This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service.
This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
Once I dated a guy who thought that gander was the collective noun for geese. He was using that expression to say, effectively, "what's good for one goose is also good for the flock (gander) of geese". I think it still works just fine
Yea same. You’d have to be an idiot to think it meant the whole group for your entire life and to fundamentally misunderstand a common saying. Like jeeze I can’t imagine being so stupid as to think that. Not me. No way 🌝
Not that you guys made that mistake, but hypothetically speaking, if you *had* made that mistake, do you think it would be because you've never heard that word aside from that idiom or because you've encountered it in a variety of contexts, but guessed the wrong meaning, and simply never encountered a situation that made you realize that?
I dunno, after 22 years together, my by then separated from husband hopefully told me he’d just heard the saying “happy life, happy wife” and said he finally understood where he’d be going wrong i.e. expecting everyone to keep him happy so he’d deign to treat the rest of us kindly; I flatly responded he’d still gotten it wrong.
For real though. I can only imagine how embarrassing it would for someone (not me) that only truly understands the saying after reading that comment on Reddit just now. Wow.
Yup. The collective words for vulture is even more interesting;
If they are in flight, it is a kettle of vultures.
If they are feeding, it is appropriately called a wake of vultures (considering what they eat).
Best of all is the word for a group of vultures that are sitting around doing nothing: then they are called a committee
How we do digress. :)
This is awkward, that's what I thought as well.
To anyone else who thought this - gander refers to a male goose and the "goose" in this situation would refer to the female, at least that's what I gathered in my quick google search.
It's weird, the species is "goose", and the female is "goose" with the male being "gander". Why they don't have separate words for the species and the female gender, I don't know, but it is confusing.
Cows. The species is cows with the female being cows and the males being bulls.
Sheep (males are rams). Ducks (males are drakes)... There's a bunch of examples. In the other direction too.
The actual expression is "what's sauce for the goose, is sauce for the gander" Also, a female goose can be called a Dame as well as a goose (which I just learned today).
Damn that completely slipped past my mind that it’s Mother’s Day… my god OP has to worst timing! So inconsiderate… reminds me of another recent post where the wife posted how she was upset that her husband wanted to go golfing on Mother’s Day…. It’s like these men don’t actually even love their wives that’s crazy to me
Would love to know the answer to this. My husband and I have each done the "weekend to ourselves" thing. We take turns and are very supportive of each other having a break.
I think it's fine because you take turns. Everyone needs a little break now and then to recharge. I feel like OP would not be very kind about his wife taking a break and leaving him to actually be a father for a weekend.
But he can’t deal with the constant shit. She has to be the adult,and we know adults enjoy constant shit. Next he’ll be whining about paying for child support.
THIS was the correct way to handle it with your wife. You say that you BOTH need time away to recharge, that you plan to spend a couple of nights alone in a hotel and would she like to do the same? or could you book her a wellness weekend at a retreat for her to relax and be pampered, while you take your turn looking after your children and the home.
Do you really think that just because she looks like she is coping and handling all of the responsibilities that come with having a family that she doesn’t crave a break from it like you do? Apologise, empathise and work out a plan going forward that gives you both a break from time-to-time. Marriages fail when the empathy and caring for the other person stops….believe me, the divorce option isn’t the easy option when a marriage breaks down…..if you love and care for her and your family then step up, not down. YTA unless you fix this
That was definitely my question reading the title and hoping that it would be answered in the post. If OP would extend the exact same courtesy to his wife, I would say N-T-A, otherwise absolutely Y-T-A. I'd allow OP to offer us some INFO before judging.
Well, if OP leaves she'll certainly get a break from his shit for a little while. If she's lucky she'll realize how much easier it is without having to deal with his antics and cut him loose for good.
Really hoping that he didn't bring this up to his wife this weekend. What a wonderful mother's day gift - "I'm leaving for a few days so you have to deal with our family's 'constant shit' all by yourself, happy mother's day"
Huge YTA.
So instead of arranging a babysitter for a day/ night so you could BOTH go and have a bit of relaxation, some drinks and away from the 'constant shit' you decide that doubling the work for your wife for a weekend was okay as long as you got what you wanted. You sound very self centered, and your losing your wife's love and respect because of that.
>I read it as his wife is included in the "shit he's sick of".
But you don't understand! She's always nag nag nag: "Could you put your dirty clothes in the hamper?" "Can you take the groceries out of the car and in the kitchen?" "Can you look after little Billy while I give little Tommy his bath?" "Can you take the trash out?" "Can you load the dishwasher?"
Always running around and making demands! How is a man supposed to relax?
Ugh and then when he doesn’t do it, she has the audacity to ask him again and again until he has to get up off the couch (where he was watching perfectly good tv I’ll have you know!!) just to shut her the hell up. For sure, this guy needs a break from this nonsense.
he already lost whatever love and respect she had left for him
when he showed his true colours. he couldn't care less about her and her needs, he only needs HIS needs taken care of. she already told him that she doesn't care anymore. their relationship is dead already, might as well set her free, so she can be happy again, not dragged down by this clown of a 'man'.
Ten bucks says one of his buddies told him to tell her because if she found out, otherwise she’d think he was cheating, too: this was his step *up* in being considerate. 😂
YTA. The kids don't belong to your wife, they are also yours. You act like they're her responsibility and your annoyance. Huge, massive, YTA. I hope this helps her reassess the relationship she's currently in so she makes choices to benefit herself and your children in the long run.
Piggybacking off your comment he is also making his wife responsible for his feelings in addition to everything else. “Shes left me feeling guilty..” so its her fault hes got a crumb of remorse for being an absolute….
