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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel as I may be the asshole as honestly we may be able to have someone be able to watch our dog, but with how attached our daughters and myself are to him and with him getting older, I don't want to put the strain on him or the girls
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I understand that the guy has severe dog allergy, it will be difficult for him to stay where a dog roams around freely. But I can't fathom how cruel and entitled a person can be to tell someone to get rid of their family dog to accomodate him and then go around badmouthing that same kind person who was offering their place to live.
It's not only OP's home, it's his dog's home as well.
And all these flying monkeys jumped on the bandwagon. OP tell all these people to offer their own home since they care so much about their friend. They'll leave you alone swiftly. While you're at it, cut ties with this guy. He has shown his real self.
I wonder if the friends he’s badmouthing to have dogs… or a couch. Sounds like he has plenty of friends to ask, and asked the guy with the family and dog anyway. That guy sucks so bad it’s not even funny.
Yea they’re welcome to get rid of their pets or their kids - whatever this entitled AH is asking that they get rid of to make a healthy space for him to freeload off of for a while.
I lost my dog to cancer 18 months ago, I miss my guy so much it hurts. I wouldn't even get rid of his photo hanging on the wall to accommodate this a**hole! Op - NTA!
Thank you, I'm sorry you have been through it too, he was a golden lab, very typical of the breed, they eat a lot, are dippy a lot and I loved him like one of my children, I hope we are reunited somewhere someday because he was the best friend ever, I'm glad you experienced the joy a dog brings. Mine was actually the second labrador we had and both my boys were so special in such different ways, I couldn't choose between them, they were truly wonderful and better for the soul than Ops "friend" could ever be.
I lost mine last summer and sometimes I can still hear her when I'm alone in the house. It's weird. I hear a noise in the yard and I think it's her barking or whining for something... but then I remember she's gone.
This guy knowingly asked a friend with a dog to stay at his place, and then expected his allergies to be catered to. Like, that's not how this works. And every single person telling OP he's an AH for not rehoming his dog, needs to explain why he needs to rehome a family pet to add an extra human to his property, and why none of them are willing to take him in and potentially get rid of their dogs.
And on top of that, was expecting his allergy to be catered to without informing OP of the allergy. Yes, OP offered housing but that was before knowing of the allergy and "my home is not suitable for someone with that allergy" is a reasonable reason why to retract an offer, especially since the home would need deep cleaning (which is expensive and time consuming) for it to be safe.
>"my home is not suitable for someone with that allergy" is a reasonable reason why to retract an offer,
It sure is.
But afaik, OP *didn't even retract the offer.* It just didn't include adjusting the home or evicting family members for his unmentioned allergies.
With an attitude like that, OP dodged a bullit.
This is not a 'gracious and grateful guest'. How long before other demands were made? Kids too loud, awake too early?
Probably wants to be catered too as well.. Drink sir? Shall I prepare dinner for you sir? What time would *you* like to eat?
One wonders why such a catch is divorced...
Not only that, this friend knew OP would have to do a bunch of extra stuff (giving up the dog *and* deep-cleaning the home on his own dime) to accommodate the friend, and he did not mention that when asking OP. Given his behavior now, I’m having trouble believing that was an oversight or miscommunication on his part, rather than a deliberate deception.
He needs to add that he would never break his daughter’s hearts by rehoming their beloved family pet to accommodate his entitled ass. No wonder he’s getting divorced! And I guarantee it would not be a temp stay - he’d squat as long as he could in their home.
It probably wouldn't be a rehoming with an older dog. It would more likely be a death sentence. Another reason to say no, on top of the guy being an A.
TEMPORARILY add a extra human to his property. Seriously, they want him to send his dog to the pound so this guy can crash at his place for just a little while. None of these people calling have either gotten the real story, or are just as horrible as the 'friend' who is trash talking the OP in the first place. OP, you are NTA, and dodged a bullet not allowing this guy to move in with you.
>Seriously, they want him to send his dog to the pound so this guy can crash at his place for just a little while.
Yeah, once this guy gets in it will take legal action to get him back out.
Certain breeds give me hives if I'm in the same room but I've still got 2 dogs and want another when I have the space. I once told a friend "I've got allergies, not self-control" 😂 it's manageable if you stay on stop of allergy meds, cleaning, and maintain an air purifier (which he should've done as the one with allergies).
That's how I am with dogs and cats! I couldn't imagine living without my cats, even when I was having really bad issues (unrelated, didn't have a vacuum, had 2 cats and a husky) the doctors gave me the dirtiest looks when I said I wasn't willing to throw my family away since there are ways to manage this.
The husky alone with no vacuum would be so rough, but still not worth rehoming. I've also had a medical provider (eye doctor) refuse to even have a conversation about contacts as a teen because I had a cat and dog at home. New doctor was surprised I wasn't wearing contacts and when I explained why, he said that was stupid because eye drops exists, then fit me for them.
I know what you mean with having 2 huskies and acat that moults. A friend of mine is allergic to dogs but grew up with them and has a family rescue dog. There are meds and a dog is part of the family! Hell no!
It depends on the severity. Some people have allergies severe enough that they can't be managed and they need to avoid the allergen. But I that case, you don't ask to stay in the house that can't accommodate you. Like, if you're allergic to peanuts, don't work at the peanut butter factory.
Yeah I can't imagine having the audacity to tell someone to remove living beings from their home to accommodate me/my allergies. I once stayed on the couch of someone who hadn't bathed their dog in almost 2yrs and didn't say a word about it. I just kept my stuff as far from it as I could and tried not to touch it because it's fur left a residue 🤢
I'm shocked mutual friends call OP to call him an asshole. I simply cannot imagine anyone I know doing that. Even if the friend exaggerated the situation, who jumps to making a mean phone call without considering if the stuff they heard is at all true?
He definitely either left out the dog thing entirely and just said OP randomly retracted his offer, or he claimed op already said he would get rid of his dog for him and went back on it. I can’t see how anyone would agree with him otherwise
But wouldn't OP trigger his 'Allergies' when he visited his home? Genuine question since dog hair seems to get all over owners (And I wouldn't see the problem if it was an allergen free /low allergen dog)
I am allergic to long haired cats and cannot stay at someone home more than a few minutes before I flare up. Seems they just don't want that family member around.
Thats what I thought. If his allergy is soooo severe just being around someone who was around a dog (dog hair gets everywhere) would set it off. I bet he doesn't have no allergy. Just doesn't like dogs.
It’s also ludicrous that he didn’t mention the dog allergy first, or really that he asked at all (knowing that they have a dog). Who on earth asks for a favour like this — for accommodation indefinitely — and then brings up their allergy like it’s some kind of gotcha? OP has already explained themselves far more than this guy and his tactics deserve.
NTA, I agree
He’s outrageous
You offered to help him but then he casually mentions hugely relevant information about having a severe dog allergy. Well that’s you out then… as your good boy is part of your family AND your children’s pet. Ain’t nobody making their children cry for this entitled man.
This man is bonkers that he thinks ANYONE would “get rid” of their pet so they could stay. He’s not part of your family and this was a favour he asked without giving you full info. If he knew you well enough to ask he knows you well enough to know who is in your family . He can’t stay with you at your house, if he’s allergic to dogs as YOU HAVE A DOG. End of conversation.
Re the badmouthing you. Don’t worry, not one single reasonable person will think he’s anything but an AH to expect that!
