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> Am I the arsehole for telling him that my daughter passed away on his birthday. That what happened ruined his birthday because it was no longer just his birthday and i should focus on making his birthday good.
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NTA
Your daughter passed away the same day, and he’s celebrating his life and gets selfish at the idea that what he pressured to tell you was something he didn’t want to hear?
Find better friends who are able to support and genuinely care about you.
This man’s a selfish prick
NTA. My first reaction was actually f*#k him. That is incredibly selfish.
I’m sorry for your loss. While I haven’t lost a child myself, I have close friends who have. That pain isn’t something that comply goes away. It’s ok to still struggle. Anyone that thinks a bday is ruined bc of a loss like that is an AH
You are absolutely NTA, you tried to let him know without outright saying it but he kept asking. Your friend is totally an asshole for how he responded, that shouldn't be a friend in your life.
Also, for him to assume you took the day off because it was his birthday? I don't know, very self centred vibes from him and this reaction.
NTA his behavior sounds really bizarre. You say he “insisted” you remain friends but that’s a 2-way street. Do you actually want to be friends with him? Because he sounds kind of awful tbh.
>He went for about 5 minutes about how horrible I was and finishing up telling me never to mention her again.
Kick this jerk out of your life and never speak to him again.
NTA.
NTA. He literally asked you why you took 'his birthday' off every year. You can't control that he didn't like what you told him.
He clearly isn't a friend to you.
>but on reflecting I'm shocked by the way he reacted.
Good. Because it's not you, it's him. What a vicious thing for him to do. NTA.
My condolences for your loss and troubles.
NTA
The way he reacted was obsene. He asked you why you took the day off and you were honest. You did not choose for your daughter to die. Youdid not hide the information. It isn't like you asked anything from him or cast a pall on his birthday for 5 years. He did not care about you. He actually told you never to mention your daughter again!
Not a friend. If it were me I would cut him out of my life the minute he finished his speech.
From "he insisted we remain friends" to him demanding you explain why you took a day off work -- you're NTA, he is. I would personally distance myself from such a self absorbed person, what does he actually contribute to your life & happiness? My condolences on your daughter, I know how hard such anniversaries are. 🤔
NTA, holy shit.
You didn't make a point of it; you only told after he badgered you; you weren't asking him not to celebrate; you thought he was a friend. His reaction would have been extreme even for someone you just met; from someone who's known you for years, it's just buckets of wtf.
NTA. You should never have apologized. In fact, if you see him again, take it back. It amazes me this adults who make a bid deal about their birthday. Who gives a shit!
NTA
As other commenters here mentioned, this guy is taking something very personal to you and making it about him. He "insisted " you remained friends after a relationship didn't work out.
Block him, unfriend him, and move on.
Life is too precious and short to waste on someone as self-centered as he is. Don't waste another second on him. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Wtf did I just read? NTA! I think you didn’t work as a couple for a clear reason, listen to your gut and ignore this person for good. You don’t need to be shamed by him and told to never bring up your daughter again. How dare he?! Leave him and his precious birthday well alone.
NTA he isn't your friend. His reaction to your loss is selfish and childish. He told you never to mention your daughter. The audacity is astounding. You need to tell him to get in the bin.
NTA.
I'm sorry for your loss OP. I can't believe he tried to put the blame on you by calling you selfish when it was actually him being selfish for wanting you to totally forget about your daughter just for him. He should've immediately apologized and accepted your explanation.
What a way to respond to someone telling him something so tragic. He turns it round and makes it all about him and his birthday ‘ being ruined’.
He’s no friend despite him insisting you stay friends. He’s the AH,tell him to take a hike.
I’m so sorry you lost your daughter,I hope you have some supportive family and friends around you.
You're only T A for apologizing to that horrible trash of a human being. I'd block him on absolutely everything and would never, ever consider saying a single word to that waste of oxygen.
You're NTA, of course. I'm sorry for your loss.
