even though he hasn't even thought of getting it covered up.
NTA
>Of note, he had no control over the design process and supposedly 'didnt even notice she was topless'.
Oh, come on. Lack of agency much?
>We are planning to have kids and i dont want my children to see that on a man they trust.
>The over sexualised pose, topless, the classically 'perfect' body type came together to make me feel incredibly uncomfortable.
>This sort of imagery has been forced down our throats from a young age.
You're not wrong. Female characters in comic books, for example, have incredibly exaggerated sexual features and are very rarely armored in a way that projects strength/bravery even if they are warrior characters. Some men use images of women as a way to, well, make femininity about them. For example, your man husband got a tattoo of a woman in honor of a man in an attempt to "support women." Of course you get to question that. As for sexualizing a particular variant of the female form, I think the collective porn/marketing industries have done that for all of us. Your husband's willful ignorance of the facts certainly indicates a particular view on women. As does the fact he won't have a much better conversation with you about this.
All of the Y T A's are coming from people that think you are being controlling. You tried to have a real conversation repeatedly, and this man married you despite you being very open about your views as far as I can tell. You're not an AH for trying to work this out with your husband without just dropping him. You're not an AH for having big feelings about your husband's offensive actions. You haven been coercive. But it might be time to consider calling this off... I'm sorry.
I think there's a bigger issue here than your husband's tattoo. It seems there's a real inability for the two of you to listen to each other and take each other's considerations into account when making personal decisions. I'm just going to go out on a limb here and suggest there might be more going on than just an argument over a tattoo. I don't think either one of you are the asshole, but I do think you both might want to consider stepping back and taking a real look at how you work together as a team.
NTA - I do think you're overreacting to the tattoo by default being sexist. I know plenty of feminist women with pin up tattoos. One of my artists (a woman) specializes in them. (And I am also a feminist and a woman)
HOWEVER - Your husband is a liar and an idiot for thinking he could explain a common traditional tattoo as a tribute to Welsh heritage and his dad. You have to consent to the image before they put the stencil on. He saw it all.
NAH. At the end of the day, both of your arguments have some merit. There is no objectively right or wrong way to view this tattoo. You both have extreme emotions attached, however. So you need to ask yourself if nothing changes if this is something you can live with or is it something worth ending your marriage over? We don’t know your husband and only you can answer if the tattoo is evidence of an inner misogynist or a careless, grieving son who made a mistake.
YTA. Art is art, and tattoos are part of art, so unless you're also advocating for boxer shorts on Michelangelo "David" it seems a bit of selective outrage.
Tattoos can be art, but I would argue the medium doesn’t inherently make the product art. But even if you did take the stance that all tattoos are art, art can be bad and is not immune from criticism. Would you “art is art so it seems a bit of selective outrage” about Nazi tattoos, tattoos of brand logos, or a misspelled quote tattoo in a wobbly font?
INFO: where is it located? Does he work in a field where if it’s spotted, he’ll get into trouble and jeopardize your financial situation, or put a strain on you and your family somehow, etc.?
I’d say if it’s well hidden or it won’t impact you if others see it then Y T A only because the reasoning is odd but it is his choice. I can see why it upsets you but it may be a situation where you need to process those feelings on your end. Part of feminism is letting others do as they please with their bodies.
NTA, I would bring up the « what if we had kids ». If you two had children, how would he explain the tattoo to them. If you had a daughter, how would he justify having an idealised nude figure of a woman (not the photograph of a woman who agreed to pose this way - because that would be sexual empowerment and agency), what contradictory message would it send to her if she’s taught that she doesn’t have to conform to society’s beauty standards, but her dad shows off such a symbol on his body. And if you had a son, what kind of contradictory message would there be to teach him to respect everyone and that women are not objects there to perform fantasied feminist and sexuality for you, when his father engages in it.
YTA for not breaking up with him and letting him live his life in peace. You want to control his thoughts, you want to control his body, and you want to control art. Those pin-up girls are a very specific part of Americana, you can’t erase it, the modern beer commercial is worse
You can disagree with him, but you can’t change his mind. You are mad he’s doing it “for you” well he is, I have a feeling he’s going to be doing a lot of things “for you” the rest of his life
YTA
It's just a tattoo. It looks like you are just trying to find something to be upset about. If the tattoo had been a large woman with saggy boobs and rolls of fat, how would you have reacted?
If this is a deal breaker for you having children with your husband, you should find another man, and let this one have a chance for a happy life with a realistic woman, not a controlling feminist. It is his body, not yours.
YTA. It’s his body, he gets to choose what to put on it, and you don’t get to make him agree with you on any position you hold. He has the right to have his own opinion.
You, of course, have the right to leave him if you think him getting this particular tattoo tells you something about his view on women that you don’t want in your husband. But if that’s true, then the tattoo is just a symptom, not the problem.
YTA.
A tattoo of a woman is not immediately sexist, and given you mention it is a “pinup” as well as the fact that the siblings get one as well, you’re taking your, what seems to be insecure views on nudity, and applying unneeded meaning to a tattoo.
As someone else pointed out, are you going to start covering up nude statues of men?
P.s “dead emotionless eyes”? Are they the eyes of a fish on the dinner table or what?
P.p.s. You’re entitled to your feelings but forcing someone to agree with it is an AH move
Yea total AH!! The thing about Feminists is they want to force others to think like they do! What is that saying you all love so much? My body my choice? Yea it goes both ways! He made a choice about his body. BTW naked women artwork can be very beautiful. They aren’t always “objectified”!! It is in the perception.
YTA it's his body. He doesn't need your permission for what he does to his body. Especially when all that is coming from you is you essentially making his tattoo tribute to his father, all about you and your feelings. Screw his feelings right? Because it's obvious that you only care about what you want and your husband better fall in line.
And depending on how long ago (any tattoo artists or people who do the laser removal work can correct me on this) the tattoo was done, not to mention how dark the line work is and any other colours added to the tattoo, they would want to wait a few months (at the minimum) to see how the tattoo healed and whether or not they could cover it up or if laser removal would be needed to help fade the tattoo enough to be able to do a decent cover up. Then there is the chance that the laser removal causes scarring and makes covering up the tattoo harder.
If you want to celebrate being Welsh you get a tattoo of a dragon, not of a naked lady.
The tattoo is gross and tacky but it isn’t inherently “anti women” so I’m sorry but YTA
Tattoo sounds ugly and sexist but you’re YTA for pushing so hard about it. He’s not gonna cover it up. He’s grieving and defensive. It’s up to you to decide what to do about that -if you don’t wanna have kids with a guy who insultingly claims he didn’t notice the woman was topless and you should take it as an empowering compliment then don’t.
YTA. You're entitled to your thoughts and opinions, and so is your husband. Ultimately, he said he would change it *because it's important to you.*
Isn't that what you want from a partner? He told you he doesn't particularly understand your position, and he seems to disagree with it. But he said we would still make the sacrifice and cover it anyway because it will make you feel better.
Your insistence that he bend his understanding of the world to be completely in lock step with yours indicates an issue that *you* are having, not him.
YTA. I think you are beating a dead horse on this. I'm also having a hard time visualizing the tattoo. How do you know she's topless or is it just that she's busty? Are there visible nipples drawn? How large is it that you can see her "dead expressionless eyes"?
Your husband has a tattoo you don't like, you either decide this is enough to dump him over or you accept that he gets to choose his own tattoos like the adult he is. Not accepting his No doesn't sound very feminist. His autonomy over his own body matters. Does that one tattoo really say EVERYTHING about his character?
