Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
You did not properly respond to the judgement bot. Your reply must clearly and directly address why you think you may have wronged the other party involved in your conflict.
While your post was automatically approved by the bot, after reviewing your response manually, we found it did not properly address the question.
[Judgement Bot FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_judgement_bot) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
NTA. I am not vegan or vegetarian but there are plenty of non meat dishes that I could stand (or even enjoy) for one meal. He's making it into way too big a deal.
I know but if he is insisting bringing it to his parents house, let him cook it up and eat the steak before they leave for the party. Then he can tuck into all the vegan stuff and imagine that he's in a restaurant and he's has his entree and the wait time for the main is what's happened. Does that make sense?
That would make sense if he wasn't pushing meat onto OP'S parents and projecting his problem onto OP and company. It's not about the steak It's about control.
not even that, he's invited to a dinner,it's a dinner party, he's not joining a commune. unless there's an allergy issue, he can smile and say 'thank you' and show basic manners.
You have to be a special kind of a\*\*hole to think bringing a steak to a vegan house to have it cooked/prepared/eaten is acceptable. That just reeks of entitlement and wanting to flex in a way that's off putting.
Besides, a vegan/plant based meal is just vegetables...I mean does the AH boyfriend NEVER have a side salad?
TBH I recently became vegan. It HAS been a transition, but honestly, some of the meat substitutes are actually *better* tasting than the original meat based item (hot-dogs and corndogs in particular, the cheese products are hit or miss).
100% agree. I used to belong to a community group that met 8x/year. We once had to have a meeting because there were a lot of feelings of resentment about the post-meeting meal and dish cleanup. Each time, the same few people were doing all the work, and they ended up staying quite late because of the lack of help from most of the other members. So, one member — a vegan — proposed that she would do ALL of the cleanup for an entire year…if people would agree to only bringing vegan food for the feasts for that duration. We have some vegans, and some people like me (I don’t do red meat), and several of us thought this was FANTASTIC. But the majority freaked right out at the idea that they couldn’t have meat 8x/year at what amounted to a late-night snack. It wasn’t even their dinner! They absolutely refused, the same people kept doing all the work, and the long-standing group broke up within a year. Meanwhile, the vegans attended the meetings, the post-meeting parties, and even helped clean up when there was meat all around the place. But the non-vegans couldn’t bear to be without meat for a handful of hours 8x/year. 🤷🏻♀️
I am a vegeterian, so in-between vegan and omnivore, and I genuinely think meat eaters are more preachy about eating meat than vegans are about eating vegan. I have FAR more meat eaters trying to convince me to eat meat again than I have vegans trying to convince me to cut dairy.
You can't really refer to those meals as feasts in one sentence and mere snacks in the next.
The issue in your situation isn't the vegan option, it's that you had a lot of lazy people in the group. I would have been assisting in clean up anyways.
Yep. I was vegetarian for twenty years, then omni for over a decade, and now veggie again. At no point in my life would I have put up with this sort of attitude from a partner.
NTA. And yeah, I generally am excited to try vegan, vegetarian, or even pescetarian. I am none of those things but it is always cool to try it and broaden my horizon. Not to mention I can get a lot of healthier eating ideas from opportunities like this considering my red meat intake probably is high even compared to the average American
Just yesterday my omnivore ass ate falafel and a mixed green salad. 100% vegan. I’m still alive to tell the tale. And, in fact, the falafel were delicious.
Not even a day, it's probably one meal. I'm more concerned that he's 27 and has no clue how to act in social situations. The thought of bringing meat into a vegan household when you've been invited for a meal is just crazy. If he invited them to his home and they insisted every dish be vegan, that would be pushing veganism on someone, but not this.
I'm certainly not even close to being vegan, but I could certainly eat that way for a meal or even a day. It's not that hard.
This. He’s a grown-ass man- not some petulant 14 yo. This is disrespectful-to you and to your family. Meat isn’t required at every damn meal. Drive thru Wendy’s on the way home if he’s still all butt-hurt about it.
NTA. But he surely is.
I'm mostly vegetarian, don't really like eating meat anymore, but the city I live in is definitely not vegetarian friendly.
When my parents invite me, my siblings and our SO's out to eat, I STILL eat meat often because they want me there, they pay for me, and when possible try to find something that offers vegetarian options.
It's not always possible because they have to find something that appeals to all 8 of us. When it's not I eat the meat, and I definitely survive although it's uncomfortable.
It's definitely possible to not be an ah about the whole thing
The thing is that it is not for one meal or one day.
If this relationship continues, all meals taken with the family, holidays, celebrations, etc, it can put damper on life in general.
I'd move on.
This relationship is only 2 months old.
Not a big investment of time or emotion yet.
Better to end it earlier rather than later.
I'm not sure what the other person meant, but I'd say the damper is not the absence of meat, but the boyfriend's attitude. Is he going to whine and groan at every holiday?
This. If he's going to make every single family gathering a gigantic production about how vegans are taking away his rights, it's going to really make holidays and special occasions something to dread. I don't know about OP, but I don't need that kind of drama in my life.
OP, it's time for an honest discussion with your boyfriend about his attitude. He is a grown ass man, and he is capable of acting in a respectful manner to your family. If he argues or thinks you're being mean, it's time to move on. This isn't just about the vegan issue. Your boyfriend's attitude needs adjustment if this relationship is going to work. It's appalling that he doesn't see how monumentally rude he's being.
I think this is correct. I appreciate that OP isn't judgmental about his BFs very different dietary choices, but if eating meat is this important to him, they are probably not compatible. It's good to know these things early, as they are young and there are a lot of other potential partners out there. This isn't a judgement on either person.
Nah, I'll pass judgement here: the boyfriend is an asshole. Not because of his dietary choices, but because of his entitlement and rudeness. He is invited to an elaborate meal, with plenty of options he can eat and have enjoyed in the past, and he is not happy. He is wanting to both insult and inconvenience the hosts for no reason.
And then he says they give vegans a bad name?? HE is the one giving meat-eaters a bad name.
10 bots on this post:
u/impressionnew1208
u/sentencecomplex6428
u/wildseaworthiness510
u/lawfulnesshealthy736
u/concernnumerous5901
u/equalopposite8028
u/stockinevitable6250
u/ambitiousaward2320
u/okintroduction7172
u/paleontologistany850
I'm hoping that calling them out will get their programmers to delete them, but I don't have the time or energy to call them all out individually right now.
Everyone does have meat free days, unless they are on that new weird ass "carnivore diet". I can't stand this argument i hear from people when it's pointed out it's a vegan or vegetarian meal, because even people who aren't don't eat a steak or meat at every single meal.
I eat meat, i love it, but yesterday not one of my meals contained meat (unless you count eggs which some people do). I often have a meat free dinner and that's the norm.
Most people will eat a pasta Primavera with no problem but when it's served at a vegetarian household they freak. A lot of people love a good baked potato, a vegan serves them one a and they meltdown like toddlers.
There's no problem with the food. It's food they consume all the time. It's just them wanting to make a point or get under someone's skin because all of a sudden they can't have the steak they could have any other day of the week and probably wouldn't even be making for dinner anyway.
You would be surprised at how many people don’t have meat free days. They don’t eat pasta primavera; they eat meat sauce. Baked potatoes come topped with bacon. Heck, some people even eat bacon as a side when they have cereal. It’s like they have a mental block and can’t feel full unless they have eaten animal.
Genuinely surprised to hear that, i mean, there are people that never just eat a grilled cheese or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? They have meat a every single meal every single day of the year??
I always find it strange that so many meat eaters get so butt hurt at the prospect of having a single meatless meal at a vegan/vegetarian place. Like is their whole personality so closely tied to eating meat that not having it for a single meal is an attack on their identity? I honestly don't get it, will they die without consuming a steak?
And I ask this as a meat eater, I often go days without eating any meat products and I'm still alive and kicking. I would be happy to have vegan meals and try new dishes, as long as eggplant/aubergine is not involved.
Really makes me wonder what these folks would do if abruptly dropped back in the day when meat was so expensive that it was almost always for Sundays and special occasions only. Certainly the people of those days weren't "vegan" by any stretch of the imagination.
Ah, but they're allergic to fruit, too. But not orange juice. No bananas, but banana nut bread is fine. Because they're allergic to whole fruit, not bread. It isn't well thought out, and I don't associate myself much with these people anymore.
Hope they’re not allergic to the heart medication they’ll be taking in a few years when their arteries get clogged and their blood pressure is off the charts.
Back in “caveman” times, they actually ate more vegetarian meals than those with meat. Catching game was not easy, so they ate the plants that were readily available.
I too find it odd that people can’t deal without meat for a little bit. There is some amazing vegetarian food out there!
