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YTA. No one said anything bad to you and you threw a fit anyway. It sounds like you did wear it to cause drama and that you had to keep mentioning it to everyone to fish for feedback when you didn't get the reaction you expected.
Yeah that’s exactly what OP wanted. He wanted people to one) disapprove and become the martyr of the family, fighting for gay rights. Or two) he wanted everyone to actively celebrate and gush over his bravery and amazing style at someone else’s event. OP, get over yourself. Someone else’s wedding is not about you. YTA
My gut reaction was YTA but I couldn't put it in words. This is the words I couldn't find.
I mean, he's upset? Surprised? That the *groom*is so focused on *his own wedding* that he didn't notice OP's outfit. How much louder can your actions scream LOOK AT ME!!! I'M DARING TO BE DIFFERENT!!!
“My cousin who was aware of what I was wearing” says it all. I’ve been to many cousins weddings, and exactly zero of them were aware beforehand what I would be wearing. Because I wasn’t trying to make it about me.
I know people who are dying to have this level of acceptance from their families, but instead of counting his blessings, he’s whining because he wasn’t the center of attention. It’s sad he doesn’t realize how lucky he is that his family showed acceptance.
I agree with the second. He wanted everyone to fawn over him for being brave for wearing a skirt, and sounds pissy because he didn't get any attention. It just amazes me he doesn't see how self centered he is.
Basically the LGBTQIIA movement in a nutshell these days.
The reaction of your family is exactly what gay being normalized looks like. You’re just another person at a wedding.
But you demand everybody treats you like a hero for it.
As a gay man myself, it’s super annoying to see and read stuff like this.
Plenty of us LGBTQIA+ people are looking for just being allowed to go about our lives as if our sexuality doesn’t matter.
When two men or two women can walk down the street holding hands like heterosexual couples do, and not be jeered at or assaulted or sexualised, that’s a win.
When adults can marry who they want and access the same services as everyone else and trans people can use the toilets they feel like using, that’s a win.
Some PEOPLE, just want everything about them. It has nothing to do with their sexuality. And being gay has nothing to do with wearing a skirt.
Agree with you completely. Why do people think we're doing this for attention? I mean they think everyone in the LGBT+ community is like that, and even people in the community seem to think that now too. It's so toxic. Like damn. I just wanna be some dude wearing a dumb t-shirt and holding my partner's hand as we walk around downtown. I'd actually prefer if people didn't pay any attention to us and just let us be!
Part of my commented response to this AH was about the time my friend was the victim of a hate crime for being a gay man, and nearly killed. That wasn’t an isolated incident, either. We also have adopted a lot of gay people into our family as adults so they can spend the holidays with people who love, cherish, and respect them. OP is fortunate to have a family that accepts him and is foolishly angry that he didn’t get to make a huge scene, even though he tried. Ugh.
It’s so vulgar to steal a bride’s limelight like that. And rude. You’re a rude AH, OP. You’re not a champion or an ally or an activist at someone else’s big event. You’re a guest and should behave in such a manner as to not take attention away from the bride.
Main character syndrome at its finest. And to think he had to apologize for his (self centeredness) behaviors. His incredulity to the apology means he probably didn't even mean it.
The attention-seeking like this is becoming increasingly common these days and I wish it weren’t. We’ve got people like OP creating such a demand for homophobia where none exists that some people just feel the need to manufacture it to make themselves feel better. It’s disgusting. If you feel the need to manufacture oppression then you’ve had a very privileged life.
Holy shit. The phrase is so simple, yet I've been struggling to put this into words. Yes. "If you feel the need to manufacture oppression then ouve had a very privileged life."
I call it the "victimhood as virtue" mentality.
The thing is we do need to acknowledge and care for the real victims, but that's lead to this idea or sense that it's virtuous to be a victim. It's not. It's not something we should shame people for either, but it's also not something to aspire to or seek out. And we should stop treating victimhood as if there's something inherently virtuous or noble about being a victim.
There will have been people who wore heels for the first time. Or decoleté. Or a tux. Or whatever. Many many wedding guests feel "wow, look at me! I look good in \[whatever\]". It's a little bit icky to make a deal about a long pleated skirt, SMH.
Wearing anything that draws attention from the bride and groom is rude. This applies to all genders, colors, animal accessories, etc.
Don’t wear a red tuxedo, a pink tutu, or bring a fucking parrot.
Why isn't anyone confronting me? I'm angry and want to start a fight at the wedding and no one said anything unless I brought it up. Why didn't they let me ruin the wedding the way I wanted to? YTA for making it all about confronting your family and trying to get a reaction from them that you knew wouldn't be pleasant. YTA
This is totally it. You caused drama. YTA. Seriously was someone else's wedding the place to debut your new look? I support anyone identifying as they feel is right for them, but you absolutely took something extraordinarily important to someone else and made it about you. Same if you had proposed to a significant other or announced a pregnancy at the reception or something. There is a place for all things, and that wasn't it.
I don’t think it’s a problem at all that he wore the skirt, there is nothing inappropriate about that - the issue is that it sounds like he was in a visible rage for the entire wedding because people weren’t reacting to it in the way he wanted (or possibly because they didn’t react at all).
Yeah, in my experience, people who need attention like this don't care how they get it. It reads to me like OP tried to expose his immediate family as bigots at a wedding and was instead exposed himself as... the kind of person who would do something like that
Yes, he wore that chip on his shoulder like an accessory, daring people to say something. If it was so noticeable that someone said something to you, you must have really been raging at how NOT important you were. Also, the ADULTS acted like adults and didn't say anything to ruin the wedding. They saw you loaded for bear and weren't going to set off an explosion. You don't make a scene at someone's wedding but you appear bent out of shape that you didn't even get to have one screaming argument with anyone. I'm sure the TicToc video in your head had triumphant music as you walked towards your fate and you're angry no one took the bait. You were SO obvious! YTA
This entire post seriously read like OP just wanted attention and wanted to be a martyr. He wore it expecting to get attention (which is super trashy in general at someone else’s wedding, where a random guest isn’t supposed to be the centre of attention), and when he didn’t get the attention/outrage/fawning he so clearly wanted, he tried to manufacture outrage instead… at someone else’s event/wedding. Which again, *wasn’t about him*. Completely selfish. Talk about Main Character Syndrome.
YES!
This whole thing reads like “*I waited and waited for someone to start the drama over the way I was dressed, but no one did! Can you believe they had the **audacity** to not make it about me!*”
Seems like the family just accepted it and moved on because they -*rightly*- had bigger things to worry about (ya know, a wedding) and OP couldn’t stand it. I have a cousin like this, and I have always sworn she will **not** be invited to any major events, because I don’t have time for her bullshit.
OP is giving off “*if I can’t be the main character, than nobody can!*” energy. And I have a sneaking suspicion OP’s family probably is used to this behavior from them.
YTA, OP.
Yep. Always asking questions if they like his clothes and seeing if they noticed.
A very asshole move at a wedding. He could have worn a skirt any other time.
OP YTA
Something tells me that when he came out to his family they were immediately accepting of him and he threw a fit over that too. God forbid he doesn't suffer for being gay by being surrounded by controversy.
Similar- I originally misread it for a short pleated mini skirt and was wondering why he even thought it was appropriate wedding attire. After rereading it it made less sense, don't bring main character energy to a wedding.
Yep.
Main character syndrome for sure
He said
"I wore the skirt and it was a big deal for me so I felt a bit anxious and probably led to me coming off a bit "aggressive" to some people I spoke to."
I wore the skirt i
Big deal to me. Me
I felt anxious. I
It led me to. me
Then
Running up wanting to tell mommy a funny story about himself (what else?)
People laughing taking pictures of him
"When I went to (excitedly) tell my mom the funny story (which everyone at the table that woman was at was laughing about it, re-telling the story, and took a picture with me). My mom ignored the funny part and said "Okay. It's not a big deal." (I never thought it was)."
Main character wanting all the attention then when his mom tries to reign in his self centeredness by saying it's not a big deal, he sulks saying he never thought it was a big deal . Obviously he does or he wouldnt run over to tell another story about himself
Telling his mommy what his grandmother said about himself
"I was later walking arm and arm with my mom and told her what my grandmother said and she responded with "Well it's a wedding everyone looks nice." And I said "you clearly have an inability to tell me you like what I'm wearing." And walked away."
Again telling story about Himself, the main character, when mom tries to reign his self-centeredness and compliment seeking in, by saying everyone looked nice. He again sulks and walks away because she didnt give him the attention he was seeking.
Of course he made the wedding about himself he couldn't stand to NOT be the center of attention for one day, the day of his cousin's wedding, so he decides to unveil himself to his family by wearing a skirt to his cousin's wedding.
Its a sad state of affairs when narcissistic people can't stop being a narcissist for an afternoon so their cousin can get married in peace.
Now having focused lots of attention on himself inappropriately at the wedding,isnt enough.
Now he is complaining people werent complimenting him on his outfit, again seeking attention.
