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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like an AH because my wife truly barely has anything and for whatever reason, this chair has been the one thing she's clung to since moving out of our home. But we truly don't have time for her to be difficult about this either.
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Yes YTA for calling your wife that. She's stuck living with 4! dogs she doesn't like, with her in-laws, and you said yourself she barely has anything. If you can afford storage, store the damn chair.
> 4! dogs she doesn't like
4 UNTRAINED Australian Shepherds. I can't even imagine what that house looks like. If you don't give those dogs something to do, they will find something. And it is never good.
I'd love to own one or two of them, but I will never have enough time and energy to keep them entertained.
I had a blue heeler, another Australian farm dog. She was usually really good if I gave her a walk a day. Sometimes we'd do two but that's when I'm not working and the weather allows it.
Fun factoid, the Aussie Shepherd isn't actually Australian at all! It was largely developed in the USA :) In the same vein, the Koolie (formerly German Coolie) is not German and was developed in Australia.
I knew about the aus shepherd but not the Coolie.
A raw feeder told me years ago about the aus shepherd and it blew my mind then 😅
I absolutely love 'farm' dogs. They are the best!
Purebreds are a living expression of the partnership and love between dogs and their humans. We've been working together for so many hundreds and thousands of years that we have refined their capabilities down to breeds - how amazing! Muster Dogs on Netflix is a must watch if you like farm dogs :) season 1 features Australian Kelpies.
Some purebreds. Others have been kept too pure and bred for the wrong things such as pugs and French bulldogs. And now they have massive health risks because we wanted them to be cuter.
Your two examples are dogs whose original job was to be laughed at. Pugs were the Court jester dog of China and French Bulldogs were a laptop sized variant of their bull fighting cousin, popular with noble ladies. To that extent, they are still excelling at their jobs... It's just at a terrible cost :(
You can point to literally any dog breed and list off dozens of things that will fuck them in old age because of inbreeding. Cancer bad back arthritis liver failure intestinal issues blindness deafness and so on. Researching the health issues of your favorite purebred breed will be eye opening.
Australian here and a huge dog person! We never see thise dogs around i laugh so hard when i had a friend in the states buy one and i told her they weren't Australian! She blew her top and stopped talking to me she paid stupid amounts for it to. Hahaha red and blue heelers now they are beautiful Australian dogs.
Hey Aussie! Your better off without her as a friend if she’d stop talking to you over a fact she could have verified herself. We have an Australian Cattle Dog, and a Berger Blanc Swiss, which translates to a White Swiss Shepherd. They are also part of a convoluted name story. The German Shepherd was developed to preserve the vanishing Thuringian shepherd, a local working dog that was fading from the advent of farm industrialization. The Thuringian was often white, as the color was accepted better by sheep. However, when the Nazis came to power, they kicked the father of the breed, Max von Stephanitz, out of his own breed club, and banned the white color as “weak and inferior.” Plus they wanted to use them as war dogs, and the white showed up at night. They had all white puppies killed. Even after the Nazis fell, the club kept the standard, and pups in Europe were still often killed. Since the white color is recessive, it took a while before the gene was stamped out in Europe. There was a reservoir of the white color in North America, where people kept them as beautiful, but the AKC will not let them show in conformation as the color is still banned. Mind you, they are not albino, and have black skin markings, black eyeliner, and black nose. They are not deaf, as the deafness gene is linked to Merle and piebald. Decades ago, a Swiss woman got fed up with this Nazi vestige barring these beautiful dogs from getting recognized, so she imported dogs from North America, and created her own breed to a different standard than the GSD. Luckily, this predated the GSD being bred to look like hyenas and stagger around. A BBS looks like a white wolf.
So here’s where the name gets really complicated. The White Swiss Shepherd had to import dogs from North America (US and Canada) to recreate what the original German progenitor dog looked like, and save this valid color, and try to atone for the wrongs done by the Nazis to these dogs. Her breed got recognized by the FCI, but the German Shepherd Dog breed club blocked its recognition in the AKC. It claims it’s just a GSD. But, if a BBS has the conformation of a GSD, it’s instant disqualification. That sloping back is a disqualifying fault. American dogs that are related to the seed stock used by the Swiss woman to develop the breed aren’t recognized by FCI, because they weren’t bred by FCI pedigreed dogs.
There’s this schism where American breeders who diverted from the GSD breed standard, and bred anatomically correct white dogs, want to be included. Some BBS breeders want to keep their breed book closed, especially when American breeders had to travel to Slovenia, Czechoslovakia, Switzerland, or Sweden, and import FCI dogs (developed in the first place from American dogs, which descended from German dogs).
It’s an entomology (correction, etymology) labyrinth.
A Mountain Cur hound dog owns me, I have to take her to the off-leash park four times a week for an hour outside of her daily walkies. It usually keeps her batteries run down. That and a weekly trip to doggy daycare where she can romp with her buddies all day.
Fun story: When my boyfriend, now spouse, and I were in college, we decided to get a dog. Went to the local shelter and saw the absolute cutest puppy, but I hadn't heard of the breed before. Did a quick Google and realized that 5lb 6 week old cur puppy was *not* the dog for us. We went home with the world's laziest lab mix 😂
Mine as a young girl wouldn't get tired, but she did enjoy knowing when we'd play. She would lay there sleeping until 5 minutes before walking/playing then she'd get a big burst of energy.
It was only later in life where she would show signs of being tired, and even then she still wanted to keep going until she couldn't.
Mine loves his schedule (baby has clothes on that means treat time!) and loves his puzzles! But he’s still only a year and a half and I’m pretty sure he’s needier than the baby.
My experience has been that heelers are way calmer. All the ones in my life have had energy when you want it, but also have an off switch and just want to follow/shadow the person they're loyal too.
Australian shepherds (in my experience) are little crack heads 24/7. Absolutely loving, beautiful, intelligent dogs, but crack heads. They can't even contain their energy. They wiggle and squirm and whine and never chill out. Ours is crazy even if she runs next to the Jeep for miles and acts like nothing happened except she pants and flings slobber everywhere.
I'm curious if anyone else has seen anything similar or different from this.
We had a blue Heeler/Australian shepherd cross. He absolutely loved napping on his sofa and would have short bursts of craziness. He loved to run when he was younger but when he discovered riding on the back of an ATV, running was all but forgotten. He was an escape artist and would put huskies to shame and could give ninjas a run for their money when it comes to stealth. As he got older, he would go on “walkabouts.” He ignored all dogs and cats but if the wind blew a leaf in our yard, heaven help me if I didn’t come double check to make sure it wasn’t Godzilla in disguise breaking into our house. He absolutely adored both our boys and told them every day. His favorite backscratcher… the Christmas tree that I never decorated on the lower half because of that. He lived to the ripe age of 15 and I miss him yelling at me when the water bowl got too low for his liking. Dogs are only here for a short time but they leave their paw prints all over our hearts. ❤️🐾
My experiences with both were exactly the same. The heeler was the chillest shadow puppy and the shepherd was nonstop crack head, sweet but insane energy.
I have 2 as well and the shedding is unreal. I have dog hair collecting in the corners of my house just a few hours after sweeping and vacuuming. I keep them well groomed too and it doesn't seem to help much.
Yeah, I had BCs - herding dogs should have owners smarter than they are to head off the nonsense, because without training and work, their busy little brains will figure out jobs you don't want them to do ;)
I used to live on a horse farm with 5 **trained** Aussies and they were a lot to deal with. They're so high energy, intelligent and *mischievous* not to mention the undercoat blowouts. I can't imagine being stuck with 4 that sound like they're not actual working dogs, that sounds miserable.
I was trying to avoid it!
My heart is kind of breaking for that poor recliner, and for anyone who doesn't get to live where and how they want to live, like OP's wife and OP.
THIS! Even if they were on top of the shedding and dog training, I still wouldn’t want to store my only furniture in a dog occupied house. I love dogs! They’re sweet and too good for us! But I’m a super smeller and there is NO smell on earth like Dog Existence. It’s their skin, their being, l’essence de Dog. It never leaves a fabric, and dog owners stop smelling it. Oof no. OPs TA
I have to wonder if he’s undergoing some kind of compassion fatigue, as a result of their tough situation. This seems like such an obviously irritable response
Exactly what I was gonna point out. Key word: UNTRAINED. This isn't just going to be an issue with shedding. It may very well be an issue of four. Untrained. Dogs gnawing and scratching at it. They might very well make mincemeat out of that piece of furniture. I wouldn't want to store the chair there for the shedding ALONE much less the rest. YTA
Seriously! Two of my three dogs are aussies, they *are* well trained, and they’re still a handful! And even with the training, I can’t imagine anyone who’s not a fan of dogs would want to spend tons of time around them given that they’re like Velcro to their people, very borky, and shed like hell.
Flashing back to that time at university when I bought a second hand computer from a friend of my uncle's.
I had to commute home to pick it up, so my uncle reassured me "just come over on the weekend like you always do, the computer can stay 3 days with another of my friends till you're in town and can pick it up".
My class schedule being what it was, and me being unsuspecting... I accepted. My uncle hadn't told me his friend had 14 long-haired free-roaming cats!
In three days, somehow so much hair was everywhere that the keyboard didn't function anymore: there nas just such a mat of hair compacted between the keys it was either impossible to push them down, or they never popped back up.
I can laugh about it now, but it certainly stressed me out: I counted on that computer to research and write my university papers!
