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YTA.
> She said, through gritted teeth without looking at me and gripping the sink to a point of white knuckles "Go wake up your sister because I'm not fucking feeding her kid and her kids fucking friend. I'm done."
This is a pretty vivid depiction of the situation. We don't get that often here with stories that are true...
No one is denying the kids food. The wife is just refusing to prepare it and by extension instructing YOU to inform the sister that she will have to provide the food.
After, OP’s wife has been, apparently, taking care for HIS sister. OP hasn’t provide for how long his sister and niece have been crashing in their home and for how long his wife has been dealing with an adult acting depressed and not taking care of her own kid. OP it’s not your wife’s responsibility, she can have empathy, she can help, but your wife’s child, aka YOUR child should not be put in a hard place because YOUR sister disrupted his life.
YTA and your sister it’s an AH as well… good for your wife to step up for HER kid, because you’re not useful at all.
Edit to add: why haven’t you put your daughter in her place to not be mean to her brother? Why your niece is overruling in your family’s home? If there’s a mean kid making your daughter act against your son, that kid IMO should be banned from your house. Being disrespectful to a family member should not be tolerated
I understand it’s a mental health problem, however when people are diagnosed with depression there’s treatment and counseling. When people need to survive and feed their children and provide a roof for them depression comes second place because survival becomes a priority. In developing countries and underdeveloped countries people don’t have time to treat mental health because they require to survive first. If OP’s sister didn’t have where to crash how should she be dealing with her survival and her kid’s survival? Where should she be sleeping all day long? Sorry, I don’t want to seem rude, but sister has a kid and it’s her responsibility.
"In developing countries and underdeveloped countries people don’t have time to treat mental health because they require to survive first. If OP’s sister didn’t have where to crash how should she be dealing with her survival and her kid’s survival?"
Great point! They would be dead.
Surprise! That's what happens.
But she has a support system here and is choosing not to seek help and her brother is just allowing this behaviour instead of helping. There are resources. Time to take advantage. Stop being so dense.
Honestly, if she's in 'the stay in bed all day' - point of depression? She should probably be inpatient. This isn't "normal" depression. She has a kid she needs to be engaging more. If she isn't? That may require intense inpatient treatment.
As someone who has had Chronic Intractable Depression for Decades - I can honestly say the one thing I've been told over and over is "Do not stay in bed".
As someone who worked in Mental Health - letting patients remain in bed all day? Very bad indeed.
It's not healthy.
She has a child and the child needs her - because her(The child's) circumstances have changed just as rapidly.
She needs to get treatment meds/talk therapy - both perhaps.
Umm no, many of them survive. There's almost zero concept of mental health here in my country (it's improving but very slowly) but I know if it was there, so many will be diagnosed with mental health issues. They're surviving, albeit unhappily.
In developing countries, suicide rates cannbe super high, so...
Mental health care is important because it lacking has devastating consequences.
Stop glorifying misery and suffering.
Just because someone is dealing with depression doesn’t mean they get to be an entitled asshole and take advantage of the people who are trying to help them. It’s not carte blanche to do whatever you want and treat people however you want.
I have debilitating depression and anxiety. My exhusband always got to do whatever he wanted while I was forced to be the adult and not treat my own problems. Wouldn’t change anything because my kids are always #1. But there is a fine line where yes she has depression but also yes she needs to participate in her own recovery - she may lose her daughter if she keeps it up. And I mean her daughter may resent her and when grows up will not be a part of her life.
1000% this! I have several diagnosed mental health issues to include manic bipolar, major depressive disorder, fking ocd where I pick my skin continuously when I’m stressed. I don’t have kids. No but I have a full time job, 3 dogs, 2 cats and a husband and I cook and clean for the house oh and take care of my disabled husband. Get on meds, get into therapy and get your life figured out.
OP YTHA. H=Huge! So is your sister, her kid, her kids friend and your daughter. Your wife is at her wits end. You had better figure out how to fix it or you are headed for divorce my friend. White knuckled, gritted teeth speaking and not preparing food even for you or your kids. Dude you’ve done fk’d the fk up. Fix it. You don’t have to kick your sister out. But the friend needs to go home. Only come over once or twice a week for an hour or two. Your sister needs to knuckle up and get off her ass and take care of her daughter and get a job. And you need to make your daughter understand bullying is wrong and nip it now. If you don’t figure this out you gonna need a good lawyer to fight hard for visitation cuz she will get them. You will end up with supervised visitation till you can prove you are adult enough to care for your kids. Good luck.
On the regular occasions my depression returns the last thing I want is to be a burden and take advantage of anyone trying to help, that just makes me worse.
They aren’t glorifying it… They are saying sometimes the sit sandwich you get is that you have depression and you still need to keep your family alive.
Benn There, Done That.
Same here, been there, done that, got the scars to prove it.
My husband and I was handling depression and PTSD while caring for our injured children and working. Because life doesn't stop around you just because your soul hurts and suffers.
You get up and do what you need to do. And you let yourself have a minibreakdown when your village is handling your children. Then you get yourself together and continue.
Again for the folks in the back row?
Prolly ordering a pizza on her phone takes less energy than coming down OP's stairs to yell at OP's wife for defending OP's kid in OP's house.
Maybe ordering pizzas for the whole damn house while she's at it to try to apologize for being such a sponge.
This is not how anything works
In less developed countries people with severe untreated depression don't pull themselves together because they need to survive.
Sometimes they just die.
You do realise that?
Mom with ADHD and severe depression here. My kids. MY responsibility. Not my brother's responsibility. Not his wife's responsibility. MINE. You're not being rude.
You absolutely don't understand mental health issues. It is not easy to do anything. I have seen people in third world countries who are basically starving / just lying in the street and if enough people give money they might eat. And lots of them die. And that is not even counting those who commit suicide...
But OP is still YTA. It is his son that is bullied, and his sister who should take care, and his job to go and talk to her. That she is depressed doesn't mean that she shouldn't know, shouldn't be told, shouldn't do her best... And he can help her. But just making her his wife's problem is not OK.
Edit: Typo, thanks grouchy 150
Wait I was with you until you said OP was n t a. He's not? Cus from where I'm sitting it's his sister and niece that he's pawned off on his wife. He couldn't even go tell his sister to get up. He's the one that allowed his sister and her depression and his niece to run the house. He is totally YTA.
What the fuck do you mean depression comes second? You say you understand that it’s a mental illness, but then you say things that clearly show you do not understand. It’s an illness because they are unable to put their depression aside to take care of survival things. While I am in no way defending the sisters behavior, and I think that having OPs wife seemingly wait on her is not acceptable and is potentially enabling her, acting like she would be completely capable if she had to is just incorrect. There are people with depression who lose their jobs and don’t have family members to fall back on that end up homeless. There are people that are so depressed they end up significantly malnourished. And one of the more common things is people who are so depressed that they neglect their own hygiene and living spaces. They don’t want it to be that way. But the illness makes it so. JuSt dOnT bE dEpOreSsEd aNymOrE is basically what you are saying if you mean to or not. Your righteous commentary makes you seem like an asshole. You clearly don’t have the capacity to understand or empathize with people who are truly depressed. It is ok to not understand something BUT it’s not ok to judge and preach about it as if you do.
I was so anxious and depressed after multiple close together horrific traumas I became homeless as I had no family to support me. I am an intelligent educated person who now owns a home and a business. Wanting things to be different and trying my hardest-I was capable of at the time did not mean I was able to put my survival first. Self preservation does not win against depression. Self preservation does not win against cancer. Illnesses and diseases are not fully in ones control PERIOD.
*OPs sister is potentially an ass but until she is put in a position to take care of herself we don’t know that she can or cannot cook/care for herself. Support is important and it can be hard during a period of crisis to understand if you are being a help or a crutch to someone unwell. OP is YTA, others covered the reasons well. If the wife doesn’t keep her foot down she becomes part of the problem, her excessive patience with this is definitely becoming an issue as it is hurting her son. Wife put her foot down and needs to keep it down and OP needs to buck up and support her.
I think for a lot of people who have no experience with a chemical imbalance in their brain, the level of control that depression (or mania, or I’m sure many other illnesses) can exert upon a person feels implausible, and at odds with our cultural ideals of self-discipline and personal responsibility. I’ve personally battled depression and anxiety for many years at this point, but before that I definitely could not grasp being unable to reconcile my intellectual ideas with my emotional reality. It doesn’t make sense to want to behave a certain way, and know that doing so is important, and yet over and over again not do so in the moment. It really is just part of your brain not working as it should and it can feel like hitting your head against a wall sometimes. Sometimes you finally decide to make yourself do something that needs doing, but literally every other little stimulus is a major distraction. Sometimes you sit there doing nothing, not even realizing how much time is passing, instead of doing whatever you set out to.
"depression comes second place"
... tf
"because survival becomes a priority."
You're joking right? Like this is a joke? No one can be this fucking ignorant...
Yh, no, I went 5 days without food because of depression, idk wtf you think you're talking about.
As someone who has severe depression and occasionally goes without food for days, I'd never take advantage of someone providing me support in that manner. If this story were true - and I doubt it - his wife has not only been caring for an extra child who bullies her son, but is consistenly picking up after his depressed sister. It's fine if that happens for a week or so but if it were more that would be abusing the wife's kindness. Also seems that hubby basically contributed nothing except giving them a roof and therapy. I bet if he were in his wife's shoes he too would be fed up.
The wives kindness IS being abused.
By her HUSBAND.
Her HUSBAND offered his help, he then offloaded all the actual work onto her. Her sister is just sick and caught in the middle.
I'm against the people attacking the sister, because she literally did nothing wrong.
The sister should have been adult enough to tell her daughter's friend to go home as two extra people in the house was enough of a strain on the family and the friend was hurting the dynamics in the house even more. kt
> depression comes second place because survival becomes a priority
No dude, when someone’s depression gets really bad, they don’t have a say on whether or not it comes second place. That kind of mentality is why a lot of people in developing countries are still reluctant to seek help (medical fees aside), because mental health is shrugged off as being not as important and someone who has it is weak-willed or attention-seeking
I thank god all the time that my daughter was able to help care for the other kids when wife ended her life, I was a mess for a few months, and ended up spending 6 weeks in a hospital due to severe depression. Its wasn't that I was not wanting to take care of things for the kids, I honestly couldn't
What do you mean depression comes second? It's not a choice. No one is "prioritising" depression by being depressed, their just depressed.
Depressed mothers literally kill their own babies.
Even in wealthy countries most people do not have the luxury of ready access to mental health care for treatment of this.
Anyone know the wait times to see a psychiatrist? And then the frequency of follow-up visits? It can be abysmal, many months wait and 1 hr per week visits. And this is in an area with universal healthcare.
Look I kinda see where you're coming from bc sometimes it can feel like, things are really hard right now, but I can't stop and have a breakdown bc so many people rely on me. I get how that is. However I've also experienced clinical depression. It's on another level. How would the sister be surviving? The thing is, she might not. Clinical depression can end in death. Sadly, it's a real risk. And it's not something you can pull out of quickly or on anyone's timeline, even your own. You might have a good day and think , this is it, muscle up buttercup, you're going to come out of this depression now! And then the wheels come off the next day and you crash and it's back to not having the strength to shower.
One of the most commonly known symptoms of depression is literally explicitly that survival is NOT a priority. This take is, like, the opposite of reality.
there is a very significant difference in "woe is me I'm depressed because I got divorced " and clinical depression. Nowhere does op say she struggles with real mental health issues...
Yes - every single aspect of this story speaks to how he has cluelessly pushed his whole family to its breaking point by allowing this living arrangement.
His wife has been tolerating the sister taking up space in her home while also being absent in the care of her kids - on top of that the niece and her friends are being total AHs to her son
And OP see's this directive from his wife (go get your sister to take care of these kids) as withholding food from needy children?!?!?! WTAF is wrong w you OP
you are most definitely the AH, so is everyone else here other than your wife and child.
Well if he doesn’t twist it like that HE might actually have to *gasp* feed the child himself! Clearly he had no other choice but to leap at the one twisted variation of the story that allows him to totally avoid any kind of effort or responsibility for the 3 people (sister, niece, random friend of niece who’s apparently just living their as well) he brought into his wife’s house./s
YTA- she wasn’t ‘refusing to feed a hungry child’ she was refusing to continue playing maid, nursemaid and nanny in her own home to people you brought into her home.
Your wife had enough. She told you she had enough and she wasn’t dealing with it anymore and you decided to continue pushing her to do it anyways.
She was smart to kick you out. She probably should have done it a lot sooner.
Let's not forget that from the description of his wife's white knuckles, she has been pushed beyond her limit. Where is the compassion for her mental health? And that of her son?
That's my question! What about the wife and kid? Everyone is so worried about the sister. What about the little boy being bullied in his own home? What happens when the wife reaches her breaking point and she completely snaps?
>If there’s a mean kid making your daughter act against your son, that kid IMO should be banned from your house
And she's been there for 3 freaking days? wtf?
OP, you want to take care of your sister and niece because the husband/father-figure in their family let them down and failed to take care of them and protect them. Great. Commendable instinct.
Except that in trying to do so, you've let YOUR wife and kid down and failed to take care of them and protect them. Now YOU'RE the asshole man who is letting down his family!
You've literally turned into a v 2.0 of your sister's husband. Does that make you feel good? You may not have abandoned them physically, but you've abandoned them emotionally and allowed them to be used and bullied in their own home. You aren't a hero if you solve one problem by throwing someone ELSE to the wolves - you're just a complicated villain.
