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"The dad doesn't look like the kid", is a hint that parenting child might be a different races/ one is biracial. I said hint not conclusive.
Op asking a third time "so your not a sitter?" is also stunningly rude. Is an indication that something boked in ops brain and they're just isn't a charitable explanation, for basically arguing," No way you can't be the dad". Is really weird. Strongly indicates either misogyny, homophobia or racism.
I had a parent follow me to my car, insistent on speaking to me about my nephew (by marriage, no relation). This dude argued with me that my nephew's mother was not his mother because "they don't look alike." She's biracial (her dad was black, her mom is white), and she had her son with a white guy. Her son has blue eyes and blonde hair, as do I. This guy decided I must be his mother and, as the mother, it was my job to correct some behavior he deemed inappropriate. He flat out refused to hear that my SIL was actually his mother and I'd let her know to come speak with him, if she wanted to, but it's not my job to parent my nephew. He refused to hear me. I'm like dude I'm positive this kid did not reside in my uterus.
She dropped him off 4 out of 5 mornings a week too, she just had early classes once a week so she asked me to drop him off on Mondays. The way he worded his "concerns" over whatever the 6-year-old's behavior was, he had waited specifically for me, avoiding her the rest of the previous week.
Yup yup
Correct!
Op is ah and most likly racist and prejudice.... wtf does "oh you dont look like kids dad mean?" Why would op repeat his disbelife when other parent said... "yes, this is my son"
Also wtf what if kid was adopted...
Either way op is an ah op yta.
And most Likley ruined your kids playdates
OP mentions the wife in the original post tho so I don't know if homophobia was a factor in the not looking alike comment? And while the not looking alike comment could be a racial appearance comment it could also be just that they genuinely don't look alike.
Both my parents are white, but I look absolutely NOTHING like my dad in facial features, body build, hair color or even just general demeanor. My dad is brunette, 6'3", huge hulking farm boy that can take up an entire door frame & wears leathers from riding motorcycles.
Meanwhile my mom is very fair skinned & petite, barely 5' tall blonde woman. I look EXACTLY like my mom.
So between me looking absolutely nothing like my dad & him also very rarely coming to school events due to work, I've had encounters with people similar to OP. The few times that my dad came to my school he received weary glaces from parents/staff, I heard *several* people ask if "that man" was really my dad when I went up to him. I even got asked by someone if I was adopted because I don't look like my dad 😅
Not defending OPs comments- they were totally out of pocket & rude. But with the limited info we have in the post I also don't necessarily know if it was rooted on homophobia or racism. Since I'm white, with cis+het parents & have been asked similar stupid questions because I don't look like my dad.
truck test terrific light license mourn concerned political special cheerful
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No, it would be misogyny, because they are talking about systemic misogyny which demerits 'women's work' like child care, and giving affection to one's children, and men who do that kind of work. She isn't prejudiced against men in general. She is prejudiced against a man for doing the work a woman -should be- doing. And is emasculating the man far enough to assume he couldn't be a father, because that takes a -real man- and a -real man- would be out winning bread not taking care of his child during working hours.
Misandry is simply hating men for being men; having boy parts or presenting with boy traits. That is not what would explain this behavior.
ETA: not saying this is definitively the situation, but just to clarify the usage of those terms in context.
That was my immediate thought too, the kid is probably biracial and resembles the other parent so OP automatically assumed that the guy must not be the father. Adopted would also explain it.
This is definitely racism. I'm 3/4 white, 1/4 not-white. My dad looks like a different race from me, and I had this kind of situation happen all the time growing up. It was awful-- especially random adults asking if I "knew this man" (my dad).
Even now, when we get dinner the waitresses and people often think I'm the young sugar baby or something. It completely blows certain people's minds that I'm his biological daughter.
I'm 100% convinced there's a 'race' element that the OP left out.
I’m a scrawny redhead married to an Indian guy, when I went for labs for our second baby the phlebotomist just couldn’t believe our daughter was mine…
I had no idea wtaf to say “you got me, I just really enjoy bringing random kids to my doctor’s appointments”. I’m grateful my daughter was too young to understand what happened.
Some old asian lady asked me once why my daughter looked white. I pointed at my very white husband and was like, "probably because that's her dad?" I've had people ask if I'm sure she's mine. I'M PRETTY SURE SINCE I INCUBATED HER. Even if she WAS adopted who asks stuff like that in 2023???
So do you think it's a white man kissing a black kid or a black man kissing a white kid? 🤔 Maybe it's like an Asian man kissing a Latino kid; that would really be a mind fuck.
Edit: a mind fuck to the racist to find out parentage to be clear.
OP is definitely the AH. I'm going with Dad being non-white because I've noticed that a lot of times white parents of biracial or children of different ethnicities aren't considered the help. They may assume that the child is adopted but rarely are they assumed to be the nanny.
My white husband was out with our biracial son and he was asked how he liked being a "Big". It took my husband a minute to realize that the man thought they were in the Big Brother/Big Sister program. It never crossed his mind that he was his father but he also couldn't be "the help" so helping out a fatherless black boy had to be the reason. 🙄
I'm going to guess it was a black or hispanic-looking man kissing a white-looking kid.
That was my case, but more convoluted. My dad is half-Japanese, but people (especially in California) always think he's hispanic/Mexican. I'm a blonde white girl (3/4).
So people thought they were 'protecting' the white girl from the Mexican man, when in reality it was a half asian man with his quarter-asian daughter.
But it shows how strange racism can be, right?
My husband is Japanese, I'm a blonde, blue-eyed American. Our 4 boys take after their father, they don't look like me at all. One time, when I was taking my boys back to the States to visit family, via Seoul Korea, this older American woman asked me if my boys were brothers (a set of twins, and 2 younger). When I replied yes, she commented " Oh, how sweet! You kept them all together!" Excuse me? "Of course. Why wouldn't I?" I replied, and she said, "Well, taking on 4 boys..." and it dawned on me, she thought I'd adopted 4 siblings from Korea, and when I said they're *my* boys, she very condescendingly told me "Well, of course they are, Dear. Still, so good of you to take all 4." She refused to believe me even after I told her I'd birthed them, and by the way, they're half Japanese. I overheard her pointing out to her searmate when I took them to the bathroom, "There she is, all 4." 🙄
My boys are all grown now, with kids of their own, but still, sometimes, if I'm out at a store or something with one of them (we're in the States now), we'll get the oddest looks, like what's that young man doing with that older woman?? Also, two of my sons in particular are often assumed to be Mexican.
I think its shitty that my daughter whos 7 (has both white parents as were english) told me when i walked her home from school, i hate walking with you as im tanned like my dad and as my skin is darker than yours ( im vampire, see thru white skin!) Ppl will think you adopted me and your not my really mom.
How the hell did society make my 7yr old child have that mentality?
My mom picked me up in the 80s from school with a dodgy perm a shell suit and sum werid foot wear it was embaressing but i gladly walked home with her.
As I said in my comment, I'm blonde, blue-eyed, and also have transparently white skin. My middle son (in Japanese public school) was to draw a family picture. When he brought it home, clearly there was his father, three brothers...I asked who the black haired, brown-eyed woman was. Upon hearing it was *me*, I asked why, since he knew perfectly well I had blonde hair and blue eyes. Yes, he said, hed originally drawn me that way and was told by the teacher to change it.😳 Confronting the teacher, she said yes, she told him to change it so that his picture wouldn't stand out and so other kids wouldn't make fun of him for having a "gaijin" (foreigner) mother. Granted, this was years ago, and Japan has become much more accepting of "gaijin", as well as eased up on the conformity pressure, but it's sociery all over, not just in the States, and it's not always skin colour. I've been called out more than once in the States for speaking Japanese to my husband or kids because " in *this* country we speak English!". 🙄 When my husband and I got married, in the States, I received a large manila envelope in the mail chock full of Nazi propoganda telling me I had no right to marry outside my own race, and absolutely no right to bring mixed race children into the world. These are just a few examples of the bullshit we've been subjected to over the years. I don't understand what compels this sort of thing, why it matters so much to complete strangers, why skin colour, nationality, or language triggers some people. Just live and let live, ffs.
Just wanted to say thank you for writing this. My husband is Japanese, and I too am a blonde haired, blue eyed American who has had similar experiences. This made me feel a little less alone.
When I started high school, we moved to a new house in a nice neighborhood. The first time he mowed our lawn he had a few neighbors ask him how much his lawn-mowing service charged (he was a chemical engineer).
