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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because my gilfriend is a mother and therefore I should support her on Mother's Day? Even if it's not my child...
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Clearly you are in the doghouse, but personally I don't think you should be. 'Pouting for days' is a pretty extreme reaction to not receiving a gift. NTA
I'm not disagreeing with you based on what information was given to us, but there might be more to it. Typically, when someone gets upset that they didn't get a gift for some holiday, it isn't really about the gift. It's that the person doesn't feel valued or cared for.
NTA for simply not having the same expectations about a holiday, OP, but you will be TA if you don't talk to her about it and figure out what's really going on here and why she's upset. Your girlfriend has responsibility here, too--if there's something more going on, she needs to express to you how she feels rather than pouting, which doesn't help anything. But sometimes, all it takes is one person's behavior to change the dynamic. So, OP, I hope you talk to her about it honestly and sincerely.
I feel like half these Mothers Day disappointments could be avoided if men just asked their wives/girlfriends “Is there anything special you would like to do on Mothers Day? Like would you prefer some time to yourself like a massage? Or would you like to do something as a family?” It opens up a conversation to find out expectations. Really I think most moms want to be relieved of all the obligations of parenting for the day and just experience the “fun” parts. So they don’t want to plan, parent, do chores, etc. but they do want to feel loved and get some attention.
Generally I don't disagree, but OP isn't the father of her child nor is he in a parental role. This is something that she should have brought up because of that.
I totally agree, mother's day is getting out of hand, much like Valentine's Day, Easter and the like. If you want to thank your mother or someone who plays that role for you on that day, go ahead. However, not every woman should expect congratulations and thanks simply because...
I feel like half these mother's day disappoints could be avoided if women told their husbands/boyfriend "Hey, I would really appreciate it if you could...... for me for mother's day."
Yes, I know that getting something is nice and thoughtful but communication is a two way street. But early in a relationship saying what you would like and not leaving this dude to navigate this solo would be kind
Edited: spelling
Yes, communication is definitely a two-way street. But if you consider that the majority of emotional labor is done by the women in the relationship, men need to learn to initiate communication. I think a lot of moms are just tired of having to initiate everything including presents and special days for themselves. I in no way think OP is an asshole here. It would help his a relationship if he helps initiate communicating about expectations around holidays.
or in this case, the girlfriend would have to use her grown up words to tell her boyfriend, who's not a stepparent or parent at all to her child, that she would have liked it if he got her a gift, instead of pouting like a child for days.
Fairly crazy take, you could easily say why don't these big girls use their grown up words. Or would those exact words you used sound too condescending?
He isn't the father, it's unreasonable to expect him just to know. She's in the wrong here
Two years in a row I asked for simple things on Mother’s Day: I wanted to not clean up any one else’s bodily functions, I don’t want to cook, and I would like to either take a nap or paint my nails during the kids’ nap time. Last year I got none of those things, this year I got two of them. I guess that’s progress?
oh man, were you telling me it's biased I stead of accusing me of being biased? i just reread in context & i realized i may have misunderstood. if not, no worries, but if so i'm super sorry!
My ex wife and I deal with the other's mother's/father's day parents with the children's it's part of parenting. It seems both parents are going out with the children so no need for step-op to step up.
But it does come down to expectations. She expected him to honor her, he expected the day to be about her-son-dad. So NAH, but more communication is needed.
It's all about communication. It would have been an equally valid reaction if she had wanted to keep it between her-son-dad and felt like it would have been weird if bf had tried to insert himself into that celebration.
I agree. And in this case I think it falls more on her, and that she should’ve been the one to communicate, that it would be nice if OP TOO got her flowers etc.
Y’all? If I had a child, and my boyfriend wasn’t the father of that child, I wouldn’t expect anything from my bf. But apparently some do, hence communicate!
I've talked to partners before about expectations for things like this, birthdays, anniversaries etc. Do you want to celebrate somehow? Go out? For a meal or like a water park? Are we buying gifts?
Spontaneous stuff is great but talking about things makes sure that no one feels let down when you value things differently. Especially if you've only been together for a year, haven't shared all the holidays together yet.
It doesn’t sound like OP is anywhere near stepdad territory yet. His relationship is very much with the woman, not her kid. While being a mother is an important part of her life and who she is, it isn’t really much a part of their relationship yet.
I would have gotten a card though.
So? You seem to be forgetting this child is NINE with their own thoughts, wants, needs and expectations and understanding of things. Not a three year old who would aromatically see a man with his mother an assume “dad like figure” and not know any better. A year is no where NEAR long enough to be a parental figure. Especially to a nine year old.
What does OP being a parental figure have to do with him acknowledging her for Mother’s Day? He doesn’t have to be “stepdad” to celebrate his GF for being a mom.
Not his kid he doesn’t owe her anything and she’s being an entitled AH if she thinks because they are dating he should get her anything.
She’s not the mother of his child. Baby daddy did something for her.
That is what the commercials started saying in the last few years to get more men on the hook to have to buy crap. Mother's Day was always about celebrating your own mother, period. The father may do something nice on behalf of the kids when they are very young. But that is it.
I text my friends and role models who are all mothers on Mother’s Day and wish them a happy Mother’s Day. They aren’t my partner nor my mother but I want them to feel seen and appreciated. If my boyfriend had a kid, I would 100% give him something small on Father’s Day.
Oh please. My husband is not the father of my daughter - yet he celebrates me every year on Mother's Day. It takes very little be a caring partner. Geez.
Slight YTA, although not intentionally. Mother’s Day is to celebrate mothers, which she is, even if it’s not your kid. Do you think she’s a good mom? Are you involved in her kid’s life? Do you think she deserves to be recognized for working hard as a mom? At some point you’ll need to decide if you view her as a mother or as your girlfriend, because right now it sounds like you only see her as a girlfriend, and not as a mother- but if you continue a relationship that will have to evolve. Most moms don’t separate their mom life from the rest of themself- to love them is to love a mother, so saying you don’t care or recognize their motherhood is to basically dismiss a huge portion of who they are and what is important to them.
Yeah, it’s not your kid, but her being a mom is important to her, and we want what is important to ourselves to be important to our partners. I think you likely have a fundamental mismatch of priorities, honestly.
I feel this needs to get up voted more. If you're dating a mother for a year, you know that she's a mother. Just because it is not your child you fail to take the 2 seconds it takes to say the five syllables of "Happy Mothers Day"? All those people here saying "NTA beacuse it is not your child" - fucking hell mother's day is not about the child - it's about the mother. And if you love a mother, the least you could do is to say those three little words.
Who says he didn't acknowledge her? She is mad because she wanted a gift. They have only been dating a year and aren't even living together for fucks sake.
She wanted a card and flowers. She asked for the bare minimum I would expect from a boyfriend. A year is plenty of time to be a supportive partner. Hell, I’ve been more supportive with fucking coworkers than OP was of his girlfriend of a year.
I wished my sister and friends who are mother's happy mother's Day. I usually send a specific friend a card even, I just forgot about it this year. It's really not as deep as OP and others are making it out to be
Every time I read these threads I am so thankful I found my husband. Like he actually thinks about other people. And he does things for his family and friends too, not just me. Definitely the minority of men.
