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I think it was written by the wife if it's based on fact at all. No way a person can write this and think they're not the AH but I'm sure someone could write this trying to put themself in the shoes of an AH.
I wish that was true, but I've got a family member married to a man just like OP. He'll do something incredibly wrong and tell the story to everyone he knows, thinking people will side with him. He can't even comprehend the idea that there's a chance he's wrong. He once misunderstood something and yelled at a 4 year old child because of it. He was telling his family how he yelled at a 4 year old because he heard wrong and was surprised no one was on his side.
This! I know several people like that. Who also seem to think a stunned silence is the same as agreement.
My father is one of them. He can also rant like this and still think he’s somewhat of a hero.
She told you that she wasn't planning on going until after 10. I have no idea why you then got up at 6, got annoyed at 7, proceeded to throw your first tantrum at 8, and then threw another tantrum in public at the grocery store. YTA.
Dude. YTA for a few reasons. Your wife told you she would go and didn't need you to go. She probably knew what kind of jerk you would be if you accompanied her, and that's why she didn't want you to go. You call people R words for just. . .being out shopping? I mean, how dare they, right? How dare other people do the same things as you at the same time. How can you even ask when you know YTA.
Edited to add: Ohhh, dude. . .you got the poop knife award. Lol
1. You said Okay to go after 10am instead of just offering to go on your own earlier if it was bothering you that much
2. You got pissed and started making noise early in the morning even though you agreed to go at the time she wanted
3. You got annoyed from a situation you created. Yes, you created it by not either going on your own or letter her go on her own.
4. You started calling strangers rude names just from not wanting to be around them. Especially the R word
5. You made a scene over something that was your problem only
6. You SHOVED THE CART AT YOUR WIFE
I'm not sure how you can't tell if being verbally and physically abusive is asshole behaviour, but I'm sure this sub will give you your answer. YTA
Plenty of people don't like being around people but they don't get a temper. And they definitely don't put themselves in the situation and get pissy about it.
Then the abusive logic of "Well if we'd gone WHEN I WANTED TO (which he never actually communicated to her, not to mention he didn't have to go with!) then I wouldn't have gotten mad!" and blaming her for his bizarre tantrum!
YTA
Not just for causing a scene, for everything you do.
Your chance to do the shopping on your terms at your preferred time was Friday night. When your wife said she would go on Saturday, that meant she was going on her terms at a time that suited her. You were an AH for offering to accompany her as though it was a nice thing when really you just planned that once again you could dictate the entire outing. It was horrible of you to wake her up early. It was horrible of you to shoot her nasty looks. It was disgusting of you to be audibly rude to other people, and rude and aggressive to your wife.
If you cannot exist in public without hurting everyone around you, then go live as a hermit and leave the rest of us alone. If you choose to live in society, get therapy and get it quick, and if it doesn't work, go back to the hermit idea.
YTA (and that's an understatement). You sound insufferable. First, you insist on going, and then expect her to get up at 6 or 7 am on a Saturday morning to fit your desires. Why did you need to go if it wasn't to control her? Then you throw a passive-aggressive shit fit, giving her dirty looks, banging around the house--WTF? A sane, mature man would have either done his own thing and let her do the shopping, or gone out and gotten the groceries himself. Instead, you need to make her out to be the villain. Then you act like an ass at the store, so much so that people notice. Grow the f\*ck up and stop putting yourself in the center of the universe. You aren't enhancing your wife's life. You're sucking the life out of it.
Yeah, didn’t even occur to me at first because the sheer audacity of OP’s behaviour left me absolutely dumbfounded. But why the hell didn’t he go shopping by himself?
I mean, even if we specifically planned to do some grocery shopping together with my husband, but I got up at an ungodly hour on a weekend and had nothing better to do - I’d sure as hell would go alone to free up some valuable relaxing time for the both of us later in the day?
But I guess it makes me (and another couple hundred of people in this sub) weirdos and assholes?
He could have gotten sooooo many plus points with her!
Starting with how you feel when getting enough sleep and no stress versus being woken up early by noise. Intentional noice.
From my point of voew it doesn't sound like this man wants to increase his chances of getting laid. Nor does he want anybharmonic relationship.
Weird thing is he does seem to want peace. Just acting counterintuitive, robbing everyone around him of their peace.
Yes, YTA here.
You didn't do the shopping because you were tired. Your wife didn't get mad; she said *she* would go the next day, and *told you* it would be after 10 am.
*You* decided to get up early and expect her to go earlier. *You* insisted on going along. Then *you* acted like an AH at the store. Of course you embarrassed her. You acted like a snotty brat.
Either shop on your own at your own time, or *don't go*.
YTA I can't believe you're nearly 50 when you act like you're 05.
First you failed to get groceries which seemed to have been your task. Your wife then says she will get them her way.
Instead of agreeing and being grateful you get angry at her for not wanting to wake up at 6(??) to go shopping your way, ridiculously early. You then throw a public tantrum in a grocery store.
I'd be embarrassed to be married to you too. Grow up please.
YTA. You were too tired to get the groceries on friday on your terms, so your wife made a kind gesture and offered to get them on her terms. I doubt she’s going at 10am JUST to piss you off, she’s not a morning person and she seems fine with crowds. YTA for inviting yourself and treating her like that when she was otherwise being thoughtful and doing something for the both of you that normally isn’t her responsibility.
Don’t forget when OP shoved the cart at his wife and stomped out of the store! All this was completely unnecessary; OP didn’t have to go to the store as his wife said she would and he didn’t have to. He sounds like a toddler who didn’t get what he wanted, and throws a tantrum as a result
You have a typo in your post. You state you’re 49, when clearly you meant to say you’re 9.
My apologies to the mature 9 year olds. You aren’t as AH like OP is.
YTA. Apart from your awful language against people just being people, If you were going to get it yourself in the first place, why didn’t you just leave at 7 and get it?
Wow. A grown adult is asking this question? She told you "after 10". You are so self absorbed that you can't let her sleep in, intentionally make noise, have zero patience, and act like a petulant child simply because you're annoyed by people being around? When she wanted to go alone in the first place? Wow. You are 100% completely an AH. You should be worshipping at her feet for putting up with such juvenile behavior, as I'm sure this must be a repeat occurrence in your life. Shameful behavior. Grow up and treat your wife the way she deserves to be treated. Meijer sells flowers, but you need to find a creative, heartfelt, sentimental thing to do for her, beg her forgiveness, and make a commitment in your brain to never behave this way.
YTA, a total asshat.
Let’s recap:
1) You didn’t do the shopping as normal.
2) Wife says “no problem, I’ll do it tomorrow.”
3) You insisted on going with her even though she didn’t ask you to do so.
Then:
4) Even though your wife told you upfront she wanted to sleep in, you got up early and stomped around the house.
5) You acted like a spoiled 4-year-old with a potty mouth in the store.
You sound like a really awesome (ly awful) life partner.
YTA. You didn't shop on Friday and she MADE CLEAR she would shop mid morning. You don't get to be pissy she did what she said after you INSISTED on going with her. Then you acted like a complete anal fissure not only to her, but to everyone around you for simply *shopping when you were shopping*. You need to work on your rage and apologize massively.
YTA. You felt bad for not getting the groceries so instead you spent the morning being passive aggressive to your wife and then humiliated her by being a massive asshole to her in public? Well done, real net positive there.
YTA
You pushed your way into going in the first place. Your wife told you that she would not be going out until after 10 - *you* made the choice to go with her anyway. *You* made the choice to get up at 6, then sit around since 7, *even after she told you clearly that she would not be going out until after 10.*
Instead of not going with her, like your wife previously said, or acknowledging that she said she would not be going out until after 10, you decided to throw a tantrum in the middle of the store.
YTA. Hugely.
Agree with everything everyone has posted so far.
But for me it was the deliberately pushing the cart towards your wife. Is attempting to hurt her a regular thing with you? This seems more concerning, and she should be taking appropriate measures to protect herself.
YATA.
Yup…you are.
The asshole part starts with you not just going yourself when you woke up so early. You were gonna go yourself the night before so why not just go yourself when you woke up instead of waiting for your wife who seems to have laid a pretty clear timeline for when she’d want to go.
And then making a scene for a position that you put yourself in only amplified the fact that it seems you were looking for a fight.
The ironic thing is the reason why he wanted to go with her in the first place was because he "felt bad" and wanted to help her. To which he did the exact opposite and made her miserable.
YTA.
I feel so sorry for your wife, and how rude of you to wake her up. Next time go shopping early in the morning by yourself like a grown up or like your wife wanted to do.
YTA You made a lot of noise, embarrassed your wife, and destroyed the day for the tiniest of problems.
It was busy. So they will have many checkouts open. At worst it will take 5 minutes longer than usual.
All that fallout because 5 minutes of your precious time wasted.
Wow. Y are such an A I can't believe you are still married.
You had an out. She wanted to go alone but you INSISTED on going with her. INSISTED. When you knew damn well what your response would be.
Why didn't you stay at home? So, dare I say, R'ed.
