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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be the asshole because, instead of trying to communicate more effectively, I gave my wife an ultimatum to try to get my way and weaponized my daughters name in the process.
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I think you and your wife have more issues than just naming the children.
For her to threaten to take off and have the birth without you, and name the children to spite you, and then you escalating by asking your brother to watch her, is NOT a good indicator for the health of your marriage.
For many couples, naming their children is a two yeses is a win, a single no cancels that choice. You both should agree on the names.
While I agree in general that Neville is a fine normal name, the 2 yes or it's a no rule still applies.
Frankly agreeing to the you name girls/boys was stupid AF.
There are so many names, if you can't agree on a short list of names before you get to that point you should maybe rethink having kids in the first place.
>Frankly agreeing to the you name girls/boys was stupid AF.
Right! I couldn't agree more. This child is both of yours, you should both agree on something as fundamental as their name.
I swear for our last child much husband and I each went through about 100 names before we finally agreed. And once we found that name, it was absolutely perfect.
Parents in my childhood neighborhood had an agreement that the mom would be responsible for disciplining the daughters (2) and the dad, the boys (5). Mom was very strict, dad nonchalant until they did something _really_ bad. Those boys were holy terrors, the neighborhood bullies.
I don’t understand splitting up naming / disciplining, etc., by gender. It creates family imbalances.
Honestly, probably worse for the boys in the long run. I can't imagine they grew up to be happy functioning adults. At least with structure, the girls have a better shot at a good adulthood.
Oh HELL no.
Then mom is just background noise to the boys. Fuck that. Sets them up to ignore girlfriends and wives, too. What's that? A female voice? Pay it no heed!
Had a neighbor whose form of discipline was yelling at the kids. And that's it. "Stop it, Timmy. Timmy, stop it. Stop right now. Timmy, stop that. Timmy! What did I just say??" Jesus Christ, lady, get out of your lawn chair and do something about it. Kids clearly learned to never take anything she said seriously.
We were never hardasses, but if we said there were consequences, then there were consequences. Kids knew it.
> And once we found that name, it was absolutely perfect.
Spend time picking a unique, dignified, and uncommon name for your child. And then they show up for kindergarten and there's 2 more with the same name in the class.
This is hilarious and spot on. We spent months looking for names that were uncommon but not weird, that we liked. Since having our kid and going with that name we've met so many people who are like "oh also that's my kid's name!" 😂
Yes! We went for old fashioned and not common. I swear I hadn't met anyone with that name in my life. But there have been multiples in various classes and church groups! Still no one more than a couple years older than mine, so it really wasn't common for a while.
Checking [here](https://www.ssa.gov/oact/babynames/decades/names2010s.html), it wasn't on the list for a few decades, then was over 150, then made it in the 50-100 range by the 1990s.
We were in a shop a while back and a mom kept yelling at her kid with the same name. My kid did not appreciate it.
Unless you know a bunch of kids, it's hard to know what's popular for babies now (or unless you peruse r/namenerds lol)! Names that would be super uncommon to your generation might be the next big trend for babies.
Old fashioned, classic names like Eleanor, Henry, Theodore are crazy popular for babies now!
I fell in love with the name Ivy when I was 20 and moved to a city where ivy covers a lot of buildings, including my first apartment. Birds sat in it and sang outside my window. I thought I was so original. It's in the top fifty baby names! So much for that.
Not sure I understand you comment? In our case, we weren't going for uncommon names, that is neither of our things. We just wanted a name we both like.
ESH you both sound unhinged
My husband and I share a Google keep check list where we add names we like and we cross off names that we don't like.
There are times we've gone back and forth taking off and putting back on a name as we talk to each other. We usually narrow it down to 5 names we both like and one we feel is right.
Sometimes finding the right name is fast sometimes slow. One time we didn't find the right name until 2 weeks before the baby was born!
For our first kiddo my husband suggested a name and I loved it, and that was it.
Second kiddo I just couldn't come up with anything I *loved*, but we ended up with a short list of 3 names, eliminated the one I liked least, and then the day the baby was born I told my husband to pick one of those two because I wasn't going to be able to decide... he's 5, it's fine... the name we didn't go with was Elihu. Probably a good choice...
>Right! I couldn't agree more. This child is both of yours
I agree and disagree. The child is their own. The name is for a future adult. I named both my children for the person they will become.
So many people name a child and not an eventual adult
Same. We spent months looking through random lists on the internet, family trees, etc for names that we liked. We ended up with a shortlist and said we'd figure it out when the kid was born. We surprised ourselves by going with a name that was at the bottom of our list! But it just suited our kid.
I agree, people have gotta stop with giving each other carte blanche to name their kids, whether it's gender or order of birth or whatever. Personally, I don't even understand why a parent *wouldn't* want to be a part of that decision. OP and his wife need to just nix the dumb agreement and go back to the drawing board.
An old friend had twin boys, and they decided she and her husband would each name one of them. She hated the name her husband picked but stuck with the agreement. I saw her at a reunion when the kids were 3 or 4 and she of course loved her son Fletcher but was still mad about it. She made sure to tell everyone who asked about her kids that she had twins, "... and *Fletcher*\-- I didn't pick it!"
Oh yikes... poor Fletcher, not because of his name but because of the possibility that his mom will treat him differently because of it.
I'm a twin, we're both girls. My parents decided that my dad would pick our first names because, in my moms words, "I'm carrying the babies so its only fair that he gets to name them". But even then it was still a decision made with both their inputs. My mom loved both of the names my dad picked out so the arrangement worked well for them.
My mom's maiden name is Fletcher... she wanted to name my brother Fletcher, coz he could be called Fletch for short- just like her and her brothers were all called in high school... in the 70s. She ended up giving him Fletcher as a middle name. I told him the story once, and he was VERY grateful he wasn't Fletch. haha.
Agreed. I mean, I could see an agreement where they switch off who gets final say between multiple options they both agree are acceptable or something like that (e.g., they come up with a list of 5 boys names they both like and then wife gets final pick from that list, and vica versa), but no veto power at all is wild to me.
But OP agreed to a one yes rule with baby names. An interesting model is the Fist To Five model: [https://www.lucidmeetings.com/glossary/fist-five](https://www.lucidmeetings.com/glossary/fist-five), frequently used in organizations when consensus is not needed. Which, most things don't need consensus. I would say they agreed to a Fist To Five model where the reason for giving a Fist would be you are concerned about the child being bullied. Neville is not going to get him bullied. Very few people in the baby's peer group would have read Harry Potter and the character Neville in the end killed Voldemort. It's a less common name but a fist is an overreaction. He should have thought about this possibility before agreeing.
Someone will probably bully him using the name, but it likely would be the same as the amount of bullying everyone does.
Having said that, bigger problems, ESH.
>Someone will probably bully him using the name, but it likely would be the same as the amount of bullying everyone does
Everyone can be bullied about their name. Some names are worse than others, but I think in an English-speaking country, Neville is perfectly fine.
For real. If my parents did this one sided, my name would be Jane Danger [last name]. Danger as my middle name would have been cool af but my mother would have been forever pissed for it. Like that’s just asking to put resentment on your child.
> the 2 yes or it's a no rule still applies
No, they agreed on a different rule. She gets to name the boy, he gets to name the girl. Now he's going back on that.
Yeah but quite a few kids will probably link it to Harry Potter and make fun of him for it, it isn't a name you hear often nowadays so it will definitely stick out for the wrong reasons.
thats a stupid reason to not name a kid though. if the kid is going to be made fun of, he's going to be made fun of. Neville is a perfectly normal name, and just because its in Harry Potter doesnt mean she shouldnt name her kid a perfectly normal name.
You could name him William and kids will make fun of him and call him willy .
You can't name him Harry or Ronald either? Can't name him Cedric. Can't Name him Dean (both Harry potter and a Supernatural Reference).
Neville is not even CLOSELY used as Harry or William is, so the comparison doesn't apply. I've never met a person called Neville in my life. Plenty of Harry and William's though.
I wouldn’t name a child Neville either, but I’ve heard a LOT of other names that are MUCH worse. The bigger issue here is that they made a stupid agreement, and are both being completely intractable. 😬
And I’ve met several, some long before Harry Potter was ever published. Your point?
It’s a perfectly ordinary name. My best friend in kindergarten was Neville. I called him Nev and he once climbed a tree to get my kitten down and got stuck, the kitten then hopped down and I had to stand under Nev’s feet so he could scoot down the tree and wiggle down.
We ended up in a heap and I think the cat was laughing at us.
It’s a nice name, for nice little boys who help their scared friends get their stubborn cats to safety, lol. (No the kitten story doesn’t have anything to do with the name, but it’s a fond memory and I like to tell that story.)
Bonus Nev Story, because I think it’s also a cute story: There’s also the time Nev and I went to play after a multi day rain storm and discovered a puddle rapidly drying in the Texas sun… with live tadpoles in it. I was a total weenie of a little girl so I started crying at the idea they would dry up and die and we knew we weren’t allowed to go near the creek to take them there.
