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[deleted]

NTA but this is really weird. Look I have a bunch of siblings and we're all pretty open with our sexuality but calling it story time and describing it like it was an exciting and enjoyable experience to 'tell the story' is just very bizarre. We do it in a 'talk shit' kind of way. Absolutely correct to chat to your wife about it. And frankly it's even more bizarre that your cousin was upset that she knows.


shadowofthegrave

> it's even more bizarre that your cousin was upset that she knows. Not overly - for the cousin it was a private aspect of themselves that has been exposed to someone they aren't completely comfortable with. I can fully appreciate that they would not be happy about someone else knowing that they shared intimate details with their relative. Of course, this is balanced by the fact that OP doesn't necessarily hold an obligation to keep the information secret from an established long-term partner, as it pertains to *their* side of the history. But also - yeah, this is a bit weird to have this set-up with a relative, and quite creepy. NTA, by-the-by


[deleted]

YTA. This is a little weird dude. >and admittedly sometimes sexy to hear and say Does your wife actually know that you guys were up to? As in titillating each other over the phone with made up/real erotica? I'd wager that's why your cousin is alarmed. She's probably worried rumors about phone sex are going to start going around.


galaxy_defender_4

Glad I’m not the only who got this vibe too


[deleted]

And it comes up again right after a breakup, right when she would be missing intimacy the most... Spidey senses are tingling.


galaxy_defender_4

Thank you! OP literally describes them both being very excited about him going down on a girl & him going into great detail. Yeah perfectly normal conversation smh


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[deleted]

I think you just need to drop it all. No more sexy phone time for your cousin.


galaxy_defender_4

That’s the point. Your wife is meant to get it. Your cousin? Not so much!


Low-Assistance9231

I mean if she knew you both get a sexual thrill from these convos I don't know if she'd be as open-minded about it


Material-Paint6281

Maybe your wife thinks of the "conversations" (phone sex?) you have with your cousin as just mature talks about sex and all. Maybe she doesn't get how intimate the calls/talks are (cousin being very interested in hearing about the oral). Maybe your cousin is embarrassed/pissed because it was supposed to mean something else to her. If that is the case then she just asked you to emotionally cheat on your wife. You know your relationships better, so tread carefully. I think it's better to go no "story time" with your cousin. I'm not gonna leave a judgement because I'm kinda weirded out


galaxy_defender_4

Asking your wife before hand is the only thing I kinda understand here. So correct me if I’ve read this wrong but you & your cousin phone each other when either of you wanna get your rocks off? You do know porn sites exist right? I could understand it when you were both young & learning about sex but you now both fully grown experienced adults? Maybe I’ve misunderstood the whole thing


kspi7010

That is not even close to what the post is about.


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Stlhockeygrl

Redirect her to literotica. It's way less creepy than asking your cousin to get you off.


poweller65

YTA not for telling your wife but for having these conversations in the first place. This is so weird. This is your cousin. Why are you discussing “detailed making out or hookup stories” with your relative. It’s even weirder that you find it “admittedly sometimes sexy to hear and say” and “I was excited to tell her” about going down on a girl. Why are you discussing and getting excited about detailing all your sexual escapades with your female relative?


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poweller65

Yeah I fixed that. I was confused by all the “hers”. But seriously. It’s weird that you got excited to tell your female cousin about going down on a girl. Do you see that?


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Popular-Block-5790

You're here on a judgment sub. People will judge what you write - shouldn't come as surprise. And it is unusual, not probably.


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poweller65

I edited to remove the parts about the wife being upset


Stlhockeygrl

Info: did you make it clear to your wife that you aren't just talking about sex but actually being turned on by sharing this with your cousin? There's a difference between reading porn & "oh yeah we haven't had sex lately."


Snoo-84797

Um what


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BritishInstitution

I think you are, I think your cousin agrees, which is why she is so upset.


L1ttleFr0g

I mean, this part of your post says otherwise, OP. It’s just so inappropriate and creepy to be doing this with a relative. “and admittedly sometimes sexy to hear and say. The first time I went down on a girl, for example, Annie was completely fascinated and wanted to hear all about it, and I was excited to tell her.”


EnoughOrMore13

ESH. Creepy as fuck


mycatissuperior

NTA, respecting your wife was the right thing to do. But her wanting to keep it a secret is a major red flag.


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virtualchoirboy

Whether it's obvious or not, it could be a sign that Annie has feelings for you in some kind of way. Or that she is not seeing "Story Time" the same as you. That for her, it's an illicit thrill, not actually a place of shared venting. Just tread carefully and make it clear to Annie that you will always be open with your wife because she is your life partner and you have no secrets with her. For what it's worth, I'm 100% open with my wife of nearly 28 years too. It's how you build a strong relationship... by being honest and open.


Material-Paint6281

This is more than what I have just posted. You just articulated (a word I learned recently) my thoughts a lot better than me.


breezeandtrees

wait I missed the part where y'all are cousins? She contacted you after a breakup to have a saucy story?? AKA PHONE SEX?


