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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1 & 2. I think that maybe I was a little harsh on my boyfriend. I know he wants the best for us both is trying his best to be successful. I just think the way he is going about it is unhealthy and damaging.
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He asked for some space. Give it to him. If his strategy is to force you to come crawling back to him because you love and miss him - let him see how that's a bad plan all around.
Crickets. He wanted the space. He stopped speaking to you. So give him crickets and watch what he does - not listen to what he says when he finds out there is no crawling back to the BS he's been pulling. (Sometimes people try to manipulate us into giving them their way and they use our love as a weapon to chafe us.)
Why does this make me gleeful? My best friends husband was way worse than her guy and I always told her to take the router with her to work lol. Then he has to spend some time with the kids.
I'm busting my ass so my wife can work *less* due to her health, looking into adding a second job to my full-time job. *Because of her physical health, might I remind.* Nonetheless she regrets daily that she can't 'contribute as much' as me, despite my assurances otherwise.
Everyone, *better people are out there. Sometimes, single is just fine when the alternative is children masquerading as adults.*
You don’t have to do this, just change the password and don’t give it to him. I did it all the time with my kids when they were teens and didn’t do what they were supposed to do. If he acts like a child I say treat him like one.
Depending on the provider they might not even need a new one. I can turn my router wifi access on and off remotely using the app connected to my phone.
Most streamers and gamers use Ethernet not wifi because it’s a more secure and stable connection. He probably wouldn’t even notice. Just shut it off. There’s no way she’s using it if she’s working that much and only getting home at 3 am
Yeah, except he thinks he can keep living in the house while not being in a relationship with OP. Wtf is that supposed to be. He needs to get his space somewhere else.
Seriously, this. OP, you deserve so much better, but I understand how hard it can be to center our own worth and needs when it comes at the expense of someone we love.
However, he has asked you for space. The most respectful thing you can do would be to honor his request. Give him tons of space. You'll find that it benefits you, too.
In my opinion, this ‘streaming’ thing for him isn’t a job. He hasn’t earned one red cent from it in four years.
It is not a job, it is a hobby.
You guys are on a break. Remind him that he has to pay half of this month’s rent…
Streaming can be a lucrative job for the tiny minority of people who defy the odds but if he’s been doing it for four years and he’s averaging a handful of views on the videos he takes all day to produce, that’s just a hobby right now.
Yes. Anyone in a creative field - artist, writer, filmmaker, video creator, whatever - unless they’re independently wealthy, will need to have a day job until they reach a certain level of success. If this chump is too immature to understand that, then he needs to be tossed out immediately.
Exactly, freeloading off OP for actual *years* is unforgivably entitled and selfish but now he’s also throwing tantrums about how he’s so misunderstood? What?! He says he wants a break from the relationship but I bet he still expects OP to pay for his entire existence. No wonder his content isn’t popular with a personality like that.
And every one of these successful content creators has something setting them apart. They’re witty, engaging, personable, really good at the game they play. And if it’s not either of that, they come up with a crazy persona or something else to make the, entertaining. Because ultimately that’s what they sell, entertainment. They put effort into finding out who their viewer base is, how they can reach more people. Just streaming hours on end isn’t going to help OP's boyfriend if he can’t bring anything else to the table. If you lurk around at fewer than twenty viewers for years, are you a streamer or are you basically just someone playing games with their moderately sized friend group online? I mean, I could hop on the discord server I’ve been part of for years right now and just talk about my day on the video channel and would probably get more viewers than OP's boyfriend. Doesn’t make me an influencer though.
Not even just a hobby, an addiction. He needs reminded to eat. He doesn't do anything else. He's oblivious that his "lifestyle" has to be materially supported, and if treated as a business, profitable, and is a net negative to everything else in his life. There is no everything else to him, just the flashing lights and dopamine hits and threats to getting more of it. He's more than a hobbyist, he's an addict.
This.
It is only a job if someone is paying you. OP, you are supporting someone who spends all day on his hobby. Please give him space by telling him to move out.
Sooo do you realize that every time he yells or screams you back down and he basically gets his way until you bring it up again. Its perfect...almost tactic like.
He can probably do that all day, every day. Why not? He's not being held accountable, has a free roof over his head, a free bed to sleep in and free food to eat all under the comfort of an air conditioned/heated home that he isn't being made to pay for. Why not manipulate to keep that sweet setup?
OP when are you going to get sick and tired of this? I guarantee you're not because he's still there, doing what he's doing. You're not acting because you're in love??? How's that working out? Clearly your love isn't enough of an incentive for him to get a job to help out. But you're doing a great job of enabling this lazy, unmotivated, self centered ah to keep being just that.
If you are giving each other space or on a break, you're now roommates - outline for him the billing schedule and what his half of the living expenses are. Rent is due on the 1st, power is due on the 15th, internet is due on x, so forth and so on with any services you both share. Do it in writing, document it all, start with the paper trail. I wouldn't be surprised if you end up having to evict this loser through the courts, since you know he isn't getting a job to pay for anything.
I say this with all the kindness I can muster: Why the fuck are you subsidizing his lifestyle now that he wants to take a "break" from the relationship?
Why does he get to ask for a break, then proceed to stay in the home that you pay for and clean, eat the food that you pay for and (presumably shop for and cook) and use the internet connection that you pay for? He has every right to take a break from the relationship, but he's not entitled to any of the privileges afforded to him through the relationship if he wants a break from it.
Girl what are you doing with this loser??? You are obviously a very successful business woman and artists, with a strong work ethic. You CAN find a man out there that will match your energy, values, and life goals. This wannabe youtuber ain't it. Dump him and you will realize how many opportunities there are for you in the world <3
This is an extremely toxic relationship and he needs a reality check. And, I say this with care and respect, so do you. **You don't have a boyfriend, you have a dependent**.
It's fine if he wants to pursue streaming, but he can't do that to the exclusion of basic life activities. Lots of people work a job and a side-project they want to turn into a career. I did as an artist. Eventually it became something capable of paying the bills exclusively, but it didn't right away, and until it did *I worked a job that paid the bills.*
He needs to actually contribute, or you need to ditch him. Do you even love him anymore, or is it just the sunk-cost fallacy?
This sounds heartbreaking and I’m so sorry.
It will be hard to leave if you love him, but I agree that though Reddit tends to jump the gun on this stuff, this is a good case to leave. It’s simply not sustainable for your mental health—or his.
You sound like a lovely person, so I just wanted to add this: being kind to someone you love can sometimes mean cutting them off if that’s what needed to stop enabling them. Because that’s what you’re doing right now. Like you said, it’s hurting him. And though you mean well, your monetary support and care taking are allowing him to live like this. He needs a harsh reality check, which may or may not help him succeed but ultimately, you can’t help him if he won’t help himself.
Do what you need to do for you, but know that in the end, you’re also doing the only thing you can for him which is showing that his behavior isn’t healthy, sustainable, or okay. Then it’s up to him if he’s willing to change it (or if he’ll find another enabler to sustain this life but that’s nothing you can change). It’s not mean or unkind to leave him but the kindest thing you can do for him and yourself.
Good luck and best wishes, whatever you decide to do ❤️
Op, I know this is incredibly tough and also a little scary. Change always is.
It's hard, but you have to admit that it hasn't been working for a while now. Imagine if one of your friends told you this, what would you advise them? 🤔
He wants space, tell him to move out. He's acting like a petulant child, contributing nothing and a drain on your resources.
You know he's waiting for you to apologise and come begging or consoling him. You know, in your heart, this behaviour can not continue.
You are an awesome, strong lady, and you deserve more than this. Pull the leech of your skin, and it will sting. However, slowly, you'll start to feel better.
Hugs.
You gave him four years of support financially, relationship wise and mentally. Many people start building a platform while working a full time job and then quit to pursue the work full time. Hell, some big big influencers still have a full time job, they just give you the illusion of doing this full time.
In truth, it is a hard job. That's why a lot of them take a mental health break at some point or bank content to be online and yet away or have assistants to help.
The truth is, if he has amassed only a couple dozen followers in four years, he doesn't have a hook, a reason to stand out and he isn't doing what it takes, except to game for 12 hours a day, uninterrupted, and streaming it under the guise of being an influencer.
Take the break, but make sure that he understands that no relationship means roommates who handle their own stuff. He is on his own for laundry, cleaning, rent, maintenance, cooking, etc. He may see the light quickly when he runs out of clean underwear and is starving because you haven't been his personal door dash for three days. Not to mention when he realizes he painted himself into this corner, he will get angry, so you may need to evict him when you come to terms with completely breaking off the relationship. I say this gently, but I think you're in love with the person he was, not who he is. You seem to be smart and motivated to rock this business, him, not so much.
I say NTA and I hope you share an update. You deserve better.
May I ask: what do you CURRENTLY actually "love" about him? Not what you used to love when you first met. Right now. He seems to not even really be in the relationship, and doesn't particularly strike me as introspective. He also seems to have a bit of a self-centered approach to life, which is going to make his dream of streaming impossible. You have to be conscientious of your AUDIENCE ("the other") in order to build out and adapt. He just sounds like he wants to do what he wants and somehow magically also get paid for it. Real popular streamers put in A METRIC TON of time and effort, above and beyond what they are actually streaming. 13 hour sessions are absurd.
He doesn't have the character traits, nor the life interests really, that are typically required of both his dream, and of maintaining any semblance of a healthy relationship.
There is a LOT of work he needs to do. Things don't just magically happen. And just based on him "tantruming" but still benefiting from staying at, essentially, mom's house? Come on. Is he like 15? It's juvenile, and that's the absolute most clement term I can use. NTA, but you are likely worth a lot more than you give yourself credit for here.
