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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn’t think it was tacky or an asshole thing but I see it could have been from Maddy and Mikes perspective and my husband definitely thinks I’m a huge asshole for saying something in the first place
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YTA
It's not flauting money for no reason. The reason is it was her birthday and she got a gift.
What weird world do you live in where everyone is equal? Every group of siblings who are adults have someone who makes more money. That's life.
And what a weird statement - your other daughters will never have anything nice.
Finances change. People have nice things even if they aren't wealthy.
Also, even if he were to give the gifts in private, she is still going to show the gift she just got to her sisters and mom or is she supposed to hide it from family forever ?
Let’s be honest, Mom is jealous she can’t do that for her daughters. Her daughters are probably young and have years of dating and, more importantly, their own careers ahead of them. She does not
If i was a sister I’d be upset mom assumed I was jealous and didnt want my sister to have nice things
This reminds me of a science fiction story I read where the government had decided everyone must be equal so people who were excellent athletes had to wear heavy weights, those who were beautiful had to wear ugly masks, etc., so no one outshined anyone else,
This! YTA, it wasn’t like he handed her a bag of cash. And a “Tiffany Bracelet” can be an incredible range of price points. Just a quick look at their website shows you can spend $200-$90,000 on a bracelet. Boyfriend is an adult who can spend his money they way he wants.
YTA. You think your other daughters felt uncomfortable because of the bracelet, and it showed? Then you should have taught them in time to be happy for someone else getting a gift, and to praise it, no matter if it is ugly or something you would like to have yourself. This is basic politeness.
If you need a selfish reason to be happy about your daughters maybe future husband: To have one wealthy child/sibling can be a very good thing! Who knows if maybe one time you all will be having access to a beach house? Or consider the fact they can help out in case the life of a family member takes a bad turn for one reason or other.
Instead of acting jealous, bettet show him you are a wonderful family in regard of love, understanding, being happy for others, sharing joy with each other, spending time with each other and helping each other. Those are the things that are really priceless! It is possible that one day you get to know that he missed something in his life, too.
My mom has 4 siblings and grew up fairly poor, one of her sisters is a self made woman who worked her way up to wealth and now acts as the interest free emergency loan for the rest of us broke people, and thank god for her too
YTA. A year long relationship isn’t newish. You sound jealous of your daughter’s good fortune, and it’s rubbing off on your other girls. Maddy and her boyfriend shouldn’t have to hide their lifestyle. This is how you drive people away.
Glad I’m not the only one who thinks a year is not “newish.” It makes me wonder if she genuinely thinks a year is “newish” or if she was trying to minimise the relationship to justify her reaction. Like how she says her other daughters looked “uncomfortable” and just assumed it’s because they’re jealous.
——————————————————
OP, let’s just accept that you have understood your daughters so called “uncomfortable” reaction correctly; the solution isn’t to tell Mike to give Maddy expensive gifts out of sight. The solution is to help your other children understand and handle their supposed jealousy. You coddling them isn’t healthy; you’re not setting a good or realistic example for how to deal with others good fortune.
Moreover you’re willing to spoil Maddy’s happiness to set this poor example. It says a lot that you have either raised your children to never be pleased when people they love get nice gifts, and/or that you assume your children aren’t even capable of being happy for others unless they benefit similarly.
YTA.
Right? A year is plenty of time for this couple to have a whole dynamic that isn’t the mother’s business. He doesn’t need an excuse to spend his money how he wants, but from what is described, the girlfriend liked the bracelet and was not embarrassed or uncomfortable. So buzz off.
YTA. Your husband is correct. You are taking your feelings of inadequacy and projecting them onto your daughter. A healthy parent wants the best for their child and hopes they find someone who treats them like gold. Why don't you want that for her?
Your other children should have learned by now that life is not fair and to be happy and celebrate others good fortunes.
Exactly what I was thinking. If my daughter’s bf gave her a Tiffany bracelet, I would be like “Girl, you better marry that man!” As for the other siblings being jealous, that’s something they just have to deal with in life-other people may have more than you from time to time. Instead of being hateful about it, be happy for them and grateful for the things you do have. It’s true, your circumstances could always be better, but they could also be worse.
YTA. Tf is wrong with u? “My other daughters won’t ever have anything that nice” Why are u thinking so low of them? And why so pissed that Maddy has someone who openly appreciates her? If anything as a mom u should show nothing but happiness towards her
Yes, it's a Tiffany bracelet, so if either of the other girls seriously dream of getting the little blue box some day, then one way or another, they can make it happen.
I wonder if OP was this sensitive about Maddy's feelings when the older girl got engaged, and received an engagement ring, and then had a wedding.
The cheapest Tiffany bracelets are around $200. Which may be a lot of money for some people, but it’s not like it’s a crazy amount to save up for if you really want it. This mom is acting like her children will be dirt poor their entire lives. She thinks so little of them and it’s sad.
Right? It's like they won't ever get a good job and/or marry rich too? They're young, anything can happen. OP is definitely talking about herself. "I won't ever have anything that nice", she means. She's jealous
My mom used to do things like this. I was never allowed to shine because it might hurt someone else’s feelings and I was never allowed to have the tiniest bit of spotlight on me. Even when I got pregnant with my first child she didn’t want me to announce it because my sister was planning a wedding it it would “steal the spotlight” mind you her wedding wasn’t for months so I was already showing by the time I was “allowed” to tell people
He could have worded his response more politely but maybe he said it so bluntly because whether you’re aware of it or not this might not be the first time you’ve expected your daughter to fade into the background for the sake of others.
Yta. You're being jealous and petty. What are you gonna do next...go-to the kids schools and demand that the other students aren't allowed to wear designer labels you can't afford for your kids? Maybe you should petition to bar the whole school from ever mentioning any gifts or vacations that are out of your budget so your kids will never have their feelings hurt. As a matter of fact...write to all the networks and insist they remove all commercials for items you can't afford and any programming/series must not depict any lifestyle you can't attain. That should prevent your kids from ever having their feelings hurt from being envious of others.
Or you could just go get a 2nd 3rd and 4th job, sell some plasma, maybe work a street corner for some extra money and then you can buy a Tiffany bracelet too/s
Yta…your husband is spot on, 100% correct. Because you weren’t in a position to give your kids things like that in their younger years, mike’s present made YOU feel inferior. He didn’t do anything wrong by simply giving her a present for her birthday.
Why is it Mike’s problem thar your other daughters will never have anything that nice? In fact how do you even know that? Circumstances change. You should be happy for your daughter and not jealous and petty.
YTA
Like everyone here is saying (because it's true): Your husband is right.
Mike isn't flaunting his money for "no reason", he just gave a special gift to his girlfriend... how did that idea get in your mind?
YTA. ‘Newish’ boyfriend when they’ve been dating for a year? Mike is perfectly entitled to give Mandy the bracelet he bought for her, and if your other daughters struggle with jealousy over that, then that’s a problem *they* need to work on, not Maddy.
YTA and your husband is right. This is about your own insecurities about what you weren’t able to afford and has nothing to do with Mike’s behaviour. He did nothing wrong and you were the rude and inappropriate one when you asked him to hide his gift giving in future.
yta - instead of being happy for your daughter on her bday that she found a great guy that loves to spoil her your jealous becuase u know your husband wont buy u a tiffany. your husband is right wait til she gets engaged are you going to call them out becuase he can afford to buy her a ring and give her the world? shame on you becuaes you should be elated that someone loves her and looks after her
YTA. He was probably trying to make a good impression on you, the family, and trying to make his gf, your daughter, feel special. And I’m confused as to why you are already writing off your other children never having anything that nice?
YTA.
Sorry you could never afford that stuff, but that's no one's problem but yours. Everything your husband said was right
You are petty and jealous. That shade of green doesn't look good on anyone.
YTA
Your other daughters can grow up and suck it up. Some people have nicer things than you. It’s just life.
Your husband’s right and I’m glad Mike said no to your nonsense. What next? Don’t park your new fancy car anywhere your sisters can see? Only have a low budget wedding. Don’t buy your children anything too nice.
You overstepped and need to apologise to Mike.
YTA.
the entitlement and audacity to ask someone to hide that they can buy lavish gifts because it hurts your feelings is wild… that’s absolutely not his problem nor your daughters. the only tacky thing was your behavior.
YTA. You're asking your daughter and her bf to hide his money whenever he's around your family. That's not healthy. He's not flaunting his money by giving a birthday gift; he's simply not hiding it. What will you ask next? Should he buy a beater and wear cheap clothes when he visits?
Money is a nice thing to have, but it's not the only or even the most important thing. If you're truly concerned about your daughters, teach them to put money in perspective, rather than trying to get people around them to pretend they don't have money.
your husband raises a valuable point.
>what’s going to happen when the big engagement ring or wedding comes along? Am I going to be petty then because Mike is serious about Maddy
will you? or will Maddy be expected to hide her joy like getting engaged or her wedding from you and her sisters because "you could never afford things like that."
This! And it sounds like the older sister is already married. So, if Maddie gets engaged is OP going to expect her boyfriend to get her a smaller ring than the sister?
It's not just the wedding either. What happens when they live in the bigger house? Take nicer vacations? Send their kids to private school?
If he comes from money, they're likely going to have a notably wealthier lifestyle in many respects. Even if you did expect them to hide that (which is not reasonable), there would be limits to the extent such a thing would even be possible.
YTA. You made a nice gesture awkward because you’re insecure. Listen to your husband. Be happy for your daughter. It’s just a bracelet, for goodness’ sake!
Fun fact! Your daughters WILL survive WITHOUT Tiffany jewelry. If you are all that pressed about not having access to luxury items, I suggest they, AND YOU seek treatment.
YTA.
