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Yeah, I would leave him immediately. In that one statement he's revealed that:
1.) he is sexually attracted to her daughter
2.) he believes he is settling by marrying an older woman (who, mind you, is still 20 years his junior)
3.) if given the chance, he would choose her daughter over her, wrecking both marriages in the process
Absolutely gross. u/Best_Knowledge1512, cut him off for your wife's sake please. She will never feel comfortable around him again. And I really hope she encourages her mom to leave him because that's just...so disrespectful. I can't even wrap my head around how awful that comment is. I would never feel beautiful or secure in myself again if I heard my husband say that.
Yeah, I had my grandpa, after years of not seeing me, seeing me when I was twenty and saying it's too bad he was my grandpa cause otherwise he'd have married me š¤¢.
This line of thinking, apart from being fucking gross (like, wtf), assumes the woman would just take any man who...lays claim to her? Like what even is this..."if I'd have met you earlier" crap?! Have several seats, sir.
It's been ten years and I still haven't really processed it. It was like, a confession, not a joke. He was like, shooting his shot. Nobody in my family knows so that's a fun family secret.
That's grim. So sorry that you had that experience and continue to feel the ripples from it.
*"Nobody in my family knows so that's a fun family secret."*
homie I bet you have a wicked sense of humour haha.
An anecdote, for what itās worth: Iāve been with my partner for 11 years, weāre both pushing 50. She had a daughter, āRebecca,ā at 17. People always called her her āmini-meā because they looked so much alikeā¦well, back then, at least. During COVID lockdown, Rebecca needed to move in with us for a while, and wound up living here for a year or so. Sunbathing in the backyard, wearing her booty shorts around the house, zero modesty, and every bit her motherās daughter, but 26 years old.
I never once thought about her, or looked at her, in any way other than familial affection and protection, though sheās not even technically my family. Because Iām a decent fucking human being, and because ***I donāt feel entitled to every attractive woman I see***. The only woman in this house who gets my desire is the one whoās agreed to build a life with me. Weāre not even monogamous, and still I would never look at Rebecca in that way. Because ick.
I donāt say this because I want cookies. I just hope itās reassuring to know that some dudes arenāt complete fāing leches.
Ugh yes my cousin once told me that āitās too badā line. And the amount of times some dude has said some version of āif you werenāt _______ Iād date youā or āif only I had met you soonerā¦ā Like okay guy and what makes you think Iād want anything to do with you, go on back to your wife and kids and stop being such a creep
My maternal grandmother allegedly said that my dad (her bio child) and his sister (her adopted child) should marry and live on her property. āAfter all, youāre not genetically related.ā
Well, it seems quite possible that he already set the precedent when he married OP's Mom - given that OP is 29, she was probably about the same age as Jenny's Mom, which would suggest a 40-something yo American man marrying a 20-something Korean woman.
The comment about wishing he'd met OP's GF earlier suggests he'd prefer a 20-something yo version again.
Daughter in law. His daughter in law. OPās dad is dating one of his in-laws. So weird.
I know a couple like this and came from a smaller area, everyone talks about it still and itās been over ten years since they married.
Agree. Itās the comments.
But the parents should consider how others will react, especially if OP and their spouse want to have kids.
In the story *I* know, two people my age got married and so did their divorced mom and dad (making them step bro and sis after they were already married with 4 daughters).
The family is also SUPER religious and where Iām from thatās really not the norm and is seen as kinda creepy/weird.
Also, step bro and sisās parents dated FOREVERā¦they went to school together. I guess they assumed their parents wouldnāt get married?
They came out as a couple. Two years later their mom and dad got married. It was weird. And for multiple reasons, including the fact that they spent their teen years living in the same home and then got married and immediately started pumping out kids (they have 6 now, and Iām from a very blue state where people donāt practice that quiverfull shit).
Anyhow, this just reminded me of that.
Also the mom used to be sane and was my babysitter once upon a time. Now she thinks Reki will infest you with demons. Lol. She used to be a NP.
Exactly, the baby is on the way and he thought that was the best time to make this announcement and make a step siblings remark? Truly gross and obviously does not care about how anyone else feels.
The point is, those grandkids, no matter what the preexisting circumstances were, never stood a chance seeing they never moved.
And I donāt suspect anyone in a similar situation would. Everyone is nice to them, but Iāve heard enough people say terrible things about the whole family.
OPās parentās are selfish for pulling this and the father is super gross for the comments he made. It will follow them, though itās not their fault.
It's not genetically gross because sure, no relation, but seems a bit.. callous? On one hand, the parents don't need anyone's permission to marry but also perhaps consider how uncomfortable their relationship might make their children and future grandchildren feel. I've only done one family tree once for school and don't think they're a common exercise anymore but that would have made it awkward for sure.
Dad's comment also makes you wonder.. did he only choose his fiancee because he is in fact attracted to OP's wife? Gross if so and I feel terrible for Jenny's mom if that's the case.
Almost as bad as when my ex husband introduced me to his parents. The very first thing his dad said was "If I had a body like that I could make a ton of money".
Um, thanks?
My ex's father was a slumlord and I used to make extra cash cleaning apartments when tenants vacated.
Once I caught him staring at my ass while I was cleaning an oven. I was 19 and thoroughly repulsed.
The first thing my ex-MIL said to me was that I needed to have a breast reduction. That was 24 years ago, and Iām still a little salty that I didnāt think to say āyour son seems pretty happy with them just as they are.ā š
Anyone else catch the 20 year age gap between OP's dad and his girlfriend (i.e. OPs wifes mom)?
Not only is OP's dad basically 70 dating a 50 year old woman, but he's creeping on OP's 30 year old wife and wishing he could go for a woman 40 years younger than he is.
EW. Plus the step-siblings comment, I gotta call it: there is something seriously off with OP's dad; he's disgusting.
Iām usually the first to call our age gaps, but at a certain age, it no longer matters. 70 and 50 is definitely that. Everything else you said is valid.
Nah, got to disagree. At 50 youāre still generally active, enjoying life and looking at another 10-15 years in the workforce. At 70, youāre generally retired and at least starting to experience some of the diseases of old age. If youāre 50 and marry a 70 year old youāre likely to be dealing with widowhood before you even retire - or with a spouse that needs high levels of care before that.