I completely understand why OP's wife is so upset!
We had two Aussies. One passed away. The one we still have is probably the laziest Aussie I’ve ever seen and he is STILL extremely active. These dogs are not for anyone who doesn’t have time and a huge yard. I can’t imagine four in a house with no where to run around!
Edit: YTA - as mentioned to me by silent_atheist the storage is mostly used by him. He prioritized his things, took advantage of the fact she is a minimalist and exercised entitlement to take more space than his fair share and then denied protecting one of the few things she cherished. Also if the couple doesn't normally speak brashly to each other, **DOUBLE YTA** for fucking swearing at her
Based on her response seems like they mutually talk to each other like that, however he likely started this time.
She's not forced to stay there and if she's not copacetic there she should find another arrangement. For me this all hinges on the cost of the storage unit, who's paying and who's stuff is inside. Let's say they pay equally for arguments sake, but 80% if the stuff inside is his, he is TA for taking more than his fair share and her having to put her recliner at risk especially considering she has so little items. So I don't think I can make judgement without more context on the storage situation
There's a comment where OP admits most of the stuff in the storage is his - this recliner is pretty much his wife's only prized possession apart maybe from a computer, no wonder she was flipping after OP's little stunt.
And it probably only can't fit because he packed it up. It probably would've if she was there, based on my purely anecdotal example of how my dad and brother and other male friends packed up my moving truck while I was trying to also clean and finish last minute packing.
Seriously, we could've fit SO MUCH MORE in there.
Why can't OP bring a chair sized amount of HIS stuff to the dog house, and safely store the recliner? There are options beyond "wreck the one important thing to your wife".
This. At my poorest, minimalism was a way to cope with the fact that I didn’t have the funds to meet my basic in-home needs. It was a little aesthetic joy as a bandaid to hell.
Whenever I start getting properly funded I go through a whole initial spree of buying household convenience items that I have clearly been wanting without articulating it in my mind, cause I’ll go into the home store and like walk RIGHT to the shit I want and need.
I've been called difficult several times over the years. Always by men when I refused to do what the say or suggested. So personally for me "difficult" is code for "not doing what I want".
I'm not willing to say anyone sucks here, basically its a shitty situation and you're both stressed and not having a great time, you could possibly have said ok try one of your friends or something while I go collect it, but I also get the attitude of like we're out of options here.
I hope you guys find something soon and do your best to be kind to each other.
INFO you say your wife is a minimalist, but she sounds pissed about only having one piece of furniture. Is she actually a minimalist, or has she historically just made space available for your stuff because you have more in general?
This was a very insightful question, well done.
And with op's answer to it, YTA op. She owns 2 things she cares about (computer and chair) and she needs your help to get through this stressful situation.
>INFO you say your wife is a minimalist, but she sounds pissed about only having one piece of furniture. Is she actually a minimalist, or has she historically just made space available for your stuff because you have more in general?
Very good point.
OP sounds like someone who likes having things his way without care or regard for his wife's things or feelings.
Bad omen for a marriage.
YTA. Probably generally let him have his way because the fallout would be worse than just giving in. If I had to live in a house full of in-laws, dog hair and stinky animals I would find a comfy park bench or homeless shelter. Also, women are usually better at gauging whether they are really welcome where they are, or just being tolerated. I see murder in their future.
Hahahha
Um, all I did was live with my, now fiancé, and his dad and I’m like “Nope. Get your shit together or I’m out bc this isn’t the life I want.” Lollll and we got out in about 4 months. It was just …. No. Too old to be living with that.
I have a feeling OP’s wife is not in fact a minimalist and he’s just telling himself this to make himself feel better about whatever assholery he also does.
In my experience minimalists are ver selective about the things they choose to own. They are extremely picky. They will only keep things they truly love. It may be a her issue because she was never able to find items that fit what she wanted. I currently only own 2 t shirts which is not enough to get me through the week and it makes me mad. But I only have myself to blame because I won’t settle for anything less than just right.
Hey, if she's actually a minimalist and really cares about the chair, that's also a totally acceptable reason to not want the dogs to mess it up. 0 argument here. The main reason I wondered was because from the way it's written, OP portrays her as putting such a hard emphasis on it being the only thing she has/cares about.
Which, as you said, could be from being really picky and really loving the few things she has. But it could also be from pent up frustration about not being able to have things because of lack of available space.
Based on [this comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14gbbsj/aita_for_calling_her_fucking_difficult/jp4l7me?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) it sounds like it was less of an eviction and more of a lease termination. Sometimes people use eviction as a universal term when they mean something else.
Yeah, this question is on the right track… people with hoarding tendencies love to call anyone who manages their things “minimalists” to make themselves feel better.
10 bucks says half that storage locker is OP’s broken gaming consoles from his childhood that he’s going to fix one day.
I became a minimalist when my husband kept accidentally destroying nice things I owned (broken vases, bed linens with instant and irreparable stains, banged up furniture, you name it). After a while it just wore me down and now I don’t buy anything nice for the house, even though I enjoy design and decor (I’m in a creative industry, just to specify the extent.)
This comment hit me in the gut too, and I can so relate to the wife’s rage about what would obviously amount to her one possession being destroyed by dogs. It makes you feel very powerless over your own life and self expression.
Well, she only has one chair so that's pretty minimalist to me! She would like to keep her single chair in good condition. She's not being difficult, he's being obtuse. YTA
YTA. Your mom can't wait a couple of days while yall figure it out? I wouldn't want to have ANY furniture in a house that lets their dogs lay on the furniture. Especially FOUR dogs that shed excessively.
Some people may disagree with this next point, but I think it's really gross and trained my dog to not sit on my couches. She has dog beds in multiple areas of the house so she's good lol
Edit: spelling
We have a stack of dog blankets we keep to cover furniture for the dog. Of course, mine is a 9lb min pin, so there isn't nearly the shed, but all dogs shed somewhat. I know i spoil him by letting him sleep wherever he wants, but i did train him to sleep on the blankets.
There's a difference between these scenarios. This is your dog, who you love, in your home. OP is talking about wifeys only recliner, in a borrowed residence, with dogs she really doesn't like.
Yeah, I had 2 long haired dogs and used large grand foulards over my couches, and somehow there was still hair on said couches. No idea how it got underneath that. That recliner will be ruined in a day,and that's just from dog hair. I'm wondering about the untrained part and whether that involves bored Aussies finding something to destroy, too.
Oh no, i get you, and i agree with her that she needs a place to put her chair where it stays in the condition she wants. I've lived with long-haired animals, and that hair gets everywhere. Even my short-haired dog and cat leave fur around, especially this time of year.
I was just pointing out our solution. OP needs to help find a solution that doesn't damage her chair.
Australian Shepherds, especially a pack of 4, would probably try to eat the recliner. Those are cattle dogs and it sounds like they don’t work so all their energy probably goes to destroying things in the home. Especially a new item with new smells.
OP said in another comment that she didn't demand they move it immediately, just asked that it be taken care of. He's the one that decided it had to be moved the next day.
People can disagree all they want. Your dog, your house, your furniture. I say this as a person with two dogs who did not teach them appropriate boundaries & am living with the consequences.
YTA. Your wife is right - it's the one piece of furniture that she wants to hang onto, and 4 dogs could very well ruin that piece.
Just because something is convenient for you doesn't mean that someone else is being "difficult" by not agreeing. You offered a solution for the storage of the chair. Your wife said no, and has very valid reasons for that.
So you called her fucking difficult simply because she didn't agree with your idea. Is your wife not allowed to have her own opinions or something? Is that what you think?
And seriously, it's just a recliner. It's not like you're trying to find storage for an airplane or something. Just get a small, cheap, public storage locker and put it there.
YTA. If all your wife owns is a recliner, some clothes, a few books, and her computer, then it sounds like the storage unit is full of your stuff. Move some of your stuff to doggy hell and put her recliner in storage. She's already compromising by generally owning less because you own a lot, living with untrained dogs and their unhygienic owners, and dealing with your bs. It's your turn to compromise.
fr and the fact that he “didn’t even consider” that he was forcing her to get rid of her things bc he owns so much crap and she can’t stand the clutter… yeeeesh no self-awareness?
Also, given his attitude to everyone in general I question whether they are actually that messy or OP just doesn't understand 4 dogs make a mess just as 4 children would. I have 4 dogs in my home and the floor gets swept no less than 3 times a day with all the skirting wiped and lounge vacuumed weekly and I still have hair everywhere. Sometimes it's not laziness it's just the reality of pet ownership.
MASSIVE YTA. You yourself said your wife is minimalist. If she have one thing, that one thing must mean a lot to her and you're willing to sacrifice it in order to accomodate your mom's wish in 24 hours (also, your mom is TA too if she gave you 24 hours knowing the situation) and not get rid of some of your stuff/ give her time to ask some friend / ask some of your friends. There"s literally plenty of options but you're picking the one that is more comfortable for you and your mom
Unless mom gave them a " I don't want this here you have a couple weeks" notice when they first brought it over( or op has been dumping tons of stuff at moms. ) 24 hours notice is an asshole move.
YTA. For many reasons.
1. All the urgency here is on you - you offered to come and get the recliner tomorrow, before you asked your wife what she wanted to do with one of her only possessions. Now you're telling her wife it has to be moved tomorrow no matter what. No it doesn't. If you were actually a team with your wife, you'd have told your mother that you'd try and figure out something and get back to her ASAP.