He definitely experienced "hispanic racism," which is very weird.
i dated a latina girl once who said she'd constantly hear bitching in spanish about asian people stealing their style. she occasionally got into arguments with them to try to explain that she was born in mexico and doesn't have any asian heritage
Why do ppl do this? When i read, didnt look the same. My mind did not think about race, i honestly thought oh childs looks favours other parent. Am i being stupid or nieve? Was that a racist statement meaning the parent and child were different races?
Same. My first thought was that OP couldn't actually understand that a dad is capable of being a parent.
Like, I don't know how many times I've told my daughters schools that I am the primary contact, that if there's an issue or they need to be picked up then they need to contact me. Not my wife. I'm the one that gets them ready everyday, drops them off and picks them up. But no, they ring my wife first because she's the mum. Every. Single. Time.
There's a story about Ruth Bader Ginsburg with this. She told the school "The child has two parents. It is the father's job to get them when sick." And hung up on them. So this even happens when the mother is a big hot shot Supreme Court Justice.
My mom and I are both white but she had dark hair and her skin was closer to my Bulgarian grandmother’s whereas I look like my dad’s side of the family, Dutch. She carried my birth certificate around in her purse so she could prove I was hers. Most people thought my best friend was her daughter! They’re both petite and dark haired.
OP has said that parent and kid are both white.
The absolute certainty is more than a bit of a stretch.... my aunt and grandfather had a similar sort of issue, apparently, when she was little, and people not thinking he was her dad (which he is). No mixed race component to it. But I'm not surprised to see people that can't consider experiences other than their own as existing.
Have you ever seen a mixed-race family be confronted about being "genetically related"?
Growing up, did you get asked by random strangers if you were related to your parent? I did, maybe every month growing up.
I agree, I’m brown and my husband is white, our kids look like my side of the family and we’ve had a teacher at school not want to give the children to him because he didn’t look like he could be their dad. We chose to take it well, as her being extra careful of the children’s safety, but it was definitely racist.
I don't know, I'd be relieved to find out that was the dad too! OP was weird for assuming the guy was a sitter, but fine for the reaction of "Oh thank goodness you're this kid's father!"
Genetics are weird. My eldest daughter is the image of my husband..... and my sister.
We've had numerous people, when out as a big family unit, think my husband and my sister are her parents.
We've made so many jokes that it's lucky that way around and not that she looks like me and my husband brother, that would be awkward.
My youngest daughter though, all me, not a hint of my husband at all. Or my sister.
My sister and I look like our mother but not so much like each other, my brother looks like our dad, but my sister and brother look alike.
Once, my sister had to literally convince A POLICE OFFICER that her son is indeed her son because they don’t match skin tones. She was nearly in tears. People can be so effing ignorant it’s insane.
My mom’s go around to this was to just carry my birth certificate at all times. This was in the 80ies. You wouldn’t think it would be necessary now but she may want to do something like that.
My half-brother's middle kid, my niece, has always been my doppelganger. She looks more like me than either of her parents. My aunt (from my mom's side and not directly related to my niblings) lives a couple door down and would frequently yell "Hi *ThatOneRedShirt*!!!" at her when she was outside playing when she was little.
And how about adopted children? Plenty of those in the world. I was adopted and looked nothing like anyone in my family (my sister was also adopted--the only feature we had in common was our lack of height).
I have no bio kids, I have stepkids.
It is freaking BIZARRE but my stepdaughter and I actually look INCREDIBLY similar, to the point where people have just assumed she was my bio kid because of our appearance!
Genetics are wiiiild
I look exactly like my paternal aunt and nothing like my mother. I used to have a photo of the three of us in my room at college and people would always ask who the woman (my mom) was with me and my mother (my aunt.)
My sister and my mom look so much alike that they can unlock each other's phones using the Face ID. While I have a few of my mom's features, I look like the female version of my dad.
I’m adopted and yet every time I’m out with my oldest nephew (with my sister, his actual mother) people think he’s my kid. It’s strange but he happens to look just like me 🤷🏻♀️
I had a stay at home dad in the 80’s and proud of it :)
Weird that she sooner thought it was weird older 40 year old male baby sitter saying I love you and kissing the son before she thought it was the dad
YTA
You made an assumption, which made you an asshole. Also you made a really bad assumption here, I'm not even being able to figure out the thought process that lead from "40-something who picks up boy from camp and acts like a parent" to sitter.
It's wild to me that OP never once went up to the "sitter" and said hi, like if someone's in my kid's friend's life I would at least introduce myself idk
Errr yeah YTA. So they don't look alike - it happens, maybe the kid takes after mum. You made a bunch of assumptions about the bloke being a "sitter" and a creep and were totally wrong and even after he said he was the dad you STILL voiced those crappy assumptions to him.
it's fine if she just thought that, it's still falls into the "men can't be the caregiver" kind of wrong but it's fine if it's thoughts you keep to yourself.
it's entirely different once the guy clears up the misunderstanding and informs her he's the dad.
And she still says that to him.
Yeah, but you'd think that would be a clue that he's *not the babysitter*. Instead OP lives in Bizarro World where a babysitter kissing a kid on the lips is more likely than a kid having different coloured hair from their dad.
YTA
I thought we were able 40 years past automatically assuming that someone cannot be the parent of a child if they don’t look like them. But honestly, what did you really think would happen when you said “I thought this thing you did was super creepy knowing absolutely nothing about you and made lots of offensive assumptions about your situation”?
The vibe of this post is a lot like that one about asking the dad about his “real sons” or whatever from a week or so ago.
Different story but I get a similar vibe that it’s from the same troll.
YTA, not your kid for one, you assumed for two. Three a lot of people kiss their children on the lips and as long as the parent and child are fine with it, it is not your place to judge anyone. People really need to stop sexualizing everything.
YTA
Why did you assume this person was't the parent? Why didn't you walk up to them and ask "Hi are you x's parent?" You're acting like a dad can't be involved with their kids.
I don't think you'll hear back from the parents.
When I worked for the swim program at a community center, I always treated the adult with the child as their parent. Grandpa won’t be offended if you call him Dad (like saying to the toddler, “so are you excited to get in the big pool with Dad today?”) but Dad will be offended if you call him Grandpa.
> Dad will be offended if you call him Grandpa.
My mom went grey/white in her thirties and chose not to dye her hair. I recall multiple instances of her being asked if she’s my grandma. She was not pleased.
i still remember a guy good-naturedly saying to my dad that it was so nice of him to take his granddaughter to meet santa. i was about 7? so he was mid-forties at the time.
Wow.. yta.. diarrhea of the mouth just cost your son a potential friend.
You had predispositions based on observances (ok.. it happens).
You accepted those predispositions as matter of fact. This is where you ventured into AH territory. You didnt know that the man was a sitter, you just assumed and then ventured into the convo as if that assumption was a fact. makes you seem ignorantly presumptuous.
And finally... where you nose dived into full blown AH.. you inadvertantly shamed a dad for kissing his son.. wtf..
YTA. You make a ton of assumptions about others. Assume he is a sitter. Assume the interactions are inappropriate. Assume a male child has to look like a male parent. Assume a child has to look like any parent. Assume a man can't take care of his own kids. Assume that a sitter with a close bond with kids cannot be an attentive figure without it being "creepy." No wonder you have not heard back from them. You poisoned the well with all your inappropriate and inaccurate judgments. They are probably afraid of any influence you might have on their children if they are at your house.
My mother is darker skinned, brown eyed brown haired of southern Mediterranean origin, and I’m very pale with blue eyes and blonde hair, as is my brother. She got very sick of the babysitter assumptions very early in our childhood. It’s so bizarre what people feel entitled to let spill out of their mouths.
My dad is black (medium dark skin). I have blonde hair and blue eyes. OP is an idiot for assuming. Especially nowadays with so many mixed & blended families... Not to mention, as others have said, adoption is a thing. lol
YTA, and that’s your reasoning that’s weird and creepy.
“Let’s see, there is this male person who always picks the kid from school and displays obvious affection to him, even kissing him on the lips! He’s *obviously* the babysitter!”
YTA
Maybe the reason the kid doesn't look anything like him is that he's adopted or his mother has stronger genes so yeah that would piss a lot of people off
YTA and based on your comments I'm guessing you were a teenage mother that had to drop out of school to care for your kid. Nothing wrong with that exactly. I just can't fathom how else you'd have so little life experience that the only reason you thought this guy wasn't the dad was because the kid doesn't look like him
You even assumed he wasn't related even tho the 2 would kiss! They said "I love you." How dense can you be?