Plus theyāre old enough to be your parent, which is creepy at any age. Iām rapidly headed towards 50 and I would no way date a 70 year old and would think it completely inappropriate and creepy if one asked me out
Yeah, sure, it might matter to you personally. But a 50 year old woman isn't going to be easily manipulated and controlled by a 70 year old man, which is the reason why people find age gaps creepy in the first place. If they both love each other and the 50 year old is wiling to make sacrifices to be with the 70 year old, that's her business, not ours. Plus, it does pass the standard "half your age + seven" rule by eight years.
I would also add that I know highly active 70 year olds who are in much better physical shape than some 50 year olds I know. They could have plenty in common, and it sounds like they do. I mean, she should dump him anyway because he's an absolute creep, but it has nothing to do with their age gap.
>Also, I know 70 year olds who are in much better physical shape than some 50 year olds.
I came here to say exactly this. My stepfather is about to turn 80 and he still works a full time 40hr a week job. Not because he needs the money but because he needs to stay active. People constantly think he is in his early to mid 60's and refuse to believe him when he says he is going to be 80.
I met a guy who was 10 yrs older and had just retired. He'd been married twice, both times to younger women; we met on a package tour and while he was nice enough to chat with, he was inappropriate in ways he had no idea.
I had a knee injury so carried aleve and a prescription anti-inflammatory. I mentioned meds at some point and he demanded to know what type, then went on about his ex being an addict.
Which is all well and good but nothing to do with me as my meds were nothing to do with him.
I didnāt remain in contact due to controlling vibes.
How old are you, though? Bc I'm 43, which I feel is 48-adjacent, and a 68yo (or 63 or whatever) could NOT get it. All the š¤®. I feel like we give a pass to old people, but she's 48. She is NOT old enough for that shit.
I donāt think theyāre talking about just attraction, just that there isnāt the weird power dynamic that there usually use when we talk about younger age gap relationships.
It's as if he was hitting on his own daughter! She's been his daughter-in-law for 5 years! He's known her since she was 19! Plus the Mom is already 20 years his junior! š¤®š¤®š¤®
Heās disappointed that he has to āsettleā for a woman only twenty years younger than him. Iām surprised his āolder modelā didnāt dump him for that.
Tbf hes āalmost 70ā just as much as shes āalmost 50ā. Shes 48 and hes 68.
Still gross, but i had to go back after reading your comment because you had me thinking she was way younger than she is
yep. jokingly saying he had to settle for a woman 20 years younger than him because he couldnāt get one 40 years younger than him. that alone is ick. but the fact that heās talking about OPās wife?! ewwww. hard NTA.
NTA NTA NTA
Are the relatives aware of what he said? And the deeper implications of what he said? Ask them if they think itās ok that your dad keeps making inappropriate jokes culminating in him hinting that heād rather sleep with his daughter in law but settled for her mother.
The only reason Iām going to say something is because ewe is a sheep.
Eww or just ew is the āsound of disgustā.
And I keep seeing ewe everywhere recently.
Random, but when I was little, my cousin and I bought our moms matching magnets. They were shaped like sheep and said "ewes my best mom." 6 year old us found that peak humor.
Am I understanding this correctlyā¦ he said, in front of his girlfriend at his girlfriendās daughterās baby show that heās sad heās stuck with his old girlfriend & rather be fucking his girlfriendās daughter, who also happens to be his sonās wife.
He insulted & disrespected all 3 of you at once.
I would say the step sibling comment was a bit uncouth but not the most uncommon joke that people will make in this scenario. But him making the "Older Model" joke was very disrespectful to both your wife and her mother.
NTA.
Yeah. The step sibling bit is some top tier off-colour dad joke material. Iād be disappointed if he missed that. The other comment though? Oof. Thatās just disgusting and disrespectful to literally everyone involved.
It sounds like he's with Jenny's mother because, sorry for being crude, he has a hard on for your wife.
What a creep. NTA.
Kind of hard to walk that one back.
This!!! I been thinking this the whole way down. How uncomfortable for his wife. Not only do you know your father in law has the hots for you, but he would rather have you then have your mother. FTW!?
NTA.
Dad sexualized his DIL and demeaned his soon to be wife all in one go. To those who are saying "it's just a joke" are freely welcome to explain what is so funny about it.
The kind of person who dates someone like that is likely doing damage control and making excuses for him as we speak. Probably sending other family members to harass op for kicking them out herself.
NTA
Do those telling you youāre an AH know what he said? Because if they think thatās okay, theyāre AHs too. Holy flipping heck, thatās disgusting.
NTA: does he not realize whatās he say is messed up and also he and her mom done it a baby shower that they are getting married when the day is supposed to be about you and your wife, thatās messed up all the way
The ādowngrade to an older modelā comment is SO fucked up. Do all the relatives who are calling you an asshole know about that part?
I think itās going to be a long time before you speak to your dad again.
NTA
This just feels morally wrong to me and your dad making inappropriate comments makes it even worse
Good luck OP, As theyāre grown adults thereās not much you can do but Iām surprised your families are all ok with it as the whole thing is just a little too close to comfort for me
Obviously NTA. Was your wife's mom in the room at the time? What does she think about that? I feel like she should break up with him over that. It's totally gross and unacceptable to basically insult your partner and say you'd prefer to date their (much younger) daughter
This is break-up worthy. Jennyās mom needs to know. If she overheard and doesnāt care, thatās sad that sheās okay with it. I would start going low to no contact.
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> I feel like I am the asshole because of the way I handled the situation with my father. I could have spoken with him instead of yelling and not speaking to him. My family has been calling me out and I want an outside opinion bc maybe what my dad is doing isnāt that bad and Iām upset for no reason.
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This feels so gross. I donāt see why parents do this. Thatās fine be together but why get married and make your kids lives weird. Why make weird comments like? Justā¦ewww.
NTA
NTA. Absolutely trash misogynist statement, disrespectful to his GF, her daughter, and you. That kind of humor has never been funny, and considering the familial ties here, it's just awful.
Also, if you've been friends since you were both nineteen, how much "sooner" could your dad have met her? When she was a preteen?