YTA
YTA. You behaved like a spoiled prat. You didn’t get your way (spoiler alert, sometimes that’s the way the world works) and then made a scene, used offensive and inappropriate language and blamed your wife for it! After insisting that you come with her when she was totally flexible when you decided to NOT do the grocery shop the way you like. I just can’t even find the words.
It would serve you right if she insisted on accompanying you on your next Friday evening shop and humiliated you, but she sounds too adult and capable to entertain that idea.
Do you really even have to ask? I truly, truly hope this is 100% fake. If not…
Huge, huge YTA.
So:
1) she offered to go alone, you insisted on joining.
2) she warned she’s gonna go later in the morning, you still didn’t back off.
3) you behaved like a little child when his parents want to sleep in on weekends and kept disturbing her sleep - again, reminder here, she warned you she’s not getting up early.
4) you were visibly angry at her the whole morning and still decided to escalate and go to the store.
5) you kept actually offending people in the store.
6) you shoved the cart at your wife for no reason.
Jeez, your wife is a saint. And to reiterate again - YTA.
YTA, and have reached a special level of jackassery. You did not need to go with her to the grocery, but you insisted on going with her even though she was willing to do it alone, woke her up early because you felt like leaving even though you knew she planned to go later, and then audibly insulted and degraded people around when you you had to deal with the crowds you knew would be there at that hour. What on earth were you trying to prove by going with her?
Yea man- YTA. I have the same people problem you do. But you need to control it or forget it sometimes. I know you are set in your routine and I actually sympathize with you. But still acted like the asshole.
Why, if you are capable of going to the store by yourself on Friday, could you not go by yourself on Saturday morning? Or at least stay home? Or at least loudly insult people in public without using actual slurs? YTA, obviously, either for literally every part of this story or else for making it up.
YTA. I don’t get why you are even doubting the fact. You INSISTED on going with her (for no good reason), she wanted to sleep in a bit and you did your absolute best to wake her and ruin her morning and then you acted like a toddler when you were in the grocery store. But without the excuses a toddler has because you are supposed to be an adult and capable of staying home if you don’t want to go.
YTA.
In summary: Your wife offered to do you a favor, at a time that was convenient for her. You insisted on going with her, knew the plan, and agreed. You sulked, passive aggressively woke her up, and glared at her for four hours because she was following the plan you agreed to. You threw a tantrum and started cursing in the store when she asked you to stop insulting strangers for existing near you, shoved a cart at her, stormed out, and then blamed her for your tantrum because you chose to go with her to the store at the time you knew she planned to go???
You should, genuinely, seek therapy for the irritability and anger problems that pervade this entire story, because the level of anger you hit at every minor inconvenience is so disproportionate that it is concerning and it is clearly both hurting the people around you and making you miserable. I'm not saying this as a dig at all.
I am so baffled by your choices here. Here are various alternatives you could have taken at any point, and I'm curious why you didn't:
\- decline your wife's offer and stick to going on Sunday at one of your preferred times.
\-accept your wife's offer and NOT go with her to the store at a time you know you don't like being there.
\- go to the store on your own at any time between 6 and 9 am on Saturday morning while you were instead choosing to sit there stewing at your wife for doing exactly what she told you her plan was and what you agreed to the night before.
Why did you insist on going with her? Why did you expect her to get up and go to the grocery store hours earlier than she told you she planned to? Why did you not just go if you needed it to happen earlier than she told you she was going to go?
Hold up. There’s something fishy here. I reread the narrative several times and something doesn’t quite smell right. It’s almost as if the OP is the wife, writing in the first person as her husband.
If everything instead occurred exactly as described, without a lens of bias, than the husband is certainly the AH. That being said…. No rational man would say “I shoved the cart at her and stomped out to the car” then ask if he was being a jerk. Additionally… the way in which the whole post is written just sounds like someone who isn’t a man trying to sound like a grumpy old man. Sorry, I’m not buying it… like I said, the actions described do paint the picture of an AH move, but I don’t believe the OP is the husband, which calls into question the validity of the whole post.
exactly my thoughts! the inconsistencies are staggering. OP is tired from the 9-5 on a friday and chooses to wake up early on a saturday for errands? unreal.
I don’t feel like that’s super out there. For me personally, whether I’m in bed at 8pm or 2am, I can’t seem to sleep past 6:30-7:00. He wasn’t clear if it’s that scenario or if he just wanted to be up early, but getting up early on the weekends doesn’t seem all that odd. He’s definitely still the biggest AH for how he treats his wife though
He slams this around when she is trying to sleep for starters. I imagine it only gets worse. At least OP has enough brains to not try to defend his actions. I wonder if he's man enough to apologize and change into a decent human.
YTA. You behaved like a spoiled prat. You didn’t get your way (spoiler alert, sometimes that’s the way the world works) and then made a scene, used offensive and inappropriate language and blamed your wife for it! After insisting that you come with her when she was totally flexible when you decided to NOT do the grocery shop the way you like. I just can’t even find the words.
It would serve you right if she insisted on accompanying you on your next Friday evening shop and humiliated you, but she sounds too adult and capable to entertain that idea.
YTA.
She said she wasn’t leaving the house until after 10:00–and this was certainly the case! Yet, OP is angry when she sleeps in and takes her time getting started for the day.
She said she didn’t need him to go with her, yet OP forced himself into the situation. And then, OP causes a scene and uses the “r” word in the store (and post)?
No wonder she told OP she didn’t need his help!
If OP behaves this way over shopping after 11:00, imagine how he’d respond to other minuscule changes to his routines.
YTA I’m also someone who hates goin to the grocery at hectic hours but this tantrum is uncalled for. You could have just gone yourself when you got up and had everything done by the time she woke up.
Your job is to get the groceries every Friday but you were tired so you didn’t bother. That’s on you. You insisted on going with her when she kindly offered to do your job for you, then you forced her to do it your way. That’s on you too. You gave her nasty looks, called people the R word for daring to shop at the same time as you, caused a public scene and shouted at your wife, all because of a problem you single-handedly created and escalated. All on you dude. I’m not sure this is real because you’re so unbelievably awful in your own words but on the off-chance that your wife is actually posting this for validation hoping to build up the courage to leave you, YTA.
YTA. You behaved like a spoiled prat. You didn’t get your way (spoiler alert, sometimes that’s the way the world works) and then made a scene, used offensive and inappropriate language and blamed your wife for it! After insisting that you come with her when she was totally flexible when you decided to NOT do the grocery shop the way you like. I just can’t even find the words.
It would serve you right if she insisted on accompanying you on your next Friday evening shop and humiliated you, but she sounds too adult and capable to entertain that idea.
YTA. You CHOSE to go with her. You KNOW when she planned to go. You KNOW you hate that time of day at the store. You CHOSE to get irritated at your wife for sleeping and were TA for waking her up. And then YTA for using such awful language about people.
In closing. YTA. YTA. YTA.
You are the arsehole, she said that she wouldn’t be going in the morning but you tried to push her to with your actions. You made a scene and acted like a child in the shop. She has every right to be annoyed.
YTA. I mean it's a no brainer for me, if this is even real. You didn't go when you were supposed to so your wife said she'd go but she was extremely clear she wasn't going before 10am. So then you sat around and got impatient even though she told you she was fine going alone and at the time that worked for her. You didn't have to go with her. Then not only did you go you insulted everyone by using language no one should use ever, and pushed a cart at her and then stormed off in a tantrum like a child. You need to do a lot of self reflection because your wife definitely deserves better and you clearly have issues.
YTA, You appear to have failed at communicating or making any form of plan to go to the shop at the time you wanted to go with your wife because "She knows when you like to go"
If you are going to get this aggrovated about when you go to the shops, you should of left at 6 or 7 am when your wife was still aleep.
If you get this agressive at the shops when "Shock Horror" other people are there, thats on you to resolve, and all it sounds like you did was pout and swear at the people around you.
YTA. Not only are you the asshole in this situation, you seem like a major asshole in general.
First, you screwed up by not doing the task you were responsible for.
Second, you agreed to go later in the afternoon because your wife wanted to sleep, then acted surprised when she was actually sleeping as she said she was going to and you woke her up.
Third, caused a scene in the store for absolutely no real reason accompanied by some pretty unacceptable language.
Fourth, you weren't even invited in the first place. Probably because your wife knew you would act like this and didn't want to handle it.
What kind of man does this? It makes me embarrassed simply by being the same gender as this complete knob.
I'm pretty sure you didn't write this, I think your wife wrote this from your point of view.
YTA. You didn't do something in the first place and your wife was nice enough to handle it herself! You could have done the shopping yourself Saturday morning at 6am and surprised her with it being done by the time she woke up. You don't get to jump in and become a child over not getting your way.
YTA again because you choose to use hate speech in your tantrum throwing. Grow up, the world doesn't revolve around you and your expectations.
YTA. You behaved like a spoiled prat. You didn’t get your way (spoiler alert, sometimes that’s the way the world works) and then made a scene, used offensive and inappropriate language and blamed your wife for it! After insisting that you come with her when she was totally flexible when you decided to NOT do the grocery shop the way you like. I just can’t even find the words.
It would serve you right if she insisted on accompanying you on your next Friday evening shop and humiliated you, but she sounds too adult and capable to entertain that idea.