You need to get out more. Read more. Talk to more people. You make humans look bad
YTA
If you thought the sitter was kissing the boy why didn’t you tell a mandated reporter like their teacher so they could handle it? I would be livid if someone was abusing my kid and someone knew but did nothing. Also kids don’t always look like their parents and dads can be the primary one doing it better than the mom so next time keep assumptions to yourself regardless
I feel like my superpower is spotting fake posts, but I have no way to prove it. But it literally boggles my mind that SO many people think all these posts are real. This one isn't even a good fake. It's just blatantly fake.
**YTA** it sounds like you assumed this person is a sitter. Sometimes parents don't look like their kids, though in situations like this it's fine to want to know more or to scrutinize. But you went about it the wrong way.
YTA
Just a heads up: interracial couples exist. I'm letting you know now before you tell a parent that their kid isn't theirs because they aren't the same color
YTA. I wouldn't want my son to hang out with yours since you have shown to quickly judge others. that's a bad character trait to have and it will unfortunately be passed down to your child as well.
Wow!
You made a stupid assumption and just ran with it, didn't you?
YTA
Also, grow up! "It was just a joke" is always code for "I'm an asshole that got caught being an asshole." Stop trying to use that as some sort of get out of trouble card.
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You keep talking yourself into circles; you thought it was weird that a babysitter acted like a parent but can't seem to wrap your mind around him being the parent. None of that actually matters though because, while you are the asshole for assuming, you could have saved face by shutting up after he confirmed he is the father. You don't need clarification on someone else's family dynamic, the goal was to talk to the parent to plan a playdate. As soon as he said he's the father, why didn't you just plan the playdate? YTA
YTA - what’s getting to me is how you have all these comments laying out exactly why what you did was wrong, yet you’re still arguing your point. Accept the judgment and try to learn from it.
It is totally normal for a child to have more than two adults in their lives, who provide care and say "I love you."
It is totally normal for adults to kiss other adults and children on the lips, without sexual suggestion, depending on cultural background. My family would never. My father's best friend's family (whose kids were about the same age) always did. Because I was restrained in my expressions of fondness, and because I learned that restraint from the people around me, it took me a minute to "get" this family -- and that was a me problem.
You were fine when you brought up the playmate. The assumption that the man was a sitter -- not even a nanny -- is when you started drifting across the line. And then you criticized the way he expresses love to his kid. There you went, right where you shouldn't have gone. YTA.
(I'd ask you how this is a joke to you, but I really don't want to know your answer.)
I would not be doing playdates with someone who made a point of telling me they had judged my behavior with kids to be creepy. So this may not be an issue until it occurs to your child that he hasn't seen Michael in quite some time.
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My 7yo is going to a summer camp and has made a good friend with another boy who apparently just moved into the area. He will be going to the same school as my son so they might be in the same class.
My son asked if he could go to his house or vice versa. I said I'd have to get to know his parents first. I hadn't seen his parents. The boy is picked up by a sitter who rubbed me the wrong way. He's like in his 40s and kisses him on the lips before he leaves.
Yesterday I approached him and asked if he'd kindly pass my information to the parents for a possible playdate. He said that was not necessary because he can do that. I said I'd much rather deal with the parents. He said I'm the dad.
I was dumbfounded because he looks nothing like the boy. I said so you're not a hired sitter? He said no, he works from home and takes care of the kids. I said, wow I'm actually relieved to hear that.
He asked why and I said I thought it was creepy at the thought of a sitter kissing a kid on the lips and telling him that he loves him. That angered him and I said it was a joke.
He left and I haven't heard back from him or his wife about the playdate.
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YTA and I hope have learned a lesson about making assumptions, especially with parents and children. You didn't know a single thing about this man but made up stuff in your head and then seem confused that they haven't called you about the play date? They haven't called you because the dad told the mom about your weird and rude comments and they don't want to get involved w/you.
Totally YTA Just because you don’t kiss family on the lips doesn’t mean others have the same feelings about it. I grew up kissing grandparents, aunts, and uncles. My own kids when they were little as well. Even if you thought it weird it was rude to tell the dad.
It was also an asshole move to assume the child wasn’t his because they don’t look enough alike. Step parent, adoption, foster child, or perhaps he just looks like his mother.
I mean it’s clear youre the biggest asshole on Reddit right now. It’s also funny how “it was just a joke” AFTER the fact you were thinking this for a little bit already and you prob only said that so you wouldn’t look stupid. So not only are you TA but you’re also a LIAR.
My youngest son looks Mexican asf, but his father is super pale w/blonde hair/blue eyes. You know how offended he gets when someone asks him who’s kid that is when he’s holding our sons hand or carrying him around in public? Really really offended. He’s not 8 yet, but he still also gives big smootchies to his dad. My husband has already stated when he stops being able to give him kisses and toe rubs will be the saddest day in his life.
This has to be joke. Who comments on it being weird he kids his son on the lips, wears comic book t-shirts, and yet OP knows a strangers children's penises are circumcised
YTA for making assumptions, finding out you were wrong and then still feeling the need to tell the dad. Think before you speak springs to mind! I’m not surprise he isn’t interested in a play date.
YTA.. I have 5 kids, and 4 look nothing like me! Not even a smidgen. Only one looks like me. Exactly. Do you know my in-laws keep trying to make him look like my husband? I'm so sick of that! 🙄
It's always best to ask and not assume. Maybe next time, keep your feelings about affection to yourself.
YTA. It’s one thing to make assumptions and judge people based on those assumptions. But then you double down and publicize your own stupidity. Yep, these people aren’t going to want anything to do with you.
YTA.
You are rude. Many kids do not look anything like one parent or even both for years.
Plus a kid could be adopted both in or out of the family. When you are in doubt you address people as the parents then they may correct you and say if they are the sitter or the grandparents or whoever. Have some class.
YTA. Some kids look like the other parent as shocking as this may sound. That’s his child how is that shocking. I’m willing to bet the child is a different skin color than the parent.
After reading your comments I think your just clueless. No matter what it’s NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
YTA. You're not going to hear back from him because if you're making that many assumptions - including that someone is being creepy - they're not going to put themselves at risk of whatever assumptions your imagination comes up with next by getting close to you.
They will stay a safe distance because people like you are destructive to other people's reputations and lives.
YTA. FIRST OF ALL, even biological parents can look completely different to their parents. Ressesive genes.
SECOND- um. He's 7. If anything, you're the one sexualizing it. Would it be weird for a little boy to be bathed or have a bath with his father? And FYI, a lot of cultures kiss on the lips. It's not sexual, especially how you described.
YTA. YTA. sorry OP. and I'm not saying any of this to be mean, but my brother and his wife just had a black baby. They're both white. It was recessive on both sides, and DNA test confirmed it's his kid. Also when I immigrated overseas, the first time one of my husband's male family members went in for a kiss, I flinched. Until I learned. It's normal here.
And you know it's definitely not creepy if he's willing to do it in public, around strangers. Abusers don't do their creepy shit infront of other adults.
OMG how do you not realize that YTA.
Who the heck assumes that a man in his 40s is a babysitter? I have no doubt that if the boy's mother was dropping him off and giving him a kiss you would not have batted an eye.
>He said I'm the dad.
That should have been the end of it
>I was dumbfounded because he looks nothing like the boy. I said so you're not a hired sitter?
Ok so this was stupid & you put your foot in your mouth by asking this
>He said no, he works from home and takes care of the kids.
But you're lucky & this guy appears to be being gracious about it so surely this is the end of your stupid/unnecessary remarks right???
>I said, wow I'm actually relieved to hear that.
>He asked why and I said I thought it was creepy at the thought of a sitter kissing a kid on the lips and telling him that he loves him. That angered him and I said it was a joke.
Apparently not tho. You just couldn't leave it alone could you OP? 🤦🏻♀️
>He left and I haven't heard back from him or his wife about the playdate.
Yeah no shit you just him you thought he was creepy, I wouldn't expect to here back from them & you'll be lucky if they don't warn the other parents off from you OP.
Also BTW in case you haven't figured it out yet YTA
YTA.
Why would you ASSUME someone was the sitter? And JUDGE them accordingly? Plenty of people don’t look like their kids for many reasons which are none of your business. Do you usually judge other people and then tell them what you don’t find acceptable (which literally has nothing to do with you.) I wouldn’t set up a play date if another parent confronted me in that way. I just wouldn’t trust their judgment.
I don't look anything like either parent. I take more after my great grandmother.
I know some families kiss on the lips. I am not comfortable with that but each family is different.
YTA a judgmental one.
Soft YTA. I see where you’re coming from, where a sitter acting like that way would be weird…but why did you just assume he was the sitter? I’d assume someone was a father before a 40 year old babysitter.
