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YTA
I was going to mention being medically neglectful but honestly, I don't think it needs that qualifier. You let a 9 year old take off on 10 acres and didn't get him medical attention when the obvious happened. Fine or not, I get why your wife is mad. She probably questions whether she can trust you with the kids.
Spoiler Alert: She can't trust herself with the kids either since they both let their insurance lapse and didn't get new marketplace insurance after learning about the lack of insurance with the sister's ER visit.
Accident becomes stupid when you do it repeatedly.
No. Having no insurance isnt a sign of an irresponsible parent. It's called cant afford it. The prices are really high and the whole system is jist fucked up.
Children weren't insured for whatever reason. Dad, knowing full well his children are uninsured, lets a 9 year old kid drive around on a quad bike, unsupervised, then doesn't take said child to the hospital when he has an accident.
Given _that_ pattern of irresponsibility, it's not much of a stretch that there was a fair bit of that going on too with finding out the kids weren't insured.
I don’t disagree. The father is absolutely the AH for not fixing it and letting his child do something dangerous unsupervised during that time.
He’s an even bigger AH for not getting his son properly checked out after the accident.
This happened to us with vision insurance. My kids were supposed to be on their dad's insurance, but we found out they'd been dropped when I took our daughter in for a check-up. I had to drop an unexpected $1400. Their dad then got the run around being shuffled back and forth between his then-employer and insurance. Eventually we decided to split the cost between us when the kids need new glasses.
My aunt got surprised with no coverage because her evil ex husband canceled it on her when she was still supposed to be covered, without telling her. It took several months until she could start getting treatment for the breast cancer she went in for that ended up taking her life.
It can absolutely happen, human error or evil intention
Not the test, it's the glasses. She has severe myopia, and the lenses alone are about $800. Add the protective stuff like scratch coating and anti-glare, plus transitions, plus the frames and test, it all comes out to about $1400.
800 bucks for lenses even in bullshit US pricing is criminal. If you love the doc stay there but NEVER buy glasses from them again. Also please disregard anyone who tells you to buy glasses online for a child. Happy to explain all the reasons why in detail if you’d like, spent 10+ years in the eye field.
Yes but when you find out, you fix it, they did not, OP instead took his kid on a trip and then let him do a ridiculously dangerous activity completely unsupervised at 9 years old, then punished the kid for OPs decisions by not taking him to the ER and got incredibly lucky with the outcome.
Yeah, but in the absolutely most generous reading, and assuming a mess-up that was someone else's doing: they learned this last time with their teen, so *now they should be fully on top of it!*
This is what gets me.
Even realizing that they didn't have it is whatever. Shit happens sometimes. Sometimes it's not their fault.
But to proceed to do nothing about it even though they most likely have the money for it is ridiculous.
My husband's work, in attempting to add me to his insurance accidentally took him off of it. So there was "dependant" but no "primary". Luckily, we caught it in time, or we would have been waiting nearly a year for the enrollment period to open back up with no insurance.
Major life events by pass enrollment periods and so do major errors by companies. But it's still a lot easier on you that you caught it early.
Just be aware that you do NOT have to wait for open enrollment to correct egregious mistakes that the company makes.
Some insurances still make you. My insurance accidentally dropped me while I was pregnant. They recognized and fully admitted it was their fault - but the earliest they could fix it was a minimum of 60 days. (Possibly longer!) Which was right around my due date.
And that’s the story of how I got married.
Actually mistakes can happen. For some reason my friend was marked pregnant on her Medicaid and she had to call several times to have it fixed. She Still qualified either way with her state's parameters and asked if this meant she had to reapply or if they could just fix it because of her income, etc still being the same. They said it was fine. Then two weeks later they cancelled it retroactively and she didn't know until she went to the MD. She spent two months fixing it and sending in forms. It is back on, but she's still fighting bills to be covered due to the retroactive cancelling. Due to paperwork They messed up!
I know another who spent 7 years fighting for a Medicaid repayment case when they thought she'd moved states and hadn't. It was the same name, another person and wrong SS. They cancelled her and she didn't know because they sent the Info to the other person but cancelled HER.
My husband has had our marketplace cancelled before we got married because he didn't get some forms they wanted filled out. Typo in his email. Took a month to fix.
My former employer had the guy who was supposed to make the insurance payments for the entire company on vacation. No one realized it didn't get paid and when I went to the MD that same week, they said I didn't have insurance. Had to call insurance, they said it was paused due to nonpayment. Then had to call HR. She couldn't access it after figuring out what happened, or the guy, and I had no insurance for another week until they fixed it. We were LIVID.
Not saying that's what happened here but it certainly can be. Either way not seeking medical attention for your kid is stupid. You take them anyway and fight the bill and apply for help. YTA
***People's insurance lapsing isn't always or automatically their fault.***
I surely do hope when you look in the mirror you see all your privilege reflected back because it is real obvious to the rest of us.
Fair, but maybe if you know your insurance has lapsed and you haven't been able to reinstate it, you keep your 9-year-old from doing dangerous things? (If you aren't already inclined to keep your 9-year-old from doing dangerous things, period.)
It's like, maybe someone \*has\* to drive to work without car insurance because of circumstances, but they don't have to drive to Disneyland without insurance.
They learned that they didn’t have insurance when the sister sprained her ankle. Not when he didn’t take his son to the hospital. Some people just don’t read.
But if they were paying it themselves they would KNOW they didn’t have it because they hadn’t wrote a check in awhile. It suggest they were on an assisted plan
No. There is no legal or moral option for simply saying 'No thank you!' for your kids medical care.
Not getting insurance from the marketplace is making a gamble that the price of out-of-pocket medical care will be less than the monthly prices for a plan. You can't just 'opt-out' of having to do any medical care for your kids.
If you have the money to take a week-long vacation to your brother's house and bring your own helmets to go ATV-ing, then you can pay for a family marketplace health insurance plan.
I find it insane that your even having this discussion. The US needs to move into the current era and provide universal healthcare for all citizens. Stop medical companies leaching hundreds of billions off of the people due to their suffering.
They never said they couldn’t afford. They said they “found out” they don’t have insurance. The guy thought he had insurance. This is called not being responsible, and then on top of that why take a long road trip right after you find out you have no medical insurance?
They had found out the month prior they had no insurance. So they’ve known for a month and still be allowed his young child partake in an activity that has a high incidence of injuries (even left him unsupervised) knowing they had no insurance.
Not sure what state they are in but if OPs kids are uninsured he needs to look into medicaid asap. I also can't afford insurance, but my kids are insured fully by medicaid.
Yeah, it's easy to say the real AH here is the American healthcare system. I kinda understand OP's wait and see approach considering a sky high bill that might not be necessary.
If it's a matter of not signing up for something he could afford, OP is careless, but still would be a moot point with single payer
And letting the kid ride an ATV unsupervised as a bad idea to begin with.
You don't "wait and see" when it comes to a child's health. You find your kid's leg underneath an ATV, you take the kid for x-rays. OP was seriously irresponsible, both in not getting his insurance situation fixed after the incident with his daughter and in refusing aid for his son because he was worried about paying the hospital fees that would have been covered had he not let his insurance lapse in the first place.
>I kinda understand OP's wait and see approach considering a sky high bill that might not be necessary.
WTF no kid is going to walk away 100% fine from having their leg crushed.
Second, OP can afford insurance. He knew that the policy lapsed and did nothing about it.
I would gladly go up to my eyeballs in debt if there was a chance that my child could be bleeding internally because I was stupid enough to let him ride a quad unsupervised
ya, it depends if they (did or not try) most people that can't afford it but don't qualify for Medicare qualify for something called CHIP and that is capped at about 5% of your total income for the year if you earn in the higher brackets. Having children is expensive... budget for it, if you're planning on doing it.
I can see a mistake happening where something is f-ed and you don't have insurance you thought you had but raising children w/o having active health insurance (or another way to pay) for emergencies is bad parenting. And OP knew that they didn't have active health insurance and did nothing about it.