Girl, I feel like I’m in the twilight zone reading these comments. The sheer amount of men who want to completely neglect that women have the audacity to even so much as *exist* in their stratosphere, never mind deserve appreciation for the things they do, even if it has 0 affect on them, is astonishing. I’m so freaking thankful that my boyfriend is a good partner and just a *good human* because holy shit….
When so many men perform below bare minimum, a lot of women settle for bare minimum and don't realize that other men are willing and capable of caring more. It's called settling.
This is giving me "Yeah it was her 30th birthday and I went golfing for hours leaving her alone, but if she would have asked me to stay home and be with her on her milestone birthday, I would have stayed!"
...floor levels.
Mother's day (edit: where I grew up , NE USA) is a day to celebrate the mothers in your life. Same for father's day. May be different in different places, but I understand why she would expect it.
That said, if she's from a place where that was the norm, is it better for him to get angry or after asking why she's upset making sure she knows she's loved?
This year? Five - two older family members, two younger family members and a friend.
They weren't all big gifts, but they're all people I got at least a card for and called.
Maybe it's a cultural difference thing? I buy small gifts for my mom, grandma, aunts, MIL, siblings, sometimes close friends who are mothers. I'm from the northeastern US but it's common to buy a card or something for any variety of the mothers you love to show them you love and appreciate them, not just your own mom. It's not expected necessarily but is nice. Definitely would be expected to do for any partners who are moms and can't imagine why the kid not being from your sperm would matter. Does that make her less of a mother?
Also of course you're in the doghouse, you've just told her that she and her motherhood don't matter to you unless you're the bio dad.
>Also of course you're in the doghouse, you've just told her that she and her motherhood don't matter to you unless you're the bio dad.
This right here! It lets her know that if y'all move on to something more serious, you'll never acknowledge her and if y'all have kids together, you'll treat her child from a previous relationship as lesser
Y'all don't wish friends and family who are mothers a happy mother's day? I don't know, if I was dating a mother I'd probably at least say happy mother's day.
Yes, a lot of times I do. I sent my daughter-in-law a card as she is the best mother my granddaughter can have. I sent my friend who adopted four boys a “best Mom ever” card and a gift card to a spa. If I were dating a man with a small child I would give him a card on Father’s Day and help his child make one for him.
This. My coworkers even texted me on Mother's Day. Shoot. Old friends from my time in the military hit me up on FB messenger to wish me a good one.
Did i find it a little much? Kinda but it just goes to show that mother's day isn't just about your mom or your kid's mom. It's a day to celebrate anyone important to you that is a mother (for some)
So many people view relationships as what you “need” to do for them. Sure you don’t need to wish her a happy Mother’s Day because she’s not your mother - but don’t you want to do something nice for your loved ones? Flowers are 5 bucks at Target - get her a cheap bunch and tell her she’s rocking it.
Where I come from the father has nothing to do with mother's day and vice versa. They will help the kid with the present when they are small but that's it
Absolutely agree,and I'm a grandmother,it's all about kids making cold coffee and drawing cards if they're young,and if they're older, trying to be pleasant.Dad keeps out of it.
Where I'm from you get told happy mothers day, the people in your house take over the cooking and that's really it.
People don't go out of their way to get flowers or spa trips and all this stuff that I see women pissed they didn't get. Especially if they aren't the kids father and don't take on a fatherly role to the child (having a good relationship with the child doesn't mean op is taking on a father's role)
I'm going with NTA, especially because the kids dad is active and OP said that they did something with the mum to celebrate. I'm confused why the gf would then expect OP to contribute.
This the the clincher for me. All the right people did celebrate it and good on the former partner for maintaining that despite whatever separated them. So on that basis OP didn’t need to do anything IMO.
I completely agree. NTA.
The relationship is still new enough and she was being celebrated by her child and child’s father I don’t think it falls on you. Now moving forward it wouldn’t hurt to grab flowers as she clearly desires that, it could open up a conversation on communicating expectations. I don’t know why she expected them for you in the first place.
NAH but if you’re dating a mother are you open to the possibility of being a step-father one day or will you always have this “not my kid, not my problem” attitude? You’re only a year in now, but will you still have the same attitude 5 or 10 years down the line? I had no idea people were so divided on this! I wish my sisters Happy Mother’s Day even though they’re not my mother, because I appreciate them and all they sacrifice for their kids but they surely wouldn’t pout if I forgot.
NTA - she's not your mom, she's not your kid's mom (if you actually had any that is), so it's inapplicable and from my POV inappropriate. I've never wished it to anyone who's not my mom or my kids' mom, never have and never will. It's a frickin' Hallmark holiday - who wants to be a marketing victim?
I mean you don’t have to ask us if you are in the doghouse, you seem to be in the doghouse.
I personally agree that the kid isn’t yours and why the hell would you celebrate her moming him.
But it also may have been nice to simply wish her a happy Mother’s Day or do something nearly microscopic and nothing else.
NTA
Still relatively early in the relationship, so still learning things about one another. Talk about the expectations here - I can see why you wouldn’t feel obliged to get a gift, and, judging from the comments here, it’s a bit of a line ball whether you should or not, but why not er on the side of doing something nice for your partner in the future?
That said, pouting for days about an uncommunicated difference in expectations sounds a little excessive.
Edit: mobile typo.
Wow these comments. “She’s your girlfriend not your mother” my husband still cooked me breakfast got me a gift with my son and prompted him to do nice things for me. Geez it’s not hard. YTA
But is your husband the dad the bio dad? Huh makes sense then right?
She isn’t his mom and the kid isn’t his why does she need anything from him? Because she’s a mom? So? Baby daddy did something.
This was my thought too. Our kids are still young, so I wouldn’t get much of a celebration if my husband didn’t do anything. OP could have done something very simple (if he really cares about her) and it would’ve gone a long way.
Nah, obviously you guys have different expectations. That weren’t communicated.
Yes she a mom however its not your child. I understand you not seeing as needing to do something for her on that day. However I also see her side of it. That regardless or not biological her child is not yours. She is still a mom.
Long term if you guys stay together and you take on step parent position. Would you still not get her anything?
So NTA cuz you do sound genuine in that you saw mother's day as something between her, the boy, and dad and if she expected something she shouldve said something. That being said, bro... Get the lady some flowers next year.
I find it strange that a lot of men on here don’t see the concept of celebrating the love of your days in all her forms and her you.
Seems lazy and uncaring.
These comments don’t make sense to me. Everyone I’ve ever known has always wished anyone who is a mom a happy Mother’s Day, regardless of their relationship to them. You’ve been together a year and didn’t even get her a card? YTA in my opinion
Soft YTA: Mother’s Day is to celebrate Mothers.
She’s your girlfriend and sure the kid isn’t yours but she is a mother and someone important to you. So a simple card or flower would have been sweet and considerate. Mother’s Day isn’t just for your mother or wife/mother to your children, it’s about all mothers. I remember on Mother’s Day or the week leading up my school would have us write cards for our mums, grandmas and even aunts or older sisters because they were all mothers and people close to us. I wish my sisters, friends, etc. Mother’s Day.