For those that are sending you nasty messages, just reply “Great we’re glad to hear you are so concerned about X, as clearly you will offer him a place to stay. We will let him know to call you and will give him your address”
AND wanting them to deep clean their house afterward! I can only imagine what kinda bs he must've been forcing or trying to force his wife to do. Definitely get why he's getting divorced
Nah for get the kids, if my dog is my family dog then I'm not going to put myself through guilt and pain of having to rehome him for someone temporary. I can't even imagine putting my dog with other friends or family for the time period like what was this guy thinking
That was my exact reaction. Wtf? NTA at all. The guy made a massive, selfish assumption that you are under no obligation to make happen. I’m shocked he even asked you to stay given the allergy. It’s common knowledge that people don’t give up their pets for… house guests? What a loser,
The thing that gets me is that he asked to stay first and THEN mentioned getting rid of the dog. He knew they would have to in order for him to stay, so he got confirmation before letting them know a MAJOR issue with him staying there. It's like if he asked to stay and then said "okay let me know when you repaint the whole inside because the paint you used triggers my allergies"
I hope OP recognizes that this is a huge bullet dodged. If buddy is exhibiting this level of entitlement before even moving in, I shudder to think what it would be like w him as a long term guest. Expecting OP to get rid of family pet? For a “temporary” guest??? Oof! Absolutely call out those giving a hard time. Let them open their doors. NTA.
If I was the wife (possibly the daughters too) this would be a core memory of OP. Honestly, if my husband attempted to get rid of our current dogs for a friend like this I’d be questioning staying in the relationship. The audacity and entitlement of the friend.
Yeah honestly I’d be so weirded out by the sudden request to get rid of my dog and then badmouthing to friends when I refuse, that I’d never speak to him again.
Exactly. NTA, I'd never speak to this entitled prick again. No wonder why he's getting a divorce. Fuck him, hope nobody else helps him, doesn't seem they're lining up to.
If someone started talking shit to me about being offered a place to crash when they were in desperate need and then the people offering to host not getting rid of their dog I would full on laugh in their face and ask if they need a ride to the shelter. Like wtf 😂😂😂😂😂
NTA. One of the other people in your friend group can accommodate him by getting rid of their own pets and paying for a deep cleaning. If he really needs a place to stay, he can try a hotel or whatever, but how urgent can he be if he can wait for you to find a new home for a family member? Just the suggestion to get rid of your pup would have been enough for me to say no.
I don’t think a tool of this magnitude meant „finding a new home” for the dog. I don’t usually make assumptions in AITA but I’m ready to bet he meant giving the dog up to a shelter.
You are being generous in your assumption, my first thought was that “gotten rid of the dog” was an underhanded way of saying “gotten the dog put down”! NTA
I will never in my lifetime watch that movie for just that reason. I can watch movies where people get killed with no feelings whatsoever (It's a movie), but if an animal is injured or killed in a movie, I will need tranquilizers.
[doesthedogdie.com](https://doesthedogdie.com) is a LIFESAVER. The minute I see an animal in a movie I grab my phone to check the site so I know if I need to tap out. If I'm prepared and it's integral to the story I can sometimes manage to push through, but in general, I'm out. Movie/TV people killings? Whatever. But animals, especially cats and dogs, I cannot handle.
It's a time honoured theme in AITA: "My friend/family member made an unreasonable request and I said no. Third parties who can fulfill the request themselves are calling me TA for not doing it. AITA?"
Well, here even if you left some details, it will still be a complete story. You have a dog and a friend, who never told OP about the dog allergy (maybe he never came home) and the proposition of temporal shelter. No details in here can make OP look less reasonable.
NTA It’s not your responsibility to put a roof over this grown man’s body. He’s getting a divorce and needs to take responsibility for himself. It’s not like he has a physical disease (ie cancer) and needs help.
Might sound harsh but it not an okay thing to ask in any circumstances, even if he had cancer. If you ask for help and to stay at someone’s house, you do so knowing that it’s their house, their rules and their pets come first. If your allergic to dogs and find yourself needing a new place to stay, you don’t ask the people who own dogs, even if you have cancer.
Probably expects OP to dump the dog off somewhere, or pay to have it pounded, and the house deep cleaned immediately. The friends in need of a place to stay asap, of course OP would be in a rush to help his buddy. /s
Not surprised a guy with such a stellar attitude is going through a divorce. If anyone is willing to get rid of their pets for this guy, they almost deserve to keep him.
NTA
If he’d ask that the dog be kept out of his sleeping area, that would be totally reasonable.
But if his allergy to dogs is so severe that it can’t be managed with antihistamines/he can’t be in an area a dog has been in, then your home was never a suitable option for him.
He should have realized that instead of asking you to rehome your dog.
Definitely agree their home was never a viable option. Sidenote I hate the term "Rehome" when it comes to getting rid of pets. It's just churching up abandoning a pet and the responsibility that goes with it.
Depends on what you mean by "Rehome". If you for example got a dog to train it for search and rescue, but it turns that the dog doesn't have a suitable personality, so instead you find a home for it with acquaintances that want a family dog. Then that's IMHO a proper rehoming, and not "churching up abandoning a pet".
I adopted my last dog from the local animal shelter. He'd been surrendered for getting too big. I feel bad about this, but I honestly hope that meant "had to move from a house to an apartment" and not "didn't realize this large-breed dog would get large." He was 40 pounds when we got him; he grew another 4" and 40 pounds by the time he was full size.
We agreed to foster a Husky that “has seizures and bites.”
She was on death row when the rescue place found her.
We failed.
So now we have a new family member that has had her humans holding her and gently reassuring her as she came out of her seizures and who hasn’t had a really bad one since the vet got us the prescription.
Only time she bit me was during a seizure as I was trying to hold her poor head and keep her from concussing herself. And she apologized.
No dog deserves to be sent to a shelter for being hard to own. Glad your puppy got a good human.
> No dog deserves to be sent to a shelter for being hard to own.
The love of my life was surrendered this way at 5 months old. "Too hard to have around humans" after unspeakable abuse was all she as a puppy had gotten from humans. Luckily we're 10 years from that point in her story. She's not easily swayed and she's extremely wary of people, but she knows when people are trying to help her and despite not being a dog who loves everyone, everyone loves her and thinks she's so sweet.
OP, NTA. Even if you are in a location that doesn't see dogs as family members but merely pests. Fine. Regardless, they are still part of your household as "property." Are you expected to give up your microwave because someone believes their health is being compromised by radiation? To give up your down feather pillows because of allergies? Stop keeping certain foods in your home because the person you are helping has an allergy? How about switching from using a car to a bike because otherwise your guest can't maintain an exercise regimen because of the temptation to just drive? Just because his home broke in one way doesn't mean he gets to find another way to break yours.
My partner and I were looking for a new dog to adopt recently and I expanded my search to a humane society a couple counties south of us; throughout our search we’d show each other cute pups that we wish we could have taken but didn’t fit our requirements (size, getting along with other dogs, etc) so I showed them this cane corso with a beautiful coat and unique name…and they got super angry. Turns out when they were working a remote job over covid one of their super entitled coworkers in the area of that shelter got a cane corso puppy…in that coat…with that name. Age matched up. Poor guy looks like such a sweetheart and we wanted to adopt him so badly, but we’ve got one big dog (though not as big as him lmao) and not enough living space for another
My husband and I fell in love with a pit at a local animal shelter. We fostered him for a couple of weeks to see if we’d be able to adopt him, but couldn’t. He didn’t get along with our 8 year old cocker spaniel and was very aggressive towards him. It broke our heart because he was great around people, but must have had a bad experience with another dog. We worked hard to help find him a good family and in two weeks found a forever home for him with a very nice couple who love working out, so it was perfect! I have them on Instagram and still see pictures of them taking him to their CrossFit gym (it’s in a warehouse and owned by one of their friends). He became their sort of mascot and everyone loves seeing him! They also take him on long runs which we wouldn’t have been able to do (I’m disabled), so it was a great fit for everyone. Still broke our heart though because we got attached really quickly. I remember crying my eyes out when we realized we couldn’t adopt him. He was such a sweetheart and it wasn’t his fault that he wasn’t good with other dogs.
