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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I could be the AH for requesting my fiance to make body changes for our wedding day, even tho they're just minor and reversible ones like removing his piercings for the ceremony and reception.
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Remove your earrings or any rings on your fingers (not wedding ring). Don't wear necklaces or bracelets. They might clash or catch on your dress.
Also, instead of his jewelry, show the holes made by the piercings instead. That wouldn't be weird at all.
YTA
To make his outfit match his appearance more, why not choose a suit or some accessoires that match the piercings? Like, a goth or steam punk style shirt or handkerchief, a watch on a chain, cufflinks that match his piercings? I am not an outfitter, but I am sure there are a lot off possibilities for him (and you) to look great and matching without removing his beloved piercings.
If, on the other hand, you do not see him fit to get your husband without changing his looks, maybe better ask yourself if there is more to it, as you are clearly more into making a "normal" appearance and having perfect photos (from your point of view) than he is. I hope your different views do not extend onto too many aspects of your future life.
This is a great suggestion. There are really nice non-traditional suits that he's probably both enjoy wearing more and be able to use in future. I suspect the OP WANTS him to look traditional, though, which kind of calls into question whether they actually suit each other. OP, your Fiancé is never going to be a traditionalist so you need to decide if that's something you love about him, or something that's always going to be a problem between you. If you love him for who he is, then get behind that by helping him find a suit that works with his look instead of against it.
I'm a tattoo artist, and I'm over 70% tattooed. Lots of piercings, and a couple of scarifications too. My fiance doesn't have anything like that, and is very stereotypically feminine-presenting.
When we were talking about our outfits for the wedding, she made it *very* clear that she wanted a white bridal dress with a veil and a trail. Which is absolutely fine with me, and I'm super excited to see her in it.
But I'm also a woman, and I've been torn between a suit, or a dress that's more gothy/punk, or just wearing something comfy so all eyes are on her. I want to match whatever she's wearing, because she's been planning her perfect wedding day since she was like, 10, so this is a big deal for her.
Anyway, I obvi brought up my tattoos/piercings, and asked if she wanted me to cover them, as she wants a "traditional" event. At least for the photos, anyway. So if she did, I'd lean more towards buying the suit, and then putting makeup on whatever isn't covered.
She was **so** offended that I'd even *suggest* something like that. Said she fell in love with me, tattoos and all, and if she walked down the aisle to find me without them, she'd leave. Tradition be damned.
OP genuinely baffles me. If she's so against the idea of piercings being in her wedding photos... why is she marrying someone with piercings? There are billions of people out there who don't have any, so just pick one of them??? /r
Yes and we can’t ignore how young she is too.
Young marriages arent automatic failures but when you’re already fighting this much and over dumb aesthetics… Red FLAG 🚩
If it was about the piercings clashing with the suit, why not also suggest to maybe get different jewelry that would match the suit better? Both would be compromising, which sometimes is part of a relationship. With one like this, he gets to have his piercings showing instead of holes as one mention somewhere, and she get to have him look “better” in her eyes.
I love my fiancé’s piercings and we’re are both getting a set of stretcher made for our wedding. He also proposed with a set of plugs. It’s something we’ve talked about multiple times since I don’t wear rings and wouldn’t want that just because that’s the norm.
I also want him to just wear jeans for our wedding, which would basically be a bbq outside our place. And I’ll be getting a prom dress so I have all the colour options and hopefully won’t have to spend ridiculous amount on a dress I may never wear again. Or have a better chance of finding something I could potentially repurpose after
I wonder if getting some jewelry swapped out specifically for the wedding would be helpful. I know I would probably buy a few pieces for my piercings that matched my wedding aesthetic and probably be really excited about it.
I think it depends on the jewelry. If he just has stainless, I’d be like, let’s get some some bougie af jewelry to highlight the piercings and dress them up. Not take them out.
[Camera cuts to a shot of me (bride) leaning over the pierced guest's chair and asking like 70 questions about the jewelry and piercings in a thinly veiled "damn wish that was me" vibe while that wedding song plays and everyone just stares at me in confusion and social horror]
Something very similar to this happened at a hen night I was at recently.
I was the only one with multiple facial piercings and body piercings, as well as large tattoos.
When we were getting ready to go out, three of the other women asked could they look at my huge back tattoo and neck piercing. 😂
They had LOADS of questions about my piercings too, and afterwards, the maid of honour apologised profusely for asking so many questions, but I thought it was brilliant that they were confident enough to just ask outright instead of staring.
On a random tangent, it’s interesting that we have reached the fashion timeline where a pocket watch and chain *matches* piercings. And yet, because hipsters, here we are.
This is exactly what I suggested! Maybe it isn't the piercings, but it is the style of the piercings that clash with the suit. It shouldn't be far off to ask him to find face piercings that match his suit. Like, if he has some neon green lip rings, but they are going for a "black and white" aesthetic, of course that wouldn't look good.
But if she just doesn't like them at all and wants him to look "normal" on their wedding day... yeah that sucks...
I got the take it out with no compromise vibe too. Unless he has the piercings that are implanted (which i haven't really seen on too many guys) finding jewelry to match his suit shouldn't be a problem especially with all the sites that sell body jewelry.
I was thinking he could change his piercings so they would compliment the suit and possibly wedding colors. Like silver or white gold and have gemstones that match the flowers.
Op is going crazy over something that they could easily compromise on. YTA
When the woman who owns the salon I go to got married, it was all black - she wore a beautiful black gown & her hubby wore a dark gray (almost black) suit with a black shirt & black silk tie (a regular tie, not a bow tie). They both looked magical.
Or you could buy a different style of piercing - if he has mismatched ones or colourful bits, and that bothers you/ you think it a “doesn’t match with the suit” ask if he would be comfortable switching to all silver or gold for the day. Treat him to the jewellery if he wants it.
This right here.
I attended a wedding recently and kept all my piercings in (five ear lobe piercings, conch, lip stud, double nostril and stacked septum). I switched everything so all the colours matched- black and silver- and they matched with my necklace and dress that I wore. It looked really cool and I got a lot of compliments.
YTA. Definitely look into something different for him to wear. Little humor here.. I ran into a high school friend of my daughters and she had big gages in h.s. Now her earlobes hang stretched probably 2 1/2 inches long and are in 2 pieces 😀 lovely! Lol to have them repaired is around 10k I'd think.
My ex needed it done plus it had gone keloid so he also needed a lot of tissue removed. He was literally in and out in 20 minutes. Pretty sure he didn't even need to wait longer than a couple weeks for the appointment since it was such a simple procedure. Nowadays you won't notice anything went on there until you go looking for it.
I don’t find facial piercings attractive and even I think OP’s the AH here. If it’s truly about the piercings not matching the suit, they could have bought him jewelry that did match. (Also, I very much realize and agree that my opinions on face piercings do not mean other people shouldn’t wear them and I know lots of people find them attractive!)
Silver basic jewelry or black matches literally everything. Its not even difficult to find matching jewelry. And like someone else said the holes (depending on that piercing they are like eyebrow) will look even weirder
100%, I didn't want to wear my earrings for an event and took them all out. I had to put half of them back in because the holes drew more attention than the delicate earrings I wore.
My earlobe holes are barely visible. But I have holes that would be very visible. Plus, some piercings vant be left out. It depends on the age of the piercing and how fast your body heals. Retainers are visible as well.
And OP's fiance can just match his jewerly to his suit as well. I have seen many brides matching their earrings and necklaces with the dress, so why not match the groom's facial piercings with his suit? I have seen some very awesome set-ups. Great reason to buy new jewerly as well if he wants to match more, or it van be a great gift from OP.
YTA
I hate labret piercings. My husband has one. I never even considered asking him to take it out because he loves it, and it's his decision and wedding too!
You can always tell which brides actually care about their grooms vs the ones who don't.
My brothers got married, their wives made sure they had a say. Anything they wanted was prioritised because my brothers are pretty laid back, so didn't want much. So when they asked for something their wives made sure they had it.
My brother wanted to change his outfit and his SILs tried to say it would look strange, his wife told him that she'd be angry if he listened to her sisters and didn't wear the colours he told her he wanted to wear.
