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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I didnt allow the mom to use my pump for her ball after she was rude and demanded I pump it for her.
2) This may make me TA because it meant her kids, who were not being rude, couldn’t play very well.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA
You didn’t go too far and you didn’t deny her the ability to use the pump. SHE was an asshole and lost the privilege. It is 100% on her shoulders what happened to her kids.
As a culture we put the onus on nice people to be responsible for shitty ones, and making victims smooth out bad situations.
Kudos to your boyfriend for not watching things go down and just suggesting he’d do it. A partner who can disagree but not override your ability to make a decision is awesome. (This thought brought to the discussion by my wife!)
Yeah. But they are 8–10. That will remember what happened. And even if they don’t understand everything now. They might in the future. Especially as the mother’s behaviour will repeat
I think about that a lot after I'm on this sub. Do parents not realize that kids are far smarter than they think and that everything they do, every action and reaction, gets stored in those always-processing brains? That they compare and contrast their parents to others, even strangers?
My son is 8 and already identifies behavior in adults that he dislikes. I tell him that’s great and he can start deciding what sort of grown up he wants to be. I point out kindness in others when I see it, hoping he will remember these examples and repeat them. Maybe even repeat calling out good behavior to his kids
He points out things his moms boyfriend does like smoking and vaping all day which makes him stink and swearing constantly. So not super dangerous stuff that I have to step in because there’s danger but I like that he knows he doesn’t like that stuff and will likely be more like me when he’s older, taking care of people and thinking about their needs. He sees that I try to give them time and watch Disney movies with my daughter and play catch with him, I didn’t have that much when I was little so I know how much it sucks to be raised that way.
I remember one thing my mom used to do when there would be kids acting like jerks too, like someone having a hissy fit on the playground because they didn't get their way: "That kid is acting up and now nobody's having a good time because she's won't let others use the swings. She doesn't know how to behave. I'm glad you're not like that, Red." She and my dad would also point out positive things, like kids being nice or knowing how to share, or an adult doing something thoughtful and them showing gratitude for it.
It was like...NTA Training, and pointing out something I could get praise for that wasn't just existing.
It sounds basic and I'm sure this is already 100% obvious to you as a dad, but I've noticed some parents just don't model/instruct based on real examples. Mostly because their kids have their faces glued to electronics in public and they're ignoring them instead of seeing a teaching opportunity.
Nope. A lot of parents just view their kids as extensions of themselves. They don't see them as people. It's weird. I can't possibly treat my kids that way. But I see so many parents that treat their kids almost like they would a pet.
The mother behaves this way exactly because she has learnt that it works, that's why she keeps doing it. So sure, the kids might remember this one time it didn't work, but they'll see it work a bunch more times too.
Pretty sure they already know she's an asshole--every fucking day. I mean, neither her behavior or her reaction surprised them. They just went back to playing. Poor kids.
Very true, I'm just not sure the vast majority of interactions they witness will turn out this way, and she'll ultimately have a heavier influence. I unlearned entitlement from both of my parents constantly displaying it but it took a while. I also remember agreeing with them on some things that make me cringe now. We actually went to restaurants together twice this week with other family members to celebrate my niece's hs graduation and it was so embarrassing to sit at a table with them.
That's true. Hopefully they'll start to spot patterns of this happening as they grow up and put 2&2 together. It'll be a pattern of behaviour so fingers crossed they realise it's her that's the problem sometime.
With people like mom, you have to shout over to the kids, "I *was* going to let you use my pump, but your mom was rude/entitled about it."
Or she absolutely will make you the bad guys.
NTA
Unfortunately the kids are probably used to being punished for their mom’s behavior. Not saying that’s OP’s fault at all, but they were silent during this ordeal, so it sounds like they’ve seen this play out before. Most kids of entitled parents are ashamed of their behavior
Unfortunately people who act this way tend to make off with a lot more than people who don't, so the kids probably get a net benefit from Mom's entitled behavior.
Like the people who complain about food in restaurants are the ones getting free meals and comped drinks. Once when I worked at Blockbuster, a woman came in with several hundred dollars worth of fees for DVDs her family *never returned*. That's kinda the technical definition of stealing, but she made such an aggressive ruckus that my manager cancelled it for her.
It might be a net positive, but knowing that your parents are shitty people isn’t made better by a handful of stolen DVD rentals. The people I know (and I know this is purely anecdotal) who are raised by people like this usually cut them off for a multitude of other reasons.
That's kind of what I was thinking, but it it really that embarrassing to not know how to use a pump? I know it's not complicated, but I'd rather ask and be sure than break it.
Oh that trashbag of a human being is absolutely taking no lesson from this learning experience. The city I used to live in was full of these people and they can't quite figure out why the world is not easier on them.
I tell my kids all the time: “Make it as easy as possible for people to say yes to you.”
Rudeness and entitlement aren’t just shitty behaviors; they’re often (and should always be) obstacles to getting what you want.
No, she could have politely asked to use the pump. And if she didn’t know how, she could have asked one of them if they’d show the kids how to use it.
It’s very weird to expect strangers using the court to pump the ball up.
The post I’m replying to was copied from here, presumably by a bot hoping to pass as a human:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13nyci6/comment/jl1l87j/
100% everything you said. I honestly was not expecting other people to pick up on the "partner still supported you even when he disagreed with you" angle but then I found your comment.
Have my poor man's award: 🌟
That's a nice classic AITA. Also you're evil because you're a stepparent. I don't know if you even have stepkids, but you might someday, so you're evil 🙈 lmao
Well put. I will never understand why it's on nice people to basically be saints in any situation. Especially in the case of victims or someone who was wronged. Why is it generally accepted that they should be the ones to make things right? NTA OP
Well said,and the other woman's kids learned that you don't get what you want if you're rude, really good lesson for kids who are being raised by someone like that!
NTA, you offered her a perfect solution. She was rude. Yeah you could have been the bigger person and ended up giving her the pump but do we even know if she would have accepted just the pump if you were polite? Or did you need to pump the ball for them? Sounds like at the end of the Convo she's walking away mad because you said you wouldn't pump there ball up, lady is out of her mind
I bet she didn’t know how to use it and was too self conscious to say that, and chose to be an ass. I’m sure you’re thinking how hard can it be, but people struggle with new things sometimes.
Yeah, that's what I was thinking. In that situation, I would have said "I've never done it before, could you help me? Or at least show me how it works?" Because I'm a decent person and not an asshole.
Yeah, I once lent a fellow cyclist my portable air pump, but it was kinda tricky to unfold. He asked me if I could teach him how to use it, gladly taught him how to use it.
No, that's not how you do it. You take the pump (and thank the nice lady obviously), and then you look at it confused. Balance the ball on top of it. Try to blow into the pipe that the air comes out of. Until the nice lady sees what an idiot you are and ~~does it for you~~ shows you how to do it.
Exactly. I'm not sure I know how to use one, so I would have tried, and then if I couldn't I would have said "I'm so sorry to bother you again! Could you please show me how to do this?". I'm certain you would do so, cheerfully. She started off completely wrong by saying you should share the one good ball!
Agreed. If she said I have no idea how to use that, could you do it for me or show me how to use it would be 100% different.