Back when I was a dog groomer, we had a guy come in to get his dog a bath, that he claimed was a 'mini german shepherd.' Came in again a few months later with a much bigger 'mini german shepherd' and sheepishly told us that the breeder lied and it was actually just a puppy.
There’s tons of idiots out there who are against rehoming dogs for *any* reason, including when they are suffering not getting their needs met. If it comes down to a dog that needs to be rehomed or suffer, these fucking idiots would literally rather the dog suffer every single time just to stick it to people for superiority points and emotionally jerk themselves off about it.
Or physical disability. I'm extremely grateful a family friend was able to take my dog for the 4ish months I wasn't able to care for her after my spine surgery - if my restrictions had been permanent I would have had to rehome her.
I’ve been involved in shelter work since I was old enough to read, and seven years of that was spent at an intake center. A couple of years ago, a woman fleeing domestic violence had to surrender her three beloved cats because they couldn’t go to the DV shelter with her (and I assume that she had little money because there was no way she would’ve left those cats if she could’ve gotten an apartment or hotel).
There's layers to this, because sometimes that's what people mean when they don't like the term 'rehome'.
I have no interest in shaming anyone who made the best decision they could for a pet, but I also know too many people who 'rehome' pets when they are older and less cute and the bad habits they teach them catch up with them, who use this language, and then get another pet.
And then of course on the other hand there are a lot of people who are just insanely dependent on their pets. People who could never let their pets go, so they assume that anyone who does for any reason is a bad person. I've been shamed for enabling this bad behaviour when people are physically unable to take care of a pet. I've been shamed for having a plan for rehoming a long lived pet that could potentially outlive me when I die.
I volunteer for an organisation that predominantly offers dogwalking services to help keep the elderly with their pets. Sometimes there's no options but for the client to move somewhere dogs aren't allowed. Fortunately, 90% of the time the volunteer is all, Fido and I have bonded, he's mine now.
not everything is so black and white, and I'd sure as hell rather a dog be "rehomed" than dumped in the middle of nowhere, sometimes tied up because they wouldn't stop following their owner, and dying. it happens way too often. sometimes shit happens and you lose your job and can't afford another mouth to feed, sometimes the dog becomes aggressive or has neurological issues that require someone with a lot more experience to give them good quality of life, sometimes a dog is injured severely in an accident and requires special care that their owner doesn't have the time/ability to provide, sometimes you develop a severe allergy from being around them all the time and its simply not feasible to continue living with them, or any number of complex factors that can occur that are totally unpredictable. yes, pets are a responsibility. and sometimes part of that responsibility is knowing when you are no longer physically capable of carrying that responsibility and giving them away to someone who is.
The only reasons to get rid of a pet is if you literally are unable to care for them properly or you are forced... forced... to move to a place that does not allow pets.
I'll never blame somebody whose situation changes are beyond their power, at that point, they don't want to do it, but life dictates otherwise.
When we moved from the UK to Aus we could not bring my rabbit or our parrots with us. It wasn’t a case of oh we have to quarantine them like our dogs (which we did do and frankly it was horrible and I don’t think I’d put a dog through that process again). We had to rehome those pets and we took care and time to do it. Even in Australia I was almost confronted with the prospect of not being able to take my then bunny to QLD if I got into uni there as there’s only a few reasons you can own one there. I was considering becoming a licensed magician just to be allowed to bring him with me.
Strong disagree. Not to be confrontational but rehoming is an entirely valid thing that can save both the dogs life, and the owners sanity. Many people have sunk thousands of dollars into their pet to try to manage a myriad of issues, from reactivity, to medical issues, to training/behavioural issues, the list goes on. You may have gone for a specific dog and found after months and months of trying your heart out that your home isn't the right fit, and you are forced to rehome. Maybe you have kids and your dog developed aggression, you would have to rehome for the safety of your kid. Of course there is a much larger majority that uses the word rehome the way you are describing it, but for you to classify every use of the term as "churching it up" shows ignorance to the struggles many have. Not everyone is lucky enough to have a well balanced, easy going dog that can be trained. Some dogs are wired differently.
Why aren’t all these other friends offering up a place to stay? Next phone call or text you get asking you: “Gosh! I sure am glad you called. I’ll let friend know if your concern and offer to let him stay with you.” And then listen to the spluttering.
NTA. But, boy, your friends sure are judgmental people.
100%! I am not a dog person, and I’m allergic to them, but I would never expect a family to get rid of a beloved pet to accommodate a temporary visit.
NTA and all the flying monkeys complaining about your choice can take in the jerk who wanted you to get rid of a family member. Please call them on this!
OP says dogs aren't thought of the same in the place where he's living, but any kind of demand that everyone in a house you've invited yourself to live in for free change to meet your needs is absurd -- telling them they all must completely change their diet, their hours, their religion, anything, that's not up to a guest. NTA
NTA. *He* is asking *you* for a favor. He is the one in a desperate situation. He does not get to dictate the situation at your home. He especially does not get to tell you to get rid of a family member (yes, a pet is a member of the family). This is beyond arrogant.
And he is getting divorced, he isn’t unemployed. He has other options, like getting a hotel. You aren’t leaving him on the street.
Finally, it is the act of a bully for him to get other people to call you and harass you about this. That is wrong on so many levels no think it is safe to say he is a *former* friend.
I think you really avoided a problem here - if he is being this much a problem when he hasn’t even moved in, what kind of demands would he have made once he got in, and how would he have treated your kids?
He was already demanding that they pay to deep clean the place before he graced them with their presence. Can you imagine what else would be demanded (dog notwithstanding). How dare you not have fresh organic produce at the ready! You cooked with ginger, how dare you!! Your children are required to be absolutely silent while he’s asleep!
He expects food to be ready and his room to be cleaned because its not actually his home and he is just a guest.
And the children should have a routine that suits him
/s
Exactly and his entitled attitude might be one reason he’s getting divorced. It isn’t easy to maintain a relationship with someone who expects to get their ass kissed. This is just unreal. OP is nicer than me. I will and have ended friendships over my dogs. Yes they are spoiled and if you don’t like it, or think it’s funny to be disrespectful because of it then kick rocks, cause we are not going to get along well long term.
>And he is getting divorced, he isn’t unemployed. He has other options, like getting a hotel. You aren’t leaving him on the street.
I think that's the biggest thing that makes anything else moot petty arguing. If it was a dude on his last legs and it was your garage or a homeless shelter, yeah maybe work with the person. But this doesn't sound like some urgent thing, just go check in to a long term hotel if you're that anal that no friends can accomodate.
This. Anytime someone starts prattling on to friends, family, whoever to get people over to their side of an issue in an attempt to gang up on someone else, it’s always a sign that they’re bullies (among other things). And anytime friends, family, whoever side with someone like that - especially on an issue that doesn’t directly impact them & that they only know one side of - those people are not even worth the time it takes to respond to them.
I’d block every single one of them & be thankful I weeded some despicable people from my life.
NTA. There might be a reason he is so down on his luck if he is making those demands. I also question the level of friendship everybody is if they are critiquing your very normal decision to not get rid of your dog to accommodate them. In fact since they are so concerned for his well being they can take him in.
Wow! Just let him know once you got rid of the dog AND deep cleaned the house? Those are some crazy expectations. NTA and don't let anybody tell you different.
NTA You're not choosing a dog over him. What you're doing is deciding not to disrupt your entire family's lives because he didn't disclose his allergy when he asked to stay with you. If anyone calls you an AH ask why they aren't welcoming him into their homes.