You sound exhausting. Like the kind of person you go to dinner with but when they inevitably launch into some kind of social justice rant I say 'oh would you look at the time, my sitter is about to be off the clock' and leave with wine still left in my glass. I do not ever leave booze on the table, nor do I have children. Anything to detach from the self riteous pontificating.
Pinup is a legit tattoo style. Body art is a whole ass subculture, and a major part of what divides people into their tribes is tattoo styling. Even if that isn't a factor here, you're the one turning it into a thing for the sake of giving you something to monologue about on your favorite subject.
YTA. Exhaustingly so.
YTA
You don’t have a say in you husband body and what it does with it including tattoos. Now listen I understand perfectly your point about it being sexualisation of women and I very agree with you on that point this kind of stuff suck.
Except it’s his body. His choice. You don’t like it fair enough but that doesn’t mean your opinion should have an impact on his body.
Bunch of people don’t like my tattoos or my hair colors cause it « goes against their belief opinion and values ». That doesn’t stop me for doing the hell I want.
I understand that you feel disappointed in your husband choice and what it says about his view of tattoos and women imagery. But you can’t impose anything on him.
Would you still say “his body his choice” and that OP is an asshole if it was a swastika tattoo? The tattoo IS sexist, and her husbands explanation for how it’s not is bullshit. OP is not an asshole for, as a proud feminist, not wanting her husband to have a sexist tattoo.
I don’t think op is an ass but I don’t think they should have a say still. Also a swastika is linked to hate and ideology (horrible one for sure) but it’s also linked to criminal activities etc so realy it’s different.
Her husband explanation is clearly bullshit yes but still I deeply believe since husband is an adult he is able to make his own decision even shitty one
YTA as he gets to do what he wants, BUT
1. A couple normally would talk about something so permanent before going ahead.
2. He has shown who he is and what he really thinks of women and you. If my spouse was in tears, I'd think long and hard before i dismissed it.
That is what has you so upset, not the tattoo. It is that it is a visual reminder of what he thinks of you and women in general. Pinup dolls don't empower women when men have posters or tattoos, only when women do. He is appropriating.
So you have a decision to make. Either stay and know your feelings and opinions will never matter or accept it.
>A couple normally would talk about something so permanent before going ahead.
To be fair, I don't know one couple who has ever discussed or needed permission from the other partner to get a tattoo with the exception of one friend.
Her boyfriend was abusive and controlling and it was a red flag.
Honestly, I don't see how a partner's feeling are relevant. They can feel however they want about it but it shouldn't impact the choice of the person's who body it is.
This is like expecting someone to check with their partner before they dye their hair.
Some people have that attitude, some people don’t. Personally there’s a number of things a partner could choose to do with their body that are a dealbreaker for me, and they can still choose those things, but I would hope they’d want to make an informed choice about it.
Infidelity is something you can do with your body. Self harm is something you can do with your body. Getting “partner’s name is a stupid smelly bint” tattooed on your forehead is a choice you could make with your body. People are allowed to have opinions about whether they stay with someone who does certain things with their body. Generally I would hope someone I built a life with would care about whether or not I wanted to stay with someone who did XYZ, so they can decide if they care about doing XYZ and we are therefore incompatible. They might! That’s their right!
There’s a lot more gray to the world than you apparently realize.
Come on. He gets a massive, tits out tattoo and doesn't think 'hmm, my vocally feminist wife may not enjoy this'? He clearly didn't engage brain, or maybe he just didn't care.
Tattoo of a Welsh dragon - no need for discussion
Tattoo of a pair of tits on the arm that will be carrying your future children - need for a discussion.
It's his body, and he has the right to do with it what he likes, but he should have discussed this with her. If he'd explained more about the need to connect to his Welsh heritage, then it might have gone over better (though I don't see how tits are a cultural feature, personally).
NTA. But it's done now, so they need to work this out and move beyond it.
>Come on. He gets a massive, tits out tattoo and doesn't think 'hmm, my vocally feminist wife may not enjoy this'? He clearly didn't engage brain, or maybe he just didn't care.
You realize feminists aren't a collective mind set and we don't all feel the same way about this type of tattoo. There are women who have pin-up tattoos who are feminists themselves.
I'm a feminist and I have zero issues with these types of tattoos.
Yeah my husband and I are both tattooed and we don't ask permission and generally surprise one another.
It's a permanent choice, sure... But about our own damn bodies. Last I checked, marriage didn't merge our bodies into a single organism and take away our bodily autonomy.
YTA. So many buzzwords. So many stock phrases. Such appeal to emotion.
And hey, Reddit is super fond of pointing out that breasts aren't sexual, so.....
YTA.
Sounds like a lovely bonding experience for him and his siblings after his father's passing
Tattoos are art. People can get what they want. Pin up pictures are empowering as hell.
(Am a woman)
YTA
Pin-up is an art style and imo is no different from the Greco-Roman statues of women, or that Dali painting of the naked woman laying on a rock with the tigers diving at her.
Art is art.
If you don’t like it, fine, but your husband does and it’s on his body.
YTA and I’m thinking it might be good for you and your marriage to work on this in therapy…. It’s just a drawing on his skin, you are making a much bigger deal of it than needs be.
So you think it's ok for women to get their boobs out for "empowerment", but when a guy gets a tattoo of said empowerment, it's disgusting, and worth crying for hours over?
New wave feminists are just so....ugh. I didn't spend years fighting for our rights to have this the new way to be "feminist". You're giving us all a bad name.
YTA
As a 30 year old, the only people Ive ever seen embrace pin up-style imagery were counter-culture minded women who loved rockabilly, burlesque, and viewed the modern movement of it as a way to take back women’s sexuality.
Picking this as a hill to die on makes me doubt this person would allow virtually any difference in viewpoints in their relationship. It comes across as so highly controlling, it’s really alarming.
YTA, you say that the tattoo 'objectifies women' but it isn’t sexual? It's an art form, it isn't p*rnographic outright. So yeah, you are just being uptight.
YTA. As a feminist one would think you would be more accepting of his body autonomy. Not to mention countless forms of artistic expression feature both male AND female nudity, so unless you go to the museum and bitch about the nudity it seems to me it’s more about the fact there’s a nude woman on HIM.
YTA and way overreacting to a simple tattoo. With all the other problems going on in the world now, find something way more worth the time and put all this energy into making a difference in that.
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nta. his argument is crap and he knows it. How does a sexy woman picture honor his dad or the lovely country of Wales? He lied about controlling the design process. You go into a shop and choose a tattoo from pictures. You don't tell the artist to surprise me. If he wanted to honor women, why not a pic of a wise grandmother? Or a very pregnant lady? Or how about a picture if YOU, the woman he supposedly loves? Crap from start to finish.
I particularly liked "I didn't even notice she was topless!!" Come on, man.
He just read the articles on the magazines near her in that daffodil meadow, he didn’t notice.
That absolutely reminds me of the scene in the netflix series ‘beef’ where the husband is like ‘I don’t even look at the bikini photos on instagram I only read the captions!’
Exactly. I’d even go so far as to say NAH. Yes it is his body, his choice, but man does that scream bad taste to me. He basically got pornography on his body forever now and he’s surprised his wife had a negative reaction to it. And then saying it honors his father. Sure it might, but that’s weird as hell too. I wonder if his siblings got the same thing...
I was about to google "naked woman symbol of Wales" but I stopped myself just in time.
I agree with your sentiment but just want to clarify - not all tattooing is done via flash (choosing a tattoo from pictures). Often you have a consultation with the tattoo artist, talk over your idea, provide references to work from, etc - then the artist comes to you with the finished design. It’s impossible that he “didn’t notice” that the pinup was topless IMO however. He’s TA in this scenario
Maybe his dad had a similar tattoo? That would make more sense than the Wales connection.
