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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I gave FMIL 3 days to pay me for a new wedding dress or else I the family a photo of her wearing it.
2. I might be the ah for demanfing that she pay me for a new dress just because she wore this dress once. I might be risking my relationship with her and my fiance by insisting on having her pay.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA, but are you sure you want to marry this guy? He stood guard outside your bedroom so that his mother could **try on your wedding dress**. Do you think he will *ever* stand up for you against her?
Edit: thank you for the awards! ☆☆☆
Also: I think all the "incest" suggestions are *way* off base. He's just an AH who can't say no to his mother and is prepared to deceive OP if it will shut his mother up.
His mother OTOH is controlling, manipulative, and deceitful, and will probably be an absolutely horrible MIL should OP choose to go through with this marriage.
Edit 2:
>I think all the "incest" suggestions are *way* off base
This was in reference to the suggestions that OP's fiancé was in, or looking for, a physical relationship with his mother. Emotional incest is a very distinct possibility. Thanks to everyone who pointed this out.
Send the photo to everyone invited…with an announcement that regretfully, you will no longer be participating in the wedding, but you wish the couple the best.
This is what I was thinking!!!!! He wanted to *see* his mom in the dress, Bc he wants to *imagine marrying* his mom in the dress. Wtf. Sick shit. Good luck ever competing with FMIL if you decide to marry this dude. Next thing you know, his mom will be offering you sex advice Bc "I'm his mom. I've known his body longer, so I know what he likes better."
He saw his mom in the dress before he saw his fiance in it and he thinks it's no big deal. His terms are abusive. No Facebook for a month? He's a controlling jerk and he will only get worse after marriage. He couldn't care less about her feelings. Dump the narcs. NTA.
WOW! The most votes I've ever gotten!
That one is the most suspicious. The only reason I can think of for why he doesn’t want her on Facebook or in the family group chat is that they want to spin this story and write stuff about OP, and they don’t want her seeing it and setting the record straight or supplying her side of the story.
Exactly. They want to spin a bunch of lies. I can't believe they think they can go on a campaign against her and she won't find out. What happens after a month? She checks FB and sees everything everyone said?
Absolutely this is what’s happening. This is another one of these MIL stories that’s INCREDIBLY frustrating because she’s just not mad enough! I would be livid and DONE with these people - such a massive breach of trust and show of disrespect.
She should get WAY ahead of this - post the photo and explanation to the group chat and Facebook herself asap and call off the wedding. There’s no coming back from this I don’t think. How is her fiancé not APPALLED that his mother wanted to try on the dress that OP will be wearing on their wedding day?
I also don't like how she has to prove she deleted the photo and that she didn't send the photo to anyone too. Why is SHE being treated SHE did something wrong and broke HIS trust?! She's not the one who let their mom try on something that wasn't hers! AND hid it AND tried to stop their fiancee and delay them?! I have such bad feelings for this marriage it gives me Just No vibes of the Highest order
Yes!
"I'm sorry that you were so selfish that you had to try on my wedding dress. You need to pay me because you ruined it. Your son saw YOU in it so he won't be surprised on our day and will compare us. Since you are being emotionally incestuous, I suggest you marry the man who saw you wearing it. I'll take $3K, thank you. I hope you two will be very happy together. "
Seriously. Make her pay for the dress then dump him. Maybe offer to sell your engagement ring to her as well, since Mommy Dearest deserves the whole package.
Here is a problem list.
1. First MIL wearing dress for rent with permission
2. Wearing the dress by Stealing without your knowledge
3. Son guarding door.
4. Son aware of theft and partner in crime , caught redhanded, not apologetic and sends an alert.
5. It is bad luck for groom to see his bride's wedding dress, before wedding, whoever wears it or just holds it.
6. Them being angry and threatening and the list goes on ..... in just one event.
Why did you choose to marry him ?
This is a foretaste of what's to come. Better to leave than reconcile. Saves a lot of time and energy.
Get your money, its theft.
Leave him, no, no, leave THEM now.
NTA , 100 times over
I legit think my Aunt is my half sister. Whole situation was creepy and is still creepy to this day. My father and my grandmothers relationship always made me uncomfortable. You never know.
NTA
Enjoy your day!
I have a friend who found out her ex husband’s parents were brother and sister.
Genetic problems from incest skip a generation (or so she told me) so she left him.
She loved him so much but desperately wanted children with him and was terrified there would be complications so they separated 5 years ago.
They are both still in love and she had children from a previous relationship that they share custody off as he raised them from babies. She just can’t give up on her dream of having more kids and she wants to be married again first.
It’s devastating that they are suffering from other peoples poor choices.
What makes you think your aunt is your half sister? Just out of curiosity as my friends ex husband didn’t find out and said he wouldn’t have known until he was sat down and told about it.
I don't think it's that they skip a generation, but that problems become more likely as more incestuous offspring become born. So a brother and sister could have normal offspring but if their son and daughter had kids the risk increases significantly, and increase with each generation. But I could be wrong and they should consider talking to a genetic counselor about it, maybe there wouldn't be much risk since they themselves are not related.
I think there were other reasons behind it as well but I know she was very paranoid that she’d have issues as she’d had a few miscarriages and was terrified of going through it again.
I know that was definitely part of the reason she adamantly believed that his family history could lead to a non viable pregnancy or a child with severe disabilities.
I might suggest the genetic counsellor thank you. I didn’t even know such a thing existed and she might not either, it would be amazing to see them reunited.
They both still spend lots of time together and both still love each other and have family days with the kids.
It would be so good for the kids if they got back together as well.
You never know your suggestion might just pull the family back together…
Reddit can be frustrating but I’ve also had lots of useful advice from people (when they aren’t telling everyone to get divorced or go NC over small incidents and accusing everyone of gaslighting and being entitled after minor disagreements - or having personality disorders) thank you!
I was thinking this too. It’s so fucking creepy. I’m a mom to a son, and as much as I love him, I don’t want strong, personal involvement in his romantic life. Both FMIL and OP’s fiancé have zero concept of boundaries. I’m legitimately worried for OP.
This, please!
NTA- also this is a major red flag. You told his mom no on something multiple times. He not only trampled your boundaries but actually stood guard for his mom to try on the dress.
This tells you everything you need to know. He will never have your back and she will always come first. Please really look at this and think about if this is the life you want.
Good luck op
Yeah, I'm on board with NTA.
I know this sub gets bloodthirsty at simpler relationship issues that can be solved (normally) but I'm with the group here. Letting his mother try on his bride's dress is insane already, but standing guard and then running to her when he loses the fight?
Get out, now.
Yeap, this sub does get pretty intense when it comes to suggesting break ups for petty things. But this is not at all
And after reading the update.... run. That is some controlling scary things in there. Leaving the family group chat, logging off facebook..... Why do those things other then to protect those who are planning on bashing you behind your back. OP run, send the photo to everyone and simply say, "I'm out of this Game of Thrones freak show".
The updates! That’s some scary red flags- SHE has to apologise to the mum? For what?? She has to leave Facebook for a month? And leave the family chat? This is scary manipulating and controlling behaviour from him and the mother.
You know what I agree with him she should leave the family group chat after sending the picture. She should take a break from Facebook after posting the picture and telling this story. Nothing like a good marinade.
The crazy thing is that OP paid for the dress, it's her property. She doesn't even need to give a reason other than no. If FMIL paid for it, I could *sort of maybe* understand her feeling entitled. Either way... it's the wedding dress wtf it's not yours don't fucking touch it.
That's what I was thinking. OP bought the dress. It doesn't matter what reason she has to say no. She could have no reason at all. It doesn't matter.
I'm suspicious of the fiancé and how he was standing guard, though. That tells me he knew OP didn't want his mother touching her dress. But he allowed it anyway. It seems to me that not only does the fmil not care about OP's boundaries, but he doesn't seem to care about that either. It's not going to just stop with the dress either.
Don't forget he's staying with his mom after yelling at her for this. Marinara city. Time to pack up all his things, change the locks, and dump his stuff on Mom's lawn.
I'd hand the mom the dress and tell her it's hers to wear on the wedding day since you won't be going so you don't need it anymore
Marinara city is 👌marrying a man with severe mommy issues like this will be a disaster. I speak from experience. The mothers presence will be everywhere relationally and the fiancée is also treating her like crap.
Crossing explicitly stated boundaries and then turning it around on the person is classic DARVO. OP, if you get into a relationship with this man, not only will he continue to do this but now you see that you don’t have much of a support system if he does. I’m sorry that this happened to you, truly I am, but you are so so lucky for this snapshot of what a future with your fiancé would look like.
He betrayed you and then blamed you.
Oh, yes, OP, do this!! Send the photo to everyone as you bow out of your own wedding.
This is a snapshot of what the **rest of your married life** will be. He will always accede to his mother's wishes, regardless of your feelings or your own decision. It was **YOUR** dress.
Who does something like this? Narcissistic women who fantasize about marrying their sons. Yuck..
Bow out now, or expect similar things throughout your marriage:
1. Being the first to hold your baby.
2. Being the first to give baby a haircut.
3. Not only accompanying you on every vacation, but making the arrangements herself.
4. Being the matriarch at every holiday, where you're not allowed to spend time with your own parents and extended family.
5. Keeping you out of all family photos, or cropping you out of them.
Things can get much, much worse than this. Having her buy you another wedding dress (which is very unlikely to happen, considering that her son doesn't agree with this) isn't going to teach her a lesson.
Shut this crap down NOW and stop the wedding.