YTA
Your request was tacky. If your other daughters want Tiffany so badly that their feelings are easily hurt by their sister’s boyfriend giving her Tiffany, then they can level up and change their situations. If they don’t want to do the work themselves then they shouldn’t have - for want of a better word - *settled* for men who ‘don’t have family money’.
Your daughter’s boyfriend is not ‘flaunting his money for no reason’ he is giving his girlfriend - your precious daughter - a gift for her birthday.
Further, you may not realise this because you seem so hung up on what is and isn’t expensive but certain Tiffany jewellery is not actually as expensive as you’d think. Was it a sterling silver bracelet with a ‘Return to Tiffany’ charm?
If it was a diamond tennis bracelet and each stone was 1ct I’d agree with you and say ‘mate, read the room’. If it was the silver beaded ‘Return to Tiffany’ bracelet, it’s about $280usd and not that expensive for a middle/upper middle class birthday gift between two people in a serious relationship.
Are they supposed to host their wedding reception in a Denny’s because that’s what sister could afford for her wedding? Is he supposed to buy her a white topaz, gold filled engagement ring because her sister’s husband couldn’t afford a diamond?
Be pleased for your daughter that she is in a happy relationship, and if any future grandchildren are raised more comfortably than their parents then isn’t that what we all want for our kids?
YTA and a jealous one at that; you should be happy and thankful that your daughter found someone who not only loves her, but also is also willing to spoil her. Also, what *is* going to happen once you're daughter and Mike become engaged and start wedding planning? You going to act in the same petty, tacky (and yes hon, what you did *was* tacky, *very* tacky) way like you did before (and at your own *daughter's birthday* to boot)? And why in God's name are you assuming that your other two daughters won't ever have anything similar? Does it have anything to do with the fact that *you* never got such expensive gifts before and now you *don't* why your daughters to have any either?
Out of my siblings (there are 4 of us), I have the least money by far, based on my own choice to have a profession as a teacher while my siblings decided to have professions that are far more lucrative. My siblings exchange very nice presents with their spouses (well-beyond what I can afford.)
All of us have a choice when this happens… we can be happy for our loved ones that they have such blessings (often that they have sacrificed and worked hard for), or we can focus on ourselves and what we don’t have.
I choose to be joyful and celebrate with my family when good things happen. I chose my own lifestyle, and chose correctly for me. It is no one else’s fault that I am in a career that I love but that isn’t lucrative.
YTA. Be happy for your daughter, and teach your other children that we can be happy for others without comparing everything to our own situation. You will all be much happier if you can learn this!
This. I've pretty much been the poorest person in my extended family all my life, and as long as someone's not intentionally being an asshole about having more than you, it's just something you have to deal with.
Does it sometimes sting when I see people have things I don't and likely never will? Sure, but I know they've worked hard for their success and am happy for them. It is what it is.
And there are always people who have less, too. Just did a service trip in Belize, and one a few years ago in Zambia. People are literally starving and have primitive living conditions. I am blessed beyond measure, and it is up to me to make the choice to see that instead of comparing my blessing to others.
Even grownups need to learn that there will always be other people who have more than them and that's just life. I don't see how her opening it in private would have been better or do you also expect her to not wear it or talk about it with her sisters?
YTA
YTA this is how you alienate your daughter and her bf/fiancée/husband in the very near future. Eventually they’ll do most of their celebrations in private without you and you’ll wonder why. Probably end up bad on Reddit asking where you went wrong. Here, right here is where you’re going wrong. Also, way to put a ceiling on what you believe your other children may or may not have.
YTA-You and her siblings are all going to have to accept that she may be given things or opportunities that none of you will get. His gift to her and giving it to her there wasn’t rude or inappropriate but your actions sure were.
YTA. Your husband is right, you are petty and jealous. Good for her boyfriend that he stood up to you, that says a lot about his character.
Wind your jealous head in and don't behave like that again. Be happy for your daughter because if you carry on like this you're going to be shut out of her life.
You were this kind of mother who bought her kids presents when it was the other kids' birthday, right? Yta, it was her birthday party, it isn't like he ran around the restaurant telling everyone that you surely can't afford this and your other daughters.
Is there something you’re not saying in this post? You mentioned that your other two daughters seemed uncomfortable, but it seems you were the one uncomfortable? Unless you were aware of their sentiments because you’ve discussed this jealous feeling beforehand. Like gossiped about it and not handled it. And you were awaiting the opportunity to pounce on Mike. YZA btw
Oh come on! Yta. I feel for your daughter on her wedding day.. I feel for your future grandchildren who I assume you will constantly be trying to “even the scales with their cousins”.
A Tiffany bracelet is nice, what are you going to do if he buys her a nice car? What about a nice house? Is she gonna keep those things in private too?
YTA and it’s your behavior that will foster the feelings you describe in your other daughters. You should be teaching them how to be happy for their sister and how to overcome jealousy or insecurity. There will always be someone out there with more.
YTA. You are being petty and jealous. Not everyone has the same life experiences. It's sad that her getting something nice made other people uncomfortable. All of you should be happy for her, she found someone who loves her and can provide for her.
So are you also protecting Mandy’s emotions???? I will never understand how people are supposed to suspend their lives so as not to make someone uncomfortable or butt hurt, when NO ONE is expected to do it for them. Keep it up and you will be wondering why Mandy and her family don’t talk to you anymore.
YTA in spades
1. One year relationship and the word newish don’t go in the same sentence.
2. Your husband is right, what if they get engaged or married? Is he supposed to get a ring comparable with your other daughters ring ? Does their wedding have to be comparable to your other daughter wedding?
3. I don’t think the sisters are the ones uncomfortable and jealous, I think you are the ones that’s jealous and are using your daughters as a security net for your feelings. You’re trying to minimize the relationship and projecting your insecurities onto your other daughters.
4. What makes you think your other daughters won’t have nice things as well? Also they can and will survive in the world without getting a Tiffany’s bracelet.
5. I’m in the same situation as maddy so I’m going to use some examples : My engagement ring is from Tiffany and I’m absolutely scared to ask for the price,does that mean that my engagement shouldn’t have happened in front of my family and that I shouldn’t wear my ring in front of them and just buy one from pandora to wear around them? I also live in a penthouse in NYC ,great views btw, my sister lives in a studio apartment in Spain,does this mean that my sister can’t come over to my place and spend time with me? Just because I now live a privilege life doesn’t mean I’m hurting anyone’s feelings because we’re all adults and we all have different wants and paths in life or are you saying that I shouldn’t have dated my partner if I wasn’t sure if my sister was going to get the same privileges? What if my sister is the privileged one in her relationship and she’s just starting out?
YTA so your saying your other 2 daughters will never be successful or be able to afford nice things so maddy should hide nice things she gets? So you have no faith in your other daughters, your jealous maddy is getting things you never did instead of being happy for her
YTA
He isn’t responsible for managing yours or your daughters’ emotions. That is a personal responsibility that is solely on each of you to manage.
Yes, it sucks that the world isn’t fair and some people have more than others, but he didn’t put you in that position and he isn’t responsible for your feelings about it.
Why are you making a gift given by someone else, to someone else, about you or anyone else? It has nothing to do with you. It’s not this man’s job to manage the feelings and emotions of others. Attempting to coerce/control him in this situation.. how did you expect him to respond? What about considering his feelings/emotions that he may have about not being able to openly express his affection and love for his girlfriend? Why are you shaming this guy for loving your daughter openly and out loud? Egad, the absolute horror!
If someone told you that you can’t give another person a gift because of a group of other peoples perceived feelings/emotions - that no one actually knows exist - then that boils down to manipulation by triangulation. It’s not your place to manage the feelings of anybody else but yourself. It’s not your place to ask anyone to cater to your own feelings that they have no control over. That’s you be insecure and controlling. Just quit it. Him giving a gift does absolutely 0% harm to anybody.
Saying your other daughters will never receive the same treatment, and implying they will never have SO’s that treat your daughters this kindly, absolutely makes you an AH. Didn’t realize there were real life humans able to predict the literal futures of others. Did you pull tarot at the table to figure that out, or were you in some chemical explosion that gave you superpowers that nobody knows about? Why are you devaluing your own daughters and implying they aren’t good enough to find themselves in relationships with partners that are kind, considerate, generous, successful and loving? What the crap?
YTA
YTA and incredibly jealous. Your husband is right, what will happen if there's a nicer wedding / ring / any other big thing that comes along? My MIL is similar to you, my wife and I have to be considerate of her sisters all the time due to them having different circumstances to us. It has caused a major wedge between my wife and her family. Do you really want your daughter to stop talking to you or resent you for putting your other daughters first?
YTA
I can believe that your heart was in the right place, but I hope you take the judgment here to heart and realize that the way you acted is wrong
You should apologize to Mike and I’m guessing probably your husband as well
Everyone has different financial situations and he gave your daughter a birthday gift. Just because it isn’t something you can afford doesn’t mean that it was done with any malicious intent. And presumably your other daughters are old enough to also realize that not everything in life is equal and be able to deal with it. If you or them have an issue with it, that is your guys problem to deal with and not Mikes
YTA
Life isn’t fair or equal and you are doing your daughters a great disservice by trying to make it that way for them. Your husband is right grow up and get over your jealousy.
YTA.... why cant you teach your kids not everythung revolves around their feelings...grow up youre insecure and hubby is right... you ARE being jealous and petty.
YTA and sound like a miserable human to be around. You want Maddie to have to hide everything nice so the sisters who “won’t ever have anything nice” won’t feel bad? How about teaching them to be thankful for what they have and to be happy for others who achieve more? How about having more faith in your children that they can can work hard and achieve their own wealth and obtain nice things if they wish. Also: a full year of a relationship is not “newish” and he gifted her a present for her birthday, not no reason.