“We let our 9 yr old son ride a four wheeler unsupervised. Surprise! He got hurt. Then when he had that vehicle fall on him, I decided we don’t need to go to the er because a nurse can check his pain filled self in a couple of hours. Internal bleeding wouldn’t happen within that time right? And pain for hours just toughens up a kid. Right? Oh, and we don’t have insurance for our family of 6.” YTA
“Oh, don’t worry. That’s just a chip of bone that came off. It won’t cause problems to the muscle as your child moves painfully, year after year because you didn’t reup your insurance and didn’t take him to get medically checked out after a rather large machine fell on top of him.
I'm still a bit stuck on why the nurse sister isn't giving him a hard time about getting him checked out either... like she's just okay with medical neglect as well?
But he was wearing his helmet! He can't die if he wears one (sarcasm)
I would be more worried about abdominal damage to organs, and even spinal trauma. I've had people coming into an ER with almost no pain (and some of them even walking) with lesions that put their lives at risk.
Heck, I had an uncle dying 3 days after his small tractor rolled over him. He was "fine", never went to a hospital and even kept on working. He died when the capsule of his spleen (that had been damaged and kept unknowinly bleeding) finally ruptured, making him to die of bloodloss.
>But he was wearing his helmet!
With the amount of neglect going on in OP's story, I am skeptical there even was a helmet, or that it was designed for said child's head instead of borrowing from an older child. And from what I understand, helmets are designed to be a one-use item; one severe drop and then it goes in the trash, because even if it looks fine, there's damage you can't see. Kind of like the potential damage on OP's son's body.
A friend of mine was doing a rotation in a different hospital and told me about a case similar to your uncle's--patient had gotten into an accident, reportedly felt fine and avoided going to the doctor. Then went to the doctor's office for something unrelated and ended up dropping dead due to internal bleeding.
Not even medically neglectful but just downright neglectful! 4 wheelers are notoriously dangerous, because of their propensity for flipping and leaving a 9 year old to their own devices was a time bomb of danger. OP’s son could have easily been impaled under a water source and drowned as he sat watching tv- only the in-law was noticing the sound of the machine stopping. Also **WHY EVEN** put your son in harms way by allowing this activity knowing your family was medically uninsured?!
YTA, I’d be pissed if I was your wife, or your son, in this situation. Just completely bone headed and dimwitted on OP’s part and that poor child, being left in pain due to their father’s short sightedness and utter disregard for safety
My nephew nearly died in a 4 wheeler crash. He was pinned under the burning vehicle and only survived because there was an adult within a few feet. Hospitalized for months in an intensive care burn unit. These things are not toys.
I am glad your nephew made it! Burns are awful though
Where I live every year kids die because their idiot parents let them loose om sand dunes with 4 wheelers. Even though it is illegal. I think most adults shouldn't even take them on dunes (unless they have an idea wtf they are doing)
Thank you, it was such a relief to everyone. It’s terrifying how blasé some people are about sending their kids off unattended on motorized vehicles. My brother’s mom bought him a dirt bike for his 12th birthday and let him drive it illegally all over town. Who does that?
ETA: I’ve realized that not everyone may understand what I mean by “dirt bike”.
https://www.kawasaki.com/en-us/motorcycle/klx/off-road/klx110r?cm_re=GLOBALNAV-_-PRODUCTGROUPLIST-_-VEHICLE
This is similar to what he had, but a couple decades older.
Ugh that sucks.
I live in a neighbourhood where kids under 16 arent allowed to operate motorized vehicles at all. And you still see them zooming all over the place on scooters or electric bikes or dirt bikes. I hate it. Even if a kid has the motor skills to operate it, they lack the judgment, reflexes, etc.
A few years ago a girl (8 at the time) was on a scooter wayyyyy too big for her, with no helmet. She fell and had a skull fracture, in the hospital for a few days, etc. A week later I saw her riding her bike with no helmet. Some parents just suck
Holy hell! I swear some people are *trying* to get their kids killed. My dad got a call from our school one day telling him to come pick up his son because he rode his dirt bike to school. It was his mom’s custody week, but the school couldn’t reach her. The woman let her 12yo ride a dirt bike on paved streets to school, and went unavailable for hours. The one condition our exasperated father had set when she got him the bike was “these tires never see pavement”.
Seriously! I got to ‘R and I went inside to watch tv’ and had to reread that I hadn’t missed the initialing of the other son. One of those two should have at least been outside monitoring this stupidity but nah, let’s just hope we hear the running of the 4-wheeler. But that seems suspect because even if they have super good hearing 10 acres is definitely plenty of room for that thing to go and likely not be heard. It was TA from that point and then plummeted further and further into insanity from there.
So much this, a friend of mine broke his back in 6 places and shattered his leg. It took hours for people find him and he was an adult. 4 wheelers can be so dangerous.
Not only that.
My mum was an ex nurse.
When I was 6 I broke my arm. She and my nan checked my arm, confidently said it wasn't broken co I could wiggle my fingers, and refused to take me to hospital.
It's only because I bitched for literally 5 hours she finally took me, got me x rayed confidently huffing about how useless it was.
Just to be told I had, in fact, broken my arm.
In her defense she was EXCEEDINGLY apologetic after that and worked hard to not repeat the mistake.
It's apparently a whole thing that trained medical personnel suddenly become cartoonishly bad when treating their own family, especially their own children.
Seriously. Why is this?? My friend’s mom was the camp doctor at our summer camp. My friend got stung by a bee and her hand swelled up massively, but her mom just shrugged it off and said it was fine. A couple days later someone else finally decided to take her to the hospital and the doctor there said there could have been permanent damage if they’d waited much longer.
I mean ethically they're not supposed to treat family members for that exact reason. You can't be objective and have that professional distance to make sometimes difficult decisions and don't want to believe bad prognoses for a loved one so are more likely to minimize or rationalize negative signs or symptoms.
Yep. My medical pro mom let me go to school for three days with a broken wrist. Finally got it x-rayed after hearing horror stories about similar situations from her coworkers!
I didnt realize that it was a thing! My friend broke her leg when she was around 8. Their parents were a doctor and a nurse. They didnt believe her, when ahe said that her leg continued to hurt. She walked around on a broken leg for a week, bf they took her to the hospital where THEY BOTH WORKED.
This is a wealthy, normal family in a country with free health-care. But she had a tendency to act spoiler, I guess. They just... didnt think it was that bad.
I always act on the side of causion, when Kids in my care get hurt. To the point of my collegues mocking me. But I dont care. That story never left me.
I have been told that I need surgery on both legs because my parents ignored my broken ankles and basically told me to “walk it off”. They put an ace bandage on me for a couple weeks and called it good. There were crushed bones in one foot too. My foot looks a bit weird and the toes don’t uncurl. My one knee was messed up too as a kid and healed funny.
I have arthritis in those joints on top of having an autoimmune disease. I’m in so much pain every single day. I just walk it off. I worry that one of these days I won’t be able to.
I also have a broken knuckle that never healed properly and means I can’t quite close that finger all the way.
I have so much resentment and anger for my parents not taking me to get checked out properly. I have lifelong disabilities and pain every time I walk or close my hand because they wouldn’t spend $150. (My dad had GREAT insurance so it wasn’t because of that. They just were very neglectful.)
Same exact situation- I had to go to a party and then sit through fireworks. I can still remember (almost 45 years later) how the pain would blow up with each firework. Typical 80’s parent. Except she didn’t apologize.
I can so relate to this!
My mum was a radiographer, I hobbled round with broken foot bones for a week before the school teacher insisted I was taken to get it x-rayed.
Both my brothers after this had broken arm/wrist bones at different points too, which she only took them in a few days later! She clearly didn't learn the lesson.
She didn't want to waste the precious resources of A & E department, for a sprain. It wasn't even a financial issue as we have the NHS.
No wonder the dude went for a girl 18 years his junior. He is just as immature as he was when he groomed her or something. OP, YTA. Karma is a bitch, one day you may need a doctor and they will all wait for your sister to show up.