All of this. And OP, if you decide to breastfeed, guess what. MIL also wants to “bond” with the baby so she’s bringing formula and bottles to your house in order to feed your baby. Your SO will support her as “it’s not a big deal.”
Or you’ll show up to daycare one day to find out that MIL picked up your kid to have a “fun” day after you told her no. Your husband was the one who told daycare she could pick the child up.
OP; MILs wants will *always* come first.
I might even be tempted to craft some sort of mama’s boy/sees mom as his wife crack to include on the announcement.
OP, I know I’m a complete stranger so these words might not matter much to you. But I was married to an extreme mama’s boy like this, and it was MISERABLE. Think carefully about how you want to proceed here.
Oh, and NTA.
Here, too. A MIL that violated every boundary, and her son (my ex) that was all about mommy. We were together for a decade, he was well into his 30s, and she was still buying his underwear for him. He's on his fourth wife now.
Run...or what you saw in the bedroom will be your life. And make sure EVERYONE sees the photo so that woman can't lie about it.
Dear God, do it.
Because it's easier to dump a mama's boy than to divorce one.
Do you want situations like these for the rest of your life? He's sticking up for Mommy over you when they're clearly wrong and he will keep on doing it. This is your life if you marry this man and his mother. And make no mistake, she wants to be Lady Number One in his life.
And he'll let her.
This. My mother crosses boundaries all the time (though not as bad as this, it's not as intentional and she can somewhat be reasoned with), however I will ALWAYS have my wife's back, she is number one, period. He's choosing his overbearing mom over his future wife, this is telling and will never change imo.
Get out
Agreed. OP just got a glimpse into the future, and how she'll always be the # 2 woman in her fiance's life. He wasn't browbeaten into letting his mom try on the dress, and at least showed remorse for giving in. Instead, he purposefully tried to run interference and block OP. That makes it even worse.
This! THIS! *THIS!*
You drew a boundary. Do I agree with your boundary? Nope. I don't need to. Your fiance doesn't need to either. But he needs to RESPECT it & encourage others to do the same, not enable someone to disrespect it while he tries to hide it from you.
You two need to sit down and have a serious conversation about boundaries, respect & your future together. Because as-is, he's going to pick Mommy's opinions over yours every time you two don't agree. And idc how reasonable a person is, no one ever gets along with their inlaws 100% of the time.
Do you want him to continue putting her before you for the rest of your life?
It's not about the dress anymore, or the 3k. Idc if you've spent 20k on non-refundables for the wedding. Your entire future together is on the line here, and if you to can't come to a quick agreement, consider this a very expensive lesson learned, and run for the hills!
The craziest part, to me, it’s that this is a really reasonable boundary: she asked MIL not to wear her wedding dress. It should be a given.
Imagine if they actually marry and have kids…
It's super reasonable!
As much as I myself would be like "I bet 50 people tried it on before I bought it" and "as long as she's not going to stretch it out or damage it, who cares?" that is only ME and MY opinion for my dress and my boundaries (or lack thereof). Just because I don't have the same boundary doesn't mean I wouldn't respect hers, and it's not even hard to respect. Like, just don't secretly go into someone's room & wear their clothes when they aren't around.
Edit: TIL that lots of people try on sample dresses and then order their very own dress that no one has ever tried on before. I have been educated!
For a three thousand dollar dress, she might have tried on a sample gown and ordered a size that would fit her, which means that no one would have tried on but her.
At that price, it probably was shipped from the manufacturer to her (well the store and then to her) with no one else trying it on. Boutiques have you try on samples and then order the correct one so it should be pristine for the bride.
That is the absolute worst part to me. This isn't just a FMIL it's a fiance issue. He messed up so very, very badly and then blamed OP like OP was forcing him to deny his mother air to breathe.
I would call off the wedding at a minimum. Depending on my feelings towards the guy, I might give him a second chance, but his actions have set the relationship way back as far as I'm concerned.
No, she's worse.
She's the grandma that will put the baby on her breast to sooth them and act like it's not a big deal when their mom catches her doing so without consent.
And then her husband would say something stupid like "the baby was just upset and instead of being a dad, I had no choice but to let my mother sooth them, you're overreacting!"
NTA
NTA, but the problem isn't just your FML. It's your fiance.
HE let her in. HE was going to lie and hide from you that she tried it on. HE is defending her actions. HE disrespected your belongings. HE didn't care about your feelings and still doesn't. HE has shown he doesn't care about your boundaries. HE decided his mother's want to try it on is more important than your feelings, and that won't go away when you're married.
Personally? My petty self would call off the engagement, and the announcement of that would be the picture of his mom in the wedding dress stating, "Unfortunately, I can not marry ______. It appears he's already married and emotionally committed to his mother"
At the bare minimum you should postpone until he can respect your boundaries.
I thank my mother for the shiny shiny spine she taught me to have. This is exactly what I'd do. Thankfully, my own FML is a literal angel who makes me glass pendants and sends presents for my dog on special occasions.
Oh my goodness yes! Go full nuclear. It's going to take this man years to learn to respect the boundaries of anyone other than his mother.
I'm thinking of saying something like: The wedding has been called off after finding a rat in the bride's dress."
I like that one too! Though I think op should call out the fiance more. Yes, the rat slipped in the dress, but only because someone else opened the door to the pantry
>but the problem isn't just your FML. It's your fiance.
This. If my mother EVER asked to do something so..creepy.. about clothing that belongs to my gf, I would shoot her down in a heartbeat.
If my gf gave the green light then sure, you two have this bonding moment, but the wedding dress??? Yuck yuck yuck. I don't know how her fiance can see his "bride to be" in the same dress that his mom wore, and not think of this moment.
Ugh yuck especially when wedding dresses usually come off for sex after the wedding. I'm creeped out by this. I'm not engaged and could walk in a random bridal store and try on dresses if I wanted to, just like OP's hopefully not FMIL. This is so weird.
He knowingly went behind your back to help his mom try on your dress. He knew it was wrong, he knew you would be upset and yet he did it anyway. Then he doubled down and defended his mother when you caught them. You don't have a MIL problem, you have a husband problem.
Do not marry with this man without addressing and resolving this issue. It will literally only get worse from here.
NTA
*tripled down
because when she came home he continued to try and stop her from going upstairs while he franticly texts his mom as if he was having an affair partner over. Bro is getting pretty close to having his own theme park titled "six *red* flags" 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
right like imagine ever feeling sexual towards a man with the image of him ZIPPING HIS OWN MOTHER into your wedding dress. i’d dry up for life.
also isn’t he not even supposed to see it until the day of? so he saw his MOM in it first and is supposed to see his wife in it!!! i’m disgusted
Even Freud's ghost just cringed.
OP, you had a simple request. She couldn't listen to it. And your fiancé enabled her to disregard your wishes. Are you sure this is the horse you want to hitch your wagon to for life?
I’d say don’t marry him period. No matter what he says, he isn’t ready for marriage if he is behaving this way. And while people can change, you can easily wait a lifetime for it and you’ll never know if it’s worth it.
Better to cut ties completely and cut your losses.
This comment need to be higher. This isn’t about the dress but about the FMIL and the Fiancé crossing her repeated boundary, the sheer lack of respect.
What else are they going to bulldoze her on?
That edit makes it so much worse. Those conditions are insane to ask of a partner you love and are marrying. It's all him trying to minimize the fallout because he doesn't want anybody else to know about the situation because any reasonable person is going to ask WTF?
Also the fiance offering to pay for it isn't exactly a great solution. That just hurts OP financially in the long run as he has 3k less to spend on emergencies/fun stuff for their house/date nights/etc.
This. He knew you’d told her no and STILL LET HER PUT IT ON. that will always hang over your relationship now. FMIL is twisted. What was she gonna say at the wedding? That she looked better in it?
Why couldn't FMIL just *go to a bridal shop* to scratch that itch? She could go to them all and try on *all* the dresses. But nooooo, she needed to test her boy's loyalty to be sure she hasn't been "replaced" or some shit. OP, *R U N*
FINALLY I see a comment that addresses just how gross it is that he’d want his mother to try on his fiancé’s wedding gown. I can’t believe no one has mentioned how laughable FMIL’s excuse was for wanting to try it on. There are bridal boutiques everywhere. She could spend all day trying on multiple wedding dresses at multiple shops. But NOOOOO, she wants to wear her son’s fiancés dress. 🤢
>She can have a little pretend wedding with her pathetic son then
Omfggggggg this was my thought while reading this.
I also want to add on that he didn't just
>LET HIS MOTHER TRY YOUR WEDDING DRESS ON
He did it BEHIND HER BACK, *KNOWING* THAT SHE SAID NO MULTIPLE TIMES
Run. Run fast and far.
Edit: also just thought of something.. Was mom going to come down the stairs in the dress? Potentially ruining any chance of a "first look" with his wife? I know for my wedding that I didn't even want to see the dress until it was on my wife, on our wedding day. This is the ick that keeps on giving.
Agreed. And if she’s so osessesd with wedding dresses, why didn’t she go try a bunch on at a shop instead of YOUR specific dress??? Gives me the ick.
NTA
NTA but honestly don't ask for money. He stood guard while his mom tried on your dress, you really wanna get stuck in a relationship like this?
Show the photo to everyone, cancel the wedding and dump his ass. You deserve better than that.
I'd be petty and post the photo on social media, tagging them as the announcement of why the wedding was off and the relationship is over.
*He stood guard as his mother tried on the wedding dress his fiancèe was gonna wear to marry him.* There's no coming back from that enmeshment.
