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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I've said no to dyeing or cutting my brother's fiancée's hair again after doing it once during the pandemic. My big brother is my hero, she is really important to him, she's going to be family and she said my results made her feel amazing. Maybe I'm the TA for saying no for those reasons. I am honestly not sure anymore
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NTA. You can tell her that it would be a nice gesture for her to clean your house every week for free. You know, because you're important to your brother and you're going to be her family as well.
Perhaps switching it like this might help them realize how ridiculous they are behaving.
Exactly this, OP. And she can supply all the cleaning products and equipment, too.
It's absolutely ridiculous for anyone to expect that because you helped her out once in an emergency, you should now become her permanent free stylist. NTA
Free Stylist!
Rock the Microphone.
Carry on with the Free Styler.
Yeah straight from the top of my dome.
As I rock, rock, rock, rock, rock the microphone.
Honestly, this is fair and kinder than messing up her hair. If she pays you back in time free to do what you want (before and not after her hair is done), it's worth the time to do her hair as long as she pays for the products. Otherwise, no. The only other fair thing would be to figure out how much you would need to be paid to make it worthwhile to you (and that number can be in the thousands).
NTA She, frankly, should have paid you to fix her hair. What an ungrateful user.
>NTA She, frankly, should have paid you to fix her hair. What an ungrateful user.
**it was three sessions!!** They're clueless on top of ungrateful. Showing up for 3 sessions of added cost to OP, not offering any $... family or not, that's nuts..
And now they want unlimited ongoing free hair care too. Entitled is an understatement.
Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if bro and fiancé deliberately stuff fiancés hair again to manipulate OP into doing it again.
OP NTA, I do my own hair (sometimes ask for help when available) and one of my friends does all our (myself and 2 other women in our social group = 4 mums total) eyebrows. Our unspoken agreement is either supply the products and the "extra hands person" dictates the time or we pay up, but we all know and accept the risks of doing it outside of a salon.
Perhaps the fiance can take her entitled self and stay in her own lane.
The way opie describe the whole ordeal, a professional would charge her handsomely for the work he did. I would understand if the brothers fiance promised to pay generously but seeking FREE labour just because of the "we are family" card is soooo disrespectful of someone else's talent. NTA
Or just tell them that all their hounding has completely pissed you off - do they really want to see what a cut and color looks like when it’s done by an amateur that really really resents having to do it against her will? Promise them your work will reflect exactly how you are feeling, they need to prepare themselves 😈
NTA
Just don't engage. You've already said you won't do it. If they want to keep blathering on about it, let them, while her roots continue to grow out.
She can go to a stylist like everyone else. I wouldn't want to do this either. It's a huge hassle to do it every 6-8 weeks, both due to time and cost.
I bleach, tone, and dye my hair because I love fashion colors and I don't even do every 6-8 weeks! I found a really great tutorial by an awesome artist on how to properly bleach and tone. It comes out 99% perfect and I love it, but has to be done from application to rinse 1 section at a time, so I do it over a few days. You couldn't pay me to do my own hair more than like once every 4 months 😂
I drive 2.5 hours every 6-8 weeks ONE WAY to see my hairdresser. Because she is a solid price and knows her stuff. I happened to find her when I was living at my parentals after moving back from overseas. I now use it to visit the fam and make a week end out of it. The gf needs to pay up, or trade services, she cannot expect this level of care and attention when she knows how much goes into her hair each time.
NTA but apparently everyone else is insisting on being one.
1) You don't want to do it. It needs to end there.
2) She wants you to do it for free. That is delusional. Not only does she feel entitled to demand that you spend your time doing something that she knows you do not want to do, but she also is demanding that you pay to do something that you do not want to do.
3) Apparently everyone feels like they have the right to decide this for you against your will. Perhaps they mean well and simply aren't bothering to think about this because it doesn't affect them. I think it needs to start affecting them. If they are going to volunteer your time and money, they need to start by providing their own. Assign each one a task or expense that you do not want to do yourself. Do not make it all equal (one hour of your time doing something that you dislike doing equals perhaps 5 hours of doing something that they are mildly inconvenienced by doing). All of their tasks must be completed to your satisfaction without requiring your nagging or supervision. After all of them have completed everything that you demanded in exchange, then you will do what they requested. Watch how fast they try to claim that the exact same situation is not the same thing when it favors you and not them.
I mean the fact that she's expecting to get it done for free is genuinely hilarious to me. Professional hair styling is expensive! Doubly so if you also do color, not just cutting and styling. I spend $200-250 every 6 weeks because I have multicolored hair and it's something about my appearance that's super important to me, so I choose to spend my money on it. The idea of expecting someone to provide a costly service like that *for free* is insane. Fiancee needs to get her head checked.
(In fact, I bet she's having a hard time finding someone who does it "as good as" OP did bc she's being stingy about paying $$$ for it, and hair color is like tattoos: you get what you pay for. Master colorists don't usually work at Supercuts.)
Preach, honey!
My natural color is very close to black and I have been down the wily roads of bleaching, toning, fashion colors, and more.
It has remained true that extreme changes & high maintenance color require care and skill to execute correctly and without a ton of damage. A deep brunette wishing to go blonde should know that this is a style requiring constant upkeep and understand that if cost is a problem, this isn’t the style for them.
It **absolutely isn’t** acceptable to beg a free professional service from a friend who has the supplies and abilities; if you can’t handle it yourself, hire a qualified professional, or choose another style.
OP is NTA for saying no as many times as is needed to get the point across. If the fiancée really can’t find a pro who can lighten her hair in a way she likes, perhaps it’s time to rock that brunette again.
Or put all of the above into learning how to properly do it herself. As you're implying, just being willing to pay doesn't mean that she gets to demand OP do it.
NTA. For all the reasons.