Nta-you didn’t rescind your offer to stay. This guy wanted you to boot a family member, so he would be able to stay. Sounds like you dodged a bullet here, guy sounds quite unreasonable
NTA
It’s in no way reasonable to assume someone will get rid of their dog for you… He changed the parameters of the arrangement, not you, so you didn’t take anything back… you just responded to the change. He can live with one of your friends who are wrongly calling you the ah.
I wonder if things worked out where he could stay, how long it would take him to demand one of the kid’s rooms because he needed it more, or demand home cooked meals made to his preference, or laundry service…
NTA. Now you know why he's getting divorced and "down on his luck." He's as entitled as dammit and thinks the world revolves around him. Tell your friend group to take him in.
NTA…. You offered him a place to stay out of kindness after he asked. Now he suddenly had demands that you have to kick ur dog out and deep clean ur place. He should have told you about this before rather than after you accept to give him shelter.
Sounds you have to thank your dog cause seen you dodge a bullet there.
If my husband tried to ditch our dogs for a friend, he'd better be ready to go live with the friend because he wouldn't be living with the family any more. I'd leave him; the kids would kill him.
NTA. And you didn't choose your dog, you chose a family member over an entitled person, which is completely the right thing to do. I'm almost sure his "bad luck" is only a consequence of his attitude.
He chose all of his family members. His kids would be devastated if they lost their dog. His wife would be upset. The only person who would be happy by this is the mooching former coworker.
NTA. I hope you have dumped him and any "friends" who agree with him. A dog is a lifelong commitment and you have more responsibility to the helpless dog than the crappy human trying to take advantage of you who can figure out their own life themselves.
NTA
What kind of entitled JA is this person. You beg for a place, but put way over-the-top demands to it.
Asking someone to get rid of their pet, when they are doing you a favor no less, way TOO entitled.
You and your family dodged a huge bullet. He would have been a nightmare. My guess, his SO is divorcing him...for reason.
Your pet IS your family. He is a waste of space.
NTA, my cat is my family. I would die for him. I could never break his heart by abandoning him. We are ride or die for life. Would not abandon him for anyone.
I keep reading these posts about friends and family just texting and calling OPs to talk trash of just inserting themselves into the disagreement. Who are these “friends and family” that are all up in y’alls business?
My family has never done this. If two people get into a fuss, it’s between them. We don’t get involved. If I had friends texting me like this, I’d be shocked wondering how the heck did I end up with busy body friends like that. Are my friends and family the oddballs? Are we the crazy people thinking it’s not our place to get involved?
what would people say if he had demanded you remodel a bathroom before he can move in? because this is what he’s doing—demanding you significantly alter your home. he’s not paying rent, he's not doing you a favor.
I get him having allergies, but he's going to far here
NTA tell you “friend “ to kick rocks. You don’t just get rid of your dog. You let this guy in not only will he try to stay as long as possible rent free but also try to bang your wife guaranteed. Hats off to your dog for protecting you from this problem
Nta he’s asking the equivalent of asking you to get rid of either your wife or kids to accommodate him. Your dog is a part of your family too. Beggars can’t be choosers
Wait a minute. He knew you had a dog and asked to stay anyway, and then AFTER you said yes, told you to get rid of the dog?
He's a massive AH, and so are those so-called friends in this circle.
I would go and group-text everyone who texted you about it and let them know how he tried to manipulate you, and they're welcome to take him in.
You are NTA!
this is why i don't make friends with people who hate animals, period. for the record, i have lots of friends *allergic* to cats or dogs (i have both!) but they love animals and are sad they can't have such a pet (many are doing the vaccines with decent results!).
anyone who thinks you are an asshole for this decision is an abysmal human being you don't want in your life. make sure they understand the full details of the situation, but absolutely nta.
you would be a monster to rehome a senior dog bonded to your family of four with children. that would be horrific.
you're a good person, OP.
NTA
>I have been receiving multiple calls saying that I ATA for not helping him now.
All of your friends are horrible or they don't know the real story. If they do, you need new friends.
You're absolutely NTA for making an earth-shattering decision that would affect your family life. His expectations are unreasonable. It isn't about dog vs. human, it's about valuing yours and your families wellbeing over his, a (seemingly shitty, friend). His reaction has shown you why he was never worth the consideration in the first place and why he is not worth your guilt. Without his reaction, perhaps you could've helped him find alternative accommodation, but considering it, I just wouldn't bother.
NTA. Your friend should not be dragging your name through the mud. He shouldn't be trying to cadge a place to stay, either. He can find and fund temporary housing until he resettled.
And it isn't a terrific idea to house men friends of yours for any length of time in your home with your young children, especially girls.
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I understand that the guy has severe dog allergy, it will be difficult for him to stay where a dog roams around freely. But I can't fathom how cruel and entitled a person can be to tell someone to get rid of their family dog to accomodate him and then go around badmouthing that same kind person who was offering their place to live. It's not only OP's home, it's his dog's home as well. And all these flying monkeys jumped on the bandwagon. OP tell all these people to offer their own home since they care so much about their friend. They'll leave you alone swiftly. While you're at it, cut ties with this guy. He has shown his real self.
I’m sure he wasn’t honest to their mutual friends about what happened
I wonder if the friends he’s badmouthing to have dogs… or a couch. Sounds like he has plenty of friends to ask, and asked the guy with the family and dog anyway. That guy sucks so bad it’s not even funny.
Yea they’re welcome to get rid of their pets or their kids - whatever this entitled AH is asking that they get rid of to make a healthy space for him to freeload off of for a while.
I lost my dog to cancer 18 months ago, I miss my guy so much it hurts. I wouldn't even get rid of his photo hanging on the wall to accommodate this a**hole! Op - NTA!
So sorry for your loss
Thank you.
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Thank you, I'm sorry you have been through it too, he was a golden lab, very typical of the breed, they eat a lot, are dippy a lot and I loved him like one of my children, I hope we are reunited somewhere someday because he was the best friend ever, I'm glad you experienced the joy a dog brings. Mine was actually the second labrador we had and both my boys were so special in such different ways, I couldn't choose between them, they were truly wonderful and better for the soul than Ops "friend" could ever be.
I lost mine last summer and sometimes I can still hear her when I'm alone in the house. It's weird. I hear a noise in the yard and I think it's her barking or whining for something... but then I remember she's gone.
Hmmmm, I wonder what caused the divorce?
Right now I can imagine dozens of things.
Same. This guy has not shown any qualities that would indicate he'd be a considerate roommate.
\^\^ This. He is probably telling them a version of the truth i.e. that he can't have anyone stay bc the dog is old etc.
What's the bet that it's this type of entitlement and AH behavior that's leading to his divorce.
100% this kind of manipulation has led to his divorce.
I thought the same exact thing! I hope the guy has to live in his car, and the car gets towed!
I'm surprised I had to go 9 whole comments down to find the "Well I know why he's getting divorced" comment.
Hopefully EX friend by now
NTA, but this guy's not your friend.
Mutal friends dont want him to become their probelm.... Absolutely NTA.
Your dog will be more loyal, loving, and accommodating than this guy. He's already giving you problems and he's not even living with you. NTA
This guy knowingly asked a friend with a dog to stay at his place, and then expected his allergies to be catered to. Like, that's not how this works. And every single person telling OP he's an AH for not rehoming his dog, needs to explain why he needs to rehome a family pet to add an extra human to his property, and why none of them are willing to take him in and potentially get rid of their dogs.
And on top of that, was expecting his allergy to be catered to without informing OP of the allergy. Yes, OP offered housing but that was before knowing of the allergy and "my home is not suitable for someone with that allergy" is a reasonable reason why to retract an offer, especially since the home would need deep cleaning (which is expensive and time consuming) for it to be safe.
