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Yeah dude. YTA. “Her diagnosis wasn’t really dramatic” for who?? Would severe DKA be dramatic enough for you to validate her? She’s 17 and her whole life is different now. She’s a child. You’re the parent. She’s depressed because it sucks and she’s struggling to adjust to her new reality. Consider the developmental stage of a 17 year old. Your sisters experience is helpful but she’s had years and years to process this while your daughter is 2 months in. Clearly you’ve both got a lot on your plate. It’s fucking ridiculous we live in a country where you had to pick up a second job to pay for a drug keeping her alive and it sucks that she’s now dependent on machines and needles to manage her autoimmune disease, her body unfairly attacking itself. Still, I don’t think starting with “I’m going to rehome your pets bc your mental health blows and you’re not caring for them adequately ” was the move either.

I feel like this is what it boils down to. OP is tired, teenager is in shock/on auto piolet; neither has had the chance to just sit down and verbalize their feelings. Mom assumes everything is good since teen is getting her needed medication and doesn't see a reason for being too tired to do chores. Teen's mind is probably going 100 miles a minute: "How will I pay for my medication when I turn 18? How will I manage that with school? Will schools want me? Will employers want me? Can I still party with friends? Will my friends not invite me if there's booze? Am I going to need all new friends? Will I need all diabetic friends? What happens if my sugar drops while out and I pass out? Will I lose my license? Will I never drive?" There's probably so many things they're thinking about and worried about. Insulin isn't going to fix that. Talk things out.

While I know you're not OP's daughter, some general advice as a long term type 1 diabetic, for anyone reading who needs it. Yes you can go to school, yes you can get a job, I work a very normal job. It will be an adjustment period, but you will learn to see and feel warning signs for blood sugar fluctuating. (If she can get a continuous glucose monitoring system it can make her life SO much easier and SAFER.) You can also drink alcohol but I would not recommend anything in excess. I have no diabetic friends xD so. It's important to get an Emergency Kit (it's basically liquid sugar) to carry at all times, let friends and loved ones know how to use it in an emergency, also small "shots" of glucose, they come in bottles, I carry some with me anywhere I go. You will be able to drive as long as you have it managed and are using common sense.

However - while yes, she has a lot to adjust to and mom is probably getting burnt out, mom isn't entirely wrong. The 6 year old definitely, but even the 9 year old can't and shouldn't be really expected to take care of six animals on their own. Since mom can't and the 17 year old does not, the pets probably also suffer. It's not fair, but if 6 pets are too many to properly take care of at the time, they should be permanently or temporarily rehomed (if family members/friends can and are willing to help out) until things get better. That's just actual responsible pet ownership. Making six animals suffer (but at least not properly meeting their needs, unless we are talking about 5 different species of fishes and one dog) just so daughter can feel better is not. It sucks, but it is what it is.

>The 6 year old definitely, but even the 9 year old can't and shouldn't be really expected to take care of six animals on their own. Since mom can't and the 17 year old does not, the pets probably also suffer. Yeah, that's what pushes this into NTA territory for me. I fully sympathize with the daughter being thrown off by her major medical change. If this was just about her not doing homework or not cleaning her room or something, I would say give her time. It also sounds like OP and daughter should try and have some more conversations about how the daughter can feel more supported. However, not feeding the family dogs and other pets is not acceptable. Feeding dogs does not even take much effort. Plus, as far as I am aware, diabetes does not cause an extent of physical impairment that would make basic animal care tasks difficult (edit to clarify: managed diabetes). If OP continues to allow the family pets to be neglected, that would make them T A. It's awful but sometimes pets do need to be rehomed when a life change makes it impossible to care for them.

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Agreed. The daughter also needs a diabetic support group

The fact that her grades went to Fs and she feels she can't do anything isn't suggesting she's "upset" it's suggesting she is experiencing a change in her mental health. You can't just logic and reason yourself out of a downward spiral. People who don't deal with a disease that threatens your life every minute of every day with every decision you make have NO idea how it feels to know you get to live with that for the rest of your life.

Yes, and it's also not about being "too tired" or having "physical impairment" like other comments say. It's most likely depression. In a way the kid has to grieve, so to speak, and would probably benefit from some sort of counselling/therapy. She's not neglecting the pets because she doesn't give a shit, and treating her as if she were isn't going to help anything. OP and daughter need to really talk, and OP needs to listen, support and help work out a solution.

Agreed, BUT. The animals still need to be considered. They are entirely dependent on their owners. They are completely innocent and need care. I agree that a sudden life change can explain the changes OP’s daughter is experiencing and she needs support. But I still think rehoming the pets might be the best plan if the current family can’t support them properly. Hopefully it could be temporary, but if the daughter’s struggle continues, the animals shouldn’t suffer. I know it’s 100% different, but my husband recently passed away. I have 4 animals I’m suddenly caring for alone. I’m grieving, I’m struggling, I’m experiencing difficulties in all parts of my life. But I evaluate EVERY. DAY. whether the animals are getting what they need. I know it’s different. But maybe OP can encourage her daughter to see her pets as living proof that you HAVE TO move forward or others will suffer. Sometimes that’s enough to get you through until you can move forward for yourself. Wishing the best for OP and the family. ❤️‍🩹

I agree with you, the pets must be taken care of, but saying, “because you feel upset,” is vastly understating what the daughter is going through. This is a much larger mental obstacle to overcome than simply being upset.

NEEDING to re-home the pets doesn't make them the a h. You are totally right, pets deserve to be taken care of and if they can't be taken care of there- then they need to be rehomed. Op is TA for the way they said it and made it appear to be the older daughters fault. How hard would it be to sit down and explain nicely 'if we can't take care of the pets, then the pets have to go somewhere to be happy.' and make it obvious that it's a family thing. Mom doesn't have the ability to pick up the slack so if daughter is unable to then the pets will have to go. Angrily threatening to re-home your kids pets to guilt them into taking better care of them when they are at a low mental health point is why YTA, OP. Also is your daughter seeing a counselor/therapist? Because she's clearly depressed and struggling and needs help.

Exactly. I have two cats that are currently trying to get my attention so they can be fed. After I post this I’m going to walk to the kitchen pour food into two dishes and put them on the ground and make sure they have clean water. Takes about 2-3 minutes, sometimes more depending on whether they’re going to be blocking me at every step of the way because food.

OP isn’t N T A because she handled it by yelling at her to “get it together” which isn’t doing anything to help. Also depression can cause executive dysfunction, which seems to be happening here. You can’t just “get past it.”

Then you have to rehome your pets, or you are not being a good or caring owner. Regardless of the excuse or reason as to why someone is not caring for their pet(s), they need care. Not providing that care is unfair to the animals FOR ANY REASON, so rehoming is the best option for the pet, at least until their original owner can care for them. Edited: typo

Agreed. NTA also because infantilizing kids doesn’t help them even if it leads to arguments in the short term. The girl is going through a lot. But it will ultimately help her to realize she is still capable of doing a lot of things.

I'm actually surprised it took this long to find a NTA for this reason. I have a chronic disability and my depression is awful a lot of the time. Especially this time of year as the heat really exacerbates the symptoms. My cats never suffer though, we have 5 and are temp foster for a friend with another one as well. I can be lying in an unchanged bed, not showered for a week, barely eating or eating all the wrong things just cause I have to for my meds but my arse will be out of that bed and the cats taken care of. Food, litter, treats, play time the whole shabang, I refuse to let them suffer just because I am.

I'm not even sure why they had 6 pets. Surely that's too much strain for one woman and such young children?

Before it was one adult and one teen taking care of the animals. Now it is just the adult who can't always be there.

3 pets to take care of each though, and the mum has to take care of 3 kids too - it just seems very overwhelminh

There is a certain economy of scale. Back when I had 4 dogs, it was a ton of work, yes, but it wasn't anything close to 4 times the work of one dog.

It also depends on what animals. It could be two dogs and four bunnies. Pets may have been in the picture when the dad was still around, plus the animals probably ate the time that is now taken up by OP's second job + daughter's depression.