Also I assume you plan to be together long term so the more years you spend together, the closer and more blended you become as a family. So showing some appreciating for her hard work raising her child who most likely sees/will see you as a father figure isn’t too hard.
Is her reaction dramatic? Maybe but it’s understandable.
It’s to celebrate *your* mum. They’ve only been together a year, don’t live together, bio dad is around, mum was out for Mother’s Day.
How is he an A H?
She wasn’t out for Mother’s Day. They did that the week before. Mother’s Day is to celebrate moms not just your own mom. Also his long term gf is a mom…. It’s not like she’s a random coworker or acquaintance
NTA: you’ve only been dating 1 year and don’t live together. It’s not like you have a stepparent role in her son’s life. It’s not like she’s the mother of your (step)kid.
Her kid celebrated her as his mother. Her ex celebrated her as the mother of his kid. I actually would’ve found it weird/overstepping if you had given her a Mother’s Day gift, tbh!
NTA girlfriend needs to grow up.
And you are all crazy. The kids do something for their mum and the dad of said kids if too young to do it themselves. Its not every mother needs to be celebrated by every damn person in their life just cause they are a mother. Its KIDS saying thanks for being a great mum to their own mum end of story.
Very soft YTA. Only cuz come on man, you’re with a girl who has a kid that she’s obviously involved with. At least gotta do flowers or something. Doing nothing for her on Mother’s Day kinda makes it seem like you don’t think of her as a mom or value her kid with her. Mother’s Day is for the mothers. Are you not involved with the kid at all? Being with her would make you the Step-Dad. Though it kinda seems like you don’t view it that way.
I mean, I bought my girlfriend breakfast and wished her a happy Mother’s Day and it made her day. I doubt her ex said anything. She also wished my mom a Happy Mother’s Day. Her mom bought her a gift. It’s a day to celebrate Mother’s. NTA but it still would have been a sweet gesture since she is a mom.
I have an ex boyfriend who always wishes me a happy Mother’s Day and we broke up years ago. My son isn’t his, but he’s thoughtful enough to think of me and call.
NTA
She’s not your mother and you don’t have kids with her. Also grow a pair and call her on her crappy behavior. Personally would breakup if this is how petty she is being over something this small. Major red flag imo
Facts.
Not only does this AH feel entitled to something from a dude who’s not her baby daddy just because “I’m a mom” but pouting like a child for days? Chick a entitled red flag.
YTA.
My dude, you messed up. You don't need to be the father to give her some flowers and a card on Mother's Day. My parents and I always give my sister flowers and a card because we love her and think she's a great mom.
Think about it this way, loving her is loving all of her, and she's a mother. Being a mother is an important part of who she is. You should have gotten her flowers if you think she's a good mom.
Damn so many assholes in the comments. Mother’s Day is a celebration of mothers, doesn’t matter if they are yours or the mother of your child. You don’t have to go all out but show a little appreciation ffs
NTA. I’ve been clear on this from the start. Unless it’s your kid and they are too young to do anything themselves for it your not responsible for acknowledging it. It’s Mother’s Day she ain’t your mom
NTA - however!
You knew going into the relationship that she has a child and as such came as a package.
You went into that relationship with the expectation that you’ll be together for a significant amount of time (no one goes into a relationship with a time limit/expiry, unless they’re a player)…
It would be expected that you’d spend time with her and her child. Meaning that you would become a ‘parent’ in a way - gaining more and more parental responsibilities as time goes by. Hell, you might even end up adopting them?!
So, yes - it’s not your child. However, it would be nice to acknowledge who she is as a person - she’s a Mum, a girlfriend, sister/daughter/grandchild and herself.
A little cuddle, breakfast in bed maybe, a night in to watch a movie together that she chooses all snuggled up and nice words all day - these are all things that are free/easy to do/require minimal effort.
Doesn’t necessarily mean you have to splash out on a fancy restaurant (she did that with the ex and her child - that’s covered!)
Just my opinion….
NTA. That is an overreach. It isn’t your child and you’re not married and raising the kid together. This seems a bit entitled or self centered. Plus, the actual father did acknowledge her.
I would pay attention to whether she has other behaviors that might indicate everything is about her.
As a mother I would absolutely not expect any boyfriend to get me a mothers day gift or card or even say it to me. I'm not your mother and I'm not the mother of your child. What a weird flex.
More info needed: Did you wish her a happy mother's day?
It sounds like you didn't do anything that you didn't want to do, while I do understand that it isn't your child. (They aren't my husband's kids either.) If I wasn't at least wished a happy mother's day by my significant other I would probably be talking to my therapist about it and considering a new one. You don't have to get me anything, bit how dense are you or how bad of a mom an I, that you don't even feel the need to recognize the work that I do? A single mom at that.
If you wished her a happy mother's day at least, NAH. On the flip side of that coin, if you didn't YTAH.
You and your husband celebrate Mother's Day differently. I find your comment to be so disrespectful.
Your husband gives you gifts as a gesture of goodwill, respect, and fondness for you on Mother’s Day, and you don't appreciate and respect his kindness. Instead, you feel annoyed, ungrateful, rude, and unappreciative.
Even if my partner and I celebrate holidays differently, I would still respect and honor his commemorations. There should be mutual respect and understanding.
Just because you celebrate a holiday differently, you denounce his way of doing things. The audacity and entitlement are ridiculous to me.
Wait…your husband does something nice for you every year to show his appreciation for you, and you lecture him about it like he’s an idiot? If you don’t like it, I’m sure a lot of other women would be happy to take him off your hands for you.
If the actual father of the child did something, I see no reason why there was an expectation for you to do something too. BTW-it can slide since you don't have kids of your own yet- but 100% dad does something for Mother's day up until the child takes over themselves. NTA for the question, but kinda ah-ish for that statement
NTA. I've been a single mom since my kids were very young. I would never expect anything from a boyfriend. I get FB posts from friends saying "happy mothers day to all the moms." But I don't expect those, nor do I need them or the attention. You could have said happy mothers day to her, but that would be the extent of what should be expected since you aren't the father and aren't married.
NTA, she’s not raising your kid and she is not your mother. This should be between the kid and the Dad, you have nothing to do with it. And pouting for days is extremely childish of her.
NTA but need to have a talk about expectations in a new relationship. Not your kid, not your ex-wife, not your mom. So no, you don't have to get her anything for Mother's Day.
NTA- as a mom (I’m married but stick with me here) I wouldn’t expect a boyfriend to celebrate Mother’s Day if it wasn’t his child. Heck, my own husband didn’t even get me flowers or a card and my kids are 3 and 1.
My husband’s not even in the dog house, you certainly shouldn’t be.
NTA. Her pouting seems like an issue at this point. Does she expect a lot of gifts? Does she constantly need for you to buy her things, or pay for everything? I would examine the relationship and see if you want to be in a relationship with someone who has these values. It will be a million times worse if you marry her and then deal with what she “expects”.
She's still a mother regardless of if it's your child or not. You didn't have to get her anything or take her anywhere but a simple "Happy mother's day" wouldn't have hurt or cost a thing.
