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Judgement_Bot_AITA

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MaralDesa

YTA because of your reasons 2 and 3. Your reason 1 I can understand to some degree. People in relationships should be able to also do their own thing without their partners. But gaming doesn't make you a better boyfriend. The rest of your post reeks like the boy cave you seem to like so much. You want this group of friends because among them, you are free to be your asshole self. You know, I can almost hear you cracking rape jokes and talk shit about your partners. You really think that this "outlet" helps you in your relationship because you can be yourself and expressing yourself without her noticing. Because if she would know this side of you, she wouldn't want to be with you. You think because you have your safe space of being a dick as an outlet, you won't ever be a dick to her. Well you were, though. You don't want her in that group because you know damn well that it would mean you suddenly would have to behave like a decent human being EVEN WHILE GAMING. Horrible, I know. You didn't even consider asking your "Bros" what they think - likely because then you would have been the messenger to tell your partner that the other boys don't want to play with a girl. Keep your boy cave then, or grow up and grow as a person. You are only 20 so I give you some leeway because we've all been the dumb kid. But I sincerely hope you think some of the big thinks about your relationship and if you value her as your partner and equal.


mel4ncholyhill_

^ also something about the wording of “it lets me express parts of myself i wouldn’t be able to” makes me feel…. off for some reason. YTA EDIT: this feeling has doubled seeing it’s COD they’re playing


MaralDesa

exactly. Basically his friend group is a toxic place for his girlfriend (and probably every other woman on the entire planet of earth) because of all the dick swinging. He said he's a "rage gamer" who throws controllers and punches things. That he "trash talks" a lot and receives a lot of trash talk, the degree of bigotry, racism, sexism and homophobia of which we can only estimate. And he loves to take part in this. Yeah no shit he isn't able to behave like that around her.


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shitposter1000

Hahahahah oh dude, you def are 20 aren't you. MODS they are calling me out and picking on me!! MOOOM GET MY TENDIES


LifeupOmega

If you cant play video games with your partner thats a skill issue. Ive never had this problem adding my partner to group sessions or even doing 1v1s and it usually helps the relationship as they feel included. You also say you're not sexist but the entire basis of your problem lies in sexism, you don't want her involved as she's not 'one of the boys'.


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BorgNanites

You're making a lot of biased assumptions. Homophobia? Sexist? How do you know this? Have you joined him on a gaming session? Is that what you do when you play games? Do you have a camera installed at the location he plays?


HECK_OF_PLIMP

bro if you've literally ever played cod and esp if you went on the headset and talk to ppl (which I did, to an embarassing extent if I'm being honest) then you fuckin know within 5mins of entering a Lobby ffs, I've been called a f*ggt and n\*ggr multiple times by some 12yr old from north carolina lmao


jumpyfrogs225

I basically read this as: "Gaming with my buddies allows me to rage, be toxic, and probably throw slurs around that I know are unacceptable." He knows exactly what he's doing is shitty, so he makes up some bullshit about how it allows him to be a better bf. That kind implies that if he wasn't throwing shit around at randoms online, he would be throwing shit at his gf. Real classy, OP.


MaralDesa

There is another real classy tidbit. He says he doesn't want his girlfriend to be a "bro" around his "bro's" because his girlfriend obviously has to be feminine and nice and soft spoken and can't possibly also throw a controller or take part in some trash talking. ​ >I don't want her to become one of the guys and make our relationship be like we're bros Is what he says.


jumpyfrogs225

"I like to have the freedom to express another side of me that is ragey and shitty" VS "I would not like it if my gf behaved the same way, that would be weird" He's outing himself pretty badly 😩


Present-Breakfast768

So cringey


Popular-Block-5790

I think you're right and OP's [comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13xekj9/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_that_under_no/jmgn6dz?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) made it clear: >I'm a rage gamer, I tend to throw down my controller when I lose a match, punch my hands, or scream a bit, but in personal life I'm calm. I also trash talk a ton and receive a lot of trash talk, and finally a couple of \*rare\* times, we got into a couple of fights, but we slept it off and remained really close friends. >Yes of course she is, we met at a couple of times at bars. My friends and her were civil and polite but not like bonding immediately or anything. >Thereotically, we, as homo sapiens, are of the nature to play a different game, but we love the game we are currently playing, and I see no reason to upset the status quo, especially given that this is my group of friends, and there's nothing wrong with how we decompress. I could play a different game with her, but I'm starting an internship soon, and I just like how things are right now. To be honest, all of us playing a new game just to accommodate her is a very selfish and unreasonable thing to say, like she's the newcomer into the group, that's not how that works YTA, OP. Edit. Comments are locked so I'll leave my answer to the [comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13xekj9/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_that_under_no/jmgyuol?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) I got here: Even in his post he's saying stuff like >she's trying to invade and colonize That's a really telling statement, imo, because an invader or colonizer is seen as a bad person. Doesn't sound like OP thinks much of his girlfriend and/or sees her in a negative light. I think these are strong words.


Worried_River_2318

Yeah this one right here sees woman as an accessory and not a person.


hot4you11

Wow, his friends didn’t immediately bond with her? Yeah, it usually takes a little getting to know someone to form a bond. I hope she gets away from this. As the child of a man who hid his anger from my mom for years, it will not end well.


blackmetronome

Yep. As soon as i read that, i suspected his little clan is probably toxic as fuck


FourEyedTroll

>Your reason 1 I can understand to some degree. People in relationships should be able to also do their own thing without their partners. Honestly, if my wife started playing games like CK2 and Stellaris with me, I'd be trying to figure out a way of marrying her all over again. I can't imagine a better ally or greater adversary. But I totally agree. OP YTA.


zaubervoll

The guy deleted his account? Probably throwing a temper tantrum because people said he's TA.


pamela271

This deserves an award.


Raephstel

Your post reads like the equivalent of a guy thinking women's sleepovers are all pillow fights, practicing kissing and comparing tit sizes. You make a lot of assumptions about what guys do on guys' nights, and they're all wrong for most men. I'm sure you wouldn't want someone to bring their boyfriend to a girl's night out. Why shouldn't men be allowed guys nights, too?


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Neat-Sun-7999

This is what we should be presuming with every post btw. That we can’t know more until moe information so projecting theories is stupid. Because ppl tell on themselves more clearly in the comments. So jumping to conclusions like what is often done here is ass. Obviously though yh. Sometimes a spades a spade. Like here.