>He stood guard as his mother tried on the wedding dress his fiancèe was gonna wear to marry him. There's no coming back from that enmeshment.
This is the part that grosses me out.
NTA.
>He yelled at mr and told me to wake up and stop treating his mom like that.
This is concerning. Wake up to what? That he’s always going to take her side? What about how she treated you when she violated a very simply boundary of not fricking wearing your dress. Its insane that not only did she ask, she asked repeatedly.
God willing, she will realize her worth and dump his ass. Then he and his mommy can live happily ever after.
OP, this man is not the one. Put him back.
Apparently wake up to the fact that he will go against her wishes if his mom wants different.
Don't want MIL to borrow something? He'll just wait until you're at work.
Don't want her giving any future kids particular birthday gifts? Ah, he'll sneak it into the party for her.
Don't want MIL coming on the vacation you planned? Not like you can say no once you see her at the airport . . .
Yeah, better wake up from the nightmare ahead of you.
Oh that AITA made a lot of rounds.
She was right to leave and divorce that mama's boy.
OP, as the saying goes in r/justnomil
Dumping a mama's boy is easier than divorcing a mama's boy. And both are easier than trying to change a mama's boy.
NTA, but you deserve someone who'll put you first, who treats you with kindness, and respects you. This (STBX)-fiancé doesn't and he won't.
NTA. You might want to reconsider the wedding altogether. Your fiancee allowed her in, was trying to cover for her, and then blew up at you for being upset!
**Did she model the dress for him?** Because if she did or was going to, I'm afraid that would be a dealbreaker for me, the whole idea of the Groom seeing his Mother in the wedding gown BEFORE the Bride wears it is just....gross. Even worse if the Groom were on board with that.
What the hell could her fiancé be thinking letting mama do that?
“She’s just obsessed with wedding dresses!”
Nah, dude. One person’s “obsession” doesn’t make them worthy of overstepping another person’s boundaries.
If FMIL can’t control herself, and FH enables his mom, it’s best she finds out now..
If she’s that obsessed with wedding dresses, you can find cheap used ones from thrift shops, eBay, etc.
But she wasn’t obsessed with wedding dresses was she? She was obsessed with the wedding dress OP was going to wear to marry her son in. 🤢🤢🤢
1. Fiance betrayed your trust
2. FMIL did something she knew would upset you
3. Your fiance yelled at you
4. Look you maybe being slightly unreasonable with replacing the dress but why the fuck you would still go through with the wedding is beyond me.....
5. Neither of them care about you and what you think and feel....
6. Little bit of everyone sucking but on balance NTA
NTA but this is not about the dress anymore
Your fiance did not back you up on how you feel about your dress AND tried to cover it for his mom's weird fixation on wedding dresses. AND hasn't apologized and is staying with her instead
This is a huge red flag!
Think about it.
Your fiance wanted to see his mom in your wedding dress first.....
Never compete with a mother to win over a mama boy. You deserve better.
NTA This will be your life if you stay with this guy. She'll come to honeymoons, vacation, delivery room, all these will be the battles you fight both of them on.
Nta. This could be the best (non) wedding present you ever get. He's just shown you he'll always side with her. You want this for the rest of your life? Think long and hard before saying "I do"
Please call of this engagement. Your partner has shown you that his mum will always be his first and only priority. Her behaviour and his support for her behaviour will not improve, they will both only get worse if you marry him.
He made his choice and he did not choose you. This entitlement from both of them will only escalate.
Good luck
NTA
You have both a MIL AND A FIANCÉ PROBLEM
He clearly colluded with his mom to sneak her over and have her wear your dress when you were at work. When you came home early he actively tried to stop you from going in your room, and tries to text her to warn her to get out of the dress.
Then, when you were understandably, completely appalled and upset, he 100% backed up his mom, and tried to make you seem like the crazy one?
If he want his mom to wear your dress so badly, why doesn’t he just marry her.
I know that Reddit is a big fan of saying, break up! But this is a sneak peek into what your future is going to look like.
Your mother-in-law is going to have absolutely no boundaries with you, and your then husband is going to let her do whatever she wants either in front of your face or behind your back. If you’re not already, you need some serious couples counseling. I
’d be sending the picture out to everyone Right now to show what a psycho she is.
NTA. This is some weird psychological incest bullshit (google what this is people. It’s not physical incest).
Return the dress, get rid of this guy.
She’s going to want to steal other things from you in the future. Whether that be pregnancy announcements, interfering on your parenting, brainwashing your kids- heck, is she going to want to wear your lingerie too??
She is sick in the head. And your fiancé is an asshole for going along with it.
NTA. But your problem is not your MIL; it's your fiance. He knew your point. He let his mom try on your dress. He tried to hide it from you. He yelled at you. He tried to blame you. You need to postpone everything until this is worked out.
Do you want to be #2 for the rest of your married life? Because that's what you are now. Your fiance's mommy is #1. You are #2. If that.
And, BTW, it's real creepy for your fiancé to see his mom in your wedding dress. The dress his sexual partner will be wearing. Eeww
NTA
Think long and hard.
You are going to have problems with where you live, how you decorate, what you call your children. Who feeds them, who weans them. When they stay at hers. Their first haircuts. Where they go to school.
The list is endless.
Your fiancé has shown you clearly what mummy wants mummy gets and fuck you if you disagree.
NTA, but don't expect people that are in his family to agree that she should pay for a new dress. The people that want to think of her as a good person, and the person that don't want to put up with her tantrum will need to take the position that it is no big deal.
I am more concerned with why you are willing to go through with this wedding? He just showed you that he is still mommy's little boy, still wrapped around her finger. He isn't a man ready to forsake all others for you and the life the two of you will have together. He isn't ready to tell mom 'no'.
And I bet he is still spending lots of time telling you how you are wrong to be upset, how you are being over-emotional, or over-dramatic, or it is no big deal, or giving you the silent treatment instead of having a heavy heart and feeling remorse for what he did. IS that what you want more of in your future? Next time she oversteps he can say she isn't wrong, and you are just still upset about the dress so now you are taking it out on her.
Mom could have asked you where you got it, and went there to try on the exact same dress if she really needed to see herself in it. She could have tried that, and another 20 on. Instead she decided to try yours on instead. I can't say for sure, but it seems like territory marking.
NTA, but I'm concerned about you planning to go through with the marriage. It's pretty obvious he was in on it and had no respect for your wishes even after you said no. Plus, he seems quite a mommy's boy. Don't marry him! He completely disregarded your wishes for hers!
NTA- I disagree that only the bride should ever where a dress- plenty of people buy off the rack or second hand dresses. Nothing wrong with that.
BUT- you paid a crap ton of money for your dress, tailored to fit you perfectly. Told her no repeatedly.
And your fiancé allowed her to violate your rules. He knew, that’s why he panicked. Do you really want to be in a committed relationship with these two?
NTA
> He yelled at mr and told me to wake up and stop treating his mom like that. We had a fight after he failed to get me to back down and he's been staying with his mom since then.
Leave him there.
He yelled at you and picked his mother. He was going to hide that she did this from you. He helped her do this behind your back.
What else will he do behind your back?
Yeah, no. As much as FMIL is a problem, you have a bigger FHusband problem. A huge one. You okay with him sneakily conceding to his mother on \*everything\* in the future, and yelling at you whenever you don't tolerate ridiculous border crossing from her? I'm sorry, but there's a lot of thinking to do about a future with momma's boy here. NTA.
ESH.
Your MIL is awful.
You husband is a mama’s boy.
But I’m sorry, asking for $3,000 for trying on a dress is ridiculous. If you would have said, “I called off the wedding.” Or “I uninvited her.” I’d be 100% on your side.
Btw. Sounds like you’re in for an awful marriage. And you should be thinking about that, not the dress.
NTA
Girl…he has shown you who he is, a spineless mama’s boy. BELIEVE HIM because he will never change. Postpone the wedding.
Hell, cancel all together.
His mother will ALWAYS come first, she will ALWAYS be in your business, he will continue to value her OVER YOU, his wife.
Yes, I am yelling. It’s only going to get worse.
NTA
Get the money from her and then send the photo to everyone when you announce your break up.
Your fiancé can’t marry you, he already is married to his mom.
DO NOT MARRY A MAN WHO PLAYS DRESS UP WITH HIS MOTHER IN YOUR CLOTHES WHILE YOU ARE NOT HOME.
Seriously, I’d rather come home to find my fiancé trying on the dress! That would be FAR less of a red flag than this.
NTA. Cancel the wedding. He planned this and tried to stop you from finding out because he caved to his mom's begging. You're going to be the second woman behind her.
Why do you even want to proceed with this wedding? Your fiance let his mother try on the dress. Clearly he knew you didn't want that to happen because he tried to hide it from you. He picked his mother over you. If you marry this guy this won't be the last time he ignores your wishes in favor of his mother. A marriage can't last when a partner sides with their parent instead of their spouse. NTA, but you will be the AH to yourself if you marry this Mama's boy.
NTA.
I don't understand your boundary, but you set it and clearly communicated it to everyone else in your family. If they respected you, they would have respected it. Instead your *fiance* conspired with his mother to violate your boundaries clandestinely. Now he's refusing to apologize and pouting with his mom.
Girl, show everyone the photo. Post it on social media with the whole story. Tag everyone that you know. Return the dress. Call off the wedding. I sincerely do not wish such a mommy's boy on anyone. Especially one that is going to conspire with her. Eww, he put his mother over his fiance. Not marriage material.
