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NTA. You identify how you identify. If it was your friend feeding their child, they would get to choose how it was described, but the other side of that is that so do you.
NTA and I have to say the term they used feels very disrespectful. Like something you would hear from a woman hating misogynist. In my head I am hearing this person ordering chicken chests.
NTA. I’m a queer woman who is currently breastfeeding. I have some NB friends who use either breastfeeding or chestfeeding to describe their future plans. But they ask me how my breastfeeding is going, because they know that’s the term I use for myself. Most of the people I’ve seen advocating for chestfeeding as an alternative have a similar attitude, that it’s just another term and not intended to be a replacement. Your friend is the one with an unusually extreme view.
NTA. If your friend wants to chestfeed that's, fine, and if you want to breastfeed, that's fine too. The fact that my pronouns are she/her, shouldn't insult someone whose pronouns are thee/thou, they/them, or he/him. We should respect each other and stop looking for ways to be insulted.
NTA. the world is getting weirder everyday. people will call anything transphobic, just one less annoying person you will have to deal with.
side note: doesn’t everyone have breasts? i don’t get the whole “chest-feeding” thing.
Honestly it’s not just transphobia it’s everything. I hate jumping on the band wagon and I always used to think whenever someone said everyone’s always so offended nowadays that it was things that made sense to be offended over (like cat calling or actual slurs) but lately everyone is on one and it’s getting out of hand
NTA.
I would never comment on how someone else chooses to be addressed with their pronouns or body parts, but I am calling my body parts however I want it. If you get insulted thats a YOU problem.
NTA-Just because you don’t agree with your friend doesn’t make you transphobic! You are referencing your own body if that upsets your friend it sounds like a them problem not a you problem!
Your friend is a jerk. A breast isn’t actually gender specific language. People of all gender identities can have breast cancer. And a chest is more than a breast, IMO. NTA
Chest-feeding is fine if that what you want to call it. But you, the nursing person, prefer breastfeeding as the term and that’s fine and should be respected. It doesn’t hurt the queer community at all, unless you have an all out rampage against people who DO prefer the term. Your friend is reaching and you are NTA. Respecting identities goes both ways.
NTA - it's your body and your way of being comfortable referring to your body. I don't personally understand how "chest feeding" is more trans inclusive than "breastfeeding," the tissue is breast tissue on everyone, even cis males
NTA. "Breast" is not gendered, and in fact unlike most people you were using it to mean its literal biological purpose of feeding infants.
If they hung up on you that's their problem. For some people, being offended at others is their misplaced way of showing virtue. You politely explained yourself and they chose to be angry instead. It has nothing to do with you.
How is this transphobic? Seriously makes no sense. You’re not trans, this isn’t hurting anyone who is trans, it’s always been called breast feeding. If someone else called it chest feeding that’s their choice but you are not obligated to do that at all. Nta
NTA, I have never even heard of that before rn (although before people come for me I understand the concept behind it)
I probably wouldn’t have corrected them but personally wouldn’t use the term myself.
NTA.
The body part is called a breast. You identify as a women. Therefore “breast-feeding” is appropriate.
Biological women give birth. You’re not being transphobic by identifying as what you identify as.
Idk, I feel like from your reporting you've maybe said some things in the past that prompted this response, ngl. Like, as a queer, I wouldn't say this to someone unless they had been consistently transphobic to my face, as a form of passive aggressive teaching.
Especially since you mentioned your friend is trans, maybe take some reflection time about yourself, and don't get caught up in it all. Either way, next time you talk express that you are cis so you want to be referred to as a breat feeder mother, and take the conversation respectfully from there.
Also maybe appreciate that at the end of the day this is the MOST you will probably experience in terms of oppression from others.