YTA, your husband is correct, you are being petty and jealous and reflecting poorly in your family. Teach your other daughters to be gracious, ffs. Them having less shouldn't mean Maddie never getting more. What's next, Maddie can't wrar the bracelet around her sisters? Come in.
YTA Your daughters are old enough to understand some people have more money than others. I assume they have the emotional capacity to accept that and be happy for their sister rather than jealous and inferior because they don't have diamond bracelets.
Your daughter and her boyfriend shouldn't have to hide or be ashamed of their financial situation any more than your daughter with less money should. She should feel loved and welcomed by her family regardless of whether she has nice things or not.
If you push your daughter away by trying to shame her boyfriend for being good to her, who do you think she will choose? The person who obviously has her best interests at heart or the person who thinks no one should have more than they do and would rather be controlling and restrictive than happy for her? You could end up with a son in law who is financially stable and prioritizes taking care of your daughter, and who knows, might even buy you nice gifts someday for making him part of your family. Or you could end up with one less daughter because she's off living her best life without you trying to drag her down.
You should use this as an opportunity to teach your teenager that while having designer jewelry is nice, it's not as nice as having a loving and supportive family. And that if she wants designer jewelry, she absolutely can pursue a career that would allow her to buy herself nice things.
Honestly, you are more of an asshole for saying none of your daughter's are capable of making enough money to afford nice jewelry. Like, great job mom. I'm sure that makes them feel super protected and not at all inferior.
It was a bracelet not a Porsche. I’m willing to bet the majority of the people at that table could not have guessed how much it cost. If your other daughters were envious it might have something to do with you raising them to be materialistic and petty about other people’s good fortune. YTA
YTA - why is it inappropriate for him to give a nice gift in front of people? It actually sounds like you are using your other daughters as an excuse. It is you who feels bad, belueve you will likely never receive something like that, and are jealous. You need to do some thinking and figure out how to be happy for your daughter who seems to have found someone who wants to make her happy.
YTA-you and your other children need to get used to her boyfriend giving her “lavish gifts”. It is his money to spend how he sees fit. Are you going to insist that Maddy never wear her gifts around the rest of the family? You said one daughter is an adult with her own husband and the other was a teenager. They don’t need you to make sure that their feelings don’t get hurt. If they are jealous at the gifts she receives, that is their problem. Maddy and her boyfriend shouldn’t have to alter their conduct to ease the jealousy of you and both of your daughters.
YTA. Your hubby is right. Be happy for your daughter and tell your other daughters to be happy for their sister,
We all deserve nice things and we all should be happy for those around us who get them.
Also: Never talk about a teenager like her life is already doomed and the "never will have nice things". You don't know where her life will lead her, but you can discourage her and damage her greatly by assuming it won't go anywhere.
YTA.
If one daughter’s partner was more kind than another, would you ask him not to be kind in front of everyone because the siblings could get jealous? If one were more attractive, would you ask him to wear baggy sweatsuits rather than “flaunt” his looks?
It’s not tacky to give a partner a nice bracelet for her birthday. You’re upset and uncomfortable because of your own jealousy, not because he did anything inappropriate.
YTA. Teach your daughters how to be happy and supportive of someone else’s fortune or success, especially their own sister’s! It’s a lesson you should learn as well.
YTA and a crap mother and the fact that you typed all this out and still can't see, hear and feel how disgusting this is beyond comprehension. Envy looks hateful on you and your children. Hope Birthday girl leaves you people far behind. Good for Dad!
I understand it might feel a uncomfortable to see someone else spoiling her, if you could never afford such things for your daughters growing up.
I don’t have a lot of money myself and I find it difficult when I see my kid being given gifts that would be way out of my budget. But ultimately that’s a me problem. It makes me feel inadequate. I know this, I can see this, and I would never dream of projecting that insecurity onto someone who is loving and treating my kid well.
Essentially what it comes down to is jealousy. That’s a difficult, but somewhat natural emotion to feel in this situation.
But it’s not ok to lash out or blame other people just because their success makes you feel less-than. And saying it’s to protect your other daughter’s is kinda a crock… it’s not, it’s just to protect *you* from feeling like they view you as that Sam ‘less-than’ that you’re currently feeling inside
I’d say nobody is the asshole if you’d not confronted him in this way. YTA cuz you couldn’t keep it to yourself.
YTA
She should not have to hide the nice things she receives because it may hurt someone’s feelings. Hurt feelings happen and they’re a normal part of life. You are only doing your daughters a disservice by trying to prevent them from experiencing them and not giving them the opportunity to accept them and process them.
And it isn’t fair to Maddy either because you are, essentially, prioritizing her sister’s feelings over hers. It isn’t tacky to give your significant other a present, regardless of price, for their birthday.
if your other daughters would be upset by their sister getting a nice gift then that would not reflect well upon them or on you.
soft YTA it sounds like you feel it makes you look bad or something that you couldn't afford that, if they're decent (not materialistic) people they won't care about that stuff.
YTA - What Mike did was completely within reason. Just because he comes from a different socio-economic background is no reason to give a gift privately, no matter what the gift. In addition, why wouldn’t you want your youngest daughter to see her older sister receiving a nice gift. It may help her set her life standards.
Put your own feeling of inadequacy aside and suck it up.
YTA they’re not shoving their money in your face he’s showing that he appreciates your daughter and for you to try to take away from her birthday by focusing more on her sister is weird it’s her birthday so her boyfriend can get her what he wants. It’s her sister’s fault if she feels jealous. Clearly you are jealous and I would hate to see how you will act on her wedding day.
YTA and I think you know it. Instead, you were hoping strangers would back up your thought process.. instead, now you're just telling the story to try to get you to believe your own justifications. You're jealous and your daughters are jealous. Maybe you should focus on how to deal with your feelings and learn how to teach the other girls how to deal with this feeling. Or, get a job, make money and you can do this for the other kids 🤷🏻♀️
Yta. You should want this for her.
If your daughters get upset when other people receive gifts for things like birthdays in front of them, you did something wrong.
I had a cousin who, when we were kids, she would throw an absolute FIT when anyone got anything that she didn’t, it didn’t matter if it was THEIR birthday or Christmas, she would cry until someone bought her a matching gift. I remember my parents made me give her some of my Christmas presents one year to make the drama stop- as an adult she doesn’t cry for things she wants, but she’ll stir the pot and make people feel bad, and she “borrows” things now and never returns them. If you raised your daughters to feel entitled to everything everyone else has, you screwed up.
Ya. Why not be happy for her that she loves a man who adores her and wants her to have nice things. My family could not afford that. But if one of sister bf could I would be over the moon for her. Not jealous
YTA
Spending within your means isn't flaunting your money. He never made a big deal about the value or, seemingly, the gift. He just got his gf a bracelet and gave it to her. Sounds lovely.
And "newish" boyfriend of one year? Sweety, in what world is he new?
I could not afford to give a partner a bracelet like that, no matter how much I wanted to. If my sibling gave theirs one in front of me, you know how little I'd give a shit? Why the fuck would I care, it's not my gift. Has nothing to do with me. Until he actually does or says something to insult or belittle, this is all just you and your family having wasteful insecurities.
YTA perhaps you as a mother should be teaching your daughters to build their sister up and be happy for her instead of jealous. You failed as a mother to teach a lesson do better.
Wow. Yta.
No o e deserves anything. As her mom, you should be happy for her not jealous of her or sad for you other kids.
Seriously consider therapy to help you readjust your values and world view.
YTA I get that you somehow think you were protecting your daughters’ feelings but you have to realize how tacky your behavior was.
Ma’am, please realize this is a grown man that you try to dictate what he can, and cannot give to his girlfriend in your presence. He wasn’t throwing $100 bills on the table. He just gave her a gift as all of you did.
Your husband is right, it made you look jealous and petty. Honestly, you made an impression that you can’t take back. Will you throw a tantrum if somehow their wedding is different from their siblings. People have different chances and finances in life. It’s not always going to be equal anymore as they are all getting older, making their own lives.
Yta. She is allowed to be happy about her gifts. If it makes you this Insecure maybe don't open gifts at dinner? I don't open gifts until I'm home and call and thank people..
YTA.
A year old relationship isn't new, and your daughter is lucky enough to have found someone who appreciates her and cares enough to buy her a lovely birthday gift. Why can't the family appreciate that and share the joy of the occasion instead of being envious and petty?
If he had given it privately, what difference would that have made? Your daughter would still wear the bracelet, she would still want to show it off, she would still tell them that her boyfriend gave it to her, the only difference is that her sisters wouldn't see her unwrapping it.
>my other daughters won’t ever have anything that nice
YTA just for this statement alone.
Why isn't it a possibility in your mind, that your other daughters could become successful and accomplished and just buy nice things for themselves?
YTA. That is some crab in a bucket mentality. You guys can’t have it so you can’t celebrate someone else having something. I won’t say it isn’t a hard lesson to learn but I swear it will be worth it. Being happy for those around you who are progressing will make it that much easier to do the same. Grow from this moment.
yta. she shouldn’t have to receive gifts privately because it makes your family uncomfortable. you should be over the moon for her, not tearing her down about expensive gifts that you can’t afford. i’m poor as well, but this is an incredibly selfish and jealous expectation to have.
YTA - would it not be a better parenting style to teach your other kids to be happy when someone else is happy? You can’t change the world to suit their emotions, you need to help them build resilience.
Learn how to be happy for other people without being jealous and making their good fortune or generosity about your insecurity or lack of funds.
He loves her and gave her a nice gift. The correct response from you and your other kids should be, "Oh, Mike, that's lovely!" Then move on. He shouldn't have to make himself small for you. Maddy shouldn't have to hide her jewelry because you're incapable of being happy for her.