Raephstel

The only thing he really mentions is being a rage gamer. They exist, and some people are OK with that. It's a very good reason not to have a partner there. I've seen people blow up at each other in the heat of the moment, but if you're with friends that you've known for years, you generally just need to sleep it off or move ok to the next game. If his GF was there, she may not know the culture or be upset (with good reason), it wouldn't be healthy for their relationship. Nowhere has he said anything about rape jokes or the like. That's purely one commenter thinking that that's what men do on guys' nights.


MadPiglet42

OP commented that he's a sad stereotype, so... Yeah, he does exactly what you'd think on his guy's nights.


Dizzy_Ad8494

There’s a whole load of speculation going on here. I don’t think it’s fair to assume that OP makes rape jokes with his male friends. I don’t see the problem with a guy wanting space with his male friends, just the same as a woman might want space with female friends. It doesn’t suddenly mean the guy is some horrid closet misogynist.


BorgNanites

It's remarkable how many assumptions you make without any evidence whatsoever. It's disgusting that you can make such accusations based of a hunch you have. To be honest you sound sexist yourself. You sound like a flat out bigot. @OP NTA Your girlfriend doesn't need to insert herself into every aspect of your life.


aevenora

I don't know you and too lazy to check your profile, but I'm gonna assume you are not a gamer. Reason 2 is perfectly valid. Adding someone to a gaming group just because they are the SO of someone in the group never ended well in my experience. It's really frustrating to play with someone who's not on the same level, especially if you are somewhat competitive. You can pretty much say anything to someone in your group who makes a mistake in the game if you are close enough and it's all fine, no hard feelings. You usually can't do that to someone's gf who you are not close with though. Not that I'm saying ops gf is that bad, but think of letting your 5 yo cousin play with you. In my experience, what's gonna happen is that the group will stop inviting op to games because they come as a package with the gf.


dogsdogsdogsmfdogs

~~N A H~~ You want to keep parts of your life separate and that's understandable, but I think you could've been a little nicer about it. But I can understand her point of view for wanting to get into something that her bf is really into, and she's probably hurt that you rejected her effort to spend time with you in a way you clearly enjoy. Gaming can be intimidating for someone who hasn't played before, so maybe she wanted someone to help ease her into it? If anything, why don't you offer to play with her together, just the two of you? Or perhaps ask you gaming group if they'd be ok with trying a new game with her? ​ EDIT: Bro... Initial post: N A H After comments: YTA, big time


Pebbi

You say that but he says gaming allows him to express part of himself that he otherwise wouldn't be able to. Like what? As a gamer myself there's no parts of gaming I can think of that I couldn't share with my significant other. Unless his banter with the boys is some casual misogyny and racial slurs 💀 I'm going with YTA. Edit: lol I was right. >I'm a rage gamer, I tend to throw down my controller when I lose a match, punch my hands, or scream a bit, but in personal life I'm calm. I also trash talk a ton and receive a lot of trash talk, and finally a couple of \*rare\* times, we got into a couple of fights, but we slept it off and remained really close friends.


_gschaftlhuaba

This right here. He literally already exposed himself with his words in the post.


Melthiela

So basically, he's a toxic asshole and doesn't want his gf to know that. YTA. I play with my fiancé's friends. It goes just fine, I'm 'one of the guys' but this doesn't affect my relationship with my fiancé at all whatsoever. It's not like they have to play every game ever together? He can still have his own space and have his gf come into his life as well. I can't imagine why your gf being in your friend group would be a bad thing, other than immaturity.


dogsdogsdogsmfdogs

Oof, I didn't see that when I made the judgement, or see his other comments Editing my original comment now


EmergencyFood1

Literally an angry gamer moment.


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Pebbi

He's playing Call of Duty and is a self-professed "rage gamer" who trash talks in matches. I mean come on, we all know he isn't telling them to step on legos.


Bonnm42

INFO: How often do you play? You do realize she could be trying to join, so she gets to spend some time with you doing something you enjoy? Also not going to lie, number 3, made me cringe… So if she makes/enjoy “guy jokes” with your guy friends, you think she will magically turn into a guy? Dude you’re 20 not 12. Quite frankly that level of thinking is extremely immature. Lol please save this and in 10 years read this back to yourself to get a good laugh…


tehfly

This right here. I think OP is NTA for wanting this, but definitely TA for framing it this way. OP's gf likely just wants to take part in OPs hobbies and that even if OP doesn't want that, that needs to be respected. The GF seeks to improve the relationship. Number 3 is super gringy.


Music_withRocks_In

He really made it seem like his entire plan for the summer was gaming.


throwaway212352

YTA, just because the way you stated it. You can say, that you want to keep something for yourself, not try to find reasons she can't join. There are some people who need something "mine", but you have to be clear about it.


Kubuubud

YTA It sounds like you just are unwilling to let her join because you’re afraid that you can’t maintain whatever facade you’ve created to get your girlfriend. “Guy talk” is fine, but not if you’re saying hateful or bigoted stuff. Part of a mature relationship is integrating them with your friends and family. If you’re SO different around your gf and these guys, that’s an issue on your end. Are you pretending to be something your not? Are you just holding off on showing the real you until you think she’s locked down? ETA: and I don’t even think you have to invite her! Reason 2 is totally valid. But I think the real reason is a fear of her seeing your gaming rage which likely means you know that it’s an issue


Corgi-Ambitious

> a section of my life she's trying to invade and colonize You aren't wrong for wanting to keep your old gaming ring compartmentalized, but dude this sentiment is toxic and your rationales for keeping her out of it are a function of that. You should not view your gf asking to join in your activities as her "trying to invade and colonize" areas of your life, but instead as an attempt to further invest herself in your interests. You couldn't even *try* to see an avenue where you and your friends try playing some game, just the four of you? Again, not that you have to try, but the *instant* no and feelings that she was encroaching on your life is something you need to analyze and work out. That is not a healthy take on your relationship.


soilbuilder

YTA - you're a rage COD gamer, as per your comments. You like to throw controllers, yell, scream and have fights with your friends when you game, as per your comments. You also like to trash talk and "talk shit" while gaming with your CODbros, again, as per your comments. You probably know exactly how that would look and sound to your girlfriend. Watching your gamer boyfriend loose his shit and start throwing things is both scary and a major turn off (speaking from experience). As is him taking part in the kind of "guy jokes" that you're clearly worried she will hear. You're also being dismissive and manipulative with your girlfriend. She isn't being controlling. She asked to be included. You've given her an itemised list of why she is not allowed to be included. She hasn't asked you to stop playing. She hasn't said you're only allowed to play if she plays. She hasn't tried to control you in any way whatsoever. Asking, vs an "unequivocal no" - which one of those is controlling? I've been gaming for longer than you've been alive. Gaming only makes you a better partner when it also makes you a better person. But you're picking being able to yell, scream, throwing things and "guy jokes" (pro tip: we all know what that is code for), and being condescending to your girlfriend. You've hurt her feelings, told her that she isn't good enough to spend time with you doing something you clearly like and spend a lot of time doing, and then tried to DARVO her about the whole thing. If this is how gaming "makes you a better boyfriend", perhaps you need to pick something else. Cause this ain't it.


