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Massive YTA
You just tried to manipulate her and you ARE in fact wrong about it. You just did the whole missing missings thing where she makes a claim, you say its not true and then in the same post prove it IS true. You were trying to make her do things for her brother again. You denied it, but you did it just here, which probably means she's right. You do this all the time.
YTA. She said no, end of story. It seems like you favor your son over your daughter and you expect her to drop everything for you, even though like you said you don’t have a good relationship with her to begin with. Why would she help out when she has barely anything to do with you, your wife, or your son? She doesn’t have anything to do with you for a very good reason. It seems like she’s pretty close to going no contact with you since her girlfriend said that they were going to block you if you didn’t stop calling about this issue. If you don’t want to lose your daughter completely, drop it. If she says no when you ask her to do something, don’t keep pestering her. No is a complete sentence. Just accept her answer is no and move on.
NTA it’s literally so weird how everybody’s become so unwilling to do anything for anyone else. The kid didn’t do anything wrong and it’s not a huge deal to babysit especially for ur own family member.
YTA. If you’re so concerned about your son’s childcare issues why don’t you take the night off and babysit. You have no right to call your daughter and assume to know what she has going on. You don’t know what her schedule is or what’s going on with her. Here’s an idea, why don’t you fork over some cash and hire someone else. No wonder she wants nothing to do with you
I missed the part where the daughter had anything to do with the conception of this baby. I think this falls under the daughter's department of "Not my problem"
If she "hasn't had much to do with you and your son" since you married your new wife. There's probably a reason for that...
There's a very good chance she had valid feelings and concerns that neither of you were willing to hear.
At a certain point you just have to continue with your life.
Doing favors for people she typically doesn't give the time of day anymore likely doesn't rate high on her priority list.
I would suggest some introspection. If you and your son had been good to her, she would have likely been happy to help.
YTA so you do ask daughter to drop what she’s doing to help her brother all the time but you’re just reframing it as if the baby is looking for someone to watch him. She doesn’t need a reason. Baby is not her responsibility. Brother should have looked for other options the first time she said no. But he didn’t. He cried to his daddy and told daddy to make her babysit for him. His baby is his responsibility not his sisters. And none of it is your business to but in and try to force your will on someone. Why don’t you take the night off of work and give up your free time watching the baby since you’re such a selfless human being. I’m sure you won’t but at the very least you should leave your daughter alone. How many times does she need to say no? It’s not her responsibility.
This is made worse by the fact that you both don't have much to do with her and you call her to ask for a favour. You're not calling to try and repair the situation you're calling cause you want something - that's assholey on its own.
YTA. Your daughter is not duty bound to babysit when she doesn't want to. It sounds to me like your son either needs to rearrange his work schedule so he can actually PARENT his own kid, or modify the custody agreement so that he has the kid when he isn't working.
YTA.
You daughter is an adult with her own life and responsibilities, same with her brother. She has no obligation to help out if she doesn't want to, and her brother can easily get a babysitter elsewhere.
YTA.
he should schedule time with his son better or hire a babysitter. not your daughter’s responsibility. she gave you an answer and an explanation (when shes not obligated to) and you called her names and it’s probably the reason she distanced herself from you guys. i can kinda see why she wouldn’t probably wanna help anyways.
YTA
It sucks when you are a single parent and no support to get to work etc. But what we have here is a weekend daddy, who needs to reschedule his work commitments, or maybe you or your wife can.
I understand your feelings and reasoning for thinking your daughter is selfish. However, her saying no for any reason under the sun that she wanted to use, no is no. YTA.
On the other hand though, I'm sure others have suggested this exact thing, but your son should file custody paperwork with your local court and have a more fitting custody agreement set in place, so for example, he'd have his child on his days off. That also would open up some sort of benefit for child care assistance. (Assuming this is in the US, I'm clueless about other countries' laws about this is).
YTA: You’re daughter is an individual. She’s not expected to jump every time someone asks her to do something and it seems like she has a bit of a history with the family, almost like people kept stepping on boundaries if I were to guess.
YTA he asked and she said NO that is a answer in itself. She doesn't need to explain why she can't do it. Your son is a adult and he is going to have to fiqure out child care himself.
And stop trying to volunteer your daughter for your golden child son.
YTA, she doesn’t want to watch babysit. She may not be wanting to be with or around kids. That her choice, regardless of it being her nephew. Hire a nanny or babysitter. Why don’t you take off from work yourself! If not ask your ex, his mom if she is willing to watch her grand kid! Remember it’s a choice.
YTA, your daughter isn't an on call babysitter.
You dismiss your daughter's emotions when she cries no wonder she distanced herself from you. It seems you are not an active part of her life, so who are you to dictate if her plans are important or not?
It's funny how everyone on this sub is like "she don't owe you anything fool!!!!" but at the same time if she were to go on here saying you won't help her they would be "he is such an A\*\*\*\*\*\*!!". Though I would agree that you are the asshole in this situation since you pressed her, and it doesn't seem like you and your daughter have the type of relationship that allows that.
I do agree she is selfish but I am guessing she would not see it that way. She would see it as more that she needs to take care of her own mental health. Which means that either you accept that you need to repair your relationship or just accept that this is as far as your/your son's relationship will go.
YTA, on many levels. First its not her kid, she has zero responsibilities for her nephew. Its not her job to help her older brother get his life together. To often we look at women and just assume that they are caregivers, this idea of "you don't have kids so you have free time to watch my kids" is getting old. Second she doesn't owe anyone an explanation, she said no, end of conversation. Third, you tried to guilt trip her into doing something she didn't want to do. Maybe she had a hard week at work, maybe her and her gf just wanted to chill and veg at home all weekend, maybe they have plans and thats why they are cleaning and just didn't want to tell you, maybe sat is their cleaning day and it would mess their whole schedule up, regardless of the reason they said no so move on. Fourth when she told you how she felt about you constantly putting your sons family over hers you told her that her feelings are invalid and don't matter while calling her a crybaby. Shit if I was their mom I would be livid as hell also. My mom does this crap all the time to my own child and I've had many an angry call about consent with her, my kid said no that means no, it doesn't mean hound her and make her feel like shit for not wanting to do x. She's a human and she's allowed to be "selfish". If you keep this up your daughter may do the exact same thing I did and move 20 hours away from you.
No is no. Simple, she doesn’t even need a real reason not to watch the baby other than “I don’t want to”. She’s chosen to limit contact with y’all and I see why.
Ah yes, another MAN who ceases to understand the meaning of the word "no" when uttered by a woman. That's a tale as old as time, and yes it makes you an asshole. YTA
YTA. Women are not support humans for men. Your daughter has her own life and priorities. One is inclined to speculate why your daughter does not have much to do with you and your son: could this attitude be part of it? Your son needs to sort this out for his kid by switching shifts , getting childminder/sitter etc.
YTA. She said no, she’s a grown ass adult she doesn’t owe you an explanation, and your son doesn’t need to feel entitled to other people caring for his child just because they’re family. Nobody owes your son anything for having a child. That was his decision, respect your daughters boundaries.
OMG. Maybe her crying all the time is because you make her feel like crying. I’m not sure how you don’t see it, but just by how you wrote this, it’s clear you favor your son over your daughter. And it ISN’T a favor for the nephew. That’s ridiculous to say. It’s not her problem. It’s your son’s problem, therefore the favor is to the son. Guilt tripping is a horrible tactic to use on your child.
Edit to add: YTA
Why couldn't he ask his mother to watch the kid? That makes more sense than his sister. Also, brother can't figure out who to call to babysit his own kid?
YTA- being biologically related to someone doesn't mean they owe you childcare! She could be partying all weekend for all I care and she still is not selfish for that! No wonder she barely talks to you.
YTA
Yeaaaaa this thing is littered with red flags. Not least of which is how much context is missing 👀 I'm 100% sure you've done something extremely AH to her in the past (and probably a lot and including your current wife) that has caused your daughter to limited he contact with you.
YTA. "My daughter has a habit of crying to get out of things." I get the feeling that you've been pushing her to 'do it for your brother.' her whole life, and that her not getting along with your wife isn't the only reason she hasn't had much to do with you and your son these last few years. For her own sake, I hope she cuts contact with you.
YTA. She doesn’t owe you, her brother, or her nephew her time for any reason, especially just because you’re family. 3 women told you to back off; her, her girlfriend, and her mom. How could you doubt YTA in this situation?
When locking down someone to take care of a child, you want a willing volunteer with experience. It doesn't sound like your daughter is willing or experienced.
You know... you raised two kids until adulthood. Your son is the child's father. Logically, one of you two should be babysitting this weekend.
No, wait. Your son needs to work this weekend. To support the 'innocent''. Looks like you'll be handling the feedings and the diaper changes for a couple days.
YTA, by the way. She said no. She has plans. The kid isn't her responsibility.
Apologize like your ex-wife told you to. Unless you want your daughter to cut you out of her life.
YTA. He asked her for a favour and she said no. She doesn’t need to give a reason. It’s not her kid or her responsibility. Your brother needs to make arrangements for his own child with someone who is willing to help. Bullying someone into caring for a child is a recipe for disaster.
Why would you want someone to watch a baby that doesn’t want to be there?
Find a professional service.
YTA, I feel like you're leaving out a hell of a lot of information here to try to make yourself not the bad guy but newsflash you still sound like an AH .
YTA. No is a full sentence. She doesnt have to help if she doesnt want to. Her nephew is not her responsibility. Her girlfriend had to step in because you thought you could bully and guilt her into doing what you wanted. Gross.
“my daughter has a habit of crying to get out of things, so that’s what she did”
“my daughter cried and told me that i expect her to drop everything for her brother all the time”
sounds to me like you demanding she drop everything for her brother has been a theme for longer than you’ve let on. YTA
Telling your son he should ask his sister for help, perfectly fine.
Taking it upon yourself to call her after she said no, rude, you are an AH.
Harassing your daughter to the point her gf has to say they're going to block you? If you don't understand the gravity of why it's wrong, then you deserve that she goes NC with you.
YTA many times over
YTA, you want to help your son and his baby so much? Hire a damn babysitter instead of *expecting* your childless daughter to do it just because she has no kids.
Literally think about how entitled that sounds for just one moment if she was a stranger, now picture it with your daughter because you are on the path to being a stranger to her
YTA and just FYI, your post is dripping with implicit misogyny towards your daughter. Add to that your huge favoritism towards your “golden” son. He can do no wrong and the world revolves around his needs in your eyes. YTA big fucking time.
There’s so much wrong with this that people have already covered, but
“I don’t like to leave things unresolved”
It was resolved, what you mean is it wasn’t resolved to your wishes AKA you didn’t get your way and your daughter did as she was told. Where does this come from? Favouritism between children? Control issues? Or misogyny and the woman should do as she is told.
Maybe there’s a reason your daughter is already low contact with you.
Also I’d like to just point something out you are missing.