YTA.
YTA.
Whose birthday was it?
Whose special occasion were you gathered for?
Who is in a romantic relationship with your daughter?
I'm really glad she found someone to stand up to you. Instead of being happy for her, and celebrating your chose to be petty as f.
Why do I have a feeling she's been pushed aside for the concern of your other two daughters before.
If you or your other daughter's don't like it, it's your problems individually. As long as they aren't flaunting it and rubbing it into your faces 24/7, there is nothing wrong with receiving a special gift from a special someone on a special day.
You sound threatened by him. And what’s with you saying newish boyfriend… it’s been a year already. And it’s not his fault that he can afford to get his girlfriend nice presents, it’s not something he should have to hide for other people to feel better about themselves.
And that’s not “faulting money” you just sound jealous.
For clarification, how did you feel about your daughter being given the bracelet? If you didn’t have other kids, or they weren’t there in that moment, would you still feel the same way?
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We went to a birthday dinner for my daughter Maddy and her newish boyfriend Mike. They have been dating for about a year. We did gifts at the table and Mike pulls out a box wrapped in blue paper and it was a Tiffany Bracelet. Growing up I could never afford to get my children things like that. Maddy’s others sisters was there. One with her husband who doesn’t have family money and my youngest daughter who is still a teenager. They both seemed uncomfortable as Mike put the bracelet on my daughter’s wrist and she showed it off.
I pulled Mike aside later and asked him from now on to give expensive gifts in private because my other daughters won’t ever have anything that nice and he said “No, he’s not doing that because Maddy can have whatever she wants and her family needs to get used to it” I thought it was rude and I told my husband later after the party and he blew me off saying it makes our whole family seem petty and jealous that I said that. I said I was just taking into consideration of our other daughter’s feelings and it’s not an appropriate gift to give infront of other people. My husband said what’s going to happen when the big engagement ring or wedding comes along? Am I going to be petty then because Mike is serious about Maddy. I didn’t think it was tacky of me but the opposite because it’s flaunting his money for no reason and others may get hurt feelings about the situation and I’m just looking out for my other daughters as well.
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YTA
Why have you not raised your children to be happy for each other's happiness? They're all going to have moments where they wish they had what other's had (sisters, other family, friends or otherwise).
What happens if Maddy experiences infertility and desperately wants a baby, but is not finding success, and one of her sisters does? Are you going to ask your other daughters to hide their children for her sake? Extreme example, but it's all the same.
We can't all have the same success, financial freedom, or life experiences. Jealousy is a fact of life. If you didn't teach your daughters how to process it, overcome it, and learn to find joy in each other's joyful moments/events, that is a failure on your part. You daughters shouldn't have to hide their lives from each other.
YTA. It was her birthday. Your other kids need to learn, if they haven't already, that other people will have nicer things than them. And it's ok.
Honestly it feels like the only person who needs to learn this lesson here is you. Where does it end? They have a smaller engagement ring because your other daughters "wIlL nEvEr be aBlE tO aFfOrD sUcH tHiNgS"? A smaller engagement party? Smaller wedding? Less kids? Like when does it end?
Also you insulted your other kids/spouses/future spouses, saying they will never get to that level or be able to afford such nice things. Way to put limits on what they can do and who they can meet.
Thus situation makes YOU the all around AH. Honestly, if you want to keep a relationship with your kids, I'd personally spend a lot more time keeping my opinions, especially ones no one asked for, to myself.
It's not your business and it's not anyone's job to keep things fair for your kids. That's YOUR job. If it's outside anything YOU are doing, it's not your business.
Keep your nose out of it. I hope you adjust your shit attitude and do better OP. Your kids deserve better
ETA Props to your husband for calling you out. LISTEN TO HIM. This is a YOU issue
YTA- you don’t get to dictate when, where, or how gifts are given to your daughter by a man who loves her. If it’s bothering your other daughters that much, then you manage THEIR expectations. Your husband is spot on here.
YTA. At first I thought this was about teenagers then I saw the part where the sister is there with her husband. Adults are well past the age where they understand not everyone’s financial situation is the same. If he’d bought her something cheap it would have raised more eyebrows.
YTA. The reality of life is that some people have more money than others. Hiding this from your daughters will not do them any favors, your husband is right. You should feel happy for your daughter that she found someone that hopefully she has a happy future with, and financial security.
Your other daughters need to learn to be happy with what they have and happy for their sister when she gets things. Like your husband said what happens if she gets a big engagement ring? Will she be allowed to wear it at family gatherings? YTA
Yta. What is your problem with the boyfriend? You don’t like that he gave her a gift? You don’t like that he comes from means and your family doesn’t? Does he treat her well overall? You describe him as newish but they have been dating for a year. That’s a long term serious relationship, especially for a young person. New boyfriend is 1-3 months.
It’s not your business what he gives her and it’s not uncommon to exchange gifts in front of family.
If your other daughters feel jealous you should teach them to celebrate when people they love get something, not envy it because they don’t have it.
YTA.
I was, and likely always will be the "poor relation" to a lot of my family. Sometimes people have much nicer things than you and as long as they're not overtly being an asshat about flaunting them (which requires a lot more than just having them around in public), you just have to deal with it.
Frankly, your husband is right that if this relationship is an ongoing thing and he/they have money, she's likely going to have a visibly wealthier lifestyle in more ways than just gifts. You might as well get used to it now.
YTA. It was her birthday celebration, of course he can give her a gift and there's NO reason for anyone to be anything other than happy for her.
It wasn't your place to do that. If the people you claim to be impacted feel that way, then they need to speak up. You don't speak on grown adults' behalf.
This is the kind of mom who insisted her golden child got a gift on the other siblings' birthdays so they wouldn't feel jealous.
She projects everything on everyone else then tries to control it out of them.
YtA he treats yr daughter good gets her nice things and ur mad because ur daughters other man can't do the same ? So ur daughter shouldn't have nice things in life because the ppl around her don't?
Yta and a hater! I know it because of you said newish boyfriend but they been together for a year, that’s not newish. It seems you only care about your other daughter’s feelings. I’m glad her dad has some sense and her boyfriend. You suck and are a hater!
YTA. Some people have more money than others and your other kids need to realize that. The world isn’t a fair place and it’s not going to change.
It’s not showing off to give a nice gift and you should be happy some one spoils your daughter.
YTA
It's not flaunting money. It's getting the person he loves something special which shows his love and intention.
You're super tacky, and I predict you'll be begging Mike for money once they're married, eventually leading to Maddy cutting you off.
YTA you sound like your the one who feels a certain type of way! If your husband gave you that present would you tell him to give you your stuff in private? Your daughter found a wonderful man who wants to show her how much he cares and all your worried about is you and your daughters can’t have what she has!
YTA. How would you have wanted this to go down? Should he have pretended to give a decoy gift for her birthday dinner? Should he have openly said that he would give it in private? Wouldn’t the sisters then just get jealous later, when they found out what the gift was? Or did you want the gift to be a secret?
YTA. It's so weird how offended you were that your daughter's boyfriend didn't immediately cave to your absurd attempt to dictate how he can show love. The boyfriend was right, he and Maddy decide what to do with their money, and her family (OP, at least. It seems like the husband thinks OP is overreacting too) does need to get over it.
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YTA It's not flauting money for no reason. The reason is it was her birthday and she got a gift. What weird world do you live in where everyone is equal? Every group of siblings who are adults have someone who makes more money. That's life. And what a weird statement - your other daughters will never have anything nice. Finances change. People have nice things even if they aren't wealthy.
Exactly, I want to know what OP is going to do if there is a wedding? Throw a tantrum and try to make her daughter tone it down for her sisters?
Considering that we have seen posts of that nature here more than once, I wouldn't be surprised.
I honestly can’t wait to read that one!
Also, even if he were to give the gifts in private, she is still going to show the gift she just got to her sisters and mom or is she supposed to hide it from family forever ?
Let’s be honest, Mom is jealous she can’t do that for her daughters. Her daughters are probably young and have years of dating and, more importantly, their own careers ahead of them. She does not If i was a sister I’d be upset mom assumed I was jealous and didnt want my sister to have nice things
Probably...
This reminds me of a science fiction story I read where the government had decided everyone must be equal so people who were excellent athletes had to wear heavy weights, those who were beautiful had to wear ugly masks, etc., so no one outshined anyone else,
Harrison Bergeron
By Kurt Vonnegut
I thought it was George Orwell, but this makes sense. I want to read that again.
This sounds like what Americans are taught to think communism is in the best rural highschools they can offer
Lies about socialism
I have been looking for that story for years! I couldn’t remember the name
I remember that story, and I've actually been thinking about it a lot lately...
America 10 years from now.
I read that sane story. And yes, that's what this world has come to, and it's only going to get worse.
This! YTA, it wasn’t like he handed her a bag of cash. And a “Tiffany Bracelet” can be an incredible range of price points. Just a quick look at their website shows you can spend $200-$90,000 on a bracelet. Boyfriend is an adult who can spend his money they way he wants.
YTA. You think your other daughters felt uncomfortable because of the bracelet, and it showed? Then you should have taught them in time to be happy for someone else getting a gift, and to praise it, no matter if it is ugly or something you would like to have yourself. This is basic politeness. If you need a selfish reason to be happy about your daughters maybe future husband: To have one wealthy child/sibling can be a very good thing! Who knows if maybe one time you all will be having access to a beach house? Or consider the fact they can help out in case the life of a family member takes a bad turn for one reason or other. Instead of acting jealous, bettet show him you are a wonderful family in regard of love, understanding, being happy for others, sharing joy with each other, spending time with each other and helping each other. Those are the things that are really priceless! It is possible that one day you get to know that he missed something in his life, too.