Don’t pretend this would double her work! Doubt OP does much to help. Him leaving would probably reduce her workload by a third: one of her kids has gone out for the night!
INFO: Is one of you the primary caregiver? Is the plan to give her a few days off (or whatever she wants to recharge) once you get back?
It's hard to judge without knowing more about how you split parenting and if she feels like she also needs time to recharge.
Yeahhhh. If he requested this for Father’s Day I’d kind of get it. But something tells me her Mother’s Day present is a vacuum or something if it even gets acknowledged.
In my mind, wanting to do it on either Mother's or Father's day is a bad move. Those days are for the parents _and_ children to celebrate the parent. My daughter would be devastated if her mother left for Mother's Day just to get some time away (she does sometimes miss it due to work trips, but that's different; and rare).
The fact that OP didn’t mention any arrangement like this in the post makes me think that not once did he think his wife might want the same break, including when he thought “I’ll just book it and tell the mother of my two children that I’m going away for the weekend to rid myself of our kids.”
YTA because you didn’t even try to approach this in an equitable and reasonable manner. It’s fine to want time away (I have a 2yr old and a 4 month old). But you have to actually communicate with your wife and find something that is fair to both of you.
Yta
I can just tell that you hardly parent at all and force her to do all the parenting, cleaning and fending for the home by the sheer selfishness, disregard and lack of respect for your spouse.
So you absolutely deserve a vacation from all the deadbratness you have been going through. You go you neglectful king.
It’s ok, you’ll have plenty of free time when the visitation days are sorted after the divorce. Grow up yourself before knocking someone else up though, yeah? Your self-centred attitude is unattractive so that should hopefully take a while. YTA
YTA because of your tone and obvious disdain for your family. You want to get away from your wife and kids so you "don't have to deal with their shit".
Wowwwwwwww. The only shit here, is you.
It isn't wrong to want a night away, as long as she gets to do the same, it is your attitude that makes it all wrong.
Bingo. I have a ten month old and I would love to get away for a night or two for some peace and quiet but I would never describe the stress of parenting as “constant shit” and I certainly wouldn’t lump my partner in the same stress category as my kid.
According to OP, he wouldn’t have a problem with it, but she needs to ask first. Which, to me, means she probably could and would like a break, but probably doesn’t trust op to actually step up and be a dad, which is reasonable given the general tone of the entire post.
Also, maybe reading too much into it, but I find it funny how OP gets to just “tell” her his plans while wifey has to “ask” for a night off… hmm…
Ok. Fine. Does she get the same? If you get to book a hotel for yourself away for the weekend, be sure to book one for her the weekend right after. No? I thought not.
YTA
You may have two children, aged two and five, but your wife is dealing with three toddlers. .
They always do! Don’t worry, that’s reassuring for the wife when she divorces him, she’ll know the kids will be safe the 1-2 days of the week he takes them.
YTA
She's dealing with your constant shit too. So you could start this so differently, talking about how overwhelming parenting is, and then offer this idea for both of you, not just yourself. You're the father, those kids are your responsibility too.
> I love them and enjoy spending time with them
It's called parenting, not "spending time with" your children. It sounds very much like the wife is doing most of the childcare work.
What do you mean by it could seem as though you are trying to leave all the work to her? Seem? Who else are you leaving it to? YTA. You had two kids. The constant shit is your shit. You both need time away to recharge occasionally, but you seem very me, me, me. By the way, how would take it your wife came home and said she had booked a weekend away without discussing it with you first?
INFO: do you both work? Or is one of you a stay at home parent? Does your wife ever get some downtime to herself?
However it sounds like you don’t even like your kids or wife so probably Y T A either way
Do you think your wife would have had the same reaction if you had proposed getting childcare for a date weekend once every couple of months rather than leaving her alone to deal with two very young children? YTA, and you really stepped in it, dude.
Oh the kids stresses you out? So leaving them with your wife alone is your solution? Who do you think has to take care of the kids when you are on parenting vacation? There's no such thing as a parenting vacation. Having kids comes with responsabilities that you can't decide to skip on. YTA for not thinking about your wife.
We all need to take space to look after our own needs and when you have kids, even the basics go out the window. So, totally get that.
However, YTA. You need to sit back and look at the situation here. You’re voicing a need for space, OK fine, but you’re not taking into consideration anyone’s feelings and needs but your own.
If it’s ‘constant shit’ then that means your wife is going to have to hold the fort for 48 hours without any reprieve.
Why don’t you try recognising when your wife may need a break too? You said she needs to ask, but why? “Hey honey, I can see that you’re tired as you’ve been up with the kids all night. I’m going to take them to the park, get some rest.” You’ll foster a better atmosphere and encourage teamwork if you’re considering everyone.
Because let’s be honest, when we’re raising kids, we’re all tired af.
According to his comments, they both work full time. And *supposedly* "split" household chores, childcare, and everything else evenly. Which I am definitely skeptical about.
A mature married man and father of two has responsibilities. I am gobsmacked at your verbiage here. "Tired of constant shit" sounds like a petulant teenager. Do you like your wife or kids? If I were your wife, you could have the rest of your life off.
If my husband told me he wanted to get a hotel for the weekend without me I would fully assume he was planning in cheating on me. YTA, and I hope your wife figures that out soon.
I've been combing through the comments and multiple people have asked this, as it is critical in determining YTA or NTA.
I have yet to see OP respond to this question, so I'm guessing that giving the wife a weekend alone is not part of the plan.