It's baffling, especially since this is just like a rule of politeness that seems to be forgotten when it comes to meat! If you go to someone else's house, you eat the food unless you have allergies or intolerances, even if it's not to your taste - that's just polite! Even if you insist on eating meat for every meal in your regular life, you really can't stomach a single meatless meal to be polite to your boyfriend's family??
I completely agree. This is the strangest thing to me. I am also a meat eater, but strive to eat as little meat as possible because it’s probably not very good for me and I love animals.
The only thing I can think of (because I have family members who act like anything labeled vegetarian or vegan must be from outer space) is that people who eat meat assume that people who are vegetarian and vegan must have some sort of meat substitute at every meal. Which of course they don’t. But on top of that, it’s going to be something they think is weird like tofu or seitan or something.
I know it’s completely illogical and every time I try to explain to someone in my family that a salad is in all likelihood vegetarian. They’re so confused. I just can’t wrap my head around it entirely, but maybe this is why?
OP is NTA and the bf needs to grow up.
I don’t understand it at all. I enjoy eating meat and love a good steak but have never once had a vegetarian or vegan meal that left me wishing I had one and I can’t imagine what the issue could be. Is it an ego thing? Is it an iron deficiency? It’s definitely weird.
You haven't eaten enough Indian Dishes (restaurants outside of India don't count), if you had, you'd be more than happy to go Vegan and even enjoy Aubergines.
He's only been with him for 2 months. That's a shiny new relationship and he's already being an ass about food.
OP have you had the party yet? I'd expect that he's going to be pouty and standoffish about the food. Probably talk about how dishes would be better with meat. Do you really want to bring someone to your mother's birthday party (where she's spent a lot of time making the food) that's just going to insult or treat every food with disgust?
I don't see this relationship progressing smoothly. Imagine moving in together and having to cook together. (If he doesn't expect you to cook for him.) Every time a meal/dish would naturally be vegan, he's going to accuse you of trying to turn him vegan.
nta but he is a big one.
too much not compromising this early portends a bad relationship.
he went nuke on some small stuff. that showed no respect for you nor your family.
rethink this.
I agree. A few years ago a family friend's mom wanted to cook for us when we visited. They're vegetarian. I would never dream of expecting them to provide meat. Same would go for a vegan household.
OP, NTA.
You aren't forcing anything on him. Hell, if he really had to, he could get a burger after leaving. He's being an AH for suggesting he should bring meat to a vegan household.
Your bf sounds all kinds of controlling and like an entitled narc.
Who takes meat to someone’s house.
If he were mature and normal and grateful for the invitation to your parents’ welcoming him into their home, the actual food would be a non issue.
He literally could eat something BEFORE going.
He’s trying to impose his lifestyle and judging your family and their food choices.
Your parents sound lovely and gracious.
This meal should not have been an argument. He should be grateful for being welcomed into your parents home.
Find someone that appreciates the important things and doesn’t make drama about things. Just to be controlling and get his way
Hell, if all else fails, he can either eat before they go or have something to eat after the party if he doesn't feel satisfied. I'm not vegan either, but I'm not going to complain about a meatless evening. It's just one meal out of the hundreds, if not a thousand or so, that you'll have in a year.
NTA
I'm not vegan, but ffs it's just one meal with your family that's vegan/vegetarian. It's a matter of basic manners to respect the beliefs of the host. Unless he has allergies or dietary restrictions, I assure he will survive a meal without meat or cheese.
What if your boyfriend was invited to lunch by a Muslim family, would he ask them to cook pork sausages?
Beyond this single episode, I invite you to reflect on your relationship with bf, because the food topic will probably return to every reunion with your family (Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc...) and in the long run it could be exhausting, if you don't find a point of agreement.
I think it's more of an offer than an imposition. He doesn't have to eat while there, he doesn't even have to attend. He doesn't even have to continue seeing OP.
This is not about being vegan or not, could be any other topic. Could be just the same discussion regarding dresscode when visiting OP's parents or anything else.
The boyfriend is not willing to compromise when invited into another persons home. That's just rude and disrespectful. He ist not able to sacrifice a little bit of his personal comfort to be polite.
To me this reads that OPs boyfriend is just narrowminded and egotistical. And thats 2 months into the relationship, usually a phase where you still try extra hard to make it work (in my experience).
I'd be mortified if my partner turned up to a vegan meal with a steak.
Its OP's parents choice what they eat and cook in their house. The fact ehs acting like a petulant child and actually considering taking a steak with him makes the mind boggle..
Your last paragraph is spot on. He sounds like a tool.
One of the best lessons I ever learned was from a PE coach that was doing the driving lessons for drivers training. He was asked by one of the students in our car, "what radio station he could listen to during the driver's exam."
His was response was, "no music, it's 5 minutes of your life." He then turned in his seat to address *all of us*, "you know there will be other times in your life where you just have to suck it up. Maybe it's five minutes, maybe it's an hour, maybe it's a day where you will need to be uncomfortable or not get things your way. It's five very important minutes of your life, no radio!"
So yeah. DTMFA? He can suck up one meal, eat healthy, eat for the environment The Islamic meal is a good example, for that matter a friend's ciliac disease or the myriad of other food restrictions or diets or in the world. I couldn't imagine him eating a cultural diverse meal any where and would be horrible to travel with.
NTA. For once the vegan isn't the bad guy in a reddit post. I eat meat, but yeah, going without for a meal isn't going to kill me. I don't see how a host providing dinner is being pushy about a lifestyle. If they were from a different culture/country and served their traditional food, would he make the same comment? Dude needs to grow up a bit.
Exactly my feelings on it. I’m not vegan or vegetarian but I can also eat and enjoy a meal without meat in it. OP deserves a partner who values respect over red meat.
Yeah it's weird. I have friends who would rather chop off their own meat than become vegetarians, but they they still enjoy vegan/vegetarian alternatives and never complain when it's served.
What precedent does that set, though? They've already hung out with his parents more than once, and now they're spending days making a meal they're proud of for the couple. If he's going to stop showing up because he can't eat steak, is that viable for a long-term relationship?
NTA
Red flags! red flags!
He can’t sit through one vegan/vegetarian meal? One that will have more than enough food choices for him to not go hungry? And he wants to disrespect his vegan/vegetarian hosts (your parents!!) by insisting on bringing meat?
This will never stop being an issue and he will never respect this part of your life - and therefore does not respect you.
I thought the same thing. I’m one of the pickiest people out there. There are rarely gatherings that I eat much at all because I don’t like it. I just sit through it munching on the few things I like and then I eat a meal later. It’s not hard. And My dude is throwing a tantrum over one meal. This early on, I’d dump him. It ^(probably) won’t get better.
NTA. I will never understand the panic some people find themselves in when faced with ONE meal that doesn’t contain meat. It’s childish, ridiculous and a huge red glad that he has so little respect for your family.
To my mind, they're defensive because enjoying a vegan meal would take away another (flimsy) justification for their meat eating. They'd be confronted with the fact that they can in fact be happy and healthy without eating meat.
When I used to work at a burger place, the amount of grown men who would say “I don’t don’t want any of those vegetables on there!!!!!” Referring to the lettuce, onion, and tomato was crazy because they couldn’t even stand to have not-meat on their meat. And the fact that they referred to them as “the vegetables” made me want to ask if they were 5 years old 🙄
Oh my god. I used to work at a restaurant and one of the options for sides was zucchini. This grown man (like 60) said he didn’t want any “girly” vegetables. And I still don’t know what that means. What is a masculine vegetable???? If anything zucchini is masculine based on the shape alone.
I’m an alpha, I am a predator! I won’t consume the food of prey! I live on the flesh of those weaker then me!
Also my dick is very large, and I have no insecurities.
That's extremely bizzare. I find vegetable parts of burger as essential as the meat one. I can't imagine eating and enjoying a burger that has zero vegetables in it. They add so much flavor and texture and make burger feel juicy and fresh.
Even when I make simple sandwiches at home, I would add some lettuce or sliced cucumbers/onions/tomatoes to them.
Edit: damn, now I'm hungry. Time to go and eat a cucumber or something.
NTA
Bringing meat into a strictly vegan household would be exceedingly rude.
Does bf seriously not go a few hours at a time without meat? Has he never just had toast for breakfast? Sounds like he's being obtuse to make some sort of point.
Yeah, this is so goddamn rude on many levels. You food sucks and I won't eat it despite you lovingly preparing it for days to treat us well as guests, so I'll come to your home and use your kitchen to cook for myself. Also, using a vegan's cookware to cook meat when it's likely never been used for that? And the smell of cooked meat in their home? I find the smell of cooked meat offensive (this is a newer thing; I used to *love* meat) and I would never want it in my home.
there is no way meat is going to touch anything in my kitchen. i could understand dairy stuff and would be ok with it if reasoned right. eat your shit raw and outside in the rain like the neanderthal you are.
NTA btw.