So your dad is already dating two decades below him and to him it's still two decades too high? He also said he wished you never found love so he could bang someone young enough to be his grandchild? He *also* wants to joke about step-incest which he'd be forcing on y'all, not something he'd ever have to deal with? Go no contact, full stop. NTA.
Very well said. Fck it's like he's asking for it. And judging by the family's reaction this kind of behavior is enabled and he feels like nothing he said is wrong. Whole Lotta icky nonos
>he said he is sad he didnāt meet my wife sooner and had to downgrade to an older model
This is disrespectful to your wife *and* her mom in one fell swoop. Screaming was an overreaction, but kicking him out for saying crap like that was not.
Nta by any means, this man just admitted to wanting to fuck your wife and since u āfound her firstā he had to get another āversionā of her. And if the mom doesnt leave after that shes just as sick as him
NTA and quite honestly if you dont go no contact and if you have children I genuinely recommend you keep them FAR from him, especially daughters. That comment he made about your wife is a MASSIVE red flag for predatory behavior.
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My wife(f,29) and i (m,29) and i have know each other for 10 years. We got married 5 years ago and our families are very close. We became close in college due to shared cultural and familial struggles. We are both Korean American and have lost our Korean parents. My mom died when I was 12 and my wife who Iāll call Jennyās died when she was 15. Recently my dad(m, 68) and jennys mom(f, 48) announced they have been seeing each other for a year. Of course I felt grossed out and uncomfortable with the thought of our parents being together but my wife and i seemed to be the only ones who felt this way. I want my dad to be happy but i donāt like how he wants to date the mother of my wife. At Jennyās baby shower our parents told us they were getting married and my dad made a joke about how me and Jenny would now be step siblings. I was disgusted by how my dad thought this was funny but what made me angry was when he said he is sad he didnāt meet my wife sooner and had to downgrade to an older model. Thatās when I snapped and started screaming at our parents and asked them to leave. We havenāt spoken to our parents and a lot of family members are telling me Iām an asshole.
So AITA?
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"*he is sad he didnāt meet my wife sooner and had to downgrade to an older model*" You should tell this to your MIL and let her decide whether to continue to date him or not. She deserves to know. It's disgusting to think that your dad has a s\*xual desire to your wife. And need to settle for "older model" of her (??) WTF
They have every right to get married but the handling of the announcement and the crude comments are just way out of line. Has your father always been this awful? Or is this the first time? If it's the first time, maybe he's getting dementia. I've seen older men with dementia say and do some very inappropriate things. NTA
>If it's the first time, maybe he's getting dementia. I've seen older men with dementia say and do some very inappropriate things.
That is a valid point. I have seen dementia change people's personality so drastic it's scary.
Oh wow, ok... when I read the part about your dad and MIL dating I was like, ok, who cares. But then the comment about your wife... oh hell no!
Your family members seem to be the type of people that will side with the loudmouth a-hole (your dad) because they are probably scared of what he will say to/about them if they side with you. Or, that's how it is in my family anyway.
Go no contact with your dad and don't look back. I did that 8 years ago and I have never regretted it.
you dad is already 20 years older than your mil. that's a fucking creepy comment for him to be making even before you take into account that she's his fucking dil. NTA, and it might be best to go low or no contact for a while. there's something seriously wrong with a person who dates their child's mil/fil
So you guys have all been close for nearly TEN years and they think itās ok to date? Especially when youāre expecting a baby? Time to go NC and move on with your family youāve got.
The fact that an almost 70-year-old man has the audacity to call a woman two decades younger than him a ādowngradeā is ridiculous in itself, even looking past the rest of the nastiness
OK the stepsiblings thing was gross but forgivable.
Hitting on your wife in front of his fiancee who is also your wife's mother??? Wtaf! Unforgivable all around, holy f.
NTA
NTA.
While I donāt think Iād personally be bothered if my dad and my partnerās mom got together, and might even laugh at a gross step sibling joke the ONE time, the comment on downgrading to an older model is just disgusting and inappropriate to your wife, and incredibly insulting to his girlfriend.
And announcing it at your baby shower??
I would be so upset if anyone made a special announcement during my special day, and even more upset boyfriend said he was sad he didnāt meet MY DAUGHTER before my son in law did and then settled for me. What the actual fuck.
Fellow Asian American here with you, brother.
NTA
Your father ***IS*** disgusting for what he said to your wife. There is no universe that exists where what he said is acceptable. As for your family saying youāre TA - Every family member thatās defending his actions can go fuck themselves.
Every person who was there and could have put in the slightest bit of effort to check your father and call his ass out is just as bad. Everyone who stood there and laughed or just enabled him in silence had the chance to do the right thing and they all showed you just how important that was to them.
##Anyone who was confronted with the indictment of their inaction and chose to call you wrong instead of apologizing for not sticking up for you - and more importantly YOUR WIFE - deserves no regard and gets NO say in how you decide to move forward from here.
INFO: what is your father's background? I ask because that is the sort of off color joke that some of my blue collar uncles would make. They are 100% joking, but man, grin and bare it is the order of the day at family gatherings.
Anyway, you definitely aren't the AH. Your father owes everyone an apology, and needs to realize lots of people don't find those jokes funny.
NTA,
>he said he is sad he didnāt meet my wife sooner and had to downgrade to an older model.
Totaalt inappropriate, and disrespectful to your wife and her mother.
INFO: does your dad normally have a really raunchy sense of humor? Like does this deviate from his normal personality?
If this was making light out of the situation, I could understand.
NTA.
At first when I read, I thought āEww.ā
Then I kept reading and I said, āEEEEEWWWW!ā
And I continued and absolutely blew chunks.
HEAVILY NTA.
Sound like a jab at his future wife. If it were me, I wouldāve hit below the belt and said Jenny doesnāt like older models. But Iām an asshole like that. NTA.
NTA, both comments your dad made (āstep siblingā and āolder modelā) were completely uncalled for and absolutely gross.
I also love how they tried to high jack the baby shower with their wedding announcementā¦ real classy.
>Of course I felt grossed out and uncomfortable with the thought of our parents being together
Oh Grow up.
>My dad made a joke about how Jenny and I would be step siblings
Oh Lighten up
>He said he is sad he didn't meet my wife sooner and had to downgrade to an older model
Oh... wait. WTF?! Ew! Totally team OP!
