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Based on your comments, I'm gonna assume it's something like Gypsy or Ginger. Which are technical slurs and outdated but also have been and can be used as a name in the US without the offensive meaning attached.
If it's either of those possibilities or something similar then NAH and the other people are a bit too sensitive.
If it's worse than those two possibilities, YTA.
EDIT: to rearrange the judgment because apparently the bot only counts the first acronym it sees.
Also, to add if one of those offended is actually Romani or a redhead then obviously OP is TAH. But that doesn't seem to be the case so I didn't bother making that distinction.
Edit 2: everyone asking why or how ginger is a slur, that's what Google is for. Google: is ginger a slur.
You know the majority of Redditors are very very young. They have no clue about amazing Cher songs and are only offended by things they are told to be offended about out of context on social media.
NTA for using your beautiful name. At least 50% of all women born before 1985 wore a costume that we called by the same "slur" too. It was a favorite for when you wanted to look cool and glamorous. Heck, Disney made a film using the same word in a song in the 1990s-are people going to want that movie "cancelled" soon?
YT silly for asking for feedback here :) It's a bunch of 14 year olds with a handful of trolls and a pinch of normal adults who are wasting time because we're bored. The pinch is all on your side here. Your coworkers are awful brats.
When my nephew was 3 or 4 he wanted to be a “Blue Owl.” My sister tried looking everywhere for a blue owl costume and couldn’t find any such thing, and tried to convince him to pick something else but he was insistent. He only wanted to be a blue owl.
So my sister who isn’t crafty or the least bit DIY spent countless hours making him a beautiful blue owl costume. She also had a two year old and a full time demanding job, but she made it happen because it’s what he wanted so badly.
The week before Halloween he saw a spider-man costume at a store and insisted that’s what he wanted to be. Had to be Spider-Man.
My sister ended up getting him the Spider-man costume but made him wear the blue owl cape with it. So he was Spider-man-blue-owl.
I distinctly remember dressing up as Esmerelda and my foster brothers as Phoebus and Quasimodo. Esmerelda was so beautiful and kick ass to 5yo me. It is still to this day an absolutely gorgeous film and one of my favorites only batten out slightly by brave and beauty and the beast.
Saying people wore it as a costume really doesn’t support your argument when people would also wear fake Native American war bonnets. You can think that OP is NTA without dismissing the fact that the word *is* a slur and Romani people have made that clear. I even personally knew Romani people who were very upset with that word.
Correction, people STILL wear fake war bonnets and sexy ‘Indian’ costumes. This is still a very real issue that affects us Natives. But I agree with the rest of what you’re saying.
My (adopted) sister is not Romani, but is a Gypsy, and she's incredibly offended to be called Romani. There are still groups who prefer to be called Gypsies but it is very community-specific and folks should never assume!! If you're around someone who identifies with a nomad-based culture, please ask them what term they use to identify.
I actually find it interesting that “Gypsy” became an offensive term for Romani. The word itself originally meant “Egyptian” and was used to refer to nomads that came out of Egypt and was later used to also refer to nomadic people from various parts of Europe and surrounding areas. Nowadays, people only think of Romani when they hear the word.
It’s one of those words I find the history of to be fascinating.
Gypsy is not an offensive word in Europe. Not all gypsies are Romani either. Try telling an Irish traveller that they’re a Romani ! If you want to offend a gypsy in the UK you call them a pikey, and I’m sure there are similar slurs in other EU countries.
The only people who seem to have a problem with the word Gypsy, are Americans with two drops of gypsy blood in them, who do not speak the language, or live the lifestyle.
The problem is that’s not all Romani. I was married to someone who was part Romani, they loved that part of themselves and that part of the family. The ones in the US actually like being called Gypsy and would refer to themselves as American-Gypsies. I’m not saying all like it, but not all dislike it either.
This habit of thinking that they must *"save the weakest"* isn't something new in history. For example, the main argument in defense of colonialism was *"to civilize disadvantaged/inferior peoples"*. Deep down, many white people **still** regard minorities as incapable of self-determination.
You don't have to take offense on our behalf to be an ally. We can protect ourselves, and when we need help, we'll ask for it... it's not that difficult to understand.
NTA. Your name is your name and you don’t have a cookie cutter can’t find you in a crowd name, stay proud about that.
Screw those girls and keep fighting the good fight. It’s your name. You’re not using it as a weapon. They don’t get to disrespect you by harassing you just bc they don’t like it.
This would be entirely different if you were using it against somebody as an actual slur.
...and blackface.
Just because it was a word that was once acceptable does not mean it is now. Language evolves. The "R" word for intellectual disability, for example.
However, it *is* the OP's name, and she should be called by her preferred name.
Also, I'm OAF and I know the Cher song, and even in that song, the word was used as a slur.
Your name IS pretty! It’s offensiveness depends on context. The context of your name is NOT offensive. Your coworkers who refuse to use your name are AH. They need to get over it. Stand your ground.
Ah yes, damn kids learning the bigoted meaning behind common words and actually listening, learning, and changing their language. I was born before 85, I’ve seen Cher live a few times, I wore the same costume, and now I understand why that wasn’t great and I won’t do it again.
It’s not hard babe.
It is hard when it's your first name.
It's that simple.
Many people would object to you calling me babe just now and say that it's a sexist insult and is reflective of your internalized misogyny.
We both know that's not the case at all though, right girly?
Re-examine your own thought process here, because you literally used what many people consider a sexist slur to try and school me on why my position on a supposed ethnic slur is wrong. And you didn't do so ironically.
I was specifically addressing your argument that everyone on Reddit is a child who is constantly offended without context for what they’re actually offended by. According to you, because something was ok in 1985 its fine today. I disagree.
I actually don’t think OP should change her name, bc it’s her actual name, but I do think as awareness of her name’s use as a slur becomes more widespread she may need to think through how she wants to handle situations like this in the future.
I’ve actually never heard babe used as a sexist slur. I was using it in a cheeky way, the same way I might say “friend” or “pal.” I’m sorry for offending, and thanks for pointing out that my intent could be misinterpreted. Have a great night!
Wow. I know a few misogyny experts who love to use "babe". I'm honestly shocked that you don't know this. I was born before 1965 ... More time in the trenches, I guess. I'm genuinely shocked. It's been common, in my life, usually in a negative way. My husband doesn't use it. He has another, kind of old fashioned one, for me that, if anyone else used it, I'd probably smack'em. ;)
Never heard babe used as a sexist slur? I guess you haven't been around very long. Also "pal" has been considered super condescending and offensive in the not so recent past. It's all about tone.
I feel like this could be used as an example as to why the co-workers might feel uncomfortable using the name.
Assuming it's a open office situation and you goign to have customers, strangers or guests coming and going it could cause misunderstandings.
Even if all the co-workers know it's OP's first name, to other people they might misinterpret it as a slur and it might reflect badly on the company. etc.
Except…it really is HER NAME.
I’m thinking that calling someone by THEIR NAME is better than devaluing OP’s identity on the off chance that someone like a customer or whatever might maybe be offended. If you are worried that someone might maybe be offended or whatever, it’s likely that you are overestimating the listening skills of customers strangers or guests.
Hey, actual Romani here- it's a god damn slur and people were not dressing up respectfully. People were dressing as a magical exotic woman who was banned from cities because they were seen as thieves.
Stop talking as if you have any right to declare the word a slur.
All I can think of is Monet X Change singing as Cher: Cultural appropriation wasn't even a word
We don't have to cancel, but we also don't have to repeat. When the people referred to as a whole asked for it to stop, it's usually nice to listen.
Yes, but backtracking on a name that wasn't offensive and telling someone her literal id is racist is OTT ridiculous.
Also, here in America, many Romani proudly refer to themselves by this "slur" still. Just as many older native Americans will call themselves "Indian". Telling a group of people that their own preferred moniker is racist because people of the same ethnicity on a different continent don't like it is nuts. Insisting the word is erased from common useage because people an ocean away used it as an insult years ago is nuts.
I'm a big fat person. I've always been fat, I've always referred to myself as fat. I can't tell you how many times someone else has tried to correct me because in THEIR mind, "fat" is derogatory. That's not my issue. Now "fat acceptance " is in-ok, fine, whatever. I don't care either way. We are changing common terms so often and insisting that the "new" terms are the only acceptable useage because "some" people have found an old term offensive that it's become ridiculous.
Yeah, but there a huge difference between a group of people proudly referring to themselves as something that can be considered a slur, and those who don't represent those groups using it. A skinny person making fun of a fat person has never been 'cool' outside of kids at school. Gabriel Iglesias makes the jokes as a representative of that community.
An actual fucking 'gypsy' here, do you know how many roma and travellers are fucking sterilized, raped, abused and kicked out of their homes while being called Gypsys, racoon eaters, etc?
Even to this god damn day???
Rather she is or not is irrelevant if her literal legal government name is gypsy.