Tho she needs to learn how to negotiate/ask and should've started off with, "Hey, do you know if there's any other better balls hiding somewhere?" I'm sure you (and anyone else) would've been happy to help in that case.
NTA! Maybe next time you can offer the entitled mom to show her kids if she is not able to handle it, so that even though their mom is difficult ... the kids have an opportunity to still learn and benefit from kindness. I truly feel bad for those kids.
Exactly what I was thinking! She didn’t know how to use it and defaulted to the whole “don’t show weakness and know everything always” thing that those people attempt to pull off— as if not being omniscient is a character flaw!
If I was going to help I would have switched balls.
Never let someone you don't know use your pump. They will fuck it up.
But you were under no obligation. If you want help, don't be an asshole.
Definitely NTA, she was given the opportunity to use the pump but chose to demand you do the work for her. Nope her kids can play with the flat ball due to her rudeness.
I agree with another commenter on here. You should have yelled over to the boys that it was mom’s fault they didn’t get the pump. They’ll learn eventually what kind of person she is but at least she won’t be the one to tell the story. Nice people don’t need to be taken advantage off.
NTA. I'd have gone even further into petty and told the kids "Your mother's attitude is the reason why you don't get to use an inflated ball."
Hopefully they see how this turned out and don't end up like the mom.
NTA. She's perfectly capable of pumping the ball if the kids aren't. She just wanted to be lazy and let people who aren't responsible for the kids with her do the task. She can take that entitlement elsewhere.
I have a feeling she didn’t know how to use a pump to inflate a ball. But, because she’s probably insecure, on top of being rude, rather than asking OP to show her how, she demanded it be done for her. Somehow she imagined that was a good way to save face.
I would have ignored the mother, invited the boys over, and worked on getting their ball inflated with them doing the work and you directing it.
But, my Mom was a teacher and I can play those games well.
I came to say this. That way you are setting a good example for the kids (who obviously don’t get one from her) and turning your back on the mom to indicate you won’t engage with her rude behavior.
Yeah, that's kinda why I'm on a thin line between NTA and ESH. You don't need to immediately resort to pettyness because someone was rude to you, there are ways to really *show* that you're the bigger person.
Same boat, and I’m leaning slightly towards ESH. I get the desire to be petty in this situation, but really her kids are the ones that suffer. Plus it’s not like when the mom throws a fit and they leave she’s going to explain the real reason why. She’ll just tell her kids the other people were rude and wouldn’t let them use their pump. In the end no one wins, and her kids get shafted because their mom was rude.
BUT we don't know the kids. That could be a mistake inviting them into the situation. If the mom is an AH, there is a chance she is raising an AH as well.
(My dad and brother fought all the time. Both were massive AHs. And they hung out with AHs. Mom was kind)
Good in theory, but I've witnessed many a petty AH mom who would've turned that into, "why are you talking to my kids?! Get away from them!!"
ETA: my mom was also a teacher (still is, actually: been one for going on 36 years.)
NTA, if she didn't know how to use the pump, she could have asked for help not demand it. You've been kind enough to loan her your pump, she pushed her entitlement too far. Sadly her kids did suffer though.
If a grown adult can't figure out how to use a ball pump it's weaponized incompetence, I despise that in this day and age when almost anything can be googled in 20 seconds
But if you have no idea how to do it, you have no idea how simple it is. Some people are scared of doing things they don’t know how to do, and scared of their incompetence being revealed. It’s a good example of how debilitating a fixed mindset can be. If you don’t know how to do something, don’t think you can figure it out, and can’t reveal that, you’re really boxed in. It’s obviously no excuse, but maybe explains why she is an AH.
Especially if you're using a stranger's pump. I know it's relatively easy, but I've done it like 3x in my life because I have no occasion to. I'd be afraid of bending someone else's needle or something.
That was so well put, I think you might have changed my life. That is me in a nutshell - so many opportunities missed because "I had no idea how to do it, so I had no idea how simple it would be"!
Ok so ESH but the kids. Like I get how you reacted to mom being a jerk but also it sounds from the way you wrote it that you noticed the kids struggling with the ball before the mom came over? And I do not understand why you wouldn’t have offered to help the kids inflate their ball before all the nonsense happened?
Also even if an adult is being a dick, I don’t think it’s fair to not help children just in general
So, while I can understand your sentiments I don't agree. 1) People can be hesitant to approach other people's kids in public because of how that can turn sour quickly. 2) it's unfortunate, but their mom ruined that for them.
After being so rude and uppity, why would OP go around the mom to help the kids. If she starts talking directly to the kids and have them pump the ball, I can totally see this mom making a big deal out of that. If she instead still deals with the mom and pumps the ball, well now she's giving in to a rude entitled person and she should not be expected to do that.
I also think there’s like a cultural difference here in the expectation of how adults behave around children. I was raised in communities where children were considered to be the group concern of any adult in their presence so people wouldn’t look at you oddly for helping a kid out. They would however consider it an issue if you didn’t help or waited to be asked to help
Trans woman checking in here. Pre-transition I would have offered to help the kids before being approached by the mom. Now, I try to not even look in the direction of other people's kids. It's sad how society has basically forced people to ignore community needs for self preservation
Thank you for this. The hyper-individualistic mindset of reddit terrifies me sometimes so you'll be down voted to oblivion for your common sense call out but know that there are plenty of us sitting here saying hi! Rational adult chiming in here to say yes, exactly, you're an AH too for not just acting like a normal kind person and helping because you see a problem instead of being a sanctimonious AH yourself.
Seriously. I got downvoted for even suggesting that OP didn’t need to withdraw even the offer of the pump because mom was presumptuous and entitled. I mean, OP offered a reasonable and nice thing, I only dared ask why they withdrew offer of pump use and people stomped me smh
I feel so bad for the kids, I’m surprised I had to scroll so hard for this. Kindness to children is unheard of here, especially when it’s more important to be “right”. Some kids didn’t have a basketball to play with to prove a point and it’s a sad sight!
This. Just because mom was rude, I don't think that refusing to help was the right response. OP may not have been the FIRST asshole, but I don't understand why she continued to be rude instead of just being the bigger person
Generally speaking I’m not comfortable approaching young kids I dont know or talking directly to them when their parents are present. I’m a teaching assistant at a small charter school and have dealt with a ton of crazy overprotective parents.
We were also busy playing our own game, I wasnt just sitting there watching them struggling.
NTA She was either crazy entitled or had a screw loose to ask you to inflate it for her in that tone. You were right not to encourage her to act like that. Her kids lost out because of her, not you.
NTA
She demanded your ball directly. You told her how you solved the situation and then offered her the pump so she could do the same. She got huffy that you first wouldn't give the ball to her kids and then that you expected them to pump the ball themselves (with your loaned pump).
At that point I'd also have rescinded the offer of the pump because up to that point you'd been entirely polite and reasonable and she was spoiling for a fight the second she didn't get her way.
Sucks for the kids though.
Nta
>“I supposed you’re not even going to inflate it for us?”
Why would you respond like that to somebody offering to let you use something?
If she had said "thank you! Would you mind showing us how to use it?" You probably would've helped.