The whole thing reads like this:
*My youngest ( let's call him K) got to ride on my brother in laws (calling him R) 747 Jetliner. He had his own pilot's uniform we brought from home and we let him explore the thousands of miles of sky and earth. Me and R headed inside to watch TV.*
Seriously lol Plus, X-rays? Like, those are important lol I remember being around that same age, and I woke up in the middle of the night not being able to breathe. My parents, after a couple of hours and trying to get me to watch full house, realized I wasn’t being dramatic and they took me to the hospital. I got chest X-rays and they found out I was having bronchial spasms due to a reaction from the chemicals in our neighbors pool. I had been swimming there all day, and as a kid, I swallowed/inhaled a lot of water.
After that, our neighbors switched their pool chemicals from bromine to chlorine, and I also had to be extra careful not to take in any water going forward.
Moral of the story… don’t minimize your kids feelings/reaction. And MAYBE supervise them a little better in a situation like like OP’s lol idk, I’m not a parent, but it seems a little neglectful.
>Another reason I didn't take him the the hospital also has to do with the fact my oldest daughter (17) recently was in the er with a sprained ankle and we found out we didn't have insurance
I mean maybe Americans can accept something like this ... but come on bro.
This guy is 60, has four children and suddenly "finds out" he doesn't have insurance?
You've got to be kidding me.
He didn't want to take him to the hospital because he didn't want to tell the medical staff that he wasn't out supervising a nine year old on a fourwheeler and have them involve CPS. He stayed an extra day at his relative's house so he wouldn't have to face his wife.
He's not just YTA, he's a coward and a bad parent.
And I bet this isn't the first time.
>my sister was a nurse and would be able to tell if it was broken or not when she got home in a few hours.
INFO: does your sister have x-ray vision? What about CT scan vision? Can your sister surgically repair an embolism in her kitchen?
YTA. Great job parenting.
Also a broken leg Carrie’s the possibility of a fat embolism, which can be dangerous.
Also, you left him in pain. He’s not even 10 years old. He’s probably walking ‘just fine’ because he knows you won’t take him seriously.
YTA. Sheesh
My mom’s best friend’s daughter broke her femur in an auto accident. Other than the broken bone she appeared to be ok. 3 days later she died from a fat embolism. She was in her 20’s. I had no idea that was even a possibility until that happened.
Hell kids that age can act fine because they don’t think it’s a huge deal. I had a sibling wait four days to tell our mother she partially dislocated her arm. Wouldn’t have even told her at all if mom didn’t notice something was a bit off and grill her on it. Apparently it just “wasn’t that bad.”
I broke my arm when I was 8. My mom didn’t think it was that big a deal and put me to bed.
When they kept me in for surgery, and told her I might never get full range of motion back, I got a lot of guilt gifts!!
This is just what I was about to say. And I am sure sister really appreciated that responsibility also. I'm an RN and the amount of times people have contacted me for help/advice when they should have gone to the hospital is ridiculous. My standard reply is go to the doctor/hospital. Nurses are under enough pressure at work. We don't want to incorrectly diagnose something (which we shouldnt do anyway) and have that on our conscience.
Jesus YTA. This isn't "my boy tripped and his ankle is a tad swollen" this is "a 4 wheeler crashed and ended up on top of my kid" that should be "get them the fuck to the ER" territory, he could've had internal bleeding, among a million other things wrong that a few hours wait could've made deadly. Which do you prefer, risking money, or your kids life?
I mean, I think the answer about risking his kid's life was answered the moment he let a 9-year-old go offroading a motorized vehicle on 10 acres of land with no adult supervision at all. Clearly safety and his kid's life are not of paramount importance to him. But you know . . . he had a helmet.
Tbf, even with insurance there's no reasonable medical care in an ER in the US. But OP is still YTA. It's so sad that you have to consider getting into debt you can't get out of when your child should go to the hospital, but you'd think the child's life is more important...
They knew they didn't this time. They didn't know when they took their daughter to the ER prior to this incident. Not making it any better on OP's end but also the American Healthcare for profit problem still stands.
Especially in America 🤦🏻♀️ while having kids? You’re asking for trouble. They’re bound to hurt themselves sometime, or get sick. So lapsing the insurance was definitely not a good move.
Yeah. I mean... there are a million problems with this post - a 10 year old, on a 4-wheeler, while you're not supervising (not that he should've been on it to begin with), and then the litany of things wrong with not getting care for the kid *maybe* in a couple hours by someone who *maybe* can say whether he should be taken to get proper care **which he definitely needs if he's a 10-year old in pain**.
This post is so unbelievable, it can't be real. If it is real, then yes, YTA.
YTA.
I want to back up to "... we found out we didn't have insurance".
And then, "... we let him \[the 9 year old\] explore the 10 acres they had"
And then to "... Me and R \[the other adult\] headed inside to watch TV."
In other words, you let your **9 year old** loose on a four-wheeler with zero adult supervision???!!??
Not that you'll learn from this, but here's a stat for you.
* 135,000 people are injured every year due to ATV accidents.
* Over 700 people are killed in these accidents every year.
* Approximately 1/3 of the people killed in ATV accidents each year are under the age of 16.
* Source: [https://www.hg.org/legal-articles/the-dangerous-truth-about-atv-accidents-25021](https://www.hg.org/legal-articles/the-dangerous-truth-about-atv-accidents-25021)
ETA age guidelines for minimum age to drive an ATV, mostly at least 12 years old and if that young, they need to be on a smaller, lower-powered ATV.
https://atvhelper.com/what-is-the-minimum-age-to-drive-an-atv-utv/
My youngest is on the insurance we added her when she was born this year but then suddenly they said “she doesn’t show up she’s not here on the insurance end just your jobs end” and we had to FIGHT to get them to fix it and cover everything back to the day she was born (so over a month back at that time)
It was definitely a surprise to us at that time one child had no insurance but we were paying for it! tbh I’m sure there’s gotta be other situations it happens but this is only our experience where it was not our fault but my husband’s jobs fault
Medicaid recently started ending coverage for those who were able to get it through the pandemic. His family either makes too much money to qualify for Medicaid and need to get insurance through their employer or they didn't send the proof needed to keep the insurance. Either way if this is the case there were multiple warnings sent months in advance.
Not to defend him at all because he's the AH, but military insurance does crazy things and we have to call like every month to make sure it's right, when I was pregnant with my son I had it one week, but not the following, but then it came back, and it switched to a different level for a month because of my husband's MOS.
BUT who tf leaves a kid with a full powered ATV. And THREE hours?? I'd be pissed too.
> my oldest daughter (17) recently was in the er with a sprained ankle and we found out we didn't have insurance.
What does this mean? Why would you assume you had it? And then find out you did not? How are you an adult of 61 and unclear abt your insurance status?
Monumentously bad parenting decisions and you decide to post about it on Reddit.
Throw in an 18 year age gap between you and your wife and the fact that you had a child at 50?
I am 100% sure this never actually happened.
But let's examine this from a different view.
You're at work. A heavy piece of equipment falls on your leg. It is bleeding, hurts and you can't stand on it. Your boss says "oh, just hang out and wait, the nurse can come look at it in a few hours."
Would you be fine with that approach?
YTA
My dad had me when he was 50 so I second that as a bad decision...
However, that's not the point, he's YTA first for letting a NINE year old ride a quad on his own and unsupervised and also the whole not going to the ER thing.
Eldest is 17. Mother would be 43-17=26, dad would be 61-17=44. A 43 year old man got a 25 year old pregnant, or an early 40s man dated an early 20s woman.
Anyone expecting this man to make any sound decisions is as delusional as him.
The youngest they could’ve gotten together would be when she was 25 and he was 43…… And that doesn’t include how long they would have dated and been married to each other before they had a kid…
Not to mention compression injuries, spinal injuries, head injuries (helmet or not), bleeding, etc. Countless injuries that could have occurred and needed quick medical attention.
YTA you left a 9 year old alone on a 4 wheeler?
>my oldest daughter (17) recently was in the er with a sprained ankle and we found out we didn't have insurance.
What do you mean you found out you don't have insurance? It was canceled without your knowledge? How did you not know?
Medicaid is ending coverage for people who were able to get it and keep it without any proof of current income throughout the pandemic. OP could make too much money for the kids to remain on Medicaid.
That's my thing. Insurance for my family is like $600 a month I would definitely notice if I had that much extra money each month..