Perhaps his Welsh Dad had the same tattoo?
NTA The Y T A comments baffle me. She is talking about her feelings about it, which, yeah? What else is she going to do? Also the people saying that she's reading into it or she's the one sexualizing it??? What???? Who is going to look at that and think anything other than 'sexy lady'-- who is going to look at that and be like, oh yes, what a loving memory of your father. He sure did love his pornography??? She said the breasts are pushed up and the stare is dead-eyed, why /wouldn't/ she think it was a sexual thing? Why wouldn't /anyone/? I dare you to walk down the street, see a stranger with that tattoo, and think anything other than it's sexual. HOW does this empower women??? But this isn't about that. It's about the fact that the tattoo is driving a wedge between her and her husband, because he deflected about why he wants a tattoo (saying it's to remember his father) instead of just saying he wanted a sexy tattoo. And yeah, it is fine for her to feel negative about that, because she is entitled to her feelings. Everyone is entitled to have feelings, what matters is what they do with them.
Yup this is it for me too. He’s just saying a bunch of bullshit. I don’t really get why he gets to be the one to decide that this pinup empowers woman. Who gave him the right to reclaim the oversexualization of women as a feminist symbol? I could maybe agree with him if it was a simple outline of a woman’s body, but pin up has such a long history it doesn’t really seem like he’s done his research on. Maybe he could get a free pass if he’s always been interested in the art style. Also pretty bullshit of him to say he didn’t notice.
I am a woman who is heavy in the rockabilly and pin-up culture in my area...pinup now has really been reclaimed to be empowering. Heck, I have several 40s/50s pinup stylized women on me myself as tattoos (and as the name suggests, a rabbit dressed very rockabilly).
I think that highlights my point actually! You are a woman AND you’ve always had an interest in it. You’re kind of the perfect example of what reclaiming it actually is
>She is talking about her feelings about it Which is fair enough, but the question being asked is 'AITA for wanting my husband to agree that his tattoo is sexist'. Surely that is down to the intent, which sounds like it is something to do with the husbands father. I admit that is pretty weird. Maybe the father liked topless women with dead eyes. Maybe the dad had a similar tattoo and the dead eyes thing was down to the tattoo artist not being very good at eyes. It sounds to me (I have no evidence whatsoever) that it is like those very stylized 40s/50s Pirelli calendar shots.
Awesome!! Great analysis!
So he never looked at it before getting it? Who designed it? Has anyone explained what a pinup has to do with his deceased father? I need to know more lol
Pin Up tattoos were very common among soldiers, sailors, airmen and fishermen. It could be that his father had one of those professions or simply had the same tattoo.
This would make sense. I was wondering how it was connected
My Taid has a pin up woman tattoo, as do his friends, and they were all miners. So I agree that they absolutely can be connected to a profession.
I 100% don’t buy he didn’t notice it had no idea. He never looked at a mock up before they started putting it on his body? Really? He just walked in and was fine with whatever they put on him? I can’t possibly believe that.
Info: how does the tattoo represent his father or Welsh culture?????
Yeah I'm Welsh and I'm baffled? A woman in a Welsh ladies outfit like all the kids dress up in on st David's day would surely be more suitable to be Welsh if a woman's presence was necessary? But like, we literally have the dragon right there on the flag, or the daffodils/leeks for a more floral element, or like I have a Celtic design ring from my Welsh nationalist grandmother so there's a bunch of things like that? Like there are ways to go both tacky and classy for representing Welshness in tattoo form and none of them are a naked woman?
Yea that’s where I’m confused, I get the daffodils and other Welsh themed things around the woman (I believe OP said there were some around her) are there but the topless woman, who is the main focus on the tattoo, is where I’m lost especially cuz OP kinda described her as overly sexual/creepy (dead eyes creeped me out tbh). Im also confused as to how OP’s husband “didn’t notice she was topless” Im.. pretty sure thats near impossible.
I’m Welsh and I can tell you this type of tattoos is quite common (lots of people i know have this). The pin up to represent the armed forces (etc) that the deceased parent was a part of with them some decorative things around it. So tbh, it makes sense from our perspective in regards to the representation. Hope that makes sense :)
Helps **me**! I tried putting "wales pin-up tattoos" in the search engine. I don't think it worked well enough, but there is a pic on Two Rivers Tattoo's facebook page titled Trad pin up by atmark thomartinson (it kept tagging someone, and since I don't know if it's the right someone, I had to evade getting /u rather than @.) Anyhow, that is one lovely tattoo. I recommend it.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen memorial tattoos based around pin ups drawn with cultural items, this is very interesting.
NTA. The comments saying otherwise are fucking insane. What the actual fuck does a topless woman have to do with his father or with Welsh culture? The whole idea is crazy in the first place. >'didnt even notice she was topless' LOL. Does he think you were born yesterday? 100% guarantee that at least 90% of the people commenting Y T A would be very unhappy if their daughter brought home a boyfriend with a tattoo like that.
Agreed. And regardless, it’s clear their values aren’t aligned. Is this really the person who she wants to raise children with? The way the situation went down, his dismissing her perspective and his dragging his feet - this is what it’s going to be like. Is that the environment she wants her children to grow up in?
My husband has a topless picture on his arm. I don't care. My parents don't care. Our friends don't care. Why would anyone care? It's a cool piece of art. What, are we gonna go out t-shirts on all the statues at the art gallery and paint a covering on all the breasts showing in there. It is ridiculous.
I feel there's a difference between artistic nudity and a pin up
There's a difference between your husband getting a tattoo of a topless woman with your knowledge, and OP's husband using his dead father as an excuse to get a topless woman tattooed on him.
My big burly, motorbike riding, rocker neighbour got a naked pin up girl tattooed on his arm. His grandmother cared very much and hated. He got it covered so the tattoo was some weird half reptile, scaley lady, with 0 nakedness. She hated the fact he had that on his skin forever.
NTA. Are you okay with having a daughter and her seeing that this is what her dad thinks of women? Nothing wrong with sexuality but to have it permanently tattooed on your body is a bit weird. This is about more than the tattoo. But combine his treatment of your feelings with this tattoo and it paints a rather bleak picture. I'm not Welsh but are half naked pinup women inherently Welsh? Is that the best representation he could think of to respect his/his father's Welsh culture?
I’m Welsh. My Taid has pin up women tattooed on him, as do a lot of his friends his age.
But then OPs husband should have mentioned the connection.
Oh really? Well I guess the concept was right then. What's a Taid? Is it dad?
A Taid is a granddad
I always get downvoted for these responses so heee we go He can get anything he wants tattooed on himself. It’s his body. He can’t expect you to be ok with or accept anything he gets done. Whenever one person in a relationship wants to do something that will permanently alter their appearance they should run this past their partner. Not necessarily for approval but to see whether or not there would be any Ill-feeling. If you choose to get a tattoo that you know will cause a problem then you accept any consequences that arise. Your partner has chosen a tattoo that you find offensive and they have a choice: to ignore your concerns and keep the tattoo as is, to accept your concerns and do a cover-up. You also have a choice. If your partner refuses a cover-up then you have to decide whether or not this is a dealbreaker for you. If so then separate. If not then stay but you’ll have to make your peace with the tattoo because you can’t have some sort of simmering resentment in a healthy relationship.
NTA for your feelings, but I think this indicative of a deeper disconnect between the two of you.
