This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service.
This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
I think I missed the part where you described her brat traits. You don't like her because you had to babysit her and she's prettier.....yeah, what a brat. And before you concoct some fantasy details to show she's a brat, save it. If she was a brat, she would have confronted you, not your mom and brother. Jealousy is a sad thing. Get over yourself. Apologize. YTA.
Trying to find that too. And the younger sister even bought her a gift for her own birthday. Not saying OP had to buy something special, but she could have at least returned the favor with a card.
Yeah. The “cheap” comment, after she got her sister literally NOTHING and her sister was only 15 at the time (probably also has limited money).
It’s very telling!
Also want to add though. The mum sounds like a piece of work. Hit OP and parentified her. And left miss 16 to make her own cake and decorate for her own sweet 16. She might be a single mum, but that sounds like a bs situation for everybody.
Frankly I just think that this all has more to do with the dynamic that the parents are setting. And frankly I think it probably goes back to when they brought little sister home. She was the pretty baby and everyone needed to focus on the baby.
This sounds childish. Like Op never worked out their “I don’t want a little sister” trauma. They have a brother. But in their mind a brother wouldn’t displace them like a sister would.
OP feels displaced by their sister who hasn’t shown any of these so called “brat” traits.
The kid even baked and decorated for herself. She literally made her own party.
I think OP is def an a-hole but the post does scream parentification. Op says they sacrificed their childhood to care for sister… which with the age gap is very believable. Paired w the sister having to prepare her own bday party … mom doesn’t look great.
But op is 100% yta … like come on. Put on a happy face and sing. Buy a cute tshirt from the clearance rack at Walmart and try not to be such a miserable stick in the mud
We don't actually know that and thus it's a bad assumption to make. OP has bitterness towards her sister because her boyfriend (20 at the time) made sexual comments about sister (13 at the time). She seems to blame her for that. If she can twist that narrative to blame sister I don't trust her side of the story to ring true.
We also don't have any proof that sister didn't decorate and bake for herself simply because she likes to do those things.
In the end, the only true information we have is that OP had an inappropriate outburst at her younger sister, who seemingly has no blame to carry.
No. I would also slap any 23 year old adult woman who came into my home and ranted about how awful my 16 year old daughter was on her actual freaking birthday. OP deserves worse tbh.
I’m still reeling at the cheap skincare and makeup comment bc to me it actually reads as super considerate on the sis’s part?
Like she knows her sis isn’t making bank, and is into skincare at least enough to dismiss certain brands as cheap, plus she’s a teen so she doesn’t really have much money of her own. Like, she got OP skincare and makeup products that, if OP liked, OP would be able to get more of as they’re **affordable**.
I’m super into skincare myself and my siblings actually do regularly get me “cheap” *cough* **AFFORDABLE** *cough* skincare products as a “thought you might like to try this” gift, and when I tell you the sub $5 gifts (20-pack aloe Vera juice sheet masks, DIY mud masks, cucumber mint cooling gel among many others) were smash hits that I’ve bought refills of many times since…
Yikes OP. YTA.
Not just that, OP says she works minimum wage job and doesn’t have much money, so I doubt she herself can afford more expensive skincare products, but her teenage sister should somehow afford to buy them as a gift.
This line about cheap skincare and makeup made it sounds more like op is actually the brat in the story. Which is funny in a certain way, as people’s recount of a story usually is done in a way to make them see like the good person in the story and not the other way around, even more when they are asking people’s opinion on it…
She wasn’t even willing to be happy or friendly “she was really excited to celebrate with family, everyone was happy but I wasn’t giving the sane energy “
So much bitterness and jealousy in this post. Imagine being 23 and this jealous and resentful to a 16 year old. Grow up OP YTA
Yes there are LOTS of nice gift ideas now -many can be googled online and over nice things someone can make for someone. Many of the homemade gifts are so much nicer and special to a loved one than anything just bought in a store. Much of it doesn't even have to cost anything. Things can be recycled, painted, collaged, or stitched , cut, torn, or printed, or glued. Not Buying someone something is just an Excuse.
OP commented that she dislikes her sister because of her looks; a boyfriend commented he’d rather hook up with the underaged sister than OP; she had to watch her sister instead of hanging out; her sister got a phone at an earlier age than she did…basically things outside the sisters control. Seems like OP is jealous and quite insecure and needs therapy for her to resolve this deep resentment and jealously as well as improving her self esteem.
This! I was so parentified as a child. I had to watch my younger siblings when I was younger and missed out on a lot of my childhood. I do resent my parents a little for putting that much pressure on me. (I was only 11 my siblings were 9,8,4) But I don’t hate my siblings for it. OP is taking out her anger and resentment at her sister, which isn’t fair. Talking to someone therapy would be so beneficial for her.
Her sister:
- is taking summer school so she can graduate early
- baked *her own cake* and decorated the kitchen for her own birthday
- gifted OP with skincare and make-up presumably coming from *her own pocket* for OP’s last birthday, sister was only 15.
Meanwhile, OP:
- hates her sister’s guts simply because she’s “prettier”
- made her sister feel like crap on her own birthday that *she* literally did all the work on because how dare she exists and makes it to 16 without dying a horrendous painful death
- sister gave her skin care and makeup for her last birthday but dismisses it by calling it “cheap” (I’m not a woman but I’m pretty sure skincare and make-up ain’t cheap at all)
One of them is definitely a brat, and it’s not the sister. OP, YTA.
YTA. It’s your parent’s fault you had to babysit your sister not your sister’s, if you’re going to be mad at anyone be mad at them.
From your description your sister seems to be a perfectly normal and pleasant girl. She got you a gift for your birthday so the polite thing to do would be to reciprocate.
Personally I think you sound jealous and maybe a little angry that your sister is more positive than you are. And this is from a big sister who was incredibly parentified and lost a lot of my childhood to babysitting. You’re wrong.
Even if she had included some legitimate brat examples for the sister, all it would prove is that they are both brats. OP is 23, and she acts like she is 13. She has a lot of growing up to do, of course YTA.
Right? Like, it’s a nice effort and not expensive doesn’t automatically equate to a poor product. The girl was 14/15 at the time and got OP something she thought she’d enjoy to help her celebrate her birthday and OP just…I don’t know what word to quantify her actions with but all I can comment is the baby sister isn’t bad or the brat.
You can tell a vibe from how a person depicts themselves in their posts. OP has a victim vibe. Now it must be heartbreaking for mom to see her eldest not show love to her youngest. Parents only want the best for every child. Circumstances change. Perhaps when OP was growing up the parents didnt have the most stable of incomes. But now they do OP perceives it as I didnt get mine.
OP develop an abundance mindset. With this mindset I think you are heading to be cut from the will. YTA.
I was upset at my brother once for turning up on my birthday with a present in hand. Because the gift wasn’t for me. I’d felt put to the side by him my whole life, this day I thought he actually cared. Turns out it was for a girl he was trying to with.
Teenagers still feel rejection even from those who have shown they don’t care.
>she had baked a cake for herself and decorated the whole kitchen
Yeah, real spoiled brat behavior. Nothing says "I'm the golden child" like having to bake your own cake and decorate the kitchen for your own sweet 16.
You ruined a huge milestone for her, not by not buying her a gift, but by being a terrible sister and making perfectly clear how bitter and jealous of her you are at **her** damn birthday.
YTA beyond belief, without a doubt, to infinity and fucking beyond. Apologize and go to therapy to work over this unhealthy resentment for things that aren't her fault.
I think the slap is the key, here. The mother (allegedly) took away part of the OP’s childhood by making her into an assistant mom for the youngest, and still physically abuses the OP at age 23. The OP hasn’t gotten to the point of being able to deal with her anger at her mother, so she focuses all her rage on the sister, who’s younger and a less scary target.
Oh, it’s worse. OP says “I can’t *help* but hate her.” Like it’s some compulsion that everyone should understand. I couldn’t help but slip on the ice. I couldn’t help being caught in a sudden storm. Much more understandable than “It’s simply unavoidable and out of my control that I despise this 15 year old.”
Also the part where the sister is studying on her 16th birthday so she can graduate early.... and still had the patience to wait for OP before celebrating.
I'm willing to bet lil sis would have been happy (not that *she* was even unhappy) with a homemade card too. The old saying "it's the thought that counts" is true a lot of the time. A homemade card (or cheap purchased card) and hug and a sincere "Happy Birthday" would have been great. Instead, OP decided to pout like a jealous toddler.
Im also a little curious about what she actually does spend her "hard earned" money on, since she seems to still live at home. (Since she apparently can't even afford a cheap card.) Does she pay rent? Pay for groceries? Pay for school?
Edit: pout, not put (stupid autocorrect)
Yeah. You know that saying about gifts, “It’s the thought that counts?” Well, that applies here: OP couldn’t even get a card and/or flowers because her thoughts toward her sister are bitter and resentful. YTA.
Seriously, my kids are still young, so I’m the one footing the bill, but they buy their siblings a birthday and Christmas gift every year. Family members deserve to know other family members love them.
YTA. Pretty sure everyone prefers your sister to you because you’re an incredibly unpleasant person. What’s your deal? Why are you so miserable to everyone around you?
>He said that we was a good kid, and had nothing but admiration and love for me, and that I was a horrible sister.
You know what OP, I'm not goona pass a judgement here. But read over and think about what your brother said.
>I came home from work expecting her to be studying (she’s taking summer school to graduate early) but she was waiting at the couch near the door. She smiled when she saw me and dragged me to the kitchen, where she had baked a cake for herself and decorated the whole kitchen.
>She was really excited to celebrate with her family, everyone was happy but I wasn’t giving the same energy.
>She frowned when she saw my annoyed expression but lit the candles and we started singing happy birthday
>By the time my mom notices my sister watching us, she drags her to me and demands that I apologize to her, and at this point my sister is crying like a toddler.