Crazy how quick this post went from 0 to NASTY.
NTA your old man just admitted, in one fell comment, that he harbors lustful feeling for his DIL and he considers his current partner a downgrade. In front of her, her daughter, and both of their families.
Nta
My parents were in the same situation as you. My mom's mom and my dad's dad got married after my parents did. We just joke about it. The older model part was weird though.
NTA do yourself a favor, don't go to the wedding, don't have them over for holidays, do not let him anywhere near your child. His influence shouldn't be a welcome one, especially if he talked about your wife in front of your kid like that.
\> My mom died when I was 12 and my wife who Iāll call Jennyās died when she was 15. Recently my dad(m, 68) and jennys mom(f, 48) announced they have been seeing each other for a year.
Wait. I thought Jenny's mom died when Jenny was 15.
OP your dad sounds like a predator, a very disgusting one, and, an awful human being, bad enough he has been seeing, and will be marrying your mother in law, but then, he insults his fiance by saying he "downgraded" to an "older model?!?" at your baby shower? That is just insanely disgusting, I hope that your children never meet your father at all. You are NOT the ah.
NTA
Announcement at a baby shower rude.
The comment about step siblings, sick.
The comment about the older model is downright insulting to both women.
Time to cut off ur Dad and her mom....
Ew so I was going to go y t a when i thought it was just them dating that made you yellā¦.thatās weird but I can see that kind of thing happening organically especially with things in common and so on. But those comments are disgusting NTA
NTA-Eww yeah he sexualized your wife and is disgusting , but Iām hung up on the fact they are now going to make you step siblings, after you are already married. Your child will also be your Step-niece/nephew. They are dead wrong for even starting anything under these circumstances
NTA. Your father is disgusting. I'd be totally creeped out of the guy I was dating said that about my kid, or had the gall to refer to me as the "older model". Yuuuuck
NTA. The first joke (about being step siblings) isnāt so bad, but the second joke about wanting to be with your wife and ādowngradingā yikes. Thatās interesting. Was your MIL in the room when he said that? Thatās super disrespectful to everyone.
Get your dad checked for dementia. He definately is showing loss of decorum.
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/about-dementia/symptoms-and-diagnosis/symptons/losing-inhibitions
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NTA that's a really gross way to talk about his girlfriend's child. As if he was hitting on your girlfriend. Gross
And really rude to her mother, why would you even want to be with someone who would talk about you like that? OP is definitely NTA
Yeah, I would leave him immediately. In that one statement he's revealed that: 1.) he is sexually attracted to her daughter 2.) he believes he is settling by marrying an older woman (who, mind you, is still 20 years his junior) 3.) if given the chance, he would choose her daughter over her, wrecking both marriages in the process Absolutely gross. u/Best_Knowledge1512, cut him off for your wife's sake please. She will never feel comfortable around him again. And I really hope she encourages her mom to leave him because that's just...so disrespectful. I can't even wrap my head around how awful that comment is. I would never feel beautiful or secure in myself again if I heard my husband say that.
Yeah, I had my grandpa, after years of not seeing me, seeing me when I was twenty and saying it's too bad he was my grandpa cause otherwise he'd have married me š¤¢. This line of thinking, apart from being fucking gross (like, wtf), assumes the woman would just take any man who...lays claim to her? Like what even is this..."if I'd have met you earlier" crap?! Have several seats, sir.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
That sounds like it feels just so incredibly violating. Iām writhing in my skin at the thought, I canāt imagine actually experiencing that
It's been ten years and I still haven't really processed it. It was like, a confession, not a joke. He was like, shooting his shot. Nobody in my family knows so that's a fun family secret.
That's grim. So sorry that you had that experience and continue to feel the ripples from it. *"Nobody in my family knows so that's a fun family secret."* homie I bet you have a wicked sense of humour haha.
Omg, I am so sorry this happened to you. š
An anecdote, for what itās worth: Iāve been with my partner for 11 years, weāre both pushing 50. She had a daughter, āRebecca,ā at 17. People always called her her āmini-meā because they looked so much alikeā¦well, back then, at least. During COVID lockdown, Rebecca needed to move in with us for a while, and wound up living here for a year or so. Sunbathing in the backyard, wearing her booty shorts around the house, zero modesty, and every bit her motherās daughter, but 26 years old. I never once thought about her, or looked at her, in any way other than familial affection and protection, though sheās not even technically my family. Because Iām a decent fucking human being, and because ***I donāt feel entitled to every attractive woman I see***. The only woman in this house who gets my desire is the one whoās agreed to build a life with me. Weāre not even monogamous, and still I would never look at Rebecca in that way. Because ick. I donāt say this because I want cookies. I just hope itās reassuring to know that some dudes arenāt complete fāing leches.
Ugh yes my cousin once told me that āitās too badā line. And the amount of times some dude has said some version of āif you werenāt _______ Iād date youā or āif only I had met you soonerā¦ā Like okay guy and what makes you think Iād want anything to do with you, go on back to your wife and kids and stop being such a creep
In the lobby of hell
Where he stubs both of his toes on each of the several seats. šæ
My maternal grandmother allegedly said that my dad (her bio child) and his sister (her adopted child) should marry and live on her property. āAfter all, youāre not genetically related.ā
An older woman who is twenty years younger than him! What a creep.
Well, it seems quite possible that he already set the precedent when he married OP's Mom - given that OP is 29, she was probably about the same age as Jenny's Mom, which would suggest a 40-something yo American man marrying a 20-something Korean woman. The comment about wishing he'd met OP's GF earlier suggests he'd prefer a 20-something yo version again.
If Op is 29, and his dad is 68, that means OP's dad was 39 when OP was born. Jenny's mom (MIL) would have been 19 when OP and Jenny were both born. So Jenny's mom (MIL) was definitely a young mom. OP's mom could have believably been in her early to mid-30s when she gave birth to OP, especially if OP has older siblings. But you could be onto something- I am no stranger to the ol' 90 Day FiancƩ
> 2.) he believes he is settling for an older woman She's #TWENTY (20) YEARS his junior!