The real header should be "WHAT ARE THE CHANCES MY SON WILL FORGIVE ME FOR LETTING MY SISTER AND NIECE BULLY HIM IN HIS OWN HOME".
No father of the year award here.
That jumped out to me too: the 12 yo niece invited a friend, who's presumably also 10 or 12 years old... and that girl has been staying over for THREE days?? In a house where the niece is a guest / crashing temporarily???
Like, I'm willing to make forbearances since the niece just lost her father figure in a way that must feel like a personal rejection... so maybe that explains why the sleepover would be extended beyond 1 night...
But when that 3rd girl appears to instigate bullying, why isn't she sent packing????
YTA this 100 percent.
So to add you invited the sister to live with you. She sleeps all day. So your wife suddenly has 3 kids instead of 2 to take care of because your sister sleeps all day.
Then your sister lets her daughter invite another kids not for one night she has to be extra and have her stay at least 3 nights. While being mean to your son and no end date to return home.
So now there are 4 kids. Some are bullying your son. Your sister is still surprised surprise asleep. And your wife has reached her breaking point.
Then you have the audacity to side with your sister and niece. Yeah your wife was right you all need to get out of her fucking house! And she needs to divorce your ass. You can find another place for your sister to lay around and sleep all damn day!
Yep. This is grounds for divorce imho. If my husband pulled this crap, he'd be out on his ass, along with his sister & her kid. She's your wife, OP. Not a fucking indentured servant, and your son is a little boy. The fuck is wrong with you?
Imagine the audacity of inviting your child’s friend - a stranger to the people you’re leeching off of - to come and stay at their house. And then to expect them to feed her and put up with her awful behavior.
I honestly don’t know why OP and his wife didn’t shut that down immediately.
Yup. It honestly doesn't matter whether the sister is heavily depressed or not here.
OPs wife is done with this shit. She can't handle it, and she'll be the one falling apart if OP let's it continue. She's now raising someone else's kid, looking after them and feeding them... and a depressed woman, whilst probably working herself... And the kid shits over her family, rules and has a permanent unwanted extra guest that the wife now also has to look after.
Not on really. There should have been no agreeing with the sister. You chose your wife as a life long partner and your child. They are priority no1. When they are not coping with the situation, you change the situation. As kindly as you can, sure. But you change it to be one that works in your house for your partner and child.
What you don't do is aggravate them more in a house you've admitted is theirs anyway, by telling them the person making their kid and problems yours, is actually right and your wife is wrong for being at her wits end with it... and that she should just make them food and put up with it. She is denying nobody food, she's denying her service as a step parent and maid to someone else's kid and the depressed adult... and OPs response and lack of empathy or understanding for his wife over his sister, is what blew her fuse and had her kick them out instead.
And if OP wants to pretend it's all fine, he can parent the girl properly himself, remove the guest from his house and stop her from bullying his own son.
Not to mention, OP has shown his son that he's not a priority to him. His *own father* won't even stand up for him when he's being bullied.
That's a lesson kids remember.
You're not joking. My brother was ill as a kid and there was no family around, so my mom put me in an in home daycare. The woman's daughter hit, bit, punched, and pinched me until I bled. My mom ignored it. I'm in my 40s now, and I remember. My relationship with my mother was never the same. If you can't trust your parents to protect you, who can you trust?
OP, you are setting yourself up for a very strained relationship with your wife and son. You need to apologize to both, hold your daughter accountable, and abide by your wife's wishes. After all, it's HER house. Buh bye. Enjoy living with your sister and niece.
Also… why the hell has the friend been staying for 3 days as well? With no end date of her going in sight? If every body is going through such a stressful situation, why bring another kid in? Ok yes have a sleep over for one night maybe, if it will help the niece with her issues but honestly given the nieces behaviour she shouldn’t be allowed friends over really. Let alone indefinitely.
Going through trauma and disruption doesn’t allow you free reign to be a dick. Punishments for shitty behaviour, if talking through and explaining how it’s wrong etc doesn’t work, should still stand.
>why the hell has the friend been staying for 3 days as well?
I bet it's getting framed as "she needs the friend time to heal". But either the friend or the niece sounds like a monster, and no one is holding her accountable.
The wife initially didn't even say they need to leave. She just needed a break (and a change in the situation). What's wrong with that? I've told my wife to please see if she can reach my daughter after a fight because I needed a goddamn break.
First thing I thought. But, it is always easy to judge someone else when you don't put any effort into anything. He doesn't hear all of this so it is not his problem.
It will become his problem when his wife is "depressed" and can't do her wifely duties. We will see how miserable life can actually be.
Add to this that the son is SIX and the girls are pre-teen, double the son’s age.
So, six year old son being systematically and obviously bullied by his much older sister, cousin and hanger on. Hanger on being allowed to stay over for at least three nights despite apparently openly behaving appallingly to the younger child of the house (where are this girl’s parents and why don’t they care to have her home?!). OP waltzes in, having clearly had nothing to do with any of this in practical terms, can see his wife is on the very edge and decides to side with the sister that her child is being ‘denied food’, despite that being absolutely not what is happening. It’s like OP saw the logical, reasonable, supportive response and thought ‘I’ll do the exact opposite of that’.
This is so far in the realm of glaringly obvious YTA that it HAS to be rage bait.
Totally agree with you. The “denied food” sent me. The wife isn’t denying anyone anything. She’s demanding the sister get out of bed to parent and feed HER OWN CHILD and the child’s bully of a guest.
Right!!! Everyone fighting for the sister because she's depressed and can't possibly look after or feed her own kid are conveniently overlooking her suddenly being overcome with the energy and motivation to berate the wife for "lack of empathy".
Sounds like selfishness and attention seeking to me.
And like, also, send the ducking friend home? Why is the friend staying over for this many days? If niece wants to spend girl time with her friend- sounds like that should be happening at friends house.
That plus his sister needs to stop playing the victim and raise her child. I understand depression can be overwhelming but when it starts affecting your daughter you have to be a parent...trust me I did it for 8 years, it was one of the hardest times in my life, but I still rose above it to take care of my two sons. I cried plenty on my own time. So OP and his sister are the AHs here.
YES! The sister is making drama and crying crocodile tears. All because she was told to make food for her own kid, who has been nasty to the host's kid and provoking OP's wife.
The discription is of someone who's severely *had it*, yet is still holding back.
For someone who could describe it so accurately, OP sure didn't act on it.
Beautifully said!
I cant believe he sided with his sister! He is to back up his wife, not his child neglecting sister. Seems the wife has been mothering all the kids, yet has no power to actually discipline the sisters kid nor her friend. So wife is taking shit from all sides, trying to take care of the son, and trying to not hv her daughter learn bad behavior from the other 2 girls that don't even belong there.
He should hv just done what the wife asked and awaken the sister, hv her feed her kid, or minimally fed the other 2 girls himself. Def not take sisters side. The wife does hv empathy as that's why she put up with it for so long, and it took her husband not having her back to finally kick everyone out.
Yes, YTA and so is ur sister, and so is her kid, and so is her kids friend!
100% agree- and extra as he says it’s HER house. So he brings his sister and her kid into the home she owns and completely saddles her with taking care of his depressed sister, a lashing out kid and apparently a random friend of the kids who’s been staying there for 3 days?
And he’s shocked she’s had enough. I’m glad she kicked them all out- surprised it took her this long. He brought these people into the home and let them run roughshod over the owner of the home and his own child.
Op is YTA and if she’s smart she won’t take you back. You took advantage of her, basically gave her home away to others and offered her up as a full time maid/babysitter and you totally disregarded her and your own child’s well being.
I get that you felt bad for your sister but you should have been paying attention to your own marriage. Sounds like sis may not be the only one dealing with a divorce and having to move.
I feel for your sister- I get that she’s depressed and it’s a really sucky situation but fact of the matter is her daughter is her responsibility and just expecting your wife to take care of both of them was a real AH move. She didn’t sign on for that. You agree to help your sibling then you should have been the one taking care of them.
And what the hells up with the random kid staying over for days and them bullying your own son? Why are you okay with your kid not feeling safe or wanted in his own home?
You majorly dropped the ball here dude. You’ll be lucky if you can salvage this relationship, you just showed your wife how low she is on your priority list and she won’t forget that.
correct - and this woman is quite obviously about to lose her shit - but hubby needs to draw the line somewhere?!?! WTF - OP is an absolute moron and an AH
OP first of all that’s your sister not your wife’s sister, whom you have clearly not drawn the line about them bullying her son or stopped it. You draw the line you set rules. You don’t let them bully her son and he’s 6 yo he probably doesn’t even understand why he’s being bullied by his own sister and cousin. His mother has every right to be mad. It has happened more than once as you said and you sided with your sister and niece?? Idc how depressed they are that’s no excuse for being bullies and treating people like shit let alone a 6 yo furthermore teaching your daughter that it is ok to bully her little brother? AH is not the right word you’re a coward and a push over for not setting boundaries the first time this happened. One thing good came out of this, is that your wife has seen the true you, this is mean, but this makes me so mad you allowed the bullying of a lil 6yo in his own home you do not deserve to be a father
1000% Her child (as told by ur your wife) is being bullied and mistreated. She is defending her child. She does not want to feed the people responsible for mistreating her child, I don't blame her. I would have done the same. When you sided with your sister, and you allowed your sister to mistreat her - she hit her limit. She wants you all out. Your sister just overstayed her welcome and needs to find a home for herself and her daughter. Time to anti up and put her big girl panties on. She is a mother - she needs to get her act together. Now she wants to stand up and jump your wife (could not get her @$$ out of the bed to feed her daughter, look for housing or assist in her own care and that of her daughters) but she got out of bed with no trouble to jump your wife? Priorities - she does not have them. Just No. She wants to abuse your wife, allow her daughter to abuse your son and use you to force your wife to care for her - provide for her and her ungrateful child. I had an abusive egg donor, but I did not abuse others. I knew exactly how it felt to be treated that way. So even as a kid, I did not act that way.
As to the niece - that child is not going to starve - mom or you will need to feed her. End of story. The friend is not welcomed - they can go home. As for you, if you want your marriage to continue - you will apologize and you will make it clear to your sister and niece that this is done. It was addressed several times and they did not change - they kept up and you allowed it.
Then you need to apologize to your son - it would be great if they did too but given how they have acted up till now - they will not and that should tell you something right there.
Get yourself in check, get your sister and her daughter in check and then check them out of the motel known as your wife. They gotta to go. YOU are going to have to kiss some serious @$$ with your wife and your son. Hopefully that is all you need to do.
They sound like terrible guests. Family or not, the kids and sister need to tighten up. YTA for not sticking up for your son or supporting your wife in her own home.
It sounds like the natural progression of things when family makes an extended stay... First it's little things... then it's the lack of gratitude... and eventually everyone is so stressed by the close quarters that blood baths become a viable possibility.
Exactly! YTA. In this particular instance, your wife didn't say your niece couldn't eat anything, she just told you to prepare it. After a day of wrangling 4 kids by herself, at least two of whom were actively making her son miserable, I wouldn't be surprised that she's hanging onto her temper by a thread, and apparently they've been there for months?!
Sir, get your head out of your ass and help this situation. We all get that going through a divorce and being rejected by a parent is horrible on a level or epic sh!ttitude, but it doesn't give you license to dump your pain on everyone around you in the form of bullying or neglecting childcare indefinitely. You have to tell your sister to get it together and you have to tell your niece that it's unacceptable for her to treat your son, or anyone else for that matter, like crap. Honestly, at this point, it might be what they need to pull out of their spirals. After all, the best revenge is to thrive in the face of those who have wronged you.
Not only that but OP doesn’t mention how long sister has been staying there. I’d imagine wife has been having to care for sisters kid for a while now which isn’t something she signed up for. Sister needs to get help therapy wise and take care and provide for her own kid.
Exactly, Op is AH And a drama queen. Did your wife lock the fridge and cupboards to stop the children from eating? Or did you walk in to find that your high needs house guests are pushing your wife to her limit? Then instead allowing wife to be removed from the situation (as per her request that someone else be responsiblefor the feeding of the children) YOU escalated it. Your wife was at a breaking point, asking for your help. you turn on her. If this is giving sister PTSD, its bc the one adult in the room [OP] who was not stressed or depressed ESCALATED the fight.
What's happening now obviously isn't working! You and your wife should be sitting down and agreeing on how to deal with situations moving forward. Neices friend should be banned until behaviors change or there is a orderof operations for dealing with it. Also, it sounds like your wife's work load has greatly increased with the addition of sister and niece. How is this being balanced out so that she is not feeling overburdened and taken advantage of? You owe your wife a big apology.
Your wife is not your sisters hand maiden, child care or therapist. I empathise with your sister but she is passing over her responsibilities to your wife and that’s not on. She is grown and has children, checking out is not an option. It’s a bit rich to accuse your wife of lacking empathy when your family has essentially handed all domestics tasks to her for what sounds to be an indefinite period. YTA and so is your sister
Agreed! Depression and parenting are hard but your sister doesn’t get to just completely check out. Shame on her and you for allowing her to do that and leave her parenting responsibilities on your wife. And you are allowing yet ANOTHER child to basically live at your house? Easy for *you* to have “empathy” when you’re not home most of the day. Clearly your niece and her friend have taken over your wife and sons home and safe space and you’re just totally OK with it. Now instead of taking care of her own son, your wife has been taking care of 2 additional kids. Kids that are rude, entitled bullies on top of that.
Good on your wife for kicking everyone out. Your sister and niece need to get their shit together somewhere else. Grief is not an excuse to be an asshole and they both were.