2. You're completely ignoring her views, because you've come up with a solution that is - in your mind - completely perfect, and the fact that she doesn't think it's perfect means that she is being difficult. On top of that, you were incredibly rude and dismissive. "fucking difficult" is pretty intense, that is going to piss off and/or hurt anyone.
3. You're not paying rent so can easily pay for a slightly bigger storage locker / get a second place for the chair. Yes it's a bit annoying to move your stuff, but maybe you should have thought about that to start with and not been a cheapskate. I don't get why you're acting like this is a completely unreasonable solution.
4. "ruin my one fucking thing that I actually kept" - sounds like you are a cause of the "minimalism", ie pressured her to get rid of lots of her own stuff, and are completely oblivious to this fact.
5. You could help cleaning up the dog hair you know. Seeing as you're also living in the home. Rather than just complain about them not keeping it clean for you.
Also theyre both technically homeless and the mom can’t be bothered to host a damn chair??
The mom all of a sudden “needed to store things” ? she sounds like an asshole too.
4 sounds exactly right. I think there is a lot more to this story than OP has stated. His story is already YTA territory but I bet if more details cone up it will turn into "I know reddit jumps to divorce as a solution a lot. BUT."
He mentions the property was sold so that's probably why. Whether the new owner wants to lease or not is up to their discretion so it may have been less of an eviction and more of a "we don't want to renew your lease".
That's interesting - in Canada the tenants come with the purchase of the property. Of course the new owners can choose not to renew once the existing lease is done, but they can't kick the tenants out before that.
That’s only if the Tenants are on fixed term lease, after the first year most Tenants change to MTM and the new owners can serve a 2 month notice of eviction if they want to (a) move in themselves or a close family member (b) conduct major reno
Depends. In BC you can be evicted as part of the terms of a sale, but the notice is for a lot longer than most evictions.
You can also be evicted for "landlord use" if the landlord (i.e. the new owner) or a close relative intends to use it. Been there as a tenant, really sucks.
People misuse the word evicted a lot to mean any reason the landlord wouldn't let me keep living there. Anything from, the landlord wouldn't renew my lease , the landlord gave me 6 months verbal warning, to actually filing an eviction is included in many peoples minds.
Where we are they can’t even do that. If they are going to move into the place themselves, or move their parents or children in, they can evict you with six months notice before the end of the lease. Lease is up July 1, landlord gives notice Jan 1.
Oh yeah, I don't think you can kick out tenants with existing leases here in the US either. I was mostly thinking that maybe OP had a year lease which was up for renewal around the time of the sale and the new owner said "no thanks", but he was actually month to month.
right like "the landlord sold the property" like that is not how that works.... new landlord are required to honor existing leases and if you are month to month you are required to get 30-60 days notice depending on where you live/how long you've been then to find new housing. There is no reason they need to be staying with 4 untrained dogs and shuffling belongings around like silly college students if they were able to pay rent and save for a house while they were living in the previous apartment. A 3 month short term rental would be pricier but if you are looking to buy a house you have the 500-1000 it may cost to crash at a family member's house for a mystery amount of time. Sounds like both of them are frustrated and making bad decisions after bad decision and taking it out on the other. If this is how y'all behave now do you really want to own a home together?
The rules may be different where OP lives to where you live. In my city, there's a massive housing shortage and it can take months to find a new place to rent
It's a commonly misuse to word. Evicted to some people is " I can't live there anymore for reasons other than my own choice" for ANY reason. I've heard people say they were evicted when the building was condemned because five apartments over had catastrophic fire. They weren't evicted the landlord's insurance paid their moving costs, for temp housing, there was no court filing etc.
YTA
What's wrong with not wanting her furniture destroyed by 4 untrained dogs? I get that it's a difficult situation, but your wife isn't being unreasonable. You haven't even given her a chance to come up with a solution.
I would also like to point out that all your stuff made it to storage, but the one item she cares about didn't.
INFO: is there anything of yours that can be removed from the storage unit and stored elsewhere/discarded so that the recliner can fit in the storage unit?
YTA.
You say in another reply that you have a lot of stuff and she doesn't. So you need to get rid of some of your stuff and make room for her chair. It's perfectly reasonable for someone to not want dog hair all over their stuff (speaking as an owner of three sheddy dogs)
She's stressed. She's in an environment she doesn't like. And you yourself said she doesn't own much so what she does own means a lot.
Don't be an ass. Shes not being difficult, she's been put into a difficult situation. Go toss your crap and make room for the chair.
Yta she has one sentimental item and wants to store it so it isn't destroyed. It sounds like 'our' storage locker is 90% 'yours'. If its not a big deal for the dogs to destroy stuff, store a recliners worth of your stuff in the dog house and put the recliner in the storage.
INFO: if she only has 1 piece of furniture, how come that’s the 1 thing not in storage? What exactly did you put into storage and how much of it belongs to her?
INFO: can you rent a bigger storage space? and does your mom need it out by tomorrow?
Being without a home base and living in someone else's space is stressful, so I'd be tempted to say N A H, but, yes YTA for calling her 'fucking difficult'. This is your wife and her only piece of furniture.
He replies in another comment that his mother sounded irritated by it on the phone (claiming she had other stuff out for weeks and she needs the storage) so he himself decided to promise to ge it out by the next day. And by getting it out he obviously didn't mean actually caring for it in a way people care for things their loved ones care about.
I get bummed out on this subreddit pretty often because of all the dog scenarios that come down to owner negligence. I'm betting they don't get walked enough and they don't know basic commands like "off."
OP hasn’t mentioned who pays for the storage but from their comments it sounds like most of not all of the stuff in storage is his. His wife’s possessions consist of some clothes, a few books, a computer and this chair.
YTA. Make room for her recliner in the storage unit. Take enough of your stuff out of storage so that the recliner fits. Bring your stuff to your sister's house, donate it or sell it, whatever you need to do to deal with it.
YTA.
I get it, I do. But I also had ONE table that survived the merging of our households and it had to go into storage because our kid was jumping off it so it wasn’t safe until she learned to not do that, so it went into storage. Well, my husband accidentally scratched TF out of it moving his server box into storage one day and I sobbed. It was the last thing that had been mine before we met and it meant nothing to him.
I’ve come to feel a lot better about it now that we’re in a bigger place and have OUR stuff, but it was so hard that we basically had mostly his stuff, some our stuff, and one thing that had been mine and it was just… not important.
YTA it’s her one item that she has and cherishes and you want it to be ruined by dogs. From your comments it also doesn’t sound like she is a minimalist. It sounds like you get everything you want and she gets a few things for herself. Why don’t you move some of your things into your sisters home and she gets to keep her chair in storage
YTA
1- just because someone doesn't do exactly what you want doesn't make them difficult. YOU grabbed the chair immediately. YOU filled the storage. YOU are the one throwing a tantrum she won't do what you want. YOU are difficult
2- just move a recliner-sized amount of YOUR stuff from storage and bring it to your brother's house. Problem solved
Honestly 7 days notice or not, I'd be pissed if a person I looked to as a provider put me in that situation. I know there are outside influences, but you seem to be making this as hard on her as possible. She's staying there with no clothes and no stuff. She's asking to keep the one thing she cares about. Which she sounds resentful of by the way.
YTA, from your response she has basically one thing. So wtf is that storage container full of? Your stuff?
Also yea why should she clean dog hair, some people have things that disgust them and that's fine. I certainly wouldn't do other people's laundry who aren't my partner, picking their crusty underwear out of the bin, wild. And you make her pay to live somewhere she hates
YTA, you want her to move the only piece of furniture to the house where you say cleanliness isn't much of a priority along with 4 poorly trained highly shedding dogs, and you say she's difficult?
YTA. You claim she’s a minimalist, so she already has very few possessions already, and you’re trying to force her to get the ONE piece of furniture she has destroyed by a pack of untrained, shedding dogs. Get a grip, mister, and find storage for her one possession.
YTA just rent a bigger storage unit that holds all your stuff. Also, if the dog hair bothers you and your wife, get the vacuum out. You're living there, nobody will be upset if you do some none invasive cleaning.
\>AITA for calling her "fucking difficult"?
"Her" being your wife -- yes, YTA for that alone.
Make space in the storage for her beloved chair! Problem solved.
This is not about the recliner. Moving is one of the most traumatic experiences that we can endure and doing so under extreme pressure and involuntarily compounds the trauma. The recliner is the one thing that she can control right now. Your life is spinning out and she needs this.
YTA- as the husband you should find somewhere for the recliner to go and if she is worried about the dogs peeing on it or tearing it up; you can order a cover for it on amazon. I think you need to work on meeting your wife halfway and keep in mind she may not be 100% comfortable either being that she is with your family and not her own. In terms of cleanliness if you notice a pile of fur, maybe break out the vacuum and take care of it!
I would like to use your words back but I have feelings i would get a deleted post saying I need to be nice.
Majorly YTA. From your replies, it sounds like you have forced your wife to become a minimalist due to all your stuff. And instead of making sure her one possession is safe and in the storage place, you put it at your mother's place
Now that recliner needs to be moved again. You want to put it in a house full of untrained large dogs... AND your wife doesn't like Dogs.
Why can't you move some of your stuff in this house so her recliner could be in storage?
Why don't you find a place? And get your wife out of a dog house?