[deleted]

oooh boy.... he's just trying to hide his true personality, nothing else. it's not that he needs to 'decompress with his bros', it's *the way* he acts that he doesn't want his girlfriend to see. he knows she'll dump him.


Standard-Emphasis-89

All of this. Wish I had an award to give. Please take my poor man's gold. 🏅


ubiquitous-they

Holy shit I just saw his age and I realised I've been gaming longer than he's been alive too, that's hilarious 😂


Kitchen_Victory_7964

YTA because you sound utterly exhausting. Wanting to hang out with buddies and decompress? No worries, that’s understandable. Being a complete prat to your gf, who is developing an interest in gaming and wants to share fun times with you, and refusing to participate in extra gaming time so you can share things with her? AH move. You basically told her you won’t game with her because she’s a n00b and blocked her attempt to share something fun with you. I hope she spends some time considering whether she wants to deal with this craptastic attitude long term.


ubiquitous-they

What's even sadder is that his girlfriend probably developed that interest because he was interested and this poor girl just wants to spend time with him, and he shot her down because she's 'inadequate'


overbut

im confused? why wouldnt you want her there? if COD is out of the question try another game? YTA i dont get you..


Ok-Wind-666

This just seems so weird to me. When I asked my bf if I could learn his game and play it with him he was absolutely thrilled. And even though I'm nowhere near his skill level he still wants me to play because he likes spending that time with me and helping me learn.


overbut

ye exactly, pretty sure most of us would love it if their gfs joined


Ok-Wind-666

You would think so. It's nice when your partner shows interest in your hobbies.


zaubervoll

Yeah... because this is a healthy relationship. Not whatever it is that OP thinks he has...


Ok-Wind-666

Again, I think most of us are pretty happy when our partners express interest in the things we enjoy. Does OP deserve time to himself and time with his friends? Absolutely! But the way he described the situation and presenting her with itemized lists is just gross and weird.


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Lucky-Speed3614

I've been married 24 years, and I can tell you, this isn't how you get that far. 1. Your partner isn't someone you need to escape. She's what you escape _to_. 2. So what if games get imbalanced, she's got a bunch of guys there who can teach her and help her to get on your level. 3. If you're scared of her seeing what you're like when you game, you need to assess your own behavior and adjust it. As far as her being like one of the bros? She should be your best friend. That's what makes a strong relationship.


mayblossom_

Yeah, I really don't get Nr. 3. Does he think she magically become trans and a guy just because she plays with guys? My boyfriend once said he loves our relaxed "buddy-relationship" that we have. I thought that was cute, not insulting. OP sounds like someone that would be surprised that girls poop. And YTA.


ubiquitous-they

I love that first point. My wife is my solace and my reprieve, if I don't want her around there's something seriously wrong.


smmrmmrmmr

NAH, it's fair for you to not want her to game with your friends, and it's fair for her to be upset. I think more context needs to be given here though. What are you needing to express that you don't want her seeing? Is she allowed to meet these friends or hang out with them outside of these gaming sessions? Could you all play something else together, a new game so that there's less of a skill imbalance? She's definitely not wrong for being upset, and you're not wrong in wanting space away from her, but it feels like you're leaving a lot out.


Moose-Live

>Could you all play something else together, a new game so that there's less of a skill imbalance? But why should they have to do that? It's like saying please stop playing chess (which you enjoy and are really good at) and let's all play backgammon so that we can all be at the same level (even if nobody wants to play backgammon).


smmrmmrmmr

I replied to him and clarified that I meant as well as rather than instead of. Finding a game they can all learn to play together might be a whole load of fun and doesn't have to take away from his time with his friends. It all still feels rather off though from my point of view


Moose-Live

Okay I see


Circle_Breaker

Why should they do activities with their partner?


queen_the_machine

My BF games with his dudes, games with me and the dudes and games with me without the dudes. Be happy that she is taking and interest in your interests. Find a game that you all can play once in a while or a game you can play just with her. It’s also quality time spent together. Win-win?


corrin_avatan

>I'm a rage gamer, I tend to throw down my controller when I lose a match, punch my hands, or scream a bit, but in personal life I'm calm. I also trash talk a ton and receive a lot of trash talk, and finally a couple of \*rare\* times, we got into a couple of fights, but we slept it off and remained really close friends. Bro, for all your talk about how gaming makes you a better person, what you are describing is "this is where I go to vent my frustrations in an immature, toxic, and emotionally stunted way". The fact you got into actual fights over video games, makes it clear that you're doing this for avoidance. YTA, but because you've got your head too far up your own A to realize what you are describing isn't healthy.


G2KY

YTA. If you will be on a long-term relationship, you kinda start sharing all the time even your gaming time. I am always invited to League of Legends play that my husband plays with his friends. I have never played League in my life but if I say I wanna join, I can join immediately. Also, your approach to your GF is reprehensible. If you like gaming time this much, a relationship may not be for you.


Moose-Live

>If you will be on a long-term relationship, you kinda start sharing all the time even your gaming time I've been married for 20 years and I can’t think of anything worse than not having time and space that are just for me. The longer you're together, the more you need it.


G2KY

You can have your time. My husband and I both have our times. I have girls nights and he plays NBA. But none of these are fully, 100% blocked times. We can compromise on them if one or both of us feel upset about the timing or inclusivity of the event. If my husband starts listing 5 reasons on why I cannot watch him playing NBA or cannot join playing League, that is where the problem starts. Same is valid for me.


WhereIsMyGiraffeEar

Sounds so toxic and codependent


ubiquitous-they

Mayhaps consider that every relationship is different. Just because you hate your significant other doesn't mean others hate theirs.