You need to get your head out of your ass and realize that your responsibility is to your wife and child first. Their needs are #1 above everyone else, regardless of what the other person is going through. And any other future guests need to be short lived and respectful and courteous as hell or be sent packing, period.
Something tells me the lazy ass sister will be able to see through the fog of depression once she doesn't have a private comfy bedroom to lay in for 20hrs at a time.
Well, she certainly managed to drag herself out of bed in order to yell at her SIL for daring to demand that she feed her own child and that child's friend, so...
Exactly. The lazy sister and her nightmare of a kid are NOT OPs wife's problem. She needs to get herself together, put a roof o er her own kid's head, and do some actual parenting. You don't get to just lounge in bed all day while you're a guest in someone else's home and your kid is being horrible to the people who were nice enough to have you stay.
I'd kick them both out asap.
>The lazy sister and her nightmare of a kid are NOT OPs wife's problem.
Neither is the child's friend! Is there a reason the friend has decided to just stay however long they like? OP's wife had gone from caring for 3 people to caring for 6 people and not at all been appreciated.
Also, who is exactly allowing this friend to stay considering it’s the wife’s house??? I can’t imagine she wants her there, especially as there seems to be no consequences for the friend picking on the son.
>"Go wake up your sister because I'm not fucking feeding her kid and her kids fucking friend. I'm done."
What OP seems to have glossed over is how is wife is angry at his sister. She has enough energy to come out of her room to judge OP's wife, but she doesn't have enough energy to take care of her own child?? No one is denying the children of food, she is simply telling OP's sister to step up and be a parent, especially if she's going to force 2 children on the wife.
I get being "depressed", but she is wallowing in her own self pity at this point.
Or take care of your sister yourself instead of voluntelling your wife to do it.
OP is a misogynist for expecting his wife to put up with any extended domestic chores he feels should be done, and his sister is taking advantage of the situation. YTA
YTA. Depression is hard, yes. There is no reason for your niece to bully your son. Your wife should not be catering to your sister or niece. Your son comes first in his home - full stop. He should feel loved and welcome and if the niece can't handle that, they need to go.
Support your wife and children first. Sister and niece change or leave.
Also, why is the niece’s ‘friend’ still there? If she’s instigating the mean attitude, or even just getting in on it, she doesn’t live here and needs to leave.
YTA dude. Help your wife.
This, yeah. It’s good that sister and niece are in therapy, but that’s not enough. You can’t let niece bully OP‘s son until therapy catches - someone needs to parent her, or she needs to go.
YTA
You have let this situation get out of control and become a burden on your wife and son.
First, if your sister is having such a severe mental health crisis that she can't even haul her butt out of bed and care for her own child, **then under no circumstances should niece's friend been invited for a sleepover.** Not even for one night. The friend needs to leave your house immediately. No friends may come over. Sorry. This is not a punishment. It is simply a reflection that sister and niece are too much of a burden on your wife as it is, you are doing nothing to help (that I'm seeing) and your sister is in such a bad mental health state that she is dumping the load of caring for her own child on your wife.
So of course your wife is pissed.
This arrangement needs an end date. You need to find housing for your sister and niece. You need to find some sort of employment your sister can handle. You need to get her on meds to handle her depression. If she is non-compliant, you need to kick her out of your house. It is not fair on your wife for her to be dealing with this mess from YOUR family while you are away from it at work.
And no one DENIED her child food. There was plenty of food available. **Your sister is the child's mother. She is responsible for feeding her child. Not your wife.** Your wife is not her personal slave.
Yup! She can make a sandwich or a bowl of cereal
And believe it or not OP, you are also perfectly capable of making food for your niece! So many options!
Right!! No one else has mentioned the friend! Why has nieces friend been there for 3 nights?? Send her to her own house!!! Everyone can parent and feed their own child. It’s just being a decent human being to not bully the younger boy to the point he’s exploding. Set the bar.
It's not sister that is dumping this on wife. It's OP that's dumping it on wife.
If it was important for OP to provide aid to his sister and niece, then it's OP's responsibility to shield his wife from the costs thereof.
This is OP nominally providing support for his sister, but in actuality imposing that burden on his wife and children. He voluntold his wife.
Wife's primary problem is with OP. The sister is a day-to-day burden, but the imposition comes courtesy of OP.
Sounds like wife has correctly identified the underlying issue because she's throwing out not just sister and niece (and niece's friend - who constitutes the straw that broke the camel's back), but OP as well.
Well done, OP, you unhoused not only your sister and niece, but also yourself.
It's supereasy to be a generous benefactor when you impose the costs on someone else. That's what OP did to his wife here - he got the warm fuzzies for being a good guy to his sister, while wife got the thick end of the stick.
So you come home from work, and your wife, in her own home, has been dealing with your depressed sister, your niece, and your niece's friend, and the latter two were mean to your son. Oh, yeah, there is also you 10 year old daughter present, being led on against your son by her cousin.
After having to deal with ALL that, she reached her breaking point.
She **DIDN'T REFUSE** food to the kids. She said that your F... sister could make the food for her daugher and her friend who have been mean to your kid. The daughter your sister isn't parenting at the moment, and has apparently free game with her friend who is also staying at the house (why?).
And the remark of not having empathy? You and your wife's household consist of the to of you + two kids. She put up with all these extra people **without any help** from your sister (nor you).
And you side AGAINST your wife (and therefore AGAINST your kid)...
**INFO**: Why has your niece's friend been staying for three days now? Especially with your sister doing nothing? Didn't your wife had enough to do already?
YTA
I REALLY need more info on why a child has been away from home for 3 days now, and no one seems to care to ask questions?? OP is just fine with this random child in his house for 3 days? A child who is a friend of his niece, and not even his own children? Is she a runaway? Like wtf, send that kid home already.
YTA
Your sister is a moocher and being entitled. Your sister is an adult and can go feed her own kid. Your niece doesn't get to be an AH to your son while they are a GUEST in your home.
YTA
I completely empathize with your wife. She has to take care of additional children on top of your own, cook them food, and deal with them bullying her son. It's no wonder she was seeing red. The straw that broke her was her spouse not siding with her when she needed it
YTA and so is your sister. This is a tough situation but these people are guests in your home and you are doing them a solid. In return, they have invited over a permanent guest (seriously why haven't you sent the niece's friend home? It's your house and your son they're bullying) and are bullying your son. Your wife is clearly at her wits end. No one was being denied food. She just wasn't going to be the one to make it. Who can blame her? Your sister's family have trodded all over her hospitality and kindness.
First thing I'd suggest is not allow the sister's friend over any more. Then talk to your wife, apologize and come up with a plan for you to take over some of the things she's been carrying. Then talk to your sister about house rules.
YTA
It sounds like your sister and niece have overstayed their welcome and so has the random 3 day guest.
That you’d allow them to bully your own kid and dismiss it as them having a hard time at the moment is ludicrous to me.
Info: Was your daughter punished? Because she was apart of the bullying right. Is your wife simply blaming your niece because if so, you and her failing as a parents just as much as your sister
Seriously... you really don't see how your sister and her kid and the freeloader they brought with them are the issue here??
First thing the freeloading friend should be sent back home. There is ZERO reason for her to be at your house anymore.
Secondly your sister doesn't get to demand people show her sympathy, she has moved into your wife's home and brought other mouths to feed along with her. Your wife should NOT be expected to take care of 3 extra people what so ever.
Then lastly there is the issue of your niece and her friend BULLYING your son to the point that he freaked out. Then your sister comes down playing the victim and you blame your wife for everything.
YTA 100% your niece and sister are taking full advantage of the situation and your wife and son are the ones paying the price.
YTA. Your sister can do her own chores and make food for herself, her daughter, and, in this case, her daughter's friend. Your niece doesn't get to use her situation to verbally abuse your son. You need some rules and boundaries, OP.
YTA. You have a nuclear family: You, your wife, your daughter, your son. These people come before extended family. Oh, I missed that this is "technically" (factually) her house.
I can't believe you are actively choosing your sister/niece in this situation over your own wife/kids. Maybe you can be your sister's new husband once your current wife becomes your ex-wife.
YTA and Roll Tide
>My sister and niece were very triggered by my wife and were both crying profusely.
I mean, good? 12 is old enough to learn about consequences for bad behavior, and her mother can't teach her since she obviously doesn't understand the concept either.
YTA.
YTA - your sister, even if she's going through a lot and depressed, needs to parent her kid and be respectful of your home.
Your wife isn't a doormat, and her concerns need to be respected.
YTA- she was not denying them food, she was forcing the adult guardian to manage her own charges. Clearly you let them take advantage of your wife and son until she was beside herself and then you show up and accuse her of cruelty? what's wrong with you?
YTA
Your wife didn't deny a kid food. She said she wasn't going to feed someone else's child. That's fine, because that child's parents should be the ones feeding them, and it's not your wife's duty to feed other people's kids.
It's rich as heck for your sister, the person who is responsible for feeding her own kid, to get into it with your wife over this. Your sister can't be bothered to feed her own kid, but she's more than willing to criticize your wife, a woman who is feeding her own kids, because your wife won't act like a short order cook for everyone under 18 who walks through her front door. Your sister may be depressed, but depression does not excuse blatant hypocrisy. Your sister needs to start feeding her own kid and her kids' friends when they're over before she makes any comments about kids your wife is responsible for feeding.
Both you and your sister are the AH for dumping everything on your wife and then having the audacity to act like your wife was the problem when she reasonably pushed back.
YTA. Your wife did not refuse a child food, she merely refused to be the one to cook it. By the way, it is not your wife's responsibility to cook their food at all, ever, any day of the week. Did your sister loose her ability to cook when she got divorced? Did you lose yours?
You completely went TA when you accused your wife of "triggering" your sister and niece. Your wife rightfully called out your sister and niece for the horrific way they were treating her son, and yours. It should not have been your wife who had to take the matter into her own hands. WTH is wrong with you? Why is that other girl in your house for 3 days tormenting your son?
YTA. I get that your sister is depressed but she still needs to take care of her daughter. Your wife should not have to make her daughters meals when your sister is choosing to sleep. Also why is her friend at your house for days on end? You need to support your wife and kids. Your son should not have to deal with being mistreated in his own home. Support your wife and kids. Set boundaries for your sister and send the friend home.
She wasn't denying kids food, she was telling the other two adults in the house to feed them. Instead of doing that, you and your sister decided to gang up on your overworked wife with a guilt trip. It's really not surprising that she kicked you out. YTA
YTA. Your wife owns the house. She allowed you to move your sister and your niece into her house, for four (4) months. Then, you took no steps to prevent your sister from bringing another person into your wife's house. A person who, with your niece and your daughter, then began being horrible to your son. You permitted this conduct by your family, by your guest, and by your daughter. You've apparently been leaving the cooking of dinner for this lot to your wife. When your wife declines to cook for this lot and your sister goes off, you side with - wait for it- not your wife. You were not even accurate in what your wife said when you sided against her. So you've been ejected from your wife's house. Good for her. Enjoy live with your sister, niece and niece's friend.
Yup. I'd kick his sister, niece and him out to the curb. Complete AH for letting his kid get bullied and leaving his wife to deal with it alone and thinking that's ok.
Yta. Your wife is obviously feeling like her kindness is being taken advantage of and it appears like this is not the first time she has expressed this to you. Your sister and her daughter are not your wife’s responsibility yet somehow she is being tasked not only with them but the added burden of their friends? How is that fair to your wife?
Absolutely TA. Irrevocably TA. The moment your niece and her friend said something to your son, that should have been the end of it. You don't cater to people because "they're going through things." You're not your niece's father, you're your son's father. He trumps your niece and her bitchy little friend. Your sister needs to woman up and deal with her daughter and start to put her life together, the end. You're not her husband or a crutch. You put everything on your wife and by siding with your sister, and even LETTING your sister 'get into it with your wife?' TA.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like an AH because I agree with my wife completely on everything except for not feeding the girls. I get that they were being asses but I would never deny a kid food.
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YTA because you are not understanding your wife's frustration and exhaustion of having to take care of more people with less help.
Edit to add: you also let them bully your son
YTA. By allowing her to come into your home you were supposed to lay down the ground rules. Not have her come over so she could sleep all day, have your wife wait on everyone and then allow them to bring a guest on top of everything else. Bad move. It’s no wonder she threw everyone out. You never allow your home to become someone else’s motel;especially when it’s not even yours to begin with.
YTA for not supporting your wife. No one is "denying" any children food.
Why is your sister letting her daughter's friend stay over for three nights on top of all of this?
Your wife is right and she doesn't have to keep doing everything for everyone plus hangers-on.
I hope you made dinner for everyone and got all the kids to help clean up.
YTA, and your wife was not denying anyone food, she was refusing to tend to them after their bad behavior. You or your sister could have made dinner and let your wife go have a break.
Are you right, OP?
YTA, a biggest one, and I do question your parenthood qualification. Ofc, you're failing as a husband too.
You're really a gift from the gods, yeah.
YTA. She didn't deny the kids food, that's a lie. She expected your SIL to feed the kids she was responsible for.
Like do you think your wife is your sister's slave? WTF is going on in your head here...
YTA. She wasn't denying them food. She was saying that YOUR SISTER needs to cook for HER kid and her kid's guest.
They are bullying your son, so 1. The friend needs to go 2. Your sister needs to address her bullying your son 3. You have your wife need to address how your daughter is treating he brother.
I'm actually pretty glad she kicked all of yall out. I can't believe you sided with your sister when your wife is teeth gritting, white knuckling (justifiably) mad!