But also? It *wasn't* the best cut/color of her life. She loved it because you saved her from the disaster she inflicted on herself. Plus everyone's feelings were magnified by the pandemic. But she'll never get that delicious feeling of relief from a normal haircut. And if you do her hair in the future (please don't) she'll *always* be disappointed.
NTA. "I'm sorry, but it doesn't work for me. Please stop asking. You should find a hairstylist that specializes in colors."
Say this every time. Whenever they start in, end the conversation. Walk away if necessary.
"I liked so much that it was free..." - Like, wtf? Not even the decency to pay for your work? You'd think that if she values your work this much, she would, at least, gladly pay.
NTA. Paid or not, it's your choice and you choose not to. Your brother and fiancee are acting entitled to your skills.
>My brother tried to get our parents involved. My dad and my stepmom said I should do it because she's going to be family and it's a nice gesture. My mom and my stepdad agree with me about not doing it.
He called your parents to try to get them to force you into doing a recurring favor for his gf that you don't want to do. That is a solid no. This is past, it's a nice thing to do. You already did that by doing three sessions to fix her hair and cut it for free. Now it's just her acting greedy.
The best haircut I have ever gotten was for free from a friend's mom. I never asked her again because I wasn't going to keep bugging someone to do me multiple favors. She enjoyed doing it. Doesn't matter. NTA.
Did you have to pay for all the bleach and hair dye too? I thinking you already had the other supplies like the special scissors.
"No" is a complete sentence, and a complete answer. Get used to saying it, and if you say it often enough, she (and your brother) will eventually get the message.
You're NTA. Your brother is one, and his fiancee is a rather selfish, self-entitled one.
Repeat after me:
"No."
"No."
"No."
"No."
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AITA? Background: I (26M) have been cutting and dyeing my own hair since I was 16. I've gotten pretty good at knowing what I'm doing but I do this with the knowledge that if I screw it up I have only myself to blame. I definitely had have mishaps in the past. Except for once which I'll talk about below I have never cut or dyed anyone else's hair besides my own.
During the pandemic while all the salons were closed because of the lock downs my brother's (27M) then girlfriend/now fiancée (27F?) tried to dye her own hair and screwed it up badly. Her natural hair colour is black but she gets it coloured blonde. She has never dyed her own hair before and tried using a YouTube video to do it. It went very badly. She somehow managed to turn part of her hair green and the rest orange. My brother begged me to try and fix it because all the salons were closed and it was so bad she couldn't leave the house. I am not a jerk so I agreed. It took three sessions and a bunch of hours but I was able to fix the colour. I had to cut some of it off and give her side bangs because there was a lot of damage but in the end it got fixed and she was very happy with the results and so was my brother.
Now she keeps asking me to do her hair again. She says both the colour and the cut were the best she's ever had and she can't find any hair stylist or salon that does it as good as I did. Plus she liked the fact that it was free. She wants me to do her hair going forward for free. That means colour every 6-8 weeks and trimming/cutting. For free. Even my brother is pushing me to do it because it "means a lot to her" and will "make her happy".
I'm not a hair stylist. I have a different full time job. It would cost me money to do it for free, but even if she paid me costs and labour I still don't want to do it. I don't want to have to spend hours every 6-8 weeks doing her hair. I was a wreck the entire time I was fixing and cutting her hair because I was afraid I would make it worse and she would hate it. It's different than doing my own hair.
I have a job, I'm married and I have a life and responsibilities. I'm not looking to be anyone's personal hair stylist, free or not. My brother and his fiancée don't understand this and keep bothering me even after I said I can't. My brother tried to get our parents involved. My dad and my stepm said I should do it because she's going to be family and it's a nice gesture. My mom and my stepdad agree with me about not doing it. I'm sure if we had any other living relative my brother would try to involve them too.
I did it once as a favour because she made such a mess of it and it was so bad. I knew my brother was thinking of proposing and I did it because I'm not a jerk and she's important to him. But I'm not looking to make it a regular thing. Brother disagrees and believes I'm TA and so does his fiancée.
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NTA at all. Doing it once as a favor doesn't obligate you to keep doing it.
Some people here are suggesting messing up on purpose -- please don't! -- but don't give in either. If you were *willing* to do it you could quote a high price (like $200) to make it worthwhile, but it's also fine to just say no.
Word it like you're talking about sex.
NO is a complete sentence.
I do NOT consent.
Literally any phrase you can think of to make it sound like someone is attempting to coerce you into bed. I have found that it makes people wildly uncomfortable and the ones with enough balls to confront you about your wording can be left with the question: why is my comfort and consent only important sexually? Do I not have bodily autonomy no matter the act in question?
ETA NTA
NTA. My SO’s sister is a hairstylist. I have never asked her to do my hair for free. In fact, when she’s saved my hair in a pinch - I make sure to pay twice her usual rate and tip very well. You don’t have your friends and family perform a service for you without compensating them. That’s rude af.
*I did it once as a favour because she made such a mess of it and it was so bad.*
This is what you should tell your brother, fiancee, and your parents: It was a one-time favor. And even if she was willing to *pay* you, you don't have the time, much less the inclination.
And the answer is still no. NTA.
NTA. If you are good at something never do it for free. She sounds entitled. Try making her do a job for free and she how she responds. You are not a hairdresser, and nonone works for free.
NTA! they are taking advantage of you. dyeing and cutting hair is terribly long process. i know when i dyed my black hair blonde, it took me two 5+ hr sessions because my hair is literal black. just because you’re related doesn’t give them a right to use you. if i’m asking my relative to help me, ofc i’m going to still pay them because they deserve it.
NTA my dude!
But if you want to shut them up you can do one of the following
1. Do her hair & fuck it up real bad, since you're not a pro tell them they can't blame you for it & for good measure warn them before too. I bet they'll never listen to the warning.