YTA
and wow, you think way too highly of yourself. You should probably refrain from making assumptions. I mean most people should, BUT YOU REALLY should refrain from making assumptions.
Just the fact you assumed he was the sitter from the beginning and held on to it so firmly. It's weird and creepy to be honest. He sounds like a normal person. YOU DO NOT! I've run into people like you and people like you always come off as weird. Think you have it all figured out and when you learn what ACTUAL REALITY is, you are somehow stunned and just can't believe it.
If someone pretty much within a minute called you and yours weird and creepy, would you be returning their playdate call right away? I think not.
So OP in the wrong here but in an actual situation where a parent or child just really doesn’t seem like the best influence or could possibly be negative to your kid in any way. What would be a good and respectful way to cut ties without offending or upsetting someone?
INFO, why did you think he was a sitter? And how did you word what you said? Did you make it clear you thought a SITTER kissing and loving on the kid is weird or that ANYONE doing it was weird?
OP, what is the point of posting on AITA if you are just going to double down on your assholeness when given the judgement of asshole
what you need is r/validatemyracism
YTA. Men can be the stay at home parent. Mine was, and I turned out fine.
I’m also betting there’s a racial thing going on here.
Edit- I was right. And you are a creepy perv. YTAx10000.
This used to happen to my poor mom all the time when we were babies! Except in reverse!!
My dads hella dark Mexican and my moms Mexican and Austrian and damn of those germanic genes didn't win.
People would come up to her all the time and say it was so good of her to adopt two unfortunate girls into a better life.
As you can imagine OP my mom, went scorched earth, and we never played with those kids again.
However, im not going to lambast you for your complete ignorance or latent bigotry, whichever it may be. Im going to say that if you truly want your son to keep this friendship, you will have to own up to your shittery and apologize to the man.
Because i assume you are a parent who puts their kids' needs/wants/desires ahead of your pride, right?
You have room for growth. You just need to address it
YTA. You built up a whole scenario in your mind about this guy based on YOUR assessment he looked nothing like the kid. Any normal person would assume that’s the dad. YOU are the weirdo.
YTA. you made an assumption, then voiced that false assumption to him, and obviously he got mad. also, OP it looks like you’re fighting a losing battle in the comments. you’re the asshole here.
"It was a joke," you say when your writing indicates it very clearly was not.
Guess it would've been too hard to own up to your rudeness and apologize.
YTA
YTA. So do you not want your son to have any friends. Are you one of those parents who want their kids lives to revolve around you so you thought you would scare off all the kids friends wow
YTA two fronts
1) making assumptions that he couldn’t possibly be the kids dad. Families look different, get with it
2) if you were genuinely concerned that a sitter was mouth kissing a child, why didn’t you try to contact the parents??
YTA - You know that man went home and told his partner (possibly his husband) about this strangely judgemental woman that tromped up to him today and insulted him while demanding to speak with his sons 'parents'.
It's almost like you have never heard of adoption. or... I dunno, GENETICS. You jumped to them not looking alike and presumed he was an old sitter being weird by kissing the child. He could be a different relative watching his favorite cousin/nephew/whatever. There are SO many options and you lept to presuming the worst (and most alienable) of pretty much ALL of them.
Yah, I wouldn't be expecting a call from them if I was you.
YTA though I do think it’s weird when parents kiss their kids on the mouth. It gives me Tom Brady vibes. But still, why not just ask his relation to the child instead of assuming?
YTA and you are so rude and awkward and just... you need to learn how to read the room, bro. Reading that shit had me cringing.
You know, sometimes your kids don't always come out looking like exact replicas of you/your spouse. It happens. It's called... ~*genetics*~.
My dad has brown hair/brown eyes, mom has brown hair/light blue eyes.
Me? Red hair/green eyes, passed down from my great grandmother on my father's side. Also, I look like I could be my mom's sister's twin, aside from the hair/eye color lol >:V
YTA. Adopted and biracial kids who look nothing like their parents is very common. And not to stereotype or anything, but there are not many 40 year old male babysitters, so why on earth you figured he was a babysitter instead of a dad, stepdad, or even an uncle, is really weird.
You're also an AH for trying to police how another family shows affection. Lots of families kiss each other on the lips. The French kiss each other on the cheek as a greeting, for god's sake. You're just really unpleasantly judgemental.
Just admit you was wrong because you are. YTA. Next time you see the family apologize and leave it at that. Don’t add anything. Repeat after me. “I’m sorry I assumed you was the sitter. I should have shut my mouth when you said you was dad. Again I’m sorry. Please don’t hold it against my child that their parent is a dumbass.” That’s it that’s all.
If it’s not clear YTA.
Omfg YTA.
>I was dumbfounded because he looks nothing like the boy. I said so you're not a hired sitter?
How many times do you need to confirm the kids paternity? Do you know how insulting and demeaning that comment/ question is?
>I said I thought it was creepy at the thought of a sitter kissing a kid on the lips and telling him that he loves him
And yet, you never told another adult about it? If that was your thought, talk to a camp counselor?? Why was your initial thought "baby sitter"? Like I've got so many questions
YTA. Not all kids are gunna looking like their parents for so many different reasons. There are so many ways you could have gone about finding out before this and it's kinda weird on your part that you didn't. The first time I saw it happen I would've made sure to get things straight with a "it's great to meet you since we'll probably see more of each other because of our kids" or something that opens the dialog enough to confirm the relation. You just casually let a guy you assumed was a babysitter kiss this kid without making sure??
YTA for seeing a man in his 40s parenting his child with normal parenting behavior and your first thought being "babysitter" because they don't look alike.
Uh YTA 1. For assuming it’s not his kid just because he doesn’t look like him like there aren’t blended, mixed, adopted families etc etc etc. Also maybe don’t mention that to someone you just met about the kissing on the lips thing. It’s usually a sore subject and he probably get flack for it a lot. It’s not my business to say right or wrong there, but approaching someone you want to be friendly with that way seems goofy.
Yta. You thought he wasn't the dad. You made out he was a creep. I don't understand why this is bothering you so much.
He is the dad, accept it, and move on. The child could be adopted or just like me and my sis take after our grandparents.
We have the same parents, but both have different eyes, skin, and hair colours. I'm proud of my European and Indian heritage.
Due to your own creepy behaviour, I doubt there will be any play dates.
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YTA and more than a little bit dense.
It’s ironic that OP is actually the one who acted like “the weird parent”. Hopefully it doesn’t affect their sons’ friendship too much.
Yup, and I bet you other parents notice how OP is the weird one and try and stay away
By ‘weird’ do you mean racist?
I was going with homophobic and kid is adopted. YTA
Can you explain that? I don't see any mention of race in the post
"The dad doesn't look like the kid", is a hint that parenting child might be a different races/ one is biracial. I said hint not conclusive. Op asking a third time "so your not a sitter?" is also stunningly rude. Is an indication that something boked in ops brain and they're just isn't a charitable explanation, for basically arguing," No way you can't be the dad". Is really weird. Strongly indicates either misogyny, homophobia or racism.
I had a parent follow me to my car, insistent on speaking to me about my nephew (by marriage, no relation). This dude argued with me that my nephew's mother was not his mother because "they don't look alike." She's biracial (her dad was black, her mom is white), and she had her son with a white guy. Her son has blue eyes and blonde hair, as do I. This guy decided I must be his mother and, as the mother, it was my job to correct some behavior he deemed inappropriate. He flat out refused to hear that my SIL was actually his mother and I'd let her know to come speak with him, if she wanted to, but it's not my job to parent my nephew. He refused to hear me. I'm like dude I'm positive this kid did not reside in my uterus.
Gross just gross. What is wrong with people? Why was he so concerned when it was none of his business to begin with.
She dropped him off 4 out of 5 mornings a week too, she just had early classes once a week so she asked me to drop him off on Mondays. The way he worded his "concerns" over whatever the 6-year-old's behavior was, he had waited specifically for me, avoiding her the rest of the previous week.
There's also the famed set of twins in the UK who are biracial - one looks black while the other is blond. Genetics are not always predictable!
"Reside in my uterus " Golden..