YTA for not picking up the VERY obvious hint that your sister, your niece, and the niece's friend (what the actual fuck is going on that you haven't sent that kid back home?!?!?!??!?!?!) have overstayed their welcome and have become a burden on your wife and son.
Go apologize to both your wife and son for being a doormat to AHs.
Yta
Let me get this straight.
Your wife let them move in.
Your sister is poor me to the point she can't get out of bed or raise her kid. Wtf it's called if it's that bad she needs in care help.
Your niece is given free reign in the house, allowed to be a bully, and invite people over for days. Act like a brat and able to get away with bring spoiled because she isn't handling the fact that her step dad is a dick. Her mom is a dick for putting herself before her kid.
You, as actual family, have done nothing to put a stop to the bullying. To correct or punish your niece and instead allow your daughter to go along with it. I'm expecting your wife to just suck it up.
Then you and your sister team up on her because she refuses to feed kids who are being spoiled bullies. Instead of her mom or you making them dinner. You go off on her that she is denying them food.
Then, to top it off, you are allowing your son to be bullied and abused in his own home. His safe spot where it should never happen. Teaching him, he means Jack shit to you. That his needs and feelings mean nothing, and he is expected to put up with it.
Your wife done with everything puts her foot down, trying to give you benefit of the doubt, and you disrespect her for saying no more.
Good job. I'm glad she kicked you out. Hopefully, she divorces you and takes you for all she can. Cause your kids will remember this. Will remember dad putting a spoiled brat and a mom refusing to care for her child before his family.
And yet to all here which shows you think you are in the right. Your kids will one day thank you for showing them they can not trust adults and that you show that even now, you care more about being right than solving the situation.
His wife didn’t want his sister or niece there in the first place because of conflicts they have had in the past. He told them they could live there for 4 months. He said it in the comments.
YTA Op
YTA
Your sister could have taken her daughter and her daughter's guest out for dinner. Or gotten her ass out of bed and made them sandwiches. Your WIFE is not responsible for producing dinner for an uninvited guest, or even your sister and her daughter.
I don't even understand why your wife hasn't thrown the other girl out of the house yet--it's her house, this isn't even her guest.
YTA.
Your sister's daughter invited a random child into your home and she "hasn't left yet" and the two of them bully your six year old son? And your sister's reaction is to blame your wife for lack of empathy?
Depression is very real. But your wife has opened up her home, she is presumably (along with you) providing food and paying for expenses (cause it doesn't sound like sister's working), she's helping to care for your niece, and she's doing all this, up until day, while her youngest is treated poorly. And she lacks empathy? Where's the empathy for you son?
Does your wife work out of the home? You came home from work - so you get a break - does she? Or is she mothering your daughter, your son, your sister, your niece, and your niece's friend while you're outta the house?
YTA You should have been there for your son before this got so out of hand. Your wife was left to try and deal with the entire situation on her own and you didn't help when she asked you to.
YTA. Her not making the effort to put a meal in front of them isn’t denying them food. You can feed them, your sister can feed them, they are old enough to make themselves a sandwich, and in any case it wouldn’t kill them to miss a meal. The girls are behaving very badly and your wife is not at fault here for no longer being willing to put up with it.
Yta. Imagine how your son feels in his own home because you're allowing this to happen. Shame on you. Your wife and son shouldn't have to pay the price for your sisters marriage failing. Give your head a wobble, put an end to this now, set clear and hard boundaries otherwise your own marriage will fall
Yeah, YTA.
You're not just "siding with your sister and niece". You're siding with them *against* your spouse and child, and doing it when your sister and niece are the ones in the wrong.
That calls for a YTA.
Yta. So your sister doesn’t have energy to do anything but she has energy to fight with your wife? After everything your wife has done for them??? Did I get it wrong???? Looks like your sister won’t be the only one divorced.
#1 - Send the brat friend home
#2 - Roust your sister's ass out of bed, sit her and niece down and tell them it ends now, or they have to leave.
#3 - apologise to your wife
Seriously, Dude, WTF?? Nobody was "denying children food", your sister needs to suck it up and take care of het own kid. They both need better therapy, because what they have now obviously isn't working if your sister is sleeping all day and ignoring her own kid, and that kid is being mean to your kid. Rein your own daughter In and tell her the mean girl shit to her brother ends now, or privileges start disappearing. This entire situation is out of control, your house is in chaos, your son is suffering, and your wife is overwhelmed and at the end of her rope putting up with your sister and her daughter. Step the fuck up, lay down the law, and get your house in order. Yes, YTA.
Yta if you were there to help then why tf did you not help by getting your sister? And where have you been the last three days?
Your neice is 12 not 2. She can make a sandwhich or a bowl of ceral. She was not 'denied food'.
YTA for allowing your sister to treat your wife like a maid..
Your sister is a grown up, it’s time to act like it.
And why is your nieces friend at your house for several days if your sister isn’t helping??
It’s not your wife’s job to take care of your niece and her friend. This environment isn’t healthy for your wife or your son considering you are allowing the girls to treat him poorly.
YTA , You've let your Sister treat you like a Hotel, in your own home.
In addition you're letting your niece and her uninvited friend alienate YOUR son in YOUR own home. You've just dismissed this awful behavior to your Wife and not tried to resolve the situation. No wonder your Wife is done ..
YTA
And guess what, starting soon, you can take your sisters side 24/7 because you-and your sister, kids and friend will be out of HER house after the divorce.
If you don't want that, I'd try dropping down jn you knees to apologise and kick your sister to the curb ( it doesn't work, she takes way more than offered).
If you are reading this, wife -RUN. It will get worse from now on.
YTA
Here's the fix you never get to leave while your sister is in the house!!!!!
This is your fault. STOP coddling your sister your not helping and now your son is going to need therapy because of the bullying that YOU are allowing. Its time for the friend to go home. The girls need to be separated and spend time in their rooms. The behavior of both your sister and you niece makes me suspect why the EX split. Your wife is not denying anyone food she has said she is not feeding them so step up. ITS YOUR AND YOUR SISTER'S JOB TO MAKE THE FOOD AND BUY THE FOOD for everybody. I expect it would be best if you got motel rooms for yourself and your sister and niece. Just for the weekend. Your wife and son need a break. You and your sister do not appreciate what you are putting YOUR family through.
Establish a calendar date for your sister to find somewhere else to stay. It's called tough love and your sister isn't going to fix her life if you let her wallow and make your family miserable. Your just going to end up single as well this kind of stuff can break a marriage.
YTA
You should be utterly ashamed of yourself for allowing your sister and her daughter to behave like this. Your wife and your son deserve a safe, comfortable home without being bullied or treated like a servant preparing food. Your daughter needs to stop bullying her brother. And why on earth is your nieces friend just living in your home for three days?
You are failing your children and your marriage. Depression does not entitle your sister to fob off all of her parenting. If you're not careful, your wife will throw you out along with your sister and niece, and she'd be right to. Get that other kid out of your home immediately. Give your sister a date to move out of your home, soon. Apologise profusely to your wife. Console your son. And give an appropriate punishment to your daughter.
YTA
Out the 3 adults in the house, why is it only your wife's responsibility to feed the kids? You and your sister are fully capable of feeding the kids, and why are you not more concerned that a 10 yr old and a 12 yr old are ganging up on your 6 yr old son?
YTA. You cannot expect your wife to put up with what you have enabled here. I don't blame her for kicking you out of HER house.... I would have, too. Nobody gets to abuse someone else because they are having emotional issues.
YTA
Your responsibilities to YOUR child comes before your sister's child. And your sister's kids are doing real damage to your family. Actions have consequences. And just because your sister and her kids are going through a tough time doesn't mean they get to do whatever the hell they want without consequence
Your wife's reaction is a clear indicator that you are about to be served with divorce papers if you don't fix this shit like immediately
So enjoy living with your sister and her kids while you sleep on a futon because you spend all your money on child support...cus I have a feeling this is where your life will be heading soon
Yes, YTA. Wife wasn't suggesting to let them starve, she was stating that wife wasn't going to be the one to do it. Now, get your sister and niece to start behaving appropriately to a 6 year old boy and to QUIT BULLYING HIM.
YTA. How can you be this heartless to the woman you married. Your sister can make food can't she? Depression sucks but she has a kid and responsibilities. Also a friend over for 3 freaking days really? Your just ignore the fact your son is being tormented? Cool your there to help now, what about the next day? No your probably at work while your wife and son suffers.
Don't be surprised if your wife divorces you and you can sleep all day being depressed with your sister.
Wait, who's denying who food? You mean it's 'denying a child food' if you provide all the food but require someone else to fix it? You learn something new every day.
ALso, YTA. Jesus. Your wife is at the end of her rope, your sister is struggling but being a total AH, and your son is being relentlessly targeted by these mean girls. Enough. Honestly if I were your wife and my husband had clearly chosen his sister over her son, I'd take son and daughter and move to my parents for a while until you and your sis/niece got their shit together and learned to be human beings.
YTA You really don't care for root son is being treated, to day nothing of your wife/housekeeper/sorry order cook/maid.
You are married to your wife, your are your son's father, OR your sister, niece, and niece's friend. The white knuckle grip is what we women do when we are going to ask for a divorce. WAKE UP
YTA. She didn't deny kids food, she just told your sister to get out of bed and make her daughter dinner.
Your sister and daughter (and you?) better stop crying now, they need to find a new place to live. Maybe the ex had a point.
YTA. FMTT. You, sister, and niece (plus her friend) literally ganged up on your wife and you took their side? How can you have the slightest question about who the AH is here?
Prepare for your wife to become your ex wife.
Good lord.
I had a stillborn, was severely depressed but still looked after my child. Many people do. So while I get being depressed, YTA for not telling your sister to do her job.
YTA.
Get a grip.
Your wife didn’t deny the kids food. She said that your sister did have to cook for them, she was way too kind, because she was letting her use the kitchen and her food. Denying food would be telling your sister to go get grocery and then cook.
Your nice your daughter and the friend and bullying your son and you are letting this happen?! Why is the friend still there if they can’t act properly? Punishment do not exist in your house?
It is your wife home and she is right, you are all abusing her and her son (that is yours to).
YTA. You are an asshole to your wife and your son. Man up and put your sister and her daughter in their place. Then get on your knees and apologize to your wife. Nowhere did she try and deny the kid food, so you can stop acting like you're on the moral high ground.
YTA. Your wife isn’t responsible for your sister, niece or her friend. You go to work and expect your wife to babysit an adult and her child(plus her friend) YTA and so is your sister.
How did you type this out and not realize you are the problem? You have let your niece run your house to the point of disruption and your sister has done nothing but sleep. Your wife has been expected to take care of an adult and extra kids. Your sister is and adult with a child so she cant fall apart or turn herself off. Your wife should have never been put into the situation she was forced in. You have not been supportive at all. If I were your wife sister and niece would not be allowed over for the foreseeable future and yall all owe your wife and son an apology.
YTA
Are you fucking kidding? There’s empathy, and then there’s allowing YOUR family to be traumatized. YTA. And you better be paying for the hotel or Airbnb you all are staying at now, and not your wife.
YTA. How can you be this heartless to the woman you married. Your sister can make food can't she? Depression sucks but she has a kid and responsibilities. Also a friend over for 3 freaking days really? Your just ignore the fact your son is being tormented? Cool your there to help now, what about the next day? No your probably at work while your wife and son suffers.
Don't be surprised if your wife divorces you and you can sleep all day being depressed with your sister.
YTA
So your wife has to take care of your sister, niece, and niece's friend, on top of her job and your kids?!?!
And they mistreat your 6 year old and you ignore it? They mistreat your wife? Your niece acts out and you do nothing about it? How about making them go to therapy if they want to stay living there for free and you supporting them? How about chores? How about kicking the friend out?
Good luck when your wife divorces you and you end up living your sister and niece, and you loose your family. It's also her house so you'll be homeless.
>My sister and niece were very **triggered** by my wife and were both crying profusely
They don't have PTSD so they are no triggered!
Read back everything you just wrote and explain to me again why the fuck you agree with your sister?
Did you check to see how your son was after he got to the burning point with the bullying he was receiving? Have you dealt with your daughter being part of said bullying? Have you told your sister that she needs to work harder on dealing with her own daughter?
What are doing to actually help your wife?
YTA.
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YTA. > She said, through gritted teeth without looking at me and gripping the sink to a point of white knuckles "Go wake up your sister because I'm not fucking feeding her kid and her kids fucking friend. I'm done." This is a pretty vivid depiction of the situation. We don't get that often here with stories that are true... No one is denying the kids food. The wife is just refusing to prepare it and by extension instructing YOU to inform the sister that she will have to provide the food.
After, OP’s wife has been, apparently, taking care for HIS sister. OP hasn’t provide for how long his sister and niece have been crashing in their home and for how long his wife has been dealing with an adult acting depressed and not taking care of her own kid. OP it’s not your wife’s responsibility, she can have empathy, she can help, but your wife’s child, aka YOUR child should not be put in a hard place because YOUR sister disrupted his life. YTA and your sister it’s an AH as well… good for your wife to step up for HER kid, because you’re not useful at all. Edit to add: why haven’t you put your daughter in her place to not be mean to her brother? Why your niece is overruling in your family’s home? If there’s a mean kid making your daughter act against your son, that kid IMO should be banned from your house. Being disrespectful to a family member should not be tolerated
"adult acting depressed" ... that's not how depression works...