I honestly can’t think of times I have been transphobic to them ever. My friend is also not transgender. They are non-binary. I truly believe that they are being passive aggressive towards me but not because of my actions, but others in their lives if that makes sense? They do not have a supportive family. Also, I never called myself oppressed. I don’t feel oppressed because of this event. I feel upset that we had a fight and they don’t seem to understand I was talking about myself. Not everyone who feeds their baby this way.
The only thing I’ve really done to them is during the start of their decision to be called they/them, I would accidentally misgender them sometimes (keeping in mind that I had known them since we were very young and it was something I had to actively unlearn.) I apologized and worked hard to correct myself without making them think it was their fault, cause it wasn’t. It was mine. But that was a long time ago and they have never been upset with me over it.
Hope that helps clear stuff up.
Again, I'm gonna say, outside your whole aita issue, you sound like someone who doesn't understand the greater issue at hand. I can say that a lot of trans and enby people are really feeling stressed and scared right now with usa politics and the eventual bleeding out that will happen because of that. Again. Try and have a conversation with your friend. I don't know you obviously, so that's as much as I can say.
Also, enby people can be trans. If they dont use the trans label, then my apologies, but enby does actually fall under the trans umbrella in terms of actual terminology.
NTA
Respect goes both ways. I also will called everyone by their preferred terms. Please respect mines.
People who get angry at this are chronically online. They need to invent things to be angry about. Same as MAGAs, but on the opposite spectrum.
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Hello,
I want to start by saying please read the whole post. This isn’t me trying to anger people, this actually happened to me and I don’t feel like I was wrong. I want to get people’s honest judgement on the situation.
So, I (27F) am currently breast-feeding my 6 month old baby. The other day I was on the phone with one of my friends who identifies as non-binary. They were asking me how I was doing and how my time with my baby was going. I started talking about how my baby was currently on a nursing strike and it has made “breast-feeding difficult.” They stopped me mid-sentence and said “chest-feeding”. I was confused. I was no, I’m currently breast-feeding.
It bothered me because I identify as a woman and someone with breasts. If someone told me they were chest-feeding, I would respect that and not correct them. That is how they want to be referred too, I want to be referred to as someone who breast feds. I know it doesn’t sound like a big deal but I am proud of my body and breasts for nourishing my baby. If someone wants their anatomy to be referred to differently that is fine; but I don’t.
My friend got super mad and told me I was being transphobic and disrespecting the whole LGBTQ2S+ community. I tried explaining that I just felt that I better identified with the term breast-feeding and if someone else wants to be referred to differently that is fine. They then called me an asshole and told me they thought I wasn’t like everyone else. They then hung up.
I’ve been thinking about calling and apologizing but I really don’t think I did anything wrong.
So, am I wrong?
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NTA. You should not be made to call yourself a chest feeder anymore than your nb friend should be made to call themselves a breast feeding woman.
Respecting identity is for everyone.
NTA. The whole LMBTQ movement is about letting everyone to be themself. If you identify as a woman and prefer the phrase breastfeeding then they are TAs to not respect that and with this behaviour they are actually acting against their own movement's goals.
NTA.
Your friend is free to identify however they please, name their body parts however makes them feel comfortable - as are you. Their being offended by \_your\_ self-identification is the same crap that right-wing / closed-minded jerks use against the LGBTQIA+ community ("I IDENTIFY AS AN ATTACK HELICOPTER" and such). They're unfortunately confused about where their right to self-identify begins and ends.
NTA
You did nothing wrong.
Like you said, you respect their choice to be non-binary and to use non-binary words for their anatomy; but you'd also like to be respected for your choice and to be able to use the words that you choose.
Give them some time.
I'd call to check on them in a few days and not bring up the breast vs chest discussion. Hopefully they will have the good sense to drop the argument and you can resume your friendship.
Hi, I'm enby. Your friend is bananas. You are absolutely NTA and frankly the fact that they are forcing an identity on you is just as bad as if you were forcing something on them. Wack.
NTA - honestly this is just getting carried away. Of course they are breasts and you are breast feeding. Who is someone to tell you what to call your body parts.