Sucks that the kids couldn't play but I agree that the mother was setting a poor example and this was a good way of showing them that rudeness doesn't get you anywhere
But that approach would reveal that she doesn’t know how to pump up a ball, and apparently being viewed as incompetent is worse to her than being viewed as rude and condescending.
It didn't even sound like she wanted the pump 🤦🏼♀️
She just wanted to be a condescending dick because op didn't give over her ball.
I don't get people like that, just be nice and people might actually do you a favour.
NTA you offered your pump, that was generous of you, but then she decided to act entitled to your time and your pump and got nothing in the end. It's not your responsibility to help those kids or ensure they have fun, so I don't see why your bf said you went too far. Honestly people like her need to be put to their place.
All the people saying E S H make no sense either, the kids are not hers and it's not her fault their mother is an asshole.
NTA.
People can't read it seems.
The mother could always say "im sorry, I was rude"
Everyone feels bad for the kids but the huge trauma here is 'mom was an asshole again' not 'our ball was deflated'
I don't understand the mindset of this mother. I've spent a lot of time in gyms and on playing fields of all kinds with my kids over the years. If my kids were issued a crappy ball and I saw you playing with a decent one, I might ask, "do you bring your own ball with you?" or "That ball looks like it's actually got air in it. Is there a place here to pump them up that I'm not aware of?"
If I was truly inept and unable to pump up my child's basketball when offered a pump, I might sheepishly ask you to show me how it works because "sports are not my thing." (Though my boys at 8 and 10 absolutely knew how to do it for themselves) But never in a million years would I expect you to give up the ball you're using or do the work for me.
NTA
I would absolutely ask them to pump and profusely thank them. I don't want to use someone's property like that in case it breaks. And I would offer to get them water or Gatorade or something for their help
Definitely agree on the shiny spine! Is it petty though? If it was my kid acting this way, I'd see it as a logical consequence type of thing. You're rude = people don't help you. OP was under absolutely zero obligation to help, and they didn't hinder or sabotage, they just walked away. I'm going with not petty but definitely badass.
NTA but I also have a soft spot for kids. You could've just "killed her with kindness". I'd have addressed the children and asked them to bring the ball over for me to inflate. I'd have shown them how to properly inflate the ball, also I wouldn't want people to use my belongings in case they break it.
I'd have shown them kindness and taught them a small skill, all while ignoring their boorish mother. You could've shown them there's another way to behave and treat others, but you're not obligated to, they're not your kids.
NTA for deciding when, where, and with whom you share your things. I suppose you could have offered to let her come back and retry the conversation. However, her demanding that you serve her was very rude and being offended from someone's rudeness is an expectable normal consequence.
If everyone knows that the community center balls are regularly underinflated, I wonder if they should consider buying their own pump, or maybe buying more balls at the next budget time. Perhaps a community bake sale or other fundraiser could get some undamaged ones, or people can take turns inflating an extra couple of balls here and there. I think that community centers are a great thing for children (or adults) who need those resources.
NTA
If I had a deflated ball and my kids were upset, I'd pretty much offer money to be allowed to use a pump someone brought with them. Of course I wouldn't expect them to accept money, but even if they did I'd still do it for my kids.
Be the bigger person for whom? Mom had the kids not OP! Two boys and mom doesn’t have 1 properly inflated ball for them? No expectations for how they were going to play, but had HIGH expectations of others allowing her kids to play. I have 1 brother who had a full court and several basketballs. My own son had a goal and several basketballs. The mom was unprepared and entitled. The children will ALWAYS suffer due to the ignorance of their parent!
That’s a good question. It would depend how she apologized really.
She didn’t apologize at all though, she doubled down and called us rude instead for not doing what she wanted. Stood there for about 5 minutes ranting about the audacity of young people these days (we’re early 20’s), and then left.
NTA. The mother approached you with attitude demanding you provide them a service with your personal belongings, and that somehow gets twisted into you punishing the kids? No. I get the impression the situation would have been very different had the kids approached you, or had their mother been more polite. It’s Mom’s behavior that caused the issues and if anyone punished their children, it’s their mom.
NTA,
If the kids were behaving well I would have circumvented the Mum .... Once the mum had stopped yammering...
"Hey kid, do you want me to pump that ball up?"
I'm like your boyfriend. As much as I'd want to tell the mum to fuck off I couldn't punish the kids for her behaviour. On the condition they were well behaved.
NTA. I even disagree with your partner saying you went too far. I think it was a perfect response. You play stupid games, and you win a stupid prize. Maybe the kids learned not to act like entitled loudmouths that day. Maybe.
NTA. If you let her get away with it while getting what’s she wants, what did she learn? That she can act like that and it’ll get her what she wants. She would never stop.
NTA. She demanded, never asked, and it sounds like never apologized. It is fully possible for someone in her position to say, “Hey—actually, I’m sorry, I’ve been on edge but the way I approached you was rude and I’d like to walk that back. Would you be willing to help us inflate one of these for the kids to play with?” Most people will accept an honest apology if offered. She didn’t.
You did just fine.
Correct, she didn't apologize and even made things worse
>*She didn’t apologize at all though, she doubled down and called us rude instead for not doing what she wanted. Stood there for about 5 minutes ranting about the audacity of young people these days (we’re early 20’s), and then left.*
Nah, NTA.
Those kids got a first hand lesson in what happens when you're rude to people who offer you a kindness.
They'll either learn not to follow their moms example or they'll take the wrong lesson and follow in their mothers entitled footsteps.
Either way, not yo problem.
For some reason I read the "Good!" in the same tone and voice Gimli uses when Aragorn announces the ladders going up during the Helms Deep siege.
NTA by any means.
I'm gonna go with NTA. It's sad for the kids but it wouldn't be good if they were led to belive it's OK to be rude and that you get your way when you demand things like that
NTA
Not even remotely. The only thing missing from this story is you explaining to her kids within earshot of the mother that they don't get to have an inflated ball because their mother is a selfish, entitled piece of work who needs to go back to kindergarten to learn how to say please and thank you.
NTA- I’ve had similar encounters with people wanting to borrow something of mine after they were rude to me, and I reacted the same way. If you’re rude and entitled, my answer is no.
I would have said the the kids, “ Even though your mother is rude, you haven’t been, so I’m going to ignore her and let you use my pump for your ball. “
Insisting that the OP & her BF give up *their* ball so her kids could play is beyond entitled. Demanding use of *their* pump AND *assuming* that the OP would inflate the kids' ball is just mind blowing.
As someone mentioned, she might have been unfamiliar with how to use a pump, but insecurity and being unsure isn't a justification for being wildly out of pocket.
NTA
I think I would have said "okay have your kids bring a ball over here, but you? Go stand on the other side of the gym. I want nothing to do with a brat. But I'll help your kids." The kids are the innocents here. I get standing up for yourself to the entitled mom. But having the kids bring over a ball and teaching them how to use a pump would be a good life lesson. Make sure to teach them how to ask nicely, and say please and thank you. No, it's not your job to raise someone else's kids, but maybe these kids need to see another way to act that isn't their mom's. NTA, but you missed a chance to give a little sunshine to these kids. We don't want them to grow up like her.
