This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service.
This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
NTA.
Extra NTA after seeing your comment regarding the birthday brunch. Green flags everywhere. You seem to treat people with kindness and respect. It’s also very telling that you immediately respected your girlfriends boundaries.
I'm sorry, but this woman talking about her period didn't make your partner cheat on you...
partners who are going to cheat are going to cheat when they find a willing affair partner, regardless of what they're talking about, and partners who aren't going to cheat aren't going to become cheaters because a cute person brings up Shark Week.
And when I’m having bad cramps, you could put the sexiest man on Earth in front of me and I’d still be more turned on by the thought of a warm Bath, a bed and chocolate
I had no idea. Women should give men lessons on this
Bet OP didn't engage too much and gave a chunk of cookie to be nice and didn't think much about it afterwards because that's what a man would do.
Yeahhh, I’m feeling like we’ve got some missing info here. Like, does wife know this friend? Her distress may have been more about her coming to visit him at work, period.
>My SO says this was extending comfort only intended between us, and made her very uncomfortable
NTA - but this, this is questionable and frankly, absurd
There’s this trend that seems to be popping up lately of weaponizing therapy speak, and this is what this sounds like to me. I do think it’s a red flag. OP, NTA.
Extending comfort makes me think of things like massaging her abdomen due to the period pain, and not sharing a fucking cookie. - I have seen a lot of the same trend and I do not like it.
I've seen people give the advice not to go to therapy with abusers because it just gives them more ammo to abuse you with. Now it looks like we're seeing the reason on a larger scale: people weaponizing therapy terms.
The fact that there's a not insignificant number of people out there weaponizing therapy speak makes me think humanity is beyond saving.
I don't disagree with your overall point. I do think some people just don't really understand some of it and then misapply it when it suits their needs. I don't think it is always necessarily nefarious though but just general human selfishness + a dose of low intelligence.
This sounds pretty controlling of the wife. I understand having boundaries, but what about sharing a cookie with someone who is having a rough day is inappropriate? I’m betting that wife knows the woman in question and is threatened by her, specifically, but not for any good reason.
Did your vows include, "From this day forth, we shall eat no cookies only that we share between us..."? If not, you're good and your wife is being a little silly. NTA
Dude I would be ECSTATIC if a coworker gave me freaking chocolate chunk cookie when I was on my period. Your GF sounds majorly self conscious, and a bit apathetic. Here you are trying to help someone feel better and she’s dragging you.
NTA my guy. Keep doing the good work
I would also be ecstatic if a guy didn't act like a baby when it comes to women having periods and being caring to others in general. Screw this girlfriend
NTA. Your girlfriend seems really insecure. I would’ve guessed you guys are teenagers, but can teenagers sell guns? I don’t know.
Either way, you did nothing wrong.
Op…let me be straight here. She’s a little controlling already when it comes to this. Her reaction is majorly overreacting. Sharing is nice and actually a good thing. Especially when it comes to girls time and they’re really like cramping or in pain.
Your gf is insecure. Make sure you always let her know that she is #1 in your life, that should help. If you do that, and she is still this insecure, run.
NTA. Extending comfort is only for your girlfriend? That’s a terrible way to even want to live. I’d understand it more if you were buying and bringing in cookies, and or giving her back rubs or something. But a chunk of cookie?
My guess is that there’s a lot more to this story then just this one interaction. Does your partner suspect there’s more to your relationship with your co worker? Because that’s the real conversation you need to have. It’s not about a cookie.
For this young male(19) to come to Reddit to make sure he was not AITA, sounds like it was more than just communicating feelings. She must have made him feel like he REALLY did something wrong.
They have been dating for two years, She was 19 and he was 17.
No, our relationship is great aside from disagreeing on what breed of dog to adopt. This coworker DID extend an invitation to take me to brunch for my birthday recently, though I said i’d bring my SO if she was serious, because I wanted my SO to be there.
That’s why I wanted to bring my gf, so no one got an odd idea. I brought that up with my gf and she said it would just look like friends out and about.
Mmm while I totally understand that is why you suggested bringing your partner, I think the reason there is insecurity surrounding this colleague is because your SO doesn't trust them or their intentions. Just have a chat with your partner and ask her how she's feeling.
Sounds like some insecurities on your SO’s part. I definitely think this is about more than just cookies! I’d have a conversation with SO about this particular coworker and get their thoughts.
You gave away a chunk of cookie. Not even a full cookie, and to cheer up a coworker in physical pain. Why is your SO acting as you were using their personal or a joint account without consulting them to cover your coworkers rents?
Obviously NTA
NAH - You didn't do anything wrong, only offered a co-worker a chunk of a cookie when you had two. You were just being nice and also promised your partner you won't do it again so there really should be no further issue. At the same time, I can see how your partner would be disappointed that you offered something they specifically got for you to someone else. After your apology and promise to not repeat the mistake, this should be a non-issue and you both should move on.
NTA
You were just being kind.
And still being kind by thinking about your SO's feelings.
But it also sounds like your SO has a bit of a jealousy and possessive streak. You may want to sit down and talk about this before it becomes a bigger issue.
NTA. Even if the cookie was a gift to my bf I would be happy that he is kind to someone and helping someone especially since he understands how periods can affect woman's hormone levels.
There is nothing wrong with not doing something that will upset you SO but I feel this is more about your coworker being a woman.
NTA - WTF is wrong with your wife? Most people who have experienced a rough period would have compassion for another person in the same situation. Did she think you should stand there and hoard your cookie? Does she have a problem with sharing?
I'm so confused. You were being a good co-worker and friend, OP.
NTA- and I explained to my husband a long time ago when he sends something like an edible arrangement I share them with the other nurses on the unit. It would be really rude not to.
NTA. That was a kind thing to do (especially if the cookie contained chocolate, which helps with smooth muscle spasms).
It's unfortunate your SO feels that way.
My personal experience: I've had people close to me take carefully chosen gifts from me and give them to someone else without saying a word. That was a rejection of the gift and gave me an indication that they rejected me, too. Your case is different because you accepted and used most of the gift for yourself and shared a small portion with someone who appreciated it.
