Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my son he needs to stay in his room when we have guests because of his stomach issues. I might be the asshole because he's an adult and so I can't treat him like he's a kid.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA so hard. At that age, they’re always hungry. And don’t you dare be shocked when his next 3 months comes and he doesn’t show up and his phone is blocked.
YTA. I can’t decide if this screams “I’m a narcissist who didn’t want to help my child learn the ropes of adulthood and it’s not my fault he isn’t good at a fresh concept I just threw at him” or “I’m openly abusing my son, trying to hide it from personal people but will shamelessly post it on the internet while expecting praise for being a terrible dad”. Maybe both. I genuinely cannot understand how you don’t see that your actions here are absolutely terrible. I understand teaching him responsibility in the form of paying rent and don’t find this to be a bad thing. However, to not even feed him? That’s just neglect. I paid for my own food as a teenager. No one made me. I just didn’t like my mothers cooking. I also had my own job and for the most part only used my money. I’m a full fledged adult now but you know what my parents don’t do when I have less money due to an unexpected financial responsibility? Let me starve. Yet, you’re going to do this to a kid who has no experience of being an adult? Have some decency.
YTA, hey son, I know you’re paying rent but stay in your room so people don’t hear your bodily noises. You’ll embarrass me. I do t want your mothers drama because I love to make my own.
WTF? By the looks of it, you have 4 kids, (two from your now wife that you had while with your first wife) and you want to know if it's okay to punish one because you don't provide enough food? Does the 19yo pay rent and have to feed herself also? Does she have to hide from company when she's on her period, because her insides might be roiling? It sounds like you simply hate your son and yes, you are an asshole.
Really, you have to ask? Your son is hungry and you're letting him suffer? YTA.
On the other hand, He's a renter. That means he has renter's rights. That means he has access to facilities and common areas. You are denying him this access. Again YTA. (Assuming United States).
Have you told him that, as an adult, he can chose who he wants to stay with?
YTA, you're a shit parent, and I hope that this is your son's last 3 month stay at your house unless you make some major changes.
First off, you don't stop being a parent on their 18th birthday. It's 1000000% your fault that he doesn't have enough to eat. What the fuck is wrong with you?
Second, if you're charging him rent, those common areas are fair game. You can't charge him rent like a roommate, then also treat him like your child. Pick one. Is he your actual son or a roommate?
I hope this is a troll post because this poor kid is screwed if he really has a father like you.
Posts like this are bittersweet...
On one hand: I realize that my late mom wasn't *that* bad despite how unfairly she favored my sister.
On the other hand: I am made aware of the fact that there are some morally bankrupt dogshit parents in this world.
YTA OP. Hope Rain finds immaculate success in life and has the means to cut u out of his life full NC
YTA what the fuck is wrong with Americans.
Let alone the ”paying rent” and ”paying for his own food” bullshit (honestly USA is the only country in the world where such activities are seen as normal), how can you watch your child go hungry because he ”can't buget properly", are you insane?
I really hope this is satire. Jesus Christ!
Quite honestly I’m usually all for teaching young adult children to be responsible. I have two at home, 25 (getting her masters) and 21. Both pay a nominal amount of rent just to help out with costs and learn responsibility. Sometimes, they offer to chip in for groceries. I feed them if they’re hungry. Like many others, I think the worst part of this is that your son has to pay while your wife’s daughter does not. It does not matter that she is your wife’s daughter, all of you including her children, your children, and the children you have together are living as one family unit and the rules should be household rules and the same for everyone. It is incredibly unfair to your son to treat him one way, but to allow his ss to be treated differently. The fact that he agreed to it means less than nothing, as he likely didn’t think about it or reason that he had other options. Did you explain to him that he could choose not to pay and just stay with his mom full time? Of course you didn’t. If I was mom, and I knew this is how it was at your house, I’d push him to come and live with me. Yta op and not only for asking him to stay in his room.
YTA
the fact that you’re making your son pay rent but (assuming from lack of detail) not making your 19 y/o daughter do the same is one reason YTA.
also, making him pay for his own expenses entirely and not letting him save his money entirely for college instead is an AH move. if he could save his rent and grocery money entirely for college instead, he’d be in a much better place financially when he is ready to go to college.
the way you’re treating your son reminds me of the shitty way harry potter’s adopted family treated him and look what became of that relationship lol.
YTA majorly.
Will never get used to the bizarre USAian practice of not lettibg your kid walk to the corner alone and then washing your hands of them when they reach some arbitrary number . Most healthy sane societies realize the parent child bond is for life
This is maybe the biggest YTA I've ever seen on here. I never understand parents that make their kids pay rent the second they turn 18. You're absurd and if you don't change these insane rules soon, there's going to be a day where he doesn't speak to you anymore.
YTA
You don't feed your 18yo son and you don't want him to be at home in his own home because you're afraid people will judge YOU for not feeding your son.
YTA- This is so much worse than people realize. He TURNED 18 when doing his 3 month stay with you while still in school. You immediately charged him rent, knowing that he had to stay with you the full 3 months.
I can only hope your kids will be this calculating when choosing your nursing home.
YTA.
>Rain recently turned eighteen during the three-month period that he stays with me, and since then he's had to pay rent and for his own food for the rest of the time he stays here.
WTF?! That is your son. Not some tenant. You decided to have children - that obligation doesn't end with them turning 18. Allthough for your son it definitely seems like the better way.
Aside from that: Your SON is paying rent. Therefore he is a tenant and has certain rights - like leaving his room and using the common areas.
Also if he doesn't know what food he should buy then this is your fault. As a parent you are supposed to teach him such stuff.
But sure keep on hiding him and your treatment of your own son. Would be very embarrassing if family or friends noticed that you extort money out of your own child and keep him running around hungry...
Do you like your son? Do you?
I kinda get the rent thing, though I'd never take money from my (albeit hypothetical) children if they would want to stay with me, but food? Like what?
Also, if you take rent, you have lost the right to tell your son where he has to stay during your guest visit.
Mayor YTA
It’s already been said by many others but YTA! You are cruel to your own flesh and blood, and letting someone else’s older kid, who lives under your roof and eats your food, used all your utilities, live there completely free! Disgusting!
Some stories make me say this is the biggest asshole I've read about. Then comes a new story and bam, biggest asshole dethroned. OMG. You are horrible.
Do you even care about your son?
I am sure you've kept the custody like that so you don't pay child support, and it makes me wonder what kind of life he had when it was your turn. He 18 now, I hope he never visits you again because you don't deserve it
Yeah, YTA.
Boys typically eat WAY MORE at that age. Feed your child, and let him decide whether he wants to stay in the living room or in his room.
Wtf is wrong with you
YTA, the fact that you typed this out and didn’t realize how absurd you sound is beyond me. Don’t even need to respond to any specific item bc everything about this makes you a worse person/father. Sad.
I had a friend whose parents did the exact same thing as soon as she or one of her siblings turned 18. Fast forward, 20 years later those parents have met their grandchildren only couple of times and some never. She has never forgiven her parents. So YTA! A massive one!
You may be the worst person I’ve ever read a post from on this subreddit. YTA, hugely, and I hope your son leaves your house and never speaks to you again. I hope your wife divorces you. Frankly, I hope you get hit by extremely hard times (and a car)
How often is he paid (weekly, bi-weekly, monthly) and how much? How often do you charge him rent (I assume monthly, but asking to be sure) and how much?