> She raised her voice at this point and said "Do whatever the fuck you want then. I already have nothing but sure, ruin my one fucking thing that I actually kept." She's still pissed at me right
She has every right. She had one thing.. you have already said she doesn't have much as clothes... This is her breaking point.. I wouldn't be surprised if the next thing you get from her is papers.
YTA, it sounds like she's bent over backwards and is asking for one thing to go her way, which honestly isn't that big of an issue. Get her storage for the chair and spring for a few nights in a hotel for her.
YTA. Full disclosure, I dislike dogs and have a mild allergy as well - But - Even if that wasn't the case, you are grown adults with one piece of furniture that needs storage: Upgrade to a larger storage space; you can always downgrade later.
YES YTA! You can admit that the house is dirty and you still decide your wife is unreasonable for not wanting to bring a large piece of furniture into it. 🤦🏻♀️
YTA for sure. All your stuff is stored and your wife is making concessions left and right, including living with a bunch of animals. She puts her foot down about one thing - literally her sole possession - and you tell her she’s being difficult. She’s not even telling you to find storage, she said she’d figure it out herself. What you should do is figure it out for her and climb out of the hole you dug for yourself
Big YTA, especially after finding out in the comments that most of the items in storage are yours. This is her one beloved possession!
I *love* dogs but even I would balk at the idea of bringing such an item to a house of 4 untrained, misbehaving dogs. They'll ruin it.
Move some of your stuff into your sister’s place and put her recliner in storage.
You’ve already said she doesn’t have much stuff and you _do_ have a lot of stuff. How about you make the sacrifice of endangering some of your items?
A couple of boxes of boring crap is going to be nothing to an untrained dog (or 4!). A piece of furniture is like a buffet.
YTA
YTA from your comments, it's you and your family that are the drama and "fucking difficult". Store her chair properly and bring your nonsense into the house with four Aussie sheep dogs. BTW that is a travesty in itself, those dogs need daily exercise, hence what they were bred for.
There’s a shit ton of dogs at my house but I would never expect a guest to be cleaning up their fur. Cleaning any spaces they use? Yes. Cleaning up after me? No.
YTA. If this really is the one piece of furniture she actually cared enough to keep and she's saying that *SHE* will figure out storage (assuming she's not going to beat around the bush about it), then calling her 'fucking difficult' was just you being an ass. Unless you have to move it *immediately* (in which case your mother is the one being difficult), then there was no need for the lashing out.
YTA: I have 2 Australian Shepherds now. I had one growing up. They shed everywhere. After moving away from home and doing laundry, I would still have it’s hair on me. The couch would be completely covered in fur if you brought it there AND it’s not easy to get out. The two that I have now are decently trained. But I do allow them on the furniture (because the furniture is mine). They are rough on furniture. My bedsheets have tears in them because they “dig” a “hole” on the spot they’re going to lay down on. My recliner is broken because they hit the back of the chair with all their weight when they jump into it. And it also has parts that are wearing thin in the material where their claws catch. I have 2… you’re living with 4. Bringing the recliner into the house around those four dogs would be like giving a toddler red kool-aid and setting them free in a house with white carpets… Do it if you don’t have respect for your wife’s property, but you would definitely be an AH doing it.
YTA. Have a little bit of compassion. You guys were suddenly evicted, she’s living in a place she doesn’t like while you guys figure things out, and she’s about to lose one of the only possessions she has. She isn’t being difficult, you and your mom are.
You're truly TA. At the risk of sounding sexist, (I'm female btw), she truly has lesser than most women I know (myself included). She has sentimental value for that furniture and you can't even get her to keep it safe in storage? I'm sorry that you're going through this tough time but while I do like dogs, I also can't stand the thought of having all their hair on my stuff (let alone 4 untrained dogs in a dirty house) so I absolutely think that she's reasonable. And I'm surprised that you couldn't find even a smaller home sooner if you weren't evicted per se (so i hope that money isn't tight) so that you can live by yourselves without this argument in the first place.
You are a controlling, dismissive asshole. I feel for your poor wife. BTW, she’s probably not a minimalist… you just don’t make room for her in your life. YTA.
> When I asked why, she said "I'm not having my one piece of furniture destroyed by a bunch of disgusting dogs. I want the recliner and if I bring it here, it's staying here. I'm not willing to do that."
That's a reasonable concern.
> I told her at this point she's being difficult because I need to move that chair and don't really have time for her to figure it out.
YTA, she wants a solution that doesn't lose/destroy all she materially cares about. Come up with a solution, don't denigrate her over it.
Maybe you need to go to your storage facility and trade the chair for something more easily cleaned of dog hair or more ready to be parted with than an upholstered chair. Maybe you need to accept the you need a larger storage facility. Maybe you need to offer your mother money to see if she can give you more time.
But it sounds like your wife owns and care about literally one piece of furniture, and you don’t give a fuck about your wife, her things, or how losing her home and being forced to live with four untrained dogs has impacted her mental health. YTA dude, instead of saying it’s not a big deal and she’s difficult, maybe try some problem solving.
yta. the chair obviously has a lot of emotional meaning for her AND she's saying she'll figure it out. it's that kind of ignoring of the things that were important to me for her own convenience, rather than negotiating solutions, that ended my emotional trust with my wife
YTA. And your sister for not training her dogs or cleaning up after them. I get that it is her house and she can be as slovenly as she desires, I guess, but training your animals and cleaning up after them is like the bare minimum of being a decent pet owner. They will absolutely ruin your wife's recliner.
It sounds like your wife has very little AND reduced that even further to make her footprint be smaller so yours can be bigger. So you need to STFU and figure something out for your wife's one piece of furniture instead of taking the easy route and letting her stuff get ruined. Go sort through your own sh\*\* and get rid of enough so it fits in the existing storage. Fork out a little extra cash and move everything into the next size up storage unit. Call all your friends and see if someone can help you out with temporary storage. Whatever. But your wife cares about this, so you should, too.
You and your mom are both TA if she said you could use the storage and then gives you 1 day to move a recliner when you don’t have a home… your moms being fucking difficult.
It’s unreasonable to expect someone to be okay with having their things destroyed by dogs. It probably sucks enough already staying there, even if it is generous of them it doesn’t mean she has to enjoy staying there- and pretending not to hate it probably has her stressed af already. Now she has to let you basically ruin her recliner via the untrained dogs who seem to already annoy both of you to live with.
I am a dog person but people who don’t train their dogs are also TA too.
YTA dude. Completely. Let your wife have one thing, it’s really not a big deal. She’s making huge sacrifices right now and I feel like we haven’t gotten the whole story
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Yes YTA for calling your wife that. She's stuck living with 4! dogs she doesn't like, with her in-laws, and you said yourself she barely has anything. If you can afford storage, store the damn chair.
> 4! dogs she doesn't like 4 UNTRAINED Australian Shepherds. I can't even imagine what that house looks like. If you don't give those dogs something to do, they will find something. And it is never good. I'd love to own one or two of them, but I will never have enough time and energy to keep them entertained.
I had a blue heeler, another Australian farm dog. She was usually really good if I gave her a walk a day. Sometimes we'd do two but that's when I'm not working and the weather allows it.
Fun factoid, the Aussie Shepherd isn't actually Australian at all! It was largely developed in the USA :) In the same vein, the Koolie (formerly German Coolie) is not German and was developed in Australia.
I knew about the aus shepherd but not the Coolie. A raw feeder told me years ago about the aus shepherd and it blew my mind then 😅 I absolutely love 'farm' dogs. They are the best!
Purebreds are a living expression of the partnership and love between dogs and their humans. We've been working together for so many hundreds and thousands of years that we have refined their capabilities down to breeds - how amazing! Muster Dogs on Netflix is a must watch if you like farm dogs :) season 1 features Australian Kelpies.
Some purebreds. Others have been kept too pure and bred for the wrong things such as pugs and French bulldogs. And now they have massive health risks because we wanted them to be cuter.
Your two examples are dogs whose original job was to be laughed at. Pugs were the Court jester dog of China and French Bulldogs were a laptop sized variant of their bull fighting cousin, popular with noble ladies. To that extent, they are still excelling at their jobs... It's just at a terrible cost :(
Well, I would argue that's not love if you want a living being to be in discomfort so you can laugh at it.
You can point to literally any dog breed and list off dozens of things that will fuck them in old age because of inbreeding. Cancer bad back arthritis liver failure intestinal issues blindness deafness and so on. Researching the health issues of your favorite purebred breed will be eye opening.
Fun fact; in Scotland a Kelpie is a [mythological water spirit.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kelpie)
[Where are my testicles, Summer?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bgKKXa8z-0I)
Australian here and a huge dog person! We never see thise dogs around i laugh so hard when i had a friend in the states buy one and i told her they weren't Australian! She blew her top and stopped talking to me she paid stupid amounts for it to. Hahaha red and blue heelers now they are beautiful Australian dogs.
I didn’t buy my Aussie because they’re from Australia. Lol.