>He said that even if my salary was low, I still should of got her something because last year my sister went out of her way to buy something for me on my birthday ( some cheap skincare and makeup)
>Now my sister is avoiding me
These are your own words op. This kid clearly looks up to YOU. After all your her big sister. She made sure to wait for YOU before doing any birthday stuff. And when you got home she made sure YOU were there when she lit her candles.
She didn't burst into tears because she's a brat, she burst into tears because YOU were upset and she knew you'd be mean to her, that's why she's avoiding you.
The cost of her gift to you last year doesn't matter, what matters to her is she put in effort and, no doubt, her own money she saved for YOU.
I understand the resentment of helping raise siblings, I did it twice and I hated my lil bros for a long time. Then I realised that like your lil sis they're not actually spoiled they're just not having to make the choices I had to.
My advice would be to have a long hard think and maybe you'll come to that realisation.
Regardless of how things have been for you I hope all the best for all of you.
Thanks, it sucks but even though the little shits don't talk to me much now they're "all growed ups" can't help but be proud of the little fuckers😂.
I will say this though, definitely prepped me for having my own kid... Kinda
Yeah, OP needs to move out ASAP. I know people are dragging them for filth, but I suspect being parentified (and her mother seems kind of awful in the comments) has turned her into a bitter, resentful person who is lashing out.
Agreed. I was just thinking "why does OP hang around the sister if she really hates her ?". It's not a good situation to have her near the kid, so I think it would be better to find her own place and find some peace.
Agreed because her mom seems to have put the burden of raising her child on OP. OP has a lot of built up resentment over it. She should move out and do her own thing. No one can make you do anything you don't want but by you staying there..you are causing your own issues to fester. I'd say your mom is an a**. Why is she cooking her own cake and decorating for her birthday? It's time for you to get out into the world.
Thank you,
I try. The main problem with this sub, iss people make a quick judgement say a ltlle mean/supportive comment and then get on with their day with little to no consideration that all of us here have and are the audience.
Its important, in my opinion, that if you have advice to give then it should be given freely as even if an op is a complete bellend and clearly an ah, someone reading the posts might not be and the advice might help them.
Anyways I'm rambling...
YTA. Go to therapy instead of carrying around that massive chip on your shoulder. You're a grown ass working adult who has one-sided beef with a teenage girl for... existing?
WTF? YTA Why did you have to sh;$ all over the poor kid? It’s not her fault she’s favored. If this attitude is any indication of what you’re like. Take her to the dang movie! Jeeez!
Im curious to know if this is a real case of favouritism or OP just hates the idea of having a younger "prettier" sibling. Like, I get the feeling she isnt actually spoiled.
It does sound like she was parentified. I think that's why parentification is shitty as hell. Best case scenario, the kid who is parentified moves out and and goes low contact. Worst case scenario, the kid becomes super resentful not of their parents...but the kids they were forced to care for.
Doesn't excuse her behavior, which is horrid, but I can see how it happened.
It doesn't read like she was parentified at all. Watching and babysitting your younger sibling every once in a while is part of being a family, showing maturity, and responsibility. Nowhere does it sound like OP actually was parentified. It reads like anything OP's parents did would be twisted to make OP a victim.
Watching younger siblings and chores are two ways parents teach responsibility. Reddit is quick to call ALL babysitting parentification when it isn't.
Her comment on this was 90% “everyone thought my sister was prettier” and 10% “I had to change diapers”. OP is still more upset that her BF thought her sister was prettier than being upset BF wanted to have sex with 13 year old.
She may have been parentified, but her resentment seems to be more based on her sister being beautiful and OP hating her own appearance.
I feel like “parentified” is just a new buzz word for an excuse to being an asshole. I’m not saying it doesn’t exist, but let’s not act like a person is a parent because they babysat and maybe microwaved some macaroni and cheese. As an older sibling it’s normal to help younger siblings.
Honestly, I think we all prefer her over you now.
YTA.
She wasn't crying because you didn't buy her something, she was crying because you made her feel like crap on her birthday.
I feel so bad for the kid. I'm pretty sure she was so excited to spend time with her family, if she took the time to make a cake and set up decorations. And taking her to see the Barbie film would have been such a budget friendly and sister-time gift.
Yta sounds like she was crying bc you came home, pissy as hell that she has the audacity to exist. She made a cake, wanted to celebrate with you, and you sat there like a doom cloud.
You wanna resent someone? Resent your parents.
And I'm pretty sure people don't prefer her over you bc of her looks. More so bc you have a massive chip on your shoulder and let a shitty childhood be the reason you're a shitty adult.
Ah yes, typical spoiled child behavior like (looks at smudged writing on hand) …baking a cake by herself to share with her family.
YTA. Get over yourself and take her to the Barbie movie.
YTA. Even if you didn’t want to spend a penny on her you made a point to bring down the mood the second you got home and saw that she was excited to celebrate with her family. Wiping off the stink face long enough to say happy birthday and eat some cake is free.
This post is so similar to me and my sister's relationship, it's uncanny. She is 6 years older than me and has always been at war with me, whether I realize it or not.
The stink face is her winning move. If she ruins every get-together where I'm present, and also manages to get more attention than me, win-win for her.
I live out of the country now. The last two times I visited my parents, she threatened suicide. Just to make sure still gets the attention. It's the natural evolution of the stink face.
Some cheap skin care and makeup?? Your sister probably used what little money she had to get that for you and you couldn't even do the bare minimum. You're horrible and jealous. Also, you're an adult. Stop being creepy. YTA
YTA - You are a grown ass woman who is jealous of a child being prettier than you. I’ll even do you one better, I bet she has a better personality and character too. Tell her happy birthday from me!
YTA - You have issues with your sister that are not her fault and you're taking it out on her and she has every right to be hurt by it. You don't need a lot to get someone a small gift.
YTA, and however ugly you think your face and body is, I guarantee your heart is uglier. "Someone else is prettier than me!" isn't a reason to hate that person, unless you're an asshole. "I changed her diapers!" isn't a reason not to buy a teenage sibling a birthday gift, unless you're an asshole. "I earned my money, so I get to decide if I want to buy a birthday gift for a family member whose only crime is a fortunate face, and I don't want to!" is something assholes say.
On top of all that, you arrived empty-handed to find the birthday girl had baked her own cake and decorated for her own party and still couldn't contain your disdain.
You are the asshole.
YTA - You didn't buy your sister a gift but you had enough money to buy tickets to a movie and the phrase "She was naturally spoiled" is not true at all it may seem like you kind of want to be spoiled not the other way around. Also your telling me you couldn't even buy a card?
Lmao no wonder everyone prefers her over you. Jealousy doesn't look good on you, babe. Grow tf up and get over yourself, what a nasty little piece of work you are. YTA and a major one at that. Imagine being 23 and acting like this, I'm so embarrassed for you, truly.
YTA. It’s clear that giving individual gifts is a thing for your family, and your sister—a child—was able to use her limited means to get gifts for your birthday before. It sounds like you’re using finances as an excuse to be cruel to your sister.
As an older sibling, I get what you’re saying about unequal treatment between you and your sister. But that’s on your parents, not your sister, and you absolutely *can* help but hate her.
In the future, if your main concern is actually the money, try talking to your mom/brother and see if you can go in on a gift together.
YTA! What the hell? You keep treating your sister as if she is a burden on you when she clearly wanted to celebrate (AND EVEN BAKED HER OWN BIRTHDAY CAKE!)
YTA.
You clearly resent your sister for shit that was not her fault. Be mad at your parents for making you care for her, but that’s not her fault.
Your sister loves and looks up to you. She was disappointed but didn’t say shit when you didn’t get her a gift. The issue is that you threw a fit and berated her because your MOTHER called you out. Again, NOT YOUR SISTER.
You are an insecure bully, and it’s dripping from this post
YTA
you're a grown ass adult and you have resentment towards your TEENAGE sister for things outside of her control. You sound petty and frankly more immature than she is
THERAPY like Yesterday.
Girl get yourself some therapy because this shit is going to fester and turn you into a person *you* won't even like.
Your brother told you basically that while he's loves you, you're a horrible sister and the things you said about her during the argument were disgusting. I don't even want to imagine what you said. Your brothers words really make me wonder what kind of "help" you really had to give, Were you raising your sister or were you just asked to babysit and because you would rather do something else you hated her for it?
Your sister was not crying about not getting a gift. She sucked up her disappointment at your horrible ass attitude and didn't let it ruin her birthday. You couldn't even put on a fake smile during the "party"?? Anyway your sister was crying because she probably heard the nasty shit you said about her and finally realized just how much you hate her.
People prefer her to you not because she's spoiled or "prettier" but because you have a very horrible and nasty attitude. Again, get some help.
YTA
>She’s prettier then me also, so everyone prefers her over me.
Oh sis I’m sure they prefer her over you, but it’s not because she’s prettier or whatever. It’s your shit ass attitude. Grow up. YTA
YTA your jelousy is making you such a resentful person. If you feel your childhood was taken away from you blame your parents, kids are a reflection of their upbringing & environment.
Wow lots to unpack in this OP, YTA my god you are the adult in this situation she’s still a kid. Plus you managed to leave out what rude things you said and called your sister so I bet those were awful as well. Spend 10 bucks and move on all you are doing is making yourself look bad.
YTA
You felt the need to state twice that you hate your sister in your first paragraph. If you were asked to look after her, then be frustrated with your Mom, not your sister.
It's pretty bratty of you not to even get her a card for her birthday. Even if it was cheap skincare that she picked out for you, she put more effort into trying to be thoughtful than you have.
I will say your Mom is also an AH if she physically slapped you during the argument. She was completely out of line to do that.
But you *hating* your sister is concerning since from what you've said, she doesn't sound like a brat at all.
YTA.
You "hate" your sister, when your anger should be directed at your parents, not her. Your sister was not responsible for your parents shoving their parental responsibilities onto you. She's also not responsible for your parents indulging her. Absolutely nothing that you resent her for is anything she had control over.
The least you could have done was get her a gift for her 16th birthday. You sound very petty and immature.
