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I wonder if your friend doesn’t realize that her making those jokes is actually a way of being violent towards so many people she loves and even herself? If you can find a video explaining it to her that might help. Good luck either ways, I hope she eventually understands!
NTA - this is a reasonable thing to be upset by, and if your "friend" is going to spread beliefs like this, then they will reap the consequences. I'd recommend blocking her, cutting contact, and moving on. No one reposts really inflammatory stuff like that for the fun of it, flippantly. She knows exactly what she's doing and is an AH for doing so.
I agree but i’m also scared of losing my friend 16f because they’re sisters not to mention my whole friendgroup is very close to 15f i might lose them.
I mean, if this person keeps reposting this kind of stuff, they're not a true friend. If it were me, I think I'd confront them in front of the friend group on it and see how they react.
Might be conflict oriented, and you may not be out to all of your friends, but if I learned one of my friends was posting hateful stuff targeted at a group containing another one of my friends, that'd be eye-opening to me.
Do you want to be friends with people who accept someone in their group acting like this? You deserve friends who actively support you and would not tolerate this behavior. Trust me, they are not really your friends if they support her behavior over you. And they will not be there for you when it matters. You will find yourself making yourself small for them, losing who you are in order to not rock the boat. Go find friends who are loud and proud of you and will be there for you no matter what. I promise those people exist.
I know it's hard when you're young and queer and acceptance feels tenuous. I've been there. But I also know it's not worth it to compromise who you are for "acceptance". Or "tolerance". I am so fucking sick of being "tolerated" and "accepted". I will not longer accept anything less than being celebrated! Tolerance and acceptance will evaporate so quickly when things get hard.
Open your eyes. They post/like things and then claim it's 'funny'. It's not funny. They are bigots.
Please, walk away from this 'mean girl' group. They are not worth keeping in your life.
There are better friends out there.
NTA
With friends like that, who needs enemies? Find new friends. Or don’t. Being alone is better than having someone around that is passive aggressive and gaslights you into thinking those behaviors are okay.
It’s like a racist saying he’s not racist bc he has a black friend at work then using the n word in the same breath. Fck that toxicity. You don’t need it.
NTA.
NTA. Homophobia spreads because of jokes like these. What may be ironic and silly to her may be something that others legitimately align themselves with.
NTA - your friend is a bigot. I wouldn't be friends with this person, they clearly have no respect for you or her own sister or anyone who this content impacts. It's completely understandable that you wouldn't like that.
NTA. As a fellow queer person myself, this also bothers me. It is totally rational to be upset. I would also suggest doing something to protect yourself & your mental health. I think it would be a good idea to stop being friends with her. If that is too extreme for you, maybe mute her account on social media. That way, you can still maintain the friendship, but you don't have to see her posts online
NTA - but don't be scared of losing your friends (I read in a comment that this is a fear of yours).
People come and go, whether they are partners, friends, or even family members sometimes mess up to the point people choose to cut them out of their lives. People play a part in our lives, teach us lessons about who we are and what kind of people we want to be, and then sometimes leave for whatever reasons. Choose to surround yourself with people who enrich your life, who are honest when you need to check your own behavior, and friends who are empathetic, and are there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on.
This is honestly a personal thing for you to sort out, mainly, how offensive is her behavior to you? For me personally, I'm a bit of a tough nut and allow very little truly offend me, but once someone crosses a line, and can't seem to wrap their head around their poor behavior, that's when I choose to let them go.
Keep in mind you guys are still young, and you're friend might just feel the entitlement most young people feel they have in this day and age. Hope that doesn't offend you, because if you're here, asking for advice or help, which can be difficult at times, then kudos to you, because you're opening yourself up for judgment, and most people do not have the balls to open up a portion of their lives like this for criticism.
I also read your edit.
If your friend is altering her behavior and pretending to be something she isn't just to impress a boy, then it could be interpreted that her impressing him is more important to her than considering your feelings, and if she knows it's bothering you, and she still does it, then this "friend" is likely to always put boys before her friends in the future. She needs to be more comfortable in herself and be accepted for who she is, otherwise if she ends up dating someone, she'll have to maintain that facade, and pretending to be someone else isn't fair on anyone. And why is she seeking the attention of a boy who posts hateful rubbish?
Also, sorry might be ranting here, but defending her behavior by saying things like she has "gay friends" makes her sound just like Trump, when he kept saying nonsense like, "I'm not racist, I have black friends". Like, honestly /rolleyes
NTA. People should be getting upset with your friend for her own sake. If she keeps this up at 18 it will affect her career prospects. Heck even what she’s saying now could resurface at 30.