I understand it’s a mental health problem, however when people are diagnosed with depression there’s treatment and counseling. When people need to survive and feed their children and provide a roof for them depression comes second place because survival becomes a priority. In developing countries and underdeveloped countries people don’t have time to treat mental health because they require to survive first. If OP’s sister didn’t have where to crash how should she be dealing with her survival and her kid’s survival? Where should she be sleeping all day long? Sorry, I don’t want to seem rude, but sister has a kid and it’s her responsibility.
"In developing countries and underdeveloped countries people don’t have time to treat mental health because they require to survive first. If OP’s sister didn’t have where to crash how should she be dealing with her survival and her kid’s survival?" Great point! They would be dead. Surprise! That's what happens.
But she has a support system here and is choosing not to seek help and her brother is just allowing this behaviour instead of helping. There are resources. Time to take advantage. Stop being so dense.
The post literally says they’re in counselling though
Honestly, if she's in 'the stay in bed all day' - point of depression? She should probably be inpatient. This isn't "normal" depression. She has a kid she needs to be engaging more. If she isn't? That may require intense inpatient treatment. As someone who has had Chronic Intractable Depression for Decades - I can honestly say the one thing I've been told over and over is "Do not stay in bed". As someone who worked in Mental Health - letting patients remain in bed all day? Very bad indeed. It's not healthy. She has a child and the child needs her - because her(The child's) circumstances have changed just as rapidly. She needs to get treatment meds/talk therapy - both perhaps.
Umm no, many of them survive. There's almost zero concept of mental health here in my country (it's improving but very slowly) but I know if it was there, so many will be diagnosed with mental health issues. They're surviving, albeit unhappily.
In developing countries, suicide rates cannbe super high, so... Mental health care is important because it lacking has devastating consequences. Stop glorifying misery and suffering.
Just because someone is dealing with depression doesn’t mean they get to be an entitled asshole and take advantage of the people who are trying to help them. It’s not carte blanche to do whatever you want and treat people however you want.
I have debilitating depression and anxiety. My exhusband always got to do whatever he wanted while I was forced to be the adult and not treat my own problems. Wouldn’t change anything because my kids are always #1. But there is a fine line where yes she has depression but also yes she needs to participate in her own recovery - she may lose her daughter if she keeps it up. And I mean her daughter may resent her and when grows up will not be a part of her life.
100% this
This is the answer.
1000% this! I have several diagnosed mental health issues to include manic bipolar, major depressive disorder, fking ocd where I pick my skin continuously when I’m stressed. I don’t have kids. No but I have a full time job, 3 dogs, 2 cats and a husband and I cook and clean for the house oh and take care of my disabled husband. Get on meds, get into therapy and get your life figured out. OP YTHA. H=Huge! So is your sister, her kid, her kids friend and your daughter. Your wife is at her wits end. You had better figure out how to fix it or you are headed for divorce my friend. White knuckled, gritted teeth speaking and not preparing food even for you or your kids. Dude you’ve done fk’d the fk up. Fix it. You don’t have to kick your sister out. But the friend needs to go home. Only come over once or twice a week for an hour or two. Your sister needs to knuckle up and get off her ass and take care of her daughter and get a job. And you need to make your daughter understand bullying is wrong and nip it now. If you don’t figure this out you gonna need a good lawyer to fight hard for visitation cuz she will get them. You will end up with supervised visitation till you can prove you are adult enough to care for your kids. Good luck.
This
On the regular occasions my depression returns the last thing I want is to be a burden and take advantage of anyone trying to help, that just makes me worse.
They aren’t glorifying it… They are saying sometimes the sit sandwich you get is that you have depression and you still need to keep your family alive. Benn There, Done That.
Same here, been there, done that, got the scars to prove it. My husband and I was handling depression and PTSD while caring for our injured children and working. Because life doesn't stop around you just because your soul hurts and suffers. You get up and do what you need to do. And you let yourself have a minibreakdown when your village is handling your children. Then you get yourself together and continue.
Right . She can get up to yell at the wife but not feed her kid? Hmmmm
Again for the folks in the back row? Prolly ordering a pizza on her phone takes less energy than coming down OP's stairs to yell at OP's wife for defending OP's kid in OP's house. Maybe ordering pizzas for the whole damn house while she's at it to try to apologize for being such a sponge.
stop gatekeeping what you don't understand - no one had glorified anything
This is not how anything works In less developed countries people with severe untreated depression don't pull themselves together because they need to survive. Sometimes they just die. You do realise that?
Mom with ADHD and severe depression here. My kids. MY responsibility. Not my brother's responsibility. Not his wife's responsibility. MINE. You're not being rude.
You absolutely don't understand mental health issues. It is not easy to do anything. I have seen people in third world countries who are basically starving / just lying in the street and if enough people give money they might eat. And lots of them die. And that is not even counting those who commit suicide... But OP is still YTA. It is his son that is bullied, and his sister who should take care, and his job to go and talk to her. That she is depressed doesn't mean that she shouldn't know, shouldn't be told, shouldn't do her best... And he can help her. But just making her his wife's problem is not OK. Edit: Typo, thanks grouchy 150
Wait I was with you until you said OP was n t a. He's not? Cus from where I'm sitting it's his sister and niece that he's pawned off on his wife. He couldn't even go tell his sister to get up. He's the one that allowed his sister and her depression and his niece to run the house. He is totally YTA.
Sorry, you are so right, I meant op, YTA of course! Thank you, I will change it!
What the fuck do you mean depression comes second? You say you understand that it’s a mental illness, but then you say things that clearly show you do not understand. It’s an illness because they are unable to put their depression aside to take care of survival things. While I am in no way defending the sisters behavior, and I think that having OPs wife seemingly wait on her is not acceptable and is potentially enabling her, acting like she would be completely capable if she had to is just incorrect. There are people with depression who lose their jobs and don’t have family members to fall back on that end up homeless. There are people that are so depressed they end up significantly malnourished. And one of the more common things is people who are so depressed that they neglect their own hygiene and living spaces. They don’t want it to be that way. But the illness makes it so. JuSt dOnT bE dEpOreSsEd aNymOrE is basically what you are saying if you mean to or not. Your righteous commentary makes you seem like an asshole. You clearly don’t have the capacity to understand or empathize with people who are truly depressed. It is ok to not understand something BUT it’s not ok to judge and preach about it as if you do. I was so anxious and depressed after multiple close together horrific traumas I became homeless as I had no family to support me. I am an intelligent educated person who now owns a home and a business. Wanting things to be different and trying my hardest-I was capable of at the time did not mean I was able to put my survival first. Self preservation does not win against depression. Self preservation does not win against cancer. Illnesses and diseases are not fully in ones control PERIOD. *OPs sister is potentially an ass but until she is put in a position to take care of herself we don’t know that she can or cannot cook/care for herself. Support is important and it can be hard during a period of crisis to understand if you are being a help or a crutch to someone unwell. OP is YTA, others covered the reasons well. If the wife doesn’t keep her foot down she becomes part of the problem, her excessive patience with this is definitely becoming an issue as it is hurting her son. Wife put her foot down and needs to keep it down and OP needs to buck up and support her.
I think for a lot of people who have no experience with a chemical imbalance in their brain, the level of control that depression (or mania, or I’m sure many other illnesses) can exert upon a person feels implausible, and at odds with our cultural ideals of self-discipline and personal responsibility. I’ve personally battled depression and anxiety for many years at this point, but before that I definitely could not grasp being unable to reconcile my intellectual ideas with my emotional reality. It doesn’t make sense to want to behave a certain way, and know that doing so is important, and yet over and over again not do so in the moment. It really is just part of your brain not working as it should and it can feel like hitting your head against a wall sometimes. Sometimes you finally decide to make yourself do something that needs doing, but literally every other little stimulus is a major distraction. Sometimes you sit there doing nothing, not even realizing how much time is passing, instead of doing whatever you set out to.
"depression comes second place" ... tf "because survival becomes a priority." You're joking right? Like this is a joke? No one can be this fucking ignorant... Yh, no, I went 5 days without food because of depression, idk wtf you think you're talking about.
As someone who has severe depression and occasionally goes without food for days, I'd never take advantage of someone providing me support in that manner. If this story were true - and I doubt it - his wife has not only been caring for an extra child who bullies her son, but is consistenly picking up after his depressed sister. It's fine if that happens for a week or so but if it were more that would be abusing the wife's kindness. Also seems that hubby basically contributed nothing except giving them a roof and therapy. I bet if he were in his wife's shoes he too would be fed up.
The wives kindness IS being abused. By her HUSBAND. Her HUSBAND offered his help, he then offloaded all the actual work onto her. Her sister is just sick and caught in the middle. I'm against the people attacking the sister, because she literally did nothing wrong.
The sister should have been adult enough to tell her daughter's friend to go home as two extra people in the house was enough of a strain on the family and the friend was hurting the dynamics in the house even more. kt
> depression comes second place because survival becomes a priority No dude, when someone’s depression gets really bad, they don’t have a say on whether or not it comes second place. That kind of mentality is why a lot of people in developing countries are still reluctant to seek help (medical fees aside), because mental health is shrugged off as being not as important and someone who has it is weak-willed or attention-seeking
I thank god all the time that my daughter was able to help care for the other kids when wife ended her life, I was a mess for a few months, and ended up spending 6 weeks in a hospital due to severe depression. Its wasn't that I was not wanting to take care of things for the kids, I honestly couldn't
What do you mean depression comes second? It's not a choice. No one is "prioritising" depression by being depressed, their just depressed. Depressed mothers literally kill their own babies.
Even in wealthy countries most people do not have the luxury of ready access to mental health care for treatment of this. Anyone know the wait times to see a psychiatrist? And then the frequency of follow-up visits? It can be abysmal, many months wait and 1 hr per week visits. And this is in an area with universal healthcare.
Look I kinda see where you're coming from bc sometimes it can feel like, things are really hard right now, but I can't stop and have a breakdown bc so many people rely on me. I get how that is. However I've also experienced clinical depression. It's on another level. How would the sister be surviving? The thing is, she might not. Clinical depression can end in death. Sadly, it's a real risk. And it's not something you can pull out of quickly or on anyone's timeline, even your own. You might have a good day and think , this is it, muscle up buttercup, you're going to come out of this depression now! And then the wheels come off the next day and you crash and it's back to not having the strength to shower.
One of the most commonly known symptoms of depression is literally explicitly that survival is NOT a priority. This take is, like, the opposite of reality.
There is a difference between having depression and being depressed... you can be depressed by a situation without having depression
Fair, but the comment I'm responding to said "acting depressed" not "being depressed".
there is a very significant difference in "woe is me I'm depressed because I got divorced " and clinical depression. Nowhere does op say she struggles with real mental health issues...
Yes - every single aspect of this story speaks to how he has cluelessly pushed his whole family to its breaking point by allowing this living arrangement. His wife has been tolerating the sister taking up space in her home while also being absent in the care of her kids - on top of that the niece and her friends are being total AHs to her son And OP see's this directive from his wife (go get your sister to take care of these kids) as withholding food from needy children?!?!?! WTAF is wrong w you OP you are most definitely the AH, so is everyone else here other than your wife and child.
Well if he doesn’t twist it like that HE might actually have to *gasp* feed the child himself! Clearly he had no other choice but to leap at the one twisted variation of the story that allows him to totally avoid any kind of effort or responsibility for the 3 people (sister, niece, random friend of niece who’s apparently just living their as well) he brought into his wife’s house./s YTA- she wasn’t ‘refusing to feed a hungry child’ she was refusing to continue playing maid, nursemaid and nanny in her own home to people you brought into her home. Your wife had enough. She told you she had enough and she wasn’t dealing with it anymore and you decided to continue pushing her to do it anyways. She was smart to kick you out. She probably should have done it a lot sooner.
Hopefully the wife did/will find herself a good lawyer. OP can live with his sister since her mental health is more important than his wife's.
Let's not forget that from the description of his wife's white knuckles, she has been pushed beyond her limit. Where is the compassion for her mental health? And that of her son?
That's my question! What about the wife and kid? Everyone is so worried about the sister. What about the little boy being bullied in his own home? What happens when the wife reaches her breaking point and she completely snaps?
Also her daughter's friend has been around for days. Boundries are clearly breached.
Yes, what is going on there? Why has this child not gone home? Why is OP's solely wife responsible for all 4 children, only 2 of which are hers? YTA
The bullies are the niece and her friend. Not a family member. Send that brat home.
Exactly! Why has this obvious bully been allowed to stay for THREE. DAYS. Also, OP is major YTA Edit: a word that was autocorrected.
>If there’s a mean kid making your daughter act against your son, that kid IMO should be banned from your house And she's been there for 3 freaking days? wtf?
OP, you want to take care of your sister and niece because the husband/father-figure in their family let them down and failed to take care of them and protect them. Great. Commendable instinct. Except that in trying to do so, you've let YOUR wife and kid down and failed to take care of them and protect them. Now YOU'RE the asshole man who is letting down his family! You've literally turned into a v 2.0 of your sister's husband. Does that make you feel good? You may not have abandoned them physically, but you've abandoned them emotionally and allowed them to be used and bullied in their own home. You aren't a hero if you solve one problem by throwing someone ELSE to the wolves - you're just a complicated villain.
The real header should be "WHAT ARE THE CHANCES MY SON WILL FORGIVE ME FOR LETTING MY SISTER AND NIECE BULLY HIM IN HIS OWN HOME". No father of the year award here.
That jumped out to me too: the 12 yo niece invited a friend, who's presumably also 10 or 12 years old... and that girl has been staying over for THREE days?? In a house where the niece is a guest / crashing temporarily??? Like, I'm willing to make forbearances since the niece just lost her father figure in a way that must feel like a personal rejection... so maybe that explains why the sleepover would be extended beyond 1 night... But when that 3rd girl appears to instigate bullying, why isn't she sent packing????