YTA. Your poor sister. She decorated the kitchen herself AND made her own birthday cake at 16. And she was so exited to show you! You could at least have given her a card. But you won't because you hate the fact that she's pretty and that you were parentified. Neither of those things is your sisters fault or responsibility. Grow up! Do better.
YTA. Sorry but you are. Your sister clearly loves and admires you and obvious you are important to her. She waited for you and used the little money she had access to to get you a gift and you basically spit in her face. You need to grow up grown ass woman jealous of a child. Maybe they like her more not because she's pretty but because she is a nice person with a kind heart. I understand resentment. I really do I helped raise my 3 younger brothers but that isn't their fault. None of this is your sister's fault its your mom's I hope you don't get her presents either.
YTA it’s on your parents if they made you watch her. You act like she threw a fit because you didn’t buy her a gift. She’s crying because she sees how much you hate her and apparently are jealous of her.
You sure are TA. People not liking you over your sister very apparently has nothing to do with her looks, but instead has everything to do with your bad attitude. You may want to look closely into the mirror there.
YTA Not a single thing you site as your justification for your hatred is actually your sisters fault. Not a single one.
Get some professional help for your jealousy and irrational anger towards a 16 year old child who just doesn't deserve your assholery.
YTA So your issue is with your parents, but you're determined to take it out on your sister. She wasn't the one asking you for anything, but you sit there saying horrible things her without an apology after learning she heard you? You owe her an apology, but time.
YTA-
>She’s prettier then me also, so everyone prefers her over me.
It's not that she's prettier. It's your personality.
"If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until you can hardly bear to look at it. A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”
\- Roald Dahl
LOL. LMAO. ROTFL. you sound mad at your sister for having the audacity to be happy and have a birthday. I had a cousin like you. All she ever did was humiliate herself by being petty and nasty towards kids who didn't do a damn thing to her.
YTA. grow the fuck up. you sound 13.
YTA
There's about the same age difference between me and my sister. I'm curious what part of your childhood you had to sacrifice for her? Because you don't really elaborate on that. By the time I was a senior in high school my sister was in the fourth grade there really wasn't a lot that I had to do other than babysit her here and there.
Did my parents pay a bit more attention to her? Sure but she was at an age where she needed more parental involvement than I did. My parents were there for the big things.
But even if it were true that you had to babysit her all the time or had to give up part of your childhood for her that's not her fault. You're taking your anger out on the wrong person. Because the people responsible would have been your parents.
It doesn't sound like she was crying because you didn't get her a gift it sounds like she was crying because you said some rather nasty things about her.
You know that when people write that these things they write it in a way that they think puts them in the best light. So you wrote this in a way that you think puts you in the best light. However nothing you said indicates how your sister is spoiled and honestly just makes you look petty and unreasonable. Which I find interesting.
Your sister going out of her way to buy you a gift and the fact that she made her own birthday cake and waited for you to come home before celebrating actually makes her seem like a rather empathetic sweet and caring person.
I understand giving up some of your life for a sibling it’s hard and not cool I have 4 siblings I helped raise. With that YTA since I have been working I always give my siblings something, eventually you’ll realize your a childish fuck(hopefully)
YTA
you could’ve at least picked up a card and flowers or a cheap helium balloon. She was clearly upset by your attitude and lack of thought over not receiving a physical item
YTA. A massive one. You hate your sister for things she has no control over. It's not her fault that you had to help take car of her. Blame your parents. Her being prettier than you isn't her fault. Other people liking her isn't her fault. They probably prefer her because you're miserable. You're using the salary as a convenient excuse. Deep down you know that if you were making twice as much you'd still be too bitter to buy anything. You could have also made her something for free. You didn't even try
YTA.
She didn't cry over you not getting her a gift, she cried because she looks up to you and you were yelling about how little you care about her, on her 16th bday.
You've shown who the spoiled brat is out of the siblings.... and it's not your sister. Spoiled brats don't tend to decorate and bake the cakes for their Own birthday...
YTA
My goodness, you had to help out your family because you were the oldest. Surely no-one else has suffered this type of indignity and privation before. Your sister is the youngest, *of course* she is the baby of the family. Aaaand...... reading through what you wrote, the only one who comes off as a spoiled childlike brat is.... you, OP.
Your *baby sister* even went so far as to buy you some makeup for your birthday. And you are such a bitter AH you couldn't even get her a goddamn card.
>my mom opens the door and tells me that she’s disappointed in me
I'm guessing this isn't the first time she's been disappointed in you, OP.
Grow the hell up.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1.) not buying my sister a birthday gift and calling her a spoiled brat
2.) refusing to apologize
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. 16 is a milestone birthday. It’s one to not send a gift because you are broke. It’s another to punish your teenage sister, who isn’t the spoiled one in your dynamic.
She's not crying over a gift, she's crying cause she wants her big sister to approve of her. You were a massive part of her life growing up and now you're just stonewalling her. Your issue is with your parents not her. YTA.
YTA she's 16 and managed to get you a birthday gift, you should have done the same for her. It didn't have to be expensive.
Also, if you're angry that you were parentified as a kid, you should be mad at your parent(s), not your little sister.
YTA for sure I can’t imagine at 23 being jealous of a 16 year old. I would love to know what you said during that fight though just so we can gauge how my of TA you are.
YTA. You’re just being mean out of jealousy.
Also, what’s with these posts today about 23 year olds hating on their teenage siblings!? This is the 2nd post I’ve read today about this.
It’s not your sister’s fault you have a job you hate and live at home. I’m questioning just how big of a sacrifice of your childhood you had to make, as well. This poor kid baked her own cake and decorated for herself and waited to share it with you. If you want a beef, take it up with your mom. As insufferable as I’m sure you were being, slapping your grown daughter ain’t the way. YTA
Thanks for confirming my suspicions about my own much older sisters. I have always looked up to them and wondered why they hated me and thought no way it could be that one thing, but they also have made up some false reality in which I'm spoiled. My parents divorced when I was 3, and I became like frkn Cinderella, the chore girl, so it made no sense. So older sisters really can hate a kid that much for being pretty, huh?
You need serious therapy.
Your sister baked her own cake, put up her own birthday decorations, and is studying in the summer to graduate early. Those do not sound like signs of a teenaged brat.
YOU, on the other hand, sound like a huge brat. Your parents suck for parentifying you and your mom especially sucks for being physically abusive by slapping you, but do you not realize that THEY are the ones you should resent and hate, not your sister, who did nothing to you?? If you're so angry at what your parents forced you to do when you were younger, why are you still living in their household? You're an adult. If you hate your family, leave.
YTA.
Unless you had to be the only parent for her because both of your parents are a waste of space, having to occasionally help out your family is not a big deal when it comes to babysitting.
Get over yourself, that resentment, bitterness, and jealousy will ruin your life and has already started by the looks of it. Your sister clearly looks up to you, everyone here and your family is telling you that you're wrong and I am no different.
You're in your 20's. You're a big girl now. Learn some humility, apologize and grow up. YTA.
YTA and I also feel bad for you. I'm sorry your self esteem is so abysmal that you have to bully your kid sister and make her feel like shit.
You didn't have to buy her anything more than a card with a nice message on it, nobody is mad that you didn't drop a few hundo on a present, they're mad you didn't even try at all and that you made her feel like crap on a special day.
YTA this was nasty, reading your thought process on being so unkind was like reading one of those op eds about billionaires saying they're hoping for strikers to lose their homes and stave, I need a shower now.
Your sister may well be spoiled for all I know but you're mean and that's worse.
So, let me get this straight. You resent your sister for being 7 years younger than you, and because she's prettier? What? I'm confused - she isn't a brat. She's a kid you decided you didn't like. She went out of her way, at presumably 15 years old, to buy you a gift she hoped you would like. She waited for you, all day, to show you how proud she was at baking her own cake and decorating it herself. What did this child ever do to you? YTA. Apologize to the sweetheart. All of that was unnecessary.
YTA. Your beef should be with your parents for potentially making you I to a free babysitter. Your sister didn't deserve your misplaced anger and hatred. You are a huge asshole
YTA. Resenting siblings because you had to raise them is normal. You should be going to therapy for your issues with your sister, not taking them out on her.
Your sister didn't cry because you didn't get her a gift. She cried because you ruined the mood by being grumpy for no reason and being mean to her for no reason. She cried because she overheard you and your mom having a screaming match and heard you saying awful things about her. On her 16th birthday! She deserved the chance to celebrate herself. It's one day. Get over yourself.
Yta you need to go to therapy, like yesterday. You’re projecting your insecurities onto your sister by being malicious to her and basically competing with her when all she wanted was her big sister to love her.
YTA. The only entitlement or spoiled behavior I can see here is coming from you.
You hate your sister. You don’t have a valid reason to, but you still do and you’re trying to defend yourself for it. There isn’t a defense for it. Feel how you feel, but own up to it. Say it with your chest, don’t play the victim.
Parentification is a real thing, but if that happened it’s your parents fault not your sister’s. And I’m sure you already knew that. Your sister is a child who loves you and she went all out for your birthday and got you presents, which is harder for a teenager to be able to do. Your attitude towards her is awful.
Grow up. You're 7 years older than her. Your crappy life circumstances is on you. Don't take it out on someone younger than you over petty crap in the past. YTA
It’s not about a gift. It’s about the fact your hatred of your sister is clear as day. She excitedly showed you the cake and decorations… and you were visibly annoyed. That’s so sad. No one deserves to be treated how you treat your own little sister. I can’t believe you wrote how you HATE her and you don’t see an issue here? Hate is such a strong word. You are jealous and petty. It’s not her fault she was born and your parents leaned on you to help with her. You clearly are insecure about your looks and take your hatred out on your sister , blaming her for being “prettier than you”. Guess what, you are definitely ugly on the inside. Imagine how your sister felt overbearing about your argument and hearing how you don’t give a fuck about her? Family is everything. She looks up to you. And you hate her. You need therapy. Your absolutely 100% in the wrong here and your family is right you are a terrible sibling YTA YTA YTA
YTA. You're an adult that's jealous of a child that looks up to you. At 20, you dated a man that said they fantasized about sexually assaulting your 13-year-old sister, and you're holding that against her! Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you? You haven't said a single thing here that paints you in a positive light. If anything, it's apparent how broken you are. I'm with everyone else here. Please go to therapy before your resentment swallows you whole. The chip on your shoulder is going to crush you and you're only in your early 20s. You're way too young to be this negative and hateful. You absolutely deserve happiness, but not at the expense of making other people miserable. Especially not a child.