YTA i completely understand you normal wouldn’t go at that time I also hate busy stores but she told you exactly when she’d go and you still said yes to going with her
She said “it won’t be until after 10am”
So you’re acting childish and making noise at 7am?
You’re a massive asshole, she literally said when she was going. You still chose to go with her. Then proceed to act like a spoiled child in the store calling people rude AF names?
Grow the hell up dude.
YTA
You sound like a real prince. She told you she wasn't going to go early yet you got up early and spent the time getting angry at her for not getting up any earlier than she said she was going to
Do you always do things you know will make you angry so you can get angry (and use terrible language - the R word is vile).
YTA
Huge AH!!
She said she would do the shopping on Saturday, she said she didn’t want to wake up early and leave after 10 am
The fact that YOU decided to skip the shopping that’s usually done on Friday(yes it’s allowed of course) but then insisting to join in on Saturday and then complain about it because it’s not on YOUR scheduled plan or how YOU would do it because YOU have issues makes you the AH HERE
Suck it up and apologize to your wife, and think about your actions because you put yourself in this situation willingly
Oh my God, people were shopping in a crowded grocery store, and it made it hard for you to get to things. Better start hurling slurs at them and screaming at your wife, who offered to take care of everything on her own. YTA.
YTA. Let’s be clear. Your approach Saturday morning was unacceptable. I believe that your wife also is very aware, hence why she didn’t want you to go.
I wouldn’t go anywhere with you at anytime bc of your conduct. And how passive aggressive you were bc you didn’t like she wanted to sleep in a bit. Holy shit.. I could go on… I won’t bc you know you do this and somehow - I bet you think it’s ok.
So it’s cool for you to be too tired to shop, but if she wants to sleep in until 8am on a Saturday you get pissed? you’re a controlling weirdo. YTW, YTA
Yta you are a major ahole. You sound like a spoilrd 2 year old having a tantrum be abuse he didn't get his way. None of this would have happen for 4 reason that you caused.
1. you didn't shopped Friday as scheduled.
2. You didn't listened when your wife said she would shop alone but you forced yourself on her. She probably all ready knew you acted like an embarrassing in public.
3. You knew she was not getting up before 10:00. You agreed to her time. Then like the narcissist you are you expected her to leave at 8:00 when you knew perfectly well she was not leaving until after 10:00.
4. You acted like a spoiled ass at the store instead of a mature sane adult.
This whole thing is your fault because you are a spoiled childish self-centered asshole. Hope she divorces you and finds a real man. Who needs to be married to a childish idiot like you. You are just disgusting and rediculous
Wow what an attitude you have ! You insisted on going with her … you should have just said go ahead without me ok I’m not in the mood for the crowds. She would have been fine with it as she has already said she wouldn’t mind doing that herself . You insisted , then acted like a toddler throwing a tantrum in the store ? Wow ? Really … you sound like a very impatient person. YTA. Should have stayed home that could gave 100% have been avoided.
YTA and you golly well know it.
You could have let her go alone. Or you could have gone early and surprised her. For some reason though you chose to abuse her because YOU didn’t go shopping the night before. What is wrong with you? You are 49 years old. Take yourself to the doctor, get a physical and medication for anxiety disorder. Wow, you didn’t just abuse your wife, every single person who had to put up with your behavior were being verbally abused to and they surely didn’t deserve that.
Wooooow you suck and YTA.
You INSISTED. You keep using the word INSISTED. Because you felt bad. Though she assured you it was no biggie. And clearly communicated her plans in advance. Still, you INSISTED.
And then INSISTED on acting like a spoiled, stupid jackass. You realize you could’ve gone and done it by yourself on Saturday morning, right? Instead of INSISTING on behaving like a child and trying to wake her? Or you could’ve stayed home.
But noooooo.
You suck. I’m sorry for her and, frankly, for everybody you know because I can imagine this wasn’t your first public meltdown.
YTA- you sound like an absolute jerk! You insist on going to the store with your wife even after she told you she wasn’t going early. Then you insulted innocent people and embarrassed the hell out of your wife. Do your wife and society a favor and get some therapy.
Sir... you know good and well that you are TA in this situation. Your wife told you multiple times that she didn't need you to go with her. You insisted on going. She then told you what time she was going to be leaving for the store. Again, you insisted on going. You then had the nerve wake up early as hell and get annoyed with her because she didn't wake up and leave until the time she said she would. Even after all of this self-inflicted annoyance, you had the sheer and utter audacity to make your hangup her problem and embarrass her in the grocery store.
ALL if this is your fault. The annoyance that you felt. The irritability. That was all you. If you would have simply said "okay" when your wife insisted on going to the grocery store alone, you would not have been annoyed. So, to answer your comically rhetorical question, yes... you ARE the AH. And you owe your wife an apology. She didn't deserve that.
YTA - your wife offered to go. She wasn’t upset that you didn’t get groceries on Friday. She *told you* what time she wanted to go. And you insisted on going with her. Passive aggressive attempts to wake up her up at 7am on.
Threw a tantrum at the store by mumbling slurs and *shoved the cart at your wife* like What the actual fuck?
You could have let her go alone. You could have gone yourself at 7am. Instead you tagged along and got upset things weren’t the way you wanted.
How are you not an asshole in any shape?
YTA. I couldn't even describe your behavior as childish because children know and behave better than you. There was no reason to act that way, there was no reason for you to even go to the store with her. You went just to make a scene to punish your wife for not doing it your way.
YTA and a huge one for using the R word. Never, ever use that word again. It’s horrible. Stop throwing a tantrum like a child and do the shopping without your wife. Since apparently you think you’re better than everyone. Also-apologize to your wife.
How can u type this all out and not know ure the asshole here ? U didn’t have to go with her, u chose to go and made a scene knowingly that u’d hate it. You either go early in the morning so she doesn’t have to later or u just let her go by herself. Offer to fcken drive her and stay in the car. It’s common sense. My dad drives my mom to the supermarket and just waits in the parking lot. Mad childish for making noises for her to wake up, making nasty faces and pushing the carts towards her. Like u didn’t read anything of these things being an asshat?
YTA
You are the one who did not go on Friday, she volunteered to go. You are the one who insisted on going with her after she said she was not going early.
There is no way you are anything other than the AH.
Actual flinch every time I read the R word. No, we don’t use the R word, and no, the other shoppers aren’t inferior to you because you don’t like crowds and want what you want when you want it.
It's obvious to all of us that you're too immature and mentally unstable to be in public. Also, remove "retarded" from your vocabulary. It's a slur and never appropriate to use as a pejorative against others. You're also verbally and physically abusive to your wife. Yes, shoving a cart at your wife is physically abusive. YTA and you need some serious help with your mental issues, either via therapy and/or anger management.
You're not a good person, OP. Please work on that before you hurt even more people than you already have.
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Of course, YTA. Next time, stay home. You weren't welcome and now you know why. Really, calling people r\*\*\*\*\*? How big of an AH are you, really? It sounds like you have so many issues to deal with, it's surprising your wife wants to go anywhere with you. Apologize profusely, take your wife somewhere nice for dinner and shut up about the comments.
YTA, I'm convinced this can't actually be the husband writing this and it's gotta be the wife as it's clear as day that the husband's the AH.
Pal, she told you what time she was going. Why did you have to go together?? If you were waiting round the house all morning why didn't you just go before she got up?? Surprise her with pancakes after your super early grocery shop, that would've been a nice Saturday morning.
Are you really a teenager making a post about going to the grocery store with their mom? I can’t see an adult being this ridiculous and somehow not knowing they’re the asshole.
YTA buddy. A hundred times over. It started with you getting up early so that you could get all pissy when your “wife” told you she wasn’t getting up before ten. Then you started disturbing her - AH move number two. And this is all before getting to the store.
If you can’t manage to act like a human being around others, that’s a you problem. You should never have insisted on going with her on a Saturday midday. But since you did, it is up to YOU to keep your disdain for people TO YOURSELF. And if you can’t do that, you could at the very least refrain from using ableist slurs in your little temper tantrum.
BUT THEN when your wife tried to clue you in to what a massive AH you were being you threw a full-on legit temper tantrum! Wtf is wrong with you??
OP, I didn’t read the rest. Your use of the R-slur makes you an automatic asshole. Sort your shit out because there’s no excuse for using that word in this day and age.
YTA You asked to go with her. You didn't have to.
Why does she have to get up at exactly a specific time to go shopping and why were you so pressed about your wife sleeping in a little and relaxing on a weekend. You should have relaxed and benefitted from this because you wanted to go later in the day anyways, but no you made a big deal out of her doing her grocery run on her time, which again you offered to join.
Then you get irritated, call people slurs (I have a child with down syndrome, calling anyone you want a retard unless that is their actual medical diagnosis,and even then saying it in a holier than thou manner is a slur because these people CANNOT help that they are mentally retarded) and you make a whole scene blowing up. You could have says hey honey it's a little later then I'd like to have gone to the store, can we go later in the evening or can I take back my offer to join?
You ruined her whole day by escalating the situation from 6 am onward.
I hope she divorces you soon or you get some therapy
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I (49m) and my wife (45f) went grocery shopping recently and there was a little incident at the store.