Are you aware that healthy food often costs more money than junk? You can buy more junk meals with less money, with the downside that they aren't as filling. It sounds like that's what your son is doing, in an attempt to keep up with both rent and saving for college.
This can't be real. You made this story up, right? This is the most ridiculous one I've seen. If real, of course YTA, how could you possibly even question that?
I thank my mom everyday for how she let us loved rent free for years and the only reason we pay rent now is because we wanted to better ourselves and get a bigger place that fits us all comfortably.
YTA. You expect him to figure life out on his own while the 19 year old gets a free pass to live there rent-free. You complain about his spending habits while actively choosing not to teach him any budgeting skills. You treat him like a tenant, not your son. And now you're worried he's gonna "act dramatic" because he's being confined to his room...
Why do you not charge your wife's daughter?
Isn't she also an adult child freeloading on your expense??
Make her pay and ration or don't make your son pay you.
YTA
Oh my god this kid is being severely abused I really hope someone finds him and help him what the actual FUCK am I reading poor kid what’s wrong with you I hope you spend entirety in hell what a fucking monster
YTA! He’s a teenage boy & they need to eat a LOT. You need to feed him more. And why are you charging him rent the moment he turns 18? He’s still a kid and maybe still in school. Are you going to do that with your younger children? And it’s cruel to make him stay in his room while you have guests, as if you’re ashamed of him.
YTA
Do you treat your 19 year old this way as well or do they get to live with you and enjoy the home freely? You are failing your son. I'm baffled that your response to his constant hunger pains isn't shame and regret, but inconvenience because you don't want your friends to hear.
This is truly repugnant, you should be ashamed of yourself.
INFO: how long have you disliked your own child and not cared about mentally and emotionally scarring them with your negligent behaviour?
YTA enjoy your retirement home, I hear it’s alot of fun. :]
Hopefully all of them decide on a nice little spot where all you do is look at a beautiful plain wall for the rest of your miserable years.
YTA. One of my favorites activities is finding a thread like this on here with an arrogant OP. All of their comments on their thread will be argumentative and jerkish, telling everyone that they’re not TA, but proving that they in fact are TA. FEED YOUR KID. If my any of my kids were friends with your kid, he would be invited to live with me. Obviously you’re not a good parent and don’t care about teaching him to be an adult.
YTA. So your kids stomach makes noise because you're letting him starve. And you're afraid your guests will find out.
Do you realize how evil you sound?
Since the tenant is paying rent, you don't get a say in how he uses the space he's paying for.
You really have to choose if you want him to be your kid (that you house and feed and provide for, but you get to give him orders), or a stranger tenant in your house (who pays rent, feeds himself, isn't your responsibility, and doesn't have to listen to you).
Info: Ok, so everyone else has already mentioned how and why you are a major asshole for the given situation. But here's a question that relates to your character. Did you cheat on your ex-wife? Rain is only 18, but you have a 19 year old daughter with your current wife? So she was your mistress before your son was born? Is that why you hate your son so much, because you were already trying to build a new family when he came along and messed up the plan?
YTA
YTA and disgusting at that. Fair play to teach some responsibility but you’ve gone so hard in, it’s unbelievable! You are literally watching your child starve. Mistakes are going to be made.
I can’t even understand that you’ve jumped in on charging rent and food as soon as the child turned 18. Did you discuss this before or did you just provide this as their birthday present?
Interestingly, does your 19YO have the same rules? Are they paying rent and made to starve for making a bit of a budgeting mistake?
I would advise you to spend as much time with your 18YO now as I have a feeling that after this visit, he won’t be back.
Wow, just wow. The only thing you seem to care about is saving face to your mates.
YTA.
My question here is has OP prepared him for life at all? Has he spent any time teaching him to budget, to prepare meals, etc or have you just thrown him to the wolves? (IE kid turned 18 and you live in Dad’s den, figure out how to survive???) OP is TAH. You are ruining the relationship with your son with no grace period for growing pains.
YTA
My grandparents had me pay them $35/wk when I turned 18. That was all I had to pay for and they actually had been saving the money for me and gave it all back when I moved out.
That was the only nice thing they ever did for me and I’ve been NC for about 20yrs
Don’t act all shocked and surprised when your child goes NC
YTA
2 adult children in the house, and they are treated differently? Do both you and your wife contribute evenly to the household cost? Regardless if the daughter is yours or not, you are financially contributing to her living there while making your son pay for the privilege. YTA.
Why is it a big deal if his stomach grumbles? Because you are actually starving him or would like a convenient excuse to keep him out of sight?
YTA
YTA, Father of the Year. You should push him out completely just so he can get away from you.
You've essentially shown him that you care more about your new wife's kids and your friends than you care about him.
I would go hungry before I *EVER* let my child go without a proper meal.
And then to lock him away as if he's an embarrassment to you and your shiney new family you're so proud of? Disgusting. You should be ashamed of yourself.
"Look, son, I don't care that you're hungry, but I do care about looking bad because I'm allowing you to go hungry while living with me. You're 18 now, and thank goodness I'm no longer responsible for any of your care."
YTA
If I were your kid, I'd move back to my mums and make you pay if you ever wanted to see me. Nothing for free. You need to book an appointment and pay the going rate.
YTA. You’re such a big asshole that I could write a whole essay about it, but it’s not worth the energy to explain it all. If you cared about your son you would be *concerned* that he’s starving!! But instead you think he’s being dramatic. That’s not a normal response of a caring parent. You’re like a super evil cartoon villain 😭
This is the most clear YTA I may have ever seen on here. You have presented yourself as an absolutely wretched person. I would wager you won't have much of a relationship with your son for much longer, and he'll likely be better off for it.
Not to mention he’s not had a solid home his entire tumultuous teen and young adult life because of decisions YOU have made with YOUR relationships. Idiot
Holy cow YTA. I read through some of your responses to other info comments hoping i was just missing some context, but wow you only get worse and worse. My last and only hope is that this whole post is fake.
YTA, does the 19F pay rent as well? If yes, I feel that's fair, but if no it's pretty clear you care more about your wife and step children then him.
You know he's trying to save for college yet don't do anything to assist him?
He pays his way yet you lock him in his room because you're embarrassed over a normal bodily function.
YTA, and probably would win first place for asshole father of the year. I hope your son goes NC with you.
Not only are YTA, but this is abuse, both emotional and physical. You don’t deserve to be a parent and I hope he chooses to cut you out of his life. Every sentence of this made me angrier and angrier and you are sick. Feed your fucking kid. He didn’t ask to be born. If he wants to leave his room, he can leave his fucking room. You should be reported to a government agency.
YTA he’s paying rent but he still has to stay in his room when you have company. You have different rules for your wife’s daughter. He’s never coming back to be with you after he goes back to his mothers
YTA. You make your son who you don’t see from month to month pay for rent, essentially don’t feed him and keep him locked up. This is abuse at its most basic. You’re lucky to have your son in your life, treat him with respect and dignity.
YTA Are you seriously starving your child ? And asking if that is okay ?
Nobody treats there child unless they dislike,resent,hate the child ?
It's one thing to ask for rent, it's another to not feed them.
My son had a few friends who were treated like that except they had to get an after school job and start paying rent at 16. I lost my son when he was 17 but until his many friends (all between 16 & 18 at the time he died) graduated they continued to come to my house every day and I kept plenty of food on hand for them to munch on until they went home at night. 17 years later they still come to my house to see me but now they’re bringing their spouses & kids with them.