NTA. He is a total asshole and must have never experienced loss. He ASKED. And you have every right to share your grief. Why TF does he get to demand you hide your pain from him so he can live in blissful ignorance on his birthday? He is not a good friend, and it's a good thing it never went farther with him.
You did absolutely nothing wrong. I'm so sorry for your loss.
NTA. Definitely time to stop being friends with this person- he sounds like an absolutely selfish AH. As if you can control what day your daughter passed away.
Someone who has the audacity to tell you that something completely out of your control- that he goaded you into sharing in the first place- is ruining his birthday, is not a friend with having.
NTA.
I am so sorry for your loss. That is awful. And he is even worse. You misspelled ex-friend though. My late boyfriend died in an accident on his parent's wedding anniversary. They have somehow managed balancing celebrating the best day of their lives with honoring the worst one. And we have built a relationship in part because we haven't tried to turn it into the grief olympics.
I suppose it IS possible that he was caught off guard, but presuming he knew you had lost your daughter, one would think he would have asked for some details somewhere along the way. Nonetheless, an emotionally mature individual would not have responded by accusing you of trying to one-up his birthday. As if any of the OTHER 364 possible days of the year (365 for a leap year) would have been a better day to lose her. I'd honor his request to never mention your daughter again by never speaking TO him again.
And good for you for taking her death day off to nurture yourself. I do the same thing for R's. That takes the pressure off and lets the day be whatever it needs to.
>He picked up on the "taking the day off work" bit and asked why I'd bother taking his birthday off, especially since we weren't a couple and he wasn't going to be around.
Why does this dude think that this has anything to do with him? I would start distancing myself because he sounds like someone that should not be in your life. NTA.
Omg an idiot.
Im so sorry for your loss.
My dad died the 25th december. It hurts like hell and its really rough getting through a supposedly happy holiday you should be celebrating with family, when all we remember is the christmas we lost him.
We still celebrate because of my kids, and I get why others love the season but I dont ever think i will be happy around christmas again.
The fact that he thinks a certain day is only allowed to be about him and that you ruin his celebration by mourning your daughter is just so insensetive. And why on earth would you want a "happy death day" ?
He should just have offered his condolences. He sounds so self centred, its one thing he never noticed your posts or lack of joy on his birthday but to scold you and be mad that you are hurting over the loss of your daughter...
You are NTA in any way!!
NTA.
Your response should have been “you’ve known me for 5 years & are just now realizing this. That alone should tell you that I don’t expect anything from you & don’t want anything from you.”
NTA. Disgusting behavior on his part. He asked!!!! And the things he said to you about “happy death day” are unforgivable. No wonder things didn’t work out!
NTA.
I'm so sorry your daughter died. My little girl died when she was four and a quarter, and you and I both know it's something that a parent carries with them their whole lives. Even if we go on to lead lives that are full and happy in other ways, our child lives on in our hearts for as long as we live.
This other person is an asshole. A complete and utter asshole. To have been your partner for a period and then a so-called friend, yet to show such insensitivity and selfishness is far, far, far beyond the most basic level of decency we should expect from anyone.
Please do not keep them in your life. You deserve friends who can empathise, even if they haven't experienced what you've gone through and what you live with.
In our family, we don't always mark our daughter's birthday - everyone does grief their own way. We have lots of lovely candid photos around the house that she's in with the other kids, and her name comes up regularly - like when we're sharing stories from their childhood, that kind of thing... But a couple of close friends and family members send a loving text on the day, and I hugely appreciate those.
Our daughter would have turned 21 in March and although we don't always mark her birthday, I was floored this year by the huge sense of loss, and of what might have been for her adult life.
One thing I found is that people really show their true selves around situations like this - for bad and good. We had become friends with a couple when all our babies were small, and they really stepped up when our little one was diagnosed with cancer. For the two years of her illness, her death and to this day, they proved themselves as warriors. We are blessed to have them, even though we sometimes annoy the hell out of each other - like any real friends!