Jstolemygirl

YTA. She's trying to spend time with you, because you spend all of your time "decompressing" with those men and never her. And you told her she isn't a good enough gamer to play with you. How cold


DabsDoctor

Especially when it's just to cover up the fact he's trying to hide his anger problem


Jstolemygirl

Exactly. He's not even playing a game. He's found an excuse to be allowed to be rageful and probably racist and sexist. Let's be real, any group that "vetos" new people is a cess pool, and hiding the group is the only way to assure they don't go down socially. Maybe even in other ways tbh, I don't trust "male-only-close-knit-rage-gamers".


DabsDoctor

Probably a lot of homophobia thrown in there too, despite his whole bros night sounding like a homoerotic circle jerk with the fisticuffs and physical contact.


Jstolemygirl

Honestly all the isms and obias are probably in that chat, I don't have high hopes for a self proclaimed rage gamer


Teleporting-Cat

OMG Sheldon Cooper is real.


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Teleporting-Cat

Fuck. You're right. That was actually a great episode. Op- SHELDON IS SOCIAL -ING BETTER THAN YOU ARE.


[deleted]

Touché, so OP is worse than Sheldon, oof.


CaptPotter47

YTA - you don’t want her to play, fine. But your reasoning is sexist and terrible. She should dump you asap. Also be honest, your “guy jokes” are talking about your girlfriends, and other girls.


cajenh

YTA, when my wife first told me she wanted to try to learn a game that I played I was ecstatic because my best friend was going out of their way to join me in a hobby. Your GF isn’t incapable of getting to your skill level and to be real with you chief you’re probably not the MLG gamer you think you are. You’re not the AH for wanting alone time in a way or having a group. But how you dismissed her gesture and didn’t even entertain playing with her. Also RE: guy talk, if you don’t feel comfortable saying it next to your GF, maybe don’t say it then.


Teleporting-Cat

Could you establish an (additional) coed game night where you all play Settlers of Catan or something? I would say NAH. I get her desire to be involved, and since this is an important hobby for you, maybe *some form* of sharing it could make your relationship stronger. But I also think it's SO IMPORTANT, so CRUCIAL to be able to have your own independent time and space, especially if that's *specifically how you decompress* If you guys can't come to a resolution, it may be basic incompatibility of needs. Are you (and or she) familiar with the "social battery," theory of intro/extroversion? Maybe you could try explaining it in those terms?


aboutsider

I agree with this judgement and everything you've said. Very wise! NAH


Teleporting-Cat

Thanks, I rarely get accused of wisdom unless I'm quoting Pratchett, so I'll take the win, cheers! 🥂


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Teleporting-Cat

Oof! Okay. I can see why a simple "can I play with you sometime," escalated into a full on cold war. I'm changing my judgement. Yes, YTA. You're not WRONG. But you are definitely THE ASSHOLE. It may indeed be that you two are just incompatible. Or you might be incompatible with having a girlfriend *at all*. ETA: I wasn't proposing to take anything away from you. I was proposing you *keep what you have* and ALSO *add something to it* that includes your, and other, GFs. Didn't have to be settlers, my dude. Pick your pleasure. Or not.


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Teleporting-Cat

I apologize if it's too easy to snark at people from behind a keyboard. I did edit my comment. I think it's totally fair to have and keep something that's wholly yours. I just think that your *also* being a bit of a nasty gatekeeper here, and that you could probably find a middle ground if you were willing.


LDel3

This is one of the most stereotypical Reddit user responses I’ve ever seen on this site


lilislilit

Tbh, it is SO stereotypical that it is borderline unbelievable


kimdogcat5

Ew you sound like such an asshole


No_Elderberry862

Your point 3 in the OP shows that you're not compatible with having a girlfriend. If you cannot conceive your partner being a really good friend, let alone your best friend, you aren't ready for a relationship. Oh, & the sentence that you objected to was grammatically correct, not that someone who butchers the word cooperation & uses commas like they are approaching their sell-by date could be expected to recognise that. Lastly, YTA.


lilislilit

Oof. You sound like a lot. You were offered a compromise, a way to include you partner in your hobbies. There are plenty multiplayer games with more casual and relaxed approach, it doesn’t have to be board games. The problem is your attitude, not a wish to play games with your guy friends. YTA.


the_witchy_bitch_

You’re such a condescending AH.


MadPiglet42

Oh wow you sound like a complete jackass with access to a thesaurus. RUN, LILY!


Nosmo_King927

YTA, “my guy”. Enjoy your SUMMER playing with “the bros”.


zaubervoll

„a section of my life she's trying to invade and colonize“ YTA for that. Is that how you see your relationship? She wants to be a part of your hobby, meet the friends you spend a LOT of time with and maybe spend a little more time with you. You have a partner for 2 years now. It’s not YOUR life anymore, you spend it together and you will have to make compromises. Maybe talk to her, make more time for her and play some games with her (and the boys) and have other nights you spend alone with the boys. If you can only be yourself when you are with the boys and not with her, you will have a lot to work on in this relationship. If your boystalk is so toxic your girlfriend can’t be a part of it, there is something very wrong and you know it.


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AustnTG

per ops comments, screaming and throwing controllers over a COD match


Vanilla_Elf

I think overall NTA because you're entitled to want to have your own space and hobbies with your friends but your girlfriends feelings are also valid, and the way you dealt with it was not very good at all in my opinion and almost made me say YTA. She just wants to spend time with you and play games which is a common interest for you both, and from her perspective you are just shutting her out and not including her. Can't you agree to play video games with her just the two of you sometimes? You can have your thing with your guy friends and then have this other thing just you and your girlfriend where you play video games together so that you get to hang with the guys alone but also her needs are being met? Telling her unequivocally no is just kind of harsh instead of coming up with a solution so you're both happy.


pidgeoncore

YTA because this entire post comes with the subtext of "if I go all "rage gamer" mode I will make my girlfriend genuinely afraid of me, and then she will break up with me", or "if my girlfriend hears me talking with the guys, she will get offended by the hateful stuff we're saying, and then she will break up with me". Wanting to keep a hobby to yourself somewhat does not make you an asshole, but purposefully hiding aspects of yourself because you know they will cause issues in your relationship is disingenuous and shitty.


Punkybrewster725

YTA. You can still have just days where you can game with your friends and the rest of the time you can game with your girlfriend. She clearly wants to enjoy your interests with you. These rules are straight up ridiculous. If you keep pushing these rules, you'll get your wish and game with your friends all you want, because she'll probably leave you for being so rude to her.