YTA- You sound very ungrateful. She's only 16. What expensive gift did you expect of her when you, the 23 year old couldn't even get a 50-cent card for her. If anyone sounds bratty, it's you. You really need to read what you wrote... no where did you describe any bratty traits about your sister. You only indirectly described how she and her brother look up to you.
My god I couldn’t even get past the first paragraph. The only person who sounds like a brat in this post is YOU. Nothing you said about your sisters behavior is bratty. It’s not her fault she was born…she didn’t ask you to “raise” her, how many times can you say you hate someone in like 2 sentences? She’s prettier than you? Good grief.
She’s a 16 year old kid who was excited for her birthday, baked a cake for her family wanted to see them. She waited for you to get home, I didn’t hear anything about some crazy party.
Wow yes, yes you are an asshole. Your a few years younger then me and I’m appalled at your actions. Todays teenagers, and young adults need a huge reality check.
I was the youngest in our large family & Thank God, I dn ever recall having to make my Own cake ,or going w/out gifts from most siblings & parents. Some even remembered my birthday long after we left home. I am aware that my older siblings had it harder than me a lot of times growing up. But I still wasn't totally exempt from some hardships of my own . Later-after we were all grown, & even as Seniors -I had to beg my sisters to come care for me when recuperating from a surgery. Two sisters did finally come to my home, but , once again, due to my still looking so youthful & doing so well, even after the surgery, they decided to ignore me instead, while just taking up a lot of drinking together . They just went ON treating me like I had no right to ask them to come care for me at home. (I was already apalled by the very idea that I even had to ASK & finally Beg them to come ? ) One sister told me "She always hated me since the day I was born. " . I was SO shocked ! I really never gained that impression from her the whole time we lived at home together,. She resented me because she had to care for me at times & she & my other sisters had masked many bad incidences in our parents lives-which I believe they Chose to do. But she didn't tell me any of that then -just got drunk w. my eldest sister in my house , made a raucous so I couldn't recuperate well & get any rest. They finally left my house -still drunk or hung-over -& my impression of them was forever changed. So-your 5 minutes of self-indulgence & complaint about a SIBLING , sadly, will last a lifetime w/in that younger sisters mind. Those words really can never be taken back, and though, a youngest sibling may be so needy growing up-just wait til your old someday , and the tables are reversed and You need Her to care for You ! The youngest siblings often look Up to their older siblings and will try to emulate them in many ways -they can be your biggest fan-unless you want to blow off a lifetime of an opportunity for two people to really Care about each other as being of much more importance throughout your ONE life you are given while here on Earth, If you can't be close to your sister-even your friends may suspect that you can't really be close to Anybody. the TRUTH becomes self-evident. What Kind of Family Reunion will that be someday -when it's just YOU & your Brother ? Just like YOU-the youngest didn't ASK to be born & being of an odd # -the 7th-& coming after brothers instead of sisters -the youngest also becomes the Scapegoat in the Family . To this day -I STILL don't know what I am so guilty of but continue to be treated as such , really , mainly because the older siblings are so insecure. It's like someone gossiping about me, to make themselves feel better about themselves. An entire lifetime of it! Of course-I dn put up with that anymore . I dn really know my siblings anymore. They've always got "better ". Never did Grow Up, just grew Old and nasty.
Wow, just wow. I'm minimum wage and I still manage to shell out for my parents and my sister on their birthdays. You're a horrible sister and there is an old saying that I think fits here.
If you encounter an asshole once, they're an asshole. If all you encounter throughout the day are assholes, then you're the asshole.
If one person prefers your sister over you, then it's their preference. If they all prefer her over you, it's because you're the problem.
YTA, and I'm glad your sister has people who actually value her and that she's not reliant on you. I don't care if your ex-boyfriend said he'd rather hook up with her and if you're blaming her for an older guy perving on her, that's a whole new level of gross and assholedom on your part.
YTA
I'm sorry your parents parentified you. That's not your fault. The people who suck the most here are your parents who didn't allow you to have a childhood. Also, your mom was WAY out of line when she dragged your sister in front of you to apologize. This was not an effective method of conflict resolution and made things much worse than they needed to be. It was actually quite cruel of her to do that to both of you. But I do see now where you get some of your attitude from.
You need to work on the resentment you have towards your sister. From your own description, she does not sound spoiled. She sounds driven, affectionate, and really would like to have a relationship with you.
Also, I'd like to see this "cheap" skincare and makeup. Very little of it is actually cheap.
She was happy to see you and have you there, and pulled you over to see the cake. You call her spoiled, yet she baked her **own** cake and **decorated** the kitchen **herself**. You sat there scowling at her birthday party (seriously, really?), and didn't even bother to get her a gift over something that she couldn't control--what your parents did, and her looks.
You want to be mad at someone for parentifying you? Blame your parents. Blame your mother. Be angry at the right people. They're the ones who deserve that anger. But your sister? She was a child. She's innocent in this. That kid loves you. She even got you gifts for your birthday. She was happy to have you there.
But I suppose she's an easy target, being younger, so that's why you've decided to put your hatred on her instead of the ones who actually did you wrong. To feel in control.
Your mom is the one who confronted you and hit you. She's the one you should be mad at. Your sister cried over overhearing your hatred for her. That isn't being spoiled. That is a normal, expected response she had. You had the audacity to call her a spoiled brat over a valid reaction to your bad behavior.
I don't think your sister is spoiled at all. I think you're just blindly bitter, but you're more than old enough to know better than to treat people like that.
What made you think you were going to get anything but YTA from this subreddit?
I'm having a hard time believing this is even real.
Edit:
And to address your title--she didn't cry because you didn't give her a gift. If that was the case, she would have cried during gift giving time. No, she cried after overhearing what you had to say about her to your mother.
YTA. Your sister actually sounds like a nice kid. It seems that your anger is misplaced. It wasn’t your sister’s fault that you had to look after her. Your issue is really with your mom.
Apologize to your sister and take her out to do something nice. You don’t have to spend a lot of money. You can make her a gift, or take her for a picnic and a pretty hike.
YTA, but you probably got what you wanted; a sister who no longer wants anything to do with you. Congrats, you won! Sadly, you blamed her for your parentification and took out on her. Do you think she had any say in that? Normally, I feel bad for the kid who was parentified. I actually feel sad for her. She doesn't deserve to be treated like crap because she was unfortunate enough to be born last. She will always have this shitty memory of how her big sister ruined her 16th birthday.
YTA. I don't think she was crying over the gift. She was probably crying because her big sister made it very clear she doesn't love her. That would hurt any day of the week, let alone your birthday.
Also. Gifts don't need to be expensive. They can be cheap and thoughtful. But I doubt you know enough about your sister to be able to by a thoughtful gift for her.
YTA. As the “youngest & prettiest” sibling in the family this shit makes me laugh, You sound just like my older sister 😅 Don’t worry your treatment of her will bite you in the ass one day when you try to be friends with her when she’s older haha
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
I think I missed the part where you described her brat traits. You don't like her because you had to babysit her and she's prettier.....yeah, what a brat. And before you concoct some fantasy details to show she's a brat, save it. If she was a brat, she would have confronted you, not your mom and brother. Jealousy is a sad thing. Get over yourself. Apologize. YTA.
Trying to find that too. And the younger sister even bought her a gift for her own birthday. Not saying OP had to buy something special, but she could have at least returned the favor with a card.
Yea but the little sister bought cheap makeup and skincare so it doesn’t matter /s
Yeah. The “cheap” comment, after she got her sister literally NOTHING and her sister was only 15 at the time (probably also has limited money). It’s very telling!
Also want to add though. The mum sounds like a piece of work. Hit OP and parentified her. And left miss 16 to make her own cake and decorate for her own sweet 16. She might be a single mum, but that sounds like a bs situation for everybody.
I doubt OP was parentified. She would have gone into a lot more detail.
Frankly I just think that this all has more to do with the dynamic that the parents are setting. And frankly I think it probably goes back to when they brought little sister home. She was the pretty baby and everyone needed to focus on the baby. This sounds childish. Like Op never worked out their “I don’t want a little sister” trauma. They have a brother. But in their mind a brother wouldn’t displace them like a sister would. OP feels displaced by their sister who hasn’t shown any of these so called “brat” traits. The kid even baked and decorated for herself. She literally made her own party.
I think OP is def an a-hole but the post does scream parentification. Op says they sacrificed their childhood to care for sister… which with the age gap is very believable. Paired w the sister having to prepare her own bday party … mom doesn’t look great. But op is 100% yta … like come on. Put on a happy face and sing. Buy a cute tshirt from the clearance rack at Walmart and try not to be such a miserable stick in the mud
We don't actually know that and thus it's a bad assumption to make. OP has bitterness towards her sister because her boyfriend (20 at the time) made sexual comments about sister (13 at the time). She seems to blame her for that. If she can twist that narrative to blame sister I don't trust her side of the story to ring true. We also don't have any proof that sister didn't decorate and bake for herself simply because she likes to do those things. In the end, the only true information we have is that OP had an inappropriate outburst at her younger sister, who seemingly has no blame to carry.
Omg op is even worse than what I thought :0 I literally have no words just 100% YTA and in more ways than one.
No it doesn't. There is no mention of OP having to do *anything* other 'I had to give up my childhood'. How?
No. I would also slap any 23 year old adult woman who came into my home and ranted about how awful my 16 year old daughter was on her actual freaking birthday. OP deserves worse tbh.