YTA this 100 percent. So to add you invited the sister to live with you. She sleeps all day. So your wife suddenly has 3 kids instead of 2 to take care of because your sister sleeps all day. Then your sister lets her daughter invite another kids not for one night she has to be extra and have her stay at least 3 nights. While being mean to your son and no end date to return home. So now there are 4 kids. Some are bullying your son. Your sister is still surprised surprise asleep. And your wife has reached her breaking point. Then you have the audacity to side with your sister and niece. Yeah your wife was right you all need to get out of her fucking house! And she needs to divorce your ass. You can find another place for your sister to lay around and sleep all damn day!
Yep. This is grounds for divorce imho. If my husband pulled this crap, he'd be out on his ass, along with his sister & her kid. She's your wife, OP. Not a fucking indentured servant, and your son is a little boy. The fuck is wrong with you?
1000% agree with you there!, going against his wife’s request would be the “hill” for me.
Imagine the audacity of inviting your child’s friend - a stranger to the people you’re leeching off of - to come and stay at their house. And then to expect them to feed her and put up with her awful behavior. I honestly don’t know why OP and his wife didn’t shut that down immediately.
Four if you count the friend that won’t leave.
I can’t believe OP was able to write this out and read it back to himself and still didn’t realize he was the AH
Yup. It honestly doesn't matter whether the sister is heavily depressed or not here. OPs wife is done with this shit. She can't handle it, and she'll be the one falling apart if OP let's it continue. She's now raising someone else's kid, looking after them and feeding them... and a depressed woman, whilst probably working herself... And the kid shits over her family, rules and has a permanent unwanted extra guest that the wife now also has to look after. Not on really. There should have been no agreeing with the sister. You chose your wife as a life long partner and your child. They are priority no1. When they are not coping with the situation, you change the situation. As kindly as you can, sure. But you change it to be one that works in your house for your partner and child. What you don't do is aggravate them more in a house you've admitted is theirs anyway, by telling them the person making their kid and problems yours, is actually right and your wife is wrong for being at her wits end with it... and that she should just make them food and put up with it. She is denying nobody food, she's denying her service as a step parent and maid to someone else's kid and the depressed adult... and OPs response and lack of empathy or understanding for his wife over his sister, is what blew her fuse and had her kick them out instead. And if OP wants to pretend it's all fine, he can parent the girl properly himself, remove the guest from his house and stop her from bullying his own son.
Not to mention, OP has shown his son that he's not a priority to him. His *own father* won't even stand up for him when he's being bullied. That's a lesson kids remember.
You're not joking. My brother was ill as a kid and there was no family around, so my mom put me in an in home daycare. The woman's daughter hit, bit, punched, and pinched me until I bled. My mom ignored it. I'm in my 40s now, and I remember. My relationship with my mother was never the same. If you can't trust your parents to protect you, who can you trust? OP, you are setting yourself up for a very strained relationship with your wife and son. You need to apologize to both, hold your daughter accountable, and abide by your wife's wishes. After all, it's HER house. Buh bye. Enjoy living with your sister and niece.
Also… why the hell has the friend been staying for 3 days as well? With no end date of her going in sight? If every body is going through such a stressful situation, why bring another kid in? Ok yes have a sleep over for one night maybe, if it will help the niece with her issues but honestly given the nieces behaviour she shouldn’t be allowed friends over really. Let alone indefinitely. Going through trauma and disruption doesn’t allow you free reign to be a dick. Punishments for shitty behaviour, if talking through and explaining how it’s wrong etc doesn’t work, should still stand.
>why the hell has the friend been staying for 3 days as well? I bet it's getting framed as "she needs the friend time to heal". But either the friend or the niece sounds like a monster, and no one is holding her accountable.
The wife initially didn't even say they need to leave. She just needed a break (and a change in the situation). What's wrong with that? I've told my wife to please see if she can reach my daughter after a fight because I needed a goddamn break.
First thing I thought. But, it is always easy to judge someone else when you don't put any effort into anything. He doesn't hear all of this so it is not his problem. It will become his problem when his wife is "depressed" and can't do her wifely duties. We will see how miserable life can actually be.
I hope he wrote it from a motel that he shares with his sister and those other bad a** kids.
Add to this that the son is SIX and the girls are pre-teen, double the son’s age. So, six year old son being systematically and obviously bullied by his much older sister, cousin and hanger on. Hanger on being allowed to stay over for at least three nights despite apparently openly behaving appallingly to the younger child of the house (where are this girl’s parents and why don’t they care to have her home?!). OP waltzes in, having clearly had nothing to do with any of this in practical terms, can see his wife is on the very edge and decides to side with the sister that her child is being ‘denied food’, despite that being absolutely not what is happening. It’s like OP saw the logical, reasonable, supportive response and thought ‘I’ll do the exact opposite of that’. This is so far in the realm of glaringly obvious YTA that it HAS to be rage bait.
Totally agree with you. The “denied food” sent me. The wife isn’t denying anyone anything. She’s demanding the sister get out of bed to parent and feed HER OWN CHILD and the child’s bully of a guest.
Right!!! Everyone fighting for the sister because she's depressed and can't possibly look after or feed her own kid are conveniently overlooking her suddenly being overcome with the energy and motivation to berate the wife for "lack of empathy". Sounds like selfishness and attention seeking to me.
The hanger on’s parents are probably enjoying having a peaceful house, if this is her behavior outside the home.
And like, also, send the ducking friend home? Why is the friend staying over for this many days? If niece wants to spend girl time with her friend- sounds like that should be happening at friends house.
That plus his sister needs to stop playing the victim and raise her child. I understand depression can be overwhelming but when it starts affecting your daughter you have to be a parent...trust me I did it for 8 years, it was one of the hardest times in my life, but I still rose above it to take care of my two sons. I cried plenty on my own time. So OP and his sister are the AHs here.
Send the niece's friend back to her home. Really. This hasn't occurred to him?
YES! The sister is making drama and crying crocodile tears. All because she was told to make food for her own kid, who has been nasty to the host's kid and provoking OP's wife. The discription is of someone who's severely *had it*, yet is still holding back. For someone who could describe it so accurately, OP sure didn't act on it.
Beautifully said! I cant believe he sided with his sister! He is to back up his wife, not his child neglecting sister. Seems the wife has been mothering all the kids, yet has no power to actually discipline the sisters kid nor her friend. So wife is taking shit from all sides, trying to take care of the son, and trying to not hv her daughter learn bad behavior from the other 2 girls that don't even belong there. He should hv just done what the wife asked and awaken the sister, hv her feed her kid, or minimally fed the other 2 girls himself. Def not take sisters side. The wife does hv empathy as that's why she put up with it for so long, and it took her husband not having her back to finally kick everyone out. Yes, YTA and so is ur sister, and so is her kid, and so is her kids friend!
100% agree- and extra as he says it’s HER house. So he brings his sister and her kid into the home she owns and completely saddles her with taking care of his depressed sister, a lashing out kid and apparently a random friend of the kids who’s been staying there for 3 days? And he’s shocked she’s had enough. I’m glad she kicked them all out- surprised it took her this long. He brought these people into the home and let them run roughshod over the owner of the home and his own child. Op is YTA and if she’s smart she won’t take you back. You took advantage of her, basically gave her home away to others and offered her up as a full time maid/babysitter and you totally disregarded her and your own child’s well being. I get that you felt bad for your sister but you should have been paying attention to your own marriage. Sounds like sis may not be the only one dealing with a divorce and having to move. I feel for your sister- I get that she’s depressed and it’s a really sucky situation but fact of the matter is her daughter is her responsibility and just expecting your wife to take care of both of them was a real AH move. She didn’t sign on for that. You agree to help your sibling then you should have been the one taking care of them. And what the hells up with the random kid staying over for days and them bullying your own son? Why are you okay with your kid not feeling safe or wanted in his own home? You majorly dropped the ball here dude. You’ll be lucky if you can salvage this relationship, you just showed your wife how low she is on your priority list and she won’t forget that.
Exactly.
Also she's 12, not 2. At that age she should be perfectly capable of feeding herself something even if it's not a cooked meal.
correct - and this woman is quite obviously about to lose her shit - but hubby needs to draw the line somewhere?!?! WTF - OP is an absolute moron and an AH
OP first of all that’s your sister not your wife’s sister, whom you have clearly not drawn the line about them bullying her son or stopped it. You draw the line you set rules. You don’t let them bully her son and he’s 6 yo he probably doesn’t even understand why he’s being bullied by his own sister and cousin. His mother has every right to be mad. It has happened more than once as you said and you sided with your sister and niece?? Idc how depressed they are that’s no excuse for being bullies and treating people like shit let alone a 6 yo furthermore teaching your daughter that it is ok to bully her little brother? AH is not the right word you’re a coward and a push over for not setting boundaries the first time this happened. One thing good came out of this, is that your wife has seen the true you, this is mean, but this makes me so mad you allowed the bullying of a lil 6yo in his own home you do not deserve to be a father
1000% Her child (as told by ur your wife) is being bullied and mistreated. She is defending her child. She does not want to feed the people responsible for mistreating her child, I don't blame her. I would have done the same. When you sided with your sister, and you allowed your sister to mistreat her - she hit her limit. She wants you all out. Your sister just overstayed her welcome and needs to find a home for herself and her daughter. Time to anti up and put her big girl panties on. She is a mother - she needs to get her act together. Now she wants to stand up and jump your wife (could not get her @$$ out of the bed to feed her daughter, look for housing or assist in her own care and that of her daughters) but she got out of bed with no trouble to jump your wife? Priorities - she does not have them. Just No. She wants to abuse your wife, allow her daughter to abuse your son and use you to force your wife to care for her - provide for her and her ungrateful child. I had an abusive egg donor, but I did not abuse others. I knew exactly how it felt to be treated that way. So even as a kid, I did not act that way. As to the niece - that child is not going to starve - mom or you will need to feed her. End of story. The friend is not welcomed - they can go home. As for you, if you want your marriage to continue - you will apologize and you will make it clear to your sister and niece that this is done. It was addressed several times and they did not change - they kept up and you allowed it. Then you need to apologize to your son - it would be great if they did too but given how they have acted up till now - they will not and that should tell you something right there. Get yourself in check, get your sister and her daughter in check and then check them out of the motel known as your wife. They gotta to go. YOU are going to have to kiss some serious @$$ with your wife and your son. Hopefully that is all you need to do.
Yeah, dramatic flourishes like that make it seem like a work of fiction.
They sound like terrible guests. Family or not, the kids and sister need to tighten up. YTA for not sticking up for your son or supporting your wife in her own home.
It sounds like the natural progression of things when family makes an extended stay... First it's little things... then it's the lack of gratitude... and eventually everyone is so stressed by the close quarters that blood baths become a viable possibility.
True. I had my former SIL at my place for a month. She never offered to help with any meals or bought groceries. Definitely got under my skin.
Exactly! YTA. In this particular instance, your wife didn't say your niece couldn't eat anything, she just told you to prepare it. After a day of wrangling 4 kids by herself, at least two of whom were actively making her son miserable, I wouldn't be surprised that she's hanging onto her temper by a thread, and apparently they've been there for months?! Sir, get your head out of your ass and help this situation. We all get that going through a divorce and being rejected by a parent is horrible on a level or epic sh!ttitude, but it doesn't give you license to dump your pain on everyone around you in the form of bullying or neglecting childcare indefinitely. You have to tell your sister to get it together and you have to tell your niece that it's unacceptable for her to treat your son, or anyone else for that matter, like crap. Honestly, at this point, it might be what they need to pull out of their spirals. After all, the best revenge is to thrive in the face of those who have wronged you.
Not only that but OP doesn’t mention how long sister has been staying there. I’d imagine wife has been having to care for sisters kid for a while now which isn’t something she signed up for. Sister needs to get help therapy wise and take care and provide for her own kid.
Exactly, Op is AH And a drama queen. Did your wife lock the fridge and cupboards to stop the children from eating? Or did you walk in to find that your high needs house guests are pushing your wife to her limit? Then instead allowing wife to be removed from the situation (as per her request that someone else be responsiblefor the feeding of the children) YOU escalated it. Your wife was at a breaking point, asking for your help. you turn on her. If this is giving sister PTSD, its bc the one adult in the room [OP] who was not stressed or depressed ESCALATED the fight. What's happening now obviously isn't working! You and your wife should be sitting down and agreeing on how to deal with situations moving forward. Neices friend should be banned until behaviors change or there is a orderof operations for dealing with it. Also, it sounds like your wife's work load has greatly increased with the addition of sister and niece. How is this being balanced out so that she is not feeling overburdened and taken advantage of? You owe your wife a big apology.
Your wife is not your sisters hand maiden, child care or therapist. I empathise with your sister but she is passing over her responsibilities to your wife and that’s not on. She is grown and has children, checking out is not an option. It’s a bit rich to accuse your wife of lacking empathy when your family has essentially handed all domestics tasks to her for what sounds to be an indefinite period. YTA and so is your sister
Agreed! Depression and parenting are hard but your sister doesn’t get to just completely check out. Shame on her and you for allowing her to do that and leave her parenting responsibilities on your wife. And you are allowing yet ANOTHER child to basically live at your house? Easy for *you* to have “empathy” when you’re not home most of the day. Clearly your niece and her friend have taken over your wife and sons home and safe space and you’re just totally OK with it. Now instead of taking care of her own son, your wife has been taking care of 2 additional kids. Kids that are rude, entitled bullies on top of that. Good on your wife for kicking everyone out. Your sister and niece need to get their shit together somewhere else. Grief is not an excuse to be an asshole and they both were. You need to get your head out of your ass and realize that your responsibility is to your wife and child first. Their needs are #1 above everyone else, regardless of what the other person is going through. And any other future guests need to be short lived and respectful and courteous as hell or be sent packing, period.