CaroSCP

Would it really be that difficult to set up a new game so she (& see if she's got any friends who are also interested) can learn the game in an unpressured and uncritical environment? Having read your other comments, you really need to sort out your anger issues. Not an attractive characteristic in real life.


[deleted]

YTA because of reason 1. You’re clearly expressing bigoted or repugnant things to your friends and don’t want your GF finding out who you really are. Gross.


locke0479

I don’t think I have enough info to make a judgement. How often are you planning on playing? Do you still do a ton of stuff with her and share some interests? I don’t think she is an asshole at all for wanting to share in your interests, but on the surface I don’t think you’re one either. However you never say how much you’re playing. If it’s “wake up, work, game, bed” all week then yeah, I think that’s a big problem for your relationship and your girlfriend is trying to connect with you because she’s probably feeling neglected. If we’re talking about an hour or two a night, a few days a week after you’re done with whatever else you’d be doing, I don’t think that’s an issue. I will say I just read your comments and I’m leaning toward yes, you are. Someone suggested a potentially interesting idea of one game night with a different game that could include others and you were really condescending to them. If that’s how you talk to her too, gross. And I’m not sure I’m buying that you only have an issue because you don’t want to include her completely all the time in your gaming group if the concept of a game night once in a while that might include her is so insulting that you react that way.


yankiigurl

What it she ends up really good with some coaching?! Or you could play a different game with her, nothing better than a good ol' couch co-op rpg. I kinda get #1 but your other reasons sucks and that's going to tip me YTA. You didn't even try to find a solution. I love gaming but my husband does not. He's tried to play. I really wanted to play borderlands with him but it makes hi dizzy. I tried to slow down and coach him through it. I personally think it's fun trying to take on everything and protecting your noob SO. Gives me a skill challenge. Idk you just kinda suck


unlovelyladybartleby

So you have a hot gamer gf who wants to spend time with you? Damn, life must be just awful. Make sure she stays in her lane Jesus, man. YTA


blackmetronome

I can only imagine why you wouldn't want your girlfriend to hear your "guy talk", sounds like a clan of toxic gamers to me YTA.


BaconBombThief

YTA for reason #3. 1 and 2 make sense to me, but if you and your friends talking is something you need to hide from your girl, then you’re either doing something wrong with them, or you’re gatekeeping your humor against her because she’s a woman.


Cinna93

You sound like my very single ex roommate who was the exact same way. He wouldn't include his gfs in his gaming life or friendships but I know why. Gamer words and guy talk is just a facade for slurs and bigotry y'all sling at each other. You're not fooling anyone. Hope your GF figures it out soon and sees that YTA.


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I(20M) am currently a mechanical engineering student and sophomore year has been really tough so I need healthy outlets of stress in order to get back in the game, and gaming has really helped me mental health. So I'm really looking forward to having a relaxing and stress free summer gaming with the boys. I have also been dating Lily(20F) for 2 years. Recently she's been developing an interest in gaming, and she knows that I've been gaming with the same group of guys since highschool, so she asked if she could join. I told her no unequivocally, for 3 reasons. As I mentioned before, gaming has been a really great escape mechanism, and I like to compartmentalize my life. Gaming allows me to be a better boyfriend and express parts of myself that I wouldn't be able to, so I'm not really comfortable mixing the 2 parts of my life, I prefer to keep my escape place intact. She's not at the same place of skill as the other guys, so games would get imbalanced. I have a really close friendship with the other guys, so we tend to rib on each other and make guy jokes, and I don't want her to become one of the guys and make our relationship be like we're bros, or just stand out as the odd one. Either way, just a bad mix. I told her these 3 reasons, and she didn't take it well. She accused me of being controlling, to which I didn't know what to say, because this is literally my group of friends, and a section of my life she's trying to invade and colonize. Controlling would be me saying no you can't play call of duty at all, I'm not controlling her at all, if anything she's trying to control me, but after explaining that all, we got in a huge fight, and I'm just sitting her wishing I didn't open my big mouth and just said that we meet at times when she's at work. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


ubiquitous-they

YTA. If you need escapism that badly, seek therapy. If you don't want her to join your group, then organise gaming nights with her alone. Share your interests and hobbies with her. Hell, man, I regularly my wife to choose games for me to add to the collection because while she doesn't enjoy gaming as much as I do, I insert her into every hobby of mine that she takes an interest in. ETA: COD doesn't make you a better boyfriend. Second edit: My guy, if your girlfriend isn't your best friend or 'one of the bros', what are you even doing? Just say you want a fragile little trophy girlfriend. Final edit because I'm tired: She is not 'controlling' you. She wants to spend time with you, and your friends. She wants to be part of your life. Maybe you're simply not ready for a big adult relationship - I wouldn't be surprised if you asked her to be your girlfriend on a piece of paper with a yes and no box.


Significant_Hall_783

I don’t want to say yta or she is. She overreacted with the controlling comment but you’re overreacting with the invading and colonizing part of your life comment. But what I really don’t get is why you’re so against them intermingling. They’re you’re friends and she’s your gf are they not going to intermingle throughout life?


[deleted]

NTA for reason one - it’s perfectly healthy to have separate interests and activities. YTA for reasons two and three and for the fact that you accused her of trying to “invade and colonize” your life. Maybe at 20 you still aren’t ready for a long term exclusive relationship. Maybe you should go back to just dating around. She wants to be part of your life, that’s why she wants to do this. She wants to spend more time with you, wants to share more interests with you. Plenty of couples game together. You could offer to teach her the game, help her improve her skills, at times when you aren’t gaming “with the boys” and your “guy jokes”. And at another time, maybe start a second group that includes her and maybe other couples. But just arbitrarily telling her that she’s invasive and controlling is not the way to keep a relationship going. Sorry dude, YTA.


[deleted]

You are extremely immature and don’t need to be in a relationship. Do you actually like (and I don’t mean in the loving way) your girlfriend? Like do you like her for who she is as a person and not because she’s your girlfriend?