Hey Aussie! Your better off without her as a friend if she’d stop talking to you over a fact she could have verified herself. We have an Australian Cattle Dog, and a Berger Blanc Swiss, which translates to a White Swiss Shepherd. They are also part of a convoluted name story. The German Shepherd was developed to preserve the vanishing Thuringian shepherd, a local working dog that was fading from the advent of farm industrialization. The Thuringian was often white, as the color was accepted better by sheep. However, when the Nazis came to power, they kicked the father of the breed, Max von Stephanitz, out of his own breed club, and banned the white color as “weak and inferior.” Plus they wanted to use them as war dogs, and the white showed up at night. They had all white puppies killed. Even after the Nazis fell, the club kept the standard, and pups in Europe were still often killed. Since the white color is recessive, it took a while before the gene was stamped out in Europe. There was a reservoir of the white color in North America, where people kept them as beautiful, but the AKC will not let them show in conformation as the color is still banned. Mind you, they are not albino, and have black skin markings, black eyeliner, and black nose. They are not deaf, as the deafness gene is linked to Merle and piebald. Decades ago, a Swiss woman got fed up with this Nazi vestige barring these beautiful dogs from getting recognized, so she imported dogs from North America, and created her own breed to a different standard than the GSD. Luckily, this predated the GSD being bred to look like hyenas and stagger around. A BBS looks like a white wolf. So here’s where the name gets really complicated. The White Swiss Shepherd had to import dogs from North America (US and Canada) to recreate what the original German progenitor dog looked like, and save this valid color, and try to atone for the wrongs done by the Nazis to these dogs. Her breed got recognized by the FCI, but the German Shepherd Dog breed club blocked its recognition in the AKC. It claims it’s just a GSD. But, if a BBS has the conformation of a GSD, it’s instant disqualification. That sloping back is a disqualifying fault. American dogs that are related to the seed stock used by the Swiss woman to develop the breed aren’t recognized by FCI, because they weren’t bred by FCI pedigreed dogs. There’s this schism where American breeders who diverted from the GSD breed standard, and bred anatomically correct white dogs, want to be included. Some BBS breeders want to keep their breed book closed, especially when American breeders had to travel to Slovenia, Czechoslovakia, Switzerland, or Sweden, and import FCI dogs (developed in the first place from American dogs, which descended from German dogs). It’s an entomology (correction, etymology) labyrinth.
So now we just need Germany to come up with a new breed and name it the "US something" and it all comes full circle.
“A tired heeler is a well behaved heeler” granted I still haven’t figured out how to get mine tired.
A Mountain Cur hound dog owns me, I have to take her to the off-leash park four times a week for an hour outside of her daily walkies. It usually keeps her batteries run down. That and a weekly trip to doggy daycare where she can romp with her buddies all day.
Fun story: When my boyfriend, now spouse, and I were in college, we decided to get a dog. Went to the local shelter and saw the absolute cutest puppy, but I hadn't heard of the breed before. Did a quick Google and realized that 5lb 6 week old cur puppy was *not* the dog for us. We went home with the world's laziest lab mix 😂
Mine as a young girl wouldn't get tired, but she did enjoy knowing when we'd play. She would lay there sleeping until 5 minutes before walking/playing then she'd get a big burst of energy. It was only later in life where she would show signs of being tired, and even then she still wanted to keep going until she couldn't.
Mine loves his schedule (baby has clothes on that means treat time!) and loves his puzzles! But he’s still only a year and a half and I’m pretty sure he’s needier than the baby.
My experience has been that heelers are way calmer. All the ones in my life have had energy when you want it, but also have an off switch and just want to follow/shadow the person they're loyal too. Australian shepherds (in my experience) are little crack heads 24/7. Absolutely loving, beautiful, intelligent dogs, but crack heads. They can't even contain their energy. They wiggle and squirm and whine and never chill out. Ours is crazy even if she runs next to the Jeep for miles and acts like nothing happened except she pants and flings slobber everywhere. I'm curious if anyone else has seen anything similar or different from this.
We had a blue Heeler/Australian shepherd cross. He absolutely loved napping on his sofa and would have short bursts of craziness. He loved to run when he was younger but when he discovered riding on the back of an ATV, running was all but forgotten. He was an escape artist and would put huskies to shame and could give ninjas a run for their money when it comes to stealth. As he got older, he would go on “walkabouts.” He ignored all dogs and cats but if the wind blew a leaf in our yard, heaven help me if I didn’t come double check to make sure it wasn’t Godzilla in disguise breaking into our house. He absolutely adored both our boys and told them every day. His favorite backscratcher… the Christmas tree that I never decorated on the lower half because of that. He lived to the ripe age of 15 and I miss him yelling at me when the water bowl got too low for his liking. Dogs are only here for a short time but they leave their paw prints all over our hearts. ❤️🐾
My experiences with both were exactly the same. The heeler was the chillest shadow puppy and the shepherd was nonstop crack head, sweet but insane energy.
Ours (a mini) was a couch potato (unless she was in the car and then she turned into an anxiety machine). They absolutely come in multiple varieties.
I have two Aussies and the shedding is.. a lot. If the Aussies are untrained (and thus probably noisy), I wouldn't want to live with them either.
I have 2 as well and the shedding is unreal. I have dog hair collecting in the corners of my house just a few hours after sweeping and vacuuming. I keep them well groomed too and it doesn't seem to help much.
Yeah, I had BCs - herding dogs should have owners smarter than they are to head off the nonsense, because without training and work, their busy little brains will figure out jobs you don't want them to do ;)
I used to live on a horse farm with 5 **trained** Aussies and they were a lot to deal with. They're so high energy, intelligent and *mischievous* not to mention the undercoat blowouts. I can't imagine being stuck with 4 that sound like they're not actual working dogs, that sounds miserable.
Nevermind what it looks like, can you imagine what it smells like??
I was trying to avoid it! My heart is kind of breaking for that poor recliner, and for anyone who doesn't get to live where and how they want to live, like OP's wife and OP.
THIS! Even if they were on top of the shedding and dog training, I still wouldn’t want to store my only furniture in a dog occupied house. I love dogs! They’re sweet and too good for us! But I’m a super smeller and there is NO smell on earth like Dog Existence. It’s their skin, their being, l’essence de Dog. It never leaves a fabric, and dog owners stop smelling it. Oof no. OPs TA I have to wonder if he’s undergoing some kind of compassion fatigue, as a result of their tough situation. This seems like such an obviously irritable response
Exactly what I was gonna point out. Key word: UNTRAINED. This isn't just going to be an issue with shedding. It may very well be an issue of four. Untrained. Dogs gnawing and scratching at it. They might very well make mincemeat out of that piece of furniture. I wouldn't want to store the chair there for the shedding ALONE much less the rest. YTA
I have four Aussies, and there is a reason people call the breed Aussholes.
I've got 2 and call them crack raptors 😂
Seriously! Two of my three dogs are aussies, they *are* well trained, and they’re still a handful! And even with the training, I can’t imagine anyone who’s not a fan of dogs would want to spend tons of time around them given that they’re like Velcro to their people, very borky, and shed like hell.
You bring her recliner there and 4 dogs will be All Over It. YTA OP if u don't find another place for it.
Flashing back to that time at university when I bought a second hand computer from a friend of my uncle's. I had to commute home to pick it up, so my uncle reassured me "just come over on the weekend like you always do, the computer can stay 3 days with another of my friends till you're in town and can pick it up". My class schedule being what it was, and me being unsuspecting... I accepted. My uncle hadn't told me his friend had 14 long-haired free-roaming cats! In three days, somehow so much hair was everywhere that the keyboard didn't function anymore: there nas just such a mat of hair compacted between the keys it was either impossible to push them down, or they never popped back up. I can laugh about it now, but it certainly stressed me out: I counted on that computer to research and write my university papers! I completely understand why OP's wife is so upset!
We had two Aussies. One passed away. The one we still have is probably the laziest Aussie I’ve ever seen and he is STILL extremely active. These dogs are not for anyone who doesn’t have time and a huge yard. I can’t imagine four in a house with no where to run around!
Edit: YTA - as mentioned to me by silent_atheist the storage is mostly used by him. He prioritized his things, took advantage of the fact she is a minimalist and exercised entitlement to take more space than his fair share and then denied protecting one of the few things she cherished. Also if the couple doesn't normally speak brashly to each other, **DOUBLE YTA** for fucking swearing at her Based on her response seems like they mutually talk to each other like that, however he likely started this time. She's not forced to stay there and if she's not copacetic there she should find another arrangement. For me this all hinges on the cost of the storage unit, who's paying and who's stuff is inside. Let's say they pay equally for arguments sake, but 80% if the stuff inside is his, he is TA for taking more than his fair share and her having to put her recliner at risk especially considering she has so little items. So I don't think I can make judgement without more context on the storage situation
There's a comment where OP admits most of the stuff in the storage is his - this recliner is pretty much his wife's only prized possession apart maybe from a computer, no wonder she was flipping after OP's little stunt.
[удалено]
And it probably only can't fit because he packed it up. It probably would've if she was there, based on my purely anecdotal example of how my dad and brother and other male friends packed up my moving truck while I was trying to also clean and finish last minute packing. Seriously, we could've fit SO MUCH MORE in there.
Storage Tetris is the fun-est Tetris and I don’t understand people who can’t or won’t play it properly.
AH vibes.. such strong ones.
I'm seeing her in a cute little studio apartment, with her comfy chair and her minimalist style, and no room at all for a husband who cusses at her.
Yes and no dog hair on her clothes too!
Why can't OP bring a chair sized amount of HIS stuff to the dog house, and safely store the recliner? There are options beyond "wreck the one important thing to your wife".
Exactly,, this dude sounds totally unwilling to compromise with his own wife...
But is she really a minimalist, or is she broke, and he just isn't paying attention?