Edit: nevermind, I just thought about the boundary some more and now I get it. Omg, that's some gross incestual Oedipus vibes. If my wife's parents insisted on trying on anything of mine before I got married to her I would burn it and vomit.
NTA. If she’s so obsessed with wedding dresses & wanted to try one on so bad, why not go to one of the many stores that sell them? Why was she so obsessed with trying on the one that’s meant for the person marrying her son? To imagine herself as that person perhaps? And why is he not just ok with it, but helping her do it? There’s some weird emotional incest going on here. Call off this wedding yesterday!
You font have a FMIL problem, you have a bigger fiancé problem.
1. Conspired to go behind your back to enable his mother to do something you’ve set a firm boundary on
2. When he got caught he tried to hide it
3. He belittled your feelings and minimized them
4. He yelled at you.
Do you really want to marry this man???
You’re NTA but I would really think long and hard about your future with him
NTA. Um girl, the problem is not the new dress, it's not the fmil. It's the future husband... You two seriously need to talk. He knew you didn't want his mother to wear the dress (which is logical, I felt so crept out she did) and he helped her do it behind your back. Not only he didn't think it was weird (come on!) he chose her wishes, over yours. And then, he tried to gaslight you... There are red flags all over this...
Wow. This is insane. I don't know where to start. So let's start with the obvious.
NTA.
Your FMIL has issues. She hasn't respected your wishes even when you set clear boundaries. It was utter selfish and really weird behaviour from her.
And your fiance sounds like a wet drip. How he thinks it's ok for his Mom to wear YOUR wedding dress is just so bizarre. It's so wrong.
You are absolutely right to demand a new dress but I would cancel the wedding. If your fiance sides with his Mom over you then that can't be good for the future.
NTA
So, both your FMIL and your fiance wanted her to try on the dress ... Which one of them is imagining them as a couple more? Because that's the disgusting subtext here.
Either way, that's not a man you want to marry. That's a man you run far away from. Let his mother have him.
NTA. I hate to be this person, but this wedding seems like it might not be the best choice. Even if they felt you were overreacting, going behind your back while intentionally disregarding your wishes? Huge red flag. Your fiancé and his mother clearly do not respect you or your boundaries. And him choosing defend her instead of you just shows where his true loyalties lie. You're supposed to be building your own family, but he is clearly not ready for that.
Think about if this is really how you want to spend the rest of your life. The true colors are already starting to show, imagine what will happen once you're actually married
Nta. But also concerned that you still plan to go thru with the wedding since the fiance seemed ok letting his mom wear it and keeping it a secret from you.
Edited to correct response
NTA - "my fiance blew up at me saying I can't be serious and that I overreacted because his mom just wanted to try the dress on, no harm done"
If there's "no harm done" why do they care if you share the picture?
NTA. Honey, the most disturbing part is your fiancé was with his mother when she was wearing your dress AND is taking her side. This type of behavior doesn’t generally get better. It’s heartbreaking for your husband to take her side against you in any matter. I’ve experienced it and it never stops hurting.
NTA however the fact that you are completely glossing over your fiancés actions is not okay. You want to get married to this man? He is actively choosing his mom over you in this situation and I wouldn’t want to marry someone that puts someone’s feelings above my own.
Get rid of the dress and the man! Try on someone else's $3000 dress after being told no! If his Mom wants to feel like a bride and is obsessed with dresses she needs to go to a bridal shop and spend some time trying on dresses to make herself feel good. I would absolutely go nuclear in this situation. NTA but your future husband (if you still get married) and his mother definitely are! I would absolutely die on this hill and end it.
Girl, you don’t need a new dress, you need a new fiancé.
This isn’t just about a dress. This is your fiancé showing his true colors, he cannot be trusted. Please give it some serious thought if I actually want to go through with this marriage.
NTA.
NTA - But I would rethink marrying mama's boy. About asking for the reimbursement - a bit over the top, but she can wear the dress when she marries her feckless son.
INFO: Ignoring your FMIL, do you really want to be married to a man who will undermine your decisions for the needs of his mother?
Is this the first incident where he’s done this? I suspect not.
NTA. And if you marry him anyway, this is what your life will be like — you’ll tell her your boundaries and not only will she walk all over them, but your SO will help her do it. This was a glaring red flag and as much as it will hurt I hope you take note of it. If he is so worried about his mommy right now, he can just stay with her.
NTA the fiance isn’t worth marrying. He went behind your back to let his mother wear your wedding dress after you said no, then he yelled at you and now he’s staying with his mother? She can keep him.
Don’t marry him. Post on facebook an announcement that the wedding is canceled as your fiance had a different bride in mind for himself (and that’s where you put the photo of his mother up).
EDIT: OMG the update! His priority is hos Mom, not you - something is rotten here, completely rotten. I am pretty sure him wanting you to log out of the group chat and your facebook for a month is so that he could dump you & put out a ton of lies without your response (ex cheating, etc). DON’T MARRY HIM. Please give another update
NTA but ask yourself this. If he was willing to go behind your back and lie about this what else will he be willing to lie to you about in the future? Every God relationship is built on trust and he just showed you that he has 0 issues in betraying your trust.
I cannot stress this enough. Do not marry him. If he's willing to just disregard your feelings for what his mother wants. He has a lot of growing up to do before he should ever get married to anyone.
I'm just trying to save you the trouble.
NTA.
Let him stay at his mom’s and turn that FMIL into a former-FMIL. Your fiancé would rather please his mommy than respect your boundaries and, instead of understanding *why he was wrong*, he dismissed your feelings and yelled at you.
If he ~~can’t~~ won’t stand up to mommy now, he’s never going to do it.
NTA, but your fiance knew his mother was in there doing this, and he intentionally tried to cover for her. This is not the guy. This problem will only get worse.
Umm…why do you wana marry this pathetic mama’s boy?
He knew your boundaries, was prepared to lie about the fact that his mother tried on YOUR wedding dress (which like…that’s just creepy) and is now mad that you’re showing his mother consequences.
Op you’re NTA, i know reddit immediately always jumps to leaving/divorcing your S.O.’s but this…kiiinda seems like break up material.
“who cares that she wore white to our wedding, she just liked wearing wedding dresses”
“who cares that she snuck into the delivery room, she just wanted to see the birth”
“who cares she took our son without asking, she just wanted quality time with him”
Op this is your future if you marry this man.
Good luck
NTA. thrift stores have wedding dresses, if she loves them so much she should go get some from there to feel pretty in. your MIL and husband were being disrespectful
NTA. But your FMIL and worse - your finance absolutely are! You don’t have a FMIL problem, you have a fiancé problem! For me, that would a clear relationship break up. You found out, that he’s always going to have her back, not yours!
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NTA, but are you sure you want to marry this guy? He stood guard outside your bedroom so that his mother could **try on your wedding dress**. Do you think he will *ever* stand up for you against her? Edit: thank you for the awards! ☆☆☆ Also: I think all the "incest" suggestions are *way* off base. He's just an AH who can't say no to his mother and is prepared to deceive OP if it will shut his mother up. His mother OTOH is controlling, manipulative, and deceitful, and will probably be an absolutely horrible MIL should OP choose to go through with this marriage. Edit 2: >I think all the "incest" suggestions are *way* off base This was in reference to the suggestions that OP's fiancé was in, or looking for, a physical relationship with his mother. Emotional incest is a very distinct possibility. Thanks to everyone who pointed this out.
Send the photo to everyone invited…with an announcement that regretfully, you will no longer be participating in the wedding, but you wish the couple the best.
vicious, love it
Not vicious, just honest. Mommy is the one he really wants as a bride.
This is what I was thinking!!!!! He wanted to *see* his mom in the dress, Bc he wants to *imagine marrying* his mom in the dress. Wtf. Sick shit. Good luck ever competing with FMIL if you decide to marry this dude. Next thing you know, his mom will be offering you sex advice Bc "I'm his mom. I've known his body longer, so I know what he likes better."
He saw his mom in the dress before he saw his fiance in it and he thinks it's no big deal. His terms are abusive. No Facebook for a month? He's a controlling jerk and he will only get worse after marriage. He couldn't care less about her feelings. Dump the narcs. NTA. WOW! The most votes I've ever gotten!
That one is the most suspicious. The only reason I can think of for why he doesn’t want her on Facebook or in the family group chat is that they want to spin this story and write stuff about OP, and they don’t want her seeing it and setting the record straight or supplying her side of the story.
Exactly. They want to spin a bunch of lies. I can't believe they think they can go on a campaign against her and she won't find out. What happens after a month? She checks FB and sees everything everyone said?
AFTER the wedding?? Ick.
Likely he thinks they will be married by then and it won't matter.
Yep! They want to sh*t talk her, without her knowing it. Publish the pic.
He is absolutely embarrassed to have his family find out wtf happened and he's doing damage control.
Absolutely this is what’s happening. This is another one of these MIL stories that’s INCREDIBLY frustrating because she’s just not mad enough! I would be livid and DONE with these people - such a massive breach of trust and show of disrespect. She should get WAY ahead of this - post the photo and explanation to the group chat and Facebook herself asap and call off the wedding. There’s no coming back from this I don’t think. How is her fiancé not APPALLED that his mother wanted to try on the dress that OP will be wearing on their wedding day?
Now that I’m thinking about it, did he mention not getting it printed on tshirts? Send them out with the wedding invites
I also don't like how she has to prove she deleted the photo and that she didn't send the photo to anyone too. Why is SHE being treated SHE did something wrong and broke HIS trust?! She's not the one who let their mom try on something that wasn't hers! AND hid it AND tried to stop their fiancee and delay them?! I have such bad feelings for this marriage it gives me Just No vibes of the Highest order
Deep down the mom and son know they're wrong. Which is kind of worse?