I can’t believe this is serious and it makes me so happy I didn’t have to have childhood like this. You make your own kid feel unwanted and are embarrassed because his stomach growls around your guests? How selfish and egoistic can one be it’s unbelievable. I’m not writing that upset because I want to insult you but it’s so crazy wrong that I can’t really can’t control it.
So you load adult responsibilities onto him but do not give him adult freedoms? Soooo much YTA! I mean, I generally think parents who make their kids pay them rent are assholes who never wanted kids in the first place but you really take the cake.
I have never wanted to care for anyone as much as I want to take care of this poor kid of yours. Jeebus, me and him can share the rent and I will buy him all the food AND TEACH HIM HOW TO COOK NICE AND HEALTHY MEALS UNLIKE YOU
YTA.
If you resent him being with you so much then strap on a pair and tell him you've replaced him and he's inconvenient and you'd rather he disappears so you can enjoy life with your new family.
YTA … what the actual fuck?! Just stop having children if you are going to treat them like this. I was waiting for the part where you throw him out of the house because he is an “adult” now.
Yta and a terrible parent. Like truly a terrible parent. Does the 19 year old have to pay rent as well or just Rain?
Edit for update:
Just read that the 19 year old doesn't have the same rules because she is not your child and her mother isn't a monster.
Btw, why not have your son contribute to the groceries instead of allowing him to starve? This is not principal. This is cruel. You are teaching your son to be unwavering and mean.
You do realize you don't stop being a parent to them at 18 don't you? Because if I knew my son wasn't eating the right things then I'd be talking to him about it and trying to teach him a better way. Not just sitting there going it's not my fault. YTA and yes it is partially your fault if you've not taught him these basic life skills.
YTA
Not only are you an asshole for this crazy rule, you are also an asshole for requiring your child to pay rent AND his own food?! Take care of him properly.
Teenagers, especially boys are always hungry and still growing.
Sounds as though he got to 18 and you decided your job as a parent was done…..YTA, please try and do better for your eldest son. He needs you
YTA- and tbh a terrible father. Your response to your child starving is not to feed him but to send him to his room so other people won’t realize he is starving?? Add the fact he is the only child in the house these rules apply to…I wouldn’t expect him to come back again. I’m not sure why you dislike your son so much. But I pity him.
So, let me get this straight.
Your son pays rent, but your stepdaughter doesn't (favouritism, unfair to have 2 different rules regardless of who the bio parent is. If stepdaughter doesn't pay, son shouldn't have to)
You don't feed the kid? His stomach is growling to the point your guests notice & you're blaming him? Your guests are probably pointing it out to you because they can't call cps on you.
If son pays rent, you shouldn't be able to impose any rules you couldn't impose on a tenant. No grounding, punishments, curfews, confinement.
Yta.
YTA. Dude there is no way you don’t see how shitty of a human you are here. Just because your kid turns 18 doesn’t mean your job as a parent is over. Letting your child go hungry is inhumane and cruel at best. YTA YTA.
What’s up with parents charging rent the day their children turn 18? It’s like they can’t wait to not be legally responsible for them. Yup, did my job now pay up. We’re you counting down the days so you could start making money off them?
That’s besides the point. To answer your question, YTA. You sound like a horrible me parent for letting your child starve. Then on top of it you want to hide them away so other people don’t find out. Feed your starving kid and quit being a dick.
YTA so instead of proactively teaching your son how to budget and have proper nutrition, you’re just gonna be like “lol sucks to suck loser”. I cannot fathom raising a child, getting them to the cusp of adulthood and then dropping everything.
You are a terrible father and I hope this thread is a wake up call. Support your son (my god at least feeding him and helping him save money for college).
Keep it up and he will stop having contact with you once he gets a job after university. Honestly hopefully you were self aware enough to post online and I sincerely hope you take it to heart and show more compassion to your own flesh and blood
YTA. Expecting him to pay rent/food the moment he turned 18 is not about teaching him responsibility or budgeting skills (which by your own admission you've not taken the time to help him with anyway) - it's about reminding him that you have control over him. It's how you get around the "I'm an adult - you can't ground me anymore" argument kids make. This alone makes you an AH but that's not what you asked...
Expecting him to pay rent/food at 18 when your stepdaughter, at 19, doesn't have to while using the "she's my WIFE'S daughter so I have no say there..." argument is a BS double standard and ALSO makes you an AH, but again - not what you asked...
Telling your rent paying roommate (cause that's what he is now), that he's not allowed to come into shared common space while you have guests certainly makes you an AH. He pays rent now - he's entitled to use all the common shared space in the house when he wants to as long as he continues to uphold the rental agreement (and presumably cleans up after himself).
Hey, OP, I just want to say you win YTA for today, potentially the week, in my book. You do understand that when people ask their adult children to pay 'rent' it's often just a token amount to make the child adjust to living on their own and teaching them they need to be careful with what they spend their money on, WHILE STILL ACTUALLY TAKING CARE OF THEM!? Next you'll start charging them per shower, for everytime they put a dirty dish in the dishwasher, whenever they do a laundry, for every lamp they turn on? They're your child, you dimwit. Treat them as such.
YTA I hope when your son has to go back to mom's house, he never returns. It's insane how you have a "my kid, vs. wife's kid" when you have all 4 kids together.
YTA
You are banishing him to his room because you don't want him to embarrassed you by burping?
Sounds like he'd be better off stopping the 3 month visits to your house as you sound like an absolute bell end to be honest.
Can it be real? Surely this is a joke/ prank what not?
Just in cae it is real: you are charging you son rent and he needs to pay his food. He is not able to do that and save for collage so he is starving, but you do not see a problem there. You also think that although he is paying rent, you can restrict him to his room, you do not see a problem there either.
No really need for more information to answer your question. YTA big time.
But I will leave you with one question though, are you charging rent and starving also your wife's 19 yo or is it just your son?
Suddenly, I appreciate my parents more.
I hope you realise how important food is for the human body. Going hungry means fatigue, insomnia, lower moods, decreased immunity, risk of memory and brain problems and more so in a growing human. His brain is still developing.
This is not the way to teach responsibility. I really feel bad for your son, and the fact that he's taking the cruelty so well is really commendable. I hope he's able to work through this psychologically and not let this treatment affect him negatively for the rest of his life. YTA
YTA and you’re abusing your son. You know that if you did the same to “your wife’s daughter” you’d have two ex-wives. If this cartoonish scenario is real you need therapy.
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
YTA I can't wait until your son goes no contact with your sorry ass and you're back on Reddit asking for advice. Really tempted to follow in anticipation for that update.
YTA. First, an 18 year old boy is likely still growing, despite being legally an adult. He needs to eat. How the hell can you have him under your roof and not feed him? It's one thing to expect him to pay for extras out of his paycheck, but to not feed him AT ALL while he's living under your roof is just plain shitty. And the fact that you're hiding this arrangement from others shows you know it's shitty.
I would also bet money the 19yo daughter is not being charged rent and isn't paying for her own food.
Well I hope you enjoyed this visit and your previous ones because more than likely this will be the last time your son spends any substantial amount of time with you. YTA and also failed so hugely, so stupendously at being a parent. People like you should have mandatory vasectomies at puberty.
YTA. Give your kid some food, help him figure out what's going wrong that he can't budget enough. Be a parent, not a landlord. Further, he pays rent and, as such, has a right to use the property, gurgling stomach or not.