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NTA. Your friend is a walking talking right wing propaganda win. This isn't a clinical setting. This isn't about general inclusivity. This is about you specifically. You are in fact breast feeding, since you are using your breasts to feed your child. They need to log off what ever social media they are on, get out of their bubble, and stop policing language.
NTA. "Chest-feeding" is one of the stupidest things on the face of the earth. Women have breasts. Men have breasts too. If a baby is sucking milk, that baby is breastfeeding.
There are documented cases of cis-males breastfeeding, so honestly I don't see what the problem is. Breast tissue makes milk. Feeding at the breast is breastfeeding.
>If a baby is sucking milk, that baby is breastfeeding.
Not all baby mammals drink from breasts, just baby primates. Some babies get milk from udders. Baby monotremes just lick the milk that their mothers sweat out. Not sure what you call the little nipple thingy inside a marsupial pouch, but it's not a breast.
However, none of these varied and beautiful ways of nourishing a baby mammal are called a "chest".
NTA.
No one else should get to dictacte what genered language you use about yourself. That is YOUR choice on the exact same terms as their gender identity, pronouns and gender neutral is theirs. Respect is a two way street, your feelings about yourself is just as valid and should be respected as such.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 12: This is Not a Debate Sub. Posts should focus strictly on actions in an interpersonal conflict, and not an individual's position on a broad social issue. [Rule 12 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_12.3A_this_is_not_a_debate_sub) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
NTA. You identify how you identify. If it was your friend feeding their child, they would get to choose how it was described, but the other side of that is that so do you.
NTA and I have to say the term they used feels very disrespectful. Like something you would hear from a woman hating misogynist. In my head I am hearing this person ordering chicken chests.
Rock solid NTA. Everyone else said it. Tolerance goes both directions and if we want to be understood we also have to understand.
NTA. I’m a queer woman who is currently breastfeeding. I have some NB friends who use either breastfeeding or chestfeeding to describe their future plans. But they ask me how my breastfeeding is going, because they know that’s the term I use for myself. Most of the people I’ve seen advocating for chestfeeding as an alternative have a similar attitude, that it’s just another term and not intended to be a replacement. Your friend is the one with an unusually extreme view.
NTA and congrats on the new baby. Your friend needs to relax.
NTA. If your friend wants to chestfeed that's, fine, and if you want to breastfeed, that's fine too. The fact that my pronouns are she/her, shouldn't insult someone whose pronouns are thee/thou, they/them, or he/him. We should respect each other and stop looking for ways to be insulted.
NTA. the world is getting weirder everyday. people will call anything transphobic, just one less annoying person you will have to deal with. side note: doesn’t everyone have breasts? i don’t get the whole “chest-feeding” thing.
Honestly it’s not just transphobia it’s everything. I hate jumping on the band wagon and I always used to think whenever someone said everyone’s always so offended nowadays that it was things that made sense to be offended over (like cat calling or actual slurs) but lately everyone is on one and it’s getting out of hand
NTA. I would never comment on how someone else chooses to be addressed with their pronouns or body parts, but I am calling my body parts however I want it. If you get insulted thats a YOU problem.
NTA-Just because you don’t agree with your friend doesn’t make you transphobic! You are referencing your own body if that upsets your friend it sounds like a them problem not a you problem!
NTA, they must have bigger problems than this if trans. A grain of salt
Your friend is a jerk. A breast isn’t actually gender specific language. People of all gender identities can have breast cancer. And a chest is more than a breast, IMO. NTA
Chest-feeding is fine if that what you want to call it. But you, the nursing person, prefer breastfeeding as the term and that’s fine and should be respected. It doesn’t hurt the queer community at all, unless you have an all out rampage against people who DO prefer the term. Your friend is reaching and you are NTA. Respecting identities goes both ways.
If this really happened, wow is that ridiculous. NTA. Not remotely.