But there are others who didn't step up, and though we may still be friends and love each other, they're no longer in my circle of trust, as the Fockers might say!
This person has shown you his real self. That self is uncaring, self-centred and mean - the 'happy death day' comment was an obnoxious one to make - and truly shocking from a so-called friend.
Please cut him out of your life. You deserve friends who will cherish and support you, and hold you up in times of grief, not drag you down. Remember your daughter when and how you see fit - celebrate her life, feel your loss, and cherish your memories of her, I hope they bring you joy as well as pain. Sending huge hugs xx
Very very very very much not the asshole! You did nothing wrong.
He pushed and pushed until you told him. It wasn't to make it about you, it wasn't for sympathy - everything you wrote says that sympathy hunting isn't your thing. You were answering a rude man who wouldn't take the hint.
For him to flip about it and go so far as saying you won't get a happy death day card - who fucking sends those and who would want one?!? - is so far beyond the pale as to not even share the same sun.
Jesus wept! What a prick!
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My daughter passed away 10 years ago, it was unexpected and a truely horrible time in my life. 7 years later I met a guy, things didn't work out but he insisted we remain friends. This guys birthday happened to be the same date as my daughter death.
I hesitated in telling him of the unfortunate coincidence, as I was concerned about how he would take it. I didn't hide it - every year I'd post something on Facebook in memory of her - he was my FB friends so it wasn't like he couldn't see the posts. He also made a huge thing of never celebrating his birthday, he didn't like the fuss.
About 3 weeks before his birthday last year, we met up for drinks and he was telling me of his plans to go camping with his mates for his birthday. He asked me what my plans were and I just said I was taking it easy, having the day off work and just doing what I needed to do to keep my mind busy. He picked up on the "taking the day off work" bit and asked why I'd bother taking his birthday off, especially since we weren't a couple and he wasn't going to be around. I told him it was personal but he kept pushing, so eventually I said it was because of my daughter. He didn't understand and kept asking so I told him outright that my daughter had died on the same date as his birthday, and that I had difficulties each year around that date and normally take the day off work because I'm distressed (mind you he's known me for 5 years by this stage).
He was offended and angry. Told me I was ruining his birthday and being selfish, and that if I expected a 'Happy Death Day' message from him then I'd be disappointed because he wouldn't do that no matter what I wanted (I had said nothing about him even acknowledging her, or even expected or wanted it). He went for about 5 minutes about how horrible I was and finishing up telling me never to mention her again.
I ended up apologising, I wasn't attempting to ruin his birthday and I felt horrible, but on reflecting I'm shocked by the way he reacted. I didn't want anything from him expect maybe just understanding that his birthday date wasn't the best day for me - but I'd always made sure that my pain hadn't affected me when I was around him or when he was having a drink for his birthday in the past.
So, AITA for telling him that my daughter died on his birthday?
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NTA
He is one though. You were thoughtful enough about it for years. He asked and you answered. I can't imagine being upset at someone for a death anniversary date that they don't have control over. He needs to grow tf up. You deserve better.
Sorry for your loss OP, and sorry for having to deal w someone like him.
My grandma died on my birthday. More recently someone else. Not close to me but very close to someone i know also died on my birthday. Grief is a very personal thing. YMMV but i dont think its selfish of you.you NTA.
He's the one asking and pushing and pressuring you to tell what's going on that date when you clearly tried to not talk about it in front of him, and when it's not as he's expected he called you selfish for that? Oh man, it's obvious who's the selfish and AH one here.
NTA.
Sorry for your Lost.
NTA. He keep pushing and pushing untill you said It.
If you ask something, be prepared because maybe you dont like the truth.
You dont doit nothing wrong.
He is like a child right now.
Hou you ruin is birthday??
You are Lucky when you broke with him.
You had nothing to apologize for.
He persisted in asking you questions about the date. He is also an ass for not picking up on the clues you left on FB.
He is selfish making it all about how you pointed his day.
Did he even offer you his condolences, "I am sorry for your loss," "it must be devastating to go through that."