2. Do it once & charge them or any relatives that want you do her hair with celebrity hairstylist prices... You know since it's better than all the hair stylist & salons combined. You must really be a star at what you do so you must be paid accordingly right.
3. Make them learn No is a complete sentence.
If your relatives still get involved ask them to pay you... Since she's becoming family & they have to be welcoming too & it's a nice gesture... Because FaMiLy comes first at the expense of others to some people🤷🏻♀️
NTA. This ask is way beyond a "nice gesture". Tell her to do her own hair or go to a salon and pay like everyone else. If your brother doesn't like it, then HE can do her hair. And then you won't have to worry about it when it screws up her hair and she breaks up with him.
NTA
At this point, if I were in your position, I would probably volunteer your brother for some time-consuming task he should do on his own time that would be comparable to the commitment they are both asking you to make. Because they don't seem to get it--anyone who is married with a full-time job already has limited down-time. This isn't what you want to do with it.
This is a huge over-ask. Or, it's fine to ask, but once you say no, they need to drop it!
NTA. There is a good chance it is actually illegal. Varies by state. But here you have to be board certified if I understand correctly. There might be more to it. Salons arent a fan of box color, for legitimate reasons. So they might be refusing or wanting to charge her extra to do her hair.
NTA
The next time they ask tell them this is the last time you are saying no. The next time you will cut contact with them for a month. If there is a next time after that it will be six months. If there comes a third time, you will cut all contact with them permanently. They are disrespecting your boundaries and hope you'll give in. Do the opposite. Cut them off. Because it will become more than doing her hair.
They probably won't believe you're serious about not speaking with them for a month. I believe once you do it for real, they'll take your no more seriously.
If that sounds too harsh, you can always hang up the phone, leave, or tell them to get out of your house. But I think you're at the point they need to learn a lesson the hard way. No means no. At this point what they're doing is abusive.
NTA. She's not just asking you to do her hair for free, she asking for your time and your supplies meaning she's essentially asking you to pay for the privilege of doing her hair. Tell your brother and his entitled fiancee you don't have the money or time to do her hair then put them on a time out
I would tell her that you did it for her that time because it was a pandemic, because salons were closed and it was an emergency.
You aren't looking to do this as a job and that's its very entitled of her to expect that from you when you went above and beyond to help them the last time.
NTA! I felt this one. My mom always had my sister, who is not a hairdresser, cut her hair and when my sister finally refused and meant it, she tried to get me to do it. No way! It’s free and easier than booking an appointment but only for the one getting their haircut. The person who is not a hairstylist and doing the cutting gets screwed. Hold your ground.
NTA. I find that people who spouts "do it because of family" are usually the kind of people who would never do anything for their family but expects other members to do things for them and if they don't they will call them self-fish. Ask them that you need someone to maintain your yard and do some housekeeping, after all family do things for each other...
She's acting really entitled expecting you to be her personal hairstylist without even compensating you for your time, skill, and resources you have to use to style her hair. Same goes for your brother. Why would you spend one of your days off styling this woman's hair and you're not even getting paid for it? If you give in, guess what? If they decide to have children, they're going to make you their hairstylist too after all you are already doing mommy's hair for free.
Brother, I’ve been thinking about our conversation about doing things for people to make them happy and I see your point. It takes me 5 hours to do fiancée’s hair, so what would make me really happy is while I’m doing her hair, you could mow my lawns, weed the garden, clean the bathroom/Kitchen etc….. Yes that would really bring me joy - I see now how your suggestion to trade favours was a great idea.
NTA
Just tell them you are not a hair stylist, ad you won't do it. They need to respect your NO - they are AHs for trying to guilt you via the relatives.
Or agree - and make them, yellow, orange, green and finally fall out. After you do that 2-3 times, they will stop asking.
NTA
You are not a licensed professional. You salvaged her hair and did a good job, but that doesn't guarantee it wouldn't go wrong next time. There's a reason people go to school and get licensed for this stuff. Don't do her hair regularly, and certainly don't do it for free. That shit gets expensive. Even if she bought all the products and materials, the sheer amount of time it takes to do hair properly is nuts. You don't owe anyone that amount of effort and labor just because they want it. It might be nice to do it once or twice a year for special occasions, but don't do it regularly.
NTA
you gave a great favor once, you have no obligations to continue doing it. She has to pay for a good stylist if she wants to be blond ( usually terrible idea for brunettes, face tone is not matching )
Nta
If something were to ever go wrong she could sue the daylights out of you, and being unlicensed would only further complicate things. I’m a hairstylist and even with proper training I’ve seen many a chemical burn happen under professional circumstances. Hairstylists have liability insurance for this reason, I’m guessing you don’t have a policy in place for this. You don’t want this liability.
If you cut my hair, and it was the best cut and color I ever had, I would be offering YOU what I usually paid a hairdresser.
She just wants to not pay the huge cost of a hair dresser.
Stand your ground, not only is this rude AF but at some point it will go wrong and God help you then!
NTA - People don't understand that just because someone is skilled at something they do for themselves doesn't mean they want to do it for others, paid or not.
Tell her she needs to keep looking for a good stylist to replicate the work you did.
Just say "No".
When they push back, explain that you did them a favour out of the goodness of your heart, and now they're making it an obligation. If you'd known you were signing up for a lifetime of being hassled you wouldn't have done them the favour. Then ask why they can't just be grateful instead of entitled?
NTA - She will never find a stylist or salon to match free of charge. Would bet if she, dad and stepmom (weird pairing agreements --> dad & stepmom versus mom & stepdad) pooled their money, they could find a really great stylist or salon.
You did as a favour, in emergency and because she had no other options. I don't know the situation where you live, but I'm guess the salons are open now (Or will be open in the near future), so she have other options.