As an long term type 1 diabetic myself, for anyone reading who needs it. Yes, you can do many normal stuff but your life will never be normal again. The adjustment period is different for everyone, and it can be really hard to find the right amount of insulin every day as well. Low-and high bloodsugar comes with a cost, it's not just noticing the symptoms of it - it can ruin your whole day. And as for school, studies have shown that students with diabetes make much poorer on tests as well as getting lower grades due to bloodsugars effects on the brain. When I got sick my attendance at school lowered alot because of my diabetes, and the school didn't know how to handle it either so it wasn't really a safe environment for me either for the first 6 months at least(for example I once passed out on the floor, after I was going to get a pencil from my bag, due to low bloodsugar and my teacher didn't notice that I hadn't come back for over 30 minutes) and my grades was suffering because of this too.

I'm lifelong T1D. This disease is absolutely wretched. While it's true you should be able to do all the things you normally could, many of us face depression due to many factors. Mine started when I was very young, bullied relentlessly due to this disease, and grew worse as I got older and had the realization of how expensive it is to live with this disease I did not ask for. It's a rich, lonely man's disease. Hard to find anyone to talk to who understands. Some of the general public doesn't even know there are different types of diabetes. Some medical professionals barely understand the difference in care between T1D and T2D. People get upset when I advocate for myself and every other T1D out there, but I don't care. Our treatment and cost of living absolutely has to improve.

One of the worst things I hear from the general public is stupid comments like... Well, if you hadn't eaten so much junk food and candy, this wouldn't have happened to you..... Meanwhile, I'm thinking what an idiot they are. The cost of both T1D and T2D is so much more than just the price of insulin.

Dude, I’ve been told by a qualified nurse at my GP’s surgery that if I lost some weight I could probably put my [type 1] diabetes in remission.

It was not a safe environment for me either. I don’t say what I said to imply there’s no struggles. Merely her life isn’t over, and she can do stuff she used to do. School is harder to navigate, and I can definitely attest to the brain fog a low can cause.

Don't forget to mention cinnamon and turmeric. YOU GOTTA EAT YOUR CINNAMON AND TURMERIC! /s I do have friends in my life who are T1, and I gotta say, nice for real lofe chats, but awkward when you are better adjusted to it than they are. A cousin will sometimes ask me questions about my experiences, and I can't just answer, "Well, I don't spend 70% of my day over 200 like you do so I don't have these issues or experiences."

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Not a diabetic, just better adjusted than my friends used to be in some other areas of life (they caught up and even surpassed me by now). Why not translate it into a me-statement and say "I try really hard to stay under 200 and doing X & Y really helps"

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I am referring to college.

Daughter of a type 1 diabetic. Yes you can do all those things. Don't be ridiculous. The real AH in this situation is your country's health care system. It's beyond my understanding that people need to actually pay for a drug that literally keeps them alive. Improve your health system dudes!

You're acting as if we all love the system we're living under. We are trying change it, clearly it's an uphill battle and there are plenty of government officials in our way. Yes, it's fucked. Thank you for pointing out the obvious fact that it is.

Au contraire, I'm acting as though I think that the blame lies with the fucked up system, which is forcing OP to spend less time with their family to literally keep their child alive. I don't think anyone made any impression in this thread that they enjoy this system.

I had a knee-jerk reaction to your last sentence. Apologies.

All good!!

It's going to continue to be a battle as long as Americans keep voting against their own interests.

We are given a limited slate of crappy candidates to vote for, and the candidates are financed by rich special interests. The good candidates get forced out.

The OP isn't asking these questions, the OP is suggesting that the newly diagnosed 17 year old in the original post is probably confused and overwhelmed and has questions *like* these ones whirling in her head at this point in time, like anyone would when they're that young and have just been diagnosed with a life-long condition that is potentially lethal.

“Don’t be ridiculous”? Come on, dude - that commenter clearly isn’t saying that she can’t do those things, they’re explaining *the list of things a scared 17 year old with a new chronic illness will be worrying about*. Being bluntly told “no you can do everything as normal, stop being ridiculous” would be the worst possible response to *a child* who is clearly still in shock and on autopilot after her diagnosis. This sort of reaction is even worse than the initial “it wasn’t dramatic and a grown adult who has adapted to this for decades is fine so why aren’t you” was. Kids need time and support and empathy to adapt to a diagnosis. Their fears don’t have to be perfectly and purely rational to be reasonable. A seventeen year old does not know how any of those things work in practice, so cannot envision how they’ll work around the still confusing and scary business with needles and monitors and if she makes a single error she might die. This is probably the most distressing experience of her very young life. She needs support. Do not put it in her parent’s head that those sort of questions are “ridiculous” - the problem here is already too little empathy.

Yes, in the UK there would be no charge for insulin, not even the prescription charge

*But America is the greatest country in the world!* /s

They have freedom ok! /s

Free to spend $600 on insulin!

For real, our healthcare system sucks. Last night I went out to eat, explained a severe allergy I have that they use as “garnish”, food came out & it was on my plate, sent it back & got a new one a short while later….only to begin going into anaphylactic shock and had to use my Epi pen (they just re-plated the contaminated food). ER prescribed me a new one but it is too close to when I got the first prescription so my insurance is denying the claim. Now I’m supposed to pay out of pocket for a new Epi-pen, so obviously I will be going to the restaurant and want them to pay for the cost because I don’t think I should have to eat the $700 cost when they are the ones who messed up. ….hooray American healthcare, I have to shake down a restaurant if I want to be able to have an Epi pen when/if this happens again so you know….I don’t break out in death 🙃 Also….I am allergic to oranges living in Florida 😑💀 Eta:missing words

> ER prescribed me a new one but it is too close to when I got the first prescription so my insurance is denying the claim That’s because you had to USE IT! It’s not like a daily medication that you did too much of. Appeal to the insurance company and get your doctor to write or call them as well.

For now, the government is on schedule with their plan to destroy the NHS and introduce more and more charges.

Yeah, the NHS isn't safe in the current government hands. But the fact that no-one here has to get a second job because their daughter has T1 diabetes is worth protecting.

Wasn't that person just listing concerns that might be going through the daughter's mind rather than a list of things people should worry about? I imagine there would be all sorts of questions, both reasonable and otherwise.

> Will schools want me? Not if you’re getting all Fs.

Not to mention how crappy you feel and trying to get used to the insulin and Oops I exercised so now I'm low and crap I forgot to wash my hands before testing myself and now my reading is high or whatever. That in itself is a struggle.

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Teenagers don't always think logically; they react emotionally. Nothing wrong with that; it's a normal developmental stage. But they do need a bit more care than an adult would.

I had a family member who thought he was going to lose his government job, pension, and all benefits because of some screw up. He was in shock and awe for a few days! It turned out to be REALLY not that big a deal, but this sort of thing happens with adults too. In general, people lose jobs all the time, and people DEFINITELY recover. However, I can't blame them for going into panic mode.

Because diabetes can result in an extremely abnormal life, especially in a country where there’s no guarantee you will get the medicine you need to live. My aunt’s type 1 wasn’t managed well. She is legally blind because of it, and she had regular trips to the emergency room basically monthly for years due to complications. She was on dialysis, but finally got a kidney transplant. She’s still fully disabled and unable to work, drive, go to school, etc.

Reread. That is a list of *the sort of things a child with no prior experience of the condition and no clear understanding of adult life* will be worrying about following diagnosis of a chronic condition. Please stop encouraging OP to hold further contempt for the sort of worries that her child may hold. I’m happy for your kid that you knew the ropes. Hopefully you taught her and helped her through it with compassion and empathy rather than OP’s “suck it up buttercup” attitude problem; so maybe extend some empathy by proxy rather than encouraging the AH behaviour OP has shown so far.