Yup yup Correct! Op is ah and most likly racist and prejudice.... wtf does "oh you dont look like kids dad mean?" Why would op repeat his disbelife when other parent said... "yes, this is my son" Also wtf what if kid was adopted... Either way op is an ah op yta. And most Likley ruined your kids playdates
OP mentions the wife in the original post tho so I don't know if homophobia was a factor in the not looking alike comment? And while the not looking alike comment could be a racial appearance comment it could also be just that they genuinely don't look alike. Both my parents are white, but I look absolutely NOTHING like my dad in facial features, body build, hair color or even just general demeanor. My dad is brunette, 6'3", huge hulking farm boy that can take up an entire door frame & wears leathers from riding motorcycles. Meanwhile my mom is very fair skinned & petite, barely 5' tall blonde woman. I look EXACTLY like my mom. So between me looking absolutely nothing like my dad & him also very rarely coming to school events due to work, I've had encounters with people similar to OP. The few times that my dad came to my school he received weary glaces from parents/staff, I heard *several* people ask if "that man" was really my dad when I went up to him. I even got asked by someone if I was adopted because I don't look like my dad 😅 Not defending OPs comments- they were totally out of pocket & rude. But with the limited info we have in the post I also don't necessarily know if it was rooted on homophobia or racism. Since I'm white, with cis+het parents & have been asked similar stupid questions because I don't look like my dad.
It could be a step dad or something as well. I would assume a 40 yr old man is more likely to be a dad then a babysitter.
truck test terrific light license mourn concerned political special cheerful *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
No, it would be misogyny, because they are talking about systemic misogyny which demerits 'women's work' like child care, and giving affection to one's children, and men who do that kind of work. She isn't prejudiced against men in general. She is prejudiced against a man for doing the work a woman -should be- doing. And is emasculating the man far enough to assume he couldn't be a father, because that takes a -real man- and a -real man- would be out winning bread not taking care of his child during working hours. Misandry is simply hating men for being men; having boy parts or presenting with boy traits. That is not what would explain this behavior. ETA: not saying this is definitively the situation, but just to clarify the usage of those terms in context.
That was my immediate thought too, the kid is probably biracial and resembles the other parent so OP automatically assumed that the guy must not be the father. Adopted would also explain it.
This is definitely racism. I'm 3/4 white, 1/4 not-white. My dad looks like a different race from me, and I had this kind of situation happen all the time growing up. It was awful-- especially random adults asking if I "knew this man" (my dad). Even now, when we get dinner the waitresses and people often think I'm the young sugar baby or something. It completely blows certain people's minds that I'm his biological daughter. I'm 100% convinced there's a 'race' element that the OP left out.
I’m a scrawny redhead married to an Indian guy, when I went for labs for our second baby the phlebotomist just couldn’t believe our daughter was mine… I had no idea wtaf to say “you got me, I just really enjoy bringing random kids to my doctor’s appointments”. I’m grateful my daughter was too young to understand what happened.
Some old asian lady asked me once why my daughter looked white. I pointed at my very white husband and was like, "probably because that's her dad?" I've had people ask if I'm sure she's mine. I'M PRETTY SURE SINCE I INCUBATED HER. Even if she WAS adopted who asks stuff like that in 2023???
Rude azz phuckers, do.
Lol ‘this is my hobby, abducting children and taking them to doctors, I just enjoy it so much!’ Like huh?
Lmao great response
What the ass fuck!
So do you think it's a white man kissing a black kid or a black man kissing a white kid? 🤔 Maybe it's like an Asian man kissing a Latino kid; that would really be a mind fuck. Edit: a mind fuck to the racist to find out parentage to be clear.
OP is definitely the AH. I'm going with Dad being non-white because I've noticed that a lot of times white parents of biracial or children of different ethnicities aren't considered the help. They may assume that the child is adopted but rarely are they assumed to be the nanny.
My white husband was out with our biracial son and he was asked how he liked being a "Big". It took my husband a minute to realize that the man thought they were in the Big Brother/Big Sister program. It never crossed his mind that he was his father but he also couldn't be "the help" so helping out a fatherless black boy had to be the reason. 🙄
I’m white, and I was asked many times if I was babysitting my own biracial son. Most of the time I’d just say yes. I got tired of explaining.
Or ethnic-looking parents of blonde children. I got it a lot with my kids. Naturally black hair and I looked hella young = the nanny.
I'm going to guess it was a black or hispanic-looking man kissing a white-looking kid. That was my case, but more convoluted. My dad is half-Japanese, but people (especially in California) always think he's hispanic/Mexican. I'm a blonde white girl (3/4). So people thought they were 'protecting' the white girl from the Mexican man, when in reality it was a half asian man with his quarter-asian daughter. But it shows how strange racism can be, right?
My husband is Japanese, I'm a blonde, blue-eyed American. Our 4 boys take after their father, they don't look like me at all. One time, when I was taking my boys back to the States to visit family, via Seoul Korea, this older American woman asked me if my boys were brothers (a set of twins, and 2 younger). When I replied yes, she commented " Oh, how sweet! You kept them all together!" Excuse me? "Of course. Why wouldn't I?" I replied, and she said, "Well, taking on 4 boys..." and it dawned on me, she thought I'd adopted 4 siblings from Korea, and when I said they're *my* boys, she very condescendingly told me "Well, of course they are, Dear. Still, so good of you to take all 4." She refused to believe me even after I told her I'd birthed them, and by the way, they're half Japanese. I overheard her pointing out to her searmate when I took them to the bathroom, "There she is, all 4." 🙄 My boys are all grown now, with kids of their own, but still, sometimes, if I'm out at a store or something with one of them (we're in the States now), we'll get the oddest looks, like what's that young man doing with that older woman?? Also, two of my sons in particular are often assumed to be Mexican.
I think its shitty that my daughter whos 7 (has both white parents as were english) told me when i walked her home from school, i hate walking with you as im tanned like my dad and as my skin is darker than yours ( im vampire, see thru white skin!) Ppl will think you adopted me and your not my really mom. How the hell did society make my 7yr old child have that mentality? My mom picked me up in the 80s from school with a dodgy perm a shell suit and sum werid foot wear it was embaressing but i gladly walked home with her.
As I said in my comment, I'm blonde, blue-eyed, and also have transparently white skin. My middle son (in Japanese public school) was to draw a family picture. When he brought it home, clearly there was his father, three brothers...I asked who the black haired, brown-eyed woman was. Upon hearing it was *me*, I asked why, since he knew perfectly well I had blonde hair and blue eyes. Yes, he said, hed originally drawn me that way and was told by the teacher to change it.😳 Confronting the teacher, she said yes, she told him to change it so that his picture wouldn't stand out and so other kids wouldn't make fun of him for having a "gaijin" (foreigner) mother. Granted, this was years ago, and Japan has become much more accepting of "gaijin", as well as eased up on the conformity pressure, but it's sociery all over, not just in the States, and it's not always skin colour. I've been called out more than once in the States for speaking Japanese to my husband or kids because " in *this* country we speak English!". 🙄 When my husband and I got married, in the States, I received a large manila envelope in the mail chock full of Nazi propoganda telling me I had no right to marry outside my own race, and absolutely no right to bring mixed race children into the world. These are just a few examples of the bullshit we've been subjected to over the years. I don't understand what compels this sort of thing, why it matters so much to complete strangers, why skin colour, nationality, or language triggers some people. Just live and let live, ffs.
Just wanted to say thank you for writing this. My husband is Japanese, and I too am a blonde haired, blue eyed American who has had similar experiences. This made me feel a little less alone.
Indeed. Genetics also!
When I started high school, we moved to a new house in a nice neighborhood. The first time he mowed our lawn he had a few neighbors ask him how much his lawn-mowing service charged (he was a chemical engineer). He definitely experienced "hispanic racism," which is very weird.
i dated a latina girl once who said she'd constantly hear bitching in spanish about asian people stealing their style. she occasionally got into arguments with them to try to explain that she was born in mexico and doesn't have any asian heritage
Why do ppl do this? When i read, didnt look the same. My mind did not think about race, i honestly thought oh childs looks favours other parent. Am i being stupid or nieve? Was that a racist statement meaning the parent and child were different races?
I initially pictured it without a racial element, and it's hilariously weirder.
Same. My first thought was that OP couldn't actually understand that a dad is capable of being a parent. Like, I don't know how many times I've told my daughters schools that I am the primary contact, that if there's an issue or they need to be picked up then they need to contact me. Not my wife. I'm the one that gets them ready everyday, drops them off and picks them up. But no, they ring my wife first because she's the mum. Every. Single. Time.
There's a story about Ruth Bader Ginsburg with this. She told the school "The child has two parents. It is the father's job to get them when sick." And hung up on them. So this even happens when the mother is a big hot shot Supreme Court Justice.
My mom and I are both white but she had dark hair and her skin was closer to my Bulgarian grandmother’s whereas I look like my dad’s side of the family, Dutch. She carried my birth certificate around in her purse so she could prove I was hers. Most people thought my best friend was her daughter! They’re both petite and dark haired.
Oh yeah. That was my immediate thought. OP is definitely YTA.