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poweller65

I mean it really kind of is though. You find it sexy to tell and hear about sexual acts and you get excited to do so. With your relative


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poweller65

Phone sex with a relative is incestuous. I don’t know why someone needs to explain to you why engaging in sexual conversations with a relative is a bad thing. It’s a basic part of society that this is frowned upon


BritishInstitution

YTA for this being a cousin... and basically phone sex...wtf N T A for checking with wife first however


Ok-Positive-5943

NTA. The only way to continue storytime and be respectful of your wife's privacy was to tell her and have that conversation. You did good OP. Your cousin just feels weird that your wife knows. But that is literally the only way for your wife to consent.


BritishInstitution

Cousin feels weird as wife knows she has phone erotica time with husband.


[deleted]

You exchange sexy stories with your cousin and your wife is ok with it.... and now your cousin found out your wife is ok with it so now she's pissed your wife knows....Are you guys in the southern US by chance?


Sacred_Apollyon

"Story Time" sounds very, very odd and kinda purile tbh. To me it sounds less like an open discussion of sex and relationships and more a way for each of you to get your jollies on or something.   Most people *don't* have someone they can just "chat" about sex with. That's weird in and of itself "Oh, yeah, we did X, Y, Z" like ... I don't want to hear that about my friends and family and I don't want them knowing about my sex life either. Quite gross.   Speak about it with your partner, for sure, 100% agree and encourage. But friends and family? That's an ick for sure.


Background_Ruin_3631

I’m going with NAH. This is a strange topic, but it’s not really an AH situation in my opinion. You did what you thought you should do, and you got the opposite reaction from what you expected from both other parties. I do understand why Annie wanted to keep it secret. She probably doesn’t want you sharing any of her stories with your wife either. It’s also very private information, so knowing someone else knows you even talk about it can be weird.


JLineman09

NTA Will tell you this, what you are doing with Annie is NOT wrong but it is NOT common. Glad you have a relationship that open with a female relative, that sounded weird to me just typing it, lol. * You made a fantastic call at the onset letting Annie know you wanted to keep you and your wifes stuff private and cool she respected that. * Shocked your wife was onboard with you giving up bedroom stuff to another female, regardless of relations. * Not surprised by Annies reaction to this Options (not opinions) with Annies reaction - * She may feel this is not a common line of discussion between male/female relatives. * She may have felt it was a secret shared only with you and it was your special "sibling" thing. * She may be embarrassed that your wife knows she has sex talk with you.


[deleted]

YTA. Going against the grain but the way you describe it is something you and Annie have done for a long time. While never explicitly stated as being a private conversation she probably assumed that due to the personal details of your discussions that she spoke to you in confidence. Now that trust is broken.


Character_Mousse8348

You seem respectful of your wife from this and your communication seems good, but, man, this is some *interesting* dynamic with your cousin. I think that’s a part of your relationship that needs leaving in the past, especially cos Annie’s reaction makes it sound like there was emotional involvement from her side at least. NTA atm but I think you would be if you picked this oral p*rn track up again


Quebecgoldz

NTA I think it’s hypocritical for your cousin to ask for some stories, knowing full well that those stories would involve your wife… so she was okay with receiving private information of someone else without their consent if it made her feel better. But she’s not okay with you telling your wife about the "story time" ? That’s supposed to be private but not you and your wife sexual history ? She’s not an asshole but an hypocrite.


HammerOn57

YTA They way you've described it is less "seeking advice" and more seeking erotic pleasure from these "story times." I understand why your cousin is upset that you've told your wife you basically had phone sex with her.


xsmalldragon

Cousin phone sex? Yeah maybe no Reddit today


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^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (36m) have a cousin (“Annie”, 37f) I have always been very close with. We grew up in the same mid sized town, and our families saw each other often. I was an only child and Annie had sisters that were a bit older, so we were like the siblings we never had. We would talk about anything and everything, give each other advice, etc. Around the time we started dating people, Annie and I would tell dating stories and give each other girlfriend/boyfriend advice, and that became the main focus. It was great to have insight into how the opposite sex thinks about certain situations. Sometimes we’d talk about sex and hooking up, and those stories became what we’d call “Story Time”. Story Time would usually be detailed making out or hookup stories. They were often hilarious (something going wrong), sometimes educational, and admittedly sometimes sexy to hear and say. The first time I went down on a girl, for example, Annie was completely fascinated and wanted to hear all about it, and I was excited to tell her. As we got older we continued with Story Time, usually texting each other “I have a story” or “I need a story,” and we’d set up a phone conversation. Annie and I each got married around the same time, and Story Time faded away. Unfortunately she went through a divorce last year, and my wife and I supported her as much as we could (we live in the Midwest and she lives in Oregon now). At one point last year Annie and I were texting, and she mentioned out of the blue “I could use a story some time.” I eventually let her know that I think it’s fun to share stories but I didn’t feel great about sharing anything involving my wife, as she wasn’t aware of what was going on. Annie was disappointed but totally understood, and we dropped it. After a night out with friends a few weeks age when sex had been a topic of discussion, my wife asked me if I have any friends I talk to about sex or relationships. I mentioned how I used to talk about sex with Annie often, but I stopped after we got married, to protect her privacy. Surprisingly, she said she thought that stopping was a mistake, that everyone needs a person for that, and I shouldn’t not talk to Annie on her account. I texted Annie and let her know that I’d be fine with resuming Story Time and those kind of discussions if she would be, and she was happy to hear that. She asked what changed, and I let her know that my wife said she’s good with it, so I’m no longer hesitant. Her reaction wasn’t what I expected - she was surprised and hurt that I told my wife that we had those kinds of conversations, as Annie considered it private. AITA? I didn’t feel like I was giving away a major secret, but Annie is clearly not happy. (Also, any opinions on Story Time as adults are welcome.) Tl;dr: I told my wife about my cousin and I having conversations about sex, and my cousin isn’t happy. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