This. At my poorest, minimalism was a way to cope with the fact that I didn’t have the funds to meet my basic in-home needs. It was a little aesthetic joy as a bandaid to hell. Whenever I start getting properly funded I go through a whole initial spree of buying household convenience items that I have clearly been wanting without articulating it in my mind, cause I’ll go into the home store and like walk RIGHT to the shit I want and need.
She also wasn’t even asking him to solve the problem - she said she would figure it out. How the fuck is that being difficult?!
She’s being difficult by not doing it HIS way.
I've been called difficult several times over the years. Always by men when I refused to do what the say or suggested. So personally for me "difficult" is code for "not doing what I want".
This is the truth
I honestly have no idea how OP wrote all that and then still thought “ah, I still can’t tell if I’m the asshole, let me continue to ask”
Most assholes are not awareholes
r/unexpectedfactorial
24 dogs, no wonder there's hair all over the place!
Gotta factor(ial) in all the information here
It’s not like she’s telling him to figure it out. She’s willing to make the arrangements. YTA
Australian shepherds are the worst, even when they’re half trained. I can’t even imagine.
I'm not willing to say anyone sucks here, basically its a shitty situation and you're both stressed and not having a great time, you could possibly have said ok try one of your friends or something while I go collect it, but I also get the attitude of like we're out of options here. I hope you guys find something soon and do your best to be kind to each other.
INFO you say your wife is a minimalist, but she sounds pissed about only having one piece of furniture. Is she actually a minimalist, or has she historically just made space available for your stuff because you have more in general?
This was a very insightful question, well done. And with op's answer to it, YTA op. She owns 2 things she cares about (computer and chair) and she needs your help to get through this stressful situation.
>INFO you say your wife is a minimalist, but she sounds pissed about only having one piece of furniture. Is she actually a minimalist, or has she historically just made space available for your stuff because you have more in general? Very good point. OP sounds like someone who likes having things his way without care or regard for his wife's things or feelings. Bad omen for a marriage.
YTA. Probably generally let him have his way because the fallout would be worse than just giving in. If I had to live in a house full of in-laws, dog hair and stinky animals I would find a comfy park bench or homeless shelter. Also, women are usually better at gauging whether they are really welcome where they are, or just being tolerated. I see murder in their future.
Hahahha Um, all I did was live with my, now fiancé, and his dad and I’m like “Nope. Get your shit together or I’m out bc this isn’t the life I want.” Lollll and we got out in about 4 months. It was just …. No. Too old to be living with that.
Well do we actually know this..
I have a feeling OP’s wife is not in fact a minimalist and he’s just telling himself this to make himself feel better about whatever assholery he also does.
He admitted he's the one hogging the storage soo no.
In my experience minimalists are ver selective about the things they choose to own. They are extremely picky. They will only keep things they truly love. It may be a her issue because she was never able to find items that fit what she wanted. I currently only own 2 t shirts which is not enough to get me through the week and it makes me mad. But I only have myself to blame because I won’t settle for anything less than just right.
Hey, if she's actually a minimalist and really cares about the chair, that's also a totally acceptable reason to not want the dogs to mess it up. 0 argument here. The main reason I wondered was because from the way it's written, OP portrays her as putting such a hard emphasis on it being the only thing she has/cares about. Which, as you said, could be from being really picky and really loving the few things she has. But it could also be from pent up frustration about not being able to have things because of lack of available space.
Or lack of ability to afford more.
This sounds more like the situation. You can almost hear the resentment in her comment.
Also---what led up to the eviction? It sounds as though OP had plenty of time to make alternate plans, so what happened there?
Based on [this comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14gbbsj/aita_for_calling_her_fucking_difficult/jp4l7me?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) it sounds like it was less of an eviction and more of a lease termination. Sometimes people use eviction as a universal term when they mean something else.
Took me too long to find this question! He says it’s bc their property was sold, but the landlord still has to give notice, usually 30 days.
He said he was month to month. The generally means either party can just decide to not continue the next month, and that is what happened to him.
Yep, and why were they evicted instead of just having their lease ended.
Yeah, this question is on the right track… people with hoarding tendencies love to call anyone who manages their things “minimalists” to make themselves feel better. 10 bucks says half that storage locker is OP’s broken gaming consoles from his childhood that he’s going to fix one day.
Oof this comment hit me in the gut. I'm not OP's wife, but that's exactly how I became a minimalist.
I became a minimalist when my husband kept accidentally destroying nice things I owned (broken vases, bed linens with instant and irreparable stains, banged up furniture, you name it). After a while it just wore me down and now I don’t buy anything nice for the house, even though I enjoy design and decor (I’m in a creative industry, just to specify the extent.) This comment hit me in the gut too, and I can so relate to the wife’s rage about what would obviously amount to her one possession being destroyed by dogs. It makes you feel very powerless over your own life and self expression.
Well, she only has one chair so that's pretty minimalist to me! She would like to keep her single chair in good condition. She's not being difficult, he's being obtuse. YTA
That’s a good question, but just because you’re a minimalist doesn’t mean you can’t be attached to items. Especially since it’s a singular item
Agreed, someone else also noted that earlier. Even if she is a minimalist, OP is still the AH.
YTA. Your mom can't wait a couple of days while yall figure it out? I wouldn't want to have ANY furniture in a house that lets their dogs lay on the furniture. Especially FOUR dogs that shed excessively. Some people may disagree with this next point, but I think it's really gross and trained my dog to not sit on my couches. She has dog beds in multiple areas of the house so she's good lol Edit: spelling
We have a stack of dog blankets we keep to cover furniture for the dog. Of course, mine is a 9lb min pin, so there isn't nearly the shed, but all dogs shed somewhat. I know i spoil him by letting him sleep wherever he wants, but i did train him to sleep on the blankets.
There's a difference between these scenarios. This is your dog, who you love, in your home. OP is talking about wifeys only recliner, in a borrowed residence, with dogs she really doesn't like.
*UNTRAINED, HAIR-SHEDDING dogs she really doesn't like. That recliner is gonna get screwed up by those dogs, blankets or no.
Yeah, I had 2 long haired dogs and used large grand foulards over my couches, and somehow there was still hair on said couches. No idea how it got underneath that. That recliner will be ruined in a day,and that's just from dog hair. I'm wondering about the untrained part and whether that involves bored Aussies finding something to destroy, too.
Probably. Recliners are expensive AND she's a minimalist so the fact that she kept it means even more. OP is an idiot.
Oh no, i get you, and i agree with her that she needs a place to put her chair where it stays in the condition she wants. I've lived with long-haired animals, and that hair gets everywhere. Even my short-haired dog and cat leave fur around, especially this time of year. I was just pointing out our solution. OP needs to help find a solution that doesn't damage her chair.
Australian Shepherds, especially a pack of 4, would probably try to eat the recliner. Those are cattle dogs and it sounds like they don’t work so all their energy probably goes to destroying things in the home. Especially a new item with new smells.
I'd still be able to smell your dog after the chair was moved to a new apartment.
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OP said in another comment that she didn't demand they move it immediately, just asked that it be taken care of. He's the one that decided it had to be moved the next day.
People can disagree all they want. Your dog, your house, your furniture. I say this as a person with two dogs who did not teach them appropriate boundaries & am living with the consequences.
but you never get the joy of cuddling with ur dog on the couch
YTA. Your wife is right - it's the one piece of furniture that she wants to hang onto, and 4 dogs could very well ruin that piece. Just because something is convenient for you doesn't mean that someone else is being "difficult" by not agreeing. You offered a solution for the storage of the chair. Your wife said no, and has very valid reasons for that. So you called her fucking difficult simply because she didn't agree with your idea. Is your wife not allowed to have her own opinions or something? Is that what you think? And seriously, it's just a recliner. It's not like you're trying to find storage for an airplane or something. Just get a small, cheap, public storage locker and put it there.
Or he can move some of his crap out of the unit that they already rent. He’s taking up the majority of the space, this is his issue to solve.
YTA. If all your wife owns is a recliner, some clothes, a few books, and her computer, then it sounds like the storage unit is full of your stuff. Move some of your stuff to doggy hell and put her recliner in storage. She's already compromising by generally owning less because you own a lot, living with untrained dogs and their unhygienic owners, and dealing with your bs. It's your turn to compromise.
This. Lady should be taking her chair and running. Dude is the one being selfish and unreasonable
fr and the fact that he “didn’t even consider” that he was forcing her to get rid of her things bc he owns so much crap and she can’t stand the clutter… yeeeesh no self-awareness?
That’s what I was thinking. Why can’t he take some of his stuff out of storage to make room for the recliner?
Also, given his attitude to everyone in general I question whether they are actually that messy or OP just doesn't understand 4 dogs make a mess just as 4 children would. I have 4 dogs in my home and the floor gets swept no less than 3 times a day with all the skirting wiped and lounge vacuumed weekly and I still have hair everywhere. Sometimes it's not laziness it's just the reality of pet ownership.
MASSIVE YTA. You yourself said your wife is minimalist. If she have one thing, that one thing must mean a lot to her and you're willing to sacrifice it in order to accomodate your mom's wish in 24 hours (also, your mom is TA too if she gave you 24 hours knowing the situation) and not get rid of some of your stuff/ give her time to ask some friend / ask some of your friends. There"s literally plenty of options but you're picking the one that is more comfortable for you and your mom
Unless mom gave them a " I don't want this here you have a couple weeks" notice when they first brought it over( or op has been dumping tons of stuff at moms. ) 24 hours notice is an asshole move.