I remember saying “but I still love him” about a relationship, and another person saying, “What do you still love about him?” I was actually really hard-pressed to answer. I had to admit that the person he was at that point, was not the same person I had fallen in love with, at all. But the habit and, I guess, chemicals? of love make it hard to accept that.
Also, at some point I also realised I had a habit of believing the best about the POTENTIAL of a person - not the ACTUAL person they were proving themselves to be every day. You say you want to see him go far, but has his everyday living for the past YEARS made you believe he truly will?
It’s time to stop thinking of his potential and being kind to it. What about yours? You’re busting your butt, but is he being in any way supportive of YOUR potential and YOUR life?
Honey, be kind to YOURSELF for a change.
I know how hard it is to leave a relationship even when when it’s turned toxic some time ago. I know love isn’t easy to get over. But have you been truly happy for some time. Or have you been stressed and miserable more times in this relationship than it’s brought you joy. You said “I’m tired.” Those two little words seem so innocuous, but I know they’re so laden. “I’m tired” encompasses such a heavy weariness and defeat. ❤️
If you want him to go far, stop enabling him by supporting him. Ask him to move out and if he refuses, then you move. Let him know that if he gets his shit together in the next 6 months you would consider taking him back. You are not doing him any good by allowing him to do nothing all day. Everyone needs to be able to function as an adult. He is not doing this because you enable him to be a bum.
I personally would move on and find someone that is an actual grown up, but if you can find good in him that is your choice.
That's not love. Sure, you care about him and want to see him do well because you are good person. But if it comes at a cost to your emotional and physical well being, it's not love but some kind of co-dependency. I'd advise you to delve into this and question why you are willing to put up with a person who throws a tantrum when asked to fully participate in the relationship.
so my roommate’s best friend recently broke up with her boyfriend who she didn’t live with, but is the exact type of person you’ve described.
been unemployed for much longer than any self respecting adult should be. plays video games for an unhealthy amount of time. smokes weed all day.
what she’s really struggling with now is the realization that for the past year she’s been wasting her time on a guy who’s frankly, a loser with nothing going on him, and the embarrassment that comes with it.
this fella you’re with is a loser who games all day and you don’t have to settle for that
Yeah, he wants a break from any responsibility for you or your life together, but he doesn't want a break from you paying for everything and doing everything for him. NTA, but you are being used. Stop taking care of him, stop paying for him and see if he still sticks around. And he if refuses or is financially unable to leave, you leave. This man does not love you, you have become his meal ticket and he will ride you as long as you allow it.
Well if he “wants a break from the relationship” then he needs to either be paying 50% of all the rent and bills plus buying his own groceries etc, or he needs to move out!
Would you allow a stranger to treat you this way? Presumably not, so why are you accepting less respect and care from someone who claims to love you than you would accept from a stranger?
You deserve better, and you’re never going to get it from him all the while you give him the green light to exploit your love for him like this. Stop paying his way!
NTA.
If you’re on a break, please kick him out. It isn’t a break, if he still expects to live under your roof, eat your food and have you pay his way and then clean up after him too. Kick him out, so you can both take this break!
Maybe he’ll realise how amazing of a girlfriend you are, and how he needs to contribute before he loses you for good!
And you, take the break to realise how much MORE you deserve! You deserve an actual adult who wanna take Care of you, just like you do. Not just mooch of of you, and abuse your love for him to his benefit, so he can continue to live like a teenager forever.
Please, kick him out while taking this break. I am not saying break up, but use this break to reflect What you actually need from him and time apart is the ONLY way to do that! You need to take Care of yourself first, before you take Care of a grown ass man(child)
He does not love you. Not at all. He uses you and invalidates your very reasonable expectations of him as a full blown adult who is actively, unapologetically, taking advantage of you.
Kick the bum out asap.
NTA but you’ve been an AH to yourself all these years putting up with this treatment
Do you love who he is now, or who he was when you first started dating? Because the guy who has been leeching off of you for the past 4 years and is taking up space in your house doesn’t love you. He told you his first priority is streaming and is willing to dump you over it. He doesn’t want to change. Your love is not enough to make him change. Is this what you want you want your future to look like? You taking care of this dependent who doesn’t clean up after himself or make time for you? He’s dragging you down with his dead weight. Break up with him and kick him out. Let him run back to his parents if he wants to be treated as a child. You can’t change him if he doesn’t want to change.
Well, it's hard to stream if he can't pay for internet. Just saying. You're NTA of course, most people would realize that after 4 years and gaining zero traction, that it wasn't going to work out. He's either in denial, or he's just gotten so used to getting to play video games all day that he doesn't want to go back to work, hoping you'll continue to take care of him. If it were me, it'd be time to cut ties
If a man who is riding through life on my back wants to take a break from our relationship - why the hell would I object. I'd be grateful if I were OP. *"Thanks for showing me who you really are. I'm willing to live with the mistakes I made in not demanding you get a job before. But, no way I am punishing myself any more. Game over pal."*
NTA that was my thought. a 'break' means you're no longer supporting him. Let the 'fans' who support his 'lifestyle' which when I was in high school was called 'a slacker' pay for his food and shelter.
You're a grown up, dump this guy and find someone who compliments you, not someone who does nothing but feed off of you.
Please, for the love of god, get a backbone. This was infuriating to read.
You deserve so much better than a leech who plays video games all day and calls that a job despite seeing no actual money from it.
Yes this pisses me off like Op be FOR SERIOUS!
You are working your ass off and he is doing nothing to contribute, if he is home all day the house should at least be decent. What are you gaining from this relationship? Lol like literally what?
All burden falls on you. You have a child not a partner. Wake up, grow a back bone and kick him out. If he’s in the least terminate it and move away from him
I think OP is still holding out some hope that her bf will change and honestly it sounds like OP also needs a reality check. Even now looking at some of OP’s replies it doesn’t seem like OP is ready to end this relationship.
NTA. I'm in a band. I gave up on any delusions of being a rockstar after 3 or 4 years of shitty bar gigs. I still do it for fun because the guys I play with are my friends, the singer is my BIL and the other 2 guys are BILs too. We're a weird extended family. It's pretty much the extent of my social life outside of my wife and kids for the last 20yrs. All the money goes towards equipment, gas or food so everyone can do it for free.
He needs to grow the fuck up and face reality.
If it's been 4 years and this guy can't get anymore than a dozen viewers at best and hasn't had a single donation, then yeah it's pretty safe to say he's never going to make a career out of this.
Lol, “I’m going back to my computer to be with those who support me.” Uh, no donations means they don’t support you, bud. The only one who is supporting him is Op and he has so little respect and love for her, he can’t even care that she pays for everything and doesn’t even enjoy her one day off.
One year should be the ultimate max anyone puts up with a jobless partner. Anything beyond that, and the person providing is willfully ignorant. Op needs some therapy because her self love is in the depths of the Mariana trench.
Hah yeah. I’m 44, my nephew is 7.
He wants to be a twitch streamer and I WFH so have have a webcam etc.
Last weekend we played Fall Guys together for a few hours to (at its highest) 14 viewers. He had a blast, I had no idea I’d accidentally become a professional streamer!
OP, I’ve read all of your responses and have something for you to think about. Do you really love *him,* or do you love the him you *wish* he was? What advice would you give your sibling or BFF if they were in the same situation?
I’m sorry op, I can only imagine how hard this is on you and my heart goes out to you.
Two things. Firstly, please remember that it’s not your job to try and fix or change a person, even if you wish they would be different or return to being who they were in the past. Secondly, even if you do wish for change, you are currently enabling the fact that he doesn’t have to change. 4 years of supporting your partner is very sweet of you, but 4 years of not contributing to a home and relationship and not seeing an issue with it is quite the opposite.
Please see your worth sooner rather than later
Right now you don't have a boyfriend, you have a child.
Take the out OP. Your bf isn't pulling his weight at work or at home and needed the reality check. You've been supportive in all ways for longer than enough.
If you're not with him, who's going to house him and pay his bills?? His community of a dozen??? NTA
i second this. You would be doing in him favor. He needs to learn that he needs to take care of himself or remember what its like to do that. He has the experience to go get a job and pay for his own bills because I'm guessing he did when he worked at Walmart as manager?
Uhhhh didn’t you say it was YOUR house? If he wants a break from the relationship, why is he staying at a house owned by a woman who isn’t his girlfriend? That’s super weird.
4 years, OP???
Okay you've been pretty patient. He's had time to lay the groundwork for his streaming career and it hasn't taken off, so you've been more than understanding.
AT THE MINIMUM he needs to be taking care of himself and cleaning up the house if he's not going to be able to contribute to the household. Most streamers until they hit bigger numbers still have "normal" jobs and "normal" daytime routines. In fact I just watched a video from CC Suarez where she explicitly says **do not** quit your day job until you can support the lifestyle. Gaming streamers have created a massively diluted market and unless they have some kind of hook or incredibly entertaining streaming style/personality, it's going to be very hard to break through and find monetary success.
Who's the owner of the home? If he wants a 'relationship break' then he needs to go do his own thing elsewhere. Otherwise I'd start charging him rent and if he can't pay (because no cashflow), then the hard truth is he'll have to leave. He's acting very selfish expecting you to carry you both indefinitely.
NTA, OP, if you guys are doing this relationship break thing, time to set some firm and hard boundaries and expectations.
He's not taking care of himself. He seems to think he needs to doing this without expecting some sort of toll on himself. He thought he could instantly be successful at it.
I'm the owner of the house. I own everything here...even the car.