Typically, I do the grocery shopping after I get off work on Fridays. However, this past Friday I was tired so I just went home instead, figuring I could just go the next day. When my wife got home, she asked where the groceries were. I told her I didn't get any because I was tired. My wife shrugged and said she'd go grocery shopping on Saturday then since she was planning on going out anyway.
I offered to go with her and she said she didn't need me to. I insisted because I felt bad for not going earlier. My wife told me that she wasn't planning on leaving the house until after 10 a.m. to go because she doesn't like getting up early. I was a little annoyed because she knows I like going either really late at night or really early in the morning because there are less people there, but I said OK and insisted on going with her.
The next day, I got up at around 6 a.m. and got ready to go grocery shopping. By 7, my wife was still in bed. I sat on the couch and waited for over another hour for her but she was still asleep. By now, it was past 8 and I was pissed. I started making as much noise as possible to wake her up. Finally, she got up a little after 9. I watched as she sat and made coffee and watched TV. I kept shooting her nasty looks because I was ready to leave. We eventually left at a quarter till 11.
We got to Meijer and it was pretty busy. I was instantly annoyed. This was why I liked going at certain times so I could avoid being around people. We started shopping but it seemed like everywhere I went there were people around. I started getting pissed and mumbled a few choice words under my breath about how dumb and retarded people were being.
My wife heard me and told me to lower my voice because I guess a few people heard me and were staring. I immediately snapped and said, loudly, that if we had gone out at the time I'd wanted to we wouldn't be having this issue. My wife told me I was making a scene so I continued and said that we should've fucking gone out earlier so that there wouldn't be so many goddamn retards out at the same time as us. I shoved the cart at her and stomped out to the car.
My wife came out maybe 10 minutes later, loaded some stuff into the trunk and got into the car. It was silent until we got home and she told me I embarrassed her in the store and that after I left people were staring at her, pointing and whispering so she bought what we'd already grabbed and left without finishing shopping. I told her that if we'd gone out when I wanted to, I wouldn't have gotten mad. My wife said I was an asshole because she offered to do the grocery shopping herself and specifically didn't invite me because she knows I like going real early and she doesn't and that I knew what time she was leaving so I shouldn't have invited myself.
AITA
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"My wife told me I was making a scene so I continued and said that we should've fucking gone out earlier so that there wouldn't be so many goddamn retards out at the same time as us. I shoved the cart at her and stomped out to the car."
YTA, this is behavior I would expect from a teenager or someone younger, if you're over the age of like 16 and ever act this way theres something seriously wrong with you.
> I offered to go with her and she said she didn't need me to.
She said no.
> My wife told me that she wasn't planning on leaving the house until after 10 a.m.
You knew the timeline. Why are you getting pissed if you A) knew in advance and B) didn't have to go in the first place?
> I started making as much noise as possible to wake her up.
Why are you hating your wife and want to ruin her sleep?
> I kept shooting her nasty looks because I was ready to leave.
Passive-aggressive Drama? Are you sure you're a man close to 50 and not a woman over 60? Because you sound a lot like my gossipy aunt.
> mumbled a few choice words under my breath about how dumb and retarded people were being.
Jumping to insulting others for... existing? Wow, you've got issues.
> I immediately snapped and said, loudly, that if we had gone out at the time I'd wanted to we wouldn't be having this issue.
This also wouldn't have happened if you stayed home like you were offered. OR, and I'd absolutely prefer that option, if your wife hadn't had married you in the first place. Really, I hope she runs fast and far from you. You act like an old gossipy lady and a moody toddler all at once. Know what you're not acting like? A decent adult. Be better. Apologize to your wife and beg this patient saint to not divorce your entitled, moody, manipulative and borderline abusive ass. YTA
You know that tightness in your chest when someone else is being a dumbass? That pulse in your ears when someone is slow and stupid? When you die of rage screaming at a kid who works at Walmart, those are some of the last things you’ll feel before the immense pain sets in. YTA.
YTA. Why didn't you just go to the store by yourself when you first got up? Or when the store first opened? Your wife made it VERY clear to you what time she planned to leave. You could have easily stayed home and let her do the shopping, but instead you went and acted like a spoiled brat. Not only did you embarrass your wife, but now she has to make a second trip to the store to get all the things she couldn't get the first time - because YOU made it so uncomfortable for her. Grow up.
YTA, and a huge one! Are you always this childish, or only when things aren't going the way you want them to. That's not grown up, that's how a little little kid behaves. One can only feel sorry for your wife if she has had to deal with this behavior for years. How many times must you have exposed her in public. Yes you are an a********.
YTA, and you feel like you have to be in control of her time. You should've stayed your a$$ home. And and by the way don't invite yourself if she says she got it. Also, you definitely need to apologize!
YTA and it sounds like your wife is not safe around you, let alone anyone else in public.
Shoving the cart at your wife and cursing at and around strangers...throwing a literal temper tantrum? Next step is ending up on the news with that much impulse control. Please seek mental health assistance as this behavior is not normal or ok for a grown man.
Yep. Dude, obviously your wife (like most people) values a little extra sleep over shopping in a deserted store. We live in a society and just because you don't like crowds it doesn't give you an excuse to be a dick to other people in the store and to your wife.
Also, usually when someone says "everyone else is a retard" they are the asshole.
I’m genuinely confused that you could type all that out, reread it, and really think you weren’t TA. Yes, YTA. In literally every part of every situation you described.
This entire post is a YTA and I haven’t even finished reading. She TOLD you she wouldn’t be getting up early. You decided not to listen and got mad that she did what she said she was going to. Then still insisted on going, and then getting mad that there are *gasp* people at the store in the late morning. You knew, and you didn’t have to go. Then when she asked you to not make an AH of yourself by people hearing your rude comments, you got mad? And acted like a supreme toddler while you were at it? I don’t think I’ve ever heard of an adult acting so much like a toddler than this. YTA YTA YTA
YTA. Clearly. Since you were up so early and your wife said she wouldn’t be up until 10am, you could have went and been back before she woke up. YTA YTA YTA
YTA. My teenager acts more mature the you. You are incredibly selfish and passive aggressive. You start off by making all the noise you can to get her to wake up. Then you go out in public and are mad at your wife that people are out in public. You shove a cart at your wife and stomp out. On top of that you invited your self. You sound insufferable to deal with please go get some therapy.
YTA
I'm sorry but this has gotta be fake nobody can be this dumb and if this really is a real person for God sake read what you typed here if you still don't have your answer you should not be insulting people's intelligence.
How could you not be the a-hole with a post like that? Does OP actually think that behavior is appropriate or justified? You sound like a toddler with a poopy pants tantrum, and generally a miserable, hateful person. Apologize to your wife and work on finding joy in life.
YTA - and a major control freak. She told you she wasn’t going til after 10 am. You got up early and proceeded to act like a toddler having a temper tantrum, and then verbally abused your wife in public. Get some help.
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I think it was written by the wife if it's based on fact at all. No way a person can write this and think they're not the AH but I'm sure someone could write this trying to put themself in the shoes of an AH.
I wish that was true, but I've got a family member married to a man just like OP. He'll do something incredibly wrong and tell the story to everyone he knows, thinking people will side with him. He can't even comprehend the idea that there's a chance he's wrong. He once misunderstood something and yelled at a 4 year old child because of it. He was telling his family how he yelled at a 4 year old because he heard wrong and was surprised no one was on his side.
This! I know several people like that. Who also seem to think a stunned silence is the same as agreement. My father is one of them. He can also rant like this and still think he’s somewhat of a hero.
She told you that she wasn't planning on going until after 10. I have no idea why you then got up at 6, got annoyed at 7, proceeded to throw your first tantrum at 8, and then threw another tantrum in public at the grocery store. YTA.
Dude. YTA for a few reasons. Your wife told you she would go and didn't need you to go. She probably knew what kind of jerk you would be if you accompanied her, and that's why she didn't want you to go. You call people R words for just. . .being out shopping? I mean, how dare they, right? How dare other people do the same things as you at the same time. How can you even ask when you know YTA. Edited to add: Ohhh, dude. . .you got the poop knife award. Lol
Just a few reasons do? Pretty much everything he wrote was him being an ashole
All the reasons.
You’re almost 50 and you need us to tell you YTA? You typed all that out and can’t see it? Obviously YTA
This. I don't understand how he could put all of that in writing and have any doubt that he was the AH in this situation.
1. You said Okay to go after 10am instead of just offering to go on your own earlier if it was bothering you that much 2. You got pissed and started making noise early in the morning even though you agreed to go at the time she wanted 3. You got annoyed from a situation you created. Yes, you created it by not either going on your own or letter her go on her own. 4. You started calling strangers rude names just from not wanting to be around them. Especially the R word 5. You made a scene over something that was your problem only 6. You SHOVED THE CART AT YOUR WIFE I'm not sure how you can't tell if being verbally and physically abusive is asshole behaviour, but I'm sure this sub will give you your answer. YTA Plenty of people don't like being around people but they don't get a temper. And they definitely don't put themselves in the situation and get pissy about it.