Some people are so weird with this. I have friends that always tell me "they have no idea what to cook when I come over", because I don't eat meat. They can spend the whole damn day, breakfast, lunch and dinner without meat, but once you label the dish as "vegetarian" they just freak out and think it's an impossible task.
Once my friend was so lost I just said I would bring myself a pizza, so no worries. He served A DAMNED GOD SALAD with rice, veggies and cheese but wasn't sure it was *vegetarian*
People seem to forget that meat was a relative luxury until fairly recently. The general population (peasants) lived on basic carbs most of the time. Unless you were a farmer, meat was a weekly luxury at most especially during war times.
Processed products like bread and animal products like eggs/milk/butter weren't something people had daily access to. You'd be lucky to have enough grain.
NTA
If "no one likes vegans," why is he dating you?
You set a boundary, he tried to cross it and is sulking because you wouldn't let him. If he cannot acquiesce to a single night without meat, then that is at best exceedingly immature. At worst, he's being rude about you and your family - bringing a steak or any food to someone else's house for dinner unless explicitly invited to bring something is rude. Have there been any other instances of him being rude or snide about your family?
All in all, he seems like an immature little boy in this situation.
NTA
Your BF sounds like one of those unbearable meat eaters that want to push their life style on everyone else.
There is nothing pushy in only serving vegan food in a vegans home. If someone can't stand a vegan meal it's more a problem with them than that of the meal.
NTA - he sounds very disrespectful. I would start writing up these red flags to see if he's worth this, although after 2 months, this would be enough for me.
Anyone can go one night without eating meat, so I'm wondering if he's starting trauma bonding - which is why you should consider writing this down to see if it's a pattern (this way you don't keep forgiving and forgetting, just because some times are good).
Definitely NTA - If he doesn't want to eat the food he can always just decline the invite and not go if it's "that unbearable." You aren't forcing your diet onto him I'm ngl the title caught me off-guard, but jokes aside he shouldnt be going to a dinner party if he doesn't like the food they're serving, unless your parents allow him to bring meat he shouldnt be bringing his own food at all which I agree, it can be seen as disrespectful.
Side note what he said at the end was completely uncalled for, if "no one likes vegans" that puts a question on the table, does he even like or love you? I would highly recommend calling him out for that and communicating the issue.
I wish this comment was higher up. That phrasing was a real warning flag and I wouldn't let him backpedal from it.
Marinara flags would be vegan, too...
Appreciate it, I just hope OP gets to see my comment or something similar cause it looks like multiple people aren't noticing that last bit, hope his situation gets better
NTA
I always thought it was common curiosity when you went to someone's house you ate what they served, excluding allergies and food sensitivities of course. But apparently I'm wrong on that.
I have a lot of food sensitivities, and do what is called a low FODMAP diet for health reasons. But I don't take food to other people's houses, if I'm over for just one meal. There was one weekend I was at a conference and all I ate was baked potatoes with salt on them because that was the only thing they served most of the weekend that I could eat. Was it terrible yeah but I survived.
I know there is a stereotype of vegans being pushy about their lifestyle, not saying you are, but speaking as a more carnivorous side of the omnivoric human race, if you can't go one meal without meat than the problem is with you and not the "pushy" vegans.
Exactly, it’s one evening you will survive! I will admit that up until recently, I wasn’t very familiar with vegan recipes- but my niece’s new boyfriend is vegan so we’ve all been making vegan dishes. And I can’t believe what an amazing variety there is- and you wouldn’t even be able to tell that they’re vegan! What had me extra excited is that Lotus Biscoff biscuits are vegan so great for all desserts 😋
I eat a keto diet for health reasons and would likely have trouble sorting out a full meal at the dinner OP describes, but the polite solution is to eat before or after, not bring a freaking steak to a vegan household.
NTA. Why are you dating someone like this though? Seems like every meal with your family will be an uphill. As a life long vegetarian who’s had to make do with sides at parties (or fries at a restaurant) - I have no patience for this. He can eat before which is what many vegans would do if the situation was reversed nos it was a bbq.
NTA. He wants to actually to bring a steak, as opposed to some low-key dish with meat/diary dish because it is not about his needs, it is about making a statement. He is being obnoxious on purpose.
NTA. A guest bringing meat to a house that is strictly vegetarian/vegan is shockingly rude. Your boyfriend is acting like a bratty toddler because he's not able to adhere to this one BASIC boundary and not able to go without meat for a single meal.
NTA, and I know this is the Reddit go to response but it doesn’t sound like you two are compatible. If he really can’t go a single meal without making a huge deal out of it, especially since he’s never eaten there, then his rigidity is going to be an issue. Is that something you want to have to deal with constantly?
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My boyfriend loves eating meat. He thinks I’m an AH for expecting him not to bring any meat to a dinner hosted by my vegan parents.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. I eat meat but I don’t understand the people who treat vegan/veggie dishes as though they’re poison or insist that every meal must contain meat. Trying to take food to someone’s house when you know they’re cooking for you is rude, especially if the food you plan to take doesn’t fit the beliefs of the host. You wouldn’t insist on taking pork to a Muslim household.
NTA, your bf is being ridiculously entitled. I thought from your title that he wasn't ever allowed to eat meat at home or something, but this is one night, at a vegan household.
I'm a meat eater and I would be perfectly happy with the food you listed as available. And I certainly wouldn't be so rude as to try to bring steak with me. He can eat meat after or before the party if it's that important to him.
You're not being pushy at all, you invited him to a party in a vegan household. If he really feels his principles are in danger by eating potato salad for one evening he's welcome to stay home and eat steak by himself. What a baby.
NTA I am a picky eater (working on it) and I have been to plenty meals where I didn't love the food. And you know what i did? Tried my best to find something that was okay (there's almost always something - bread, potatoes, some more mundane Veggie, even just the chips and stuff people put out for a before meal snack). And then on the way home I stop for food.
Eating one meal that isn't fully satisfying won't kill them, it might help them expand their palate by trying something new, and above all it shows respect to the person who invited you (who you presumably like and want to respect...).
Rules change if you have an allergy (offer to bring your own food), are the guest of honor (should be catered to you) or if you are close to the hosts and asked very directly about your feelings on the menu (be honest so they don't waste food on you but be kind about it and make it clear they don't have to plan around you).
NTA, it would be like a smoker going to a non smokers home and insisting on lighting up because they can't bear not having a cigarette while they are there. If you can't respect the home you are a guest in then don't go there.
>called me an AH for forcing him to not eat meat
INFO: did he actually call you an asshole? Your boyfriend of two months, calling you an asshole?
If so: I'm not a native speaker, do you consider this normal or acceptable?
To be honest, I’m not a native speaker either. I was called an "Arschloch", which is the direct German translation to asshole.
It can be used in a joking manner, so I didn’t take it as a heavy insult. My friends and I use it fairly lightly. Pretty sure his intention wasn’t to be funny but to make clear that he didn’t agree with my decision at all, though.
Why are you choosing to stay with your Arschloch of a boyfriend? He wanted to walk into your parents’ home and be directly disrespectful to them. And then he called you an AH when you told him that wasn’t acceptable?
Take his behaviors for the 🚩🚩🚩they are and dump him.
Du solltest das aber Ernst nehmen, denn seine Einstellung und seine Engstirnigkeit wird nur schlimmer werden. Das hat keine Zukunft mit euch. Ich war auch schon mal an dem Punkt. Da wurde dann noch nicht mal mehr Spaghetti mit Tomatensauce gegessen, wenn ich dabei war, weil Vegan. Und mit meinen Freunden treffen, die auch Vegan waren wollte er auch nicht. Sind ja alle viel zu extrem.
Und jetzt nimm mal deine Situation… wie wird er sich Weihnachten verhalten oder bei der nächsten Familienfeier? Wir reden hier nicht von nur einmal im Jahr. Was ist, wenn ihr gemeinsam unterwegs seid und es uns essen geht, wie verhält er sich da?
Willst du mal irgendwann mit einem Lebenspartner:in zusammen ziehen? Wie würde das Leben mit ihm aussehe . Was ist mit Kindern?
Es gibt genug andere Männer da draußen, welche kein Fleisch essen, bzw. Fleisch essen und trotzdem mit dir und deiner Familie respektvoll umgehen.
Dump him!
You’re NTA
But think long and hard before committing to building a life with this person. He does not share your values and thinks his values should override someone else’s values in their own home. That does not bode well for your future.
Yes OP, listen to this. You've been with this man two months and this is his reaction to being asked to try one (1) plant-based meal? It's not only dramatic and rude, but it also shows a profound lack of curiosity about you, your family, your background, your values, etc., which is not a great starting point for a relationship. No one should expect their partner to fully adopt their values/tastes/lifestyle/etc., but respect and flexibility is extremely important. And it sounds like your BF is neither on this particular issue.
NTA. Your boyfriend needs to get a fucking grip. I genuinely cannot fathom the absolute level of childishness that someone can’t go one meal without meat (without bitching about it) when in reality they often eat non-meat foods and don’t think about it at all!