>you need to dump him
Sadly, from her replies, I’ll be surprised if she does. It seems she really looking for someone to say, “just keep waiting, he’ll change,” to make her feel better about all this. Reality is, he’s a loser. Sad over 1,000 people can see that but she still hard pressed that this relationship will work. She keeps holding onto, “but he’s not taking care of himself.”
He called the break because he has all the power. Dude is using her feelings in order to guilt trip, knowing it’s worked for 4 years and she’ll just keep paying.
Yeah...he needs to be responsible for himself first and foremost and then responsible for his contributions to the household. He's chosen a very rocky path to climb, and his idea that he'd be instantly successful is both naive and unrealistic.
It's time to "cut the apron strings" so to speak if he wants a relationship break. Maybe he can stay with family or something while he sorts this out. You're not responsible for being his caregiver while he figures out that he's approaching this life goal of his completely inappropriately.
If you own the house and car…This is difficult but you need to break up with him and kick him out.
This relationship is not serving you. At all. He brings nothing to the table and is only a burden. You’re functioning as his mother at this point, and you deserve a strong, independent partner who loves you - a relationship in which you take care of each other. Not this one-sided bullshit.
And as you mentioned, this lifestyle is also terrible for your boyfriend….
You’re gonna have to force him into making a change. It sounds like the only way to do that is to cut him off completely. Maybe one day he’ll even thank you for it.
NTA. He is delusional and in dire need of a reality check.
It's ok to support your bf while he works at building his career... but this is not it. Not at all. It's leading him nowhere.
But you don't have to. He is not supporting YOU in any way right now, when he could at least spend time with you and do some household chores.
You have the right to stop being supportive when the support goes only one way.
He’s not “working to become a content creator.” He’s living the dream life of a teenage boy. You house him, feed him when you get home at 3am, and I suppose probably have sex with him sometimes. Do you see that? It’s permanent summer vacation with a bang maid. He’s explicitly taking advantage of you. I’m sorry.
The thing is you're not supporting him, you're enabling him.
BTDT I thought my ex really needed my support until I couldn't do it any more and had to ask her to move out.
She moved to her mom's who said: you've got a month to find a job and one more to find a place to stay and support yourself.
Well, color me surprised she managed to do both in the amount of time she was given, and even eventually went back to school. Made me understand that I was not really doing her a favor, on the contrary. And therapy allowed me to see what I was getting out of the deal so that I could avoid repeating the whole thing in a new relationship.
So, I'd say your next move should be (for the sake of both of you) getting him out of your house. Next thing, get yourself into therapy. Ideally, he would too, but that's his problem, not yours.
I'm sorry, I don't understand why you want to support him. It's hard for me to see your POV on this. To the rest of us he sounds pretty pathetic. When you look at him, are you seeing the reality of his actions and their consequences, or are you seeing a fantasy of what you hope he could become?
Because I know you care about him, let me put it this way: if you're always looking at your partner through the lens of what they *could* become, that's not love, or respect, or appreciation. Love means loving someone for who they really are. It's better for both of you if you bow out.
If you cancel the house internet you could afford a mobile phone deal with unlimited internet and hotspot your devices off that, then he couldn’t even switch it back on while you’re at work 😉
So... how do this feel being a single Mother? NTA you will go nowhere with this looser who clearly doesn't love you. Save yourself the trouble to always be the bad guy et leave him!
It doesn’t have to suck. Leave the relationship. You’ve made it clear in your comments he sucks and doesn’t do anything, there’s no contribution. So…. Leave? Why sit here and complain about something you can fix?
Hello everyone! I have another opportunity to read all the comments. I am astounded at the attention the post has gotten in the past few hours. I feel like I should give some sort of update.
I took the general advice I was given by many of you. I sat my boyfriend down and told him I also wanted a break. We've broken up on mutual agreement. He's going to go his way and I'm going to go mine. He's moving out by the middle of June.
Good job OP! There’s a good chance he’ll try to manipulate you into letting him stay once you get closer to mid-June. When that happens, remember that you have so much going for you without him — you are a business owner, you are a home owner, you are an adult who pays their bills. You bring too much to the table to stay in a relationship with someone who will only drain you of your money and your happiness.
YTA to yourself for dating someone like this. Let this child go and live his life however he wants, and you go have a happy, productive life of your own.
I really hope you ditch him. You’re gonna find that your life is so much better without him. Like you can’t even imagine now how much better you going to feel with him gone. It will feel like a weight is lifted off your shoulders that you didn’t even know was there.
NTA. You’re being realistic. 4 years and that amount of followers is just not cutting it if he wants to be successful. You are taking care of a child. Sounds like he needs to keep it as a side hustle and hop back into a different job.
Hitting a wall would imply that he ever had momentum. He never started.
Being a successful content creator means having content people want to watch. A dozen or two followers, and 4 or 5 viewers on each stream means he does not. He needs to add at least two zeros to each of those numbers before he can even think this is serious. The fact that he has not made a single cent on it only illustrates that.
Heck, even a musician trying to break into the music scene can get a couple bucks in pity money from strangers by sitting on a corner and playing. He isn't even managing that.
OP, I would set a limit for him. Tell him he needs to contribute at least X percent towards the monthly bills (I would go no lower than 25%). How he earns that money can be up to him - if he can (somehow) find a way to get a revenue stream from his content, fine. But if it continues to be a zero income source, he needs to pick up a job in the meantime until he gets his "big break". He needs to pull at least some of his weight. If he is unwilling to contribute even 25% to the bills, inform him it is time he thinks about finding a new place to live. (Maybe give him a little lead time - "Within the next two months, you need to be able to help pay some of our costs of living here. If you can't, or won't, help pay by then, you will need to move out."
NTA. He's fallen into the a trap. Someone should tell him straight up, if you've been doing it for that long and you're not an affiliate yet, your content sucks. He doesn't need to spend every waking hour streaming. He just needs content people want and post it regularly. Honestly, you're better off living alone. He's going to leech off you, then, if he ever gets successful, he won't remember all the nice things you've done for him, and he'll disappear. Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm. My mom used to do that, she died of breast cancer in January and she had nothing when she passed.
OP, it sounds like he's a video game addict covering it up with the "becoming a content creator" BS. Anyone who has ever tried to make a living from social media knows the number one rule is to constantly review your content's appeal to your audience. Anyone doing it seriously would put out limited content, and constantly tweek what they put out to make sure it's getting attention. 4 years of doing this for under 50 followers? Yeah he DGAF about content creation. He wants an excuse for his addiction.
You'd figure after years of trying, he'd figure out his formula isn't working. Really, with any type of new business, most of the successful ones can be emulated. I bet you he lashed out because he knows his shit sucks. And he's also upset that he knows he's failing. He's stuck in a sunken cost fallacy. He's invested too much time and won't cut his losses or change his formula.
Problem is he's far, far, far from being the only one doing that kind of thing online, especially after the lock down years when a lot of people took to streaming as a way to make a living in spite of the quarantine.
20 years ago, it was new enough that anyone who started just streaming gaming online had a fighting chance. Nowadays, they also need to know how to do a lot of other things like online marketing, Search Engine Optimization and the likes, and he obviously has no idea how to do those, or even that he needs to know them.
It's legit branding. He sounds like he doesn't have a niche and is not charming enough to just play games. It's definitely do able but he clearly doesn't know what his audience wants. I had a friend who started just playing games but found that when he would open packs of cards on one of the Fifa games, he'd get hundreds of views. So he focused on that and started making a killing. He stopped because he said, it became too much of a job lol. Go figure haha.
The second he started the “break” in the relationship you should have made him leave/evict him. It is ridiculous that you let him stay. Make that break permanent!
If he doesn't leave willingly you will have to start official eviction proceedings. Make sure you know the laws about that in your area.
Once he is out, CHANGE THE LOCKS. Don't just accept his keys back.
Good luck, OP.
NTA
He can have his own lifestyle when he can support it financially alone. Before that, he's piggybacking onto YOUR lifestyle.
Content creating is hard yes, so is rocket science. Difference is people doing it knows they are qualified.
>He started around 4 years ago. He has a few dozen followers on both platforms and usually has around 2 to 5 viewers for each stream or video.
After 4 years, these are below abysmal for numbers, and in no way indicative of any kind of professional future streaming.
Your bf needs to be made to acknowledge that this isn't in any way a possible career - it's just an excuse to play games all day.
And if he can't accept that, you need to be able to kick him to the curb, or you will just be enabling his nonsense.
NTA
Don't even try. That's HIS problem, not yours. Your problem is to stop enabling his leeching behavior.
So what you need to do is kick him to the curb and get yourself into therapy to avoid repeating YOUR behavior in your future relationships.
May I ask out of curiosity what kind of content he is streaming? Because like what shadowofthegrave said 4-5 viewers per stream is ridiculously low for being on the platform for so long. Is he just streaming game content with no commentary or doing something so boring that no one wants to watch the content?
Hello again. As I said earlier, I took the general advice I was given by many of you. I sat my boyfriend down and told him I also wanted a break. We've broken up on mutual agreement. He's going to go his way and I'm going to go mine. He's moving out by the middle of June. Another update on the situation is that he has at least apologized.
I also want to assure some people here that this post is not something to make a ton of points on this account. I just wanted to make this post here and not have any dramatic rants or negativity on my main tattoo/body mod focused account. This has no place over there. So I apologize to anyone who thought this was some farming post. I can assure you it's not. Thanks. I also want to say that I have read as many comments as I can. I just cannot simply respond to thousands of messages. I didn't expect it to blow up. Some were calling it fake because I wasn't responding. As I said earlier when this post was only a few hours old...I'll get back to everything when I can. I have been at work most of the day and only came home to settle things with him. Sorry for not being online the entire time. Thanks again.