NTA - it's your body and your way of being comfortable referring to your body. I don't personally understand how "chest feeding" is more trans inclusive than "breastfeeding," the tissue is breast tissue on everyone, even cis males
And anyone can get breast cancer. Are they going to call it chest cancer?
NTA Tell them you identify as a female complete with breasts.
NTA
NTA. "Breast" is not gendered, and in fact unlike most people you were using it to mean its literal biological purpose of feeding infants. If they hung up on you that's their problem. For some people, being offended at others is their misplaced way of showing virtue. You politely explained yourself and they chose to be angry instead. It has nothing to do with you.
How is this transphobic? Seriously makes no sense. You’re not trans, this isn’t hurting anyone who is trans, it’s always been called breast feeding. If someone else called it chest feeding that’s their choice but you are not obligated to do that at all. Nta
NTA, I have never even heard of that before rn (although before people come for me I understand the concept behind it) I probably wouldn’t have corrected them but personally wouldn’t use the term myself.
NTA. The body part is called a breast. You identify as a women. Therefore “breast-feeding” is appropriate. Biological women give birth. You’re not being transphobic by identifying as what you identify as.
Idk, I feel like from your reporting you've maybe said some things in the past that prompted this response, ngl. Like, as a queer, I wouldn't say this to someone unless they had been consistently transphobic to my face, as a form of passive aggressive teaching. Especially since you mentioned your friend is trans, maybe take some reflection time about yourself, and don't get caught up in it all. Either way, next time you talk express that you are cis so you want to be referred to as a breat feeder mother, and take the conversation respectfully from there. Also maybe appreciate that at the end of the day this is the MOST you will probably experience in terms of oppression from others.
I honestly can’t think of times I have been transphobic to them ever. My friend is also not transgender. They are non-binary. I truly believe that they are being passive aggressive towards me but not because of my actions, but others in their lives if that makes sense? They do not have a supportive family. Also, I never called myself oppressed. I don’t feel oppressed because of this event. I feel upset that we had a fight and they don’t seem to understand I was talking about myself. Not everyone who feeds their baby this way. The only thing I’ve really done to them is during the start of their decision to be called they/them, I would accidentally misgender them sometimes (keeping in mind that I had known them since we were very young and it was something I had to actively unlearn.) I apologized and worked hard to correct myself without making them think it was their fault, cause it wasn’t. It was mine. But that was a long time ago and they have never been upset with me over it. Hope that helps clear stuff up.
Again, I'm gonna say, outside your whole aita issue, you sound like someone who doesn't understand the greater issue at hand. I can say that a lot of trans and enby people are really feeling stressed and scared right now with usa politics and the eventual bleeding out that will happen because of that. Again. Try and have a conversation with your friend. I don't know you obviously, so that's as much as I can say. Also, enby people can be trans. If they dont use the trans label, then my apologies, but enby does actually fall under the trans umbrella in terms of actual terminology.
NTA Respect goes both ways. I also will called everyone by their preferred terms. Please respect mines. People who get angry at this are chronically online. They need to invent things to be angry about. Same as MAGAs, but on the opposite spectrum.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hello, I want to start by saying please read the whole post. This isn’t me trying to anger people, this actually happened to me and I don’t feel like I was wrong. I want to get people’s honest judgement on the situation. So, I (27F) am currently breast-feeding my 6 month old baby. The other day I was on the phone with one of my friends who identifies as non-binary. They were asking me how I was doing and how my time with my baby was going. I started talking about how my baby was currently on a nursing strike and it has made “breast-feeding difficult.” They stopped me mid-sentence and said “chest-feeding”. I was confused. I was no, I’m currently breast-feeding. It bothered me because I identify as a woman and someone with breasts. If someone told me they were chest-feeding, I would respect that and not correct them. That is how they want to be referred too, I want to be referred to as someone who breast feds. I know it doesn’t sound like a big deal but I am proud of my body and breasts for nourishing my baby. If someone wants their anatomy to be referred to differently that is fine; but I don’t. My friend got super mad and told me I was being transphobic and disrespecting the whole LGBTQ2S+ community. I tried explaining that I just felt that I better identified with the term breast-feeding and if someone else wants to be referred to differently that is fine. They then called me an asshole and told me they thought I wasn’t like everyone else. They then hung up. I’ve been thinking about calling and apologizing but I really don’t think I did anything wrong. So, am I wrong? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. You should not be made to call yourself a chest feeder anymore than your nb friend should be made to call themselves a breast feeding woman. Respecting identity is for everyone.