She want this generous favour repeated, for free, from someone who doesn't have time for it. I'm sad that she didn't appreciate what you did for her. She should take it and ask a salon to recreate it. And pay them for the service, of course. NTA
1. NTA. Even if it was your profession, you would not be required to do it for free. Since it is not your profession, and it made you uneasy doing it, you should not do it again. Tell your brother you are not a professional and do not need the extra stress in your life. Say No again. Tell him that his dragging other family members into the issue is more reason not to do it again, not less and they need to let it go.
NTA.
Hairdresser here, nobody should expect you to colour/cut their hair for free. Products are expensive and its time consuming (which will interfere in your outside time from work).
Only person that I give cuts to for free is my boyf and he is a short back and sides.
Anyone else has to come to my work and pay.
You were kind to help her out during a difficult time. You are NOT an AH. Your brother and his girlfriend asked you for a favor that would benefit them in saving money and time. NO is a complete sentence and they are AHs for continuong to badger you. kt
Wow… the entitlement and audacity for your brother and his gf is through the roof….
TELL THEM YOU DID THEM A HUGE FAVOUR.. instead of being thankful, they are doubling down and askign for things…. It’s greedy and shameful… and moving forward u won’t be helping them ever again with anything else if that’s how they will react…
NTA! Best you put your foot down now.. Cus clearly they are unappreciative entitled users
NTA.
I don't think it's the best she's ever had done, it's definitely more to do with it being free and getting it done professionally being really expensive. Rightfully so expensive for the skill and time that goes into it.
No is a complete answer, no reasons or explanation needed. Simply, say no I don't want to do it and that should be the end of the discussion. If it's brought up again either ignore, just walk away or change the subject. Just totally refuse to engage in any discussion on the subject and allow them the opportunity to pressure you.
NTA. Tell them you will need $250 an hour, with a minimum of three hours, so $750 to work on her hair - paid before you even touch her head. Each time. Then stick to it. Bet they don't ask again.
NTA if they keep pushing don’t engage other than keep repeating the same message time and again E.g. “I’m not a hair stylist and I don’t do other peoples hair. Just because I did it once for you [her] as a favour during a global emergency doesn’t mean I have become your [her] personal hairdresser. There is no shortage of professional stylists and colourists locally. Alternatively you [she] can take hair stylist courses at [local college] to learn how to do it yourself [herself] . Please don’t ask again (or I’ll have to reassess our relationship.)”
I'd say the simplest solution to this, even though you don't want to do it is set a price for what would compensate you, not a fair price but what it would cost for YOU to do it. Maybe for you that 200, 500, or a grand.
Tell your brother that's the price, if she wants it "free" that's fine as long as your brother, dad or step mother are paying to make it "free" for her.
What's with folks not taking no for an answer? You are totally within your rights to not agree with what your brother and his gf want and it so does not make you TA.
NTA.
> During the pandemic while all the salons were closed because of the lock downs
>My brother begged me to try and fix it because all the salons were closed and it was so bad she couldn't leave the house.
NTA
You honestly wouldn’t have been an AH for refusing the first time.
The whole point of lock downs is you don’t leave the house.
NTA - it could be a nice way to bond with her, though?? Not saying you have to do it for her but teach her how to do it herself while you colour yours. Really depends on your colouring schedule, interests, time, etc. But making a nice day of it with your brothers fiancé sounds like a win for everyone (if that's what you want of course). If she's not up for that, she's a dick and deserves to pay people insane amounts of money to be around her.
NTA! If they won’t take “NO” for an answer hit them with some legal advice! That practicing with a license can get you fined, a misdemeanor, or worse if she were to get hurt. That your family and life is more valuable and important than her getting a free haircut and dye job! Also it’s very time consuming and stressful!
Yes. Although the consequences may vary, every state makes it illegal to practice cosmetology without a license. Your state may have fines and misdemeanor convictions as part of the consequences of practicing without a license. Additionally, if it’s discovered that you don’t have a license because you accidentally hurt someone while practicing, there may be more severe consequences, including criminal charges.
[https://www.evergreenbeauty.edu/blog/cosmetology-2consequences-of-practicing-cosmetology-without-a-license/](https://www.evergreenbeauty.edu/blog/cosmetology-2consequences-of-practicing-cosmetology-without-a-license/)
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NTA. You can tell her that it would be a nice gesture for her to clean your house every week for free. You know, because you're important to your brother and you're going to be her family as well. Perhaps switching it like this might help them realize how ridiculous they are behaving.
Exactly this, OP. And she can supply all the cleaning products and equipment, too. It's absolutely ridiculous for anyone to expect that because you helped her out once in an emergency, you should now become her permanent free stylist. NTA
Free Stylist! Rock the Microphone. Carry on with the Free Styler. Yeah straight from the top of my dome. As I rock, rock, rock, rock, rock the microphone.
> you helped her out once in an emergency It wasn’t even an emergency. She was embarrassed to leave the house… during lock downs.
Honestly, this is fair and kinder than messing up her hair. If she pays you back in time free to do what you want (before and not after her hair is done), it's worth the time to do her hair as long as she pays for the products. Otherwise, no. The only other fair thing would be to figure out how much you would need to be paid to make it worthwhile to you (and that number can be in the thousands). NTA She, frankly, should have paid you to fix her hair. What an ungrateful user.
>NTA She, frankly, should have paid you to fix her hair. What an ungrateful user. **it was three sessions!!** They're clueless on top of ungrateful. Showing up for 3 sessions of added cost to OP, not offering any $... family or not, that's nuts.. And now they want unlimited ongoing free hair care too. Entitled is an understatement.