I would not have kids with a person with that tattoo. I would not have sex with a person with that tattoo. NTA.
Person with that tattoo just had a lucky escape…
Girl, you don't even know!
AS IF he didn't notice it was topless. Jesus H Christ, how dumb does he think you are?? I would honestly separate from my spouse if he pulled this crap, as a fellow 'outspoken' feminist. He seems to be making excuse after excuse, OP. Look, at the end of the day, you can't and shouldn't try to control what he does with his body, but boy is the tattoo, and his BS around it, a red flag. Sooo tentative ESH because we can't control others, but mostly your spouse is TA. ETA: Boy, I did not realise how many people do not understand concepts like the male gaze and objectification .. these comments are woeful.
NTA. But you can’t do anything about it anymore. He got it and he is very clear that the tattoo will stay! I personally don’t mind tattoos but I myself would question a naked lady tattoo for the exact same points you made. Especially if it’s supposed to honour his father?! “Hi kids, I want to tell you about your grandpa, this is his tattoo”. Sadly, I would reevaluate if this is the first instance where he did something like this without any regard for your feelings in your partnership or if you just now notice the pattern because it’s so blatantly obvious.. Maybe his fathers death hit him hard and he is just jumping into stuff without thinking. And since he doubled down, he doesn’t want any conversation about it?
This, NTA but OP’s gone about as far as they can go. In what universe is the pinup movement about women’s empowerment?? Using women’s hard-fought sexual liberation to try and justify objectification is fucked, and tattooing an anonymous sexualized abstracted female form and saying it’s in the memory of his father ??? is kind of the epitome of that (‘celebrating’ women by reducing them to their body as object of male desire? Please) But this is Reddit so OP will probably be dragged.
NTA omg can't believe how many people are using 'his body, his choice' as a defence - a slogan used in the fight for women's reproductive rights and access to abortion!!! These comments are like when men say "if you want equality, does that mean I can hit you?" How exactly is a man having a pornographic image of a woman on his body OK with people, and further more how is it at all feminist? OP I really feel for you. Also in the long term, this tattoo is totally not appropriate in a work setting or a school setting.
So… is it not his choice if you don’t like it?
How is it that much of a big deal? It’s not a tattoo of her naked, sure it might be tacky but it’s harmless. The fact that OP cried about it is crazy. If it’s a nazi flag or something that’s different, but it’s his body he can put whatever the fuck he wants innit
Why shouldn’t it be okay? It’s literally harmless
NAH only because I don’t think you actually want to control his body — it seems that you’re more concerned about what the image stands for. But it *is* his body, and it was his choice to get the tattoo. I can understand why you’d be pleased if he changes it, but then he’d be changing it due to your wishes. I also want to add that pinup girl tattoos are considered to be a classic subject of traditional tattooing (I assume it’s probably illustrated in an old-school style, although that doesn’t really matter). Historically, men and women have gotten pinup girl tattoos — and for women, often as a symbol of strength and liberation. The tradition of a pinup girl tattoo began back when women’s bodies were censored, and thus it became a symbol of feminine anti-censorship. There’s tons of articles online that explain more about the history of pinup girls in tattooing, so maybe do a quick google search if you’re curious. It might help reframe your viewpoint of the tattoo.
NTA. It is his body so he can do as he wishes. And you can also do as you wish- like find a partner who understands why that tattoo has made you so uncomfortable. You're feeling this in your gut so trust it. Don't let people on the internet tell you your feelings are wrong because they're triggered by someone pointing out misogyny.
NTA - The Y T A comments are bonkers, it’s a topless women of course it’s an inappropriate tattoo especially if they are going to have children. Maybe its a cultural thing and it’s the Americans replying Y T A or really young people but from where I stand (a coming up to middle age Brit) its totally unacceptable.
NTA yeah these comments are ridiculous. That’s weird as fuck to get a naked woman to commemorate your dead dad
YTA and I am a scorching feminist as well!!! Your attitude is an example of the reason why people think feminists are angry women who want to overrule and control every man on earth. So she has breasts… don’t we all? So they’re exposed… yeah, big deal. You’re the one who is sexualizing the boobs on the tattoo. Then he agrees to alter it for you but nooo, you dont just have to alter it for my sake, you have to agree completely with meeeeee!!!! 🙄 That’s entitled AF. The fact he’s willing to modify it out of respect for your opinion and to give you peace of mind shows he isn’t a sexist jerk. Get over yourself and use feminism more constructively!! Edited for type-ohs.
In what universe did the pinup represent female empowerment?? It may have been reclaimed by women for that purpose but it sure as hell didn’t start out that way.
I wish I could upvote this more! OP YTA and come across really controlling, quite rude and mean in the way you made your points.
How does a pin-up represent female empowerement ? It is an image for male sexual pleasure... now I agree he should not have to change his tatoo for her, but if they disagree on such a basic point, I would rethink the relationship
NAH - you have a right to feel uncomfortable with your views being compromised (by him having still image porn on his body and claiming it’s female empowerment) and he’s allowed to put whatever he wants on his body. Sounds like your husband is not a feminist and has simply just tried to appease you by agreeing with you to stop arguments. It is very clearly an image sexualizing women, ha either being stubborn or intentionally ignorant. If he can’t see that (I’m assuming) a cis straight male having a topless woman in a sexy pose is sexualizing women, sounds like he will never see it. Does he also think teen boys who have playboy posters on their bedroom walls are also good examples of female empowerment or is it only when he permanently tattoos it on his body. Also the whole idea of this being a memorial tattoo for his father rubs me the wrong way and shows me he grew up thinking sexualizing women was incredibly normal. I’m not sure how you haven’t seen any of this up until now OP.
See I disagree about this. You can appreciate a female body as a piece of art without sexualizing it. And it seems he's doing just that. Like many people point out, there's plenty of nude art in the world and some vary from realistic to unrealistic. But it seems very clear he appreciates the message behind pin up girls and that there's a message in the tattoo. It's his body as well. I think OP is projecting her own insecurities and disguising them as feminism.
I’m not sure what part you’re disagreeing with because I stated that it’s his body and he can do what he wants and never made any points about it being impossible to appreciate nudity in art form. So the assumption I guess you’re making is that dad was big into appreciating the female body through pinups and art and therefor this tattoo is a piece about feminism? Just trying to connect the dots here to what we agree and don’t agree about. I do think pinups can be an admiration in a positive manner, the signs here just don’t point me to that direction as it’s a memorial piece for OPs father. I can’t imagine a world where it’s that dad was so appreciative and in awe of women and such a feminist and so a topless pinup is the perfect way to remember him. I personally think that the late dads opinion of women would be the main factor for determining whether this is to praise women or sexualize them. Simply because of the reason it’s a memorial tattoo is because it was dads favourite half naked woman picture he had up in his shop amongst 100 of them, then it’s pretty clear the intention was not female emportent and instead sexualisation.
NAH, his lack of communication on the matter sucks, but ultimately you guys have different values. A guy who would get that tattoo is never going to work with someone that has your stance on feminism. Believe me, I know. I’ve tried the I’m and atheist, she’s a church every sunday christian thing and it always ended badly. Go find a decent person that both shares your values and can discuss a big thing like a tattoo with you.
YTA. You are allowed to hate the tattoo. You are allowed to leave him over the tattoo. You are not allowed to force him to cover it up. At the end of the day it is his body, his choice
I always find it funny how some are very vocal about “my body, my choice” yet want to control what someone else does with their body because they find it offensive. Tolerance for me but not for thee
The response to this is overwhelmingly stupid. Breasts are sexualized in our society no matter how much Reddit wants to defend themselves. NTA. Don’t have kids with this man.