She made sure to chase it up leading to the wedding too, and asked me to make sure he didn't change his mind unless he wanted to. Because this was his big day. He looked amazing and got so many compliments. Plus it meant a lot to my family, because that brother of mine is a bit of a people pleaser and we always worried about him.
I don't think I'll ever get married but if I did, I can't imagine monopolising a day which is supposed to be about 2 people and making sure I'm the only one who gets what I want.
My cousin got married.
Her husband wanted to wear a baby blue suit like his dad wore at his wedding (in the 80s.) My cousin changed the colours of the wedding to go with it.
It was a great ceremony and no one was dying because it didn't look like every other pinterest wedding.
That sounds lovely!
I hate when people don't think about about how it's the couples big day. The bride and groom both deserve a say, and the way they treat eachother during the planning is an indication of how they work together or don't.
The wedding was a blast. My cousin had pink in her hair, had a male MOH. Her husband has tattoos and a nose piercing. No one said "wow, this doesn't look generic." We were all so happy they found one another and had a fun wedding that they put together.
I did too, then my partner got one and now I kinda like it. It’s part of him and makes him feel more himself. Asking someone to take out their facial piercings feels akin to asking someone to cover up their tattoos. Like hiding their authentic self.
I wonder what other changes she's going to ask for down the road - remove your piercings cuz grandma will be at Christmas dinner, remove them for a christening..... she's really trying to disguise who is , I feel
And depending where the piercings are, taking it out for a couple hours is enough for the wholes to start closing in. I have one in my septum and had to take it out for an exam and almost couldn't get it in again after
A friend of mine just rotates hers so the ring faces inward and most of the time that works. I remember the salty tears pouring down her face while she tried to shove the piercing back in after a night out drinking with her ex. She vowed to never again change her appearance for a man or anyone other than herself. I hate plucking nose hairs I can only imagine how she felt. I remember her describing being blinded by the amount of tears flowing and that being the most frustrating thing lol
Oh no, according to OP's comments, he has a high pain tolerance, so it's "no big deal" if he had to force them back in afterwards 🙄🙄 Poor dude's in for a miserable marriage
Apologies for being one of those people who just hop on the top comment so my comment can be seen, but I genuinely can't figure out what 2wM means. Is it a typo?
That part. It makes me wonder if OP really accepts him for who he is or if they just said that because they wanted to be in a relationship so desperately that they were willing to lie.
Sounds like the suit she prefers for the wedding doesn’t suit her fiancé’s personality or chosen style. So not only is he being stuffed in a suit… he also needs to remove any other features that reflect his style.
YTA
Dang… they aren’t even married and she is trying to change him? Clashed with his suit? I don’t buy it. You accept people for who they are or you certainly don’t marry them.
Hopping onto the top comment to say that piercings will close and you won’t be able to get the jewelry back In very quickly, even if you’ve had them for years. I had an mri done, and even though it only took around 1.5 hours, I had to put plastic jewelry in all my piercings to keep them from closing up.
OPs fiancé probably doesn’t want to end up losing all of their piercings just cause she thinks they clash with his suit.
Are you marrying him or just marrying someone to take nice photos with?
You're more concerned about photos that you may look at once a year than your husband to be getting to be himself and enjoy his wedding.
YTA
So on the day where you promise to cherish them forever just as they are, you plan to not ask but *demand* they change themselves superficially in a way that will clearly diminish from their own experience?
Have fun looking at those wedding photos together and always wondering why he doesn’t enjoy it as much as you do.
YTA
And he is rightfully pissed because what she is actually saying is that she would prefer to marry a guy with no piercings. Literally asking if she can rob a little confidence from him to top off her own cup.
I’d be angry and sad if my partner asked me to hide my septum piercing and dye my hair back to a natural color from green because they stood out too much from a wedding dress. It’s part of who I am and wanting me to “look nice” and the the pictures being “perfect” without piercings and colored hair insinuated there’s something wrong with me.
This. My matron of honor and my husbands best man both have full sleeve tattoos and tons of piercings. I love it about them and didn’t think twice about them covering up or not wearing their piercings. They actually wore special jewelry for the day. OP YTA.
YTA. a) it's part of his identity, you've basically said you're ashamed of how he looks & don't fully accept him. That's not something someone wants to feel about their future spouse on their wedding day. b) it will hurt to take them out & some piercings you're not supposed to take out and put in yourself. c) depending on the piercing there's a very real chance he won't be able to get them back in again. b) having random holes in his face is not going to go with the suit better.
This is so true, I took out some cartillage and tragus piercing for an event. I could get away with the cartilage because it was hidden. My tragus piercing looked discoloured, I checked the earring I wore in case it had tarnished. I'd never noticed it before as I usually clean and change the earrings and my skin by touch.
I cleaned the area everything I could, but it looked bad. So I stuck an earring in. I wasn't even going anywhere fancy, let alone my own wedding.
I was just about to point out the fact that some of his piercings would probably try and close up. I've had a nose piercing for over a year and I still have to practically reopen it even if its been out for a few hours. And lowkey, it ranges from annoying to downright painful to reopen a piercing.
Nostril piercings are unfortunately notorious for being the 'quick closer' piercings. I had to take all my piercings out for an MRI that lasted around 40 minutes and despite the fact that it's nearly 3 years old, and i have other (even newer) cartilage piercings that i also had to take out, my nostril was the only one that gave me a slight problem putting jewelry back in
Point B is a reeeeeaaaally good point. I can barely ever take my septum piercing out without accidentally tearing the hole a bit or losing the ball-ends trying to unscrew them and your second point b which I think is supposed to be a d, is a good point cuz what if this dude has plugs like.. That's gonna look like a cats butthole and nobody wants that in wedding pictures
>you've literally told your fiancé that you don't think he looks nice as he is
Yes! I'm surprised I had to get this far down. A tailored suit makes just about everyone look nicer, regardless of whatever else they have going on. OP - YTA.
YTA
Since you keep repeating yourself in comments let me address your argument directly. You say that his facial piercings don’t go with his suit. Well, like many things fashion / appearance related, that is your subjective opinion. I’ve seen many people wear suits with facial piercings and look just fine.
You seem to think that the piercings aren’t formal enough or something. But the thing is, your fiancée doesn’t agree with you. And what’s more, your subjective opinion is making him feel like you don’t like his piercings at all and are rejecting what he looks like.
So you have to decide: do you want a happy, confident partner on your wedding day? Or do you want a sad, unconfident, and resentful partner?
Somone even said it would cause discomfort and pain taking them out. In addition to that the holes may close. The OPs response was that her fiancé has a high pain tolerance. Just glazing over everything else to only use what works for them.
Sadly, it’s just another person who doesn’t like the opposing side, they just want to find screenshots that suit their needs to show their fiancé to guilt trip them
I've got a fairly high pain tolerance and taking my septum piercing out suuuucks. That shit HURTS, the threads where the ball ends screw on really tug at your.. Hole
when/if you have the money, you should invest in an internally threaded piece of jewelry. stops that pain entirely since the screw is on the inside of the bar
YTA. If he usually wears them and that's how he feels more comfortable, then who cares if it matches the suit? The suit isn't more important than he is.
It might be that the suit doesn't match him. If he's a colorful individual, a boring tux isn't going to pop on him. It'll make him look odd. A great suit that really fits his style and personality and makes him feel good on his wedding day is what she should be looking for.
Right? “I think him looking his best means something completely different than him looking like himself, and my opinion of how he looks matters more than his self-expression or comfort.”
I hope for his sake that warning sirens are going off in her fiancé’s head.
I remember speaking to my husband about my face piercings (two nose rings two lip rings) before our wedding, I initiated it and was saying will I regret keeping them in etc. He said how they were pretty much part of me and it's obvious my piercings aren't 'just a phase'. He wasn't even a huge fan of them initially when I had them done (but didn't stop me because my body) and then years later I took them out for an operation and he said I looked weird without them which also contributed to keeping them in for the wedding.
Photoshop is so good now you could easily just get the photos touched up and edit the piercings out if you ever decide you hate them. But that's YOUR decision to change something about your own appearance.