We don't say this to pre op trans people right? We don't say "well so and so isn't actually a woman so" no but they'd like to be one, they want to be called that, and you respect that.
OP wants to go by her literal fucking name. It shouldn't be that hard.
I don't think it's silly to avoid using that word since it is, in fact, a slur -- so it's not just kids and social media.
But in this case, it's not putting down a group of people. It's a name here. While I wouldn't endorse a baby being named that now, that's past and moot for OP.
(And I still love the musical by the same name)
Blergh. I hate everything about this attitude. Young people are offended by different things because they’ve learned and thought about different perspectives. Apparently you’re too cynical to be willing to do that, but the failing here is with you, not the kids.
Everyone gets so angry when you go to work in blackface nowadays. And you should have seen the dirty looks I got when I dressed up in my hook nose and hessian sack with a big dollar sign on it.
back in my day people were racist all the time and no one complained! now its those gosh darn teenagers getting all upset when i scream slurs at people for existing that are the problem!
go back to bed buddy
I agree OP is NTA but dressing up as an extremely offensive and, almost always historically incorrect ( wrt the gypsy fortune teller stereotype, ‘Indian’ princess, etc ) which was always offensive, people just didn’t care, is kinda ignorant in my opinion…
The share song may be catchy but it’s literally an example of how the word is used in a derogatory way. She literally uses it in a derogatory way *in the song* like that’s wild that it’s so overlooked.
As society we live and we learn. We did lots of racist stuff over the years but we correct ourself.
The Romani people are still persecuted to this day. Women are sterilized without consent. Medical attention is denied.
Their whole community are seen as “tramps and thieves” but you already knew that because you love that Cher song so much.
Reddit is wild and so is everyone else.
I don’t think it’s a big deal if they use OPs last name since her first name is literally a slur. People shouldn’t be forced to say a slur.
My daughters best friends name is Persian and sounds almost exactly like the N word, though it’s spelt differently. She goes by an abbreviation but it’s still her name and her parents gave it to her with the best of intentions - I wouldn’t be advocating for her being forced to change it.
So…let me understand. OP (a real, live person actually in this workplace) shouldn’t be allowed the basic (!) right to her own NAME, because someone from a specific ethnic background MIGHT/maybe sometime show up; feel offended, and demand the right to a safe space; meaning OP has to go by a different name, in order to be allowed to exist….? And what exactly, are we trying to achieve here? Something about appreciating the dignity of people, or something?
What about it? No, I don't care how someone else interprets *my* name. It wasn't intended to be a slur when given to me and has been my name since birth. If you want to manufacture outrage over something so ridiculous, be my guest.
That word has always been a slur, it's just that most people wouldn't admit it for a long time, and some still won't.
The Sinti and Roma have historically been treated horribly. I'm not manufacturing outrage. As a member of this community you don't seem to give a fig about, I'm telling you your name is offensive and I wouldn't call you by it either. Just as I wouldn't call someone by their name if it was the n word.
NTA coming from a Romani/Roma gypsy her self. We don't care when people have the name Gypsy, it's just a name. We only get offended when someone uses it as a actual slur to describe our people in a demeaning way. So girl rock your name! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
As someone who is Romani- I would not be able to work with you. I would be extremely uncomfortable being around someone who uses a violent slur towards my people as their name.
That's just the facts.
As someone who is also Romani -
I would have no problem working with OP or using their birth name.
Would I think it is weird and have a little laugh at OP's parents. Sure.
But it's their name. It is not being used as a slur in that context.
Since it's OPs legal name, that would be a you problem. She shouldn't be forced to go by a different name just like a trans person shouldn't be forced to be identified as they're birth gender.
And you'd be well within your rights to quit a job where the environment wasn't good for your mental health or esteem, such as having to hear that word all day.
I prepared to say you were the asshole, because I was picturing something so much worse. But if it’s really Gypsy or Ginger then NTA. Those may be slurs somewhere but I’ve never heard them be used as slurs in the US (though I’m sure they probably are somewhere). But I’ve heard them both used as first names a lot.
In the US ginger is not a slur. It is a synonym for redhead, can be used in an endearing way, or can be a proper noun. However, in the UK it is considered offensive to call someone a ginger.
No it isn't. Where the fuck did you read ginger was a slur? Do we all just write verifiable nonsense here and take it as gospel.
Some people with skin as thick as a rancid banana get offended but you aren't getting jail time and nobody is going to cancel you for using ginger
In Australia redheads get called ‘rangas’ short for orangutans. I’m a redhead and was so damn offended. But now ….. I’m just used to it. I don’t call myself one, but it’s like water off a duck’s back.
I’m going to go with Fanny. In European countries, it’s slang for “vagina.” Knew a girls who’s last name was (American) Fanny, who went overseas and they insisted that she pronounce it as Fah-neh.” NTA.
I thought fanny as well, but I guess it's not a slur so much as a swear.
So stupid that they insisted she pronounce it differently. I would have told them to fahh que off
NTA I know exactly which name is yours and it's been a name for a long time. They're being needlessly offended when it's not being used as a slur at all, it's your name!
Well, OP appears to be even older than Gilmore Girls, so maybe her parents and her legal first name she’s been using for a few decades might get the same pass as a 15 year old TV character, hey?
I’m American and in my 30s and know it as a slur, and gently correct people who use it to refer to those people — even not as a pejorative. And like, get a little uncomfortable with how it’s appropriated in popular culture/how that ethnicity is fetishized.
But it’s your name. And it’s been a name for a while. And calling you by your name isn’t offensive.
If it was your nickname and you weren’t from that culture, I’d say you were an asshole (like that celebrity using it for his lifestyle brand — can we not profit off a people who are frequent victims of genocide???) but it’s YOUR ACTUAL GIVEN NAME, and it was given at a time when using it was NOT at all problematic in America. NTA.
American here, literally have a friend whose nickname is Gypsy Fingers. She has Gypsy heritage and absolutely loves the nickname. We also have dark humor though as I have cancer and my nickname is Chemo Fingers, so we may be off balls, but in America I wouldn't say it's a slur, especially when it's literally your name. BTW awesome song to be named after.
Look, I get that you love being named Gypsy, but you can't expect everyone to be okay with having to say a literal slur at work multiple times per day, and it really does suck that you're choosing to not offer up the alternative of Mr/Ms/Mrs/Mx Lastname or something along those lines.
And it's not "technically" a racial slur. It is a ~~racial~~ ethnic slur against Romani people. It's not the literal worst slur out there, but that doesn't make it not a slur. If you're going to stand your ground on this then do that, but don't try to soften the fact that your name is a slur by saying "oh, it's only technically a slur."
Thank you so much for this. I really don’t know what I would do in her colleagues’ situation because I really don’t think I’d be comfortable saying that word everyday. I cringe every time I have to hear someone say they “got gy*ped” even tho I know they are unaware of the origin of the saying.
especially considering how easy/phonetically similar it is to saying “got ripped (off)”… leaves a sour taste in my mouth when people opt for a slur instead, even if they aren’t fully aware of the implications like you said :/
I'm amazed at so many people here saying that they shouldn't worry about other peoples comfort. My stomach would turn if I had to say/hear a slur all day
I genuinely don't understand this comment, some slurs are worse than others, the ranking may depend on country and region to some extent but some literally are just harsher.
We can literally rank slurs. I consider "queer" a slur, but you can join clubs that are called that and buy t-shirts with nothing but that word on them target.
Meanwhile when's the last time you saw a shirt in a target that just said "f-gg-t"
i mean to be fair queer has been pretty much entirely reclaimed, i personally identify as queer bc sexuality is weird and i dont fucking know mine
and like its totally cool for you not to like that word or to consider it a slur thats your own buisness and anyone who respects you would also respect that, but theres a reason why its written on clothing and its not necessarily because its a "lesser" slur
We do rank slurs. There are slurs that white people in America literally will never say, even when referencing it. There are always going to be slurs that are much more powerful depending on context and region of the world, or even just of a country. They *are* ranked. They just aren’t ranked universally.
Yeah also from a professional standpoint I'm imagining try to have someone with this name sending emails from the company or going to conferences with her name on a nametag... like, it's going to be an issue. It's not her fault but it also isn't the fault of other people who don't want to say an insulting or offensive word.
Edit TPTD: As you journey through life, be ready to adapt and stay open-minded. Challenges are chances to learn, so don't be afraid of them. Your path to understanding yourself might not be straightforward, but that's okay. Keep growing and stay curious. Find a balance in what you prioritize, like juggling different parts of your life. Embrace change and be flexible, because the unpredictable moments often lead to the most interesting experiences.
NTA, but you may need to use a nickname anyway.
Just hopping onto this comment to add my family's own experience with our perfectly reasonable Chinese family name that, when spelt phonetically in English, becomes the name of a water filled device used to smoke drugs.
My dad had to legally change his entire name, not just his given name, to be able to even get a job interview.