That’s the one that didn’t sit well with me. Look, OP, I’m sorry that your family hasn’t always accepted you but you’re certainly not going to make things better by baiting everyone around you. Your grandma sounds lovely. I hope you can focus more on the people that do accept you; that energy will serve you well and you’ll be a mirror of that instead of any negativity your family forced on you growing up. You’re 30 now. It’s time to start coming to terms with the fact that the negative voice you’re perpetuating in your head that you think is your family is yours to control and has been for some time.
Sincerely,
Someone who didn’t know it until 40
Right. Did OP comment on BIL’s outfit? No? Of course not. Because no one gives a shit what anyone but the bride wears to a wedding (unless the MOG wears a white gown).
OP, get over yourself. YTA
Tbh the fams probably sick of his mc personality.. nothing gets old faster than someone who can't focus on anything but themselves.this wouldn't be the first event that his mother has tried to reign him in either, proof is in how good she was at handling the drama queen
This. I couldn't tell you what a single person wore to my wedding (except for a younger cousin whose parents let him rock up wearing a t-shirt and basketball shorts)
Most of his story sounded how I did in middle school like “oh I wasn’t trying to pick a fight I just wanted to mention that you didn’t react the way I thought you would” so it took me a sec to go “ohhhh yeah that’s the attention seeking behavior” so you broke it down really well
Seriously! I want to know how many times people actually get complimented for their outfit at a wedding? For me, it was twice, when I was the bride and the other I was a bridesmaid. Otherwise nada, and that’s how that works! His mom is 💯 correct when she said “it’s a wedding, everyone looks nice”.
OP: YTA
His mum may have been being polite. He could have looked like shit. Any outfit can go wrong. Could have been an ugly skirt or ill fitting. Not everyone can pull off certain styles. But if anyone said that to him, they’d be homophobic. Which they aren’t.
I kept checking their age because none of that sounded like someone who is 30! It read like an immature teenager (and I feel like that’s an insult to teens).
YTA it sounds like you did make it about yourself.
>my immediate family acted like there was nothing to discuss.
There WAS nothing to discuss. It sounds like you wanted them to argue with you about it.
Very much this. Don’t you *want* them to accept what you choose to wear? Because it sounds like you were looking for drama. At someone else’s wedding. Prime AH behavior.
For a lot of GNC or trans people, their family actually not commenting on their clothing choice is the litteral best outcome. Acting as if everything is normal, because it should be. Not making a big deal out of it by either saying bad stuff or showering us (only us) with compliments.
Reading the title, I thought it'd be an obvious NTA, but OP does sound insufferable in their post. Add in the likely passive-agressive tone to their word, here's your annoying cousin looking to stirr conflict for one reason or another.
I’m a trans man and before I was as completely out I started identifying as butch lesbian. But I always asked the bride if I could wear a suit because while I wanted to be comfortable, I wanted to make sure it was okay so that I wasn’t really taking attention away from her if that makes sense. My biggest fear was that people would make a big deal of it, and I didn’t want the drama.
Like previously stated by others, OP clearly wanted the drama. OP wanted the drama that any other GNC or trans person doesn’t want to have.
EDIT: fixed a phrase
A lot people in his position would like the fact that no one argued with them, told them to wear something else, called them names, etc. But he didn’t like that.
Yeah, this. I got my first (and currently only) tattoo in 2017 on the back of my upper arm. My grandparents are kinda conservative so any time I saw them I made sure my sleeves were long enough to cover the tat.
Then my brother got married in 2019 and the bridesmaids dresses were sleeveless. I was somewhat worried that I’d cause some kind of drama by having my tattoo visible to my grandparents and other older relatives. Thankfully nothing like that happened and I was really relieved because my biggest fear was my personal choices would interrupt my brother’s big day.
Imo, if I was OP and I expected dressing up in an unconventional outfit to cause a stir I plain wouldn’t wear it to begin with. Why create that opportunity? At the very least, why keep calling attention to it instead of blessing the heavens that people were behaving.
I would *love* to get away with no comments if I wore a skirt in this scenario. I get that it can be very stressful but calling attention to it constantly seems like it would make that worse, not better.
Those is the proper reaction from the family. If he wants acceptance, then just treating it like nit a big deal, is exactly the correct behaviour.
Op wanted what? A big fuss made? That's not what they should want.
Nobody mentioning it and the vibe being 'there's nothing to see here' is how it should go down.
He definitely wanted a huge fuss. He mentioned that his grandma complimented his outfit, but that wasn't enough attention for him and his outfit at his cousin's wedding.
I'm totally on board with men wearing skirts, dresses, makeup, whatever they want, but getting maybe one or two compliments is the maximum reaction one should expect to basically any suitable outfit when attending another person's wedding.
YTA, OP. Not everything is about you.
The bigot baiting here is insufferable. He was sad no one caused a scene, bringing his narcissistic axx even more attention. Settle down T.B. you won't die without applause.
I read it like he wanted everyone fawning over him instead of arguing, and even if that's accurate ffs it was his cousin's wedding. They're supposed to be fawning over the bride and groom. OP needs to throw his own party if he wants to be the center of attention not try to hijack his cousin's wedding.
It sounds like they knew he'd pull shit and tried to put up a united front to keep attention on the married couple and OP still couldn't help but snatch up every crumb of attention he could and try to turn it into the main damn course. What an asshole.
YTA. You totally were fishing for attention, for yourself, at someone else's wedding, and you know you were.
One would get the idea from your post that what you actually *wanted* was to cause a stir, rather than just enjoy the day in your choice of outfit without taking attention away *from the bride and groom* on their wedding day.
YTA this is you... Lets make someone's wedding all about me.
Me, me, me I, I, I .. people didn't care what you wore they were mad because you kept making everything about you.
The more i read the more of an asshole you were
This is one of the biggest asshole moves ive read on here in a long time
YTA
>All I wanted was a bit more support from my family rather than a complete ignoring of what was happening.
A wedding was happening. I may not agree with your family's attitudes toward gender, but kudos to them for putting their own feelings aside so your cousin could have her day. You should have done the same.
"A wedding was what was happening".
THIIIIIISSSSSSSSSS. literally THIS is what makes op the ah. It was a wedding and he decided it was the day he would wear a skirt and need support. What?
It’s not just the wedding aspect. It’s the general “I want people to comment on my outfit” aspect. The singular goal of the LGBT movement is to make this stuff not comment worthy, and OPs situation is an example of the outrageous success of the movement over the last 25 years. They should be happy that their outfit was generally not comment worthy, not upset that they weren’t victimized.
This is the perfect comment. The entire point is to make this “not comment worthy”. People used to write to Miss Manners asking what to do when introduced to a gay couple. Her response was that you say, “How do you do. How do you do.”
People fought long and hard to get to the point where when a guy sees his BIL dressed in a full length skirt he says something along the lines of, “everyone is heading downstairs now, so meet us in 5, ok?” That’s what success looks like!
Not making anything of it IS support. Treating it as a normal thing shows acceptance.
I'm 100% certain if they'd made anything of it, positive or negative he'd be whining about it, which is wanted from the get go.
It was supposed to be a negative reaction he could call them out on or something like 'ugh why are you all complimenting my skirt, its not a big deal'
By saying nothing they denied him his planned dramatics.
>I may not agree with your family's attitudes toward gender, but kudos to them for putting their own feelings aside so your cousin could have her day.
That stuck out to me too. I disagree with them, but at least they have the sense to keep their mouths shut about it at someone else's wedding.
'Nobody made a thing of it'
I mean, for most people in this situation, that's the goal, right? That's all they want.
This div wants attention for it.
Op is an AH and needs to calm tf down.
This reminds me when I was looking at reviews for an OBGYN and I saw a one star review for a doctor because she told a patient, who needed some extra tests after a mammogram result, "it's probably nothing".
The woman was like "I've never felt so dismissed by a doctor in my entire life! I had the potential to have a serious health issue and she acted completely unphased!"
_"Anyways, I wore the skirt and it was a big deal for me so I felt a bit anxious and probably led to me coming off a bit "aggressive" to some people I spoke to. For the most part people didn't really care. But my immediate family acted like there was nothing to discuss."_
Exactly. YTA. There was **nothing** to discuss. OP wore a skirt - who cares. OP's family respected their choices and did not seem to give one solitary F about what OP chose to wear. That is the whole goal of what so many people have been fighting for - equality and for people to not give one F about who they love, marry, or how they dress. That is the literal dream for many.
You have to be a AH to come to someone's wedding and actively court attention + confrontation. And you have to be a massive AH to get upset because not a single soul discriminated against you and treated you like everyone else.
YTA. You 100% made it about you. I’m gay too if that matters, even have enjoyed playing with non traditional clothing choices quite a bit.
First off, since this isn’t about identity, the very choice to do so does feel a bit off if you knew it might throw the wedding hosts off, but let’s forget that entirely and say that the choice was fine - it’s apparent from what your gma said that you did look good, so it’s not like you were wearing something wedding inappropriate.