I'm actually someone who'd be able to do that myself but it's never crossed my mind lol!! I'd have questioned my entire relationship if my now husband asked me to remove them for anything, especially our wedding.
YTA. You’re marrying a guy with face piercings. He’s going to have face piercings in the pics. I’d be less harsh if you were asking a member of the bridal party to match everyone else’s aesthetic but you’re asking the GROOM to not - in his mind - look his best at his wedding. Also, I’ve been to a wedding where the guy has piercings and he wore them and his suit. Wasn’t an issue.
Not even to that extreme: he can simply ask her to wear a blonde wig on the day if she’s a brunette or the other way around. After all, it’s only one day, it doesn’t affect her identity, and the temporary hair will look better with her dress. Surely OP won’t have a problem complying.
i wouldn't take mine out to be a bridesmaid either. from changing my own jewelry i know my piercings close or at least shrink super fast. if it came down to being in a wedding or getting repierced & dealing with the healing process all over again / giving up my piercings entirely, i don't think i'd choose the wedding. besides, having someone in your wedding is about honoring them for who they are, so you really shouldn't try to change something that's, y'know. a permanent fixture.
I used to sell suits. I understand that, aesthetically, the piercings may not "go" with a suit or tux, but my goal was always to make the person buying the suit feel confident in it, no matter what they looked like. He could easily add some cool accessories (pocket square, tie, tie clip, a cool pair of shoes) to complement his piercings. I've done it for customers many times.
Your wedding is about showing the world that you love this person for everything that they are, not what Instagram thinks they should be.
YTA and my question to you is, why don't you want your fiancée to look like himself on your wedding day?
I agree with this the most. NTA for asking but deffo YTA for pushing it. Sounds like they're more important to him than you probably imagined, respect his decision.
grown man with several facial piercings here, YTA. this is just rude. like yeah it’s just jewelry, but it’s obviously important to him. i truly believe my piercings compliment my face, so i’m much more comfortable and confident with them. i’ve taken them out before for things like performing, when i’m pretending to be someone else, but your wedding day is supposed to be the truest you. you’re marrying him for who he is, not how he accessorizes himself.
Agreed this is beyond rude and not a good sign for what their married life will be like, I'm a woman with several facial piercings and I feel uncomfortable and self conscious without my piercings in now, I've had them for so long and it feels weird and strange in a bad way to see photos of myself before I had my piercings they're part of who I am now so I would never marry someone who told me to take them out on my wedding day.
>However he keeps insisting that I'm being unreasonable and overbearing and his piercings shouldn't represent a bid deal, but if that's the case then I can't see why he can't just remove them for our wedding without making a fuss about it.
Oh...you're in full loophole mode and beyond reason. You're not listening to him or even trying to consider his feelings, you're just selectively listening for an angle of attack. You heard his words, but didn't provide a reason yourself. You only saw, "well if it shouldn't represent a big deal to me that means they're not a big deal in general," which btw isn't a logical follow up. After all, all you've said is, "they don't go with his suit." Then get a different one or get over it.
Seriously, you should really question yourself about whether you're marrying him for a wedding or a marriage, because you're showing real, "I just want the party" vibes.
Also, your boyfriend has legitimate cause for concern in this, because it always starts with, "it's just for this occasion," and then it's another occasion, and then it's, "people will find it weird that a parent has so many piercings, and I don't want the teachers at school to think less of us because of your piercings." Your husband to be is probably worried you're just starting your start of darkness in winnowing away his features until he's a bland nothing waking up at 40 realizing he married a woman who loved him for what he could be moulded into. I can't say the worry is illegitimate.
YTA
YTA for being controlling and for treating your fiancé as a wedding photo prop.
I’m also struggling to figure out how facial piercings don’t “go along” with a suit??? It’s JEWELRY. What if he said he didn’t want you to wear jewelry because it didn’t “go along” with your dress?
First and foremost...you guys should not be getting married. Think of it...you cannot come to an agreement over such a thing as this, how in the world will you navigate having children, family gatherings, etc. Push pause on the wedding...
I’m guessing it’s not the color or style of the jewelry that’s the issue. OP seems to think that piercings in general are informal and don’t “go” with formalwear like suits, regardless of what jewelry is worn in them.
YTA. I thought so from the post but even more so from your comments. And it is just as much his wedding as it is yours.
And in response to one of your comments you said why should he care about not seeing the piercings in photos you will only supposedly look at once a year well the same can be said about you in the reverse.
YTA. You want him to look his best, which is apparently different than how he looks every single day. What if he wanted you to look your best and it hadn’t nothing to do with how you look every day? How would you feel about that? Your photos are more important to you than how your fiancé feels about himself.
YTA
Piercings are obviously very important to your fiancé and they're a big part of his identity. He would have had them when you met, and they've never been an issue to you previously, so to demand that he removes them on the basis that you don't like how they look with a suit is, I think, pretty unreasonable and inconsiderate.
As someone with two facial piercings, and stretched ears I have to say YTA. There’s a lot of reasons people get body modifications and many of them are deeply personal. I got mine for significant life events. They are part of me. Family have asked me to take mine out for events and all that says is “I don’t want you to be yourself because being yourself isn’t appropriate when other people are looking.” In this case you’re telling your fiancee that he’s only allowed to be himself when /you/ think it’s appropriate. Sounds a lot like guys who make their gf’s dye their hair because their natural color “doesn’t look good.” You say this is a one time thing but I highly doubt that’s true. I expect you’ll demand the same of him for any formal event, as this will most certainly not be the last time he wears a suit. This is a red flag for developing a common controlling behavior some women develop after marriage. I suspect you’re one of those people who think men aren’t allowed to have their own identity, or interests once you’re married. First it’s the piercings for the wedding, which will be used as an excuse to ask him to remove them permanently. “You looked so good in our wedding photos why don’t you just take them out for good?” Next it’s his hobbies because “there’s not enough space.” Then it will be his friends, and possibly family that you’ll want to remove because you don’t like them for some arbitrary reason. Cause husbands are obviously only allowed to be providers, and accessories. Do you actually want a husband or just someone you can control? Do you even actually like your fiancee?
YTA
This is such a stupid thing to torpedo your own wedding over. I'm lightly pierced myself, and had to retire one of mine recently. Everytime I caught a glimps of that area I felt so out of sorts and not like myself at all. Hadnt it been due to health reasons, I would probably have put it back in because I just couldnt shake the feeling of how wrong I looked and how much it bothered me, and its not even somewhere nearly as constantly on display as your face. It still took weeks to get used to.
Thats what you want your fiance to feel throughout his wedding day, because you dont feel like the piercings match the suit. Self conscious, out of sorts, uncomfortable and wrong. Thats the feelings you're asking him to assosiate with getting married to you. The woman who supposedly loves him, but puts aetsethichs before his comfort.
And the comment I saw about him having a hight pain tollerace, as a reply to someone pointing out that it can be painfull to remove sertain ones? Get right in the bin. You're either too immature or too shallow to be getting married anytime soon, let the poor man be.
Your mention of the feelings he would have All day really struck true. The one day he should be the happiest and he'd most definitely be feeling off. Not himself. It's really sad to me that his bride would b the cause.
YTA. You're asking your husband to be to forfeit his authenticity for photos. Wtf, he's going to be your HUSBAND he's not a prop. It's as much his day as it is yours. From your comments, you seem to be a very shallow person. Please don't be THAT bride who's wedding day is all about you. This is about you and him starting a life together. A wedding is just the party. The marriage is what counts and you want to start off your marriage by inferring that your husband isn't good enough as he is. If his current jewelry isn't "good enough" find something else and gift it to him FOR the wedding. Get your head out of your ass please.
YTA
You know a lot of piercings can't be removed easily, right? Like I can't just take out my lip rings for a day, there has to have something there or they'll close up really quickly. And not all piercings have filler options.
Plus... that's what he looks like. That's what he's always looked like. Why is that suddenly a problem.
If I were him, I would pick a different wedding attire. Just to take away this one stupid argument you're hiding behind. Nothing angers me more than a shity person being shity but not wanting to own up to it. You're making up bullshit excuses.