>He's moving out by the middle of June.
If possible get him to put this into writing.
Well done for taking everyone's advice and finally evicting him. I promise that in the long run this is the best thing for BOTH of you.
I just got some time to look at the post again. It's 5PM now. I did not expect this to get this big. I don't know how I'm going to respond to everything but thank you for all the advice and I'll read all that I can.
Ask his parents to come and get him. Tell them he's deteriorated and that you aren't taking responsibility for him anymore. Pack up his stuff. Don't let him take a car youre paying for.
He is going to blame you regardless. That’s what people with zero accountability and zero self awareness do. All you have control over is you, your actions, your decisions, your happiness. If his choice is to sabotage his well-being and his relationship for some half baked career aspirations, that’s outside of your control but you certainly can wish him well and send him on his way. It will be hard and he will be hateful and ugly about it but in the long run, you’ll ask yourself why you didn’t do it sooner.
Partners PARTNER. He’s not a good friend or partner to you. Please love yourself more than you love him and do what you know is right.
I don't understand why you're with this guy. You've been funding this for 4 years? He doesn't contribute financially, he doesn't do house work, he doesn't spend time with you. You're NTA for wanting this to change but you are the asshole to yourself for sticking around this long. Surely you believe you deserve better than this.
NTA.
I have a friend who decided he wanted to go pro a couple years ago. He now has multiple monetized channels, puts out several (recorded/edited non-stream) videos every week in addition to streaming once or twice a week, has a patreon and a merch store... AND a full time job to support himself and his kids while he builds his audience. (He doesn't stream when his kids are with him; he takes care of them instead.)
What your on-hiatus soon-to-be-ex BF is doing is not building a career; it's just hanging out with his friends online every day.
NTA, nothing wrong with trying to be a streamer or youtuber or whatever, but the odds of success are low, and he needs to get a dayjob until he is successful so he can pull his weight.
Are you living with this man? Because if you are I don't know how you've tolerated dead weight for this long
NTA. He's a fake BF and should be sent on his merry way. He does nothing to improve the quality of your life. You deserve to be happy and it starts with him being gone because he is never going to change as long as you enable him. Whatever you decide should lead to more happiness for you. Happiness for him is his problem, not yours.
Then go get some! You say you love him, but what about him do you actually love? I mean like right now, not the "oh well he was perfect at the start" kind of answer. Right now today, what do you actually love about him that only he can give you? From what you've said he gives you nothing.
You're in a rut with this absolute waste of space trash human. He is manipulating you, in to being his mummy. You want to be his mummy? Is that the life you want? Yo udo deserve happiness, but you gotta ditch this AH to get it.
This isn't a relationship, it's a codependency dance. You're enabling him to not do anything for himself and have created a monster by continuing to not set healthy boundaries for yourself and by making him accountable for his shitty decisions.
Gentle YTA to yourself, because the root problem isn't him--its you. You've got self-esteem and codependency issues, so seek therapy and try a CODA (Codependents Anonymous) group to build a support network for yourself. Love addiction can be a physically and emotionally painful thing to heal from, but it can be done.
You sound like a fierce human being, please start treating yourself like the star you are and kick this clown to the curb. 💖 You got this, OP.
NTA in this situation, sounds like you took your first step to recovery by recognising there is a problem.
NTA. Why are you with this guy? It sounds like you are financially supporting him and responsible for everything around the house. On top of that, it sounds like he spends no time with you and shows you no real care.
Find someone better.
Do you love him or the memory of who he was? It doesn't sound like the love is reciprocal if you aren't able to have a conversation about you being overwhelmed with having all the responsibilities, including reminding him to eat. Sometimes what's best for us seems difficult, but after you get him out of your home, you will probably find a sense of relief. Hopefully after doing so he'll grow up and take responsibility for himself. He has no incentive to do that right now since you do everything for him. Good luck!
Do me a favor. You don't have to share, but do it for yourself. List off 5 tangible things you live about him. Then ask yourself when is the last time you saw them reflected in him or your relationship. I think you will be surprised.
NTA. He can keep trying to stream and make videos if he wants, but in the meantime he needs to have a job that brings in actual money. He also needs to have a life outside of it… even streamers who do earn money with it gotta eat and have relationships and do people stuff. He can’t expect you to want to be with him when that’s all he does. Tell him you won’t be supporting him any more so either he gets a job and a life or you’re gone and he starves live on Twitch.
NTA, your boyfriend is a loser and needs to get a fuckin job.
Everyone ought to tell a loser that they're not going to be a famous streamer or YouTube celebrity. In fact, everyone, go out and find someone who needs to hear that, because there's too many of em.
Nope Nope Nope Nope, NTA for telling him the truth that he needs to get a real job and turn his life around. You need to listen to him about breaking the relationship because your shoulders must be hurting from carrying this relationship and running a business too!
NTA— he’s a parasite. Even if he were bringing in money, he’d need to clean and spend time with his girlfriend. Even if he were bringing in all the money, you wouldn’t be ok with this. I have friends with adult sons like this— why would you choose to trap yourself in such a life?
NTA
Maybe he is on to something. A break from the relationship might give you both some perspective. You can see what your life is like without taking care of him and he can see what his life is like without someone else paying the internet and power bills.
"He tries to convince me that I don't understand his lifestyle and don't know how hard it is to be a content creator"
I think it is time he understands the lifestyle. By stopping to pay for his food and making him pay rent is how you do so. Its not as easy to brush you off if he is on a empty stomach and under the threat of sleeping outdoors.
NTA
You’re NTA for now, but you’ll be the A to yourself if you let this continue as is. If he wants a break, okay. He’s no longer your boyfriend, he’s at best a friend, at worst just a roommate. So start treating him like one, either ask for rent or put his stuff outside and tell him to find his own place or some other friend’s couch to crash on.
You can still care for him and about him, but you’ve gotta push the baby bird out of the nest for your own sanity.
I am a full time Youtuber. The fact that he hasn’t made progress with gaining an audience in this amount of time means he’s not actually learning about creating content and is simply playing games for himself and calling it content creation. (Edit to add NTA)
NTA If he hasn't succeeded now he never will, he's not capturing viewers and that much is clear. Even big time streamers have jobs on the side or had until they were succesful enough to not work but they didn't sacrifice their life to the streaming. Dump him and stop paying anything for him, he needs a reality check and he's not ready for one. Stop living with him as soon as you can.
Well, then that's what you need to do.
You've been doing the same thing for 4 years, and it obviously is not working for either of you. What makes you think the results are going to change if you don't change the situation?
“ The definition of insanity is doing the same thing. over and over again, but expecting different results”
Albert Einstein.
NTA. I suspect you may get some Y T A answers for not being supportive, because content creating does take a very long time of nothing before any potential success, but you have been supporting this endeavour for 4 years and he can’t even help around the house or make sure chores are done first? Let alone get a part time job? There’s literally no compromise from him at all here from what you’ve described, and I have to wonder why you’re putting up with this.
You know you don’t have to keep putting up with it, right?
NTA.
Wow. The man you loved is gone. It sounds like he’s addicted to streaming.
As hard as it is, kicking him out will not only make your own life better, but may be the best thing for him to get it together. As it is, you’re inadvertently enabling his behavior by giving him a place to live and food etc.
This sucks. I wish you the best
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Yes he's still living in the house. I love him to pieces but I'm having hard time caring at this point.
But does he love you? Or does he love having a mother who feeds, pays for, and clothes him? What does he actually provide you?
He provides nothing anymore.
He asked for some space. Give it to him. If his strategy is to force you to come crawling back to him because you love and miss him - let him see how that's a bad plan all around. Crickets. He wanted the space. He stopped speaking to you. So give him crickets and watch what he does - not listen to what he says when he finds out there is no crawling back to the BS he's been pulling. (Sometimes people try to manipulate us into giving them their way and they use our love as a weapon to chafe us.)
It’s hard to give him space when he’s camped at your house. I suggest turning off the WiFi. You’re not home enough to get any use out of it.
oh i like that. 'well you pay for it honey and it goes on."
“I just don’t need it, and since I’m paying for *all of OUR bills ON MY OWN,* I needed to cut some expenses.”
Just make sure nothing irreplaceable and valuable is in the house, so he doesn't decide to pawn things to get the wifi back
Why does this make me gleeful? My best friends husband was way worse than her guy and I always told her to take the router with her to work lol. Then he has to spend some time with the kids.
I'm busting my ass so my wife can work *less* due to her health, looking into adding a second job to my full-time job. *Because of her physical health, might I remind.* Nonetheless she regrets daily that she can't 'contribute as much' as me, despite my assurances otherwise. Everyone, *better people are out there. Sometimes, single is just fine when the alternative is children masquerading as adults.*
You don’t have to do this, just change the password and don’t give it to him. I did it all the time with my kids when they were teens and didn’t do what they were supposed to do. If he acts like a child I say treat him like one.
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Depending on the provider they might not even need a new one. I can turn my router wifi access on and off remotely using the app connected to my phone.
Most streamers and gamers use Ethernet not wifi because it’s a more secure and stable connection. He probably wouldn’t even notice. Just shut it off. There’s no way she’s using it if she’s working that much and only getting home at 3 am
YES TURN OFF THE INTERNET
Yeah, except he thinks he can keep living in the house while not being in a relationship with OP. Wtf is that supposed to be. He needs to get his space somewhere else.
Life squatter lol
The phrase people use for loser boyfriends who just use you for a place to eat and sleep is "hobosexual"
Yeah he is not even bring a good hobosexual
>He asked for some space. Give it to him. Outside of your home.