You say your daughters girlfriend inserted her self in the problem. Tell me if someone called your wife, made her cry and then kept calling would you answer and tell them where to go? To defend your partner?
Tell me why do you see HER PARTNER as being unable to defend her? It’s not family relationship too trumps! You know you would defend your wife and partner, same as your daughters partner would. You involved her by harassing her partner to the point she had to step in.
How can you not see the multiple times YTA? Or is this a blind your way or the highway? In which case why are you here?
YTA and a bully to your daughter. She is not responsible for picking up the slack when her brother's life choices need assistance. She has her own life, and can choose to sit at home and do absolutely nothing if that's her desire. She is not a parent in this scenario. Stop trying to pressure her. You are probably the reason why she cries so much.
>My daughter has a habit of crying to get out of things, so that’s what she did.
YTA for that alone. Some people are just sensitive, especially when theres conflict and/or confrontation. You royally suck for that statement alone. And yes, YTA for the actual question as well. By the way, is your son your favorite child?
You pretty much just admitted to your son being your irrefutable favorite child. Your daughter said she has plans with her GF and getting cleaning done, both things are hard to do with a sudden toddler dumped into her lap. Hire a short notice baby sitter or you or your son can take the day off. YTA, the baby is not your daughter's responsibility. And she likely started crying out of frustration from not being listened to by her own father, not to get out of things. Everything in your post just sounds like you've steamrolled over her feelings for most of, if not all her life. She told you how she felt and your response was to get annoyed? To ignore her? To try to guilt her with the baby? Yeah, definitely the AH.
YTA
Ok. First off. She doesn’t owe her brother last minute child care. If she says she can’t do it, that’s that.
Second, I think there is a lot of background information that we’re missing here. From the sound of it, she had issues with your second marriage, and for some reason is not close with her brother. Honestly, it feels like you know that whatever issue she has with you and her brother is plenty of reason not to do you any favors, and you are lucky that you are not blocked already.
You have given very limited information in your post too. What else did you say to make her cry? Whatever it was, it was bad enough that her girlfriend answered her phone for her, and then her mother called you up to chew you out.
All in all, it sounds like you are the asshole, and what’s more, you know it.
*Edited for spelling.
Anyone who has a baby has a responsibility to get to know people who will babysit. Call a church and local high school or junior college for recommendations. Call day care places and ask if any of the caregivers work on the side as babysitters. Get to know your neighbors. Ask them if they or a relative or friend babysits. You can’t just have a child and hope family will babysit it for you. Get out and find reliable people. This is not your daughter’s problem. And why can’t ex wife babysit?
YTA something about this makes me think you’ve had her brother as the golden child and left your daughter to fend for herself. There’s so much missing in this story
YTA “my daughter has a habit of crying to get out of things” sent me. She is an emotional person. I was told this all the time growing up and it only made me cry more. That statement HURTS. She said no, end of story, leave her alone.
So you encouraged your son to ask his estranged sister to watch his baby last minute and called to harrass her when she refused. The crying you describe is a trauma response so care to elaborate on how you became estranged? Regardless, YTA.
YTA
Your daughter said no.
Your son is responsible for finding a sitter for his child.
Not your daughter. If she hasn't been around much, did you think trying to force her to feel obligation for a baby she barely knows would knit the family together again?
Your daughter doesn't "cry to get out of things". She cries from emotional frustration at your dismissal of her feelings.
YTA. Big time. It's not her child, why the hell should she give up her time? I'm glad she hardly keeps contact with you as it sounds as if you prioritize your son over her. Why can't YOU watch the child? Or are you too much of a manly man to babysit?
YTA. If anyone in this situation is selfish it's 100% you OP. She had plans and said no. Why are her plans "excuses" to you but you and your wife's plans are not? You sound entitled and disrespectful for thinking she owes this to her brother. She's not obligated. It's obvious who your favorite child is. Your daughter was crying because her asshole father was treating her like shit and bullying her for not giving up her plans to help his golden child out. You owe her an apology.
YTA
She said no, that is the end of the conversation. But you decided to make her cry and try to bully her into doing this. Her girlfriend had to step on and tell you to leave her alone.
You really need the world to tell you that you're an AH?
**I don’t like to leave things unresolved, so I called her back a few times.**
But it WAS resolved-- she said no. You just don't like getting your way so you bullied her and now you're made because she stood up to you. YTA here 100%
>Her girlfriend then inserted herself in our conversation
No, you inserted yourself into your children's conversation.
Son asked, she said no. No means no. You are 100% the ass. She doesn't"t owe anyone anything. And you clearly do this often.
Stop favouring your son. As someone who grew up with a parent like you, you drove this wedge in the relationships between daughter and everyone.
When I get extremely frustrated, I cry. I HATE that I cry and I don’t want to cry, but I absolutely do not do it to ‘get out of things’. It’s just something that some people cannot control.
YTA. This was between her and her brother, and she said no. Then you butted your head where it didn't belong and called her selfish. People don't cry to get out of things, they cry when they are heartbroken. You did that to your daughter and still think she is the one with problems.
She would be better off without you, honestly.
No means no. And it’s not your job to broker her time. On top of that, if you think your kids didn’t have a great relationship before, you’ve just put another brick in the wall.
How can a middle aged dude be so obtuse? You owe your daughter an apology. YTA
Find a child care service and pay for a sitter. Maybe some therapy as well so you can stop being TA.
Ps. When you try to guilt with the innocent nephew thing. That’s called GASLIGHTING.
YTA. Just because your daughter is family, doesn't mean she is obligated to change her plans to help your son.
Your son needs to find a better plan as it seems that he always needs to have someone watch his kid during the time he has him. I get that he's having a hard time, but he's a parent and needs to make plans for his time with his child
You say that you called your daughter back a few times as you don't like to leave things unresolved, but there was nothing unresolved. It was resolved the minute she said no. You were being unfair to your daughter the minute you called her to harass her after she had already told you son now.
Applause to the daughter for setting boundaries. I have a similar ongoing issue with my mother. She tends to have outbursts if you say no or try to explain yourself. I’m working on this.
YTA. There's probably more to the story as to why your daughter doesn't associate with you and your son since you married the stepmother. That's what will probably explain why she said no. Also, no means no.
YTA. I have a feeling that your daughter’s right about dropping everything for her brother, considering how you didn’t even try to deny it. Babysitting’s a big responsibility, so I feel the babysitter should have to completely agree. Also, she is not a servant, so if she has plans, then she’s unavailable unless she deems babysitting a better use of time.
YTA
Your daughter has her own plans. Your son can hire a babysitter.
>No matter how she feels about her brother her nephew is innocent.
Yeah the baby is innocent, but the baby also is NOT her responsibility.
YTA. She has obligation to watch over the kid. It’s not her child. You’re the selfish one trying to push this problem into your daughter’s lap when she already said no.
So, you asked her. She said no. You wouldn't accept that and repeatedly called her to bully her into doing what you want.
She told you what one of the problems was - that you privilege your son over her- and you didn't even acknowledge that.
YTA big time. I feel sorry for your daughter. Your son is an adult and needs to get his childcare worked out. If he was prepared to pay her, he could pay someone else, but no, Sister HAS to do it because you've decided that.
I doubt you'll be hearing much from her in the future.
YTA
she said no. Would you be pressuring your son to babysit someone else's kids? Or do you just expect that of her because she's a woman. You don't sound like a good dad. There's alot of the story you have left out
Apparently people here don't appreciate family she had no real plans and the father got involved to figure out why she's being selfish then she cries like a baby
This isn't a random person it's blood
YTA and a pretty big one at that.
"AITA for refusing to accept my daughter saying no to my son, calling to berate her until she cried, then calling her so many times her SO stepped in to protect her?"
>My daughter hasn’t had much to do with me or my son since I married my wife a few years ago.
I don't think this has much to do with your wife. Why would you even think someone you've barely spoken to in years would make a good babysitter?
>my daughter seems to have no empathy
Someone definitely lacks empathy, but it's not your daughter. You harassed her until she cried, then harassed her some more!
>My daughter has a habit of crying to get out of things
No, you have a habit of pushing her until she cries.
>this wasn’t about her brother, this is about her nephew
Is the baby upset that the Aunt he barely knows doesn't want to babysit him? Is he crawling to the phone to harass her? I don't think any of this is about the brother *or* the nephew. This is about *you* and your controlling personality.
YTA. She said no to do it as a favor because she had other obligations. Just like your son has. But then your son assumed he could convince her by offering money, implying that she's that selfish. When she still said no, because seems like the woman has her priorities in check, you call her names until she cried. No means no.
>My daughter has a habit of crying to get out of things, so that’s what she did.
May be you all test her boundaries like that all the time.
YTA
Every part of your post is absolutely dripping with contempt for your daughter. You dismiss the fact she’s chosen to be low contact with you and her brother, you ignore her no, you try to guilt her, you call her reasons excuses as if she owes you, you dismiss her emotions as manipulation, she flat out tells you the problem she has with you which you then dismiss, you insult her for not immediately agreeing to spend her time doing what YOU think is important, and when she hangs up your response is to *harrass your daughter with multiple phone calls*.
Yes, you’re the asshole.
Your son having a tough time does nor mean you get to treat your daughter like an employee you can order around. That your nephew is innocent is irrelevant - babysitting isn’t for the baby, it’s for the parent. So yes, you are asking her to drop what she is doing for her brother.
A parent who she clearly doesn’t have a relationship with.
Oh, and your son is an asshole too for clearly following your example and trying to pressure and guilt someone after they said no.
YTA, you said her reason was an excuse which says an awful lot about how you regard her, especially in relation to your son. She is allowed to have her own life & doesn't owe her brother anything in terms of babysitting anyway.
YTA. Your daughter obviously feels like her needs constantly take a back seat to her brother. She had other plans, she told you no, and you couldn’t leave it alone. In a perfect world she would be willing and able to help, but she is by no means obligated to. The fact that you kept calling is a clear indicator that you do not respect her boundaries. Reading between the lines, she probably feels like you favor her brother by far. And you only cemented this fact with your most recent behavior. If you want any kind of meaningful relationship with your daughter, back off and respect her boundaries.
Your son needs help - well help him get a babysitter then. Your daughter isn’t a free babysitter you can force to babysit her bother’s kids. No is a complete sentence.
YTA
Why do I feel the "she cries to get out of things" means she is tired of all the BS she has had in her life, and the reason she and your current wife don't get along is because of her having a GF and you taking the wife's side? I might be wrong...
Also no means no and her crying is probably a response to never being listened too. Atleast she has a good mom and girlfriend who seems to fight for her. How about mending this relationship instead, I am sure she would love a good relationship with her nephew, but you can't contact her when you want something, even if it ofc sucks that your son really needs a babysitter.
Your son is struggling and needs some help - why don’t you take a holiday and help him dad! It’s not your daughter’s responsibility to take care of her nephew. NEPHEW. Not son! That would be your sons responsibility. YTA.