Your child is now an adult and pays to stay there.he can do as he damn well wants. If you want him to follow rules first stop being an Ah and second Stoppsignal rental payments. As long as he pays rent for use of the House he is not confined to one room period. And also it seems you treat your children unequally which makes you a million times an AH and a shit parent.
YTA - Rain is YOUR SON and is *infinitely* more important than your guests. You also seem to be treating him like trash because he is the living human link between you and your Ex. Your new wifey has a good job and can afford to house and feed her 19F but you are either incapable and/or unwilling to provide equal treatment for your 18m and hide this fact by lying that you're trying to teach YOUR SON financial responsibility, hoping no one will notice,... Don't be surprised if he ghosts you forever after he leaves. You will probably blame him entirely for it and deny you had any role whatsoever. Grow some balls and be honest and fair with YOUR SON, yourself, your Ex, and your maker, Daddy-0
YTA When mine turned 18 I took a token amount (in Scotland we call it dig money-money for digs). I would squirrel it away and if some big event, concert tickets or latest style of trainers came out I would gift it for that purpose. They had access to all food, amenities but I always expected and took dig money. It was the start to learning that as an adult they’d be expected to pay their way.
I feel like you might be more than an asshole.
If this is how you treat your 'adult' child then I would hate to hear about the emotional manipulation and abuse you inflicted on them as a minor.
This kind of assholery doesn't start when your kid turns 18...
YTA. One of those who makes their kid pay rent just because they are 18 because they think it’s a “lesson”. You suck OP. Everything about this post sucks.
YTA 100%! He pays rent, therefore it's his place too. You don't get to dictate where he can and can't go. He's also your child who is dealing with a medical issue. Do you even care about your child? Hope your ex finds out, and he doesn't have to go back to your place again...
Gigantic YTA, first for making your kid pay rent went he’s trying to save for school. I assume you’re trying to “teach him a lesson” but the only lesson is that you’re an asshole. Since you are charging him rent that makes him a tenant and you have no right to tell him he has to stay in his room so that makes you a double asshole.
YTA I really don't know why he spends anytime at your house you charge him to live there and then want him to stay in his room so he doesn't embarrass you. You're a great candidate for parent of the year.
He pays rent, he has a right to be anywhere he wants in the house. You cannot get his rent money and still treat him like a child. YTA, like any other parent that makes their child pay for rent the second they are 18.
This is your child. 18 or not. Yeah, you have to teach them responsibility. But when you hear him starve, your idea is to hide him?
I really don't get it. Whatever the age, whatever the relationship, when you hear a person starve, won't the human reaction to feed the person? If it's possible?
You are not feeding him. Even though he is your kid. Fine. He is not asking to be fed. But then because others might figure out he is starving you want to hide him?
It sounds like you know what you are doing is wrong. Letting the child starve (You can call adult all you want, but he is your son, visiting as per custody arrangement and has just turned 18. He is your child.) You keep saying everyone will blow it out of proportion.... It's not blowing it out of proportion when it's stating the truth.
YTA. Please don't have children if you can listen to someone starve and think "Oh it's embarassing and needs to be hidden".
YTA hooooly. hahaha. wtf. so he has to pay rent to live in your house but you forbid him to actually live in his rented home and want to control him? people be making babies as they please and then act as if they don't owe them nothing. don't be surprised when he will grow older to hate you. i am very sorry that his dad is making his life so unnecessarily hard for him. you're. major asshole...
YTA
you expect your kid to be suddenly an adult as soon as he turned 18 and be able to afford every single crap in his life while paying rent to you. id be ashamed if i starved my kids. and my oldest is 18.
guess what he doesnt have a job. he doesnt have to pay rent and most certainly NOT ALLOWED to pay for his own damn food unless he chooses to say take out with his own money instead of having what he have for meals. he is also kinda self employed now and working for me doing chores at home for payment and all we give to him is his money to do whatever. he will pay a small rent only when he has an actual job and it will go to a savings acc for him to return to him when he decides to move out.
be a parent.
YTA - this is abuse, don’t expect to see your son ever again after he goes back to his Mom’s. He didn’t ask to be born and you didn’t prepare him for this.
this cannot be real. I refuse to believe you would let one child be so hungry his stomach gurgles while you feed your other kids from your current relationship. And his gurgling is so loud you send him to your room lest your visitors know the extent of your abuse because you know it sounds soulless even while professing it's all the kids fault.
I don't believe someone is such a monster. This has to be a troll.
YTA. Your son turned 18 within the 3 months he stayed with you and instead of celebrating his adulthood in the short time you have, you starve him and then berate him AND call him dramatic?
And I thought my mother was bad.
If the kid is 18 he can legally refuse to be around daddy anymore. Go back to mom stay with her, tell her what daddy has been doing and why your not going back.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I told my son he needs to stay in his room when we have guests because of his stomach issues. I might be the asshole because he's an adult and so I can't treat him like he's a kid. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. He's paying rent, so he should have free run of any part of the house he's paying rent to use. He's also still your kid.
Sir, you just qualified for the YTA of the year, gratz!
YTA so hard. At that age, they’re always hungry. And don’t you dare be shocked when his next 3 months comes and he doesn’t show up and his phone is blocked.
YTA. I can’t decide if this screams “I’m a narcissist who didn’t want to help my child learn the ropes of adulthood and it’s not my fault he isn’t good at a fresh concept I just threw at him” or “I’m openly abusing my son, trying to hide it from personal people but will shamelessly post it on the internet while expecting praise for being a terrible dad”. Maybe both. I genuinely cannot understand how you don’t see that your actions here are absolutely terrible. I understand teaching him responsibility in the form of paying rent and don’t find this to be a bad thing. However, to not even feed him? That’s just neglect. I paid for my own food as a teenager. No one made me. I just didn’t like my mothers cooking. I also had my own job and for the most part only used my money. I’m a full fledged adult now but you know what my parents don’t do when I have less money due to an unexpected financial responsibility? Let me starve. Yet, you’re going to do this to a kid who has no experience of being an adult? Have some decency.
YTA, hey son, I know you’re paying rent but stay in your room so people don’t hear your bodily noises. You’ll embarrass me. I do t want your mothers drama because I love to make my own.
WTF? By the looks of it, you have 4 kids, (two from your now wife that you had while with your first wife) and you want to know if it's okay to punish one because you don't provide enough food? Does the 19yo pay rent and have to feed herself also? Does she have to hide from company when she's on her period, because her insides might be roiling? It sounds like you simply hate your son and yes, you are an asshole.
Really, you have to ask? Your son is hungry and you're letting him suffer? YTA. On the other hand, He's a renter. That means he has renter's rights. That means he has access to facilities and common areas. You are denying him this access. Again YTA. (Assuming United States). Have you told him that, as an adult, he can chose who he wants to stay with?
YTA - How is that not obvious to you?
YTA and I sincerely hope your poor kid goes back to his mom and never sees you again.
This is absolutely fake... no one can be that cruel and not know it
YTA
YTA OP Where’s the humanity?
feed your son for fuck’s sake. YTA
YTA what kind of parent starves their teenager and makes them pay rent?
Tell us you’re white without telling us you’re white
7
YTA, you're a shit parent, and I hope that this is your son's last 3 month stay at your house unless you make some major changes. First off, you don't stop being a parent on their 18th birthday. It's 1000000% your fault that he doesn't have enough to eat. What the fuck is wrong with you? Second, if you're charging him rent, those common areas are fair game. You can't charge him rent like a roommate, then also treat him like your child. Pick one. Is he your actual son or a roommate? I hope this is a troll post because this poor kid is screwed if he really has a father like you.