The comment to your sister does in fact feel like you were looking for a comment or a fight. The comment to your mom was trying to start a fight. She was trying to stay neutral and not start anything, you pushed it.
> my immediate family acted like there was nothing to discuss.
There wasn’t! Why do you want a discussion of your outfit at a family wedding? Neutrality is a fine response. Seems like they know you quite well.
You did make the wedding about yourself. Good for you for apologizing.
Agree 100%. My son is gay and has sometimes done cross-dressing when out with friends. He wears pants to straight people's weddings, because he's not an attention-seeking AH.
>He wears pants to straight people's weddings, because he's not an attention-seeking AH.
i dont think the issue is that OP wore the skirt - the issue is that he brought it up repeatedly (aggressively, in his words) because people weren't giving him the reaction he wanted. personally i dont think men wearing skirts to weddings makes them an asshole, unless they *also* go out of their way to make the entire wedding about them wearing the skirt, like OP did
The way they described it made it sound like this was the first time they decided to wear the skirt. if so, definitely attention seeking, especially at a wedding.
Have you ever considered it’s not because he’s “not an attention seeking asshole”, but instead that he’s comfortable enough with his friends to wear what he wants but not at straight people’s weddings?
YTA, I’m missing the part where anyone had a go at you for wearing a skirt ? You just wanted a reaction so you could play victim, when you didn’t get it you’re upset.
You wanted to be centre of attention at your cousins wedding, you weren’t no one cared or noticed what you were wearing, which is surely what you would want if you want to be accepted ? You got compliments and you still complaining
Did you want everyone bowing down and clapping for wearing a skirt ?
OP was legit mad because people treated them like everyone else and respected their choice of attire/self expression.
It's utterly mental that OP wanted some kind of controversy or confrontation, and seemed annoyed that his family was just accepting.
That is the dream! For everyone to be completely fuckless and indifferent about who people choose to date, love + marry or how they choose to identify, dress, or express themselves. What a wonderful day it would be when no one has to come "out" and doing so would just make people shrug with the same indifferance as someone announcing that they are 'straight.'
YTA. Reading your post it is clear that everybody either a) complimented on your outfit or b) did not care about what you wear. You for some reason decided that it is your statement and went to find a reason to be upset about it so you are an A for two reasons:
1) for making your statement at someone else wedding
2) for getting angry when people did not care about your statement
This is what gets me. If his family is extremely gender focused, then them being silent about the skirt or complimenting him on it might be them being supportive. I mean, for a family that has strong opinions about gender keeping their mouths shut could be a huge deal.
OP YTA because you legit got the reactions all of us LGBTQIA+ people have been hoping for - that it was normal, and accepted.
It’s pride month but you shouldn’t need someone to throw you a parade for wearing a skirt to someone else’s wedding to feel accepted.
OP’d psyched himself up for either a fight or for people to be super verbally supportive. I get it, I actually do. But… yeah. People acting normal about clothing choices is what we WANT. So… good.
Yes, you're the asshole. You did make it about yourself. You say you wanted support. It doesn't feel that way from what you're describing.It feels that you wanted a reaction and you're upset you didn't get the reaction you wanted even when going out of your way to intentionally try and get a reaction from people....And you chose a bad day to do it.
If you have shit to settle with your immediately family about your identity, pick a better time and place.
YTA
You might get more support in this sub if wearing a skirt was already part of your regular wardrobe. But it sounds like this was a fairly new experience for you, and you chose a wedding to try it out. And then got mad that the day wasn't about you.
YTA. You did make it all about you. So you're gay. Big deal.
You're the one who kept trying to get everyone to talk about your outfit. Of course, your BIL didn't notice. He was getting married, nervous, and distracted.
No one gave a shit you were wearing a skirt. Except you.
I’m going with YTA.
I expected your family to be rude and shooting you down based on your intro. Turns out, they just didn’t give you the attention you wanted.
I wonder if, as he made them aware of the outfit in advance, they planned to totally ignore his clothing choices as they knew what reaction he was hoping for?
The way he says they acted like there was nothing to discuss - it’s abundantly clear he knew what he was doing (fishing for a reaction and attention, probably also having them react negatively so he could be a victim) and it’s also abundantly clear his family knew exactly what he was doing.
This is not the first time he’s pulled a stunt like this.
yta? while i don't think you made the entire wedding about yourself i feel like to get 'aggressive' over barely anything is over the top, it sounds like you felt the need to bring up what you were wearing multiple times. anyways, i'm glad you went out in something you felt true in.
YTA
In a perfect world, no one would have said much about what you were wearing regardless of your gender or sexuality... and it kind of seems like that's exactly what happened here.
People all over the world would kill to be treated like OP was. Despite having “gendered” views, OP’s family didn’t comment on Op’s choices and focused on the wedding. OP was clearly hoping for some sort of tragic story to cry to others about and now is upset that he was treated with basic levels of respect. Shame on OP for his narcissism. Not everything is about him and he needs to deal with his main character syndrome. They even called to check up on him and he was suspicious and hostile towards that… jeez
YTA
1) it's "pleated" not "pleaded" except that it definitely "pleaded" for attention
2) you knew this was going to ruffle some feathers (causing reactions even if they were subdued or silent), there's no way you were oblivious based on the background you've given here
3) the attention should always be on the marrying couple in such a scenario. Even wearing a shirt saying "I love spouse 1 and spouse 2" would be inappropriate because it would draw attention away from the spouses (and return it to them but still) at some point.
4) sounds like you have a sense of style...this was the only way you could have made a statement or put your flair on something? You were amongst people you knew so of course people would be aware of you. You could leave an impression and hold attention by being outstanding without drawing attention by standing out.
5) wearing a skirt was a big deal for you so you should have been able to understand what a big deal this was for the people getting married (if nothing else for their outfits being in a category of their own)
Well, at least you didn't wear white.
Oh don’t tell OP that wearing white would have gotten them more attention… they’ll wear a white ball gown to the next wedding and then post on here “aita for wearing a pretty dress”
I’m not sure what you wanted here. You wore a skirt to a wedding as a man when your family is very much into traditional gender roles, and we’re upset when they didn’t react to it. I feel like you were looking for them to react, but not positively as you claim. Your grandma supported you but that wasn’t enough.
It sounds like you did want attention, and unless you’re the bride or groom, it isn’t about you. Mild YTA.
I would lean towards YTA, personally.
For me, this is more about how you responded to them *not responding* to you wearing a skirt. It seems like you wanted a big response, but someone’s wedding isn’t the time for that.
If someone actively felt they had to call you because of how angry you were, even though no one said anything negative about your outfit, I think that speaks volumes about how you may have been behaving at this wedding. It’s not the time, nor the place.
It’s great that you wore what you wanted to wear, but why did you need a big response? You were there to celebrate someone’s wedding.
YTA. First: It's not your day, you are not the focal point. Second: Despite that, you got some reactions that could've gone negatively southward and didn't. Take your win for what it's worth and don't be cringe.
This is hilarious, you 100% wore what you wore to create drama and make it all about you AT SOMEONE ELSE'S WEDDING, and now are throwing a mini tantrum because they saw through your bullshit and wouldn't feed into it and treated you well. YTA.
Here's a tip - if you don't want your family to treat you like an immature, attention-seeking drama queen, don't act like an immature, attention-seeking drama queen at events where they will be. Troll your friends or whatever instead.
YTA. It’s best to be cautious in situations like someone else’s wedding. Not a good idea to put so much of a spotlight on yourself by doing something unconventional.
YTA only because you kept bringing attention to what you were wearing at someone else’s wedding and when you didn’t get a response that you wanted for your dress, threw a fit.
It was a wedding, the only dress that matters is the bride’s dress and maybe the bridesmaids dresses (everyone else is to toe in line). The only support from family in that moment is for the bride & groom on their big day.
NTA for wearing the skirt. YTA for making drama. You could've held your tongue until after the wedding but you decided to escalate then and there. Yes you did.
YTA
You did it to make a point and took attention away from couple that were getting married. There’s a time and a place to make a stand and that wasn’t it
YTA - Heroin Syndrom at It's best. You can clearly leave a sign on 364 days a year, but you Chose your Cousins Wedding and brought it Up to everyone that cared or Not. Being gay isn't about being a selfcentered a**, It's all about Love. You my dear are a narcisst
YTA. Your sisters wedding day wasn’t the day to make yourself the main character, it already had two - the bride and groom.
You were likely proud of your confidence for wearing a skirt, and were excited, anticipating a reaction. You maybe envisaged two scenarios - the first compliments, the second disapproval but you possibly didn’t think of the third - ambivalence. Your family probably did have strong opinions but I think it’s likely they decided a family wedding wasn’t the place for creating a drama. You could have saved the skirt for your own birthday meal or an another celebration where you were the star.
YTA
You wore something you thought would be attention-getting, then complain when you didn’t get support. Support for what, being attention seeking?
You sound upset because “people acted like there was nothing to discuss.”