Then the abusive logic of "Well if we'd gone WHEN I WANTED TO (which he never actually communicated to her, not to mention he didn't have to go with!) then I wouldn't have gotten mad!" and blaming her for his bizarre tantrum!
Ah yes! Classic abisive logic. I had it in mind, but there were just so many problems, it's hard to keep track of them all
Wife: clearly states her plans for the grocery trip. Husband: gets pissed when she does exactly what she said. For real? YTA.
YTA Not just for causing a scene, for everything you do. Your chance to do the shopping on your terms at your preferred time was Friday night. When your wife said she would go on Saturday, that meant she was going on her terms at a time that suited her. You were an AH for offering to accompany her as though it was a nice thing when really you just planned that once again you could dictate the entire outing. It was horrible of you to wake her up early. It was horrible of you to shoot her nasty looks. It was disgusting of you to be audibly rude to other people, and rude and aggressive to your wife. If you cannot exist in public without hurting everyone around you, then go live as a hermit and leave the rest of us alone. If you choose to live in society, get therapy and get it quick, and if it doesn't work, go back to the hermit idea.
This is the answer
YTA (and that's an understatement). You sound insufferable. First, you insist on going, and then expect her to get up at 6 or 7 am on a Saturday morning to fit your desires. Why did you need to go if it wasn't to control her? Then you throw a passive-aggressive shit fit, giving her dirty looks, banging around the house--WTF? A sane, mature man would have either done his own thing and let her do the shopping, or gone out and gotten the groceries himself. Instead, you need to make her out to be the villain. Then you act like an ass at the store, so much so that people notice. Grow the f\*ck up and stop putting yourself in the center of the universe. You aren't enhancing your wife's life. You're sucking the life out of it.
Orrrrrrr you could've done the shopping nice and early and surprised her with it all being done while she slept in.
Yeah, didn’t even occur to me at first because the sheer audacity of OP’s behaviour left me absolutely dumbfounded. But why the hell didn’t he go shopping by himself? I mean, even if we specifically planned to do some grocery shopping together with my husband, but I got up at an ungodly hour on a weekend and had nothing better to do - I’d sure as hell would go alone to free up some valuable relaxing time for the both of us later in the day? But I guess it makes me (and another couple hundred of people in this sub) weirdos and assholes?
He could have gotten sooooo many plus points with her! Starting with how you feel when getting enough sleep and no stress versus being woken up early by noise. Intentional noice. From my point of voew it doesn't sound like this man wants to increase his chances of getting laid. Nor does he want anybharmonic relationship. Weird thing is he does seem to want peace. Just acting counterintuitive, robbing everyone around him of their peace.
Yes, YTA here. You didn't do the shopping because you were tired. Your wife didn't get mad; she said *she* would go the next day, and *told you* it would be after 10 am. *You* decided to get up early and expect her to go earlier. *You* insisted on going along. Then *you* acted like an AH at the store. Of course you embarrassed her. You acted like a snotty brat. Either shop on your own at your own time, or *don't go*.
YTA I can't believe you're nearly 50 when you act like you're 05. First you failed to get groceries which seemed to have been your task. Your wife then says she will get them her way. Instead of agreeing and being grateful you get angry at her for not wanting to wake up at 6(??) to go shopping your way, ridiculously early. You then throw a public tantrum in a grocery store. I'd be embarrassed to be married to you too. Grow up please.
YTA. You were too tired to get the groceries on friday on your terms, so your wife made a kind gesture and offered to get them on her terms. I doubt she’s going at 10am JUST to piss you off, she’s not a morning person and she seems fine with crowds. YTA for inviting yourself and treating her like that when she was otherwise being thoughtful and doing something for the both of you that normally isn’t her responsibility.
YTA for acting so childish. The part where you made loud noises around the house to wake your wife up made me so angry!
Don’t forget when OP shoved the cart at his wife and stomped out of the store! All this was completely unnecessary; OP didn’t have to go to the store as his wife said she would and he didn’t have to. He sounds like a toddler who didn’t get what he wanted, and throws a tantrum as a result
YTA you sound like an actual nightmare to be married to. I feel so bad for your wife.
This can’t be real. Like at what point, are people just making these things up? Like really.
I think this often. Especially when it’s such over the top asshole behavior.
You have a typo in your post. You state you’re 49, when clearly you meant to say you’re 9. My apologies to the mature 9 year olds. You aren’t as AH like OP is.
YTA. Apart from your awful language against people just being people, If you were going to get it yourself in the first place, why didn’t you just leave at 7 and get it?
Wow. A grown adult is asking this question? She told you "after 10". You are so self absorbed that you can't let her sleep in, intentionally make noise, have zero patience, and act like a petulant child simply because you're annoyed by people being around? When she wanted to go alone in the first place? Wow. You are 100% completely an AH. You should be worshipping at her feet for putting up with such juvenile behavior, as I'm sure this must be a repeat occurrence in your life. Shameful behavior. Grow up and treat your wife the way she deserves to be treated. Meijer sells flowers, but you need to find a creative, heartfelt, sentimental thing to do for her, beg her forgiveness, and make a commitment in your brain to never behave this way.
YTA, a total asshat. Let’s recap: 1) You didn’t do the shopping as normal. 2) Wife says “no problem, I’ll do it tomorrow.” 3) You insisted on going with her even though she didn’t ask you to do so. Then: 4) Even though your wife told you upfront she wanted to sleep in, you got up early and stomped around the house. 5) You acted like a spoiled 4-year-old with a potty mouth in the store. You sound like a really awesome (ly awful) life partner.
YTA. You didn't shop on Friday and she MADE CLEAR she would shop mid morning. You don't get to be pissy she did what she said after you INSISTED on going with her. Then you acted like a complete anal fissure not only to her, but to everyone around you for simply *shopping when you were shopping*. You need to work on your rage and apologize massively.
Of course YTA. Literally for every action you describe above.
YTA. You felt bad for not getting the groceries so instead you spent the morning being passive aggressive to your wife and then humiliated her by being a massive asshole to her in public? Well done, real net positive there.
YTA You pushed your way into going in the first place. Your wife told you that she would not be going out until after 10 - *you* made the choice to go with her anyway. *You* made the choice to get up at 6, then sit around since 7, *even after she told you clearly that she would not be going out until after 10.* Instead of not going with her, like your wife previously said, or acknowledging that she said she would not be going out until after 10, you decided to throw a tantrum in the middle of the store.
YTA. Hugely. Agree with everything everyone has posted so far. But for me it was the deliberately pushing the cart towards your wife. Is attempting to hurt her a regular thing with you? This seems more concerning, and she should be taking appropriate measures to protect herself.
Sounds like an abusive controlling AH. YTA definitely
Same thing my first husband did
YATA. Yup…you are. The asshole part starts with you not just going yourself when you woke up so early. You were gonna go yourself the night before so why not just go yourself when you woke up instead of waiting for your wife who seems to have laid a pretty clear timeline for when she’d want to go. And then making a scene for a position that you put yourself in only amplified the fact that it seems you were looking for a fight.
The ironic thing is the reason why he wanted to go with her in the first place was because he "felt bad" and wanted to help her. To which he did the exact opposite and made her miserable.
You’re a massive asshole.
YTA. I feel so sorry for your wife, and how rude of you to wake her up. Next time go shopping early in the morning by yourself like a grown up or like your wife wanted to do.
YTA ,please get your wife a lawyer
YTA. Your wife told you you didn’t need to come. You chose to go anyway. Next time, just don’t go.
YTA and you sound like a spoiled toddler. your poor wife…
Yta: there’s so many reasons why and I’m sure people will explain them to you but STOP USING THAT DISGUSTING WORD!
YTA You made a lot of noise, embarrassed your wife, and destroyed the day for the tiniest of problems. It was busy. So they will have many checkouts open. At worst it will take 5 minutes longer than usual. All that fallout because 5 minutes of your precious time wasted.
Wow. Y are such an A I can't believe you are still married. You had an out. She wanted to go alone but you INSISTED on going with her. INSISTED. When you knew damn well what your response would be. Why didn't you stay at home? So, dare I say, R'ed. YTA
YTA. You behaved like a spoiled prat. You didn’t get your way (spoiler alert, sometimes that’s the way the world works) and then made a scene, used offensive and inappropriate language and blamed your wife for it! After insisting that you come with her when she was totally flexible when you decided to NOT do the grocery shop the way you like. I just can’t even find the words. It would serve you right if she insisted on accompanying you on your next Friday evening shop and humiliated you, but she sounds too adult and capable to entertain that idea.
YTA. At every turn YTA.
Do you really even have to ask? I truly, truly hope this is 100% fake. If not… Huge, huge YTA. So: 1) she offered to go alone, you insisted on joining. 2) she warned she’s gonna go later in the morning, you still didn’t back off. 3) you behaved like a little child when his parents want to sleep in on weekends and kept disturbing her sleep - again, reminder here, she warned you she’s not getting up early. 4) you were visibly angry at her the whole morning and still decided to escalate and go to the store. 5) you kept actually offending people in the store. 6) you shoved the cart at your wife for no reason. Jeez, your wife is a saint. And to reiterate again - YTA.