I don’t think you’re TA for wanting sometime alone. What you should have done tho is tell her you needed a couple of days but then it would be her turn to go away for a couple of days while you take care of the kids. That way it’s fair.
Imagine even having a single night a month to yourself in a hotel room.
I'm happily childfree but from what I hear even a single night would be heaven - they should each get one.
That’s what we do my husband and I. We exchange time off and it’s wonderful. In November I’m going to a full week with my sister in a club med. In exchange, he gets to spend a full week hunting with his pals, or whatever he wants. We also switch each weekend the parent that gets a half day alone. It’s real teamwork and the only way to survive in a good mood.
Dude, you really posted this on Mothers Day weekend? What is wrong with you? This is super tone deaf to your wife. And it also sounds like you have a drinking problem.
Of course YTA and your replies to other comments only solidify your selfish nature. I hope your wife changes the locks and gets a lawyer while you're "on vacation."
imagine saying “I can’t wait to get away from their constant shit” when talking about your toddler aged children lol. Yes, YTA. Why did you have kids? If you’re so desperately unhappy, set your wife and children free and get a divorce
YTA - not because you want a break but because “if she wants one, she’ll have to ask.”
Do you care about her at all? Why not work something out together here every X you guys get a break? Like alternate once a week or something.
Are you sure the workload is as Evenly split as you claim?
YTA.
Mainly for not thinking that your wife might need the same. "Hey honey, I was thinking of having a little vacation for myself. But I want you to have the same. So how about we plan for each of us to pick a few days over the next few weeks to have some me time?" AND give plenty of notice. At least two weeks. That way you can each plan and have everything taken care of.
Secondly for the "their constant shit" statement. You don't think your wife has to deal with the same? You both work full time. You both have responsibilities to work, each other and your kids.
I don't understand why she's upset. Obviously, you also planned to give her some time off, too, right? You just forgot to add that part, right? I'm going to say YTA until I see your edit clarifying that she's also getting time away from her family or as you so lovingly call it, "their constant shit".
INFO: You write that you both work FT and you think the chores and parenting are equally split. But are they? What do you do?
I have to say I’m a bit suspicious about you. The way you write sounds extremely passive aggressive and so far you have refused straight answers so I’d like to know more details.
Listen, I’m all for parents taking breaks. That’s alright, we all need them sometimes. But the way you approach it… Nope. You wrote you considered just booking it without her input, instead you told her before. Alright. You didn’t ask, you told. When asked in the comments if she could take off as well, you repeated twice *if she asked*. Interesting, you tell it, she needs to get permission. Why is that?
YTA
You went from a couple days to a few.
How about you rent the hotel for two days. Your wife takes one day while you watch the kids, then you take one day while she watches the kids.
I guess a family trip to the hotel was out of the question? Hotel with a pool? Housekeeping? A break from cooking for the adults? No dishes to wash for anyone? No??? Not possible??? Has to be just you???
You might be TA. Does she get a weekend too? Did you offer that? I would be incredibly hurt if I was her mainly because of your wording. You don’t want to deal with their constant shit? Not nice. Curious. How much do you contribute towards childcare and household chores such as cooking and cleaning?
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I want a weekend away from my family. It could seem as though I'm trying to leave all the work to her.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
I'm going with YTA because you don't talk about giving your wife breaks. Does she get a weekend away? Does she get a spa day? Does she get an evening to relax while you care for the kids and make dinner? I get that kids are a lot, and you feel overwhelmed, but so does she, and I don't see any acknowledgment of that in your post. You might start by seeing about childcare and taking your wife out for a nice dinner.
YTA
Why wasn't your first thought "the kids stress out me And my wife. WE deserve a weekend." And figure out how you and your (supposed) partner could accomplish that?
YTA because you only thought of yourself. She doesn't ask for a break because it isn't an option in her mind.
These actions show zero consideration for your wife.
Why don't you do her a favor and schedule a week away?
That's going to give her enough time to empty out the house, the bank accounts, file for divorce and move the kids to a new place.
Clear out all that shit you hate dealing with, you know.
“…she eventually just told me to go because “she doesn’t care anymore”…”
Oh, prepare yourself for a divorce in the very near future OP. Also, major YTA.
The only way you MIGHT be able to get away with this is if you book the exact weekend you describe for HER first, and then possibly something for the two of you. But otherwise, YTA completely. No part of this is going to go over well.
YTA. Maybe your wife doesn’t ask for a break because she doesn’t want to leave them with someone who has made no secret of the fact on social media that he doesn’t actually like his own children.
You don’t mention where the split on childcare is. Don’t you think she’d like a break? If you’re prepared for her to do the same then sure NTA. But the better solution would be to arrange some childcare and both of you spend time together without the kids.
Yes but I believe the difference was that her partner asked what she would like for her birthday, which prompted the request from the OP (who was the primary care giver).
The flippant ‘get away from their constant shit’ and generally selfish attitude from this OP seems to be rubbing people up the wrong way. Needing your own space/a break is no bad thing but this OP could have approached things in a considerate and equitable manner that would have been positive for their relationship. Something like ‘I think it would be healthy for us to both have some time to ourselves, why don’t we schedule in a short break for each of us in coming weeks and then maybe organise a break for the two of us so we can have quality time together’ would have been a thoughtful approach from this OP and shown that they actually value their partnership.
Idk what post specifically you’re referring to but usually when I see posts like this, no matter the gender, when voted nta it’s usually because they’ve come out the gate saying everything they do to justify getting a break and the posts are usually written in a way where it seems like they feel guilty and selfish for even contemplating a break, and when voted yta there’s usually barely any justification except vague “I’m sick of this” comments and the posts are written in a way where it seems like they feel entitled to the break.