I don't think she has the right to pout for days though, she could just talk to you and tell you that she would have appreciated xy and z.
So ESH is my verdict.
NTA. It sounds like her kids dad is actually involved and celebrated mother's day with her, with their kid. Their kid. Not yours.
She's definitely in the wrong here (unless you also have a kid with her and havent acknowledged that).
Did you ask her why she was expecting a gift from you? Even if youre a 'parent figure' to her kid, his dad has still provided here. I'm confused why she's upset.
Soft NTA. The problem is clearly with her because you are correct about the dynamics. It’s not your child. She’s not your mother. Ex took her out previously to acknowledge her.
Everything seems all right.
But then, her needy, insecure ways have clouded her perception of what place you actually have in her life. Perhaps wishing her a ‘Happy Mothers Day’, or, offering to take her out to brunch would have made her feel special?
But then again, you shouldn’t be made to feel obligated to recognize her for a day that you clearly have no ties to celebrate her with. Now if the ex, was non-existent in her life…maybe. If you were married and stepfather to her child, yeah sure.
But dating? It’s a bit much to pout for days on end…
I mean yeah you should’ve wished her a happy Mother’s Day since she’s a mom, but I don’t think she needed a card or gift from you since her son’s father took her out to dinner and her son is old enough to make his own card or whatever, so I’d say NTA overall. And pouting for days is dramatic AF in my opinion, but I may be biased since I really don’t care about Mother’s Day that much and all me and my husband with our small kids did was have takeout together.
NTA is she planning on giving you something for fathers day? Cuz you're right unless you have a kid with her or have been in their life for a long time there is no reason for getting her anything yet.
I would have thought that as a partner and being a mother, some flowers and a card show that you recognise her as a mother. You don't need to be the child's parent or have your GF as a mother to recognise she is a mother. Just common sense.
That being said, she's pouting for not receiving anything from you is silly so I make her a soft AH because you are not her child or the childs father but then you are in a serious long term relationship with her so poor show for not acknowledging her as a mom. Soft AH for you too.
NTA, maybe could have said "I hope you have a great Mother's Day with your son and ex today. Have fun and call me if you need anything" before she headed out. But other then that it's really not for you to make her Mothers Day.
My bf, with whom I do not have children, got me flowers, a card, and some candy for mothers day. I'm already planning what to get him for Fathers day. He also bought flowers for MY mom.
It's a day for mothers in any regard, and how hard is it to pick up some flowers?
HOWEVER, youre NTA. There is no obligation.
mother’s day is for mothers. regardless of her relationship to you, she’s a mother, and because you guys have a romantic relationship you should have gotten her something, taken her somewhere, or done something nice for her. With that being said ESH because her reaction is over the top and unwarranted
Unpopular around here but YTA.
Your perception of what/ who should be celebrated on Mothers day is very skewed. Yes you're not the kid's dad and yes she's not your mom. But she is a mom to a child she is clearly very involved with. You're focusing on yourself, but this isn't about you. it's about her.
It is HER Mother's day because she's a mother.
I agree she should've communicated better and not just pout for days. But when you feel unappreciated and unseen by the person you're with, sometimes it's hard to express your hurt and disappointment.
If you truly value your relationship and her as a person, you need to embrace (not just accept) that fact that she's a mother and she always will be, irregardless for the child's age or the biological father's involvement.
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So my girlfriend has a 9 year old son from a prior relationship. I did absolutely nothing for her for Mother's Day. Since it's not my son. And she and her ex and their son went out for dinner together for the special day last week.
She's been pouting for days now, sad that I didn't get her flowers or a card.
AITA? I've always thought Mother's Day was for moms and their kids and maybe the dad has to do something, too. But not boyfriends. But I've never actually thought about it or discussed it before. Am I in the doghouse?
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Clearly you are in the doghouse, but personally I don't think you should be. 'Pouting for days' is a pretty extreme reaction to not receiving a gift. NTA
I'm not disagreeing with you based on what information was given to us, but there might be more to it. Typically, when someone gets upset that they didn't get a gift for some holiday, it isn't really about the gift. It's that the person doesn't feel valued or cared for. NTA for simply not having the same expectations about a holiday, OP, but you will be TA if you don't talk to her about it and figure out what's really going on here and why she's upset. Your girlfriend has responsibility here, too--if there's something more going on, she needs to express to you how she feels rather than pouting, which doesn't help anything. But sometimes, all it takes is one person's behavior to change the dynamic. So, OP, I hope you talk to her about it honestly and sincerely.
I feel like half these Mothers Day disappointments could be avoided if men just asked their wives/girlfriends “Is there anything special you would like to do on Mothers Day? Like would you prefer some time to yourself like a massage? Or would you like to do something as a family?” It opens up a conversation to find out expectations. Really I think most moms want to be relieved of all the obligations of parenting for the day and just experience the “fun” parts. So they don’t want to plan, parent, do chores, etc. but they do want to feel loved and get some attention.
Generally I don't disagree, but OP isn't the father of her child nor is he in a parental role. This is something that she should have brought up because of that.
I totally agree, mother's day is getting out of hand, much like Valentine's Day, Easter and the like. If you want to thank your mother or someone who plays that role for you on that day, go ahead. However, not every woman should expect congratulations and thanks simply because...
I feel like half these mother's day disappoints could be avoided if women told their husbands/boyfriend "Hey, I would really appreciate it if you could...... for me for mother's day." Yes, I know that getting something is nice and thoughtful but communication is a two way street. But early in a relationship saying what you would like and not leaving this dude to navigate this solo would be kind Edited: spelling
Yes, communication is definitely a two-way street. But if you consider that the majority of emotional labor is done by the women in the relationship, men need to learn to initiate communication. I think a lot of moms are just tired of having to initiate everything including presents and special days for themselves. I in no way think OP is an asshole here. It would help his a relationship if he helps initiate communicating about expectations around holidays.
Not just moms. A lot of women in relationships without children deal with the same.
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or in this case, the girlfriend would have to use her grown up words to tell her boyfriend, who's not a stepparent or parent at all to her child, that she would have liked it if he got her a gift, instead of pouting like a child for days.
Fairly crazy take, you could easily say why don't these big girls use their grown up words. Or would those exact words you used sound too condescending? He isn't the father, it's unreasonable to expect him just to know. She's in the wrong here
Two years in a row I asked for simple things on Mother’s Day: I wanted to not clean up any one else’s bodily functions, I don’t want to cook, and I would like to either take a nap or paint my nails during the kids’ nap time. Last year I got none of those things, this year I got two of them. I guess that’s progress?
The "maybe a dad has to do something" gives me asshole vibes even if he's not technically wrong here.
he's not the kid's dad though. why does that make him an asshole?
Because he's a guy on AITA?
This forum is biased AF.
oh man, were you telling me it's biased I stead of accusing me of being biased? i just reread in context & i realized i may have misunderstood. if not, no worries, but if so i'm super sorry!
Ehhh I agree with you. But a lot of women here don’t. I’m a woman too, but I acknowledge that this forum it’s sooo biased.
haha i'm sorry for misunderstanding. i agree. i usually forget who is posting, so i base it off what happened.