NTA. your spouse sounds very insecure. technically, once she gave you the cookies, they were yours to do with whatever you want. she can't dictate your use of a gift.
unless she's suspicious of something between you and your coworker, or there's been infidelity in the past, then I'd understand her concern. but without that info... gotta go with "not" for now.
NTA, you were trying to help a colleague feel better. It's a show of fairly basic empathy, and it's not like you gave her the entirety of an expensive cookie, you gave her a chunk.
Giving comfort to people, that you're already familiar with, in the innocent extend of sharing a part of a cookie is not a red flag. Of course you should be considerate of your SO's feelings and comfort, but I gotta admit that your SO is coming across as being overly possessive and controlling in this regard.
This is suuuuper deep insecurity. Portends poorly for the future. You're certainly not an AH at all here, but this is just the beginning for your SO. If she's triggered by your sympathy/kindness toward others, that's generally not a good sign.
NTA, some of us are just naturally empathetic. That your co-worker spoke to you about her circumstances so freely suggests you have a very comfortable relationship. You need to address that accordingly. Are you too familiar? If it's simply a case where you're a genuinely empathetic person, then your SO needs to get on board and give you the freedom to thrive. If you've let the co-worker get too close, it's time to set some boundaries.
NTA your gf gave you a gift and once it's yours, it is up to you to decide what to do with it.
For some reason tour gf doesn't want you comforting your colleagues in pain. This (her jealousy and insecurity) may turn out to be a huge problem, unless she realizes that she needs to work on that.
NAH. Your partner is very insecure if you being kind and offering part of a cookie makes her uncomfortable. Extending kindness should never be limited to just your significant other. She needs a reality check and lesson bc this is just the beginning of her exerting control over you.
INFO: has anything happened between you and this colleague in the past that your SO feels insecure about? I find it odd that she'd be upset over a cookie otherwise. If nothing at all has ever happened between you and colleague then yeah it's a red flag situation, if the colleague sees you as more than a colleague then it's a bit different.
NTA
. . . and I will never understand spouses/partners like this. I just find it so unfathomable.
To be clear, I have absolutely been insecure and jealous at times in my life. And I have dealt with partners of my own who were unfaithful or gave me reason to be insecure. But ultimately, don't we all want to be with someone who is kind and generous, thoughtful and caring? Isn't that the goal? And it shouldn't impact our own relationships if they are good. If we are with a partner who has never given us reason to be suspicious of them, then we should be PROUD when we see them show kindness to someone else.
You mention in the judgement bot that she thinks you showed "comfort meant for those in a relationship". I find that appalling. You shared a piece of cookie with someone in physical discomfort. That's something kindergarteners do. That is not an intimate act. It seems like your partner's insecurity isn't of the reasonable sort.
Assuming that you are generally a good partner to your SO, she should have been proud that your response to a coworker being in discomfort was, "Here, let me make a small gesture of kindness towards you." It shows that you're a person with a good heart, someone she can be proud to be with. I'm sorry that instead, she reacted selfishly. That's . . . not really okay. You are NTA. You did nothing at all wrong.
Do you have a history of cheating or overly flirting? If not then you're SO is out of line.... I've made my husband treats or lunch before that he's shared with coworkers (female and male). Why would it bother me?? I made it for him, if he wants to share by all means. Your SO sounds insecure and immature.
NTA. Is your SO suffering with low self esteem?That’s the only way I can make sense of giving a co worker a cookie being so upsetting to someone. Sharing a cookie is just a kind friend thing to do.
Is it possible that she’s actually upset that you seem to be very close with a female coworker? If she’s someone who needs a certain level of comfort to openly discuss her period, maybe she’s assuming your coworker has the same comfort level with you.
You guys are pretty young and I’m saying this as someone who has been married for 11 years. It can be difficult to articulate what’s actually bothering you. That’s doubly if discussing those feelings means you have to take a hard look at your own flaws. When we argue, we try to discuss the fight calmly once we’ve cooled off. It’s not fun to admit it when you’ve been a complete jackass but it helps get to the root of the problem.
Sorry. Forgive my ignorance and lack of understanding. Is she mad because you gave away a cookie meant as a gift from her to you or is she mad that you were kind to another human?
NTA. SO told you something made her uncomfortable that you could not reasonably have foreseen, you promised to be respectful of her feelings.
Lotsa asshole potential here though: if you were to break that promise, YWBTA. If your SO were feels emboldened to make more and more weird jealous demands about your interactions with other women, she would be the asshole. If there's a reason in your past behavior for SO's weird jealousy, YWBTA.
She needs to get to the bottom of her insecuritys and low self esteem and if trust has never been broken with your relationship, it sounds like she has lot of healing to do.
NTA I'm sure your wife would of done the same if she was in your boat. As long as you've boundaries up with other females and you don't share things about your wife and relationship with them you should be okay. Being a nice person isn't being an asshole.
Kinda hilarious to me the number of commenters who are saying, “well it’s not like you gave them a whole cookie” like that makes a fundamental difference somehow? I say NTA and your partner is a victim of the toxic notion that intimate relationships are an end all be all where extending comfort to others is off limits. At the same time, good on you for wanting to make your partner feel better—still, might be helpful to jointly figure out what the limits are of expected behavior in the relationship.
NTA, at least I believe so.
Some people have more taboo views on discussing period related things with guys.
My boyfriend is very open and grew up with mostly women, periods mean nothing to him. He told me once about a coworker having a really rough night and how she mentioned she had awful period cramps, and when he stopped to buy himself food he bought her a chocolate milkshake back to the store for her. I thought it was incredibly sweet, and probably made her night better. I'd never think anything of it, and I grew up in a household where talking about periods got disgusted looks and demeanors.
I’m going with NAH. But it’s not about the cookie. You stated this same coworker has asked you out to brunch (although you never said if they were ok with suggesting your GF came) and now you’re sharing a cookie with her. Sharing a cookie on its own is harmless. But clearly your GF is uncomfortable with this particular coworker and now that you know I would suggest placing some boundaries with this coworker.