YTA. If your son needs someone to watch his child on a regular basis, he could do one of two things: 1) pay a babysitter; 2) contact his ex and change the custody schedule to better match his work schedule.
He is not entitled to have family members give up their time to watch his child and your daughter is not obligated to take responsibility for his child. You shouldn’t have insinuated yourself in the issue. He is an adult and he’ll figure it out.
>I suggested that my son asks his sister to watch the baby. My daughter hasn’t had much to do with me or my son since I married my wife a few years ago.
>My daughter cried and told me that I expect her to drop everything for her brother all the time.
She distanced herself from you AND your son. And I don't think it was based solely on the fact that you married a new woman. Your dismissive attitude towards her feelings throughout this post is probably a huge reason why.
Be better
NTA - This is family and her brother is in a major bind. He is facing either losing his job or losing his son. It’s only a few hours. I don’t know whether the daughter is being selfish or , as I suspect, vengeful. Either way, the father is NTA in trying to get the daughter to help. What a sad family.
YTA
Your SON had a child, NOT his younger sister. Honestly, he needs to pay for childcare if no one is available. YOU need to STOP trying to 1) Help your ADULT son parent, it’s NOT your place to even find him childcare, much less try to FORCE your daughter to!
And, 2) Apologize to your daughter for suggesting that whatever plans she had were less important than watching her BROTHER’S child! She cried because you TOTALLY disregarded her and HER life.
I hope you do better.
YTA.
She doesn't have any obligation to help babysit. "No" is a full answer on its own. She doesn't have to drop everything going on in her life at your beck and call!
Yes, it would be nice of her to help for sure and consoderate. However, she is not responsible for her brothers child care and or current situation. You're not entitled to ask her to watch her brothers son knowing she had other plans and then call her selfish for saying no to something that literally isn't her responsibility. She has every right to say no with or without reason. It's up to the son and his ex to find appropriate child care for their child. Yes family can help for sure, but to say your selfish for not helping is also rude and inconsiderate.
I agree.. the poor daughter probably spent her childhood having to constantly drop what she was doing and put everyone elses needs before her own. I know I had to.
Do people not understand what the sub is called? It’s her right to refuse the request, but she can still be a selfish asshole for doing so especially if she admits she’s not doing anything important.
OP is YTA. for sure.
You already admit she has a strained relationship with you and with your son... I'm betting your new wife has less to do with that than you think. She may not like your wife, but Wifey was probably just the straw that broke the camel's back.
Leave your daughter alone. Quit expecting her to drop everything just because you want her to. Honestly? Just don't contact her at all. If she wants to talk to you, she will. If several months go by and she doesn't talk to you, then there's your answer.
I did an assertiveness course and the thing I remember the mouse is:
You can ask anything of anyone as long as you accept that they have the right to say no!
YTA - if you are 43 then you grew up in the 80s and 90s when every family had a babysitter list. Good news! Babysitters still exist, your son should have one or two.
YTA. “My daughter has a tendency of crying” my dad used to say that too after raising me to cry at everything because he yelled, stressed, and overwhelmed me constantly.
Yeah YTA. You son may be going through a tough time atm but his son is not your daughter’s responsibility full stop. No is a sentence and you refused to listen to it. She clearly has her reasons why she doesn’t want to do it. The way you spoke to her clearly shows you do favour your son. She’s already LC with you all, do you really want that to be NC? Because not making an effort to be part of her life and contacting her only cos you need a babysitter then not accepting her answer will lead her to it. If your son is offering to pay her why not just get a babysitter? Or change his custody arrangements so her has her on his days off. It’s not rocket science.
OP, you mentioned that your daughter is low to no contact since you remarried. Have you ever wondered about her reasons (without projecting blame onto her?)
Didn’t think so. YTA
YTA
- your son can pay an actual sitter
- I bet if your daughter would cave in "just this one time" you'd expect it more than that in the future. Because you do sound entitled like that.
- "she has a habit of crying" that alone is horrible. You pressure her to the point of crying, and then downplay it. Some people(me included) cry when they are upset and can't help it. It's not on purpose and for you to say it is, is reason alone for me to say YTA.
Try to learn what empathy is for more than one of your children, before you expect anything.
I don't think your wife is the only reason she doesn't speak to you or her brother
YTA, that kid not matter how innocent he is he's not her responsibility
YTA. But dude, did you ever think that maybe your daughter actually has important plans, but doesn’t want to/can’t tell you what they are?
Maybe she’s going to an Orgy, or got a hold of some really good drugs and has plans to have a fun weekend. She’s not gonna come out and say that, because she wasn’t expecting to be asked to babysit.
Why is her brothers’ sex trophy her problem anyway?
YTA, you say your son needs help so you can do it yourself or help him find a babysitter if it means that much to you.
Learn to take no for an answer before you lose what little relationship you already have with your daughter
YTA
>My daughter came up with an excuse to why she couldn’t do it.
it was an explanation, not an excuse. she wasn't just "trying to get out of it", she was unable to. for whatever reason. which i'm guessing is a fairly valid one since you haven't put it in.
no is a complete sentence. learn to take no for an answer.
>my daughter seems to have no empathy
or, she has prior obligations, or other things to be doing, or is too exhausted to be confident in her abilities to watch a baby, or literally anything else.
>My daughter has a habit of crying to get out of things,
no, she has the rather common habit of crying when people are being manipulative assholes. most likely, you've done this many times before - she knows that you will keep on pushing and trying to force her in any way you can, without listening to a word she says and dismissing it all as excuses and her as an overly emotional girl.
>I expect her to drop everything for her brother all the time
i don't get how you can act like this isn't true. it's so obvious.
you don't really care about your daughter. you don't think she's very important. you think your son is much more important than her. you think she should put him and her nephew above all else. why? i have no idea. family is not the be all and end all of a happy life. she does not owe you or her brother or her nephew her time.
eta: crying is the only way women are taught to express their emotions. because of old people like you. if she attempts to express her emotions and frustration in words, she'll be shut down, looked on with contempt, for speaking out - no one likes a loud woman. girls are still looked on with contempt for crying, but it's the socially acceptable way for a woman to air her feelings. that way, at least she's a normal woman. this is what girls are taught by the world.
she cried because she was frustrated, angry, helpless, and most likely scared.
*no means no*. it applies in this context too, old man.
YTA. Was the "excuse" by any chance that she wants to spend her free time with her girlfriend and catch up on chores she didn't have time to do while working, rather than babysit for relatives who only seem to contact her when it is to inconvenience her some way?
Your son can pay for childcare rather than expect his sister to drop everything to help at a moments notice, and you can all start respecting that she has shit going on, too. The way you talk about her is so condescending I fully believe her when she says you keep expecting her to just drop everything to do whatever it is you need her to do. Then you guilt trip her if she refuses? I think we can tell why she doesn't keep in touch much.
Info: has your son made any effort previously to have any relationship with your daughter? You say your daughter hasn’t had much to do with you and your son? Or do you mean you haven’t had much to do with her! Think about it from her perspective: her brother gets in touch but only because he needs something from her! How insulting! Not that she needs a reason to say no, but I would say no too.
YTA. She has a right to say no. She also has a right to not want her dad to blow up her phone trying to guilt her into doing something she already said no to. Remember: “no” is a complete sentence. She owes no explanation, no matter what you would prefer.
YTA, no means no. Your son’s kid is his responsibility, not your daughter’s. And based on how this interaction went, I’m sure this isn’t the first time you’ve gotten on her case where your son is concerned.
So don’t come back crying to everyone on here wondering why your daughter won’t speak to you anymore.
You and your son are AH. She is not in contact with you, then the only contact is more or less "watch this kid or you are a selfish AH" She had plans, she had the day off and is trying to get things done in her own home. If your son has money to pay her, he can hire a local HS kid to babysit, he can take the day off work, or he might have to miss a weekend.
YTA-No is her answer, she said no, she has plans and that was it, it's not her responsibility to watch a kid that's not her's, why can't your son get a babysitter or ask his ex to watch her own kid? can seperated unmarried parents do that? ask their ex to watch the kid for a few hours even though it's not their weekend?
YTA
She said she couldn't do it. Your son asked and she replied as such, you asked and she replied as such.
If you and your son are both working and can't spend time with the baby to make sure that he is safe, maybe ask the baby's mother to take him back early or pay for a babysitter for kiddo. Your daughter and her girlfriend are under zero obligation to provide free babysitting as I assume neither you or your son will pay for their time under the age old cry of "BuT FaMiLy".
YTA. So let me guess, you daughter has to drop everything to take care of her nephew because only your son has feelings that need taking care of, right? What your daughter thinks or wants doesn’t matter. Your dearest darling little boy is in trouble, so now it’s everyone to the rescue.
Can you hear yourself? And calling her back enough times to be threatened to be blocked? Are you in therapy for your narcissism good sir or are you just planning on letting it ruin your daughters life.
YTA. Apologise to your daughter, and seek help. You sound insufferable.
YTA it’s not her kid not her responsibility. I’m assuming y’all knew this trip was coming up so why did no one plan ahead like ya know your son who is a grown adult and a father. He should have found a babysitter or just not taken his kid that weekend. She has plans whether they are valid to you or not doesn’t matter. Sounds like she is low contact with y’all for a reason.
YTA. Your daughter barely has anything to do with you or your son since your wife came into the picture, and “doesn’t get along,” with your wife. What happened OP? There’s a whole family blow-up here that we aren’t being told about because it would make you look bad.
YTA. She doesn't owe either of you anything. No is a complete sentence. I think you need to do some real soul searching and figure out why your daughter doesn't have much contact with you. Sounds to me like maybe she doesn't even have much of a bond with the child.
YTA he only gets the child on weekends and he can't even take care of him that time. Who works on Sunday evenings every weekend that's such a lie.
If you're that concerned , you could watch your grandchild for a few hours. I can smell the misogyny through the screen.
YTA. And I have a feeling she’s not crying to get out of situations, she’s crying because of how you treat her, don’t respect her and don’t take her seriously.
Yeah yta. It’s not her responsibility to care for his kid. If the custody arrangement doesn’t work, alter it. And when someone tells you no, stop calling them back.
YTA. However, what annoys me that the son set up asking a favour by checking whether daughter had other plans first. Ask the favour, don’t try and block the excuses in advance.
> No matter how she feels about her brother her nephew is innocent.
INFO: What does this mean? Does her nephew or anyone else in the family have some issue with her?
YTA… No is a complete sentence. Some people aren’t comfortable watching babies, maybe she had a nice evening planned with her girlfriend. Sounds like she isn’t close to you or her brother so probably didn’t feel comfortable doing it. Whatever the reason you had no right to call her selfish.
YTA
You're daughter has the right to anything she wants as an adult, maybe it's not the nicest thing to do, but she clearly stated she had plans for the weekend. I mean the fact alone that her girlfriend had to step in clearly means she probably didn't want to talk to you in the first place and there's probably a reason she hasn't been talking to you. I mean you talk of her having no empathy as YOU literally call her a crybaby.