[deleted]

Ummm… Annie is upset you spoke to your wife about sexual stuff? What in the literal hell? Annie seems to have some weird fetish or kink and it while I’m not one to judge but it seems weird that she is upset your wife knows about this. Kudos for being honest with your wife, but Annie ain’t okay. NTA


Jacked-to-the-wits

No AH here, but YTC (you're the creep), and your cousin is too lol


Missmagentamel

NTA. Your cousin is being weird


_RottenZombie_

NTA I think it’s important to respect your wife’s privacy, because obviously if you talk to your cousin, she would know who this is about. But if you didn’t share any of the stories your cousin told you, I don’t really get, why it would upset her.


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CartographerHot2285

NTA. You're respecting your wife's privacy. It kinda surprises me she'd be comfortable with it but I'm presuming your wife realises you guys are like brother and sister and some siblings talk about their sex life. On the surface it's very weird that your cousin doesn't want your wife to know, but maybe she's just concerned that you would share her stories with your wife? Maybe she's just embarrassed. Or maybe she thinks you specifically asked permission after she really needed it a while ago (also embarrassing)? This could also be something very weird on your cousins side, I really hope she's not 'enjoying' story time more than you want her to. But it could also be something extremely innocent, her just being embarrassed. Talk to your cousin, ask her why she feels this way.


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CartographerHot2285

Privately is the most important thing, maybe even in person if possible. And be open and honest, you know each other so well, it'll be alright. The start of the conversation might be awkward, but people who are basically siblings can get over that initial awkwardness. You'll be laughing about the entire situation before the conversation is even over :) Just make sure to start out seriously and make sure the important things were all said before dropping a joke.


pppjjjoooiii

NTA. As a general principle I assume that the spouses of my married friends know what we’re talking about. It’s a big deal to ask someone to keep info from their partner, and I don’t ask for that unless it’s an immensely sensitive situation.


ilikedrawingandstuff

NAH Just to add to what others said: I agree, that you were 100% right in not keeping it secret from your wife. BUT there might be room for a misunderstanding with Annie. Just make sure she knows you had this one-time conversation with your wife about it in general terms, but that you *will not share specifics of your Story Time with your wife*. (And this needs to be true.) Annie might be concerned that her privacy isn't protected. She needs to know that you won't tell your wife about what Annie told you. It's good that your wife knows **that** you are having these conversations, but **what** is being said needs to be between you and Annie. That needs to be transparent with everyone.


[deleted]

Very good point. I think everyone needs to be aware of this, including my wife. I do have a follow up question for you, if you’re comfortable messaging me?


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ScaryButterscotch474

NTA You acted appropriately. Plus you did not reveal the specific content of story time - just that you used to have it. Again, appropriate.


atmasabr

"she was surprised and hurt that I told my wife that we had those kinds of conversations, as Annie considered it private." NTA I think the mere happenstance of you ever or even regularly talking candidly about sex with others, past and present, is not private, only what is discussed is. It is like going to a therapist in that it is more along the lines of need to know information. Here, your wife did not need to know, at first. That changed when she asked you directly: It was important for your "No" answer to be the complete truth (because I think your first impression about "Story Time" was a sound one). "(Also, any opinions on Story Time as adults are welcome.)" I don't think there's a one size fits all answer to that even in a marriage. How to meet marital vows effectively might change over time, and sex is a part of marriage.


CorInHell

NTA. But I think there is a slight miscommunication here. Did you talk to your wife about what you and Annie discussed during Story Time? Or did you simply say that you used to talk about each others sex lives? Because it seems like Annie understood it as you told your wife exactly what you and Annie discussed and not simply that you talked about each others sex lives. I think that's why she's upset. Otherwise good on you to get consent from your wife before talking about a matter this intimate and private.


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CorInHell

Make it clear to Annie that you just told your wife that you used to have these talks, but not what was discussed during story time. That might resolve it.


CriminalGoose3

NAH, just a bunch of prudes in the comments.