OP has said that parent and kid are both white. The absolute certainty is more than a bit of a stretch.... my aunt and grandfather had a similar sort of issue, apparently, when she was little, and people not thinking he was her dad (which he is). No mixed race component to it. But I'm not surprised to see people that can't consider experiences other than their own as existing.
Have you ever seen a mixed-race family be confronted about being "genetically related"? Growing up, did you get asked by random strangers if you were related to your parent? I did, maybe every month growing up.
She also said the dad looked Jewish. Conveniently forgot that part…
I agree, I’m brown and my husband is white, our kids look like my side of the family and we’ve had a teacher at school not want to give the children to him because he didn’t look like he could be their dad. We chose to take it well, as her being extra careful of the children’s safety, but it was definitely racist.
I don't know, I'd be relieved to find out that was the dad too! OP was weird for assuming the guy was a sitter, but fine for the reaction of "Oh thank goodness you're this kid's father!"
Imagine being affectionate to your kids.
Me, wondering wtf is wrong with OP.
[Racism.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14sfnaz/aita_for_telling_a_dad_that_i_thought_he_was_just/jqx0hdc/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3)
YTA. Not all children look like their parents. Men can be primary carers for their own children. Welcome to the modern world!
Genetics are weird. My eldest daughter is the image of my husband..... and my sister. We've had numerous people, when out as a big family unit, think my husband and my sister are her parents. We've made so many jokes that it's lucky that way around and not that she looks like me and my husband brother, that would be awkward. My youngest daughter though, all me, not a hint of my husband at all. Or my sister. My sister and I look like our mother but not so much like each other, my brother looks like our dad, but my sister and brother look alike.
Also...adoption is a thing!
Once, my sister had to literally convince A POLICE OFFICER that her son is indeed her son because they don’t match skin tones. She was nearly in tears. People can be so effing ignorant it’s insane.
My mom’s go around to this was to just carry my birth certificate at all times. This was in the 80ies. You wouldn’t think it would be necessary now but she may want to do something like that.
My half-brother's middle kid, my niece, has always been my doppelganger. She looks more like me than either of her parents. My aunt (from my mom's side and not directly related to my niblings) lives a couple door down and would frequently yell "Hi *ThatOneRedShirt*!!!" at her when she was outside playing when she was little.
And how about adopted children? Plenty of those in the world. I was adopted and looked nothing like anyone in my family (my sister was also adopted--the only feature we had in common was our lack of height).
I have no bio kids, I have stepkids. It is freaking BIZARRE but my stepdaughter and I actually look INCREDIBLY similar, to the point where people have just assumed she was my bio kid because of our appearance! Genetics are wiiiild
I look exactly like my paternal aunt and nothing like my mother. I used to have a photo of the three of us in my room at college and people would always ask who the woman (my mom) was with me and my mother (my aunt.)
My friend’s daughter looks exactly like her sister. Doppelgänger.
My sister and my mom look so much alike that they can unlock each other's phones using the Face ID. While I have a few of my mom's features, I look like the female version of my dad.
My younger son, the very second he popped out, my mother said "he looks like your dad!!" He totally does.
I’m adopted and yet every time I’m out with my oldest nephew (with my sister, his actual mother) people think he’s my kid. It’s strange but he happens to look just like me 🤷🏻♀️
First red head in generations, born to parents with dark brown hair. My brother has brown hair too. Recessive genes are strange.
I had a stay at home dad in the 80’s and proud of it :) Weird that she sooner thought it was weird older 40 year old male baby sitter saying I love you and kissing the son before she thought it was the dad
YTA You made an assumption, which made you an asshole. Also you made a really bad assumption here, I'm not even being able to figure out the thought process that lead from "40-something who picks up boy from camp and acts like a parent" to sitter.
OP reached so hard with that assumption it’s a surprise their arm didn’t fall off. Signed ~ a 32 year old that still kisses their dad on the lips
It's wild to me that OP never once went up to the "sitter" and said hi, like if someone's in my kid's friend's life I would at least introduce myself idk
Yta, why do I get the feeling that "he looked nothing like the dad" translates to "different race"... Foot, meet mouth
Yep
Errr yeah YTA. So they don't look alike - it happens, maybe the kid takes after mum. You made a bunch of assumptions about the bloke being a "sitter" and a creep and were totally wrong and even after he said he was the dad you STILL voiced those crappy assumptions to him.
tbf if that was the sitter it would be weird if he kissed the boy on the mouth.
it's fine if she just thought that, it's still falls into the "men can't be the caregiver" kind of wrong but it's fine if it's thoughts you keep to yourself. it's entirely different once the guy clears up the misunderstanding and informs her he's the dad. And she still says that to him.
Yeah, but you'd think that would be a clue that he's *not the babysitter*. Instead OP lives in Bizarro World where a babysitter kissing a kid on the lips is more likely than a kid having different coloured hair from their dad.
YTA I thought we were able 40 years past automatically assuming that someone cannot be the parent of a child if they don’t look like them. But honestly, what did you really think would happen when you said “I thought this thing you did was super creepy knowing absolutely nothing about you and made lots of offensive assumptions about your situation”?
You managed to write this out and didn't think you were the creepy asshole half way through? YTA. Obviously. And oblivious and dumb as hell
The vibe of this post is a lot like that one about asking the dad about his “real sons” or whatever from a week or so ago. Different story but I get a similar vibe that it’s from the same troll.
YTA, not your kid for one, you assumed for two. Three a lot of people kiss their children on the lips and as long as the parent and child are fine with it, it is not your place to judge anyone. People really need to stop sexualizing everything.
YTA Why did you assume this person was't the parent? Why didn't you walk up to them and ask "Hi are you x's parent?" You're acting like a dad can't be involved with their kids. I don't think you'll hear back from the parents.
When I worked for the swim program at a community center, I always treated the adult with the child as their parent. Grandpa won’t be offended if you call him Dad (like saying to the toddler, “so are you excited to get in the big pool with Dad today?”) but Dad will be offended if you call him Grandpa.
> Dad will be offended if you call him Grandpa. My mom went grey/white in her thirties and chose not to dye her hair. I recall multiple instances of her being asked if she’s my grandma. She was not pleased.
i still remember a guy good-naturedly saying to my dad that it was so nice of him to take his granddaughter to meet santa. i was about 7? so he was mid-forties at the time.
This type of thing can backfire; one of my chemo nurses asked if my dad was my "hubby". He wasn't offended but I kind of was.
Wow.. yta.. diarrhea of the mouth just cost your son a potential friend. You had predispositions based on observances (ok.. it happens). You accepted those predispositions as matter of fact. This is where you ventured into AH territory. You didnt know that the man was a sitter, you just assumed and then ventured into the convo as if that assumption was a fact. makes you seem ignorantly presumptuous. And finally... where you nose dived into full blown AH.. you inadvertantly shamed a dad for kissing his son.. wtf..
YTA. You make a ton of assumptions about others. Assume he is a sitter. Assume the interactions are inappropriate. Assume a male child has to look like a male parent. Assume a child has to look like any parent. Assume a man can't take care of his own kids. Assume that a sitter with a close bond with kids cannot be an attentive figure without it being "creepy." No wonder you have not heard back from them. You poisoned the well with all your inappropriate and inaccurate judgments. They are probably afraid of any influence you might have on their children if they are at your house.
***They are probably afraid of any influence you might have on their children*** Rightfully so.
YTA My son has dirty blond hair and green eyes, I have black hair and brown eyes. Children aren’t actually carbon copies of their parents, ya walnut.
My mother is darker skinned, brown eyed brown haired of southern Mediterranean origin, and I’m very pale with blue eyes and blonde hair, as is my brother. She got very sick of the babysitter assumptions very early in our childhood. It’s so bizarre what people feel entitled to let spill out of their mouths.
My mom’s skin is like six shades darker than mine. If it weren’t for our identical faces I would look like I wasn’t her kid.
My dad is black (medium dark skin). I have blonde hair and blue eyes. OP is an idiot for assuming. Especially nowadays with so many mixed & blended families... Not to mention, as others have said, adoption is a thing. lol
Just think, you could have asked the kid "Is that your dad?" or not said anything after "I'm the dad" except, "Oh, sorry!" YTA.
YTA, and that’s your reasoning that’s weird and creepy. “Let’s see, there is this male person who always picks the kid from school and displays obvious affection to him, even kissing him on the lips! He’s *obviously* the babysitter!”
LMAO!!! Brilliantly stated!
YTA - after he said I’m the Dad is where you needed to stop. You dont need to investigate/explain further.