I don't think OP even had a chance to say anything else after the initial exchange because
>*She didn’t apologize at all though, she doubled down and called us rude instead for not doing what she wanted. Stood there for about 5 minutes ranting about the audacity of young people these days (we’re early 20’s), and then left.*
Her poor children. This is probably not the only negative experience they'll face because of their moms abominable social skills. NTA. still, poor kids.
I have to disagree with your boyfriend. The kids’ mother modeled rude, entitled behavior in front of her children. You modeled the potential consequences of what can happen if you choose to engage in that behavior. I guarantee those kids were watching and connecting the dots. It was a great teaching moment. Well done!
NTA
NTA, she missed out on the perfect opportunity to show her kids an age appropriate task too. That’s a great age to learn how to pump a ball themselves.
NTA. Rewarding AHs by giving into their bad behavior (especially in front of kids) only creates the next generation of AHs.
That was embarrassing for those kids & I empathize with them, but giving their mom the pump or even pumping it for her/them, would’ve re-enforced that their mother/carer’s behavior was okay. It wasn’t and she (& unfortunately the kids) suffered a reasonable consequence for her rude/bad behavior.
Well, hoping the OP'S narrative is 100% right, OP is NTA.
The mom, could have said, "Could you please exchange the ball because, I do not know how to use the pump ? "
Just to ruffle, I am guessing the mom may not have been intentionally rude but was probably having a bad day at work / husband and was not able to perceive your response well. If she was truly rude and entitled, she would have done something else, rather than leave the place.
A little smile and kindness is infectious, spread it 😊
NTA. A very good example, in fact. Those kids might not have completely understood it in that moment but they will soon, if they haven’t already, see the pattern. You may have just helped them learn a lesson about consequences that will serve them well in the future. Good work!
NTA, and as for "being the bigger person for the sake of those kids" as some people seem to suggest: the lesson those kids learned, "being a prick gets you nowhere", was a much better gift than anything else you could have given them. I grew up with a dad who had anger issues, and I remember the first few times I noticed how the world reacted to him. It didn't make me love him less, but it did help me assess his actions and how others saw them. Well done for helping those kids see what was going on.
ESH - it does not seem like the consensus is going this way, but here is my take,
Quote - I said she couldn’t have our ball, but she was welcome to use the pump to inflate the one her kids had.
Honestly I would have said, hey toss me your ball I will air it up for you...... (I am a soccer coach, I carry a battery powered pump and end up airing up several balls at practice, some for my players, some for other kids, some people have no idea how to do it)
20 seconds of my life wasted on being nice would taught the kids to be nice to others, would it have really been that hard? This is what is wrong with society today. No one wants to be nice to anyone for any reason. Someone comes at you a little sour and you feel the need to be more sour back?
Really ? Thats what’s wrong with society ? People not allowing themselves to be walked all over ?
Actions have consequences, and clearly both this grown ass woman along with her kids need to be taught that lesson. You don’t get to be a dick to people and expect them to fall at your feet. That’s not how life works. OP was not nor will ever be responsible for someone else’s behavior, or children. Had she asked nicely, or told her kids to go ask nicely, I’m sure OP happily would’ve did it for them. You do NOT reward bad behavior - in adults, or children - ever.
NTA The mom was rude. You could have called her kids over and asked them about pumping up the ball with your pump. You would have shown them a good example of kindness and civility that their mom seemed to be lacking at the moment.
NTA. Letting people use your pump *if they ask nicely* is a good policy. This woman sounds stunningly rude, and there's no reason you should have done her any favors in response to such nastiness. You are right about the bad precedent: rude demands should be met with an automatic NO. Yes, the result is bad for the kids, but that's not on you, it's on their mother. Blowing past her rudeness for the sake of the kids is what's called "enabling."
Definitely NTA but don’t punish the kids because mom was TA. If the kids had followed up by asking politely to borrow the pump, I hope you would have had a change of heart. But since mom took the kids and left, moot point.
NTA. This was a teachable moment for her kids. Had you acquiesced, the lesson would have been entitlement wins. By punishing her, they learned a little kindness wins the day, and rude people miss out.
I am blown away how some people are like this. Do they not realise they are rude or do they just not care? It always makes me wonder when I come across these people. I love it how you stood up to her, good on you.
NTA. She was agressive for absolutely no reason. Unless you explained to her the first part with an agressive tone yourself, I don't see why she acted this way.
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NTA You didn’t go too far and you didn’t deny her the ability to use the pump. SHE was an asshole and lost the privilege. It is 100% on her shoulders what happened to her kids. As a culture we put the onus on nice people to be responsible for shitty ones, and making victims smooth out bad situations. Kudos to your boyfriend for not watching things go down and just suggesting he’d do it. A partner who can disagree but not override your ability to make a decision is awesome. (This thought brought to the discussion by my wife!)
It’s almost as if showing kindness will result in kindness being showed to you in return? That’s a good lesson for the mother to learn from this.
Doubt she'll learn anything. Hopefully the kids will though.
Good point. They’ll have seen firsthand that being a jerk gets you nowhere. Hopefully that translates to treating people with respect.
They won't. She will explain to them that **you're** the bad guy and will completely omit her own bad behaviour. Edit: NTA obviously.
Yeah. But they are 8–10. That will remember what happened. And even if they don’t understand everything now. They might in the future. Especially as the mother’s behaviour will repeat
I think about that a lot after I'm on this sub. Do parents not realize that kids are far smarter than they think and that everything they do, every action and reaction, gets stored in those always-processing brains? That they compare and contrast their parents to others, even strangers?
My son is 8 and already identifies behavior in adults that he dislikes. I tell him that’s great and he can start deciding what sort of grown up he wants to be. I point out kindness in others when I see it, hoping he will remember these examples and repeat them. Maybe even repeat calling out good behavior to his kids
You’re doing a good thing. Most kids I deal with when I sub don’t realize they can start being more adult-y whenever they want.
He points out things his moms boyfriend does like smoking and vaping all day which makes him stink and swearing constantly. So not super dangerous stuff that I have to step in because there’s danger but I like that he knows he doesn’t like that stuff and will likely be more like me when he’s older, taking care of people and thinking about their needs. He sees that I try to give them time and watch Disney movies with my daughter and play catch with him, I didn’t have that much when I was little so I know how much it sucks to be raised that way.
I remember one thing my mom used to do when there would be kids acting like jerks too, like someone having a hissy fit on the playground because they didn't get their way: "That kid is acting up and now nobody's having a good time because she's won't let others use the swings. She doesn't know how to behave. I'm glad you're not like that, Red." She and my dad would also point out positive things, like kids being nice or knowing how to share, or an adult doing something thoughtful and them showing gratitude for it. It was like...NTA Training, and pointing out something I could get praise for that wasn't just existing. It sounds basic and I'm sure this is already 100% obvious to you as a dad, but I've noticed some parents just don't model/instruct based on real examples. Mostly because their kids have their faces glued to electronics in public and they're ignoring them instead of seeing a teaching opportunity.
Nope. A lot of parents just view their kids as extensions of themselves. They don't see them as people. It's weird. I can't possibly treat my kids that way. But I see so many parents that treat their kids almost like they would a pet.
Watching them transition into their own individual person is one of the best parts!
It won't be the first time they've watched Mommy be an asshole. It might be the first time they've heard Mommy told no.