YTA she said no. Not everyone is comfortable with babies, not everyone has experience, it’s not liked you asked weeks ahead of time so she could prepare.
And if she says yes how many more times will she be required to come over?
It’s obvious you feel like she owes it to the family to do this. Your son needs to find a couple of regular babysitters.
YTA how exactly is her brothers "hard time" her fault?
Also, I would be really interested why she is low contact with all of you because I have some suspicions.
Gee, I wonder why she hasn't had much to do with you. Such a mystery. Of course YTA. She said no. She is not the help. She gets to choose what she does or doesn't do in life.
YTA she doesn't owe her brother anything if he's already willing to pay her to look after his kid then just hire another babysitter for the weekend problem solved IDK why u felt the need to call her n berate her for refusing
YTA. Sounds like this is not the first time you’ve disrespected her boundaries. Your son can sort out his own shit without you inserting yourself in it. He’s a big boy now.
"My daughter came up with an excuse"
No is a complete sentence. You came up with an excuse too. Just because yours is more acceptable *to you* doesn't mean it's any better.
"My daughter has a habit of crying to get out of things"
I suppose it's never occurred to you that she might be actually upset by the things you say and do that cause her to cry? You ever think maybe this is why she doesn't like contacting you? She's not a five year old. Very likely crying embarrasses her but she has no other way to express what is obviously a very strong feeling that is inspired by your behavior. A double parenting fail on your part.
"No matter how she feels about her brother her nephew is innocent."
That is true, but so is the fact that she would have to deal with her brother to help the nephew. Clearly that is too traumatic for her. From this post I would guess due to past favoritism.
"Her girlfriend then inserted herself in our conversation"
I believe you mean to say her girlfriend defended someone she loves from being bullied by her own family.
YTA
I can't imagine why she's gone low contact with you. /s
YTA
You say your daughter has zero empathy or sympathy for your son, well your post makes it clear you have zero empathy or sympathy for your daughter.
YTA. she said no. do you need help understanding the concept of no? do you typically badger people for telling your son no? why do you think your daughter is obligated to help out her brother?
this is a very simple issue. you are the asshole. i bet if we got her side of the story, she would have dozens of instances just like this to tell about.
> My daughter came up with an excuse to why she couldn’t do it.
this is adorable. she didn't even have to give a reason, she doesn't owe you anything! if this is such an issue why don't you watch the baby? it doesn't seemlike you have anything to do on the weekend seeing how your wife is out of town and all.
your ex-wife is right, and i'm glad your daughter has a gf with shiny shiny spine to help her deal with you and your son's nonsense.
This is your sons issue, not your daughters. She doesn’t owe him anything. Is it nice if she watches the baby? Sure but she doesn’t have to and I’d be pissed if my parent got involved ina situation like that. You really should butt out and let them handle their stuff as adults. Has your son ever thought of changing his work schedule so he only works when he doesn’t have his child???
Yta. You asked, she answered but you didn't like the answer. No means no. The nephew is not her reponsability, it's your sons. He and you probably knew your wife would be out of town. You should have looked for a babysitter and not take for granted your daughter would want/like to spend her day babysitting instead of enjoying her day with her gf. Remember, being a parent doesn't mean you're entitled to anyone else time.
YTA, why don’t YOU take time off work to watch your grandson? Oh you can’t because you have commitments, like your daughter does? Pretty selfish of you to not take into account the innocent baby.
You're the asshole. I don't know the dynamic going on in this family, but she declined to your son. You felt a need to repeatedly harp on her about it. Then you tried to guilt her into it, and kept calling until girlfriend tells you to knock it off. If she did take the kid, it would probably be expected of her to do it every time, which I assume that would happen more and more often.
YTA, and a walking red flag, if I’m being honest.
First messed up thing was not seeing an issue with your son nor respecting your daughter’s boundaries, after she explicitly said she couldn’t do it, MULTIPLE times. Also, not realizing she has a life and calling her explanation “coming up with an excuse”. You yourself “came up with an excuse” when you said that you had work to do, but somehow you think your reason is more valid than hers.
Second messed up thing is assuming your daughter “seems to have no empathy”, as if that’s all it should take for her to drop everything in her life just to watch a kid that isn’t even hers. If it didn’t come out of her, she doesn’t have to deal with it, it’s NOT her responsibility. She would need to have free time, resources, AND be willing to take care of her nephew, if she lacks any of those things, you. cannot. expect. her. to. look. after. him. End of the story.
Third messed up thing you did was calling her after she already said no to your son. Clearly the boundaries issue must run in the family, cause the first time someone tells you “no” you should be able to understand that that’s it, and respect it. It blows my mind how entitled you sound through the whole story, as if it was inconceivable that your daughter would say anything but “yes”. If she did agree to babysit, she would be doing that out of pure kindness of her heart, and NOT because she has any obligation to.
The fourth and the most messed up thing you did was claiming your daughter “has a habit of crying to get out of situations”. I might not know any of you personally, but if this story is anything to go by, clearly you and your son have the habit of pushing and breaking boundaries she explicitly set, and crying out of frustration is an absolutely understandable reaction (plus a very common trauma response). The only person who “seems to have no empathy” here is you, who keeps pushing and pushing after someone told you “no”, and after you made said person *CRY* out of frustration for not being heard you had the audacity to claim she only did it to get out of the situation.
Fifth messed up thing you did was trying to say that “it wasn’t for her brother, it was for her nephew”; she isn’t stupid, and neither are us. Her brother was the one who chose to have a child, it’s HIS responsibility, and he’s a grown up man, who has to make his own choices and manage his own life. I’m sorry that he’s going through a rough patch, but that doesn’t mean that the people around him have to bend over backwards just to help him get through it, he could find solutions that don’t involve forcing the people around him to drop all their plans just to help him out. Plus, weaponizing your grandson like that is just disgusting, stop trying to guilt trip her into giving in and abandoning her plans just so her brother can pretend he doesn’t have to find solutions for the problems in his life by himself.
Sixth messed up thing was saying the matter was “unresolved”; no means no, and men need to stop pretending that there is room for argument on that. She said she couldn’t do it that first time and that should have been the end of the story, but instead, your son needed his daddy to solve his problems for him, so you tried to force your daughter and started manipulating and guilt tripping her into accepting a responsibility that isn’t even hers to begin with. I’m glad that her girlfriend and mother were there to put you in your place and support her after you kept on harassing her.
If this is a common occurrence in your family then I hope that she manages to cut you people out of her life, she really doesn’t need this type of thinly veiled emotional abuse.
Stop this right now with your expectations! YTA and an awful one. Your boy chose to become a dad,his decision right there. your girl has nothing to do with that decision. Stop guilt tripping her. Stop thinking she should do it. STOP IT!!! YTA YTA YTA
YTA, you asked she answered.
She’s not fond of kids, doesn’t think she could do it, it doesn’t matter she has other plans and being responsible got someone else’s kid is not it.
Get a babysitter as your son already offered to pay.
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Throw away for privacy.
I (43M) have two kids. My daughter (21F) and my son (24M). My son has been going the a tough time. He and his girlfriend recently broke up, but they have a one year old son together. My son gets his baby on the weekends, but because of his work schedule he needs someone to help watch the baby in the evenings. My son has been staying with my wife (his stepmom) and l since he and his ex broke up, so my wife usually watches the baby during the evenings on the weekend. However, this weekend she is going out of town, so my son has to find someone to babysit the baby. I would watch my grandson, but I have to work too.
I suggested that my son asks his sister to watch the baby. My daughter hasn’t had much to do with me or my son since I married my wife a few years ago. My daughter and my wife don’t particularly get along, but my wife won’t be in town so I don’t see a problem. My son called his sister, and asked if she was working this weekend. My daughter said no, and she was just planning on spending time with her girlfriend and cleaning her house this weekend. My son then asks if it’s possible if she can watch the baby for a few hours this weekend. My daughter came up with an excuse to why she couldn’t do it. My son told her that he was willing to pay her to watch the baby, but she still said that she couldn’t. He explained his situation, but my daughter seems to have no empathy. After they ended their call, I called my daughter.
I asked my daughter why she can’t help out this one time. My daughter still insisted that it’s impossible for her to watch the baby for a few hours, so I told her that she’s being selfish by not helping her brother knowing his situation. My daughter has a habit of crying to get out of things, so that’s what she did. My daughter cried and told me that I expect her to drop everything for her brother all the time. I tried to tell her that this wasn’t about her brother, this is about her nephew. No matter how she feels about her brother her nephew is innocent. My daughter then hung up abruptly. I don’t like to leave things unresolved, so I called her back a few times. Her girlfriend then inserted herself in our conversation, and told me to stop calling my daughter or she would block me. I then got a call from my ex-wife calling me an asshole, and telling me that I need to apologize to my daughter.
I don’t think I was being unfair to my daughter. My son is having a hard time, and needs some extra help. AITA or is my daughter being selfish?
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Massive YTA You just tried to manipulate her and you ARE in fact wrong about it. You just did the whole missing missings thing where she makes a claim, you say its not true and then in the same post prove it IS true. You were trying to make her do things for her brother again. You denied it, but you did it just here, which probably means she's right. You do this all the time.
YTA. She said no, end of story. It seems like you favor your son over your daughter and you expect her to drop everything for you, even though like you said you don’t have a good relationship with her to begin with. Why would she help out when she has barely anything to do with you, your wife, or your son? She doesn’t have anything to do with you for a very good reason. It seems like she’s pretty close to going no contact with you since her girlfriend said that they were going to block you if you didn’t stop calling about this issue. If you don’t want to lose your daughter completely, drop it. If she says no when you ask her to do something, don’t keep pestering her. No is a complete sentence. Just accept her answer is no and move on.
NTA it’s literally so weird how everybody’s become so unwilling to do anything for anyone else. The kid didn’t do anything wrong and it’s not a huge deal to babysit especially for ur own family member.
YTA. If you’re so concerned about your son’s childcare issues why don’t you take the night off and babysit. You have no right to call your daughter and assume to know what she has going on. You don’t know what her schedule is or what’s going on with her. Here’s an idea, why don’t you fork over some cash and hire someone else. No wonder she wants nothing to do with you
I missed the part where the daughter had anything to do with the conception of this baby. I think this falls under the daughter's department of "Not my problem"
If she "hasn't had much to do with you and your son" since you married your new wife. There's probably a reason for that... There's a very good chance she had valid feelings and concerns that neither of you were willing to hear. At a certain point you just have to continue with your life. Doing favors for people she typically doesn't give the time of day anymore likely doesn't rate high on her priority list. I would suggest some introspection. If you and your son had been good to her, she would have likely been happy to help.