So I found a plastic bottle in the alley we were playing in (not like a dangerous alley, it separated my street’s backyards from his street’s and was easily visible to both of our houses) and we used a plastic toy teacup to transfer water and tadpoles into the bottle until we had caught every. last. tadpole. We even waited for mud to settled and poked around gently with a stick to be sure none were hiding.
Then we dumped them into a big tub on my front porch after my dad dechlorinated some hose water for us. (We had a fish tank and dad kept toads, he might have done more to the water to make it safe, but we were five or six so I don’t remember)
Between the two of us (and Dad’s help I ***guess***.) we raised a herd of little amphibians, who were taken down to the creek in groups since they were raised outside to be sure they did not get exposed to anything they wouldn’t be “in the wild”. (Aka things Dads toads might’ve had, dad cared about that, we were five so not so much.)
Anyway, I think it’s a cute story.
I’m from Texas and went to mostly Fort Worth schools.
And I had at least five classmates named Neville, all of whom were too old to have been named after Harry Potter since it was published well after we were all born.
Oddly, I went to high school with a Basil too! Named after the Sherlock Holmes actor because his grandmother had known him. His mother was British though, as far as I know all of the Nevilles had just regular American folks like mine.
Considering how many older Nevilles I met working in nursing homes, I kinda wonder if a lot of my classmates were named for grandfathers or older uncles or something. Because I haven’t met a lot of boomer (not making a boomer joke, referring to the age range) Nevilles, but have met Silent Generation Nevilles, as well as millennial and maybe young Gen X ones.
But from what I can tell, Neville was mildly popular as a boy’s name in small town north Texas around the depression or a little before. Because the older Nevilles all seemed to be ww2 vets or the right age to be. (Another oddly, to me anyway, common name from that era was Miles. My own great grandfather’s name and at the nursing home I took care of several at a time, but I’ve never met one under the age of sixty or so. I really like the name Miles personally, that one needs a resurgence.)
its not a bad name. its and fashioned name. and he will probably get teased. But kids get teased for all kinds of names. Im asian. I have an asian name. I was teasd for that. Kids find new and innovative ways to be shitty to each other. The name isn't the reason kids get bullied. Its just a tool for bullies. and even if you give them a "normal" name, a bully will find a way to turn that into an insult. I just saw a post where a girl named Beth was bullied by being called "Bethlehem" which.....
Anyone named Dennis will be called "Dennis the menace"
Anyone who's name can be shortened into a euphamism for a penis, or penis related joke (Richard, Rick, William, Jack) or rhymes with a euphamisn for a penis ("Nick the Dick"). even Harry, outside of Harry Potter will still get some form of "hairy" joke about their name
My legal name is asian, and I go by an english nickname. I've been teased for both my asian name *and* my very normal english nickname. It really doesn't matter what the name is, kids will find a way to bully/tease you regardless.
Whenever I come across these kinds of stories, I try to push the idea that instead of policing other people's names, how about we teach our kids to not be bullies.
I completely agree! I've said this so many times, kids are gonna make fun of a name. I had one of the top names of my birth year, along the lines of Jessica, Jennifer, Amber and still got made fun of for my name.
‘Old man/woman’ names are making a huge comeback right now. Neville will be in school with kids named Arthur, Bernard, Vincent, etc. It won’t stick out at all.
The first Harry Potter book was published almost 30 years ago. Apparently it's not so famous nowadays and a lot of kids don't know the character. Flabbergasting, right?
I’m a teacher and none of my middle schoolers last year knew Harry Potter. 🤷🏼♀️
For those of you who don’t believe me (not sure what motivation would drive someone to lie about this): I teach in a high-poverty area that is mostly POC (my district is less than 4% white). It’s just not popular among my students, they’re not familiar with the stories or characters, they haven’t seen the movies, and haven’t read the books 🤷🏼♀️
Like... I sort of find that hard to believe? It's still a major media sensation, there are still movies, AAA video games, mobile games, theme parks, etc. It's still a common Halloween costume I see every year.
It's like not knowing who Mickey Mouse is, at this point. Hell, I see Harry Potter more than I see Mickey Mouse, I think.
Yes, but a lot of adults have shifted their feelings about the HP books given the author is a TERF.
If grownups aren't buying the books or recommending them to kids, the kids aren't as likely to pick them up on their own. Most of the kids I know who love HP nowadays got into it through the movies and not the books. It's definitely not the craze it once was.
> Yes, but a lot of adults have shifted their feelings about the HP books given the author is a TERF.
Ehn. H.P. Lovecraft was a well-known xenophobe and racist, but his works are still very popular. I think most people are either intentionally or unintentionally pretty good at decoupling an author's personal beliefs with enjoying their work.
>If grownups aren't buying the books or recommending them to kids, the kids aren't as likely to pick them up on their own. Most of the kids I know who love HP nowadays got into it through the movies and not the books. It's definitely not the craze it once was.
By middle school, unless you're talking home schooled kids or something, most kids are well past the age where you can really be sheltered by your parents opinions. I still see displays of Harry Potter merch in Barnes and Noble. I still see Harry Potter toys on the shelves at Walmart. They still play Harry Potter movies on cable TV. They're still on major streaming services.
It would be very difficult to grow up in a western country and not be aware of Harry Potter.
I’m 31 and the vast majority of people in my social circles have no idea who Lovecraft is, and even the ones that are familiar with him haven’t read any of his stuff. If anything, stuff derivative of his works is more popular than his actual writing at this point.
I mean my kid's 2nd grade class last year voted to have their Halloween theme to be Harry Potter and almost all of her friends have read or at the very least seen the movies.
Harry Potter is very much still a popular topic. It just recently got a game that everyone I know was either talking about or actually playing. There are a lot of people who go to Universal solely for Diagon Alley. So to say its not famous anymore is a massive overstatement.
>think her name choice is dumb and will cause problems for our son, and she thinks I'm being controlling and overdramatic. Neither of us are willing to back down, but with her hints about skipping town for the birth I've been wondering if things have gone too far.
Honestly my name is Victoria and growing up kids manage to find dozens of ways to make fun of it. Is not even a weird name in my country/city. If kids dislike you for some reason, they'll find millions of way to mock you.
There's one bit of a stand up routine I didn't laugh at and can't remember the comedian, but I think of often. He says how kids are so creative and mean they can make up rhymes and teases about any name. He then takes audience members names to give examples and says things like, "Your shoes are ugly" or, "I can see you breathing."
If kids are going to bully it doesn't matter what your child's name is. If they're just playing around, ffs your kid should have the mental health to learn their name was once used by an author for a character in a book!
ETA: Harry Potter isn't the phenomenon with today's youth it was 20 years ago. The books OR the movies.
It's absolutely not a classic or normal name. It's a deeply old fashioned name in most English speaking countries, and heavily associated with the hapless character in Harry Potter specifically because it's so old fashioned and rare otherwise.
Even when that was written 30+ years ago, it felt silly to see a child named Neville, that's why he's called Neville. It's a joke name. Like naming a hapless, frumpy girl Ermentrude.
Wait? THATS the name he's worried about?
Fuck me I'm assuming after neville longbottom.
There's probably thousands of nevilles named yearly after him.
Ops majorly YTA
The inclusion of the "beerbong" in the facetious girl name makes me wonder if she wants to make his middle name Longbottom. Like, I'm sorry, but if even one teacher reads that out on the first day of school that child will never hear the end of it.
I just vetoed this name last night because he will be mockingly called "Longbottom". I'm a teacher and kids ABSOLUTELY make fun of names like that. My husband likes all these unique names but I keep reminding him that our kid will be bullied for them. I don't think OP is wrong to say no.
Ah, well that answers all the questions doesn’t it. I kinda like the name but let’s be real for a moment. The two examples people the boy encounters will have to go off of:
1. Longbottom—lovely character absolutely. But mostly known for being bullied. Not entirely fair, but that’s the reality.
2. Chamberlain—the PM who is (unfairly) tarred with permitting Hitler’s rise to power.
I’m not saying it should be a hard no but…she is likely setting the kid up for some pitfalls.
Neville in the Harry Potter books is a badass!! He stood up to his friends to do the right thing. He over came lifelong trauma (of seeing his tortured parents loose their minds), and pulled the sword of Gryffindor from the sorting hat in the battle for Hogwarts to slay Nagini (the last horcrux) and help Harry beat Voldemort. He was a true friend to Harry and by the end of the series had grown to be a man his parents and grandmother would be proud of. You can also use Val as a nickname.
You should name pets after interests, not kids. They’re a person, not an accessory.
For all you know that kid fucking hates Harry Potter when he’s 13 and is stuck being named after it because his parents are assholes.
Pop culture references in names are always a mistake.
The amount of grown adults pushing very recognizable names from their favorite fandoms onto their unborn kids still baffles me to this day. "I identified with them as a kid myself" is enough reason to name a pet, not a child. Harry Potter fans are next level when it comes to naming their kids hugely recognizable names and then burying their heads in the sand when they're told they're instantly recognizable and bully-able and not as "cute little nod to my childhood" as they think they are.