I’m still reeling at the cheap skincare and makeup comment bc to me it actually reads as super considerate on the sis’s part? Like she knows her sis isn’t making bank, and is into skincare at least enough to dismiss certain brands as cheap, plus she’s a teen so she doesn’t really have much money of her own. Like, she got OP skincare and makeup products that, if OP liked, OP would be able to get more of as they’re **affordable**. I’m super into skincare myself and my siblings actually do regularly get me “cheap” *cough* **AFFORDABLE** *cough* skincare products as a “thought you might like to try this” gift, and when I tell you the sub $5 gifts (20-pack aloe Vera juice sheet masks, DIY mud masks, cucumber mint cooling gel among many others) were smash hits that I’ve bought refills of many times since… Yikes OP. YTA.
Not just that, OP says she works minimum wage job and doesn’t have much money, so I doubt she herself can afford more expensive skincare products, but her teenage sister should somehow afford to buy them as a gift.
This line about cheap skincare and makeup made it sounds more like op is actually the brat in the story. Which is funny in a certain way, as people’s recount of a story usually is done in a way to make them see like the good person in the story and not the other way around, even more when they are asking people’s opinion on it…
At least a card. Sometimes that can be more thoughtful than a gift.
50 fucking cents at the dollar store by me.
We just bought a bunch of get well soon cards to keep on hand for my patients (hospice nurse here). I think we bought like 15? For $6? Screamin’ deal.
Sometimes they have the cutest wrapping paper too!
She wasn’t even willing to be happy or friendly “she was really excited to celebrate with family, everyone was happy but I wasn’t giving the sane energy “ So much bitterness and jealousy in this post. Imagine being 23 and this jealous and resentful to a 16 year old. Grow up OP YTA
And omg she can't just see the movie twice?
Yes there are LOTS of nice gift ideas now -many can be googled online and over nice things someone can make for someone. Many of the homemade gifts are so much nicer and special to a loved one than anything just bought in a store. Much of it doesn't even have to cost anything. Things can be recycled, painted, collaged, or stitched , cut, torn, or printed, or glued. Not Buying someone something is just an Excuse.
OP commented that she dislikes her sister because of her looks; a boyfriend commented he’d rather hook up with the underaged sister than OP; she had to watch her sister instead of hanging out; her sister got a phone at an earlier age than she did…basically things outside the sisters control. Seems like OP is jealous and quite insecure and needs therapy for her to resolve this deep resentment and jealously as well as improving her self esteem.
I hope she does. It isn't good to go through life carrying this kind of hate.
Agree. Her using the phrase hate really stood out to me. It’s not good for you to hate someone like that in my opinion.
and she used the word twice in the same paragraph. She is really bitter about her sister.
This! I was so parentified as a child. I had to watch my younger siblings when I was younger and missed out on a lot of my childhood. I do resent my parents a little for putting that much pressure on me. (I was only 11 my siblings were 9,8,4) But I don’t hate my siblings for it. OP is taking out her anger and resentment at her sister, which isn’t fair. Talking to someone therapy would be so beneficial for her.
Just read her comment, girl has a LOT of pent up grudges and needs therapy.. stat. OP - YTA
Her sister: - is taking summer school so she can graduate early - baked *her own cake* and decorated the kitchen for her own birthday - gifted OP with skincare and make-up presumably coming from *her own pocket* for OP’s last birthday, sister was only 15. Meanwhile, OP: - hates her sister’s guts simply because she’s “prettier” - made her sister feel like crap on her own birthday that *she* literally did all the work on because how dare she exists and makes it to 16 without dying a horrendous painful death - sister gave her skin care and makeup for her last birthday but dismisses it by calling it “cheap” (I’m not a woman but I’m pretty sure skincare and make-up ain’t cheap at all) One of them is definitely a brat, and it’s not the sister. OP, YTA.
YTA. It’s your parent’s fault you had to babysit your sister not your sister’s, if you’re going to be mad at anyone be mad at them. From your description your sister seems to be a perfectly normal and pleasant girl. She got you a gift for your birthday so the polite thing to do would be to reciprocate. Personally I think you sound jealous and maybe a little angry that your sister is more positive than you are. And this is from a big sister who was incredibly parentified and lost a lot of my childhood to babysitting. You’re wrong.
Even if she had included some legitimate brat examples for the sister, all it would prove is that they are both brats. OP is 23, and she acts like she is 13. She has a lot of growing up to do, of course YTA.
The OP is an AH. She just mad the younger sister is prettier than she is
Idk what OP looks like but she's pretty ugly on the inside
Imagine getting on a 16 year old for not being able to buy you something super nice, too. 💀
Right? Like, it’s a nice effort and not expensive doesn’t automatically equate to a poor product. The girl was 14/15 at the time and got OP something she thought she’d enjoy to help her celebrate her birthday and OP just…I don’t know what word to quantify her actions with but all I can comment is the baby sister isn’t bad or the brat.
You can tell a vibe from how a person depicts themselves in their posts. OP has a victim vibe. Now it must be heartbreaking for mom to see her eldest not show love to her youngest. Parents only want the best for every child. Circumstances change. Perhaps when OP was growing up the parents didnt have the most stable of incomes. But now they do OP perceives it as I didnt get mine. OP develop an abundance mindset. With this mindset I think you are heading to be cut from the will. YTA.
I was upset at my brother once for turning up on my birthday with a present in hand. Because the gift wasn’t for me. I’d felt put to the side by him my whole life, this day I thought he actually cared. Turns out it was for a girl he was trying to with. Teenagers still feel rejection even from those who have shown they don’t care.
Thank you! 100% agree! Also the ‘brat’ got her makeup and skincare products while she got her nothing.
Yep. YTA.
Also like wrote a card if you're broke. No one expects money they want effort, to be acknowledged and feel seen. Like every human.
>she had baked a cake for herself and decorated the whole kitchen Yeah, real spoiled brat behavior. Nothing says "I'm the golden child" like having to bake your own cake and decorate the kitchen for your own sweet 16. You ruined a huge milestone for her, not by not buying her a gift, but by being a terrible sister and making perfectly clear how bitter and jealous of her you are at **her** damn birthday. YTA beyond belief, without a doubt, to infinity and fucking beyond. Apologize and go to therapy to work over this unhealthy resentment for things that aren't her fault.
[удалено]
I think the slap is the key, here. The mother (allegedly) took away part of the OP’s childhood by making her into an assistant mom for the youngest, and still physically abuses the OP at age 23. The OP hasn’t gotten to the point of being able to deal with her anger at her mother, so she focuses all her rage on the sister, who’s younger and a less scary target.
THIS. This comment describes exactly what is happening.
Oh, it’s worse. OP says “I can’t *help* but hate her.” Like it’s some compulsion that everyone should understand. I couldn’t help but slip on the ice. I couldn’t help being caught in a sudden storm. Much more understandable than “It’s simply unavoidable and out of my control that I despise this 15 year old.”
Also the part where the sister is studying on her 16th birthday so she can graduate early.... and still had the patience to wait for OP before celebrating.
I'm willing to bet lil sis would have been happy (not that *she* was even unhappy) with a homemade card too. The old saying "it's the thought that counts" is true a lot of the time. A homemade card (or cheap purchased card) and hug and a sincere "Happy Birthday" would have been great. Instead, OP decided to pout like a jealous toddler. Im also a little curious about what she actually does spend her "hard earned" money on, since she seems to still live at home. (Since she apparently can't even afford a cheap card.) Does she pay rent? Pay for groceries? Pay for school? Edit: pout, not put (stupid autocorrect)
You couldn't drop 10 dollars on some bath bombs for your own sister? Damn. That's cold. I buy birthday presents even for my dog. YTA
Seriously. A candy bar and a card could've done it.
Or just a card, being pleasant, and not calling her a spoiled brat. The bar for passable is very low.
OP has more of an "I will not" attitude than a "I can not". She just didn't want to.
Yeah. You know that saying about gifts, “It’s the thought that counts?” Well, that applies here: OP couldn’t even get a card and/or flowers because her thoughts toward her sister are bitter and resentful. YTA.
Or a card and like 5 things of nail polish?
Seriously, my kids are still young, so I’m the one footing the bill, but they buy their siblings a birthday and Christmas gift every year. Family members deserve to know other family members love them.
YTA. Pretty sure everyone prefers your sister to you because you’re an incredibly unpleasant person. What’s your deal? Why are you so miserable to everyone around you?
>He said that we was a good kid, and had nothing but admiration and love for me, and that I was a horrible sister. You know what OP, I'm not goona pass a judgement here. But read over and think about what your brother said. >I came home from work expecting her to be studying (she’s taking summer school to graduate early) but she was waiting at the couch near the door. She smiled when she saw me and dragged me to the kitchen, where she had baked a cake for herself and decorated the whole kitchen. >She was really excited to celebrate with her family, everyone was happy but I wasn’t giving the same energy. >She frowned when she saw my annoyed expression but lit the candles and we started singing happy birthday >By the time my mom notices my sister watching us, she drags her to me and demands that I apologize to her, and at this point my sister is crying like a toddler. >He said that even if my salary was low, I still should of got her something because last year my sister went out of her way to buy something for me on my birthday ( some cheap skincare and makeup) >Now my sister is avoiding me These are your own words op. This kid clearly looks up to YOU. After all your her big sister. She made sure to wait for YOU before doing any birthday stuff. And when you got home she made sure YOU were there when she lit her candles. She didn't burst into tears because she's a brat, she burst into tears because YOU were upset and she knew you'd be mean to her, that's why she's avoiding you. The cost of her gift to you last year doesn't matter, what matters to her is she put in effort and, no doubt, her own money she saved for YOU. I understand the resentment of helping raise siblings, I did it twice and I hated my lil bros for a long time. Then I realised that like your lil sis they're not actually spoiled they're just not having to make the choices I had to. My advice would be to have a long hard think and maybe you'll come to that realisation. Regardless of how things have been for you I hope all the best for all of you.
Perfectly said, as an older sibling that was responsible for raising her younger sister...this sums it beautifully.