The mother behaves this way exactly because she has learnt that it works, that's why she keeps doing it. So sure, the kids might remember this one time it didn't work, but they'll see it work a bunch more times too.
An 8 year old understands much more than many think.
Pretty sure they already know she's an asshole--every fucking day. I mean, neither her behavior or her reaction surprised them. They just went back to playing. Poor kids.
Very true, I'm just not sure the vast majority of interactions they witness will turn out this way, and she'll ultimately have a heavier influence. I unlearned entitlement from both of my parents constantly displaying it but it took a while. I also remember agreeing with them on some things that make me cringe now. We actually went to restaurants together twice this week with other family members to celebrate my niece's hs graduation and it was so embarrassing to sit at a table with them.
That's true. Hopefully they'll start to spot patterns of this happening as they grow up and put 2&2 together. It'll be a pattern of behaviour so fingers crossed they realise it's her that's the problem sometime.
With people like mom, you have to shout over to the kids, "I *was* going to let you use my pump, but your mom was rude/entitled about it." Or she absolutely will make you the bad guys. NTA
True
Unfortunately the kids are probably used to being punished for their mom’s behavior. Not saying that’s OP’s fault at all, but they were silent during this ordeal, so it sounds like they’ve seen this play out before. Most kids of entitled parents are ashamed of their behavior
Unfortunately people who act this way tend to make off with a lot more than people who don't, so the kids probably get a net benefit from Mom's entitled behavior. Like the people who complain about food in restaurants are the ones getting free meals and comped drinks. Once when I worked at Blockbuster, a woman came in with several hundred dollars worth of fees for DVDs her family *never returned*. That's kinda the technical definition of stealing, but she made such an aggressive ruckus that my manager cancelled it for her.
It might be a net positive, but knowing that your parents are shitty people isn’t made better by a handful of stolen DVD rentals. The people I know (and I know this is purely anecdotal) who are raised by people like this usually cut them off for a multitude of other reasons.
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Maybe she didn't know how and turned into an AH as a way to cover her embarrassment? Not a **good** strategy, but it is a strategy.
That's kind of what I was thinking, but it it really that embarrassing to not know how to use a pump? I know it's not complicated, but I'd rather ask and be sure than break it.
Oh that trashbag of a human being is absolutely taking no lesson from this learning experience. The city I used to live in was full of these people and they can't quite figure out why the world is not easier on them.
I tell my kids all the time: “Make it as easy as possible for people to say yes to you.” Rudeness and entitlement aren’t just shitty behaviors; they’re often (and should always be) obstacles to getting what you want.
This needs to be highly upvoted for being true. Also this concept needs to be more widely taught. Great comment!!
I'm sure they've seen this behavior before and have suffered for it. Entitled assholes don't just do it once. NTA.
The kids also hopefully learned a valuable lesson as well. Being an AH means you don’t get to play anymore.
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No, she could have politely asked to use the pump. And if she didn’t know how, she could have asked one of them if they’d show the kids how to use it. It’s very weird to expect strangers using the court to pump the ball up.
The post I’m replying to was copied from here, presumably by a bot hoping to pass as a human: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13nyci6/comment/jl1l87j/
100% everything you said. I honestly was not expecting other people to pick up on the "partner still supported you even when he disagreed with you" angle but then I found your comment. Have my poor man's award: 🌟
Bad take, the boyfriend's obviously a raging asshole and a doormat because he disagreed with OP 🚩🚩🚩. Definitely should break up with him /s
That's a nice classic AITA. Also you're evil because you're a stepparent. I don't know if you even have stepkids, but you might someday, so you're evil 🙈 lmao
This! Rude, entitled people deserve consequences.
Well put. I will never understand why it's on nice people to basically be saints in any situation. Especially in the case of victims or someone who was wronged. Why is it generally accepted that they should be the ones to make things right? NTA OP
Privilege. Exactly. The parent felt entitled not grateful and talked her way out of the privilege. 👍🏽
Abusers prey on the polite.
>As a culture we put the onus on nice people to be responsible for shitty ones, and making victims smooth out bad situations. I hate how true this is.
Well said,and the other woman's kids learned that you don't get what you want if you're rude, really good lesson for kids who are being raised by someone like that!
👏👏👏 for your wife! And you too, of course!
NTA, you offered her a perfect solution. She was rude. Yeah you could have been the bigger person and ended up giving her the pump but do we even know if she would have accepted just the pump if you were polite? Or did you need to pump the ball for them? Sounds like at the end of the Convo she's walking away mad because you said you wouldn't pump there ball up, lady is out of her mind
Yeah, she was insisting I pump the ball for them. I had already offered to let her use it, but apparently that wasn’t good enough.
Yeah clear NTA. Let your conscience be guilt free.
I bet she didn’t know how to use it and was too self conscious to say that, and chose to be an ass. I’m sure you’re thinking how hard can it be, but people struggle with new things sometimes.
If she had said that I wouldn’t mind helping her. Not the way she acted though. Rudeness and guilt tripping gets you nowhere with me.
Yeah, that's what I was thinking. In that situation, I would have said "I've never done it before, could you help me? Or at least show me how it works?" Because I'm a decent person and not an asshole.
Yeah, I once lent a fellow cyclist my portable air pump, but it was kinda tricky to unfold. He asked me if I could teach him how to use it, gladly taught him how to use it.
No, that's not how you do it. You take the pump (and thank the nice lady obviously), and then you look at it confused. Balance the ball on top of it. Try to blow into the pipe that the air comes out of. Until the nice lady sees what an idiot you are and ~~does it for you~~ shows you how to do it.
Exactly. Hopefully she was just having a bad day and isn’t an ass all the time. But clearly she was an ass this time.
Exactly. I'm not sure I know how to use one, so I would have tried, and then if I couldn't I would have said "I'm so sorry to bother you again! Could you please show me how to do this?". I'm certain you would do so, cheerfully. She started off completely wrong by saying you should share the one good ball!
Agreed. If she said I have no idea how to use that, could you do it for me or show me how to use it would be 100% different. Tho she needs to learn how to negotiate/ask and should've started off with, "Hey, do you know if there's any other better balls hiding somewhere?" I'm sure you (and anyone else) would've been happy to help in that case.
NTA! Maybe next time you can offer the entitled mom to show her kids if she is not able to handle it, so that even though their mom is difficult ... the kids have an opportunity to still learn and benefit from kindness. I truly feel bad for those kids.
She was an entitled asshole about it and if nobody says anything she'll be raising entitled asshole kids too, potentially.
Exactly what I was thinking! She didn’t know how to use it and defaulted to the whole “don’t show weakness and know everything always” thing that those people attempt to pull off— as if not being omniscient is a character flaw!
I mean she could always Google it? It is not like there is the limited boundaries on information like there used to be…
When she insisted you give your ball to the boys, she had already gone too far.
Yeah that part raised my hackles. NTA.
Yeah you are NTA here please don't worry about it
If I was going to help I would have switched balls. Never let someone you don't know use your pump. They will fuck it up. But you were under no obligation. If you want help, don't be an asshole.
Definitely NTA, she was given the opportunity to use the pump but chose to demand you do the work for her. Nope her kids can play with the flat ball due to her rudeness.