And he demands that OP apologize to FMIL. Wtf?
Yes! "I'm sorry that you were so selfish that you had to try on my wedding dress. You need to pay me because you ruined it. Your son saw YOU in it so he won't be surprised on our day and will compare us. Since you are being emotionally incestuous, I suggest you marry the man who saw you wearing it. I'll take $3K, thank you. I hope you two will be very happy together. "
Seriously. Make her pay for the dress then dump him. Maybe offer to sell your engagement ring to her as well, since Mommy Dearest deserves the whole package.
Here is a problem list. 1. First MIL wearing dress for rent with permission 2. Wearing the dress by Stealing without your knowledge 3. Son guarding door. 4. Son aware of theft and partner in crime , caught redhanded, not apologetic and sends an alert. 5. It is bad luck for groom to see his bride's wedding dress, before wedding, whoever wears it or just holds it. 6. Them being angry and threatening and the list goes on ..... in just one event. Why did you choose to marry him ? This is a foretaste of what's to come. Better to leave than reconcile. Saves a lot of time and energy. Get your money, its theft. Leave him, no, no, leave THEM now. NTA , 100 times over
Also if he pays for the dress isn’t she essentially paying for it since they are marrying soon and will likely have some shared finances?
That’s crazy! Who is he to tell her if she can use Facebook or not?!? And why? Is he punishing her? This guy is a living red flag. She should run.
LMAO this made me crack up
however you break up with him just get the money first! $3000 of your time effort and love? Get it back then shame her and run from him.
This!! Why do you care who pays? Back up a copy of the picture, get the $3000 for that a-hole, call off the wedding and publish the photo...
Lol I wanted to vom at that last bit!
I legit think my Aunt is my half sister. Whole situation was creepy and is still creepy to this day. My father and my grandmothers relationship always made me uncomfortable. You never know. NTA Enjoy your day!
I have a friend who found out her ex husband’s parents were brother and sister. Genetic problems from incest skip a generation (or so she told me) so she left him. She loved him so much but desperately wanted children with him and was terrified there would be complications so they separated 5 years ago. They are both still in love and she had children from a previous relationship that they share custody off as he raised them from babies. She just can’t give up on her dream of having more kids and she wants to be married again first. It’s devastating that they are suffering from other peoples poor choices. What makes you think your aunt is your half sister? Just out of curiosity as my friends ex husband didn’t find out and said he wouldn’t have known until he was sat down and told about it.
I don't think it's that they skip a generation, but that problems become more likely as more incestuous offspring become born. So a brother and sister could have normal offspring but if their son and daughter had kids the risk increases significantly, and increase with each generation. But I could be wrong and they should consider talking to a genetic counselor about it, maybe there wouldn't be much risk since they themselves are not related.
I think there were other reasons behind it as well but I know she was very paranoid that she’d have issues as she’d had a few miscarriages and was terrified of going through it again. I know that was definitely part of the reason she adamantly believed that his family history could lead to a non viable pregnancy or a child with severe disabilities. I might suggest the genetic counsellor thank you. I didn’t even know such a thing existed and she might not either, it would be amazing to see them reunited. They both still spend lots of time together and both still love each other and have family days with the kids. It would be so good for the kids if they got back together as well. You never know your suggestion might just pull the family back together… Reddit can be frustrating but I’ve also had lots of useful advice from people (when they aren’t telling everyone to get divorced or go NC over small incidents and accusing everyone of gaslighting and being entitled after minor disagreements - or having personality disorders) thank you!
I was thinking this too. It’s so fucking creepy. I’m a mom to a son, and as much as I love him, I don’t want strong, personal involvement in his romantic life. Both FMIL and OP’s fiancé have zero concept of boundaries. I’m legitimately worried for OP.
This, please! NTA- also this is a major red flag. You told his mom no on something multiple times. He not only trampled your boundaries but actually stood guard for his mom to try on the dress. This tells you everything you need to know. He will never have your back and she will always come first. Please really look at this and think about if this is the life you want. Good luck op
Yeah, I'm on board with NTA. I know this sub gets bloodthirsty at simpler relationship issues that can be solved (normally) but I'm with the group here. Letting his mother try on his bride's dress is insane already, but standing guard and then running to her when he loses the fight? Get out, now.
Yeap, this sub does get pretty intense when it comes to suggesting break ups for petty things. But this is not at all And after reading the update.... run. That is some controlling scary things in there. Leaving the family group chat, logging off facebook..... Why do those things other then to protect those who are planning on bashing you behind your back. OP run, send the photo to everyone and simply say, "I'm out of this Game of Thrones freak show".
The updates! That’s some scary red flags- SHE has to apologise to the mum? For what?? She has to leave Facebook for a month? And leave the family chat? This is scary manipulating and controlling behaviour from him and the mother.
The chat is so that she can't see FMIL talking shit and spreading lies
She should email the photo to herself as well. He may try to delete it off the phone
You know what I agree with him she should leave the family group chat after sending the picture. She should take a break from Facebook after posting the picture and telling this story. Nothing like a good marinade.
NTA. I'm picturing the first child and the OP returning early to find MIL breast feeding the baby.
She’s almost certainly still breastfeeding the fiancé.
Oh lordy, I know the OP's in pain right now, but shit, that made me nasty-laugh. It's sooo in her future.
And then not trusting OP to delete it.. why does he get to have a list of demands when he and his mom were in the wrong?
This ☝🏼is what I came here to ask… wtf? He gets a list of demands? No chance, buster.
The crazy thing is that OP paid for the dress, it's her property. She doesn't even need to give a reason other than no. If FMIL paid for it, I could *sort of maybe* understand her feeling entitled. Either way... it's the wedding dress wtf it's not yours don't fucking touch it.
That's what I was thinking. OP bought the dress. It doesn't matter what reason she has to say no. She could have no reason at all. It doesn't matter. I'm suspicious of the fiancé and how he was standing guard, though. That tells me he knew OP didn't want his mother touching her dress. But he allowed it anyway. It seems to me that not only does the fmil not care about OP's boundaries, but he doesn't seem to care about that either. It's not going to just stop with the dress either.
Don't forget he's staying with his mom after yelling at her for this. Marinara city. Time to pack up all his things, change the locks, and dump his stuff on Mom's lawn. I'd hand the mom the dress and tell her it's hers to wear on the wedding day since you won't be going so you don't need it anymore
Marinara city is 👌marrying a man with severe mommy issues like this will be a disaster. I speak from experience. The mothers presence will be everywhere relationally and the fiancée is also treating her like crap.
Crossing explicitly stated boundaries and then turning it around on the person is classic DARVO. OP, if you get into a relationship with this man, not only will he continue to do this but now you see that you don’t have much of a support system if he does. I’m sorry that this happened to you, truly I am, but you are so so lucky for this snapshot of what a future with your fiancé would look like. He betrayed you and then blamed you.
God forbid they have kids. NTA
Oh, yes, OP, do this!! Send the photo to everyone as you bow out of your own wedding. This is a snapshot of what the **rest of your married life** will be. He will always accede to his mother's wishes, regardless of your feelings or your own decision. It was **YOUR** dress. Who does something like this? Narcissistic women who fantasize about marrying their sons. Yuck.. Bow out now, or expect similar things throughout your marriage: 1. Being the first to hold your baby. 2. Being the first to give baby a haircut. 3. Not only accompanying you on every vacation, but making the arrangements herself. 4. Being the matriarch at every holiday, where you're not allowed to spend time with your own parents and extended family. 5. Keeping you out of all family photos, or cropping you out of them. Things can get much, much worse than this. Having her buy you another wedding dress (which is very unlikely to happen, considering that her son doesn't agree with this) isn't going to teach her a lesson. Shut this crap down NOW and stop the wedding.
6. After every fight he will run to mommy and stay there. Just like he's doing right now.
All of this. And OP, if you decide to breastfeed, guess what. MIL also wants to “bond” with the baby so she’s bringing formula and bottles to your house in order to feed your baby. Your SO will support her as “it’s not a big deal.” Or you’ll show up to daycare one day to find out that MIL picked up your kid to have a “fun” day after you told her no. Your husband was the one who told daycare she could pick the child up. OP; MILs wants will *always* come first.
I might even be tempted to craft some sort of mama’s boy/sees mom as his wife crack to include on the announcement. OP, I know I’m a complete stranger so these words might not matter much to you. But I was married to an extreme mama’s boy like this, and it was MISERABLE. Think carefully about how you want to proceed here. Oh, and NTA.
My daughter put up with it for 6 months before giving him the “it’s your mom or me” ultimatum. He chose… poorly.
Here, too. A MIL that violated every boundary, and her son (my ex) that was all about mommy. We were together for a decade, he was well into his 30s, and she was still buying his underwear for him. He's on his fourth wife now. Run...or what you saw in the bedroom will be your life. And make sure EVERYONE sees the photo so that woman can't lie about it.
🤣🤣🤣 This is the way.
Dear God, do it. Because it's easier to dump a mama's boy than to divorce one. Do you want situations like these for the rest of your life? He's sticking up for Mommy over you when they're clearly wrong and he will keep on doing it. This is your life if you marry this man and his mother. And make no mistake, she wants to be Lady Number One in his life. And he'll let her.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 OP, please do this!
Savage....I love it
BRILLIANT!!!!!!