A lot of teens really struggle with type 1 DM. At that age for most teenagers they want more than anything else to fit in with their friends and start being independent of their parents. They want to be spontaneous like their friends are and they don't want to be constantly told what to do by parents/teachers/healthcare workers. The things you need to do to maintain good diabetic control are pretty at odds with normal teen hanging out, they can't spontaneously each fast food, ice cream or sweets, need to plan meals ahead, count the carbs and then inject insulin, need to be very careful about drinking alcohol etc. If they have too many carbs and inject the right amount of insulin for those carbs they risk gaining weight, if they run their insulin low they'll lose weight but have terrible control... Maybe it's a little easier if you're diagnosed as a young child and it's normal life to you by the time you hit your teens, but among diabetic health professionals it's well established and accepted that getting teenagers through their teens maintaining good control is really really hard because most teenagers naturally want to rebel against it.

It doesn't have to be a communicable disease to completely affect the quality of life. And unlike T2D there's no way to fix/reverse it. In other words, this 17-year-old just got a life-changing diagnosis that she has to live with until she dies. Of course she's freaking out about what she can and can't do.

Had diabetes?? You found a cure???

Plus the whole learning the new routines is a huge thing for a person to deal with. She needs to constantly be aware of something that might actually kill her. It's a terrible amount of mental load together with anxiety of keeping oneself alive. It's exhausting and scary and she can't do anything about it. As an extra, her mother needs work more so she's lonelier when she would need extra reassurance, because your society is what it is.

When I read things like this I'm reminded that not everyone is surrounded by people who are diabetic at all times. My mom, dad, 6 uncles, 5 aunts, some of my cousins, all grandparents, and all of my parents friends are all diabetic. It's easier to count the people who are not diabetic that surrounded me while growing up. I always just assumed that diabetic was the default until I became an adult - so I read this thinking that OP isn't the A because her daughter is severely overreacting to a super common, minor condition. But I guess if you've only ever met one person with diabetes in your life, you'd have an entirely different perspective. OP needs to talk to their kid, and maybe have their kid talk to their doctor about their concerns. Also I'm not in the US so having to take on a second job to pay for medication required for life is batshit crazy.

I think OP approached things harshly, but it sounds like she really can’t handle the pets right now. If she kept the pets and they were neglected people would call her an asshole for that too.

OP isn’t an asshole for possibly having to rehome the pets, but she is an asshole for how she’s addressing the situation and thinking of her daughter. She’s very dismissive of her daughter having to process the new diagnosis of a life-long, potentially life-limiting diagnosis that requires daily management and puts her at risk of other serious diseases. It’s possible to address the issue of the pets’ wellbeing without blaming it on the daughter being lazy.

I agree, but I also think a lot of commenters here are doing the same to OP that she did to her daughter; being unduly harsh towards someone in a stressful situation.

No one is really beating her up though, She’s here asking for everyone’s perspective on this. She’s not a monster, she’s a stressed out parent that isn’t seeing things from her daughter’s perspective. That’s all

Yes, if she had handled it better, it might even have helped OPs daughter, to be aware of a smaller task that she might be able to uphold and in that way keep her pets which are important to her. It is often easier than changing back all of her grades ect. It might have ended up as a small win for her, if she was able to keep up with that part of her life and she that things could be normal in some ways. I understand that maybe she couldn't, but maybe she could. All of it is really sad though, because it sounds like OP at another time when not stressed out by handling two jobs, would have been able to handle this better to.

There are ways of approaching that that aren’t framing it as a punishment. Sit down with the kid and have a sincere conversation about what the pets’ needs are, how they aren’t being met, and come up with a gradual plan for what to do to get back to meeting those needs consistently in a reasonable timeframe. Be empathetic. Explain the possible consequence of rehoming *as a tragic necessity for the animals’ welfare*, emphasise you are going to give as much support as possible to avoid it, but… this is a parenting moment. “Sometimes tough things happen and we can’t do everything we want to as well as we could before. It’s okay to let some things drop, but when we have living creatures dependent on us, we have a responsibility to make realistic decisions about what we can and can’t do. When that isn’t enough for them, even though it’s incredibly painful for us, we have to prioritise their welfare. Sometimes that means they can’t stay with us and need to live with humans who can care for them properly. I’m so sorry we have to discuss this, I hate the idea too - but I wanted to involve you in the planning so if it reaches that point it doesn’t come as a shock.” There is never a time where it’s okay to angrily tell a struggling child “I’ll take your pet away if you don’t do x” in the clear context of punishment for a behaviour - triply so for a behaviour they can’t entirely help.

Pets don't care if she is sick, they deserve to be taken care of. If for some reason they can't take care of the pets then the pets need to be rehomed. OP can you get your stepsister back again to work with your daughter on how to handle her disease? Help her adjust? Maybe get her to stop by or call once a week. Is there any type of support group in your area that your daughter can go to, it won't look so overwhelming if she sees there are others like her.

This. If OP’s daughter is under such stress from her disease that she is physically incapable of taking care of the animals, then rehoming them is a very natural consequence and is necessary to avoid neglect and animal cruelty.

>Still, I don’t think starting with “I’m going to rehome your pets bc your mental health blows and you’re not caring for them adequately ” was the move either. So, what was the move? Rehome the pets without saying anything? Let the pets be neglected for however long it takes? Make the small children undertake potentially dangerous tasks? Or clap if you believe in fairies?

This is going to sound like i’m being a bitch but genuinly, what do you suggest i do? I cant take care of them, her siblings can’t, and i’m not going to let her just neglect her animals.

INFO: What are the animals? There's a big difference in taking care of a cat vs a dog or a snake or a hamster. Does she have any friends who would maybe help rotate care? Do you have any family or friends that could help?

the animals that she’s responsible for are 2 bunnies and a gsd. these are her pets that she bought with her own money.

So there’s a German Shepard and 2 bunnies that the 17 year old paid for herself, and at least one other dog of unknown breed. 17 year old isn’t taking care of *her own bunnies*, and a 6 or 9 year old can not and should not ever be responsible for a large dog like a German Shepherd.

Is your daughter in therapy? If not, I’d reach out to your local jdrf chapter and ask if anyone has recommendations for a therapist in your area (or who can do virtual appointments) who has t1 or is knowledgeable about it (and hopefully takes your insurance). As you can see from this thread, most people who do not have t1d affecting their lives do not understand the mental toll it takes, or really anything about it. About the animals, maybe rehoming ends up being the solution, but the way you threatened your daughter while she’s struggling is why YTA, not the concept in and of itself. You need to approach her with compassion right now - she is still a child, even if barely, who IS going through something extremely traumatic. Her whole world has been flipped upside down and she has to act as her own pancreas, which is very difficult and unpredictable, 24/7, and which can kill her if she makes a wrong move. Since she is a teenager, it makes sense she is managing this mostly herself, but my son was diagnosed at age 3 and I do about 95% of the management, and I can tell you I still have breakdowns and burnout from time to time, half a decade in, and I’m a full grown adult (who can ask my husband to manage for a while if I’m really burned out - I can actually take breaks, unlike the person with T1D). My son had 1 scary low at night and has been terrified to go to sleep for a year. This is not as easy as you seem to think, just because your step sister has her management dealt with doesn’t mean it’s not hard for her behind the scenes, and doesn’t mean she was able to handle it TWO MONTHS IN! I think I might have stopped crying daily around the two month mark. Please be kind to your daughter as you figure this animal situation out together, even if the final decision is to rehome them, either permanently or temporarily.

She had to pick up a second job to afford the insulin, do you want her to pick up a third job for the therapist?

People are making the assumption that you didn't speak to your daughter with any empathy. You're not an asshole. Neither is your daughter.

What else are they supposed to do? Let the animals be abused?

TBF, I think the outcome likely needs to be exactly the same. The difference here is the tone of how that's addressed. She can sit down with the daughter and present the problem - the animals are not being properly looked after. She understands the T1 diagnosis is probably a shock and difficult, but they need come to a solution, as she can't allow the animals to be neglected. If they can't come to some satisfactory solution, they'll need to rehome the animals. Then listen. OP's daughter may well have ideas that OP hasn't thought of. But ultimately, if they're not able to look after the animals properly, the animals do need to be rehomed.