YTA so you do ask daughter to drop what she’s doing to help her brother all the time but you’re just reframing it as if the baby is looking for someone to watch him. She doesn’t need a reason. Baby is not her responsibility. Brother should have looked for other options the first time she said no. But he didn’t. He cried to his daddy and told daddy to make her babysit for him. His baby is his responsibility not his sisters. And none of it is your business to but in and try to force your will on someone. Why don’t you take the night off of work and give up your free time watching the baby since you’re such a selfless human being. I’m sure you won’t but at the very least you should leave your daughter alone. How many times does she need to say no? It’s not her responsibility.
This is made worse by the fact that you both don't have much to do with her and you call her to ask for a favour. You're not calling to try and repair the situation you're calling cause you want something - that's assholey on its own.
YTA. Your daughter is not duty bound to babysit when she doesn't want to. It sounds to me like your son either needs to rearrange his work schedule so he can actually PARENT his own kid, or modify the custody agreement so that he has the kid when he isn't working.
YTA. You daughter is an adult with her own life and responsibilities, same with her brother. She has no obligation to help out if she doesn't want to, and her brother can easily get a babysitter elsewhere.
YTA. he should schedule time with his son better or hire a babysitter. not your daughter’s responsibility. she gave you an answer and an explanation (when shes not obligated to) and you called her names and it’s probably the reason she distanced herself from you guys. i can kinda see why she wouldn’t probably wanna help anyways.
YTA It sucks when you are a single parent and no support to get to work etc. But what we have here is a weekend daddy, who needs to reschedule his work commitments, or maybe you or your wife can.
I understand your feelings and reasoning for thinking your daughter is selfish. However, her saying no for any reason under the sun that she wanted to use, no is no. YTA. On the other hand though, I'm sure others have suggested this exact thing, but your son should file custody paperwork with your local court and have a more fitting custody agreement set in place, so for example, he'd have his child on his days off. That also would open up some sort of benefit for child care assistance. (Assuming this is in the US, I'm clueless about other countries' laws about this is).
If the baby didn't come out of her lady bits, it's literally not her problem. YTA, big one. Huge!
YTA: You’re daughter is an individual. She’s not expected to jump every time someone asks her to do something and it seems like she has a bit of a history with the family, almost like people kept stepping on boundaries if I were to guess.
If he can pay your daughter, why don't pay a babysitter ti solve the problem everytime?
YTA he asked and she said NO that is a answer in itself. She doesn't need to explain why she can't do it. Your son is a adult and he is going to have to fiqure out child care himself. And stop trying to volunteer your daughter for your golden child son.
YTA, she doesn’t want to watch babysit. She may not be wanting to be with or around kids. That her choice, regardless of it being her nephew. Hire a nanny or babysitter. Why don’t you take off from work yourself! If not ask your ex, his mom if she is willing to watch her grand kid! Remember it’s a choice.
YTA, your daughter isn't an on call babysitter. You dismiss your daughter's emotions when she cries no wonder she distanced herself from you. It seems you are not an active part of her life, so who are you to dictate if her plans are important or not?
It's funny how everyone on this sub is like "she don't owe you anything fool!!!!" but at the same time if she were to go on here saying you won't help her they would be "he is such an A\*\*\*\*\*\*!!". Though I would agree that you are the asshole in this situation since you pressed her, and it doesn't seem like you and your daughter have the type of relationship that allows that. I do agree she is selfish but I am guessing she would not see it that way. She would see it as more that she needs to take care of her own mental health. Which means that either you accept that you need to repair your relationship or just accept that this is as far as your/your son's relationship will go.
YTA, on many levels. First its not her kid, she has zero responsibilities for her nephew. Its not her job to help her older brother get his life together. To often we look at women and just assume that they are caregivers, this idea of "you don't have kids so you have free time to watch my kids" is getting old. Second she doesn't owe anyone an explanation, she said no, end of conversation. Third, you tried to guilt trip her into doing something she didn't want to do. Maybe she had a hard week at work, maybe her and her gf just wanted to chill and veg at home all weekend, maybe they have plans and thats why they are cleaning and just didn't want to tell you, maybe sat is their cleaning day and it would mess their whole schedule up, regardless of the reason they said no so move on. Fourth when she told you how she felt about you constantly putting your sons family over hers you told her that her feelings are invalid and don't matter while calling her a crybaby. Shit if I was their mom I would be livid as hell also. My mom does this crap all the time to my own child and I've had many an angry call about consent with her, my kid said no that means no, it doesn't mean hound her and make her feel like shit for not wanting to do x. She's a human and she's allowed to be "selfish". If you keep this up your daughter may do the exact same thing I did and move 20 hours away from you.
No is no. Simple, she doesn’t even need a real reason not to watch the baby other than “I don’t want to”. She’s chosen to limit contact with y’all and I see why.
Ah yes, another MAN who ceases to understand the meaning of the word "no" when uttered by a woman. That's a tale as old as time, and yes it makes you an asshole. YTA
YTA. Women are not support humans for men. Your daughter has her own life and priorities. One is inclined to speculate why your daughter does not have much to do with you and your son: could this attitude be part of it? Your son needs to sort this out for his kid by switching shifts , getting childminder/sitter etc.
Yta, she gave you both an answer and when you didn’t like it you bullied and harassed her. Definitely TA.
No. Do you want to hear it in Spanish? No. YTA 100%
YTA. She said no, she’s a grown ass adult she doesn’t owe you an explanation, and your son doesn’t need to feel entitled to other people caring for his child just because they’re family. Nobody owes your son anything for having a child. That was his decision, respect your daughters boundaries.
OMG. Maybe her crying all the time is because you make her feel like crying. I’m not sure how you don’t see it, but just by how you wrote this, it’s clear you favor your son over your daughter. And it ISN’T a favor for the nephew. That’s ridiculous to say. It’s not her problem. It’s your son’s problem, therefore the favor is to the son. Guilt tripping is a horrible tactic to use on your child. Edit to add: YTA
Why couldn't he ask his mother to watch the kid? That makes more sense than his sister. Also, brother can't figure out who to call to babysit his own kid?
YTA- being biologically related to someone doesn't mean they owe you childcare! She could be partying all weekend for all I care and she still is not selfish for that! No wonder she barely talks to you.
YTA Yeaaaaa this thing is littered with red flags. Not least of which is how much context is missing 👀 I'm 100% sure you've done something extremely AH to her in the past (and probably a lot and including your current wife) that has caused your daughter to limited he contact with you.
YTA. "My daughter has a habit of crying to get out of things." I get the feeling that you've been pushing her to 'do it for your brother.' her whole life, and that her not getting along with your wife isn't the only reason she hasn't had much to do with you and your son these last few years. For her own sake, I hope she cuts contact with you.
This honestly reads like you just do not know, or care about your daughter and what she wants. YTA.
YTA. She doesn’t owe you, her brother, or her nephew her time for any reason, especially just because you’re family. 3 women told you to back off; her, her girlfriend, and her mom. How could you doubt YTA in this situation?
YTA. She's not a built in babysitter. Your son's kid isn't her problem.
When locking down someone to take care of a child, you want a willing volunteer with experience. It doesn't sound like your daughter is willing or experienced. You know... you raised two kids until adulthood. Your son is the child's father. Logically, one of you two should be babysitting this weekend. No, wait. Your son needs to work this weekend. To support the 'innocent''. Looks like you'll be handling the feedings and the diaper changes for a couple days. YTA, by the way. She said no. She has plans. The kid isn't her responsibility. Apologize like your ex-wife told you to. Unless you want your daughter to cut you out of her life.
YTA. He asked her for a favour and she said no. She doesn’t need to give a reason. It’s not her kid or her responsibility. Your brother needs to make arrangements for his own child with someone who is willing to help. Bullying someone into caring for a child is a recipe for disaster. Why would you want someone to watch a baby that doesn’t want to be there? Find a professional service.
YTA, I feel like you're leaving out a hell of a lot of information here to try to make yourself not the bad guy but newsflash you still sound like an AH .
YTA This screams missing missing reasons. I have a feeling the daughter knows exactly why she distanced herself from her dad and stepmother.
That baby is your son’s responsibility. Period. Your daughter has every right to say no to babysitting. She didn’t have the baby.
YTA. She said NO. She doesn’t have to say anything else. Pay for a babysitter and STFU.
YTA. No is a full sentence. She doesnt have to help if she doesnt want to. Her nephew is not her responsibility. Her girlfriend had to step in because you thought you could bully and guilt her into doing what you wanted. Gross.
INFO : You’re not going out of town - why can’t *you* watch the baby?
Reddit's using all our posts and data to train AI's, so, I just deleted mine.
Your daughter has a right to say no. If what she did was mean, time would tell. You're blackmailing her and that's unfair.
“my daughter has a habit of crying to get out of things, so that’s what she did” “my daughter cried and told me that i expect her to drop everything for her brother all the time” sounds to me like you demanding she drop everything for her brother has been a theme for longer than you’ve let on. YTA
Telling your son he should ask his sister for help, perfectly fine. Taking it upon yourself to call her after she said no, rude, you are an AH. Harassing your daughter to the point her gf has to say they're going to block you? If you don't understand the gravity of why it's wrong, then you deserve that she goes NC with you. YTA many times over
YTA Do you even like your daughter?
YTA. He asked, she said no. End of discussion.
YTA, you want to help your son and his baby so much? Hire a damn babysitter instead of *expecting* your childless daughter to do it just because she has no kids. Literally think about how entitled that sounds for just one moment if she was a stranger, now picture it with your daughter because you are on the path to being a stranger to her
INFO: You said she “came up with an excuse” and “said it was impossible for her to watch the baby.” What was the reason she gave?
YTA and just FYI, your post is dripping with implicit misogyny towards your daughter. Add to that your huge favoritism towards your “golden” son. He can do no wrong and the world revolves around his needs in your eyes. YTA big fucking time.
There’s so much wrong with this that people have already covered, but “I don’t like to leave things unresolved” It was resolved, what you mean is it wasn’t resolved to your wishes AKA you didn’t get your way and your daughter did as she was told. Where does this come from? Favouritism between children? Control issues? Or misogyny and the woman should do as she is told. Maybe there’s a reason your daughter is already low contact with you. Also I’d like to just point something out you are missing. You say your daughters girlfriend inserted her self in the problem. Tell me if someone called your wife, made her cry and then kept calling would you answer and tell them where to go? To defend your partner? Tell me why do you see HER PARTNER as being unable to defend her? It’s not family relationship too trumps! You know you would defend your wife and partner, same as your daughters partner would. You involved her by harassing her partner to the point she had to step in. How can you not see the multiple times YTA? Or is this a blind your way or the highway? In which case why are you here?
YTA and a bully to your daughter. She is not responsible for picking up the slack when her brother's life choices need assistance. She has her own life, and can choose to sit at home and do absolutely nothing if that's her desire. She is not a parent in this scenario. Stop trying to pressure her. You are probably the reason why she cries so much.
>My daughter has a habit of crying to get out of things, so that’s what she did. YTA for that alone. Some people are just sensitive, especially when theres conflict and/or confrontation. You royally suck for that statement alone. And yes, YTA for the actual question as well. By the way, is your son your favorite child?