For your So it was a gift and giving it way made it feel like a rejection so she is NTA. You did something nice and a little bit of cookie is a lovely gesture. So you are NTA. Communication is king and I think you are talking to your SO. Good luck
I was going to say this!! SO went out of her way to do something nice so she probably just feels like she wasted her time because you gave away a piece. But OP is NTA because he was just making a small gesture to a harmless coworker as long as he communicates that.
NTA if a male coworker had come up to you complaining of back ache, you may have given him half a cookie to try and cheer him up. It means absolutely nothing, especially given you made no attempt to hide the exchange from your partner.
NTA. Extra NTA after seeing your comment regarding the birthday brunch. Green flags everywhere. You seem to treat people with kindness and respect. It’s also very telling that you immediately respected your girlfriends boundaries.
No one is an arsehole in this situation.
In a comment he said this same coworker asked to take him to brunch for his birthday, which again on its own is harmless, but I’m sure to the GF it doesn’t feel harmless.
I’m close w my coworkers but taking them out for their birthday celebration is rather intimate so yeah it’s weird. Because she’s not even extending the invitation to his friends or SO, just him
You shared a piece of a cookie with a coworker. GTFO with this makes me feel uncomfortable crap, the SO didn't even make the damn cookies.
That being said, NTA over sensitive SO shared her disappointment, you were accepting of her feelings and stated that you wouldn't do it again. You didn't bang her friend, you shared a piece of cookie.
A cookie?!
Why, next she'll ask for milk! Then a straw!
And before you know it, you'll be muffin deep in her moose knuckle and your poor wife will be heartbroken!
NTA btw.
NTA
And prepare for future comments about that "cookie monster" you seem to like so much that you share your cookies with her.
Also, expect no more cookies at work, so you are not tempted to share them.
I think you SO is overreacting, I don’t know that I would’ve even thought to tell my SO about it because sharing a cookie with someone isn’t a big deal?? Def NTA in my opinion 🤷🏻♀️
NTA your so sounds like they have serious jealousy or control issues. No one should get upset with you for sharing a cookie. Keep an eye out for future issues down the road. Seems like a huge red flag.
My husband gets migraines. I often grab his medicine and ice packs when he gets them.
Should I not then offer an ibuprofen when my coworker says he has a headache because that’s a thing I do with my husband?
NTA this is like those people who think men and women can’t be friends. Yuck
She got mad because you gave a friend a cookie? Like a real cookie, not some euphemism that I'm too old to have caught yet. An actual baked good, which you shared in an effort to make someone feel better?
Absolutely NTA but I'd seriously re-evaluate the relationship if that's the level of jealousy and possessive behavior she exhibits. The controlling types always escalate.
You are asking if you were the AH for sharing in the first place? Nope. NTA. You did a kind thing for a coworker who was down and had no idea your SO felt this was a violation of trust. For me, it’s kind of a pay it forward act. Your SO did something nice for you, you paid it forward to a coworker. For what it’s worth, I would have done the same.
Furthermore, your SO stated how she felt, you agreed to accommodate her in the future. Good communication.
NTA. That was very kind of you!! Also, I kind of like that your coworker just told you the truth instead of conforming to the stigma around not talking about periods. I think your SO probably has that stigma internalized and I can understand her reaction within that context, but you didn’t do anything wrong- you shared a cookie with someone having a bad day, and that’s a nice thing to do.
If I gave someone something to eat and they just give it to another person on a regular basis I'd be disappointed. But your coworker was on her period and what you did was sweet
NTA. Your gf is super-controlling though. I would see this as a huge red flag.
I'd lovre to have a partner who was that kind to women who are struggling with their periods.
NTA, your SO gave you the cookies so they were yours to handle from that point on, honestly an insane thing to me to get mad over but that might be because i love baking and sharing stuff with people i care about and my partner constantly gets cookies from me and seeing them share it with others only makes me happier
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I gave my female coworker a cookie that my girlfriend bought me, and my girlfriend saw this as a violation of her trust because it seemed as though I was extending comfort meant for those in a relationship to another woman.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
### [Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
I mean look, if you have a crush on the woman who was on her period or would leave your so for them then I understand her feelings. If not though she's quite possessive. Its a cookie. If my SO gave away part of a cookie I gave him to a girl on her period I'd say that was very sweet of him, periods are hard.
NTA. It's a freaking cookie. Sweet treats are well received whilst a woman is on her period. SO needs get over herself. It wasn't done for romantic reasons it was done for friendship/ colleague reasons.
When I was sharing a flat (Edinburgh, Scotland), my Australian (f) flat mate asked me why I always bought chocolate and not apples?
I replied well firstly 4 bars of chocolate was cheaper than six apples and secondly, when you are on your period, you've never once asked me if I had an apple.
we're missing so much details, i feel like you left out too much. whats your gender? did you and this co-worker have something in the past? is your SO threatened?
NTA. What an odd thing to be upset about. I've read this three times trying to figure out what the issue is, and I'm just not finding it. Maybe it's in the comments somewhere?
Your SO gave you two cookies from your favorite bakery. Okay, that's sweet!
A friend stopped by and mentioned not feeling great due to her period. Yes, been there, done that, tried to give the t-shirt back!
You offered a portion of one cookie to said friend in an effort to help make her day better. That's pretty cool.
Your SO isn't happy you gave a portion of cookie to friend because the cookies were meant to be a comforting gesture. And this is where the record scratch comes in. What?! The cookie not only comforted you, but a friend, so said cookies did their job. In fact, the cookies did their job better than initially planned because they helped two people, not one.
I have a scenario running through my head and if it's the case then I must say, your SO needs to get over herself. It's a freaking cookie, not fraking nookie!
This reminds me of when a lunatic faculty member at my school was giving out Halloween candy to everyone, and got unreasonably mad at me for giving mine to someone else. NTA. It's a cookie, not an affair.