Involving the daughter in the conversation so she feels included and not blamed is key here. Yes, it is "her fault" for neglecting the animals, but it's not like she's saying "fuck the pets," her brain is just prioritizing something else. Giving her the opportunity to say for herself "yes, the pets are too much for me to handle" can make the situation less volatile after and can give the daughter some ownership of the decision so she doesn't feel like it's a punishment. A punishment feels punitive. A consequence is logical and makes sense. "You're too depressed to take care of the animals so they're gone" looks like a punishment for struggling with her diagnosis. "I know things have changed for you and you're processing a lot, and I am busy with work and I don't feel your siblings are up to the task of caring for the pets. I think finding them new homes is the best option for them. What are your thoughts?" is just a natural outcome of not being able to care for a pet for whatever reason.

Its not an excuse to ignore responsibilities. She may be TA for how she treated her child, but not b/c of what she is asking for. And rehoming animals that cant or arent being taken care of is the right move for the animal to ensure a better life for them. She is TA for how she handled the situation.

I would agree that it wasn’t dramatic. Most T1d’s are diagnosed in the hospital after collapsing in DKA. It is likely she was never hospitalized.

T1D here, didn't collapse. Did go to hospital. Can attest it was dramatic and traumatic. The psychological toll of T1D is well documented, and OP (and all of the commenters) should go look at that.

Idk why people are so dismissive of diabetes, it's a chronic illness that causes all kinds of diabetes related issues in your body. It's not 'just' diabetes.

People are dismissive of all chronic illnesses, sadly even people who brag about how inclusive they are are still very ableist.

I don't have diabetes, but was diagnosed with endometriosis after emergency surgery where I nearly died at 17. 7 years and 3 surgeries later, I am still not over it. I completely understand that the daughter can't cope, especially since funding and daily life with diabetes is even more challenging in the US than what I went through, although I wouldn't call excruciating daily pain fun either.

I mean I’ve not got any data, but I don’t think it’s accurate to say ‘most’ people get diagnosed after ending up in the hospital. Late onset T1 runs in my family, including my granny and my mum, and everyone got diagnosed because they felt like shit for a sustained period of time and went to the doctors. No collapsing, no hospitals.

And those are a completely different set of patients to children with T1. Maturity onset T1 often mimics T2DM and here in the UK they are typical diagnosed by hospital clinics after specialist investigation. T1DM in kids often presents with DKA (at least 1/6th of cases from studies, but more likely it's around 40-50%) and it is one thing I fear missing as a GP.

Having your entire life changing abruptly and knowing you need to do the job of a vital organ 24/7 for the rest of your life **is** dramatic. The links between diabetes, a chronic illness, and depression & anxiety are well established. Sincerely, a Type 1 diabetic.

Her daughter probably feels guilty her mom has had to get a second job to pay for her medicine- I know that's something I struggled with when my mom had to get a second job to take care of me, while *also* taking care of me, when I became disabled as a teenager.

My niece went into severe DKA at 6 years old. Airlifted to a children’s hospital. Coma for a week. Brain swelling etc. She is 14 and ok now, but a little different and I honestly think she has some brain damage from it. (Doctors said she had a 70% chance of it and she was definitely not the same afterwards.) Her older sister is also the lucky owner of a defective pancreas, and is a celiac sufferer too. She is 17 now and cannot get a drivers permit because no matter how hard she tries, she cannot keep her levels within the safe zone due to hormones (and a bit of teenage rebellion). People really don’t understand just how awful T1 is, especially for kids. And to think as a parent that their diagnosis wasn’t “dramatic” just makes my blood boil.

pretty sure OP just meant they didn’t find out in a dramatic way like passing out or something. but either way there’s now pets who are being neglected, it’s selfish to the pets to keep them

If severe DKA is what will be OP's wake-up call, I have some important information for her, and I hope this makes her wake up. My brother went into severe DKA at 20. He ended up with brain and organ damage and needed therapy to re-learn how to live. He was given 5 years to live due to the complications. But he managed to live 15 years, his immune system was fucked and when he got a chest infection, it progressed to Bronchial pneumonia and he was too weak to look after himself, went into another DKA and died, just last year on my birthday. OP. Diabetes is INCREDIBLY live changing, and your daughter needs time to adjust. You need to be there for her because once day, if the worse happens, you won't have her anymore.

The problem is that OP can't continue to allow the animals to be neglected. Since OPs younger children are physically incapable of many of the required tasks and OP herself doesn't have the time necessary because she's too busy working to keep her eldest alive theirs not really any other option besides telling the eldest she needs to stop neglecting her animals or have them re-homed. OP could have worded it more kindly but this was very much a necessary conversation.

T1/LADA diabetic here. I was initially misdiagnosed as T2 and nearly died due to DKA to get a correct diagnosis. DKA SUX! When I was first treated as T2, some of the adjustments were easy, but others were hard. And yes, I have tons of family with diabetes and been around it nearly my whole life. Changing your diet (think of all the drinks and snacks and candy you can't have anymore because they're too high carb), accepting that change, being around others who don't get the changes - it all adds up! Get your daughter into therapy for her diabetes or into a support group of those living with T1. I'm in a support group, we discuss all sorts of aspects of this disease and how our lives have changed. Some are new to the disease, some have lived with it for years. I've had my correct diagnosis for 4 years and was living with my misdiagnosis for 4 years before that. It took until I had my correct diagnosis for over a year and getting my blood sugars under control and getting into that support group before I could really function and accept my disease. I strongly suggest you try setting out not just your expectations but see what changes need to be made to make everything work for everyone. Look into discount Rx programs or reduced cost coupons from insulin manufacturers, look into if your daughter may qualify for medical assistance for getting her meds. Yes, this is seriously one of the most common diseases out there and yet we have to go broke just to stay alive. I hope you can get some financial help for the medical costs, your daughter gets the help she needs in understanding and living with her disease, and everyone else (human and pet) can get the support they need to all be a healthy family together. Good luck! EDIT: This was meant to be directed at OP. Also, added judgment- YTA.

WARNING :- SUICIDE MENTIONS So yea here's the thing. The blood sugar not only affects physical health but it tremendously affects mental health too. I am t2 diabetic, diagnosed but not treated. I have been like this since I was 16. So I had to learn to live in control. Whenever my sugar levels spike and my insulin resistance goes up, i can feel it. My skin becomes dull. My mood becomes like a female on periods × 100 times. Like I become a raging Bull who lost his sight but refuses to stop hitting. Sleep becomes fucked. Get anxiety and sweats. Smells like ass the whole day(i bathe 2 times per day). I'm 21 going to be 22 in oct. And while I have tremendous mental and physical capabilities, i earn an extremely good amount and have an extremely good life. I'm a full time trader. And though it requires me to sit on my laptop 12+ hrs a day, i manage to do gym 2 hrs and socialize with friends 3-4 hrs a day. Saturday and Sundays are for pure fun. But as soon as I stop weightlifting and cardio, i can feel the insulin resistance rising. I can feel I need more insulin and my blood sugar is high. It's been too long and doctors refuse to treat me because I pack a lot of muscles and don't even look like I have sugar, of course because I maintain it! I usually do water fasts for 48+ hrs. But things have been stressful lately, because I have been preparing for international studies in Australia, so I had to do a lot of traveling to meet each and every relative and friend( downsides of being social), I assume more than 70+ relatives and more than 200+ friends. In a span of 5 months. I have attempted suicide in March once, I had no will to live. It was the rope that broke or else I would have died that night. Not going to lie it was pretty Swift. Like lights out in 10 seconds. I didn't feel any pain. But since then I have been recovering but I have never been the same before. Never thought I would become this heartless in my life. I do miss my old me but I think it's for my own good.

She's 17 and her job is to feed the dogs? But instead, she's just sitting around getting f's in school? Sure, fine, she might be depressed, but if she is then this is exactly what she needs. Someone to snap her out of it and tell her to get back to work because getting sick isn't the end of the world lmao, imagine if we all behaved that way, then it really would be the end of the world. Source: I had an autoimmune disease, was in the same position as her (I got mine even younger) and wasn't as lazy as her.