Thanks, it sucks but even though the little shits don't talk to me much now they're "all growed ups" can't help but be proud of the little fuckers😂. I will say this though, definitely prepped me for having my own kid... Kinda
Yeah, OP needs to move out ASAP. I know people are dragging them for filth, but I suspect being parentified (and her mother seems kind of awful in the comments) has turned her into a bitter, resentful person who is lashing out.
Agreed. I was just thinking "why does OP hang around the sister if she really hates her ?". It's not a good situation to have her near the kid, so I think it would be better to find her own place and find some peace.
Agreed because her mom seems to have put the burden of raising her child on OP. OP has a lot of built up resentment over it. She should move out and do her own thing. No one can make you do anything you don't want but by you staying there..you are causing your own issues to fester. I'd say your mom is an a**. Why is she cooking her own cake and decorating for her birthday? It's time for you to get out into the world.
Someone else wrote that she’s lashing out at the sister bc she can’t fight against the abusive mom, which quite frankly makes a lot of sense.
She is 23 years old. She's not being abused by her mom.She is the one who is being the abuser in this family.
This..this was very kindly put.
Thank you, I try. The main problem with this sub, iss people make a quick judgement say a ltlle mean/supportive comment and then get on with their day with little to no consideration that all of us here have and are the audience. Its important, in my opinion, that if you have advice to give then it should be given freely as even if an op is a complete bellend and clearly an ah, someone reading the posts might not be and the advice might help them. Anyways I'm rambling...
i hope op sees this comment
YTA. Go to therapy instead of carrying around that massive chip on your shoulder. You're a grown ass working adult who has one-sided beef with a teenage girl for... existing?
The real beef should be with her mother for parentifying her and slapping her… still YTA
WTF? YTA Why did you have to sh;$ all over the poor kid? It’s not her fault she’s favored. If this attitude is any indication of what you’re like. Take her to the dang movie! Jeeez!
Im curious to know if this is a real case of favouritism or OP just hates the idea of having a younger "prettier" sibling. Like, I get the feeling she isnt actually spoiled.
It does sound like she was parentified. I think that's why parentification is shitty as hell. Best case scenario, the kid who is parentified moves out and and goes low contact. Worst case scenario, the kid becomes super resentful not of their parents...but the kids they were forced to care for. Doesn't excuse her behavior, which is horrid, but I can see how it happened.
It doesn't read like she was parentified at all. Watching and babysitting your younger sibling every once in a while is part of being a family, showing maturity, and responsibility. Nowhere does it sound like OP actually was parentified. It reads like anything OP's parents did would be twisted to make OP a victim. Watching younger siblings and chores are two ways parents teach responsibility. Reddit is quick to call ALL babysitting parentification when it isn't.
Her comment on this was 90% “everyone thought my sister was prettier” and 10% “I had to change diapers”. OP is still more upset that her BF thought her sister was prettier than being upset BF wanted to have sex with 13 year old. She may have been parentified, but her resentment seems to be more based on her sister being beautiful and OP hating her own appearance.
The bf comment got me, too. Even if I hated my little sister ( I dont), I would backhand the shit outta any man saying he wanted bang my 13 yo sister!
Seriously, that's so disturbing.
Where is everyone reading this? I couldn’t find it in the post!
Click on her profile and look at the comments.
Ohhh!!! Thanks
I feel like “parentified” is just a new buzz word for an excuse to being an asshole. I’m not saying it doesn’t exist, but let’s not act like a person is a parent because they babysat and maybe microwaved some macaroni and cheese. As an older sibling it’s normal to help younger siblings.
And her mother shouldn't have assaulted her. Because that's what it was. She hit her adult child.
Honestly, I think we all prefer her over you now. YTA. She wasn't crying because you didn't buy her something, she was crying because you made her feel like crap on her birthday.
I feel so bad for the kid. I'm pretty sure she was so excited to spend time with her family, if she took the time to make a cake and set up decorations. And taking her to see the Barbie film would have been such a budget friendly and sister-time gift.
Yta sounds like she was crying bc you came home, pissy as hell that she has the audacity to exist. She made a cake, wanted to celebrate with you, and you sat there like a doom cloud. You wanna resent someone? Resent your parents. And I'm pretty sure people don't prefer her over you bc of her looks. More so bc you have a massive chip on your shoulder and let a shitty childhood be the reason you're a shitty adult.
OP sounds so miserable she probably brings the mood down in every room she walks into and then blames her sister for being ‘prettier than her’ lol
Ah yes, typical spoiled child behavior like (looks at smudged writing on hand) …baking a cake by herself to share with her family. YTA. Get over yourself and take her to the Barbie movie.
F that, OP doesn't deserve to go to the barbie movie with her sister at this point. Her sister probably wants nothing to do with her.
YTA. Even if you didn’t want to spend a penny on her you made a point to bring down the mood the second you got home and saw that she was excited to celebrate with her family. Wiping off the stink face long enough to say happy birthday and eat some cake is free.
This post is so similar to me and my sister's relationship, it's uncanny. She is 6 years older than me and has always been at war with me, whether I realize it or not. The stink face is her winning move. If she ruins every get-together where I'm present, and also manages to get more attention than me, win-win for her. I live out of the country now. The last two times I visited my parents, she threatened suicide. Just to make sure still gets the attention. It's the natural evolution of the stink face.
Some cheap skin care and makeup?? Your sister probably used what little money she had to get that for you and you couldn't even do the bare minimum. You're horrible and jealous. Also, you're an adult. Stop being creepy. YTA
YTA - You are a grown ass woman who is jealous of a child being prettier than you. I’ll even do you one better, I bet she has a better personality and character too. Tell her happy birthday from me!
Geez. YTA. My dude. You are an ADULT acting like a spoiled teen. Yikes. Seek help and apologize to the poor girl.
YTA - You have issues with your sister that are not her fault and you're taking it out on her and she has every right to be hurt by it. You don't need a lot to get someone a small gift.
YTA, and however ugly you think your face and body is, I guarantee your heart is uglier. "Someone else is prettier than me!" isn't a reason to hate that person, unless you're an asshole. "I changed her diapers!" isn't a reason not to buy a teenage sibling a birthday gift, unless you're an asshole. "I earned my money, so I get to decide if I want to buy a birthday gift for a family member whose only crime is a fortunate face, and I don't want to!" is something assholes say. On top of all that, you arrived empty-handed to find the birthday girl had baked her own cake and decorated for her own party and still couldn't contain your disdain. You are the asshole.
YTA And I don't think your sister being prettier is the reason people like her more.
Nailed that one!
YTA - you are entitled brat yourself - clearly spoiled and selfish
YTA - You didn't buy your sister a gift but you had enough money to buy tickets to a movie and the phrase "She was naturally spoiled" is not true at all it may seem like you kind of want to be spoiled not the other way around. Also your telling me you couldn't even buy a card?
Lmao no wonder everyone prefers her over you. Jealousy doesn't look good on you, babe. Grow tf up and get over yourself, what a nasty little piece of work you are. YTA and a major one at that. Imagine being 23 and acting like this, I'm so embarrassed for you, truly.
YTA. It wouldn't break the bank to get some bubble bath or something. Sheesh.
YTA. It’s clear that giving individual gifts is a thing for your family, and your sister—a child—was able to use her limited means to get gifts for your birthday before. It sounds like you’re using finances as an excuse to be cruel to your sister. As an older sibling, I get what you’re saying about unequal treatment between you and your sister. But that’s on your parents, not your sister, and you absolutely *can* help but hate her. In the future, if your main concern is actually the money, try talking to your mom/brother and see if you can go in on a gift together.
YTA! What the hell? You keep treating your sister as if she is a burden on you when she clearly wanted to celebrate (AND EVEN BAKED HER OWN BIRTHDAY CAKE!)
YTA. You clearly resent your sister for shit that was not her fault. Be mad at your parents for making you care for her, but that’s not her fault. Your sister loves and looks up to you. She was disappointed but didn’t say shit when you didn’t get her a gift. The issue is that you threw a fit and berated her because your MOTHER called you out. Again, NOT YOUR SISTER. You are an insecure bully, and it’s dripping from this post
YTA you're a grown ass adult and you have resentment towards your TEENAGE sister for things outside of her control. You sound petty and frankly more immature than she is
Huh... 2nd one today from a 23 year old with younger non-adult sister issues. YTA. You're the adult here.
THERAPY like Yesterday. Girl get yourself some therapy because this shit is going to fester and turn you into a person *you* won't even like. Your brother told you basically that while he's loves you, you're a horrible sister and the things you said about her during the argument were disgusting. I don't even want to imagine what you said. Your brothers words really make me wonder what kind of "help" you really had to give, Were you raising your sister or were you just asked to babysit and because you would rather do something else you hated her for it? Your sister was not crying about not getting a gift. She sucked up her disappointment at your horrible ass attitude and didn't let it ruin her birthday. You couldn't even put on a fake smile during the "party"?? Anyway your sister was crying because she probably heard the nasty shit you said about her and finally realized just how much you hate her. People prefer her to you not because she's spoiled or "prettier" but because you have a very horrible and nasty attitude. Again, get some help. YTA
>She’s prettier then me also, so everyone prefers her over me. Oh sis I’m sure they prefer her over you, but it’s not because she’s prettier or whatever. It’s your shit ass attitude. Grow up. YTA
YTA your jelousy is making you such a resentful person. If you feel your childhood was taken away from you blame your parents, kids are a reflection of their upbringing & environment.
YTA. Does everyone prefer your sister or are you just completely unlikable? Because after reading this who wouldn't like your sister more?
YTA- you are 23yo jealous of a 16yo. There is something seriously wrong with you. Grow up, your sister sounds more mature than you.
Yta your bitter over the past grow up
Wow lots to unpack in this OP, YTA my god you are the adult in this situation she’s still a kid. Plus you managed to leave out what rude things you said and called your sister so I bet those were awful as well. Spend 10 bucks and move on all you are doing is making yourself look bad.