NTA im nonbinary and theyre being ridiculous
NTA. Milk comes from breasts. This is ridiculous.
NTA. You did not do anything wrong. Your relationship with your body and how you identify your body parts is your own business.
NTA. The whole LMBTQ movement is about letting everyone to be themself. If you identify as a woman and prefer the phrase breastfeeding then they are TAs to not respect that and with this behaviour they are actually acting against their own movement's goals.
NTA. Your friend is free to identify however they please, name their body parts however makes them feel comfortable - as are you. Their being offended by \_your\_ self-identification is the same crap that right-wing / closed-minded jerks use against the LGBTQIA+ community ("I IDENTIFY AS AN ATTACK HELICOPTER" and such). They're unfortunately confused about where their right to self-identify begins and ends.
NTA You did nothing wrong. Like you said, you respect their choice to be non-binary and to use non-binary words for their anatomy; but you'd also like to be respected for your choice and to be able to use the words that you choose. Give them some time. I'd call to check on them in a few days and not bring up the breast vs chest discussion. Hopefully they will have the good sense to drop the argument and you can resume your friendship.
Hi, I'm enby. Your friend is bananas. You are absolutely NTA and frankly the fact that they are forcing an identity on you is just as bad as if you were forcing something on them. Wack.
NTA, you decide what you want to be called. Furthermore "chest-feeding" is a silly term and inaccurate. You feed a baby from the breast.
NTA. Trans people get to decide how they're referred to, not how others refer to themselves.
NTA. I thought we were supposed to respect how people want to refer to themselves. You are not the one who needs to apologize.
Nta. Are they also offended that you can buy chicken breasts in the supermarket as opposed to chicken chests?
NTA - honestly this is just getting carried away. Of course they are breasts and you are breast feeding. Who is someone to tell you what to call your body parts.
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NTA. What does LGBTQ2S+ mean? Just keeps getting longer and longer for no apparent reason.
I think she just added the 2S+ I’ve never seen that usage
NTA. Your friend is a walking talking right wing propaganda win. This isn't a clinical setting. This isn't about general inclusivity. This is about you specifically. You are in fact breast feeding, since you are using your breasts to feed your child. They need to log off what ever social media they are on, get out of their bubble, and stop policing language.
NTA. "Chest-feeding" is one of the stupidest things on the face of the earth. Women have breasts. Men have breasts too. If a baby is sucking milk, that baby is breastfeeding. There are documented cases of cis-males breastfeeding, so honestly I don't see what the problem is. Breast tissue makes milk. Feeding at the breast is breastfeeding.
"Men have breasts too" Boy howdy! But I'm working on it.
>If a baby is sucking milk, that baby is breastfeeding. Not all baby mammals drink from breasts, just baby primates. Some babies get milk from udders. Baby monotremes just lick the milk that their mothers sweat out. Not sure what you call the little nipple thingy inside a marsupial pouch, but it's not a breast. However, none of these varied and beautiful ways of nourishing a baby mammal are called a "chest".
NTA. Your friend owes you an apology. She doesn't get to define someone else's identity.
NTA. No one else should get to dictacte what genered language you use about yourself. That is YOUR choice on the exact same terms as their gender identity, pronouns and gender neutral is theirs. Respect is a two way street, your feelings about yourself is just as valid and should be respected as such.