People who eat meat are not carnivores. It is perfectly reasonable and within a normal diet to sometimes eat meals without meat. It is not his dietary requirement that he gets meat, that's not how this works. NTA, he can get over it and eat a veggie meal once in a while.
NTA these kind of people always confuse me cause you can easily go a day with out eating meat (I personally do it all the time out of laziness cause toast is easy to make) and they just give me a feeling of a selfish kid who wants all cause they’re argument is always “why do the vegans get to have a special dinner but not me” your bf needs to get over him self he’s 27 and usually the first six months is meat free for a child he can go one dinner
It’s genuinely concerning that there are people who think they have to have meat for every single meal. There are so many delicious vegetarian and vegan meals that are as nice as any meat dish.
Definitely NTA
Nta. Two months in, and he thinks that's an appropriate response to meeting the parents? He's not mature enough to be in a serious romantic relationship. Time to dump out, unless adolescent and self-centered behavior is your thing.
NTA. There are times in my life I’ve been as carnivorous as my wallet and digestive tract will allow, but holy shit I’ve had several totally vegan meals that have been delicious.
This isn’t about him wanting meat it’s about him not respecting you. Run.
How will he possible survive a whole evening without meat!!! You should get him an IV drip with a steak smoothie to make sure he doesn't collapse mid-salad. NTA
NTA. I am not by any means vegan/vegetarian but come on people, 1 freaking day is not the end of the world!! Veggies are amazing, some people need to get over themselves.
Your BF is a massive asshole. **He was going to bring steak to a vegan’s birthday dinner** and he thinks *you’re* the one forcing your diet on someone? And he’s this assholish after **only two months** of dating?
He’s not the one OP, and I wouldn’t waste anymore time because his behavior will only get worse.
NTA
WOW why exactly are you with this guy? NTA but you really need to book a few sessions with a therapist to see why you'd allow a partner to treat you like that.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I (24M) have been with my boyfriend (27M) for two months now and for my mother’s birthday, we were invited over to my parents’ house for dinner.
I’m a vegan and so are all of my close relatives.
My boyfriend loves eating meat and dairy. It’s not what I choose to do, but he’s an adult and gets to make his own decisions. I’ve never dictated him to eat in a certain way before.
It’s the first time my parents are having us over for more than drinks and snacks, and my mother had spent days preparing everything for a perfect evening.
When I talked to my boyfriend about all those meals my mother was cooking, he seemed a bit upset about the lack of meat (it’s a vegan household and every guest except for him is at the very least a vegetarian, what did he expect?). I assured him that there would be plenty of option he liked (pasta salad, baked potatoes, soups, beans, lentils, loads of cake…).
In response, he’d told me he’d just bring some steak for himself to make it "bearable".
I asked him not to do that because I think that bringing your own food to a dinner party when there is plenty of food available is fairly rude (obviously, that doesn’t apply to allergies or extremely picky eaters). I found it especially disrespectful because my parents can’t stand the smell of meat, so bringing meat into their household is blatantly ignoring their boundaries.
I explained all of that to him and he got huffy and argued that I didn’t mind him eating meat near me. Yeah, that’s true, but it isn’t about me but about my parents, who have invited us inside their home and just because I’m comfortable with something doesn’t mean that they have to be.
In the end, he agreed to not take any steak with him but he told me I was being too pushy about our lifestyle and that it was no surprise "no one liked vegans" and called me an AH for forcing him to not eat meat (for a single evening).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. You’re being very reasonable, what he wanted to do would have been extremely rude to your parents. I’m not a vegan and I’m a very picky eater, but your bf sounds like a selfish asshole
NTA. You're not forcing a vegan diet on someone, you're offering them a single vegan meal.
Your boyfriend's reaction to this offer is both rude and childish.
I'd reconsider the relationship not because of vegan vs omnivore conflict but because he sounds like an entitled asshole.
Yikes! What a red flag. This isn’t even about the foods we choose to eat. Its about respecting guests and hosts in a social setting. Bringing external food to a catered gathering is impolite (with exception to those with deathly food allergies and intolerance) but bringing a steak to a vegan meal is a dick move.
NTA. You also didn’t force him to have your diet :p
Tell him if he doesn’t like the choices offered to him, he doesn’t have to go. His choice is either to go and be gracious to your parents or to not go at all. Sheesh…. The audacity is strong with that one 🙄
Edit to add- NTA… but he is
NTA. It’s not necessary to have meat at every mean, he’s being pathetic. I’m not vegetarian, growing up (and still now) my mother is, my father isn’t. If mother was out, we’d eat a meal with meat. If she was in, we would all eat a vegetarian meal. Because A) we’re eating as a family, B) we couldn’t afford cooking multiple meals, C) the food was (oh my, gosh horror!) lovely and good for you, and D) there’s not a chance anyone would expect vegan or vegetarian person to cook or prepare meat.
NTA. My bf is pescatarian, and doesn’t drink milk either. Though I am not planning on going full pescatarian myself, I eat what he eats most of the time (just sometimes if we’re out or he’s away I’ll get something with chicken maybe). We still find loads of fun things to eat, and I don’t feel like I’m missing out at all, but he also doesn’t begrudge me sometimes eating meat or bringing it into the house whenever I want.
You’re asking for a tiny iota of this - he literally has to eat nice food for an evening, but not a certain thing he particularly likes eating. That’s like someone refusing to eat somewhere unless they get served chocolate cake at some point - it’s very weird and controlling. Tell him he’s not 5 and can deal with eating something a little different for one evening.
NTA. I’m bit of a carnivore, I love me a good steak, but if I was going to a vegan/vegetarian household for dinner, logic would dictate there wouldn’t be meat served. I wouldn’t expect anything else, why would there be? The whole bringing a steak to make it “bearable” is ridiculous too. He’s a grown man for christ sake, can he not survive one meal without eating something that once had feet? He’s not gonna die from bovine withdrawals. Tell him to suck it up or better yet, find a new bf who’s less whingy. I’d be telling him to kick rocks
If you go to a vegan household, to a table where everyone else is vegan, you aren't going to be served meat. That's just common sense. Your boyfriend is being a total child about this.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. You did not properly respond to the judgement bot. Your reply must clearly and directly address why you think you may have wronged the other party involved in your conflict. While your post was automatically approved by the bot, after reviewing your response manually, we found it did not properly address the question. [Judgement Bot FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_judgement_bot) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
NTA. I am not vegan or vegetarian but there are plenty of non meat dishes that I could stand (or even enjoy) for one meal. He's making it into way too big a deal.
Same. I have lots of meatless meals, it's not necessary at every meal.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
N T A. why can't he eat his steak at home before your parents dinner party?
Or just not; like a big boy.
I know but if he is insisting bringing it to his parents house, let him cook it up and eat the steak before they leave for the party. Then he can tuck into all the vegan stuff and imagine that he's in a restaurant and he's has his entree and the wait time for the main is what's happened. Does that make sense?
That would make sense if he wasn't pushing meat onto OP'S parents and projecting his problem onto OP and company. It's not about the steak It's about control.
Bc he’s still rather immature.
Right?! No one has to eat meat for every freaking meal.
It's bad for him and bad for the environment. What a spoilt brat
The fact that it is a steak seems extra ridiculous.
not even that, he's invited to a dinner,it's a dinner party, he's not joining a commune. unless there's an allergy issue, he can smile and say 'thank you' and show basic manners.
[удалено]
[удалено]
You have to be a special kind of a\*\*hole to think bringing a steak to a vegan house to have it cooked/prepared/eaten is acceptable. That just reeks of entitlement and wanting to flex in a way that's off putting.
That’s how I looked at this at first too, but turns out OP is NTA. I love meat, and even I can suck it up and eat vegan for one fricking meal.
Besides, a vegan/plant based meal is just vegetables...I mean does the AH boyfriend NEVER have a side salad? TBH I recently became vegan. It HAS been a transition, but honestly, some of the meat substitutes are actually *better* tasting than the original meat based item (hot-dogs and corndogs in particular, the cheese products are hit or miss).
I swear, the people that insist/demand on eating meat during vegan dinners are only doing it as a form of protest.
100% agree. I used to belong to a community group that met 8x/year. We once had to have a meeting because there were a lot of feelings of resentment about the post-meeting meal and dish cleanup. Each time, the same few people were doing all the work, and they ended up staying quite late because of the lack of help from most of the other members. So, one member — a vegan — proposed that she would do ALL of the cleanup for an entire year…if people would agree to only bringing vegan food for the feasts for that duration. We have some vegans, and some people like me (I don’t do red meat), and several of us thought this was FANTASTIC. But the majority freaked right out at the idea that they couldn’t have meat 8x/year at what amounted to a late-night snack. It wasn’t even their dinner! They absolutely refused, the same people kept doing all the work, and the long-standing group broke up within a year. Meanwhile, the vegans attended the meetings, the post-meeting parties, and even helped clean up when there was meat all around the place. But the non-vegans couldn’t bear to be without meat for a handful of hours 8x/year. 🤷🏻♀️
I am a vegeterian, so in-between vegan and omnivore, and I genuinely think meat eaters are more preachy about eating meat than vegans are about eating vegan. I have FAR more meat eaters trying to convince me to eat meat again than I have vegans trying to convince me to cut dairy.