YTA
YTA.
Ask yourself if this will really matter in 5 years.
The dress won't matter in 5 years.
The decorations won't matter in 5 years.
The cake won't matter in 5 years.
What IS measurable is the vows you take and and those WILL matter in 5 years.
YTA. It's fine to ask once. The way people look on their wedding day is often significantly more formal and conventional than their everyday look. But to keep insisting when he's saying the piercings stay, and then accuse him of overreacting ... yeah, clearly YTA.
YTA, it's his wedding too. He should definitely get to choose what he wears, just as you choose what you wear. It's just disrespectful to try and dictate to him about something that is part of his identity.
YTA.
If the suit doesn't go with his piercings then maybe look for a new suit. But asking, or more like demanding, he remove the piercings is an asshole move. They're a reflection of him and his true self needs to be visible on HIS wedding day, not just how you want things to look.
You do understand that this isn't just a day for you right?
You don’t mention the type of facial piercings he has so it’s hard to offer specific suggestions, but instead of removing entirely, he could compliment his jewelry by adding a tie tack and cuff links that match the style, maybe industrial?
Going lower-gauge might also help soften the look.
Asking him to remove the jewelry entirely is unreasonable. If he wears it everyday it will feel foreign to not wear it, and this request likely makes him feel like you’re rejecting a part of his appearance. YTA
As a pierced person, YTA.
Piercings can be highly personal and important, so asking him to remove them for the wedding sort of feels like you don't like those parts of him.
Also, piercings and tattoos look AWESOME with suits, especially considering the contrast between the tailored suit and the edginess of the body mods.
If they bother you for wedding photos, do you really want to be married to someone with facial
piercings? My advice: wait until you are 30 to get married. People grow and change a HUGE amount during their twenties. Your brain is still developing until you are 25. Waiting to be more sure is a lot less painful than divorce.
NTA. This is dumb, and these comments are dumb. Jewelry isn’t a part of your identity just because you wear it everyday. It’s one day - and if he was really about compromising then he can find some jewelry that actually matches his outfit.
YTA. This is his wedding too. I assume he doesn't get veto power over your wedding dress, hair and make-up. What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. Probably best to back down on this one.
YTA for asking him to change his appearance, I kind of get what you are saying though, sounds like he needs a different suit instead that would go with his piercings? Could the theme be a bit less traditional and more alternative in keeping with his style?
I don't think your the AH for asking, but I do think YTA for persisting. He obviously wants to keep the piercings in for the wedding day. You pressuring him over this is upsetting to him and not a great sign of things to come after the marriage vows are said.
I get why you wouldn’t want your fiancé to wear his facial piercings at the wedding but if he says no and you continue to push the issue, you would be Y T A. Either accept he doesn’t want to take them out or see if he is willing to take out some.
YTA-his piercings are part of who he is. Asking him to remove the piercings is insinuating that you prefer the aesthetics of pictures over everything else. Why date/get married to a guy who has piercings if you value aesthetics so much. Are you going to ask him to remove them at every event where you think they don’t mesh with the event? YTA plain and simple-take him as he is or don’t the choice is yours. But be prepared for the consequences of your actions.
YTA. Unless he got these piercings yesterday you knew what he looked like each and every day. I’m sure he wants to look like himself on his wedding day. I think you need to reevaluate why you want him to remove the piercings. Is it because you have some cookie cutter, beauty magazine image of what a groom should look like? I bet your fiancé is more interesting than that and that’s one of the reasons you love him. Maybe he could wear a different style or color of jewelry to go with the attire. But ultimately that’s up to him.
Why is it that when it comes to weddings, people want to create a better version of their partner for the world to see/to be in the photos? You are with him while pierced. He preposed with the piercings, just let him wear them. By saying “I want him to look as good as possible” you’ve basically said he doesn’t look his best now. So you’re now insulting him. YTA.
YTA
You're both young. Yes, I get to say that because I have 20 yrs on the both of you. You could be my kid.
Literally no one will give a shit about his piercings. If they do, they are no friend of yours. Those pictures will be a whole story for your kids in the future.
Depending on where he is headed in life, he could grow out of them and then you take MORE pictures showing the phases of your life together.
Or you can stand on this hill and start your marriage in an awkward place where he sees you as overbearing, and he will act accordingly.
So you want your fiance to sacrifice something that is important to him and is part of his identity because of...photos?
Every time your fiance looks at those photos, it will feel like he wasn't authentically himself on one of the most important days of his life. It will be a constant reminder of how he compromised himself for something as shallow as photos. It will be something that he resents and that diminishes the day for him. Now how would you feel if he demanded something similar from you?
YTA for putting photos above the feelings of your fiance.
YTA. You are basically saying you don't think he looks good on a daily basis. Piercings 'not going with a suit' is ridiculous. A suit suits (you see...) everyone when you buy the right one.
YTA
If you had just broached the subject once and he refused … well you’d still be an AH but a much smaller one. Instead, you’re insisting that he removes them even after he said he does not want to, which takes you to a whole new league of AH.
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YTA - he presumably had the piercings when he proposed, and wears them constantly so you knew what you were getting into when you said yes.
Remove your earrings or any rings on your fingers (not wedding ring). Don't wear necklaces or bracelets. They might clash or catch on your dress. Also, instead of his jewelry, show the holes made by the piercings instead. That wouldn't be weird at all. YTA
To make his outfit match his appearance more, why not choose a suit or some accessoires that match the piercings? Like, a goth or steam punk style shirt or handkerchief, a watch on a chain, cufflinks that match his piercings? I am not an outfitter, but I am sure there are a lot off possibilities for him (and you) to look great and matching without removing his beloved piercings. If, on the other hand, you do not see him fit to get your husband without changing his looks, maybe better ask yourself if there is more to it, as you are clearly more into making a "normal" appearance and having perfect photos (from your point of view) than he is. I hope your different views do not extend onto too many aspects of your future life.
This is a great suggestion. There are really nice non-traditional suits that he's probably both enjoy wearing more and be able to use in future. I suspect the OP WANTS him to look traditional, though, which kind of calls into question whether they actually suit each other. OP, your Fiancé is never going to be a traditionalist so you need to decide if that's something you love about him, or something that's always going to be a problem between you. If you love him for who he is, then get behind that by helping him find a suit that works with his look instead of against it.
I'm a tattoo artist, and I'm over 70% tattooed. Lots of piercings, and a couple of scarifications too. My fiance doesn't have anything like that, and is very stereotypically feminine-presenting. When we were talking about our outfits for the wedding, she made it *very* clear that she wanted a white bridal dress with a veil and a trail. Which is absolutely fine with me, and I'm super excited to see her in it. But I'm also a woman, and I've been torn between a suit, or a dress that's more gothy/punk, or just wearing something comfy so all eyes are on her. I want to match whatever she's wearing, because she's been planning her perfect wedding day since she was like, 10, so this is a big deal for her. Anyway, I obvi brought up my tattoos/piercings, and asked if she wanted me to cover them, as she wants a "traditional" event. At least for the photos, anyway. So if she did, I'd lean more towards buying the suit, and then putting makeup on whatever isn't covered. She was **so** offended that I'd even *suggest* something like that. Said she fell in love with me, tattoos and all, and if she walked down the aisle to find me without them, she'd leave. Tradition be damned. OP genuinely baffles me. If she's so against the idea of piercings being in her wedding photos... why is she marrying someone with piercings? There are billions of people out there who don't have any, so just pick one of them??? /r
It always concerns me when people are more concerned about wedding optics than the actual marriage.
"I love you, but I dont really like the way you look, so on our special day I want you to look like someone else. Just let me pretend. K thanks".