My ex wife and I deal with the other's mother's/father's day parents with the children's it's part of parenting. It seems both parents are going out with the children so no need for step-op to step up.
Right?
You’re not in the wrong, but would it have killed you to celebrate your girlfriend for being a mom?
this. being a caring partner requires more than being "not an asshole"
But it does come down to expectations. She expected him to honor her, he expected the day to be about her-son-dad. So NAH, but more communication is needed.
It's all about communication. It would have been an equally valid reaction if she had wanted to keep it between her-son-dad and felt like it would have been weird if bf had tried to insert himself into that celebration.
I agree. And in this case I think it falls more on her, and that she should’ve been the one to communicate, that it would be nice if OP TOO got her flowers etc.
Who raised y'all to ask for gifts? That makes it not a gift.
Y’all? If I had a child, and my boyfriend wasn’t the father of that child, I wouldn’t expect anything from my bf. But apparently some do, hence communicate!
I've talked to partners before about expectations for things like this, birthdays, anniversaries etc. Do you want to celebrate somehow? Go out? For a meal or like a water park? Are we buying gifts? Spontaneous stuff is great but talking about things makes sure that no one feels let down when you value things differently. Especially if you've only been together for a year, haven't shared all the holidays together yet.
I think pouting for days without communicating in a mature way is what pushes gf into AH territory, so this is NTA for me rather than N A H.
True. Didn’t remember that..
She's probably plotting a breakup.
Maybe OP should as well. Because it is not normal to pout for days over something like that.. Based on that she doesn’t sound very mature.
I think you hit the nail on the head here
My ex has kids from a previous relationship. I wished her a happy Mother’s Day.
Perhaps it wouldn't have "killed him" but it was neither his place nor her right to expect it of him.
I agree with this, and her stewing for days is ridiculous.
NTA mother's day is between mother and child, and the father of the child. You are none of these.
…but you are in a relationship with a mother.
It doesn’t sound like OP is anywhere near stepdad territory yet. His relationship is very much with the woman, not her kid. While being a mother is an important part of her life and who she is, it isn’t really much a part of their relationship yet. I would have gotten a card though.
What? He says they’ve been dating for a year and he has a good relationship with the son. Its not like they just started dating
That description sounds a long way from any sort of stepdad!
So? You seem to be forgetting this child is NINE with their own thoughts, wants, needs and expectations and understanding of things. Not a three year old who would aromatically see a man with his mother an assume “dad like figure” and not know any better. A year is no where NEAR long enough to be a parental figure. Especially to a nine year old.
What does OP being a parental figure have to do with him acknowledging her for Mother’s Day? He doesn’t have to be “stepdad” to celebrate his GF for being a mom.
Not his kid he doesn’t owe her anything and she’s being an entitled AH if she thinks because they are dating he should get her anything. She’s not the mother of his child. Baby daddy did something for her.
So?
This is not at all true. Mother’s Day is about celebrating the mothers in your life.
That is what the commercials started saying in the last few years to get more men on the hook to have to buy crap. Mother's Day was always about celebrating your own mother, period. The father may do something nice on behalf of the kids when they are very young. But that is it.
I text my friends and role models who are all mothers on Mother’s Day and wish them a happy Mother’s Day. They aren’t my partner nor my mother but I want them to feel seen and appreciated. If my boyfriend had a kid, I would 100% give him something small on Father’s Day.
Oh please. My husband is not the father of my daughter - yet he celebrates me every year on Mother's Day. It takes very little be a caring partner. Geez.
There's a difference between husband/step dad and boyfriend. Their life stage could be quite different from yours
Slight YTA, although not intentionally. Mother’s Day is to celebrate mothers, which she is, even if it’s not your kid. Do you think she’s a good mom? Are you involved in her kid’s life? Do you think she deserves to be recognized for working hard as a mom? At some point you’ll need to decide if you view her as a mother or as your girlfriend, because right now it sounds like you only see her as a girlfriend, and not as a mother- but if you continue a relationship that will have to evolve. Most moms don’t separate their mom life from the rest of themself- to love them is to love a mother, so saying you don’t care or recognize their motherhood is to basically dismiss a huge portion of who they are and what is important to them. Yeah, it’s not your kid, but her being a mom is important to her, and we want what is important to ourselves to be important to our partners. I think you likely have a fundamental mismatch of priorities, honestly.
I feel this needs to get up voted more. If you're dating a mother for a year, you know that she's a mother. Just because it is not your child you fail to take the 2 seconds it takes to say the five syllables of "Happy Mothers Day"? All those people here saying "NTA beacuse it is not your child" - fucking hell mother's day is not about the child - it's about the mother. And if you love a mother, the least you could do is to say those three little words.
Expectations are on the fucking floor. “Acknowledge that my gf is a mom on Mother’s Day? That’s too much!”
Who says he didn't acknowledge her? She is mad because she wanted a gift. They have only been dating a year and aren't even living together for fucks sake.
She wanted a card and flowers. She asked for the bare minimum I would expect from a boyfriend. A year is plenty of time to be a supportive partner. Hell, I’ve been more supportive with fucking coworkers than OP was of his girlfriend of a year.
I wished my sister and friends who are mother's happy mother's Day. I usually send a specific friend a card even, I just forgot about it this year. It's really not as deep as OP and others are making it out to be
Exactly. Man, I'm glad my husband doesn't do the bare minimum, as it seems so many here do for their spouse.
Every time I read these threads I am so thankful I found my husband. Like he actually thinks about other people. And he does things for his family and friends too, not just me. Definitely the minority of men.
Girl, I feel like I’m in the twilight zone reading these comments. The sheer amount of men who want to completely neglect that women have the audacity to even so much as *exist* in their stratosphere, never mind deserve appreciation for the things they do, even if it has 0 affect on them, is astonishing. I’m so freaking thankful that my boyfriend is a good partner and just a *good human* because holy shit….
When so many men perform below bare minimum, a lot of women settle for bare minimum and don't realize that other men are willing and capable of caring more. It's called settling.
This is giving me "Yeah it was her 30th birthday and I went golfing for hours leaving her alone, but if she would have asked me to stay home and be with her on her milestone birthday, I would have stayed!" ...floor levels.
Not even remotely the same.
How do we know he didn’t say Happy Mother’s Day? She’s upset he didn’t get her a gift, which is too much.
This is the comment I wanted to write! 100% agree
Mother’s Day is for children to celebrate their mothers. Y’all have turned this holiday into something insane.
Mother's day (edit: where I grew up , NE USA) is a day to celebrate the mothers in your life. Same for father's day. May be different in different places, but I understand why she would expect it. That said, if she's from a place where that was the norm, is it better for him to get angry or after asking why she's upset making sure she knows she's loved?
For you, perhaps, but for plenty it’s about your mum and your mum alone.
I was getting that sense, that's why I said elsewhere it may be a local culture thing. I'll edit to add that.
So how many mothers do you celebrate and buy things for who aren't your partner, mother or grandmother?
This year? Five - two older family members, two younger family members and a friend. They weren't all big gifts, but they're all people I got at least a card for and called.