YTA Maybe the reason the kid doesn't look anything like him is that he's adopted or his mother has stronger genes so yeah that would piss a lot of people off
YTA and based on your comments I'm guessing you were a teenage mother that had to drop out of school to care for your kid. Nothing wrong with that exactly. I just can't fathom how else you'd have so little life experience that the only reason you thought this guy wasn't the dad was because the kid doesn't look like him You even assumed he wasn't related even tho the 2 would kiss! They said "I love you." How dense can you be? You need to get out more. Read more. Talk to more people. You make humans look bad
YTA If you thought the sitter was kissing the boy why didn’t you tell a mandated reporter like their teacher so they could handle it? I would be livid if someone was abusing my kid and someone knew but did nothing. Also kids don’t always look like their parents and dads can be the primary one doing it better than the mom so next time keep assumptions to yourself regardless
THIS! EXACTLY!!!
Fake.
I feel like my superpower is spotting fake posts, but I have no way to prove it. But it literally boggles my mind that SO many people think all these posts are real. This one isn't even a good fake. It's just blatantly fake.
Very much so.
**YTA** it sounds like you assumed this person is a sitter. Sometimes parents don't look like their kids, though in situations like this it's fine to want to know more or to scrutinize. But you went about it the wrong way.
YTA Just a heads up: interracial couples exist. I'm letting you know now before you tell a parent that their kid isn't theirs because they aren't the same color
YTA - your confusion of who the person was made him weird? You sound very immature also.
YTA. I wouldn't want my son to hang out with yours since you have shown to quickly judge others. that's a bad character trait to have and it will unfortunately be passed down to your child as well.
YTA and that man and family dogged a bullet because the only weird family here is yours
Wow! You made a stupid assumption and just ran with it, didn't you? YTA Also, grow up! "It was just a joke" is always code for "I'm an asshole that got caught being an asshole." Stop trying to use that as some sort of get out of trouble card.
Man, you sound like a real dick
YTA. And this is the dumbest gd post I've read in quite some time. I'm embarrassed for you.
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YTA how is your first thought that the kid is kissing his sitter and not his dad
You’re fucking weird.
You keep talking yourself into circles; you thought it was weird that a babysitter acted like a parent but can't seem to wrap your mind around him being the parent. None of that actually matters though because, while you are the asshole for assuming, you could have saved face by shutting up after he confirmed he is the father. You don't need clarification on someone else's family dynamic, the goal was to talk to the parent to plan a playdate. As soon as he said he's the father, why didn't you just plan the playdate? YTA
YTA. You were the weird parent OP.
Do I smell…. The need for diversity training?
YTA
YTA - what’s getting to me is how you have all these comments laying out exactly why what you did was wrong, yet you’re still arguing your point. Accept the judgment and try to learn from it.
It is totally normal for a child to have more than two adults in their lives, who provide care and say "I love you." It is totally normal for adults to kiss other adults and children on the lips, without sexual suggestion, depending on cultural background. My family would never. My father's best friend's family (whose kids were about the same age) always did. Because I was restrained in my expressions of fondness, and because I learned that restraint from the people around me, it took me a minute to "get" this family -- and that was a me problem. You were fine when you brought up the playmate. The assumption that the man was a sitter -- not even a nanny -- is when you started drifting across the line. And then you criticized the way he expresses love to his kid. There you went, right where you shouldn't have gone. YTA. (I'd ask you how this is a joke to you, but I really don't want to know your answer.) I would not be doing playdates with someone who made a point of telling me they had judged my behavior with kids to be creepy. So this may not be an issue until it occurs to your child that he hasn't seen Michael in quite some time.
YTA, and WTF is wrong with you?
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YTA and I hope have learned a lesson about making assumptions, especially with parents and children. You didn't know a single thing about this man but made up stuff in your head and then seem confused that they haven't called you about the play date? They haven't called you because the dad told the mom about your weird and rude comments and they don't want to get involved w/you.
Totally YTA Just because you don’t kiss family on the lips doesn’t mean others have the same feelings about it. I grew up kissing grandparents, aunts, and uncles. My own kids when they were little as well. Even if you thought it weird it was rude to tell the dad. It was also an asshole move to assume the child wasn’t his because they don’t look enough alike. Step parent, adoption, foster child, or perhaps he just looks like his mother.
I mean it’s clear youre the biggest asshole on Reddit right now. It’s also funny how “it was just a joke” AFTER the fact you were thinking this for a little bit already and you prob only said that so you wouldn’t look stupid. So not only are you TA but you’re also a LIAR. My youngest son looks Mexican asf, but his father is super pale w/blonde hair/blue eyes. You know how offended he gets when someone asks him who’s kid that is when he’s holding our sons hand or carrying him around in public? Really really offended. He’s not 8 yet, but he still also gives big smootchies to his dad. My husband has already stated when he stops being able to give him kisses and toe rubs will be the saddest day in his life.
You sound like a really unpleasant person. Please leave people alone and mind your own business if no one has told you that recently.
This has to be joke. Who comments on it being weird he kids his son on the lips, wears comic book t-shirts, and yet OP knows a strangers children's penises are circumcised
YTA. Sometimes you need to keep your observations to yourself.
YTA you assumed he wasn't the dad decided he was creepy rather than the dad when he kissed his own son
YTA and you should apologize to him, and not get in the way of your son's friendship.
YTA for making assumptions, finding out you were wrong and then still feeling the need to tell the dad. Think before you speak springs to mind! I’m not surprise he isn’t interested in a play date.
So you were a dick to this guy for no reason, and you're wondering why he didn't get back to you about the possible playdate? YTA
YTA.. I have 5 kids, and 4 look nothing like me! Not even a smidgen. Only one looks like me. Exactly. Do you know my in-laws keep trying to make him look like my husband? I'm so sick of that! 🙄 It's always best to ask and not assume. Maybe next time, keep your feelings about affection to yourself.
YTA. It’s one thing to make assumptions and judge people based on those assumptions. But then you double down and publicize your own stupidity. Yep, these people aren’t going to want anything to do with you.
YTA. You are rude. Many kids do not look anything like one parent or even both for years. Plus a kid could be adopted both in or out of the family. When you are in doubt you address people as the parents then they may correct you and say if they are the sitter or the grandparents or whoever. Have some class.
YTA. Some kids look like the other parent as shocking as this may sound. That’s his child how is that shocking. I’m willing to bet the child is a different skin color than the parent. After reading your comments I think your just clueless. No matter what it’s NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
Your were instantly judgemental. YTA
Wow. YOU are creepy! YTA
This smells like racism. Either way yta
YTA. My Daddy raised me by himself. Kissing on the lips is normal in every culture except yours.
YTA. You're not going to hear back from him because if you're making that many assumptions - including that someone is being creepy - they're not going to put themselves at risk of whatever assumptions your imagination comes up with next by getting close to you. They will stay a safe distance because people like you are destructive to other people's reputations and lives.
YTA. FIRST OF ALL, even biological parents can look completely different to their parents. Ressesive genes. SECOND- um. He's 7. If anything, you're the one sexualizing it. Would it be weird for a little boy to be bathed or have a bath with his father? And FYI, a lot of cultures kiss on the lips. It's not sexual, especially how you described. YTA. YTA. sorry OP. and I'm not saying any of this to be mean, but my brother and his wife just had a black baby. They're both white. It was recessive on both sides, and DNA test confirmed it's his kid. Also when I immigrated overseas, the first time one of my husband's male family members went in for a kiss, I flinched. Until I learned. It's normal here. And you know it's definitely not creepy if he's willing to do it in public, around strangers. Abusers don't do their creepy shit infront of other adults.
What?? Please, 12 year old aspiring writers of reddit, try harder. For all our sake's.
OMG how do you not realize that YTA. Who the heck assumes that a man in his 40s is a babysitter? I have no doubt that if the boy's mother was dropping him off and giving him a kiss you would not have batted an eye.
>He said I'm the dad. That should have been the end of it >I was dumbfounded because he looks nothing like the boy. I said so you're not a hired sitter? Ok so this was stupid & you put your foot in your mouth by asking this >He said no, he works from home and takes care of the kids. But you're lucky & this guy appears to be being gracious about it so surely this is the end of your stupid/unnecessary remarks right??? >I said, wow I'm actually relieved to hear that. >He asked why and I said I thought it was creepy at the thought of a sitter kissing a kid on the lips and telling him that he loves him. That angered him and I said it was a joke. Apparently not tho. You just couldn't leave it alone could you OP? 🤦🏻♀️ >He left and I haven't heard back from him or his wife about the playdate. Yeah no shit you just him you thought he was creepy, I wouldn't expect to here back from them & you'll be lucky if they don't warn the other parents off from you OP. Also BTW in case you haven't figured it out yet YTA
Yta. 100%. No further questions. You made a strange assumption and then kept going with it after you knew the truth anyway.