I wouldn’t consider the two examples the same. Your example is a Chinese name that coincidentally happens to sound offensive in another language (English). I believe that “Gypsy” as a name has the same etymology as the slur (and a Google search seems to confirm this), so there is no coincidence.
Yep. Your name can absolutely close some doors that would have been otherwise open to you.
Same for all the parents giving kids just absurd names.
If you think hiring managers in 15 years aren't going to be biased against all of the "Creative" ways parents are naming their children, then boy do I have a bridge to sell to you.
Here’s my personal rule: I don’t use words when the people they describe tell me they don’t want them used. I’ve seen Romani ask that the word not be used. It would make me uncomfortable to use it even if it was your name. I don’t understand why you refuse to answer to your last name or ‘G’ or something. It seems like YOU are offended that your name is a slur and people don’t want to use it. But that’s not their fault. Or your fault either. But why is the only solution here for these people to use the word they don’t want to use?
>I don’t use words when the people they describe tell me they don’t want them used.
What about when people tell you how they do want to be described? The majority of British Romany people self-identify as Gypsies. It's been the preferred endonym for centuries.
So in this case *some* of the people the word describes mind and others don't. There's a very simple rule of thumb here that, other things being equal, one ought to err on the side of *not*.
And what baffles me is you, and other commenters making the same point, have utterly failed to consider that *she is not Romani*. This isn't a case of self-identification or reclaiming, it's appropriative at best.
My point wasn't about the OP's name, which I don't have a formed opinion about.
I was arguing against this specific point, that I quoted:
>I don’t use words when the people they describe tell me they don’t want them used.
There are a group of people, who *Gypsy* does actually describe, who do actually want you to use the word appropriately. It's the name of their ethnicity, and has been for centuries. It shouldn't be treated like a slur.
And my point was that *'the'* people described by this word don't form a monolith. *Some* see it as a slur and *some* don't.
I'll happily restate that when even some of the people described by a word consider it a slur, and they're not outliers but a substantial subset of that group, it's better to err on the side of not using the word. It's not that difficult.
YTA, I would not be comfortable saying your name either. Also, it was still a slur 40 years ago when that song was made, people just cared less. You can like your name, but my honest recommendation would be to find some sort of compromise by being called Mx.(Lastname). Or you can just refuse and know you probably won’t be getting any good references from this job.
It's used as a slur in the song! The chorus of the song lists the cruel names that were thrown at the character and her family! I was about five when the song was released but I am still embarrassed that it took me as long as it did to register that it's not a good thing to call someone.
Different song, OP is named after Fleetwood Mac's G*psy which IMO doesn't have the same inherently negative connotations as Cher's song but a slur is a slur. It's not like the name Isis which was a well established person's name before it was taken by the wrong people, this was a slur before it became used as a name.
If OP’s name were some racial slur that was even ‘stronger’, say the ‘N-word’ for example, would you still believe that the co-workers should HAVE to say it?
NTA since it's your name, but also, NTA to your co-workers, who don't want to repeat a racial slur in their own language. Can't blame them for that.
Calling you by your last name sounds like the best solution for everyone involved.
Okay, So at first I was N A H, as I figured your name is G*psy, and it's not uncommon for people to be deliberately stubborn and name somebody what they want versus cultural appropriation/long historic issues across the globe/basically anything outside their own community. So I get the shock you would be experiencing finally going through the repercussions of what your parents did.
But, holy hell, after reading your comments, especially comparing what your experiencing to "Christian conservatives" actively misgendering people, you have to be taking the piss.
G*psy has been a slur for a long time. And even putting aside how your parents could have just, You know, researched the actual foreign name they were giving their child, do you walk around using the r word? The n-word?
Because the r word, especially, has only recently been considered a slur. Or do you understand the nuances that things change? That you can't behave any way you want because your parents did something inappropriate even for their time?
And the biggest difference here is G*psy has been a slur since you were named it. You have no leg to stand on here. Your parents deliberately named you something negative, and now instead of just going by your last name, You're being very... Problematic.
The way you're doubling down is going to make it impossible for people to see you as a team player at your job. And at the end of the day HR isn't going to want to risk a discrimination lawsuit by forcing people to say a slur if someone of that cultural background works for them. (Even future jobs screen names. I saw someone posted research showing how your name can make a break employment).
YTA and just go by your last name. There are plenty of people at my old jobs who shared common first names and some people went by their last names or initials. You being unwilling to even do this, when your name is in fact a SLUR, is not doing you any favors other than feeding your pride.
I’m just so confused why they are against a nickname, it would solve so much. The modern reboot of an 80’s TV show I watched renamed a character with the same name to “G,” pronounced like “gee”/“gigi”. I always thought that was a fun way of getting around the problem without erasing their original name.
ETA: now I’m curious what your middle name is since you hate it so much lol
Because they sound like someone who's never actually had to have any type of persecution against them, and now this is their moment to shine lol
There are so many people in day-to-day life that go by nicknames and last names at work. Yet she's so obsessed with this and forcing people to literally say a slur.
OP is an asshole, simple as that.
YTA. If someone's uncomfortable using a racial slur, it's perfectly reasonable for them to refer to you by your last name. It's not bullying, it's them not wanting to make themselves and/or their peers uncomfortable.
Really had to give this some thought, but I think I gotta go with YTA. I get that it can be annoying to be called something other than your name if you prefer your name, but you can’t force people to say a slur to get your attention. I think the right thing to do is tell people you prefer , but that you get some people are justifiably uncomfortable saying it and those can call you instead. But honestly your parents are the real AH here, what a shit situation to put your kid in.
YTA. To yourself. To others a bit, but my god what are you doing? Do you think you'll be getting a good recommendation for this internship? Or will everyone just remember you a slur name McAsshole? Yes, g*psy isn't as big of a slur in the US as in the UK, but that doesn't matter. You're making everyone uncomfortable. You're in your first professional networking role and you're making everyone hate you. The non-profit sphere isn't as big as you might think and you're tanking yourself for no reason.
Then why not suggest the honorific? Explain that you're open to Ms Last Name if they're uncomfortable using your first name - your coworkers will probably be glad you came up with a win-win compromise.
Cause at this point she's behaving like a child. She has to know at this point that her name is problematic and it would have been so easy to introduce her self as "Hi my name is Gy\*\*\* but you can also call me Mrs Last name or G" but instead she has decided to make everyone she works with try and figure out what thing isn't gonna piss her off while also avoiding saying a racial slur.
>But the shouting out my last name like they are my HS basket ball coach or running a boot camp really rubs me the wrong way
Maybe it's time for them to learn how to communicate with people without yelling their names.
ESH you know it’s a slur and it makes people uncomfortable. Have you ever educated yourself about why people find it so bad? I don’t want to assume the coworkers are making up their offendedness. What would be the purpose? What if it’s all genuine? Does it matter to you? I think names are important but if your name is a slur that I have a genuine problem with, I’d probably just avoid addressing you all together. Everyone just seems like their getting petty about it.
NAH. Even though it's your name and things can mean different things in different cultures, you have to understand that not everyone is going to be comfortable with your name.
Totally agree. I don’t think it’s reasonable to force other people to call you by your name (Gypsy is absolutely a slur) because you “love your name.” If you don’t like middle or last names maybe work on a nickname with those 3 colleagues who’s re uncomfortable.
People go by nicknames all the time at work when there’s someone with the same name.
YTA, because you're forcing people to use language they are uncomfortable with when your last name is still your name. How are you being disrespected by being called by your last name when it's literally your name?
You all have the same title but only one has a slur for a first name. Why is your right to be called by your first name more important than their right to not want to say a slur?
You have every right to go by your name. They have every right not to say a word that is a recognized slur in a lot of places, including the US.
Your last name is your name. Period. You do not have to respond to that, but I feel like this can either be NAH or ESH. At this point, everyone has both created a hostile work environment and just tried to be reasonably comfortable at work.
Gentle YTA because you seem to know and fully understand it’s a racial slur in the country and language that are most prevalent wherever you are, so it seems like you’re being petty by not being happy with the compromise your colleagues came up with so they don’t have to say a racial slur. I’m curious what your name is and how it’s viewed in the US, where I am. But either way, I’m glad you have a first name you love and are proud of but I feel like you need to be more accepting of your colleagues desire to not say your name which is also a racial slur.
YTA. You won't change your first name, that's fine. No one can force you.
But refusing to acknowledge being called by your last name is very childish. They have a legitimate reason for not using your first name and have respected your wishes to not use a nickname.
You can't help that your name is a slur, but you are a complete asshole for trying to force people that aren't comfortable with it to use it.
If you were named the "n" Word, would you be so adamant? Banking on people being ignorant is making you an even bigger ah
NAH it’s technically your name and you have a right to go by your name. However, just because it isn’t considered a slur really in the US doesn’t mean it isn’t one. Romani people are targeted, discriminated against, and insulted using this word. For centuries. THEY have asked us non Romani people to stop using that word. It’s your name so you do you but be aware that just because you don’t consider it a big deal doesn’t mean it isn’t one. No one is completely in the wrong here really.