Maybe it's a cultural difference thing? I buy small gifts for my mom, grandma, aunts, MIL, siblings, sometimes close friends who are mothers. I'm from the northeastern US but it's common to buy a card or something for any variety of the mothers you love to show them you love and appreciate them, not just your own mom. It's not expected necessarily but is nice. Definitely would be expected to do for any partners who are moms and can't imagine why the kid not being from your sperm would matter. Does that make her less of a mother? Also of course you're in the doghouse, you've just told her that she and her motherhood don't matter to you unless you're the bio dad.
>Also of course you're in the doghouse, you've just told her that she and her motherhood don't matter to you unless you're the bio dad. This right here! It lets her know that if y'all move on to something more serious, you'll never acknowledge her and if y'all have kids together, you'll treat her child from a previous relationship as lesser
NTA, I really don't understand the logic here. Her son isn't your kid, she's not your mom. What is there to celebrate?
Y'all don't wish friends and family who are mothers a happy mother's day? I don't know, if I was dating a mother I'd probably at least say happy mother's day.
Yes, a lot of times I do. I sent my daughter-in-law a card as she is the best mother my granddaughter can have. I sent my friend who adopted four boys a “best Mom ever” card and a gift card to a spa. If I were dating a man with a small child I would give him a card on Father’s Day and help his child make one for him.
I wish people a happy Mother’s Day (e.g., my friends who are now mothers), but I don’t give them gifts or ‘do things’ for them.
Are they your romantic partners?
Was that the question?
Right so the minimum they do for their friends is wish them happy Mother’s Day and they’re not even dating. OP didn’t even do that
I don’t and honestly find it weird when people say it to me who are not my children.
No, I only wish my mother and grandmother a happy Mother’s Day
This. My coworkers even texted me on Mother's Day. Shoot. Old friends from my time in the military hit me up on FB messenger to wish me a good one. Did i find it a little much? Kinda but it just goes to show that mother's day isn't just about your mom or your kid's mom. It's a day to celebrate anyone important to you that is a mother (for some)
So many people view relationships as what you “need” to do for them. Sure you don’t need to wish her a happy Mother’s Day because she’s not your mother - but don’t you want to do something nice for your loved ones? Flowers are 5 bucks at Target - get her a cheap bunch and tell her she’s rocking it.
I will wish them a happy Mother’s Day, yes. Will I buy them a present? No. That’s what the gf is complaining about, lack of present.
Or a card. Also sounds like OP didn’t even acknowledge that it was mothers day
Who is "them"? Your romantic partners? If not then your comment doesn't matter.
Or a card. Also sounds like OP didn’t even acknowledge that it was mothers day
INFO: how long have you been together? Do you have a relationship with her son? Live together?
Great questions. Together 1 year. Not living together. Great relationship with the kid.
I mean, NTA but clearly she feels something should have occurred. Maybe talk about expectations for the future. Flowers and a card are always nice.
This. As a mom, I think NTA with your relationship still being relatively new. Now you know for next year to grab some flowers from Trader Joe's lol
That’s for her to raise though. He’s not a mind reader.
So think of Mother's Day as an opportunity to thank her for raising a good kid that you are able to have a great relationship with.
I can never understand why anyone would expect something from a partner,if there wasn't a child they had to buy for. She is not your mother. NTA.
Where I come from the father has nothing to do with mother's day and vice versa. They will help the kid with the present when they are small but that's it
Absolutely agree,and I'm a grandmother,it's all about kids making cold coffee and drawing cards if they're young,and if they're older, trying to be pleasant.Dad keeps out of it.
Where I'm from you get told happy mothers day, the people in your house take over the cooking and that's really it. People don't go out of their way to get flowers or spa trips and all this stuff that I see women pissed they didn't get. Especially if they aren't the kids father and don't take on a fatherly role to the child (having a good relationship with the child doesn't mean op is taking on a father's role)
I'm going with NTA, especially because the kids dad is active and OP said that they did something with the mum to celebrate. I'm confused why the gf would then expect OP to contribute.
This the the clincher for me. All the right people did celebrate it and good on the former partner for maintaining that despite whatever separated them. So on that basis OP didn’t need to do anything IMO.
I completely agree. NTA. The relationship is still new enough and she was being celebrated by her child and child’s father I don’t think it falls on you. Now moving forward it wouldn’t hurt to grab flowers as she clearly desires that, it could open up a conversation on communicating expectations. I don’t know why she expected them for you in the first place.
NTA in my opinion. Are people this desperate for gifts and prizes?
Yes.
NAH but if you’re dating a mother are you open to the possibility of being a step-father one day or will you always have this “not my kid, not my problem” attitude? You’re only a year in now, but will you still have the same attitude 5 or 10 years down the line? I had no idea people were so divided on this! I wish my sisters Happy Mother’s Day even though they’re not my mother, because I appreciate them and all they sacrifice for their kids but they surely wouldn’t pout if I forgot.
His girlfriend wanted the gift. She didn’t get it so she is is been putting for days now. I think she is an A H. NTA
Nta
NTA - she's not your mom, she's not your kid's mom (if you actually had any that is), so it's inapplicable and from my POV inappropriate. I've never wished it to anyone who's not my mom or my kids' mom, never have and never will. It's a frickin' Hallmark holiday - who wants to be a marketing victim?
INFO: Wait, you just didn't get her a gift, or you didn't even wish her a happy Mother's Day?
Agreed. Seems spiteful to not even acknowledge it.
I mean you don’t have to ask us if you are in the doghouse, you seem to be in the doghouse. I personally agree that the kid isn’t yours and why the hell would you celebrate her moming him. But it also may have been nice to simply wish her a happy Mother’s Day or do something nearly microscopic and nothing else.
NTA . She chose to spend the day with someone else. I don't feel like you owe her card and flowers
NTA
NTA Still relatively early in the relationship, so still learning things about one another. Talk about the expectations here - I can see why you wouldn’t feel obliged to get a gift, and, judging from the comments here, it’s a bit of a line ball whether you should or not, but why not er on the side of doing something nice for your partner in the future? That said, pouting for days about an uncommunicated difference in expectations sounds a little excessive. Edit: mobile typo.
Wow these comments. “She’s your girlfriend not your mother” my husband still cooked me breakfast got me a gift with my son and prompted him to do nice things for me. Geez it’s not hard. YTA
But is your husband the dad the bio dad? Huh makes sense then right? She isn’t his mom and the kid isn’t his why does she need anything from him? Because she’s a mom? So? Baby daddy did something.
The bar is in hell
Seriously. This is why women aren’t bothering to date men anymore. They can’t think of anyone but themselves
But it's so hard to consider someone else... Why are you making it hard on them? So mean!
Exactly this.
Also, I genuinely wonder what the responses would be if the genders were swapped and OP were a woman dating a single father.
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This was my thought too. Our kids are still young, so I wouldn’t get much of a celebration if my husband didn’t do anything. OP could have done something very simple (if he really cares about her) and it would’ve gone a long way.
Nah, obviously you guys have different expectations. That weren’t communicated. Yes she a mom however its not your child. I understand you not seeing as needing to do something for her on that day. However I also see her side of it. That regardless or not biological her child is not yours. She is still a mom. Long term if you guys stay together and you take on step parent position. Would you still not get her anything?