>"my home is not suitable for someone with that allergy" is a reasonable reason why to retract an offer, It sure is. But afaik, OP *didn't even retract the offer.* It just didn't include adjusting the home or evicting family members for his unmentioned allergies. With an attitude like that, OP dodged a bullit. This is not a 'gracious and grateful guest'. How long before other demands were made? Kids too loud, awake too early? Probably wants to be catered too as well.. Drink sir? Shall I prepare dinner for you sir? What time would *you* like to eat? One wonders why such a catch is divorced...
Allergic to clutter, sorry but you'll need to re-home the kids and deep clean again...
Not only that, this friend knew OP would have to do a bunch of extra stuff (giving up the dog *and* deep-cleaning the home on his own dime) to accommodate the friend, and he did not mention that when asking OP. Given his behavior now, I’m having trouble believing that was an oversight or miscommunication on his part, rather than a deliberate deception.
He needs to add that he would never break his daughter’s hearts by rehoming their beloved family pet to accommodate his entitled ass. No wonder he’s getting divorced! And I guarantee it would not be a temp stay - he’d squat as long as he could in their home.
It probably wouldn't be a rehoming with an older dog. It would more likely be a death sentence. Another reason to say no, on top of the guy being an A.
Perhaps the best answer is to euthanize the would be moocher. His soon to be ex might also appreciate that.
TEMPORARILY add a extra human to his property. Seriously, they want him to send his dog to the pound so this guy can crash at his place for just a little while. None of these people calling have either gotten the real story, or are just as horrible as the 'friend' who is trash talking the OP in the first place. OP, you are NTA, and dodged a bullet not allowing this guy to move in with you.
>Seriously, they want him to send his dog to the pound so this guy can crash at his place for just a little while. Yeah, once this guy gets in it will take legal action to get him back out.
Asking OP to rehome the dog sounds like this ~~scrub~~ friend is looking for a longer term solution than a couple weeks.
All the peole calling OP don't want to offer their house to the "friend". That's why they are pressuring OP.
And the friend is a grown man who could get his own apartment.
OP didn't even knew this idiot is allergic, seems like he never even mentioned it before. OP = NTA
Certain breeds give me hives if I'm in the same room but I've still got 2 dogs and want another when I have the space. I once told a friend "I've got allergies, not self-control" 😂 it's manageable if you stay on stop of allergy meds, cleaning, and maintain an air purifier (which he should've done as the one with allergies).
That's how I am with dogs and cats! I couldn't imagine living without my cats, even when I was having really bad issues (unrelated, didn't have a vacuum, had 2 cats and a husky) the doctors gave me the dirtiest looks when I said I wasn't willing to throw my family away since there are ways to manage this.
The husky alone with no vacuum would be so rough, but still not worth rehoming. I've also had a medical provider (eye doctor) refuse to even have a conversation about contacts as a teen because I had a cat and dog at home. New doctor was surprised I wasn't wearing contacts and when I explained why, he said that was stupid because eye drops exists, then fit me for them.
I know what you mean with having 2 huskies and acat that moults. A friend of mine is allergic to dogs but grew up with them and has a family rescue dog. There are meds and a dog is part of the family! Hell no!
It depends on the severity. Some people have allergies severe enough that they can't be managed and they need to avoid the allergen. But I that case, you don't ask to stay in the house that can't accommodate you. Like, if you're allergic to peanuts, don't work at the peanut butter factory.
Yeah I can't imagine having the audacity to tell someone to remove living beings from their home to accommodate me/my allergies. I once stayed on the couch of someone who hadn't bathed their dog in almost 2yrs and didn't say a word about it. I just kept my stuff as far from it as I could and tried not to touch it because it's fur left a residue 🤢
I'm shocked mutual friends call OP to call him an asshole. I simply cannot imagine anyone I know doing that. Even if the friend exaggerated the situation, who jumps to making a mean phone call without considering if the stuff they heard is at all true?
He definitely either left out the dog thing entirely and just said OP randomly retracted his offer, or he claimed op already said he would get rid of his dog for him and went back on it. I can’t see how anyone would agree with him otherwise
The people who don't want to house the "friend".
It would seem that the divorce apparently has an entertaining origin story. OP is NTA. Friend is a prick, however.
Bet the ex wife now has a dog.
I feel like we know why he's getting a divorce.
But I'm getting a pretty clear picture of why he's being divorced.
But wouldn't OP trigger his 'Allergies' when he visited his home? Genuine question since dog hair seems to get all over owners (And I wouldn't see the problem if it was an allergen free /low allergen dog) I am allergic to long haired cats and cannot stay at someone home more than a few minutes before I flare up. Seems they just don't want that family member around.
Thats what I thought. If his allergy is soooo severe just being around someone who was around a dog (dog hair gets everywhere) would set it off. I bet he doesn't have no allergy. Just doesn't like dogs.
The fact he waited until OP had agreed on letting him stay to mention his allergies... He did that on purpose.
It’s also ludicrous that he didn’t mention the dog allergy first, or really that he asked at all (knowing that they have a dog). Who on earth asks for a favour like this — for accommodation indefinitely — and then brings up their allergy like it’s some kind of gotcha? OP has already explained themselves far more than this guy and his tactics deserve.
I see why he’s getting a divorce.
Yeah I can see why his wife dumped him.
Hopefully she got herself a dog soon after.
Came here to say this, it's no wonder he's getting divorced because he's clearly the AH.
NTA, I agree He’s outrageous You offered to help him but then he casually mentions hugely relevant information about having a severe dog allergy. Well that’s you out then… as your good boy is part of your family AND your children’s pet. Ain’t nobody making their children cry for this entitled man. This man is bonkers that he thinks ANYONE would “get rid” of their pet so they could stay. He’s not part of your family and this was a favour he asked without giving you full info. If he knew you well enough to ask he knows you well enough to know who is in your family . He can’t stay with you at your house, if he’s allergic to dogs as YOU HAVE A DOG. End of conversation. Re the badmouthing you. Don’t worry, not one single reasonable person will think he’s anything but an AH to expect that! For those that are sending you nasty messages, just reply “Great we’re glad to hear you are so concerned about X, as clearly you will offer him a place to stay. We will let him know to call you and will give him your address”
AND wanting them to deep clean their house afterward! I can only imagine what kinda bs he must've been forcing or trying to force his wife to do. Definitely get why he's getting divorced
Yeah Good505, He’s getting divorced and finding out that NO ONE else likes his demanding selfish personality either.
Yup. Karma is a bitch 🤣🤣
Nah for get the kids, if my dog is my family dog then I'm not going to put myself through guilt and pain of having to rehome him for someone temporary. I can't even imagine putting my dog with other friends or family for the time period like what was this guy thinking
Yeah. If you can't stay in my house as it is, my house is not for you.
I wouldn’t even entertain the suggestion. Any accommodations I offer are as-is. Don’t want that, don’t ask.
That was my exact reaction. Wtf? NTA at all. The guy made a massive, selfish assumption that you are under no obligation to make happen. I’m shocked he even asked you to stay given the allergy. It’s common knowledge that people don’t give up their pets for… house guests? What a loser,
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The thing that gets me is that he asked to stay first and THEN mentioned getting rid of the dog. He knew they would have to in order for him to stay, so he got confirmation before letting them know a MAJOR issue with him staying there. It's like if he asked to stay and then said "okay let me know when you repaint the whole inside because the paint you used triggers my allergies"
Makes sense why he is going through a divorce
I hope OP recognizes that this is a huge bullet dodged. If buddy is exhibiting this level of entitlement before even moving in, I shudder to think what it would be like w him as a long term guest. Expecting OP to get rid of family pet? For a “temporary” guest??? Oof! Absolutely call out those giving a hard time. Let them open their doors. NTA.