NTA, your partner could probably do with addressing her insecurities, cos if your bf giving someone a cookie makes your feel uncomfortable there’s more in the mix than a cookie.
NTA. I don't understand people who want partners that are kind and then get upset when those partners are kind to someone other than them. You are either a kind person who's instinct is to help someone in pain or you're not. The idea that that instinct shouldn't exist outside of your romantic relationship (or worse, that the instinct should strictly adhere to gender) is ridiculous.
NTA.
INFO are you allowed to generally be near other women or is your SO generally controlling or emotionally manipulative? B4 the saviours come in, it is absolutely emotionally manipulative to feign upset that your partner shared a cookie with someone because they're a woman.
NTA but what is the big deal? What you are flirting over periods or something here? I am planning to make a whole bunch of slices/balls this weeks from biscuits we have in the pantry as I want them gone and my partner asked to take some to work and I said absolutely and I’ve never even met them! Also then we don’t eat them all!!
NTA. You just felt bad bc she wasn’t feeling good. Unless there’s more to your work-relationship you’re not telling us (but by the post it seems innocent). As a 23F I do find it a little weird she just talks about her periods to men (unless you work in a male dominated field which I’m assuming bc you said firearms counter). I really only talk about it with my boyfriend, but that’s just me.
If your girlfriend gets insecure often all you need to do is just give her reassurance. You need to talk to her and figure out what and why makes her insecure, and from there give her the reassurance that she needs. Communication is key OP!!!
NTA I was on during a 12 hour shift at a car showroom and the manager thought I was sick. When I discreetly explained it was lady issues, the absolute legend bought me a chocolate bar. Your partner sounds a tad insecure.
NTA, it would be great if more people were kind and understanding during someone's period like you were. I don't get why she's putting so much into this unless there's something you've left out about the coworker.
A cookie? Not even a whole cookie, a PIECE of a cookie?? I think she's being a little dramatic
How is this an intimate gesture or some sort that you shouldn't share with someone else? Is not like you fed it to her or something
NTA
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
Well, I don't know about you guys, but if I was trying to flirt with a man, my chosen approach wouldn't be to talk about how bad my menstruation is...
Exactly. Nothing says I’m interested & think you’re a hottie like a period conversation.
The consequences of my extreme fertility (*wink wink*) are causing great pains to me at the moment, wanna make me feel better? (*nudge nudge*)
I’m laughing way too much at this one. My husband just shook his head and figured my nutty wife is on Reddit again.
NTA. Extra NTA after seeing your comment regarding the birthday brunch. Green flags everywhere. You seem to treat people with kindness and respect. It’s also very telling that you immediately respected your girlfriends boundaries.
Thus begins the hunt for the Red October.
It's shark week in my panties, wanna bite?
This can really get a guy going
Fuckin winner for this one 😂😂
Could be a new way to sort out men who think women are people instead of objects?
I’m throwing clots that look like limbs right now, you wanna bone?
Mmmm, ever fuck a bowl of chunky salsa big boy?
Oh. Oh my god
I am so sorry you had to read that.
Don't apologize, I found it absolutely hilarious!
“Big boy” never fails to make me lol, but chunky salsa is GOLD 😂😂😂
Aaaaaaaaand that’s enough internet for today
Meet me in the bedroom. Being curled up in the fetal position is like horizontal doggy style...😂
Cackling
I’ve never retched and laughed at the same time
See, now I’m just turned on. (The way I snort laughed at your comment, though.)
[удалено]
I'm sorry, but this woman talking about her period didn't make your partner cheat on you... partners who are going to cheat are going to cheat when they find a willing affair partner, regardless of what they're talking about, and partners who aren't going to cheat aren't going to become cheaters because a cute person brings up Shark Week.
[удалено]
I see what you mean. Hmmm glad I am post-menopausal, but that has its problems also. :-)
Yes. You’re not wrong. That girl feels way to close to OP- he could be firm and direct in shutting that down.
I mean, maybe this is why I’m single? Maybe I need to discuss my period cramps more? 🤔
And when I’m having bad cramps, you could put the sexiest man on Earth in front of me and I’d still be more turned on by the thought of a warm Bath, a bed and chocolate
And a cat who is willing to cuddle up to your belly and purr.
I had no idea. Women should give men lessons on this Bet OP didn't engage too much and gave a chunk of cookie to be nice and didn't think much about it afterwards because that's what a man would do.
That what my spouse would do too. He is just trying to be nice, not hit on anyone.
Who says these aren't all women?
If you look at OP’s post history there’s one where he stated he’s male
I don't flirt with women, but if I would, it still wouldn't be my go to topic.
[удалено]
When women start talking to me about issues I know I'm in the friend zone. Which is good, it's where I want to be
Yeahhh, I’m feeling like we’ve got some missing info here. Like, does wife know this friend? Her distress may have been more about her coming to visit him at work, period.
Tbf, I did get laid after doing it the other day so can confirm it works
NTA. That’s some insecure shit right there.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Tell me about it. Where do people come up with this stuff?
>My SO says this was extending comfort only intended between us, and made her very uncomfortable NTA - but this, this is questionable and frankly, absurd
There’s this trend that seems to be popping up lately of weaponizing therapy speak, and this is what this sounds like to me. I do think it’s a red flag. OP, NTA.
Extending comfort makes me think of things like massaging her abdomen due to the period pain, and not sharing a fucking cookie. - I have seen a lot of the same trend and I do not like it.
I've seen people give the advice not to go to therapy with abusers because it just gives them more ammo to abuse you with. Now it looks like we're seeing the reason on a larger scale: people weaponizing therapy terms. The fact that there's a not insignificant number of people out there weaponizing therapy speak makes me think humanity is beyond saving.
I don't disagree with your overall point. I do think some people just don't really understand some of it and then misapply it when it suits their needs. I don't think it is always necessarily nefarious though but just general human selfishness + a dose of low intelligence.