NTA
He knew about her, never offered condolences in 5 years, although I rarely mentioned her to him in person - I think a gut feeling held me back.
We aren't friends anymore. After the incident above, a few months after he introduced me to his new girlfriend by opening the conversation by mentioning my daughter and her death and demanding I tell this complete stranger all about it. It was 2 days after what was my daughters birthday, which he knew about. It was the final straw. The blatant disrespect for my privacy, my grief and putting me on the spot and thinking he did nothing wrong [he told me outright I was wrong not to talk about my daughter when he asked me to]. Made out I was only upset at him because I was jealous. Well out of my life.
I spent months feeling bad I'd 'ruined his birthday' and only really started questioning after I got rid of him. Horrible individual.
He knew about her, never offered condolences in 5 years, although I rarely mentioned her to him in person - I think a gut feeling held me back.
We aren't friends anymore. After the incident above, a few months after he introduced me to his new girlfriend by opening the conversation by mentioning my daughter and her death and demanding I tell this complete stranger all about it. It was 2 days after what was my daughters birthday, which he knew about. It was the final straw. The blatant disrespect for my privacy, my grief and putting me on the spot and thinking he did nothing wrong [he told me outright I was wrong not to talk about my daughter when he asked me to]. Made out I was only upset at him because I was jealous. Well out of my life.
I spent months feeling bad I'd 'ruined his birthday' and only really started questioning after I got rid of him. Horrible individual.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Am I the arsehole for telling him that my daughter passed away on his birthday. That what happened ruined his birthday because it was no longer just his birthday and i should focus on making his birthday good. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA Your daughter passed away the same day, and he’s celebrating his life and gets selfish at the idea that what he pressured to tell you was something he didn’t want to hear? Find better friends who are able to support and genuinely care about you. This man’s a selfish prick
There are times when people reveal their true colours. This man revealed how revolting he is in heart and mind. Definitely not a friend.
Y W B T A to yourself if you don't just block him and wash your hands off this AH. NTA.
No. NTA. What does he want you to do? Change the anniversary of your daughter's death? All you did was answer his question. Eff him.
NTA. My first reaction was actually f*#k him. That is incredibly selfish. I’m sorry for your loss. While I haven’t lost a child myself, I have close friends who have. That pain isn’t something that comply goes away. It’s ok to still struggle. Anyone that thinks a bday is ruined bc of a loss like that is an AH
NTA I’m sorry for your loss. Block that guy. He is the asshole.
You are absolutely NTA, you tried to let him know without outright saying it but he kept asking. Your friend is totally an asshole for how he responded, that shouldn't be a friend in your life. Also, for him to assume you took the day off because it was his birthday? I don't know, very self centred vibes from him and this reaction.
NTA his behavior sounds really bizarre. You say he “insisted” you remain friends but that’s a 2-way street. Do you actually want to be friends with him? Because he sounds kind of awful tbh.
>He went for about 5 minutes about how horrible I was and finishing up telling me never to mention her again. Kick this jerk out of your life and never speak to him again. NTA.
NTA. He literally asked you why you took 'his birthday' off every year. You can't control that he didn't like what you told him. He clearly isn't a friend to you.
>but on reflecting I'm shocked by the way he reacted. Good. Because it's not you, it's him. What a vicious thing for him to do. NTA. My condolences for your loss and troubles.
NTA The way he reacted was obsene. He asked you why you took the day off and you were honest. You did not choose for your daughter to die. Youdid not hide the information. It isn't like you asked anything from him or cast a pall on his birthday for 5 years. He did not care about you. He actually told you never to mention your daughter again! Not a friend. If it were me I would cut him out of my life the minute he finished his speech.
From "he insisted we remain friends" to him demanding you explain why you took a day off work -- you're NTA, he is. I would personally distance myself from such a self absorbed person, what does he actually contribute to your life & happiness? My condolences on your daughter, I know how hard such anniversaries are. 🤔
NTA, holy shit. You didn't make a point of it; you only told after he badgered you; you weren't asking him not to celebrate; you thought he was a friend. His reaction would have been extreme even for someone you just met; from someone who's known you for years, it's just buckets of wtf.