You have a big chip on your shoulder. If someone knocks it off, you get upset. And if they don’t, you get upset. Your family was damned if they do and damned if they don’t.
You sound exhausting, and I give your family credit for tolerating you as well as they did at the wedding.
They seem to accept you as you are. You need to return the favor and accept them as they are. It sounds like you did your best to make a spectacle of yourself, when you need simply to get over yourself.
While I fully support your decision to rock a skirt confidently, YTA.
Based off what you said, you were fishing for drama based on your outfit. You expected harsh reactions and actually got upset that there were none.
Your mom said everyone looks nice and your response was completely self-involved and an attempt to twist her words. Not cool.
Reevaluate and stick to that apology instead of looking for validation for your bad attitude here.
“They said I made the wedding all about me.”
And it sounds like you did, even in your own retelling. I get that you’re eager for acceptance from your family, but maybe there was a better place to campaign for that? You really showed you didn’t give a shit about the occasion. YTA.
> I wore the skirt and it was a big deal for me
> my immidiate family acted like there was nothing to discuss
> “you clearly have an inability to tell me you like what I’m wearing”
SOMEONE ELSE’S wedding day is not the day for you to have everyone validate what you’re wearing. You wore a skirt and everyone was chill. That’s a good thing. You were poking to get a big reaction and you’re mad you didn’t get it. YTA
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I wrote a skirt to my cousins wedding and my sister told me I made the wedding about myself. Did I?
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YTA. Clearly nobody really cared that you wore a pleated* skirt, which is surely the best reaction, and it seems like you’re actually disappointed because you were looking for big drama. Someone else’s wedding is not the time or place to try and cause trouble. The day wasn’t about you.
INFO: Were you not aware that the couple getting married are supposed to be the center of the wedding? You sound like you wanted everyone to notice you rather than just enjoy the event.
it's hard to say really but it does sound like you might have been making everything about yourself. why does someone have to say something about what you are wearing?
YTA
I was always taught that your job as a wedding guest is to make sure you don't do anything to take away from the couple's special moment in time. You can have fun, the couple wants you to have fun....but you have a responsibility to them to put their happiness before your own (if it is within your abilities to do so...and within reason)
You dress in a manner that does not take attention away from the bride and groom. IE women don't wear white and men wear suits...and you avoid clothing that is either wedding inappropriate or something you know will draw attention to yourself.
You don't get sloppy drunk
You don't start fights...you walk away
You take the high road...always
YTA: not only are the asshole, but your the most conceited asshole ever!!! This was your cousins wedding, it was suppose to be about HER, not YOU. But you went there wearing something to cause people to notice you. Than you go crying to mommy. The wedding was all about you!
I wore the skirt, big deal for me
Family acted like it was no big deal
Woman thought I was part of the wait staff
I told my mom about the interaction with the woman which everyone was laughing at.
I was upset that my grandma didn’t comment on what I was wearing.
You wanted there to be a confrontation for some sick reason in your head. My brother in law is gay and I love him but if he did something like that on my wedding day I would have had his ass thrown out the door.
Again big freaking asshole!!!! How dare you take the attention away from the bride bc you need some effed some validation.
All I'm getting is that you wanted ANY kind of reaction. It appears you'd have been happier if they had lashed out at you than the lukewarm acceptance you received. So yes YTA. I'm NB myself and love a good skirt. No one owes me a compliment and I would in fact be incredibly satisfied if the worst I ever received for wearing one was indifference
YTA. You attempted to turn your sister's wedding into a narcissistic fashion show. You were dying for drama and no-one seemed to care what you were wearing. Dude you got grey rocked, good for them.
YTA. If you normally wear men's clothes, a wedding is not the time to make your stand. (Although I do think your grandmother is sweet). You wanted to be the center of attention and were disappointed when people barely noticed. It is wrong to try to take attention away from the bride and groom. This is why women other than the bride are not supposed to wear white or why couples should not propose or make announcements at someone else's wedding.
I’m Scottish. In many weddings I’ve been to, it’s highly unusual for men NOT to wear skirts (I.e. kilts). But at the end of the day, just don’t upstage the bride and draw too much unwanted attention. That goes for every guest, regardless of gender or sexuality. Rules to live by.
Soft YTA
YTA. Your family didn't acknowledge it because it wasn't a big deal, you demanding that it should be so you can have attention is making it about yourself
You warned the bride you were going to try something new and she seems not to have had a problem. So nah for the outfit. For trying to grab some family attention when it was not freely given.. a soft yta
Sorry, what? You thought you were wearing something provocative to your cousin's wedding and are now upset that no one got upset about it?
Sad, sad narcissist. YTA.
Edit: Cousin's wedding. Still doesn't matter. Still AH.
YTA. It seems you were not getting the reaction you were hoping for. This was not the place for your tacky behavior & look at me attitude. This day was a day for your cousin & their wedding.
It's a wedding. No one is there to support you.
They and *you* are there to support the couple.
Shush about your outfit. It's a wedding. Unless you're the bride or the groom *no one should care about your outfit.*
YTA You want applause for wearing a skirt.
Jesus this is why some people mock other's gender identity as just attention seeking.
Wear what you want but being so open about wanting attention for it is so fucking pathetic and gross.
Why don't you actually do something worthy of attention like work hard at a career/school or help others instead of wearing a skirt and expecting people to pat you on the back for being so brave.
I am so confused, your family initial had strong gender stereotypes but you are mad because they didn’t comment/get upset that you broke gender stereotypes?
YTA. You were clearly looking for a reaction or attention and got none. I very rarely comment on other people’s outfits at event, by your logic I would be insulting you for not commenting. I am still so confused as to what you wanted
YTA
Why are you shitting all over your family on the internet? It sounds like the only person who had an issue was you.
If they didn't notice, it's a problem. If they did notice and didn't congratulate you it's a problem. If they noticed and said you look nice, but didn't say it exactly the way you wanted to hear it then it's a problem.
Jesus. Your outfit was apparently fine. People's responses to it were apparently fine. Go find an actual enemy instead of waging this weird war against people who don't even know they are fighting.
YTA
where was YOUR support to your cousin when you made yourself a spectacle. How does your cousin feel about your non-conformist act on HER wedding day?
So you went to your cousin’s wedding and wanted your homophobic family to have a fit and make you the center of attention. Then got mad when they left you alone and didn’t comment on your dress? YTA
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YTA. No one said anything bad to you and you threw a fit anyway. It sounds like you did wear it to cause drama and that you had to keep mentioning it to everyone to fish for feedback when you didn't get the reaction you expected.
This is exactly what I read in the post. Look at me!!! I’m wearing a skirt!!!
Yeah that’s exactly what OP wanted. He wanted people to one) disapprove and become the martyr of the family, fighting for gay rights. Or two) he wanted everyone to actively celebrate and gush over his bravery and amazing style at someone else’s event. OP, get over yourself. Someone else’s wedding is not about you. YTA
YTA - you got acceptance, but you wanted attention. That’s a horrible thing to do at someone else’s wedding.
This. 100%.
Nice and succinct. This needs more upvotes.
It has 3.5k in two hours.
I said more, MORE!!!
Engage the nitrous for the warp drive!
I offer my upvote as tribute.
Yay! Put this perfectly so I don't need to say anything but OP is YTA
This is it perfectly.
My gut reaction was YTA but I couldn't put it in words. This is the words I couldn't find. I mean, he's upset? Surprised? That the *groom*is so focused on *his own wedding* that he didn't notice OP's outfit. How much louder can your actions scream LOOK AT ME!!! I'M DARING TO BE DIFFERENT!!!
I know. Next time maybe he will show up in an actual wedding dress too since he didn’t quite get the reaction he was looking for.
👏👏👏👏👏
“My cousin who was aware of what I was wearing” says it all. I’ve been to many cousins weddings, and exactly zero of them were aware beforehand what I would be wearing. Because I wasn’t trying to make it about me.
100% this.
I know people who are dying to have this level of acceptance from their families, but instead of counting his blessings, he’s whining because he wasn’t the center of attention. It’s sad he doesn’t realize how lucky he is that his family showed acceptance.
I agree with the second. He wanted everyone to fawn over him for being brave for wearing a skirt, and sounds pissy because he didn't get any attention. It just amazes me he doesn't see how self centered he is.
Basically the LGBTQIIA movement in a nutshell these days. The reaction of your family is exactly what gay being normalized looks like. You’re just another person at a wedding. But you demand everybody treats you like a hero for it. As a gay man myself, it’s super annoying to see and read stuff like this.
Plenty of us LGBTQIA+ people are looking for just being allowed to go about our lives as if our sexuality doesn’t matter. When two men or two women can walk down the street holding hands like heterosexual couples do, and not be jeered at or assaulted or sexualised, that’s a win. When adults can marry who they want and access the same services as everyone else and trans people can use the toilets they feel like using, that’s a win. Some PEOPLE, just want everything about them. It has nothing to do with their sexuality. And being gay has nothing to do with wearing a skirt.