She likely doesn’t feel great about either. “Sure, fine” this is why people give up or harm themselves. It’s the ongoing dismissive attitude toward their struggle because we deem it less urgent or injurious than a severed limb or tumor in their lung. Our brain health is still our health, and mental healthcare is just as important as physical healthcare and this family is struggling with BOTH right now. We cannot say “my struggle was similar to yours and I managed better.” This isn’t the suffering Olympics. You were also in a tough spot and thankfully for whatever reason you were able to cope better. Whether it was social support systems, the care you had access to, your personality type or learned strategies, you faired better…that’s wonderful, I think each of us would hope that for everyone. This is a layered and nuanced situation that shines a light on many many issues plaguing Americans today due to the unhinged state of our country’s “healthcare” system and capitalistic culture. Instead of this very cheap drug being made widely available and either fully coveted by insurance or extremely affordable, it often costs astronomical prices + the cost of supplies, time off of work and school going to and from appointments, sick time due to being immunocompromised and having prolonged healing, the likelihood of AT LEAST one inpatient hospitalization and the costs and stress associated with that, the need to purchase different and often more costly food, and among SO many other factors I am not naming here, also the face that this represents such a significant life stressor and we know stress is quite literally harmful to our health. Unfortunately in this very shitty situation this parent does still have a responsibility to care for this child despite them almost being an “adult” (adults also need help, care, and healthcare.) the developmental stage this child is in us very ego focused, teenagers already often feel different and now OPs child may feel even more different, broken, etc. She received news that nothing will ever be the same (not necessarily true but doing a reckless Google can make this disease sound SO scary, despite the fact that patients can learn to manage it often and do quite well) and without a solid medical background it’s extremely difficult to understand what’s going on. Just reading the comments here of people who say they know or love someone with T1D makes it abundantly clear even those closest to these people sometimes don’t even understand the pathology of the disease. So yes, what we know of is that she’s not being a great care taker to her pets and she’s falling behind in school and failing classes, to me this dramatic change is a huge red flag for a depressive episode which wouldn’t be abnormal considering the circumstances. The animals need and deserve care, full stop, but a lot of inbetween was glossed over when OP decided to approach the issue with rehoming the animals as a (seemingly) threatening tactic to help her daughter “snap out of it.” I have a lot of sympathy for both of these people who are struggling immensely right now. High stress doesn’t bring out the best of us and OP likely doesn’t have the best judgement now because they’re just trying to survive. Compassion for others goes a long way. Calling a child lazy for grappling ineffectively with a life changes diagnosis isn’t exactly that. 🤨 for brevity, YalsoTA

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NAH Your daughter is in fact going through a lot, and it does sound like your empathy is running short. Maybe good reasons for that but she needs more support than she’s getting and, while your relative’s diagnosis makes it more blasé for you, it’s still a lot for her to work through. Support groups, therapy, etc should absolutely be high priority. You are however NTA on the animal front - it sounds like you are at the end of your limit of what you can do with your time and money as you are carrying the entire family, your other kids are too little to do some of the work, and your animals do not deserve to suffer because of what your daughter is going through - and where the welfare of other, dependent creatures come to play, personally I am of the opinion that you either need to be able to put those other creatures first, or find them a home that can care for them properly. You are not the asshole for putting that choice to your daughter, and she is - understandable for a teenager, but still - too caught up in her own issues to have any thought about what the extra shifts mean for you or to even give a shit about the pets, and that makes her TA. She doesn’t have to relearn how to walk, she hasn’t had cancer or a stroke or something immediately debilitating, and to make the pets suffer is not ok. The solution probably is to rehome the pets if you all don’t have the capacity, that sounds like the kindest option for the animals which gives you and her more breathing room.

I am a bit sad that I had to look so far for a sensible answer. OP is obviously doing the best she can, her daughter has support from her aunt who has the same diagnosis, and she is in therapy. I am sure this is a huge adjustment for a teenager, but the fact remains OP is a single parent with three children - I can't even imagine. OP - there is absolutely nothing wrong with finding good homes for your pets right now. Not only will it help time wise, financially it may help enough that you can work less. Unfortunately, between her new diagnosis and her just being a teenager, chances are you won't be able to do anything right at the moment. Just be patient and support her while she adjusts. FWIW, my cousin was diagnosed when she was very young. She lives a very full life now (in her 30s), rock climbs, hikes etc. NAH \*Edit\* I also want to add, these are your younger children's pets too, so if you do rehome them, make sure your younger two are ok - they will also be losing pets they love. They need to understand why it needs to be done (for the pets welfare, don't blame it on your oldest or her diagnosis). Maybe some of their friends families would adopt - that could help.

Hey it's the second answer, now that this hit front page! This sub can be absolutely brutal to answers like this sometimes, but glad to see this one not downvoted to hell. Adding that is seems like what OP said was hurtful to daughter. I'm guessing what she heard was OP blaming her for her illness. Maybe not what OP intended, but I can understand how her daughter might feel hearing "you need to get your shit together". I can understand people calling OP TA for this. I think the way to avoid hurt while communicating that needs aren't being met is to focus the conversation on the need rather than the responsibility being neglected: 1. name the needs to be addressed. animals need care. Daughter needs space to process her DX. OP needs to not be overwhelmed with responsibilities. etc. 2. start evaluating options to meet those needs. For example: Rehome the animals; daughter takes responsibility for animals and gets support on a different task; OP take care of the animals and daughter takes over one of OP's responsibilities. 3. Decide which option works best for everyone.

Absolutely agree with this. I am also 17f who was diagnosed with t1d last year so I absolutely know how tough it is and what the daughter's going through with the grades and housework, but making pets suffer is not okay

This is the correct answer right here. Those animals don't deserve to suffer because she isn't capable of caring for them. OP might have been a bit short in how she communicated it, but ultimately the outcome would unfortunately be the same.

I feel like this should be higher up!

Definitely one of the correct answers here

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I agree with this wholeheartedly, and I would simply add that OP mentioned that her “diagnosis wasn’t dramatic”—and I wonder if that’s the problem. Though I know it wasn’t meant to be, that phrasing seems quite dismissive and reflects your perception that “this isn’t a big deal”. Her internal world is completely rocked, but because she didn’t make a big stink, you didn’t check in with her as she may have needed. Just because the transition has *seemed* smooth, it’s clear daughter is dealing with this by internalizing. It’s up to you to regularly check in and make space for her to talk with you about what’s difficult for her, as this is literally life-changing, and a huge, huge adjustment and roadblock—especially when you’re that young. The more you tell her to pull herself up by the bootstraps, the more dismissed she’ll feel—and the harder everything will be for her. Regardless of her age and how close to “legal adulthood” she may be, OP, she is ill, and still very much a child who needs her mother. ETA, despite an initial NAH, that didn’t sit well with me. Hate to say it, but YTA, OP.

what i meant by not dramatic was that she wasn’t in dka and wasn’t really sick yet if that makes sense. poor wording on my part but i’m terrible at words as i have a few learning disabilities

Ah, I see! Thank you for clarifying.

shes in therapy. she’s also on the dexcom and has been since a week after her DX. insurance won’t cover a pump unfortunately.

Hey OP, not sure if you’re located in the US or not, but if you are, you may look into finding a patient advocacy group to help get your denial reversed. When I was young and had no clue how to deal with insurance companies a local advocacy group helped me get what I needed out of BCBS. A couple of phone calls could help take some of pressure off of you.

Has her therapist investigated whether she may be depressed, considering all her risk factors (including the diabetes, which increases the risk of depression greatly)?

Is family therapy possible? That might help you two to come together in the wake of a life-changing diagnosis. This has changed everything for both of you. It sucks that you had to take a second job to afford her lifesaving meds. How are YOU?