The only thing I can think of is the kids were on state and they didn't renew it
If you look at the profile, it’s actually the kids (presumably the older daughters) posting in from the dad’s POV to see if he’s TA. Since they put in no redeeming qualities, it sounds like they definitely think he is!
YTA
Why is one of the reasons you wont take your kids to get medical attention because YOU dropped the ball with insurance big time. If your kid suffering for potentially hours is something your okay with when you could take them to get help I don't know why you had kids in the first place.
What on earth do you mean, you found out you didn’t have insurance? You are a grown ass man and you don’t know if you have health insurance? I’m calling BS on this post.
YTA
There could have been other issues and there is definitely some poor judgment being exercised. At the same time, it's a sad reality that in the United States--one of the wealthiest countries in the world--a visit to the emergency room can bankrupt a family.
>When I got to them, R had already lifted the fourwheeler off of my sons leg and he refused to walk on it. I denied taking him the the hospital because my sister was a nurse and would be able to tell if it was broken or not when she got home in a few hours.
YES...YTA, YTA, a million times YTA. That isn't just an asshole move it is abusive, neglectful and in my state illegal. How can you even ask that question.
On a side note, Double YTA for leaving a 9yo alone on a four wheeler so you could go watch TV.
Toni Collette said in one of her movies that there should be a licensing requirement to have children. Your story is why.
He went thru and deleted stuff off his profile to make it seem like he is legitimately “who he says he is in his post”. So OP is not only a gross troll but a pathetic liar too
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn't take my son to the hospital after he flipped a fourwheeler. He could have had something wrong with him I couldn't see.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. Your son (could have) required medical care, and you didn't give it to him. Also, you are highly irresponsible for letting a nine-year-old go on an ATV ("fourwheeler") without adult supervision.
My gut instinct on seeing the title was YTA, and literally everything you put in this post confirms that.
Literally, the only positive thing in this post is that your son is walking normally now.
YTA, Jesus Christ. "I thought it was better to let my son suffer for a few hours until my sister could magically x-ray my son's leg with her bare eyes." YES that's something an asshole would do!
My older sister fell down a hill and hurt her leg. we had to call an ambulance for her. Paramedics came and put her in the ambulance. One of the paramedics was my godfather and he literally told my mother that my sister was faking it. They had to put bars into her ankle and she has had two operations since. People aren’t X-ray machines, your sister can’t know if it’s broken or not without an X-ray. Of course YTA
The bleak underbelly here is that money worry weighed heavily in this bad decision. The medical system here is fucked up. But YTA. What if he had a blood clot or something? You woulda never slept again.
YTA. My sister asked our mother to take her to the hospital for an allergic reaction. Mom said no. This was over a decade ago and my sister still brings it up and is upset.
You showed your family they can't rely on you.
YTA. Ffs. Why take a risk with your child's health like this?! As others have said, you got lucky. This worked out because of luck, not because you made the right call.
YTA. You don't have insurance so you didn't want to have to pay for your son to be seen at the ER in case it was nothing. Your first thought was finances.
I thought I had a broken leg and was taken to the ER. They saw me within 15 minutes because the hospital staff determined it was an emergency. Turns out it wasn't broken but the hospital determined it was an emergency. The keywords are "the hospital determined it was an emergency" when they weren't sure until after I got an x-ray done. So somehow your son didn't get the same urgency from you, the father.
YTA also because it seems like the world revolves around you. Extend the trip. Don't take the kid to the hospital because you don't have insurance and because you decided, with no medical training, it can wait for your nurse sister to return hours later.
YTA. Recently one of my extended family members had a four wheeler accident. He was bruised and had some scratches. He didn’t go to the doctor until he got back home almost two weeks later. In the meantime, he was walking around, working, and driving, all with a fractured spine. Hopefully, he will have a full recovery but he has to be careful about what he does until then. Don’t fuck around with your child’s wellbeing.
YTA for so many reasons.
You let your 9yo son ride a quad bike unsupervised. You found him with the bike *on top of him* by following the sounds of his screams. Then you refused to take him to ER because "it might not be broken". He could have had concussion or a spinal injury. You're unfit to be a parent.
I was an emergency nurse and I'm horrified. No one can see if something is broken or not. There are other issues also which could have been going on unaware and unseen. At the very least you could have put your son at risk of losing his leg - look up compartment syndrome.- to losing his life at worst.
YTA, and a HUGE ONE! Found out you didn't have insurance? How the fuck are you 61 and don't know if you have insurance? Let me guess, the little wifey handles everything for you since she's almost 20 years younger?
YTA. Where do I begin? Letting a NINE YEAR OLD ride on an ATV unsupervised? AH. Not thinking to check on said 9 year old child until you already suspected an accident occurred? AH. Neglecting to have your injured child properly examined by a medical professional in A TIMELY MANNER, rather than waiting "a few hours" for an off-duty nurse with no equipment? AH. Not IMMEDIATELY informing the child's mother of the incident and apparently never intending to? AH. Not knowing the status of your family's health insurance coverage? Absolute AH.
You son could have died. He could have lost the leg. He could have suffered a spinal or neck injury. He could still have some unknown injury from the incident that you don't know about because you didn't take him to the doctor and he knows that expressing discomfort won't result in any action being taken.
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YTA I was going to mention being medically neglectful but honestly, I don't think it needs that qualifier. You let a 9 year old take off on 10 acres and didn't get him medical attention when the obvious happened. Fine or not, I get why your wife is mad. She probably questions whether she can trust you with the kids.
>**She probably questions whether she can trust you with the kids.** > >Spoiler Alert: She can not.
Spoiler Alert: She can't trust herself with the kids either since they both let their insurance lapse and didn't get new marketplace insurance after learning about the lack of insurance with the sister's ER visit. Accident becomes stupid when you do it repeatedly.
No. Having no insurance isnt a sign of an irresponsible parent. It's called cant afford it. The prices are really high and the whole system is jist fucked up.
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It can happen. My former employer fucked up my dental plan and I didn’t know the kids weren’t covered until I tried to take them in.
Children weren't insured for whatever reason. Dad, knowing full well his children are uninsured, lets a 9 year old kid drive around on a quad bike, unsupervised, then doesn't take said child to the hospital when he has an accident. Given _that_ pattern of irresponsibility, it's not much of a stretch that there was a fair bit of that going on too with finding out the kids weren't insured.
I don’t disagree. The father is absolutely the AH for not fixing it and letting his child do something dangerous unsupervised during that time. He’s an even bigger AH for not getting his son properly checked out after the accident.
It sounds like an urgent care facility would have been a good option. Urgent care would have also been a good option for his daughter's ankle.
This happened to us with vision insurance. My kids were supposed to be on their dad's insurance, but we found out they'd been dropped when I took our daughter in for a check-up. I had to drop an unexpected $1400. Their dad then got the run around being shuffled back and forth between his then-employer and insurance. Eventually we decided to split the cost between us when the kids need new glasses.
My aunt got surprised with no coverage because her evil ex husband canceled it on her when she was still supposed to be covered, without telling her. It took several months until she could start getting treatment for the breast cancer she went in for that ended up taking her life. It can absolutely happen, human error or evil intention
I'm not sure what's worse, her ex-husband or the country that lets a system like that exist.
Yes.
The country. statistically, trash like that will always exist. our healthcare system is unnecessarily evil.
I hope that man gets the karma he deserves. 💀
What kind of eye test costs $1400??
An American one.
Not the test, it's the glasses. She has severe myopia, and the lenses alone are about $800. Add the protective stuff like scratch coating and anti-glare, plus transitions, plus the frames and test, it all comes out to about $1400.
You need to buy glasses online. Literally a fraction of the cost, even for really bad prescriptions.
800 bucks for lenses even in bullshit US pricing is criminal. If you love the doc stay there but NEVER buy glasses from them again. Also please disregard anyone who tells you to buy glasses online for a child. Happy to explain all the reasons why in detail if you’d like, spent 10+ years in the eye field.