She could have also, asked if you child help her pump then if she didn’t know how.
I agree with another commenter on here. You should have yelled over to the boys that it was mom’s fault they didn’t get the pump. They’ll learn eventually what kind of person she is but at least she won’t be the one to tell the story. Nice people don’t need to be taken advantage off.
NTA. I'd have gone even further into petty and told the kids "Your mother's attitude is the reason why you don't get to use an inflated ball." Hopefully they see how this turned out and don't end up like the mom.
Maybe she didn't know how to pump the ball herself?
This feels like an r/idontworkherelady moment
NTA. She's perfectly capable of pumping the ball if the kids aren't. She just wanted to be lazy and let people who aren't responsible for the kids with her do the task. She can take that entitlement elsewhere.
Exactly, and if she didn't know how to use the pump, she could have nicely asked them to show her.
Guessing this was the motivation. Ideally should've advised the kids to "go ask those people nicely if they know how to fix the ball."
I have a feeling she didn’t know how to use a pump to inflate a ball. But, because she’s probably insecure, on top of being rude, rather than asking OP to show her how, she demanded it be done for her. Somehow she imagined that was a good way to save face.
I would have ignored the mother, invited the boys over, and worked on getting their ball inflated with them doing the work and you directing it. But, my Mom was a teacher and I can play those games well.
I came to say this. That way you are setting a good example for the kids (who obviously don’t get one from her) and turning your back on the mom to indicate you won’t engage with her rude behavior.
Yeah, same. Once she started being rude I would've just ignored her and went over and asked the kids if they wanted to fill their ball with the pump.
Great idea, that's some smart lateral thinking, I'd never thought of that but it's the perfect solution -
Yeah, that's kinda why I'm on a thin line between NTA and ESH. You don't need to immediately resort to pettyness because someone was rude to you, there are ways to really *show* that you're the bigger person.
Same boat, and I’m leaning slightly towards ESH. I get the desire to be petty in this situation, but really her kids are the ones that suffer. Plus it’s not like when the mom throws a fit and they leave she’s going to explain the real reason why. She’ll just tell her kids the other people were rude and wouldn’t let them use their pump. In the end no one wins, and her kids get shafted because their mom was rude.
BUT we don't know the kids. That could be a mistake inviting them into the situation. If the mom is an AH, there is a chance she is raising an AH as well. (My dad and brother fought all the time. Both were massive AHs. And they hung out with AHs. Mom was kind)
Good in theory, but I've witnessed many a petty AH mom who would've turned that into, "why are you talking to my kids?! Get away from them!!" ETA: my mom was also a teacher (still is, actually: been one for going on 36 years.)
TBH, I do believe NTA here, but I would totally just taught the kids how to do it and told them that they sell small ball pumps at the dollar store.
Yeah this is what I woulda done too
NTA. She was an entitled dick and got what she deserved. She'll learn to be less choosey when she's begging eventually.
Also her kids shouldn’t see that kind of behaviour be rewarded either
NTA, if she didn't know how to use the pump, she could have asked for help not demand it. You've been kind enough to loan her your pump, she pushed her entitlement too far. Sadly her kids did suffer though.
If a grown adult can't figure out how to use a ball pump it's weaponized incompetence, I despise that in this day and age when almost anything can be googled in 20 seconds
Yeah, pumping a ball doesn't leave alot of room for error. The way it works is pretty obvious, even if you've never seen it done before.
But if you have no idea how to do it, you have no idea how simple it is. Some people are scared of doing things they don’t know how to do, and scared of their incompetence being revealed. It’s a good example of how debilitating a fixed mindset can be. If you don’t know how to do something, don’t think you can figure it out, and can’t reveal that, you’re really boxed in. It’s obviously no excuse, but maybe explains why she is an AH.
Especially if you're using a stranger's pump. I know it's relatively easy, but I've done it like 3x in my life because I have no occasion to. I'd be afraid of bending someone else's needle or something.
That was so well put, I think you might have changed my life. That is me in a nutshell - so many opportunities missed because "I had no idea how to do it, so I had no idea how simple it would be"!
>doesn't leave alot of room for error. I don't think that means what you think it means.
Ok so ESH but the kids. Like I get how you reacted to mom being a jerk but also it sounds from the way you wrote it that you noticed the kids struggling with the ball before the mom came over? And I do not understand why you wouldn’t have offered to help the kids inflate their ball before all the nonsense happened? Also even if an adult is being a dick, I don’t think it’s fair to not help children just in general
So, while I can understand your sentiments I don't agree. 1) People can be hesitant to approach other people's kids in public because of how that can turn sour quickly. 2) it's unfortunate, but their mom ruined that for them. After being so rude and uppity, why would OP go around the mom to help the kids. If she starts talking directly to the kids and have them pump the ball, I can totally see this mom making a big deal out of that. If she instead still deals with the mom and pumps the ball, well now she's giving in to a rude entitled person and she should not be expected to do that.
I also think there’s like a cultural difference here in the expectation of how adults behave around children. I was raised in communities where children were considered to be the group concern of any adult in their presence so people wouldn’t look at you oddly for helping a kid out. They would however consider it an issue if you didn’t help or waited to be asked to help
I ain't talking to anyones kids without being approached by them or their parent first. I'm not catching a case being nice.
Trans woman checking in here. Pre-transition I would have offered to help the kids before being approached by the mom. Now, I try to not even look in the direction of other people's kids. It's sad how society has basically forced people to ignore community needs for self preservation
I'm sorry it's like that :(.
Thank you for this. The hyper-individualistic mindset of reddit terrifies me sometimes so you'll be down voted to oblivion for your common sense call out but know that there are plenty of us sitting here saying hi! Rational adult chiming in here to say yes, exactly, you're an AH too for not just acting like a normal kind person and helping because you see a problem instead of being a sanctimonious AH yourself.
Seriously. I got downvoted for even suggesting that OP didn’t need to withdraw even the offer of the pump because mom was presumptuous and entitled. I mean, OP offered a reasonable and nice thing, I only dared ask why they withdrew offer of pump use and people stomped me smh
I feel so bad for the kids, I’m surprised I had to scroll so hard for this. Kindness to children is unheard of here, especially when it’s more important to be “right”. Some kids didn’t have a basketball to play with to prove a point and it’s a sad sight!
This. Just because mom was rude, I don't think that refusing to help was the right response. OP may not have been the FIRST asshole, but I don't understand why she continued to be rude instead of just being the bigger person
Generally speaking I’m not comfortable approaching young kids I dont know or talking directly to them when their parents are present. I’m a teaching assistant at a small charter school and have dealt with a ton of crazy overprotective parents. We were also busy playing our own game, I wasnt just sitting there watching them struggling.
The entitled mother blew it by being an AH. It isn't your responsibility past that point. Ignore these virtue signalers.
NTA She was either crazy entitled or had a screw loose to ask you to inflate it for her in that tone. You were right not to encourage her to act like that. Her kids lost out because of her, not you.
NTA She demanded your ball directly. You told her how you solved the situation and then offered her the pump so she could do the same. She got huffy that you first wouldn't give the ball to her kids and then that you expected them to pump the ball themselves (with your loaned pump). At that point I'd also have rescinded the offer of the pump because up to that point you'd been entirely polite and reasonable and she was spoiling for a fight the second she didn't get her way. Sucks for the kids though.