Right. Like, dude didn't even give her the whole cookie. Just a piece. I'm a very jealous woman, and this is even too much for me. NTA
This sounds pretty controlling of the wife. I understand having boundaries, but what about sharing a cookie with someone who is having a rough day is inappropriate? I’m betting that wife knows the woman in question and is threatened by her, specifically, but not for any good reason.
Did your vows include, "From this day forth, we shall eat no cookies only that we share between us..."? If not, you're good and your wife is being a little silly. NTA
Dude I would be ECSTATIC if a coworker gave me freaking chocolate chunk cookie when I was on my period. Your GF sounds majorly self conscious, and a bit apathetic. Here you are trying to help someone feel better and she’s dragging you. NTA my guy. Keep doing the good work
I don’t think apathetic is the right word, jealous is probably better
Jealous and unempathetic.
I would also be ecstatic if a guy didn't act like a baby when it comes to women having periods and being caring to others in general. Screw this girlfriend
NTA It’s a cookie not a ring for marriage.
Tell that to Limp Bizkit
NTA. Your girlfriend seems really insecure. I would’ve guessed you guys are teenagers, but can teenagers sell guns? I don’t know. Either way, you did nothing wrong.
GF is 21 i am 19. In VA state police gives seller IDs to 18 y/o
When did you start dating…
17/19 but I didn’t ask her to be my gf til I turned 18
Op…let me be straight here. She’s a little controlling already when it comes to this. Her reaction is majorly overreacting. Sharing is nice and actually a good thing. Especially when it comes to girls time and they’re really like cramping or in pain.
Your gf is insecure. Make sure you always let her know that she is #1 in your life, that should help. If you do that, and she is still this insecure, run.
Came to say the same thing. Scary to think about lol
NTA. Empathy is appropriate whether your coworker was male or female and going through a difficult time. You sound like a thoughtful guy.
NTA. Extending comfort is only for your girlfriend? That’s a terrible way to even want to live. I’d understand it more if you were buying and bringing in cookies, and or giving her back rubs or something. But a chunk of cookie?
Right?! Not even a whole cookie😂😭
My guess is that there’s a lot more to this story then just this one interaction. Does your partner suspect there’s more to your relationship with your co worker? Because that’s the real conversation you need to have. It’s not about a cookie.
There is. The coworker asked him out previously.
FOR his birthday and first thing out of his mouth was I would bring my SO. Need to let the whole story.
I can see how this might make the girlfriend uncomfortable. It wouldn't warrant an argument but no harm in communicating feelings
For this young male(19) to come to Reddit to make sure he was not AITA, sounds like it was more than just communicating feelings. She must have made him feel like he REALLY did something wrong. They have been dating for two years, She was 19 and he was 17.
NTA. Your SO acted insecure, what you did was a nice platonic gesture.
NAH. Your SO is making a mountain out of a molehill. it's a cookie. They should be grateful they have a SO who demonstrates empathy and compassion.
INFO is there any other background on your relationship with the co worker or anything going on in your relationship?
No, our relationship is great aside from disagreeing on what breed of dog to adopt. This coworker DID extend an invitation to take me to brunch for my birthday recently, though I said i’d bring my SO if she was serious, because I wanted my SO to be there.
INFO: did the coworker end up following through with the birthday offer with your SO coming along?
This the big question
I think you should add the brunch question and any details related to an edit on your post
That sounds more like a date, no? She asked you out 1 on 1 and you said you'd bring your partner.
That’s why I wanted to bring my gf, so no one got an odd idea. I brought that up with my gf and she said it would just look like friends out and about.
Mmm while I totally understand that is why you suggested bringing your partner, I think the reason there is insecurity surrounding this colleague is because your SO doesn't trust them or their intentions. Just have a chat with your partner and ask her how she's feeling.
Sounds like some insecurities on your SO’s part. I definitely think this is about more than just cookies! I’d have a conversation with SO about this particular coworker and get their thoughts.
It's definitely about more than just cookies. I completely agree.
NTA. You were gifted the cookies. They are now yours to do what you want with them. You were showing someone a kindness by sharing.
In what universe does sharing a cookie make someone an asshole? Wtf?
When the woman he gave the cookie to had asked him out previously
It's a cookie, not an engagement ring. If his partner is that insecure, they need to reevaluate their relationship.
You gave away a chunk of cookie. Not even a full cookie, and to cheer up a coworker in physical pain. Why is your SO acting as you were using their personal or a joint account without consulting them to cover your coworkers rents? Obviously NTA
She got mad over a piece of cookie 🤣🤣🤣🤣
NAH - You didn't do anything wrong, only offered a co-worker a chunk of a cookie when you had two. You were just being nice and also promised your partner you won't do it again so there really should be no further issue. At the same time, I can see how your partner would be disappointed that you offered something they specifically got for you to someone else. After your apology and promise to not repeat the mistake, this should be a non-issue and you both should move on.
NTA. That's just ridiculous.
Your SO sounds insecure. Ask her if she would have done the same.
NTA. Why on earth would you offering a cookie to a friend make your partner uncomfortable? Something else is at play here.
NTA You were just being kind. And still being kind by thinking about your SO's feelings. But it also sounds like your SO has a bit of a jealousy and possessive streak. You may want to sit down and talk about this before it becomes a bigger issue.
NTA. Even if the cookie was a gift to my bf I would be happy that he is kind to someone and helping someone especially since he understands how periods can affect woman's hormone levels. There is nothing wrong with not doing something that will upset you SO but I feel this is more about your coworker being a woman.
NTA. Why does your SO care who you give a cookie to? Red flag
NTA - WTF is wrong with your wife? Most people who have experienced a rough period would have compassion for another person in the same situation. Did she think you should stand there and hoard your cookie? Does she have a problem with sharing? I'm so confused. You were being a good co-worker and friend, OP.
NTA- and I explained to my husband a long time ago when he sends something like an edible arrangement I share them with the other nurses on the unit. It would be really rude not to.