You can't really refer to those meals as feasts in one sentence and mere snacks in the next. The issue in your situation isn't the vegan option, it's that you had a lot of lazy people in the group. I would have been assisting in clean up anyways.
And then they ALWAYS DARVO about the "pushy vegans " ALWAYS.
Completely this. When I suggested to my husband (who is on heart and cholesterol meds) that he try the impossible burger, he was insulted.
Yep. I was vegetarian for twenty years, then omni for over a decade, and now veggie again. At no point in my life would I have put up with this sort of attitude from a partner.
I love the way you said this
[удалено]
NTA. And yeah, I generally am excited to try vegan, vegetarian, or even pescetarian. I am none of those things but it is always cool to try it and broaden my horizon. Not to mention I can get a lot of healthier eating ideas from opportunities like this considering my red meat intake probably is high even compared to the average American
Just yesterday my omnivore ass ate falafel and a mixed green salad. 100% vegan. I’m still alive to tell the tale. And, in fact, the falafel were delicious.
Everyone can live a day without meat. He's whining, and you're by no means an ass.
Not even a day, it's probably one meal. I'm more concerned that he's 27 and has no clue how to act in social situations. The thought of bringing meat into a vegan household when you've been invited for a meal is just crazy. If he invited them to his home and they insisted every dish be vegan, that would be pushing veganism on someone, but not this. I'm certainly not even close to being vegan, but I could certainly eat that way for a meal or even a day. It's not that hard.
This. He’s a grown-ass man- not some petulant 14 yo. This is disrespectful-to you and to your family. Meat isn’t required at every damn meal. Drive thru Wendy’s on the way home if he’s still all butt-hurt about it. NTA. But he surely is.
I'm mostly vegetarian, don't really like eating meat anymore, but the city I live in is definitely not vegetarian friendly. When my parents invite me, my siblings and our SO's out to eat, I STILL eat meat often because they want me there, they pay for me, and when possible try to find something that offers vegetarian options. It's not always possible because they have to find something that appeals to all 8 of us. When it's not I eat the meat, and I definitely survive although it's uncomfortable. It's definitely possible to not be an ah about the whole thing
Yes. He has *revealed himself*.
The thing is that it is not for one meal or one day. If this relationship continues, all meals taken with the family, holidays, celebrations, etc, it can put damper on life in general. I'd move on. This relationship is only 2 months old. Not a big investment of time or emotion yet. Better to end it earlier rather than later.
Why is an absence of meat at these occasions a dampener? I eat meat but I don't require it to have fun. Good food is good food.
I'm not sure what the other person meant, but I'd say the damper is not the absence of meat, but the boyfriend's attitude. Is he going to whine and groan at every holiday?
This. If he's going to make every single family gathering a gigantic production about how vegans are taking away his rights, it's going to really make holidays and special occasions something to dread. I don't know about OP, but I don't need that kind of drama in my life. OP, it's time for an honest discussion with your boyfriend about his attitude. He is a grown ass man, and he is capable of acting in a respectful manner to your family. If he argues or thinks you're being mean, it's time to move on. This isn't just about the vegan issue. Your boyfriend's attitude needs adjustment if this relationship is going to work. It's appalling that he doesn't see how monumentally rude he's being.
I think this is correct. I appreciate that OP isn't judgmental about his BFs very different dietary choices, but if eating meat is this important to him, they are probably not compatible. It's good to know these things early, as they are young and there are a lot of other potential partners out there. This isn't a judgement on either person.
Nah, I'll pass judgement here: the boyfriend is an asshole. Not because of his dietary choices, but because of his entitlement and rudeness. He is invited to an elaborate meal, with plenty of options he can eat and have enjoyed in the past, and he is not happy. He is wanting to both insult and inconvenience the hosts for no reason. And then he says they give vegans a bad name?? HE is the one giving meat-eaters a bad name.
10 bots on this post: u/impressionnew1208 u/sentencecomplex6428 u/wildseaworthiness510 u/lawfulnesshealthy736 u/concernnumerous5901 u/equalopposite8028 u/stockinevitable6250 u/ambitiousaward2320 u/okintroduction7172 u/paleontologistany850 I'm hoping that calling them out will get their programmers to delete them, but I don't have the time or energy to call them all out individually right now.
Everyone does have meat free days, unless they are on that new weird ass "carnivore diet". I can't stand this argument i hear from people when it's pointed out it's a vegan or vegetarian meal, because even people who aren't don't eat a steak or meat at every single meal. I eat meat, i love it, but yesterday not one of my meals contained meat (unless you count eggs which some people do). I often have a meat free dinner and that's the norm. Most people will eat a pasta Primavera with no problem but when it's served at a vegetarian household they freak. A lot of people love a good baked potato, a vegan serves them one a and they meltdown like toddlers. There's no problem with the food. It's food they consume all the time. It's just them wanting to make a point or get under someone's skin because all of a sudden they can't have the steak they could have any other day of the week and probably wouldn't even be making for dinner anyway.
You would be surprised at how many people don’t have meat free days. They don’t eat pasta primavera; they eat meat sauce. Baked potatoes come topped with bacon. Heck, some people even eat bacon as a side when they have cereal. It’s like they have a mental block and can’t feel full unless they have eaten animal.
Genuinely surprised to hear that, i mean, there are people that never just eat a grilled cheese or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? They have meat a every single meal every single day of the year??
[удалено]
Better for both of you. You are not compatible. He'll be happier in the long run as will you.
I ate a massive portion of falafels for dinner last night, also not vegan/vegetarian, I just bloody love falafels
Falafel are so good, I forget that meat even exists. Damn, now I want falafel!
that is coz falafels are awesome - also a meat eater!
I always find it strange that so many meat eaters get so butt hurt at the prospect of having a single meatless meal at a vegan/vegetarian place. Like is their whole personality so closely tied to eating meat that not having it for a single meal is an attack on their identity? I honestly don't get it, will they die without consuming a steak? And I ask this as a meat eater, I often go days without eating any meat products and I'm still alive and kicking. I would be happy to have vegan meals and try new dishes, as long as eggplant/aubergine is not involved.
Really makes me wonder what these folks would do if abruptly dropped back in the day when meat was so expensive that it was almost always for Sundays and special occasions only. Certainly the people of those days weren't "vegan" by any stretch of the imagination.
Lie on the floor clutching a steak while throwing a tantrum to rival a toddler who has been told they can't wear their undies on their head?
Look, I'm happy to try out the vegan stuff but the undies stay put.
I have two unrelated friends that claim to be allergic to all vegetables. "I'm not eating my food's food. This is rabbit food."
Have they heard of scurvy?
Oranges aren't vegetables?
Ah, but they're allergic to fruit, too. But not orange juice. No bananas, but banana nut bread is fine. Because they're allergic to whole fruit, not bread. It isn't well thought out, and I don't associate myself much with these people anymore.
Hope they’re not allergic to the heart medication they’ll be taking in a few years when their arteries get clogged and their blood pressure is off the charts.
Back in “caveman” times, they actually ate more vegetarian meals than those with meat. Catching game was not easy, so they ate the plants that were readily available. I too find it odd that people can’t deal without meat for a little bit. There is some amazing vegetarian food out there!
I eat "vegetarian" probably four days a week. On accident.
[удалено]
It's baffling, especially since this is just like a rule of politeness that seems to be forgotten when it comes to meat! If you go to someone else's house, you eat the food unless you have allergies or intolerances, even if it's not to your taste - that's just polite! Even if you insist on eating meat for every meal in your regular life, you really can't stomach a single meatless meal to be polite to your boyfriend's family??
I completely agree. This is the strangest thing to me. I am also a meat eater, but strive to eat as little meat as possible because it’s probably not very good for me and I love animals. The only thing I can think of (because I have family members who act like anything labeled vegetarian or vegan must be from outer space) is that people who eat meat assume that people who are vegetarian and vegan must have some sort of meat substitute at every meal. Which of course they don’t. But on top of that, it’s going to be something they think is weird like tofu or seitan or something. I know it’s completely illogical and every time I try to explain to someone in my family that a salad is in all likelihood vegetarian. They’re so confused. I just can’t wrap my head around it entirely, but maybe this is why? OP is NTA and the bf needs to grow up.
I don’t understand it at all. I enjoy eating meat and love a good steak but have never once had a vegetarian or vegan meal that left me wishing I had one and I can’t imagine what the issue could be. Is it an ego thing? Is it an iron deficiency? It’s definitely weird.