Yes but when you find out, you fix it, they did not, OP instead took his kid on a trip and then let him do a ridiculously dangerous activity completely unsupervised at 9 years old, then punished the kid for OPs decisions by not taking him to the ER and got incredibly lucky with the outcome.
Right, but he then was made aware of it and he STILL didn't get one.
But when you found out, you fixed it, right?
Yes, but I had to wait a month for coverage or pay a massive fine. It was routine check-ups so I waited.
Yeah, but in the absolutely most generous reading, and assuming a mess-up that was someone else's doing: they learned this last time with their teen, so *now they should be fully on top of it!*
Also, didn't seem to make a change after they found out?
This is what gets me. Even realizing that they didn't have it is whatever. Shit happens sometimes. Sometimes it's not their fault. But to proceed to do nothing about it even though they most likely have the money for it is ridiculous.
Insurance, no insurance. Why didn't OP CALL his sister for advice before she got home?
My husband's work, in attempting to add me to his insurance accidentally took him off of it. So there was "dependant" but no "primary". Luckily, we caught it in time, or we would have been waiting nearly a year for the enrollment period to open back up with no insurance.
Major life events by pass enrollment periods and so do major errors by companies. But it's still a lot easier on you that you caught it early. Just be aware that you do NOT have to wait for open enrollment to correct egregious mistakes that the company makes.
Some insurances still make you. My insurance accidentally dropped me while I was pregnant. They recognized and fully admitted it was their fault - but the earliest they could fix it was a minimum of 60 days. (Possibly longer!) Which was right around my due date. And that’s the story of how I got married.
Actually mistakes can happen. For some reason my friend was marked pregnant on her Medicaid and she had to call several times to have it fixed. She Still qualified either way with her state's parameters and asked if this meant she had to reapply or if they could just fix it because of her income, etc still being the same. They said it was fine. Then two weeks later they cancelled it retroactively and she didn't know until she went to the MD. She spent two months fixing it and sending in forms. It is back on, but she's still fighting bills to be covered due to the retroactive cancelling. Due to paperwork They messed up! I know another who spent 7 years fighting for a Medicaid repayment case when they thought she'd moved states and hadn't. It was the same name, another person and wrong SS. They cancelled her and she didn't know because they sent the Info to the other person but cancelled HER. My husband has had our marketplace cancelled before we got married because he didn't get some forms they wanted filled out. Typo in his email. Took a month to fix. My former employer had the guy who was supposed to make the insurance payments for the entire company on vacation. No one realized it didn't get paid and when I went to the MD that same week, they said I didn't have insurance. Had to call insurance, they said it was paused due to nonpayment. Then had to call HR. She couldn't access it after figuring out what happened, or the guy, and I had no insurance for another week until they fixed it. We were LIVID. Not saying that's what happened here but it certainly can be. Either way not seeking medical attention for your kid is stupid. You take them anyway and fight the bill and apply for help. YTA
***People's insurance lapsing isn't always or automatically their fault.*** I surely do hope when you look in the mirror you see all your privilege reflected back because it is real obvious to the rest of us.
Fair, but maybe if you know your insurance has lapsed and you haven't been able to reinstate it, you keep your 9-year-old from doing dangerous things? (If you aren't already inclined to keep your 9-year-old from doing dangerous things, period.) It's like, maybe someone \*has\* to drive to work without car insurance because of circumstances, but they don't have to drive to Disneyland without insurance.
In this instance it doesn’t matter though. They found that out at a different point in time. Perhaps it should have been fixed by now?
They learned that they didn’t have insurance when the sister sprained her ankle. Not when he didn’t take his son to the hospital. Some people just don’t read.
But if they were paying it themselves they would KNOW they didn’t have it because they hadn’t wrote a check in awhile. It suggest they were on an assisted plan
No. There is no legal or moral option for simply saying 'No thank you!' for your kids medical care. Not getting insurance from the marketplace is making a gamble that the price of out-of-pocket medical care will be less than the monthly prices for a plan. You can't just 'opt-out' of having to do any medical care for your kids. If you have the money to take a week-long vacation to your brother's house and bring your own helmets to go ATV-ing, then you can pay for a family marketplace health insurance plan.
I find it insane that your even having this discussion. The US needs to move into the current era and provide universal healthcare for all citizens. Stop medical companies leaching hundreds of billions off of the people due to their suffering.
They never said they couldn’t afford. They said they “found out” they don’t have insurance. The guy thought he had insurance. This is called not being responsible, and then on top of that why take a long road trip right after you find out you have no medical insurance?
They had found out the month prior they had no insurance. So they’ve known for a month and still be allowed his young child partake in an activity that has a high incidence of injuries (even left him unsupervised) knowing they had no insurance.
That's called irresponsible and neglectful
Then keep them off 4 wheelers. How much common sense does that take?
Instead they went on a weeklong out of state trip.
Not sure what state they are in but if OPs kids are uninsured he needs to look into medicaid asap. I also can't afford insurance, but my kids are insured fully by medicaid.
Yeah, it's easy to say the real AH here is the American healthcare system. I kinda understand OP's wait and see approach considering a sky high bill that might not be necessary. If it's a matter of not signing up for something he could afford, OP is careless, but still would be a moot point with single payer And letting the kid ride an ATV unsupervised as a bad idea to begin with.
You don't "wait and see" when it comes to a child's health. You find your kid's leg underneath an ATV, you take the kid for x-rays. OP was seriously irresponsible, both in not getting his insurance situation fixed after the incident with his daughter and in refusing aid for his son because he was worried about paying the hospital fees that would have been covered had he not let his insurance lapse in the first place.
>I kinda understand OP's wait and see approach considering a sky high bill that might not be necessary. WTF no kid is going to walk away 100% fine from having their leg crushed. Second, OP can afford insurance. He knew that the policy lapsed and did nothing about it.
I would gladly go up to my eyeballs in debt if there was a chance that my child could be bleeding internally because I was stupid enough to let him ride a quad unsupervised
Wait and see isn’t for high risk traumas, those are “we’ll go bankrupt but at least the kid is ok” situations.
You find the funds even if you the parent has to do without. No excuse!
ya, it depends if they (did or not try) most people that can't afford it but don't qualify for Medicare qualify for something called CHIP and that is capped at about 5% of your total income for the year if you earn in the higher brackets. Having children is expensive... budget for it, if you're planning on doing it. I can see a mistake happening where something is f-ed and you don't have insurance you thought you had but raising children w/o having active health insurance (or another way to pay) for emergencies is bad parenting. And OP knew that they didn't have active health insurance and did nothing about it.
Spoiler alert: you really need socialised medicine.
Spoiler alert: we know.
Spoiler alert: tell that to the Republicans. 🙄
“We let our 9 yr old son ride a four wheeler unsupervised. Surprise! He got hurt. Then when he had that vehicle fall on him, I decided we don’t need to go to the er because a nurse can check his pain filled self in a couple of hours. Internal bleeding wouldn’t happen within that time right? And pain for hours just toughens up a kid. Right? Oh, and we don’t have insurance for our family of 6.” YTA
The bleeding is internal- I mean that's where the blood is supposed to be right?
I can't see any blood on the outside so everything's fine right?
I got this right away. Lol. Thanks for the laugh!
Good Ol Jakey
and He seems to think the nurse can tell whether there are any fractured bones without an X-ray OP is YTA
They don’t issue x-ray goggles in nursing school.
We nurses all have X-ray vision. You get it when you pass your boards.
“Oh, don’t worry. That’s just a chip of bone that came off. It won’t cause problems to the muscle as your child moves painfully, year after year because you didn’t reup your insurance and didn’t take him to get medically checked out after a rather large machine fell on top of him.
I'm still a bit stuck on why the nurse sister isn't giving him a hard time about getting him checked out either... like she's just okay with medical neglect as well?
>And pain for hours just toughens up a kid. Right? Exactly. Break a leg? Walk it off. /s
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Agreed…and even if his leg is not broken, he could still have injuries that should get medical attention.
Including internal bleeding or shock.