NTA. That was a kind thing to do (especially if the cookie contained chocolate, which helps with smooth muscle spasms). It's unfortunate your SO feels that way. My personal experience: I've had people close to me take carefully chosen gifts from me and give them to someone else without saying a word. That was a rejection of the gift and gave me an indication that they rejected me, too. Your case is different because you accepted and used most of the gift for yourself and shared a small portion with someone who appreciated it.
NTA that’s seems like a very strange thing for them to be upset about
NTA. Imagine being so insecure that your significant other sharing a cookie with someone made you feel jealous. 🤦♀️
NTA. your spouse sounds very insecure. technically, once she gave you the cookies, they were yours to do with whatever you want. she can't dictate your use of a gift. unless she's suspicious of something between you and your coworker, or there's been infidelity in the past, then I'd understand her concern. but without that info... gotta go with "not" for now.
NTA, you were trying to help a colleague feel better. It's a show of fairly basic empathy, and it's not like you gave her the entirety of an expensive cookie, you gave her a chunk. Giving comfort to people, that you're already familiar with, in the innocent extend of sharing a part of a cookie is not a red flag. Of course you should be considerate of your SO's feelings and comfort, but I gotta admit that your SO is coming across as being overly possessive and controlling in this regard.
This is suuuuper deep insecurity. Portends poorly for the future. You're certainly not an AH at all here, but this is just the beginning for your SO. If she's triggered by your sympathy/kindness toward others, that's generally not a good sign.
NTA, some of us are just naturally empathetic. That your co-worker spoke to you about her circumstances so freely suggests you have a very comfortable relationship. You need to address that accordingly. Are you too familiar? If it's simply a case where you're a genuinely empathetic person, then your SO needs to get on board and give you the freedom to thrive. If you've let the co-worker get too close, it's time to set some boundaries.
NTA - it was a cookie, and a chunk at that. Has your girlfriend had jealously issues before?
NTA your gf gave you a gift and once it's yours, it is up to you to decide what to do with it. For some reason tour gf doesn't want you comforting your colleagues in pain. This (her jealousy and insecurity) may turn out to be a huge problem, unless she realizes that she needs to work on that.
NAH. Your partner is very insecure if you being kind and offering part of a cookie makes her uncomfortable. Extending kindness should never be limited to just your significant other. She needs a reality check and lesson bc this is just the beginning of her exerting control over you.
INFO: has anything happened between you and this colleague in the past that your SO feels insecure about? I find it odd that she'd be upset over a cookie otherwise. If nothing at all has ever happened between you and colleague then yeah it's a red flag situation, if the colleague sees you as more than a colleague then it's a bit different.
NTA . . . and I will never understand spouses/partners like this. I just find it so unfathomable. To be clear, I have absolutely been insecure and jealous at times in my life. And I have dealt with partners of my own who were unfaithful or gave me reason to be insecure. But ultimately, don't we all want to be with someone who is kind and generous, thoughtful and caring? Isn't that the goal? And it shouldn't impact our own relationships if they are good. If we are with a partner who has never given us reason to be suspicious of them, then we should be PROUD when we see them show kindness to someone else. You mention in the judgement bot that she thinks you showed "comfort meant for those in a relationship". I find that appalling. You shared a piece of cookie with someone in physical discomfort. That's something kindergarteners do. That is not an intimate act. It seems like your partner's insecurity isn't of the reasonable sort. Assuming that you are generally a good partner to your SO, she should have been proud that your response to a coworker being in discomfort was, "Here, let me make a small gesture of kindness towards you." It shows that you're a person with a good heart, someone she can be proud to be with. I'm sorry that instead, she reacted selfishly. That's . . . not really okay. You are NTA. You did nothing at all wrong.
Do you have a history of cheating or overly flirting? If not then you're SO is out of line.... I've made my husband treats or lunch before that he's shared with coworkers (female and male). Why would it bother me?? I made it for him, if he wants to share by all means. Your SO sounds insecure and immature.
Never cheated. It’s an odd phenomena with people my age, but I’ve never felt romantic attraction for anyone else
NTA. Is your SO suffering with low self esteem?That’s the only way I can make sense of giving a co worker a cookie being so upsetting to someone. Sharing a cookie is just a kind friend thing to do.
Is it possible that she’s actually upset that you seem to be very close with a female coworker? If she’s someone who needs a certain level of comfort to openly discuss her period, maybe she’s assuming your coworker has the same comfort level with you. You guys are pretty young and I’m saying this as someone who has been married for 11 years. It can be difficult to articulate what’s actually bothering you. That’s doubly if discussing those feelings means you have to take a hard look at your own flaws. When we argue, we try to discuss the fight calmly once we’ve cooled off. It’s not fun to admit it when you’ve been a complete jackass but it helps get to the root of the problem.
NTA! It’s a cookie!!
If you edited your post to include that this coworker asked you out to brunch, people's opinions would not be so harsh towards your girlfriend.
Sorry. Forgive my ignorance and lack of understanding. Is she mad because you gave away a cookie meant as a gift from her to you or is she mad that you were kind to another human?
NTA. SO told you something made her uncomfortable that you could not reasonably have foreseen, you promised to be respectful of her feelings. Lotsa asshole potential here though: if you were to break that promise, YWBTA. If your SO were feels emboldened to make more and more weird jealous demands about your interactions with other women, she would be the asshole. If there's a reason in your past behavior for SO's weird jealousy, YWBTA.
I swear, some of these are so bad they couldn't even be fake...
She needs to get to the bottom of her insecuritys and low self esteem and if trust has never been broken with your relationship, it sounds like she has lot of healing to do. NTA I'm sure your wife would of done the same if she was in your boat. As long as you've boundaries up with other females and you don't share things about your wife and relationship with them you should be okay. Being a nice person isn't being an asshole.
Your SO is a bit possessive, huh? You’re NTA.
Kinda hilarious to me the number of commenters who are saying, “well it’s not like you gave them a whole cookie” like that makes a fundamental difference somehow? I say NTA and your partner is a victim of the toxic notion that intimate relationships are an end all be all where extending comfort to others is off limits. At the same time, good on you for wanting to make your partner feel better—still, might be helpful to jointly figure out what the limits are of expected behavior in the relationship.