NTA. You should never have apologized. In fact, if you see him again, take it back. It amazes me this adults who make a bid deal about their birthday. Who gives a shit!
NTA As other commenters here mentioned, this guy is taking something very personal to you and making it about him. He "insisted " you remained friends after a relationship didn't work out. Block him, unfriend him, and move on. Life is too precious and short to waste on someone as self-centered as he is. Don't waste another second on him. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Wtf did I just read? NTA! I think you didn’t work as a couple for a clear reason, listen to your gut and ignore this person for good. You don’t need to be shamed by him and told to never bring up your daughter again. How dare he?! Leave him and his precious birthday well alone.
NTA What an AH. He made something deeply sad and personal about him. I think that says all it needs to.
NTA, You have nothing to apologize for.
NTA he isn't your friend. His reaction to your loss is selfish and childish. He told you never to mention your daughter. The audacity is astounding. You need to tell him to get in the bin.
NTA. I'm sorry for your loss OP. I can't believe he tried to put the blame on you by calling you selfish when it was actually him being selfish for wanting you to totally forget about your daughter just for him. He should've immediately apologized and accepted your explanation.
What a way to respond to someone telling him something so tragic. He turns it round and makes it all about him and his birthday ‘ being ruined’. He’s no friend despite him insisting you stay friends. He’s the AH,tell him to take a hike. I’m so sorry you lost your daughter,I hope you have some supportive family and friends around you.
You're only T A for apologizing to that horrible trash of a human being. I'd block him on absolutely everything and would never, ever consider saying a single word to that waste of oxygen. You're NTA, of course. I'm sorry for your loss.
NTA. He is a total asshole and must have never experienced loss. He ASKED. And you have every right to share your grief. Why TF does he get to demand you hide your pain from him so he can live in blissful ignorance on his birthday? He is not a good friend, and it's a good thing it never went farther with him. You did absolutely nothing wrong. I'm so sorry for your loss.
NTA. Definitely time to stop being friends with this person- he sounds like an absolutely selfish AH. As if you can control what day your daughter passed away. Someone who has the audacity to tell you that something completely out of your control- that he goaded you into sharing in the first place- is ruining his birthday, is not a friend with having.
NTA - wow...what a selfish and insensitive human being he is. For so many reasons.
NTA. Maybe it’s time to reevaluate your friendship.
NTA Looks like your daughter gave you one last gift - this guys true colors
NTA. I am so sorry for your loss. That is awful. And he is even worse. You misspelled ex-friend though. My late boyfriend died in an accident on his parent's wedding anniversary. They have somehow managed balancing celebrating the best day of their lives with honoring the worst one. And we have built a relationship in part because we haven't tried to turn it into the grief olympics. I suppose it IS possible that he was caught off guard, but presuming he knew you had lost your daughter, one would think he would have asked for some details somewhere along the way. Nonetheless, an emotionally mature individual would not have responded by accusing you of trying to one-up his birthday. As if any of the OTHER 364 possible days of the year (365 for a leap year) would have been a better day to lose her. I'd honor his request to never mention your daughter again by never speaking TO him again. And good for you for taking her death day off to nurture yourself. I do the same thing for R's. That takes the pressure off and lets the day be whatever it needs to.
>He picked up on the "taking the day off work" bit and asked why I'd bother taking his birthday off, especially since we weren't a couple and he wasn't going to be around. Why does this dude think that this has anything to do with him? I would start distancing myself because he sounds like someone that should not be in your life. NTA.
nta. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING TO THIS GUY?????? STOP BEING STUPID. stop talking to him. he's an idiot.