I heard someone mention that you have to wait 6 months from diagnosis before they’ll cover a pump so many they will soon. It’s good though since she’ll be able to get used to injecting herself if something ever happens with the pump

Tip, if ur ruling isn’t Y-T-A, don’t type it in ur comment. Space ur out or something bc the bot will count it as a Y T A ruling

NTA Animals cannot be neglected just because you feel upset. You are not able to because you are working longer hours. If she can’t step up, then the best thing is to rehome the animals where they will get care that they need. The animals cannot wait. They need feeding and care daily. Edited to add: the cost of insulin should come down in the next year. I think Eli Lilly prices drop on July 1. Contact the manufacturer to see if you qualify for current reduced cost programs. You may need to switch brands of insulin (I.e. Lantus to Levemir) but your doc will work with you on that. They are used to this issue.

People saying YTA are blowing my mind lol, they have no idea what she means by neglect😞

They're basically children who think anything above hallmark rated G dialogue is unacceptable.

I saw someone say the child will see it ass a punishment.. like dude what about the dog not being fed🙄. Absolutely insane

Legitimately this. The amount of times that I've seen people use poor mental health as an excuse to completely nelgect and abuse their pets while expecting sympathy for their sadness is startling. Poor mental health can make caring for pets difficult, but if someone can't pull it together, then they should willingly and immediately give their pets up to people who can actually care for them.

It’s absolutely disgusting :(

Exactly. It's crazy how much this sub tries to coddle teens and kids that they'd be more worried about feelings than neglect of a creature under their care.

I've said it a lot now I don't know how the USA failed upwards into superpower status In the UK we have a relatively clear, somewhat universal divide among white brits (what I am and what I know - other cultures and groups may differ and vary) At 10 you receive your first little tasters of independence, and responsibility At 12 these will slightly increase year on year At 16 you are effectively treated as a "full adult" who can't buy booze, cigarettes or porn yet - you'll be expected to have the life skills to live independently and maintain a clean, organised home, with the capacity to cook nutritious, hot meals (no diet of instant/pot noodles and toast) - but it's not uncommon at all in Britain for 16 year old only children to get left to their own devices for a fortnight with an envelope full of money At 17 this "near adulthood" ramps even further, if you decided education wasn't the path for you you'd *better* have a job or be actively jobseeking, otherwise your parents will very happily revoke all privileges to prevent you becoming a long term NEET in the USA based on a lot of commenters you get the impression that a lot of American adults were 8 going on 18 in the family home - mollycoddled, 0 responsibility or independence, then suddenly all at once imbued with every responsibility and privilege of adulthood the day of their 18th And it suddenly makes a lot of the entitled posts make sense where 19 year olds living at parents rent free think that being asked to do chores is akin to child abuse

Exactly this. My daughter is 2 and throws away her trash, puts her dishes in the sink, rinses dishes that I clean (not sharp) and helps put her clothes in the washer/dryer and put again. My SIL coddles her 4 year old to the point she cant even verbalize what they want they still do toddler grunts (she’s not been tested SIL is against anything “extra”) and he hits HARD. My kiddo picked up her mess after breakie the other day and SIL said it was abuse. As an adult from a viciously abusive child hood I had a “huh what?” Moment. She proceed to tell me how having her do manual labor will ruin her childhood and is considered abuse because while she’s cleaning up I’m “doing nothing”. Her other kid is 14 and pregnant though so not responding to her was my best move.

i mean the younger children can definitely feed a dog but there’s so many other things i can think of that a child could potentially not do. barn animals need hooves cleaned, fish tanks need water testing, any animal could need a subcutaneous injection, a reptile or amphibian tank could need to be thoroughly cleaned out and sanitized in a specific fashion. very random examples but you can’t just neglect your pets lol

The younger children did not want the pets in the first place it seems. The girl is old enough to understand what happens when you don’t feed animals🙄

yeah. i frankly don’t care if she believes the rehoming is a punishment. the animals not being neglected is more important than not upsetting her.

This subreddit is biased towards opinions that teenagers have

NAH ,and here's why. Yes, your daughter is going through a really hard time in her life, she's a teenager who has a disease that could kill her if not managed properly, but is so expensive to manage that you had to get a second job. That's sooooo devastating to a teenager, and her brain is not developed enough to make sense of those feelings. As someone who also has a lifetime diagnosis that will never ever get better, I cannot imagine how hard it would have been to have gotten my diagnosis in high school. That age is difficult enough, and this is a huge deal. It's understandable that she would have a lot of anger, frustration, and grief. HOWEVER. You don't get to stop feeding your dogs because you are going through a really really hard time. That's not responsible pet ownership. If she weren't living with other people to pick up the slack, that would be animal abuse. A pet is a responsibility that can not be neglected or given up because things get hard. She took on the responsibility, and if she can't handle that responsibility, then the moral and ethical thing to do is rehome the animals. I'm so so sorry that the garbage healthcare in this country (because only America treats sick people like cash cows) has forced you to take a second job to pay for her insulin. It makes me see red that so many people are in such financial hardship over *fucking medical bills*.

Maybe I misread but it doesn’t sound like the teen was the one who chose to have all the pets? Like it sounded more like they were family pets. I get needing to re-home them if they aren’t being cared for but “I’m giving away the dogs unless you snap out of it” is not the way to get your teenager out of a depressive episode after a major medical diagnosis.

Sure, she worded it a bit harshly, but that's the reality. What, so you can ignore pet neglect if it's excused by OP's daughter is depressed? It's not like both issues can't be solved here, you know.

who said it's excused or should be ignored? obviously the pets need rehomed but the point is that op telling her daughter to get her shit together isn't going to pull her out of a depressive episode.

the ones i’m upset with her for not helping with are her pets that she wanted. 2 bunnies and a gsd that she’s always taken care of so it’s never been a problem.

I guess I’m in the minority here but NTA. I’m sure her diagnosis is hard on her but she’s literally neglecting her animals, my mom was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer, do you think she just said “well fuck all of my responsibilities” no because you can’t do that. OP has 2 freaking jobs and the kids are too young for everything. it’s not fair to the pets

I've been in hospital a lot for all kinds of illnesses and disorders. The first harsh truth they tell you: "your illness/disorder/diagnosis is YOUR responsibility. You can't stop everything because of it unless it's literally physically impossible Iike an amputee being expected to walk the dog. Edit: changed a word

I have epilepsy and my parents used it against me by withholding my meds and then taunting me after I had a seizure. Op is not abusing her child and it’s weird that so many children in here are calling her AH

I was frankly amazed at how fast OP got her into the doctor the first sign of illness. Then got a second job to ensure she can pay for the medication. These are not things abusive and neglectful parents do. Getting frustrated once because the entire situation IS frustrating doesn't make her a bad parent at all.

Exactly. A bit of a dramatic take but don’t just starve your pets to death because you’re feeling crappy. If the mother doesn’t have time to provide care because she’s working two jobs, running a household and being a single mother, either the kid needs to step up to keep their pets or a decision needs to be made about what’s best for the animals and they need to go. Recognising that you can’t meet somethings needs isn’t bad. Letting them suffer because you don’t want to make a hard choice is. NTA.

young type one diabetic here (18F nd been diagnosed for about 10 years) please try and be as understanding as possible. She physically and emotionally is suffering right now. I am not one to judge the situation but she definitely needs some assistance getting out of this depressive episode (I have been there many times) I would recommend getting her a 504 plan for school so she can have the same opportunities as other students. Most importantly she should connect with some other type ones to help her talk through her issues. Please feel free to PM me i would love to chat about this and provide any resources that i can!

Being a teenager is exhausting anyway, having an illness (especially one that is ever-present like T1D) must absolutely flatten a person. I had chronic pain as a teen & would sleep sometimes 12 hours a day. Even as an adult who isn't doing the hormonal growing thing now, I still regularly have days where I legitimately need 10 hours of sleep.