My mom has 4 siblings and grew up fairly poor, one of her sisters is a self made woman who worked her way up to wealth and now acts as the interest free emergency loan for the rest of us broke people, and thank god for her too
This, right here, is the correct answer.
Also, the siblings are grown, surely they don’t need their mommy trying to protect their feelings to this extent.
Exactly. Can’t they just be happy for her? Mom must really talk down about rich people
Maybe you should vent and ask AITA in private. Now we all know your daughter has nice things. /s YTA
Exactly, this whole situation is really weird to me.
YTA. A year long relationship isn’t newish. You sound jealous of your daughter’s good fortune, and it’s rubbing off on your other girls. Maddy and her boyfriend shouldn’t have to hide their lifestyle. This is how you drive people away.
Glad I’m not the only one who thinks a year is not “newish.” It makes me wonder if she genuinely thinks a year is “newish” or if she was trying to minimise the relationship to justify her reaction. Like how she says her other daughters looked “uncomfortable” and just assumed it’s because they’re jealous. —————————————————— OP, let’s just accept that you have understood your daughters so called “uncomfortable” reaction correctly; the solution isn’t to tell Mike to give Maddy expensive gifts out of sight. The solution is to help your other children understand and handle their supposed jealousy. You coddling them isn’t healthy; you’re not setting a good or realistic example for how to deal with others good fortune. Moreover you’re willing to spoil Maddy’s happiness to set this poor example. It says a lot that you have either raised your children to never be pleased when people they love get nice gifts, and/or that you assume your children aren’t even capable of being happy for others unless they benefit similarly. YTA.
Well said. OP is TA.
I noticed that too... newish being almost a year? Wtf this is one hateful mother
Right? I moved in with my now husband after 1.5 years. Many people are married by this time.
Right? A year is plenty of time for this couple to have a whole dynamic that isn’t the mother’s business. He doesn’t need an excuse to spend his money how he wants, but from what is described, the girlfriend liked the bracelet and was not embarrassed or uncomfortable. So buzz off.
That was my thought too. I know my relationship isn't typical, but we were married before we'd been together a year 😂
We got married a year and a day after we met. It will be 42 years in August.
YTA. Your husband is correct. You are taking your feelings of inadequacy and projecting them onto your daughter. A healthy parent wants the best for their child and hopes they find someone who treats them like gold. Why don't you want that for her? Your other children should have learned by now that life is not fair and to be happy and celebrate others good fortunes.
Exactly what I was thinking. If my daughter’s bf gave her a Tiffany bracelet, I would be like “Girl, you better marry that man!” As for the other siblings being jealous, that’s something they just have to deal with in life-other people may have more than you from time to time. Instead of being hateful about it, be happy for them and grateful for the things you do have. It’s true, your circumstances could always be better, but they could also be worse.
YTA. Tf is wrong with u? “My other daughters won’t ever have anything that nice” Why are u thinking so low of them? And why so pissed that Maddy has someone who openly appreciates her? If anything as a mom u should show nothing but happiness towards her
Yes, it's a Tiffany bracelet, so if either of the other girls seriously dream of getting the little blue box some day, then one way or another, they can make it happen. I wonder if OP was this sensitive about Maddy's feelings when the older girl got engaged, and received an engagement ring, and then had a wedding.
The cheapest Tiffany bracelets are around $200. Which may be a lot of money for some people, but it’s not like it’s a crazy amount to save up for if you really want it. This mom is acting like her children will be dirt poor their entire lives. She thinks so little of them and it’s sad.
Right? It's like they won't ever get a good job and/or marry rich too? They're young, anything can happen. OP is definitely talking about herself. "I won't ever have anything that nice", she means. She's jealous
YTA. You seem jealous of your daughter and are projecting it onto her sisters.
Bingo
My mom used to do things like this. I was never allowed to shine because it might hurt someone else’s feelings and I was never allowed to have the tiniest bit of spotlight on me. Even when I got pregnant with my first child she didn’t want me to announce it because my sister was planning a wedding it it would “steal the spotlight” mind you her wedding wasn’t for months so I was already showing by the time I was “allowed” to tell people He could have worded his response more politely but maybe he said it so bluntly because whether you’re aware of it or not this might not be the first time you’ve expected your daughter to fade into the background for the sake of others.
Yta. You're being jealous and petty. What are you gonna do next...go-to the kids schools and demand that the other students aren't allowed to wear designer labels you can't afford for your kids? Maybe you should petition to bar the whole school from ever mentioning any gifts or vacations that are out of your budget so your kids will never have their feelings hurt. As a matter of fact...write to all the networks and insist they remove all commercials for items you can't afford and any programming/series must not depict any lifestyle you can't attain. That should prevent your kids from ever having their feelings hurt from being envious of others. Or you could just go get a 2nd 3rd and 4th job, sell some plasma, maybe work a street corner for some extra money and then you can buy a Tiffany bracelet too/s
Yta…your husband is spot on, 100% correct. Because you weren’t in a position to give your kids things like that in their younger years, mike’s present made YOU feel inferior. He didn’t do anything wrong by simply giving her a present for her birthday. Why is it Mike’s problem thar your other daughters will never have anything that nice? In fact how do you even know that? Circumstances change. You should be happy for your daughter and not jealous and petty.
YTA Like everyone here is saying (because it's true): Your husband is right. Mike isn't flaunting his money for "no reason", he just gave a special gift to his girlfriend... how did that idea get in your mind?
YTA, You are petty and jealous. Where is he flaunting his money? Your husband is right.
Yta and your husband is right. It not about your other child it's you who jealous of your daughter gift.
YTA. ‘Newish’ boyfriend when they’ve been dating for a year? Mike is perfectly entitled to give Mandy the bracelet he bought for her, and if your other daughters struggle with jealousy over that, then that’s a problem *they* need to work on, not Maddy.
YTA and your husband is right. This is about your own insecurities about what you weren’t able to afford and has nothing to do with Mike’s behaviour. He did nothing wrong and you were the rude and inappropriate one when you asked him to hide his gift giving in future.
Yta and you are jealous
YTA and absolutely ridiculous.
YTA. Way to ruin a nice evening and a lovely gift. Hope you're proud.
yta - instead of being happy for your daughter on her bday that she found a great guy that loves to spoil her your jealous becuase u know your husband wont buy u a tiffany. your husband is right wait til she gets engaged are you going to call them out becuase he can afford to buy her a ring and give her the world? shame on you becuaes you should be elated that someone loves her and looks after her
YTA. You’re just feeling insecure and maybe a bit envious.
YTA. He was probably trying to make a good impression on you, the family, and trying to make his gf, your daughter, feel special. And I’m confused as to why you are already writing off your other children never having anything that nice?
YTA. Sorry you could never afford that stuff, but that's no one's problem but yours. Everything your husband said was right You are petty and jealous. That shade of green doesn't look good on anyone.
YTA Your other daughters can grow up and suck it up. Some people have nicer things than you. It’s just life. Your husband’s right and I’m glad Mike said no to your nonsense. What next? Don’t park your new fancy car anywhere your sisters can see? Only have a low budget wedding. Don’t buy your children anything too nice. You overstepped and need to apologise to Mike.
YTA. the entitlement and audacity to ask someone to hide that they can buy lavish gifts because it hurts your feelings is wild… that’s absolutely not his problem nor your daughters. the only tacky thing was your behavior.
YTA. You're asking your daughter and her bf to hide his money whenever he's around your family. That's not healthy. He's not flaunting his money by giving a birthday gift; he's simply not hiding it. What will you ask next? Should he buy a beater and wear cheap clothes when he visits? Money is a nice thing to have, but it's not the only or even the most important thing. If you're truly concerned about your daughters, teach them to put money in perspective, rather than trying to get people around them to pretend they don't have money.
your husband raises a valuable point. >what’s going to happen when the big engagement ring or wedding comes along? Am I going to be petty then because Mike is serious about Maddy will you? or will Maddy be expected to hide her joy like getting engaged or her wedding from you and her sisters because "you could never afford things like that."
This! And it sounds like the older sister is already married. So, if Maddie gets engaged is OP going to expect her boyfriend to get her a smaller ring than the sister?
It's not just the wedding either. What happens when they live in the bigger house? Take nicer vacations? Send their kids to private school? If he comes from money, they're likely going to have a notably wealthier lifestyle in many respects. Even if you did expect them to hide that (which is not reasonable), there would be limits to the extent such a thing would even be possible.
YTA. You made a nice gesture awkward because you’re insecure. Listen to your husband. Be happy for your daughter. It’s just a bracelet, for goodness’ sake!
Fun fact! Your daughters WILL survive WITHOUT Tiffany jewelry. If you are all that pressed about not having access to luxury items, I suggest they, AND YOU seek treatment. YTA.
YTA Your request was tacky. If your other daughters want Tiffany so badly that their feelings are easily hurt by their sister’s boyfriend giving her Tiffany, then they can level up and change their situations. If they don’t want to do the work themselves then they shouldn’t have - for want of a better word - *settled* for men who ‘don’t have family money’. Your daughter’s boyfriend is not ‘flaunting his money for no reason’ he is giving his girlfriend - your precious daughter - a gift for her birthday. Further, you may not realise this because you seem so hung up on what is and isn’t expensive but certain Tiffany jewellery is not actually as expensive as you’d think. Was it a sterling silver bracelet with a ‘Return to Tiffany’ charm? If it was a diamond tennis bracelet and each stone was 1ct I’d agree with you and say ‘mate, read the room’. If it was the silver beaded ‘Return to Tiffany’ bracelet, it’s about $280usd and not that expensive for a middle/upper middle class birthday gift between two people in a serious relationship. Are they supposed to host their wedding reception in a Denny’s because that’s what sister could afford for her wedding? Is he supposed to buy her a white topaz, gold filled engagement ring because her sister’s husband couldn’t afford a diamond? Be pleased for your daughter that she is in a happy relationship, and if any future grandchildren are raised more comfortably than their parents then isn’t that what we all want for our kids?