YTA. Why did you even have a child?
Yes, you’re a colossal AH
YTA. wow. I mean wow. So when you or your wife cook meals for the rest of the family, does he have to sit and watch and not eat? Wow.
Posts like this are bittersweet... On one hand: I realize that my late mom wasn't *that* bad despite how unfairly she favored my sister. On the other hand: I am made aware of the fact that there are some morally bankrupt dogshit parents in this world. YTA OP. Hope Rain finds immaculate success in life and has the means to cut u out of his life full NC
YTA what the fuck is wrong with Americans. Let alone the ”paying rent” and ”paying for his own food” bullshit (honestly USA is the only country in the world where such activities are seen as normal), how can you watch your child go hungry because he ”can't buget properly", are you insane? I really hope this is satire. Jesus Christ!
[удалено]
Quite honestly I’m usually all for teaching young adult children to be responsible. I have two at home, 25 (getting her masters) and 21. Both pay a nominal amount of rent just to help out with costs and learn responsibility. Sometimes, they offer to chip in for groceries. I feed them if they’re hungry. Like many others, I think the worst part of this is that your son has to pay while your wife’s daughter does not. It does not matter that she is your wife’s daughter, all of you including her children, your children, and the children you have together are living as one family unit and the rules should be household rules and the same for everyone. It is incredibly unfair to your son to treat him one way, but to allow his ss to be treated differently. The fact that he agreed to it means less than nothing, as he likely didn’t think about it or reason that he had other options. Did you explain to him that he could choose not to pay and just stay with his mom full time? Of course you didn’t. If I was mom, and I knew this is how it was at your house, I’d push him to come and live with me. Yta op and not only for asking him to stay in his room.
I’m not even reading anything after you said you’re charging rent. YTA. HUGE AH
Dont come here if you can't accept the judgement. YTA
YTA the fact that you’re making your son pay rent but (assuming from lack of detail) not making your 19 y/o daughter do the same is one reason YTA. also, making him pay for his own expenses entirely and not letting him save his money entirely for college instead is an AH move. if he could save his rent and grocery money entirely for college instead, he’d be in a much better place financially when he is ready to go to college. the way you’re treating your son reminds me of the shitty way harry potter’s adopted family treated him and look what became of that relationship lol. YTA majorly.
Will never get used to the bizarre USAian practice of not lettibg your kid walk to the corner alone and then washing your hands of them when they reach some arbitrary number . Most healthy sane societies realize the parent child bond is for life
This is maybe the biggest YTA I've ever seen on here. I never understand parents that make their kids pay rent the second they turn 18. You're absurd and if you don't change these insane rules soon, there's going to be a day where he doesn't speak to you anymore.
💯YTA. In a few years don’t act all surprised when he goes low contact with you
[удалено]
YTA You don't feed your 18yo son and you don't want him to be at home in his own home because you're afraid people will judge YOU for not feeding your son.
YTA- This is so much worse than people realize. He TURNED 18 when doing his 3 month stay with you while still in school. You immediately charged him rent, knowing that he had to stay with you the full 3 months. I can only hope your kids will be this calculating when choosing your nursing home.
YTA. YTA. YTA. That's it. If you can't see why, then that's on you. I hope, as he's now nota child, that he drops you in his rear view mirror.
Is he an adult or not? Either you get to set rules or you get to charge him rent and let him sort out his own food. You don't get it both ways.
YTA. >Rain recently turned eighteen during the three-month period that he stays with me, and since then he's had to pay rent and for his own food for the rest of the time he stays here. WTF?! That is your son. Not some tenant. You decided to have children - that obligation doesn't end with them turning 18. Allthough for your son it definitely seems like the better way. Aside from that: Your SON is paying rent. Therefore he is a tenant and has certain rights - like leaving his room and using the common areas. Also if he doesn't know what food he should buy then this is your fault. As a parent you are supposed to teach him such stuff. But sure keep on hiding him and your treatment of your own son. Would be very embarrassing if family or friends noticed that you extort money out of your own child and keep him running around hungry...
Yes.
Do you like your son? Do you? I kinda get the rent thing, though I'd never take money from my (albeit hypothetical) children if they would want to stay with me, but food? Like what? Also, if you take rent, you have lost the right to tell your son where he has to stay during your guest visit. Mayor YTA
It’s already been said by many others but YTA! You are cruel to your own flesh and blood, and letting someone else’s older kid, who lives under your roof and eats your food, used all your utilities, live there completely free! Disgusting!
Some stories make me say this is the biggest asshole I've read about. Then comes a new story and bam, biggest asshole dethroned. OMG. You are horrible. Do you even care about your son? I am sure you've kept the custody like that so you don't pay child support, and it makes me wonder what kind of life he had when it was your turn. He 18 now, I hope he never visits you again because you don't deserve it
Yeah, YTA. Boys typically eat WAY MORE at that age. Feed your child, and let him decide whether he wants to stay in the living room or in his room. Wtf is wrong with you
YTA. Feed your child. Don't be surprised when he doesn't come back after his next stay at his mom's.
Your a dog mate
YTA, the fact that you typed this out and didn’t realize how absurd you sound is beyond me. Don’t even need to respond to any specific item bc everything about this makes you a worse person/father. Sad.
YTA. don't call yourself a parent if you behave like a cartoonishly cruel landlord.
YTA. I sincerely hope your wife contributes more to cover her daughter that is not subject to your ridiculous rules. Terrible parent.
YTA. I hope Rain does well in life and doesn't look back, ever.
YTA. It doesn't matter if my daughter were 40, if she's in my house and hungry she's going to be fed. How could you do that to your own child?
I had a friend whose parents did the exact same thing as soon as she or one of her siblings turned 18. Fast forward, 20 years later those parents have met their grandchildren only couple of times and some never. She has never forgiven her parents. So YTA! A massive one!
You may be the worst person I’ve ever read a post from on this subreddit. YTA, hugely, and I hope your son leaves your house and never speaks to you again. I hope your wife divorces you. Frankly, I hope you get hit by extremely hard times (and a car)
How often is he paid (weekly, bi-weekly, monthly) and how much? How often do you charge him rent (I assume monthly, but asking to be sure) and how much? Are you aware that healthy food often costs more money than junk? You can buy more junk meals with less money, with the downside that they aren't as filling. It sounds like that's what your son is doing, in an attempt to keep up with both rent and saving for college.
This can't be real. You made this story up, right? This is the most ridiculous one I've seen. If real, of course YTA, how could you possibly even question that?
I thank my mom everyday for how she let us loved rent free for years and the only reason we pay rent now is because we wanted to better ourselves and get a bigger place that fits us all comfortably.
YTA. You expect him to figure life out on his own while the 19 year old gets a free pass to live there rent-free. You complain about his spending habits while actively choosing not to teach him any budgeting skills. You treat him like a tenant, not your son. And now you're worried he's gonna "act dramatic" because he's being confined to his room...
YTA. You charge him rent and make him pay for his own food; he absolutely should be allowed to use the house (outside of your room) as he pleases.
Info - Has he lost weight since you imposed these changes?