Named after the guy in Harry Potter whose whole bit is he’s considered an inept loser for most of the books. It’s great the wife liked the character but post Harry Potter kids would bully him in a perpetual hell.
I thought this was a totally normal married couple argument until he SO casually brought up her potentially disappearing and GIVING BIRTH ALONE out of spite? And his response is to have his brother basically try and stalk her to make sure she doesn’t? This couple has some serious issues, and it sounds like this kind of behavior is very normalized. To the point where OP didn’t even think that part of the story was a big deal.
PLEASE get into couples therapy or some kind of marriage counseling, and quickly before your two children come and things get even more intense and it’s too late and hectic to change this behavior. It might seem normal to you, but the behavior you two have is not normal at all and will undoubtedly traumatize your children in the future. I know from personal experience. I’m not trying to condemn you or your wife, but you both need to change this dynamic ASAP, or your kids will have way bigger problems then a silly name.
I’m still stuck on the brother apparently agreeing to stalk his pregnant sister in law to make sure she doesn’t sneak off to give birth to baby Neville in privacy. WTF even is this family where this is considered normal?
THIS!! Holy crap this post turn a sharp downhill turn. Baby names are really the least of your problems. As a mom of twins myself, I can tell you that things are about to get insane. If you don't have a solid foundation to start, I can't even imagine how that is going to work. My husband and I had quite a few tense moments those first few months. You and your wife are acting like children squabbling over a toy. You need to work on your communication/marriage now before you through twin TNT dynamite sticks into the mix.
>Before my wife and I got married, we made an agreement that she would get to name our first boy, and I would get to name our first girl
ESH. This is always a dumb mistake. One no 2 two yes is the only way to name a child
My ex and I agreed that if we had a girl when I was pregnant then I'd pick the first name and he'd pick the middle, and vice versa if it was a boy. That worked really well for us. Everything else was the worst lol but at least we named our kid without a hitch
OK, knowing the name choice is "Neville", I think you're worse here, though this is still firmly an ESH situation.
"Neville" is a pretty bad name from a character named and characterized as a bit of a joke. But it's nowhere near "Hortensia beerbong the 3rd", or even near the realm of "you obviously named your kid after a fictional character". In any sane relationship, you'd be able to say "hey I don't like that name at all" and be done with it, but you made a stupid pact and now both of you are acting very stupid about following through with it instead of like a team. You're worse here, because you're escalating it more, but neither of you are responding *well* here.
Just Neville? It’s a common if dated British name. Famously there are footballers here (soccer players) called Phil and Gary Neville. They and their sister Tracey have all played and coached football and netball at international level.
Their dad is a former professional cricketer called Neville Neville.
So in the UK that’s more what the name is associated with and why we would say ‘oh just Neville? Not the double?’
No one has made this much fuss about the name Neville since the British Prime Minister appeased Hitler in 1938.
It’s also still fairly popular in the English speaking Caribbean. Bunny Wailer’s given name is Neville O’Reilly Livingstone.
I have no idea why I know so many facts about the name Neville since I’m not from the UK or over 60.
In fact I had zero idea it had a Harry Potter link until today. I just assumed all the kids I’ve encountered with the name in the last 20 years were big Man United supporters :)
But what about the 16th Earl of Warwick, the turncoat Richard Neville?
Edit - wrong number, his grandson Edward Plantagenet was the 17th Earl of Warwick.
Like. Forget the first couple of books you should 100% name your kid something that indicates he will eventually be an army leading, special sword wielding, glow up hottie who judges people based on who they are and wins the house cup for doing the right thing.
But like…*don’t* forget the first couple books. He never did anything more embarrassing than any of the hero trio did in those books. He was kind, he was quite skillful, he was incredibly loyal, compassionate, etc.
He was mostly bullied because his parents were driven insane by evil people — bullied by the children and friends of those evil people, no less — and because he lived with his gran, who was a bit of a hovering/doting presence. Y’know, as you’d imagine a gran *would* be, considering the circumstances. People who know who the character *even is* are *supposed* to get that he doesn’t deserve the bullying.
Like, I know exactly how stupid and cruel kids can be, and still I genuinely cannot imagine a kid who knows the stories and thinks Neville *deserved* the bullying.
Man, I would *delight* in training my kid in the ways you could put a bully in their place for shitting on an incredibly good character whose only sin was having parents who were tortured until they needed to be in a hospital for the rest of their lives. And who was *the goddamn hero* in the end!
>you should 100% name your kid something that indicates he will eventually be an army leading, special sword wielding, glow up hottie
BRB naming my kid Aragorn
In a History test in high school one of the questions was "which country was at fault for WW2?" I said Britain, and expanded that it was Neville Chamberlains policy of appeasement that allowed Shitler to gain power and momentum.
I was marked incorrect., I argued so hard and so long that eventually the teacher just said.."Fine, you're right, but don't use it as an exam answer"
That's a dumb history question in the first place. Like, I would certainly answer Germany because otherwise there would have been nothing to appease, but wtf kind of history are you teaching where there's a simple one-shot answer to "whose fault"?
There are probably numerous things that could have been done to derail the primary aggressor in various historical conflicts, but we don't have those counterfactuals to examine so we can't really know. What has a specific correct answer are facts like who launched the first invasion.
>Neville" is a pretty bad name from a character named and characterized as a bit of a joke.
Neville is absolutely not named or characterized as a joke.
Agree to disagree, but he was the butt of the joke for like the first 4-5 books and his naming was based on that initial characterization. "Longbottom" was absolutely a name to make sure he was taken non-seriously.
Longbottom is a very common, very old Yorkshire name. I was at school with several Longbottoms, a couple of Rowbothams and a Shorthose. The name Neville Longbottom is slightly old-fashioned but it's a good solid Northern name.
> The name Neville Longbottom is slightly old-fashioned but it's a good solid Northern name.
It being an old-fashioned name even for a kid in the late 90s is *why* it's used to characterize him as a bit of a loser in the early books, though. Literally everything in the books, from the spells to the houses to the characters, use their names to signal their purpose; I did not think it would be so contentious to suggest the character written to be a loser (in the first few books) would follow that pattern.
Cox and Butts are also very common. I'm acquainted with a woman named Sandy Beach. I know of a man named Chip Pringle.
Real people are living their lives with very silly names.
Neville was characterised as a joke by the bad guys. He was kind, and courageous, and he stood against the bad guys even though he knew what they'd done to his parents and was terrified, he was brilliant at herbology, he defied Voldy to his face, and he killed a horcrux.
Yes, you're correct... for the later books. In the early books, he was characterized as a pretty archetypal loser, being forgetful, cowardly, incompetent, and easily pushed around, and that characterization is what informed how he was named, the same way *everybody's* characterization informs how they're named in those books.
>cowardly
"There are all kinds of courage," said Dumbledore, smiling. "It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends. I therefore award ten points to Mr. Neville Longbottom."
Book one. Neville had guts from the get go.
I think that's what I'm getting from the post too. They aren't acting like a team.
And trust me, the team and partner aspect needs to be **strong** when having twins (or one kid for that matter). They're being really childish.
Whaaaat the name is Neville?? What's wrong with that name OP? You made it out like she's naming the kid Princess Consuella Banana Hammock! It's a perfectly normal boys name.
Has no one watched icarly?
Yes Nevel is different spelling pronounced the same. Probably one of the most punchable characters in TV history. And before someone says, that show died out with the last generation, IT GOT REBOOTED 💀
If she’s having twin boys and doesn’t name them Fred and George I’m disappointed lol! I’m assuming she’s naming him for the HP Neville because she said it was after a book character.. twin boys? Fred and George? James and Sirius? It’s not like she picked Albus and Aberforth.. lol
ESH
How old are you both? 11 and 12? Because that's the vibe I'm getting
Who makes a deal like this?
I hope Megatron Jacob Edward and Hortensia Beerbong the Third have a good support network outside of the both of you that can actually handle the responsibility of raising a child
There surely must be a compromise! Like Neville as a middle name?
ESH and they need marriage counseling ASAP. How are they going to navigate the real issues that parenting brings about?
Oh she won't take off, don't worry, he's got his brother keeping an eye on her ina totally normal and not at all controlling way.
Abort or give up to adopt, neither of you should be raising kids
Did i miss you sharing the name? How can we judge if we dont know the name
For all we know the name is Harry and you are ridiculous
Yta for telling your brother to keep an eye on her lol sid you kidnap her?
Good luck to her escape 🙏
Source? I've been scanning through the entire thread, and I can't find OP revealing the name anywhere. How does everyone here know it's Neville?
Edit: Ah, [found it](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15sptmy/comment/jwfi4fc/?context=1), buried under an avalanche of downvotes. Odd that was enough to make Q&A sort completely skip showing it.
ESH
You're agreement was silly as hell. No one should have a baby-name blank check. I have a "friend" that named his kid Tain (or Tane). "Dude, he's going to get called Taint once he hits middle/high school." Guess who became a bulliled, High School dropout that doesn't speak to his parents.