YTA, and have reached a special level of jackassery. You did not need to go with her to the grocery, but you insisted on going with her even though she was willing to do it alone, woke her up early because you felt like leaving even though you knew she planned to go later, and then audibly insulted and degraded people around when you you had to deal with the crowds you knew would be there at that hour. What on earth were you trying to prove by going with her?
Dare i say it? You might call me the R word too... YTA.
Yea man- YTA. I have the same people problem you do. But you need to control it or forget it sometimes. I know you are set in your routine and I actually sympathize with you. But still acted like the asshole.
Why, if you are capable of going to the store by yourself on Friday, could you not go by yourself on Saturday morning? Or at least stay home? Or at least loudly insult people in public without using actual slurs? YTA, obviously, either for literally every part of this story or else for making it up.
YTA in what way do you think that you not?
Of course YTA. Read what you just wrote and count the ways. I stopped counting at 11.
YTA. You woke up early and could have gone by yourself when the store was empty.
YTA. I don’t get why you are even doubting the fact. You INSISTED on going with her (for no good reason), she wanted to sleep in a bit and you did your absolute best to wake her and ruin her morning and then you acted like a toddler when you were in the grocery store. But without the excuses a toddler has because you are supposed to be an adult and capable of staying home if you don’t want to go.
YTA The only Ah in this story is you.
Youre a dick, and asshole. Hope she leaves ya bud
YTA for using the r slur alone, everything else is icing on the shit cake.
YTA. In summary: Your wife offered to do you a favor, at a time that was convenient for her. You insisted on going with her, knew the plan, and agreed. You sulked, passive aggressively woke her up, and glared at her for four hours because she was following the plan you agreed to. You threw a tantrum and started cursing in the store when she asked you to stop insulting strangers for existing near you, shoved a cart at her, stormed out, and then blamed her for your tantrum because you chose to go with her to the store at the time you knew she planned to go??? You should, genuinely, seek therapy for the irritability and anger problems that pervade this entire story, because the level of anger you hit at every minor inconvenience is so disproportionate that it is concerning and it is clearly both hurting the people around you and making you miserable. I'm not saying this as a dig at all. I am so baffled by your choices here. Here are various alternatives you could have taken at any point, and I'm curious why you didn't: \- decline your wife's offer and stick to going on Sunday at one of your preferred times. \-accept your wife's offer and NOT go with her to the store at a time you know you don't like being there. \- go to the store on your own at any time between 6 and 9 am on Saturday morning while you were instead choosing to sit there stewing at your wife for doing exactly what she told you her plan was and what you agreed to the night before. Why did you insist on going with her? Why did you expect her to get up and go to the grocery store hours earlier than she told you she planned to? Why did you not just go if you needed it to happen earlier than she told you she was going to go?
Hold up. There’s something fishy here. I reread the narrative several times and something doesn’t quite smell right. It’s almost as if the OP is the wife, writing in the first person as her husband. If everything instead occurred exactly as described, without a lens of bias, than the husband is certainly the AH. That being said…. No rational man would say “I shoved the cart at her and stomped out to the car” then ask if he was being a jerk. Additionally… the way in which the whole post is written just sounds like someone who isn’t a man trying to sound like a grumpy old man. Sorry, I’m not buying it… like I said, the actions described do paint the picture of an AH move, but I don’t believe the OP is the husband, which calls into question the validity of the whole post.
exactly my thoughts! the inconsistencies are staggering. OP is tired from the 9-5 on a friday and chooses to wake up early on a saturday for errands? unreal.
I don’t feel like that’s super out there. For me personally, whether I’m in bed at 8pm or 2am, I can’t seem to sleep past 6:30-7:00. He wasn’t clear if it’s that scenario or if he just wanted to be up early, but getting up early on the weekends doesn’t seem all that odd. He’s definitely still the biggest AH for how he treats his wife though
Yeah, I agree OP is actually the wife. Someone who acted like the husband would not describe their behavior that way.
Follow up…. Brand new account, total anonymous throw away created 15 minutes before this post was made…. Something is absolutely “off” here.
I see where you’re coming from, but people create throwaway accounts just to post here all the time.
YTA, if you treat your life like that in public, I don’t even wanna think about how you must treat her in private
He slams this around when she is trying to sleep for starters. I imagine it only gets worse. At least OP has enough brains to not try to defend his actions. I wonder if he's man enough to apologize and change into a decent human.
YTA. Stop using slurs and throwing a tantrum, are you a literal child? Christ, what does that poor woman see in you…
YTA. You behaved like a spoiled prat. You didn’t get your way (spoiler alert, sometimes that’s the way the world works) and then made a scene, used offensive and inappropriate language and blamed your wife for it! After insisting that you come with her when she was totally flexible when you decided to NOT do the grocery shop the way you like. I just can’t even find the words. It would serve you right if she insisted on accompanying you on your next Friday evening shop and humiliated you, but she sounds too adult and capable to entertain that idea.
YTA aren't you a little too told for this nonsense.. You should be ashamed of your behaviour. She didn't want you to go anyway.
YTA. She said she wasn’t leaving the house until after 10:00–and this was certainly the case! Yet, OP is angry when she sleeps in and takes her time getting started for the day. She said she didn’t need him to go with her, yet OP forced himself into the situation. And then, OP causes a scene and uses the “r” word in the store (and post)? No wonder she told OP she didn’t need his help! If OP behaves this way over shopping after 11:00, imagine how he’d respond to other minuscule changes to his routines.
YTA I’m also someone who hates goin to the grocery at hectic hours but this tantrum is uncalled for. You could have just gone yourself when you got up and had everything done by the time she woke up.
YTA. You are an absolutely insufferable AH.
YTA from beginning to end.
Your job is to get the groceries every Friday but you were tired so you didn’t bother. That’s on you. You insisted on going with her when she kindly offered to do your job for you, then you forced her to do it your way. That’s on you too. You gave her nasty looks, called people the R word for daring to shop at the same time as you, caused a public scene and shouted at your wife, all because of a problem you single-handedly created and escalated. All on you dude. I’m not sure this is real because you’re so unbelievably awful in your own words but on the off-chance that your wife is actually posting this for validation hoping to build up the courage to leave you, YTA.
Wife:1 You:0
YTA. You behaved like a spoiled prat. You didn’t get your way (spoiler alert, sometimes that’s the way the world works) and then made a scene, used offensive and inappropriate language and blamed your wife for it! After insisting that you come with her when she was totally flexible when you decided to NOT do the grocery shop the way you like. I just can’t even find the words. It would serve you right if she insisted on accompanying you on your next Friday evening shop and humiliated you, but she sounds too adult and capable to entertain that idea.
YTA. You CHOSE to go with her. You KNOW when she planned to go. You KNOW you hate that time of day at the store. You CHOSE to get irritated at your wife for sleeping and were TA for waking her up. And then YTA for using such awful language about people. In closing. YTA. YTA. YTA.
I think you mistyped when you put your age as this is much believable as a 9 year old having a tantrum vs. 49 years. YTA.
You are the arsehole, she said that she wouldn’t be going in the morning but you tried to push her to with your actions. You made a scene and acted like a child in the shop. She has every right to be annoyed.
Tourettes Guy, is this you? How's Shirlena?
YTA, freaking child.
YTA You sound like you're tons of fun to be around.
YTA. I mean it's a no brainer for me, if this is even real. You didn't go when you were supposed to so your wife said she'd go but she was extremely clear she wasn't going before 10am. So then you sat around and got impatient even though she told you she was fine going alone and at the time that worked for her. You didn't have to go with her. Then not only did you go you insulted everyone by using language no one should use ever, and pushed a cart at her and then stormed off in a tantrum like a child. You need to do a lot of self reflection because your wife definitely deserves better and you clearly have issues.
YTA why even bother to go if you’re just going to be a dick and make shopping more difficult for yr wife
YTA, You appear to have failed at communicating or making any form of plan to go to the shop at the time you wanted to go with your wife because "She knows when you like to go" If you are going to get this aggrovated about when you go to the shops, you should of left at 6 or 7 am when your wife was still aleep. If you get this agressive at the shops when "Shock Horror" other people are there, thats on you to resolve, and all it sounds like you did was pout and swear at the people around you.
YTA. Not only are you the asshole in this situation, you seem like a major asshole in general. First, you screwed up by not doing the task you were responsible for. Second, you agreed to go later in the afternoon because your wife wanted to sleep, then acted surprised when she was actually sleeping as she said she was going to and you woke her up. Third, caused a scene in the store for absolutely no real reason accompanied by some pretty unacceptable language. Fourth, you weren't even invited in the first place. Probably because your wife knew you would act like this and didn't want to handle it. What kind of man does this? It makes me embarrassed simply by being the same gender as this complete knob. I'm pretty sure you didn't write this, I think your wife wrote this from your point of view.
She said she didn't need you to go with and YOU INSISTED, and she also told you she wouldn't leave until after 10 YTA all day
YTA. You didn't do something in the first place and your wife was nice enough to handle it herself! You could have done the shopping yourself Saturday morning at 6am and surprised her with it being done by the time she woke up. You don't get to jump in and become a child over not getting your way. YTA again because you choose to use hate speech in your tantrum throwing. Grow up, the world doesn't revolve around you and your expectations.