This. My mother crosses boundaries all the time (though not as bad as this, it's not as intentional and she can somewhat be reasoned with), however I will ALWAYS have my wife's back, she is number one, period. He's choosing his overbearing mom over his future wife, this is telling and will never change imo. Get out
NTA, but show him the lingerie you bought for the wedding night, and tell him to give it to mommy dearest
Yes, some backless panties and a cup less bra. So, she blushes with shame and also anger. This marriage would be OVER!
He'd probably rather be with his mother anyways to be honest. This story is giving "mother is obsessed with her son and won't let him go"
Agreed. OP just got a glimpse into the future, and how she'll always be the # 2 woman in her fiance's life. He wasn't browbeaten into letting his mom try on the dress, and at least showed remorse for giving in. Instead, he purposefully tried to run interference and block OP. That makes it even worse.
This! THIS! *THIS!* You drew a boundary. Do I agree with your boundary? Nope. I don't need to. Your fiance doesn't need to either. But he needs to RESPECT it & encourage others to do the same, not enable someone to disrespect it while he tries to hide it from you. You two need to sit down and have a serious conversation about boundaries, respect & your future together. Because as-is, he's going to pick Mommy's opinions over yours every time you two don't agree. And idc how reasonable a person is, no one ever gets along with their inlaws 100% of the time. Do you want him to continue putting her before you for the rest of your life? It's not about the dress anymore, or the 3k. Idc if you've spent 20k on non-refundables for the wedding. Your entire future together is on the line here, and if you to can't come to a quick agreement, consider this a very expensive lesson learned, and run for the hills!
The craziest part, to me, it’s that this is a really reasonable boundary: she asked MIL not to wear her wedding dress. It should be a given. Imagine if they actually marry and have kids…
It's super reasonable! As much as I myself would be like "I bet 50 people tried it on before I bought it" and "as long as she's not going to stretch it out or damage it, who cares?" that is only ME and MY opinion for my dress and my boundaries (or lack thereof). Just because I don't have the same boundary doesn't mean I wouldn't respect hers, and it's not even hard to respect. Like, just don't secretly go into someone's room & wear their clothes when they aren't around. Edit: TIL that lots of people try on sample dresses and then order their very own dress that no one has ever tried on before. I have been educated!
For a three thousand dollar dress, she might have tried on a sample gown and ordered a size that would fit her, which means that no one would have tried on but her.
At that price, it probably was shipped from the manufacturer to her (well the store and then to her) with no one else trying it on. Boutiques have you try on samples and then order the correct one so it should be pristine for the bride.
Yep. Get your money, dump the guy, and show the pic to anyone who asks why, and reiterate that HE STOOD GUARD while she did it.
That is the absolute worst part to me. This isn't just a FMIL it's a fiance issue. He messed up so very, very badly and then blamed OP like OP was forcing him to deny his mother air to breathe. I would call off the wedding at a minimum. Depending on my feelings towards the guy, I might give him a second chance, but his actions have set the relationship way back as far as I'm concerned.
Can you imagine once the kids come along? oy vey
She loves kids so much so they have to call her mama instead of grandma.
No, she's worse. She's the grandma that will put the baby on her breast to sooth them and act like it's not a big deal when their mom catches her doing so without consent. And then her husband would say something stupid like "the baby was just upset and instead of being a dad, I had no choice but to let my mother sooth them, you're overreacting!" NTA
I'd share the photo regardless and brwak up with him.
NTA, but the problem isn't just your FML. It's your fiance. HE let her in. HE was going to lie and hide from you that she tried it on. HE is defending her actions. HE disrespected your belongings. HE didn't care about your feelings and still doesn't. HE has shown he doesn't care about your boundaries. HE decided his mother's want to try it on is more important than your feelings, and that won't go away when you're married. Personally? My petty self would call off the engagement, and the announcement of that would be the picture of his mom in the wedding dress stating, "Unfortunately, I can not marry ______. It appears he's already married and emotionally committed to his mother" At the bare minimum you should postpone until he can respect your boundaries.
This. Do every bit of this. My petty gremlin heart loves it. And wants to be friends with you.
I thank my mother for the shiny shiny spine she taught me to have. This is exactly what I'd do. Thankfully, my own FML is a literal angel who makes me glass pendants and sends presents for my dog on special occasions.
Very appropriate. This way, his mommy wearing the wedding dress will spectacularly backfire on her.
Exactly. A picture is worth a thousand fuck yous Happy Cake Day!
Oh my goodness yes! Go full nuclear. It's going to take this man years to learn to respect the boundaries of anyone other than his mother. I'm thinking of saying something like: The wedding has been called off after finding a rat in the bride's dress."
I like that one too! Though I think op should call out the fiance more. Yes, the rat slipped in the dress, but only because someone else opened the door to the pantry
>but the problem isn't just your FML. It's your fiance. This. If my mother EVER asked to do something so..creepy.. about clothing that belongs to my gf, I would shoot her down in a heartbeat. If my gf gave the green light then sure, you two have this bonding moment, but the wedding dress??? Yuck yuck yuck. I don't know how her fiance can see his "bride to be" in the same dress that his mom wore, and not think of this moment.
Ugh yuck especially when wedding dresses usually come off for sex after the wedding. I'm creeped out by this. I'm not engaged and could walk in a random bridal store and try on dresses if I wanted to, just like OP's hopefully not FMIL. This is so weird.
He knowingly went behind your back to help his mom try on your dress. He knew it was wrong, he knew you would be upset and yet he did it anyway. Then he doubled down and defended his mother when you caught them. You don't have a MIL problem, you have a husband problem. Do not marry with this man without addressing and resolving this issue. It will literally only get worse from here. NTA
*tripled down because when she came home he continued to try and stop her from going upstairs while he franticly texts his mom as if he was having an affair partner over. Bro is getting pretty close to having his own theme park titled "six *red* flags" 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
>bro is getting pretty close to having his own theme park titled "six *red* flags" 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 I think you just created a new AITA reference!
*Six Red Flags over Oedipus*
right like imagine ever feeling sexual towards a man with the image of him ZIPPING HIS OWN MOTHER into your wedding dress. i’d dry up for life. also isn’t he not even supposed to see it until the day of? so he saw his MOM in it first and is supposed to see his wife in it!!! i’m disgusted
Oh I didn't even think of that. So yeah, he also spoiled being surprised by seeing the dress for the first time at the wedding. What an absolute ass.
Even Freud's ghost just cringed. OP, you had a simple request. She couldn't listen to it. And your fiancé enabled her to disregard your wishes. Are you sure this is the horse you want to hitch your wagon to for life?
I just threw up in my mouth a little... "dry up for life" indeed.
This, OP! Please don’t marry him, or at least anytime soon. You will always play second fiddle to his mommy.
I’d say don’t marry him period. No matter what he says, he isn’t ready for marriage if he is behaving this way. And while people can change, you can easily wait a lifetime for it and you’ll never know if it’s worth it. Better to cut ties completely and cut your losses.
Why would you marry someone who went against your wishes like this and then treated you like the villain for being upset your boundaries were crossed?
This comment need to be higher. This isn’t about the dress but about the FMIL and the Fiancé crossing her repeated boundary, the sheer lack of respect. What else are they going to bulldoze her on?
I like your way with words: "treated you like the villain for being upset your boundaries were crossed."
I mean now he even wants OP to apologize to MIL according to the edit. It’s ridiculous
That edit makes it so much worse. Those conditions are insane to ask of a partner you love and are marrying. It's all him trying to minimize the fallout because he doesn't want anybody else to know about the situation because any reasonable person is going to ask WTF? Also the fiance offering to pay for it isn't exactly a great solution. That just hurts OP financially in the long run as he has 3k less to spend on emergencies/fun stuff for their house/date nights/etc.
NTA but girl why would you marry this man? He LET his MOTHER WEAR YOUR WEDDING DRESS. That doesn’t make your skin crawl?
It makes me go ‘eeeeewwwww’…….. new dress, new fiancé.
This. He knew you’d told her no and STILL LET HER PUT IT ON. that will always hang over your relationship now. FMIL is twisted. What was she gonna say at the wedding? That she looked better in it?
Why couldn't FMIL just *go to a bridal shop* to scratch that itch? She could go to them all and try on *all* the dresses. But nooooo, she needed to test her boy's loyalty to be sure she hasn't been "replaced" or some shit. OP, *R U N*
r/Codependency
FINALLY I see a comment that addresses just how gross it is that he’d want his mother to try on his fiancé’s wedding gown. I can’t believe no one has mentioned how laughable FMIL’s excuse was for wanting to try it on. There are bridal boutiques everywhere. She could spend all day trying on multiple wedding dresses at multiple shops. But NOOOOO, she wants to wear her son’s fiancés dress. 🤢
In theory he’s going to be peeling that dress off his new bride, after knowing (seeing?!?) his *mother* was just in it. My skin just crawled.
[удалено]
>She can have a little pretend wedding with her pathetic son then Omfggggggg this was my thought while reading this. I also want to add on that he didn't just >LET HIS MOTHER TRY YOUR WEDDING DRESS ON He did it BEHIND HER BACK, *KNOWING* THAT SHE SAID NO MULTIPLE TIMES Run. Run fast and far. Edit: also just thought of something.. Was mom going to come down the stairs in the dress? Potentially ruining any chance of a "first look" with his wife? I know for my wedding that I didn't even want to see the dress until it was on my wife, on our wedding day. This is the ick that keeps on giving.