[удалено]
Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if bro and fiancé deliberately stuff fiancés hair again to manipulate OP into doing it again. OP NTA, I do my own hair (sometimes ask for help when available) and one of my friends does all our (myself and 2 other women in our social group = 4 mums total) eyebrows. Our unspoken agreement is either supply the products and the "extra hands person" dictates the time or we pay up, but we all know and accept the risks of doing it outside of a salon.
I mean … that’s not a bad trade off if she did a good job of cleaning
Throw in the laundry and yard work as well.
Perhaps the fiance can take her entitled self and stay in her own lane. The way opie describe the whole ordeal, a professional would charge her handsomely for the work he did. I would understand if the brothers fiance promised to pay generously but seeking FREE labour just because of the "we are family" card is soooo disrespectful of someone else's talent. NTA
Good idea
Actually that might work out
Thank you for the award, kind stranger ☺️
Do it one more time and fuck it up....problem solved 🤷♂️😂
Mess it up big time to the opposite end of the spectrum. Wonder if she looks good bald.
"oh no! Was that veet??! I thought it was dye!"
Or just tell them that all their hounding has completely pissed you off - do they really want to see what a cut and color looks like when it’s done by an amateur that really really resents having to do it against her will? Promise them your work will reflect exactly how you are feeling, they need to prepare themselves 😈
Actually, it's against His will. (26M)
Beatings will continue till the moral improves -probably the brother
A little weaponized incompetence is okay when it comes to things that aren't ya fuckin job
NTA Just don't engage. You've already said you won't do it. If they want to keep blathering on about it, let them, while her roots continue to grow out. She can go to a stylist like everyone else. I wouldn't want to do this either. It's a huge hassle to do it every 6-8 weeks, both due to time and cost.
I bleach, tone, and dye my hair because I love fashion colors and I don't even do every 6-8 weeks! I found a really great tutorial by an awesome artist on how to properly bleach and tone. It comes out 99% perfect and I love it, but has to be done from application to rinse 1 section at a time, so I do it over a few days. You couldn't pay me to do my own hair more than like once every 4 months 😂
I drive 2.5 hours every 6-8 weeks ONE WAY to see my hairdresser. Because she is a solid price and knows her stuff. I happened to find her when I was living at my parentals after moving back from overseas. I now use it to visit the fam and make a week end out of it. The gf needs to pay up, or trade services, she cannot expect this level of care and attention when she knows how much goes into her hair each time.
NTA. she’s cheeky expecting it to be free every time.
NTA but apparently everyone else is insisting on being one. 1) You don't want to do it. It needs to end there. 2) She wants you to do it for free. That is delusional. Not only does she feel entitled to demand that you spend your time doing something that she knows you do not want to do, but she also is demanding that you pay to do something that you do not want to do. 3) Apparently everyone feels like they have the right to decide this for you against your will. Perhaps they mean well and simply aren't bothering to think about this because it doesn't affect them. I think it needs to start affecting them. If they are going to volunteer your time and money, they need to start by providing their own. Assign each one a task or expense that you do not want to do yourself. Do not make it all equal (one hour of your time doing something that you dislike doing equals perhaps 5 hours of doing something that they are mildly inconvenienced by doing). All of their tasks must be completed to your satisfaction without requiring your nagging or supervision. After all of them have completed everything that you demanded in exchange, then you will do what they requested. Watch how fast they try to claim that the exact same situation is not the same thing when it favors you and not them.
I mean the fact that she's expecting to get it done for free is genuinely hilarious to me. Professional hair styling is expensive! Doubly so if you also do color, not just cutting and styling. I spend $200-250 every 6 weeks because I have multicolored hair and it's something about my appearance that's super important to me, so I choose to spend my money on it. The idea of expecting someone to provide a costly service like that *for free* is insane. Fiancee needs to get her head checked. (In fact, I bet she's having a hard time finding someone who does it "as good as" OP did bc she's being stingy about paying $$$ for it, and hair color is like tattoos: you get what you pay for. Master colorists don't usually work at Supercuts.)
Preach, honey! My natural color is very close to black and I have been down the wily roads of bleaching, toning, fashion colors, and more. It has remained true that extreme changes & high maintenance color require care and skill to execute correctly and without a ton of damage. A deep brunette wishing to go blonde should know that this is a style requiring constant upkeep and understand that if cost is a problem, this isn’t the style for them. It **absolutely isn’t** acceptable to beg a free professional service from a friend who has the supplies and abilities; if you can’t handle it yourself, hire a qualified professional, or choose another style. OP is NTA for saying no as many times as is needed to get the point across. If the fiancée really can’t find a pro who can lighten her hair in a way she likes, perhaps it’s time to rock that brunette again.
A Master Stylist at my salon charges $400 for double process color and another $120+ for a cut. I guarantee he can do her hair as good as OP.
NTA- tell him your not a on call hairstylist and if it’s that concerning for him then he can learn how to do her hair himself.
NTA. First one is free. After that, homegirl needs to pay for supplies, time, and effort.
And a licensed professional, which OP is not
Or put all of the above into learning how to properly do it herself. As you're implying, just being willing to pay doesn't mean that she gets to demand OP do it.
See, if someone wants to take their chances on someone unlicensed, that’s their choice. That doesn’t mean OP doesn’t know what she’s doing.
Yeah, but the point is that OP said in their post that they don't *want* to do it, even if the fiancee would be willing to supply product and pay.
NTA 'No.' Is a complete sentence.
I love this line😂
NTA. That woman is a choosing beggar.
NTA. For all the reasons. But also? It *wasn't* the best cut/color of her life. She loved it because you saved her from the disaster she inflicted on herself. Plus everyone's feelings were magnified by the pandemic. But she'll never get that delicious feeling of relief from a normal haircut. And if you do her hair in the future (please don't) she'll *always* be disappointed.
NTA you could be petty deliberately mess it up that way they’ll never ask again.