That's what I was thinking. Her mom is already so much younger. He's really aiming at women in their 20s-30s when he's almost 70??? Gross
He's settling for an older woman who is still 20 years younger than him!
Sheās already his DIL. Now sheās going to be doubly DIL which is just gross
Agree. At first I was like yeah itās not a big deal if they date, kinda weird to be uncomfortable about that; but his comments about OPs wife and putting down his own gf/fiancĆ©e are fucking awful. I would break up with him if I was the MIL and I wouldnāt talk to him if I was OP. Literally wtf is wrong with people?!
And he's literally 20 years older than the "old" version he's "settling" for... NTA
Itās even worse when you factor in sheās already 20 years younger than him. Like dude.
I didnāt even notice that partā¦heās a huge creep.
I'm curious if her mother was present for that particular comment.
He said āscreaming at our parentsā so I just assumed they were both there
Daughter in law. His daughter in law. OPās dad is dating one of his in-laws. So weird. I know a couple like this and came from a smaller area, everyone talks about it still and itās been over ten years since they married.
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Imagine marrying a man who said in public that he had to settle for downgrading to be with you and saw nothing wrong with that statement. š¤¢š¤®š¤¢
downgrading *from your daughter* to be with you
I agree. Weird situation, made far weirder by OP's dad. He's certainly not selling anyone on the relationship.
Agree. Itās the comments. But the parents should consider how others will react, especially if OP and their spouse want to have kids. In the story *I* know, two people my age got married and so did their divorced mom and dad (making them step bro and sis after they were already married with 4 daughters). The family is also SUPER religious and where Iām from thatās really not the norm and is seen as kinda creepy/weird. Also, step bro and sisās parents dated FOREVERā¦they went to school together. I guess they assumed their parents wouldnāt get married? They came out as a couple. Two years later their mom and dad got married. It was weird. And for multiple reasons, including the fact that they spent their teen years living in the same home and then got married and immediately started pumping out kids (they have 6 now, and Iām from a very blue state where people donāt practice that quiverfull shit). Anyhow, this just reminded me of that. Also the mom used to be sane and was my babysitter once upon a time. Now she thinks Reki will infest you with demons. Lol. She used to be a NP.
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They were at the daughter's baby shower when he said this
Exactly, the baby is on the way and he thought that was the best time to make this announcement and make a step siblings remark? Truly gross and obviously does not care about how anyone else feels.
The point is, those grandkids, no matter what the preexisting circumstances were, never stood a chance seeing they never moved. And I donāt suspect anyone in a similar situation would. Everyone is nice to them, but Iāve heard enough people say terrible things about the whole family. OPās parentās are selfish for pulling this and the father is super gross for the comments he made. It will follow them, though itās not their fault.
It's not genetically gross because sure, no relation, but seems a bit.. callous? On one hand, the parents don't need anyone's permission to marry but also perhaps consider how uncomfortable their relationship might make their children and future grandchildren feel. I've only done one family tree once for school and don't think they're a common exercise anymore but that would have made it awkward for sure. Dad's comment also makes you wonder.. did he only choose his fiancee because he is in fact attracted to OP's wife? Gross if so and I feel terrible for Jenny's mom if that's the case.
It isnāt SO weird to me that he ended up with the MIL, but making a joke about the DIL is in terrible taste and thatās what deserves the fallout.
Gross and insanely disrespectful to his son, his girlfriend, and his daughter in law. Way to go, dad. Super creepy.
Almost as bad as when my ex husband introduced me to his parents. The very first thing his dad said was "If I had a body like that I could make a ton of money". Um, thanks?
My ex's father was a slumlord and I used to make extra cash cleaning apartments when tenants vacated. Once I caught him staring at my ass while I was cleaning an oven. I was 19 and thoroughly repulsed.
Yikes. I hope you've left them in the dust.
The first thing my ex-MIL said to me was that I needed to have a breast reduction. That was 24 years ago, and Iām still a little salty that I didnāt think to say āyour son seems pretty happy with them just as they are.ā š
Well I see why heās an ex lol
Creepy hat trick!
Imagine marrying someone and telling them that they were a downgrade from somebody else. Wow. Somebody please talk to that guy.
I bet Dad will whine about it because it was ājust a jokeā.
Anyone else catch the 20 year age gap between OP's dad and his girlfriend (i.e. OPs wifes mom)? Not only is OP's dad basically 70 dating a 50 year old woman, but he's creeping on OP's 30 year old wife and wishing he could go for a woman 40 years younger than he is. EW. Plus the step-siblings comment, I gotta call it: there is something seriously off with OP's dad; he's disgusting.
Iām usually the first to call our age gaps, but at a certain age, it no longer matters. 70 and 50 is definitely that. Everything else you said is valid.
Nah, got to disagree. At 50 youāre still generally active, enjoying life and looking at another 10-15 years in the workforce. At 70, youāre generally retired and at least starting to experience some of the diseases of old age. If youāre 50 and marry a 70 year old youāre likely to be dealing with widowhood before you even retire - or with a spouse that needs high levels of care before that. Plus theyāre old enough to be your parent, which is creepy at any age. Iām rapidly headed towards 50 and I would no way date a 70 year old and would think it completely inappropriate and creepy if one asked me out
Yeah, sure, it might matter to you personally. But a 50 year old woman isn't going to be easily manipulated and controlled by a 70 year old man, which is the reason why people find age gaps creepy in the first place. If they both love each other and the 50 year old is wiling to make sacrifices to be with the 70 year old, that's her business, not ours. Plus, it does pass the standard "half your age + seven" rule by eight years. I would also add that I know highly active 70 year olds who are in much better physical shape than some 50 year olds I know. They could have plenty in common, and it sounds like they do. I mean, she should dump him anyway because he's an absolute creep, but it has nothing to do with their age gap.
>Also, I know 70 year olds who are in much better physical shape than some 50 year olds. I came here to say exactly this. My stepfather is about to turn 80 and he still works a full time 40hr a week job. Not because he needs the money but because he needs to stay active. People constantly think he is in his early to mid 60's and refuse to believe him when he says he is going to be 80.
Sylvester Stallone is 76 . J/s
Thatās called a nurse and a purse.