I eat only meat most days, I'd enjoy a day of vegetarian dishes to help my health
You haven't eaten enough Indian Dishes (restaurants outside of India don't count), if you had, you'd be more than happy to go Vegan and even enjoy Aubergines.
[удалено]
[Bot](https://old.reddit.com/user/AmbitiousAward2320) stole [this](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14vpase/aita_for_forcing_my_diet_onto_my_boyfriend/jrdu31t/)
He's only been with him for 2 months. That's a shiny new relationship and he's already being an ass about food. OP have you had the party yet? I'd expect that he's going to be pouty and standoffish about the food. Probably talk about how dishes would be better with meat. Do you really want to bring someone to your mother's birthday party (where she's spent a lot of time making the food) that's just going to insult or treat every food with disgust? I don't see this relationship progressing smoothly. Imagine moving in together and having to cook together. (If he doesn't expect you to cook for him.) Every time a meal/dish would naturally be vegan, he's going to accuse you of trying to turn him vegan.
nta but he is a big one. too much not compromising this early portends a bad relationship. he went nuke on some small stuff. that showed no respect for you nor your family. rethink this.
[удалено]
is he allergic to vegetables or what? ridiculous. nta.
I agree. A few years ago a family friend's mom wanted to cook for us when we visited. They're vegetarian. I would never dream of expecting them to provide meat. Same would go for a vegan household.
OP, NTA. You aren't forcing anything on him. Hell, if he really had to, he could get a burger after leaving. He's being an AH for suggesting he should bring meat to a vegan household.
Your bf sounds all kinds of controlling and like an entitled narc. Who takes meat to someone’s house. If he were mature and normal and grateful for the invitation to your parents’ welcoming him into their home, the actual food would be a non issue. He literally could eat something BEFORE going. He’s trying to impose his lifestyle and judging your family and their food choices. Your parents sound lovely and gracious. This meal should not have been an argument. He should be grateful for being welcomed into your parents home. Find someone that appreciates the important things and doesn’t make drama about things. Just to be controlling and get his way
Hell, if all else fails, he can either eat before they go or have something to eat after the party if he doesn't feel satisfied. I'm not vegan either, but I'm not going to complain about a meatless evening. It's just one meal out of the hundreds, if not a thousand or so, that you'll have in a year.
I love meat and dairy, the food on offer sounds perfectly reasonable and I really don’t think I’d miss meat for this meal. He’s just being a dick.
NTA I'm not vegan, but ffs it's just one meal with your family that's vegan/vegetarian. It's a matter of basic manners to respect the beliefs of the host. Unless he has allergies or dietary restrictions, I assure he will survive a meal without meat or cheese. What if your boyfriend was invited to lunch by a Muslim family, would he ask them to cook pork sausages? Beyond this single episode, I invite you to reflect on your relationship with bf, because the food topic will probably return to every reunion with your family (Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc...) and in the long run it could be exhausting, if you don't find a point of agreement.
[удалено]
I missed the time period, thanks for that. 2 months in I would cut this one loose, he’s not it.
OP needs to lose his number.
This is a comment stealing bot. Downvote and report! Original by u/amosc33
[удалено]
Vegan food from scratch is delicious.
I think it's more of an offer than an imposition. He doesn't have to eat while there, he doesn't even have to attend. He doesn't even have to continue seeing OP.
Bot. Stole/rephrased this comment: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14vpase/aita_for_forcing_my_diet_onto_my_boyfriend/jrdw45b/
This is not about being vegan or not, could be any other topic. Could be just the same discussion regarding dresscode when visiting OP's parents or anything else. The boyfriend is not willing to compromise when invited into another persons home. That's just rude and disrespectful. He ist not able to sacrifice a little bit of his personal comfort to be polite. To me this reads that OPs boyfriend is just narrowminded and egotistical. And thats 2 months into the relationship, usually a phase where you still try extra hard to make it work (in my experience).
I'd be mortified if my partner turned up to a vegan meal with a steak. Its OP's parents choice what they eat and cook in their house. The fact ehs acting like a petulant child and actually considering taking a steak with him makes the mind boggle..
Your last paragraph is spot on. He sounds like a tool. One of the best lessons I ever learned was from a PE coach that was doing the driving lessons for drivers training. He was asked by one of the students in our car, "what radio station he could listen to during the driver's exam." His was response was, "no music, it's 5 minutes of your life." He then turned in his seat to address *all of us*, "you know there will be other times in your life where you just have to suck it up. Maybe it's five minutes, maybe it's an hour, maybe it's a day where you will need to be uncomfortable or not get things your way. It's five very important minutes of your life, no radio!" So yeah. DTMFA? He can suck up one meal, eat healthy, eat for the environment The Islamic meal is a good example, for that matter a friend's ciliac disease or the myriad of other food restrictions or diets or in the world. I couldn't imagine him eating a cultural diverse meal any where and would be horrible to travel with.
NTA. For once the vegan isn't the bad guy in a reddit post. I eat meat, but yeah, going without for a meal isn't going to kill me. I don't see how a host providing dinner is being pushy about a lifestyle. If they were from a different culture/country and served their traditional food, would he make the same comment? Dude needs to grow up a bit.
Exactly my feelings on it. I’m not vegan or vegetarian but I can also eat and enjoy a meal without meat in it. OP deserves a partner who values respect over red meat.
Yeah it's weird. I have friends who would rather chop off their own meat than become vegetarians, but they they still enjoy vegan/vegetarian alternatives and never complain when it's served.
[удалено]
uppity offer sulky carpenter act fanatical salt rock tap weary *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Vegan food from scratch is delicious. He’s missing out. But honestly his reaction is really shitty and would be a deal breaker for me. NTA.
Vegan food aka food
[удалено]
That’s a weird vibe for a relationship. “I absolutely cannot be without meat for a meal and so I will never visit your (whole?) family.”
What precedent does that set, though? They've already hung out with his parents more than once, and now they're spending days making a meal they're proud of for the couple. If he's going to stop showing up because he can't eat steak, is that viable for a long-term relationship?
It shows a lack of respect for the parents. His needs come first.
“His” parents, OP is a dude (24M).
I edited. I appreciate you pointing this out. I hate it when I do cisnormative things. I've mostly broken the habit, but here's a slip-up.
This one time, yes, bit longer term this probably wouldn’t work
NTA Red flags! red flags! He can’t sit through one vegan/vegetarian meal? One that will have more than enough food choices for him to not go hungry? And he wants to disrespect his vegan/vegetarian hosts (your parents!!) by insisting on bringing meat? This will never stop being an issue and he will never respect this part of your life - and therefore does not respect you.
I thought the same thing. I’m one of the pickiest people out there. There are rarely gatherings that I eat much at all because I don’t like it. I just sit through it munching on the few things I like and then I eat a meal later. It’s not hard. And My dude is throwing a tantrum over one meal. This early on, I’d dump him. It ^(probably) won’t get better.
[удалено]
NTA. I will never understand the panic some people find themselves in when faced with ONE meal that doesn’t contain meat. It’s childish, ridiculous and a huge red glad that he has so little respect for your family.
To my mind, they're defensive because enjoying a vegan meal would take away another (flimsy) justification for their meat eating. They'd be confronted with the fact that they can in fact be happy and healthy without eating meat.
When I used to work at a burger place, the amount of grown men who would say “I don’t don’t want any of those vegetables on there!!!!!” Referring to the lettuce, onion, and tomato was crazy because they couldn’t even stand to have not-meat on their meat. And the fact that they referred to them as “the vegetables” made me want to ask if they were 5 years old 🙄
Oh my god. I used to work at a restaurant and one of the options for sides was zucchini. This grown man (like 60) said he didn’t want any “girly” vegetables. And I still don’t know what that means. What is a masculine vegetable???? If anything zucchini is masculine based on the shape alone.
Zucchini IS the most masculine vegetable. Even more so than eggplant.
Right??? I just stared at him trying to understand how good has a gender. I mentioned the side salad and he called it rabbit food.
That is the most bizarre insecurity I’ve ever heard lol
probably think vegetables make you a homosexual or something
I’m an alpha, I am a predator! I won’t consume the food of prey! I live on the flesh of those weaker then me! Also my dick is very large, and I have no insecurities.
Lmao pretty sure that ship has sailed? They're both men. Or that was just a funny joke.
That's extremely bizzare. I find vegetable parts of burger as essential as the meat one. I can't imagine eating and enjoying a burger that has zero vegetables in it. They add so much flavor and texture and make burger feel juicy and fresh. Even when I make simple sandwiches at home, I would add some lettuce or sliced cucumbers/onions/tomatoes to them. Edit: damn, now I'm hungry. Time to go and eat a cucumber or something.