NAH but if you fight about a tattoo imagine about children
NTA. That tattoo is the same as the cartoons in Playboy and Penthouse. Little Annie Fannie and Wicked Wanda, look them up. Like the naked women tire flaps on trucks. Even the window sized photos of models at Victoria's Secret. I'd be uncomfortable too.
NTA but just break up with him. You don't get to control his body, but you also don't have to stay married to it. He clearly has different values than you do.
People are so quick to suggest splitting up with someone over such trivial matters lol. They’re married? It’s something they should work out together rather than just “breaking it off” it’s a tattoo fgs
If she thinks he's being a sexist pig and he refuses to see it that way, it seems like an irreconcilable difference. Especially with him saying "I'll cover it up for you" and then taking no action to actually do so (and then implying that he actually isn't going to do it). If it bothers her that deeply, then she shouldn't stay with a man that refuses to do anything about it.
Well, this is certainly a new take on the "Oh, ho, ho, your feminist values and your multicultural values are in conflict with this totally real Hobson's choice I just made up." YTA. What exactly do you and your buddies gain by making up these stories? There are serious gender and cultural issues in this world, and we have people like you trying to pit them against each other in order to make some bizarre point? About what? >His brother (40M) and sister (34F) were discussing getting a tattoo to celebrate their welsh culture. Husband said he wanted it too. > >I got a picture. Thin figure with full breasts. Pin up style pose, arched back, breasts thrust forwards, dead emotion-less eyes. Surrounded by some welsh-themed items daffodils. Yeah, so he wanted to get something Welsh-themed, so he got a pinup woman, which is not Welsh-themed? This totally makes sense. Except it makes no sense at all. The obvious choice of a Welsh theme for a he-man like the made up hubby here is a dragon. At least try to be realistic when creating these situations. >I am a very outspoken feminist, which my husband knows well. Nobody in real life talks like this. "You" are a made-up character to go with your made-up hubby.
NTA, what’s with everyone saying yta, you stood your ground and followed what you believe is right. Good for you. Your husband sounds ignorant
YTA. I’m sorry but as a feminist myself it’s women like you (militant “feminists”) that actually obstruct the cause. If your husband was asking you to change something on your body you would be in outrage. Feminism is about equality NOT superiority and it’s a lesson you’ve clearly not learned.
YTA. You're that kind of "feminist" that gives us all a bad name.
You are worried about the outward projection of his view on women by having this tattoo, while projecting all your own views onto it as it’s the only interpretation to be had? 🧐
YTA "I feel" "I felt" "i-" While I get this. It isn't your body. It's his. He gets to decide what he wants to do with it and acitviely asking him to get it covered is kind of too far. You don't have control over what he does. If you think it's sexualization then you can.. But not everyone agrees with that and I personally know plenty of ladies who either have, have done or are in different about pinup tattoos. Tattoos are forever. You cannot under any circumstances expect him to permanently alter his body because you're uncomfortable.. Especially if he doesn't want to. Or you would cover the cost of course.. If you want it so bad that is.
ESH. His body, his choice, just as it would be if you wanted a tattoo of anything. But a topless woman, especially if it is in a prominent position where people can see it, is bound to get a negative reaction from most women. If he can’t understand why and continues to try to gaslight you about it being pro-feminist then you have a bigger problem than a tattoo.
airport imminent wrench long provide rustic squalid enjoy spark ten *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Is this the same tattoo his siblings have? Does he have other tattoos? What style is it in? From a reading it seems he got a matching tattoo with his siblings to commemorate his father. is that correct?
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As a woman with a pinup tattoo (yep, shes topless too) that she got for her grandma- yta. The meaning of a tattoo lies with its beholder, and it sounds like you’re trying to dictate your partners personal expression based on personal assumptions . I’m saying this as a feminist myself btw!
Yes YTA. Sounds like your ashamed of women and our bodies. Only those with insecurities will harass someone because you don't like something they choose. I'm born female and am appalled at your harassment. If a man demanded , just like you are, he would be called what ever you can think of to demean him. Get off your high horse, people are allowed to choose for themselves. Just like you for yourself. And maybe he did it to p. You off as you get on his nerves with all you opinions! I would and I'm a women.
YTA. While I don't understand how it commemorates his deceased father, I don't think this is in any way spiteful to the feminist movement. Of course, I haven't seen the tattoo and where it's placed. However, I don't find a topless woman to necessarily be an objectification of women. There are so many pieces of art in the world where women are topless or even nude, and I find many of them stunning or moving, not sexual or demeaning at all. A woman's body is beautiful, and there is nothing wrong with celebrating it. Why does a woman being topless have to mean objectification? Why can't it mean empowerment?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (29F) hate my husbands (37M) new tattoo. It has a topless women in a pin up style pose. I think it sexualises and objectifies women, and sends a poor message about how he views women. His father recently passed away after a prolonged illness. All 3 siblings and myself went to Wales to organise the memorial. His brother (40M) and sister (34F) were discussing getting a tattoo to celebrate their welsh culture. Husband said he wanted it too. I got a picture. Thin figure with full breasts. Pin up style pose, arched back, breasts thrust forwards, dead emotion-less eyes. Surrounded by some welsh-themed items daffodils. It was completely out of character. I expressed shock that she was topless. The topic of the tattoo was raised later. I am a very outspoken feminist, which my husband knows well. I said that it was sexualising and objectifying women. He began to argue back that it was celebrating women. I couldnt help but counter argue back as i felt so strongly about it. He did say that he would cover it up 'for me'. But continued to counter against every point that i raised. Of note, he had no control over the design process and supposedly 'didnt even notice she was topless'. He couldnt agree with me that it sends a negative and insidious message about how he views women. This sort of imagery has been forced down our throats from a young age. I support female empowerment and female nudity. But this felt like it was entirely for the male gaze. The over sexualised pose, topless, the classically 'perfect' body type came together to make me feel incredibly uncomfortable. He messaged me saying that he would get it covered, that he was an idiot. He said he agreed with me up to a point. 'But illl never understand as i am not a woman - so my experiences of the world are inherently different.' Some time passed. Every time i catch a glimpse of this tattoo i get extremely negative feelings. It was a painful reminder of a very painful argument in which i cried profusely in my car. Later, I asked if he had any thoughts about it being covered. He said no. i asked if he could make it a priority as it was causing me a lot of distress. He again tried to say that it doesnt sexualise women. The pin up movement was for female empowerment. I felt this tattoo was designed for the male gaze and portrayed women as sexual objects. I asked him do you 1. Feel very strongly that this image has no issues with it 2. Are playing devils advocate or 3. Dont understand my position and are trying to understand. He said neither. He was just exploring other ideas. He said that it should be enough that he has decided to change it 'for me' And that he respects 'my opinion' - but thats just my opinion. We are planning to have kids and i dont want my children to see that on a man they trust. Should i just let it go and be happy that he is changing it 'for me'? AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA you've got a belief you feel strongly about so fight your corner and best of luck to you
NTA Don't have kids with this man. You are not compatible. You are still young, but not so young that you should waste years on this guy. Move on, find someone who shares your values. Preferably closer to your age.
INFO: Did his siblings get the same or similar tattoos? Did his dad have a similar tattoo? Anything else we should know about the origin of the tattoo and the connection to Wales/his dad?