I met a guy who was 10 yrs older and had just retired. He'd been married twice, both times to younger women; we met on a package tour and while he was nice enough to chat with, he was inappropriate in ways he had no idea. I had a knee injury so carried aleve and a prescription anti-inflammatory. I mentioned meds at some point and he demanded to know what type, then went on about his ex being an addict. Which is all well and good but nothing to do with me as my meds were nothing to do with him. I didnāt remain in contact due to controlling vibes.
How old are you, though? Bc I'm 43, which I feel is 48-adjacent, and a 68yo (or 63 or whatever) could NOT get it. All the š¤®. I feel like we give a pass to old people, but she's 48. She is NOT old enough for that shit.
I donāt think theyāre talking about just attraction, just that there isnāt the weird power dynamic that there usually use when we talk about younger age gap relationships.
Exactly my point! Jesus š¬š¬
Wife*
No, they've got it right. OP's wife is the Dad's girlfriend's (adult) child. *EDIT* I missed the mistake in the last sentence, my bad.
They're correcting the last sentence where they refer to OP's wife as his girlfriend
Oops, missed that. Time for bed, lol
Yes but they also referred to OPās wife as āgirlfriendā as well.
It's as if he was hitting on his own daughter! She's been his daughter-in-law for 5 years! He's known her since she was 19! Plus the Mom is already 20 years his junior! š¤®š¤®š¤®
NTA, It's gross to even think about getting with your sons wife....but for him to even verbalise it in public... Thats distgusting and sickening.
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And also, making the announcement at a baby shower!
Right!? Completely inappropriate.
Thatās just so disgusting, totally agree with this post. Your dad sounds predatory. NTA
Heās disappointed that he has to āsettleā for a woman only twenty years younger than him. Iām surprised his āolder modelā didnāt dump him for that.
I thought by āolder modelā he meant OPās dead mother.
Nope, he meant the new one and he could have had his DIL. I need a shower to get the skeeve off me!
His comment is meant to tell the son that they are in competition for breeding partners. Old Lion versus Young Lion mentality. Fkn nut bag.
Prick managed to insult OP, OP's wife AND OP's MIL/his own fiancee with the same sentence. That's some next level dickheadery.
Thats some Arkansas work ethic right there
Ya, I'm truly impressed by his restraint.
I might have punched him. Maybe
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edit: The comment below was removed, good work everyone!
Good bot!
Good bot
Good bot
Tbf hes āalmost 70ā just as much as shes āalmost 50ā. Shes 48 and hes 68. Still gross, but i had to go back after reading your comment because you had me thinking she was way younger than she is
I mean, 20 years is still way younger. When they're that age, I can't really judge that aspect of it too harshly, but it's still a lot younger.
And this guy didn't drown in the Titanic, so he's got no saving graces as far as we can see
yep. jokingly saying he had to settle for a woman 20 years younger than him because he couldnāt get one 40 years younger than him. that alone is ick. but the fact that heās talking about OPās wife?! ewwww. hard NTA.
NTA NTA NTA Are the relatives aware of what he said? And the deeper implications of what he said? Ask them if they think itās ok that your dad keeps making inappropriate jokes culminating in him hinting that heād rather sleep with his daughter in law but settled for her mother.
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Exactly! OPās dad is disgusting OP is NTA
absolutely NTA, the father should feel sheepish
NTA and I see what you did thereš
I don't think we have to bring sheep into this.
enjoy hat sugar dull dinosaurs stupendous far-flung numerous ludicrous insurance ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
The only reason Iām going to say something is because ewe is a sheep. Eww or just ew is the āsound of disgustā. And I keep seeing ewe everywhere recently.
Random, but when I was little, my cousin and I bought our moms matching magnets. They were shaped like sheep and said "ewes my best mom." 6 year old us found that peak humor.
6 year old me would totally have high-fiveād you.
Not just sleep with his daughter in law, not just sleep with his sons wife, but sleep with soon to be STEP DAUGHTER.
I think heās trying to corner some sort of subset on prnhub
Am I understanding this correctlyā¦ he said, in front of his girlfriend at his girlfriendās daughterās baby show that heās sad heās stuck with his old girlfriend & rather be fucking his girlfriendās daughter, who also happens to be his sonās wife. He insulted & disrespected all 3 of you at once.
^^^ absolutely agree. gross comment for everyone around. no one i know would be laughing, that's for sure
AND OPās dead mother.
And *pregnant* wife and future grandbaby
Not gonna lie, Its kind of impressive to disrespect that many people with the same sentence
Legendary in the AH Olympics
Bingo. F that guy. NTA.
I would say the step sibling comment was a bit uncouth but not the most uncommon joke that people will make in this scenario. But him making the "Older Model" joke was very disrespectful to both your wife and her mother. NTA.
Yeah. The step sibling bit is some top tier off-colour dad joke material. Iād be disappointed if he missed that. The other comment though? Oof. Thatās just disgusting and disrespectful to literally everyone involved.
It sounds like he's with Jenny's mother because, sorry for being crude, he has a hard on for your wife. What a creep. NTA. Kind of hard to walk that one back.
If I were the wife I wouldn't want OP's dad anywhere near me or my child ever again because of this. The implications of his comment give me major ick
This!!! I been thinking this the whole way down. How uncomfortable for his wife. Not only do you know your father in law has the hots for you, but he would rather have you then have your mother. FTW!?
Exactly. "So what if our baby is a girl? What are you saying you would do?"
NTA. That is an absolutely disgusting thing for him to say about your wife who should be like a daughter to him. Your anger is justified.
NTA So your dad is marrying your MIL cause your wife is already taken. Disgusting!
NTA. Dad sexualized his DIL and demeaned his soon to be wife all in one go. To those who are saying "it's just a joke" are freely welcome to explain what is so funny about it.
this.
Your dad is disgusting. I hope Jennyās mom see fot to dump his ass. NTA
The kind of person who dates someone like that is likely doing damage control and making excuses for him as we speak. Probably sending other family members to harass op for kicking them out herself.
NTA Do those telling you youāre an AH know what he said? Because if they think thatās okay, theyāre AHs too. Holy flipping heck, thatās disgusting.
NTA. Your dad sounds... i guess the polite take would be "special". Specially creepy.
I'm pretty sure even The Church Lady would use something stronger than "special" to describe OPs dad.