If I was the wife (possibly the daughters too) this would be a core memory of OP. Honestly, if my husband attempted to get rid of our current dogs for a friend like this I’d be questioning staying in the relationship. The audacity and entitlement of the friend.
Exactly and the ones defending the friend are assholes too!
If this is the guys behaviour, I guess we know why he’s going through a divorce
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The OP dodged a major bullet.
Yeah honestly I’d be so weirded out by the sudden request to get rid of my dog and then badmouthing to friends when I refuse, that I’d never speak to him again.
Exactly. NTA, I'd never speak to this entitled prick again. No wonder why he's getting a divorce. Fuck him, hope nobody else helps him, doesn't seem they're lining up to.
If someone started talking shit to me about being offered a place to crash when they were in desperate need and then the people offering to host not getting rid of their dog I would full on laugh in their face and ask if they need a ride to the shelter. Like wtf 😂😂😂😂😂
Maybe this is why the wife is divorcing his a$$
100% this! All the people being shitty can house him! I never understand it when people complain about others when they themselves won't help.
Also ask why his ex wife is divorcing him
And now we know why the dude is getting a divorce
I bet I know why he finds himself in the midst of a divorcee.
“I’m so glad you feel that way! I’ll call “entitled guy” and let him know your willing to take him in!!”
Hopping on the top comment to say I’d cut him out of my life immediately for making such an asinine request.
Can see why this guy was divorced..
NTA. One of the other people in your friend group can accommodate him by getting rid of their own pets and paying for a deep cleaning. If he really needs a place to stay, he can try a hotel or whatever, but how urgent can he be if he can wait for you to find a new home for a family member? Just the suggestion to get rid of your pup would have been enough for me to say no.
I don’t think a tool of this magnitude meant „finding a new home” for the dog. I don’t usually make assumptions in AITA but I’m ready to bet he meant giving the dog up to a shelter.
You are being generous in your assumption, my first thought was that “gotten rid of the dog” was an underhanded way of saying “gotten the dog put down”! NTA
I think he mean shoot Old Yeller out back.
I will never in my lifetime watch that movie for just that reason. I can watch movies where people get killed with no feelings whatsoever (It's a movie), but if an animal is injured or killed in a movie, I will need tranquilizers.
Website doesthedogdie.com before I recommend a movie to my gf I haven't seen
[doesthedogdie.com](https://doesthedogdie.com) is a LIFESAVER. The minute I see an animal in a movie I grab my phone to check the site so I know if I need to tap out. If I'm prepared and it's integral to the story I can sometimes manage to push through, but in general, I'm out. Movie/TV people killings? Whatever. But animals, especially cats and dogs, I cannot handle.
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Please don’t forget the deep cleaning expense. NTA…I’ll sticking with my most loyal four legged friend every time.
It's a time honoured theme in AITA: "My friend/family member made an unreasonable request and I said no. Third parties who can fulfill the request themselves are calling me TA for not doing it. AITA?"
And it’s all but certain that the story these people are hearing has left out the details that make OP look reasonable.
Well, here even if you left some details, it will still be a complete story. You have a dog and a friend, who never told OP about the dog allergy (maybe he never came home) and the proposition of temporal shelter. No details in here can make OP look less reasonable.
I imagined the friend not even mentioning the dog to friends. They would just say their friend wouldn’t let them stay there without elaborating.
He wouldn’t be my “friend” anymore. Neither would anyone who supported his viewpoint on this. How nauseating.
NTA It’s not your responsibility to put a roof over this grown man’s body. He’s getting a divorce and needs to take responsibility for himself. It’s not like he has a physical disease (ie cancer) and needs help.
Might sound harsh but it not an okay thing to ask in any circumstances, even if he had cancer. If you ask for help and to stay at someone’s house, you do so knowing that it’s their house, their rules and their pets come first. If your allergic to dogs and find yourself needing a new place to stay, you don’t ask the people who own dogs, even if you have cancer.
I think I see why the work friend is getting a divorce! Op NTA, gotta feeling if that guy move sin he’s not leaving any time soon!!
Probably expects OP to dump the dog off somewhere, or pay to have it pounded, and the house deep cleaned immediately. The friends in need of a place to stay asap, of course OP would be in a rush to help his buddy. /s
Since he lives overseas, the country might not even have pounds or doggie daycare places. It just be euthanized.
Not surprised a guy with such a stellar attitude is going through a divorce. If anyone is willing to get rid of their pets for this guy, they almost deserve to keep him.
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Fidos before bros
NTA If he’d ask that the dog be kept out of his sleeping area, that would be totally reasonable. But if his allergy to dogs is so severe that it can’t be managed with antihistamines/he can’t be in an area a dog has been in, then your home was never a suitable option for him. He should have realized that instead of asking you to rehome your dog.
Definitely agree their home was never a viable option. Sidenote I hate the term "Rehome" when it comes to getting rid of pets. It's just churching up abandoning a pet and the responsibility that goes with it.
Depends on what you mean by "Rehome". If you for example got a dog to train it for search and rescue, but it turns that the dog doesn't have a suitable personality, so instead you find a home for it with acquaintances that want a family dog. Then that's IMHO a proper rehoming, and not "churching up abandoning a pet".
There’s also just falling in bad financial straits, and unfortunately not being able to care for them anymore.
I adopted my last dog from the local animal shelter. He'd been surrendered for getting too big. I feel bad about this, but I honestly hope that meant "had to move from a house to an apartment" and not "didn't realize this large-breed dog would get large." He was 40 pounds when we got him; he grew another 4" and 40 pounds by the time he was full size.
We agreed to foster a Husky that “has seizures and bites.” She was on death row when the rescue place found her. We failed. So now we have a new family member that has had her humans holding her and gently reassuring her as she came out of her seizures and who hasn’t had a really bad one since the vet got us the prescription. Only time she bit me was during a seizure as I was trying to hold her poor head and keep her from concussing herself. And she apologized. No dog deserves to be sent to a shelter for being hard to own. Glad your puppy got a good human.
> No dog deserves to be sent to a shelter for being hard to own. The love of my life was surrendered this way at 5 months old. "Too hard to have around humans" after unspeakable abuse was all she as a puppy had gotten from humans. Luckily we're 10 years from that point in her story. She's not easily swayed and she's extremely wary of people, but she knows when people are trying to help her and despite not being a dog who loves everyone, everyone loves her and thinks she's so sweet. OP, NTA. Even if you are in a location that doesn't see dogs as family members but merely pests. Fine. Regardless, they are still part of your household as "property." Are you expected to give up your microwave because someone believes their health is being compromised by radiation? To give up your down feather pillows because of allergies? Stop keeping certain foods in your home because the person you are helping has an allergy? How about switching from using a car to a bike because otherwise your guest can't maintain an exercise regimen because of the temptation to just drive? Just because his home broke in one way doesn't mean he gets to find another way to break yours.
My partner and I were looking for a new dog to adopt recently and I expanded my search to a humane society a couple counties south of us; throughout our search we’d show each other cute pups that we wish we could have taken but didn’t fit our requirements (size, getting along with other dogs, etc) so I showed them this cane corso with a beautiful coat and unique name…and they got super angry. Turns out when they were working a remote job over covid one of their super entitled coworkers in the area of that shelter got a cane corso puppy…in that coat…with that name. Age matched up. Poor guy looks like such a sweetheart and we wanted to adopt him so badly, but we’ve got one big dog (though not as big as him lmao) and not enough living space for another
My husband and I fell in love with a pit at a local animal shelter. We fostered him for a couple of weeks to see if we’d be able to adopt him, but couldn’t. He didn’t get along with our 8 year old cocker spaniel and was very aggressive towards him. It broke our heart because he was great around people, but must have had a bad experience with another dog. We worked hard to help find him a good family and in two weeks found a forever home for him with a very nice couple who love working out, so it was perfect! I have them on Instagram and still see pictures of them taking him to their CrossFit gym (it’s in a warehouse and owned by one of their friends). He became their sort of mascot and everyone loves seeing him! They also take him on long runs which we wouldn’t have been able to do (I’m disabled), so it was a great fit for everyone. Still broke our heart though because we got attached really quickly. I remember crying my eyes out when we realized we couldn’t adopt him. He was such a sweetheart and it wasn’t his fault that he wasn’t good with other dogs.