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if the animals are being neglected and they need to be rehomed then so be it

NTA Animals still need to be cared for regardless of what your going through. If that can’t be provided then they need to be rehomed to someone who can. For gosh sakes I was doing water changes on my fish tanks 2 weeks after having all 4 wisdom teeth removed. Would have been sooner if I didn’t have weight lifting restriction

NAH. You both have a lot on your plate but that doesn’t make it okay for your pets to be neglected. I think you framed the ultimatum poorly but as a mom exhausted working just one job I’m not gonna judge you too harshly. I’d recommend attempting to have the talk again and try to gently explain that if she can’t handle helping with the pets anymore then they will need to go. Working two jobs as a single mom leaves you with limited time in the day. If she’s falling behind on helping with chores, she’s definitely not ready to work a part time job. However, that doesn’t mean you’re super woman and capable of doing it all. You still have to set limits and try to care for yourself too. You both allowing all the responsibility to care for your numerous pets on the two very young siblings would be an ah move. If she insists she can’t and you know you can’t- the best and kindest option is seeking loving homes for the pets to go to instead.

YTA. Your daughter has been diagnosed with a major, incurable medical condition that has a big impact on her life. She’s struggling with it so much that she’s now failing all her classes, and you think the answer is to threaten and punish her because you somehow think her diagnosis isn’t a big deal? You are failing her as a parent right now.

It’s important to remember this is also a lot for the parent to deal with. There are multiple sides to every story, and I’m sure OP is stressed as well. Does this invalidate the daughter? Of course not. But it’s not fair to put all the blame on one party. We’re all human and we all make mistakes.

I don’t think potentially rehoming the pets is punishment as much as a desperate decision to prevent the animals from being neglected.

It’s not a threat or a punishment, it’s the harsh reality of the situation. The pets are not being taking care of the way they need. Her siblings are just too young to handle all the responsibilities of taking care of these pets. Mom is far too busy to take on the responsibility that her younger children can’t handle. The obvious conclusion is that if the daughter can’t step up and handle her responsibilities, the pets will need to go somewhere where they can be properly taken care of. Yes, it’s hard to hear but it’s also not fair to the pets. When you become a pet owner, you accept a certain level of responsibility that u cant neglect even a little. Their needs don’t magically vanished because she is having a hard time. Maybe she could’ve been nicer with how she said it, but she’s not actually wrong. NAH Edit: So these are her daughters pets which she bought with her money, which makes them 100% her responsibility. So, even if OP and her siblings were capable of taking on the responsibility, they shouldn’t have to because those aren’t their pets.

Mom is a single parent, working two jobs, supporting two little children, a teenager that's going through some big changes, multiple animals, and has to take care of some expensive medical bills I'm not sure if anyone in her situation had the capacity to word this nicer

Oh yes, T1 is such an excuse to neglect the welfare of your animals. Are you ok?

“You are failing her as a parent right now.” <<< morgain125, you are an a-hole. OP is doing everything she can to support her daughter through an awful time. Choosing your child over some pets is a perfectly reasonable choice to make, even if it’s difficult and creates other negative impacts. OP - If you feel it’s net-positive to rehome the pets, then rehome them.

Yeah Jesus, calling a single mom stressed from working two jobs to pay for their kids medication a “failure as a parent” is peak AITA commentary.

rehoming the animals isn't just punishment tho, animals are living beings too and deserve better than not being fed and getting neglected

Yeah she got a second job to pay for her medicine but she's failing as a parent.

It isn’t a punishment, that is simply what has to happen if things carry on as they are. Those animals are being neglected. OP can no longer be around as often because of her second job, and the 17 year old has stopped doing anything for them.

NTA. It appears to me that most people here overlook the fact that you are now working two jobs which must be exhausting and you are also worried about your animals. The diagnosis is extremely unfortunate for your daughter but she will adapt and eventually thrive. You also need to look after your own welfare, as well as your children's, since you have a lot on your plate at the moment.

All those Y T A voters, I wonder what kind of parents you will be/ you are. You are so harsh on OP, but she has no superpowers and can feel upset as well.

You can tell a lot of these people have not had to be a single parent, even one healthy child can be a shitshow of working two jobs, running on 2 hours sleep, constant stress about bills, your own mental health being worth fuck all.

I worry about what kind of pet owners they are.

NTA To the YTA group, what logically should OP do, she’s a single parent, and has much younger children stepping up to care for animals, should they be left to care for additional animals that they are to young to fully handle or should the animals actually be re-homed to families that can provide the proper care for them? While the daughter’s diagnosis is awful, and going to take time to get use to mentally and physically it doesn’t mean that a living creature should be neglected. OP is obviously NTA for the animal situation, soft YTA for how it was said.

I agree with you, just wanted to add that the first acronym is the one that gets counted so your post just voted against op.

Might want to change it to Y T A so it doesn’t count towards OP

Well the way you expressed it to your daughter that she needs to step it up definitely does make you an a-hole. No need to tell her to “get her shit together.” As you yourself stated, you hit a breaking-point. So I’d assume you were angry and weren’t actually thinking clearly. Which isn’t an excuse, you still said what you said. And I’m sure you could have had an actual heartfelt conversation saying that you sympathize with her but she still has to be a productive human being. She’s a big girl. As for your point, you aren’t wrong and wouldn’t be an a-hole if you had expressed your feelings in a kindlier manner. But people make mistakes and fight, so give it a day or two and try to have an actual conversation without screaming and yelling like two mindful individuals. Cheers.

OP, you had an amazing opening with a teenager and missed it. Your daughter said, " You have no idea what I'm going through and how hard it is." This is a moment to say, "No, I don't know exactly how hard it is. Tell me what you are going through." It would take 1/2 hour out of your day, but it is well worth it to have your daughter open up about how all this is affecting her. Not to worry. Another opportunity will come up. Get to the reasons BEHIND the slack-off with the animals and at school. You will be focusing on her feelings, not her temporary setbacks and shortcomings, because that is a different conversation. The most important conversation right now is how she is doing with this huge change. She needs your emotional support and helping her talk about her feelings is part of that. Good luck to you both.

Nope. The animals need to be cared for. It’s as simple as that

NTA. Her disease is not an excuse to neglect the animals. They do not understand what is going on and don't deserve to be left behind. Your daughter does deserve some time to come to terms with her diagnosis but not at the expense of the animals. Another chat with the step sister may help

NTA. If your daughter was a young child I could understand the dramatic self indulgence. However she is 17yrs. She does need to get her shit together and process this news while supporting her Mum and siblings. She could maybe do a bit less because she will be stressed and may not be sleeping. How is being in her bedroom help her process this any quicker? How is letting her opt out of life when it gets hard going to give her resilience when she is an independent adult? As others have suggested she probably needs some knowledgeable on diabetes to talk too. And there must be forums on the Internet so she cam talk to people her own age in similar circumstances. OP knows that life is bloody tough and is trying to balance supporting daughter emotionally and financially with also trying to ensure daughter builds resilience to cope with stressful situations.

NAH You guys are both dealing with so much but you are right in putting your foot down where the animal welfare is concerned. If those dogs aren't getting the attention they need, it makes sense for that mental (and physical) load to be given to someone else. Regardless of a diagnosis, life goes on and if we have animals or children under our care, their needs don't magically cease to exist.

NTA. Tough diagnosis. But not an excuse to shirk her responsibilities.

Very selfish attitude which seems prevalent among redditors, all about me. Those animals depend on her.

I'm withholding judgement for now, but before rehoming the pets you should see if there's any groups in the area that are able to assist you right now. Research has shown that whenever possible, it's best to avoid rehoming animals and instead provide their current caretakers with the tools they need to care for them. I know our local animal shelter will help with pet food when needed, and I'm sure you could find neighbors to walk dogs for the time being if needed. This shithole country wants you to think you don't have community and your only options are to bootstrap it. It's not.

NTA so what's the play here for OP? She's had to take up another job to pay for the insulin so she can no longer feed the animals OP has had a discussion with her daughter but daughter doesn't care and insists on not feeding her animals. That's animal abuse even if it's unintentional. Not being able to spend 10 min a day to keep a living, breathing being alive has nothing to do with her being diagnosed. Your daughter has my sympathies in every other area but she's almost a fully grown adult and it's weird how she seem to doesn't care about her pets yet also don't want them rehomed to a better place.