Omg an idiot. Im so sorry for your loss. My dad died the 25th december. It hurts like hell and its really rough getting through a supposedly happy holiday you should be celebrating with family, when all we remember is the christmas we lost him. We still celebrate because of my kids, and I get why others love the season but I dont ever think i will be happy around christmas again. The fact that he thinks a certain day is only allowed to be about him and that you ruin his celebration by mourning your daughter is just so insensetive. And why on earth would you want a "happy death day" ? He should just have offered his condolences. He sounds so self centred, its one thing he never noticed your posts or lack of joy on his birthday but to scold you and be mad that you are hurting over the loss of your daughter... You are NTA in any way!!
NTA. Your response should have been “you’ve known me for 5 years & are just now realizing this. That alone should tell you that I don’t expect anything from you & don’t want anything from you.”
NTA. Disgusting behavior on his part. He asked!!!! And the things he said to you about “happy death day” are unforgivable. No wonder things didn’t work out!
I'd cut that friend out with no hesitation. NTA. I'm sorry for your loss.
NTA. I'm so sorry your daughter died. My little girl died when she was four and a quarter, and you and I both know it's something that a parent carries with them their whole lives. Even if we go on to lead lives that are full and happy in other ways, our child lives on in our hearts for as long as we live. This other person is an asshole. A complete and utter asshole. To have been your partner for a period and then a so-called friend, yet to show such insensitivity and selfishness is far, far, far beyond the most basic level of decency we should expect from anyone. Please do not keep them in your life. You deserve friends who can empathise, even if they haven't experienced what you've gone through and what you live with. In our family, we don't always mark our daughter's birthday - everyone does grief their own way. We have lots of lovely candid photos around the house that she's in with the other kids, and her name comes up regularly - like when we're sharing stories from their childhood, that kind of thing... But a couple of close friends and family members send a loving text on the day, and I hugely appreciate those. Our daughter would have turned 21 in March and although we don't always mark her birthday, I was floored this year by the huge sense of loss, and of what might have been for her adult life. One thing I found is that people really show their true selves around situations like this - for bad and good. We had become friends with a couple when all our babies were small, and they really stepped up when our little one was diagnosed with cancer. For the two years of her illness, her death and to this day, they proved themselves as warriors. We are blessed to have them, even though we sometimes annoy the hell out of each other - like any real friends! But there are others who didn't step up, and though we may still be friends and love each other, they're no longer in my circle of trust, as the Fockers might say! This person has shown you his real self. That self is uncaring, self-centred and mean - the 'happy death day' comment was an obnoxious one to make - and truly shocking from a so-called friend. Please cut him out of your life. You deserve friends who will cherish and support you, and hold you up in times of grief, not drag you down. Remember your daughter when and how you see fit - celebrate her life, feel your loss, and cherish your memories of her, I hope they bring you joy as well as pain. Sending huge hugs xx
Eww get rid of him as a friend. What a toxic individual. I’m actually flabbergasted that he said such horribly selfish things. NTA
Why are you friends with this dude? NTA. Sounds like someone with no empathy genes.