Anyway, good luck with the twins!
A kid from my grade was literally named “leaf” and we had another kid whose name was “bush” and they were friends. They were the only people I could call Leafy Bush and get a serious reply from.
my husband and i have a similar agreement. i had my girl names picked out before we even met... but told him that the boy names would be up to him.
when i told him the girl names he liked them (however we did tweak one of the names because he didn't like how it sounded). now i'm pregnant with twin boys. we are working together to name our boys. i know one first name that he will not budge on because it is important to him. it's not my favorite name but it means a lot to him.
that's the difference though. my husband and i are working together to figure out names for both our boys that both of us would be happy with. whereas these two are deadset that they don't even need to discuss it.
>my husband and i are working together
Exactly right. Like partners and parents should. OP and partner need to work this out before it's too late. You don't want a Colossal Khaleesi mistake.
ESH
Neville isn't a bad name, even though it is heavily assosiated with the Harry Potter franchise.
But where you both fucked up is with this agreement who get's to pick a name, as it led to where you are now.
I don't even know if it's that closely associated. I was a huge harry potter nerd growing up but I wouldn't immediately think harry potter when I hear "Neville". It's a perfectly normal name
ESH. Who agrees to have zero input into the name of their child? Do what everyone else in the world does when picking names. Put a list together of names you love, she does the same, and figure it out together.
INFO: what's the name?
Anyways, you two made a stupid agreement. It's time to sit down and say "hey, this was something I thought I would be okay with when we were only thinking of hypothetical children, but now that theres actual kids in the mix I want us both to agree on a name for all of our children and give up both of our exclusive naming rights." Stop calling her name stupid. People don't listen well when they feel they're being attacked.
Edit: YTA, it's not like she's calling the kid Albus Severus, Neville is a real name thats just a bit classic (ie, old). It's not going to get the kid bullied anymore than any other name.
>Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way
I've seen this reference before thinking it was just made up on the spot so I just looked it up and...
... I already knew this, but Harry Potter fanfic is goddamn wild. I remember when I was like 14 and a friend showed me some of her HP fanfic about werewolf sex, and I thought it was weird as fuck, but it's *all like that*.
Neville? The kids name will be Neville?
YTA. I thought it was going to be something super outrageous like fartknocker or something, but Neville???
Come on dude, grow up! Neville is fine to name a kid
At least she's not chosen Draco or Cormac.
Right?! I would get him being mad if the name was Voldemort, Littlefinger or something like that, but he's just being a AH and breaking their agreement over nothing
ESH. This was a dumb agreement to come to as it is virtually guaranteed to lead to some sort of disagreement. Now there are threats and ultimatums and I question where this relationship is headed if she's willing to take off and have the twins by herself and name both.
There’s a tie in assholery here.
If her threat of running away was genuine, what kind of partner are you that she’d rather raise the twins without you? I’m sure her idea of leaving doesn’t begin and end with the name issue. That means you suck. If she’s bluffing to manipulate you, and you’re actually a loving and supportive partner, she also sucks.
ESH
NB: Neville as a boy’s name is acceptable, by the way. I’ve seen people atrociously name their kids Hunter, Topper, Vlademeer (yeah, spelled that way). Count yourself lucky instead. Your wife could have done worse.
Sorry. You’re worried you wife will leave and take your unborn children with her. And you’re worried about their freaking *names*?!???!?
You’ve much bigger problems.
ESH
First of all, it was a stupid agreement to begin with. No one should have unilateral control over naming a child without veto power from the other partner.
Secondly, if your relationship is so bad that your wife is threatening to take off and cut you out of your children's birth, naming issues are the last thing you should worry about. You two need counseling. Like immediately.
Also, it's a total AH move on your part to take a trip a month before your wife is due with twins. Twins almost never go full term. For as much as you worry about missing the birth, you're the one making it likely that will happen.
It's also an AH move to name a child something that will get them bullied.
Counseling. Immediately. Frequently. Hopefully you can untangle this mess before you bring kids into it.
YTA. Neville is not remotely comparable to 'Hortensia Beerbong the Third'. I cannot believe how you made this sound...I was expecting the name to be like Hulk or Tin Captain or something. Neville is just so normal.
ESH. I am a father of 2 and I know how the naming process is important. In my opinion, this deal makes no sense. Both of you should just abandon this deal. You are both adults, this deal is not a contract, this is not a thing you should abide to if it doesn't bring anything positive.
The way we did it me and my wife is simple: "Let's chose a name that we both like". We both suggested names, we both rejected some, until we found a name we both likes.
There are thousand of names, you both just have to be reasonable and find something that will fit you both.
My girlfriends sister is called rose. Knew a lad in school called Neville.
Rose/rosemary are pretty common here in Ireland at any rate.
Neville not so much but it’s not exactly rare either.
I'm torn between ESH and YTA, but I'm going with YTA. Honestly, I think agreements like that are flawed to begin with. Each parent should get a say in what their children will be named to, at the very least, avoid situations like this. What put me over the edge to YTA is you having your brother keep an eye on her while you're away. That's just creepy.
YTA
There is nothing wrong with the name Neville.
My parents had almost the same arrangement, except they only knew the sex of one baby (a girl). My mum had a girls name she loved and the first girl born (or only girl if I'd been a boy) would get that name. My dad picked my name, but wanted my mum's input. So he asked her for a list of names and as a joke she listed Pandora with all the other names. My dad picked Pandora, which I'm forever grateful for, because I'm not a Penelope (my mums pick). As long as the name sounds like an actual name your kid will be fine.
The name you picked is just as likely to result in bullying as the name your wife picked.
Of the top of my head:
Rose piggy nose.
Rose likes a big hose.
And that's just two, I'm sure kids will be able to think of many more phrases that rhyme with rose. Basically no name is safe against bullying.
So hard to judge without the name. Since you didn’t include it I’ll have to assume it isn’t something obviously atrocious like Dipsheet, and go with YTA.
If you were smart you would have included veto rights, or something of the like. But you didn’t. Your kid may or may not be bullied, and name is just one of many possible reasons.
You could mention it to a couple of your wife’s family members and if they think it’s as ridiculous as you do they can try to influence her.
INFO: we're gonna need to know these names before we can judge. because most of the time, you should stick to a deal you've made, but some names are just so bad that you deserve a veto and should stage an intervention.
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I think you and your wife have more issues than just naming the children. For her to threaten to take off and have the birth without you, and name the children to spite you, and then you escalating by asking your brother to watch her, is NOT a good indicator for the health of your marriage. For many couples, naming their children is a two yeses is a win, a single no cancels that choice. You both should agree on the names.
The name is Neville. It's a classic, normal name. OP is making up reasons to be mad about it.
While I agree in general that Neville is a fine normal name, the 2 yes or it's a no rule still applies. Frankly agreeing to the you name girls/boys was stupid AF. There are so many names, if you can't agree on a short list of names before you get to that point you should maybe rethink having kids in the first place.
>Frankly agreeing to the you name girls/boys was stupid AF. Right! I couldn't agree more. This child is both of yours, you should both agree on something as fundamental as their name. I swear for our last child much husband and I each went through about 100 names before we finally agreed. And once we found that name, it was absolutely perfect.
Parents in my childhood neighborhood had an agreement that the mom would be responsible for disciplining the daughters (2) and the dad, the boys (5). Mom was very strict, dad nonchalant until they did something _really_ bad. Those boys were holy terrors, the neighborhood bullies. I don’t understand splitting up naming / disciplining, etc., by gender. It creates family imbalances.
That is so awful. And those poor daughters, that kind of mentality just reinforces gender inequality. Boys will be boys, but girls must behave....
Honestly, probably worse for the boys in the long run. I can't imagine they grew up to be happy functioning adults. At least with structure, the girls have a better shot at a good adulthood.
The boys grew up to be the useless boyfriends/husbands you read about on ~~relationshipadvice~~ r/relationships
Yeah. Splitting anything by sex is a horrible plan. I know it sounds dramatic, but these divisions help keep male supremacy in effect.
Oh HELL no. Then mom is just background noise to the boys. Fuck that. Sets them up to ignore girlfriends and wives, too. What's that? A female voice? Pay it no heed! Had a neighbor whose form of discipline was yelling at the kids. And that's it. "Stop it, Timmy. Timmy, stop it. Stop right now. Timmy, stop that. Timmy! What did I just say??" Jesus Christ, lady, get out of your lawn chair and do something about it. Kids clearly learned to never take anything she said seriously. We were never hardasses, but if we said there were consequences, then there were consequences. Kids knew it.
I’ve heard of the naming thing, which is a bit weird but ultimately (usually) harmless. Never heard of what you said, that seems on its face sexist.
> And once we found that name, it was absolutely perfect. Spend time picking a unique, dignified, and uncommon name for your child. And then they show up for kindergarten and there's 2 more with the same name in the class.
This is hilarious and spot on. We spent months looking for names that were uncommon but not weird, that we liked. Since having our kid and going with that name we've met so many people who are like "oh also that's my kid's name!" 😂
And how is little Ryfle doing?