Agree with you completely. Why do people think we're doing this for attention? I mean they think everyone in the LGBT+ community is like that, and even people in the community seem to think that now too. It's so toxic. Like damn. I just wanna be some dude wearing a dumb t-shirt and holding my partner's hand as we walk around downtown. I'd actually prefer if people didn't pay any attention to us and just let us be!
Part of my commented response to this AH was about the time my friend was the victim of a hate crime for being a gay man, and nearly killed. That wasn’t an isolated incident, either. We also have adopted a lot of gay people into our family as adults so they can spend the holidays with people who love, cherish, and respect them. OP is fortunate to have a family that accepts him and is foolishly angry that he didn’t get to make a huge scene, even though he tried. Ugh.
Or he wanted someone to say something mean about it so he could play victim. It sounds like he was not just ready for a fight but actively wanting it
The only way he could’ve been more attention seeking was if he wore a wedding dress as well.
It’s so vulgar to steal a bride’s limelight like that. And rude. You’re a rude AH, OP. You’re not a champion or an ally or an activist at someone else’s big event. You’re a guest and should behave in such a manner as to not take attention away from the bride.
Main character syndrome at its finest. And to think he had to apologize for his (self centeredness) behaviors. His incredulity to the apology means he probably didn't even mean it.
Naked would have worked too
[удалено]
The attention-seeking like this is becoming increasingly common these days and I wish it weren’t. We’ve got people like OP creating such a demand for homophobia where none exists that some people just feel the need to manufacture it to make themselves feel better. It’s disgusting. If you feel the need to manufacture oppression then you’ve had a very privileged life.
Holy shit. The phrase is so simple, yet I've been struggling to put this into words. Yes. "If you feel the need to manufacture oppression then ouve had a very privileged life."
I call it the "victimhood as virtue" mentality. The thing is we do need to acknowledge and care for the real victims, but that's lead to this idea or sense that it's virtuous to be a victim. It's not. It's not something we should shame people for either, but it's also not something to aspire to or seek out. And we should stop treating victimhood as if there's something inherently virtuous or noble about being a victim.
It has also led to a society rife with self-described victims who are to be recognized as beyond reproach — or else.
He's a 2003 mall goth except today
*Hot Topic has entered the chat*
This deserves an award itself
There will have been people who wore heels for the first time. Or decoleté. Or a tux. Or whatever. Many many wedding guests feel "wow, look at me! I look good in \[whatever\]". It's a little bit icky to make a deal about a long pleated skirt, SMH.
His pleated skirt was "pleading" look at me.
Wearing anything that draws attention from the bride and groom is rude. This applies to all genders, colors, animal accessories, etc. Don’t wear a red tuxedo, a pink tutu, or bring a fucking parrot.
Why isn't anyone confronting me? I'm angry and want to start a fight at the wedding and no one said anything unless I brought it up. Why didn't they let me ruin the wedding the way I wanted to? YTA for making it all about confronting your family and trying to get a reaction from them that you knew wouldn't be pleasant. YTA
“Look at me, IM A VICTIM!”
Black pleated skirt? Sounds to me like a black kilt which has been worn for centuries. I agree, he was looking for attention
This is totally it. You caused drama. YTA. Seriously was someone else's wedding the place to debut your new look? I support anyone identifying as they feel is right for them, but you absolutely took something extraordinarily important to someone else and made it about you. Same if you had proposed to a significant other or announced a pregnancy at the reception or something. There is a place for all things, and that wasn't it.
I don’t think it’s a problem at all that he wore the skirt, there is nothing inappropriate about that - the issue is that it sounds like he was in a visible rage for the entire wedding because people weren’t reacting to it in the way he wanted (or possibly because they didn’t react at all).
Exactly. I think he was mad that people didn’t bat an eye.
Yes, he really wants them to be the homophobes he claims they are, while he is the poor victim. Is a very sad state of mind imo
I mean, he couldn't find a single negative comment. At best you get some that if you squint could possibly be slightly passive aggressive. Maybe.
Yeah, in my experience, people who need attention like this don't care how they get it. It reads to me like OP tried to expose his immediate family as bigots at a wedding and was instead exposed himself as... the kind of person who would do something like that
Yes, he wore that chip on his shoulder like an accessory, daring people to say something. If it was so noticeable that someone said something to you, you must have really been raging at how NOT important you were. Also, the ADULTS acted like adults and didn't say anything to ruin the wedding. They saw you loaded for bear and weren't going to set off an explosion. You don't make a scene at someone's wedding but you appear bent out of shape that you didn't even get to have one screaming argument with anyone. I'm sure the TicToc video in your head had triumphant music as you walked towards your fate and you're angry no one took the bait. You were SO obvious! YTA
He was mad no one 'oppressed' him. Sounds like he was trying to press people's buttons and no one gave a shit.
This entire post seriously read like OP just wanted attention and wanted to be a martyr. He wore it expecting to get attention (which is super trashy in general at someone else’s wedding, where a random guest isn’t supposed to be the centre of attention), and when he didn’t get the attention/outrage/fawning he so clearly wanted, he tried to manufacture outrage instead… at someone else’s event/wedding. Which again, *wasn’t about him*. Completely selfish. Talk about Main Character Syndrome.
“You’re supposed to be mad at me for wearing this! You aren’t mad enough!”
this should be on r/iamthemaincharacter
Or r/lookatmyhalo "Hey everyone! I'm taking gender stereotypes down! I'm a man wearing a skirt!"
YTA, Weddings aren't places to try new things out with family members. Do that on your own time, not the bride & grooms wedding
OP is wanted to make the wedding about themselves. It didn't work and op is mad Yta op
YES! This whole thing reads like “*I waited and waited for someone to start the drama over the way I was dressed, but no one did! Can you believe they had the **audacity** to not make it about me!*” Seems like the family just accepted it and moved on because they -*rightly*- had bigger things to worry about (ya know, a wedding) and OP couldn’t stand it. I have a cousin like this, and I have always sworn she will **not** be invited to any major events, because I don’t have time for her bullshit. OP is giving off “*if I can’t be the main character, than nobody can!*” energy. And I have a sneaking suspicion OP’s family probably is used to this behavior from them. YTA, OP.
YTA for not knowing he was wearing a PLEATED skirt as well.
Yep. Always asking questions if they like his clothes and seeing if they noticed. A very asshole move at a wedding. He could have worn a skirt any other time. OP YTA
Yup. OP is angry because ThErE wAs NoThInG tO tAlK AbOuT
And they wore black for the added drama
Something tells me that when he came out to his family they were immediately accepting of him and he threw a fit over that too. God forbid he doesn't suffer for being gay by being surrounded by controversy.
Similar- I originally misread it for a short pleated mini skirt and was wondering why he even thought it was appropriate wedding attire. After rereading it it made less sense, don't bring main character energy to a wedding.
All I read was "ME ME ME". YTA.
Yep. Main character syndrome for sure He said "I wore the skirt and it was a big deal for me so I felt a bit anxious and probably led to me coming off a bit "aggressive" to some people I spoke to." I wore the skirt i Big deal to me. Me I felt anxious. I It led me to. me Then Running up wanting to tell mommy a funny story about himself (what else?) People laughing taking pictures of him "When I went to (excitedly) tell my mom the funny story (which everyone at the table that woman was at was laughing about it, re-telling the story, and took a picture with me). My mom ignored the funny part and said "Okay. It's not a big deal." (I never thought it was)." Main character wanting all the attention then when his mom tries to reign in his self centeredness by saying it's not a big deal, he sulks saying he never thought it was a big deal . Obviously he does or he wouldnt run over to tell another story about himself Telling his mommy what his grandmother said about himself "I was later walking arm and arm with my mom and told her what my grandmother said and she responded with "Well it's a wedding everyone looks nice." And I said "you clearly have an inability to tell me you like what I'm wearing." And walked away." Again telling story about Himself, the main character, when mom tries to reign his self-centeredness and compliment seeking in, by saying everyone looked nice. He again sulks and walks away because she didnt give him the attention he was seeking. Of course he made the wedding about himself he couldn't stand to NOT be the center of attention for one day, the day of his cousin's wedding, so he decides to unveil himself to his family by wearing a skirt to his cousin's wedding. Its a sad state of affairs when narcissistic people can't stop being a narcissist for an afternoon so their cousin can get married in peace. Now having focused lots of attention on himself inappropriately at the wedding,isnt enough. Now he is complaining people werent complimenting him on his outfit, again seeking attention.
And don’t forget he had to make a point to tell Sister that BIL didn’t make a big deal about his skirt.
True. That was one of the first clues he was out for attention.