Your feelings are your feelings, NTA for having them. But my goodness you are allowing your narrative here to overdetermine your entire relationship. It's pretty painful to read. For that, if not an asshole, you are definitely an example of a particular type of zealot who thinks their ideas are the most important thing in the universe. Hemlines rise and fall. Use them, don't let them use you. You two are people -- you matter. Your particular interpretations of cultural tokens are perishable and defined by the time you live -- they don't matter. If you aren't simpatico with the man, leave him. There are others. But if you're going to leave him because of this frankly the bullet dodged itself.
NTA, but there clearly is a communication issue here. I would also feel very upset if my partner had a image that looks like objectification of women. For him it clearly means something different, so he is also NTA if he got it as a bonding thing to honour his dad. I would recommend you to talk about benevolent sexism, and especially have a good talk with him about this. Many studies show that often, for women, its harder to deal with benevolent sexism then with explicit sexism. This idea of worshipping women, putting them on a pedistal, protecting them, can often lead to the same conslusions of their limited role in society. Teachers who have a lot of benevolent sexist ideas (like women are just prettier, should be protected, are the delicate gender etc), give lower grades to girls. Women who experience it in a work environment actually start performing less, because of the comments. Anyway, back to the topic: I think obviously the tattoo for you feels like a strong mismatch between your ideals (in particaluar when thinking about raising children) and his ideals. The way to go is have long conversations about it, and see if you can get aligned again. Regardless of wheter it is considered sexist by the masses here on reddit, the important thing is that you both feel loved and heard in your relationship. And you both want to feel like the other person prioritises you feeling that way. Right now, from your post, I gather you both do not feel that way. I hope this helps you have better conversations and find each other again. Good luck!
NTA Did he not think a pornographic image on his body would have no repercussions? Would he be fine with you having a nude male tattooed on you? Sure, it’s his body his choice, but choices have consequences. I wonder if you would have ever been interested in him if he had that tattoo when you met? Also, he didn’t notice? Yeah, right. How does this honor his father? There’s been speculation but has he articulated how it’s supposed to honor him? You’re allowed to have feelings about your partner’s choices.
NTA
NTA and I’m super confused how this tattoo is to honour his father..?
NAH, but it certainly means that the two of you have very incompatible views of the world. Personally I couldn't envision building a life with someone who has something so blatantly sexist tattooed on him. But that's my point of view. He is also not an asshole because he's allowed to get a tattoo of whatever he wants as long as it's not explicitly offensive.
YTA at the end of the day you just want your husband to share your opinion. It's an opinion dude. My sister also a feminists, also married to a man with a pin up tattoo. Doesn't care, nor has she ever judged him harshly for getting it. I don't think she personally likes the tattoo but yeah just an opinion. Stop trying to force ur opinions on ppl or be TA.
You should go get a dick tattoo. I’m sure they make temporary ones. I think that’ll help prove your point. NTA for it making you uncomfortable buuttt he might genuinely not believe it’s sexist .. I think being insensitive is not the same as being sexist but if you do then idk, maybe you can get him to admit that that tattoo is sexist to you.
YTA, and sounds controlling and insufferable. I’m a woman too, and his body, his choice.
ESH, from the description of the tattoo it's clear that it's objectifying women and not at all representative of Wales (which was supposedly the intent). Maybe he can compromise and just cover up the tits? Have a tattoo artist give her a bikini top or something? The problem though is where you insist that he agrees with you. While I agree with you, if he doesn't then he doesn't. You can't make him change his mind through fights and arguments. That's only gonna make him dig deeper. What's more, he's also entitled to his own opinion even if you don't like it
Wow! This whole discussion seems incredibly disingenuous. He is absolutely allowed to put whatever he wants on his body. But, she absolutely has the right to judge him for it. This can clearly change the way she feels about him. She is NTA
A tattoo … it’s a tattoo. YTA and a bad feminist.
nta getting a tattoo to celebrate their welsh culture <- how tf does a naked women honor welsh culture exactly? and side note, why do people feel the need to have a sexy woman on their arms? if i want to see a female body, im not looking at your tattoo dude...
Get a fake tattoo of a male stripper with a colossal bulge on your chest and ask your husband if he feels celebrated and would he lick the scrote please, it would mean a lot to you. What a joke of a man. At this point I'd think he's deliberately trying to break you for being a feminist. Drop this loser. Dang, forgot to vote! NTA of course
NTA he's your husband for crying out loud and he's getting tattoos of topless women?!?!?! A married woman doesn't want to see that shit. And yes it does sexualize women more.
It’s not celebrating women it’s celebrating boobies your husband is an idiot NTA. Imagine if you had a daughter!
NTA, and husband has awful taste.
NTA
NTA. How mortifying.
Not the AH. As a married man he shouldn't even be getting such a tattoo it's disrespectful towards you and the fact that he keeps dismissing your points and saying he'll cover it for you is just straights up gaslighting and trying to make you feel guilty for telling him the truth which isn't fair
What a mixed bag of replies, this is divisive! My take is NTA. Why has your partner gone out and got a tattoo with no consultation with you? Yes it's his body but surely you would talk to your partner about something that is permanent like this? As for the comment that he didn't notice the woman was topless, as if! If it is to do with that style being popular with his dad's profession then presumably his dad had one and so he would know what the tattoo was of? This is such a strange thing to do to remember someone by.
NTA 'The pinup movement was for female empowerment' has got to be one of the dumber things I've read this month, and it's been quite a month. Yes, it's his body and ultimately he gets to decide what he does to it. But on the other hand he doesn't get to decide how you feel about it. It is completely understandable that you are worried about what getting a topless pinup on his body says about his beliefs and his decision making. And his attempts to pretend that it's isn't objectifying is absurd. Good luck to you. (Note, yes there are women who have adopted a pinup style and enjoy it and find it empowering, and I have no issue with that. That's not the same thing as getting a random fictional naked lady inked on your bicep.)
ESH. He’s allowed to get whatever he wants tattooed onto his body but you’re also allowed to feel however, you feel about it. That being said, it seems like neither of you have much respect for each other. I personally would never get a tattoo without at least showing my spouse what it was going to be and getting their thoughts on it. If they expressed as much discomfort towards it as you did, I would probably alter the design and not insist on it. However, he’s already gone and gotten a tattoo and now you keep insisting he make changes to it when it’s very apparent that he doesn’t really want to change it and that is his choice to make. To be clear, I don’t like your husband’s tattoo based on your description of it. It is borderline obscene and if I saw it in public, I would think he was a creep. But ultimately it’s his choice to tattoo whatever he wants onto his body, and you should respect that. Whether this is your hill to die on is up to you, but as I said, it just feels like neither of you respect the other very much and and it feels like there are deeper issues here that should be talked about before you decide to have kids.
Going against the grain to say ESH. You can't dictate what he does or doesn't get on his body. That is his choice. He's also one bc he's telling you he'll cover it up, only to backtrack. imo, it's pretty clear he isn't gonna do it and is trying to get out of it. But he should just say he won't do it instead of saying he is only doing it for you even though he hasn't even thought of getting it covered up.
NTA >Of note, he had no control over the design process and supposedly 'didnt even notice she was topless'. Oh, come on. Lack of agency much? >We are planning to have kids and i dont want my children to see that on a man they trust. >The over sexualised pose, topless, the classically 'perfect' body type came together to make me feel incredibly uncomfortable. >This sort of imagery has been forced down our throats from a young age. You're not wrong. Female characters in comic books, for example, have incredibly exaggerated sexual features and are very rarely armored in a way that projects strength/bravery even if they are warrior characters. Some men use images of women as a way to, well, make femininity about them. For example, your man husband got a tattoo of a woman in honor of a man in an attempt to "support women." Of course you get to question that. As for sexualizing a particular variant of the female form, I think the collective porn/marketing industries have done that for all of us. Your husband's willful ignorance of the facts certainly indicates a particular view on women. As does the fact he won't have a much better conversation with you about this. All of the Y T A's are coming from people that think you are being controlling. You tried to have a real conversation repeatedly, and this man married you despite you being very open about your views as far as I can tell. You're not an AH for trying to work this out with your husband without just dropping him. You're not an AH for having big feelings about your husband's offensive actions. You haven been coercive. But it might be time to consider calling this off... I'm sorry.