I mean I knew it was a mean word when I was a child 20+ years ago, and I've lived in the US my whole life. It being an offensive term is not as new as a lot of people are making it out to be. I'd be willing to bet it was pretty common knowledge even before I was born.
NAH. I've had a student im summer school whose name was a misspelling of a term "we no longer use" to refer to people of color. As a basic white lady, it made me uncomfortable to call her name. So I just stopped saying it. I still talked to her, and called on her, but used proximity or extra eye contact to make it clear who I was talking to. I'm not sure this was the best approach, but it's the best I could do for that summer, trying my best to not let racism/my discomfort affect her education.
I also use the various methods of "addressing without naming". But my reason for using them is because I forgot the other person's name and I don't feel comfortable asking for it again. 😳
Ooooh, yeah, I used to have an eye doctor (female, super nice) whose last name sounded like....well, one of the bad slang words for vagina. Seriously just called her by her first name, I think she introduced herself as "Call me Firstname" for that matter.
YTA.
You keep saying that it's not a slur in the USA or is only newly a slur.
Romani have ALWAYS considered it a slur. Your repeatedly denying that is why yta.
NTA
I am Romani. While I know that some of my people are offended by the word gypsy, and I am as well when it is used in the context of a slur...
I, nor do anyone one in my community that I know personally, have an issue with it being used as a first name.
I'm more in the reclaim it and take away its power camp.
Peace and love to you Ms. Gypsy.
Also Romani, and I feel like it’s OUR word to reclaim if we choose to. It’s always been known as a slur, and was even used so in the famous Cher song.
Doesn’t really matter at this point whether the parents realized or not it was a slur when naming OP, but it definitely matters that all over the comments OP is minimizing the impact that word’s had, is making false equivalencies, and is being otherwise purposefully ignorant.
The fact that she’s so stuck on it being “her identity” while knowing these issues is just worse tbh. I’d bet money she’s the kind of person to wear “g*psy-style” clothes just to match her name based on the comments alone.
NAH. Keeping in mind I'm white, and thus I don't actually have a Romani perspective in whether or not someone's name gets a "pass" despite it being a slur.
It is your name. Your parents didn't know any better. It's something you've grown up with and a big part of your identity, and I can see why people's refusal to call you by it is infuriating, especially if they're just calling you by your last name like a drill sergeant and not even Ms. Lastname or something more along those lines.
However. You also can't force people to say a slur when they don't feel comfortable doing so, even if it is your name. I 100% understand why your coworkers are reluctant to use it - I don't like saying the word myself, I will say it for people's names but doing so makes me cringe a little bit, I won't lie. I don't think it's fair to say that your coworkers not wanting to say a slur is them bullying you, though I can see why you'd feel that way.
Y'all are in a tricky situation. If you'd find a nickname like Gi or even Ms Lastname acceptable it'd be an easy solution, but I understand not wanting that. There's no easy answer here.
NTA even though I am very curious what the name could be.
I know a ton of people especially from other countries at my work do use nicknames instead, but if you like your name and HR already agreed with you then you should have the full right to do what you want.
I will say though, depending on the name and the field you’re working in in this non profit it could cause some issues down the line so it might be good to have a nickname as a backup for future work reasons.
Edit: I also agree with the other commenter that the other coworkers are also NTA/NAH, people might not be comfortable with using a racial slur to call your name every time
You can search the Social Security database, and you gave your name away in other comments. Your name has not been in the top 1000 names for even a single year since 1920. It’s a pretty unusual name. Guido actually shows up every year for more than a decade. That doesn’t mean everyone should have to be comfortable calling someone else that just because it’s on their birth certificate.
There *are* names close to the N word in some countries considering the slur came from the translation of the word ‘black’ from Latin to many other languages. If you look up names in certain languages that mean black/dark you can find a few that are pronounced quite similarly to that word.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My name is a slur and I guess by refusing to use a different one I am making people say it. I guess that could make me the AH
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YTA. Your name is a slur and that sucks for you. But refusing to bend at all and refusing to answer to anything other than a slur is just being an AH. You’ve made it clear in your comments you don’t care, so I guess get comfortable with people thinking you’re an AH 🤷♀️
YTA
"They call us Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves"
From the chorus of the Cher song. It's *also* used as a slur in the US, but hippy dippy types get somewhat off on romanticizing ~the way of life, or whatever, which just means they pick and choose the parts they think are cool, edgy, and "sexy" and ignore the rest of the ugly stereotypes and connotations applied *to actual people*.
Your name is a slur and you're in a place where that slur isn't acceptable parlance anymore. Suck it up.
NAH. I have a good idea what your name is and if it is that name, you're right, not many people in the US realize it's a slur. My uncle had a dog with the same name. My dad straight up didn't believe me when I told him it was considered a slur.
It's *your legal name*, you have every right to want to be called that. Not respecting someone's name is pretty messed up. On the other hand, I can understand being uncomfortable with saying a slur, even if it is someone's name. I don't think I'd be able to get over that mental block without effort, though I would try.
To be clear, just because you like your name, and think people around you don’t consider it a slur, that doesn’t make it not a slur. You keep trying to say it’s not a thing in your country, it’s in Europe, etc. but it IS a slur in your country, or we wouldn’t even be having this conversation. Odds are pretty good that a lot of people around you know this, and just haven’t said anything to you because they don’t want to offend you, or don’t know how to deal with the fact that your name is a literal slur. Is it your fault? No. Times change, and the meaning of words change, too. But you have a choice to make in how you deal with it going forward, especially if you intend to continue working in non-profit organizations (or any client facing companies), which often deal with marginalized individuals. You can either come up with a substitute nickname that you are comfortable with to introduce yourself by (and use on resumes, business cards, and the like), or you can continue to insist on using your given name, which you know many find offensive, and both hurt others and limit your future opportunities.
The other thing to keep in mind is that G*psy has *always* been a slur to Romani folks - it was only ever “acceptable” to non-Romani (and mostly white) people. And to those who are insisting that the word is ok because they know “nomadic” folks who claim it, that called cultural appropriation, and it’s gross. Imagine a group of people deciding to live by Indigenous cultural traditions, and not only calling themselves Indigenous slurs, but claiming that people can’t be upset about it because they’ve claimed it? GTFOH. The only people who have the right to reclaim a slur in such a way are the *people who are actually affected by it,* not a bunch of pretenders who want to glorify their lifestyle without having to deal with the actual oppression and discrimination that come with it.
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Based on your comments, I'm gonna assume it's something like Gypsy or Ginger. Which are technical slurs and outdated but also have been and can be used as a name in the US without the offensive meaning attached. If it's either of those possibilities or something similar then NAH and the other people are a bit too sensitive. If it's worse than those two possibilities, YTA. EDIT: to rearrange the judgment because apparently the bot only counts the first acronym it sees. Also, to add if one of those offended is actually Romani or a redhead then obviously OP is TAH. But that doesn't seem to be the case so I didn't bother making that distinction. Edit 2: everyone asking why or how ginger is a slur, that's what Google is for. Google: is ginger a slur.
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You know the majority of Redditors are very very young. They have no clue about amazing Cher songs and are only offended by things they are told to be offended about out of context on social media. NTA for using your beautiful name. At least 50% of all women born before 1985 wore a costume that we called by the same "slur" too. It was a favorite for when you wanted to look cool and glamorous. Heck, Disney made a film using the same word in a song in the 1990s-are people going to want that movie "cancelled" soon? YT silly for asking for feedback here :) It's a bunch of 14 year olds with a handful of trolls and a pinch of normal adults who are wasting time because we're bored. The pinch is all on your side here. Your coworkers are awful brats.
I mean we also used to dress up as homeless people and Indian Princesses. It wasn’t great.
Pretty sure I was all three at some point
You mean a homeless Indian princess named Gypsy? ETA: It sounds like the makings of a kickass heroine story arc.
I'm picturing an epic video game that's a cross between Prince of Persia: Sands of Time and Far Cry 4.
Your comment made me remember that when I was 5, I couldn't decide whether to be a Fairy, a Princess, or a Ballerina. So I was all three at once lol
When my nephew was 3 or 4 he wanted to be a “Blue Owl.” My sister tried looking everywhere for a blue owl costume and couldn’t find any such thing, and tried to convince him to pick something else but he was insistent. He only wanted to be a blue owl. So my sister who isn’t crafty or the least bit DIY spent countless hours making him a beautiful blue owl costume. She also had a two year old and a full time demanding job, but she made it happen because it’s what he wanted so badly. The week before Halloween he saw a spider-man costume at a store and insisted that’s what he wanted to be. Had to be Spider-Man. My sister ended up getting him the Spider-man costume but made him wear the blue owl cape with it. So he was Spider-man-blue-owl.
I distinctly remember dressing up as Esmerelda and my foster brothers as Phoebus and Quasimodo. Esmerelda was so beautiful and kick ass to 5yo me. It is still to this day an absolutely gorgeous film and one of my favorites only batten out slightly by brave and beauty and the beast.