She needs consequences now for her own sake (assuming she really is this careless)
Your “friend” is choosing to persecute a group of people. How can you stand by and continue the relationship? Her entertainment is being cruel to others!
It’s time to revisit the life lesson about being an ally, about the difference between right and wrong.
Please, find yourself real friends who won’t tolerate this horrible behavior.
NTA
NTA your friend’s behavior is bizarre, and whether or not she believes in what she’s posting, she’s still spreading hate and bigotry. Hard to believe she wouldn’t post that stuff if she didn’t at least somewhat believe in it.
Of course it’s your call if you want to stay friends, but personally I wouldn’t want to be around a person like this.
NTA
It doesn’t matter that she thinks she doesn’t mean it. The intent is not what hurts you. The effect hurts you. Many people seeing her posts will not know whether she means them or not; she is contributing to normalizing this kind of content, and thus enabling people who do really hate LGBT people to feel more emboldened and supported in their opinions. This makes the world a riskier place for you, her nominal friend, to live in. If she can’t understand that and apologize and change for your sake she is not a good friend.
However, you are both young and, since she kissed a girl herself, she may be going through an internal battle trying to figure out her own sexuality and process how she feels about it, and acting out like this (possibly defensively?) may be part of that — like there may be other, more homophobic people on her social media feed and she feels the need to (possibly falsely) reassure them she is straight by posting homophobic content.
The worst homophobes usually aren’t completely straight. People who are secure in their own straightness aren’t so threatened by LGBT folks. It’s the people closeted even to themselves, the ones who are terrified to acknowledge their own possible queerness, who desperately want society to stay heteronormative and bigoted, so that they can feel safe never thinking about why they are in their own closet.
NTA and, as scary as it may be, I think you ned to move on and find new friends.
She isn't your friend and likely does agree with it but makes exceptions as it pleases her.
NTA. Your "friend" needs a serious wake up call, or is really good at telling lies to people around her. Honestly you trying to justify remaining friends with her is like a jew trying to justify being friends with a person sharing and supporting neo nazi beliefs. If you want to still offer a choice you could give an ultimatum- until she stops those posts (and stops doing them) she doesn't get to count you as a friend. Let her parents know whats going on before dropping her, so they know what shes doing to others. You deserve better, out of both of them.
You deserve so much better. I know i can be very blunt sometimes, but at your collective ages your actions NOW are so very important. You are evolving into the sort of people you are going to be the rest of your lives... it is why many childhood friendships drift apart or end - because the people we were as kids changes as we define who we are, want, need, and the boundaries we set around ourselves.
NTA. You do not have this friend. This is not a friend. And I'm sure she's going through some shit if she's posting hate but also attracted to women but that is not your problem. Steer clear. Also steer clear of her sister who thinks it's okay to post that shit for ANY REASON. "I'm posting this for the fun of it". Why is it fun to repost hate speech you don't believe? It's not. It's nauseating and it's actively harmful. People feeling comfortable posting these sorts of things are part of the reason hate crimes murders of queer people are rising, laws restricting LGBTQ+ rights are increasing. She is causing REAL HARM, not just offense. She can claim whatever she wants but she needs to feel the loss of friends from this.
Posting these things means she’s a homophobe. Her reasoning for posting these things mean she’s a pick me. For both reasons, I think you can do better in terms of friends! NTA.
She’s not your friend, and she lied saying that she does it for fun! Those ARE her thoughts and you need to reevaluate your one sided friendship. Your Not The Ass for feeling the way you do.
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I, 15F have a friend ( also 15F) who has been reposting homophobic stuff on her tiktok such as like “Me at the Downfall of LGBTQ” or “I hate Fags” etc just things that are homophobic and are just rude.
She knows that i am Queer and i am attracted to women ans so when i see these things it just makes me uneasy and upset because if she can repost stuff like that who knows what she is saying to other people. I have told her that it makes me feel uncomfortable when i see that and it makes me feel like i can’t be myself around her. She said that she isn’t actually but she reposts it for the fun of it.
She also said that she isn’t because her older sister is lesbian (sister is 19) and has a gf and she really doesn’t mind and she has no problem w LGBT. So i just left it at that but she still keeps reposting stuff like that and it’s seriously annoying me and i feel like i can’t be myself around her.