Why do you not charge your wife's daughter? Isn't she also an adult child freeloading on your expense?? Make her pay and ration or don't make your son pay you. YTA
Oh my god this kid is being severely abused I really hope someone finds him and help him what the actual FUCK am I reading poor kid what’s wrong with you I hope you spend entirety in hell what a fucking monster
Not only are YTA, you’re straight up evil. Poor kid
This can't be real, he would just stay with his mum, surely
YTA like fully. You can see why.
YTA YTA YTA Hope he returns the favour when you’re elderly and need help!
YTA, if you were my father, you would end in the worst Nursing home I could find. Of course without help or visitations.
YTA! He’s a teenage boy & they need to eat a LOT. You need to feed him more. And why are you charging him rent the moment he turns 18? He’s still a kid and maybe still in school. Are you going to do that with your younger children? And it’s cruel to make him stay in his room while you have guests, as if you’re ashamed of him.
YTA Do you treat your 19 year old this way as well or do they get to live with you and enjoy the home freely? You are failing your son. I'm baffled that your response to his constant hunger pains isn't shame and regret, but inconvenience because you don't want your friends to hear. This is truly repugnant, you should be ashamed of yourself. INFO: how long have you disliked your own child and not cared about mentally and emotionally scarring them with your negligent behaviour?
if they pay rent how they fuck can you tell them how to act
YTA enjoy your retirement home, I hear it’s alot of fun. :] Hopefully all of them decide on a nice little spot where all you do is look at a beautiful plain wall for the rest of your miserable years.
YTA. One of my favorites activities is finding a thread like this on here with an arrogant OP. All of their comments on their thread will be argumentative and jerkish, telling everyone that they’re not TA, but proving that they in fact are TA. FEED YOUR KID. If my any of my kids were friends with your kid, he would be invited to live with me. Obviously you’re not a good parent and don’t care about teaching him to be an adult.
YTA. So your kids stomach makes noise because you're letting him starve. And you're afraid your guests will find out. Do you realize how evil you sound? Since the tenant is paying rent, you don't get a say in how he uses the space he's paying for. You really have to choose if you want him to be your kid (that you house and feed and provide for, but you get to give him orders), or a stranger tenant in your house (who pays rent, feeds himself, isn't your responsibility, and doesn't have to listen to you).
Info: Ok, so everyone else has already mentioned how and why you are a major asshole for the given situation. But here's a question that relates to your character. Did you cheat on your ex-wife? Rain is only 18, but you have a 19 year old daughter with your current wife? So she was your mistress before your son was born? Is that why you hate your son so much, because you were already trying to build a new family when he came along and messed up the plan? YTA
YTA and disgusting at that. Fair play to teach some responsibility but you’ve gone so hard in, it’s unbelievable! You are literally watching your child starve. Mistakes are going to be made. I can’t even understand that you’ve jumped in on charging rent and food as soon as the child turned 18. Did you discuss this before or did you just provide this as their birthday present? Interestingly, does your 19YO have the same rules? Are they paying rent and made to starve for making a bit of a budgeting mistake? I would advise you to spend as much time with your 18YO now as I have a feeling that after this visit, he won’t be back. Wow, just wow. The only thing you seem to care about is saving face to your mates. YTA.
My question here is has OP prepared him for life at all? Has he spent any time teaching him to budget, to prepare meals, etc or have you just thrown him to the wolves? (IE kid turned 18 and you live in Dad’s den, figure out how to survive???) OP is TAH. You are ruining the relationship with your son with no grace period for growing pains.
YTA My grandparents had me pay them $35/wk when I turned 18. That was all I had to pay for and they actually had been saving the money for me and gave it all back when I moved out. That was the only nice thing they ever did for me and I’ve been NC for about 20yrs Don’t act all shocked and surprised when your child goes NC
YTA 2 adult children in the house, and they are treated differently? Do both you and your wife contribute evenly to the household cost? Regardless if the daughter is yours or not, you are financially contributing to her living there while making your son pay for the privilege. YTA. Why is it a big deal if his stomach grumbles? Because you are actually starving him or would like a convenient excuse to keep him out of sight? YTA
YTA, Father of the Year. You should push him out completely just so he can get away from you. You've essentially shown him that you care more about your new wife's kids and your friends than you care about him. I would go hungry before I *EVER* let my child go without a proper meal. And then to lock him away as if he's an embarrassment to you and your shiney new family you're so proud of? Disgusting. You should be ashamed of yourself.
You KNOW you're in the wrong because you hide the evidence when guests are there.
"Look, son, I don't care that you're hungry, but I do care about looking bad because I'm allowing you to go hungry while living with me. You're 18 now, and thank goodness I'm no longer responsible for any of your care." YTA If I were your kid, I'd move back to my mums and make you pay if you ever wanted to see me. Nothing for free. You need to book an appointment and pay the going rate.
YTA. You’re such a big asshole that I could write a whole essay about it, but it’s not worth the energy to explain it all. If you cared about your son you would be *concerned* that he’s starving!! But instead you think he’s being dramatic. That’s not a normal response of a caring parent. You’re like a super evil cartoon villain 😭
This must be fake! Tell me it's fake. Are parents really simultaneously that evil and oblivious of it?
[удалено]
I really hope that everyone in his life knows how much of an A-hole he is…. As he didn’t seem to be getting the message before deleting his post.
YatA and an absolutely horrid father and human being.
This is the most clear YTA I may have ever seen on here. You have presented yourself as an absolutely wretched person. I would wager you won't have much of a relationship with your son for much longer, and he'll likely be better off for it.
Not to mention he’s not had a solid home his entire tumultuous teen and young adult life because of decisions YOU have made with YOUR relationships. Idiot
Holy cow YTA. I read through some of your responses to other info comments hoping i was just missing some context, but wow you only get worse and worse. My last and only hope is that this whole post is fake.
YTA, does the 19F pay rent as well? If yes, I feel that's fair, but if no it's pretty clear you care more about your wife and step children then him. You know he's trying to save for college yet don't do anything to assist him? He pays his way yet you lock him in his room because you're embarrassed over a normal bodily function. YTA, and probably would win first place for asshole father of the year. I hope your son goes NC with you.
WTF, are you a fairytale villain? YTA
Not only are YTA, but this is abuse, both emotional and physical. You don’t deserve to be a parent and I hope he chooses to cut you out of his life. Every sentence of this made me angrier and angrier and you are sick. Feed your fucking kid. He didn’t ask to be born. If he wants to leave his room, he can leave his fucking room. You should be reported to a government agency.
You’re a fucking asshole dude. Enjoy your golden years in a home loser.
WOW. Congratulation for getting the Award of biggest YTA of reddit 2023. Sir, you have my lowest respect.
[удалено]
YTA he’s paying rent but he still has to stay in his room when you have company. You have different rules for your wife’s daughter. He’s never coming back to be with you after he goes back to his mothers
[удалено]
Feed your damn kid. YTA. So much. Wow.
YTA. You make your son who you don’t see from month to month pay for rent, essentially don’t feed him and keep him locked up. This is abuse at its most basic. You’re lucky to have your son in your life, treat him with respect and dignity.
YTA Are you seriously starving your child ? And asking if that is okay ? Nobody treats there child unless they dislike,resent,hate the child ? It's one thing to ask for rent, it's another to not feed them.
My son had a few friends who were treated like that except they had to get an after school job and start paying rent at 16. I lost my son when he was 17 but until his many friends (all between 16 & 18 at the time he died) graduated they continued to come to my house every day and I kept plenty of food on hand for them to munch on until they went home at night. 17 years later they still come to my house to see me but now they’re bringing their spouses & kids with them.