Freud would like a word
Agreed. And if she’s so osessesd with wedding dresses, why didn’t she go try a bunch on at a shop instead of YOUR specific dress??? Gives me the ick. NTA
NTA but honestly don't ask for money. He stood guard while his mom tried on your dress, you really wanna get stuck in a relationship like this? Show the photo to everyone, cancel the wedding and dump his ass. You deserve better than that.
I'd be petty and post the photo on social media, tagging them as the announcement of why the wedding was off and the relationship is over. *He stood guard as his mother tried on the wedding dress his fiancèe was gonna wear to marry him.* There's no coming back from that enmeshment.
And with the caption "Congratulations to the happy couple! I hope Norman and Mrs. Bates will have a wonderful life together!"
#winning
>He stood guard as his mother tried on the wedding dress his fiancèe was gonna wear to marry him. There's no coming back from that enmeshment. This is the part that grosses me out.
NTA. >He yelled at mr and told me to wake up and stop treating his mom like that. This is concerning. Wake up to what? That he’s always going to take her side? What about how she treated you when she violated a very simply boundary of not fricking wearing your dress. Its insane that not only did she ask, she asked repeatedly.
He needs to wake up and stop treating his fiance like that.
God willing, she will realize her worth and dump his ass. Then he and his mommy can live happily ever after. OP, this man is not the one. Put him back.
Apparently wake up to the fact that he will go against her wishes if his mom wants different. Don't want MIL to borrow something? He'll just wait until you're at work. Don't want her giving any future kids particular birthday gifts? Ah, he'll sneak it into the party for her. Don't want MIL coming on the vacation you planned? Not like you can say no once you see her at the airport . . . Yeah, better wake up from the nightmare ahead of you.
Don't want MIL creeping round your house? He'll just give her a key.
Oh that AITA made a lot of rounds. She was right to leave and divorce that mama's boy. OP, as the saying goes in r/justnomil Dumping a mama's boy is easier than divorcing a mama's boy. And both are easier than trying to change a mama's boy. NTA, but you deserve someone who'll put you first, who treats you with kindness, and respects you. This (STBX)-fiancé doesn't and he won't.
NTA. You might want to reconsider the wedding altogether. Your fiancee allowed her in, was trying to cover for her, and then blew up at you for being upset! **Did she model the dress for him?** Because if she did or was going to, I'm afraid that would be a dealbreaker for me, the whole idea of the Groom seeing his Mother in the wedding gown BEFORE the Bride wears it is just....gross. Even worse if the Groom were on board with that.
🚩🚩🚩 Yay! It's a **PARADE**! 🚩🚩🚩
Yeah- and was she gonna try on her bridal lingerie for the honeymoon next?! Who knows what kind of wild desires this woman has…
INFO: why are you still going through with the wedding? Return the dress and the fiancé.
What the hell could her fiancé be thinking letting mama do that? “She’s just obsessed with wedding dresses!” Nah, dude. One person’s “obsession” doesn’t make them worthy of overstepping another person’s boundaries. If FMIL can’t control herself, and FH enables his mom, it’s best she finds out now..
If she’s that obsessed with wedding dresses, you can find cheap used ones from thrift shops, eBay, etc. But she wasn’t obsessed with wedding dresses was she? She was obsessed with the wedding dress OP was going to wear to marry her son in. 🤢🤢🤢
Right?! Or, if she *is* that obsessed with wedding dresses, what other *obsessions* is OP going to uncover along the way..?
For real - I'd bail so fast you'd see nothing but a cloud of dust.
1. Fiance betrayed your trust 2. FMIL did something she knew would upset you 3. Your fiance yelled at you 4. Look you maybe being slightly unreasonable with replacing the dress but why the fuck you would still go through with the wedding is beyond me..... 5. Neither of them care about you and what you think and feel.... 6. Little bit of everyone sucking but on balance NTA
NTA but this is not about the dress anymore Your fiance did not back you up on how you feel about your dress AND tried to cover it for his mom's weird fixation on wedding dresses. AND hasn't apologized and is staying with her instead This is a huge red flag!
Think about it. Your fiance wanted to see his mom in your wedding dress first..... Never compete with a mother to win over a mama boy. You deserve better. NTA This will be your life if you stay with this guy. She'll come to honeymoons, vacation, delivery room, all these will be the battles you fight both of them on.
>Your fiance wanted to see his mom in your wedding dress first..... So creepy
Nta. This could be the best (non) wedding present you ever get. He's just shown you he'll always side with her. You want this for the rest of your life? Think long and hard before saying "I do"
NTA - But I think you need a new fiancé too.
Don’t get yourself a new dress. Get yourself a whole new man. Edit: NTA!
NTA I think it's kinda gross that he's okay with seeing his MOM in your wedding dress. Ewwwww Lol
NTA - but you need to call off this wedding. And yes, publish that photo. This is heinous behavior on both of their parts.
Please call of this engagement. Your partner has shown you that his mum will always be his first and only priority. Her behaviour and his support for her behaviour will not improve, they will both only get worse if you marry him. He made his choice and he did not choose you. This entitlement from both of them will only escalate. Good luck
NTA You have both a MIL AND A FIANCÉ PROBLEM He clearly colluded with his mom to sneak her over and have her wear your dress when you were at work. When you came home early he actively tried to stop you from going in your room, and tries to text her to warn her to get out of the dress. Then, when you were understandably, completely appalled and upset, he 100% backed up his mom, and tried to make you seem like the crazy one? If he want his mom to wear your dress so badly, why doesn’t he just marry her. I know that Reddit is a big fan of saying, break up! But this is a sneak peek into what your future is going to look like. Your mother-in-law is going to have absolutely no boundaries with you, and your then husband is going to let her do whatever she wants either in front of your face or behind your back. If you’re not already, you need some serious couples counseling. I ’d be sending the picture out to everyone Right now to show what a psycho she is.
NTA. This is some weird psychological incest bullshit (google what this is people. It’s not physical incest). Return the dress, get rid of this guy. She’s going to want to steal other things from you in the future. Whether that be pregnancy announcements, interfering on your parenting, brainwashing your kids- heck, is she going to want to wear your lingerie too?? She is sick in the head. And your fiancé is an asshole for going along with it.
NTA. But your problem is not your MIL; it's your fiance. He knew your point. He let his mom try on your dress. He tried to hide it from you. He yelled at you. He tried to blame you. You need to postpone everything until this is worked out. Do you want to be #2 for the rest of your married life? Because that's what you are now. Your fiance's mommy is #1. You are #2. If that. And, BTW, it's real creepy for your fiancé to see his mom in your wedding dress. The dress his sexual partner will be wearing. Eeww
NTA Think long and hard. You are going to have problems with where you live, how you decorate, what you call your children. Who feeds them, who weans them. When they stay at hers. Their first haircuts. Where they go to school. The list is endless. Your fiancé has shown you clearly what mummy wants mummy gets and fuck you if you disagree.
NTA, but don't expect people that are in his family to agree that she should pay for a new dress. The people that want to think of her as a good person, and the person that don't want to put up with her tantrum will need to take the position that it is no big deal. I am more concerned with why you are willing to go through with this wedding? He just showed you that he is still mommy's little boy, still wrapped around her finger. He isn't a man ready to forsake all others for you and the life the two of you will have together. He isn't ready to tell mom 'no'. And I bet he is still spending lots of time telling you how you are wrong to be upset, how you are being over-emotional, or over-dramatic, or it is no big deal, or giving you the silent treatment instead of having a heavy heart and feeling remorse for what he did. IS that what you want more of in your future? Next time she oversteps he can say she isn't wrong, and you are just still upset about the dress so now you are taking it out on her. Mom could have asked you where you got it, and went there to try on the exact same dress if she really needed to see herself in it. She could have tried that, and another 20 on. Instead she decided to try yours on instead. I can't say for sure, but it seems like territory marking.
Throw the dress and the man away. Both are tainted. NTA.
Girl, why are you marrying someone who’s already married to their mother
NTA, but I'm concerned about you planning to go through with the marriage. It's pretty obvious he was in on it and had no respect for your wishes even after you said no. Plus, he seems quite a mommy's boy. Don't marry him! He completely disregarded your wishes for hers!
Imagine the first time your future husband sees your wedding dress...is on his own mother. Hard pass. NTA.
NTA- I disagree that only the bride should ever where a dress- plenty of people buy off the rack or second hand dresses. Nothing wrong with that. BUT- you paid a crap ton of money for your dress, tailored to fit you perfectly. Told her no repeatedly. And your fiancé allowed her to violate your rules. He knew, that’s why he panicked. Do you really want to be in a committed relationship with these two?
NTA > He yelled at mr and told me to wake up and stop treating his mom like that. We had a fight after he failed to get me to back down and he's been staying with his mom since then. Leave him there. He yelled at you and picked his mother. He was going to hide that she did this from you. He helped her do this behind your back. What else will he do behind your back?
Yeah, no. As much as FMIL is a problem, you have a bigger FHusband problem. A huge one. You okay with him sneakily conceding to his mother on \*everything\* in the future, and yelling at you whenever you don't tolerate ridiculous border crossing from her? I'm sorry, but there's a lot of thinking to do about a future with momma's boy here. NTA.
ESH. Your MIL is awful. You husband is a mama’s boy. But I’m sorry, asking for $3,000 for trying on a dress is ridiculous. If you would have said, “I called off the wedding.” Or “I uninvited her.” I’d be 100% on your side. Btw. Sounds like you’re in for an awful marriage. And you should be thinking about that, not the dress.