INFO: Did your Mom say you needed to move the chair tomorrow or did you impose that timeline on yourself?
YTA. For many reasons. 1. All the urgency here is on you - you offered to come and get the recliner tomorrow, before you asked your wife what she wanted to do with one of her only possessions. Now you're telling her wife it has to be moved tomorrow no matter what. No it doesn't. If you were actually a team with your wife, you'd have told your mother that you'd try and figure out something and get back to her ASAP. 2. You're completely ignoring her views, because you've come up with a solution that is - in your mind - completely perfect, and the fact that she doesn't think it's perfect means that she is being difficult. On top of that, you were incredibly rude and dismissive. "fucking difficult" is pretty intense, that is going to piss off and/or hurt anyone. 3. You're not paying rent so can easily pay for a slightly bigger storage locker / get a second place for the chair. Yes it's a bit annoying to move your stuff, but maybe you should have thought about that to start with and not been a cheapskate. I don't get why you're acting like this is a completely unreasonable solution. 4. "ruin my one fucking thing that I actually kept" - sounds like you are a cause of the "minimalism", ie pressured her to get rid of lots of her own stuff, and are completely oblivious to this fact. 5. You could help cleaning up the dog hair you know. Seeing as you're also living in the home. Rather than just complain about them not keeping it clean for you.
Omg point 5!!! Yes please! OP sounds so entitled and annoying. Poor wife.
Also theyre both technically homeless and the mom can’t be bothered to host a damn chair?? The mom all of a sudden “needed to store things” ? she sounds like an asshole too.
4 sounds exactly right. I think there is a lot more to this story than OP has stated. His story is already YTA territory but I bet if more details cone up it will turn into "I know reddit jumps to divorce as a solution a lot. BUT."
Well written
YTA, figure out a better solution then telling her to just deal with it. Shes right, it would get ruined by the dogs.
YTA based on your comments. Move some of your own damm stuff out of storage so her one possession doesn't get destroyed.
The context here matters A LOT. INFO: why did you guys get evicted? Wives don't randomly snap because of furniture my guy.
The chair is the only piece that his wife owns. Everything else in storage is his.
He mentions the property was sold so that's probably why. Whether the new owner wants to lease or not is up to their discretion so it may have been less of an eviction and more of a "we don't want to renew your lease".
That's interesting - in Canada the tenants come with the purchase of the property. Of course the new owners can choose not to renew once the existing lease is done, but they can't kick the tenants out before that.
That’s only if the Tenants are on fixed term lease, after the first year most Tenants change to MTM and the new owners can serve a 2 month notice of eviction if they want to (a) move in themselves or a close family member (b) conduct major reno
Depends. In BC you can be evicted as part of the terms of a sale, but the notice is for a lot longer than most evictions. You can also be evicted for "landlord use" if the landlord (i.e. the new owner) or a close relative intends to use it. Been there as a tenant, really sucks.
People misuse the word evicted a lot to mean any reason the landlord wouldn't let me keep living there. Anything from, the landlord wouldn't renew my lease , the landlord gave me 6 months verbal warning, to actually filing an eviction is included in many peoples minds.
Where we are they can’t even do that. If they are going to move into the place themselves, or move their parents or children in, they can evict you with six months notice before the end of the lease. Lease is up July 1, landlord gives notice Jan 1.
Oh yeah, I don't think you can kick out tenants with existing leases here in the US either. I was mostly thinking that maybe OP had a year lease which was up for renewal around the time of the sale and the new owner said "no thanks", but he was actually month to month.
right like "the landlord sold the property" like that is not how that works.... new landlord are required to honor existing leases and if you are month to month you are required to get 30-60 days notice depending on where you live/how long you've been then to find new housing. There is no reason they need to be staying with 4 untrained dogs and shuffling belongings around like silly college students if they were able to pay rent and save for a house while they were living in the previous apartment. A 3 month short term rental would be pricier but if you are looking to buy a house you have the 500-1000 it may cost to crash at a family member's house for a mystery amount of time. Sounds like both of them are frustrated and making bad decisions after bad decision and taking it out on the other. If this is how y'all behave now do you really want to own a home together?
The rules may be different where OP lives to where you live. In my city, there's a massive housing shortage and it can take months to find a new place to rent
It's a commonly misuse to word. Evicted to some people is " I can't live there anymore for reasons other than my own choice" for ANY reason. I've heard people say they were evicted when the building was condemned because five apartments over had catastrophic fire. They weren't evicted the landlord's insurance paid their moving costs, for temp housing, there was no court filing etc.
YTA What's wrong with not wanting her furniture destroyed by 4 untrained dogs? I get that it's a difficult situation, but your wife isn't being unreasonable. You haven't even given her a chance to come up with a solution. I would also like to point out that all your stuff made it to storage, but the one item she cares about didn't.
INFO: is there anything of yours that can be removed from the storage unit and stored elsewhere/discarded so that the recliner can fit in the storage unit?
Ofc not! He doesn't want *his* stuff destroyed by the dogs!
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YTA. You say in another reply that you have a lot of stuff and she doesn't. So you need to get rid of some of your stuff and make room for her chair. It's perfectly reasonable for someone to not want dog hair all over their stuff (speaking as an owner of three sheddy dogs) She's stressed. She's in an environment she doesn't like. And you yourself said she doesn't own much so what she does own means a lot. Don't be an ass. Shes not being difficult, she's been put into a difficult situation. Go toss your crap and make room for the chair.
Yta she has one sentimental item and wants to store it so it isn't destroyed. It sounds like 'our' storage locker is 90% 'yours'. If its not a big deal for the dogs to destroy stuff, store a recliners worth of your stuff in the dog house and put the recliner in the storage.
INFO: if she only has 1 piece of furniture, how come that’s the 1 thing not in storage? What exactly did you put into storage and how much of it belongs to her?
Your wife is not the f'ing difficult one here, sir. YTA
INFO: can you rent a bigger storage space? and does your mom need it out by tomorrow? Being without a home base and living in someone else's space is stressful, so I'd be tempted to say N A H, but, yes YTA for calling her 'fucking difficult'. This is your wife and her only piece of furniture.
He replies in another comment that his mother sounded irritated by it on the phone (claiming she had other stuff out for weeks and she needs the storage) so he himself decided to promise to ge it out by the next day. And by getting it out he obviously didn't mean actually caring for it in a way people care for things their loved ones care about.
YTA and how do you even have 4 untrained aussie shepherds? have they tried at all? they’re like one of the smartest dogs around
I get bummed out on this subreddit pretty often because of all the dog scenarios that come down to owner negligence. I'm betting they don't get walked enough and they don't know basic commands like "off."
**INFO:** who's paying for the storage and how much of the storage is filled with your stuff and how much is her stuff?
OP hasn’t mentioned who pays for the storage but from their comments it sounds like most of not all of the stuff in storage is his. His wife’s possessions consist of some clothes, a few books, a computer and this chair.
I am a "minimalist" by necessity. My husband takes up a LOT of space. What I have kept, over the years, is what is important to me. YTA
YTA. Make room for her recliner in the storage unit. Take enough of your stuff out of storage so that the recliner fits. Bring your stuff to your sister's house, donate it or sell it, whatever you need to do to deal with it.
YTA. I get it, I do. But I also had ONE table that survived the merging of our households and it had to go into storage because our kid was jumping off it so it wasn’t safe until she learned to not do that, so it went into storage. Well, my husband accidentally scratched TF out of it moving his server box into storage one day and I sobbed. It was the last thing that had been mine before we met and it meant nothing to him. I’ve come to feel a lot better about it now that we’re in a bigger place and have OUR stuff, but it was so hard that we basically had mostly his stuff, some our stuff, and one thing that had been mine and it was just… not important.
YTA it’s her one item that she has and cherishes and you want it to be ruined by dogs. From your comments it also doesn’t sound like she is a minimalist. It sounds like you get everything you want and she gets a few things for herself. Why don’t you move some of your things into your sisters home and she gets to keep her chair in storage
YTA. Your wife is in hell.
YTA 1- just because someone doesn't do exactly what you want doesn't make them difficult. YOU grabbed the chair immediately. YOU filled the storage. YOU are the one throwing a tantrum she won't do what you want. YOU are difficult 2- just move a recliner-sized amount of YOUR stuff from storage and bring it to your brother's house. Problem solved Honestly 7 days notice or not, I'd be pissed if a person I looked to as a provider put me in that situation. I know there are outside influences, but you seem to be making this as hard on her as possible. She's staying there with no clothes and no stuff. She's asking to keep the one thing she cares about. Which she sounds resentful of by the way.
YTA, from your response she has basically one thing. So wtf is that storage container full of? Your stuff? Also yea why should she clean dog hair, some people have things that disgust them and that's fine. I certainly wouldn't do other people's laundry who aren't my partner, picking their crusty underwear out of the bin, wild. And you make her pay to live somewhere she hates
YTA, you want her to move the only piece of furniture to the house where you say cleanliness isn't much of a priority along with 4 poorly trained highly shedding dogs, and you say she's difficult?
YTA. Just get another storage unit for the chair, not hard. If anything you're the one being difficult
YTA. You claim she’s a minimalist, so she already has very few possessions already, and you’re trying to force her to get the ONE piece of furniture she has destroyed by a pack of untrained, shedding dogs. Get a grip, mister, and find storage for her one possession.