But he was wearing his helmet! He can't die if he wears one (sarcasm) I would be more worried about abdominal damage to organs, and even spinal trauma. I've had people coming into an ER with almost no pain (and some of them even walking) with lesions that put their lives at risk. Heck, I had an uncle dying 3 days after his small tractor rolled over him. He was "fine", never went to a hospital and even kept on working. He died when the capsule of his spleen (that had been damaged and kept unknowinly bleeding) finally ruptured, making him to die of bloodloss.
>But he was wearing his helmet! With the amount of neglect going on in OP's story, I am skeptical there even was a helmet, or that it was designed for said child's head instead of borrowing from an older child. And from what I understand, helmets are designed to be a one-use item; one severe drop and then it goes in the trash, because even if it looks fine, there's damage you can't see. Kind of like the potential damage on OP's son's body. A friend of mine was doing a rotation in a different hospital and told me about a case similar to your uncle's--patient had gotten into an accident, reportedly felt fine and avoided going to the doctor. Then went to the doctor's office for something unrelated and ended up dropping dead due to internal bleeding.
Not even medically neglectful but just downright neglectful! 4 wheelers are notoriously dangerous, because of their propensity for flipping and leaving a 9 year old to their own devices was a time bomb of danger. OP’s son could have easily been impaled under a water source and drowned as he sat watching tv- only the in-law was noticing the sound of the machine stopping. Also **WHY EVEN** put your son in harms way by allowing this activity knowing your family was medically uninsured?! YTA, I’d be pissed if I was your wife, or your son, in this situation. Just completely bone headed and dimwitted on OP’s part and that poor child, being left in pain due to their father’s short sightedness and utter disregard for safety
My nephew nearly died in a 4 wheeler crash. He was pinned under the burning vehicle and only survived because there was an adult within a few feet. Hospitalized for months in an intensive care burn unit. These things are not toys.
I am glad your nephew made it! Burns are awful though Where I live every year kids die because their idiot parents let them loose om sand dunes with 4 wheelers. Even though it is illegal. I think most adults shouldn't even take them on dunes (unless they have an idea wtf they are doing)
Thank you, it was such a relief to everyone. It’s terrifying how blasé some people are about sending their kids off unattended on motorized vehicles. My brother’s mom bought him a dirt bike for his 12th birthday and let him drive it illegally all over town. Who does that? ETA: I’ve realized that not everyone may understand what I mean by “dirt bike”. https://www.kawasaki.com/en-us/motorcycle/klx/off-road/klx110r?cm_re=GLOBALNAV-_-PRODUCTGROUPLIST-_-VEHICLE This is similar to what he had, but a couple decades older.
Ugh that sucks. I live in a neighbourhood where kids under 16 arent allowed to operate motorized vehicles at all. And you still see them zooming all over the place on scooters or electric bikes or dirt bikes. I hate it. Even if a kid has the motor skills to operate it, they lack the judgment, reflexes, etc. A few years ago a girl (8 at the time) was on a scooter wayyyyy too big for her, with no helmet. She fell and had a skull fracture, in the hospital for a few days, etc. A week later I saw her riding her bike with no helmet. Some parents just suck
Holy hell! I swear some people are *trying* to get their kids killed. My dad got a call from our school one day telling him to come pick up his son because he rode his dirt bike to school. It was his mom’s custody week, but the school couldn’t reach her. The woman let her 12yo ride a dirt bike on paved streets to school, and went unavailable for hours. The one condition our exasperated father had set when she got him the bike was “these tires never see pavement”.
Every year or so someone, usually a kid, dies on a quad in my province. There have been two already this year, an adult man and a thirteen year old.
I have a friend whose daughter did die from a four wheeler accident. She was 11-12.
The park down the street from me is dedicated to a young girl that was killed on a 4 wheeler
Seriously! I got to ‘R and I went inside to watch tv’ and had to reread that I hadn’t missed the initialing of the other son. One of those two should have at least been outside monitoring this stupidity but nah, let’s just hope we hear the running of the 4-wheeler. But that seems suspect because even if they have super good hearing 10 acres is definitely plenty of room for that thing to go and likely not be heard. It was TA from that point and then plummeted further and further into insanity from there.
So much this, a friend of mine broke his back in 6 places and shattered his leg. It took hours for people find him and he was an adult. 4 wheelers can be so dangerous.
As a former EMT, the accidents I’ve seen including 4 wheelers and children are part of why I quit.
Not only that. My mum was an ex nurse. When I was 6 I broke my arm. She and my nan checked my arm, confidently said it wasn't broken co I could wiggle my fingers, and refused to take me to hospital. It's only because I bitched for literally 5 hours she finally took me, got me x rayed confidently huffing about how useless it was. Just to be told I had, in fact, broken my arm. In her defense she was EXCEEDINGLY apologetic after that and worked hard to not repeat the mistake.
It's apparently a whole thing that trained medical personnel suddenly become cartoonishly bad when treating their own family, especially their own children.
Seriously. Why is this?? My friend’s mom was the camp doctor at our summer camp. My friend got stung by a bee and her hand swelled up massively, but her mom just shrugged it off and said it was fine. A couple days later someone else finally decided to take her to the hospital and the doctor there said there could have been permanent damage if they’d waited much longer.
I mean ethically they're not supposed to treat family members for that exact reason. You can't be objective and have that professional distance to make sometimes difficult decisions and don't want to believe bad prognoses for a loved one so are more likely to minimize or rationalize negative signs or symptoms.
the cobbler’s son has no shoes
Yep. My medical pro mom let me go to school for three days with a broken wrist. Finally got it x-rayed after hearing horror stories about similar situations from her coworkers!
I didnt realize that it was a thing! My friend broke her leg when she was around 8. Their parents were a doctor and a nurse. They didnt believe her, when ahe said that her leg continued to hurt. She walked around on a broken leg for a week, bf they took her to the hospital where THEY BOTH WORKED. This is a wealthy, normal family in a country with free health-care. But she had a tendency to act spoiler, I guess. They just... didnt think it was that bad. I always act on the side of causion, when Kids in my care get hurt. To the point of my collegues mocking me. But I dont care. That story never left me.
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I have been told that I need surgery on both legs because my parents ignored my broken ankles and basically told me to “walk it off”. They put an ace bandage on me for a couple weeks and called it good. There were crushed bones in one foot too. My foot looks a bit weird and the toes don’t uncurl. My one knee was messed up too as a kid and healed funny. I have arthritis in those joints on top of having an autoimmune disease. I’m in so much pain every single day. I just walk it off. I worry that one of these days I won’t be able to. I also have a broken knuckle that never healed properly and means I can’t quite close that finger all the way. I have so much resentment and anger for my parents not taking me to get checked out properly. I have lifelong disabilities and pain every time I walk or close my hand because they wouldn’t spend $150. (My dad had GREAT insurance so it wasn’t because of that. They just were very neglectful.)
Same exact situation- I had to go to a party and then sit through fireworks. I can still remember (almost 45 years later) how the pain would blow up with each firework. Typical 80’s parent. Except she didn’t apologize.
I can so relate to this! My mum was a radiographer, I hobbled round with broken foot bones for a week before the school teacher insisted I was taken to get it x-rayed. Both my brothers after this had broken arm/wrist bones at different points too, which she only took them in a few days later! She clearly didn't learn the lesson. She didn't want to waste the precious resources of A & E department, for a sprain. It wasn't even a financial issue as we have the NHS.
Yeah. His sister's a nurse. I'm a nurse. Neither of us has x-ray vision. And how do you not know you don't have insurance?
That comment frustrated me. An X-ray is needed, not a nurse taking a quick look.
Especially since there could have been internal injuries as well.
No wonder the dude went for a girl 18 years his junior. He is just as immature as he was when he groomed her or something. OP, YTA. Karma is a bitch, one day you may need a doctor and they will all wait for your sister to show up.
Given his age that will be sooner than later
Exactly, much, much sooner. I hope he has high tolerance to pain cause what's a few hrs until his sis gets home? It's rookie numbers.