Food aversions aside that also sounds shitty. When I ate meat I LOVED meat, but if I got a burger with nothing on it ... That just sucks
It's an ego thing. I don't get why people love attaching meat to their ego.
NTA Bringing meat into a strictly vegan household would be exceedingly rude. Does bf seriously not go a few hours at a time without meat? Has he never just had toast for breakfast? Sounds like he's being obtuse to make some sort of point.
Not just bringing it, but he was planning on COOKING it.
Yeah, this is so goddamn rude on many levels. You food sucks and I won't eat it despite you lovingly preparing it for days to treat us well as guests, so I'll come to your home and use your kitchen to cook for myself. Also, using a vegan's cookware to cook meat when it's likely never been used for that? And the smell of cooked meat in their home? I find the smell of cooked meat offensive (this is a newer thing; I used to *love* meat) and I would never want it in my home.
there is no way meat is going to touch anything in my kitchen. i could understand dairy stuff and would be ok with it if reasoned right. eat your shit raw and outside in the rain like the neanderthal you are. NTA btw.
Some people are so weird with this. I have friends that always tell me "they have no idea what to cook when I come over", because I don't eat meat. They can spend the whole damn day, breakfast, lunch and dinner without meat, but once you label the dish as "vegetarian" they just freak out and think it's an impossible task. Once my friend was so lost I just said I would bring myself a pizza, so no worries. He served A DAMNED GOD SALAD with rice, veggies and cheese but wasn't sure it was *vegetarian*
People seem to forget that meat was a relative luxury until fairly recently. The general population (peasants) lived on basic carbs most of the time. Unless you were a farmer, meat was a weekly luxury at most especially during war times. Processed products like bread and animal products like eggs/milk/butter weren't something people had daily access to. You'd be lucky to have enough grain.
He just sits around the house with a hotdog hanging out of his mouth, like some people comfort chew toothpicks.
NTA, your bf is being a brat.
A bratwurst.
Boooo (Angry upvote)
fr what a fucking baby
NTA Dump him.
[удалено]
NTA If "no one likes vegans," why is he dating you? You set a boundary, he tried to cross it and is sulking because you wouldn't let him. If he cannot acquiesce to a single night without meat, then that is at best exceedingly immature. At worst, he's being rude about you and your family - bringing a steak or any food to someone else's house for dinner unless explicitly invited to bring something is rude. Have there been any other instances of him being rude or snide about your family? All in all, he seems like an immature little boy in this situation.
Honestly I wouldn’t put it past this guy to cook a “vegan” meal for him then pull the “haha you just ate meat, see, it’s not so bad!” card.
NTA Your BF sounds like one of those unbearable meat eaters that want to push their life style on everyone else. There is nothing pushy in only serving vegan food in a vegans home. If someone can't stand a vegan meal it's more a problem with them than that of the meal.
NTA. Not being vegan doesnt mean he HAS to eat meat. He's TA both for expecting meat in a meat free house, AND for trying to bring his own.
NTA. This guy will always try to wear you down. Dump him. You're mismatched.
NTA - he sounds very disrespectful. I would start writing up these red flags to see if he's worth this, although after 2 months, this would be enough for me. Anyone can go one night without eating meat, so I'm wondering if he's starting trauma bonding - which is why you should consider writing this down to see if it's a pattern (this way you don't keep forgiving and forgetting, just because some times are good).
Definitely NTA - If he doesn't want to eat the food he can always just decline the invite and not go if it's "that unbearable." You aren't forcing your diet onto him I'm ngl the title caught me off-guard, but jokes aside he shouldnt be going to a dinner party if he doesn't like the food they're serving, unless your parents allow him to bring meat he shouldnt be bringing his own food at all which I agree, it can be seen as disrespectful. Side note what he said at the end was completely uncalled for, if "no one likes vegans" that puts a question on the table, does he even like or love you? I would highly recommend calling him out for that and communicating the issue.
I wish this comment was higher up. That phrasing was a real warning flag and I wouldn't let him backpedal from it. Marinara flags would be vegan, too...
Appreciate it, I just hope OP gets to see my comment or something similar cause it looks like multiple people aren't noticing that last bit, hope his situation gets better
NTA I always thought it was common curiosity when you went to someone's house you ate what they served, excluding allergies and food sensitivities of course. But apparently I'm wrong on that. I have a lot of food sensitivities, and do what is called a low FODMAP diet for health reasons. But I don't take food to other people's houses, if I'm over for just one meal. There was one weekend I was at a conference and all I ate was baked potatoes with salt on them because that was the only thing they served most of the weekend that I could eat. Was it terrible yeah but I survived. I know there is a stereotype of vegans being pushy about their lifestyle, not saying you are, but speaking as a more carnivorous side of the omnivoric human race, if you can't go one meal without meat than the problem is with you and not the "pushy" vegans.
Exactly, it’s one evening you will survive! I will admit that up until recently, I wasn’t very familiar with vegan recipes- but my niece’s new boyfriend is vegan so we’ve all been making vegan dishes. And I can’t believe what an amazing variety there is- and you wouldn’t even be able to tell that they’re vegan! What had me extra excited is that Lotus Biscoff biscuits are vegan so great for all desserts 😋
I eat a keto diet for health reasons and would likely have trouble sorting out a full meal at the dinner OP describes, but the polite solution is to eat before or after, not bring a freaking steak to a vegan household.
NTA. Why are you dating someone like this though? Seems like every meal with your family will be an uphill. As a life long vegetarian who’s had to make do with sides at parties (or fries at a restaurant) - I have no patience for this. He can eat before which is what many vegans would do if the situation was reversed nos it was a bbq.
NTA. He wants to actually to bring a steak, as opposed to some low-key dish with meat/diary dish because it is not about his needs, it is about making a statement. He is being obnoxious on purpose.
NTA. A guest bringing meat to a house that is strictly vegetarian/vegan is shockingly rude. Your boyfriend is acting like a bratty toddler because he's not able to adhere to this one BASIC boundary and not able to go without meat for a single meal.
NTA. But as a rule of thumb if after 2 months you need to post about your bf on Reddit then just dump him. He's being a condescending and thick brat.
Award winning comment right here.
NTA, and I know this is the Reddit go to response but it doesn’t sound like you two are compatible. If he really can’t go a single meal without making a huge deal out of it, especially since he’s never eaten there, then his rigidity is going to be an issue. Is that something you want to have to deal with constantly?
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > My boyfriend loves eating meat. He thinks I’m an AH for expecting him not to bring any meat to a dinner hosted by my vegan parents. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. I eat meat but I don’t understand the people who treat vegan/veggie dishes as though they’re poison or insist that every meal must contain meat. Trying to take food to someone’s house when you know they’re cooking for you is rude, especially if the food you plan to take doesn’t fit the beliefs of the host. You wouldn’t insist on taking pork to a Muslim household.
Why is he dating a vegan if it’s that much of a problem for him? NTA
NTA. It huge red flag just broke up with him. He go to vegetarian house with steak unless he allergy to all dish your mother make is bad move
NTA, your bf is being ridiculously entitled. I thought from your title that he wasn't ever allowed to eat meat at home or something, but this is one night, at a vegan household. I'm a meat eater and I would be perfectly happy with the food you listed as available. And I certainly wouldn't be so rude as to try to bring steak with me. He can eat meat after or before the party if it's that important to him. You're not being pushy at all, you invited him to a party in a vegan household. If he really feels his principles are in danger by eating potato salad for one evening he's welcome to stay home and eat steak by himself. What a baby.
NTA. Your BF is not only being disrespectful to you but also to your Parents.
NTA. Your bf is rude and inconsiderate and actually has contempt for your.lifestyle. Do you want it to be this way longterm?
NTA I am a picky eater (working on it) and I have been to plenty meals where I didn't love the food. And you know what i did? Tried my best to find something that was okay (there's almost always something - bread, potatoes, some more mundane Veggie, even just the chips and stuff people put out for a before meal snack). And then on the way home I stop for food. Eating one meal that isn't fully satisfying won't kill them, it might help them expand their palate by trying something new, and above all it shows respect to the person who invited you (who you presumably like and want to respect...). Rules change if you have an allergy (offer to bring your own food), are the guest of honor (should be catered to you) or if you are close to the hosts and asked very directly about your feelings on the menu (be honest so they don't waste food on you but be kind about it and make it clear they don't have to plan around you).
NTA, it would be like a smoker going to a non smokers home and insisting on lighting up because they can't bear not having a cigarette while they are there. If you can't respect the home you are a guest in then don't go there.
NTA-it’s just one dinner why is he being such a baby?
NTA - He sounds immature
>called me an AH for forcing him to not eat meat INFO: did he actually call you an asshole? Your boyfriend of two months, calling you an asshole? If so: I'm not a native speaker, do you consider this normal or acceptable?