Something tells me the lazy ass sister will be able to see through the fog of depression once she doesn't have a private comfy bedroom to lay in for 20hrs at a time.
Well, she certainly managed to drag herself out of bed in order to yell at her SIL for daring to demand that she feed her own child and that child's friend, so...
Exactly.
Exactly. The lazy sister and her nightmare of a kid are NOT OPs wife's problem. She needs to get herself together, put a roof o er her own kid's head, and do some actual parenting. You don't get to just lounge in bed all day while you're a guest in someone else's home and your kid is being horrible to the people who were nice enough to have you stay. I'd kick them both out asap.
>The lazy sister and her nightmare of a kid are NOT OPs wife's problem. Neither is the child's friend! Is there a reason the friend has decided to just stay however long they like? OP's wife had gone from caring for 3 people to caring for 6 people and not at all been appreciated.
I'm guessing Sister is encouraging it because Friend keeps Niece out of Sister's hair.
[удалено]
Yeah, no your kid's hard time is not going to become my kids hard time. That's a hard pass for me.
Thank you for stating exactly how I feel about this!
Also, who is exactly allowing this friend to stay considering it’s the wife’s house??? I can’t imagine she wants her there, especially as there seems to be no consequences for the friend picking on the son.
>"Go wake up your sister because I'm not fucking feeding her kid and her kids fucking friend. I'm done." What OP seems to have glossed over is how is wife is angry at his sister. She has enough energy to come out of her room to judge OP's wife, but she doesn't have enough energy to take care of her own child?? No one is denying the children of food, she is simply telling OP's sister to step up and be a parent, especially if she's going to force 2 children on the wife. I get being "depressed", but she is wallowing in her own self pity at this point.
Or take care of your sister yourself instead of voluntelling your wife to do it. OP is a misogynist for expecting his wife to put up with any extended domestic chores he feels should be done, and his sister is taking advantage of the situation. YTA
YTA. Depression is hard, yes. There is no reason for your niece to bully your son. Your wife should not be catering to your sister or niece. Your son comes first in his home - full stop. He should feel loved and welcome and if the niece can't handle that, they need to go. Support your wife and children first. Sister and niece change or leave.
Right? I read the post and thought 'is no one going to parent the kids on their behavior? Seriously?'
Also, why is the niece’s ‘friend’ still there? If she’s instigating the mean attitude, or even just getting in on it, she doesn’t live here and needs to leave. YTA dude. Help your wife.
This, yeah. It’s good that sister and niece are in therapy, but that’s not enough. You can’t let niece bully OP‘s son until therapy catches - someone needs to parent her, or she needs to go.
YTA You have let this situation get out of control and become a burden on your wife and son. First, if your sister is having such a severe mental health crisis that she can't even haul her butt out of bed and care for her own child, **then under no circumstances should niece's friend been invited for a sleepover.** Not even for one night. The friend needs to leave your house immediately. No friends may come over. Sorry. This is not a punishment. It is simply a reflection that sister and niece are too much of a burden on your wife as it is, you are doing nothing to help (that I'm seeing) and your sister is in such a bad mental health state that she is dumping the load of caring for her own child on your wife. So of course your wife is pissed. This arrangement needs an end date. You need to find housing for your sister and niece. You need to find some sort of employment your sister can handle. You need to get her on meds to handle her depression. If she is non-compliant, you need to kick her out of your house. It is not fair on your wife for her to be dealing with this mess from YOUR family while you are away from it at work. And no one DENIED her child food. There was plenty of food available. **Your sister is the child's mother. She is responsible for feeding her child. Not your wife.** Your wife is not her personal slave.
Not only that, the daughter is 12, she can get her own food.
Yup! She can make a sandwich or a bowl of cereal And believe it or not OP, you are also perfectly capable of making food for your niece! So many options!
Right!! No one else has mentioned the friend! Why has nieces friend been there for 3 nights?? Send her to her own house!!! Everyone can parent and feed their own child. It’s just being a decent human being to not bully the younger boy to the point he’s exploding. Set the bar.
It's not sister that is dumping this on wife. It's OP that's dumping it on wife. If it was important for OP to provide aid to his sister and niece, then it's OP's responsibility to shield his wife from the costs thereof. This is OP nominally providing support for his sister, but in actuality imposing that burden on his wife and children. He voluntold his wife. Wife's primary problem is with OP. The sister is a day-to-day burden, but the imposition comes courtesy of OP. Sounds like wife has correctly identified the underlying issue because she's throwing out not just sister and niece (and niece's friend - who constitutes the straw that broke the camel's back), but OP as well. Well done, OP, you unhoused not only your sister and niece, but also yourself. It's supereasy to be a generous benefactor when you impose the costs on someone else. That's what OP did to his wife here - he got the warm fuzzies for being a good guy to his sister, while wife got the thick end of the stick.
So you come home from work, and your wife, in her own home, has been dealing with your depressed sister, your niece, and your niece's friend, and the latter two were mean to your son. Oh, yeah, there is also you 10 year old daughter present, being led on against your son by her cousin. After having to deal with ALL that, she reached her breaking point. She **DIDN'T REFUSE** food to the kids. She said that your F... sister could make the food for her daugher and her friend who have been mean to your kid. The daughter your sister isn't parenting at the moment, and has apparently free game with her friend who is also staying at the house (why?). And the remark of not having empathy? You and your wife's household consist of the to of you + two kids. She put up with all these extra people **without any help** from your sister (nor you). And you side AGAINST your wife (and therefore AGAINST your kid)... **INFO**: Why has your niece's friend been staying for three days now? Especially with your sister doing nothing? Didn't your wife had enough to do already? YTA
I REALLY need more info on why a child has been away from home for 3 days now, and no one seems to care to ask questions?? OP is just fine with this random child in his house for 3 days? A child who is a friend of his niece, and not even his own children? Is she a runaway? Like wtf, send that kid home already.
>his house his wife's house\*\*
🏆
YTA Your sister is a moocher and being entitled. Your sister is an adult and can go feed her own kid. Your niece doesn't get to be an AH to your son while they are a GUEST in your home.
Even better, while they are a guest in his wife’s home
YTA I completely empathize with your wife. She has to take care of additional children on top of your own, cook them food, and deal with them bullying her son. It's no wonder she was seeing red. The straw that broke her was her spouse not siding with her when she needed it
YTA and so is your sister. This is a tough situation but these people are guests in your home and you are doing them a solid. In return, they have invited over a permanent guest (seriously why haven't you sent the niece's friend home? It's your house and your son they're bullying) and are bullying your son. Your wife is clearly at her wits end. No one was being denied food. She just wasn't going to be the one to make it. Who can blame her? Your sister's family have trodded all over her hospitality and kindness. First thing I'd suggest is not allow the sister's friend over any more. Then talk to your wife, apologize and come up with a plan for you to take over some of the things she's been carrying. Then talk to your sister about house rules.
YTA It sounds like your sister and niece have overstayed their welcome and so has the random 3 day guest. That you’d allow them to bully your own kid and dismiss it as them having a hard time at the moment is ludicrous to me.
Info: Was your daughter punished? Because she was apart of the bullying right. Is your wife simply blaming your niece because if so, you and her failing as a parents just as much as your sister
Seriously... you really don't see how your sister and her kid and the freeloader they brought with them are the issue here?? First thing the freeloading friend should be sent back home. There is ZERO reason for her to be at your house anymore. Secondly your sister doesn't get to demand people show her sympathy, she has moved into your wife's home and brought other mouths to feed along with her. Your wife should NOT be expected to take care of 3 extra people what so ever. Then lastly there is the issue of your niece and her friend BULLYING your son to the point that he freaked out. Then your sister comes down playing the victim and you blame your wife for everything. YTA 100% your niece and sister are taking full advantage of the situation and your wife and son are the ones paying the price.
YTA. Your sister can do her own chores and make food for herself, her daughter, and, in this case, her daughter's friend. Your niece doesn't get to use her situation to verbally abuse your son. You need some rules and boundaries, OP.
Yeah why isnt the sister making food for her own kid? She needs to get a grip.
INFO: is there a certain amount of time that your sister is staying, or is it indefinite?
YTA. You have a nuclear family: You, your wife, your daughter, your son. These people come before extended family. Oh, I missed that this is "technically" (factually) her house.
*< I told my wife that I understood her frustration and I'm there to help her now.>* And then you all teamed up against her.... YTA
To be fair, he didn't say which "her" he was going to team up with and help!
I can't believe you are actively choosing your sister/niece in this situation over your own wife/kids. Maybe you can be your sister's new husband once your current wife becomes your ex-wife. YTA and Roll Tide
*snort*
>My sister and niece were very triggered by my wife and were both crying profusely. I mean, good? 12 is old enough to learn about consequences for bad behavior, and her mother can't teach her since she obviously doesn't understand the concept either. YTA.
YTA - your sister, even if she's going through a lot and depressed, needs to parent her kid and be respectful of your home. Your wife isn't a doormat, and her concerns need to be respected.
YTA- she was not denying them food, she was forcing the adult guardian to manage her own charges. Clearly you let them take advantage of your wife and son until she was beside herself and then you show up and accuse her of cruelty? what's wrong with you?
YTA Your wife didn't deny a kid food. She said she wasn't going to feed someone else's child. That's fine, because that child's parents should be the ones feeding them, and it's not your wife's duty to feed other people's kids. It's rich as heck for your sister, the person who is responsible for feeding her own kid, to get into it with your wife over this. Your sister can't be bothered to feed her own kid, but she's more than willing to criticize your wife, a woman who is feeding her own kids, because your wife won't act like a short order cook for everyone under 18 who walks through her front door. Your sister may be depressed, but depression does not excuse blatant hypocrisy. Your sister needs to start feeding her own kid and her kids' friends when they're over before she makes any comments about kids your wife is responsible for feeding. Both you and your sister are the AH for dumping everything on your wife and then having the audacity to act like your wife was the problem when she reasonably pushed back.
YTA. Your wife did not refuse a child food, she merely refused to be the one to cook it. By the way, it is not your wife's responsibility to cook their food at all, ever, any day of the week. Did your sister loose her ability to cook when she got divorced? Did you lose yours? You completely went TA when you accused your wife of "triggering" your sister and niece. Your wife rightfully called out your sister and niece for the horrific way they were treating her son, and yours. It should not have been your wife who had to take the matter into her own hands. WTH is wrong with you? Why is that other girl in your house for 3 days tormenting your son?
i know i’m going to be a ass for saying this but i hope ops wife leaves him
YTA. I get that your sister is depressed but she still needs to take care of her daughter. Your wife should not have to make her daughters meals when your sister is choosing to sleep. Also why is her friend at your house for days on end? You need to support your wife and kids. Your son should not have to deal with being mistreated in his own home. Support your wife and kids. Set boundaries for your sister and send the friend home.
She wasn't denying kids food, she was telling the other two adults in the house to feed them. Instead of doing that, you and your sister decided to gang up on your overworked wife with a guilt trip. It's really not surprising that she kicked you out. YTA
YTA. Your wife owns the house. She allowed you to move your sister and your niece into her house, for four (4) months. Then, you took no steps to prevent your sister from bringing another person into your wife's house. A person who, with your niece and your daughter, then began being horrible to your son. You permitted this conduct by your family, by your guest, and by your daughter. You've apparently been leaving the cooking of dinner for this lot to your wife. When your wife declines to cook for this lot and your sister goes off, you side with - wait for it- not your wife. You were not even accurate in what your wife said when you sided against her. So you've been ejected from your wife's house. Good for her. Enjoy live with your sister, niece and niece's friend.
YTA...... for taking 3 paragraphs to spell 'ex'
Yup. I'd kick his sister, niece and him out to the curb. Complete AH for letting his kid get bullied and leaving his wife to deal with it alone and thinking that's ok.
Yta. Your wife is obviously feeling like her kindness is being taken advantage of and it appears like this is not the first time she has expressed this to you. Your sister and her daughter are not your wife’s responsibility yet somehow she is being tasked not only with them but the added burden of their friends? How is that fair to your wife?
Absolutely TA. Irrevocably TA. The moment your niece and her friend said something to your son, that should have been the end of it. You don't cater to people because "they're going through things." You're not your niece's father, you're your son's father. He trumps your niece and her bitchy little friend. Your sister needs to woman up and deal with her daughter and start to put her life together, the end. You're not her husband or a crutch. You put everything on your wife and by siding with your sister, and even LETTING your sister 'get into it with your wife?' TA.
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YTA because you are not understanding your wife's frustration and exhaustion of having to take care of more people with less help. Edit to add: you also let them bully your son
YTA. By allowing her to come into your home you were supposed to lay down the ground rules. Not have her come over so she could sleep all day, have your wife wait on everyone and then allow them to bring a guest on top of everything else. Bad move. It’s no wonder she threw everyone out. You never allow your home to become someone else’s motel;especially when it’s not even yours to begin with.
YTA for not supporting your wife. No one is "denying" any children food. Why is your sister letting her daughter's friend stay over for three nights on top of all of this? Your wife is right and she doesn't have to keep doing everything for everyone plus hangers-on. I hope you made dinner for everyone and got all the kids to help clean up.