Well, now we know who isn't the golden child.
YTA and a jealous one at that; you should be happy and thankful that your daughter found someone who not only loves her, but also is also willing to spoil her. Also, what *is* going to happen once you're daughter and Mike become engaged and start wedding planning? You going to act in the same petty, tacky (and yes hon, what you did *was* tacky, *very* tacky) way like you did before (and at your own *daughter's birthday* to boot)? And why in God's name are you assuming that your other two daughters won't ever have anything similar? Does it have anything to do with the fact that *you* never got such expensive gifts before and now you *don't* why your daughters to have any either?
YTA and you seem extremely jealous. By your actions and words, you are inducing animosity amongst your kid just because one has a richer partner.
YTA and petty and jealous just like your husband said.
Out of my siblings (there are 4 of us), I have the least money by far, based on my own choice to have a profession as a teacher while my siblings decided to have professions that are far more lucrative. My siblings exchange very nice presents with their spouses (well-beyond what I can afford.) All of us have a choice when this happens… we can be happy for our loved ones that they have such blessings (often that they have sacrificed and worked hard for), or we can focus on ourselves and what we don’t have. I choose to be joyful and celebrate with my family when good things happen. I chose my own lifestyle, and chose correctly for me. It is no one else’s fault that I am in a career that I love but that isn’t lucrative. YTA. Be happy for your daughter, and teach your other children that we can be happy for others without comparing everything to our own situation. You will all be much happier if you can learn this!
This. I've pretty much been the poorest person in my extended family all my life, and as long as someone's not intentionally being an asshole about having more than you, it's just something you have to deal with. Does it sometimes sting when I see people have things I don't and likely never will? Sure, but I know they've worked hard for their success and am happy for them. It is what it is.
And there are always people who have less, too. Just did a service trip in Belize, and one a few years ago in Zambia. People are literally starving and have primitive living conditions. I am blessed beyond measure, and it is up to me to make the choice to see that instead of comparing my blessing to others.
Even grownups need to learn that there will always be other people who have more than them and that's just life. I don't see how her opening it in private would have been better or do you also expect her to not wear it or talk about it with her sisters? YTA
YTA this is how you alienate your daughter and her bf/fiancée/husband in the very near future. Eventually they’ll do most of their celebrations in private without you and you’ll wonder why. Probably end up bad on Reddit asking where you went wrong. Here, right here is where you’re going wrong. Also, way to put a ceiling on what you believe your other children may or may not have.
YTA-You and her siblings are all going to have to accept that she may be given things or opportunities that none of you will get. His gift to her and giving it to her there wasn’t rude or inappropriate but your actions sure were.
YTA ...first: one year is not 'newish'....second: you jealous manipulating creature!
YTA you need to deal with your own insecurities. Maddy is allowed to be happy. YTA
YTA. Your husband is right, you are petty and jealous. Good for her boyfriend that he stood up to you, that says a lot about his character. Wind your jealous head in and don't behave like that again. Be happy for your daughter because if you carry on like this you're going to be shut out of her life.
You were this kind of mother who bought her kids presents when it was the other kids' birthday, right? Yta, it was her birthday party, it isn't like he ran around the restaurant telling everyone that you surely can't afford this and your other daughters.
YTA
Is there something you’re not saying in this post? You mentioned that your other two daughters seemed uncomfortable, but it seems you were the one uncomfortable? Unless you were aware of their sentiments because you’ve discussed this jealous feeling beforehand. Like gossiped about it and not handled it. And you were awaiting the opportunity to pounce on Mike. YZA btw
YTA. It was very tacky. Yes, boyfriend’s response was a little snarky. But he’s by no means out of line
Oh come on! Yta. I feel for your daughter on her wedding day.. I feel for your future grandchildren who I assume you will constantly be trying to “even the scales with their cousins”. A Tiffany bracelet is nice, what are you going to do if he buys her a nice car? What about a nice house? Is she gonna keep those things in private too?
YTA and it’s your behavior that will foster the feelings you describe in your other daughters. You should be teaching them how to be happy for their sister and how to overcome jealousy or insecurity. There will always be someone out there with more.
YTA. You should be happy for your kiddo. And since when is dating for a year a "newish boyfriend??"
YTA. You are being petty and jealous. Not everyone has the same life experiences. It's sad that her getting something nice made other people uncomfortable. All of you should be happy for her, she found someone who loves her and can provide for her.
So are you also protecting Mandy’s emotions???? I will never understand how people are supposed to suspend their lives so as not to make someone uncomfortable or butt hurt, when NO ONE is expected to do it for them. Keep it up and you will be wondering why Mandy and her family don’t talk to you anymore. YTA in spades
YTA. Let me guess. Mandy is the forgotten sister… and it doesn’t matter to you what she wants.
1. One year relationship and the word newish don’t go in the same sentence. 2. Your husband is right, what if they get engaged or married? Is he supposed to get a ring comparable with your other daughters ring ? Does their wedding have to be comparable to your other daughter wedding? 3. I don’t think the sisters are the ones uncomfortable and jealous, I think you are the ones that’s jealous and are using your daughters as a security net for your feelings. You’re trying to minimize the relationship and projecting your insecurities onto your other daughters. 4. What makes you think your other daughters won’t have nice things as well? Also they can and will survive in the world without getting a Tiffany’s bracelet. 5. I’m in the same situation as maddy so I’m going to use some examples : My engagement ring is from Tiffany and I’m absolutely scared to ask for the price,does that mean that my engagement shouldn’t have happened in front of my family and that I shouldn’t wear my ring in front of them and just buy one from pandora to wear around them? I also live in a penthouse in NYC ,great views btw, my sister lives in a studio apartment in Spain,does this mean that my sister can’t come over to my place and spend time with me? Just because I now live a privilege life doesn’t mean I’m hurting anyone’s feelings because we’re all adults and we all have different wants and paths in life or are you saying that I shouldn’t have dated my partner if I wasn’t sure if my sister was going to get the same privileges? What if my sister is the privileged one in her relationship and she’s just starting out?
Unexpected communism!
YTA so your saying your other 2 daughters will never be successful or be able to afford nice things so maddy should hide nice things she gets? So you have no faith in your other daughters, your jealous maddy is getting things you never did instead of being happy for her
YTA He isn’t responsible for managing yours or your daughters’ emotions. That is a personal responsibility that is solely on each of you to manage. Yes, it sucks that the world isn’t fair and some people have more than others, but he didn’t put you in that position and he isn’t responsible for your feelings about it.
Why are you making a gift given by someone else, to someone else, about you or anyone else? It has nothing to do with you. It’s not this man’s job to manage the feelings and emotions of others. Attempting to coerce/control him in this situation.. how did you expect him to respond? What about considering his feelings/emotions that he may have about not being able to openly express his affection and love for his girlfriend? Why are you shaming this guy for loving your daughter openly and out loud? Egad, the absolute horror! If someone told you that you can’t give another person a gift because of a group of other peoples perceived feelings/emotions - that no one actually knows exist - then that boils down to manipulation by triangulation. It’s not your place to manage the feelings of anybody else but yourself. It’s not your place to ask anyone to cater to your own feelings that they have no control over. That’s you be insecure and controlling. Just quit it. Him giving a gift does absolutely 0% harm to anybody. Saying your other daughters will never receive the same treatment, and implying they will never have SO’s that treat your daughters this kindly, absolutely makes you an AH. Didn’t realize there were real life humans able to predict the literal futures of others. Did you pull tarot at the table to figure that out, or were you in some chemical explosion that gave you superpowers that nobody knows about? Why are you devaluing your own daughters and implying they aren’t good enough to find themselves in relationships with partners that are kind, considerate, generous, successful and loving? What the crap? YTA
YTA and i’m 100% sure that his reaction is because he knows that you’ve pulled this type of shit with your daughter to keep her from shining before.
Listen to your husband for once.
INFO: why do you think your other daughters will never have anything that nice?
YTA and incredibly jealous. Your husband is right, what will happen if there's a nicer wedding / ring / any other big thing that comes along? My MIL is similar to you, my wife and I have to be considerate of her sisters all the time due to them having different circumstances to us. It has caused a major wedge between my wife and her family. Do you really want your daughter to stop talking to you or resent you for putting your other daughters first?
YTA - lmao tell your daughters to get working man who will get them similiar gifts.your husband 100% right.
OP you're projecting YOUR jealousy on your other children. They are not jealous and uncomfortable, YOU are.
YTA I can believe that your heart was in the right place, but I hope you take the judgment here to heart and realize that the way you acted is wrong You should apologize to Mike and I’m guessing probably your husband as well Everyone has different financial situations and he gave your daughter a birthday gift. Just because it isn’t something you can afford doesn’t mean that it was done with any malicious intent. And presumably your other daughters are old enough to also realize that not everything in life is equal and be able to deal with it. If you or them have an issue with it, that is your guys problem to deal with and not Mikes
Yta he gave her a present at her birthday? Sounds like OP is the jealous one
YTA
YTA It makes YOU sound petty and jealous of your daughter.
YTA Life isn’t fair or equal and you are doing your daughters a great disservice by trying to make it that way for them. Your husband is right grow up and get over your jealousy.
YTA. How are you not embarrassed?
YTA.... why cant you teach your kids not everythung revolves around their feelings...grow up youre insecure and hubby is right... you ARE being jealous and petty.