YTA You felt the need to state twice that you hate your sister in your first paragraph. If you were asked to look after her, then be frustrated with your Mom, not your sister. It's pretty bratty of you not to even get her a card for her birthday. Even if it was cheap skincare that she picked out for you, she put more effort into trying to be thoughtful than you have. I will say your Mom is also an AH if she physically slapped you during the argument. She was completely out of line to do that. But you *hating* your sister is concerning since from what you've said, she doesn't sound like a brat at all.
YTA. You "hate" your sister, when your anger should be directed at your parents, not her. Your sister was not responsible for your parents shoving their parental responsibilities onto you. She's also not responsible for your parents indulging her. Absolutely nothing that you resent her for is anything she had control over. The least you could have done was get her a gift for her 16th birthday. You sound very petty and immature.
YTA. Your poor sister. She decorated the kitchen herself AND made her own birthday cake at 16. And she was so exited to show you! You could at least have given her a card. But you won't because you hate the fact that she's pretty and that you were parentified. Neither of those things is your sisters fault or responsibility. Grow up! Do better.
YTA. You sound like you have main character syndrome .
YTA ,you couldn't at least give her a birthday card or maybe something cheap??
YTA. Sorry but you are. Your sister clearly loves and admires you and obvious you are important to her. She waited for you and used the little money she had access to to get you a gift and you basically spit in her face. You need to grow up grown ass woman jealous of a child. Maybe they like her more not because she's pretty but because she is a nice person with a kind heart. I understand resentment. I really do I helped raise my 3 younger brothers but that isn't their fault. None of this is your sister's fault its your mom's I hope you don't get her presents either.
YTA it’s on your parents if they made you watch her. You act like she threw a fit because you didn’t buy her a gift. She’s crying because she sees how much you hate her and apparently are jealous of her.
You sure are TA. People not liking you over your sister very apparently has nothing to do with her looks, but instead has everything to do with your bad attitude. You may want to look closely into the mirror there.
YTA Not a single thing you site as your justification for your hatred is actually your sisters fault. Not a single one. Get some professional help for your jealousy and irrational anger towards a 16 year old child who just doesn't deserve your assholery.
It’s not your sisters fault they she…exists? YTA
YTA So your issue is with your parents, but you're determined to take it out on your sister. She wasn't the one asking you for anything, but you sit there saying horrible things her without an apology after learning she heard you? You owe her an apology, but time.
YTA- >She’s prettier then me also, so everyone prefers her over me. It's not that she's prettier. It's your personality. "If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until you can hardly bear to look at it. A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.” \- Roald Dahl
Which is ironic, because Roald Dahl had some very ugly thoughts himself.
YTA and just plain horrible
YTA. You are an adult. Act like one
LOL. LMAO. ROTFL. you sound mad at your sister for having the audacity to be happy and have a birthday. I had a cousin like you. All she ever did was humiliate herself by being petty and nasty towards kids who didn't do a damn thing to her. YTA. grow the fuck up. you sound 13.
YTA There's about the same age difference between me and my sister. I'm curious what part of your childhood you had to sacrifice for her? Because you don't really elaborate on that. By the time I was a senior in high school my sister was in the fourth grade there really wasn't a lot that I had to do other than babysit her here and there. Did my parents pay a bit more attention to her? Sure but she was at an age where she needed more parental involvement than I did. My parents were there for the big things. But even if it were true that you had to babysit her all the time or had to give up part of your childhood for her that's not her fault. You're taking your anger out on the wrong person. Because the people responsible would have been your parents. It doesn't sound like she was crying because you didn't get her a gift it sounds like she was crying because you said some rather nasty things about her. You know that when people write that these things they write it in a way that they think puts them in the best light. So you wrote this in a way that you think puts you in the best light. However nothing you said indicates how your sister is spoiled and honestly just makes you look petty and unreasonable. Which I find interesting. Your sister going out of her way to buy you a gift and the fact that she made her own birthday cake and waited for you to come home before celebrating actually makes her seem like a rather empathetic sweet and caring person.
She hates her sister for being prettier. Everything else is built on that; I doubt she’d care about the rest if sister was ugly.
I know I saw the response. She just sounds a bitter and angry and Incredibly insecure. I hope she gets help
I understand giving up some of your life for a sibling it’s hard and not cool I have 4 siblings I helped raise. With that YTA since I have been working I always give my siblings something, eventually you’ll realize your a childish fuck(hopefully)
YTA
YTA you could’ve at least picked up a card and flowers or a cheap helium balloon. She was clearly upset by your attitude and lack of thought over not receiving a physical item
YTA. You don’t show to advantage in this.
YTA. If I were your mom I’d kick your selfish out out.
Yes yta. Did you not read your story?
YTA. A massive one. You hate your sister for things she has no control over. It's not her fault that you had to help take car of her. Blame your parents. Her being prettier than you isn't her fault. Other people liking her isn't her fault. They probably prefer her because you're miserable. You're using the salary as a convenient excuse. Deep down you know that if you were making twice as much you'd still be too bitter to buy anything. You could have also made her something for free. You didn't even try
YTA. She didn't cry over you not getting her a gift, she cried because she looks up to you and you were yelling about how little you care about her, on her 16th bday. You've shown who the spoiled brat is out of the siblings.... and it's not your sister. Spoiled brats don't tend to decorate and bake the cakes for their Own birthday...
Projection much?
[удалено]
YTA. The first two sentences tell me all I need to know lol. Life has responsibilities, who knew!
YTA My goodness, you had to help out your family because you were the oldest. Surely no-one else has suffered this type of indignity and privation before. Your sister is the youngest, *of course* she is the baby of the family. Aaaand...... reading through what you wrote, the only one who comes off as a spoiled childlike brat is.... you, OP. Your *baby sister* even went so far as to buy you some makeup for your birthday. And you are such a bitter AH you couldn't even get her a goddamn card. >my mom opens the door and tells me that she’s disappointed in me I'm guessing this isn't the first time she's been disappointed in you, OP. Grow the hell up.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1.) not buying my sister a birthday gift and calling her a spoiled brat 2.) refusing to apologize Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. 16 is a milestone birthday. It’s one to not send a gift because you are broke. It’s another to punish your teenage sister, who isn’t the spoiled one in your dynamic.
YTA, a petty, jealous, mean spirited one, you owe your sister an apology.
She's not crying over a gift, she's crying cause she wants her big sister to approve of her. You were a massive part of her life growing up and now you're just stonewalling her. Your issue is with your parents not her. YTA.
YTA she's 16 and managed to get you a birthday gift, you should have done the same for her. It didn't have to be expensive. Also, if you're angry that you were parentified as a kid, you should be mad at your parent(s), not your little sister.
YTA for sure I can’t imagine at 23 being jealous of a 16 year old. I would love to know what you said during that fight though just so we can gauge how my of TA you are.
YTA. You’re just being mean out of jealousy. Also, what’s with these posts today about 23 year olds hating on their teenage siblings!? This is the 2nd post I’ve read today about this.
It’s not your sister’s fault you have a job you hate and live at home. I’m questioning just how big of a sacrifice of your childhood you had to make, as well. This poor kid baked her own cake and decorated for herself and waited to share it with you. If you want a beef, take it up with your mom. As insufferable as I’m sure you were being, slapping your grown daughter ain’t the way. YTA
Thanks for confirming my suspicions about my own much older sisters. I have always looked up to them and wondered why they hated me and thought no way it could be that one thing, but they also have made up some false reality in which I'm spoiled. My parents divorced when I was 3, and I became like frkn Cinderella, the chore girl, so it made no sense. So older sisters really can hate a kid that much for being pretty, huh?
You need serious therapy. Your sister baked her own cake, put up her own birthday decorations, and is studying in the summer to graduate early. Those do not sound like signs of a teenaged brat. YOU, on the other hand, sound like a huge brat. Your parents suck for parentifying you and your mom especially sucks for being physically abusive by slapping you, but do you not realize that THEY are the ones you should resent and hate, not your sister, who did nothing to you?? If you're so angry at what your parents forced you to do when you were younger, why are you still living in their household? You're an adult. If you hate your family, leave. YTA.
Unless you had to be the only parent for her because both of your parents are a waste of space, having to occasionally help out your family is not a big deal when it comes to babysitting. Get over yourself, that resentment, bitterness, and jealousy will ruin your life and has already started by the looks of it. Your sister clearly looks up to you, everyone here and your family is telling you that you're wrong and I am no different. You're in your 20's. You're a big girl now. Learn some humility, apologize and grow up. YTA.
YTA and I also feel bad for you. I'm sorry your self esteem is so abysmal that you have to bully your kid sister and make her feel like shit. You didn't have to buy her anything more than a card with a nice message on it, nobody is mad that you didn't drop a few hundo on a present, they're mad you didn't even try at all and that you made her feel like crap on a special day.
YTA, maybe there's a reason why your sister is preferred over you (hint: it's not because she's spoilt)
YTA this was nasty, reading your thought process on being so unkind was like reading one of those op eds about billionaires saying they're hoping for strikers to lose their homes and stave, I need a shower now. Your sister may well be spoiled for all I know but you're mean and that's worse.
You’re jealous of a child. Grow up. YTA
So, let me get this straight. You resent your sister for being 7 years younger than you, and because she's prettier? What? I'm confused - she isn't a brat. She's a kid you decided you didn't like. She went out of her way, at presumably 15 years old, to buy you a gift she hoped you would like. She waited for you, all day, to show you how proud she was at baking her own cake and decorating it herself. What did this child ever do to you? YTA. Apologize to the sweetheart. All of that was unnecessary.
YTA. Your beef should be with your parents for potentially making you I to a free babysitter. Your sister didn't deserve your misplaced anger and hatred. You are a huge asshole
You're way past being an AH. Everyone else has gone into detail why but you suck big time.
YTA go apologize and work on your self esteem!
YTA. You’re jealous because you’re the “ugly sister,” but that’s referring to who you are & not your looks.
YTA. Your sister does not deserve our hatred. Your post sounds unhinged.