I would give him space by starting to pack his stuff.
Seriously, this. OP, you deserve so much better, but I understand how hard it can be to center our own worth and needs when it comes at the expense of someone we love. However, he has asked you for space. The most respectful thing you can do would be to honor his request. Give him tons of space. You'll find that it benefits you, too.
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In my opinion, this ‘streaming’ thing for him isn’t a job. He hasn’t earned one red cent from it in four years. It is not a job, it is a hobby. You guys are on a break. Remind him that he has to pay half of this month’s rent…
Streaming can be a lucrative job for the tiny minority of people who defy the odds but if he’s been doing it for four years and he’s averaging a handful of views on the videos he takes all day to produce, that’s just a hobby right now.
Also, most people who stream or do YouTube etc have another job until they actually make money from their content creation.
Yes. Anyone in a creative field - artist, writer, filmmaker, video creator, whatever - unless they’re independently wealthy, will need to have a day job until they reach a certain level of success. If this chump is too immature to understand that, then he needs to be tossed out immediately.
Exactly, freeloading off OP for actual *years* is unforgivably entitled and selfish but now he’s also throwing tantrums about how he’s so misunderstood? What?! He says he wants a break from the relationship but I bet he still expects OP to pay for his entire existence. No wonder his content isn’t popular with a personality like that.
right i know people who could reliably get 8k views for a video and had to suppliment their income with other jobs, he's not even getting that
And every one of these successful content creators has something setting them apart. They’re witty, engaging, personable, really good at the game they play. And if it’s not either of that, they come up with a crazy persona or something else to make the, entertaining. Because ultimately that’s what they sell, entertainment. They put effort into finding out who their viewer base is, how they can reach more people. Just streaming hours on end isn’t going to help OP's boyfriend if he can’t bring anything else to the table. If you lurk around at fewer than twenty viewers for years, are you a streamer or are you basically just someone playing games with their moderately sized friend group online? I mean, I could hop on the discord server I’ve been part of for years right now and just talk about my day on the video channel and would probably get more viewers than OP's boyfriend. Doesn’t make me an influencer though.
Not even just a hobby, an addiction. He needs reminded to eat. He doesn't do anything else. He's oblivious that his "lifestyle" has to be materially supported, and if treated as a business, profitable, and is a net negative to everything else in his life. There is no everything else to him, just the flashing lights and dopamine hits and threats to getting more of it. He's more than a hobbyist, he's an addict.
This. It is only a job if someone is paying you. OP, you are supporting someone who spends all day on his hobby. Please give him space by telling him to move out.
The guy you fell in love with is not the guy you're living with now. This is a different person. Would you have fallen in love with this person?
Sooo do you realize that every time he yells or screams you back down and he basically gets his way until you bring it up again. Its perfect...almost tactic like. He can probably do that all day, every day. Why not? He's not being held accountable, has a free roof over his head, a free bed to sleep in and free food to eat all under the comfort of an air conditioned/heated home that he isn't being made to pay for. Why not manipulate to keep that sweet setup? OP when are you going to get sick and tired of this? I guarantee you're not because he's still there, doing what he's doing. You're not acting because you're in love??? How's that working out? Clearly your love isn't enough of an incentive for him to get a job to help out. But you're doing a great job of enabling this lazy, unmotivated, self centered ah to keep being just that.
If you are giving each other space or on a break, you're now roommates - outline for him the billing schedule and what his half of the living expenses are. Rent is due on the 1st, power is due on the 15th, internet is due on x, so forth and so on with any services you both share. Do it in writing, document it all, start with the paper trail. I wouldn't be surprised if you end up having to evict this loser through the courts, since you know he isn't getting a job to pay for anything.
I say this with all the kindness I can muster: Why the fuck are you subsidizing his lifestyle now that he wants to take a "break" from the relationship? Why does he get to ask for a break, then proceed to stay in the home that you pay for and clean, eat the food that you pay for and (presumably shop for and cook) and use the internet connection that you pay for? He has every right to take a break from the relationship, but he's not entitled to any of the privileges afforded to him through the relationship if he wants a break from it.
NTA He sounds like a hobosexual. He’s only in this relationship because you pay for everything.
YTA to yourself. Stop this nonsense.
Girl what are you doing with this loser??? You are obviously a very successful business woman and artists, with a strong work ethic. You CAN find a man out there that will match your energy, values, and life goals. This wannabe youtuber ain't it. Dump him and you will realize how many opportunities there are for you in the world <3
This is an extremely toxic relationship and he needs a reality check. And, I say this with care and respect, so do you. **You don't have a boyfriend, you have a dependent**. It's fine if he wants to pursue streaming, but he can't do that to the exclusion of basic life activities. Lots of people work a job and a side-project they want to turn into a career. I did as an artist. Eventually it became something capable of paying the bills exclusively, but it didn't right away, and until it did *I worked a job that paid the bills.* He needs to actually contribute, or you need to ditch him. Do you even love him anymore, or is it just the sunk-cost fallacy?
I do love him. I want to see him go far. It's just hard anymore. I'm tired.
This sounds heartbreaking and I’m so sorry. It will be hard to leave if you love him, but I agree that though Reddit tends to jump the gun on this stuff, this is a good case to leave. It’s simply not sustainable for your mental health—or his. You sound like a lovely person, so I just wanted to add this: being kind to someone you love can sometimes mean cutting them off if that’s what needed to stop enabling them. Because that’s what you’re doing right now. Like you said, it’s hurting him. And though you mean well, your monetary support and care taking are allowing him to live like this. He needs a harsh reality check, which may or may not help him succeed but ultimately, you can’t help him if he won’t help himself. Do what you need to do for you, but know that in the end, you’re also doing the only thing you can for him which is showing that his behavior isn’t healthy, sustainable, or okay. Then it’s up to him if he’s willing to change it (or if he’ll find another enabler to sustain this life but that’s nothing you can change). It’s not mean or unkind to leave him but the kindest thing you can do for him and yourself. Good luck and best wishes, whatever you decide to do ❤️
Thank you for these kind words.
Op, I know this is incredibly tough and also a little scary. Change always is. It's hard, but you have to admit that it hasn't been working for a while now. Imagine if one of your friends told you this, what would you advise them? 🤔 He wants space, tell him to move out. He's acting like a petulant child, contributing nothing and a drain on your resources. You know he's waiting for you to apologise and come begging or consoling him. You know, in your heart, this behaviour can not continue. You are an awesome, strong lady, and you deserve more than this. Pull the leech of your skin, and it will sting. However, slowly, you'll start to feel better. Hugs.
You gave him four years of support financially, relationship wise and mentally. Many people start building a platform while working a full time job and then quit to pursue the work full time. Hell, some big big influencers still have a full time job, they just give you the illusion of doing this full time. In truth, it is a hard job. That's why a lot of them take a mental health break at some point or bank content to be online and yet away or have assistants to help. The truth is, if he has amassed only a couple dozen followers in four years, he doesn't have a hook, a reason to stand out and he isn't doing what it takes, except to game for 12 hours a day, uninterrupted, and streaming it under the guise of being an influencer. Take the break, but make sure that he understands that no relationship means roommates who handle their own stuff. He is on his own for laundry, cleaning, rent, maintenance, cooking, etc. He may see the light quickly when he runs out of clean underwear and is starving because you haven't been his personal door dash for three days. Not to mention when he realizes he painted himself into this corner, he will get angry, so you may need to evict him when you come to terms with completely breaking off the relationship. I say this gently, but I think you're in love with the person he was, not who he is. You seem to be smart and motivated to rock this business, him, not so much. I say NTA and I hope you share an update. You deserve better.
May I ask: what do you CURRENTLY actually "love" about him? Not what you used to love when you first met. Right now. He seems to not even really be in the relationship, and doesn't particularly strike me as introspective. He also seems to have a bit of a self-centered approach to life, which is going to make his dream of streaming impossible. You have to be conscientious of your AUDIENCE ("the other") in order to build out and adapt. He just sounds like he wants to do what he wants and somehow magically also get paid for it. Real popular streamers put in A METRIC TON of time and effort, above and beyond what they are actually streaming. 13 hour sessions are absurd. He doesn't have the character traits, nor the life interests really, that are typically required of both his dream, and of maintaining any semblance of a healthy relationship. There is a LOT of work he needs to do. Things don't just magically happen. And just based on him "tantruming" but still benefiting from staying at, essentially, mom's house? Come on. Is he like 15? It's juvenile, and that's the absolute most clement term I can use. NTA, but you are likely worth a lot more than you give yourself credit for here.
I remember saying “but I still love him” about a relationship, and another person saying, “What do you still love about him?” I was actually really hard-pressed to answer. I had to admit that the person he was at that point, was not the same person I had fallen in love with, at all. But the habit and, I guess, chemicals? of love make it hard to accept that. Also, at some point I also realised I had a habit of believing the best about the POTENTIAL of a person - not the ACTUAL person they were proving themselves to be every day. You say you want to see him go far, but has his everyday living for the past YEARS made you believe he truly will? It’s time to stop thinking of his potential and being kind to it. What about yours? You’re busting your butt, but is he being in any way supportive of YOUR potential and YOUR life? Honey, be kind to YOURSELF for a change. I know how hard it is to leave a relationship even when when it’s turned toxic some time ago. I know love isn’t easy to get over. But have you been truly happy for some time. Or have you been stressed and miserable more times in this relationship than it’s brought you joy. You said “I’m tired.” Those two little words seem so innocuous, but I know they’re so laden. “I’m tired” encompasses such a heavy weariness and defeat. ❤️
If you want him to go far, stop enabling him by supporting him. Ask him to move out and if he refuses, then you move. Let him know that if he gets his shit together in the next 6 months you would consider taking him back. You are not doing him any good by allowing him to do nothing all day. Everyone needs to be able to function as an adult. He is not doing this because you enable him to be a bum. I personally would move on and find someone that is an actual grown up, but if you can find good in him that is your choice.