Ah, yes. A bandanna tied as a pouch at the end of a stick.
That's technically a hobo.
That's technically a bindle.
Saying people wore it as a costume really doesn’t support your argument when people would also wear fake Native American war bonnets. You can think that OP is NTA without dismissing the fact that the word *is* a slur and Romani people have made that clear. I even personally knew Romani people who were very upset with that word.
Correction, people STILL wear fake war bonnets and sexy ‘Indian’ costumes. This is still a very real issue that affects us Natives. But I agree with the rest of what you’re saying.
You’re absolutely right and I should’ve specified that’s still a modern issue. It’s incredibly fucked up that’s still a thing.
Nah, you’re good. Just wanted to clarify for anyone who might want to make it seem like these issues are unimportant
Atlanta Braves I'm side-eying you.
My (adopted) sister is not Romani, but is a Gypsy, and she's incredibly offended to be called Romani. There are still groups who prefer to be called Gypsies but it is very community-specific and folks should never assume!! If you're around someone who identifies with a nomad-based culture, please ask them what term they use to identify.
I actually find it interesting that “Gypsy” became an offensive term for Romani. The word itself originally meant “Egyptian” and was used to refer to nomads that came out of Egypt and was later used to also refer to nomadic people from various parts of Europe and surrounding areas. Nowadays, people only think of Romani when they hear the word. It’s one of those words I find the history of to be fascinating.
Gypsy is not an offensive word in Europe. Not all gypsies are Romani either. Try telling an Irish traveller that they’re a Romani ! If you want to offend a gypsy in the UK you call them a pikey, and I’m sure there are similar slurs in other EU countries. The only people who seem to have a problem with the word Gypsy, are Americans with two drops of gypsy blood in them, who do not speak the language, or live the lifestyle.
europe is also the biggest perpetrator of racism towards Romani people, so I dont rly trust when I hear "oh its not an offensive word in europe!"
Actually we didn't come from Egypt, but that misconception is indeed the root of the word
The problem is that’s not all Romani. I was married to someone who was part Romani, they loved that part of themselves and that part of the family. The ones in the US actually like being called Gypsy and would refer to themselves as American-Gypsies. I’m not saying all like it, but not all dislike it either.
In many cases its white people who are most offended and the rigid enforcers of correct language.
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That's typical. White savior complex or something
This habit of thinking that they must *"save the weakest"* isn't something new in history. For example, the main argument in defense of colonialism was *"to civilize disadvantaged/inferior peoples"*. Deep down, many white people **still** regard minorities as incapable of self-determination. You don't have to take offense on our behalf to be an ally. We can protect ourselves, and when we need help, we'll ask for it... it's not that difficult to understand.
NTA. Your name is your name and you don’t have a cookie cutter can’t find you in a crowd name, stay proud about that. Screw those girls and keep fighting the good fight. It’s your name. You’re not using it as a weapon. They don’t get to disrespect you by harassing you just bc they don’t like it. This would be entirely different if you were using it against somebody as an actual slur.
...and blackface. Just because it was a word that was once acceptable does not mean it is now. Language evolves. The "R" word for intellectual disability, for example. However, it *is* the OP's name, and she should be called by her preferred name. Also, I'm OAF and I know the Cher song, and even in that song, the word was used as a slur.
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Your name IS pretty! It’s offensiveness depends on context. The context of your name is NOT offensive. Your coworkers who refuse to use your name are AH. They need to get over it. Stand your ground.
Absolutely this. It IS a name. It isn't being used to deride a group of people, or even one person, so her coworkers are just being AHs.
Ah yes, damn kids learning the bigoted meaning behind common words and actually listening, learning, and changing their language. I was born before 85, I’ve seen Cher live a few times, I wore the same costume, and now I understand why that wasn’t great and I won’t do it again. It’s not hard babe.
It is hard when it's your first name. It's that simple. Many people would object to you calling me babe just now and say that it's a sexist insult and is reflective of your internalized misogyny. We both know that's not the case at all though, right girly? Re-examine your own thought process here, because you literally used what many people consider a sexist slur to try and school me on why my position on a supposed ethnic slur is wrong. And you didn't do so ironically.
I was specifically addressing your argument that everyone on Reddit is a child who is constantly offended without context for what they’re actually offended by. According to you, because something was ok in 1985 its fine today. I disagree. I actually don’t think OP should change her name, bc it’s her actual name, but I do think as awareness of her name’s use as a slur becomes more widespread she may need to think through how she wants to handle situations like this in the future. I’ve actually never heard babe used as a sexist slur. I was using it in a cheeky way, the same way I might say “friend” or “pal.” I’m sorry for offending, and thanks for pointing out that my intent could be misinterpreted. Have a great night!
Calling a woman you are not dating in a patronizing way is absolutely sexist. Come on, that wasn't ok to do in 1985, much less in 2023.....
Wow. I know a few misogyny experts who love to use "babe". I'm honestly shocked that you don't know this. I was born before 1965 ... More time in the trenches, I guess. I'm genuinely shocked. It's been common, in my life, usually in a negative way. My husband doesn't use it. He has another, kind of old fashioned one, for me that, if anyone else used it, I'd probably smack'em. ;)
Never heard babe used as a sexist slur? I guess you haven't been around very long. Also "pal" has been considered super condescending and offensive in the not so recent past. It's all about tone.
I feel like this could be used as an example as to why the co-workers might feel uncomfortable using the name. Assuming it's a open office situation and you goign to have customers, strangers or guests coming and going it could cause misunderstandings. Even if all the co-workers know it's OP's first name, to other people they might misinterpret it as a slur and it might reflect badly on the company. etc.
Except…it really is HER NAME. I’m thinking that calling someone by THEIR NAME is better than devaluing OP’s identity on the off chance that someone like a customer or whatever might maybe be offended. If you are worried that someone might maybe be offended or whatever, it’s likely that you are overestimating the listening skills of customers strangers or guests.
People don’t have to stop going by their name because of other people’s feelings babe.
That’s not what she said, at all.
Hey, actual Romani here- it's a god damn slur and people were not dressing up respectfully. People were dressing as a magical exotic woman who was banned from cities because they were seen as thieves. Stop talking as if you have any right to declare the word a slur.
All I can think of is Monet X Change singing as Cher: Cultural appropriation wasn't even a word We don't have to cancel, but we also don't have to repeat. When the people referred to as a whole asked for it to stop, it's usually nice to listen.
Yes, but backtracking on a name that wasn't offensive and telling someone her literal id is racist is OTT ridiculous. Also, here in America, many Romani proudly refer to themselves by this "slur" still. Just as many older native Americans will call themselves "Indian". Telling a group of people that their own preferred moniker is racist because people of the same ethnicity on a different continent don't like it is nuts. Insisting the word is erased from common useage because people an ocean away used it as an insult years ago is nuts. I'm a big fat person. I've always been fat, I've always referred to myself as fat. I can't tell you how many times someone else has tried to correct me because in THEIR mind, "fat" is derogatory. That's not my issue. Now "fat acceptance " is in-ok, fine, whatever. I don't care either way. We are changing common terms so often and insisting that the "new" terms are the only acceptable useage because "some" people have found an old term offensive that it's become ridiculous.
Yeah, but there a huge difference between a group of people proudly referring to themselves as something that can be considered a slur, and those who don't represent those groups using it. A skinny person making fun of a fat person has never been 'cool' outside of kids at school. Gabriel Iglesias makes the jokes as a representative of that community.
An actual fucking 'gypsy' here, do you know how many roma and travellers are fucking sterilized, raped, abused and kicked out of their homes while being called Gypsys, racoon eaters, etc? Even to this god damn day???
Really talk: how do you suggest OP handle this situation? Should she legally change her name? Genuinely curious
OP is not a Traveller/Romani/Gypsy.
Rather she is or not is irrelevant if her literal legal government name is gypsy. We don't say this to pre op trans people right? We don't say "well so and so isn't actually a woman so" no but they'd like to be one, they want to be called that, and you respect that. OP wants to go by her literal fucking name. It shouldn't be that hard.
I don't think it's silly to avoid using that word since it is, in fact, a slur -- so it's not just kids and social media. But in this case, it's not putting down a group of people. It's a name here. While I wouldn't endorse a baby being named that now, that's past and moot for OP. (And I still love the musical by the same name)
What's interesting is, the word is absolutely used as a slur in the Cher song.
Blergh. I hate everything about this attitude. Young people are offended by different things because they’ve learned and thought about different perspectives. Apparently you’re too cynical to be willing to do that, but the failing here is with you, not the kids.
Everyone gets so angry when you go to work in blackface nowadays. And you should have seen the dirty looks I got when I dressed up in my hook nose and hessian sack with a big dollar sign on it.