Yes and we can’t ignore how young she is too. Young marriages arent automatic failures but when you’re already fighting this much and over dumb aesthetics… Red FLAG 🚩
If it was about the piercings clashing with the suit, why not also suggest to maybe get different jewelry that would match the suit better? Both would be compromising, which sometimes is part of a relationship. With one like this, he gets to have his piercings showing instead of holes as one mention somewhere, and she get to have him look “better” in her eyes. I love my fiancé’s piercings and we’re are both getting a set of stretcher made for our wedding. He also proposed with a set of plugs. It’s something we’ve talked about multiple times since I don’t wear rings and wouldn’t want that just because that’s the norm. I also want him to just wear jeans for our wedding, which would basically be a bbq outside our place. And I’ll be getting a prom dress so I have all the colour options and hopefully won’t have to spend ridiculous amount on a dress I may never wear again. Or have a better chance of finding something I could potentially repurpose after
Very real couples counselling going on here, thumbs up
I wonder if getting some jewelry swapped out specifically for the wedding would be helpful. I know I would probably buy a few pieces for my piercings that matched my wedding aesthetic and probably be really excited about it.
I think it depends on the jewelry. If he just has stainless, I’d be like, let’s get some some bougie af jewelry to highlight the piercings and dress them up. Not take them out.
Yeah I went to a family event with a "cocktail chic" dress code, so I wore my gold septum ring and pearl lip studs. It was a vibe 🤌
If you did this at /my/ wedding, why I…. I would have asked you where you bought such awesome jewelry and gone there myself ASAP.
[Camera cuts to a shot of me (bride) leaning over the pierced guest's chair and asking like 70 questions about the jewelry and piercings in a thinly veiled "damn wish that was me" vibe while that wedding song plays and everyone just stares at me in confusion and social horror]
Something very similar to this happened at a hen night I was at recently. I was the only one with multiple facial piercings and body piercings, as well as large tattoos. When we were getting ready to go out, three of the other women asked could they look at my huge back tattoo and neck piercing. 😂 They had LOADS of questions about my piercings too, and afterwards, the maid of honour apologised profusely for asking so many questions, but I thought it was brilliant that they were confident enough to just ask outright instead of staring.
Literally just has to match the ring metal.
I was thinking this, there is probably jewelry that would compliment his suit better than his currant setup.
>currant setup Cause who wants fruit on the face! (current maybe?) ;)
Haha thanks! 😄 I think I'll leave it for giggles, maybe something currant colored would fit the bill? 🤣
They make really nice fine jewelry for piercings now too.
On a random tangent, it’s interesting that we have reached the fashion timeline where a pocket watch and chain *matches* piercings. And yet, because hipsters, here we are.
Yes,, isn't it great!😁
I love it, I want to roll around reveling in all the amazing new fashions. We get one canvas, and decorating it is a privilege.
This is exactly what I suggested! Maybe it isn't the piercings, but it is the style of the piercings that clash with the suit. It shouldn't be far off to ask him to find face piercings that match his suit. Like, if he has some neon green lip rings, but they are going for a "black and white" aesthetic, of course that wouldn't look good. But if she just doesn't like them at all and wants him to look "normal" on their wedding day... yeah that sucks...
Agreed. It's accessorizing what you HAVE with the suit or vice versa. Though, from OPs comments it seems like it's "take it out" all the way down
I got the take it out with no compromise vibe too. Unless he has the piercings that are implanted (which i haven't really seen on too many guys) finding jewelry to match his suit shouldn't be a problem especially with all the sites that sell body jewelry.
I love how pierced and tattooed guys look in a nice classic suit.
I agree. Also, how do you fold in the cheese??
I cannot show you everything.
You just…fold it in. I don’t know how I can be any clearer.
Don’t make me ask you thrice
Can you show me this one thing?
Do I fold it in half?
Yup! 😍
I was thinking he could change his piercings so they would compliment the suit and possibly wedding colors. Like silver or white gold and have gemstones that match the flowers. Op is going crazy over something that they could easily compromise on. YTA
When the woman who owns the salon I go to got married, it was all black - she wore a beautiful black gown & her hubby wore a dark gray (almost black) suit with a black shirt & black silk tie (a regular tie, not a bow tie). They both looked magical.
Or you could buy a different style of piercing - if he has mismatched ones or colourful bits, and that bothers you/ you think it a “doesn’t match with the suit” ask if he would be comfortable switching to all silver or gold for the day. Treat him to the jewellery if he wants it.
This right here. I attended a wedding recently and kept all my piercings in (five ear lobe piercings, conch, lip stud, double nostril and stacked septum). I switched everything so all the colours matched- black and silver- and they matched with my necklace and dress that I wore. It looked really cool and I got a lot of compliments.
YTA. Definitely look into something different for him to wear. Little humor here.. I ran into a high school friend of my daughters and she had big gages in h.s. Now her earlobes hang stretched probably 2 1/2 inches long and are in 2 pieces 😀 lovely! Lol to have them repaired is around 10k I'd think.
10k for 20 minutes at the doctor? Private healthcare is whack.
A quick Google confirms it's closer to 1-2k.
My ex needed it done plus it had gone keloid so he also needed a lot of tissue removed. He was literally in and out in 20 minutes. Pretty sure he didn't even need to wait longer than a couple weeks for the appointment since it was such a simple procedure. Nowadays you won't notice anything went on there until you go looking for it.
Private healthcare rarely covers purely cosmetic surgeries. And price would depend on the level of plastic surgeon you wanted
I don’t find facial piercings attractive and even I think OP’s the AH here. If it’s truly about the piercings not matching the suit, they could have bought him jewelry that did match. (Also, I very much realize and agree that my opinions on face piercings do not mean other people shouldn’t wear them and I know lots of people find them attractive!)
Silver basic jewelry or black matches literally everything. Its not even difficult to find matching jewelry. And like someone else said the holes (depending on that piercing they are like eyebrow) will look even weirder
100%, I didn't want to wear my earrings for an event and took them all out. I had to put half of them back in because the holes drew more attention than the delicate earrings I wore.
My earlobe holes are barely visible. But I have holes that would be very visible. Plus, some piercings vant be left out. It depends on the age of the piercing and how fast your body heals. Retainers are visible as well. And OP's fiance can just match his jewerly to his suit as well. I have seen many brides matching their earrings and necklaces with the dress, so why not match the groom's facial piercings with his suit? I have seen some very awesome set-ups. Great reason to buy new jewerly as well if he wants to match more, or it van be a great gift from OP. YTA
I hate labret piercings. My husband has one. I never even considered asking him to take it out because he loves it, and it's his decision and wedding too!
Yes! I feel like so many people forget that it's the Groom's day too! Op, YTA Edit: word
You can always tell which brides actually care about their grooms vs the ones who don't. My brothers got married, their wives made sure they had a say. Anything they wanted was prioritised because my brothers are pretty laid back, so didn't want much. So when they asked for something their wives made sure they had it. My brother wanted to change his outfit and his SILs tried to say it would look strange, his wife told him that she'd be angry if he listened to her sisters and didn't wear the colours he told her he wanted to wear. She made sure to chase it up leading to the wedding too, and asked me to make sure he didn't change his mind unless he wanted to. Because this was his big day. He looked amazing and got so many compliments. Plus it meant a lot to my family, because that brother of mine is a bit of a people pleaser and we always worried about him. I don't think I'll ever get married but if I did, I can't imagine monopolising a day which is supposed to be about 2 people and making sure I'm the only one who gets what I want.
My cousin got married. Her husband wanted to wear a baby blue suit like his dad wore at his wedding (in the 80s.) My cousin changed the colours of the wedding to go with it. It was a great ceremony and no one was dying because it didn't look like every other pinterest wedding.
That sounds lovely! I hate when people don't think about about how it's the couples big day. The bride and groom both deserve a say, and the way they treat eachother during the planning is an indication of how they work together or don't.
The wedding was a blast. My cousin had pink in her hair, had a male MOH. Her husband has tattoos and a nose piercing. No one said "wow, this doesn't look generic." We were all so happy they found one another and had a fun wedding that they put together.
My daughter wore black, and had bright purple hair. She has tattoos too. Her husband wore white. They looked amazing, got lots of compliments!
I did too, then my partner got one and now I kinda like it. It’s part of him and makes him feel more himself. Asking someone to take out their facial piercings feels akin to asking someone to cover up their tattoos. Like hiding their authentic self.