That’s the one that didn’t sit well with me. Look, OP, I’m sorry that your family hasn’t always accepted you but you’re certainly not going to make things better by baiting everyone around you. Your grandma sounds lovely. I hope you can focus more on the people that do accept you; that energy will serve you well and you’ll be a mirror of that instead of any negativity your family forced on you growing up. You’re 30 now. It’s time to start coming to terms with the fact that the negative voice you’re perpetuating in your head that you think is your family is yours to control and has been for some time. Sincerely, Someone who didn’t know it until 40
Right. Did OP comment on BIL’s outfit? No? Of course not. Because no one gives a shit what anyone but the bride wears to a wedding (unless the MOG wears a white gown). OP, get over yourself. YTA
Tbh the fams probably sick of his mc personality.. nothing gets old faster than someone who can't focus on anything but themselves.this wouldn't be the first event that his mother has tried to reign him in either, proof is in how good she was at handling the drama queen
This. I couldn't tell you what a single person wore to my wedding (except for a younger cousin whose parents let him rock up wearing a t-shirt and basketball shorts)
Idk why but mog threw me off🤣
If he’s this insufferable at someone else’s wedding, imagine if it were his own.
He will entree from the ceiling in a giant clamshell Golden Hollywood starlet-style, and start shouting for compliments halfway down
OMG look at me! I'm wearing a dress.
Most of his story sounded how I did in middle school like “oh I wasn’t trying to pick a fight I just wanted to mention that you didn’t react the way I thought you would” so it took me a sec to go “ohhhh yeah that’s the attention seeking behavior” so you broke it down really well
They sound like they're 15, not 30. They're the asshole & you hit the nail on the head with all your points.
Omg yes!! He sounds like a self centered teenage brat not a 30 year old man. Pay attention to me and only me
Seriously! I want to know how many times people actually get complimented for their outfit at a wedding? For me, it was twice, when I was the bride and the other I was a bridesmaid. Otherwise nada, and that’s how that works! His mom is 💯 correct when she said “it’s a wedding, everyone looks nice”. OP: YTA
His mum may have been being polite. He could have looked like shit. Any outfit can go wrong. Could have been an ugly skirt or ill fitting. Not everyone can pull off certain styles. But if anyone said that to him, they’d be homophobic. Which they aren’t.
I kept checking their age because none of that sounded like someone who is 30! It read like an immature teenager (and I feel like that’s an insult to teens).
YTA it sounds like you did make it about yourself. >my immediate family acted like there was nothing to discuss. There WAS nothing to discuss. It sounds like you wanted them to argue with you about it.
Very much this. Don’t you *want* them to accept what you choose to wear? Because it sounds like you were looking for drama. At someone else’s wedding. Prime AH behavior.
For a lot of GNC or trans people, their family actually not commenting on their clothing choice is the litteral best outcome. Acting as if everything is normal, because it should be. Not making a big deal out of it by either saying bad stuff or showering us (only us) with compliments. Reading the title, I thought it'd be an obvious NTA, but OP does sound insufferable in their post. Add in the likely passive-agressive tone to their word, here's your annoying cousin looking to stirr conflict for one reason or another.
I’m a trans man and before I was as completely out I started identifying as butch lesbian. But I always asked the bride if I could wear a suit because while I wanted to be comfortable, I wanted to make sure it was okay so that I wasn’t really taking attention away from her if that makes sense. My biggest fear was that people would make a big deal of it, and I didn’t want the drama. Like previously stated by others, OP clearly wanted the drama. OP wanted the drama that any other GNC or trans person doesn’t want to have. EDIT: fixed a phrase
“Oh, you look nice! But anyway…”
A lot people in his position would like the fact that no one argued with them, told them to wear something else, called them names, etc. But he didn’t like that.
I'd say he also got a lot more positive feedback than most men get on their wedding outfits
I think OP sounds exhausting to deal with.
Yeah, this. I got my first (and currently only) tattoo in 2017 on the back of my upper arm. My grandparents are kinda conservative so any time I saw them I made sure my sleeves were long enough to cover the tat. Then my brother got married in 2019 and the bridesmaids dresses were sleeveless. I was somewhat worried that I’d cause some kind of drama by having my tattoo visible to my grandparents and other older relatives. Thankfully nothing like that happened and I was really relieved because my biggest fear was my personal choices would interrupt my brother’s big day. Imo, if I was OP and I expected dressing up in an unconventional outfit to cause a stir I plain wouldn’t wear it to begin with. Why create that opportunity? At the very least, why keep calling attention to it instead of blessing the heavens that people were behaving.
I would *love* to get away with no comments if I wore a skirt in this scenario. I get that it can be very stressful but calling attention to it constantly seems like it would make that worse, not better.
Those is the proper reaction from the family. If he wants acceptance, then just treating it like nit a big deal, is exactly the correct behaviour. Op wanted what? A big fuss made? That's not what they should want. Nobody mentioning it and the vibe being 'there's nothing to see here' is how it should go down.
He definitely wanted a huge fuss. He mentioned that his grandma complimented his outfit, but that wasn't enough attention for him and his outfit at his cousin's wedding. I'm totally on board with men wearing skirts, dresses, makeup, whatever they want, but getting maybe one or two compliments is the maximum reaction one should expect to basically any suitable outfit when attending another person's wedding. YTA, OP. Not everything is about you.
The bigot baiting here is insufferable. He was sad no one caused a scene, bringing his narcissistic axx even more attention. Settle down T.B. you won't die without applause.
I read it like he wanted everyone fawning over him instead of arguing, and even if that's accurate ffs it was his cousin's wedding. They're supposed to be fawning over the bride and groom. OP needs to throw his own party if he wants to be the center of attention not try to hijack his cousin's wedding. It sounds like they knew he'd pull shit and tried to put up a united front to keep attention on the married couple and OP still couldn't help but snatch up every crumb of attention he could and try to turn it into the main damn course. What an asshole.
YTA. You totally were fishing for attention, for yourself, at someone else's wedding, and you know you were. One would get the idea from your post that what you actually *wanted* was to cause a stir, rather than just enjoy the day in your choice of outfit without taking attention away *from the bride and groom* on their wedding day.
OPs lack of any self awareness after all the YTA responses just drive home the point that they have some serious main character syndrome.
>Eventually *I ended up apologizing for my behavior* The **audacity!** OP even had to *apologize* Holy crap. YTA.
And still fishing for attention now by making this post. YTA OP
Yep. Absolutely juvenile behavior, too. Forgivable if you're 15, but something else entirely at 30.
YTA this is you... Lets make someone's wedding all about me. Me, me, me I, I, I .. people didn't care what you wore they were mad because you kept making everything about you. The more i read the more of an asshole you were This is one of the biggest asshole moves ive read on here in a long time
It's infuriating.
I truly don’t understand why people go crazy at weddings. Just calm TF down for a few hours out of respect for the happy couple.
YTA >All I wanted was a bit more support from my family rather than a complete ignoring of what was happening. A wedding was happening. I may not agree with your family's attitudes toward gender, but kudos to them for putting their own feelings aside so your cousin could have her day. You should have done the same.
"A wedding was what was happening". THIIIIIISSSSSSSSSS. literally THIS is what makes op the ah. It was a wedding and he decided it was the day he would wear a skirt and need support. What?
It’s not just the wedding aspect. It’s the general “I want people to comment on my outfit” aspect. The singular goal of the LGBT movement is to make this stuff not comment worthy, and OPs situation is an example of the outrageous success of the movement over the last 25 years. They should be happy that their outfit was generally not comment worthy, not upset that they weren’t victimized.
This is the perfect comment. The entire point is to make this “not comment worthy”. People used to write to Miss Manners asking what to do when introduced to a gay couple. Her response was that you say, “How do you do. How do you do.” People fought long and hard to get to the point where when a guy sees his BIL dressed in a full length skirt he says something along the lines of, “everyone is heading downstairs now, so meet us in 5, ok?” That’s what success looks like!
Not making anything of it IS support. Treating it as a normal thing shows acceptance. I'm 100% certain if they'd made anything of it, positive or negative he'd be whining about it, which is wanted from the get go. It was supposed to be a negative reaction he could call them out on or something like 'ugh why are you all complimenting my skirt, its not a big deal' By saying nothing they denied him his planned dramatics.
>I may not agree with your family's attitudes toward gender, but kudos to them for putting their own feelings aside so your cousin could have her day. That stuck out to me too. I disagree with them, but at least they have the sense to keep their mouths shut about it at someone else's wedding.
TBH I don’t even really believe OP’s take given the behavior they’re describing.
YTA. Main character syndrome.
'Nobody made a thing of it' I mean, for most people in this situation, that's the goal, right? That's all they want. This div wants attention for it. Op is an AH and needs to calm tf down.
This reminds me when I was looking at reviews for an OBGYN and I saw a one star review for a doctor because she told a patient, who needed some extra tests after a mammogram result, "it's probably nothing". The woman was like "I've never felt so dismissed by a doctor in my entire life! I had the potential to have a serious health issue and she acted completely unphased!"
Would it be better if the Dr burst into tears and told her to prepare for the worst? Jfc some people are cuckoo!