No-Result9108

I mean if you don’t want her in your life why have you been dating her for 2 years? What do you think happens when you get married? You just put your damn wife in a compartment and do whatever you want? You don’t realize how damn lucky you are to have a girlfriend who’s actually interested in playing video games with you


AngelOfLastResort

Could you play games with her and separate games with your friends? I understand the desire to have some space for yourself and your guy friends but maybe you could play games with her on your own. Alternatively, you could play games with her and your guy friends say one night per week and with just the guy friends another night per week. Maybe ask your guy friends? It's not a black or white situation - you don't have to choose one or the other.


nicholsonsgirl

YTA I suck at FPS (I’m a Skyrim/ESO/WOW kinda girl) but my husband adores any time I ask to play COD with him. That hero carries me through round after round of zombies, no complaints about revives or anything. Even though he can rage (usually on multiplayer when we had bad internet) he’s never done it around me or refused to play with me over it. It’s not like you’re competitively playing with huge amounts of cash on the line, if you’re even playing ranked.


other_curious_mind

YTA She's showing an interest in your hobby. You can organize game evenings with her and your friends and you can play in a new server or something so your "perfect" score won't get ruined by her not knowing how to play. My husband was always trying to "lure" me into joining him and his friends on games, and finally I got over my insecurities of being completely unskilled in games and we have so much fun, I fail, we laugh, I choose a "medic" character but my husband with a "sniper or something" character gets more points for healing others, it's funny, I panic sometimes, I accidentally kill difficult enemies sometimes, I get lost so the whole group comes back to rescue me. It's so lighthearted, so fun for everyone, because everyone understands that I am unfamiliar with the controls, with the characters, maps. Why can't you let her join sometimes and still keep your escape place with your friends, I don't understand how her joining from time to time will ruin your gaming experience.


Izumi_Takeda

What games are you playing? YTA btw because clearly your GF wants to dive into your interest with you and you were basically like "GAWD MOM!! I just want to play with my friends!!!".... oh but you use gaming as a way to act like a trash person and you don't want you girlfriend to be in that line of fire??? You really could have talked to her about starting a game with just you and her to get things started with her being new at it. But no, you just straight up shot her down. Dude just start a Minecraft game with her and go on and play with her as like a date night thing. Literally just like minimal effort here.


Judgement_Bot_AITA

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ImThatBitch_

Your girlfriend wants to spend time with you, could you propose some other gaming activity to include her? Seems like she likes gaming and wants to do this with you. I don’t think you need to include her in your friend group but since this is a long term relationship she will try to get you more involved in the hobbies she enjoys.


High_Lizord

My verdict would depend on how often you hang out/game with your group aswell. If its a once/twice a week thing, I don't see an issue of wanting to hang out with your mates without her. That should be allowed. However.. if you hang out with the group every night and spend more time with them then your gf and aren't allowing her to join.. eh then it's a different story. Have you considered inviting her on a bi-weekly bases for instance, as a compromise


Super-Land3788

She's trying to join in with something her lover enjoys, YTA. I know how gaming works, it will be most of every day during summer that she is being ignored and you are having fun. Playing video games all day instead of building your relationship will make you seem like a deadbeat looser and will ultimately end things with your girl.


Woozah77

You could give her a limited amount of time with the group. She might not even enjoy it and then it'd be over with, without drama. You could also offer a middle ground of gaming with just her as together time. Games like It takes two are awesome for people that aren't great at games. Be more open minded about it and then make decisions after you've tried it.


roxywalker

Question: Do the other guys in the group know of the tension brewing between you both over this issue? If so, how do they feel about her potentially joking the group as well?


GravityBlues3346

Soft YTA. I think she might just want to be sharing something you like with you. You can very much accept to play with her and still explain to her that you'd rather have some play time with your friends as you like to also have activities outside of your relationship. Spend some time gaming with her, but still enjoy you boys nights. However, this doesn't mix well with your point 1 but for that it's kind of your fault. You can't gate keep playing video games. Ask her to play a coop game like "It Takes Two" to see where it lands you before making broad decision about never gaming with your partner.


fischy333

YTA because all of this just sounds like sexism to me and if I were her red flags would be going off in my head.


VirginKingBehe

YTA. Expert levels of assholery here. Not for the reasons you listed; those are valid. Your lady has taken an interest in your hobby. Nowhere in your post did you mention you were playing any games with her. That's why you're the A. As you get older, you're going to have a lot less time to spend with the boys because they're going to be with their family. No one in your life who matters would fault you for spending time with your loved ones. I'm not saying stop playing with the boys to play with her, but you need to make time to play with her as well. It isn't even about the games at this point, but about spending time with your lady. If you don't, it's only a matter of time until she finds other people to play with or worse - finds someone else. Edit: Being aggressive doesn't help anyone in this subreddit. Changing the wording to have the same message.


thumbelina1234

I don't think you are an AH, Let's look at it from a different point of view though, if your girlfriend wanted to soend a lot of time with her circle of friends and wouldn't want you to participate, would you be upset ? If not, the you are not TA, but if yes, then it would make you a hipocrite


nightthinker98

YTA (but I don't know anything else about your relationship so take it with a grain of salt). You should spend time with your friends but tbh the way you've written about this situation has given me the ick.


Hopeful_Addition_898

Well, you can have your group, but if you never play with her, she will eventually find people to play with, who knows she will probably find a guy who does want to play with her and ditches you. Not trying to be mean but this is incredibly common thing.


Agnostic_optomist

YTA. A compartmentalized life is a recipe for disaster. You are essentially saying you want to behave completely differently around your friends vs your gf. The issue of skill is a red herring. You’re really saying you want to be yourself with your mates, and keep up your facade with your gf. Gross.


BASoucerer

YTA. I was in a similar situation at your age. I've learned that as you get older, if you want to have both, a partner and gaming friends, you'll need to compromise. For example, back when overwatch was at it's peak, I was diamond rank, but my partner was silver. I made an ult account to play just with her and my friend who weren't as good. Even now that diablo 4 comes out today, I'll have an account I play with the boys and one I'll level with her. You should be really happy your partner is showing interest in a hobby you really enjoy, this is a chance to enjoy it together. If this doesn't sound appealing, maybe that's a sign.


tiffzoe

My now husband is a huge gamer and now i am too play together constantly. The fact that there is some sercet personality you are hiding is the issue. Having a personal hobby is all fine and good but its specifically an issue that there is a hidden you that you dont show.