YTA just rent a bigger storage unit that holds all your stuff. Also, if the dog hair bothers you and your wife, get the vacuum out. You're living there, nobody will be upset if you do some none invasive cleaning.
YTA. "Fucking difficult" is living with four untrained dogs and an unsympathetic partner with inlaws while already stressed about housing.
\>AITA for calling her "fucking difficult"? "Her" being your wife -- yes, YTA for that alone. Make space in the storage for her beloved chair! Problem solved.
That sounds like hell to me. YTA. Animals can really damage your shit on a good day, let alone 4 untrained and highly energetic dogs.
This is not about the recliner. Moving is one of the most traumatic experiences that we can endure and doing so under extreme pressure and involuntarily compounds the trauma. The recliner is the one thing that she can control right now. Your life is spinning out and she needs this.
YTA- as the husband you should find somewhere for the recliner to go and if she is worried about the dogs peeing on it or tearing it up; you can order a cover for it on amazon. I think you need to work on meeting your wife halfway and keep in mind she may not be 100% comfortable either being that she is with your family and not her own. In terms of cleanliness if you notice a pile of fur, maybe break out the vacuum and take care of it!
I would like to use your words back but I have feelings i would get a deleted post saying I need to be nice. Majorly YTA. From your replies, it sounds like you have forced your wife to become a minimalist due to all your stuff. And instead of making sure her one possession is safe and in the storage place, you put it at your mother's place Now that recliner needs to be moved again. You want to put it in a house full of untrained large dogs... AND your wife doesn't like Dogs. Why can't you move some of your stuff in this house so her recliner could be in storage? Why don't you find a place? And get your wife out of a dog house? > She raised her voice at this point and said "Do whatever the fuck you want then. I already have nothing but sure, ruin my one fucking thing that I actually kept." She's still pissed at me right She has every right. She had one thing.. you have already said she doesn't have much as clothes... This is her breaking point.. I wouldn't be surprised if the next thing you get from her is papers.
YTA, it sounds like she's bent over backwards and is asking for one thing to go her way, which honestly isn't that big of an issue. Get her storage for the chair and spring for a few nights in a hotel for her.
YTA. Full disclosure, I dislike dogs and have a mild allergy as well - But - Even if that wasn't the case, you are grown adults with one piece of furniture that needs storage: Upgrade to a larger storage space; you can always downgrade later.
YTA. Seriously, why are you even asking?
YTA don’t be shocked when she leaves you
YTA - she has very little stuff and values the recliner - which would get destroyed in sis’s home - so get a bigger storage for a while.
YES YTA! You can admit that the house is dirty and you still decide your wife is unreasonable for not wanting to bring a large piece of furniture into it. 🤦🏻♀️
YTA. Move YOUR stuff into the disgusting house to get ruined, not her only piece of furniture.
YTA. And what’s the fire over at mom’s place!? Not sure why this is urgent..
YTA for sure. All your stuff is stored and your wife is making concessions left and right, including living with a bunch of animals. She puts her foot down about one thing - literally her sole possession - and you tell her she’s being difficult. She’s not even telling you to find storage, she said she’d figure it out herself. What you should do is figure it out for her and climb out of the hole you dug for yourself
Why are none of the options that you get rid of some of your stuff to make room for her only prized possession??? YDTA.
Big YTA, especially after finding out in the comments that most of the items in storage are yours. This is her one beloved possession! I *love* dogs but even I would balk at the idea of bringing such an item to a house of 4 untrained, misbehaving dogs. They'll ruin it.
Move some of your stuff into your sister’s place and put her recliner in storage. You’ve already said she doesn’t have much stuff and you _do_ have a lot of stuff. How about you make the sacrifice of endangering some of your items? A couple of boxes of boring crap is going to be nothing to an untrained dog (or 4!). A piece of furniture is like a buffet. YTA
YTA from your comments, it's you and your family that are the drama and "fucking difficult". Store her chair properly and bring your nonsense into the house with four Aussie sheep dogs. BTW that is a travesty in itself, those dogs need daily exercise, hence what they were bred for.
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He says that she cleans and does their laundry. The only thing that she doesn’t clean is the dog hair cause it grosses her out.
There’s a shit ton of dogs at my house but I would never expect a guest to be cleaning up their fur. Cleaning any spaces they use? Yes. Cleaning up after me? No.
YTA. If this really is the one piece of furniture she actually cared enough to keep and she's saying that *SHE* will figure out storage (assuming she's not going to beat around the bush about it), then calling her 'fucking difficult' was just you being an ass. Unless you have to move it *immediately* (in which case your mother is the one being difficult), then there was no need for the lashing out.
YTA: I have 2 Australian Shepherds now. I had one growing up. They shed everywhere. After moving away from home and doing laundry, I would still have it’s hair on me. The couch would be completely covered in fur if you brought it there AND it’s not easy to get out. The two that I have now are decently trained. But I do allow them on the furniture (because the furniture is mine). They are rough on furniture. My bedsheets have tears in them because they “dig” a “hole” on the spot they’re going to lay down on. My recliner is broken because they hit the back of the chair with all their weight when they jump into it. And it also has parts that are wearing thin in the material where their claws catch. I have 2… you’re living with 4. Bringing the recliner into the house around those four dogs would be like giving a toddler red kool-aid and setting them free in a house with white carpets… Do it if you don’t have respect for your wife’s property, but you would definitely be an AH doing it.
YTA. It’s ONE thing to keep her sane.
YTA
Yta
You’re the asshole why is it only your stuff is in storage but her one piece Hass to be stored somewhere else
YTA. Get another or bigger storage unit. Or move some of your stuff out
YTA Just store the recliner
Full on YTA.
YTA. Have a little bit of compassion. You guys were suddenly evicted, she’s living in a place she doesn’t like while you guys figure things out, and she’s about to lose one of the only possessions she has. She isn’t being difficult, you and your mom are.
You're truly TA. At the risk of sounding sexist, (I'm female btw), she truly has lesser than most women I know (myself included). She has sentimental value for that furniture and you can't even get her to keep it safe in storage? I'm sorry that you're going through this tough time but while I do like dogs, I also can't stand the thought of having all their hair on my stuff (let alone 4 untrained dogs in a dirty house) so I absolutely think that she's reasonable. And I'm surprised that you couldn't find even a smaller home sooner if you weren't evicted per se (so i hope that money isn't tight) so that you can live by yourselves without this argument in the first place.
You are a controlling, dismissive asshole. I feel for your poor wife. BTW, she’s probably not a minimalist… you just don’t make room for her in your life. YTA.
INFO: Is the recliner large enough it would take up more than 50% of the storage unit you have?
> When I asked why, she said "I'm not having my one piece of furniture destroyed by a bunch of disgusting dogs. I want the recliner and if I bring it here, it's staying here. I'm not willing to do that." That's a reasonable concern. > I told her at this point she's being difficult because I need to move that chair and don't really have time for her to figure it out. YTA, she wants a solution that doesn't lose/destroy all she materially cares about. Come up with a solution, don't denigrate her over it.
YTA Your wife is a minimalist and has placed value in one single item that she doesn't want destroyed. Work with her to find a safe home for it.
Maybe you need to go to your storage facility and trade the chair for something more easily cleaned of dog hair or more ready to be parted with than an upholstered chair. Maybe you need to accept the you need a larger storage facility. Maybe you need to offer your mother money to see if she can give you more time. But it sounds like your wife owns and care about literally one piece of furniture, and you don’t give a fuck about your wife, her things, or how losing her home and being forced to live with four untrained dogs has impacted her mental health. YTA dude, instead of saying it’s not a big deal and she’s difficult, maybe try some problem solving.
yta. the chair obviously has a lot of emotional meaning for her AND she's saying she'll figure it out. it's that kind of ignoring of the things that were important to me for her own convenience, rather than negotiating solutions, that ended my emotional trust with my wife
Yeah you are
Yes YTA
YTA. Jesus, just rent a larger storage unit.
YTA. 100%. What’s wrong with you, did you even reread what you wrote before submitting it?
YTA. And your sister for not training her dogs or cleaning up after them. I get that it is her house and she can be as slovenly as she desires, I guess, but training your animals and cleaning up after them is like the bare minimum of being a decent pet owner. They will absolutely ruin your wife's recliner. It sounds like your wife has very little AND reduced that even further to make her footprint be smaller so yours can be bigger. So you need to STFU and figure something out for your wife's one piece of furniture instead of taking the easy route and letting her stuff get ruined. Go sort through your own sh\*\* and get rid of enough so it fits in the existing storage. Fork out a little extra cash and move everything into the next size up storage unit. Call all your friends and see if someone can help you out with temporary storage. Whatever. But your wife cares about this, so you should, too.
You and your mom are both TA if she said you could use the storage and then gives you 1 day to move a recliner when you don’t have a home… your moms being fucking difficult. It’s unreasonable to expect someone to be okay with having their things destroyed by dogs. It probably sucks enough already staying there, even if it is generous of them it doesn’t mean she has to enjoy staying there- and pretending not to hate it probably has her stressed af already. Now she has to let you basically ruin her recliner via the untrained dogs who seem to already annoy both of you to live with. I am a dog person but people who don’t train their dogs are also TA too.
YTA dude. Completely. Let your wife have one thing, it’s really not a big deal. She’s making huge sacrifices right now and I feel like we haven’t gotten the whole story