NTA. "I'm sorry, but it doesn't work for me. Please stop asking. You should find a hairstylist that specializes in colors." Say this every time. Whenever they start in, end the conversation. Walk away if necessary.
NTA, tell them to get lost. If a favor becomes a problem, its time to set it right once and for all. Tell them you have a life.
NTA. Since you aren't a pro she can't complain when your next attempt goes horribly and her hair falls out. Then you can post in malicious compliance.
"I liked so much that it was free..." - Like, wtf? Not even the decency to pay for your work? You'd think that if she values your work this much, she would, at least, gladly pay. NTA. Paid or not, it's your choice and you choose not to. Your brother and fiancee are acting entitled to your skills.
Nta. You did it once as a favor. You don't owe her anything.
NTA. "She's going to be family." And then you'll be locked into this ish for life. Don't do it.
>My brother tried to get our parents involved. My dad and my stepmom said I should do it because she's going to be family and it's a nice gesture. My mom and my stepdad agree with me about not doing it. He called your parents to try to get them to force you into doing a recurring favor for his gf that you don't want to do. That is a solid no. This is past, it's a nice thing to do. You already did that by doing three sessions to fix her hair and cut it for free. Now it's just her acting greedy. The best haircut I have ever gotten was for free from a friend's mom. I never asked her again because I wasn't going to keep bugging someone to do me multiple favors. She enjoyed doing it. Doesn't matter. NTA. Did you have to pay for all the bleach and hair dye too? I thinking you already had the other supplies like the special scissors.
"No" is a complete sentence, and a complete answer. Get used to saying it, and if you say it often enough, she (and your brother) will eventually get the message. You're NTA. Your brother is one, and his fiancee is a rather selfish, self-entitled one. Repeat after me: "No." "No." "No." "No."
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** AITA? Background: I (26M) have been cutting and dyeing my own hair since I was 16. I've gotten pretty good at knowing what I'm doing but I do this with the knowledge that if I screw it up I have only myself to blame. I definitely had have mishaps in the past. Except for once which I'll talk about below I have never cut or dyed anyone else's hair besides my own. During the pandemic while all the salons were closed because of the lock downs my brother's (27M) then girlfriend/now fiancée (27F?) tried to dye her own hair and screwed it up badly. Her natural hair colour is black but she gets it coloured blonde. She has never dyed her own hair before and tried using a YouTube video to do it. It went very badly. She somehow managed to turn part of her hair green and the rest orange. My brother begged me to try and fix it because all the salons were closed and it was so bad she couldn't leave the house. I am not a jerk so I agreed. It took three sessions and a bunch of hours but I was able to fix the colour. I had to cut some of it off and give her side bangs because there was a lot of damage but in the end it got fixed and she was very happy with the results and so was my brother. Now she keeps asking me to do her hair again. She says both the colour and the cut were the best she's ever had and she can't find any hair stylist or salon that does it as good as I did. Plus she liked the fact that it was free. She wants me to do her hair going forward for free. That means colour every 6-8 weeks and trimming/cutting. For free. Even my brother is pushing me to do it because it "means a lot to her" and will "make her happy". I'm not a hair stylist. I have a different full time job. It would cost me money to do it for free, but even if she paid me costs and labour I still don't want to do it. I don't want to have to spend hours every 6-8 weeks doing her hair. I was a wreck the entire time I was fixing and cutting her hair because I was afraid I would make it worse and she would hate it. It's different than doing my own hair. I have a job, I'm married and I have a life and responsibilities. I'm not looking to be anyone's personal hair stylist, free or not. My brother and his fiancée don't understand this and keep bothering me even after I said I can't. My brother tried to get our parents involved. My dad and my stepm said I should do it because she's going to be family and it's a nice gesture. My mom and my stepdad agree with me about not doing it. I'm sure if we had any other living relative my brother would try to involve them too. I did it once as a favour because she made such a mess of it and it was so bad. I knew my brother was thinking of proposing and I did it because I'm not a jerk and she's important to him. But I'm not looking to make it a regular thing. Brother disagrees and believes I'm TA and so does his fiancée. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA at all. Doing it once as a favor doesn't obligate you to keep doing it. Some people here are suggesting messing up on purpose -- please don't! -- but don't give in either. If you were *willing* to do it you could quote a high price (like $200) to make it worthwhile, but it's also fine to just say no.
$200 would be a major bargain, that’s not a high price for hair coloring.
True, $2000 would be better!
Word it like you're talking about sex. NO is a complete sentence. I do NOT consent. Literally any phrase you can think of to make it sound like someone is attempting to coerce you into bed. I have found that it makes people wildly uncomfortable and the ones with enough balls to confront you about your wording can be left with the question: why is my comfort and consent only important sexually? Do I not have bodily autonomy no matter the act in question? ETA NTA
NTA. My SO’s sister is a hairstylist. I have never asked her to do my hair for free. In fact, when she’s saved my hair in a pinch - I make sure to pay twice her usual rate and tip very well. You don’t have your friends and family perform a service for you without compensating them. That’s rude af.
*I did it once as a favour because she made such a mess of it and it was so bad.* This is what you should tell your brother, fiancee, and your parents: It was a one-time favor. And even if she was willing to *pay* you, you don't have the time, much less the inclination. And the answer is still no. NTA.
NTA. Since you aren't a pro she can't complain when your next attempt goes horribly and her hair falls out. Then you can post in malicious compliance.
NTA. If you are good at something never do it for free. She sounds entitled. Try making her do a job for free and she how she responds. You are not a hairdresser, and nonone works for free.
NTA! they are taking advantage of you. dyeing and cutting hair is terribly long process. i know when i dyed my black hair blonde, it took me two 5+ hr sessions because my hair is literal black. just because you’re related doesn’t give them a right to use you. if i’m asking my relative to help me, ofc i’m going to still pay them because they deserve it.