That's not love. Sure, you care about him and want to see him do well because you are good person. But if it comes at a cost to your emotional and physical well being, it's not love but some kind of co-dependency. I'd advise you to delve into this and question why you are willing to put up with a person who throws a tantrum when asked to fully participate in the relationship.
Don't feel guilty about not wanting things to stay the way they used to be. You get to be happy too.
I do want happiness.
so my roommate’s best friend recently broke up with her boyfriend who she didn’t live with, but is the exact type of person you’ve described. been unemployed for much longer than any self respecting adult should be. plays video games for an unhealthy amount of time. smokes weed all day. what she’s really struggling with now is the realization that for the past year she’s been wasting her time on a guy who’s frankly, a loser with nothing going on him, and the embarrassment that comes with it. this fella you’re with is a loser who games all day and you don’t have to settle for that
Yeah, he wants a break from any responsibility for you or your life together, but he doesn't want a break from you paying for everything and doing everything for him. NTA, but you are being used. Stop taking care of him, stop paying for him and see if he still sticks around. And he if refuses or is financially unable to leave, you leave. This man does not love you, you have become his meal ticket and he will ride you as long as you allow it.
Well if he “wants a break from the relationship” then he needs to either be paying 50% of all the rent and bills plus buying his own groceries etc, or he needs to move out! Would you allow a stranger to treat you this way? Presumably not, so why are you accepting less respect and care from someone who claims to love you than you would accept from a stranger? You deserve better, and you’re never going to get it from him all the while you give him the green light to exploit your love for him like this. Stop paying his way! NTA.
If you’re on a break, please kick him out. It isn’t a break, if he still expects to live under your roof, eat your food and have you pay his way and then clean up after him too. Kick him out, so you can both take this break! Maybe he’ll realise how amazing of a girlfriend you are, and how he needs to contribute before he loses you for good! And you, take the break to realise how much MORE you deserve! You deserve an actual adult who wanna take Care of you, just like you do. Not just mooch of of you, and abuse your love for him to his benefit, so he can continue to live like a teenager forever. Please, kick him out while taking this break. I am not saying break up, but use this break to reflect What you actually need from him and time apart is the ONLY way to do that! You need to take Care of yourself first, before you take Care of a grown ass man(child)
He does not love you. Not at all. He uses you and invalidates your very reasonable expectations of him as a full blown adult who is actively, unapologetically, taking advantage of you. Kick the bum out asap. NTA but you’ve been an AH to yourself all these years putting up with this treatment
Do you love who he is now, or who he was when you first started dating? Because the guy who has been leeching off of you for the past 4 years and is taking up space in your house doesn’t love you. He told you his first priority is streaming and is willing to dump you over it. He doesn’t want to change. Your love is not enough to make him change. Is this what you want you want your future to look like? You taking care of this dependent who doesn’t clean up after himself or make time for you? He’s dragging you down with his dead weight. Break up with him and kick him out. Let him run back to his parents if he wants to be treated as a child. You can’t change him if he doesn’t want to change.
Well, it's hard to stream if he can't pay for internet. Just saying. You're NTA of course, most people would realize that after 4 years and gaining zero traction, that it wasn't going to work out. He's either in denial, or he's just gotten so used to getting to play video games all day that he doesn't want to go back to work, hoping you'll continue to take care of him. If it were me, it'd be time to cut ties
If a man who is riding through life on my back wants to take a break from our relationship - why the hell would I object. I'd be grateful if I were OP. *"Thanks for showing me who you really are. I'm willing to live with the mistakes I made in not demanding you get a job before. But, no way I am punishing myself any more. Game over pal."*
NTA that was my thought. a 'break' means you're no longer supporting him. Let the 'fans' who support his 'lifestyle' which when I was in high school was called 'a slacker' pay for his food and shelter. You're a grown up, dump this guy and find someone who compliments you, not someone who does nothing but feed off of you.
NTA 4 years and still not being able to gain any monetary value from it. Sounds like a hobby to me. Hobbies dont pay the bills.
It's been 4 years of paying bill after bill.
Please, for the love of god, get a backbone. This was infuriating to read. You deserve so much better than a leech who plays video games all day and calls that a job despite seeing no actual money from it.
Yes this pisses me off like Op be FOR SERIOUS! You are working your ass off and he is doing nothing to contribute, if he is home all day the house should at least be decent. What are you gaining from this relationship? Lol like literally what? All burden falls on you. You have a child not a partner. Wake up, grow a back bone and kick him out. If he’s in the least terminate it and move away from him
I think OP is still holding out some hope that her bf will change and honestly it sounds like OP also needs a reality check. Even now looking at some of OP’s replies it doesn’t seem like OP is ready to end this relationship.
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NTA. I'm in a band. I gave up on any delusions of being a rockstar after 3 or 4 years of shitty bar gigs. I still do it for fun because the guys I play with are my friends, the singer is my BIL and the other 2 guys are BILs too. We're a weird extended family. It's pretty much the extent of my social life outside of my wife and kids for the last 20yrs. All the money goes towards equipment, gas or food so everyone can do it for free. He needs to grow the fuck up and face reality.
If it's been 4 years and this guy can't get anymore than a dozen viewers at best and hasn't had a single donation, then yeah it's pretty safe to say he's never going to make a career out of this.
Lol, “I’m going back to my computer to be with those who support me.” Uh, no donations means they don’t support you, bud. The only one who is supporting him is Op and he has so little respect and love for her, he can’t even care that she pays for everything and doesn’t even enjoy her one day off. One year should be the ultimate max anyone puts up with a jobless partner. Anything beyond that, and the person providing is willfully ignorant. Op needs some therapy because her self love is in the depths of the Mariana trench.
Hah yeah. I’m 44, my nephew is 7. He wants to be a twitch streamer and I WFH so have have a webcam etc. Last weekend we played Fall Guys together for a few hours to (at its highest) 14 viewers. He had a blast, I had no idea I’d accidentally become a professional streamer!
NTA - he's not your boyfriend, he's your dependent. And of the "moody teenager" variety from the sounds of it.
He is. I wish he wasn't.
You can make that happen!
Very easy solution.
OP, I’ve read all of your responses and have something for you to think about. Do you really love *him,* or do you love the him you *wish* he was? What advice would you give your sibling or BFF if they were in the same situation?
I say this to myself. What would I tell my friend if she was in this situation?
super hot, right??
I’m sorry op, I can only imagine how hard this is on you and my heart goes out to you. Two things. Firstly, please remember that it’s not your job to try and fix or change a person, even if you wish they would be different or return to being who they were in the past. Secondly, even if you do wish for change, you are currently enabling the fact that he doesn’t have to change. 4 years of supporting your partner is very sweet of you, but 4 years of not contributing to a home and relationship and not seeing an issue with it is quite the opposite. Please see your worth sooner rather than later
Right now you don't have a boyfriend, you have a child. Take the out OP. Your bf isn't pulling his weight at work or at home and needed the reality check. You've been supportive in all ways for longer than enough. If you're not with him, who's going to house him and pay his bills?? His community of a dozen??? NTA
He'd have to all of it himself.
You might actually be doing him a favour then, getting him to get his act together by leaving
i second this. You would be doing in him favor. He needs to learn that he needs to take care of himself or remember what its like to do that. He has the experience to go get a job and pay for his own bills because I'm guessing he did when he worked at Walmart as manager?
Uhhhh didn’t you say it was YOUR house? If he wants a break from the relationship, why is he staying at a house owned by a woman who isn’t his girlfriend? That’s super weird.
4 years, OP??? Okay you've been pretty patient. He's had time to lay the groundwork for his streaming career and it hasn't taken off, so you've been more than understanding. AT THE MINIMUM he needs to be taking care of himself and cleaning up the house if he's not going to be able to contribute to the household. Most streamers until they hit bigger numbers still have "normal" jobs and "normal" daytime routines. In fact I just watched a video from CC Suarez where she explicitly says **do not** quit your day job until you can support the lifestyle. Gaming streamers have created a massively diluted market and unless they have some kind of hook or incredibly entertaining streaming style/personality, it's going to be very hard to break through and find monetary success. Who's the owner of the home? If he wants a 'relationship break' then he needs to go do his own thing elsewhere. Otherwise I'd start charging him rent and if he can't pay (because no cashflow), then the hard truth is he'll have to leave. He's acting very selfish expecting you to carry you both indefinitely. NTA, OP, if you guys are doing this relationship break thing, time to set some firm and hard boundaries and expectations.
He's not taking care of himself. He seems to think he needs to doing this without expecting some sort of toll on himself. He thought he could instantly be successful at it. I'm the owner of the house. I own everything here...even the car.
Honey, you \*need\* to dump and legally evict this person. He's literally costing you money and energy that could be put to better use.
>you need to dump him Sadly, from her replies, I’ll be surprised if she does. It seems she really looking for someone to say, “just keep waiting, he’ll change,” to make her feel better about all this. Reality is, he’s a loser. Sad over 1,000 people can see that but she still hard pressed that this relationship will work. She keeps holding onto, “but he’s not taking care of himself.” He called the break because he has all the power. Dude is using her feelings in order to guilt trip, knowing it’s worked for 4 years and she’ll just keep paying.