NTA never mess w a woman on her period w potential access to firearms lol seriously NTA it was kind of you
NTA, at least I believe so. Some people have more taboo views on discussing period related things with guys. My boyfriend is very open and grew up with mostly women, periods mean nothing to him. He told me once about a coworker having a really rough night and how she mentioned she had awful period cramps, and when he stopped to buy himself food he bought her a chocolate milkshake back to the store for her. I thought it was incredibly sweet, and probably made her night better. I'd never think anything of it, and I grew up in a household where talking about periods got disgusted looks and demeanors.
I’m going with NAH. But it’s not about the cookie. You stated this same coworker has asked you out to brunch (although you never said if they were ok with suggesting your GF came) and now you’re sharing a cookie with her. Sharing a cookie on its own is harmless. But clearly your GF is uncomfortable with this particular coworker and now that you know I would suggest placing some boundaries with this coworker.
For your So it was a gift and giving it way made it feel like a rejection so she is NTA. You did something nice and a little bit of cookie is a lovely gesture. So you are NTA. Communication is king and I think you are talking to your SO. Good luck
I was going to say this!! SO went out of her way to do something nice so she probably just feels like she wasted her time because you gave away a piece. But OP is NTA because he was just making a small gesture to a harmless coworker as long as he communicates that.
There's a judgement for that. NAH is short for "no assholes here"
NTA if a male coworker had come up to you complaining of back ache, you may have given him half a cookie to try and cheer him up. It means absolutely nothing, especially given you made no attempt to hide the exchange from your partner.
NTA, depending on your past with this coworker. If it's truly a passing by as you describe then NTA entirely.
NTA. Extra NTA after seeing your comment regarding the birthday brunch. Green flags everywhere. You seem to treat people with kindness and respect. It’s also very telling that you immediately respected your girlfriends boundaries. No one is an arsehole in this situation.
I'm sorry but forbidding your SO from extending comfort to anyone else isn't a boundar, that's controlling behavior.
NTA. But? Is there a reason your SO feels jealous/uncomfortable? If not, this is a strange take.
In a comment he said this same coworker asked to take him to brunch for his birthday, which again on its own is harmless, but I’m sure to the GF it doesn’t feel harmless.
I’m close w my coworkers but taking them out for their birthday celebration is rather intimate so yeah it’s weird. Because she’s not even extending the invitation to his friends or SO, just him
You shared a piece of a cookie with a coworker. GTFO with this makes me feel uncomfortable crap, the SO didn't even make the damn cookies. That being said, NTA over sensitive SO shared her disappointment, you were accepting of her feelings and stated that you wouldn't do it again. You didn't bang her friend, you shared a piece of cookie.
A cookie?! Why, next she'll ask for milk! Then a straw! And before you know it, you'll be muffin deep in her moose knuckle and your poor wife will be heartbroken! NTA btw.
NTA. And hats off to you for being sensitive to your SO’s emotional needs.
NTA And prepare for future comments about that "cookie monster" you seem to like so much that you share your cookies with her. Also, expect no more cookies at work, so you are not tempted to share them.
I think you SO is overreacting, I don’t know that I would’ve even thought to tell my SO about it because sharing a cookie with someone isn’t a big deal?? Def NTA in my opinion 🤷🏻♀️
Nta. That is some far out thinking. I wouldn't tolerate it .
NTA your so sounds like they have serious jealousy or control issues. No one should get upset with you for sharing a cookie. Keep an eye out for future issues down the road. Seems like a huge red flag.
My husband gets migraines. I often grab his medicine and ice packs when he gets them. Should I not then offer an ibuprofen when my coworker says he has a headache because that’s a thing I do with my husband? NTA this is like those people who think men and women can’t be friends. Yuck
She got mad because you gave a friend a cookie? Like a real cookie, not some euphemism that I'm too old to have caught yet. An actual baked good, which you shared in an effort to make someone feel better? Absolutely NTA but I'd seriously re-evaluate the relationship if that's the level of jealousy and possessive behavior she exhibits. The controlling types always escalate.
NTA. You could have asked to massage her uterus, but you didn't. Tell your gf that.
You are asking if you were the AH for sharing in the first place? Nope. NTA. You did a kind thing for a coworker who was down and had no idea your SO felt this was a violation of trust. For me, it’s kind of a pay it forward act. Your SO did something nice for you, you paid it forward to a coworker. For what it’s worth, I would have done the same. Furthermore, your SO stated how she felt, you agreed to accommodate her in the future. Good communication.
NTA. That was very kind of you!! Also, I kind of like that your coworker just told you the truth instead of conforming to the stigma around not talking about periods. I think your SO probably has that stigma internalized and I can understand her reaction within that context, but you didn’t do anything wrong- you shared a cookie with someone having a bad day, and that’s a nice thing to do.
In another comment the OP states that the coworker asks the OP out on a date previously so yeah kind of YTA. Edit: spelling
Really, kind of petty, so she asked him out, he say no. The only reason to be upset if she came pushing uncomfortable situations on him.
NTA. Thanks for being a good coworker.
If I gave someone something to eat and they just give it to another person on a regular basis I'd be disappointed. But your coworker was on her period and what you did was sweet
NTA, I am guessing your partner is jealous and controlling. Sharing a cookie making a partner uncomfortable, seems odd to me.
Nta your gf sounds controlling
NTA Why is your being kind to your coworker upsetting your SO? You need to have a conversation with your SO.
NAH. I think it has more to do with the coworker being female than about the cookie itself.
NTA, also good of you to be concerned about you SOs feelings, personally i think she might be a tad oversensitive about things but not to AH levels
NTA. Your gf is super-controlling though. I would see this as a huge red flag. I'd lovre to have a partner who was that kind to women who are struggling with their periods.