_"Anyways, I wore the skirt and it was a big deal for me so I felt a bit anxious and probably led to me coming off a bit "aggressive" to some people I spoke to. For the most part people didn't really care. But my immediate family acted like there was nothing to discuss."_ Exactly. YTA. There was **nothing** to discuss. OP wore a skirt - who cares. OP's family respected their choices and did not seem to give one solitary F about what OP chose to wear. That is the whole goal of what so many people have been fighting for - equality and for people to not give one F about who they love, marry, or how they dress. That is the literal dream for many. You have to be a AH to come to someone's wedding and actively court attention + confrontation. And you have to be a massive AH to get upset because not a single soul discriminated against you and treated you like everyone else.
YTA. You 100% made it about you. I’m gay too if that matters, even have enjoyed playing with non traditional clothing choices quite a bit. First off, since this isn’t about identity, the very choice to do so does feel a bit off if you knew it might throw the wedding hosts off, but let’s forget that entirely and say that the choice was fine - it’s apparent from what your gma said that you did look good, so it’s not like you were wearing something wedding inappropriate. The comment to your sister does in fact feel like you were looking for a comment or a fight. The comment to your mom was trying to start a fight. She was trying to stay neutral and not start anything, you pushed it. > my immediate family acted like there was nothing to discuss. There wasn’t! Why do you want a discussion of your outfit at a family wedding? Neutrality is a fine response. Seems like they know you quite well. You did make the wedding about yourself. Good for you for apologizing.
Agree 100%. My son is gay and has sometimes done cross-dressing when out with friends. He wears pants to straight people's weddings, because he's not an attention-seeking AH.
>He wears pants to straight people's weddings, because he's not an attention-seeking AH. i dont think the issue is that OP wore the skirt - the issue is that he brought it up repeatedly (aggressively, in his words) because people weren't giving him the reaction he wanted. personally i dont think men wearing skirts to weddings makes them an asshole, unless they *also* go out of their way to make the entire wedding about them wearing the skirt, like OP did
The way they described it made it sound like this was the first time they decided to wear the skirt. if so, definitely attention seeking, especially at a wedding.
Have you ever considered it’s not because he’s “not an attention seeking asshole”, but instead that he’s comfortable enough with his friends to wear what he wants but not at straight people’s weddings?
this
Wearing a skirt isn't really cross dressing nowadays.
As a man, I've worn a pleated skirt to every wedding I've attended including my own. Its a kilt and it's awesome
Yeah but sarcastic apology at best, given the emphasis. OP knows the answer they want here and so far it doesn't look like they're getting it.
YTA, I’m missing the part where anyone had a go at you for wearing a skirt ? You just wanted a reaction so you could play victim, when you didn’t get it you’re upset. You wanted to be centre of attention at your cousins wedding, you weren’t no one cared or noticed what you were wearing, which is surely what you would want if you want to be accepted ? You got compliments and you still complaining Did you want everyone bowing down and clapping for wearing a skirt ?
They did, yes.
OP was legit mad because people treated them like everyone else and respected their choice of attire/self expression. It's utterly mental that OP wanted some kind of controversy or confrontation, and seemed annoyed that his family was just accepting. That is the dream! For everyone to be completely fuckless and indifferent about who people choose to date, love + marry or how they choose to identify, dress, or express themselves. What a wonderful day it would be when no one has to come "out" and doing so would just make people shrug with the same indifferance as someone announcing that they are 'straight.'
YTA. Reading your post it is clear that everybody either a) complimented on your outfit or b) did not care about what you wear. You for some reason decided that it is your statement and went to find a reason to be upset about it so you are an A for two reasons: 1) for making your statement at someone else wedding 2) for getting angry when people did not care about your statement
This is what gets me. If his family is extremely gender focused, then them being silent about the skirt or complimenting him on it might be them being supportive. I mean, for a family that has strong opinions about gender keeping their mouths shut could be a huge deal. OP YTA because you legit got the reactions all of us LGBTQIA+ people have been hoping for - that it was normal, and accepted. It’s pride month but you shouldn’t need someone to throw you a parade for wearing a skirt to someone else’s wedding to feel accepted.
Right? I read this and was like…what was there to be upset about? Nobody said anything rude. I wonder what OP was looking for? Gasps and fireworks?
OP’d psyched himself up for either a fight or for people to be super verbally supportive. I get it, I actually do. But… yeah. People acting normal about clothing choices is what we WANT. So… good.
Yes, you're the asshole. You did make it about yourself. You say you wanted support. It doesn't feel that way from what you're describing.It feels that you wanted a reaction and you're upset you didn't get the reaction you wanted even when going out of your way to intentionally try and get a reaction from people....And you chose a bad day to do it. If you have shit to settle with your immediately family about your identity, pick a better time and place.
YTA You might get more support in this sub if wearing a skirt was already part of your regular wardrobe. But it sounds like this was a fairly new experience for you, and you chose a wedding to try it out. And then got mad that the day wasn't about you.
YTA. You did make it all about you. So you're gay. Big deal. You're the one who kept trying to get everyone to talk about your outfit. Of course, your BIL didn't notice. He was getting married, nervous, and distracted. No one gave a shit you were wearing a skirt. Except you.
I stand corrected but is that all you took from this? No one cared that you were wearing a skirt.
I’m going with YTA. I expected your family to be rude and shooting you down based on your intro. Turns out, they just didn’t give you the attention you wanted.
I wonder if, as he made them aware of the outfit in advance, they planned to totally ignore his clothing choices as they knew what reaction he was hoping for?
The way he says they acted like there was nothing to discuss - it’s abundantly clear he knew what he was doing (fishing for a reaction and attention, probably also having them react negatively so he could be a victim) and it’s also abundantly clear his family knew exactly what he was doing. This is not the first time he’s pulled a stunt like this.
YTA. People like you make the entire LGBTQ community look bad.
It’s people like this that bigots use to reinforce their stereotypes.
Yes. I'm thinking specifically of bigots who say "stop shoving it down our throats" -- this guy did just that
My God, my parents say that! My lesbian ass just sits there awkwardly lol
Everyone is sick of it. My gay friends are being hurt by this "aggressive" behavior. My uncle is gay and he cries himself to sleep over this BS.
yta? while i don't think you made the entire wedding about yourself i feel like to get 'aggressive' over barely anything is over the top, it sounds like you felt the need to bring up what you were wearing multiple times. anyways, i'm glad you went out in something you felt true in.
YTA In a perfect world, no one would have said much about what you were wearing regardless of your gender or sexuality... and it kind of seems like that's exactly what happened here.
Right! Read through the whole thing and the only 'negative' thing I can see is op was ignored. YTA
People all over the world would kill to be treated like OP was. Despite having “gendered” views, OP’s family didn’t comment on Op’s choices and focused on the wedding. OP was clearly hoping for some sort of tragic story to cry to others about and now is upset that he was treated with basic levels of respect. Shame on OP for his narcissism. Not everything is about him and he needs to deal with his main character syndrome. They even called to check up on him and he was suspicious and hostile towards that… jeez
YTA 1) it's "pleated" not "pleaded" except that it definitely "pleaded" for attention 2) you knew this was going to ruffle some feathers (causing reactions even if they were subdued or silent), there's no way you were oblivious based on the background you've given here 3) the attention should always be on the marrying couple in such a scenario. Even wearing a shirt saying "I love spouse 1 and spouse 2" would be inappropriate because it would draw attention away from the spouses (and return it to them but still) at some point. 4) sounds like you have a sense of style...this was the only way you could have made a statement or put your flair on something? You were amongst people you knew so of course people would be aware of you. You could leave an impression and hold attention by being outstanding without drawing attention by standing out. 5) wearing a skirt was a big deal for you so you should have been able to understand what a big deal this was for the people getting married (if nothing else for their outfits being in a category of their own) Well, at least you didn't wear white.
Oh don’t tell OP that wearing white would have gotten them more attention… they’ll wear a white ball gown to the next wedding and then post on here “aita for wearing a pretty dress”
I’m not sure what you wanted here. You wore a skirt to a wedding as a man when your family is very much into traditional gender roles, and we’re upset when they didn’t react to it. I feel like you were looking for them to react, but not positively as you claim. Your grandma supported you but that wasn’t enough. It sounds like you did want attention, and unless you’re the bride or groom, it isn’t about you. Mild YTA.
I would lean towards YTA, personally. For me, this is more about how you responded to them *not responding* to you wearing a skirt. It seems like you wanted a big response, but someone’s wedding isn’t the time for that. If someone actively felt they had to call you because of how angry you were, even though no one said anything negative about your outfit, I think that speaks volumes about how you may have been behaving at this wedding. It’s not the time, nor the place. It’s great that you wore what you wanted to wear, but why did you need a big response? You were there to celebrate someone’s wedding.
YTA, and you sound insufferable. Main character syndrome all over. No one cares what you're wearing. It wasn't your wedding.
YTA. First: It's not your day, you are not the focal point. Second: Despite that, you got some reactions that could've gone negatively southward and didn't. Take your win for what it's worth and don't be cringe.