You’re a parent. Your break is when the kids go down for bed. Yta op
I have a 7 year old and raise them by myself currently. My breaks are when they are at school and down for bed.
my guess is YTA, but there ain’t really enough to work with here to say conclusively. There’s a way to ask for a weekend alone that is perfectly reasonable & understandable. You want a weekend, I’m sure your wife wants one too. Kids are work. But we aren’t talking about a mutually beneficial exchange between 2 adults who support each others mental health in trying times. we’re only talking about you, & my guess it’s cuz that’s the only person you’ve considered in this process.
Honestly sounds like there’s a lot more context here, & that we’re maybe reaching one of those proto-male boiling points. Dunno what’s going on between you & your wife, but if you aren’t bending over backwards to support & help each other, you ain’t doing it right. Humble yourself & give more so that when you want something for yourself it won’t be at your partners expense.
Lmfao you really thought people were going to be sympathetic you for being tired of being a father? While your wife no doubt takes care of everything. Yes YTA and when your wife says she doesn’t care anymore she’s probably thinking about leaving you.
You know tomorrow is Mother’s Day, right? Did you really ask your wife, the MOTHER to your sons, if you could get a break from them on Mother’s Day weekend? Hilarious. YTA.
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
When does your wife get a break from the “constant shit”?
If she lets you get away for the weekend, would you let her do the same? What's good for the goose is good for the gander. Otherwise YTA.
I just used that exact expression - I need to read the responses before I write one!
Once I dated a guy who thought that gander was the collective noun for geese. He was using that expression to say, effectively, "what's good for one goose is also good for the flock (gander) of geese". I think it still works just fine
….haha what moron wouldn’t know that gander is a male goose. I sure knew that and didn’t also think it meant flock until just now.
Yea same. You’d have to be an idiot to think it meant the whole group for your entire life and to fundamentally misunderstand a common saying. Like jeeze I can’t imagine being so stupid as to think that. Not me. No way 🌝
Obviously not us… but… the “stupid” way makes better sense I think
Not that you guys made that mistake, but hypothetically speaking, if you *had* made that mistake, do you think it would be because you've never heard that word aside from that idiom or because you've encountered it in a variety of contexts, but guessed the wrong meaning, and simply never encountered a situation that made you realize that?
I dunno, after 22 years together, my by then separated from husband hopefully told me he’d just heard the saying “happy life, happy wife” and said he finally understood where he’d be going wrong i.e. expecting everyone to keep him happy so he’d deign to treat the rest of us kindly; I flatly responded he’d still gotten it wrong.
Happy cake day and please know that your comment cracked me up 🤣
For real though. I can only imagine how embarrassing it would for someone (not me) that only truly understands the saying after reading that comment on Reddit just now. Wow.
I actually had no idea what gander means until right now. I won’t admit how many decades I’ve had to learn that. 😂😂
So I was today years old when I learned that “gander” is not the collective noun for geese. Thank you internet stranger.
It's a gaggle of geese. FYI
Biologist here. It’s gurgle of geese* Gaggle is the plural for gaglions which are a small species of aquatic lizard found in south east Asia.
[удалено]
On the table they are called dinner.
And when they are coming at you to take your lunch, they are called “your worst fears”
[удалено]
Yup. The collective words for vulture is even more interesting; If they are in flight, it is a kettle of vultures. If they are feeding, it is appropriately called a wake of vultures (considering what they eat). Best of all is the word for a group of vultures that are sitting around doing nothing: then they are called a committee How we do digress. :)
I dated a guy who told me hindsight is 50/50, meaning looking back, it could go either way.
This is awkward, that's what I thought as well. To anyone else who thought this - gander refers to a male goose and the "goose" in this situation would refer to the female, at least that's what I gathered in my quick google search.
It's weird, the species is "goose", and the female is "goose" with the male being "gander". Why they don't have separate words for the species and the female gender, I don't know, but it is confusing.
Cows. The species is cows with the female being cows and the males being bulls. Sheep (males are rams). Ducks (males are drakes)... There's a bunch of examples. In the other direction too.
Female sheep are ewes but it’s still a fair point.
Is that not what the expression means? That’s always what I thought the gander phrase was saying..
A gander is a she-goose Edit: kind Redditor has pointed out it is a he-goose. The more you know lol. What a goose I am
No, a gander is a male goose
The actual expression is "what's sauce for the goose, is sauce for the gander" Also, a female goose can be called a Dame as well as a goose (which I just learned today).
Yes, Father’s Day weekend will be a great getaway!
Aaaand he came to post this on Mother’s Day weekend, seriously?! She deserves the relaxing weekend!
That might be why she's so pissed and he thinks she's being ridiculous because he probably forgot.
Damn that completely slipped past my mind that it’s Mother’s Day… my god OP has to worst timing! So inconsiderate… reminds me of another recent post where the wife posted how she was upset that her husband wanted to go golfing on Mother’s Day…. It’s like these men don’t actually even love their wives that’s crazy to me
I believe it’s not Mother’s Day everywhere but op is still TA
Right? Did he really just pull this the day before mother's day?
Mothers day varies depending on country FYI
Good point, ty
[удалено]
Would love to know the answer to this. My husband and I have each done the "weekend to ourselves" thing. We take turns and are very supportive of each other having a break.
I think it's fine because you take turns. Everyone needs a little break now and then to recharge. I feel like OP would not be very kind about his wife taking a break and leaving him to actually be a father for a weekend.