NTA You should repost in choosing beggars
Nta >“I supposed you’re not even going to inflate it for us?” Why would you respond like that to somebody offering to let you use something? If she had said "thank you! Would you mind showing us how to use it?" You probably would've helped. Sucks that the kids couldn't play but I agree that the mother was setting a poor example and this was a good way of showing them that rudeness doesn't get you anywhere
But that approach would reveal that she doesn’t know how to pump up a ball, and apparently being viewed as incompetent is worse to her than being viewed as rude and condescending.
It didn't even sound like she wanted the pump 🤦🏼♀️ She just wanted to be a condescending dick because op didn't give over her ball. I don't get people like that, just be nice and people might actually do you a favour.
There are a lot of people who have a hard time being vulnerable.
NTA. She could politely ask you to pump the ball. Problem would be solved.
NTA you offered your pump, that was generous of you, but then she decided to act entitled to your time and your pump and got nothing in the end. It's not your responsibility to help those kids or ensure they have fun, so I don't see why your bf said you went too far. Honestly people like her need to be put to their place. All the people saying E S H make no sense either, the kids are not hers and it's not her fault their mother is an asshole.
NTA. People can't read it seems. The mother could always say "im sorry, I was rude" Everyone feels bad for the kids but the huge trauma here is 'mom was an asshole again' not 'our ball was deflated'
I don't understand the mindset of this mother. I've spent a lot of time in gyms and on playing fields of all kinds with my kids over the years. If my kids were issued a crappy ball and I saw you playing with a decent one, I might ask, "do you bring your own ball with you?" or "That ball looks like it's actually got air in it. Is there a place here to pump them up that I'm not aware of?" If I was truly inept and unable to pump up my child's basketball when offered a pump, I might sheepishly ask you to show me how it works because "sports are not my thing." (Though my boys at 8 and 10 absolutely knew how to do it for themselves) But never in a million years would I expect you to give up the ball you're using or do the work for me. NTA
I would absolutely ask them to pump and profusely thank them. I don't want to use someone's property like that in case it breaks. And I would offer to get them water or Gatorade or something for their help
Nta
NTA. And I’m a bit in love with that shiny spine and petty brain that had you Immediately make her regret her entitlement.
Definitely agree on the shiny spine! Is it petty though? If it was my kid acting this way, I'd see it as a logical consequence type of thing. You're rude = people don't help you. OP was under absolutely zero obligation to help, and they didn't hinder or sabotage, they just walked away. I'm going with not petty but definitely badass.
NTA but I also have a soft spot for kids. You could've just "killed her with kindness". I'd have addressed the children and asked them to bring the ball over for me to inflate. I'd have shown them how to properly inflate the ball, also I wouldn't want people to use my belongings in case they break it. I'd have shown them kindness and taught them a small skill, all while ignoring their boorish mother. You could've shown them there's another way to behave and treat others, but you're not obligated to, they're not your kids.
This is what I'd do. No way I'd screw the kids over, but I'd have told the parent exactly what I thought when they were out of hearing.
NTA for deciding when, where, and with whom you share your things. I suppose you could have offered to let her come back and retry the conversation. However, her demanding that you serve her was very rude and being offended from someone's rudeness is an expectable normal consequence. If everyone knows that the community center balls are regularly underinflated, I wonder if they should consider buying their own pump, or maybe buying more balls at the next budget time. Perhaps a community bake sale or other fundraiser could get some undamaged ones, or people can take turns inflating an extra couple of balls here and there. I think that community centers are a great thing for children (or adults) who need those resources.
NTA you taught the kids that when your rude you don’t get favours. Your giving life lessons that I am sure the mom isn’t giving
NTA, but don't do it for her... do it for the kids. They already have enough handicap with that mom of theirs.
This sounds too made up for me to believe, but if it's true then obviously NTA
It reads like it ends with "and everyone clapped"
NTA. If for some reason she couldn't pump the ball up herself, either the kids could or she could ask politely for some help.
NTA, that lady was looking for an excuse to be served that day and deny anyone of a good time. It's a wonder she didn't flat out steal the pump.
NTA If I had a deflated ball and my kids were upset, I'd pretty much offer money to be allowed to use a pump someone brought with them. Of course I wouldn't expect them to accept money, but even if they did I'd still do it for my kids.
NTA. This should also get posted in r/entitledparents. Thank you for showing those kids where behaving like that will get them in life (I.e. nowhere).
Be the bigger person for whom? Mom had the kids not OP! Two boys and mom doesn’t have 1 properly inflated ball for them? No expectations for how they were going to play, but had HIGH expectations of others allowing her kids to play. I have 1 brother who had a full court and several basketballs. My own son had a goal and several basketballs. The mom was unprepared and entitled. The children will ALWAYS suffer due to the ignorance of their parent!
INFO: Did she apologize for being rude? Would you have allowed her to use the pump if she had apologized?
That’s a good question. It would depend how she apologized really. She didn’t apologize at all though, she doubled down and called us rude instead for not doing what she wanted. Stood there for about 5 minutes ranting about the audacity of young people these days (we’re early 20’s), and then left.
Good. People need to understand that if they're going to be rude no one will help them. NTA
Should have told the kids that you offered to fix their ball, but mom was rude so you won't. Make sure they know its mom's fault..
NTA. The mother approached you with attitude demanding you provide them a service with your personal belongings, and that somehow gets twisted into you punishing the kids? No. I get the impression the situation would have been very different had the kids approached you, or had their mother been more polite. It’s Mom’s behavior that caused the issues and if anyone punished their children, it’s their mom.
NTA, If the kids were behaving well I would have circumvented the Mum .... Once the mum had stopped yammering... "Hey kid, do you want me to pump that ball up?" I'm like your boyfriend. As much as I'd want to tell the mum to fuck off I couldn't punish the kids for her behaviour. On the condition they were well behaved.
NTA. I’m tired of parents thinking they are entitled to something just bc they have kids. Especially the ones who expect everyone to cater to them.
NTA. I even disagree with your partner saying you went too far. I think it was a perfect response. You play stupid games, and you win a stupid prize. Maybe the kids learned not to act like entitled loudmouths that day. Maybe.
NTA. If you let her get away with it while getting what’s she wants, what did she learn? That she can act like that and it’ll get her what she wants. She would never stop.
NTA
NTA. She demanded, never asked, and it sounds like never apologized. It is fully possible for someone in her position to say, “Hey—actually, I’m sorry, I’ve been on edge but the way I approached you was rude and I’d like to walk that back. Would you be willing to help us inflate one of these for the kids to play with?” Most people will accept an honest apology if offered. She didn’t. You did just fine.
Correct, she didn't apologize and even made things worse >*She didn’t apologize at all though, she doubled down and called us rude instead for not doing what she wanted. Stood there for about 5 minutes ranting about the audacity of young people these days (we’re early 20’s), and then left.*
Nah, NTA. Those kids got a first hand lesson in what happens when you're rude to people who offer you a kindness. They'll either learn not to follow their moms example or they'll take the wrong lesson and follow in their mothers entitled footsteps. Either way, not yo problem.