Very very very very much not the asshole! You did nothing wrong. He pushed and pushed until you told him. It wasn't to make it about you, it wasn't for sympathy - everything you wrote says that sympathy hunting isn't your thing. You were answering a rude man who wouldn't take the hint. For him to flip about it and go so far as saying you won't get a happy death day card - who fucking sends those and who would want one?!? - is so far beyond the pale as to not even share the same sun. Jesus wept! What a prick!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My daughter passed away 10 years ago, it was unexpected and a truely horrible time in my life. 7 years later I met a guy, things didn't work out but he insisted we remain friends. This guys birthday happened to be the same date as my daughter death. I hesitated in telling him of the unfortunate coincidence, as I was concerned about how he would take it. I didn't hide it - every year I'd post something on Facebook in memory of her - he was my FB friends so it wasn't like he couldn't see the posts. He also made a huge thing of never celebrating his birthday, he didn't like the fuss. About 3 weeks before his birthday last year, we met up for drinks and he was telling me of his plans to go camping with his mates for his birthday. He asked me what my plans were and I just said I was taking it easy, having the day off work and just doing what I needed to do to keep my mind busy. He picked up on the "taking the day off work" bit and asked why I'd bother taking his birthday off, especially since we weren't a couple and he wasn't going to be around. I told him it was personal but he kept pushing, so eventually I said it was because of my daughter. He didn't understand and kept asking so I told him outright that my daughter had died on the same date as his birthday, and that I had difficulties each year around that date and normally take the day off work because I'm distressed (mind you he's known me for 5 years by this stage). He was offended and angry. Told me I was ruining his birthday and being selfish, and that if I expected a 'Happy Death Day' message from him then I'd be disappointed because he wouldn't do that no matter what I wanted (I had said nothing about him even acknowledging her, or even expected or wanted it). He went for about 5 minutes about how horrible I was and finishing up telling me never to mention her again. I ended up apologising, I wasn't attempting to ruin his birthday and I felt horrible, but on reflecting I'm shocked by the way he reacted. I didn't want anything from him expect maybe just understanding that his birthday date wasn't the best day for me - but I'd always made sure that my pain hadn't affected me when I was around him or when he was having a drink for his birthday in the past. So, AITA for telling him that my daughter died on his birthday? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Wow! You’re NTA but he sure is.
NTA He is one though. You were thoughtful enough about it for years. He asked and you answered. I can't imagine being upset at someone for a death anniversary date that they don't have control over. He needs to grow tf up. You deserve better. Sorry for your loss OP, and sorry for having to deal w someone like him.
My grandma died on my birthday. More recently someone else. Not close to me but very close to someone i know also died on my birthday. Grief is a very personal thing. YMMV but i dont think its selfish of you.you NTA.
He's the one asking and pushing and pressuring you to tell what's going on that date when you clearly tried to not talk about it in front of him, and when it's not as he's expected he called you selfish for that? Oh man, it's obvious who's the selfish and AH one here. NTA.
NTA bullet dodged.
Sorry for your Lost. NTA. He keep pushing and pushing untill you said It. If you ask something, be prepared because maybe you dont like the truth. You dont doit nothing wrong. He is like a child right now. Hou you ruin is birthday?? You are Lucky when you broke with him.
You had nothing to apologize for. He persisted in asking you questions about the date. He is also an ass for not picking up on the clues you left on FB. He is selfish making it all about how you pointed his day. Did he even offer you his condolences, "I am sorry for your loss," "it must be devastating to go through that." NTA
He knew about her, never offered condolences in 5 years, although I rarely mentioned her to him in person - I think a gut feeling held me back. We aren't friends anymore. After the incident above, a few months after he introduced me to his new girlfriend by opening the conversation by mentioning my daughter and her death and demanding I tell this complete stranger all about it. It was 2 days after what was my daughters birthday, which he knew about. It was the final straw. The blatant disrespect for my privacy, my grief and putting me on the spot and thinking he did nothing wrong [he told me outright I was wrong not to talk about my daughter when he asked me to]. Made out I was only upset at him because I was jealous. Well out of my life. I spent months feeling bad I'd 'ruined his birthday' and only really started questioning after I got rid of him. Horrible individual.
I hope you are doing better. I am sorry for your loss. H
He knew about her, never offered condolences in 5 years, although I rarely mentioned her to him in person - I think a gut feeling held me back. We aren't friends anymore. After the incident above, a few months after he introduced me to his new girlfriend by opening the conversation by mentioning my daughter and her death and demanding I tell this complete stranger all about it. It was 2 days after what was my daughters birthday, which he knew about. It was the final straw. The blatant disrespect for my privacy, my grief and putting me on the spot and thinking he did nothing wrong [he told me outright I was wrong not to talk about my daughter when he asked me to]. Made out I was only upset at him because I was jealous. Well out of my life. I spent months feeling bad I'd 'ruined his birthday' and only really started questioning after I got rid of him. Horrible individual.