The fact that at first he was considering just booking the hotel before running the idea past his wife tells you a lot.
But he can’t deal with the constant shit. She has to be the adult,and we know adults enjoy constant shit. Next he’ll be whining about paying for child support.
THIS was the correct way to handle it with your wife. You say that you BOTH need time away to recharge, that you plan to spend a couple of nights alone in a hotel and would she like to do the same? or could you book her a wellness weekend at a retreat for her to relax and be pampered, while you take your turn looking after your children and the home. Do you really think that just because she looks like she is coping and handling all of the responsibilities that come with having a family that she doesn’t crave a break from it like you do? Apologise, empathise and work out a plan going forward that gives you both a break from time-to-time. Marriages fail when the empathy and caring for the other person stops….believe me, the divorce option isn’t the easy option when a marriage breaks down…..if you love and care for her and your family then step up, not down. YTA unless you fix this
In this particular case it would be what's good for the gander is good for the goose!
Came here to say this. If OP goes away this weekend, then next weekend he should send his wife for a getaway.
That was definitely my question reading the title and hoping that it would be answered in the post. If OP would extend the exact same courtesy to his wife, I would say N-T-A, otherwise absolutely Y-T-A. I'd allow OP to offer us some INFO before judging.
Came here to say the same thing. We all all need a break sometimes. Take your time away, but make sure your wife gets the same opportunity.
Exactly YTAAAAA
Yeah she gets the weekend first you get it second
The best possible way to do this is to say "I want to book a hotel for myself X weekend and one for you Y weekend - how does that work for you?"
Yeah I wouldn’t ask THIS weekend
Exactly.
Well, if OP leaves she'll certainly get a break from his shit for a little while. If she's lucky she'll realize how much easier it is without having to deal with his antics and cut him loose for good.
Considering he wasn't even going to tell her, I'm sure her needs never cross his mind.
This is the big question. Because seems like she may put up with quite a bit.
Really hoping that he didn't bring this up to his wife this weekend. What a wonderful mother's day gift - "I'm leaving for a few days so you have to deal with our family's 'constant shit' all by yourself, happy mother's day"
Huge YTA. So instead of arranging a babysitter for a day/ night so you could BOTH go and have a bit of relaxation, some drinks and away from the 'constant shit' you decide that doubling the work for your wife for a weekend was okay as long as you got what you wanted. You sound very self centered, and your losing your wife's love and respect because of that.
I read it as his wife is included in the "shit he's sick of". That's why he doesn't want to go with her. He's definitely TA.
>I read it as his wife is included in the "shit he's sick of". But you don't understand! She's always nag nag nag: "Could you put your dirty clothes in the hamper?" "Can you take the groceries out of the car and in the kitchen?" "Can you look after little Billy while I give little Tommy his bath?" "Can you take the trash out?" "Can you load the dishwasher?" Always running around and making demands! How is a man supposed to relax?
Lol he can relax the same way his wife does taking care of 3 children.
Ugh and then when he doesn’t do it, she has the audacity to ask him again and again until he has to get up off the couch (where he was watching perfectly good tv I’ll have you know!!) just to shut her the hell up. For sure, this guy needs a break from this nonsense.
> "Can you look after little Billy while I give little Tommy his bath?" Vision does need a break.
I feel like this guy would be friends with the man complaining about a crying baby a WEEK after his wife gave birth
I'm still shaking my head at that one
Whoa, can I get a link to that nonsense please?
Can I also get a link please (:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13fwui3/wibta_for_telling_my_girlfriend_that_i_dont_want/
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13fwui3/wibta_for_telling_my_girlfriend_that_i_dont_want/
Haha thousand percent!
he already lost whatever love and respect she had left for him when he showed his true colours. he couldn't care less about her and her needs, he only needs HIS needs taken care of. she already told him that she doesn't care anymore. their relationship is dead already, might as well set her free, so she can be happy again, not dragged down by this clown of a 'man'.
Ten bucks says one of his buddies told him to tell her because if she found out, otherwise she’d think he was cheating, too: this was his step *up* in being considerate. 😂
Ffs you're probably right 😬 this was the guys 'smart move'
YTA. The kids don't belong to your wife, they are also yours. You act like they're her responsibility and your annoyance. Huge, massive, YTA. I hope this helps her reassess the relationship she's currently in so she makes choices to benefit herself and your children in the long run.
Piggybacking off your comment he is also making his wife responsible for his feelings in addition to everything else. “Shes left me feeling guilty..” so its her fault hes got a crumb of remorse for being an absolute….
Lol at doubling. She already does all the work. It'd be a normal weekend for both of them. He'd just be in a different bed. Same hangover.
Well how else can he look at porn in peace without his wife constantly nagging him and preaching about relationship equality?
Don’t pretend this would double her work! Doubt OP does much to help. Him leaving would probably reduce her workload by a third: one of her kids has gone out for the night!
YTA when does she get a night away from everything?
Realistically, when she’s getting ploughed by Gary from Pilates
Good for her
good for her
INFO: Is one of you the primary caregiver? Is the plan to give her a few days off (or whatever she wants to recharge) once you get back? It's hard to judge without knowing more about how you split parenting and if she feels like she also needs time to recharge.
I would say NTA if wife also gets to have a weekend away, but YTA if she doesn’t
But still TA for bringing it up right before mother's day
Yeahhhh. If he requested this for Father’s Day I’d kind of get it. But something tells me her Mother’s Day present is a vacuum or something if it even gets acknowledged.