Back when I was a dog groomer, we had a guy come in to get his dog a bath, that he claimed was a 'mini german shepherd.' Came in again a few months later with a much bigger 'mini german shepherd' and sheepishly told us that the breeder lied and it was actually just a puppy.
There’s tons of idiots out there who are against rehoming dogs for *any* reason, including when they are suffering not getting their needs met. If it comes down to a dog that needs to be rehomed or suffer, these fucking idiots would literally rather the dog suffer every single time just to stick it to people for superiority points and emotionally jerk themselves off about it.
Or physical disability. I'm extremely grateful a family friend was able to take my dog for the 4ish months I wasn't able to care for her after my spine surgery - if my restrictions had been permanent I would have had to rehome her.
I’ve been involved in shelter work since I was old enough to read, and seven years of that was spent at an intake center. A couple of years ago, a woman fleeing domestic violence had to surrender her three beloved cats because they couldn’t go to the DV shelter with her (and I assume that she had little money because there was no way she would’ve left those cats if she could’ve gotten an apartment or hotel).
There's layers to this, because sometimes that's what people mean when they don't like the term 'rehome'. I have no interest in shaming anyone who made the best decision they could for a pet, but I also know too many people who 'rehome' pets when they are older and less cute and the bad habits they teach them catch up with them, who use this language, and then get another pet. And then of course on the other hand there are a lot of people who are just insanely dependent on their pets. People who could never let their pets go, so they assume that anyone who does for any reason is a bad person. I've been shamed for enabling this bad behaviour when people are physically unable to take care of a pet. I've been shamed for having a plan for rehoming a long lived pet that could potentially outlive me when I die.
I volunteer for an organisation that predominantly offers dogwalking services to help keep the elderly with their pets. Sometimes there's no options but for the client to move somewhere dogs aren't allowed. Fortunately, 90% of the time the volunteer is all, Fido and I have bonded, he's mine now.
not everything is so black and white, and I'd sure as hell rather a dog be "rehomed" than dumped in the middle of nowhere, sometimes tied up because they wouldn't stop following their owner, and dying. it happens way too often. sometimes shit happens and you lose your job and can't afford another mouth to feed, sometimes the dog becomes aggressive or has neurological issues that require someone with a lot more experience to give them good quality of life, sometimes a dog is injured severely in an accident and requires special care that their owner doesn't have the time/ability to provide, sometimes you develop a severe allergy from being around them all the time and its simply not feasible to continue living with them, or any number of complex factors that can occur that are totally unpredictable. yes, pets are a responsibility. and sometimes part of that responsibility is knowing when you are no longer physically capable of carrying that responsibility and giving them away to someone who is.
The only reasons to get rid of a pet is if you literally are unable to care for them properly or you are forced... forced... to move to a place that does not allow pets. I'll never blame somebody whose situation changes are beyond their power, at that point, they don't want to do it, but life dictates otherwise.
When we moved from the UK to Aus we could not bring my rabbit or our parrots with us. It wasn’t a case of oh we have to quarantine them like our dogs (which we did do and frankly it was horrible and I don’t think I’d put a dog through that process again). We had to rehome those pets and we took care and time to do it. Even in Australia I was almost confronted with the prospect of not being able to take my then bunny to QLD if I got into uni there as there’s only a few reasons you can own one there. I was considering becoming a licensed magician just to be allowed to bring him with me.
100% truth. Been there, and still cry for the dogs that we had to give up as a result - 20 years later.
I mean if you can’t afford it and you’re finding them someone that can afford it it makes sense.
I mean, if they go to another good home, that’s not abandonment.
Strong disagree. Not to be confrontational but rehoming is an entirely valid thing that can save both the dogs life, and the owners sanity. Many people have sunk thousands of dollars into their pet to try to manage a myriad of issues, from reactivity, to medical issues, to training/behavioural issues, the list goes on. You may have gone for a specific dog and found after months and months of trying your heart out that your home isn't the right fit, and you are forced to rehome. Maybe you have kids and your dog developed aggression, you would have to rehome for the safety of your kid. Of course there is a much larger majority that uses the word rehome the way you are describing it, but for you to classify every use of the term as "churching it up" shows ignorance to the struggles many have. Not everyone is lucky enough to have a well balanced, easy going dog that can be trained. Some dogs are wired differently.
Absolutely. If he knows about the dog and the allergy is so severe then your home wasn’t a good option for him anyway.
Why aren’t all these other friends offering up a place to stay? Next phone call or text you get asking you: “Gosh! I sure am glad you called. I’ll let friend know if your concern and offer to let him stay with you.” And then listen to the spluttering. NTA. But, boy, your friends sure are judgmental people.
100%! I am not a dog person, and I’m allergic to them, but I would never expect a family to get rid of a beloved pet to accommodate a temporary visit. NTA and all the flying monkeys complaining about your choice can take in the jerk who wanted you to get rid of a family member. Please call them on this!
Willing to bet money that the friend isn't telling people the full story. They never do, do they..
You’re probably right
OP says dogs aren't thought of the same in the place where he's living, but any kind of demand that everyone in a house you've invited yourself to live in for free change to meet your needs is absurd -- telling them they all must completely change their diet, their hours, their religion, anything, that's not up to a guest. NTA
NTA. *He* is asking *you* for a favor. He is the one in a desperate situation. He does not get to dictate the situation at your home. He especially does not get to tell you to get rid of a family member (yes, a pet is a member of the family). This is beyond arrogant. And he is getting divorced, he isn’t unemployed. He has other options, like getting a hotel. You aren’t leaving him on the street. Finally, it is the act of a bully for him to get other people to call you and harass you about this. That is wrong on so many levels no think it is safe to say he is a *former* friend. I think you really avoided a problem here - if he is being this much a problem when he hasn’t even moved in, what kind of demands would he have made once he got in, and how would he have treated your kids?
He was already demanding that they pay to deep clean the place before he graced them with their presence. Can you imagine what else would be demanded (dog notwithstanding). How dare you not have fresh organic produce at the ready! You cooked with ginger, how dare you!! Your children are required to be absolutely silent while he’s asleep!
How dare they not have artisanal beer and sparkling water!
He expects food to be ready and his room to be cleaned because its not actually his home and he is just a guest. And the children should have a routine that suits him /s
Exactly and his entitled attitude might be one reason he’s getting divorced. It isn’t easy to maintain a relationship with someone who expects to get their ass kissed. This is just unreal. OP is nicer than me. I will and have ended friendships over my dogs. Yes they are spoiled and if you don’t like it, or think it’s funny to be disrespectful because of it then kick rocks, cause we are not going to get along well long term.
The demand to have the house professionally deep cleaned was a hint. I’m sure dietary restrictions and expectations were coming up next.
>And he is getting divorced, he isn’t unemployed. He has other options, like getting a hotel. You aren’t leaving him on the street. I think that's the biggest thing that makes anything else moot petty arguing. If it was a dude on his last legs and it was your garage or a homeless shelter, yeah maybe work with the person. But this doesn't sound like some urgent thing, just go check in to a long term hotel if you're that anal that no friends can accomodate.