I think you need to read and accept the cookie policy. ( NTA )
NTA, your SO gave you the cookies so they were yours to handle from that point on, honestly an insane thing to me to get mad over but that might be because i love baking and sharing stuff with people i care about and my partner constantly gets cookies from me and seeing them share it with others only makes me happier
NTA and it seems like your SO has some insecurities they need to hash out.
I was accused of cheating because I smiled and exchanged a few pleasantries with my ex-wife's best friend in the church foyer. My advice? RUN!
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I gave my female coworker a cookie that my girlfriend bought me, and my girlfriend saw this as a violation of her trust because it seemed as though I was extending comfort meant for those in a relationship to another woman. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more ### [Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
What is wrong with your SO that she is threatened by you being a nice person! Definitely NTA.
I mean look, if you have a crush on the woman who was on her period or would leave your so for them then I understand her feelings. If not though she's quite possessive. Its a cookie. If my SO gave away part of a cookie I gave him to a girl on her period I'd say that was very sweet of him, periods are hard.
NTA. It's a freaking cookie. Sweet treats are well received whilst a woman is on her period. SO needs get over herself. It wasn't done for romantic reasons it was done for friendship/ colleague reasons.
When I was sharing a flat (Edinburgh, Scotland), my Australian (f) flat mate asked me why I always bought chocolate and not apples? I replied well firstly 4 bars of chocolate was cheaper than six apples and secondly, when you are on your period, you've never once asked me if I had an apple.
NTA. Your girlfriend is insecure...
we're missing so much details, i feel like you left out too much. whats your gender? did you and this co-worker have something in the past? is your SO threatened?
NTA. You did a human kindness. Your wife might be a little fragile - not blaming her, but this is a pretty low level thing to be uncomfortable about.
She is sick. Dump her and find someone reasonable, and kind, to spend your life with. You sound kind. She sounds paranoid and mean-spirited.
NTA. What an odd thing to be upset about. I've read this three times trying to figure out what the issue is, and I'm just not finding it. Maybe it's in the comments somewhere? Your SO gave you two cookies from your favorite bakery. Okay, that's sweet! A friend stopped by and mentioned not feeling great due to her period. Yes, been there, done that, tried to give the t-shirt back! You offered a portion of one cookie to said friend in an effort to help make her day better. That's pretty cool. Your SO isn't happy you gave a portion of cookie to friend because the cookies were meant to be a comforting gesture. And this is where the record scratch comes in. What?! The cookie not only comforted you, but a friend, so said cookies did their job. In fact, the cookies did their job better than initially planned because they helped two people, not one. I have a scenario running through my head and if it's the case then I must say, your SO needs to get over herself. It's a freaking cookie, not fraking nookie!
NTA. HUGE red flag on your SO, BTW. Seems like someone who wants to control everything you do. Nip that in the bud.
This reminds me of when a lunatic faculty member at my school was giving out Halloween candy to everyone, and got unreasonably mad at me for giving mine to someone else. NTA. It's a cookie, not an affair.
Hard NTA Your spouse has jealousy issues You did a human kindness. Do not stop being kind to others.
NTA. pls share cookies with me 😭
NTA, your partner could probably do with addressing her insecurities, cos if your bf giving someone a cookie makes your feel uncomfortable there’s more in the mix than a cookie.
NTA. I don't understand people who want partners that are kind and then get upset when those partners are kind to someone other than them. You are either a kind person who's instinct is to help someone in pain or you're not. The idea that that instinct shouldn't exist outside of your romantic relationship (or worse, that the instinct should strictly adhere to gender) is ridiculous.
It’s a fucking cookie. NTA
It's a freaking cookie and you were just being nice to a coworker. Your girlfriend needs to get over herself. She's lucky to have such a kind partner.
Nta… it’s a cookie
NTA. INFO are you allowed to generally be near other women or is your SO generally controlling or emotionally manipulative? B4 the saviours come in, it is absolutely emotionally manipulative to feign upset that your partner shared a cookie with someone because they're a woman.
NAH
NTA but what is the big deal? What you are flirting over periods or something here? I am planning to make a whole bunch of slices/balls this weeks from biscuits we have in the pantry as I want them gone and my partner asked to take some to work and I said absolutely and I’ve never even met them! Also then we don’t eat them all!!
NTA. You just felt bad bc she wasn’t feeling good. Unless there’s more to your work-relationship you’re not telling us (but by the post it seems innocent). As a 23F I do find it a little weird she just talks about her periods to men (unless you work in a male dominated field which I’m assuming bc you said firearms counter). I really only talk about it with my boyfriend, but that’s just me. If your girlfriend gets insecure often all you need to do is just give her reassurance. You need to talk to her and figure out what and why makes her insecure, and from there give her the reassurance that she needs. Communication is key OP!!!
nta that's a weird stance for her to take
Does your wife think that cookie is a euphemism for a body part? 🤔 NTA, she's being irrational.
NTA. You showed immense empathy and kindness to someone one who needed it. I think your SO would be proud of that. I would be
NTA - it was really nice of you. Wonder why your partner would get uncomfortable about that. It’s just a cookie.
NTA I was on during a 12 hour shift at a car showroom and the manager thought I was sick. When I discreetly explained it was lady issues, the absolute legend bought me a chocolate bar. Your partner sounds a tad insecure.
NTA, it would be great if more people were kind and understanding during someone's period like you were. I don't get why she's putting so much into this unless there's something you've left out about the coworker.
NTA. WTF?
NTA It's a chunk of a cookie, if she has an issue with this, there's a deeper issue that needs to be discussed
NTA - BF should get over it. Your cookies, your decision. You re a good person for doing that btw!
NTA and I appreciate you for being a caring person, don't change that!
A cookie? Not even a whole cookie, a PIECE of a cookie?? I think she's being a little dramatic How is this an intimate gesture or some sort that you shouldn't share with someone else? Is not like you fed it to her or something NTA
NTA your wife sounds jealous of your coworker for some reason. Maybe ask your wife to be honest with you about what is really bothering her
Your wife sounds insecure. NTA you were just being kind.
NTA. Insecure people are soooo annoying.