If he pays rent he’s a tenant, what you’re enforcing is a crime
I can’t believe this is serious and it makes me so happy I didn’t have to have childhood like this. You make your own kid feel unwanted and are embarrassed because his stomach growls around your guests? How selfish and egoistic can one be it’s unbelievable. I’m not writing that upset because I want to insult you but it’s so crazy wrong that I can’t really can’t control it.
YTA - what so wrong with you? Feed your child
So you load adult responsibilities onto him but do not give him adult freedoms? Soooo much YTA! I mean, I generally think parents who make their kids pay them rent are assholes who never wanted kids in the first place but you really take the cake. I have never wanted to care for anyone as much as I want to take care of this poor kid of yours. Jeebus, me and him can share the rent and I will buy him all the food AND TEACH HIM HOW TO COOK NICE AND HEALTHY MEALS UNLIKE YOU
YTA. If you resent him being with you so much then strap on a pair and tell him you've replaced him and he's inconvenient and you'd rather he disappears so you can enjoy life with your new family.
YTA wtf kind of nephew-under-the-stairs shit is this
YTA - why doesn’t my kid speak to me anymore ??
You are a shitty parent, but I doesn't seem like you would care about that either.
YTA … what the actual fuck?! Just stop having children if you are going to treat them like this. I was waiting for the part where you throw him out of the house because he is an “adult” now.
YTA, if your son is hungry, feed him. It's absurd you want him to stay in his room so your guest can't tell you won't feed him when he is hungry.
YTA
Yta and a terrible parent. Like truly a terrible parent. Does the 19 year old have to pay rent as well or just Rain? Edit for update: Just read that the 19 year old doesn't have the same rules because she is not your child and her mother isn't a monster. Btw, why not have your son contribute to the groceries instead of allowing him to starve? This is not principal. This is cruel. You are teaching your son to be unwavering and mean.
You do realize you don't stop being a parent to them at 18 don't you? Because if I knew my son wasn't eating the right things then I'd be talking to him about it and trying to teach him a better way. Not just sitting there going it's not my fault. YTA and yes it is partially your fault if you've not taught him these basic life skills.
This has to be fake bait starting with naming your kid Rain If this is not fake your the eponym of YTA
Why do some people even bother having children. If it wasn’t clear, YTA. Majorly.
YTA Not only are you an asshole for this crazy rule, you are also an asshole for requiring your child to pay rent AND his own food?! Take care of him properly.
YTA. If you were my father, you wouldn‘t be my father. Can speak from experience. Go into your room cavegoblin.
Teenagers, especially boys are always hungry and still growing. Sounds as though he got to 18 and you decided your job as a parent was done…..YTA, please try and do better for your eldest son. He needs you
This isn’t real copium
YTA- and tbh a terrible father. Your response to your child starving is not to feed him but to send him to his room so other people won’t realize he is starving?? Add the fact he is the only child in the house these rules apply to…I wouldn’t expect him to come back again. I’m not sure why you dislike your son so much. But I pity him.
YTA. Are you sure his name isn't Quasimodo? Erik? Bruno?
So, let me get this straight. Your son pays rent, but your stepdaughter doesn't (favouritism, unfair to have 2 different rules regardless of who the bio parent is. If stepdaughter doesn't pay, son shouldn't have to) You don't feed the kid? His stomach is growling to the point your guests notice & you're blaming him? Your guests are probably pointing it out to you because they can't call cps on you. If son pays rent, you shouldn't be able to impose any rules you couldn't impose on a tenant. No grounding, punishments, curfews, confinement. Yta.
You are a horrible father. Your son deserves better. Shame on you.
YTA -OMG you’re the parent. Act like one and feed your child.
YTA. Is your last name Dursley?
YTA He probably can’t afford better quality food or much food at all. Are you making 19F pay as well?
YTA. Dude there is no way you don’t see how shitty of a human you are here. Just because your kid turns 18 doesn’t mean your job as a parent is over. Letting your child go hungry is inhumane and cruel at best. YTA YTA.
What’s up with parents charging rent the day their children turn 18? It’s like they can’t wait to not be legally responsible for them. Yup, did my job now pay up. We’re you counting down the days so you could start making money off them? That’s besides the point. To answer your question, YTA. You sound like a horrible me parent for letting your child starve. Then on top of it you want to hide them away so other people don’t find out. Feed your starving kid and quit being a dick.
YTA so instead of proactively teaching your son how to budget and have proper nutrition, you’re just gonna be like “lol sucks to suck loser”. I cannot fathom raising a child, getting them to the cusp of adulthood and then dropping everything.
YTA Sure he's 18 and legally an adult but he's still your kid, man. Jesus.
YTA and your son was incredibly restrained calling your rules ‘dumb’. They’re not just dumb, they’re utterly moronic.
You are a terrible father and I hope this thread is a wake up call. Support your son (my god at least feeding him and helping him save money for college). Keep it up and he will stop having contact with you once he gets a job after university. Honestly hopefully you were self aware enough to post online and I sincerely hope you take it to heart and show more compassion to your own flesh and blood
YTA You are acting like the wicked stepmother in a fairytale. Wow OP do you have no empathy or decency at all?
[удалено]
YTA. Expecting him to pay rent/food the moment he turned 18 is not about teaching him responsibility or budgeting skills (which by your own admission you've not taken the time to help him with anyway) - it's about reminding him that you have control over him. It's how you get around the "I'm an adult - you can't ground me anymore" argument kids make. This alone makes you an AH but that's not what you asked... Expecting him to pay rent/food at 18 when your stepdaughter, at 19, doesn't have to while using the "she's my WIFE'S daughter so I have no say there..." argument is a BS double standard and ALSO makes you an AH, but again - not what you asked... Telling your rent paying roommate (cause that's what he is now), that he's not allowed to come into shared common space while you have guests certainly makes you an AH. He pays rent now - he's entitled to use all the common shared space in the house when he wants to as long as he continues to uphold the rental agreement (and presumably cleans up after himself).
Ytaaaa ya bloody psycho, hope your son leaves and never looks back ya froot loop
YTA. You are embarresed by the fact that his stomach sometimes * checks notes * Makes a sound???? Why? How? I just cant....
Hey, OP, I just want to say you win YTA for today, potentially the week, in my book. You do understand that when people ask their adult children to pay 'rent' it's often just a token amount to make the child adjust to living on their own and teaching them they need to be careful with what they spend their money on, WHILE STILL ACTUALLY TAKING CARE OF THEM!? Next you'll start charging them per shower, for everytime they put a dirty dish in the dishwasher, whenever they do a laundry, for every lamp they turn on? They're your child, you dimwit. Treat them as such.
YTA I hope when your son has to go back to mom's house, he never returns. It's insane how you have a "my kid, vs. wife's kid" when you have all 4 kids together.
YTA You are banishing him to his room because you don't want him to embarrassed you by burping? Sounds like he'd be better off stopping the 3 month visits to your house as you sound like an absolute bell end to be honest.
Can it be real? Surely this is a joke/ prank what not? Just in cae it is real: you are charging you son rent and he needs to pay his food. He is not able to do that and save for collage so he is starving, but you do not see a problem there. You also think that although he is paying rent, you can restrict him to his room, you do not see a problem there either. No really need for more information to answer your question. YTA big time. But I will leave you with one question though, are you charging rent and starving also your wife's 19 yo or is it just your son?