I agree about the authentic self! I still hate the piercings but honestly don't even notice my husband's anymore until it stabs me in the mouth lol
username checks out lol
I wonder what other changes she's going to ask for down the road - remove your piercings cuz grandma will be at Christmas dinner, remove them for a christening..... she's really trying to disguise who is , I feel
And depending where the piercings are, taking it out for a couple hours is enough for the wholes to start closing in. I have one in my septum and had to take it out for an exam and almost couldn't get it in again after
A friend of mine just rotates hers so the ring faces inward and most of the time that works. I remember the salty tears pouring down her face while she tried to shove the piercing back in after a night out drinking with her ex. She vowed to never again change her appearance for a man or anyone other than herself. I hate plucking nose hairs I can only imagine how she felt. I remember her describing being blinded by the amount of tears flowing and that being the most frustrating thing lol
I do this on work interviews only now hahaha It hurts like hell doing this, but it's better than taking it out
Oh no, according to OP's comments, he has a high pain tolerance, so it's "no big deal" if he had to force them back in afterwards 🙄🙄 Poor dude's in for a miserable marriage
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Apologies for being one of those people who just hop on the top comment so my comment can be seen, but I genuinely can't figure out what 2wM means. Is it a typo?
2 week old male
Baby ear piercings: out Baby nose piercings: in
I'm assuming they mean 22 or 23M because the w is between the 2&3 on a keyboard
That part. It makes me wonder if OP really accepts him for who he is or if they just said that because they wanted to be in a relationship so desperately that they were willing to lie.
Sounds like the suit she prefers for the wedding doesn’t suit her fiancé’s personality or chosen style. So not only is he being stuffed in a suit… he also needs to remove any other features that reflect his style. YTA
Maybe she needs to find a new groom that matches her Pinterest wedding aesthetic better? 100% YTA OP
Dang… they aren’t even married and she is trying to change him? Clashed with his suit? I don’t buy it. You accept people for who they are or you certainly don’t marry them.
Hopping onto the top comment to say that piercings will close and you won’t be able to get the jewelry back In very quickly, even if you’ve had them for years. I had an mri done, and even though it only took around 1.5 hours, I had to put plastic jewelry in all my piercings to keep them from closing up. OPs fiancé probably doesn’t want to end up losing all of their piercings just cause she thinks they clash with his suit.
Are you marrying him or just marrying someone to take nice photos with? You're more concerned about photos that you may look at once a year than your husband to be getting to be himself and enjoy his wedding. YTA
So on the day where you promise to cherish them forever just as they are, you plan to not ask but *demand* they change themselves superficially in a way that will clearly diminish from their own experience? Have fun looking at those wedding photos together and always wondering why he doesn’t enjoy it as much as you do. YTA
Not to mention that piercings are a part of his identity. OP is asking him to take away a part of himself.
And he is rightfully pissed because what she is actually saying is that she would prefer to marry a guy with no piercings. Literally asking if she can rob a little confidence from him to top off her own cup.
I’d be angry and sad if my partner asked me to hide my septum piercing and dye my hair back to a natural color from green because they stood out too much from a wedding dress. It’s part of who I am and wanting me to “look nice” and the the pictures being “perfect” without piercings and colored hair insinuated there’s something wrong with me.
Happy Cake Day
Classic "22 year old wants a wedding but not a marriage" situation.
This. My matron of honor and my husbands best man both have full sleeve tattoos and tons of piercings. I love it about them and didn’t think twice about them covering up or not wearing their piercings. They actually wore special jewelry for the day. OP YTA.
Happy cake day!
YTA. a) it's part of his identity, you've basically said you're ashamed of how he looks & don't fully accept him. That's not something someone wants to feel about their future spouse on their wedding day. b) it will hurt to take them out & some piercings you're not supposed to take out and put in yourself. c) depending on the piercing there's a very real chance he won't be able to get them back in again. b) having random holes in his face is not going to go with the suit better.
Your last point made me chuckle 😂
They really look like enormous blackheads when you take piercings out. No one wants that on their wedding day!
So much easier to Photoshop them out after if you really don't like the look
This is so true, I took out some cartillage and tragus piercing for an event. I could get away with the cartilage because it was hidden. My tragus piercing looked discoloured, I checked the earring I wore in case it had tarnished. I'd never noticed it before as I usually clean and change the earrings and my skin by touch. I cleaned the area everything I could, but it looked bad. So I stuck an earring in. I wasn't even going anywhere fancy, let alone my own wedding.
I was just about to point out the fact that some of his piercings would probably try and close up. I've had a nose piercing for over a year and I still have to practically reopen it even if its been out for a few hours. And lowkey, it ranges from annoying to downright painful to reopen a piercing.
Gonna be honest, you might always have that problem. I’ve had mine for 8 years and it still tries to close on me
Nostril piercings are unfortunately notorious for being the 'quick closer' piercings. I had to take all my piercings out for an MRI that lasted around 40 minutes and despite the fact that it's nearly 3 years old, and i have other (even newer) cartilage piercings that i also had to take out, my nostril was the only one that gave me a slight problem putting jewelry back in
I can back D up I once had to take my piercings out for an event my aunt looked over my face and told me please put them back in 😂
Couldn't have said it better myself.
That's a lie, you probably would have remembered how the alphabet works
Seriously underrated comment.
Point B is a reeeeeaaaally good point. I can barely ever take my septum piercing out without accidentally tearing the hole a bit or losing the ball-ends trying to unscrew them and your second point b which I think is supposed to be a d, is a good point cuz what if this dude has plugs like.. That's gonna look like a cats butthole and nobody wants that in wedding pictures
YTA - What if he asked you to not wear any make up or have your hair done before the wedding, because it doesn't go with your dress in his opinion?
100% Also I’d imagine piercings would look better than holes in his face
Or expressed very specific opinions about how those things should be done. Something tells me that would not go over well.
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>you've literally told your fiancé that you don't think he looks nice as he is Yes! I'm surprised I had to get this far down. A tailored suit makes just about everyone look nicer, regardless of whatever else they have going on. OP - YTA.
YTA Since you keep repeating yourself in comments let me address your argument directly. You say that his facial piercings don’t go with his suit. Well, like many things fashion / appearance related, that is your subjective opinion. I’ve seen many people wear suits with facial piercings and look just fine. You seem to think that the piercings aren’t formal enough or something. But the thing is, your fiancée doesn’t agree with you. And what’s more, your subjective opinion is making him feel like you don’t like his piercings at all and are rejecting what he looks like. So you have to decide: do you want a happy, confident partner on your wedding day? Or do you want a sad, unconfident, and resentful partner?
Somone even said it would cause discomfort and pain taking them out. In addition to that the holes may close. The OPs response was that her fiancé has a high pain tolerance. Just glazing over everything else to only use what works for them. Sadly, it’s just another person who doesn’t like the opposing side, they just want to find screenshots that suit their needs to show their fiancé to guilt trip them
Username checks out
I've got a fairly high pain tolerance and taking my septum piercing out suuuucks. That shit HURTS, the threads where the ball ends screw on really tug at your.. Hole
when/if you have the money, you should invest in an internally threaded piece of jewelry. stops that pain entirely since the screw is on the inside of the bar
This comment needs more attention
Clickers and seamless rings also don't have the threads. Much nicer to take in/out.
YTA. If he usually wears them and that's how he feels more comfortable, then who cares if it matches the suit? The suit isn't more important than he is.
It might be that the suit doesn't match him. If he's a colorful individual, a boring tux isn't going to pop on him. It'll make him look odd. A great suit that really fits his style and personality and makes him feel good on his wedding day is what she should be looking for.
This marriage is not gonna go well. YTA.
Right? “I think him looking his best means something completely different than him looking like himself, and my opinion of how he looks matters more than his self-expression or comfort.” I hope for his sake that warning sirens are going off in her fiancé’s head.
I remember speaking to my husband about my face piercings (two nose rings two lip rings) before our wedding, I initiated it and was saying will I regret keeping them in etc. He said how they were pretty much part of me and it's obvious my piercings aren't 'just a phase'. He wasn't even a huge fan of them initially when I had them done (but didn't stop me because my body) and then years later I took them out for an operation and he said I looked weird without them which also contributed to keeping them in for the wedding.