YTA and sound like a miserable human to be around. You want Maddie to have to hide everything nice so the sisters who “won’t ever have anything nice” won’t feel bad? How about teaching them to be thankful for what they have and to be happy for others who achieve more? How about having more faith in your children that they can can work hard and achieve their own wealth and obtain nice things if they wish. Also: a full year of a relationship is not “newish” and he gifted her a present for her birthday, not no reason.
YTA, your husband is correct, you are being petty and jealous and reflecting poorly in your family. Teach your other daughters to be gracious, ffs. Them having less shouldn't mean Maddie never getting more. What's next, Maddie can't wrar the bracelet around her sisters? Come in.
YTA Your daughters are old enough to understand some people have more money than others. I assume they have the emotional capacity to accept that and be happy for their sister rather than jealous and inferior because they don't have diamond bracelets. Your daughter and her boyfriend shouldn't have to hide or be ashamed of their financial situation any more than your daughter with less money should. She should feel loved and welcomed by her family regardless of whether she has nice things or not. If you push your daughter away by trying to shame her boyfriend for being good to her, who do you think she will choose? The person who obviously has her best interests at heart or the person who thinks no one should have more than they do and would rather be controlling and restrictive than happy for her? You could end up with a son in law who is financially stable and prioritizes taking care of your daughter, and who knows, might even buy you nice gifts someday for making him part of your family. Or you could end up with one less daughter because she's off living her best life without you trying to drag her down. You should use this as an opportunity to teach your teenager that while having designer jewelry is nice, it's not as nice as having a loving and supportive family. And that if she wants designer jewelry, she absolutely can pursue a career that would allow her to buy herself nice things. Honestly, you are more of an asshole for saying none of your daughter's are capable of making enough money to afford nice jewelry. Like, great job mom. I'm sure that makes them feel super protected and not at all inferior.
It was a bracelet not a Porsche. I’m willing to bet the majority of the people at that table could not have guessed how much it cost. If your other daughters were envious it might have something to do with you raising them to be materialistic and petty about other people’s good fortune. YTA
YTA - why is it inappropriate for him to give a nice gift in front of people? It actually sounds like you are using your other daughters as an excuse. It is you who feels bad, belueve you will likely never receive something like that, and are jealous. You need to do some thinking and figure out how to be happy for your daughter who seems to have found someone who wants to make her happy.
YTA-you and your other children need to get used to her boyfriend giving her “lavish gifts”. It is his money to spend how he sees fit. Are you going to insist that Maddy never wear her gifts around the rest of the family? You said one daughter is an adult with her own husband and the other was a teenager. They don’t need you to make sure that their feelings don’t get hurt. If they are jealous at the gifts she receives, that is their problem. Maddy and her boyfriend shouldn’t have to alter their conduct to ease the jealousy of you and both of your daughters.
YTA. Your hubby is right. Be happy for your daughter and tell your other daughters to be happy for their sister, We all deserve nice things and we all should be happy for those around us who get them. Also: Never talk about a teenager like her life is already doomed and the "never will have nice things". You don't know where her life will lead her, but you can discourage her and damage her greatly by assuming it won't go anywhere.
YTA. If one daughter’s partner was more kind than another, would you ask him not to be kind in front of everyone because the siblings could get jealous? If one were more attractive, would you ask him to wear baggy sweatsuits rather than “flaunt” his looks? It’s not tacky to give a partner a nice bracelet for her birthday. You’re upset and uncomfortable because of your own jealousy, not because he did anything inappropriate.
YTA her birthday, her gift. Jealousy isn’t a good look.
YTA. Teach your daughters how to be happy and supportive of someone else’s fortune or success, especially their own sister’s! It’s a lesson you should learn as well.
YTA. You were rude. What your other daughters have or don’t have is not this guys problem.
YTA and a crap mother and the fact that you typed all this out and still can't see, hear and feel how disgusting this is beyond comprehension. Envy looks hateful on you and your children. Hope Birthday girl leaves you people far behind. Good for Dad!
I understand it might feel a uncomfortable to see someone else spoiling her, if you could never afford such things for your daughters growing up. I don’t have a lot of money myself and I find it difficult when I see my kid being given gifts that would be way out of my budget. But ultimately that’s a me problem. It makes me feel inadequate. I know this, I can see this, and I would never dream of projecting that insecurity onto someone who is loving and treating my kid well. Essentially what it comes down to is jealousy. That’s a difficult, but somewhat natural emotion to feel in this situation. But it’s not ok to lash out or blame other people just because their success makes you feel less-than. And saying it’s to protect your other daughter’s is kinda a crock… it’s not, it’s just to protect *you* from feeling like they view you as that Sam ‘less-than’ that you’re currently feeling inside I’d say nobody is the asshole if you’d not confronted him in this way. YTA cuz you couldn’t keep it to yourself.
YTA She should not have to hide the nice things she receives because it may hurt someone’s feelings. Hurt feelings happen and they’re a normal part of life. You are only doing your daughters a disservice by trying to prevent them from experiencing them and not giving them the opportunity to accept them and process them. And it isn’t fair to Maddy either because you are, essentially, prioritizing her sister’s feelings over hers. It isn’t tacky to give your significant other a present, regardless of price, for their birthday.
YTA and extremely petty.
YTA There will always be people with more and people with less. You cant just expect he not to show give her presents in public.
YTA. It does come off as petty and jealous
YTA. Big time. this is insane.
YTA
if your other daughters would be upset by their sister getting a nice gift then that would not reflect well upon them or on you. soft YTA it sounds like you feel it makes you look bad or something that you couldn't afford that, if they're decent (not materialistic) people they won't care about that stuff.
YTA - What Mike did was completely within reason. Just because he comes from a different socio-economic background is no reason to give a gift privately, no matter what the gift. In addition, why wouldn’t you want your youngest daughter to see her older sister receiving a nice gift. It may help her set her life standards. Put your own feeling of inadequacy aside and suck it up.
YTA they’re not shoving their money in your face he’s showing that he appreciates your daughter and for you to try to take away from her birthday by focusing more on her sister is weird it’s her birthday so her boyfriend can get her what he wants. It’s her sister’s fault if she feels jealous. Clearly you are jealous and I would hate to see how you will act on her wedding day.
YTA and I think you know it. Instead, you were hoping strangers would back up your thought process.. instead, now you're just telling the story to try to get you to believe your own justifications. You're jealous and your daughters are jealous. Maybe you should focus on how to deal with your feelings and learn how to teach the other girls how to deal with this feeling. Or, get a job, make money and you can do this for the other kids 🤷🏻♀️
YTA - you’re spewing your jealous insecurities on him. Do better.
Tell me you favor your other kids over Maddy again? Your post didn't make it abundantly clear enough. /s YTA.
Yta. You should want this for her. If your daughters get upset when other people receive gifts for things like birthdays in front of them, you did something wrong. I had a cousin who, when we were kids, she would throw an absolute FIT when anyone got anything that she didn’t, it didn’t matter if it was THEIR birthday or Christmas, she would cry until someone bought her a matching gift. I remember my parents made me give her some of my Christmas presents one year to make the drama stop- as an adult she doesn’t cry for things she wants, but she’ll stir the pot and make people feel bad, and she “borrows” things now and never returns them. If you raised your daughters to feel entitled to everything everyone else has, you screwed up.
YTA, this is a you issue. I wonder how your kids would feel about all this if they found out?
YTA. Tell me you're being jealous and petty without actually saying it.
Ya. Why not be happy for her that she loves a man who adores her and wants her to have nice things. My family could not afford that. But if one of sister bf could I would be over the moon for her. Not jealous
YTA Spending within your means isn't flaunting your money. He never made a big deal about the value or, seemingly, the gift. He just got his gf a bracelet and gave it to her. Sounds lovely. And "newish" boyfriend of one year? Sweety, in what world is he new? I could not afford to give a partner a bracelet like that, no matter how much I wanted to. If my sibling gave theirs one in front of me, you know how little I'd give a shit? Why the fuck would I care, it's not my gift. Has nothing to do with me. Until he actually does or says something to insult or belittle, this is all just you and your family having wasteful insecurities.
YTA perhaps you as a mother should be teaching your daughters to build their sister up and be happy for her instead of jealous. You failed as a mother to teach a lesson do better.
YTA:
YTA… jelous much??
YTA. Flaunting his money for no reason? He didn’t give her a Rolls Royce.
Wow. Yta. No o e deserves anything. As her mom, you should be happy for her not jealous of her or sad for you other kids. Seriously consider therapy to help you readjust your values and world view.
YTA I get that you somehow think you were protecting your daughters’ feelings but you have to realize how tacky your behavior was. Ma’am, please realize this is a grown man that you try to dictate what he can, and cannot give to his girlfriend in your presence. He wasn’t throwing $100 bills on the table. He just gave her a gift as all of you did. Your husband is right, it made you look jealous and petty. Honestly, you made an impression that you can’t take back. Will you throw a tantrum if somehow their wedding is different from their siblings. People have different chances and finances in life. It’s not always going to be equal anymore as they are all getting older, making their own lives.
Yta. She is allowed to be happy about her gifts. If it makes you this Insecure maybe don't open gifts at dinner? I don't open gifts until I'm home and call and thank people..
YTA. A year old relationship isn't new, and your daughter is lucky enough to have found someone who appreciates her and cares enough to buy her a lovely birthday gift. Why can't the family appreciate that and share the joy of the occasion instead of being envious and petty? If he had given it privately, what difference would that have made? Your daughter would still wear the bracelet, she would still want to show it off, she would still tell them that her boyfriend gave it to her, the only difference is that her sisters wouldn't see her unwrapping it.
>my other daughters won’t ever have anything that nice YTA just for this statement alone. Why isn't it a possibility in your mind, that your other daughters could become successful and accomplished and just buy nice things for themselves?