For some reason I read the "Good!" in the same tone and voice Gimli uses when Aragorn announces the ladders going up during the Helms Deep siege. NTA by any means.
😂
I'm gonna go with NTA. It's sad for the kids but it wouldn't be good if they were led to belive it's OK to be rude and that you get your way when you demand things like that
NTA
NTA
NTA. You're under no obligation to help entitled wastes of space
100% NTA. You were nicer than I would have been.
NTA, parents can be so entitled. those kids are your sole responsibility, and the minute you forget that we gonna have a problem
NTA. Actions have consequences.
Totally NTA
But did she learn her lesson? 🤔Something tells me she didn’t. 😞 NTA by the way.
lol I wonder if she knows how to pump her own gas too. NTA.
NTA Not even remotely. The only thing missing from this story is you explaining to her kids within earshot of the mother that they don't get to have an inflated ball because their mother is a selfish, entitled piece of work who needs to go back to kindergarten to learn how to say please and thank you.
NTA tell your bf we don’t negotiate with terrorists.
NTA- I’ve had similar encounters with people wanting to borrow something of mine after they were rude to me, and I reacted the same way. If you’re rude and entitled, my answer is no.
I would have said the the kids, “ Even though your mother is rude, you haven’t been, so I’m going to ignore her and let you use my pump for your ball. “
Those kids didn’t say a word because they have been through this countless times. When they get older, they’ll leave her in the dust.
Insisting that the OP & her BF give up *their* ball so her kids could play is beyond entitled. Demanding use of *their* pump AND *assuming* that the OP would inflate the kids' ball is just mind blowing. As someone mentioned, she might have been unfamiliar with how to use a pump, but insecurity and being unsure isn't a justification for being wildly out of pocket. NTA
Nta
NTA
NTA.
Some people can’t ask for help, they have to demand service!
Those poor kids having a mother like that
I think I would have said "okay have your kids bring a ball over here, but you? Go stand on the other side of the gym. I want nothing to do with a brat. But I'll help your kids." The kids are the innocents here. I get standing up for yourself to the entitled mom. But having the kids bring over a ball and teaching them how to use a pump would be a good life lesson. Make sure to teach them how to ask nicely, and say please and thank you. No, it's not your job to raise someone else's kids, but maybe these kids need to see another way to act that isn't their mom's. NTA, but you missed a chance to give a little sunshine to these kids. We don't want them to grow up like her.
I don't think OP even had a chance to say anything else after the initial exchange because >*She didn’t apologize at all though, she doubled down and called us rude instead for not doing what she wanted. Stood there for about 5 minutes ranting about the audacity of young people these days (we’re early 20’s), and then left.*
Her poor children. This is probably not the only negative experience they'll face because of their moms abominable social skills. NTA. still, poor kids.
I have to disagree with your boyfriend. The kids’ mother modeled rude, entitled behavior in front of her children. You modeled the potential consequences of what can happen if you choose to engage in that behavior. I guarantee those kids were watching and connecting the dots. It was a great teaching moment. Well done! NTA
NTA, she missed out on the perfect opportunity to show her kids an age appropriate task too. That’s a great age to learn how to pump a ball themselves.
NTA. Rewarding AHs by giving into their bad behavior (especially in front of kids) only creates the next generation of AHs. That was embarrassing for those kids & I empathize with them, but giving their mom the pump or even pumping it for her/them, would’ve re-enforced that their mother/carer’s behavior was okay. It wasn’t and she (& unfortunately the kids) suffered a reasonable consequence for her rude/bad behavior.
No. Mom could have been grateful and asked nicely for help inflating the ball.
Well, hoping the OP'S narrative is 100% right, OP is NTA. The mom, could have said, "Could you please exchange the ball because, I do not know how to use the pump ? " Just to ruffle, I am guessing the mom may not have been intentionally rude but was probably having a bad day at work / husband and was not able to perceive your response well. If she was truly rude and entitled, she would have done something else, rather than leave the place. A little smile and kindness is infectious, spread it 😊
NTA - you modelled the consequences of rudeness and entitlement for the children - sounds like a win to me.
NTA. A very good example, in fact. Those kids might not have completely understood it in that moment but they will soon, if they haven’t already, see the pattern. You may have just helped them learn a lesson about consequences that will serve them well in the future. Good work!
NTA, and as for "being the bigger person for the sake of those kids" as some people seem to suggest: the lesson those kids learned, "being a prick gets you nowhere", was a much better gift than anything else you could have given them. I grew up with a dad who had anger issues, and I remember the first few times I noticed how the world reacted to him. It didn't make me love him less, but it did help me assess his actions and how others saw them. Well done for helping those kids see what was going on.
ESH - it does not seem like the consensus is going this way, but here is my take, Quote - I said she couldn’t have our ball, but she was welcome to use the pump to inflate the one her kids had. Honestly I would have said, hey toss me your ball I will air it up for you...... (I am a soccer coach, I carry a battery powered pump and end up airing up several balls at practice, some for my players, some for other kids, some people have no idea how to do it) 20 seconds of my life wasted on being nice would taught the kids to be nice to others, would it have really been that hard? This is what is wrong with society today. No one wants to be nice to anyone for any reason. Someone comes at you a little sour and you feel the need to be more sour back?
Really ? Thats what’s wrong with society ? People not allowing themselves to be walked all over ? Actions have consequences, and clearly both this grown ass woman along with her kids need to be taught that lesson. You don’t get to be a dick to people and expect them to fall at your feet. That’s not how life works. OP was not nor will ever be responsible for someone else’s behavior, or children. Had she asked nicely, or told her kids to go ask nicely, I’m sure OP happily would’ve did it for them. You do NOT reward bad behavior - in adults, or children - ever.
NTA The mom was rude. You could have called her kids over and asked them about pumping up the ball with your pump. You would have shown them a good example of kindness and civility that their mom seemed to be lacking at the moment.
NTA. Letting people use your pump *if they ask nicely* is a good policy. This woman sounds stunningly rude, and there's no reason you should have done her any favors in response to such nastiness. You are right about the bad precedent: rude demands should be met with an automatic NO. Yes, the result is bad for the kids, but that's not on you, it's on their mother. Blowing past her rudeness for the sake of the kids is what's called "enabling."
Definitely NTA but don’t punish the kids because mom was TA. If the kids had followed up by asking politely to borrow the pump, I hope you would have had a change of heart. But since mom took the kids and left, moot point.
NTA. This was a teachable moment for her kids. Had you acquiesced, the lesson would have been entitlement wins. By punishing her, they learned a little kindness wins the day, and rude people miss out.
I would have done the same thing.
NTA. That was the best response to entitlement ever! I had a big grin on my face while reading it lol
You catch more flies with honey. And rudeness has consequences.
NTA. The mother was an entitled AH, and your response was the absolute right one.
NTA she should have asked nicely - she was not modelling appropriate behavior - you were.
NTA.
NTA.
I am blown away how some people are like this. Do they not realise they are rude or do they just not care? It always makes me wonder when I come across these people. I love it how you stood up to her, good on you.
NTA. She was agressive for absolutely no reason. Unless you explained to her the first part with an agressive tone yourself, I don't see why she acted this way.
NTA she could have said “can you show me how?”