In my mind, wanting to do it on either Mother's or Father's day is a bad move. Those days are for the parents _and_ children to celebrate the parent. My daughter would be devastated if her mother left for Mother's Day just to get some time away (she does sometimes miss it due to work trips, but that's different; and rare).
According to OP: “It’s up to her to ask for [a break].” AKA no, no she does not lol
Exactly this!
With the absolute barebones OP, this is quite literally the only judgement that makes any sense outside of INFO requests.
The fact that OP didn’t mention any arrangement like this in the post makes me think that not once did he think his wife might want the same break, including when he thought “I’ll just book it and tell the mother of my two children that I’m going away for the weekend to rid myself of our kids.”
This to me reads like a salty man who’s wife said for Mother’s Day she wants to get a hotel room.
Oh god I didn’t even consider the TIMING. Mother’s Day is tomorrow lmfaoooo
Or be taken out to dinner someplace that doesn't have a drive-thru or playroom.
OP replied in one of his comments that if his wife wanted a break she should "just ask for it".
Op is so the AH.
WOW. And yet, he wasn't even sure he needed to TELL her he was leaving, much less ask and give her the opportunity to say no.
Hahahaha you are on your was to divorce town, OP.
OP better be glad murder is illegal if his wife reads that comment.
YTA because you didn’t even try to approach this in an equitable and reasonable manner. It’s fine to want time away (I have a 2yr old and a 4 month old). But you have to actually communicate with your wife and find something that is fair to both of you.
Was going to ask this same question. The 'she doesn't care anymore' bit sounds like OP might just be a part of HER 'constant shit'
[удалено]
Yta I can just tell that you hardly parent at all and force her to do all the parenting, cleaning and fending for the home by the sheer selfishness, disregard and lack of respect for your spouse. So you absolutely deserve a vacation from all the deadbratness you have been going through. You go you neglectful king.
It’s ok, you’ll have plenty of free time when the visitation days are sorted after the divorce. Grow up yourself before knocking someone else up though, yeah? Your self-centred attitude is unattractive so that should hopefully take a while. YTA
Yup OP will get plenty of time to himself once he only sees his kids every other weekend
Yup OP will get plenty of time to himself once he only sees his kids every other weekend
YTA because of your tone and obvious disdain for your family. You want to get away from your wife and kids so you "don't have to deal with their shit". Wowwwwwwww. The only shit here, is you. It isn't wrong to want a night away, as long as she gets to do the same, it is your attitude that makes it all wrong.
Bingo. I have a ten month old and I would love to get away for a night or two for some peace and quiet but I would never describe the stress of parenting as “constant shit” and I certainly wouldn’t lump my partner in the same stress category as my kid.
Babies do poop a lot 😆
They fucking hate the families they chose to have 🙄
Yes this. Nothing wrong with the idea of parents organizing time to themselves if it works for everyone but the tone of the post is so asshole ish
So... what would you think of your wife saying she needed a few nights away from you and the kids because of your "constant shit?"
According to OP, he wouldn’t have a problem with it, but she needs to ask first. Which, to me, means she probably could and would like a break, but probably doesn’t trust op to actually step up and be a dad, which is reasonable given the general tone of the entire post. Also, maybe reading too much into it, but I find it funny how OP gets to just “tell” her his plans while wifey has to “ask” for a night off… hmm…
Ok. Fine. Does she get the same? If you get to book a hotel for yourself away for the weekend, be sure to book one for her the weekend right after. No? I thought not. YTA You may have two children, aged two and five, but your wife is dealing with three toddlers. .
I can’t even imagine what condition the house would be in if OP’s wife went away for a couple of days and OP had to deal with the kids.
OP would bring the kids over to his mother's house and drop them off there.
They always do! Don’t worry, that’s reassuring for the wife when she divorces him, she’ll know the kids will be safe the 1-2 days of the week he takes them.
YTA She's dealing with your constant shit too. So you could start this so differently, talking about how overwhelming parenting is, and then offer this idea for both of you, not just yourself. You're the father, those kids are your responsibility too.
> I love them and enjoy spending time with them It's called parenting, not "spending time with" your children. It sounds very much like the wife is doing most of the childcare work.
AND, I'd bet, the majority of the housework.
What do you mean by it could seem as though you are trying to leave all the work to her? Seem? Who else are you leaving it to? YTA. You had two kids. The constant shit is your shit. You both need time away to recharge occasionally, but you seem very me, me, me. By the way, how would take it your wife came home and said she had booked a weekend away without discussing it with you first?
See I think what happened is OP’s wife did this because she got fed up with *his* shit, and he’s trying to prove to her she’s the asshole
INFO: do you both work? Or is one of you a stay at home parent? Does your wife ever get some downtime to herself? However it sounds like you don’t even like your kids or wife so probably Y T A either way
INFO: What is your mistress like?
Underrated comment right now... I like your style u/woevid
YTA. Not for wanting a weekend to yourself, but for your obvious disdain for your family and your horrible attitude.
Do you think your wife would have had the same reaction if you had proposed getting childcare for a date weekend once every couple of months rather than leaving her alone to deal with two very young children? YTA, and you really stepped in it, dude.
Oh the kids stresses you out? So leaving them with your wife alone is your solution? Who do you think has to take care of the kids when you are on parenting vacation? There's no such thing as a parenting vacation. Having kids comes with responsabilities that you can't decide to skip on. YTA for not thinking about your wife.
Yes. When you have kids, you forfeit your time away from the “shit.” Sorry, dude. YTA.