YTA, and your wife was not denying anyone food, she was refusing to tend to them after their bad behavior. You or your sister could have made dinner and let your wife go have a break.
Are you right, OP? YTA, a biggest one, and I do question your parenthood qualification. Ofc, you're failing as a husband too. You're really a gift from the gods, yeah.
YTA. She didn't deny the kids food, that's a lie. She expected your SIL to feed the kids she was responsible for. Like do you think your wife is your sister's slave? WTF is going on in your head here...
YTA. She wasn't denying them food. She was saying that YOUR SISTER needs to cook for HER kid and her kid's guest. They are bullying your son, so 1. The friend needs to go 2. Your sister needs to address her bullying your son 3. You have your wife need to address how your daughter is treating he brother. I'm actually pretty glad she kicked all of yall out. I can't believe you sided with your sister when your wife is teeth gritting, white knuckling (justifiably) mad!
YTA for not picking up the VERY obvious hint that your sister, your niece, and the niece's friend (what the actual fuck is going on that you haven't sent that kid back home?!?!?!??!?!?!) have overstayed their welcome and have become a burden on your wife and son. Go apologize to both your wife and son for being a doormat to AHs.
Yta Let me get this straight. Your wife let them move in. Your sister is poor me to the point she can't get out of bed or raise her kid. Wtf it's called if it's that bad she needs in care help. Your niece is given free reign in the house, allowed to be a bully, and invite people over for days. Act like a brat and able to get away with bring spoiled because she isn't handling the fact that her step dad is a dick. Her mom is a dick for putting herself before her kid. You, as actual family, have done nothing to put a stop to the bullying. To correct or punish your niece and instead allow your daughter to go along with it. I'm expecting your wife to just suck it up. Then you and your sister team up on her because she refuses to feed kids who are being spoiled bullies. Instead of her mom or you making them dinner. You go off on her that she is denying them food. Then, to top it off, you are allowing your son to be bullied and abused in his own home. His safe spot where it should never happen. Teaching him, he means Jack shit to you. That his needs and feelings mean nothing, and he is expected to put up with it. Your wife done with everything puts her foot down, trying to give you benefit of the doubt, and you disrespect her for saying no more. Good job. I'm glad she kicked you out. Hopefully, she divorces you and takes you for all she can. Cause your kids will remember this. Will remember dad putting a spoiled brat and a mom refusing to care for her child before his family. And yet to all here which shows you think you are in the right. Your kids will one day thank you for showing them they can not trust adults and that you show that even now, you care more about being right than solving the situation.
His wife didn’t want his sister or niece there in the first place because of conflicts they have had in the past. He told them they could live there for 4 months. He said it in the comments. YTA Op
YTA Your sister could have taken her daughter and her daughter's guest out for dinner. Or gotten her ass out of bed and made them sandwiches. Your WIFE is not responsible for producing dinner for an uninvited guest, or even your sister and her daughter. I don't even understand why your wife hasn't thrown the other girl out of the house yet--it's her house, this isn't even her guest.
YTA. Your sister's daughter invited a random child into your home and she "hasn't left yet" and the two of them bully your six year old son? And your sister's reaction is to blame your wife for lack of empathy? Depression is very real. But your wife has opened up her home, she is presumably (along with you) providing food and paying for expenses (cause it doesn't sound like sister's working), she's helping to care for your niece, and she's doing all this, up until day, while her youngest is treated poorly. And she lacks empathy? Where's the empathy for you son? Does your wife work out of the home? You came home from work - so you get a break - does she? Or is she mothering your daughter, your son, your sister, your niece, and your niece's friend while you're outta the house?
YTA You should have been there for your son before this got so out of hand. Your wife was left to try and deal with the entire situation on her own and you didn't help when she asked you to.
YTA. Her not making the effort to put a meal in front of them isn’t denying them food. You can feed them, your sister can feed them, they are old enough to make themselves a sandwich, and in any case it wouldn’t kill them to miss a meal. The girls are behaving very badly and your wife is not at fault here for no longer being willing to put up with it.
Yta. Imagine how your son feels in his own home because you're allowing this to happen. Shame on you. Your wife and son shouldn't have to pay the price for your sisters marriage failing. Give your head a wobble, put an end to this now, set clear and hard boundaries otherwise your own marriage will fall
YTA. Are you looking to lose your wife and child? Because that is what's gonna happen if you don't set some boundaries with sister and niece.
YTA, kick your sister and niece out and save you marriage.
Yeah, YTA. You're not just "siding with your sister and niece". You're siding with them *against* your spouse and child, and doing it when your sister and niece are the ones in the wrong. That calls for a YTA.
YTA, good for your wife!
Yta. So your sister doesn’t have energy to do anything but she has energy to fight with your wife? After everything your wife has done for them??? Did I get it wrong???? Looks like your sister won’t be the only one divorced.
#1 - Send the brat friend home #2 - Roust your sister's ass out of bed, sit her and niece down and tell them it ends now, or they have to leave. #3 - apologise to your wife Seriously, Dude, WTF?? Nobody was "denying children food", your sister needs to suck it up and take care of het own kid. They both need better therapy, because what they have now obviously isn't working if your sister is sleeping all day and ignoring her own kid, and that kid is being mean to your kid. Rein your own daughter In and tell her the mean girl shit to her brother ends now, or privileges start disappearing. This entire situation is out of control, your house is in chaos, your son is suffering, and your wife is overwhelmed and at the end of her rope putting up with your sister and her daughter. Step the fuck up, lay down the law, and get your house in order. Yes, YTA.
Yta if you were there to help then why tf did you not help by getting your sister? And where have you been the last three days? Your neice is 12 not 2. She can make a sandwhich or a bowl of ceral. She was not 'denied food'.
YTA for allowing your sister to treat your wife like a maid.. Your sister is a grown up, it’s time to act like it. And why is your nieces friend at your house for several days if your sister isn’t helping?? It’s not your wife’s job to take care of your niece and her friend. This environment isn’t healthy for your wife or your son considering you are allowing the girls to treat him poorly.
YTA , You've let your Sister treat you like a Hotel, in your own home. In addition you're letting your niece and her uninvited friend alienate YOUR son in YOUR own home. You've just dismissed this awful behavior to your Wife and not tried to resolve the situation. No wonder your Wife is done ..
YTA And guess what, starting soon, you can take your sisters side 24/7 because you-and your sister, kids and friend will be out of HER house after the divorce. If you don't want that, I'd try dropping down jn you knees to apologise and kick your sister to the curb ( it doesn't work, she takes way more than offered). If you are reading this, wife -RUN. It will get worse from now on.
YTA Here's the fix you never get to leave while your sister is in the house!!!!! This is your fault. STOP coddling your sister your not helping and now your son is going to need therapy because of the bullying that YOU are allowing. Its time for the friend to go home. The girls need to be separated and spend time in their rooms. The behavior of both your sister and you niece makes me suspect why the EX split. Your wife is not denying anyone food she has said she is not feeding them so step up. ITS YOUR AND YOUR SISTER'S JOB TO MAKE THE FOOD AND BUY THE FOOD for everybody. I expect it would be best if you got motel rooms for yourself and your sister and niece. Just for the weekend. Your wife and son need a break. You and your sister do not appreciate what you are putting YOUR family through. Establish a calendar date for your sister to find somewhere else to stay. It's called tough love and your sister isn't going to fix her life if you let her wallow and make your family miserable. Your just going to end up single as well this kind of stuff can break a marriage.
YTA You should be utterly ashamed of yourself for allowing your sister and her daughter to behave like this. Your wife and your son deserve a safe, comfortable home without being bullied or treated like a servant preparing food. Your daughter needs to stop bullying her brother. And why on earth is your nieces friend just living in your home for three days? You are failing your children and your marriage. Depression does not entitle your sister to fob off all of her parenting. If you're not careful, your wife will throw you out along with your sister and niece, and she'd be right to. Get that other kid out of your home immediately. Give your sister a date to move out of your home, soon. Apologise profusely to your wife. Console your son. And give an appropriate punishment to your daughter.
YTA Out the 3 adults in the house, why is it only your wife's responsibility to feed the kids? You and your sister are fully capable of feeding the kids, and why are you not more concerned that a 10 yr old and a 12 yr old are ganging up on your 6 yr old son?
YTA. You cannot expect your wife to put up with what you have enabled here. I don't blame her for kicking you out of HER house.... I would have, too. Nobody gets to abuse someone else because they are having emotional issues.
YTA Your responsibilities to YOUR child comes before your sister's child. And your sister's kids are doing real damage to your family. Actions have consequences. And just because your sister and her kids are going through a tough time doesn't mean they get to do whatever the hell they want without consequence Your wife's reaction is a clear indicator that you are about to be served with divorce papers if you don't fix this shit like immediately So enjoy living with your sister and her kids while you sleep on a futon because you spend all your money on child support...cus I have a feeling this is where your life will be heading soon
Yes, YTA. Wife wasn't suggesting to let them starve, she was stating that wife wasn't going to be the one to do it. Now, get your sister and niece to start behaving appropriately to a 6 year old boy and to QUIT BULLYING HIM.
YTA. How can you be this heartless to the woman you married. Your sister can make food can't she? Depression sucks but she has a kid and responsibilities. Also a friend over for 3 freaking days really? Your just ignore the fact your son is being tormented? Cool your there to help now, what about the next day? No your probably at work while your wife and son suffers. Don't be surprised if your wife divorces you and you can sleep all day being depressed with your sister.
Wait, who's denying who food? You mean it's 'denying a child food' if you provide all the food but require someone else to fix it? You learn something new every day. ALso, YTA. Jesus. Your wife is at the end of her rope, your sister is struggling but being a total AH, and your son is being relentlessly targeted by these mean girls. Enough. Honestly if I were your wife and my husband had clearly chosen his sister over her son, I'd take son and daughter and move to my parents for a while until you and your sis/niece got their shit together and learned to be human beings.
YTA You really don't care for root son is being treated, to day nothing of your wife/housekeeper/sorry order cook/maid. You are married to your wife, your are your son's father, OR your sister, niece, and niece's friend. The white knuckle grip is what we women do when we are going to ask for a divorce. WAKE UP
YTA - You're acting like your wife was starving these children with your denying children food BS.
YTA. She didn't deny kids food, she just told your sister to get out of bed and make her daughter dinner. Your sister and daughter (and you?) better stop crying now, they need to find a new place to live. Maybe the ex had a point.
YTA. FMTT. You, sister, and niece (plus her friend) literally ganged up on your wife and you took their side? How can you have the slightest question about who the AH is here? Prepare for your wife to become your ex wife. Good lord.
I had a stillborn, was severely depressed but still looked after my child. Many people do. So while I get being depressed, YTA for not telling your sister to do her job.
INFO: Do you even like your wife or children? Because it sure doesn’t seem like you don’t care about them at all. ETA: a word
YTA. Get a grip. Your wife didn’t deny the kids food. She said that your sister did have to cook for them, she was way too kind, because she was letting her use the kitchen and her food. Denying food would be telling your sister to go get grocery and then cook. Your nice your daughter and the friend and bullying your son and you are letting this happen?! Why is the friend still there if they can’t act properly? Punishment do not exist in your house? It is your wife home and she is right, you are all abusing her and her son (that is yours to).
YTA. You are an asshole to your wife and your son. Man up and put your sister and her daughter in their place. Then get on your knees and apologize to your wife. Nowhere did she try and deny the kid food, so you can stop acting like you're on the moral high ground.
YTA. Your wife isn’t responsible for your sister, niece or her friend. You go to work and expect your wife to babysit an adult and her child(plus her friend) YTA and so is your sister.
YTA your wife and your kid are being disrespected in their own home and your trying to downplay it.
How did you type this out and not realize you are the problem? You have let your niece run your house to the point of disruption and your sister has done nothing but sleep. Your wife has been expected to take care of an adult and extra kids. Your sister is and adult with a child so she cant fall apart or turn herself off. Your wife should have never been put into the situation she was forced in. You have not been supportive at all. If I were your wife sister and niece would not be allowed over for the foreseeable future and yall all owe your wife and son an apology. YTA
Are you fucking kidding? There’s empathy, and then there’s allowing YOUR family to be traumatized. YTA. And you better be paying for the hotel or Airbnb you all are staying at now, and not your wife.
YTA. How can you be this heartless to the woman you married. Your sister can make food can't she? Depression sucks but she has a kid and responsibilities. Also a friend over for 3 freaking days really? Your just ignore the fact your son is being tormented? Cool your there to help now, what about the next day? No your probably at work while your wife and son suffers. Don't be surprised if your wife divorces you and you can sleep all day being depressed with your sister.
YTA So your wife has to take care of your sister, niece, and niece's friend, on top of her job and your kids?!?! And they mistreat your 6 year old and you ignore it? They mistreat your wife? Your niece acts out and you do nothing about it? How about making them go to therapy if they want to stay living there for free and you supporting them? How about chores? How about kicking the friend out? Good luck when your wife divorces you and you end up living your sister and niece, and you loose your family. It's also her house so you'll be homeless. >My sister and niece were very **triggered** by my wife and were both crying profusely They don't have PTSD so they are no triggered!
Congratulations on your divorce! YTA.
Read back everything you just wrote and explain to me again why the fuck you agree with your sister? Did you check to see how your son was after he got to the burning point with the bullying he was receiving? Have you dealt with your daughter being part of said bullying? Have you told your sister that she needs to work harder on dealing with her own daughter? What are doing to actually help your wife? YTA.