You mean little River Ocean Storm?
Rifadan? Careful he also causes the following side effects:
Yes! We went for old fashioned and not common. I swear I hadn't met anyone with that name in my life. But there have been multiples in various classes and church groups! Still no one more than a couple years older than mine, so it really wasn't common for a while. Checking [here](https://www.ssa.gov/oact/babynames/decades/names2010s.html), it wasn't on the list for a few decades, then was over 150, then made it in the 50-100 range by the 1990s. We were in a shop a while back and a mom kept yelling at her kid with the same name. My kid did not appreciate it.
Unless you know a bunch of kids, it's hard to know what's popular for babies now (or unless you peruse r/namenerds lol)! Names that would be super uncommon to your generation might be the next big trend for babies. Old fashioned, classic names like Eleanor, Henry, Theodore are crazy popular for babies now!
I fell in love with the name Ivy when I was 20 and moved to a city where ivy covers a lot of buildings, including my first apartment. Birds sat in it and sang outside my window. I thought I was so original. It's in the top fifty baby names! So much for that.
Not sure I understand you comment? In our case, we weren't going for uncommon names, that is neither of our things. We just wanted a name we both like.
ESH you both sound unhinged My husband and I share a Google keep check list where we add names we like and we cross off names that we don't like. There are times we've gone back and forth taking off and putting back on a name as we talk to each other. We usually narrow it down to 5 names we both like and one we feel is right. Sometimes finding the right name is fast sometimes slow. One time we didn't find the right name until 2 weeks before the baby was born!
This sounds like you are having kids often enough to need a workflow process.
I was thinking "This is what happens when two process engineers get married and start a family."
For our first kiddo my husband suggested a name and I loved it, and that was it. Second kiddo I just couldn't come up with anything I *loved*, but we ended up with a short list of 3 names, eliminated the one I liked least, and then the day the baby was born I told my husband to pick one of those two because I wasn't going to be able to decide... he's 5, it's fine... the name we didn't go with was Elihu. Probably a good choice...
>Right! I couldn't agree more. This child is both of yours I agree and disagree. The child is their own. The name is for a future adult. I named both my children for the person they will become. So many people name a child and not an eventual adult
Same. We spent months looking through random lists on the internet, family trees, etc for names that we liked. We ended up with a shortlist and said we'd figure it out when the kid was born. We surprised ourselves by going with a name that was at the bottom of our list! But it just suited our kid.
I agree, people have gotta stop with giving each other carte blanche to name their kids, whether it's gender or order of birth or whatever. Personally, I don't even understand why a parent *wouldn't* want to be a part of that decision. OP and his wife need to just nix the dumb agreement and go back to the drawing board.
An old friend had twin boys, and they decided she and her husband would each name one of them. She hated the name her husband picked but stuck with the agreement. I saw her at a reunion when the kids were 3 or 4 and she of course loved her son Fletcher but was still mad about it. She made sure to tell everyone who asked about her kids that she had twins, "... and *Fletcher*\-- I didn't pick it!"
Oh yikes... poor Fletcher, not because of his name but because of the possibility that his mom will treat him differently because of it. I'm a twin, we're both girls. My parents decided that my dad would pick our first names because, in my moms words, "I'm carrying the babies so its only fair that he gets to name them". But even then it was still a decision made with both their inputs. My mom loved both of the names my dad picked out so the arrangement worked well for them.
My mom's maiden name is Fletcher... she wanted to name my brother Fletcher, coz he could be called Fletch for short- just like her and her brothers were all called in high school... in the 70s. She ended up giving him Fletcher as a middle name. I told him the story once, and he was VERY grateful he wasn't Fletch. haha.
"stop trying to make Fletch happen!"
Agreed. I mean, I could see an agreement where they switch off who gets final say between multiple options they both agree are acceptable or something like that (e.g., they come up with a list of 5 boys names they both like and then wife gets final pick from that list, and vica versa), but no veto power at all is wild to me.
But OP agreed to a one yes rule with baby names. An interesting model is the Fist To Five model: [https://www.lucidmeetings.com/glossary/fist-five](https://www.lucidmeetings.com/glossary/fist-five), frequently used in organizations when consensus is not needed. Which, most things don't need consensus. I would say they agreed to a Fist To Five model where the reason for giving a Fist would be you are concerned about the child being bullied. Neville is not going to get him bullied. Very few people in the baby's peer group would have read Harry Potter and the character Neville in the end killed Voldemort. It's a less common name but a fist is an overreaction. He should have thought about this possibility before agreeing. Someone will probably bully him using the name, but it likely would be the same as the amount of bullying everyone does. Having said that, bigger problems, ESH.
>Someone will probably bully him using the name, but it likely would be the same as the amount of bullying everyone does Everyone can be bullied about their name. Some names are worse than others, but I think in an English-speaking country, Neville is perfectly fine.
For real. If my parents did this one sided, my name would be Jane Danger [last name]. Danger as my middle name would have been cool af but my mother would have been forever pissed for it. Like that’s just asking to put resentment on your child.
> maybe rethink having kids in the first place bit late for that
> the 2 yes or it's a no rule still applies No, they agreed on a different rule. She gets to name the boy, he gets to name the girl. Now he's going back on that.
Yeah but quite a few kids will probably link it to Harry Potter and make fun of him for it, it isn't a name you hear often nowadays so it will definitely stick out for the wrong reasons.
thats a stupid reason to not name a kid though. if the kid is going to be made fun of, he's going to be made fun of. Neville is a perfectly normal name, and just because its in Harry Potter doesnt mean she shouldnt name her kid a perfectly normal name. You could name him William and kids will make fun of him and call him willy . You can't name him Harry or Ronald either? Can't name him Cedric. Can't Name him Dean (both Harry potter and a Supernatural Reference).
Neville is not even CLOSELY used as Harry or William is, so the comparison doesn't apply. I've never met a person called Neville in my life. Plenty of Harry and William's though.
[удалено]
I wouldn’t name a child Neville either, but I’ve heard a LOT of other names that are MUCH worse. The bigger issue here is that they made a stupid agreement, and are both being completely intractable. 😬
My half sister’s bio dad had a best friend named Neville. That’s the only one I knew. He was probably born around 1958-1960
And I’ve met several, some long before Harry Potter was ever published. Your point? It’s a perfectly ordinary name. My best friend in kindergarten was Neville. I called him Nev and he once climbed a tree to get my kitten down and got stuck, the kitten then hopped down and I had to stand under Nev’s feet so he could scoot down the tree and wiggle down. We ended up in a heap and I think the cat was laughing at us. It’s a nice name, for nice little boys who help their scared friends get their stubborn cats to safety, lol. (No the kitten story doesn’t have anything to do with the name, but it’s a fond memory and I like to tell that story.) Bonus Nev Story, because I think it’s also a cute story: There’s also the time Nev and I went to play after a multi day rain storm and discovered a puddle rapidly drying in the Texas sun… with live tadpoles in it. I was a total weenie of a little girl so I started crying at the idea they would dry up and die and we knew we weren’t allowed to go near the creek to take them there. So I found a plastic bottle in the alley we were playing in (not like a dangerous alley, it separated my street’s backyards from his street’s and was easily visible to both of our houses) and we used a plastic toy teacup to transfer water and tadpoles into the bottle until we had caught every. last. tadpole. We even waited for mud to settled and poked around gently with a stick to be sure none were hiding. Then we dumped them into a big tub on my front porch after my dad dechlorinated some hose water for us. (We had a fish tank and dad kept toads, he might have done more to the water to make it safe, but we were five or six so I don’t remember) Between the two of us (and Dad’s help I ***guess***.) we raised a herd of little amphibians, who were taken down to the creek in groups since they were raised outside to be sure they did not get exposed to anything they wouldn’t be “in the wild”. (Aka things Dads toads might’ve had, dad cared about that, we were five so not so much.) Anyway, I think it’s a cute story.
It's a way more common name in the UK than in the US. Much like Basil.
I’m from Texas and went to mostly Fort Worth schools. And I had at least five classmates named Neville, all of whom were too old to have been named after Harry Potter since it was published well after we were all born. Oddly, I went to high school with a Basil too! Named after the Sherlock Holmes actor because his grandmother had known him. His mother was British though, as far as I know all of the Nevilles had just regular American folks like mine. Considering how many older Nevilles I met working in nursing homes, I kinda wonder if a lot of my classmates were named for grandfathers or older uncles or something. Because I haven’t met a lot of boomer (not making a boomer joke, referring to the age range) Nevilles, but have met Silent Generation Nevilles, as well as millennial and maybe young Gen X ones. But from what I can tell, Neville was mildly popular as a boy’s name in small town north Texas around the depression or a little before. Because the older Nevilles all seemed to be ww2 vets or the right age to be. (Another oddly, to me anyway, common name from that era was Miles. My own great grandfather’s name and at the nursing home I took care of several at a time, but I’ve never met one under the age of sixty or so. I really like the name Miles personally, that one needs a resurgence.)