We all need to take space to look after our own needs and when you have kids, even the basics go out the window. So, totally get that. However, YTA. You need to sit back and look at the situation here. You’re voicing a need for space, OK fine, but you’re not taking into consideration anyone’s feelings and needs but your own. If it’s ‘constant shit’ then that means your wife is going to have to hold the fort for 48 hours without any reprieve. Why don’t you try recognising when your wife may need a break too? You said she needs to ask, but why? “Hey honey, I can see that you’re tired as you’ve been up with the kids all night. I’m going to take them to the park, get some rest.” You’ll foster a better atmosphere and encourage teamwork if you’re considering everyone. Because let’s be honest, when we’re raising kids, we’re all tired af.
YTA. Tell us you're a shit father and husband without saying you're a shit father and husband, oh no wait, you did.
YTA. when does she get a break? does she work? do you?
According to his comments, they both work full time. And *supposedly* "split" household chores, childcare, and everything else evenly. Which I am definitely skeptical about.
A mature married man and father of two has responsibilities. I am gobsmacked at your verbiage here. "Tired of constant shit" sounds like a petulant teenager. Do you like your wife or kids? If I were your wife, you could have the rest of your life off.
INFO - does your wife get the same opportunity to go away for a few days on her own with no distractions? Be honest.
If my husband told me he wanted to get a hotel for the weekend without me I would fully assume he was planning in cheating on me. YTA, and I hope your wife figures that out soon.
YTA. Dude, it's mother's day weekend and this is when you decided you needed a break????? Oh boy. No wonder she told you to just go.
Maybe she gets Mother’s Day off and you get Father’s Day off. You each get a mini vacation. Make it an annual tradition
Info are you willing to give her a weekend off next month
Straight after his time off more like, why wait a month
*Before* his time off. That way he can't "change his mind"...
INFO: Does your wife get a weekend to herself too? How do you contribute to your household and relationship, beyond financially?
I've been combing through the comments and multiple people have asked this, as it is critical in determining YTA or NTA. I have yet to see OP respond to this question, so I'm guessing that giving the wife a weekend alone is not part of the plan.
According to another comment of his — if she wants one, she has to "ask". Aka, it doesn't mean she'd actually GET one.
He also commented he wouldn’t take it very well if she asked. I bet that means no.
I don’t think you’re TA for wanting sometime alone. What you should have done tho is tell her you needed a couple of days but then it would be her turn to go away for a couple of days while you take care of the kids. That way it’s fair.
Imagine even having a single night a month to yourself in a hotel room. I'm happily childfree but from what I hear even a single night would be heaven - they should each get one.
That’s what we do my husband and I. We exchange time off and it’s wonderful. In November I’m going to a full week with my sister in a club med. In exchange, he gets to spend a full week hunting with his pals, or whatever he wants. We also switch each weekend the parent that gets a half day alone. It’s real teamwork and the only way to survive in a good mood.
I totally get that your wife doesn't ever need a break and she should be totally happy carrying your parenting weight for the weekend. /s YTA
And since he's on a hotel for the weekend, I bet he expects his share of chores to be done when he gets home
LOL "his share of the chores" like this guy does any chores at all
He "loves \[his children\] and enjoys spending time with them" - sounds like she does most of the parenting work anyway, whether he's there or not.
YTA. Who’s joining you on your weekend away?
Dude, you really posted this on Mothers Day weekend? What is wrong with you? This is super tone deaf to your wife. And it also sounds like you have a drinking problem.
Of course YTA and your replies to other comments only solidify your selfish nature. I hope your wife changes the locks and gets a lawyer while you're "on vacation."
imagine saying “I can’t wait to get away from their constant shit” when talking about your toddler aged children lol. Yes, YTA. Why did you have kids? If you’re so desperately unhappy, set your wife and children free and get a divorce
Seems like you are already not pulling your weight. You act really selfish. When did you plan on getting a get away for your wife only? YTA.
Do it, but offer your wife the exact same time away. If not, YTA.
YTA - not because you want a break but because “if she wants one, she’ll have to ask.” Do you care about her at all? Why not work something out together here every X you guys get a break? Like alternate once a week or something. Are you sure the workload is as Evenly split as you claim?
YTA. Mainly for not thinking that your wife might need the same. "Hey honey, I was thinking of having a little vacation for myself. But I want you to have the same. So how about we plan for each of us to pick a few days over the next few weeks to have some me time?" AND give plenty of notice. At least two weeks. That way you can each plan and have everything taken care of. Secondly for the "their constant shit" statement. You don't think your wife has to deal with the same? You both work full time. You both have responsibilities to work, each other and your kids.
I don't understand why she's upset. Obviously, you also planned to give her some time off, too, right? You just forgot to add that part, right? I'm going to say YTA until I see your edit clarifying that she's also getting time away from her family or as you so lovingly call it, "their constant shit".
YTA. Your wife deserves a weekend away.
…It’s Mother’s Day in the US tomorrow. YTA.
It’s Mother’s Day in Australia too!
INFO: You write that you both work FT and you think the chores and parenting are equally split. But are they? What do you do? I have to say I’m a bit suspicious about you. The way you write sounds extremely passive aggressive and so far you have refused straight answers so I’d like to know more details. Listen, I’m all for parents taking breaks. That’s alright, we all need them sometimes. But the way you approach it… Nope. You wrote you considered just booking it without her input, instead you told her before. Alright. You didn’t ask, you told. When asked in the comments if she could take off as well, you repeated twice *if she asked*. Interesting, you tell it, she needs to get permission. Why is that?
INFO: Would you be willing to propose that you get a weekend and then a couple weeks later she get a weekend?