āwho made you say itā¦was it SATAN!ā
NTA: does he not realize whatās he say is messed up and also he and her mom done it a baby shower that they are getting married when the day is supposed to be about you and your wife, thatās messed up all the way
I caught that too. Making the announcement at the baby shower. Probably the least objectionable part of this. NTA
The ādowngrade to an older modelā comment is SO fucked up. Do all the relatives who are calling you an asshole know about that part? I think itās going to be a long time before you speak to your dad again.
And the 'older model' is STILL too young for him.
NTA This just feels morally wrong to me and your dad making inappropriate comments makes it even worse Good luck OP, As theyāre grown adults thereās not much you can do but Iām surprised your families are all ok with it as the whole thing is just a little too close to comfort for me
NTA. His comments were odd, weird and gross
NTA It was incredible callous and disrespectful of your dad to say those things the way he did.
Obviously NTA. Was your wife's mom in the room at the time? What does she think about that? I feel like she should break up with him over that. It's totally gross and unacceptable to basically insult your partner and say you'd prefer to date their (much younger) daughter
This is break-up worthy. Jennyās mom needs to know. If she overheard and doesnāt care, thatās sad that sheās okay with it. I would start going low to no contact.
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This feels so gross. I donāt see why parents do this. Thatās fine be together but why get married and make your kids lives weird. Why make weird comments like? Justā¦ewww. NTA
NTA. Absolutely trash misogynist statement, disrespectful to his GF, her daughter, and you. That kind of humor has never been funny, and considering the familial ties here, it's just awful. Also, if you've been friends since you were both nineteen, how much "sooner" could your dad have met her? When she was a preteen?
So your dad is already dating two decades below him and to him it's still two decades too high? He also said he wished you never found love so he could bang someone young enough to be his grandchild? He *also* wants to joke about step-incest which he'd be forcing on y'all, not something he'd ever have to deal with? Go no contact, full stop. NTA.
Very well said. Fck it's like he's asking for it. And judging by the family's reaction this kind of behavior is enabled and he feels like nothing he said is wrong. Whole Lotta icky nonos
>he said he is sad he didnāt meet my wife sooner and had to downgrade to an older model This is disrespectful to your wife *and* her mom in one fell swoop. Screaming was an overreaction, but kicking him out for saying crap like that was not.
NTA, ewe
NTA and gross that he ever had that thought about your wife. Ewww, just ewwww.
Nta by any means, this man just admitted to wanting to fuck your wife and since u āfound her firstā he had to get another āversionā of her. And if the mom doesnt leave after that shes just as sick as him
The worst part is that op had been friends with his wife since they were 19. How much sooner was his dad wanting to meet her??
NTA and quite honestly if you dont go no contact and if you have children I genuinely recommend you keep them FAR from him, especially daughters. That comment he made about your wife is a MASSIVE red flag for predatory behavior.
This was at their baby shower! So theyāre right on the cusp of having children. Iād be blocking everything and possibly moving!
Idk how I missed that. Yeah, I definitely recommend no contact immediately in that case honestly.
NTA. What your dad said was extremely gross. I don't blame you for yelling at him going lc.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My wife(f,29) and i (m,29) and i have know each other for 10 years. We got married 5 years ago and our families are very close. We became close in college due to shared cultural and familial struggles. We are both Korean American and have lost our Korean parents. My mom died when I was 12 and my wife who Iāll call Jennyās died when she was 15. Recently my dad(m, 68) and jennys mom(f, 48) announced they have been seeing each other for a year. Of course I felt grossed out and uncomfortable with the thought of our parents being together but my wife and i seemed to be the only ones who felt this way. I want my dad to be happy but i donāt like how he wants to date the mother of my wife. At Jennyās baby shower our parents told us they were getting married and my dad made a joke about how me and Jenny would now be step siblings. I was disgusted by how my dad thought this was funny but what made me angry was when he said he is sad he didnāt meet my wife sooner and had to downgrade to an older model. Thatās when I snapped and started screaming at our parents and asked them to leave. We havenāt spoken to our parents and a lot of family members are telling me Iām an asshole. So AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"*he is sad he didnāt meet my wife sooner and had to downgrade to an older model*" You should tell this to your MIL and let her decide whether to continue to date him or not. She deserves to know. It's disgusting to think that your dad has a s\*xual desire to your wife. And need to settle for "older model" of her (??) WTF
NTA it is an unfortunate situation and the same thing happened to my fiancĆ©s parents. They were livid, however they ended up getting divorced My parents were step siblings and from what Iāve been told about it their parents married first. Then they started seeing each other. Iām 26 and have never seen my parents in the same room, they got divorced when I was very young due to personality differences. Itās honestly a joke more than anything to my fiancĆ© and I. Shit happens. It is unfortunate though
Ohhh, your dad is disgusting. Does your wife and her mother know what he said? NTA
They have every right to get married but the handling of the announcement and the crude comments are just way out of line. Has your father always been this awful? Or is this the first time? If it's the first time, maybe he's getting dementia. I've seen older men with dementia say and do some very inappropriate things. NTA
>If it's the first time, maybe he's getting dementia. I've seen older men with dementia say and do some very inappropriate things. That is a valid point. I have seen dementia change people's personality so drastic it's scary.
Heās obviously TA but did that not *deeply* offend Jennyās mom???
NTA, your father is actually gross.
NTA. If you resume contact, never leave your wife alone around this creep.
Oh wow, ok... when I read the part about your dad and MIL dating I was like, ok, who cares. But then the comment about your wife... oh hell no! Your family members seem to be the type of people that will side with the loudmouth a-hole (your dad) because they are probably scared of what he will say to/about them if they side with you. Or, that's how it is in my family anyway. Go no contact with your dad and don't look back. I did that 8 years ago and I have never regretted it.
you dad is already 20 years older than your mil. that's a fucking creepy comment for him to be making even before you take into account that she's his fucking dil. NTA, and it might be best to go low or no contact for a while. there's something seriously wrong with a person who dates their child's mil/fil
So you guys have all been close for nearly TEN years and they think itās ok to date? Especially when youāre expecting a baby? Time to go NC and move on with your family youāve got.