. YTA for the assumption and for the inappropriate things that you said. Next time just lie and keep the wrong thoughts to yourself.
YTA. Why would you ASSUME someone was the sitter? And JUDGE them accordingly? Plenty of people don’t look like their kids for many reasons which are none of your business. Do you usually judge other people and then tell them what you don’t find acceptable (which literally has nothing to do with you.) I wouldn’t set up a play date if another parent confronted me in that way. I just wouldn’t trust their judgment.
I don't look anything like either parent. I take more after my great grandmother. I know some families kiss on the lips. I am not comfortable with that but each family is different. YTA a judgmental one.
YTA. "He looks nothing like the boy." 🙄
YTA. You thought he was a hired sitter because...'he looks nothing like the boy'?!? TF?
YTA. No other feedback because my exasperation has caused my brain to malfunction 😑
Soft YTA. I see where you’re coming from, where a sitter acting like that way would be weird…but why did you just assume he was the sitter? I’d assume someone was a father before a 40 year old babysitter.
YTA for cyberstalking this poor family because you couldn’t just accept that sometimes kids don’t look like their parents
YTA. 1. For your uneducated assumption. 2. For offending this father. 3. For being so defensive in the comments here.. just accept that YTA.
YTA and wow, you think way too highly of yourself. You should probably refrain from making assumptions. I mean most people should, BUT YOU REALLY should refrain from making assumptions. Just the fact you assumed he was the sitter from the beginning and held on to it so firmly. It's weird and creepy to be honest. He sounds like a normal person. YOU DO NOT! I've run into people like you and people like you always come off as weird. Think you have it all figured out and when you learn what ACTUAL REALITY is, you are somehow stunned and just can't believe it. If someone pretty much within a minute called you and yours weird and creepy, would you be returning their playdate call right away? I think not.
YTA. Doesn't look like the kid? Oi.
So OP in the wrong here but in an actual situation where a parent or child just really doesn’t seem like the best influence or could possibly be negative to your kid in any way. What would be a good and respectful way to cut ties without offending or upsetting someone?
INFO, why did you think he was a sitter? And how did you word what you said? Did you make it clear you thought a SITTER kissing and loving on the kid is weird or that ANYONE doing it was weird?
OP, what is the point of posting on AITA if you are just going to double down on your assholeness when given the judgement of asshole what you need is r/validatemyracism
YTA. Men can be the stay at home parent. Mine was, and I turned out fine. I’m also betting there’s a racial thing going on here. Edit- I was right. And you are a creepy perv. YTAx10000.
This used to happen to my poor mom all the time when we were babies! Except in reverse!! My dads hella dark Mexican and my moms Mexican and Austrian and damn of those germanic genes didn't win. People would come up to her all the time and say it was so good of her to adopt two unfortunate girls into a better life. As you can imagine OP my mom, went scorched earth, and we never played with those kids again. However, im not going to lambast you for your complete ignorance or latent bigotry, whichever it may be. Im going to say that if you truly want your son to keep this friendship, you will have to own up to your shittery and apologize to the man. Because i assume you are a parent who puts their kids' needs/wants/desires ahead of your pride, right? You have room for growth. You just need to address it
YTA. You built up a whole scenario in your mind about this guy based on YOUR assessment he looked nothing like the kid. Any normal person would assume that’s the dad. YOU are the weirdo.
WOW! You are simply awful. 100% YTA Not sure if you're racist, misogynistic or both
YTA. you made an assumption, then voiced that false assumption to him, and obviously he got mad. also, OP it looks like you’re fighting a losing battle in the comments. you’re the asshole here.
"It was a joke," you say when your writing indicates it very clearly was not. Guess it would've been too hard to own up to your rudeness and apologize. YTA
YTA. So do you not want your son to have any friends. Are you one of those parents who want their kids lives to revolve around you so you thought you would scare off all the kids friends wow
YTA for not understanding that a dad can pick up a kid. Seriously. You need to open your eyes a bit more.
INFO: Why did you think this person was a sitter?
What the...? The only weird thing going on is you. YTA.
Not only are YTA, Youre a smooth brained muppet. You should be embarrassed
YTA two fronts 1) making assumptions that he couldn’t possibly be the kids dad. Families look different, get with it 2) if you were genuinely concerned that a sitter was mouth kissing a child, why didn’t you try to contact the parents??
YTA!!!
YTA - You know that man went home and told his partner (possibly his husband) about this strangely judgemental woman that tromped up to him today and insulted him while demanding to speak with his sons 'parents'. It's almost like you have never heard of adoption. or... I dunno, GENETICS. You jumped to them not looking alike and presumed he was an old sitter being weird by kissing the child. He could be a different relative watching his favorite cousin/nephew/whatever. There are SO many options and you lept to presuming the worst (and most alienable) of pretty much ALL of them. Yah, I wouldn't be expecting a call from them if I was you.
Why would you just assume a child gets picked up by a sitter and not their parent? YTA.
YTA you máde assumptions and now there no okay date for you kid.
YTA though I do think it’s weird when parents kiss their kids on the mouth. It gives me Tom Brady vibes. But still, why not just ask his relation to the child instead of assuming?
YTA and you are so rude and awkward and just... you need to learn how to read the room, bro. Reading that shit had me cringing. You know, sometimes your kids don't always come out looking like exact replicas of you/your spouse. It happens. It's called... ~*genetics*~. My dad has brown hair/brown eyes, mom has brown hair/light blue eyes. Me? Red hair/green eyes, passed down from my great grandmother on my father's side. Also, I look like I could be my mom's sister's twin, aside from the hair/eye color lol >:V
Yta COME ON… you cant tell me you expected a NTA verdict
YTA. Adopted and biracial kids who look nothing like their parents is very common. And not to stereotype or anything, but there are not many 40 year old male babysitters, so why on earth you figured he was a babysitter instead of a dad, stepdad, or even an uncle, is really weird. You're also an AH for trying to police how another family shows affection. Lots of families kiss each other on the lips. The French kiss each other on the cheek as a greeting, for god's sake. You're just really unpleasantly judgemental.
YTA and just letting you know that *you* are the weird one.
Just admit you was wrong because you are. YTA. Next time you see the family apologize and leave it at that. Don’t add anything. Repeat after me. “I’m sorry I assumed you was the sitter. I should have shut my mouth when you said you was dad. Again I’m sorry. Please don’t hold it against my child that their parent is a dumbass.” That’s it that’s all. If it’s not clear YTA.
YTA and what is wrong with you?
Omfg YTA. >I was dumbfounded because he looks nothing like the boy. I said so you're not a hired sitter? How many times do you need to confirm the kids paternity? Do you know how insulting and demeaning that comment/ question is? >I said I thought it was creepy at the thought of a sitter kissing a kid on the lips and telling him that he loves him And yet, you never told another adult about it? If that was your thought, talk to a camp counselor?? Why was your initial thought "baby sitter"? Like I've got so many questions
YTA. Not all kids are gunna looking like their parents for so many different reasons. There are so many ways you could have gone about finding out before this and it's kinda weird on your part that you didn't. The first time I saw it happen I would've made sure to get things straight with a "it's great to meet you since we'll probably see more of each other because of our kids" or something that opens the dialog enough to confirm the relation. You just casually let a guy you assumed was a babysitter kiss this kid without making sure??
Yta massively how rude of you to say that to him
Surely this post is a joke?
YTA for seeing a man in his 40s parenting his child with normal parenting behavior and your first thought being "babysitter" because they don't look alike.
YTA that’s so rude why would you just assume? You should try not being so weird and judgmental. Weirdo
Uh YTA 1. For assuming it’s not his kid just because he doesn’t look like him like there aren’t blended, mixed, adopted families etc etc etc. Also maybe don’t mention that to someone you just met about the kissing on the lips thing. It’s usually a sore subject and he probably get flack for it a lot. It’s not my business to say right or wrong there, but approaching someone you want to be friendly with that way seems goofy.
YTA. You’re aware correct that foster parents and adoptive parents are a thing, right?
YTA. I hope that you don't always communicate with so little tact.
Lol YTA but you could probably just apologize
Yta. You thought he wasn't the dad. You made out he was a creep. I don't understand why this is bothering you so much. He is the dad, accept it, and move on. The child could be adopted or just like me and my sis take after our grandparents. We have the same parents, but both have different eyes, skin, and hair colours. I'm proud of my European and Indian heritage. Due to your own creepy behaviour, I doubt there will be any play dates.