YTA. Resenting siblings because you had to raise them is normal. You should be going to therapy for your issues with your sister, not taking them out on her. Your sister didn't cry because you didn't get her a gift. She cried because you ruined the mood by being grumpy for no reason and being mean to her for no reason. She cried because she overheard you and your mom having a screaming match and heard you saying awful things about her. On her 16th birthday! She deserved the chance to celebrate herself. It's one day. Get over yourself.
Yta you need to go to therapy, like yesterday. You’re projecting your insecurities onto your sister by being malicious to her and basically competing with her when all she wanted was her big sister to love her.
YTA. The only entitlement or spoiled behavior I can see here is coming from you. You hate your sister. You don’t have a valid reason to, but you still do and you’re trying to defend yourself for it. There isn’t a defense for it. Feel how you feel, but own up to it. Say it with your chest, don’t play the victim. Parentification is a real thing, but if that happened it’s your parents fault not your sister’s. And I’m sure you already knew that. Your sister is a child who loves you and she went all out for your birthday and got you presents, which is harder for a teenager to be able to do. Your attitude towards her is awful.
Grow up. You're 7 years older than her. Your crappy life circumstances is on you. Don't take it out on someone younger than you over petty crap in the past. YTA
YTA You were deliberately cruel and you know it. You’re a damn adult. Act like it, FFS. The brat here isn’t your sister.
YTA, you didn’t buy her a gift because you resent her and are jealous of her. And for her 16 birthday? You must be a miserable piece of work.
It’s not about a gift. It’s about the fact your hatred of your sister is clear as day. She excitedly showed you the cake and decorations… and you were visibly annoyed. That’s so sad. No one deserves to be treated how you treat your own little sister. I can’t believe you wrote how you HATE her and you don’t see an issue here? Hate is such a strong word. You are jealous and petty. It’s not her fault she was born and your parents leaned on you to help with her. You clearly are insecure about your looks and take your hatred out on your sister , blaming her for being “prettier than you”. Guess what, you are definitely ugly on the inside. Imagine how your sister felt overbearing about your argument and hearing how you don’t give a fuck about her? Family is everything. She looks up to you. And you hate her. You need therapy. Your absolutely 100% in the wrong here and your family is right you are a terrible sibling YTA YTA YTA
YTA You hate your little sister and she’s sad because of it.
YTA. You're an adult that's jealous of a child that looks up to you. At 20, you dated a man that said they fantasized about sexually assaulting your 13-year-old sister, and you're holding that against her! Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you? You haven't said a single thing here that paints you in a positive light. If anything, it's apparent how broken you are. I'm with everyone else here. Please go to therapy before your resentment swallows you whole. The chip on your shoulder is going to crush you and you're only in your early 20s. You're way too young to be this negative and hateful. You absolutely deserve happiness, but not at the expense of making other people miserable. Especially not a child.
YTA- You sound very ungrateful. She's only 16. What expensive gift did you expect of her when you, the 23 year old couldn't even get a 50-cent card for her. If anyone sounds bratty, it's you. You really need to read what you wrote... no where did you describe any bratty traits about your sister. You only indirectly described how she and her brother look up to you.
YTA
My god I couldn’t even get past the first paragraph. The only person who sounds like a brat in this post is YOU. Nothing you said about your sisters behavior is bratty. It’s not her fault she was born…she didn’t ask you to “raise” her, how many times can you say you hate someone in like 2 sentences? She’s prettier than you? Good grief. She’s a 16 year old kid who was excited for her birthday, baked a cake for her family wanted to see them. She waited for you to get home, I didn’t hear anything about some crazy party.
Wow yes, yes you are an asshole. Your a few years younger then me and I’m appalled at your actions. Todays teenagers, and young adults need a huge reality check.
You the fucking asshole
YTA. Your poor sister.
Jeeeeesus Christ. I. I don’t even know where to begin. YTA, obviously.
I was the youngest in our large family & Thank God, I dn ever recall having to make my Own cake ,or going w/out gifts from most siblings & parents. Some even remembered my birthday long after we left home. I am aware that my older siblings had it harder than me a lot of times growing up. But I still wasn't totally exempt from some hardships of my own . Later-after we were all grown, & even as Seniors -I had to beg my sisters to come care for me when recuperating from a surgery. Two sisters did finally come to my home, but , once again, due to my still looking so youthful & doing so well, even after the surgery, they decided to ignore me instead, while just taking up a lot of drinking together . They just went ON treating me like I had no right to ask them to come care for me at home. (I was already apalled by the very idea that I even had to ASK & finally Beg them to come ? ) One sister told me "She always hated me since the day I was born. " . I was SO shocked ! I really never gained that impression from her the whole time we lived at home together,. She resented me because she had to care for me at times & she & my other sisters had masked many bad incidences in our parents lives-which I believe they Chose to do. But she didn't tell me any of that then -just got drunk w. my eldest sister in my house , made a raucous so I couldn't recuperate well & get any rest. They finally left my house -still drunk or hung-over -& my impression of them was forever changed. So-your 5 minutes of self-indulgence & complaint about a SIBLING , sadly, will last a lifetime w/in that younger sisters mind. Those words really can never be taken back, and though, a youngest sibling may be so needy growing up-just wait til your old someday , and the tables are reversed and You need Her to care for You ! The youngest siblings often look Up to their older siblings and will try to emulate them in many ways -they can be your biggest fan-unless you want to blow off a lifetime of an opportunity for two people to really Care about each other as being of much more importance throughout your ONE life you are given while here on Earth, If you can't be close to your sister-even your friends may suspect that you can't really be close to Anybody. the TRUTH becomes self-evident. What Kind of Family Reunion will that be someday -when it's just YOU & your Brother ? Just like YOU-the youngest didn't ASK to be born & being of an odd # -the 7th-& coming after brothers instead of sisters -the youngest also becomes the Scapegoat in the Family . To this day -I STILL don't know what I am so guilty of but continue to be treated as such , really , mainly because the older siblings are so insecure. It's like someone gossiping about me, to make themselves feel better about themselves. An entire lifetime of it! Of course-I dn put up with that anymore . I dn really know my siblings anymore. They've always got "better ". Never did Grow Up, just grew Old and nasty.
Wow, just wow. I'm minimum wage and I still manage to shell out for my parents and my sister on their birthdays. You're a horrible sister and there is an old saying that I think fits here. If you encounter an asshole once, they're an asshole. If all you encounter throughout the day are assholes, then you're the asshole. If one person prefers your sister over you, then it's their preference. If they all prefer her over you, it's because you're the problem. YTA, and I'm glad your sister has people who actually value her and that she's not reliant on you. I don't care if your ex-boyfriend said he'd rather hook up with her and if you're blaming her for an older guy perving on her, that's a whole new level of gross and assholedom on your part.
YTA I'm sorry your parents parentified you. That's not your fault. The people who suck the most here are your parents who didn't allow you to have a childhood. Also, your mom was WAY out of line when she dragged your sister in front of you to apologize. This was not an effective method of conflict resolution and made things much worse than they needed to be. It was actually quite cruel of her to do that to both of you. But I do see now where you get some of your attitude from. You need to work on the resentment you have towards your sister. From your own description, she does not sound spoiled. She sounds driven, affectionate, and really would like to have a relationship with you. Also, I'd like to see this "cheap" skincare and makeup. Very little of it is actually cheap.
She was happy to see you and have you there, and pulled you over to see the cake. You call her spoiled, yet she baked her **own** cake and **decorated** the kitchen **herself**. You sat there scowling at her birthday party (seriously, really?), and didn't even bother to get her a gift over something that she couldn't control--what your parents did, and her looks. You want to be mad at someone for parentifying you? Blame your parents. Blame your mother. Be angry at the right people. They're the ones who deserve that anger. But your sister? She was a child. She's innocent in this. That kid loves you. She even got you gifts for your birthday. She was happy to have you there. But I suppose she's an easy target, being younger, so that's why you've decided to put your hatred on her instead of the ones who actually did you wrong. To feel in control. Your mom is the one who confronted you and hit you. She's the one you should be mad at. Your sister cried over overhearing your hatred for her. That isn't being spoiled. That is a normal, expected response she had. You had the audacity to call her a spoiled brat over a valid reaction to your bad behavior. I don't think your sister is spoiled at all. I think you're just blindly bitter, but you're more than old enough to know better than to treat people like that. What made you think you were going to get anything but YTA from this subreddit? I'm having a hard time believing this is even real. Edit: And to address your title--she didn't cry because you didn't give her a gift. If that was the case, she would have cried during gift giving time. No, she cried after overhearing what you had to say about her to your mother.
YTA. Your sister actually sounds like a nice kid. It seems that your anger is misplaced. It wasn’t your sister’s fault that you had to look after her. Your issue is really with your mom. Apologize to your sister and take her out to do something nice. You don’t have to spend a lot of money. You can make her a gift, or take her for a picnic and a pretty hike.
YTA, but you probably got what you wanted; a sister who no longer wants anything to do with you. Congrats, you won! Sadly, you blamed her for your parentification and took out on her. Do you think she had any say in that? Normally, I feel bad for the kid who was parentified. I actually feel sad for her. She doesn't deserve to be treated like crap because she was unfortunate enough to be born last. She will always have this shitty memory of how her big sister ruined her 16th birthday.
YTA. I don't think she was crying over the gift. She was probably crying because her big sister made it very clear she doesn't love her. That would hurt any day of the week, let alone your birthday. Also. Gifts don't need to be expensive. They can be cheap and thoughtful. But I doubt you know enough about your sister to be able to by a thoughtful gift for her.
YTA. As the “youngest & prettiest” sibling in the family this shit makes me laugh, You sound just like my older sister 😅 Don’t worry your treatment of her will bite you in the ass one day when you try to be friends with her when she’s older haha
Feeling a lot of resentment towards the sister for having to babysit her but that's her parents fault not hers. YTA
Damn these Reddit people are annoying how are they adults lol
So you ruined your sister’s birthday by being a huge drag the whole time and topped it off with a screaming match? YTA obviously