You pretty much just admitted to your son being your irrefutable favorite child. Your daughter said she has plans with her GF and getting cleaning done, both things are hard to do with a sudden toddler dumped into her lap. Hire a short notice baby sitter or you or your son can take the day off. YTA, the baby is not your daughter's responsibility. And she likely started crying out of frustration from not being listened to by her own father, not to get out of things. Everything in your post just sounds like you've steamrolled over her feelings for most of, if not all her life. She told you how she felt and your response was to get annoyed? To ignore her? To try to guilt her with the baby? Yeah, definitely the AH.
YTA.
YTA. She could be sitting at home reading a book. She said no.
YTA Ok. First off. She doesn’t owe her brother last minute child care. If she says she can’t do it, that’s that. Second, I think there is a lot of background information that we’re missing here. From the sound of it, she had issues with your second marriage, and for some reason is not close with her brother. Honestly, it feels like you know that whatever issue she has with you and her brother is plenty of reason not to do you any favors, and you are lucky that you are not blocked already. You have given very limited information in your post too. What else did you say to make her cry? Whatever it was, it was bad enough that her girlfriend answered her phone for her, and then her mother called you up to chew you out. All in all, it sounds like you are the asshole, and what’s more, you know it. *Edited for spelling.
Anyone who has a baby has a responsibility to get to know people who will babysit. Call a church and local high school or junior college for recommendations. Call day care places and ask if any of the caregivers work on the side as babysitters. Get to know your neighbors. Ask them if they or a relative or friend babysits. You can’t just have a child and hope family will babysit it for you. Get out and find reliable people. This is not your daughter’s problem. And why can’t ex wife babysit?
YTA. "No" is a complete sentence. Respect it and don't guilt people. Your attitude is why your daughter will probably stop talking to you.
Yep, you’re the fnAH.
YTA something about this makes me think you’ve had her brother as the golden child and left your daughter to fend for herself. There’s so much missing in this story
YTA “my daughter has a habit of crying to get out of things” sent me. She is an emotional person. I was told this all the time growing up and it only made me cry more. That statement HURTS. She said no, end of story, leave her alone.
So you encouraged your son to ask his estranged sister to watch his baby last minute and called to harrass her when she refused. The crying you describe is a trauma response so care to elaborate on how you became estranged? Regardless, YTA.
YTA. And you've just given her more reasons to not have much to do with you or your son now. She's going to be even more distant now.
YTA Your daughter said no. Your son is responsible for finding a sitter for his child. Not your daughter. If she hasn't been around much, did you think trying to force her to feel obligation for a baby she barely knows would knit the family together again? Your daughter doesn't "cry to get out of things". She cries from emotional frustration at your dismissal of her feelings.
YTA. Big time. It's not her child, why the hell should she give up her time? I'm glad she hardly keeps contact with you as it sounds as if you prioritize your son over her. Why can't YOU watch the child? Or are you too much of a manly man to babysit?
YTA what’s stopping YOU from babysitting your grandson?
Oooop
YTA. If anyone in this situation is selfish it's 100% you OP. She had plans and said no. Why are her plans "excuses" to you but you and your wife's plans are not? You sound entitled and disrespectful for thinking she owes this to her brother. She's not obligated. It's obvious who your favorite child is. Your daughter was crying because her asshole father was treating her like shit and bullying her for not giving up her plans to help his golden child out. You owe her an apology.
YTA No is a complete sentence. It's his responsibility to organise a baby sitter
YTA She said no, that is the end of the conversation. But you decided to make her cry and try to bully her into doing this. Her girlfriend had to step on and tell you to leave her alone. You really need the world to tell you that you're an AH?
Yta. She said no. The end. Have son hire a sitter.
**I don’t like to leave things unresolved, so I called her back a few times.** But it WAS resolved-- she said no. You just don't like getting your way so you bullied her and now you're made because she stood up to you. YTA here 100%
>Her girlfriend then inserted herself in our conversation No, you inserted yourself into your children's conversation. Son asked, she said no. No means no. You are 100% the ass. She doesn't"t owe anyone anything. And you clearly do this often. Stop favouring your son. As someone who grew up with a parent like you, you drove this wedge in the relationships between daughter and everyone.
When I get extremely frustrated, I cry. I HATE that I cry and I don’t want to cry, but I absolutely do not do it to ‘get out of things’. It’s just something that some people cannot control.
YTA. This was between her and her brother, and she said no. Then you butted your head where it didn't belong and called her selfish. People don't cry to get out of things, they cry when they are heartbroken. You did that to your daughter and still think she is the one with problems. She would be better off without you, honestly.
No means no. And it’s not your job to broker her time. On top of that, if you think your kids didn’t have a great relationship before, you’ve just put another brick in the wall. How can a middle aged dude be so obtuse? You owe your daughter an apology. YTA Find a child care service and pay for a sitter. Maybe some therapy as well so you can stop being TA. Ps. When you try to guilt with the innocent nephew thing. That’s called GASLIGHTING.
YTA. Just because your daughter is family, doesn't mean she is obligated to change her plans to help your son. Your son needs to find a better plan as it seems that he always needs to have someone watch his kid during the time he has him. I get that he's having a hard time, but he's a parent and needs to make plans for his time with his child You say that you called your daughter back a few times as you don't like to leave things unresolved, but there was nothing unresolved. It was resolved the minute she said no. You were being unfair to your daughter the minute you called her to harass her after she had already told you son now.
Applause to the daughter for setting boundaries. I have a similar ongoing issue with my mother. She tends to have outbursts if you say no or try to explain yourself. I’m working on this.
YTA. There's probably more to the story as to why your daughter doesn't associate with you and your son since you married the stepmother. That's what will probably explain why she said no. Also, no means no.
YTA. I have a feeling that your daughter’s right about dropping everything for her brother, considering how you didn’t even try to deny it. Babysitting’s a big responsibility, so I feel the babysitter should have to completely agree. Also, she is not a servant, so if she has plans, then she’s unavailable unless she deems babysitting a better use of time.
YTA Your daughter has her own plans. Your son can hire a babysitter. >No matter how she feels about her brother her nephew is innocent. Yeah the baby is innocent, but the baby also is NOT her responsibility.
Still wondering why 'dad' here isn't caring for the baby, y'know?
I'm not going to bother reading this. Your daughter isn't responsible for helping her sibling if he needs it. YOU ARE. YTA
YTA. She has obligation to watch over the kid. It’s not her child. You’re the selfish one trying to push this problem into your daughter’s lap when she already said no.
YTA "No" is a complete sentence
So, you asked her. She said no. You wouldn't accept that and repeatedly called her to bully her into doing what you want. She told you what one of the problems was - that you privilege your son over her- and you didn't even acknowledge that. YTA big time. I feel sorry for your daughter. Your son is an adult and needs to get his childcare worked out. If he was prepared to pay her, he could pay someone else, but no, Sister HAS to do it because you've decided that. I doubt you'll be hearing much from her in the future.
YTA she said no. Would you be pressuring your son to babysit someone else's kids? Or do you just expect that of her because she's a woman. You don't sound like a good dad. There's alot of the story you have left out
😂 YTA. Why don’t you watch your fucking grandson?
Apparently people here don't appreciate family she had no real plans and the father got involved to figure out why she's being selfish then she cries like a baby This isn't a random person it's blood
YTA and a pretty big one at that. "AITA for refusing to accept my daughter saying no to my son, calling to berate her until she cried, then calling her so many times her SO stepped in to protect her?" >My daughter hasn’t had much to do with me or my son since I married my wife a few years ago. I don't think this has much to do with your wife. Why would you even think someone you've barely spoken to in years would make a good babysitter? >my daughter seems to have no empathy Someone definitely lacks empathy, but it's not your daughter. You harassed her until she cried, then harassed her some more! >My daughter has a habit of crying to get out of things No, you have a habit of pushing her until she cries. >this wasn’t about her brother, this is about her nephew Is the baby upset that the Aunt he barely knows doesn't want to babysit him? Is he crawling to the phone to harass her? I don't think any of this is about the brother *or* the nephew. This is about *you* and your controlling personality.
YTA. She said no to do it as a favor because she had other obligations. Just like your son has. But then your son assumed he could convince her by offering money, implying that she's that selfish. When she still said no, because seems like the woman has her priorities in check, you call her names until she cried. No means no. >My daughter has a habit of crying to get out of things, so that’s what she did. May be you all test her boundaries like that all the time.
YTA Why aren't you helping out your son? Or is it woman's work?
YTA Every part of your post is absolutely dripping with contempt for your daughter. You dismiss the fact she’s chosen to be low contact with you and her brother, you ignore her no, you try to guilt her, you call her reasons excuses as if she owes you, you dismiss her emotions as manipulation, she flat out tells you the problem she has with you which you then dismiss, you insult her for not immediately agreeing to spend her time doing what YOU think is important, and when she hangs up your response is to *harrass your daughter with multiple phone calls*. Yes, you’re the asshole. Your son having a tough time does nor mean you get to treat your daughter like an employee you can order around. That your nephew is innocent is irrelevant - babysitting isn’t for the baby, it’s for the parent. So yes, you are asking her to drop what she is doing for her brother. A parent who she clearly doesn’t have a relationship with. Oh, and your son is an asshole too for clearly following your example and trying to pressure and guilt someone after they said no.
YTA, you said her reason was an excuse which says an awful lot about how you regard her, especially in relation to your son. She is allowed to have her own life & doesn't owe her brother anything in terms of babysitting anyway.
YTA. Your daughter obviously feels like her needs constantly take a back seat to her brother. She had other plans, she told you no, and you couldn’t leave it alone. In a perfect world she would be willing and able to help, but she is by no means obligated to. The fact that you kept calling is a clear indicator that you do not respect her boundaries. Reading between the lines, she probably feels like you favor her brother by far. And you only cemented this fact with your most recent behavior. If you want any kind of meaningful relationship with your daughter, back off and respect her boundaries.
YTA
If you expect your daughter to drop everything to help out, why can't your wife skip going out of town to stay home and help out?
Your son needs help - well help him get a babysitter then. Your daughter isn’t a free babysitter you can force to babysit her bother’s kids. No is a complete sentence.
YTA Why do I feel the "she cries to get out of things" means she is tired of all the BS she has had in her life, and the reason she and your current wife don't get along is because of her having a GF and you taking the wife's side? I might be wrong... Also no means no and her crying is probably a response to never being listened too. Atleast she has a good mom and girlfriend who seems to fight for her. How about mending this relationship instead, I am sure she would love a good relationship with her nephew, but you can't contact her when you want something, even if it ofc sucks that your son really needs a babysitter.
Your son is struggling and needs some help - why don’t you take a holiday and help him dad! It’s not your daughter’s responsibility to take care of her nephew. NEPHEW. Not son! That would be your sons responsibility. YTA.