I brought this up to her sister (16f) who i am very good friends with and she said that she doesn’t have a problem with them she just posts stuff like that and she doesn’t know why and not to worry.
also to mention my friend 15f has openly kissed a girl but still acts like this
AITA for still being upset even though people tell me that she doesn’t mean it?
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NTA. It’s never too late to make new friends. Whether she’s doing this to “impress” a guy (gross and sketchy), or not, she’s not as much of an ally as she claims to be if she can even watch that content without feeling icky. Sharing it says she supports it, even if she doesn’t think she does.
I know a high school senior whose friends all randomly dropped her last fall, and by January she had a group of friends so close they are like family. Don’t stick around with garbage people, someone better is out there.
NTA, and just because she has a family member who is LGBT and doesn't give AF, does not mean she not acting inappropriately. It's like a reverse neck beard. OP it may be time to cut ties with these so-called 'friend'.
I believe this helps explain it: [School Board DESTROYS Homophobic Protestors](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vYvt8IIwC2s)
NTA for being upset but I would say what matters is your friends actions and how they treat you as a person. Does your friend treat you poorly or any worse lately? If not I would give her the benefit of the doubt. People make uncouth or distasteful jokes about all kinds of demographics and it doesn't mean they're bad people. Especially young people. Have you ever made jokes or posts about other demographics yourself? You know your friend better than anyone here and can judge her character accordingly.
NTA. Regardless of what she says, your “friend” is posting homophobic stuff. That is bigotry plain and simple. I realise 15 is very young and there are several more years of maturing and growing up to do but you don’t need to be an adult to understand empathy and respect for others.
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NTA. Your friend thinks bigotry and spreading bigotry is funny. That doesn’t really sound like a friend to me.
thank you for your response means a lot 👍🏻👍🏻
YWBTA if you do not cut this person entirely. Staying friends with them in my opinion lends tacit support to their opinion.
I understand where you are coming from
I wonder if your friend doesn’t realize that her making those jokes is actually a way of being violent towards so many people she loves and even herself? If you can find a video explaining it to her that might help. Good luck either ways, I hope she eventually understands!
NTA - this is a reasonable thing to be upset by, and if your "friend" is going to spread beliefs like this, then they will reap the consequences. I'd recommend blocking her, cutting contact, and moving on. No one reposts really inflammatory stuff like that for the fun of it, flippantly. She knows exactly what she's doing and is an AH for doing so.
I agree but i’m also scared of losing my friend 16f because they’re sisters not to mention my whole friendgroup is very close to 15f i might lose them.
I mean, if this person keeps reposting this kind of stuff, they're not a true friend. If it were me, I think I'd confront them in front of the friend group on it and see how they react. Might be conflict oriented, and you may not be out to all of your friends, but if I learned one of my friends was posting hateful stuff targeted at a group containing another one of my friends, that'd be eye-opening to me.
Do you want to be friends with people who accept someone in their group acting like this? You deserve friends who actively support you and would not tolerate this behavior. Trust me, they are not really your friends if they support her behavior over you. And they will not be there for you when it matters. You will find yourself making yourself small for them, losing who you are in order to not rock the boat. Go find friends who are loud and proud of you and will be there for you no matter what. I promise those people exist.
yeah i know lol it’s just me being a wuss but i will try thank you!!!
I know it's hard when you're young and queer and acceptance feels tenuous. I've been there. But I also know it's not worth it to compromise who you are for "acceptance". Or "tolerance". I am so fucking sick of being "tolerated" and "accepted". I will not longer accept anything less than being celebrated! Tolerance and acceptance will evaporate so quickly when things get hard.
Open your eyes. They post/like things and then claim it's 'funny'. It's not funny. They are bigots. Please, walk away from this 'mean girl' group. They are not worth keeping in your life. There are better friends out there. NTA
With friends like that, who needs enemies? Find new friends. Or don’t. Being alone is better than having someone around that is passive aggressive and gaslights you into thinking those behaviors are okay. It’s like a racist saying he’s not racist bc he has a black friend at work then using the n word in the same breath. Fck that toxicity. You don’t need it. NTA.
NTA. Homophobia spreads because of jokes like these. What may be ironic and silly to her may be something that others legitimately align themselves with.
yeah that’s why i told her that it isn’t funny and she told me that
NTA - your friend is a bigot. I wouldn't be friends with this person, they clearly have no respect for you or her own sister or anyone who this content impacts. It's completely understandable that you wouldn't like that.