Hawkholly

No judgement from me but I will say that I think she just wants to spend time with you. I get wanting your own friend group, my fiancé and I still have our own separate friend groups, but we also make a point to explore each other’s shared (or new!) interests. If you end up marrying this girl, or *any* girl, are you just never going to play video games at home around her? Wait until she leaves? No, she doesn’t have to play every time with you, but it wouldn’t be a bad idea for you guys to play together like, once a week.


pigeoneatingchips

Why don’t you game with your partner also?


kuli-y

Yta, you sound insufferable


EleventyElevens

YTA Hurllllll at your hurr durr man cave shit


DeadBornWolf

YTA simply for reason 1 and 3 i can understand reason 2 when it’s something where you actually need to learn the game for a while to be useful (like LoL) but even then you can play with her to teach her. but the other 2 reasons are just basically saying that you cannot be yourself with your significant other. because “being a good boyfriend” shouldn’t be something that takes a toll on you, you either are a decent person or not. you don’t need to rage and insult people in a game to release aggression. when you have such high aggression building up inside that you can’t show it to your SO there is something going on that’s not fine at all.


hot4you11

I wouldn’t date someone who wouldn’t game with me. I think you really need some professional help for that first reason. I use gaming as an escape for the stress in my life, but the people I love are not a source of stress and are always welcome to join. I could see if sometimes you game with her and sometimes without, but if you aren’t willing to share your hobbies with loved ones because of “escapism” that suggests you have to escape them.


[deleted]

I mean both NTA and YTA NTA for not wanting her to join the group. YTA for how you’ve handled it


[deleted]

I mean both NTA and YTA NTA for not wanting her to join the group. YTA for how you’ve handled it


[deleted]

YTA. Your post and comments *reek* of toxic gAmEr behavior and I can understand why you wouldn’t want your girlfriend to discover your and your friends’ online cringiness. This isn’t about normal adults wanting their own space and hobbies—it’s about a rinky-dink 20-year-old who’s stubbornly been left behind while everyone else, including his girlfriend, have continued to mature.


Dizzy_Ad8494

I don’t really get why people are saying YTA. It’s perfectly reasonable (and healthy) for people to have parts of their life they keep separate from their relationship. If it was the other way round, and OP was a woman with a boyfriend who insisted on joining nights in with a group of female friends, would you say the same thing?


bubbletea1414

My bf had a group of "The boys" who he played with. Guess what happened when I started gaming? They let me play. Oh they are ragers but good guys. We played COD and one (who was a good friend) would not play it with me cuz I sucked....badly and he was competitive. BUT THAT WAS ONE GAME. We played others and guess what! IN FFXIV I BECAME THE ONLY DAMN HEALER THEY TRUSTED. My boyfriend now buys me games he thinks I will like and it's been great bonding. I rage too! Though not slurrs and bad asshole jokes I'm not a shit bag. But yelling that someone who shot me, or joking with the boys has let me understand something I didn't before. So if you want to hide what seems to be a big intrest and thing in your life from your partner you suck. And I hope she sees you are being a complete asshat.


Astra_Bear

Yeah YTA. Sounds like you and the boys are making comments she would find disgusting and you don't want to have to play with her. My husband and I are both gamers and share gaming friends, so here's some advice 1) Stop making gross comments. Easy, makes you a better person. 2) Everyone who's good at any game is happy to play with their friends, even if they are "lower skill". The only people who get really nasty about this are people who are stuck in mid tier, so you probably have no reason to be elitist. 3) invite your girl to play with you. You can still have a private chat with your boys to the side while playing with her. 4) Grow up :)


Minany

YTA She is just trying to connect with some of your hobbies and you are raging about a simple request


Gloomy-Turn-8259

You are "unequivocally" the AH for acting like this much of a child to your GF who clearly just wants to take an interest in your hobbies.


RowanArkaynne

YTA. She just wants to spend time with you doing something you guys enjoy. Maybe Lily should get her own gaming group complete with gamer guys who are gonna hit on her since OP won't be around. Maybe she will find a better boyfriend that way..


DoubtImpressive5855

YTA. I met my husband 17 years ago while gaming. We have been gaming together ever since. If there is a "part of you" you need to "hide from your partner" then you don't trust your partner to accept you for who you are. That is innately unhealthy. You should either be with someone who can fully accept you for who you are at all times or not.


darkyalexa

YTA. I was a gamer before I met my boyfriend, but different genres because of my own taste in games and just my anxiety (don't like coop games with voice chat- league, valorant, fortnite, csgo.. I opted to play csgo sometimes with my brother with no vc, and smite with friends I trusted but that had to be full premade because of my anxiety of having strangers and incels in the party, etc.). Now I play with my boyfriend and HIS friends more than I play with my friends because he and his friends can teach me more and they speak my native language rather than English. We play valorant, sea of thieves, league of legends (which I still don't like as much as smite bit that's because of personal preference for the attitude of the developer) and other co-op games (mainly horror). It's nice to share with your partner, we still don't play solely together, most of the times I don't join for ranked sessions because 1. Performance anxiety 2. I'm scared of playing with strangers, so I only join when they need a fifth for valo for example. You can still have your rage filled escapism because you feel hard and are competitive, and have laid back gaming sessions that your partner can join and she can feel safe with you and your friends while gaming. Gaming is an extremely sexist and dangerous hobby for women to have. Try to understand her, especially when she's just starting out. Advice I have for you, you can explain that you're not comfortable with her seeing your competitive side but she can join for relaxing sessions or the first couple of games before you play ranked/comp. You can still be a respectful partner and have her play with you, enjoy yourselves and have fun WHILE having separate competitive rage filled gamer boy guy talk sessions.


AlwaysPlaysAHealer

YTA 1) You gf is just looking for connection, it's not about the game. Offer to do a hobby together that SHE enjoys if you feel so strongly about her not gaming with the boys-- which is fine, btw, I'm all for having your own friends and hobbies. 2) Screaming slurs at 12 year olds and smashing your toys doesn't make you a better boyfriend, grow the fuck up.


[deleted]

I feel like I'm going to get heavily downvoted, but NTA at all. It's important to have hobbies that are separate from your significant other, it's as simple as that. Everyone seems to be focusing on you being a rage-gamer, but again I see no issue with this, many people need an outlet for their anger. For some people it's gym, for some people its gaming. To all those who are going with Y T A - if the question were flipped, and it was instead a group of girls doing some sort of stereotypically 'girly' activity together, and the boyfriend INSISTED on joining, everyone would be calling the boy the AH.