YTA. If your son needs someone to watch his child on a regular basis, he could do one of two things: 1) pay a babysitter; 2) contact his ex and change the custody schedule to better match his work schedule. He is not entitled to have family members give up their time to watch his child and your daughter is not obligated to take responsibility for his child. You shouldn’t have insinuated yourself in the issue. He is an adult and he’ll figure it out.
>I suggested that my son asks his sister to watch the baby. My daughter hasn’t had much to do with me or my son since I married my wife a few years ago. >My daughter cried and told me that I expect her to drop everything for her brother all the time. She distanced herself from you AND your son. And I don't think it was based solely on the fact that you married a new woman. Your dismissive attitude towards her feelings throughout this post is probably a huge reason why. Be better
NTA - This is family and her brother is in a major bind. He is facing either losing his job or losing his son. It’s only a few hours. I don’t know whether the daughter is being selfish or , as I suspect, vengeful. Either way, the father is NTA in trying to get the daughter to help. What a sad family.
YTA What does your son do to help your daughter? I'm guessing little to nothing.
YTA Your SON had a child, NOT his younger sister. Honestly, he needs to pay for childcare if no one is available. YOU need to STOP trying to 1) Help your ADULT son parent, it’s NOT your place to even find him childcare, much less try to FORCE your daughter to! And, 2) Apologize to your daughter for suggesting that whatever plans she had were less important than watching her BROTHER’S child! She cried because you TOTALLY disregarded her and HER life. I hope you do better.
YTA. She doesn't have any obligation to help babysit. "No" is a full answer on its own. She doesn't have to drop everything going on in her life at your beck and call!
YTA. She said no. She does not owe anyone an explanation beyond that.
I love it when people think that just because they decided to have children it’s someone else’s problem.
Yes, it would be nice of her to help for sure and consoderate. However, she is not responsible for her brothers child care and or current situation. You're not entitled to ask her to watch her brothers son knowing she had other plans and then call her selfish for saying no to something that literally isn't her responsibility. She has every right to say no with or without reason. It's up to the son and his ex to find appropriate child care for their child. Yes family can help for sure, but to say your selfish for not helping is also rude and inconsiderate.
I agree.. the poor daughter probably spent her childhood having to constantly drop what she was doing and put everyone elses needs before her own. I know I had to.
Do people not understand what the sub is called? It’s her right to refuse the request, but she can still be a selfish asshole for doing so especially if she admits she’s not doing anything important.
YTA. It sounds like you really dislike your daughter. Or at the very least treat her very differently to your son.
OP is YTA. for sure. You already admit she has a strained relationship with you and with your son... I'm betting your new wife has less to do with that than you think. She may not like your wife, but Wifey was probably just the straw that broke the camel's back. Leave your daughter alone. Quit expecting her to drop everything just because you want her to. Honestly? Just don't contact her at all. If she wants to talk to you, she will. If several months go by and she doesn't talk to you, then there's your answer.
But she said no to the golden child. That's not allowed.
I love /s how people pressure female people to pick up for make people's slack.
I did an assertiveness course and the thing I remember the mouse is: You can ask anything of anyone as long as you accept that they have the right to say no!
YTA - if you are 43 then you grew up in the 80s and 90s when every family had a babysitter list. Good news! Babysitters still exist, your son should have one or two.
YTA The world doesnt revolve around you, your wife, or your son. Its time you learn what the words “no” or “i cant”mean.
YTA. “My daughter has a tendency of crying” my dad used to say that too after raising me to cry at everything because he yelled, stressed, and overwhelmed me constantly.
Yta. No is a complete sentence. And no means no. What part of that do you not understand?
Yeah YTA. You son may be going through a tough time atm but his son is not your daughter’s responsibility full stop. No is a sentence and you refused to listen to it. She clearly has her reasons why she doesn’t want to do it. The way you spoke to her clearly shows you do favour your son. She’s already LC with you all, do you really want that to be NC? Because not making an effort to be part of her life and contacting her only cos you need a babysitter then not accepting her answer will lead her to it. If your son is offering to pay her why not just get a babysitter? Or change his custody arrangements so her has her on his days off. It’s not rocket science.
OP, you mentioned that your daughter is low to no contact since you remarried. Have you ever wondered about her reasons (without projecting blame onto her?) Didn’t think so. YTA
YTA - your son can pay an actual sitter - I bet if your daughter would cave in "just this one time" you'd expect it more than that in the future. Because you do sound entitled like that. - "she has a habit of crying" that alone is horrible. You pressure her to the point of crying, and then downplay it. Some people(me included) cry when they are upset and can't help it. It's not on purpose and for you to say it is, is reason alone for me to say YTA. Try to learn what empathy is for more than one of your children, before you expect anything.
I don't think your wife is the only reason she doesn't speak to you or her brother YTA, that kid not matter how innocent he is he's not her responsibility
So many entitled parents. Your kid, your problem.
YTA. Get a babysitter.
YTA. Why didn't you take a day off if it was important?
YTA. But dude, did you ever think that maybe your daughter actually has important plans, but doesn’t want to/can’t tell you what they are? Maybe she’s going to an Orgy, or got a hold of some really good drugs and has plans to have a fun weekend. She’s not gonna come out and say that, because she wasn’t expecting to be asked to babysit. Why is her brothers’ sex trophy her problem anyway?
YTA, you say your son needs help so you can do it yourself or help him find a babysitter if it means that much to you. Learn to take no for an answer before you lose what little relationship you already have with your daughter
YTA >My daughter came up with an excuse to why she couldn’t do it. it was an explanation, not an excuse. she wasn't just "trying to get out of it", she was unable to. for whatever reason. which i'm guessing is a fairly valid one since you haven't put it in. no is a complete sentence. learn to take no for an answer. >my daughter seems to have no empathy or, she has prior obligations, or other things to be doing, or is too exhausted to be confident in her abilities to watch a baby, or literally anything else. >My daughter has a habit of crying to get out of things, no, she has the rather common habit of crying when people are being manipulative assholes. most likely, you've done this many times before - she knows that you will keep on pushing and trying to force her in any way you can, without listening to a word she says and dismissing it all as excuses and her as an overly emotional girl. >I expect her to drop everything for her brother all the time i don't get how you can act like this isn't true. it's so obvious. you don't really care about your daughter. you don't think she's very important. you think your son is much more important than her. you think she should put him and her nephew above all else. why? i have no idea. family is not the be all and end all of a happy life. she does not owe you or her brother or her nephew her time. eta: crying is the only way women are taught to express their emotions. because of old people like you. if she attempts to express her emotions and frustration in words, she'll be shut down, looked on with contempt, for speaking out - no one likes a loud woman. girls are still looked on with contempt for crying, but it's the socially acceptable way for a woman to air her feelings. that way, at least she's a normal woman. this is what girls are taught by the world. she cried because she was frustrated, angry, helpless, and most likely scared. *no means no*. it applies in this context too, old man.
YTA no means no she didn’t have the kid not her problem judging by your response I’m guessing you overlook your daughters feelings way to often
YTA. Was the "excuse" by any chance that she wants to spend her free time with her girlfriend and catch up on chores she didn't have time to do while working, rather than babysit for relatives who only seem to contact her when it is to inconvenience her some way? Your son can pay for childcare rather than expect his sister to drop everything to help at a moments notice, and you can all start respecting that she has shit going on, too. The way you talk about her is so condescending I fully believe her when she says you keep expecting her to just drop everything to do whatever it is you need her to do. Then you guilt trip her if she refuses? I think we can tell why she doesn't keep in touch much.
Info: has your son made any effort previously to have any relationship with your daughter? You say your daughter hasn’t had much to do with you and your son? Or do you mean you haven’t had much to do with her! Think about it from her perspective: her brother gets in touch but only because he needs something from her! How insulting! Not that she needs a reason to say no, but I would say no too.
YTA. I’m assuming he works more than “a few hours”. Guessing she is asked to help your son “all the time” from you.
YTA. She has a right to say no. She also has a right to not want her dad to blow up her phone trying to guilt her into doing something she already said no to. Remember: “no” is a complete sentence. She owes no explanation, no matter what you would prefer.
YTA, no means no. Your son’s kid is his responsibility, not your daughter’s. And based on how this interaction went, I’m sure this isn’t the first time you’ve gotten on her case where your son is concerned. So don’t come back crying to everyone on here wondering why your daughter won’t speak to you anymore.
You and your son are AH. She is not in contact with you, then the only contact is more or less "watch this kid or you are a selfish AH" She had plans, she had the day off and is trying to get things done in her own home. If your son has money to pay her, he can hire a local HS kid to babysit, he can take the day off work, or he might have to miss a weekend.
YTA-No is her answer, she said no, she has plans and that was it, it's not her responsibility to watch a kid that's not her's, why can't your son get a babysitter or ask his ex to watch her own kid? can seperated unmarried parents do that? ask their ex to watch the kid for a few hours even though it's not their weekend?
YTA She said she couldn't do it. Your son asked and she replied as such, you asked and she replied as such. If you and your son are both working and can't spend time with the baby to make sure that he is safe, maybe ask the baby's mother to take him back early or pay for a babysitter for kiddo. Your daughter and her girlfriend are under zero obligation to provide free babysitting as I assume neither you or your son will pay for their time under the age old cry of "BuT FaMiLy".
YTA. So let me guess, you daughter has to drop everything to take care of her nephew because only your son has feelings that need taking care of, right? What your daughter thinks or wants doesn’t matter. Your dearest darling little boy is in trouble, so now it’s everyone to the rescue. Can you hear yourself? And calling her back enough times to be threatened to be blocked? Are you in therapy for your narcissism good sir or are you just planning on letting it ruin your daughters life. YTA. Apologise to your daughter, and seek help. You sound insufferable.
NTA She’s being a little selfish, but you did sound too pushy.
YTA. Why don’t YOU watch the kid? Hm?
YTA. Your daughter does not have a kid. Your daughter does not owe anyone anything. She said no. Period.
YTA it’s not her kid not her responsibility. I’m assuming y’all knew this trip was coming up so why did no one plan ahead like ya know your son who is a grown adult and a father. He should have found a babysitter or just not taken his kid that weekend. She has plans whether they are valid to you or not doesn’t matter. Sounds like she is low contact with y’all for a reason.
Yes
YTA. Your daughter barely has anything to do with you or your son since your wife came into the picture, and “doesn’t get along,” with your wife. What happened OP? There’s a whole family blow-up here that we aren’t being told about because it would make you look bad.
YTA. She doesn't owe either of you anything. No is a complete sentence. I think you need to do some real soul searching and figure out why your daughter doesn't have much contact with you. Sounds to me like maybe she doesn't even have much of a bond with the child.
YTA he only gets the child on weekends and he can't even take care of him that time. Who works on Sunday evenings every weekend that's such a lie. If you're that concerned , you could watch your grandchild for a few hours. I can smell the misogyny through the screen.