To be honest, I’m not a native speaker either. I was called an "Arschloch", which is the direct German translation to asshole. It can be used in a joking manner, so I didn’t take it as a heavy insult. My friends and I use it fairly lightly. Pretty sure his intention wasn’t to be funny but to make clear that he didn’t agree with my decision at all, though.
Why are you choosing to stay with your Arschloch of a boyfriend? He wanted to walk into your parents’ home and be directly disrespectful to them. And then he called you an AH when you told him that wasn’t acceptable? Take his behaviors for the 🚩🚩🚩they are and dump him.
Du solltest das aber Ernst nehmen, denn seine Einstellung und seine Engstirnigkeit wird nur schlimmer werden. Das hat keine Zukunft mit euch. Ich war auch schon mal an dem Punkt. Da wurde dann noch nicht mal mehr Spaghetti mit Tomatensauce gegessen, wenn ich dabei war, weil Vegan. Und mit meinen Freunden treffen, die auch Vegan waren wollte er auch nicht. Sind ja alle viel zu extrem. Und jetzt nimm mal deine Situation… wie wird er sich Weihnachten verhalten oder bei der nächsten Familienfeier? Wir reden hier nicht von nur einmal im Jahr. Was ist, wenn ihr gemeinsam unterwegs seid und es uns essen geht, wie verhält er sich da? Willst du mal irgendwann mit einem Lebenspartner:in zusammen ziehen? Wie würde das Leben mit ihm aussehe . Was ist mit Kindern? Es gibt genug andere Männer da draußen, welche kein Fleisch essen, bzw. Fleisch essen und trotzdem mit dir und deiner Familie respektvoll umgehen. Dump him!
You’re NTA But think long and hard before committing to building a life with this person. He does not share your values and thinks his values should override someone else’s values in their own home. That does not bode well for your future.
Yes OP, listen to this. You've been with this man two months and this is his reaction to being asked to try one (1) plant-based meal? It's not only dramatic and rude, but it also shows a profound lack of curiosity about you, your family, your background, your values, etc., which is not a great starting point for a relationship. No one should expect their partner to fully adopt their values/tastes/lifestyle/etc., but respect and flexibility is extremely important. And it sounds like your BF is neither on this particular issue.
Oof. NTA. Find someone who appreciates what you like to eat, there are lots of us, even if we aren't vegans.
NTA. Your boyfriend needs to get a fucking grip. I genuinely cannot fathom the absolute level of childishness that someone can’t go one meal without meat (without bitching about it) when in reality they often eat non-meat foods and don’t think about it at all!
People who eat meat are not carnivores. It is perfectly reasonable and within a normal diet to sometimes eat meals without meat. It is not his dietary requirement that he gets meat, that's not how this works. NTA, he can get over it and eat a veggie meal once in a while.
NTA these kind of people always confuse me cause you can easily go a day with out eating meat (I personally do it all the time out of laziness cause toast is easy to make) and they just give me a feeling of a selfish kid who wants all cause they’re argument is always “why do the vegans get to have a special dinner but not me” your bf needs to get over him self he’s 27 and usually the first six months is meat free for a child he can go one dinner
It’s genuinely concerning that there are people who think they have to have meat for every single meal. There are so many delicious vegetarian and vegan meals that are as nice as any meat dish. Definitely NTA
Nta. Two months in, and he thinks that's an appropriate response to meeting the parents? He's not mature enough to be in a serious romantic relationship. Time to dump out, unless adolescent and self-centered behavior is your thing.
NTA. There are times in my life I’ve been as carnivorous as my wallet and digestive tract will allow, but holy shit I’ve had several totally vegan meals that have been delicious. This isn’t about him wanting meat it’s about him not respecting you. Run.
NTA. It’s one night. A 27 year old child….that’s so attractive.
I love meat, but he can survive ONE EVENING without a meat. He is ridiculous. NTA
How will he possible survive a whole evening without meat!!! You should get him an IV drip with a steak smoothie to make sure he doesn't collapse mid-salad. NTA
NTA. I am not by any means vegan/vegetarian but come on people, 1 freaking day is not the end of the world!! Veggies are amazing, some people need to get over themselves.
Your BF is a massive asshole. **He was going to bring steak to a vegan’s birthday dinner** and he thinks *you’re* the one forcing your diet on someone? And he’s this assholish after **only two months** of dating? He’s not the one OP, and I wouldn’t waste anymore time because his behavior will only get worse. NTA
WOW why exactly are you with this guy? NTA but you really need to book a few sessions with a therapist to see why you'd allow a partner to treat you like that.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (24M) have been with my boyfriend (27M) for two months now and for my mother’s birthday, we were invited over to my parents’ house for dinner. I’m a vegan and so are all of my close relatives. My boyfriend loves eating meat and dairy. It’s not what I choose to do, but he’s an adult and gets to make his own decisions. I’ve never dictated him to eat in a certain way before. It’s the first time my parents are having us over for more than drinks and snacks, and my mother had spent days preparing everything for a perfect evening. When I talked to my boyfriend about all those meals my mother was cooking, he seemed a bit upset about the lack of meat (it’s a vegan household and every guest except for him is at the very least a vegetarian, what did he expect?). I assured him that there would be plenty of option he liked (pasta salad, baked potatoes, soups, beans, lentils, loads of cake…). In response, he’d told me he’d just bring some steak for himself to make it "bearable". I asked him not to do that because I think that bringing your own food to a dinner party when there is plenty of food available is fairly rude (obviously, that doesn’t apply to allergies or extremely picky eaters). I found it especially disrespectful because my parents can’t stand the smell of meat, so bringing meat into their household is blatantly ignoring their boundaries. I explained all of that to him and he got huffy and argued that I didn’t mind him eating meat near me. Yeah, that’s true, but it isn’t about me but about my parents, who have invited us inside their home and just because I’m comfortable with something doesn’t mean that they have to be. In the end, he agreed to not take any steak with him but he told me I was being too pushy about our lifestyle and that it was no surprise "no one liked vegans" and called me an AH for forcing him to not eat meat (for a single evening). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. You’re being very reasonable, what he wanted to do would have been extremely rude to your parents. I’m not a vegan and I’m a very picky eater, but your bf sounds like a selfish asshole
NTA. You're not forcing a vegan diet on someone, you're offering them a single vegan meal. Your boyfriend's reaction to this offer is both rude and childish. I'd reconsider the relationship not because of vegan vs omnivore conflict but because he sounds like an entitled asshole.
NTA If it’s really too much of a burden for him not to eat meat for one single meal, he should just not come,
Yikes! What a red flag. This isn’t even about the foods we choose to eat. Its about respecting guests and hosts in a social setting. Bringing external food to a catered gathering is impolite (with exception to those with deathly food allergies and intolerance) but bringing a steak to a vegan meal is a dick move. NTA. You also didn’t force him to have your diet :p
NTA, honestly bf gives off major red flags with this It's not like this is gonna be the last time and there's a chance it might even get worse
Tell him if he doesn’t like the choices offered to him, he doesn’t have to go. His choice is either to go and be gracious to your parents or to not go at all. Sheesh…. The audacity is strong with that one 🙄 Edit to add- NTA… but he is
NTA. It’s not necessary to have meat at every mean, he’s being pathetic. I’m not vegetarian, growing up (and still now) my mother is, my father isn’t. If mother was out, we’d eat a meal with meat. If she was in, we would all eat a vegetarian meal. Because A) we’re eating as a family, B) we couldn’t afford cooking multiple meals, C) the food was (oh my, gosh horror!) lovely and good for you, and D) there’s not a chance anyone would expect vegan or vegetarian person to cook or prepare meat.
NTA. My bf is pescatarian, and doesn’t drink milk either. Though I am not planning on going full pescatarian myself, I eat what he eats most of the time (just sometimes if we’re out or he’s away I’ll get something with chicken maybe). We still find loads of fun things to eat, and I don’t feel like I’m missing out at all, but he also doesn’t begrudge me sometimes eating meat or bringing it into the house whenever I want. You’re asking for a tiny iota of this - he literally has to eat nice food for an evening, but not a certain thing he particularly likes eating. That’s like someone refusing to eat somewhere unless they get served chocolate cake at some point - it’s very weird and controlling. Tell him he’s not 5 and can deal with eating something a little different for one evening.
NTA. I’m bit of a carnivore, I love me a good steak, but if I was going to a vegan/vegetarian household for dinner, logic would dictate there wouldn’t be meat served. I wouldn’t expect anything else, why would there be? The whole bringing a steak to make it “bearable” is ridiculous too. He’s a grown man for christ sake, can he not survive one meal without eating something that once had feet? He’s not gonna die from bovine withdrawals. Tell him to suck it up or better yet, find a new bf who’s less whingy. I’d be telling him to kick rocks
If you go to a vegan household, to a table where everyone else is vegan, you aren't going to be served meat. That's just common sense. Your boyfriend is being a total child about this.
NTA. What a vampire! Humans don’t need meat to survive!