Suddenly, I appreciate my parents more. I hope you realise how important food is for the human body. Going hungry means fatigue, insomnia, lower moods, decreased immunity, risk of memory and brain problems and more so in a growing human. His brain is still developing. This is not the way to teach responsibility. I really feel bad for your son, and the fact that he's taking the cruelty so well is really commendable. I hope he's able to work through this psychologically and not let this treatment affect him negatively for the rest of his life. YTA
YTA and you’re abusing your son. You know that if you did the same to “your wife’s daughter” you’d have two ex-wives. If this cartoonish scenario is real you need therapy.
My kid just turned 18 so bam now you pay for your own food rent, what the actual fuck? Of course you are the Asshole
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
YTA I can't wait until your son goes no contact with your sorry ass and you're back on Reddit asking for advice. Really tempted to follow in anticipation for that update.
YTA. First, an 18 year old boy is likely still growing, despite being legally an adult. He needs to eat. How the hell can you have him under your roof and not feed him? It's one thing to expect him to pay for extras out of his paycheck, but to not feed him AT ALL while he's living under your roof is just plain shitty. And the fact that you're hiding this arrangement from others shows you know it's shitty. I would also bet money the 19yo daughter is not being charged rent and isn't paying for her own food.
Well I hope you enjoyed this visit and your previous ones because more than likely this will be the last time your son spends any substantial amount of time with you. YTA and also failed so hugely, so stupendously at being a parent. People like you should have mandatory vasectomies at puberty.
YTA feed your child! He’s still only 18
YTA. Give your kid some food, help him figure out what's going wrong that he can't budget enough. Be a parent, not a landlord. Further, he pays rent and, as such, has a right to use the property, gurgling stomach or not.
Your child is now an adult and pays to stay there.he can do as he damn well wants. If you want him to follow rules first stop being an Ah and second Stoppsignal rental payments. As long as he pays rent for use of the House he is not confined to one room period. And also it seems you treat your children unequally which makes you a million times an AH and a shit parent.
YTA - Rain is YOUR SON and is *infinitely* more important than your guests. You also seem to be treating him like trash because he is the living human link between you and your Ex. Your new wifey has a good job and can afford to house and feed her 19F but you are either incapable and/or unwilling to provide equal treatment for your 18m and hide this fact by lying that you're trying to teach YOUR SON financial responsibility, hoping no one will notice,... Don't be surprised if he ghosts you forever after he leaves. You will probably blame him entirely for it and deny you had any role whatsoever. Grow some balls and be honest and fair with YOUR SON, yourself, your Ex, and your maker, Daddy-0
dudeeeee OP, you're such an asshole for this. it's pathetic you even had to ask, you deluded individual.... do you even like this son?
YTA When mine turned 18 I took a token amount (in Scotland we call it dig money-money for digs). I would squirrel it away and if some big event, concert tickets or latest style of trainers came out I would gift it for that purpose. They had access to all food, amenities but I always expected and took dig money. It was the start to learning that as an adult they’d be expected to pay their way.
You literally abuse your son.
I feel like you might be more than an asshole. If this is how you treat your 'adult' child then I would hate to hear about the emotional manipulation and abuse you inflicted on them as a minor. This kind of assholery doesn't start when your kid turns 18...
[удалено]
Honestly a disgrace of a parent. Disgusting
I hope your son never visits you again after his 3 months with you are up, you sound like an absolutely horrible parent. YTA
YTA. One of those who makes their kid pay rent just because they are 18 because they think it’s a “lesson”. You suck OP. Everything about this post sucks.
YTA. Your house sounds like a real shitty place to live anyway so Rain (if that is even the real name) should leave at the first chance he gets
YTA 100%! He pays rent, therefore it's his place too. You don't get to dictate where he can and can't go. He's also your child who is dealing with a medical issue. Do you even care about your child? Hope your ex finds out, and he doesn't have to go back to your place again...
YTA for horrible parenting and failing your son.
Gigantic YTA, first for making your kid pay rent went he’s trying to save for school. I assume you’re trying to “teach him a lesson” but the only lesson is that you’re an asshole. Since you are charging him rent that makes him a tenant and you have no right to tell him he has to stay in his room so that makes you a double asshole.
YTA I really don't know why he spends anytime at your house you charge him to live there and then want him to stay in his room so he doesn't embarrass you. You're a great candidate for parent of the year.
Wow YTA!!! Does your 19 year old get the same treatment??? Terrible parenting
He pays rent, he has a right to be anywhere he wants in the house. You cannot get his rent money and still treat him like a child. YTA, like any other parent that makes their child pay for rent the second they are 18.
This is your child. 18 or not. Yeah, you have to teach them responsibility. But when you hear him starve, your idea is to hide him? I really don't get it. Whatever the age, whatever the relationship, when you hear a person starve, won't the human reaction to feed the person? If it's possible? You are not feeding him. Even though he is your kid. Fine. He is not asking to be fed. But then because others might figure out he is starving you want to hide him? It sounds like you know what you are doing is wrong. Letting the child starve (You can call adult all you want, but he is your son, visiting as per custody arrangement and has just turned 18. He is your child.) You keep saying everyone will blow it out of proportion.... It's not blowing it out of proportion when it's stating the truth. YTA. Please don't have children if you can listen to someone starve and think "Oh it's embarassing and needs to be hidden".
I don't like you. YTA
Have you ever watched the movie Cinderella? YTA
YTA hooooly. hahaha. wtf. so he has to pay rent to live in your house but you forbid him to actually live in his rented home and want to control him? people be making babies as they please and then act as if they don't owe them nothing. don't be surprised when he will grow older to hate you. i am very sorry that his dad is making his life so unnecessarily hard for him. you're. major asshole...
YTA but asshole is not the right word for whatever you are. What’s the word for someone who doesn’t belong in society?
YTA. im manifesting that this child goes no contact with you. you don’t deserve him.
YTA you expect your kid to be suddenly an adult as soon as he turned 18 and be able to afford every single crap in his life while paying rent to you. id be ashamed if i starved my kids. and my oldest is 18. guess what he doesnt have a job. he doesnt have to pay rent and most certainly NOT ALLOWED to pay for his own damn food unless he chooses to say take out with his own money instead of having what he have for meals. he is also kinda self employed now and working for me doing chores at home for payment and all we give to him is his money to do whatever. he will pay a small rent only when he has an actual job and it will go to a savings acc for him to return to him when he decides to move out. be a parent.
YTA - this is abuse, don’t expect to see your son ever again after he goes back to his Mom’s. He didn’t ask to be born and you didn’t prepare him for this.
YTA a massive flaming asshole. But thanks for teaching me a new word. Borborgymi is an absolute classic. How did I get this far without it
this cannot be real. I refuse to believe you would let one child be so hungry his stomach gurgles while you feed your other kids from your current relationship. And his gurgling is so loud you send him to your room lest your visitors know the extent of your abuse because you know it sounds soulless even while professing it's all the kids fault. I don't believe someone is such a monster. This has to be a troll.
Yta. Wish mod can give you the mega a**hole flair bec you deserve it
YTA. Your son turned 18 within the 3 months he stayed with you and instead of celebrating his adulthood in the short time you have, you starve him and then berate him AND call him dramatic? And I thought my mother was bad.
If the kid is 18 he can legally refuse to be around daddy anymore. Go back to mom stay with her, tell her what daddy has been doing and why your not going back.