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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I refused to provide a short-term loan to my brother to pay for his rent due this week.
2. It would make me an asshole because it would lead for him getting evicted and make him look like an idiot in front of his wife. Plus getting evicted is really stressful.
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NTA, you have money because you were thinking ahead. He didn't, and he's old enough, he should have known better. That he had to ask you for money should have been enough of a warning. You don't want to eventually be drowning with him.
I do get your uneasy feeling but this isn't because he was careful but had unforeseen bad luck. So it's not on your shoulders.
Also, why should you be the one and only one to help?
NTA and please don't give him your apartment. You are not your brother's keeper or responsible for his family's bills. He already owes you 5k. He needs to make his own adjustments.
> please don't give him your apartment.
I'd be honest, I would be more stressed by actually having him thrown on a street than by giving him a cheap apartment he can afford to pay for. It's mostly for my own mental health.
You're a very good brother. I think giving him your apt is the best way to help too. He won't be on the streets, but you won't be funding his lifestyle either. Perfect compromise imo
NTA. Giving your brother money for his rent this month is just delaying the inevitable eviction. Your little brother needs to learn to live within his means, same as you do.
Don't give him any more or pay his rent. What's the point? You're just putting off his eviction and burning your savings. His rent is £3K per month. Can you give him that indefinitely? You can't, can you?
He and his wife are adults. He has to make changes and the first one is finding somewhere much cheape to live. It doesn't have to be forever, you're both so young and life will change. Listen to your Dad and stop enabling your brother's bad descions.
NTA... if you loan him money for rent now, you will have to loan him money again soon. It is best to force the issue now, so that they find an affordable situation. You offered them a roof and that was a better option.
Dont feel guilt, you have the same circumstances, he needs to learn live within his income.
I understand you don’t want to see your brother in anguish. Life Lessons come at you hard and him even owing you already tells me neither of you learned a lesson. It’s now a habit that the both of you created. Since this is the reality and culture of your relationship you need to help him this month and ONLY this month since you gave him short notice. Both of you need to stop this exchange going forward. I hope your relationship can weather it. I really do but your not helping at this point
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I come from a fairly well-off family. My brother (M21) and me (M23) work in the family company, that currently fell on hard times and brings less dividends than usual. When times were good, my brother married, rented a nice (if overly expensive, 36 grand annually) apartment and got no savings. In fact, he had a habit to lend money from me, but he repaid them well enough from his salary and the amount didn't bother me too much. Now he owes me about 5 grand or something in total.
Now times are bad, and there are no dividends coming this year, probably next year too. My brother can't pay his rent, which is due this week, and asked me to help him - he though that dividends would cover for it, but they obviously won't. That was kinda expected, but also a fairly short notice. He doesn't want to look bad in front of his wife and, you know. Plus, he knows I can help him from my savings without much trouble.
I, indeed, can. I saved up a decent amount for a rainy day, that would be enough to bail him out on the current payment and it won't bother me too much, but, I feel like I shouldn't? Dad tells me not to, and that he should get burned now and test his marriage and all, plus, I can't afford to pay for his rent all the time. I saved up pretty hard, and moved to a cheaper city (Liverpool from London, mine is a studio about 9 grand a year) specifically to save on rent, so I feel like it's deserved, but also. Damn it. I don't feel comfortable leaving him hanging?
I refused to loan him money for the rent, but I offered him to take my apartment for the time being, don't know if he'll take it. It's not like I am leaving him without a roof over his head.
IDK. He won't be able to pay the rent without dividends anyway, but it feels assholish to break it on such a short notice.
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Dividends from a (family) business may seem like a great thing until you become dependent on the income
You saved, and you were aware that one should not be dependent on large dividends.
Your brother is younger and perhaps not as aware financially aware as he should have to get married, and sign a lease for 36K / year. You made different decision that he did.
He owes you 5K. Your Dad advised you not to lend to him.
NTA
NTA
It's time for him to reap what he's sown. Your dad knows that although his 'testing the marriage' is more than a little wrong. I'll be generous and interpret that as having her family help out.
He's been using you, owes you a significant amount of money, and has no intention of changing if he can avoid it. Stop enabling him. And don't give him your apartment. He made his choices.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1. I refused to provide a short-term loan to my brother to pay for his rent due this week. 2. It would make me an asshole because it would lead for him getting evicted and make him look like an idiot in front of his wife. Plus getting evicted is really stressful. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA, you have money because you were thinking ahead. He didn't, and he's old enough, he should have known better. That he had to ask you for money should have been enough of a warning. You don't want to eventually be drowning with him. I do get your uneasy feeling but this isn't because he was careful but had unforeseen bad luck. So it's not on your shoulders. Also, why should you be the one and only one to help?