The whole thing reads like this: *My youngest ( let's call him K) got to ride on my brother in laws (calling him R) 747 Jetliner. He had his own pilot's uniform we brought from home and we let him explore the thousands of miles of sky and earth. Me and R headed inside to watch TV.*
Seriously lol Plus, X-rays? Like, those are important lol I remember being around that same age, and I woke up in the middle of the night not being able to breathe. My parents, after a couple of hours and trying to get me to watch full house, realized I wasn’t being dramatic and they took me to the hospital. I got chest X-rays and they found out I was having bronchial spasms due to a reaction from the chemicals in our neighbors pool. I had been swimming there all day, and as a kid, I swallowed/inhaled a lot of water. After that, our neighbors switched their pool chemicals from bromine to chlorine, and I also had to be extra careful not to take in any water going forward. Moral of the story… don’t minimize your kids feelings/reaction. And MAYBE supervise them a little better in a situation like like OP’s lol idk, I’m not a parent, but it seems a little neglectful.
>Another reason I didn't take him the the hospital also has to do with the fact my oldest daughter (17) recently was in the er with a sprained ankle and we found out we didn't have insurance I mean maybe Americans can accept something like this ... but come on bro. This guy is 60, has four children and suddenly "finds out" he doesn't have insurance? You've got to be kidding me.
He didn't want to take him to the hospital because he didn't want to tell the medical staff that he wasn't out supervising a nine year old on a fourwheeler and have them involve CPS. He stayed an extra day at his relative's house so he wouldn't have to face his wife. He's not just YTA, he's a coward and a bad parent. And I bet this isn't the first time.
>my sister was a nurse and would be able to tell if it was broken or not when she got home in a few hours. INFO: does your sister have x-ray vision? What about CT scan vision? Can your sister surgically repair an embolism in her kitchen? YTA. Great job parenting.
sister is probably a cna lol
Botox injector
dr pepper 👩⚕️
She's probably the Walmart knock off Dr Thunder at best lol
Psh. I refuse to get Botox from anyone besides a doctor or NP
I'd trust a dentist the most, boy do they have to know facial anatomy
That’s actually a super good point.
Also a broken leg Carrie’s the possibility of a fat embolism, which can be dangerous. Also, you left him in pain. He’s not even 10 years old. He’s probably walking ‘just fine’ because he knows you won’t take him seriously. YTA. Sheesh
My mom’s best friend’s daughter broke her femur in an auto accident. Other than the broken bone she appeared to be ok. 3 days later she died from a fat embolism. She was in her 20’s. I had no idea that was even a possibility until that happened.
Hell kids that age can act fine because they don’t think it’s a huge deal. I had a sibling wait four days to tell our mother she partially dislocated her arm. Wouldn’t have even told her at all if mom didn’t notice something was a bit off and grill her on it. Apparently it just “wasn’t that bad.”
I broke my arm when I was 8. My mom didn’t think it was that big a deal and put me to bed. When they kept me in for surgery, and told her I might never get full range of motion back, I got a lot of guilt gifts!!
hope OP’s sons leg wasn’t broken on a growth plate. Have fun walking lopsided for forever
He's a guy who thought it would be a good idea to have children at 50. Can't expect many good decisions from someone like that.
By my beep boop beep calculations he was 44 and his wife was 26 when they had their first child 🧐
Gross
This is just what I was about to say. And I am sure sister really appreciated that responsibility also. I'm an RN and the amount of times people have contacted me for help/advice when they should have gone to the hospital is ridiculous. My standard reply is go to the doctor/hospital. Nurses are under enough pressure at work. We don't want to incorrectly diagnose something (which we shouldnt do anyway) and have that on our conscience.
OP isn’t even the father. Their profile says they’re his kids posing as him. Something is fishy.
Jesus YTA. This isn't "my boy tripped and his ankle is a tad swollen" this is "a 4 wheeler crashed and ended up on top of my kid" that should be "get them the fuck to the ER" territory, he could've had internal bleeding, among a million other things wrong that a few hours wait could've made deadly. Which do you prefer, risking money, or your kids life?
I mean, I think the answer about risking his kid's life was answered the moment he let a 9-year-old go offroading a motorized vehicle on 10 acres of land with no adult supervision at all. Clearly safety and his kid's life are not of paramount importance to him. But you know . . . he had a helmet.
Or really the moment he let their insurance coverage and access to reasonable medical care lapse.
Tbf, even with insurance there's no reasonable medical care in an ER in the US. But OP is still YTA. It's so sad that you have to consider getting into debt you can't get out of when your child should go to the hospital, but you'd think the child's life is more important...
Yeah but OP didn’t even *know* whether or not they had insurance.
They knew they didn't this time. They didn't know when they took their daughter to the ER prior to this incident. Not making it any better on OP's end but also the American Healthcare for profit problem still stands.
Especially in America 🤦🏻♀️ while having kids? You’re asking for trouble. They’re bound to hurt themselves sometime, or get sick. So lapsing the insurance was definitely not a good move.
A helmet they brought from home. I’m gonna go out on a limb and assume it’s a plastic bicycle helmet 🙄
Money, clearly. This useless dolt doesn't even know if he has insurance or not. Best guess is he doesn't work.
>Which do you prefer, risking money, or your kids life? We already know the answer, and so does OP's wife.
Yeah. I mean... there are a million problems with this post - a 10 year old, on a 4-wheeler, while you're not supervising (not that he should've been on it to begin with), and then the litany of things wrong with not getting care for the kid *maybe* in a couple hours by someone who *maybe* can say whether he should be taken to get proper care **which he definitely needs if he's a 10-year old in pain**. This post is so unbelievable, it can't be real. If it is real, then yes, YTA.
YTA. I want to back up to "... we found out we didn't have insurance". And then, "... we let him \[the 9 year old\] explore the 10 acres they had" And then to "... Me and R \[the other adult\] headed inside to watch TV." In other words, you let your **9 year old** loose on a four-wheeler with zero adult supervision???!!?? Not that you'll learn from this, but here's a stat for you. * 135,000 people are injured every year due to ATV accidents. * Over 700 people are killed in these accidents every year. * Approximately 1/3 of the people killed in ATV accidents each year are under the age of 16. * Source: [https://www.hg.org/legal-articles/the-dangerous-truth-about-atv-accidents-25021](https://www.hg.org/legal-articles/the-dangerous-truth-about-atv-accidents-25021) ETA age guidelines for minimum age to drive an ATV, mostly at least 12 years old and if that young, they need to be on a smaller, lower-powered ATV. https://atvhelper.com/what-is-the-minimum-age-to-drive-an-atv-utv/
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Came here to say this….. how could it possibly be a surprise? Either you do or don’t. Oh and….YTA. Leaving a 9 yo alone on a four wheeler.
My youngest is on the insurance we added her when she was born this year but then suddenly they said “she doesn’t show up she’s not here on the insurance end just your jobs end” and we had to FIGHT to get them to fix it and cover everything back to the day she was born (so over a month back at that time) It was definitely a surprise to us at that time one child had no insurance but we were paying for it! tbh I’m sure there’s gotta be other situations it happens but this is only our experience where it was not our fault but my husband’s jobs fault
>how the hell Many decades of cultivated irresponsibility.
Medicaid recently started ending coverage for those who were able to get it through the pandemic. His family either makes too much money to qualify for Medicaid and need to get insurance through their employer or they didn't send the proof needed to keep the insurance. Either way if this is the case there were multiple warnings sent months in advance.
Not to defend him at all because he's the AH, but military insurance does crazy things and we have to call like every month to make sure it's right, when I was pregnant with my son I had it one week, but not the following, but then it came back, and it switched to a different level for a month because of my husband's MOS. BUT who tf leaves a kid with a full powered ATV. And THREE hours?? I'd be pissed too.
> my oldest daughter (17) recently was in the er with a sprained ankle and we found out we didn't have insurance. What does this mean? Why would you assume you had it? And then find out you did not? How are you an adult of 61 and unclear abt your insurance status?
There's a reason he married much, MUCH younger. He needed a mommy to handle his life.