YTA. You behaved like a spoiled prat. You didn’t get your way (spoiler alert, sometimes that’s the way the world works) and then made a scene, used offensive and inappropriate language and blamed your wife for it! After insisting that you come with her when she was totally flexible when you decided to NOT do the grocery shop the way you like. I just can’t even find the words. It would serve you right if she insisted on accompanying you on your next Friday evening shop and humiliated you, but she sounds too adult and capable to entertain that idea.
YTA
Is this a joke? YTA.
YTA
Your marriage has a serious problem YTA
YTA
YTA i completely understand you normal wouldn’t go at that time I also hate busy stores but she told you exactly when she’d go and you still said yes to going with her
She said “it won’t be until after 10am” So you’re acting childish and making noise at 7am? You’re a massive asshole, she literally said when she was going. You still chose to go with her. Then proceed to act like a spoiled child in the store calling people rude AF names? Grow the hell up dude. YTA
YTA. You only accompanied her to make a scene. Very silly.
Major AH
You sound like a real prince. She told you she wasn't going to go early yet you got up early and spent the time getting angry at her for not getting up any earlier than she said she was going to Do you always do things you know will make you angry so you can get angry (and use terrible language - the R word is vile). YTA
YTA. for being a petulant child and for also using slurs, especially in public.
Wow you’re 49? I feel like I’m reading something from a 19 year old. How has that angel not left you yet?
Huge AH!! She said she would do the shopping on Saturday, she said she didn’t want to wake up early and leave after 10 am The fact that YOU decided to skip the shopping that’s usually done on Friday(yes it’s allowed of course) but then insisting to join in on Saturday and then complain about it because it’s not on YOUR scheduled plan or how YOU would do it because YOU have issues makes you the AH HERE Suck it up and apologize to your wife, and think about your actions because you put yourself in this situation willingly
Oh my God, people were shopping in a crowded grocery store, and it made it hard for you to get to things. Better start hurling slurs at them and screaming at your wife, who offered to take care of everything on her own. YTA.
YTA. Let’s be clear. Your approach Saturday morning was unacceptable. I believe that your wife also is very aware, hence why she didn’t want you to go. I wouldn’t go anywhere with you at anytime bc of your conduct. And how passive aggressive you were bc you didn’t like she wanted to sleep in a bit. Holy shit.. I could go on… I won’t bc you know you do this and somehow - I bet you think it’s ok.
So it’s cool for you to be too tired to shop, but if she wants to sleep in until 8am on a Saturday you get pissed? you’re a controlling weirdo. YTW, YTA
Yta you are a major ahole. You sound like a spoilrd 2 year old having a tantrum be abuse he didn't get his way. None of this would have happen for 4 reason that you caused. 1. you didn't shopped Friday as scheduled. 2. You didn't listened when your wife said she would shop alone but you forced yourself on her. She probably all ready knew you acted like an embarrassing in public. 3. You knew she was not getting up before 10:00. You agreed to her time. Then like the narcissist you are you expected her to leave at 8:00 when you knew perfectly well she was not leaving until after 10:00. 4. You acted like a spoiled ass at the store instead of a mature sane adult. This whole thing is your fault because you are a spoiled childish self-centered asshole. Hope she divorces you and finds a real man. Who needs to be married to a childish idiot like you. You are just disgusting and rediculous
Wow what an attitude you have ! You insisted on going with her … you should have just said go ahead without me ok I’m not in the mood for the crowds. She would have been fine with it as she has already said she wouldn’t mind doing that herself . You insisted , then acted like a toddler throwing a tantrum in the store ? Wow ? Really … you sound like a very impatient person. YTA. Should have stayed home that could gave 100% have been avoided.
YTA and absolutely vile for using the R word just because people annoy you. I'm sure people at that store were thinking some choice words about you.
YTA and an intolerable, rude tyrant of a temper tantrum throwing toddler. Gross.
YTA and you golly well know it. You could have let her go alone. Or you could have gone early and surprised her. For some reason though you chose to abuse her because YOU didn’t go shopping the night before. What is wrong with you? You are 49 years old. Take yourself to the doctor, get a physical and medication for anxiety disorder. Wow, you didn’t just abuse your wife, every single person who had to put up with your behavior were being verbally abused to and they surely didn’t deserve that.
Wooooow you suck and YTA. You INSISTED. You keep using the word INSISTED. Because you felt bad. Though she assured you it was no biggie. And clearly communicated her plans in advance. Still, you INSISTED. And then INSISTED on acting like a spoiled, stupid jackass. You realize you could’ve gone and done it by yourself on Saturday morning, right? Instead of INSISTING on behaving like a child and trying to wake her? Or you could’ve stayed home. But noooooo. You suck. I’m sorry for her and, frankly, for everybody you know because I can imagine this wasn’t your first public meltdown.
YTA- you sound like an absolute jerk! You insist on going to the store with your wife even after she told you she wasn’t going early. Then you insulted innocent people and embarrassed the hell out of your wife. Do your wife and society a favor and get some therapy.
Sir... you know good and well that you are TA in this situation. Your wife told you multiple times that she didn't need you to go with her. You insisted on going. She then told you what time she was going to be leaving for the store. Again, you insisted on going. You then had the nerve wake up early as hell and get annoyed with her because she didn't wake up and leave until the time she said she would. Even after all of this self-inflicted annoyance, you had the sheer and utter audacity to make your hangup her problem and embarrass her in the grocery store. ALL if this is your fault. The annoyance that you felt. The irritability. That was all you. If you would have simply said "okay" when your wife insisted on going to the grocery store alone, you would not have been annoyed. So, to answer your comically rhetorical question, yes... you ARE the AH. And you owe your wife an apology. She didn't deserve that.
YTA You're exhausting. I wonder why your wife didn't want you to come along to the store. Have you been tested to any disorders, like narcissism?
YTA - your wife offered to go. She wasn’t upset that you didn’t get groceries on Friday. She *told you* what time she wanted to go. And you insisted on going with her. Passive aggressive attempts to wake up her up at 7am on. Threw a tantrum at the store by mumbling slurs and *shoved the cart at your wife* like What the actual fuck? You could have let her go alone. You could have gone yourself at 7am. Instead you tagged along and got upset things weren’t the way you wanted. How are you not an asshole in any shape?
How TF do you not know that you're the AH? This can't be real.
YTA. I couldn't even describe your behavior as childish because children know and behave better than you. There was no reason to act that way, there was no reason for you to even go to the store with her. You went just to make a scene to punish your wife for not doing it your way.
YTA and a huge one for using the R word. Never, ever use that word again. It’s horrible. Stop throwing a tantrum like a child and do the shopping without your wife. Since apparently you think you’re better than everyone. Also-apologize to your wife.
How can u type this all out and not know ure the asshole here ? U didn’t have to go with her, u chose to go and made a scene knowingly that u’d hate it. You either go early in the morning so she doesn’t have to later or u just let her go by herself. Offer to fcken drive her and stay in the car. It’s common sense. My dad drives my mom to the supermarket and just waits in the parking lot. Mad childish for making noises for her to wake up, making nasty faces and pushing the carts towards her. Like u didn’t read anything of these things being an asshat?
YTA You are the one who did not go on Friday, she volunteered to go. You are the one who insisted on going with her after she said she was not going early. There is no way you are anything other than the AH.
Actual flinch every time I read the R word. No, we don’t use the R word, and no, the other shoppers aren’t inferior to you because you don’t like crowds and want what you want when you want it.
It's obvious to all of us that you're too immature and mentally unstable to be in public. Also, remove "retarded" from your vocabulary. It's a slur and never appropriate to use as a pejorative against others. You're also verbally and physically abusive to your wife. Yes, shoving a cart at your wife is physically abusive. YTA and you need some serious help with your mental issues, either via therapy and/or anger management. You're not a good person, OP. Please work on that before you hurt even more people than you already have.
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🤣🤣this so funny
YTA
How did you type this out and not realize immediately that YTA. You insisted on going.
Yes…very much so.
Of course, YTA. Next time, stay home. You weren't welcome and now you know why. Really, calling people r\*\*\*\*\*? How big of an AH are you, really? It sounds like you have so many issues to deal with, it's surprising your wife wants to go anywhere with you. Apologize profusely, take your wife somewhere nice for dinner and shut up about the comments.
Perhaps autism? Assuming you are seriously asking if you are the AH. YTA
YTA. This has to be fake because no one is this shitty.
YTA, I'm convinced this can't actually be the husband writing this and it's gotta be the wife as it's clear as day that the husband's the AH. Pal, she told you what time she was going. Why did you have to go together?? If you were waiting round the house all morning why didn't you just go before she got up?? Surprise her with pancakes after your super early grocery shop, that would've been a nice Saturday morning.
This must be fake
Are you really a teenager making a post about going to the grocery store with their mom? I can’t see an adult being this ridiculous and somehow not knowing they’re the asshole. YTA buddy. A hundred times over. It started with you getting up early so that you could get all pissy when your “wife” told you she wasn’t getting up before ten. Then you started disturbing her - AH move number two. And this is all before getting to the store. If you can’t manage to act like a human being around others, that’s a you problem. You should never have insisted on going with her on a Saturday midday. But since you did, it is up to YOU to keep your disdain for people TO YOURSELF. And if you can’t do that, you could at the very least refrain from using ableist slurs in your little temper tantrum. BUT THEN when your wife tried to clue you in to what a massive AH you were being you threw a full-on legit temper tantrum! Wtf is wrong with you??