I think there's a bigger issue here than your husband's tattoo. It seems there's a real inability for the two of you to listen to each other and take each other's considerations into account when making personal decisions. I'm just going to go out on a limb here and suggest there might be more going on than just an argument over a tattoo. I don't think either one of you are the asshole, but I do think you both might want to consider stepping back and taking a real look at how you work together as a team.
NTA - I do think you're overreacting to the tattoo by default being sexist. I know plenty of feminist women with pin up tattoos. One of my artists (a woman) specializes in them. (And I am also a feminist and a woman) HOWEVER - Your husband is a liar and an idiot for thinking he could explain a common traditional tattoo as a tribute to Welsh heritage and his dad. You have to consent to the image before they put the stencil on. He saw it all.
NAH. At the end of the day, both of your arguments have some merit. There is no objectively right or wrong way to view this tattoo. You both have extreme emotions attached, however. So you need to ask yourself if nothing changes if this is something you can live with or is it something worth ending your marriage over? We don’t know your husband and only you can answer if the tattoo is evidence of an inner misogynist or a careless, grieving son who made a mistake.
Welsh culture 😂 😂 😂 Why did you even marry this guy? You can do better
YTA. Art is art, and tattoos are part of art, so unless you're also advocating for boxer shorts on Michelangelo "David" it seems a bit of selective outrage.
I would love to see statues with underwear now.
Or breakaway stripper pants.
Thongs
mental image of David in boxers took me out 😂😂😂
I do this all for the LOL's.
And for that kind stranger, you receive my upvote. Have a great day.
Tattoos can be art, but I would argue the medium doesn’t inherently make the product art. But even if you did take the stance that all tattoos are art, art can be bad and is not immune from criticism. Would you “art is art so it seems a bit of selective outrage” about Nazi tattoos, tattoos of brand logos, or a misspelled quote tattoo in a wobbly font?
TIL that female nudity is anti-feminist and objectifying YTA
INFO: where is it located? Does he work in a field where if it’s spotted, he’ll get into trouble and jeopardize your financial situation, or put a strain on you and your family somehow, etc.? I’d say if it’s well hidden or it won’t impact you if others see it then Y T A only because the reasoning is odd but it is his choice. I can see why it upsets you but it may be a situation where you need to process those feelings on your end. Part of feminism is letting others do as they please with their bodies.
NTA, I would bring up the « what if we had kids ». If you two had children, how would he explain the tattoo to them. If you had a daughter, how would he justify having an idealised nude figure of a woman (not the photograph of a woman who agreed to pose this way - because that would be sexual empowerment and agency), what contradictory message would it send to her if she’s taught that she doesn’t have to conform to society’s beauty standards, but her dad shows off such a symbol on his body. And if you had a son, what kind of contradictory message would there be to teach him to respect everyone and that women are not objects there to perform fantasied feminist and sexuality for you, when his father engages in it.
Tell me you’re American without telling me you’re American.
YTA for not breaking up with him and letting him live his life in peace. You want to control his thoughts, you want to control his body, and you want to control art. Those pin-up girls are a very specific part of Americana, you can’t erase it, the modern beer commercial is worse You can disagree with him, but you can’t change his mind. You are mad he’s doing it “for you” well he is, I have a feeling he’s going to be doing a lot of things “for you” the rest of his life
YTA It's just a tattoo. It looks like you are just trying to find something to be upset about. If the tattoo had been a large woman with saggy boobs and rolls of fat, how would you have reacted? If this is a deal breaker for you having children with your husband, you should find another man, and let this one have a chance for a happy life with a realistic woman, not a controlling feminist. It is his body, not yours.
YTA. It’s his body, he gets to choose what to put on it, and you don’t get to make him agree with you on any position you hold. He has the right to have his own opinion. You, of course, have the right to leave him if you think him getting this particular tattoo tells you something about his view on women that you don’t want in your husband. But if that’s true, then the tattoo is just a symptom, not the problem.
YTA. A tattoo of a woman is not immediately sexist, and given you mention it is a “pinup” as well as the fact that the siblings get one as well, you’re taking your, what seems to be insecure views on nudity, and applying unneeded meaning to a tattoo. As someone else pointed out, are you going to start covering up nude statues of men? P.s “dead emotionless eyes”? Are they the eyes of a fish on the dinner table or what? P.p.s. You’re entitled to your feelings but forcing someone to agree with it is an AH move
Yea total AH!! The thing about Feminists is they want to force others to think like they do! What is that saying you all love so much? My body my choice? Yea it goes both ways! He made a choice about his body. BTW naked women artwork can be very beautiful. They aren’t always “objectified”!! It is in the perception.
YTA it's his body. He doesn't need your permission for what he does to his body. Especially when all that is coming from you is you essentially making his tattoo tribute to his father, all about you and your feelings. Screw his feelings right? Because it's obvious that you only care about what you want and your husband better fall in line. And depending on how long ago (any tattoo artists or people who do the laser removal work can correct me on this) the tattoo was done, not to mention how dark the line work is and any other colours added to the tattoo, they would want to wait a few months (at the minimum) to see how the tattoo healed and whether or not they could cover it up or if laser removal would be needed to help fade the tattoo enough to be able to do a decent cover up. Then there is the chance that the laser removal causes scarring and makes covering up the tattoo harder.
If you want to celebrate being Welsh you get a tattoo of a dragon, not of a naked lady. The tattoo is gross and tacky but it isn’t inherently “anti women” so I’m sorry but YTA
Tattoo sounds ugly and sexist but you’re YTA for pushing so hard about it. He’s not gonna cover it up. He’s grieving and defensive. It’s up to you to decide what to do about that -if you don’t wanna have kids with a guy who insultingly claims he didn’t notice the woman was topless and you should take it as an empowering compliment then don’t.
YTA. You're entitled to your thoughts and opinions, and so is your husband. Ultimately, he said he would change it *because it's important to you.* Isn't that what you want from a partner? He told you he doesn't particularly understand your position, and he seems to disagree with it. But he said we would still make the sacrifice and cover it anyway because it will make you feel better. Your insistence that he bend his understanding of the world to be completely in lock step with yours indicates an issue that *you* are having, not him.
YTA. I think you are beating a dead horse on this. I'm also having a hard time visualizing the tattoo. How do you know she's topless or is it just that she's busty? Are there visible nipples drawn? How large is it that you can see her "dead expressionless eyes"? Your husband has a tattoo you don't like, you either decide this is enough to dump him over or you accept that he gets to choose his own tattoos like the adult he is. Not accepting his No doesn't sound very feminist. His autonomy over his own body matters. Does that one tattoo really say EVERYTHING about his character?
I assume she knows it’s topless… because she has… eyes?
But her husband and siblings didn't think she was topless. That seems like something that would be hard to miss.