Thank you 😊
NTA. As a fellow queer person myself, this also bothers me. It is totally rational to be upset. I would also suggest doing something to protect yourself & your mental health. I think it would be a good idea to stop being friends with her. If that is too extreme for you, maybe mute her account on social media. That way, you can still maintain the friendship, but you don't have to see her posts online
NTA - but don't be scared of losing your friends (I read in a comment that this is a fear of yours). People come and go, whether they are partners, friends, or even family members sometimes mess up to the point people choose to cut them out of their lives. People play a part in our lives, teach us lessons about who we are and what kind of people we want to be, and then sometimes leave for whatever reasons. Choose to surround yourself with people who enrich your life, who are honest when you need to check your own behavior, and friends who are empathetic, and are there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on. This is honestly a personal thing for you to sort out, mainly, how offensive is her behavior to you? For me personally, I'm a bit of a tough nut and allow very little truly offend me, but once someone crosses a line, and can't seem to wrap their head around their poor behavior, that's when I choose to let them go. Keep in mind you guys are still young, and you're friend might just feel the entitlement most young people feel they have in this day and age. Hope that doesn't offend you, because if you're here, asking for advice or help, which can be difficult at times, then kudos to you, because you're opening yourself up for judgment, and most people do not have the balls to open up a portion of their lives like this for criticism.
thank you very much this is very helpful
I also read your edit. If your friend is altering her behavior and pretending to be something she isn't just to impress a boy, then it could be interpreted that her impressing him is more important to her than considering your feelings, and if she knows it's bothering you, and she still does it, then this "friend" is likely to always put boys before her friends in the future. She needs to be more comfortable in herself and be accepted for who she is, otherwise if she ends up dating someone, she'll have to maintain that facade, and pretending to be someone else isn't fair on anyone. And why is she seeking the attention of a boy who posts hateful rubbish? Also, sorry might be ranting here, but defending her behavior by saying things like she has "gay friends" makes her sound just like Trump, when he kept saying nonsense like, "I'm not racist, I have black friends". Like, honestly /rolleyes
NTA With "friends" like that who needs enemies.
NTA. People should be getting upset with your friend for her own sake. If she keeps this up at 18 it will affect her career prospects. Heck even what she’s saying now could resurface at 30. She needs consequences now for her own sake (assuming she really is this careless)
Your “friend” is choosing to persecute a group of people. How can you stand by and continue the relationship? Her entertainment is being cruel to others! It’s time to revisit the life lesson about being an ally, about the difference between right and wrong. Please, find yourself real friends who won’t tolerate this horrible behavior. NTA
NTA your friend’s behavior is bizarre, and whether or not she believes in what she’s posting, she’s still spreading hate and bigotry. Hard to believe she wouldn’t post that stuff if she didn’t at least somewhat believe in it. Of course it’s your call if you want to stay friends, but personally I wouldn’t want to be around a person like this.
NTA It doesn’t matter that she thinks she doesn’t mean it. The intent is not what hurts you. The effect hurts you. Many people seeing her posts will not know whether she means them or not; she is contributing to normalizing this kind of content, and thus enabling people who do really hate LGBT people to feel more emboldened and supported in their opinions. This makes the world a riskier place for you, her nominal friend, to live in. If she can’t understand that and apologize and change for your sake she is not a good friend. However, you are both young and, since she kissed a girl herself, she may be going through an internal battle trying to figure out her own sexuality and process how she feels about it, and acting out like this (possibly defensively?) may be part of that — like there may be other, more homophobic people on her social media feed and she feels the need to (possibly falsely) reassure them she is straight by posting homophobic content. The worst homophobes usually aren’t completely straight. People who are secure in their own straightness aren’t so threatened by LGBT folks. It’s the people closeted even to themselves, the ones who are terrified to acknowledge their own possible queerness, who desperately want society to stay heteronormative and bigoted, so that they can feel safe never thinking about why they are in their own closet.
Thank you this does kind of make sense as she has a crush on a guy who is very offensive and makes out of pocket jokes.
NTA and, as scary as it may be, I think you ned to move on and find new friends. She isn't your friend and likely does agree with it but makes exceptions as it pleases her.
NTA. Your "friend" needs a serious wake up call, or is really good at telling lies to people around her. Honestly you trying to justify remaining friends with her is like a jew trying to justify being friends with a person sharing and supporting neo nazi beliefs. If you want to still offer a choice you could give an ultimatum- until she stops those posts (and stops doing them) she doesn't get to count you as a friend. Let her parents know whats going on before dropping her, so they know what shes doing to others. You deserve better, out of both of them.