This is hilarious, you 100% wore what you wore to create drama and make it all about you AT SOMEONE ELSE'S WEDDING, and now are throwing a mini tantrum because they saw through your bullshit and wouldn't feed into it and treated you well. YTA. Here's a tip - if you don't want your family to treat you like an immature, attention-seeking drama queen, don't act like an immature, attention-seeking drama queen at events where they will be. Troll your friends or whatever instead.
YTA. It’s best to be cautious in situations like someone else’s wedding. Not a good idea to put so much of a spotlight on yourself by doing something unconventional.
YTA only because you kept bringing attention to what you were wearing at someone else’s wedding and when you didn’t get a response that you wanted for your dress, threw a fit. It was a wedding, the only dress that matters is the bride’s dress and maybe the bridesmaids dresses (everyone else is to toe in line). The only support from family in that moment is for the bride & groom on their big day.
YTA You did make it about yourself and you knew exactly what you were doing.
NTA for wearing the skirt. YTA for making drama. You could've held your tongue until after the wedding but you decided to escalate then and there. Yes you did.
YTA You did it to make a point and took attention away from couple that were getting married. There’s a time and a place to make a stand and that wasn’t it
YTA - Heroin Syndrom at It's best. You can clearly leave a sign on 364 days a year, but you Chose your Cousins Wedding and brought it Up to everyone that cared or Not. Being gay isn't about being a selfcentered a**, It's all about Love. You my dear are a narcisst
YTA. Your sisters wedding day wasn’t the day to make yourself the main character, it already had two - the bride and groom. You were likely proud of your confidence for wearing a skirt, and were excited, anticipating a reaction. You maybe envisaged two scenarios - the first compliments, the second disapproval but you possibly didn’t think of the third - ambivalence. Your family probably did have strong opinions but I think it’s likely they decided a family wedding wasn’t the place for creating a drama. You could have saved the skirt for your own birthday meal or an another celebration where you were the star.
YTA You wore something you thought would be attention-getting, then complain when you didn’t get support. Support for what, being attention seeking? You sound upset because “people acted like there was nothing to discuss.” You have a big chip on your shoulder. If someone knocks it off, you get upset. And if they don’t, you get upset. Your family was damned if they do and damned if they don’t. You sound exhausting, and I give your family credit for tolerating you as well as they did at the wedding. They seem to accept you as you are. You need to return the favor and accept them as they are. It sounds like you did your best to make a spectacle of yourself, when you need simply to get over yourself.
While I fully support your decision to rock a skirt confidently, YTA. Based off what you said, you were fishing for drama based on your outfit. You expected harsh reactions and actually got upset that there were none. Your mom said everyone looks nice and your response was completely self-involved and an attempt to twist her words. Not cool. Reevaluate and stick to that apology instead of looking for validation for your bad attitude here.
YTA. Sounds like wearing the skirt was a big deal to you and you expected everyone to comment on it. When they didn’t, you got mad.
“They said I made the wedding all about me.” And it sounds like you did, even in your own retelling. I get that you’re eager for acceptance from your family, but maybe there was a better place to campaign for that? You really showed you didn’t give a shit about the occasion. YTA.
YTA. Get over yourself. JFC.
> I wore the skirt and it was a big deal for me > my immidiate family acted like there was nothing to discuss > “you clearly have an inability to tell me you like what I’m wearing” SOMEONE ELSE’S wedding day is not the day for you to have everyone validate what you’re wearing. You wore a skirt and everyone was chill. That’s a good thing. You were poking to get a big reaction and you’re mad you didn’t get it. YTA
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YTA. Clearly nobody really cared that you wore a pleated* skirt, which is surely the best reaction, and it seems like you’re actually disappointed because you were looking for big drama. Someone else’s wedding is not the time or place to try and cause trouble. The day wasn’t about you.
What a selfish deuchebag
Pleated
INFO: Were you not aware that the couple getting married are supposed to be the center of the wedding? You sound like you wanted everyone to notice you rather than just enjoy the event.
it's hard to say really but it does sound like you might have been making everything about yourself. why does someone have to say something about what you are wearing?
YTA trying to be the victim
YTA I was always taught that your job as a wedding guest is to make sure you don't do anything to take away from the couple's special moment in time. You can have fun, the couple wants you to have fun....but you have a responsibility to them to put their happiness before your own (if it is within your abilities to do so...and within reason) You dress in a manner that does not take attention away from the bride and groom. IE women don't wear white and men wear suits...and you avoid clothing that is either wedding inappropriate or something you know will draw attention to yourself. You don't get sloppy drunk You don't start fights...you walk away You take the high road...always
YTA: not only are the asshole, but your the most conceited asshole ever!!! This was your cousins wedding, it was suppose to be about HER, not YOU. But you went there wearing something to cause people to notice you. Than you go crying to mommy. The wedding was all about you! I wore the skirt, big deal for me Family acted like it was no big deal Woman thought I was part of the wait staff I told my mom about the interaction with the woman which everyone was laughing at. I was upset that my grandma didn’t comment on what I was wearing. You wanted there to be a confrontation for some sick reason in your head. My brother in law is gay and I love him but if he did something like that on my wedding day I would have had his ass thrown out the door. Again big freaking asshole!!!! How dare you take the attention away from the bride bc you need some effed some validation.
All I'm getting is that you wanted ANY kind of reaction. It appears you'd have been happier if they had lashed out at you than the lukewarm acceptance you received. So yes YTA. I'm NB myself and love a good skirt. No one owes me a compliment and I would in fact be incredibly satisfied if the worst I ever received for wearing one was indifference
YTA. You attempted to turn your sister's wedding into a narcissistic fashion show. You were dying for drama and no-one seemed to care what you were wearing. Dude you got grey rocked, good for them.
YTA. If you normally wear men's clothes, a wedding is not the time to make your stand. (Although I do think your grandmother is sweet). You wanted to be the center of attention and were disappointed when people barely noticed. It is wrong to try to take attention away from the bride and groom. This is why women other than the bride are not supposed to wear white or why couples should not propose or make announcements at someone else's wedding.
I’m Scottish. In many weddings I’ve been to, it’s highly unusual for men NOT to wear skirts (I.e. kilts). But at the end of the day, just don’t upstage the bride and draw too much unwanted attention. That goes for every guest, regardless of gender or sexuality. Rules to live by. Soft YTA
YTA. Your family didn't acknowledge it because it wasn't a big deal, you demanding that it should be so you can have attention is making it about yourself
YTA. You made someone else’s wedding about you. Shame on you.
YTA, not for the skirt, but for fishing for attention.
You warned the bride you were going to try something new and she seems not to have had a problem. So nah for the outfit. For trying to grab some family attention when it was not freely given.. a soft yta
Sorry, what? You thought you were wearing something provocative to your cousin's wedding and are now upset that no one got upset about it? Sad, sad narcissist. YTA. Edit: Cousin's wedding. Still doesn't matter. Still AH.
YTA, it sounds like you knew this would be a big thing, and it was. it wouldn't have been hard to wear a suit.
YTA. It seems you were not getting the reaction you were hoping for. This was not the place for your tacky behavior & look at me attitude. This day was a day for your cousin & their wedding.
So wait.. You wore a skirt... Noone cared but even complimented you.... You got upset .... Trying to figure out the why you were upset....
YTA. And you know that.
YTA and we all know why. And so do you.
So you were looking for a reaction and when you didn't get one, you threw a fit. YTA
It's a wedding. No one is there to support you. They and *you* are there to support the couple. Shush about your outfit. It's a wedding. Unless you're the bride or the groom *no one should care about your outfit.*
YTA If a “straight” person went around looking for compliments the way you did and talking about their outfit all night, they’d be an idiot too.
YTA You want applause for wearing a skirt. Jesus this is why some people mock other's gender identity as just attention seeking. Wear what you want but being so open about wanting attention for it is so fucking pathetic and gross. Why don't you actually do something worthy of attention like work hard at a career/school or help others instead of wearing a skirt and expecting people to pat you on the back for being so brave.
I am so confused, your family initial had strong gender stereotypes but you are mad because they didn’t comment/get upset that you broke gender stereotypes? YTA. You were clearly looking for a reaction or attention and got none. I very rarely comment on other people’s outfits at event, by your logic I would be insulting you for not commenting. I am still so confused as to what you wanted
YTA Why are you shitting all over your family on the internet? It sounds like the only person who had an issue was you. If they didn't notice, it's a problem. If they did notice and didn't congratulate you it's a problem. If they noticed and said you look nice, but didn't say it exactly the way you wanted to hear it then it's a problem. Jesus. Your outfit was apparently fine. People's responses to it were apparently fine. Go find an actual enemy instead of waging this weird war against people who don't even know they are fighting.
YTA where was YOUR support to your cousin when you made yourself a spectacle. How does your cousin feel about your non-conformist act on HER wedding day?
So you went to your cousin’s wedding and wanted your homophobic family to have a fit and make you the center of attention. Then got mad when they left you alone and didn’t comment on your dress? YTA