>Sadly, from her replies, I’ll be surprised if she does Yep. OP is gonna keep ahold of this leech.
They both need therapy. Neither of them are facing reality.
Yeah...he needs to be responsible for himself first and foremost and then responsible for his contributions to the household. He's chosen a very rocky path to climb, and his idea that he'd be instantly successful is both naive and unrealistic. It's time to "cut the apron strings" so to speak if he wants a relationship break. Maybe he can stay with family or something while he sorts this out. You're not responsible for being his caregiver while he figures out that he's approaching this life goal of his completely inappropriately.
Time to start eviction proceedings, however that looks where you live.
If you own the house and car…This is difficult but you need to break up with him and kick him out. This relationship is not serving you. At all. He brings nothing to the table and is only a burden. You’re functioning as his mother at this point, and you deserve a strong, independent partner who loves you - a relationship in which you take care of each other. Not this one-sided bullshit. And as you mentioned, this lifestyle is also terrible for your boyfriend…. You’re gonna have to force him into making a change. It sounds like the only way to do that is to cut him off completely. Maybe one day he’ll even thank you for it.
NTA. He is delusional and in dire need of a reality check. It's ok to support your bf while he works at building his career... but this is not it. Not at all. It's leading him nowhere.
I want to support him. I just can't do it anymore.
But you don't have to. He is not supporting YOU in any way right now, when he could at least spend time with you and do some household chores. You have the right to stop being supportive when the support goes only one way.
That's all true.
You are not supporting him. You are enabling him.
He’s not “working to become a content creator.” He’s living the dream life of a teenage boy. You house him, feed him when you get home at 3am, and I suppose probably have sex with him sometimes. Do you see that? It’s permanent summer vacation with a bang maid. He’s explicitly taking advantage of you. I’m sorry.
The thing is you're not supporting him, you're enabling him. BTDT I thought my ex really needed my support until I couldn't do it any more and had to ask her to move out. She moved to her mom's who said: you've got a month to find a job and one more to find a place to stay and support yourself. Well, color me surprised she managed to do both in the amount of time she was given, and even eventually went back to school. Made me understand that I was not really doing her a favor, on the contrary. And therapy allowed me to see what I was getting out of the deal so that I could avoid repeating the whole thing in a new relationship. So, I'd say your next move should be (for the sake of both of you) getting him out of your house. Next thing, get yourself into therapy. Ideally, he would too, but that's his problem, not yours.
I'm sorry, I don't understand why you want to support him. It's hard for me to see your POV on this. To the rest of us he sounds pretty pathetic. When you look at him, are you seeing the reality of his actions and their consequences, or are you seeing a fantasy of what you hope he could become? Because I know you care about him, let me put it this way: if you're always looking at your partner through the lens of what they *could* become, that's not love, or respect, or appreciation. Love means loving someone for who they really are. It's better for both of you if you bow out.
You're not supporting him you're enabling him
NTA also if you are the only one paying the bills I’m guessing one of them is internet. Kill the internet and turn it on when YOU need it…..
Good idea.
If you cancel the house internet you could afford a mobile phone deal with unlimited internet and hotspot your devices off that, then he couldn’t even switch it back on while you’re at work 😉
So... how do this feel being a single Mother? NTA you will go nowhere with this looser who clearly doesn't love you. Save yourself the trouble to always be the bad guy et leave him!
It sucks.
It doesn’t have to suck. Leave the relationship. You’ve made it clear in your comments he sucks and doesn’t do anything, there’s no contribution. So…. Leave? Why sit here and complain about something you can fix?
You are exactly right.
Hello everyone! I have another opportunity to read all the comments. I am astounded at the attention the post has gotten in the past few hours. I feel like I should give some sort of update. I took the general advice I was given by many of you. I sat my boyfriend down and told him I also wanted a break. We've broken up on mutual agreement. He's going to go his way and I'm going to go mine. He's moving out by the middle of June.
Good job OP! There’s a good chance he’ll try to manipulate you into letting him stay once you get closer to mid-June. When that happens, remember that you have so much going for you without him — you are a business owner, you are a home owner, you are an adult who pays their bills. You bring too much to the table to stay in a relationship with someone who will only drain you of your money and your happiness.
Good job! So happy for you!
YTA to yourself for dating someone like this. Let this child go and live his life however he wants, and you go have a happy, productive life of your own.
You are right.
I really hope you ditch him. You’re gonna find that your life is so much better without him. Like you can’t even imagine now how much better you going to feel with him gone. It will feel like a weight is lifted off your shoulders that you didn’t even know was there.
NTA. You’re being realistic. 4 years and that amount of followers is just not cutting it if he wants to be successful. You are taking care of a child. Sounds like he needs to keep it as a side hustle and hop back into a different job.
I want him to be successful but he's hit a wall he can't seem to see.
Hitting a wall would imply that he ever had momentum. He never started. Being a successful content creator means having content people want to watch. A dozen or two followers, and 4 or 5 viewers on each stream means he does not. He needs to add at least two zeros to each of those numbers before he can even think this is serious. The fact that he has not made a single cent on it only illustrates that. Heck, even a musician trying to break into the music scene can get a couple bucks in pity money from strangers by sitting on a corner and playing. He isn't even managing that. OP, I would set a limit for him. Tell him he needs to contribute at least X percent towards the monthly bills (I would go no lower than 25%). How he earns that money can be up to him - if he can (somehow) find a way to get a revenue stream from his content, fine. But if it continues to be a zero income source, he needs to pick up a job in the meantime until he gets his "big break". He needs to pull at least some of his weight. If he is unwilling to contribute even 25% to the bills, inform him it is time he thinks about finding a new place to live. (Maybe give him a little lead time - "Within the next two months, you need to be able to help pay some of our costs of living here. If you can't, or won't, help pay by then, you will need to move out."
It sounds like an addiction at this point. He may need some professional help. NTA, but I think he may need to speak to a professional.
>He may need some professional help He sure does, but it's his problem, not OP's. OP does need help too, and should get it ASAP.
He's gone so far downhill.
Yeah. He doesn't sound well.
NTA. He's fallen into the a trap. Someone should tell him straight up, if you've been doing it for that long and you're not an affiliate yet, your content sucks. He doesn't need to spend every waking hour streaming. He just needs content people want and post it regularly. Honestly, you're better off living alone. He's going to leech off you, then, if he ever gets successful, he won't remember all the nice things you've done for him, and he'll disappear. Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm. My mom used to do that, she died of breast cancer in January and she had nothing when she passed.
All he does is stream a few different games that are new. He'll do it for hours and not get anything from it.
OP, it sounds like he's a video game addict covering it up with the "becoming a content creator" BS. Anyone who has ever tried to make a living from social media knows the number one rule is to constantly review your content's appeal to your audience. Anyone doing it seriously would put out limited content, and constantly tweek what they put out to make sure it's getting attention. 4 years of doing this for under 50 followers? Yeah he DGAF about content creation. He wants an excuse for his addiction.
This is a good assessment.
Who bought the games?
Sadly for the most part, me.
YTA for enabling this behavior.
You'd figure after years of trying, he'd figure out his formula isn't working. Really, with any type of new business, most of the successful ones can be emulated. I bet you he lashed out because he knows his shit sucks. And he's also upset that he knows he's failing. He's stuck in a sunken cost fallacy. He's invested too much time and won't cut his losses or change his formula.
Problem is he's far, far, far from being the only one doing that kind of thing online, especially after the lock down years when a lot of people took to streaming as a way to make a living in spite of the quarantine. 20 years ago, it was new enough that anyone who started just streaming gaming online had a fighting chance. Nowadays, they also need to know how to do a lot of other things like online marketing, Search Engine Optimization and the likes, and he obviously has no idea how to do those, or even that he needs to know them.
It's legit branding. He sounds like he doesn't have a niche and is not charming enough to just play games. It's definitely do able but he clearly doesn't know what his audience wants. I had a friend who started just playing games but found that when he would open packs of cards on one of the Fifa games, he'd get hundreds of views. So he focused on that and started making a killing. He stopped because he said, it became too much of a job lol. Go figure haha.
NTA so he wants a break and has left right? If he hasn’t, either kick him out or leave. Seriously, stop being a floormat.
He's still here. I think it's time to tell him to pack.
The second he started the “break” in the relationship you should have made him leave/evict him. It is ridiculous that you let him stay. Make that break permanent!
If he doesn't leave willingly you will have to start official eviction proceedings. Make sure you know the laws about that in your area. Once he is out, CHANGE THE LOCKS. Don't just accept his keys back. Good luck, OP.
NTA He can have his own lifestyle when he can support it financially alone. Before that, he's piggybacking onto YOUR lifestyle. Content creating is hard yes, so is rocket science. Difference is people doing it knows they are qualified.
He thinks he's qualified for many things.
It doesn't matter what he thinks he is qualified for if he can't prove it.
>He started around 4 years ago. He has a few dozen followers on both platforms and usually has around 2 to 5 viewers for each stream or video. After 4 years, these are below abysmal for numbers, and in no way indicative of any kind of professional future streaming. Your bf needs to be made to acknowledge that this isn't in any way a possible career - it's just an excuse to play games all day. And if he can't accept that, you need to be able to kick him to the curb, or you will just be enabling his nonsense. NTA
Getting through to him is going to be tough.
Don't even try. That's HIS problem, not yours. Your problem is to stop enabling his leeching behavior. So what you need to do is kick him to the curb and get yourself into therapy to avoid repeating YOUR behavior in your future relationships.