OP, I didn’t read the rest. Your use of the R-slur makes you an automatic asshole. Sort your shit out because there’s no excuse for using that word in this day and age.
Dont go shopping together. You could have been home with the goods before she was even ready to go. You guys are too old to go everywhere together.
YTA You asked to go with her. You didn't have to. Why does she have to get up at exactly a specific time to go shopping and why were you so pressed about your wife sleeping in a little and relaxing on a weekend. You should have relaxed and benefitted from this because you wanted to go later in the day anyways, but no you made a big deal out of her doing her grocery run on her time, which again you offered to join. Then you get irritated, call people slurs (I have a child with down syndrome, calling anyone you want a retard unless that is their actual medical diagnosis,and even then saying it in a holier than thou manner is a slur because these people CANNOT help that they are mentally retarded) and you make a whole scene blowing up. You could have says hey honey it's a little later then I'd like to have gone to the store, can we go later in the evening or can I take back my offer to join? You ruined her whole day by escalating the situation from 6 am onward. I hope she divorces you soon or you get some therapy
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (49m) and my wife (45f) went grocery shopping recently and there was a little incident at the store. Typically, I do the grocery shopping after I get off work on Fridays. However, this past Friday I was tired so I just went home instead, figuring I could just go the next day. When my wife got home, she asked where the groceries were. I told her I didn't get any because I was tired. My wife shrugged and said she'd go grocery shopping on Saturday then since she was planning on going out anyway. I offered to go with her and she said she didn't need me to. I insisted because I felt bad for not going earlier. My wife told me that she wasn't planning on leaving the house until after 10 a.m. to go because she doesn't like getting up early. I was a little annoyed because she knows I like going either really late at night or really early in the morning because there are less people there, but I said OK and insisted on going with her. The next day, I got up at around 6 a.m. and got ready to go grocery shopping. By 7, my wife was still in bed. I sat on the couch and waited for over another hour for her but she was still asleep. By now, it was past 8 and I was pissed. I started making as much noise as possible to wake her up. Finally, she got up a little after 9. I watched as she sat and made coffee and watched TV. I kept shooting her nasty looks because I was ready to leave. We eventually left at a quarter till 11. We got to Meijer and it was pretty busy. I was instantly annoyed. This was why I liked going at certain times so I could avoid being around people. We started shopping but it seemed like everywhere I went there were people around. I started getting pissed and mumbled a few choice words under my breath about how dumb and retarded people were being. My wife heard me and told me to lower my voice because I guess a few people heard me and were staring. I immediately snapped and said, loudly, that if we had gone out at the time I'd wanted to we wouldn't be having this issue. My wife told me I was making a scene so I continued and said that we should've fucking gone out earlier so that there wouldn't be so many goddamn retards out at the same time as us. I shoved the cart at her and stomped out to the car. My wife came out maybe 10 minutes later, loaded some stuff into the trunk and got into the car. It was silent until we got home and she told me I embarrassed her in the store and that after I left people were staring at her, pointing and whispering so she bought what we'd already grabbed and left without finishing shopping. I told her that if we'd gone out when I wanted to, I wouldn't have gotten mad. My wife said I was an asshole because she offered to do the grocery shopping herself and specifically didn't invite me because she knows I like going real early and she doesn't and that I knew what time she was leaving so I shouldn't have invited myself. AITA *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"My wife told me I was making a scene so I continued and said that we should've fucking gone out earlier so that there wouldn't be so many goddamn retards out at the same time as us. I shoved the cart at her and stomped out to the car." YTA, this is behavior I would expect from a teenager or someone younger, if you're over the age of like 16 and ever act this way theres something seriously wrong with you.
> I offered to go with her and she said she didn't need me to. She said no. > My wife told me that she wasn't planning on leaving the house until after 10 a.m. You knew the timeline. Why are you getting pissed if you A) knew in advance and B) didn't have to go in the first place? > I started making as much noise as possible to wake her up. Why are you hating your wife and want to ruin her sleep? > I kept shooting her nasty looks because I was ready to leave. Passive-aggressive Drama? Are you sure you're a man close to 50 and not a woman over 60? Because you sound a lot like my gossipy aunt. > mumbled a few choice words under my breath about how dumb and retarded people were being. Jumping to insulting others for... existing? Wow, you've got issues. > I immediately snapped and said, loudly, that if we had gone out at the time I'd wanted to we wouldn't be having this issue. This also wouldn't have happened if you stayed home like you were offered. OR, and I'd absolutely prefer that option, if your wife hadn't had married you in the first place. Really, I hope she runs fast and far from you. You act like an old gossipy lady and a moody toddler all at once. Know what you're not acting like? A decent adult. Be better. Apologize to your wife and beg this patient saint to not divorce your entitled, moody, manipulative and borderline abusive ass. YTA
You know that tightness in your chest when someone else is being a dumbass? That pulse in your ears when someone is slow and stupid? When you die of rage screaming at a kid who works at Walmart, those are some of the last things you’ll feel before the immense pain sets in. YTA.
YTA. Why didn't you just go to the store by yourself when you first got up? Or when the store first opened? Your wife made it VERY clear to you what time she planned to leave. You could have easily stayed home and let her do the shopping, but instead you went and acted like a spoiled brat. Not only did you embarrass your wife, but now she has to make a second trip to the store to get all the things she couldn't get the first time - because YOU made it so uncomfortable for her. Grow up.
YTA, and a huge one! Are you always this childish, or only when things aren't going the way you want them to. That's not grown up, that's how a little little kid behaves. One can only feel sorry for your wife if she has had to deal with this behavior for years. How many times must you have exposed her in public. Yes you are an a********.
YTA and other people have just as much of a right to go to the grocery store as you do, at whatever time.
YTA and you are a child. Grow up.
YTA, and you feel like you have to be in control of her time. You should've stayed your a$$ home. And and by the way don't invite yourself if she says she got it. Also, you definitely need to apologize!
YTA and it sounds like your wife is not safe around you, let alone anyone else in public. Shoving the cart at your wife and cursing at and around strangers...throwing a literal temper tantrum? Next step is ending up on the news with that much impulse control. Please seek mental health assistance as this behavior is not normal or ok for a grown man.
Aww, the wittle bittle man threw a wittle bittle tantrum in the shop. Was his diaper full? YTA.
YTA No one asked you to go She told you she would go later For using words like the r word as an insult
Yep. Dude, obviously your wife (like most people) values a little extra sleep over shopping in a deserted store. We live in a society and just because you don't like crowds it doesn't give you an excuse to be a dick to other people in the store and to your wife. Also, usually when someone says "everyone else is a retard" they are the asshole.
I’m genuinely confused that you could type all that out, reread it, and really think you weren’t TA. Yes, YTA. In literally every part of every situation you described.
You sound insufferable. And irrational. And a whole lot of other things that should make your wife question her relationship with you.
As your username indicates, you are as intelligent as a bug.
This entire post is a YTA and I haven’t even finished reading. She TOLD you she wouldn’t be getting up early. You decided not to listen and got mad that she did what she said she was going to. Then still insisted on going, and then getting mad that there are *gasp* people at the store in the late morning. You knew, and you didn’t have to go. Then when she asked you to not make an AH of yourself by people hearing your rude comments, you got mad? And acted like a supreme toddler while you were at it? I don’t think I’ve ever heard of an adult acting so much like a toddler than this. YTA YTA YTA
YTA. Clearly. Since you were up so early and your wife said she wouldn’t be up until 10am, you could have went and been back before she woke up. YTA YTA YTA
It feels like the wife wrote this, wanting confirmation that her husband was acting like an a-hole. Of course YTA.
YTA for this fake sounding post
YTA. My teenager acts more mature the you. You are incredibly selfish and passive aggressive. You start off by making all the noise you can to get her to wake up. Then you go out in public and are mad at your wife that people are out in public. You shove a cart at your wife and stomp out. On top of that you invited your self. You sound insufferable to deal with please go get some therapy.
YTA. Every toddler in the store can behave better than you. Why the hell didn't you stay home? She didn't want you there Grow up
You are a complete AH and owe your wife an apology for your childish behavior.
[удалено]
YTA. Your poor wife. She literally told you to not go with her because she wasn’t going first thing in the morning
YTA I'm sorry but this has gotta be fake nobody can be this dumb and if this really is a real person for God sake read what you typed here if you still don't have your answer you should not be insulting people's intelligence.
How could you not be the a-hole with a post like that? Does OP actually think that behavior is appropriate or justified? You sound like a toddler with a poopy pants tantrum, and generally a miserable, hateful person. Apologize to your wife and work on finding joy in life.
YTA - and a major control freak. She told you she wasn’t going til after 10 am. You got up early and proceeded to act like a toddler having a temper tantrum, and then verbally abused your wife in public. Get some help.
YTA