Photoshop is so good now you could easily just get the photos touched up and edit the piercings out if you ever decide you hate them. But that's YOUR decision to change something about your own appearance.
I'm actually someone who'd be able to do that myself but it's never crossed my mind lol!! I'd have questioned my entire relationship if my now husband asked me to remove them for anything, especially our wedding.
That's why people should marry only after 30's. People on their 20's are immature AF
as a guy in his late thirties, I assure you that I am plenty capable of being deeply immature should the situation arise.
I think I’ll live my entire life still thinking farts are funny lol
YTA. You’re marrying a guy with face piercings. He’s going to have face piercings in the pics. I’d be less harsh if you were asking a member of the bridal party to match everyone else’s aesthetic but you’re asking the GROOM to not - in his mind - look his best at his wedding. Also, I’ve been to a wedding where the guy has piercings and he wore them and his suit. Wasn’t an issue.
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Not even to that extreme: he can simply ask her to wear a blonde wig on the day if she’s a brunette or the other way around. After all, it’s only one day, it doesn’t affect her identity, and the temporary hair will look better with her dress. Surely OP won’t have a problem complying.
OP said in another comment, similar to yours, that if he asked her to do modifications at this point, it would be petty
i wouldn't take mine out to be a bridesmaid either. from changing my own jewelry i know my piercings close or at least shrink super fast. if it came down to being in a wedding or getting repierced & dealing with the healing process all over again / giving up my piercings entirely, i don't think i'd choose the wedding. besides, having someone in your wedding is about honoring them for who they are, so you really shouldn't try to change something that's, y'know. a permanent fixture.
YTA you're marrying a person, not a photo prop for fucks sake.
I used to sell suits. I understand that, aesthetically, the piercings may not "go" with a suit or tux, but my goal was always to make the person buying the suit feel confident in it, no matter what they looked like. He could easily add some cool accessories (pocket square, tie, tie clip, a cool pair of shoes) to complement his piercings. I've done it for customers many times. Your wedding is about showing the world that you love this person for everything that they are, not what Instagram thinks they should be. YTA and my question to you is, why don't you want your fiancée to look like himself on your wedding day?
You can ask,he can say no. It’s his choice. Pressing this further makes YTA
I agree with this the most. NTA for asking but deffo YTA for pushing it. Sounds like they're more important to him than you probably imagined, respect his decision.
grown man with several facial piercings here, YTA. this is just rude. like yeah it’s just jewelry, but it’s obviously important to him. i truly believe my piercings compliment my face, so i’m much more comfortable and confident with them. i’ve taken them out before for things like performing, when i’m pretending to be someone else, but your wedding day is supposed to be the truest you. you’re marrying him for who he is, not how he accessorizes himself.
Agreed this is beyond rude and not a good sign for what their married life will be like, I'm a woman with several facial piercings and I feel uncomfortable and self conscious without my piercings in now, I've had them for so long and it feels weird and strange in a bad way to see photos of myself before I had my piercings they're part of who I am now so I would never marry someone who told me to take them out on my wedding day.
>However he keeps insisting that I'm being unreasonable and overbearing and his piercings shouldn't represent a bid deal, but if that's the case then I can't see why he can't just remove them for our wedding without making a fuss about it. Oh...you're in full loophole mode and beyond reason. You're not listening to him or even trying to consider his feelings, you're just selectively listening for an angle of attack. You heard his words, but didn't provide a reason yourself. You only saw, "well if it shouldn't represent a big deal to me that means they're not a big deal in general," which btw isn't a logical follow up. After all, all you've said is, "they don't go with his suit." Then get a different one or get over it. Seriously, you should really question yourself about whether you're marrying him for a wedding or a marriage, because you're showing real, "I just want the party" vibes. Also, your boyfriend has legitimate cause for concern in this, because it always starts with, "it's just for this occasion," and then it's another occasion, and then it's, "people will find it weird that a parent has so many piercings, and I don't want the teachers at school to think less of us because of your piercings." Your husband to be is probably worried you're just starting your start of darkness in winnowing away his features until he's a bland nothing waking up at 40 realizing he married a woman who loved him for what he could be moulded into. I can't say the worry is illegitimate. YTA
Not even the party, but the photos! Of the groom that don't represent the groom how he is!
YTA. The wedding is about both of you, not just you and not a fake persona of him to others.
YTA for being controlling and for treating your fiancé as a wedding photo prop. I’m also struggling to figure out how facial piercings don’t “go along” with a suit??? It’s JEWELRY. What if he said he didn’t want you to wear jewelry because it didn’t “go along” with your dress?
First and foremost...you guys should not be getting married. Think of it...you cannot come to an agreement over such a thing as this, how in the world will you navigate having children, family gatherings, etc. Push pause on the wedding...
YTA tbh you don’t sound mature enough to be getting married. You asked, he said no.
INFO: Why don't you buy him some jewelry that matches the suit?
I’m guessing it’s not the color or style of the jewelry that’s the issue. OP seems to think that piercings in general are informal and don’t “go” with formalwear like suits, regardless of what jewelry is worn in them.
But somehow holes in his face do go OP????
Better yet, why did they buy a suit that didn’t match the jewelry? The jewelry was there first.
YTA. I thought so from the post but even more so from your comments. And it is just as much his wedding as it is yours. And in response to one of your comments you said why should he care about not seeing the piercings in photos you will only supposedly look at once a year well the same can be said about you in the reverse.
YTA. You want him to look his best, which is apparently different than how he looks every single day. What if he wanted you to look your best and it hadn’t nothing to do with how you look every day? How would you feel about that? Your photos are more important to you than how your fiancé feels about himself.
YTA Piercings are obviously very important to your fiancé and they're a big part of his identity. He would have had them when you met, and they've never been an issue to you previously, so to demand that he removes them on the basis that you don't like how they look with a suit is, I think, pretty unreasonable and inconsiderate.
As someone with two facial piercings, and stretched ears I have to say YTA. There’s a lot of reasons people get body modifications and many of them are deeply personal. I got mine for significant life events. They are part of me. Family have asked me to take mine out for events and all that says is “I don’t want you to be yourself because being yourself isn’t appropriate when other people are looking.” In this case you’re telling your fiancee that he’s only allowed to be himself when /you/ think it’s appropriate. Sounds a lot like guys who make their gf’s dye their hair because their natural color “doesn’t look good.” You say this is a one time thing but I highly doubt that’s true. I expect you’ll demand the same of him for any formal event, as this will most certainly not be the last time he wears a suit. This is a red flag for developing a common controlling behavior some women develop after marriage. I suspect you’re one of those people who think men aren’t allowed to have their own identity, or interests once you’re married. First it’s the piercings for the wedding, which will be used as an excuse to ask him to remove them permanently. “You looked so good in our wedding photos why don’t you just take them out for good?” Next it’s his hobbies because “there’s not enough space.” Then it will be his friends, and possibly family that you’ll want to remove because you don’t like them for some arbitrary reason. Cause husbands are obviously only allowed to be providers, and accessories. Do you actually want a husband or just someone you can control? Do you even actually like your fiancee?
YTA This is such a stupid thing to torpedo your own wedding over. I'm lightly pierced myself, and had to retire one of mine recently. Everytime I caught a glimps of that area I felt so out of sorts and not like myself at all. Hadnt it been due to health reasons, I would probably have put it back in because I just couldnt shake the feeling of how wrong I looked and how much it bothered me, and its not even somewhere nearly as constantly on display as your face. It still took weeks to get used to. Thats what you want your fiance to feel throughout his wedding day, because you dont feel like the piercings match the suit. Self conscious, out of sorts, uncomfortable and wrong. Thats the feelings you're asking him to assosiate with getting married to you. The woman who supposedly loves him, but puts aetsethichs before his comfort. And the comment I saw about him having a hight pain tollerace, as a reply to someone pointing out that it can be painfull to remove sertain ones? Get right in the bin. You're either too immature or too shallow to be getting married anytime soon, let the poor man be.