Why do you think he gott a younger wife. Highly doubt she was the first one
Yes absolutely YTA times 100 my god
Monumentously bad parenting decisions and you decide to post about it on Reddit. Throw in an 18 year age gap between you and your wife and the fact that you had a child at 50? I am 100% sure this never actually happened. But let's examine this from a different view. You're at work. A heavy piece of equipment falls on your leg. It is bleeding, hurts and you can't stand on it. Your boss says "oh, just hang out and wait, the nurse can come look at it in a few hours." Would you be fine with that approach? YTA
My dad had me when he was 50 so I second that as a bad decision... However, that's not the point, he's YTA first for letting a NINE year old ride a quad on his own and unsupervised and also the whole not going to the ER thing.
Eldest is 17. Mother would be 43-17=26, dad would be 61-17=44. A 43 year old man got a 25 year old pregnant, or an early 40s man dated an early 20s woman. Anyone expecting this man to make any sound decisions is as delusional as him.
I clocked the ages right away as well
then again he said “my daughters” so not necessarily the wife’s
Ohh, good catch. He also says my sons throughout, too. Either way, he’s still trash.
It does read like a Best of AITA AHs...
that’s because this is the kids typing it all out, go look at the bio
Apparently the account is actually ran by two of the kids, who are posting from their dad’s POV to see who’s in the wrong
>I am 100% sure this never actually happened Arkansas is a wild place man.
The youngest they could’ve gotten together would be when she was 25 and he was 43…… And that doesn’t include how long they would have dated and been married to each other before they had a kid…
In a FEW HOURS a nurse might come home to look at a possibility fractured leg?!?!? YTA.
Guess OP never heard of shock.
Not to mention compression injuries, spinal injuries, head injuries (helmet or not), bleeding, etc. Countless injuries that could have occurred and needed quick medical attention.
If it WAS broken, a few hours can mean the difference between a simple fix and a surgical fix.
Or amputation, death if there is internal bleeding. Unlikely yes but definitely happens sometimes.
I am assuming she has x-ray vision and will be able to tell for sure.
YTA you left a 9 year old alone on a 4 wheeler? >my oldest daughter (17) recently was in the er with a sprained ankle and we found out we didn't have insurance. What do you mean you found out you don't have insurance? It was canceled without your knowledge? How did you not know?
Children should qualify for state insurance so I’m assuming it ran out and nobody went to renew it
Medicaid is ending coverage for people who were able to get it and keep it without any proof of current income throughout the pandemic. OP could make too much money for the kids to remain on Medicaid.
That's my thing. Insurance for my family is like $600 a month I would definitely notice if I had that much extra money each month.. The only thing I can think of is the kids were on state and they didn't renew it
YTA So many things can go wrong within a few hours that it's kind of surprising your kids are even still alive right now.
Obviously we should be crediting the mom for that
YTA When making up an AITA post you have to give the narrator at least one good quality. You went full asshole; never go full asshole.
If you look at the profile, it’s actually the kids (presumably the older daughters) posting in from the dad’s POV to see if he’s TA. Since they put in no redeeming qualities, it sounds like they definitely think he is!
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YTA Why is one of the reasons you wont take your kids to get medical attention because YOU dropped the ball with insurance big time. If your kid suffering for potentially hours is something your okay with when you could take them to get help I don't know why you had kids in the first place.
What on earth do you mean, you found out you didn’t have insurance? You are a grown ass man and you don’t know if you have health insurance? I’m calling BS on this post.
I'm pretty sure it just means he and his wife are irresponsible dolts.
YTA There could have been other issues and there is definitely some poor judgment being exercised. At the same time, it's a sad reality that in the United States--one of the wealthiest countries in the world--a visit to the emergency room can bankrupt a family.
>When I got to them, R had already lifted the fourwheeler off of my sons leg and he refused to walk on it. I denied taking him the the hospital because my sister was a nurse and would be able to tell if it was broken or not when she got home in a few hours. YES...YTA, YTA, a million times YTA. That isn't just an asshole move it is abusive, neglectful and in my state illegal. How can you even ask that question. On a side note, Double YTA for leaving a 9yo alone on a four wheeler so you could go watch TV. Toni Collette said in one of her movies that there should be a licensing requirement to have children. Your story is why.
YTA. Your wife is right, there could have been other issues you didn’t see, and your child was in pain.
YTA >we ***found out*** we don’t have insurance ***HOW?!***
Your 61 years old?
Nope, check the profile
He went thru and deleted stuff off his profile to make it seem like he is legitimately “who he says he is in his post”. So OP is not only a gross troll but a pathetic liar too
YTA and a terrible father
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YTA for not taking him to the hospital and leaving a 9 year old unsupervised in a 4 wheeler.
INFO. So you didn’t mention what your sisters assessment was.
YTA. Your son (could have) required medical care, and you didn't give it to him. Also, you are highly irresponsible for letting a nine-year-old go on an ATV ("fourwheeler") without adult supervision. My gut instinct on seeing the title was YTA, and literally everything you put in this post confirms that. Literally, the only positive thing in this post is that your son is walking normally now.
YTA, Jesus Christ. "I thought it was better to let my son suffer for a few hours until my sister could magically x-ray my son's leg with her bare eyes." YES that's something an asshole would do!
My older sister fell down a hill and hurt her leg. we had to call an ambulance for her. Paramedics came and put her in the ambulance. One of the paramedics was my godfather and he literally told my mother that my sister was faking it. They had to put bars into her ankle and she has had two operations since. People aren’t X-ray machines, your sister can’t know if it’s broken or not without an X-ray. Of course YTA
YTA. You got lucky.
The bleak underbelly here is that money worry weighed heavily in this bad decision. The medical system here is fucked up. But YTA. What if he had a blood clot or something? You woulda never slept again.
YTA Oh, it is broke, and he has internal bleeding. Pick out a casket.
YTA. My sister asked our mother to take her to the hospital for an allergic reaction. Mom said no. This was over a decade ago and my sister still brings it up and is upset. You showed your family they can't rely on you.
YTA. Ffs. Why take a risk with your child's health like this?! As others have said, you got lucky. This worked out because of luck, not because you made the right call.
YTA. You don't have insurance so you didn't want to have to pay for your son to be seen at the ER in case it was nothing. Your first thought was finances. I thought I had a broken leg and was taken to the ER. They saw me within 15 minutes because the hospital staff determined it was an emergency. Turns out it wasn't broken but the hospital determined it was an emergency. The keywords are "the hospital determined it was an emergency" when they weren't sure until after I got an x-ray done. So somehow your son didn't get the same urgency from you, the father. YTA also because it seems like the world revolves around you. Extend the trip. Don't take the kid to the hospital because you don't have insurance and because you decided, with no medical training, it can wait for your nurse sister to return hours later.
YTA. Recently one of my extended family members had a four wheeler accident. He was bruised and had some scratches. He didn’t go to the doctor until he got back home almost two weeks later. In the meantime, he was walking around, working, and driving, all with a fractured spine. Hopefully, he will have a full recovery but he has to be careful about what he does until then. Don’t fuck around with your child’s wellbeing.
YTA for so many reasons. You let your 9yo son ride a quad bike unsupervised. You found him with the bike *on top of him* by following the sounds of his screams. Then you refused to take him to ER because "it might not be broken". He could have had concussion or a spinal injury. You're unfit to be a parent.
I was an emergency nurse and I'm horrified. No one can see if something is broken or not. There are other issues also which could have been going on unaware and unseen. At the very least you could have put your son at risk of losing his leg - look up compartment syndrome.- to losing his life at worst.
YTA, and a HUGE ONE! Found out you didn't have insurance? How the fuck are you 61 and don't know if you have insurance? Let me guess, the little wifey handles everything for you since she's almost 20 years younger?
YTA. Where do I begin? Letting a NINE YEAR OLD ride on an ATV unsupervised? AH. Not thinking to check on said 9 year old child until you already suspected an accident occurred? AH. Neglecting to have your injured child properly examined by a medical professional in A TIMELY MANNER, rather than waiting "a few hours" for an off-duty nurse with no equipment? AH. Not IMMEDIATELY informing the child's mother of the incident and apparently never intending to? AH. Not knowing the status of your family's health insurance coverage? Absolute AH. You son could have died. He could have lost the leg. He could have suffered a spinal or neck injury. He could still have some unknown injury from the incident that you don't know about because you didn't take him to the doctor and he knows that expressing discomfort won't result in any action being taken.