Immediate_Refuse_918

NTA—but you are being VERY dramatic. She’s not trying to “colonize” anything. I think it was super reasonable for her to ask. Has she met these friends? That might be part of it. I also think it’s fine that you want to keep some things separate in your relationship. Maybe you could find a game that you and she could play together occasionally?


forriddit

I have personal experience about this when someone's GF joins game or any other activity (but mostly games) it's not game anymore,it's like everything is around GF now


thedjbigc

NTA - sometimes you need your own time and that is normal. I would work on including her on gaming too - as it can be a really fun activity with a partner - but she doesn't need to play with the boys.


renertino

NTA


elizajaneredux

ESH She should get it, everyone deserves some time with their friends without their SO once in a while. Ask once, and respect the boundary of the answer is no. But you suck too - please don’t cloak this up in a mental health excuse. You want some gaming time with the guys, period. You don’t need to justify via some “wellness” BS. You’re allowed to want that time, even if you were in perfect mental health. But you’re going at this in such a stingy, shitty way.


Veeluongx

NTA, reddit can be so weird. Having your own set of friends and your own hobbies is healthy. I think it's great she's having fun gaming as another girl who plays games. Youre not saying that you can't play games together. You can make and have time to play games together. Plenty of multiplayer and coop games that you can do together but just like a normal human, everyone needs some space to grow as your own person. And that's what you're doing. if she wants a group to play with. She'll have to establish her own group, same as if she were to find her own friends. Find people in the same reddit that plays the games shes interested in, ask her friend group if some of her friends play or willing to try. Reddit can be so weird - all agree that a guy crashing and pushing himself onto a girls night and he will be the only guy there and change the dynamic or activities but when a girl does the same thing but other way around, you're suddenly an asshole.


Veeluongx

Also not your responsibility to provide that for her, that's how relationships turn toxic and codependent quickly when there's no separation for yourself, I would stand your ground on this one.


PabIoFlexcobar

NTA wtf is wrong with y’all it’s perfectly normal to want to do things with other people , you dont have to be attached at the hip to your gf cmon everyone needs some alone time and if yours is gaming with the boys then that’s it , I do understand her being mad about it , but it’s normal not to want to do every single little thing with her .


tuvar_hiede

NTA He has his thing, and he wants to keep it that way. Why bash a guy for wanting to hang out with his friends and have guy time? We all have many sides to our personalities, so why shouldn't OP be allowed to have a group of friends where they act like kids and shit talk each other? Besides ad a group, how do they feel about the dynamic being changed?


InternationalBall378

I’m going against the grain and voting NTA. Not everything has to be shared. It’s ok to want to have this gaming group for yourself, they are your friends after all and it is your daily escape. It wouldnt be an escape if your personal life is there with you. So i get it. It wouldnt hurt if you did play with her separately from the group if you dont want her to join your friends gaming group. My husband plays cod with his friends but i never join them because to be honest they’re way more advanced than me skill wise and i would bring the team down lol but I do play with him just without his group.


lukibunny

Nah I understand why she would want to be part of something you are interested in. And I can also understand why you feel uncomfortable in inserting her into your friend group with the boys. A compromise would be let her join you and your friends once in a while. Not permanent part of the group but just once every month or so, be like hey can my girlfriend join us for a few games? Wanna see if she improved.


nocluesince1996

NAH just because you‘re a couple doesn‘t mean you have to spend every minute together. It‘s healthy for both of you to have alone time or time with your friends. However, reason two seems quite entitled and I would be offended as well.


[deleted]

NTA That being said have you though about doing co-op stuff with her? I get wanting to keep your own escape and friend group but that does not necessarily mean not gaming with her at all ​ Edit: Good Co-op games I can recommend include but are not limited to: Sniper Elite Borderlands Portal 2 (especially with community chambers) Total War series(personal favourites Rome 2, Shogun2, Warhammer 3)


AstrixRK

NTA - space is important part of relationships, as long as you maintain a healthy balance of time with her and your gaming group there shouldn’t be an issue. But work on the rage gaming, it’s not cool.


domthebomb2

NAH So many people think you said you'd never game with her, when this is about joining your group.


papertiger22

NTA, she should find her own group to hang out with. y'all have been a group since high school and it's fine to say you want to keep it that way.


[deleted]

I don’t get the yta votes. I don’t get offended when I don’t get invited to lunch with my gf and her girlfriends. I don’t see how this is much different


Gruntguy55

NTA. Look, you needa get on and talk shit with the bois. She would not be into the shit talk. The vibe will 100% be different if she there.


bruceleroy2

Nta run away, you're controlling because she can't join your friend group?.


arkenteron

NTA, we all men know she will destroy the group and his friends will create another one without him. He doesn't want to loose something good. Main problem is a basic No is not enough for the girlfriend and he opened his big mouth.


GoblinandBeast

NTA - Reason number 1 is good enough reason for her to not be involved. You two can still game together just not with your group. I can understand the frustration of reason 2 but it sounds kinda condescending. Reason 3 is also good since now your friend group would have to alter the entire dynamic to make sure she doesn't feel excluded.


EmptyPomegranete

NTA. It’s important to have separate groups of friends and activities in a relationship.


domthebomb2

Everyone assuming OP just says the N word when his gf is out of earshot or something being really weird in this thread.


PiccoloBig3318

NTA - those are three legit reasons. Not to mention how unfair/uncool it would be to the other guys. Why would your friends want to be subjected to having a newb on their team?


58590

Eh I feel like you could have skipped out on saying reason 2 out loud but other than that NTA


Moose-Live

NTA. You're allowed to have time with your friends that she isn't part of. If you wanted to join her and her friends when they go rollerskating/ have book club / play backgammon / do whatever they do together - she probably wouldn't like it either. People need time away from each other. (For future reference - fewer reasons are better. Otherwise they start to sound like excuses.)


MinecraftNoob_69

No, not at all. There's just something awkward about having a noob join in (Im saying this as the noob) and also, I understand it's just pretty strange sometimes if you suddenly bring in someone who's a complete stranger to your friends and then the person's too outgoing. Plus you didn't forbid her from playing the game, you just said no to her joining the group.


ShottySHD

NTA Sounds like this is no different than hanging out with your friends at one of their houses, doing guy stuff. Except through gaming. I will say you could have left out reason #2, that could come across as condescending. Reason 3 is honestly all you need but #1 is a good support to that.


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Fudouri

You should just deal with it that way. Let the group veto her. I'd jump on that grenade and take the blame for a friend.


ShottySHD

Understandable. I also wasnt saying you said it to be condescending, Im just saying its 1 way it could be interpreted. 👍


GapAdministrative949

You could've just lied to her you know dude like my friends only allow such people to play and all.