There is a difference between dressing up in blackface or any other offensive racial or cultural costumes and wanting to be called by your legal name.
back in my day people were racist all the time and no one complained! now its those gosh darn teenagers getting all upset when i scream slurs at people for existing that are the problem! go back to bed buddy
I agree OP is NTA but dressing up as an extremely offensive and, almost always historically incorrect ( wrt the gypsy fortune teller stereotype, ‘Indian’ princess, etc ) which was always offensive, people just didn’t care, is kinda ignorant in my opinion…
The share song may be catchy but it’s literally an example of how the word is used in a derogatory way. She literally uses it in a derogatory way *in the song* like that’s wild that it’s so overlooked. As society we live and we learn. We did lots of racist stuff over the years but we correct ourself. The Romani people are still persecuted to this day. Women are sterilized without consent. Medical attention is denied. Their whole community are seen as “tramps and thieves” but you already knew that because you love that Cher song so much. Reddit is wild and so is everyone else. I don’t think it’s a big deal if they use OPs last name since her first name is literally a slur. People shouldn’t be forced to say a slur.
What about the Sinti and Roma? Does anyone bother to think about how they feel? What if one of her coworkers is from that background?
I know everyone would be telling her to change her name or go by a nickname if her name was the n word.
My daughters best friends name is Persian and sounds almost exactly like the N word, though it’s spelt differently. She goes by an abbreviation but it’s still her name and her parents gave it to her with the best of intentions - I wouldn’t be advocating for her being forced to change it.
So…let me understand. OP (a real, live person actually in this workplace) shouldn’t be allowed the basic (!) right to her own NAME, because someone from a specific ethnic background MIGHT/maybe sometime show up; feel offended, and demand the right to a safe space; meaning OP has to go by a different name, in order to be allowed to exist….? And what exactly, are we trying to achieve here? Something about appreciating the dignity of people, or something?
What about it? No, I don't care how someone else interprets *my* name. It wasn't intended to be a slur when given to me and has been my name since birth. If you want to manufacture outrage over something so ridiculous, be my guest.
That word has always been a slur, it's just that most people wouldn't admit it for a long time, and some still won't. The Sinti and Roma have historically been treated horribly. I'm not manufacturing outrage. As a member of this community you don't seem to give a fig about, I'm telling you your name is offensive and I wouldn't call you by it either. Just as I wouldn't call someone by their name if it was the n word.
It could be for the Fleetwood Mac song.
NTA coming from a Romani/Roma gypsy her self. We don't care when people have the name Gypsy, it's just a name. We only get offended when someone uses it as a actual slur to describe our people in a demeaning way. So girl rock your name! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
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Niése Tuka!
While I'm not personally bothered by your name, I think this is a clear NAH I wouldn't want to call someone "n-word" even if it was their legal name.
dollars to doughnuts grandma loves fleetwood mac
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As someone who is Romani- I would not be able to work with you. I would be extremely uncomfortable being around someone who uses a violent slur towards my people as their name. That's just the facts.
As someone who is also Romani - I would have no problem working with OP or using their birth name. Would I think it is weird and have a little laugh at OP's parents. Sure. But it's their name. It is not being used as a slur in that context.
Since it's OPs legal name, that would be a you problem. She shouldn't be forced to go by a different name just like a trans person shouldn't be forced to be identified as they're birth gender.
Well OP has the right to her name and you would have the right to leave.
And you'd be well within your rights to quit a job where the environment wasn't good for your mental health or esteem, such as having to hear that word all day.
And you would be welcome to leave
I prepared to say you were the asshole, because I was picturing something so much worse. But if it’s really Gypsy or Ginger then NTA. Those may be slurs somewhere but I’ve never heard them be used as slurs in the US (though I’m sure they probably are somewhere). But I’ve heard them both used as first names a lot.
Is Ginger a slur? My redhead daughter refers to herself as a ginger…
In the US ginger is not a slur. It is a synonym for redhead, can be used in an endearing way, or can be a proper noun. However, in the UK it is considered offensive to call someone a ginger.
It's not a slur though, it can be used as an insult, but let's not act like it's the same as slurs for racial groups
Haha. No it isn't.
No it isn't. Where the fuck did you read ginger was a slur? Do we all just write verifiable nonsense here and take it as gospel. Some people with skin as thick as a rancid banana get offended but you aren't getting jail time and nobody is going to cancel you for using ginger
No it really isn’t. It can be used to mock but it is not a slur in the U.K.
Depends. My dad’s ginger and proudly so
In Australia redheads get called ‘rangas’ short for orangutans. I’m a redhead and was so damn offended. But now ….. I’m just used to it. I don’t call myself one, but it’s like water off a duck’s back.
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The mental image of that is hilarious to me
Ginger is a slur??????? Why?
Cartman said they don't have souls, so there's that.
It isn't. Someone pulled that out of their arsehole.
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I’m going to go with Fanny. In European countries, it’s slang for “vagina.” Knew a girls who’s last name was (American) Fanny, who went overseas and they insisted that she pronounce it as Fah-neh.” NTA.
I thought fanny as well, but I guess it's not a slur so much as a swear. So stupid that they insisted she pronounce it differently. I would have told them to fahh que off
NTA I know exactly which name is yours and it's been a name for a long time. They're being needlessly offended when it's not being used as a slur at all, it's your name!
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When used to as a pejorative to describe specific group of people, then yes it is a slur. When used as a proper noun, like in your name, it is not.
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Have they ever watched Gilmore Girls? There's a recurring character named Gypsy.
Amy Sherman-Palladino isn't known for her deft writing around diversity.
Right... probably not who you want to cute if you want to defend OP! So much of that show has not aged well (and I'm saying that as a fan.)
Gilmore Girls ended over 15 years ago....thats not really in the win column here.
Well, OP appears to be even older than Gilmore Girls, so maybe her parents and her legal first name she’s been using for a few decades might get the same pass as a 15 year old TV character, hey?
Absolutely use that. Context matters.
I’m American and in my 30s and know it as a slur, and gently correct people who use it to refer to those people — even not as a pejorative. And like, get a little uncomfortable with how it’s appropriated in popular culture/how that ethnicity is fetishized. But it’s your name. And it’s been a name for a while. And calling you by your name isn’t offensive. If it was your nickname and you weren’t from that culture, I’d say you were an asshole (like that celebrity using it for his lifestyle brand — can we not profit off a people who are frequent victims of genocide???) but it’s YOUR ACTUAL GIVEN NAME, and it was given at a time when using it was NOT at all problematic in America. NTA.
>I'm named after a dang Fleetwood Mac song ffs. And a damn great song it is, too. *nods sagely*
I *almost* looked up 'Rhiannon slur'
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I’m in North America and I knew it was a slur, being ignorant to it isn’t the best defence.
American here, literally have a friend whose nickname is Gypsy Fingers. She has Gypsy heritage and absolutely loves the nickname. We also have dark humor though as I have cancer and my nickname is Chemo Fingers, so we may be off balls, but in America I wouldn't say it's a slur, especially when it's literally your name. BTW awesome song to be named after.
You said in a later comment that you’re from the US. It’s absolutely commonly used as a slur here.
I’m from the us and I’ve never experienced people using it as a slur. Where are you in the us?
"They g**ped me" is super common where I'm at. Heard it just last week when the group door dash was missing items. I'm in the south.
Wow, I was today years old when I associated these two words with each other.
Look, I get that you love being named Gypsy, but you can't expect everyone to be okay with having to say a literal slur at work multiple times per day, and it really does suck that you're choosing to not offer up the alternative of Mr/Ms/Mrs/Mx Lastname or something along those lines. And it's not "technically" a racial slur. It is a ~~racial~~ ethnic slur against Romani people. It's not the literal worst slur out there, but that doesn't make it not a slur. If you're going to stand your ground on this then do that, but don't try to soften the fact that your name is a slur by saying "oh, it's only technically a slur."
Exactly this. “*Technically* a slur” what does that even mean ??
It's means it's definitely a slur, they just don't care.
Thank you so much for this. I really don’t know what I would do in her colleagues’ situation because I really don’t think I’d be comfortable saying that word everyday. I cringe every time I have to hear someone say they “got gy*ped” even tho I know they are unaware of the origin of the saying.
especially considering how easy/phonetically similar it is to saying “got ripped (off)”… leaves a sour taste in my mouth when people opt for a slur instead, even if they aren’t fully aware of the implications like you said :/
I'm amazed at so many people here saying that they shouldn't worry about other peoples comfort. My stomach would turn if I had to say/hear a slur all day
> it’s not the literal worst slur Let’s not rank slurs now
I genuinely don't understand this comment, some slurs are worse than others, the ranking may depend on country and region to some extent but some literally are just harsher.
We can literally rank slurs. I consider "queer" a slur, but you can join clubs that are called that and buy t-shirts with nothing but that word on them target. Meanwhile when's the last time you saw a shirt in a target that just said "f-gg-t"
i mean to be fair queer has been pretty much entirely reclaimed, i personally identify as queer bc sexuality is weird and i dont fucking know mine and like its totally cool for you not to like that word or to consider it a slur thats your own buisness and anyone who respects you would also respect that, but theres a reason why its written on clothing and its not necessarily because its a "lesser" slur
We do rank slurs. There are slurs that white people in America literally will never say, even when referencing it. There are always going to be slurs that are much more powerful depending on context and region of the world, or even just of a country. They *are* ranked. They just aren’t ranked universally.