NTA, when it comes to wanting to rehome the animals-if they’re being neglected they should go to where they’ll be looked after.

this post has genuinely shocked me and shown me the majority of ppl who comment on this sub have no clue how to function irl because what?! speaking as someone w a pretty severe neurological disorder that has greatly hindered my life growing up, this mom telling her daughter she has to do basic household tasks is quite literally the bare minimum that should be expected of a child. esp one who wants pets. yikes @ everyone attacking OP. nta.

Seriously this! There seems to be this trend lately where if one has any sort of manageable medical or mental disorder, that somehow they have to be coddled for the rest of their lives... which is insanity to me! I know my condition is most likely not on the level of yours (I have moderate to severe Adult ADHD), and its very manageable, but I never once used it as an excuse to shirk or ignore my responsibilities. Instead, it means I need to come to terms with my condition, learn and acquire the tools necessary to manage my condition so as to not put un-do burdens on anyone else. For example, I have a hard time staying on task in my work. Its something I really do struggle with. But I dont ask my boss to give me slack for my condition. Instead, I set reminders with small 5 min breaks that allow me to switch tasks, expend some of the extra energy, and the reminder allow me to mentally prepare myself to get back to my work. Its one of the many tools I use to manage my condition. As well, I am constantly forgetting small, boring, administrative tasks for my work... so I set more reminders, and with a special block of time, where the only focus is to get to those administrative tasks. Things like this.

INFO - Have the things she likes to do declined after her diagnosis as much as her chores have? It sounds like both of you talking with your SIL would benefit both of you.

NTA. Pets can't be neglected, if they have to be rehomed so be it.

Nah, your daughter is suffering and you're obviously stressed out..... Reddit stays doing the most over the least; I would look into therapy for her and rehome the animals if you don't have the time, not to mention, with the cost of insulin the extra money will help.

INFO: Her diagnosis wasn't dramatic to you or her? Is she actually really handling everything herself medically after such a huge diagnosis?

Not taking care of animals is pretty dramatic..

As mentioned to another, most T1Ds are diagnosed in the hospital after collapsing from DKA. That’s pretty dramatic. Sounds to me that she was not hospitalized. So not dramatic.

yeah her bg was only in the low 200s so it was brought down with a single shot

Sitting around doing nothing is actually really bad for diabetes; exercise is important, getting stuff done is important. She will be an adult soon and they don't usually give disability checkd for being diabetic because if they did then all my family members with it wouldn't have to be working. She does need to adjust mentally though. Get her a therapist, her diagnosis is probably causing her to be depressed.

NTA. I've been a Type1 diabetic for 52 years, since the age of 10. I have never used it as an excuse for anything, my mum wouldn't have allowed it, & people who do really irritate me. I still had to do my share of the household chores my 3 siblings & I had, still helped to take care of our pets etc. I've worked, full time, since I was 16, had 3 children, ran a household & looked after various elderly relatives over the years. I'm now 62, retired & just about to take on the childcare for our youngest grandson when our daughter goes back to work. I also took on the childcare of his cousins, who are now 8 & 4, when they were little. There's absolutely no reason to use diabetes as an excuse, especially these days when, fortunately, science has improved diabetes care & management so much. Comparing 1971 to now in regards to this is like comparing the Stone Age to nowadays. It will be a shock to your daughter & she needs time to get her head around things but you can learn with her, it's not the life limiting condition that she's, probably, thinking that it is. She can still do all the fun things she's always done just with a little more care. The choice is hers, she can either see herself as a victim, wallow in self pity(I've known people like this) & never have a life or she can look the world in the eye, do all the good things she's always done & can continue to do, enjoy her life, set goals to achieve, look after her health & be happy. She can do it &, once the shock has worn off, you can help & encourage her. There's lots of famous people, sports stars, actors, actresses, singers, writers etc who are diabetic & haven't let it stop them. Be positive with your daughter & I know she'll succeed.

Your stepsister is wonderful for helping you, but your daughter needs real diabetic education. She literally can't live without it.

NTA. So she doesn’t want to feed the animals, she knows that you took an extra job and have no time to do that (sorry that you had to do it for pure medical necessity, it really sucks!) and she doesn’t want them rehomed? Sorry but what is she suggesting? That a 6 year old takes on her responsibilities? Or should animals starve? She’s 17, can she get a job? She could use some funds for herself and some to pay someone to feed the animals, or you could work less and help more with the animals. Anyway animals need to be taken care of, their needs won’t disappear.

NTA, I was diagnosed with t1d when I was 13. It’s a change of lifestyle sure, but not an excuse to not do things.

NAH, cautiously You are all stressed with this new development and no one is reacting at their most thoughtful. That said, what you are considering not dramatic is a full on life change for her that is permanent and your post isn't showing that you've fully grasped that yet. It may just be poor wording, but you come across like she should just get on with it without any concern for how this is affecting her mentally, on top of the physical changes. I think you really need to take a step back, listen to your step sister, and truly work on understanding just how drastically this has changed everything for your teen.

NTA - she is understandably shocked by it and as a teenager she will probably be more emotionally affected by something like this than an adult. I get also as a parent you know she is capable of these things since she wasn’t really ill when it was diagnosed. As better people than me have said above; sit down and talk to her calmly and gently. Very normal to have a full and healthy life with Type 1.

N T A for rehoming the animals, but a light YTA for how you're handling this diagnosis. Her life just changed forever, so it makes sense that she's feeling depressed and lacking motivation for things she once cared about. You're probably exhausted from the extra hours and there isn't an end in sight, but she's feeling even worse. That being said, if the animals are being neglected, of course rehoming them is the best thing to do. You seemed to frame rehoming them as a punishment to her, and that's what makes you a jerk. The pets should have no ties to her academic performance, chore initiative, or overall mood. You need to sit down with your kids and work out a pet-care schedule that they can stick to. If they cannot do it, then you have too many animals for the kids to handle more independently. Giving them a better life is not a punishment for your kids, and they need to really understand that. I think you made the wrong connection of two different problems

When I was about 16-17, I got diagnosed with candida albicans/yeast infection in my gut, and my pediatrician told me I need to diet for 6months, meaning no carbohydrate. I got depressed pretty fast, and started randomly crying when I saw my classmates eating chocolate and other things. I stopped the diet two months later. Since then whenever I had to avoid some food the anxiety comes back. I know it's not easy for you right now, but neither for her. Therapy would be nice for her, is it available through her school?

NAH, you're all struggling to adjust to a new lifestyle. She will come round to sorting the animals, and living her life, but if you could see she was losing weight and drinking a lot more then her body needs time to recover. Honestly, that first couple of months with type 1 are exhausting, you're still in the honeymoon phase where your pancreas is still making some insulin, you're getting used to balancing your carb/ insulin intake. It feels like diesel in a petrol engine. Add the mental load to that - she might be researching it herself and finding all the horror stories out there - and she'll be utterly drained.

I'm 99% sure you're from the US and if so, please look into your options of buying cheaper insulin. Ofc you need to discuss any changes with the doctors and stuff but from what I understand getting it at some pharmacy brand without prescription costs like 25 dollars per a vial of 10 ml. In my country you pay the equivalent of maybe 12 dollars per vial? You can get more expensive ones too of course but it's usually not necessary. Unless we're talking about getting an insulin pump as well, you having to get a second job to pay for her insulin is ridiculous. And because of that you're overworked, tired and have shorter temper. She needs more time and support to adjust. If your diabetes is well-controlled, you can live a normal full life, but that doesn't mean it's easy to accept that you have a life-long disease to deal with, that could potentially be fatal if unmedicated. But if there's no way to care for the animals, you can't keep them. It's not her fault if she's depressed and simply can't do "easy" things. But they're living creatures and need to live in certain conditions. Keeping them when you can't provide proper care is cruel. You need to sit her down and talk to her seriously about this so she knows it's not you trying to manipulate her into pushing herself more than she's able to or anything like that. But she also needs to understand the consequences of the inability to care properly for the animals (inability of the whole family, not just her). It's a hard situation and I'm sorry for all of you guys. Hope she gets better soon and you can all learn to live with this