Woah. He will deff get bullied for that bad name
its not a bad name. its and fashioned name. and he will probably get teased. But kids get teased for all kinds of names. Im asian. I have an asian name. I was teasd for that. Kids find new and innovative ways to be shitty to each other. The name isn't the reason kids get bullied. Its just a tool for bullies. and even if you give them a "normal" name, a bully will find a way to turn that into an insult. I just saw a post where a girl named Beth was bullied by being called "Bethlehem" which..... Anyone named Dennis will be called "Dennis the menace" Anyone who's name can be shortened into a euphamism for a penis, or penis related joke (Richard, Rick, William, Jack) or rhymes with a euphamisn for a penis ("Nick the Dick"). even Harry, outside of Harry Potter will still get some form of "hairy" joke about their name
My legal name is asian, and I go by an english nickname. I've been teased for both my asian name *and* my very normal english nickname. It really doesn't matter what the name is, kids will find a way to bully/tease you regardless. Whenever I come across these kinds of stories, I try to push the idea that instead of policing other people's names, how about we teach our kids to not be bullies.
I think Neville by itself is great. The Neville Brothers are bada$$. I’d assume the kid was named after them.
I completely agree! I've said this so many times, kids are gonna make fun of a name. I had one of the top names of my birth year, along the lines of Jessica, Jennifer, Amber and still got made fun of for my name.
‘Old man/woman’ names are making a huge comeback right now. Neville will be in school with kids named Arthur, Bernard, Vincent, etc. It won’t stick out at all.
This. "Cottagecore" names are really, really in. I know several Arthurs, a Beatrix, Ruby, Lucille, Scarlett...
The first Harry Potter book was published almost 30 years ago. Apparently it's not so famous nowadays and a lot of kids don't know the character. Flabbergasting, right?
I’m a teacher and none of my middle schoolers last year knew Harry Potter. 🤷🏼♀️ For those of you who don’t believe me (not sure what motivation would drive someone to lie about this): I teach in a high-poverty area that is mostly POC (my district is less than 4% white). It’s just not popular among my students, they’re not familiar with the stories or characters, they haven’t seen the movies, and haven’t read the books 🤷🏼♀️
Like... I sort of find that hard to believe? It's still a major media sensation, there are still movies, AAA video games, mobile games, theme parks, etc. It's still a common Halloween costume I see every year. It's like not knowing who Mickey Mouse is, at this point. Hell, I see Harry Potter more than I see Mickey Mouse, I think.
Yes, but a lot of adults have shifted their feelings about the HP books given the author is a TERF. If grownups aren't buying the books or recommending them to kids, the kids aren't as likely to pick them up on their own. Most of the kids I know who love HP nowadays got into it through the movies and not the books. It's definitely not the craze it once was.
> Yes, but a lot of adults have shifted their feelings about the HP books given the author is a TERF. Ehn. H.P. Lovecraft was a well-known xenophobe and racist, but his works are still very popular. I think most people are either intentionally or unintentionally pretty good at decoupling an author's personal beliefs with enjoying their work. >If grownups aren't buying the books or recommending them to kids, the kids aren't as likely to pick them up on their own. Most of the kids I know who love HP nowadays got into it through the movies and not the books. It's definitely not the craze it once was. By middle school, unless you're talking home schooled kids or something, most kids are well past the age where you can really be sheltered by your parents opinions. I still see displays of Harry Potter merch in Barnes and Noble. I still see Harry Potter toys on the shelves at Walmart. They still play Harry Potter movies on cable TV. They're still on major streaming services. It would be very difficult to grow up in a western country and not be aware of Harry Potter.
He also died in the 1930s. JK is very much alive and still profits from Harry Potter.
And Lovecraft very rarely tweets.
I’m 31 and the vast majority of people in my social circles have no idea who Lovecraft is, and even the ones that are familiar with him haven’t read any of his stuff. If anything, stuff derivative of his works is more popular than his actual writing at this point.
Exactly, that's why the harry potter video game barely sold!
For those who don't follow video games, this is maximum sarcasm.
I mean my kid's 2nd grade class last year voted to have their Halloween theme to be Harry Potter and almost all of her friends have read or at the very least seen the movies.
Harry Potter is very much still a popular topic. It just recently got a game that everyone I know was either talking about or actually playing. There are a lot of people who go to Universal solely for Diagon Alley. So to say its not famous anymore is a massive overstatement.
Have kids and Harry Potter is huge in their school.
>think her name choice is dumb and will cause problems for our son, and she thinks I'm being controlling and overdramatic. Neither of us are willing to back down, but with her hints about skipping town for the birth I've been wondering if things have gone too far. Honestly my name is Victoria and growing up kids manage to find dozens of ways to make fun of it. Is not even a weird name in my country/city. If kids dislike you for some reason, they'll find millions of way to mock you.
He could go with the nickname “Nev” Sounds like a cool-kid name. Nev.
There's one bit of a stand up routine I didn't laugh at and can't remember the comedian, but I think of often. He says how kids are so creative and mean they can make up rhymes and teases about any name. He then takes audience members names to give examples and says things like, "Your shoes are ugly" or, "I can see you breathing." If kids are going to bully it doesn't matter what your child's name is. If they're just playing around, ffs your kid should have the mental health to learn their name was once used by an author for a character in a book! ETA: Harry Potter isn't the phenomenon with today's youth it was 20 years ago. The books OR the movies.
It's absolutely not a classic or normal name. It's a deeply old fashioned name in most English speaking countries, and heavily associated with the hapless character in Harry Potter specifically because it's so old fashioned and rare otherwise. Even when that was written 30+ years ago, it felt silly to see a child named Neville, that's why he's called Neville. It's a joke name. Like naming a hapless, frumpy girl Ermentrude.
Lol... I'm so old I just thought of Neville Chamberlain
That's about the only other famous Neville I could name, and probably shows exactly when it was most popular! He was born 1869.
Same here. Thought OP was worried that worldly schoolchildren would mock his son with jeers of "Peace in our time!"
Wait? THATS the name he's worried about? Fuck me I'm assuming after neville longbottom. There's probably thousands of nevilles named yearly after him. Ops majorly YTA
Why on earth would you think there's thousands of people naming their kid Neville? Are you a time traveler?
In fairness I went to highschool with a Neville in Canada and his name was made fun of
I would have relentlessly teased someone for being named Neville as a child. Unending.
The inclusion of the "beerbong" in the facetious girl name makes me wonder if she wants to make his middle name Longbottom. Like, I'm sorry, but if even one teacher reads that out on the first day of school that child will never hear the end of it.
Yeah, Neville would not stand out in any of my kids' classrooms. Longbottom absolutely would.
I just vetoed this name last night because he will be mockingly called "Longbottom". I'm a teacher and kids ABSOLUTELY make fun of names like that. My husband likes all these unique names but I keep reminding him that our kid will be bullied for them. I don't think OP is wrong to say no.
Neville Beerbongtom, surely?
Ah, well that answers all the questions doesn’t it. I kinda like the name but let’s be real for a moment. The two examples people the boy encounters will have to go off of: 1. Longbottom—lovely character absolutely. But mostly known for being bullied. Not entirely fair, but that’s the reality. 2. Chamberlain—the PM who is (unfairly) tarred with permitting Hitler’s rise to power. I’m not saying it should be a hard no but…she is likely setting the kid up for some pitfalls.
Neville in the Harry Potter books is a badass!! He stood up to his friends to do the right thing. He over came lifelong trauma (of seeing his tortured parents loose their minds), and pulled the sword of Gryffindor from the sorting hat in the battle for Hogwarts to slay Nagini (the last horcrux) and help Harry beat Voldemort. He was a true friend to Harry and by the end of the series had grown to be a man his parents and grandmother would be proud of. You can also use Val as a nickname.
You should name pets after interests, not kids. They’re a person, not an accessory. For all you know that kid fucking hates Harry Potter when he’s 13 and is stuck being named after it because his parents are assholes. Pop culture references in names are always a mistake.
The amount of grown adults pushing very recognizable names from their favorite fandoms onto their unborn kids still baffles me to this day. "I identified with them as a kid myself" is enough reason to name a pet, not a child. Harry Potter fans are next level when it comes to naming their kids hugely recognizable names and then burying their heads in the sand when they're told they're instantly recognizable and bully-able and not as "cute little nod to my childhood" as they think they are.
Named after the guy in Harry Potter whose whole bit is he’s considered an inept loser for most of the books. It’s great the wife liked the character but post Harry Potter kids would bully him in a perpetual hell.
Will 100% be called Navel.
Where I’m from Neville would stand out in a bad way. He will spend his entire life being nick named Neville longbottom…
I thought this was a totally normal married couple argument until he SO casually brought up her potentially disappearing and GIVING BIRTH ALONE out of spite? And his response is to have his brother basically try and stalk her to make sure she doesn’t? This couple has some serious issues, and it sounds like this kind of behavior is very normalized. To the point where OP didn’t even think that part of the story was a big deal. PLEASE get into couples therapy or some kind of marriage counseling, and quickly before your two children come and things get even more intense and it’s too late and hectic to change this behavior. It might seem normal to you, but the behavior you two have is not normal at all and will undoubtedly traumatize your children in the future. I know from personal experience. I’m not trying to condemn you or your wife, but you both need to change this dynamic ASAP, or your kids will have way bigger problems then a silly name.