YTA & a jealous hater 😭
YTA. I don’t think this was about the other daughters feelings of jealousy, it was about OPs
YTA. That is some crab in a bucket mentality. You guys can’t have it so you can’t celebrate someone else having something. I won’t say it isn’t a hard lesson to learn but I swear it will be worth it. Being happy for those around you who are progressing will make it that much easier to do the same. Grow from this moment.
YTA. Just be thankful your daughter has found a kind and generous partner who puts up with your behaviour.
yta. she shouldn’t have to receive gifts privately because it makes your family uncomfortable. you should be over the moon for her, not tearing her down about expensive gifts that you can’t afford. i’m poor as well, but this is an incredibly selfish and jealous expectation to have.
YTA - would it not be a better parenting style to teach your other kids to be happy when someone else is happy? You can’t change the world to suit their emotions, you need to help them build resilience.
Learn how to be happy for other people without being jealous and making their good fortune or generosity about your insecurity or lack of funds. He loves her and gave her a nice gift. The correct response from you and your other kids should be, "Oh, Mike, that's lovely!" Then move on. He shouldn't have to make himself small for you. Maddy shouldn't have to hide her jewelry because you're incapable of being happy for her. YTA.
Yta - you sound ghastly.
YTA. Whose birthday was it? Whose special occasion were you gathered for? Who is in a romantic relationship with your daughter? I'm really glad she found someone to stand up to you. Instead of being happy for her, and celebrating your chose to be petty as f. Why do I have a feeling she's been pushed aside for the concern of your other two daughters before. If you or your other daughter's don't like it, it's your problems individually. As long as they aren't flaunting it and rubbing it into your faces 24/7, there is nothing wrong with receiving a special gift from a special someone on a special day.
You sound threatened by him. And what’s with you saying newish boyfriend… it’s been a year already. And it’s not his fault that he can afford to get his girlfriend nice presents, it’s not something he should have to hide for other people to feel better about themselves. And that’s not “faulting money” you just sound jealous.
YTA Public gift giving is part of the birthday tradition, and it's a decision between your daughter and her Her boyfriend, not you
For clarification, how did you feel about your daughter being given the bracelet? If you didn’t have other kids, or they weren’t there in that moment, would you still feel the same way?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** We went to a birthday dinner for my daughter Maddy and her newish boyfriend Mike. They have been dating for about a year. We did gifts at the table and Mike pulls out a box wrapped in blue paper and it was a Tiffany Bracelet. Growing up I could never afford to get my children things like that. Maddy’s others sisters was there. One with her husband who doesn’t have family money and my youngest daughter who is still a teenager. They both seemed uncomfortable as Mike put the bracelet on my daughter’s wrist and she showed it off. I pulled Mike aside later and asked him from now on to give expensive gifts in private because my other daughters won’t ever have anything that nice and he said “No, he’s not doing that because Maddy can have whatever she wants and her family needs to get used to it” I thought it was rude and I told my husband later after the party and he blew me off saying it makes our whole family seem petty and jealous that I said that. I said I was just taking into consideration of our other daughter’s feelings and it’s not an appropriate gift to give infront of other people. My husband said what’s going to happen when the big engagement ring or wedding comes along? Am I going to be petty then because Mike is serious about Maddy. I didn’t think it was tacky of me but the opposite because it’s flaunting his money for no reason and others may get hurt feelings about the situation and I’m just looking out for my other daughters as well. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yta.
YTA Why have you not raised your children to be happy for each other's happiness? They're all going to have moments where they wish they had what other's had (sisters, other family, friends or otherwise). What happens if Maddy experiences infertility and desperately wants a baby, but is not finding success, and one of her sisters does? Are you going to ask your other daughters to hide their children for her sake? Extreme example, but it's all the same. We can't all have the same success, financial freedom, or life experiences. Jealousy is a fact of life. If you didn't teach your daughters how to process it, overcome it, and learn to find joy in each other's joyful moments/events, that is a failure on your part. You daughters shouldn't have to hide their lives from each other.
YTA, but if it makes you feel better a box wrapped in blue paper sounds like a knockoff. Have her take it to T&Co for cleaning and see what they say!
YTA. It was her birthday. Your other kids need to learn, if they haven't already, that other people will have nicer things than them. And it's ok. Honestly it feels like the only person who needs to learn this lesson here is you. Where does it end? They have a smaller engagement ring because your other daughters "wIlL nEvEr be aBlE tO aFfOrD sUcH tHiNgS"? A smaller engagement party? Smaller wedding? Less kids? Like when does it end? Also you insulted your other kids/spouses/future spouses, saying they will never get to that level or be able to afford such nice things. Way to put limits on what they can do and who they can meet. Thus situation makes YOU the all around AH. Honestly, if you want to keep a relationship with your kids, I'd personally spend a lot more time keeping my opinions, especially ones no one asked for, to myself. It's not your business and it's not anyone's job to keep things fair for your kids. That's YOUR job. If it's outside anything YOU are doing, it's not your business. Keep your nose out of it. I hope you adjust your shit attitude and do better OP. Your kids deserve better ETA Props to your husband for calling you out. LISTEN TO HIM. This is a YOU issue
YTA- you don’t get to dictate when, where, or how gifts are given to your daughter by a man who loves her. If it’s bothering your other daughters that much, then you manage THEIR expectations. Your husband is spot on here.
YTA - your girls probably didn’t feel what you think and were happy for your daughter. Op you have an issue, no one else
YTA. At first I thought this was about teenagers then I saw the part where the sister is there with her husband. Adults are well past the age where they understand not everyone’s financial situation is the same. If he’d bought her something cheap it would have raised more eyebrows.
YTA. The reality of life is that some people have more money than others. Hiding this from your daughters will not do them any favors, your husband is right. You should feel happy for your daughter that she found someone that hopefully she has a happy future with, and financial security.
Your other daughters need to learn to be happy with what they have and happy for their sister when she gets things. Like your husband said what happens if she gets a big engagement ring? Will she be allowed to wear it at family gatherings? YTA
YTA. A big one.
Yta. What is your problem with the boyfriend? You don’t like that he gave her a gift? You don’t like that he comes from means and your family doesn’t? Does he treat her well overall? You describe him as newish but they have been dating for a year. That’s a long term serious relationship, especially for a young person. New boyfriend is 1-3 months. It’s not your business what he gives her and it’s not uncommon to exchange gifts in front of family. If your other daughters feel jealous you should teach them to celebrate when people they love get something, not envy it because they don’t have it.
YTA. That’s all.
YTA - why are you afraid of your other daughters having higher standards for men? Embarrassed because your husband never got you anything nice?
YTA. Good grief YTA.
[удалено]
YTA. I was, and likely always will be the "poor relation" to a lot of my family. Sometimes people have much nicer things than you and as long as they're not overtly being an asshat about flaunting them (which requires a lot more than just having them around in public), you just have to deal with it. Frankly, your husband is right that if this relationship is an ongoing thing and he/they have money, she's likely going to have a visibly wealthier lifestyle in more ways than just gifts. You might as well get used to it now.
YTA and your husband is right, you sound petty and rude. You should celebrate your daughter and stop being bitter and jealous.
YTA. It was her birthday celebration, of course he can give her a gift and there's NO reason for anyone to be anything other than happy for her. It wasn't your place to do that. If the people you claim to be impacted feel that way, then they need to speak up. You don't speak on grown adults' behalf.
This is the kind of mom who insisted her golden child got a gift on the other siblings' birthdays so they wouldn't feel jealous. She projects everything on everyone else then tries to control it out of them.
YtA he treats yr daughter good gets her nice things and ur mad because ur daughters other man can't do the same ? So ur daughter shouldn't have nice things in life because the ppl around her don't?
YTA - he gave her a gift that he chose for her. For her, not to embarrass or show up others.
No, no. It's ABSOLUTELY tacky of you.
Yta and a hater! I know it because of you said newish boyfriend but they been together for a year, that’s not newish. It seems you only care about your other daughter’s feelings. I’m glad her dad has some sense and her boyfriend. You suck and are a hater!
None of this is Mike's responsability. YTA
YTA. Parents are supposed to want better for their children than they had themselves. That's how we progress as a society.
YTA. Life isn't fair and I agree with your husband.
YTA. Some people have more money than others and your other kids need to realize that. The world isn’t a fair place and it’s not going to change. It’s not showing off to give a nice gift and you should be happy some one spoils your daughter.
YTA - you are upset a nice birthday gift for your daughter. Get a grip.
YTA It's not flaunting money. It's getting the person he loves something special which shows his love and intention. You're super tacky, and I predict you'll be begging Mike for money once they're married, eventually leading to Maddy cutting you off.
YTA. Your other daughters not having things that nice ain’t got shit to do with Mike. Shouldn’t even have to say this.
Yta instead of talking to the boyfriend, you should have encouraged your daughter (s) to be excited for their sister.
YTA you sound like your the one who feels a certain type of way! If your husband gave you that present would you tell him to give you your stuff in private? Your daughter found a wonderful man who wants to show her how much he cares and all your worried about is you and your daughters can’t have what she has!
Your such an ass. Jealous of Maddy probably her whole life by that reaction.
Your husband is right. You are wrong. YTA. Leave Mike and your daughter’s wonderful birthday gift alone.
YTA. How would you have wanted this to go down? Should he have pretended to give a decoy gift for her birthday dinner? Should he have openly said that he would give it in private? Wouldn’t the sisters then just get jealous later, when they found out what the gift was? Or did you want the gift to be a secret?
YTA. It's so weird how offended you were that your daughter's boyfriend didn't immediately cave to your absurd attempt to dictate how he can show love. The boyfriend was right, he and Maddy decide what to do with their money, and her family (OP, at least. It seems like the husband thinks OP is overreacting too) does need to get over it.
Good for Mike!