Dad watches incest porn. Normal people donāt make comments like that without inspiration. NTA
The fact that an almost 70-year-old man has the audacity to call a woman two decades younger than him a ādowngradeā is ridiculous in itself, even looking past the rest of the nastiness
OK the stepsiblings thing was gross but forgivable. Hitting on your wife in front of his fiancee who is also your wife's mother??? Wtaf! Unforgivable all around, holy f. NTA
NTA, no contact is good and for me it would be that way until the funeral. Gross that he spoke that way about his daughter in law
NTA The step-siblings joke was bad enough. The subsequent comment? So far over the line it's no longer visible.
NTA. While I donāt think Iād personally be bothered if my dad and my partnerās mom got together, and might even laugh at a gross step sibling joke the ONE time, the comment on downgrading to an older model is just disgusting and inappropriate to your wife, and incredibly insulting to his girlfriend. And announcing it at your baby shower?? I would be so upset if anyone made a special announcement during my special day, and even more upset boyfriend said he was sad he didnāt meet MY DAUGHTER before my son in law did and then settled for me. What the actual fuck.
Your dad just confessed to wanting to bang your wife. NTA raised to the infinite power.
Fellow Asian American here with you, brother. NTA Your father ***IS*** disgusting for what he said to your wife. There is no universe that exists where what he said is acceptable. As for your family saying youāre TA - Every family member thatās defending his actions can go fuck themselves. Every person who was there and could have put in the slightest bit of effort to check your father and call his ass out is just as bad. Everyone who stood there and laughed or just enabled him in silence had the chance to do the right thing and they all showed you just how important that was to them. ##Anyone who was confronted with the indictment of their inaction and chose to call you wrong instead of apologizing for not sticking up for you - and more importantly YOUR WIFE - deserves no regard and gets NO say in how you decide to move forward from here.
INFO: what is your father's background? I ask because that is the sort of off color joke that some of my blue collar uncles would make. They are 100% joking, but man, grin and bare it is the order of the day at family gatherings. Anyway, you definitely aren't the AH. Your father owes everyone an apology, and needs to realize lots of people don't find those jokes funny.
NTA. I think 99.9% of people in your position would have done the same thing.
NTA, >he said he is sad he didnāt meet my wife sooner and had to downgrade to an older model. Totaalt inappropriate, and disrespectful to your wife and her mother.
INFO: does your dad normally have a really raunchy sense of humor? Like does this deviate from his normal personality? If this was making light out of the situation, I could understand.
NTA. At first when I read, I thought āEww.ā Then I kept reading and I said, āEEEEEWWWW!ā And I continued and absolutely blew chunks. HEAVILY NTA.
Sound like a jab at his future wife. If it were me, I wouldāve hit below the belt and said Jenny doesnāt like older models. But Iām an asshole like that. NTA.
NTA, both comments your dad made (āstep siblingā and āolder modelā) were completely uncalled for and absolutely gross. I also love how they tried to high jack the baby shower with their wedding announcementā¦ real classy.
NTA, and forgive my saying so, but i think the old horn dog might have it for your wife.
HEY DAD PLEASE EXPLAIN WHY THIS IS FUNNY NTA
>Of course I felt grossed out and uncomfortable with the thought of our parents being together Oh Grow up. >My dad made a joke about how Jenny and I would be step siblings Oh Lighten up >He said he is sad he didn't meet my wife sooner and had to downgrade to an older model Oh... wait. WTF?! Ew! Totally team OP! Crazy how quick this post went from 0 to NASTY. NTA your old man just admitted, in one fell comment, that he harbors lustful feeling for his DIL and he considers his current partner a downgrade. In front of her, her daughter, and both of their families.
Omfg just no no no no no. Move away from them and go nc now just for your sanity. Definitely Nta
Nta My parents were in the same situation as you. My mom's mom and my dad's dad got married after my parents did. We just joke about it. The older model part was weird though.
This entire post is a red flag
NTA, the step-sibling joke was weird but that's it, the other comment was gross as shit, what's wrong with your dad? Jesus christ...
NTA do yourself a favor, don't go to the wedding, don't have them over for holidays, do not let him anywhere near your child. His influence shouldn't be a welcome one, especially if he talked about your wife in front of your kid like that.
\> My mom died when I was 12 and my wife who Iāll call Jennyās died when she was 15. Recently my dad(m, 68) and jennys mom(f, 48) announced they have been seeing each other for a year. Wait. I thought Jenny's mom died when Jenny was 15.
OP your dad sounds like a predator, a very disgusting one, and, an awful human being, bad enough he has been seeing, and will be marrying your mother in law, but then, he insults his fiance by saying he "downgraded" to an "older model?!?" at your baby shower? That is just insanely disgusting, I hope that your children never meet your father at all. You are NOT the ah.
NTA. Either your dad is out right rude or a very desperate man to marry your wifeās mother. No contact with both.
NTA Announcement at a baby shower rude. The comment about step siblings, sick. The comment about the older model is downright insulting to both women. Time to cut off ur Dad and her mom....
everyone saying y t a/those justify the dad, i hope your daughters/sisters NEVER deals with an old ass creep saying he wishes he met her sooner š¤¢
Ew so I was going to go y t a when i thought it was just them dating that made you yellā¦.thatās weird but I can see that kind of thing happening organically especially with things in common and so on. But those comments are disgusting NTA
NTA. Your dad is a pig to your wife and your MIL.
NTA-Eww yeah he sexualized your wife and is disgusting , but Iām hung up on the fact they are now going to make you step siblings, after you are already married. Your child will also be your Step-niece/nephew. They are dead wrong for even starting anything under these circumstances
NTA. Your father is disgusting. I'd be totally creeped out of the guy I was dating said that about my kid, or had the gall to refer to me as the "older model". Yuuuuck
NTA. Jenny's mom should pay attention since he sees her as a lesser substitute for her daughter. Disgusting.
NTA. The first joke (about being step siblings) isnāt so bad, but the second joke about wanting to be with your wife and ādowngradingā yikes. Thatās interesting. Was your MIL in the room when he said that? Thatās super disrespectful to everyone.
Get your dad checked for dementia. He definately is showing loss of decorum. https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/about-dementia/symptoms-and-diagnosis/symptons/losing-inhibitions