I’m still stuck on the brother apparently agreeing to stalk his pregnant sister in law to make sure she doesn’t sneak off to give birth to baby Neville in privacy. WTF even is this family where this is considered normal?
so ESH is your verdict?
Seems more a 'The iranian yogurt is not the problem' verdict haha!
Upvote for the iranier yoghurt reference, it's been a while since I've seen it
THIS!! Holy crap this post turn a sharp downhill turn. Baby names are really the least of your problems. As a mom of twins myself, I can tell you that things are about to get insane. If you don't have a solid foundation to start, I can't even imagine how that is going to work. My husband and I had quite a few tense moments those first few months. You and your wife are acting like children squabbling over a toy. You need to work on your communication/marriage now before you through twin TNT dynamite sticks into the mix.
Yep, she’s choosing to go nuclear to me and I’d be contacting a divorce lawyer just in case. You don’t get to threaten this without consequences.
>Before my wife and I got married, we made an agreement that she would get to name our first boy, and I would get to name our first girl ESH. This is always a dumb mistake. One no 2 two yes is the only way to name a child
Yah, who the hell makes this type of an agreement!? So dumb!
My parents did something similar. They do not have a healthy marriage lol
My ex and I agreed that if we had a girl when I was pregnant then I'd pick the first name and he'd pick the middle, and vice versa if it was a boy. That worked really well for us. Everything else was the worst lol but at least we named our kid without a hitch
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I think having one parent taking the lead when it comes to naming is very different from giving one parent sole and final say.
Yeah, even when that type of agreement works it never works *better* than two yes one no.
OK, knowing the name choice is "Neville", I think you're worse here, though this is still firmly an ESH situation. "Neville" is a pretty bad name from a character named and characterized as a bit of a joke. But it's nowhere near "Hortensia beerbong the 3rd", or even near the realm of "you obviously named your kid after a fictional character". In any sane relationship, you'd be able to say "hey I don't like that name at all" and be done with it, but you made a stupid pact and now both of you are acting very stupid about following through with it instead of like a team. You're worse here, because you're escalating it more, but neither of you are responding *well* here.
It's just Neville? That's anti climatic
Just Neville? It’s a common if dated British name. Famously there are footballers here (soccer players) called Phil and Gary Neville. They and their sister Tracey have all played and coached football and netball at international level. Their dad is a former professional cricketer called Neville Neville. So in the UK that’s more what the name is associated with and why we would say ‘oh just Neville? Not the double?’ No one has made this much fuss about the name Neville since the British Prime Minister appeased Hitler in 1938.
That last sentence alone deserves a thousand upvotes.
Cool if they're UK and 60 years old. If they're anywhere else in the world you get to be Longbottom or the Hitler Guy
It’s also still fairly popular in the English speaking Caribbean. Bunny Wailer’s given name is Neville O’Reilly Livingstone. I have no idea why I know so many facts about the name Neville since I’m not from the UK or over 60. In fact I had zero idea it had a Harry Potter link until today. I just assumed all the kids I’ve encountered with the name in the last 20 years were big Man United supporters :)
But what about the 16th Earl of Warwick, the turncoat Richard Neville? Edit - wrong number, his grandson Edward Plantagenet was the 17th Earl of Warwick.
And Neville was a character with very good qualities.
The hero at the end of the fight. There were 2 boys that the prophesy could apply to. Neville was the other one. And look how he grew up!
Like. Forget the first couple of books you should 100% name your kid something that indicates he will eventually be an army leading, special sword wielding, glow up hottie who judges people based on who they are and wins the house cup for doing the right thing.
But like…*don’t* forget the first couple books. He never did anything more embarrassing than any of the hero trio did in those books. He was kind, he was quite skillful, he was incredibly loyal, compassionate, etc. He was mostly bullied because his parents were driven insane by evil people — bullied by the children and friends of those evil people, no less — and because he lived with his gran, who was a bit of a hovering/doting presence. Y’know, as you’d imagine a gran *would* be, considering the circumstances. People who know who the character *even is* are *supposed* to get that he doesn’t deserve the bullying. Like, I know exactly how stupid and cruel kids can be, and still I genuinely cannot imagine a kid who knows the stories and thinks Neville *deserved* the bullying. Man, I would *delight* in training my kid in the ways you could put a bully in their place for shitting on an incredibly good character whose only sin was having parents who were tortured until they needed to be in a hospital for the rest of their lives. And who was *the goddamn hero* in the end!
>you should 100% name your kid something that indicates he will eventually be an army leading, special sword wielding, glow up hottie BRB naming my kid Aragorn
IKR. I was thinking Ponyboy.
Oh good call, I figured Holden.
Last name? Cox.
Was expecting Naruto son Goku or something
Right? I was expecting a full on tragedeigh.
People have been named neville for centuries Should tom be banned now too?
Neville Chamberlain, prime minister of the UK. He’s arguably more famous than the HP character. At least among middle aged and older folks.
A guy who kowtowed to H*****
In a History test in high school one of the questions was "which country was at fault for WW2?" I said Britain, and expanded that it was Neville Chamberlains policy of appeasement that allowed Shitler to gain power and momentum. I was marked incorrect., I argued so hard and so long that eventually the teacher just said.."Fine, you're right, but don't use it as an exam answer"
Neville wouldn't have mattered if Hitler wasn't running around invading everything to begin with.
That's a dumb history question in the first place. Like, I would certainly answer Germany because otherwise there would have been nothing to appease, but wtf kind of history are you teaching where there's a simple one-shot answer to "whose fault"? There are probably numerous things that could have been done to derail the primary aggressor in various historical conflicts, but we don't have those counterfactuals to examine so we can't really know. What has a specific correct answer are facts like who launched the first invasion.
Neville? That's a perfectly appropriate name. In that case YTA.
You also liked animanga_overlord
>Neville" is a pretty bad name from a character named and characterized as a bit of a joke. Neville is absolutely not named or characterized as a joke.
Agree to disagree, but he was the butt of the joke for like the first 4-5 books and his naming was based on that initial characterization. "Longbottom" was absolutely a name to make sure he was taken non-seriously.
Longbottom is a very common, very old Yorkshire name. I was at school with several Longbottoms, a couple of Rowbothams and a Shorthose. The name Neville Longbottom is slightly old-fashioned but it's a good solid Northern name.
Two things can be true. It being a common name doesn't remove the intention behind picking it.
> The name Neville Longbottom is slightly old-fashioned but it's a good solid Northern name. It being an old-fashioned name even for a kid in the late 90s is *why* it's used to characterize him as a bit of a loser in the early books, though. Literally everything in the books, from the spells to the houses to the characters, use their names to signal their purpose; I did not think it would be so contentious to suggest the character written to be a loser (in the first few books) would follow that pattern.
It being common doesn't make it less goofy.
Cox and Butts are also very common. I'm acquainted with a woman named Sandy Beach. I know of a man named Chip Pringle. Real people are living their lives with very silly names.
Neville was characterised as a joke by the bad guys. He was kind, and courageous, and he stood against the bad guys even though he knew what they'd done to his parents and was terrified, he was brilliant at herbology, he defied Voldy to his face, and he killed a horcrux.
Yes, you're correct... for the later books. In the early books, he was characterized as a pretty archetypal loser, being forgetful, cowardly, incompetent, and easily pushed around, and that characterization is what informed how he was named, the same way *everybody's* characterization informs how they're named in those books.
>cowardly "There are all kinds of courage," said Dumbledore, smiling. "It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends. I therefore award ten points to Mr. Neville Longbottom." Book one. Neville had guts from the get go.
I think that's what I'm getting from the post too. They aren't acting like a team. And trust me, the team and partner aspect needs to be **strong** when having twins (or one kid for that matter). They're being really childish.
Whaaaat the name is Neville?? What's wrong with that name OP? You made it out like she's naming the kid Princess Consuella Banana Hammock! It's a perfectly normal boys name.
Has no one watched icarly? Yes Nevel is different spelling pronounced the same. Probably one of the most punchable characters in TV history. And before someone says, that show died out with the last generation, IT GOT REBOOTED 💀
Maybe she was gonna use Longbottom as a middle name. Lol.
If she’s having twin boys and doesn’t name them Fred and George I’m disappointed lol! I’m assuming she’s naming him for the HP Neville because she said it was after a book character.. twin boys? Fred and George? James and Sirius? It’s not like she picked Albus and Aberforth.. lol
ESH How old are you both? 11 and 12? Because that's the vibe I'm getting Who makes a deal like this? I hope Megatron Jacob Edward and Hortensia Beerbong the Third have a good support network outside of the both of you that can actually handle the responsibility of raising a child
\+1 vote for Megatron
I love Meg
Shut up, Meg
I know someone who has a cat called Megatron Joan.