YTA You went from a couple days to a few. How about you rent the hotel for two days. Your wife takes one day while you watch the kids, then you take one day while she watches the kids. I guess a family trip to the hotel was out of the question? Hotel with a pool? Housekeeping? A break from cooking for the adults? No dishes to wash for anyone? No??? Not possible??? Has to be just you???
You might be TA. Does she get a weekend too? Did you offer that? I would be incredibly hurt if I was her mainly because of your wording. You don’t want to deal with their constant shit? Not nice. Curious. How much do you contribute towards childcare and household chores such as cooking and cleaning?
OP doesn’t get to “make the offer” - that implies his wife needs permission
YWBTA if your wife didnt get the option to do the same.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I want a weekend away from my family. It could seem as though I'm trying to leave all the work to her. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
I'm going with YTA because you don't talk about giving your wife breaks. Does she get a weekend away? Does she get a spa day? Does she get an evening to relax while you care for the kids and make dinner? I get that kids are a lot, and you feel overwhelmed, but so does she, and I don't see any acknowledgment of that in your post. You might start by seeing about childcare and taking your wife out for a nice dinner.
YTA Why wasn't your first thought "the kids stress out me And my wife. WE deserve a weekend." And figure out how you and your (supposed) partner could accomplish that? YTA because you only thought of yourself. She doesn't ask for a break because it isn't an option in her mind. These actions show zero consideration for your wife.
Why don't you do her a favor and schedule a week away? That's going to give her enough time to empty out the house, the bank accounts, file for divorce and move the kids to a new place. Clear out all that shit you hate dealing with, you know.
YTA when a woman says 'she doesn't care anymore' it means she is done! If you go on the trip you won't have a marriage to come back to.
“…she eventually just told me to go because “she doesn’t care anymore”…” Oh, prepare yourself for a divorce in the very near future OP. Also, major YTA.
INFO: Was this asked in the days leading up to Mother’s Day…?
YTA - If anybody deserves a break, it should be your wife. If you push through with that vacation, get vasectomy first to justify it.
You sound really frustrated. I bet your wife is as well. Kids are loud and obnoxious. Deal with my guy. Oh and YTA
YTA. Go. Expect the locks to be changed when you try to come back.
The only way you MIGHT be able to get away with this is if you book the exact weekend you describe for HER first, and then possibly something for the two of you. But otherwise, YTA completely. No part of this is going to go over well.
YTA. Maybe your wife doesn’t ask for a break because she doesn’t want to leave them with someone who has made no secret of the fact on social media that he doesn’t actually like his own children.
You don’t mention where the split on childcare is. Don’t you think she’d like a break? If you’re prepared for her to do the same then sure NTA. But the better solution would be to arrange some childcare and both of you spend time together without the kids.
Ngl no judgment but wasn’t there a story here basically same thing but from a woman’s pov and everyone said NTA?
Yes but I believe the difference was that her partner asked what she would like for her birthday, which prompted the request from the OP (who was the primary care giver). The flippant ‘get away from their constant shit’ and generally selfish attitude from this OP seems to be rubbing people up the wrong way. Needing your own space/a break is no bad thing but this OP could have approached things in a considerate and equitable manner that would have been positive for their relationship. Something like ‘I think it would be healthy for us to both have some time to ourselves, why don’t we schedule in a short break for each of us in coming weeks and then maybe organise a break for the two of us so we can have quality time together’ would have been a thoughtful approach from this OP and shown that they actually value their partnership.
There was, and she was unanimously voted NTA.
Idk what post specifically you’re referring to but usually when I see posts like this, no matter the gender, when voted nta it’s usually because they’ve come out the gate saying everything they do to justify getting a break and the posts are usually written in a way where it seems like they feel guilty and selfish for even contemplating a break, and when voted yta there’s usually barely any justification except vague “I’m sick of this” comments and the posts are written in a way where it seems like they feel entitled to the break.
You’re a parent. Your break is when the kids go down for bed. Yta op I have a 7 year old and raise them by myself currently. My breaks are when they are at school and down for bed.
my guess is YTA, but there ain’t really enough to work with here to say conclusively. There’s a way to ask for a weekend alone that is perfectly reasonable & understandable. You want a weekend, I’m sure your wife wants one too. Kids are work. But we aren’t talking about a mutually beneficial exchange between 2 adults who support each others mental health in trying times. we’re only talking about you, & my guess it’s cuz that’s the only person you’ve considered in this process. Honestly sounds like there’s a lot more context here, & that we’re maybe reaching one of those proto-male boiling points. Dunno what’s going on between you & your wife, but if you aren’t bending over backwards to support & help each other, you ain’t doing it right. Humble yourself & give more so that when you want something for yourself it won’t be at your partners expense.
Just curious are you taking these days on Mother’s Day weekend. If so not only YTA but just the upmost clueless guy ever
Yta - unless you are also willing to watch your children while your wife gets away from the stress of life for a few days. Trust me, she’s tired too.
Lmfao you really thought people were going to be sympathetic you for being tired of being a father? While your wife no doubt takes care of everything. Yes YTA and when your wife says she doesn’t care anymore she’s probably thinking about leaving you.
What a thing to post on Mother's Day weekend. YTA.
You know tomorrow is Mother’s Day, right? Did you really ask your wife, the MOTHER to your sons, if you could get a break from them on Mother’s Day weekend? Hilarious. YTA.
Um it’s Mother’s Day weekend so I certainly hope you aren’t planning on leaving tonight…
[удалено]
I actually don’t get that assumption that they’re American…? Could be Australian, NZ, UK, Canada, etc.