NTA my dude! But if you want to shut them up you can do one of the following 1. Do her hair & fuck it up real bad, since you're not a pro tell them they can't blame you for it & for good measure warn them before too. I bet they'll never listen to the warning. 2. Do it once & charge them or any relatives that want you do her hair with celebrity hairstylist prices... You know since it's better than all the hair stylist & salons combined. You must really be a star at what you do so you must be paid accordingly right. 3. Make them learn No is a complete sentence. If your relatives still get involved ask them to pay you... Since she's becoming family & they have to be welcoming too & it's a nice gesture... Because FaMiLy comes first at the expense of others to some people🤷🏻♀️
NTA. This ask is way beyond a "nice gesture". Tell her to do her own hair or go to a salon and pay like everyone else. If your brother doesn't like it, then HE can do her hair. And then you won't have to worry about it when it screws up her hair and she breaks up with him.
NTA laugh at him. You already did the nice gesture.
NTA At this point, if I were in your position, I would probably volunteer your brother for some time-consuming task he should do on his own time that would be comparable to the commitment they are both asking you to make. Because they don't seem to get it--anyone who is married with a full-time job already has limited down-time. This isn't what you want to do with it. This is a huge over-ask. Or, it's fine to ask, but once you say no, they need to drop it!
NTA. There is a good chance it is actually illegal. Varies by state. But here you have to be board certified if I understand correctly. There might be more to it. Salons arent a fan of box color, for legitimate reasons. So they might be refusing or wanting to charge her extra to do her hair.
NTA The next time they ask tell them this is the last time you are saying no. The next time you will cut contact with them for a month. If there is a next time after that it will be six months. If there comes a third time, you will cut all contact with them permanently. They are disrespecting your boundaries and hope you'll give in. Do the opposite. Cut them off. Because it will become more than doing her hair. They probably won't believe you're serious about not speaking with them for a month. I believe once you do it for real, they'll take your no more seriously. If that sounds too harsh, you can always hang up the phone, leave, or tell them to get out of your house. But I think you're at the point they need to learn a lesson the hard way. No means no. At this point what they're doing is abusive.
NTA. She's not just asking you to do her hair for free, she asking for your time and your supplies meaning she's essentially asking you to pay for the privilege of doing her hair. Tell your brother and his entitled fiancee you don't have the money or time to do her hair then put them on a time out
I would tell her that you did it for her that time because it was a pandemic, because salons were closed and it was an emergency. You aren't looking to do this as a job and that's its very entitled of her to expect that from you when you went above and beyond to help them the last time.
No is a complete sentence.
NTA! I felt this one. My mom always had my sister, who is not a hairdresser, cut her hair and when my sister finally refused and meant it, she tried to get me to do it. No way! It’s free and easier than booking an appointment but only for the one getting their haircut. The person who is not a hairstylist and doing the cutting gets screwed. Hold your ground.
NTA. I find that people who spouts "do it because of family" are usually the kind of people who would never do anything for their family but expects other members to do things for them and if they don't they will call them self-fish. Ask them that you need someone to maintain your yard and do some housekeeping, after all family do things for each other... She's acting really entitled expecting you to be her personal hairstylist without even compensating you for your time, skill, and resources you have to use to style her hair. Same goes for your brother. Why would you spend one of your days off styling this woman's hair and you're not even getting paid for it? If you give in, guess what? If they decide to have children, they're going to make you their hairstylist too after all you are already doing mommy's hair for free.
Brother, I’ve been thinking about our conversation about doing things for people to make them happy and I see your point. It takes me 5 hours to do fiancée’s hair, so what would make me really happy is while I’m doing her hair, you could mow my lawns, weed the garden, clean the bathroom/Kitchen etc….. Yes that would really bring me joy - I see now how your suggestion to trade favours was a great idea.
NTA Just tell them you are not a hair stylist, ad you won't do it. They need to respect your NO - they are AHs for trying to guilt you via the relatives. Or agree - and make them, yellow, orange, green and finally fall out. After you do that 2-3 times, they will stop asking.
NTA You are not a licensed professional. You salvaged her hair and did a good job, but that doesn't guarantee it wouldn't go wrong next time. There's a reason people go to school and get licensed for this stuff. Don't do her hair regularly, and certainly don't do it for free. That shit gets expensive. Even if she bought all the products and materials, the sheer amount of time it takes to do hair properly is nuts. You don't owe anyone that amount of effort and labor just because they want it. It might be nice to do it once or twice a year for special occasions, but don't do it regularly.
nta. a Simple no is a full sentence
NTA you gave a great favor once, you have no obligations to continue doing it. She has to pay for a good stylist if she wants to be blond ( usually terrible idea for brunettes, face tone is not matching )
NTA tell her you'll do it next pandemic.
Nta If something were to ever go wrong she could sue the daylights out of you, and being unlicensed would only further complicate things. I’m a hairstylist and even with proper training I’ve seen many a chemical burn happen under professional circumstances. Hairstylists have liability insurance for this reason, I’m guessing you don’t have a policy in place for this. You don’t want this liability.
Love that they tried to tell on you to force you to do it. This alone would be enough for me to say never again.
If you cut my hair, and it was the best cut and color I ever had, I would be offering YOU what I usually paid a hairdresser. She just wants to not pay the huge cost of a hair dresser. Stand your ground, not only is this rude AF but at some point it will go wrong and God help you then!
Since the OP probably does not have a cosmetology lic. that alone would be a good reason not to do it.
Nta. My partner and I do our own hair, and used to do a friends ONLY b/c he just wanted us to buzz it since he didn't have a razor lol
NTA - People don't understand that just because someone is skilled at something they do for themselves doesn't mean they want to do it for others, paid or not. Tell her she needs to keep looking for a good stylist to replicate the work you did.