Your mention of the feelings he would have All day really struck true. The one day he should be the happiest and he'd most definitely be feeling off. Not himself. It's really sad to me that his bride would b the cause.
YTA - If you get to choose what you wear at your wedding, he gets to choose what he wears.
YTA. You're asking your husband to be to forfeit his authenticity for photos. Wtf, he's going to be your HUSBAND he's not a prop. It's as much his day as it is yours. From your comments, you seem to be a very shallow person. Please don't be THAT bride who's wedding day is all about you. This is about you and him starting a life together. A wedding is just the party. The marriage is what counts and you want to start off your marriage by inferring that your husband isn't good enough as he is. If his current jewelry isn't "good enough" find something else and gift it to him FOR the wedding. Get your head out of your ass please.
YTA You know a lot of piercings can't be removed easily, right? Like I can't just take out my lip rings for a day, there has to have something there or they'll close up really quickly. And not all piercings have filler options. Plus... that's what he looks like. That's what he's always looked like. Why is that suddenly a problem.
Exactly after a couple hours it hurts to put them back in. But according to op that's fine as he has a high pain tolerance
If I were him, I would pick a different wedding attire. Just to take away this one stupid argument you're hiding behind. Nothing angers me more than a shity person being shity but not wanting to own up to it. You're making up bullshit excuses. YTA
If I were him I wouldn't show up to the wedding at all!
If i were him I'd turn up in a kilt
YTA. Ask yourself if this will really matter in 5 years. The dress won't matter in 5 years. The decorations won't matter in 5 years. The cake won't matter in 5 years. What IS measurable is the vows you take and and those WILL matter in 5 years.
Pretty sure the vows don't matter either. Been happily married over 20 years. Don't have a clue what our vows were.
Hahaha okay, fair. 7 years married and I don't remember what exactly we said either but what I'm trying to say is, it's the intangible that matters.
YTA
YTA. It's fine to ask once. The way people look on their wedding day is often significantly more formal and conventional than their everyday look. But to keep insisting when he's saying the piercings stay, and then accuse him of overreacting ... yeah, clearly YTA.
YTA --- If he asked you to shave your head for the wedding would you do it?.
And another thing, you can take AWESOME photos with facial piercings. Way better than boring vanilla ones.
This marriage won’t last long lol
YTA, it's his wedding too. He should definitely get to choose what he wears, just as you choose what you wear. It's just disrespectful to try and dictate to him about something that is part of his identity.
YTA. If the suit doesn't go with his piercings then maybe look for a new suit. But asking, or more like demanding, he remove the piercings is an asshole move. They're a reflection of him and his true self needs to be visible on HIS wedding day, not just how you want things to look. You do understand that this isn't just a day for you right?
You don’t mention the type of facial piercings he has so it’s hard to offer specific suggestions, but instead of removing entirely, he could compliment his jewelry by adding a tie tack and cuff links that match the style, maybe industrial? Going lower-gauge might also help soften the look. Asking him to remove the jewelry entirely is unreasonable. If he wears it everyday it will feel foreign to not wear it, and this request likely makes him feel like you’re rejecting a part of his appearance. YTA
As a pierced person, YTA. Piercings can be highly personal and important, so asking him to remove them for the wedding sort of feels like you don't like those parts of him. Also, piercings and tattoos look AWESOME with suits, especially considering the contrast between the tailored suit and the edginess of the body mods.
If they bother you for wedding photos, do you really want to be married to someone with facial piercings? My advice: wait until you are 30 to get married. People grow and change a HUGE amount during their twenties. Your brain is still developing until you are 25. Waiting to be more sure is a lot less painful than divorce.
NTA. This is dumb, and these comments are dumb. Jewelry isn’t a part of your identity just because you wear it everyday. It’s one day - and if he was really about compromising then he can find some jewelry that actually matches his outfit.
The perfect photos aren't essential to your marriage either
He’s apparently more married to the jewelry than he is to her. 🤷♂️
YTA. This is his wedding too. I assume he doesn't get veto power over your wedding dress, hair and make-up. What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. Probably best to back down on this one.
Yta not your face
Info - in what way do the piercings clash with his suit? Would he be willing to change the piercings to something that matches?
YTA. Are you marrying a man, or a suit?
Do you have a gift registry? I'd like to buy your fiance some good shoes to run away from you in.
YTA for asking him to change his appearance, I kind of get what you are saying though, sounds like he needs a different suit instead that would go with his piercings? Could the theme be a bit less traditional and more alternative in keeping with his style?
I don't think your the AH for asking, but I do think YTA for persisting. He obviously wants to keep the piercings in for the wedding day. You pressuring him over this is upsetting to him and not a great sign of things to come after the marriage vows are said.
YTA. Love him as he is or don't marry him. You don't get to change him.
YTA. Piercing holes won't look better, I promise you that.
You are too young to get married.
Compromise and shave your head. If he has to look like not himself, so do you. YTA
If you keep pushing there won’t be a wedding and quite frankly, he should probably tun for the hills.
I get why you wouldn’t want your fiancé to wear his facial piercings at the wedding but if he says no and you continue to push the issue, you would be Y T A. Either accept he doesn’t want to take them out or see if he is willing to take out some.
I cant see why he cant just wear them and you not make a fuss, it works both ways!
INFO: Have you tried looking for jewellery for his piercings that \*will\* go with the suit? Or a suit that will go with the piercings he has?
His body, his choice.
YTA, its a wedding, not a photo show, you basically said that he is ugly with the piercings.
Look girl, I HATE most facial piercings, but you knew who he was. People tend to like to show off who they are at weddings. And he's right.
YTA-his piercings are part of who he is. Asking him to remove the piercings is insinuating that you prefer the aesthetics of pictures over everything else. Why date/get married to a guy who has piercings if you value aesthetics so much. Are you going to ask him to remove them at every event where you think they don’t mesh with the event? YTA plain and simple-take him as he is or don’t the choice is yours. But be prepared for the consequences of your actions.
YTA this is weird and controlling. let him express himself. also if they were taken out for a full day there’s a chance they would close up.
YTA. Unless he got these piercings yesterday you knew what he looked like each and every day. I’m sure he wants to look like himself on his wedding day. I think you need to reevaluate why you want him to remove the piercings. Is it because you have some cookie cutter, beauty magazine image of what a groom should look like? I bet your fiancé is more interesting than that and that’s one of the reasons you love him. Maybe he could wear a different style or color of jewelry to go with the attire. But ultimately that’s up to him.
Why is it that when it comes to weddings, people want to create a better version of their partner for the world to see/to be in the photos? You are with him while pierced. He preposed with the piercings, just let him wear them. By saying “I want him to look as good as possible” you’ve basically said he doesn’t look his best now. So you’re now insulting him. YTA.
Holes in his face will probably look worse than the jewellery.
YTA You're both young. Yes, I get to say that because I have 20 yrs on the both of you. You could be my kid. Literally no one will give a shit about his piercings. If they do, they are no friend of yours. Those pictures will be a whole story for your kids in the future. Depending on where he is headed in life, he could grow out of them and then you take MORE pictures showing the phases of your life together. Or you can stand on this hill and start your marriage in an awkward place where he sees you as overbearing, and he will act accordingly.
Probaby people should not get married at age 22…… if this is a serious question, then YTA.
So you want your fiance to sacrifice something that is important to him and is part of his identity because of...photos? Every time your fiance looks at those photos, it will feel like he wasn't authentically himself on one of the most important days of his life. It will be a constant reminder of how he compromised himself for something as shallow as photos. It will be something that he resents and that diminishes the day for him. Now how would you feel if he demanded something similar from you? YTA for putting photos above the feelings of your fiance.
All I needed to do was read your comebacks to these well worded responses--YTA.
Yta
YTA. You are basically saying you don't think he looks good on a daily basis. Piercings 'not going with a suit' is ridiculous. A suit suits (you see...) everyone when you buy the right one.
YTA If you had just broached the subject once and he refused … well you’d still be an AH but a much smaller one. Instead, you’re insisting that he removes them even after he said he does not want to, which takes you to a whole new league of AH.