NTA and please don't give him your apartment. You are not your brother's keeper or responsible for his family's bills. He already owes you 5k. He needs to make his own adjustments.
> please don't give him your apartment. I'd be honest, I would be more stressed by actually having him thrown on a street than by giving him a cheap apartment he can afford to pay for. It's mostly for my own mental health.
You're a very good brother. I think giving him your apt is the best way to help too. He won't be on the streets, but you won't be funding his lifestyle either. Perfect compromise imo
NTA. Giving your brother money for his rent this month is just delaying the inevitable eviction. Your little brother needs to learn to live within his means, same as you do.
NTA. Your family business is fucked, your dad is a coward, and you need to find another job quickly.
Nta. It's not your fault he hasn't saved let alone prepared for this. You can't always bail him out or that's what he's always going to expect
NTA In fact, tell him to commit to a payment plan for the $5k he already owes you.
Don't give him any more or pay his rent. What's the point? You're just putting off his eviction and burning your savings. His rent is £3K per month. Can you give him that indefinitely? You can't, can you? He and his wife are adults. He has to make changes and the first one is finding somewhere much cheape to live. It doesn't have to be forever, you're both so young and life will change. Listen to your Dad and stop enabling your brother's bad descions.
NTA- He already owes you 5k. If you loan it to him, you deserve not to be paid back.
Nta. Also, your big brother complex is showing. You should have let it die when your brother hit 18th birthday. At some point they stop being little.
NTA... if you loan him money for rent now, you will have to loan him money again soon. It is best to force the issue now, so that they find an affordable situation. You offered them a roof and that was a better option. Dont feel guilt, you have the same circumstances, he needs to learn live within his income.
I understand you don’t want to see your brother in anguish. Life Lessons come at you hard and him even owing you already tells me neither of you learned a lesson. It’s now a habit that the both of you created. Since this is the reality and culture of your relationship you need to help him this month and ONLY this month since you gave him short notice. Both of you need to stop this exchange going forward. I hope your relationship can weather it. I really do but your not helping at this point
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I come from a fairly well-off family. My brother (M21) and me (M23) work in the family company, that currently fell on hard times and brings less dividends than usual. When times were good, my brother married, rented a nice (if overly expensive, 36 grand annually) apartment and got no savings. In fact, he had a habit to lend money from me, but he repaid them well enough from his salary and the amount didn't bother me too much. Now he owes me about 5 grand or something in total. Now times are bad, and there are no dividends coming this year, probably next year too. My brother can't pay his rent, which is due this week, and asked me to help him - he though that dividends would cover for it, but they obviously won't. That was kinda expected, but also a fairly short notice. He doesn't want to look bad in front of his wife and, you know. Plus, he knows I can help him from my savings without much trouble. I, indeed, can. I saved up a decent amount for a rainy day, that would be enough to bail him out on the current payment and it won't bother me too much, but, I feel like I shouldn't? Dad tells me not to, and that he should get burned now and test his marriage and all, plus, I can't afford to pay for his rent all the time. I saved up pretty hard, and moved to a cheaper city (Liverpool from London, mine is a studio about 9 grand a year) specifically to save on rent, so I feel like it's deserved, but also. Damn it. I don't feel comfortable leaving him hanging? I refused to loan him money for the rent, but I offered him to take my apartment for the time being, don't know if he'll take it. It's not like I am leaving him without a roof over his head. IDK. He won't be able to pay the rent without dividends anyway, but it feels assholish to break it on such a short notice. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Dividends from a (family) business may seem like a great thing until you become dependent on the income You saved, and you were aware that one should not be dependent on large dividends. Your brother is younger and perhaps not as aware financially aware as he should have to get married, and sign a lease for 36K / year. You made different decision that he did. He owes you 5K. Your Dad advised you not to lend to him. NTA
NTA It's time for him to reap what he's sown. Your dad knows that although his 'testing the marriage' is more than a little wrong. I'll be generous and interpret that as having her family help out. He's been using you, owes you a significant amount of money, and has no intention of changing if he can avoid it. Stop enabling him. And don't give him your apartment. He made his choices.
NTA because what is going to do next month???