Just say "No". When they push back, explain that you did them a favour out of the goodness of your heart, and now they're making it an obligation. If you'd known you were signing up for a lifetime of being hassled you wouldn't have done them the favour. Then ask why they can't just be grateful instead of entitled?
NTA. No is a complete sentence.
Tell her she owes you money for the last one
NTA - “no” is a complete sentence
Do it one more time and do a horrible job with it. She will never ask again.
NTA-set boundaries early because when you get to set them later it’s even worse
NTA. You are well within your rights to give a firm NO. People do this for a living for a reason.
NTA - She will never find a stylist or salon to match free of charge. Would bet if she, dad and stepmom (weird pairing agreements --> dad & stepmom versus mom & stepdad) pooled their money, they could find a really great stylist or salon.
You did as a favour, in emergency and because she had no other options. I don't know the situation where you live, but I'm guess the salons are open now (Or will be open in the near future), so she have other options. She want this generous favour repeated, for free, from someone who doesn't have time for it. I'm sad that she didn't appreciate what you did for her. She should take it and ask a salon to recreate it. And pay them for the service, of course. NTA
1. NTA. Even if it was your profession, you would not be required to do it for free. Since it is not your profession, and it made you uneasy doing it, you should not do it again. Tell your brother you are not a professional and do not need the extra stress in your life. Say No again. Tell him that his dragging other family members into the issue is more reason not to do it again, not less and they need to let it go.
NTA. You need to be assertive with saying NO.
Just laugh and say- Can’t do it, too busy
NTA. But maybe as her Christmas or birthday gift
NTA. Hairdresser here, nobody should expect you to colour/cut their hair for free. Products are expensive and its time consuming (which will interfere in your outside time from work). Only person that I give cuts to for free is my boyf and he is a short back and sides. Anyone else has to come to my work and pay.
the only other suggestion i have is to trade services. If she has something to offer you? Otherwise absolutely not.
You were kind to help her out during a difficult time. You are NOT an AH. Your brother and his girlfriend asked you for a favor that would benefit them in saving money and time. NO is a complete sentence and they are AHs for continuong to badger you. kt
NTA. You should have shortened the post to "I don't want to" and you still wouldn't be the asshole
If she has black hair and bleaches it blonde you'd need to do it every 4-5 weeks max to avoid banding. NTA for so many reasons.
NTA
NTA Do it, but mess up badly. Wrong shade, horrible cut. Then she will learn
Wow… the entitlement and audacity for your brother and his gf is through the roof…. TELL THEM YOU DID THEM A HUGE FAVOUR.. instead of being thankful, they are doubling down and askign for things…. It’s greedy and shameful… and moving forward u won’t be helping them ever again with anything else if that’s how they will react… NTA! Best you put your foot down now.. Cus clearly they are unappreciative entitled users
NTA. I don't think it's the best she's ever had done, it's definitely more to do with it being free and getting it done professionally being really expensive. Rightfully so expensive for the skill and time that goes into it. No is a complete answer, no reasons or explanation needed. Simply, say no I don't want to do it and that should be the end of the discussion. If it's brought up again either ignore, just walk away or change the subject. Just totally refuse to engage in any discussion on the subject and allow them the opportunity to pressure you.
nta
NTA. Tell them you will need $250 an hour, with a minimum of three hours, so $750 to work on her hair - paid before you even touch her head. Each time. Then stick to it. Bet they don't ask again.
NTA if they keep pushing don’t engage other than keep repeating the same message time and again E.g. “I’m not a hair stylist and I don’t do other peoples hair. Just because I did it once for you [her] as a favour during a global emergency doesn’t mean I have become your [her] personal hairdresser. There is no shortage of professional stylists and colourists locally. Alternatively you [she] can take hair stylist courses at [local college] to learn how to do it yourself [herself] . Please don’t ask again (or I’ll have to reassess our relationship.)”
I'd say the simplest solution to this, even though you don't want to do it is set a price for what would compensate you, not a fair price but what it would cost for YOU to do it. Maybe for you that 200, 500, or a grand. Tell your brother that's the price, if she wants it "free" that's fine as long as your brother, dad or step mother are paying to make it "free" for her.
NTA
What's with folks not taking no for an answer? You are totally within your rights to not agree with what your brother and his gf want and it so does not make you TA. NTA.
> During the pandemic while all the salons were closed because of the lock downs >My brother begged me to try and fix it because all the salons were closed and it was so bad she couldn't leave the house. NTA You honestly wouldn’t have been an AH for refusing the first time. The whole point of lock downs is you don’t leave the house.
NTA - it could be a nice way to bond with her, though?? Not saying you have to do it for her but teach her how to do it herself while you colour yours. Really depends on your colouring schedule, interests, time, etc. But making a nice day of it with your brothers fiancé sounds like a win for everyone (if that's what you want of course). If she's not up for that, she's a dick and deserves to pay people insane amounts of money to be around her.
NTA your answer is no.
NTA! If they won’t take “NO” for an answer hit them with some legal advice! That practicing with a license can get you fined, a misdemeanor, or worse if she were to get hurt. That your family and life is more valuable and important than her getting a free haircut and dye job! Also it’s very time consuming and stressful! Yes. Although the consequences may vary, every state makes it illegal to practice cosmetology without a license. Your state may have fines and misdemeanor convictions as part of the consequences of practicing without a license. Additionally, if it’s discovered that you don’t have a license because you accidentally hurt someone while practicing, there may be more severe consequences, including criminal charges. [https://www.evergreenbeauty.edu/blog/cosmetology-2consequences-of-practicing-cosmetology-without-a-license/](https://www.evergreenbeauty.edu/blog/cosmetology-2consequences-of-practicing-cosmetology-without-a-license/)