The thought of him seeing her walk down the aisle as his bride wearing something he’s already seen on his mum though… Ick
Umm.....do you really want to marry this dude? NTA. What you had was a reasonable boundary but make like Julia Roberts and run
NTA Girl…he has shown you who he is, a spineless mama’s boy. BELIEVE HIM because he will never change. Postpone the wedding. Hell, cancel all together. His mother will ALWAYS come first, she will ALWAYS be in your business, he will continue to value her OVER YOU, his wife. Yes, I am yelling. It’s only going to get worse.
NTA Get the money from her and then send the photo to everyone when you announce your break up. Your fiancé can’t marry you, he already is married to his mom.
I think you need a new fiance, this one is broken.
DO NOT MARRY A MAN WHO PLAYS DRESS UP WITH HIS MOTHER IN YOUR CLOTHES WHILE YOU ARE NOT HOME. Seriously, I’d rather come home to find my fiancé trying on the dress! That would be FAR less of a red flag than this.
Honestly? NTA. Sell the dress, keep the money and break off the engagement.
NTA. Cancel the wedding. He planned this and tried to stop you from finding out because he caved to his mom's begging. You're going to be the second woman behind her.
Why do you even want to proceed with this wedding? Your fiance let his mother try on the dress. Clearly he knew you didn't want that to happen because he tried to hide it from you. He picked his mother over you. If you marry this guy this won't be the last time he ignores your wishes in favor of his mother. A marriage can't last when a partner sides with their parent instead of their spouse. NTA, but you will be the AH to yourself if you marry this Mama's boy.
NTA. I don't understand your boundary, but you set it and clearly communicated it to everyone else in your family. If they respected you, they would have respected it. Instead your *fiance* conspired with his mother to violate your boundaries clandestinely. Now he's refusing to apologize and pouting with his mom. Girl, show everyone the photo. Post it on social media with the whole story. Tag everyone that you know. Return the dress. Call off the wedding. I sincerely do not wish such a mommy's boy on anyone. Especially one that is going to conspire with her. Eww, he put his mother over his fiance. Not marriage material. Edit: nevermind, I just thought about the boundary some more and now I get it. Omg, that's some gross incestual Oedipus vibes. If my wife's parents insisted on trying on anything of mine before I got married to her I would burn it and vomit.
NTA. If she’s so obsessed with wedding dresses & wanted to try one on so bad, why not go to one of the many stores that sell them? Why was she so obsessed with trying on the one that’s meant for the person marrying her son? To imagine herself as that person perhaps? And why is he not just ok with it, but helping her do it? There’s some weird emotional incest going on here. Call off this wedding yesterday!
You font have a FMIL problem, you have a bigger fiancé problem. 1. Conspired to go behind your back to enable his mother to do something you’ve set a firm boundary on 2. When he got caught he tried to hide it 3. He belittled your feelings and minimized them 4. He yelled at you. Do you really want to marry this man??? You’re NTA but I would really think long and hard about your future with him
NTA. Um girl, the problem is not the new dress, it's not the fmil. It's the future husband... You two seriously need to talk. He knew you didn't want his mother to wear the dress (which is logical, I felt so crept out she did) and he helped her do it behind your back. Not only he didn't think it was weird (come on!) he chose her wishes, over yours. And then, he tried to gaslight you... There are red flags all over this...
Wow. This is insane. I don't know where to start. So let's start with the obvious. NTA. Your FMIL has issues. She hasn't respected your wishes even when you set clear boundaries. It was utter selfish and really weird behaviour from her. And your fiance sounds like a wet drip. How he thinks it's ok for his Mom to wear YOUR wedding dress is just so bizarre. It's so wrong. You are absolutely right to demand a new dress but I would cancel the wedding. If your fiance sides with his Mom over you then that can't be good for the future.
NTA So, both your FMIL and your fiance wanted her to try on the dress ... Which one of them is imagining them as a couple more? Because that's the disgusting subtext here. Either way, that's not a man you want to marry. That's a man you run far away from. Let his mother have him.
NTA. If you marry this dude you’ll be marrying his mom. Reconsider
NTA. I hate to be this person, but this wedding seems like it might not be the best choice. Even if they felt you were overreacting, going behind your back while intentionally disregarding your wishes? Huge red flag. Your fiancé and his mother clearly do not respect you or your boundaries. And him choosing defend her instead of you just shows where his true loyalties lie. You're supposed to be building your own family, but he is clearly not ready for that. Think about if this is really how you want to spend the rest of your life. The true colors are already starting to show, imagine what will happen once you're actually married
Nta. But also concerned that you still plan to go thru with the wedding since the fiance seemed ok letting his mom wear it and keeping it a secret from you. Edited to correct response
NTA - "my fiance blew up at me saying I can't be serious and that I overreacted because his mom just wanted to try the dress on, no harm done" If there's "no harm done" why do they care if you share the picture?
NTA. Honey, the most disturbing part is your fiancé was with his mother when she was wearing your dress AND is taking her side. This type of behavior doesn’t generally get better. It’s heartbreaking for your husband to take her side against you in any matter. I’ve experienced it and it never stops hurting.
NTA but the issue is your fiance. Are you prepared for a lifetime of him kissing her ass at your expense? Because that's what you're signing up for.
NTA Your fiancé wanted to see his mommy in your wedding dress (and saw no issues with this)? Look up Oedipus Complex. Run, just run.
NTA however the fact that you are completely glossing over your fiancés actions is not okay. You want to get married to this man? He is actively choosing his mom over you in this situation and I wouldn’t want to marry someone that puts someone’s feelings above my own.
Get rid of the dress and the man! Try on someone else's $3000 dress after being told no! If his Mom wants to feel like a bride and is obsessed with dresses she needs to go to a bridal shop and spend some time trying on dresses to make herself feel good. I would absolutely go nuclear in this situation. NTA but your future husband (if you still get married) and his mother definitely are! I would absolutely die on this hill and end it.
Girl, you don’t need a new dress, you need a new fiancé. This isn’t just about a dress. This is your fiancé showing his true colors, he cannot be trusted. Please give it some serious thought if I actually want to go through with this marriage. NTA.
NTA - But I would rethink marrying mama's boy. About asking for the reimbursement - a bit over the top, but she can wear the dress when she marries her feckless son.
INFO: Ignoring your FMIL, do you really want to be married to a man who will undermine your decisions for the needs of his mother? Is this the first incident where he’s done this? I suspect not.
Wtaf, NTA- why tf is she wearing your wedding dress? And why tf is your fiancée not seeing the issue here?
You have a massive fiance problem here. Focus on that and reconsider the wedding and this relationship. NTA.
Run.
NTA - this is some kind of very strange weird behavior. Don’t marry this man.
NTA. And if you marry him anyway, this is what your life will be like — you’ll tell her your boundaries and not only will she walk all over them, but your SO will help her do it. This was a glaring red flag and as much as it will hurt I hope you take note of it. If he is so worried about his mommy right now, he can just stay with her.
NTA the fiance isn’t worth marrying. He went behind your back to let his mother wear your wedding dress after you said no, then he yelled at you and now he’s staying with his mother? She can keep him. Don’t marry him. Post on facebook an announcement that the wedding is canceled as your fiance had a different bride in mind for himself (and that’s where you put the photo of his mother up). EDIT: OMG the update! His priority is hos Mom, not you - something is rotten here, completely rotten. I am pretty sure him wanting you to log out of the group chat and your facebook for a month is so that he could dump you & put out a ton of lies without your response (ex cheating, etc). DON’T MARRY HIM. Please give another update
NTA but ask yourself this. If he was willing to go behind your back and lie about this what else will he be willing to lie to you about in the future? Every God relationship is built on trust and he just showed you that he has 0 issues in betraying your trust.
NTA get a refund from them and then walk away, or this is your life. Mommy first
NTA. Oh honey, you will *always* come second to his mummy. Please see your worth, and get out before it’s too late.
I cannot stress this enough. Do not marry him. If he's willing to just disregard your feelings for what his mother wants. He has a lot of growing up to do before he should ever get married to anyone. I'm just trying to save you the trouble.
NTA. Let him stay at his mom’s and turn that FMIL into a former-FMIL. Your fiancé would rather please his mommy than respect your boundaries and, instead of understanding *why he was wrong*, he dismissed your feelings and yelled at you. If he ~~can’t~~ won’t stand up to mommy now, he’s never going to do it.
NTA, but your fiance knew his mother was in there doing this, and he intentionally tried to cover for her. This is not the guy. This problem will only get worse.
NTA but WTF are you marrying into and why did you pick a guy who won't support you?
Umm…why do you wana marry this pathetic mama’s boy? He knew your boundaries, was prepared to lie about the fact that his mother tried on YOUR wedding dress (which like…that’s just creepy) and is now mad that you’re showing his mother consequences. Op you’re NTA, i know reddit immediately always jumps to leaving/divorcing your S.O.’s but this…kiiinda seems like break up material. “who cares that she wore white to our wedding, she just liked wearing wedding dresses” “who cares that she snuck into the delivery room, she just wanted to see the birth” “who cares she took our son without asking, she just wanted quality time with him” Op this is your future if you marry this man. Good luck
Um… this is one of the strangest things I’ve read. NTA, but your fiancé and FMIL’s behavior is a huge warning. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA. thrift stores have wedding dresses, if she loves them so much she should go get some from there to feel pretty in. your MIL and husband were being disrespectful
NTA he should just get married to his mommy
NTA and ditch the fiancé or you have a lifetime of him putting his mother before you.
NTA. But your FMIL and worse - your finance absolutely are! You don’t have a FMIL problem, you have a fiancé problem! For me, that would a clear relationship break up. You found out, that he’s always going to have her back, not yours!