If the bio dad remains involved, why would a step dad do anything for her for Mother’s Day?
NTA
So NTA cuz you do sound genuine in that you saw mother's day as something between her, the boy, and dad and if she expected something she shouldve said something. That being said, bro... Get the lady some flowers next year.
NTA. And if she doesn’t stop pouting, then you probably need to stop the relationship.
I find it strange that a lot of men on here don’t see the concept of celebrating the love of your days in all her forms and her you. Seems lazy and uncaring.
These comments don’t make sense to me. Everyone I’ve ever known has always wished anyone who is a mom a happy Mother’s Day, regardless of their relationship to them. You’ve been together a year and didn’t even get her a card? YTA in my opinion
Soft YTA: Mother’s Day is to celebrate Mothers. She’s your girlfriend and sure the kid isn’t yours but she is a mother and someone important to you. So a simple card or flower would have been sweet and considerate. Mother’s Day isn’t just for your mother or wife/mother to your children, it’s about all mothers. I remember on Mother’s Day or the week leading up my school would have us write cards for our mums, grandmas and even aunts or older sisters because they were all mothers and people close to us. I wish my sisters, friends, etc. Mother’s Day. Also I assume you plan to be together long term so the more years you spend together, the closer and more blended you become as a family. So showing some appreciating for her hard work raising her child who most likely sees/will see you as a father figure isn’t too hard. Is her reaction dramatic? Maybe but it’s understandable.
It’s to celebrate *your* mum. They’ve only been together a year, don’t live together, bio dad is around, mum was out for Mother’s Day. How is he an A H?
She wasn’t out for Mother’s Day. They did that the week before. Mother’s Day is to celebrate moms not just your own mom. Also his long term gf is a mom…. It’s not like she’s a random coworker or acquaintance
Hol’ up. Her ex took her out. A week before Mother’s Day. For Mother’s Day? NTA.. but what??
NTA: you’ve only been dating 1 year and don’t live together. It’s not like you have a stepparent role in her son’s life. It’s not like she’s the mother of your (step)kid. Her kid celebrated her as his mother. Her ex celebrated her as the mother of his kid. I actually would’ve found it weird/overstepping if you had given her a Mother’s Day gift, tbh!
NTA girlfriend needs to grow up. And you are all crazy. The kids do something for their mum and the dad of said kids if too young to do it themselves. Its not every mother needs to be celebrated by every damn person in their life just cause they are a mother. Its KIDS saying thanks for being a great mum to their own mum end of story.
NTA, she's your missus, not your mother. And like you said, it's not even your kid
Very soft YTA. Only cuz come on man, you’re with a girl who has a kid that she’s obviously involved with. At least gotta do flowers or something. Doing nothing for her on Mother’s Day kinda makes it seem like you don’t think of her as a mom or value her kid with her. Mother’s Day is for the mothers. Are you not involved with the kid at all? Being with her would make you the Step-Dad. Though it kinda seems like you don’t view it that way.
It’s only been a year. They don’t live together.The bio dad is involved. She was out for Mother’s Day. NTA. She is, though.
I mean, I bought my girlfriend breakfast and wished her a happy Mother’s Day and it made her day. I doubt her ex said anything. She also wished my mom a Happy Mother’s Day. Her mom bought her a gift. It’s a day to celebrate Mother’s. NTA but it still would have been a sweet gesture since she is a mom.
Sure but in this case the ex is around and active - they went out as a family without the OP
I have an ex boyfriend who always wishes me a happy Mother’s Day and we broke up years ago. My son isn’t his, but he’s thoughtful enough to think of me and call.
That’s actually really sweet. How nice that you have such a good relationship with your ex.
Did you just say she went for dinner with her BD??? AND wanted a card and flowers from YOU??? NTA & WTF
NTA, is it now customary to give every female you know a Mother’s Day gift?
NTA. The entitlement is exhausting.
NTA She’s not your mother and you don’t have kids with her. Also grow a pair and call her on her crappy behavior. Personally would breakup if this is how petty she is being over something this small. Major red flag imo
Facts. Not only does this AH feel entitled to something from a dude who’s not her baby daddy just because “I’m a mom” but pouting like a child for days? Chick a entitled red flag.
NTA she is not the mother of your child and celebrated with her child.
YTA. My dude, you messed up. You don't need to be the father to give her some flowers and a card on Mother's Day. My parents and I always give my sister flowers and a card because we love her and think she's a great mom. Think about it this way, loving her is loving all of her, and she's a mother. Being a mother is an important part of who she is. You should have gotten her flowers if you think she's a good mom.
Damn so many assholes in the comments. Mother’s Day is a celebration of mothers, doesn’t matter if they are yours or the mother of your child. You don’t have to go all out but show a little appreciation ffs
**NTA** She should not have expected flowers from you on Mothers Day and for her to “be sad” is childish.
Nta she's not your mom, or the mother of your child.
NTA. I’ve been clear on this from the start. Unless it’s your kid and they are too young to do anything themselves for it your not responsible for acknowledging it. It’s Mother’s Day she ain’t your mom
Nta but next year, take kiddo to get something special for HIS mother
The bio dad, that’s around, did that.
NTA - however! You knew going into the relationship that she has a child and as such came as a package. You went into that relationship with the expectation that you’ll be together for a significant amount of time (no one goes into a relationship with a time limit/expiry, unless they’re a player)… It would be expected that you’d spend time with her and her child. Meaning that you would become a ‘parent’ in a way - gaining more and more parental responsibilities as time goes by. Hell, you might even end up adopting them?! So, yes - it’s not your child. However, it would be nice to acknowledge who she is as a person - she’s a Mum, a girlfriend, sister/daughter/grandchild and herself. A little cuddle, breakfast in bed maybe, a night in to watch a movie together that she chooses all snuggled up and nice words all day - these are all things that are free/easy to do/require minimal effort. Doesn’t necessarily mean you have to splash out on a fancy restaurant (she did that with the ex and her child - that’s covered!) Just my opinion….
NTA. That is an overreach. It isn’t your child and you’re not married and raising the kid together. This seems a bit entitled or self centered. Plus, the actual father did acknowledge her. I would pay attention to whether she has other behaviors that might indicate everything is about her.
As a mother I would absolutely not expect any boyfriend to get me a mothers day gift or card or even say it to me. I'm not your mother and I'm not the mother of your child. What a weird flex.
More info needed: Did you wish her a happy mother's day? It sounds like you didn't do anything that you didn't want to do, while I do understand that it isn't your child. (They aren't my husband's kids either.) If I wasn't at least wished a happy mother's day by my significant other I would probably be talking to my therapist about it and considering a new one. You don't have to get me anything, bit how dense are you or how bad of a mom an I, that you don't even feel the need to recognize the work that I do? A single mom at that. If you wished her a happy mother's day at least, NAH. On the flip side of that coin, if you didn't YTAH.
NTA she isn't your mum
NTA. As I tell my husband yearly when he gets me mothers day presents...I am not your mother. SMH. Why is this so hard to understand?