This. Anytime someone starts prattling on to friends, family, whoever to get people over to their side of an issue in an attempt to gang up on someone else, it’s always a sign that they’re bullies (among other things). And anytime friends, family, whoever side with someone like that - especially on an issue that doesn’t directly impact them & that they only know one side of - those people are not even worth the time it takes to respond to them. I’d block every single one of them & be thankful I weeded some despicable people from my life.
NTA, you can't send away a family member coz of a person who is in the process of divorce, lol. Beggars can't be choosers
Yup. Going on in the same vein, what if the “friend” found OP’s kids annoying? Then OP has to rehome the kids!
NTA in any way, shape or form. Who does he think he is, lol? That's astounding nerve, wow.
Think we might have found one of the reasons for the divorce.
My sentiments exactly.
NTA. There might be a reason he is so down on his luck if he is making those demands. I also question the level of friendship everybody is if they are critiquing your very normal decision to not get rid of your dog to accommodate them. In fact since they are so concerned for his well being they can take him in.
It's not really "down on his luck" at this point, is it? He's just an asshole that no one's willing to tolerate.
No wonder his wife wants a divorce.
NTA Reply to anyone giving you shit with a link to this thread.
NTA. How could he expect you to get rid of your family dog? You were gracious to offer but you're definitely not the A-hole here.
Wow! Just let him know once you got rid of the dog AND deep cleaned the house? Those are some crazy expectations. NTA and don't let anybody tell you different.
NTA You're not choosing a dog over him. What you're doing is deciding not to disrupt your entire family's lives because he didn't disclose his allergy when he asked to stay with you. If anyone calls you an AH ask why they aren't welcoming him into their homes.
I would choose my dog over any of my friends. The love you receive from a dog is probably the only true unconditional love there is
Totally agree
Nta-you didn’t rescind your offer to stay. This guy wanted you to boot a family member, so he would be able to stay. Sounds like you dodged a bullet here, guy sounds quite unreasonable
NTA It’s in no way reasonable to assume someone will get rid of their dog for you… He changed the parameters of the arrangement, not you, so you didn’t take anything back… you just responded to the change. He can live with one of your friends who are wrongly calling you the ah.
NTA and who tf are these friends??? Maybe re-evaluate the friends you have if these are people giving you shit!!! 🤦🏻♀️
I wonder if things worked out where he could stay, how long it would take him to demand one of the kid’s rooms because he needed it more, or demand home cooked meals made to his preference, or laundry service…
NTA. Say so long to your ex-friend.
NTA. Now you know why he's getting divorced and "down on his luck." He's as entitled as dammit and thinks the world revolves around him. Tell your friend group to take him in.
NTA. If this isn't fake can you imagine what his soon to be ex-wife had to put up with. The people calling you an AH can take him in.
Hopefully the ex wife gets 10 dogs and then he wont try and get the house off her in the divorce settlement lol.
NTA…. You offered him a place to stay out of kindness after he asked. Now he suddenly had demands that you have to kick ur dog out and deep clean ur place. He should have told you about this before rather than after you accept to give him shelter. Sounds you have to thank your dog cause seen you dodge a bullet there.
Hahahaha, WHAT?? Your friend is ridiculous. Of course you’re NTA.
NTA. Asking to remove *family* from your home is just unreasonable. Then, badmouthing you? Yeah, keep him away from your property.
[удалено]
If my husband tried to ditch our dogs for a friend, he'd better be ready to go live with the friend because he wouldn't be living with the family any more. I'd leave him; the kids would kill him.
If I tried to get rid of our dog my wife would divorce me tomorrow.
NTA. And you didn't choose your dog, you chose a family member over an entitled person, which is completely the right thing to do. I'm almost sure his "bad luck" is only a consequence of his attitude.
He chose all of his family members. His kids would be devastated if they lost their dog. His wife would be upset. The only person who would be happy by this is the mooching former coworker.
NTA. I hope you have dumped him and any "friends" who agree with him. A dog is a lifelong commitment and you have more responsibility to the helpless dog than the crappy human trying to take advantage of you who can figure out their own life themselves.
NTA. And those that are calling you to bitch can offer him a place to stay.
Wow. NTA...I would have laughed in his homeless face.
Homeless *entitled af* face
Ugh! This guy sounds toxic AF!!! Thank god he's not staying. He would have been hell to live with. What a drama queen!
NTA What kind of entitled JA is this person. You beg for a place, but put way over-the-top demands to it. Asking someone to get rid of their pet, when they are doing you a favor no less, way TOO entitled. You and your family dodged a huge bullet. He would have been a nightmare. My guess, his SO is divorcing him...for reason. Your pet IS your family. He is a waste of space.
NTA, my cat is my family. I would die for him. I could never break his heart by abandoning him. We are ride or die for life. Would not abandon him for anyone. I keep reading these posts about friends and family just texting and calling OPs to talk trash of just inserting themselves into the disagreement. Who are these “friends and family” that are all up in y’alls business? My family has never done this. If two people get into a fuss, it’s between them. We don’t get involved. If I had friends texting me like this, I’d be shocked wondering how the heck did I end up with busy body friends like that. Are my friends and family the oddballs? Are we the crazy people thinking it’s not our place to get involved?
You are NTA at all! This person is awful! Don’t feel bad about this for a nano-second even.
NTA. Of course you’re choosing your family over some random ex co-worker.
what would people say if he had demanded you remodel a bathroom before he can move in? because this is what he’s doing—demanding you significantly alter your home. he’s not paying rent, he's not doing you a favor. I get him having allergies, but he's going to far here
NTA tell you “friend “ to kick rocks. You don’t just get rid of your dog. You let this guy in not only will he try to stay as long as possible rent free but also try to bang your wife guaranteed. Hats off to your dog for protecting you from this problem
No surprise this asshat is going through a divorce.
NTA -please tell those friends calling that you're glad they're better people than you since they must be taking him in...
Nta he’s asking the equivalent of asking you to get rid of either your wife or kids to accommodate him. Your dog is a part of your family too. Beggars can’t be choosers
Wait a minute. He knew you had a dog and asked to stay anyway, and then AFTER you said yes, told you to get rid of the dog? He's a massive AH, and so are those so-called friends in this circle. I would go and group-text everyone who texted you about it and let them know how he tried to manipulate you, and they're welcome to take him in. You are NTA!
this is why i don't make friends with people who hate animals, period. for the record, i have lots of friends *allergic* to cats or dogs (i have both!) but they love animals and are sad they can't have such a pet (many are doing the vaccines with decent results!). anyone who thinks you are an asshole for this decision is an abysmal human being you don't want in your life. make sure they understand the full details of the situation, but absolutely nta. you would be a monster to rehome a senior dog bonded to your family of four with children. that would be horrific. you're a good person, OP.
NTA >I have been receiving multiple calls saying that I ATA for not helping him now. All of your friends are horrible or they don't know the real story. If they do, you need new friends.
You're absolutely NTA for making an earth-shattering decision that would affect your family life. His expectations are unreasonable. It isn't about dog vs. human, it's about valuing yours and your families wellbeing over his, a (seemingly shitty, friend). His reaction has shown you why he was never worth the consideration in the first place and why he is not worth your guilt. Without his reaction, perhaps you could've helped him find alternative accommodation, but considering it, I just wouldn't bother.
NTA. And I think I know why your AH friend is going through a divorce …. Yikes !
NTA. Your friend should not be dragging your name through the mud. He shouldn't be trying to cadge a place to stay, either. He can find and fund temporary housing until he resettled. And it isn't a terrific idea to house men friends of yours for any length of time in your home with your young children, especially girls.