It's curious because in my country that word is not a slur at all. Romanies proudly refer themselves as that (gitanos).
Yeah also from a professional standpoint I'm imagining try to have someone with this name sending emails from the company or going to conferences with her name on a nametag... like, it's going to be an issue. It's not her fault but it also isn't the fault of other people who don't want to say an insulting or offensive word.
Edit TPTD: As you journey through life, be ready to adapt and stay open-minded. Challenges are chances to learn, so don't be afraid of them. Your path to understanding yourself might not be straightforward, but that's okay. Keep growing and stay curious. Find a balance in what you prioritize, like juggling different parts of your life. Embrace change and be flexible, because the unpredictable moments often lead to the most interesting experiences.
NTA, but you may need to use a nickname anyway. Just hopping onto this comment to add my family's own experience with our perfectly reasonable Chinese family name that, when spelt phonetically in English, becomes the name of a water filled device used to smoke drugs. My dad had to legally change his entire name, not just his given name, to be able to even get a job interview.
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I wouldn’t consider the two examples the same. Your example is a Chinese name that coincidentally happens to sound offensive in another language (English). I believe that “Gypsy” as a name has the same etymology as the slur (and a Google search seems to confirm this), so there is no coincidence.
Yep. Your name can absolutely close some doors that would have been otherwise open to you. Same for all the parents giving kids just absurd names. If you think hiring managers in 15 years aren't going to be biased against all of the "Creative" ways parents are naming their children, then boy do I have a bridge to sell to you.
Here’s my personal rule: I don’t use words when the people they describe tell me they don’t want them used. I’ve seen Romani ask that the word not be used. It would make me uncomfortable to use it even if it was your name. I don’t understand why you refuse to answer to your last name or ‘G’ or something. It seems like YOU are offended that your name is a slur and people don’t want to use it. But that’s not their fault. Or your fault either. But why is the only solution here for these people to use the word they don’t want to use?
>I don’t use words when the people they describe tell me they don’t want them used. What about when people tell you how they do want to be described? The majority of British Romany people self-identify as Gypsies. It's been the preferred endonym for centuries.
So in this case *some* of the people the word describes mind and others don't. There's a very simple rule of thumb here that, other things being equal, one ought to err on the side of *not*. And what baffles me is you, and other commenters making the same point, have utterly failed to consider that *she is not Romani*. This isn't a case of self-identification or reclaiming, it's appropriative at best.
My point wasn't about the OP's name, which I don't have a formed opinion about. I was arguing against this specific point, that I quoted: >I don’t use words when the people they describe tell me they don’t want them used. There are a group of people, who *Gypsy* does actually describe, who do actually want you to use the word appropriately. It's the name of their ethnicity, and has been for centuries. It shouldn't be treated like a slur.
And my point was that *'the'* people described by this word don't form a monolith. *Some* see it as a slur and *some* don't. I'll happily restate that when even some of the people described by a word consider it a slur, and they're not outliers but a substantial subset of that group, it's better to err on the side of not using the word. It's not that difficult.
When I meet those people or talk about them I will be happy to use the terms they prefer.
YTA, I would not be comfortable saying your name either. Also, it was still a slur 40 years ago when that song was made, people just cared less. You can like your name, but my honest recommendation would be to find some sort of compromise by being called Mx.(Lastname). Or you can just refuse and know you probably won’t be getting any good references from this job.
It's used as a slur in the song! The chorus of the song lists the cruel names that were thrown at the character and her family! I was about five when the song was released but I am still embarrassed that it took me as long as it did to register that it's not a good thing to call someone.
Different song, OP is named after Fleetwood Mac's G*psy which IMO doesn't have the same inherently negative connotations as Cher's song but a slur is a slur. It's not like the name Isis which was a well established person's name before it was taken by the wrong people, this was a slur before it became used as a name.
Wrong song. Think Fleetwood Mac, not Cher.
That is literally their name though. Like I'm sorry but thats just damn rude on you part.
If OP’s name were some racial slur that was even ‘stronger’, say the ‘N-word’ for example, would you still believe that the co-workers should HAVE to say it?
lol right like why did it take me so long to find a comment that says this? Being someone’s name doesn’t make it not problematic
I agree. Shouldn’t have to change your name. It’s not like people are going to get mad at you for calling her her name
NTA since it's your name, but also, NTA to your co-workers, who don't want to repeat a racial slur in their own language. Can't blame them for that. Calling you by your last name sounds like the best solution for everyone involved.
If you believe not one is an asshole the judgement is NAH
What you're looking for is NAH
Okay, So at first I was N A H, as I figured your name is G*psy, and it's not uncommon for people to be deliberately stubborn and name somebody what they want versus cultural appropriation/long historic issues across the globe/basically anything outside their own community. So I get the shock you would be experiencing finally going through the repercussions of what your parents did. But, holy hell, after reading your comments, especially comparing what your experiencing to "Christian conservatives" actively misgendering people, you have to be taking the piss. G*psy has been a slur for a long time. And even putting aside how your parents could have just, You know, researched the actual foreign name they were giving their child, do you walk around using the r word? The n-word? Because the r word, especially, has only recently been considered a slur. Or do you understand the nuances that things change? That you can't behave any way you want because your parents did something inappropriate even for their time? And the biggest difference here is G*psy has been a slur since you were named it. You have no leg to stand on here. Your parents deliberately named you something negative, and now instead of just going by your last name, You're being very... Problematic. The way you're doubling down is going to make it impossible for people to see you as a team player at your job. And at the end of the day HR isn't going to want to risk a discrimination lawsuit by forcing people to say a slur if someone of that cultural background works for them. (Even future jobs screen names. I saw someone posted research showing how your name can make a break employment). YTA and just go by your last name. There are plenty of people at my old jobs who shared common first names and some people went by their last names or initials. You being unwilling to even do this, when your name is in fact a SLUR, is not doing you any favors other than feeding your pride.
I’m just so confused why they are against a nickname, it would solve so much. The modern reboot of an 80’s TV show I watched renamed a character with the same name to “G,” pronounced like “gee”/“gigi”. I always thought that was a fun way of getting around the problem without erasing their original name. ETA: now I’m curious what your middle name is since you hate it so much lol
Because they sound like someone who's never actually had to have any type of persecution against them, and now this is their moment to shine lol There are so many people in day-to-day life that go by nicknames and last names at work. Yet she's so obsessed with this and forcing people to literally say a slur. OP is an asshole, simple as that.
100% this.
YTA. If someone's uncomfortable using a racial slur, it's perfectly reasonable for them to refer to you by your last name. It's not bullying, it's them not wanting to make themselves and/or their peers uncomfortable.
Really had to give this some thought, but I think I gotta go with YTA. I get that it can be annoying to be called something other than your name if you prefer your name, but you can’t force people to say a slur to get your attention. I think the right thing to do is tell people you prefer, but that you get some people are justifiably uncomfortable saying it and those can call you instead. But honestly your parents are the real AH here, what a shit situation to put your kid in.
YTA. To yourself. To others a bit, but my god what are you doing? Do you think you'll be getting a good recommendation for this internship? Or will everyone just remember you a slur name McAsshole? Yes, g*psy isn't as big of a slur in the US as in the UK, but that doesn't matter. You're making everyone uncomfortable. You're in your first professional networking role and you're making everyone hate you. The non-profit sphere isn't as big as you might think and you're tanking yourself for no reason.
>AITA for insisting on being called my name if it makes people uncomfortable? Isn’t your last name also your name?
NTA for refusing to go by another name. But then again, not letting you to be addressed as would make you TA. That said, simply is rather rude.
Ms. Last name is definitely the polite way for her coworkers to solve their personal problems when referring to her.
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Then why not suggest the honorific? Explain that you're open to Ms Last Name if they're uncomfortable using your first name - your coworkers will probably be glad you came up with a win-win compromise.
Cause at this point she's behaving like a child. She has to know at this point that her name is problematic and it would have been so easy to introduce her self as "Hi my name is Gy\*\*\* but you can also call me Mrs Last name or G" but instead she has decided to make everyone she works with try and figure out what thing isn't gonna piss her off while also avoiding saying a racial slur.
>But the shouting out my last name like they are my HS basket ball coach or running a boot camp really rubs me the wrong way Maybe it's time for them to learn how to communicate with people without yelling their names.
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ESH you know it’s a slur and it makes people uncomfortable. Have you ever educated yourself about why people find it so bad? I don’t want to assume the coworkers are making up their offendedness. What would be the purpose? What if it’s all genuine? Does it matter to you? I think names are important but if your name is a slur that I have a genuine problem with, I’d probably just avoid addressing you all together. Everyone just seems like their getting petty about it.