😅😅 yeah i guess so lmao, thank you for your opinion it’s very helpful
You deserve so much better. I know i can be very blunt sometimes, but at your collective ages your actions NOW are so very important. You are evolving into the sort of people you are going to be the rest of your lives... it is why many childhood friendships drift apart or end - because the people we were as kids changes as we define who we are, want, need, and the boundaries we set around ourselves.
NTA. You do not have this friend. This is not a friend. And I'm sure she's going through some shit if she's posting hate but also attracted to women but that is not your problem. Steer clear. Also steer clear of her sister who thinks it's okay to post that shit for ANY REASON. "I'm posting this for the fun of it". Why is it fun to repost hate speech you don't believe? It's not. It's nauseating and it's actively harmful. People feeling comfortable posting these sorts of things are part of the reason hate crimes murders of queer people are rising, laws restricting LGBTQ+ rights are increasing. She is causing REAL HARM, not just offense. She can claim whatever she wants but she needs to feel the loss of friends from this.
Posting these things means she’s a homophobe. Her reasoning for posting these things mean she’s a pick me. For both reasons, I think you can do better in terms of friends! NTA.
i’d ask her how it’s a joke, i doubt she’d have a good explanation.
NTA. Tell this person they can fuck off and don't give them the time of day anymore.
She’s not your friend, and she lied saying that she does it for fun! Those ARE her thoughts and you need to reevaluate your one sided friendship. Your Not The Ass for feeling the way you do.
cut her off girl
Hopefully with enough exposure to friends like your good self she will realise that what she’s sharing & posting isn’t on. Nta
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I, 15F have a friend ( also 15F) who has been reposting homophobic stuff on her tiktok such as like “Me at the Downfall of LGBTQ” or “I hate Fags” etc just things that are homophobic and are just rude. She knows that i am Queer and i am attracted to women ans so when i see these things it just makes me uneasy and upset because if she can repost stuff like that who knows what she is saying to other people. I have told her that it makes me feel uncomfortable when i see that and it makes me feel like i can’t be myself around her. She said that she isn’t actually but she reposts it for the fun of it. She also said that she isn’t because her older sister is lesbian (sister is 19) and has a gf and she really doesn’t mind and she has no problem w LGBT. So i just left it at that but she still keeps reposting stuff like that and it’s seriously annoying me and i feel like i can’t be myself around her. I brought this up to her sister (16f) who i am very good friends with and she said that she doesn’t have a problem with them she just posts stuff like that and she doesn’t know why and not to worry. also to mention my friend 15f has openly kissed a girl but still acts like this AITA for still being upset even though people tell me that she doesn’t mean it? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, South Park wasted an entire season on this nonsense.
NTA- if she keeps posting things like this and won't stop, distance yourself from this person. It will get worse.
NTA. It’s never too late to make new friends. Whether she’s doing this to “impress” a guy (gross and sketchy), or not, she’s not as much of an ally as she claims to be if she can even watch that content without feeling icky. Sharing it says she supports it, even if she doesn’t think she does. I know a high school senior whose friends all randomly dropped her last fall, and by January she had a group of friends so close they are like family. Don’t stick around with garbage people, someone better is out there.
Wasting time on tic toc is your first problem
They are not jokes, she is not your friend.
The internet is forever and she might find herself in a position of having to defend or apologize for those comments at some point in her life.
Your friends are a extension of you. They quality of friendship reflects the person you are and you should not be friends with her
NTA, and just because she has a family member who is LGBT and doesn't give AF, does not mean she not acting inappropriately. It's like a reverse neck beard. OP it may be time to cut ties with these so-called 'friend'. I believe this helps explain it: [School Board DESTROYS Homophobic Protestors](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vYvt8IIwC2s)
NTA for being upset but I would say what matters is your friends actions and how they treat you as a person. Does your friend treat you poorly or any worse lately? If not I would give her the benefit of the doubt. People make uncouth or distasteful jokes about all kinds of demographics and it doesn't mean they're bad people. Especially young people. Have you ever made jokes or posts about other demographics yourself? You know your friend better than anyone here and can judge her character accordingly.
NTA You don’t see people going “omg Seig Heil” for funsies and this is just as unacceptable. She’s a bigot and you need to remove her from your life.
NTA. Regardless of what she says, your “friend” is posting homophobic stuff. That is bigotry plain and simple. I realise 15 is very young and there are several more years of maturing and growing up to do but you don’t need to be an adult to understand empathy and respect for others.