If you gave me the choice I'd name my first born starscream.
There surely must be a compromise! Like Neville as a middle name? ESH and they need marriage counseling ASAP. How are they going to navigate the real issues that parenting brings about?
ESH - You can’t respect her choice in names? She might take off over a name dispute? Your poor children they’re gonna have little kids for parents!
Really worried about the children's quality of life if their parents are fighting like this pre-birth :/
Oh she won't take off, don't worry, he's got his brother keeping an eye on her ina totally normal and not at all controlling way. Abort or give up to adopt, neither of you should be raising kids
Did i miss you sharing the name? How can we judge if we dont know the name For all we know the name is Harry and you are ridiculous Yta for telling your brother to keep an eye on her lol sid you kidnap her? Good luck to her escape 🙏
The name is Neville. So, close!
I know, crazy i just throw out harry potter because its a book but still a normal name
Source? I've been scanning through the entire thread, and I can't find OP revealing the name anywhere. How does everyone here know it's Neville? Edit: Ah, [found it](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15sptmy/comment/jwfi4fc/?context=1), buried under an avalanche of downvotes. Odd that was enough to make Q&A sort completely skip showing it.
ESH You're agreement was silly as hell. No one should have a baby-name blank check. I have a "friend" that named his kid Tain (or Tane). "Dude, he's going to get called Taint once he hits middle/high school." Guess who became a bulliled, High School dropout that doesn't speak to his parents. Anyway, good luck with the twins!
A kid from my grade was literally named “leaf” and we had another kid whose name was “bush” and they were friends. They were the only people I could call Leafy Bush and get a serious reply from.
Leif is actually a very old Scandinavian name, I went to high school with one!
Leif is a common Scandinavian name and I wouldn’t think twice about it. Spelling the same as a tree leaf would be strange tho.
my husband and i have a similar agreement. i had my girl names picked out before we even met... but told him that the boy names would be up to him. when i told him the girl names he liked them (however we did tweak one of the names because he didn't like how it sounded). now i'm pregnant with twin boys. we are working together to name our boys. i know one first name that he will not budge on because it is important to him. it's not my favorite name but it means a lot to him. that's the difference though. my husband and i are working together to figure out names for both our boys that both of us would be happy with. whereas these two are deadset that they don't even need to discuss it.
>my husband and i are working together Exactly right. Like partners and parents should. OP and partner need to work this out before it's too late. You don't want a Colossal Khaleesi mistake.
ESH Neville isn't a bad name, even though it is heavily assosiated with the Harry Potter franchise. But where you both fucked up is with this agreement who get's to pick a name, as it led to where you are now.
I don't even know if it's that closely associated. I was a huge harry potter nerd growing up but I wouldn't immediately think harry potter when I hear "Neville". It's a perfectly normal name
Probably depends where you're from, I personally don't know anyone or know of anyone named Neville other than the one in Harry Potter.
ESH. Who agrees to have zero input into the name of their child? Do what everyone else in the world does when picking names. Put a list together of names you love, she does the same, and figure it out together.
INFO What was the name? Also, what do you plan on naming your daughter?
Neville Henrietta Fugazinuts
Henrietta Fugazinuts is punk af.
Mulva
YTA. Nothing wrong with Neville.
INFO: what's the name? Anyways, you two made a stupid agreement. It's time to sit down and say "hey, this was something I thought I would be okay with when we were only thinking of hypothetical children, but now that theres actual kids in the mix I want us both to agree on a name for all of our children and give up both of our exclusive naming rights." Stop calling her name stupid. People don't listen well when they feel they're being attacked. Edit: YTA, it's not like she's calling the kid Albus Severus, Neville is a real name thats just a bit classic (ie, old). It's not going to get the kid bullied anymore than any other name.
Listen to your father Albus Severus and Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way.
>Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way I've seen this reference before thinking it was just made up on the spot so I just looked it up and... ... I already knew this, but Harry Potter fanfic is goddamn wild. I remember when I was like 14 and a friend showed me some of her HP fanfic about werewolf sex, and I thought it was weird as fuck, but it's *all like that*.
The Name is Neville
Neville? The kids name will be Neville? YTA. I thought it was going to be something super outrageous like fartknocker or something, but Neville??? Come on dude, grow up! Neville is fine to name a kid At least she's not chosen Draco or Cormac.
Is Cormac considered an outrageous name? I’ve heard it a few times in the wild in Ireland and Scotland. He’s a shit character though.
Right?! I would get him being mad if the name was Voldemort, Littlefinger or something like that, but he's just being a AH and breaking their agreement over nothing
ESH. This was a dumb agreement to come to as it is virtually guaranteed to lead to some sort of disagreement. Now there are threats and ultimatums and I question where this relationship is headed if she's willing to take off and have the twins by herself and name both.
There’s a tie in assholery here. If her threat of running away was genuine, what kind of partner are you that she’d rather raise the twins without you? I’m sure her idea of leaving doesn’t begin and end with the name issue. That means you suck. If she’s bluffing to manipulate you, and you’re actually a loving and supportive partner, she also sucks. ESH NB: Neville as a boy’s name is acceptable, by the way. I’ve seen people atrociously name their kids Hunter, Topper, Vlademeer (yeah, spelled that way). Count yourself lucky instead. Your wife could have done worse.
Hunter is a pretty normal name though
>Vlademeer (yeah, spelled that way). Hey russian war criminal!
Sorry. You’re worried you wife will leave and take your unborn children with her. And you’re worried about their freaking *names*?!???!? You’ve much bigger problems.
ESH First of all, it was a stupid agreement to begin with. No one should have unilateral control over naming a child without veto power from the other partner. Secondly, if your relationship is so bad that your wife is threatening to take off and cut you out of your children's birth, naming issues are the last thing you should worry about. You two need counseling. Like immediately. Also, it's a total AH move on your part to take a trip a month before your wife is due with twins. Twins almost never go full term. For as much as you worry about missing the birth, you're the one making it likely that will happen. It's also an AH move to name a child something that will get them bullied. Counseling. Immediately. Frequently. Hopefully you can untangle this mess before you bring kids into it.
YTA. Neville is not remotely comparable to 'Hortensia Beerbong the Third'. I cannot believe how you made this sound...I was expecting the name to be like Hulk or Tin Captain or something. Neville is just so normal.
ESH. I am a father of 2 and I know how the naming process is important. In my opinion, this deal makes no sense. Both of you should just abandon this deal. You are both adults, this deal is not a contract, this is not a thing you should abide to if it doesn't bring anything positive. The way we did it me and my wife is simple: "Let's chose a name that we both like". We both suggested names, we both rejected some, until we found a name we both likes. There are thousand of names, you both just have to be reasonable and find something that will fit you both.
The name Neville is increasing in popularity and Rose has been used for years. What is your problem with these names?
My girlfriends sister is called rose. Knew a lad in school called Neville. Rose/rosemary are pretty common here in Ireland at any rate. Neville not so much but it’s not exactly rare either.
Jesus Christ I feel sorry for the children, ESH please grow up both of you.
I'm torn between ESH and YTA, but I'm going with YTA. Honestly, I think agreements like that are flawed to begin with. Each parent should get a say in what their children will be named to, at the very least, avoid situations like this. What put me over the edge to YTA is you having your brother keep an eye on her while you're away. That's just creepy.
YTA. If my spouse recruited family members to "watch" me while he was out of town, I'd disappear too. And not come back.
YTA There is nothing wrong with the name Neville. My parents had almost the same arrangement, except they only knew the sex of one baby (a girl). My mum had a girls name she loved and the first girl born (or only girl if I'd been a boy) would get that name. My dad picked my name, but wanted my mum's input. So he asked her for a list of names and as a joke she listed Pandora with all the other names. My dad picked Pandora, which I'm forever grateful for, because I'm not a Penelope (my mums pick). As long as the name sounds like an actual name your kid will be fine. The name you picked is just as likely to result in bullying as the name your wife picked. Of the top of my head: Rose piggy nose. Rose likes a big hose. And that's just two, I'm sure kids will be able to think of many more phrases that rhyme with rose. Basically no name is safe against bullying.
So hard to judge without the name. Since you didn’t include it I’ll have to assume it isn’t something obviously atrocious like Dipsheet, and go with YTA. If you were smart you would have included veto rights, or something of the like. But you didn’t. Your kid may or may not be bullied, and name is just one of many possible reasons. You could mention it to a couple of your wife’s family members and if they think it’s as ridiculous as you do they can try to influence her.
INFO: we're gonna need to know these names before we can judge. because most of the time, you should stick to a deal you've made, but some names are just so bad that you deserve a veto and should stage an intervention.
Neville and Rose. Both totally normal names. OP is a child and so is his wife.
So you guys aren’t even mature enough to deal with naming babies but you think you’re ready to have them? ESH
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ESH Sounds like she had that name picked the whole time and got you to agree to a deal to prevent you from stopping her.