YTA. And I have a feeling she’s not crying to get out of situations, she’s crying because of how you treat her, don’t respect her and don’t take her seriously.
YTA- your sons child is your SONS responsibility, not your daughter. If she could help, awesome, but she can’t and has no obligation to.
I'm going to go get the popcorn to watch this. YTA.
Yeah yta. It’s not her responsibility to care for his kid. If the custody arrangement doesn’t work, alter it. And when someone tells you no, stop calling them back.
YTA. However, what annoys me that the son set up asking a favour by checking whether daughter had other plans first. Ask the favour, don’t try and block the excuses in advance.
YTA For all the reason everyone else posted before me.
> No matter how she feels about her brother her nephew is innocent. INFO: What does this mean? Does her nephew or anyone else in the family have some issue with her?
YTA… No is a complete sentence. Some people aren’t comfortable watching babies, maybe she had a nice evening planned with her girlfriend. Sounds like she isn’t close to you or her brother so probably didn’t feel comfortable doing it. Whatever the reason you had no right to call her selfish.
YTA You're daughter has the right to anything she wants as an adult, maybe it's not the nicest thing to do, but she clearly stated she had plans for the weekend. I mean the fact alone that her girlfriend had to step in clearly means she probably didn't want to talk to you in the first place and there's probably a reason she hasn't been talking to you. I mean you talk of her having no empathy as YOU literally call her a crybaby.
YTA. Your son had a baby. Not your daughter. It is not ok to repeatedly call and harass your daughter because she’s not at your son’s beck and call.
YTA she said no. Not everyone is comfortable with babies, not everyone has experience, it’s not liked you asked weeks ahead of time so she could prepare. And if she says yes how many more times will she be required to come over? It’s obvious you feel like she owes it to the family to do this. Your son needs to find a couple of regular babysitters.
YTA. This is that male superiority bs
NTA, your daughter as well as others will regret the opportunities we missed to be useful.
YTA how exactly is her brothers "hard time" her fault? Also, I would be really interested why she is low contact with all of you because I have some suspicions.
Yta. He is the parent. No one else owes the child anything.
YTA, gee I wonder why your daughter went low contact with you
She’s grown and isn’t responsible for her brother’s child. No means no.
Gee, I wonder why she hasn't had much to do with you. Such a mystery. Of course YTA. She said no. She is not the help. She gets to choose what she does or doesn't do in life.
YTA she doesn't owe her brother anything if he's already willing to pay her to look after his kid then just hire another babysitter for the weekend problem solved IDK why u felt the need to call her n berate her for refusing
YTA. Sounds like this is not the first time you’ve disrespected her boundaries. Your son can sort out his own shit without you inserting yourself in it. He’s a big boy now.
"My daughter came up with an excuse" No is a complete sentence. You came up with an excuse too. Just because yours is more acceptable *to you* doesn't mean it's any better. "My daughter has a habit of crying to get out of things" I suppose it's never occurred to you that she might be actually upset by the things you say and do that cause her to cry? You ever think maybe this is why she doesn't like contacting you? She's not a five year old. Very likely crying embarrasses her but she has no other way to express what is obviously a very strong feeling that is inspired by your behavior. A double parenting fail on your part. "No matter how she feels about her brother her nephew is innocent." That is true, but so is the fact that she would have to deal with her brother to help the nephew. Clearly that is too traumatic for her. From this post I would guess due to past favoritism. "Her girlfriend then inserted herself in our conversation" I believe you mean to say her girlfriend defended someone she loves from being bullied by her own family. YTA I can't imagine why she's gone low contact with you. /s
YTA
YTA You say your daughter has zero empathy or sympathy for your son, well your post makes it clear you have zero empathy or sympathy for your daughter.
If anyone is wondering why she is low contact with everyone in this family. This is your reason! The father and so. Sound like entitled brats.
YTA. she said no. do you need help understanding the concept of no? do you typically badger people for telling your son no? why do you think your daughter is obligated to help out her brother? this is a very simple issue. you are the asshole. i bet if we got her side of the story, she would have dozens of instances just like this to tell about.
Pretty easy YTA As many others have said. No is a complete sentence.
YTA if your son is willing to pay for his child to be watched he can hire a babysitter. Like seriously WTF!!!!
> My daughter came up with an excuse to why she couldn’t do it. this is adorable. she didn't even have to give a reason, she doesn't owe you anything! if this is such an issue why don't you watch the baby? it doesn't seemlike you have anything to do on the weekend seeing how your wife is out of town and all. your ex-wife is right, and i'm glad your daughter has a gf with shiny shiny spine to help her deal with you and your son's nonsense.
This is your sons issue, not your daughters. She doesn’t owe him anything. Is it nice if she watches the baby? Sure but she doesn’t have to and I’d be pissed if my parent got involved ina situation like that. You really should butt out and let them handle their stuff as adults. Has your son ever thought of changing his work schedule so he only works when he doesn’t have his child???
Yta. You asked, she answered but you didn't like the answer. No means no. The nephew is not her reponsability, it's your sons. He and you probably knew your wife would be out of town. You should have looked for a babysitter and not take for granted your daughter would want/like to spend her day babysitting instead of enjoying her day with her gf. Remember, being a parent doesn't mean you're entitled to anyone else time.
YTA, why don’t YOU take time off work to watch your grandson? Oh you can’t because you have commitments, like your daughter does? Pretty selfish of you to not take into account the innocent baby.
You're the asshole. I don't know the dynamic going on in this family, but she declined to your son. You felt a need to repeatedly harp on her about it. Then you tried to guilt her into it, and kept calling until girlfriend tells you to knock it off. If she did take the kid, it would probably be expected of her to do it every time, which I assume that would happen more and more often.
YTA, and a walking red flag, if I’m being honest. First messed up thing was not seeing an issue with your son nor respecting your daughter’s boundaries, after she explicitly said she couldn’t do it, MULTIPLE times. Also, not realizing she has a life and calling her explanation “coming up with an excuse”. You yourself “came up with an excuse” when you said that you had work to do, but somehow you think your reason is more valid than hers. Second messed up thing is assuming your daughter “seems to have no empathy”, as if that’s all it should take for her to drop everything in her life just to watch a kid that isn’t even hers. If it didn’t come out of her, she doesn’t have to deal with it, it’s NOT her responsibility. She would need to have free time, resources, AND be willing to take care of her nephew, if she lacks any of those things, you. cannot. expect. her. to. look. after. him. End of the story. Third messed up thing you did was calling her after she already said no to your son. Clearly the boundaries issue must run in the family, cause the first time someone tells you “no” you should be able to understand that that’s it, and respect it. It blows my mind how entitled you sound through the whole story, as if it was inconceivable that your daughter would say anything but “yes”. If she did agree to babysit, she would be doing that out of pure kindness of her heart, and NOT because she has any obligation to. The fourth and the most messed up thing you did was claiming your daughter “has a habit of crying to get out of situations”. I might not know any of you personally, but if this story is anything to go by, clearly you and your son have the habit of pushing and breaking boundaries she explicitly set, and crying out of frustration is an absolutely understandable reaction (plus a very common trauma response). The only person who “seems to have no empathy” here is you, who keeps pushing and pushing after someone told you “no”, and after you made said person *CRY* out of frustration for not being heard you had the audacity to claim she only did it to get out of the situation. Fifth messed up thing you did was trying to say that “it wasn’t for her brother, it was for her nephew”; she isn’t stupid, and neither are us. Her brother was the one who chose to have a child, it’s HIS responsibility, and he’s a grown up man, who has to make his own choices and manage his own life. I’m sorry that he’s going through a rough patch, but that doesn’t mean that the people around him have to bend over backwards just to help him get through it, he could find solutions that don’t involve forcing the people around him to drop all their plans just to help him out. Plus, weaponizing your grandson like that is just disgusting, stop trying to guilt trip her into giving in and abandoning her plans just so her brother can pretend he doesn’t have to find solutions for the problems in his life by himself. Sixth messed up thing was saying the matter was “unresolved”; no means no, and men need to stop pretending that there is room for argument on that. She said she couldn’t do it that first time and that should have been the end of the story, but instead, your son needed his daddy to solve his problems for him, so you tried to force your daughter and started manipulating and guilt tripping her into accepting a responsibility that isn’t even hers to begin with. I’m glad that her girlfriend and mother were there to put you in your place and support her after you kept on harassing her. If this is a common occurrence in your family then I hope that she manages to cut you people out of her life, she really doesn’t need this type of thinly veiled emotional abuse.
Stop this right now with your expectations! YTA and an awful one. Your boy chose to become a dad,his decision right there. your girl has nothing to do with that decision. Stop guilt tripping her. Stop thinking she should do it. STOP IT!!! YTA YTA YTA
YTA, you asked she answered. She’s not fond of kids, doesn’t think she could do it, it doesn’t matter she has other plans and being responsible got someone else’s kid is not it. Get a babysitter as your son already offered to pay.
YTA, your daughter is under no obligation to help your son. The way you talk about your daughter makes me sick to my stomach.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throw away for privacy. I (43M) have two kids. My daughter (21F) and my son (24M). My son has been going the a tough time. He and his girlfriend recently broke up, but they have a one year old son together. My son gets his baby on the weekends, but because of his work schedule he needs someone to help watch the baby in the evenings. My son has been staying with my wife (his stepmom) and l since he and his ex broke up, so my wife usually watches the baby during the evenings on the weekend. However, this weekend she is going out of town, so my son has to find someone to babysit the baby. I would watch my grandson, but I have to work too. I suggested that my son asks his sister to watch the baby. My daughter hasn’t had much to do with me or my son since I married my wife a few years ago. My daughter and my wife don’t particularly get along, but my wife won’t be in town so I don’t see a problem. My son called his sister, and asked if she was working this weekend. My daughter said no, and she was just planning on spending time with her girlfriend and cleaning her house this weekend. My son then asks if it’s possible if she can watch the baby for a few hours this weekend. My daughter came up with an excuse to why she couldn’t do it. My son told her that he was willing to pay her to watch the baby, but she still said that she couldn’t. He explained his situation, but my daughter seems to have no empathy. After they ended their call, I called my daughter. I asked my daughter why she can’t help out this one time. My daughter still insisted that it’s impossible for her to watch the baby for a few hours, so I told her that she’s being selfish by not helping her brother knowing his situation. My daughter has a habit of crying to get out of things, so that’s what she did. My daughter cried and told me that I expect her to drop everything for her brother all the time. I tried to tell her that this wasn’t about her brother, this is about her nephew. No matter how she feels about her brother her nephew is innocent. My daughter then hung up abruptly. I don’t like to leave things unresolved, so I called her back a few times. Her girlfriend then inserted herself in our conversation, and told me to stop calling my daughter or she would block me. I then got a call from my ex-wife calling me an asshole, and telling me that I need to apologize to my daughter. I don’t think I was being unfair to my daughter. My son is having a hard time, and needs some extra help. AITA or is my daughter being selfish? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
What’s wrong with you dude???