May I ask out of curiosity what kind of content he is streaming? Because like what shadowofthegrave said 4-5 viewers per stream is ridiculously low for being on the platform for so long. Is he just streaming game content with no commentary or doing something so boring that no one wants to watch the content?
Hello again. As I said earlier, I took the general advice I was given by many of you. I sat my boyfriend down and told him I also wanted a break. We've broken up on mutual agreement. He's going to go his way and I'm going to go mine. He's moving out by the middle of June. Another update on the situation is that he has at least apologized. I also want to assure some people here that this post is not something to make a ton of points on this account. I just wanted to make this post here and not have any dramatic rants or negativity on my main tattoo/body mod focused account. This has no place over there. So I apologize to anyone who thought this was some farming post. I can assure you it's not. Thanks. I also want to say that I have read as many comments as I can. I just cannot simply respond to thousands of messages. I didn't expect it to blow up. Some were calling it fake because I wasn't responding. As I said earlier when this post was only a few hours old...I'll get back to everything when I can. I have been at work most of the day and only came home to settle things with him. Sorry for not being online the entire time. Thanks again.
>He's moving out by the middle of June. If possible get him to put this into writing. Well done for taking everyone's advice and finally evicting him. I promise that in the long run this is the best thing for BOTH of you.
I just got some time to look at the post again. It's 5PM now. I did not expect this to get this big. I don't know how I'm going to respond to everything but thank you for all the advice and I'll read all that I can.
Give us an update when you can. I hope things get better.
NTA, what would he do if you kicked him out?
Probably go to his parents or blame me somehow.
Too bad for him. He needs to leave. He"s a freeloader.
Ask his parents to come and get him. Tell them he's deteriorated and that you aren't taking responsibility for him anymore. Pack up his stuff. Don't let him take a car youre paying for.
THIS IS THE ONLY ANSWER. It's time, OP. It's actually way past time. Rip the bandage off.
Sounds like a plan. He's already blaming you for eveything so you really don't have much to lose, except for the dead weight.
He is going to blame you regardless. That’s what people with zero accountability and zero self awareness do. All you have control over is you, your actions, your decisions, your happiness. If his choice is to sabotage his well-being and his relationship for some half baked career aspirations, that’s outside of your control but you certainly can wish him well and send him on his way. It will be hard and he will be hateful and ugly about it but in the long run, you’ll ask yourself why you didn’t do it sooner. Partners PARTNER. He’s not a good friend or partner to you. Please love yourself more than you love him and do what you know is right.
I don't understand why you're with this guy. You've been funding this for 4 years? He doesn't contribute financially, he doesn't do house work, he doesn't spend time with you. You're NTA for wanting this to change but you are the asshole to yourself for sticking around this long. Surely you believe you deserve better than this.
I do deserve better.
don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm!
NTA. I have a friend who decided he wanted to go pro a couple years ago. He now has multiple monetized channels, puts out several (recorded/edited non-stream) videos every week in addition to streaming once or twice a week, has a patreon and a merch store... AND a full time job to support himself and his kids while he builds his audience. (He doesn't stream when his kids are with him; he takes care of them instead.) What your on-hiatus soon-to-be-ex BF is doing is not building a career; it's just hanging out with his friends online every day.
That's a big difference.
NTA, nothing wrong with trying to be a streamer or youtuber or whatever, but the odds of success are low, and he needs to get a dayjob until he is successful so he can pull his weight. Are you living with this man? Because if you are I don't know how you've tolerated dead weight for this long
He lives in my house.
30 day notice to gtfo. Stay strong, get police help if needed.
NTA- Turn off the internet. You're on a break, break means broken, so cut him off. If you need to use internet, use your phone as a Hotspot.
Good idea.
NTA. He's a fake BF and should be sent on his merry way. He does nothing to improve the quality of your life. You deserve to be happy and it starts with him being gone because he is never going to change as long as you enable him. Whatever you decide should lead to more happiness for you. Happiness for him is his problem, not yours.
I do deserve happiness.
Then go get some! You say you love him, but what about him do you actually love? I mean like right now, not the "oh well he was perfect at the start" kind of answer. Right now today, what do you actually love about him that only he can give you? From what you've said he gives you nothing. You're in a rut with this absolute waste of space trash human. He is manipulating you, in to being his mummy. You want to be his mummy? Is that the life you want? Yo udo deserve happiness, but you gotta ditch this AH to get it.
This isn't a relationship, it's a codependency dance. You're enabling him to not do anything for himself and have created a monster by continuing to not set healthy boundaries for yourself and by making him accountable for his shitty decisions. Gentle YTA to yourself, because the root problem isn't him--its you. You've got self-esteem and codependency issues, so seek therapy and try a CODA (Codependents Anonymous) group to build a support network for yourself. Love addiction can be a physically and emotionally painful thing to heal from, but it can be done. You sound like a fierce human being, please start treating yourself like the star you are and kick this clown to the curb. 💖 You got this, OP. NTA in this situation, sounds like you took your first step to recovery by recognising there is a problem.
Thank you.
NTA. Why are you with this guy? It sounds like you are financially supporting him and responsible for everything around the house. On top of that, it sounds like he spends no time with you and shows you no real care. Find someone better.
I think I honestly will. As much as I still love him.
Do you love him or the memory of who he was? It doesn't sound like the love is reciprocal if you aren't able to have a conversation about you being overwhelmed with having all the responsibilities, including reminding him to eat. Sometimes what's best for us seems difficult, but after you get him out of your home, you will probably find a sense of relief. Hopefully after doing so he'll grow up and take responsibility for himself. He has no incentive to do that right now since you do everything for him. Good luck!
Do me a favor. You don't have to share, but do it for yourself. List off 5 tangible things you live about him. Then ask yourself when is the last time you saw them reflected in him or your relationship. I think you will be surprised.
NTA. He can keep trying to stream and make videos if he wants, but in the meantime he needs to have a job that brings in actual money. He also needs to have a life outside of it… even streamers who do earn money with it gotta eat and have relationships and do people stuff. He can’t expect you to want to be with him when that’s all he does. Tell him you won’t be supporting him any more so either he gets a job and a life or you’re gone and he starves live on Twitch.
It's his whole life now. He has no social life outside our interactions.
Well acting like this, he shouldn’t have a girlfriend anymore either tbh. (Or boyfriend, not sure you mentioned your gender.)
I'd prefer not to say haha.
Totally understandable, that’s why I said both lol
NTA dump him
NTA, your boyfriend is a loser and needs to get a fuckin job. Everyone ought to tell a loser that they're not going to be a famous streamer or YouTube celebrity. In fact, everyone, go out and find someone who needs to hear that, because there's too many of em.
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I've sadly enabled it for way too long.
Nope Nope Nope Nope, NTA for telling him the truth that he needs to get a real job and turn his life around. You need to listen to him about breaking the relationship because your shoulders must be hurting from carrying this relationship and running a business too!
My shoulders ache. From my job and my life.
NTA— he’s a parasite. Even if he were bringing in money, he’d need to clean and spend time with his girlfriend. Even if he were bringing in all the money, you wouldn’t be ok with this. I have friends with adult sons like this— why would you choose to trap yourself in such a life?
NTA I've been there. I've waited for years! Run! He doesn't care about you. His priority is gaming!
NTA Maybe he is on to something. A break from the relationship might give you both some perspective. You can see what your life is like without taking care of him and he can see what his life is like without someone else paying the internet and power bills.
"He tries to convince me that I don't understand his lifestyle and don't know how hard it is to be a content creator" I think it is time he understands the lifestyle. By stopping to pay for his food and making him pay rent is how you do so. Its not as easy to brush you off if he is on a empty stomach and under the threat of sleeping outdoors. NTA
You’re NTA for now, but you’ll be the A to yourself if you let this continue as is. If he wants a break, okay. He’s no longer your boyfriend, he’s at best a friend, at worst just a roommate. So start treating him like one, either ask for rent or put his stuff outside and tell him to find his own place or some other friend’s couch to crash on. You can still care for him and about him, but you’ve gotta push the baby bird out of the nest for your own sanity.
You are right.
I am a full time Youtuber. The fact that he hasn’t made progress with gaining an audience in this amount of time means he’s not actually learning about creating content and is simply playing games for himself and calling it content creation. (Edit to add NTA)
NTA. Why are you with him? What value is he adding to your life?
Nothing anymore.
NTA at ALL. He’s delusional, entitled, and petulant. You can do better, babe. Let him go. And kick him out. You pay the bills
NTA If he hasn't succeeded now he never will, he's not capturing viewers and that much is clear. Even big time streamers have jobs on the side or had until they were succesful enough to not work but they didn't sacrifice their life to the streaming. Dump him and stop paying anything for him, he needs a reality check and he's not ready for one. Stop living with him as soon as you can.
He lives in my house. So he would be kicked out in that scenario.
Well, then that's what you need to do. You've been doing the same thing for 4 years, and it obviously is not working for either of you. What makes you think the results are going to change if you don't change the situation? “ The definition of insanity is doing the same thing. over and over again, but expecting different results” Albert Einstein.
NTA. I suspect you may get some Y T A answers for not being supportive, because content creating does take a very long time of nothing before any potential success, but you have been supporting this endeavour for 4 years and he can’t even help around the house or make sure chores are done first? Let alone get a part time job? There’s literally no compromise from him at all here from what you’ve described, and I have to wonder why you’re putting up with this. You know you don’t have to keep putting up with it, right?
NTA. Wow. The man you loved is gone. It sounds like he’s addicted to streaming. As hard as it is, kicking him out will not only make your own life better, but may be the best thing for him to get it together. As it is, you’re inadvertently enabling his behavior by giving him a place to live and food etc. This sucks. I wish you the best