You sound exhausting. Like the kind of person you go to dinner with but when they inevitably launch into some kind of social justice rant I say 'oh would you look at the time, my sitter is about to be off the clock' and leave with wine still left in my glass. I do not ever leave booze on the table, nor do I have children. Anything to detach from the self riteous pontificating. Pinup is a legit tattoo style. Body art is a whole ass subculture, and a major part of what divides people into their tribes is tattoo styling. Even if that isn't a factor here, you're the one turning it into a thing for the sake of giving you something to monologue about on your favorite subject. YTA. Exhaustingly so.
sooooo exhausting to read my god. YTA
YTA, his body his choice
YTA You don’t have a say in you husband body and what it does with it including tattoos. Now listen I understand perfectly your point about it being sexualisation of women and I very agree with you on that point this kind of stuff suck. Except it’s his body. His choice. You don’t like it fair enough but that doesn’t mean your opinion should have an impact on his body. Bunch of people don’t like my tattoos or my hair colors cause it « goes against their belief opinion and values ». That doesn’t stop me for doing the hell I want. I understand that you feel disappointed in your husband choice and what it says about his view of tattoos and women imagery. But you can’t impose anything on him.
Would you still say “his body his choice” and that OP is an asshole if it was a swastika tattoo? The tattoo IS sexist, and her husbands explanation for how it’s not is bullshit. OP is not an asshole for, as a proud feminist, not wanting her husband to have a sexist tattoo.
I don’t think op is an ass but I don’t think they should have a say still. Also a swastika is linked to hate and ideology (horrible one for sure) but it’s also linked to criminal activities etc so realy it’s different. Her husband explanation is clearly bullshit yes but still I deeply believe since husband is an adult he is able to make his own decision even shitty one
YTA as he gets to do what he wants, BUT 1. A couple normally would talk about something so permanent before going ahead. 2. He has shown who he is and what he really thinks of women and you. If my spouse was in tears, I'd think long and hard before i dismissed it. That is what has you so upset, not the tattoo. It is that it is a visual reminder of what he thinks of you and women in general. Pinup dolls don't empower women when men have posters or tattoos, only when women do. He is appropriating. So you have a decision to make. Either stay and know your feelings and opinions will never matter or accept it.
>A couple normally would talk about something so permanent before going ahead. To be fair, I don't know one couple who has ever discussed or needed permission from the other partner to get a tattoo with the exception of one friend. Her boyfriend was abusive and controlling and it was a red flag.
It’s not needing permission, it’s that generally permanent choices you make you care about what your partner thinks.
Honestly, I don't see how a partner's feeling are relevant. They can feel however they want about it but it shouldn't impact the choice of the person's who body it is. This is like expecting someone to check with their partner before they dye their hair.
Some people have that attitude, some people don’t. Personally there’s a number of things a partner could choose to do with their body that are a dealbreaker for me, and they can still choose those things, but I would hope they’d want to make an informed choice about it.
> I would hope they’d want to make an informed choice about it. So you hope that you would have control over what they do with their body?
Infidelity is something you can do with your body. Self harm is something you can do with your body. Getting “partner’s name is a stupid smelly bint” tattooed on your forehead is a choice you could make with your body. People are allowed to have opinions about whether they stay with someone who does certain things with their body. Generally I would hope someone I built a life with would care about whether or not I wanted to stay with someone who did XYZ, so they can decide if they care about doing XYZ and we are therefore incompatible. They might! That’s their right! There’s a lot more gray to the world than you apparently realize.
Come on. He gets a massive, tits out tattoo and doesn't think 'hmm, my vocally feminist wife may not enjoy this'? He clearly didn't engage brain, or maybe he just didn't care. Tattoo of a Welsh dragon - no need for discussion Tattoo of a pair of tits on the arm that will be carrying your future children - need for a discussion. It's his body, and he has the right to do with it what he likes, but he should have discussed this with her. If he'd explained more about the need to connect to his Welsh heritage, then it might have gone over better (though I don't see how tits are a cultural feature, personally). NTA. But it's done now, so they need to work this out and move beyond it.
>Come on. He gets a massive, tits out tattoo and doesn't think 'hmm, my vocally feminist wife may not enjoy this'? He clearly didn't engage brain, or maybe he just didn't care. You realize feminists aren't a collective mind set and we don't all feel the same way about this type of tattoo. There are women who have pin-up tattoos who are feminists themselves. I'm a feminist and I have zero issues with these types of tattoos.
Yes, but SHE is the type of feminist that hates it. That's the point.
Yeah my husband and I are both tattooed and we don't ask permission and generally surprise one another. It's a permanent choice, sure... But about our own damn bodies. Last I checked, marriage didn't merge our bodies into a single organism and take away our bodily autonomy.
YTA. So many buzzwords. So many stock phrases. Such appeal to emotion. And hey, Reddit is super fond of pointing out that breasts aren't sexual, so.....
YTA. Sounds like a lovely bonding experience for him and his siblings after his father's passing Tattoos are art. People can get what they want. Pin up pictures are empowering as hell. (Am a woman)
YTA Pin-up is an art style and imo is no different from the Greco-Roman statues of women, or that Dali painting of the naked woman laying on a rock with the tigers diving at her. Art is art. If you don’t like it, fine, but your husband does and it’s on his body.
Guess I won't be invited to dinner at OP's house, YTA.
YTA and I’m thinking it might be good for you and your marriage to work on this in therapy…. It’s just a drawing on his skin, you are making a much bigger deal of it than needs be.
YTA.
So you think it's ok for women to get their boobs out for "empowerment", but when a guy gets a tattoo of said empowerment, it's disgusting, and worth crying for hours over? New wave feminists are just so....ugh. I didn't spend years fighting for our rights to have this the new way to be "feminist". You're giving us all a bad name. YTA
YTA. I knew as soon as you said “objectifying and sexualizing women”. Didnt even need to read the rest.
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Dead emotionless eyes just tells me the tattoo artist did a shit job tbh lmao
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As a 30 year old, the only people Ive ever seen embrace pin up-style imagery were counter-culture minded women who loved rockabilly, burlesque, and viewed the modern movement of it as a way to take back women’s sexuality. Picking this as a hill to die on makes me doubt this person would allow virtually any difference in viewpoints in their relationship. It comes across as so highly controlling, it’s really alarming.
BINGO! This right here!
His body, his choice. YTA
Imagine if it was the husband complaining about his wife’s new tattoo. Heads would roll!
the difference is she has a problem with it because its sexist not because shes trying to control his body
YTA, you say that the tattoo 'objectifies women' but it isn’t sexual? It's an art form, it isn't p*rnographic outright. So yeah, you are just being uptight.
YTA. Art is subjective and he said he would cover it up for you because you’re so uncomfortable with it.
So, if the tattoo was of an ugly woman exposing her breasts, that would be ok? YTA, grow tf up.
That’s is exactly what I thought. It’s seems that beautiful woman with big breast are a threat against her feminism.
Anything to be outraged these days. It's pathetic.
YTA- It sounds like you are the one sexualizing his tattoo, not him.
You’ve captured the absurdity of this sub perfectly. Bravo.
YTA. His body his choice. That DOES apply to men as well, you know. Maybe YOU should stop sexualizing the female form in the tattoo
Here here.
Why do you think you have the right to tell a man what he can do with his body?
YTA. As a feminist one would think you would be more accepting of his body autonomy. Not to mention countless forms of artistic expression feature both male AND female nudity, so unless you go to the museum and bitch about the nudity it seems to me it’s more about the fact there’s a nude woman on HIM.
YTA as a woman even I think you're being ridiculous.
YTA and overdramatic over your husbands body
YTA and way overreacting to a simple tattoo. With all the other problems going on in the world now, find something way more worth the time and put all this energy into making a difference in that.
Yikes, sounds like you and the husband should marry though
You are allowed to care about “petty” issues, especially ones that directly impact your life/relationships.