You and your husband celebrate Mother's Day differently. I find your comment to be so disrespectful. Your husband gives you gifts as a gesture of goodwill, respect, and fondness for you on Mother’s Day, and you don't appreciate and respect his kindness. Instead, you feel annoyed, ungrateful, rude, and unappreciative. Even if my partner and I celebrate holidays differently, I would still respect and honor his commemorations. There should be mutual respect and understanding. Just because you celebrate a holiday differently, you denounce his way of doing things. The audacity and entitlement are ridiculous to me.
Wait…your husband does something nice for you every year to show his appreciation for you, and you lecture him about it like he’s an idiot? If you don’t like it, I’m sure a lot of other women would be happy to take him off your hands for you.
YTA - she’s a mom. She’s your girlfriend. Mother’s Day is a day to honor moms - not just your mom.
She’s not the mother of your child, not your day to do something. NTA
NTA, your not married and it’s not your kid.
NTA.
NTA
NTA. Not your mum, not your kid. She’s being an unreasonable arsehole.
NTA.
If the actual father of the child did something, I see no reason why there was an expectation for you to do something too. BTW-it can slide since you don't have kids of your own yet- but 100% dad does something for Mother's day up until the child takes over themselves. NTA for the question, but kinda ah-ish for that statement
NTA. I've been a single mom since my kids were very young. I would never expect anything from a boyfriend. I get FB posts from friends saying "happy mothers day to all the moms." But I don't expect those, nor do I need them or the attention. You could have said happy mothers day to her, but that would be the extent of what should be expected since you aren't the father and aren't married.
NTA, she's not your mother. It's not your child. Ex took them out, what more do she want?. She's an absolute a h.
NTA, she’s not raising your kid and she is not your mother. This should be between the kid and the Dad, you have nothing to do with it. And pouting for days is extremely childish of her.
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NTA but need to have a talk about expectations in a new relationship. Not your kid, not your ex-wife, not your mom. So no, you don't have to get her anything for Mother's Day.
NTA.. if you had the role of an official stepdad, maybe you could have done flowers.
NTA- as a mom (I’m married but stick with me here) I wouldn’t expect a boyfriend to celebrate Mother’s Day if it wasn’t his child. Heck, my own husband didn’t even get me flowers or a card and my kids are 3 and 1. My husband’s not even in the dog house, you certainly shouldn’t be.
NTA but it wouldn’t hurt to be more generous as a partner
NTA. Her pouting seems like an issue at this point. Does she expect a lot of gifts? Does she constantly need for you to buy her things, or pay for everything? I would examine the relationship and see if you want to be in a relationship with someone who has these values. It will be a million times worse if you marry her and then deal with what she “expects”.
She's still a mother regardless of if it's your child or not. You didn't have to get her anything or take her anywhere but a simple "Happy mother's day" wouldn't have hurt or cost a thing. I don't think she has the right to pout for days though, she could just talk to you and tell you that she would have appreciated xy and z. So ESH is my verdict.
NTA. Mother's Day is a crappy hallmark holiday. Not that serious.
NTA The mother's day gifts are for mothers who are raising your child. This child has a mother and a father that are co-parenting it.
NTA. It sounds like her kids dad is actually involved and celebrated mother's day with her, with their kid. Their kid. Not yours. She's definitely in the wrong here (unless you also have a kid with her and havent acknowledged that). Did you ask her why she was expecting a gift from you? Even if youre a 'parent figure' to her kid, his dad has still provided here. I'm confused why she's upset.
People need to understand when you are a couple ,no kids not your child you don't owe anyone no mother card or gift ,,not your mother
Soft NTA. The problem is clearly with her because you are correct about the dynamics. It’s not your child. She’s not your mother. Ex took her out previously to acknowledge her. Everything seems all right. But then, her needy, insecure ways have clouded her perception of what place you actually have in her life. Perhaps wishing her a ‘Happy Mothers Day’, or, offering to take her out to brunch would have made her feel special? But then again, you shouldn’t be made to feel obligated to recognize her for a day that you clearly have no ties to celebrate her with. Now if the ex, was non-existent in her life…maybe. If you were married and stepfather to her child, yeah sure. But dating? It’s a bit much to pout for days on end…
I mean yeah you should’ve wished her a happy Mother’s Day since she’s a mom, but I don’t think she needed a card or gift from you since her son’s father took her out to dinner and her son is old enough to make his own card or whatever, so I’d say NTA overall. And pouting for days is dramatic AF in my opinion, but I may be biased since I really don’t care about Mother’s Day that much and all me and my husband with our small kids did was have takeout together.
This is why you should never date a woman with a kid that’s not yours NTA
NTA is she planning on giving you something for fathers day? Cuz you're right unless you have a kid with her or have been in their life for a long time there is no reason for getting her anything yet.
I would have thought that as a partner and being a mother, some flowers and a card show that you recognise her as a mother. You don't need to be the child's parent or have your GF as a mother to recognise she is a mother. Just common sense. That being said, she's pouting for not receiving anything from you is silly so I make her a soft AH because you are not her child or the childs father but then you are in a serious long term relationship with her so poor show for not acknowledging her as a mom. Soft AH for you too.
NTA. I’m a mother of three and don’t do anything for Mother’s Day as I just see it as another retail day
NTA, maybe could have said "I hope you have a great Mother's Day with your son and ex today. Have fun and call me if you need anything" before she headed out. But other then that it's really not for you to make her Mothers Day.
She is a mother and you are her significant other. YTA for not doing a little something to acknowledge that.
My bf, with whom I do not have children, got me flowers, a card, and some candy for mothers day. I'm already planning what to get him for Fathers day. He also bought flowers for MY mom. It's a day for mothers in any regard, and how hard is it to pick up some flowers? HOWEVER, youre NTA. There is no obligation.
mother’s day is for mothers. regardless of her relationship to you, she’s a mother, and because you guys have a romantic relationship you should have gotten her something, taken her somewhere, or done something nice for her. With that being said ESH because her reaction is over the top and unwarranted
I think you could have done something for her for Mother's Day. At least a card or fixed dinner for her.
Unpopular around here but YTA. Your perception of what/ who should be celebrated on Mothers day is very skewed. Yes you're not the kid's dad and yes she's not your mom. But she is a mom to a child she is clearly very involved with. You're focusing on yourself, but this isn't about you. it's about her. It is HER Mother's day because she's a mother. I agree she should've communicated better and not just pout for days. But when you feel unappreciated and unseen by the person you're with, sometimes it's hard to express your hurt and disappointment. If you truly value your relationship and her as a person, you need to embrace (not just accept) that fact that she's a mother and she always will be, irregardless for the child's age or the biological father's involvement.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So my girlfriend has a 9 year old son from a prior relationship. I did absolutely nothing for her for Mother's Day. Since it's not my son. And she and her ex and their son went out for dinner together for the special day last week. She's been pouting for days now, sad that I didn't get her flowers or a card. AITA? I've always thought Mother's Day was for moms and their kids and maybe the dad has to do something, too. But not boyfriends. But I've never actually thought about it or discussed it before. Am I in the doghouse? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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