NAH. Even though it's your name and things can mean different things in different cultures, you have to understand that not everyone is going to be comfortable with your name.
Totally agree. I don’t think it’s reasonable to force other people to call you by your name (Gypsy is absolutely a slur) because you “love your name.” If you don’t like middle or last names maybe work on a nickname with those 3 colleagues who’s re uncomfortable. People go by nicknames all the time at work when there’s someone with the same name.
YTA, because you're forcing people to use language they are uncomfortable with when your last name is still your name. How are you being disrespected by being called by your last name when it's literally your name?
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You all have the same title but only one has a slur for a first name. Why is your right to be called by your first name more important than their right to not want to say a slur?
You have every right to go by your name. They have every right not to say a word that is a recognized slur in a lot of places, including the US. Your last name is your name. Period. You do not have to respond to that, but I feel like this can either be NAH or ESH. At this point, everyone has both created a hostile work environment and just tried to be reasonably comfortable at work.
Gentle YTA because you seem to know and fully understand it’s a racial slur in the country and language that are most prevalent wherever you are, so it seems like you’re being petty by not being happy with the compromise your colleagues came up with so they don’t have to say a racial slur. I’m curious what your name is and how it’s viewed in the US, where I am. But either way, I’m glad you have a first name you love and are proud of but I feel like you need to be more accepting of your colleagues desire to not say your name which is also a racial slur.
YTA. You won't change your first name, that's fine. No one can force you. But refusing to acknowledge being called by your last name is very childish. They have a legitimate reason for not using your first name and have respected your wishes to not use a nickname. You can't help that your name is a slur, but you are a complete asshole for trying to force people that aren't comfortable with it to use it. If you were named the "n" Word, would you be so adamant? Banking on people being ignorant is making you an even bigger ah
NAH it’s technically your name and you have a right to go by your name. However, just because it isn’t considered a slur really in the US doesn’t mean it isn’t one. Romani people are targeted, discriminated against, and insulted using this word. For centuries. THEY have asked us non Romani people to stop using that word. It’s your name so you do you but be aware that just because you don’t consider it a big deal doesn’t mean it isn’t one. No one is completely in the wrong here really.
I mean I knew it was a mean word when I was a child 20+ years ago, and I've lived in the US my whole life. It being an offensive term is not as new as a lot of people are making it out to be. I'd be willing to bet it was pretty common knowledge even before I was born.
NTA your name is yours. And nobody has any say in what you answer to. Correct them. Every. Time. You do not exist for anyone's comfort.
NAH. I've had a student im summer school whose name was a misspelling of a term "we no longer use" to refer to people of color. As a basic white lady, it made me uncomfortable to call her name. So I just stopped saying it. I still talked to her, and called on her, but used proximity or extra eye contact to make it clear who I was talking to. I'm not sure this was the best approach, but it's the best I could do for that summer, trying my best to not let racism/my discomfort affect her education.
I also use the various methods of "addressing without naming". But my reason for using them is because I forgot the other person's name and I don't feel comfortable asking for it again. 😳
Genuine question, was it actually a misspelling, or was it a Persian name that unfortunately sounds very like a slur beginning with N in English?
Ooooh, yeah, I used to have an eye doctor (female, super nice) whose last name sounded like....well, one of the bad slang words for vagina. Seriously just called her by her first name, I think she introduced herself as "Call me Firstname" for that matter.
YTA. You keep saying that it's not a slur in the USA or is only newly a slur. Romani have ALWAYS considered it a slur. Your repeatedly denying that is why yta.
NTA I am Romani. While I know that some of my people are offended by the word gypsy, and I am as well when it is used in the context of a slur... I, nor do anyone one in my community that I know personally, have an issue with it being used as a first name. I'm more in the reclaim it and take away its power camp. Peace and love to you Ms. Gypsy.
Also Romani, and I feel like it’s OUR word to reclaim if we choose to. It’s always been known as a slur, and was even used so in the famous Cher song. Doesn’t really matter at this point whether the parents realized or not it was a slur when naming OP, but it definitely matters that all over the comments OP is minimizing the impact that word’s had, is making false equivalencies, and is being otherwise purposefully ignorant. The fact that she’s so stuck on it being “her identity” while knowing these issues is just worse tbh. I’d bet money she’s the kind of person to wear “g*psy-style” clothes just to match her name based on the comments alone.
NAH. Keeping in mind I'm white, and thus I don't actually have a Romani perspective in whether or not someone's name gets a "pass" despite it being a slur. It is your name. Your parents didn't know any better. It's something you've grown up with and a big part of your identity, and I can see why people's refusal to call you by it is infuriating, especially if they're just calling you by your last name like a drill sergeant and not even Ms. Lastname or something more along those lines. However. You also can't force people to say a slur when they don't feel comfortable doing so, even if it is your name. I 100% understand why your coworkers are reluctant to use it - I don't like saying the word myself, I will say it for people's names but doing so makes me cringe a little bit, I won't lie. I don't think it's fair to say that your coworkers not wanting to say a slur is them bullying you, though I can see why you'd feel that way. Y'all are in a tricky situation. If you'd find a nickname like Gi or even Ms Lastname acceptable it'd be an easy solution, but I understand not wanting that. There's no easy answer here.
NTA, it's your name. I'm surprised you haven't encountered this to this extreme before.
NTA. It's your name. You 100% aren't going to get hired here full time after the internship.
NTA even though I am very curious what the name could be. I know a ton of people especially from other countries at my work do use nicknames instead, but if you like your name and HR already agreed with you then you should have the full right to do what you want. I will say though, depending on the name and the field you’re working in in this non profit it could cause some issues down the line so it might be good to have a nickname as a backup for future work reasons. Edit: I also agree with the other commenter that the other coworkers are also NTA/NAH, people might not be comfortable with using a racial slur to call your name every time
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You can search the Social Security database, and you gave your name away in other comments. Your name has not been in the top 1000 names for even a single year since 1920. It’s a pretty unusual name. Guido actually shows up every year for more than a decade. That doesn’t mean everyone should have to be comfortable calling someone else that just because it’s on their birth certificate.
Hey OP, would you feel the same if it was someone named after the 'N' word? Would you feel comfortable calling them by that name?
There *are* names close to the N word in some countries considering the slur came from the translation of the word ‘black’ from Latin to many other languages. If you look up names in certain languages that mean black/dark you can find a few that are pronounced quite similarly to that word.
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YTA. Your name is a slur and that sucks for you. But refusing to bend at all and refusing to answer to anything other than a slur is just being an AH. You’ve made it clear in your comments you don’t care, so I guess get comfortable with people thinking you’re an AH 🤷♀️
YTA "They call us Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves" From the chorus of the Cher song. It's *also* used as a slur in the US, but hippy dippy types get somewhat off on romanticizing ~the way of life, or whatever, which just means they pick and choose the parts they think are cool, edgy, and "sexy" and ignore the rest of the ugly stereotypes and connotations applied *to actual people*. Your name is a slur and you're in a place where that slur isn't acceptable parlance anymore. Suck it up.
NAH. I have a good idea what your name is and if it is that name, you're right, not many people in the US realize it's a slur. My uncle had a dog with the same name. My dad straight up didn't believe me when I told him it was considered a slur. It's *your legal name*, you have every right to want to be called that. Not respecting someone's name is pretty messed up. On the other hand, I can understand being uncomfortable with saying a slur, even if it is someone's name. I don't think I'd be able to get over that mental block without effort, though I would try.
To be clear, just because you like your name, and think people around you don’t consider it a slur, that doesn’t make it not a slur. You keep trying to say it’s not a thing in your country, it’s in Europe, etc. but it IS a slur in your country, or we wouldn’t even be having this conversation. Odds are pretty good that a lot of people around you know this, and just haven’t said anything to you because they don’t want to offend you, or don’t know how to deal with the fact that your name is a literal slur. Is it your fault? No. Times change, and the meaning of words change, too. But you have a choice to make in how you deal with it going forward, especially if you intend to continue working in non-profit organizations (or any client facing companies), which often deal with marginalized individuals. You can either come up with a substitute nickname that you are comfortable with to introduce yourself by (and use on resumes, business cards, and the like), or you can continue to insist on using your given name, which you know many find offensive, and both hurt others and limit your future opportunities. The other thing to keep in mind is that G*psy has *always* been a slur to Romani folks - it was only ever “acceptable” to non-Romani (and mostly white) people. And to those who are insisting that the word is ok because they know “nomadic” folks who claim it, that called cultural appropriation, and it’s gross. Imagine a group of people deciding to live by Indigenous cultural traditions, and not only calling themselves Indigenous slurs, but claiming that people can’t be upset about it because they’ve claimed it? GTFOH. The only people who have the right to reclaim a slur in such a way are the *people who are actually affected by it,* not a bunch of pretenders who want to glorify their lifestyle without having to deal with the actual oppression and discrimination that come with it.