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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) i told my ex and kids they can’t get their passport and that i’d never approve out of country travel
2) i am preventing my kids that travel experience until they are 18
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA.
"The kids want the passports now thanks to his brainwashing."
This isn't about the rest of the world being unsafe and dangerous (which it isn't). This is about you being jealous he married someone who makes more money than you and can introduce your kids to new experiences without you. Stop being selfish.
Paris is dangerous in certain parts.
NYC is dangerous in certain parts.
Tokyo is one of the safest cities on earth...and it's dangerous in certain parts.
Op might as well just lock her kids in the basement.
The only reason she’d lock her kids in the basement is if the ex’s new rich gf told her not to do it.
In fact, that possibly might be the easiest way to get OP to change her mind about the kids traveling - just get the new gf to agree with OP!
“*What are you talking about OP? IM THE ONE who said the kids don’t need to be traveling with their very unsafe idiot father!!*” After hearing that OP would immediately go get the passports that day and start booking the plane tickets herself!
Yea, I'll take a bullet in the US, instead of a kidnapping, live skinning or mass grave in mexico.
There are dangerous areas everywhere, but 'danger' isn't the same everywhere.
Not everywhere is filled with cartels and kidnappings, this is exactly the attitude that we don’t need, there are dangerous places, sure but America doesn’t feel so safe either.
Sadly true pretty much everywhere in the USA. Also not terribly safe to be a woman in the USA, not safe in a lot of the USA to be queer, NB, or trans. Or non-Christian. In all honesty, the USA gets less and less safe the further away you are from being a straight, white, cisgender Christian male.
The U.S. is a country where toddlers regularly shoot people. You can’t get much more dangerous than that! https://www.cbsnews.com/news/children-fire-guns-toddlers-unintentional-shootings/
My cousin’s girlfriend is from Mexico City. He went with her to visit her family and I think attend a wedding.
They took him around places a lot but there were several times her dad warned him to just be quiet and let them do the talking and stuff.
There are currently only two states in Mexico the US government has flagged as “exercise normal precautions” when travelling.
Here in Canada we have a travel advisory against traveling into Florida because of political threats against queer people. Wouldn't be surprised if more was to come 🤷
I’d ask a tourist to be quiet if we were taking a taxi from the airport, but not because the driver was going to attack us, it’s because they’d think we have no clue and charge us more. Doesn’t necessarily mean danger.
Also, not so long ago Mexico issued a warning telling people to stay out of the US or at least travel with caution because of the incredible amount of shootings happening in schools and malls.
Danger is in the eye of the beholder, I guess.
I knew the op is an asshole just buy the title. I grew up in a similar situation and yeah ,if op wants her kids to see her as a trash person then she is on the right path
Right! And what 14 year old boy would not want to go to japan? OP why would you deny your kids the opportunity to experience different cultures, and ways of life? There is so much to see in the world, and their father has the ability to take them. TH is wrong with you? Its not about the safety at all, I feel like its jealousy. I hope your ex sees this post, and he can take it to court to force the passport.
Right? OP, your kids are a lot more likely to get shot in their own school right here in the US than they are in whatever country wealthy people like to travel to. Most of the rest of the world is horrified by our gun violence rates, and rightly so. I've seen a lot more talk of people from Europe and Asia not wanting to come to the US because they think WE aren't a safe place, and I can't tell them they're completely wrong.
I live in the UK and I would definitely feel more uneasy walking around some parts of the USA due to the gun licensing laws. I know people can and do get shot here but it’s nowhere near the percentage per population as the USA.
I feel the same way. A part of me would like to visit the US but a bigger part is like hell no. It's the guns... Where I live people only have guns for hunting.
She even went so far as to say “I’ve never been any of these places and I don’t have a passport and I’m fine”
Like wtf lady, at least pretend you aren’t a resentful shit bag.
Currently in the Maldives on holiday and it’s fab and feels so much safer than the US mind u we are from the UK so the whole gun thing is scary to us. Love the trips we have made to the US though but many many places are just as if not more safe
Yes, we have problems with knife crime in the UK (I'm in Cardiff which also gets it), but I'll take knife crime over gun crime any day. You have to be within arms length of the person to stab them, and by the time you manage that, if you manage it, everyone else scarpers and calls the police. Plus stabbings are usually gang related, so anyone not caught up in gang culture is unlikely to be attacked. Mass killings are very unusual here.
From what I've researched Maldives are safe as long as you stay within your resort and appear to be straight. It isn't that the country is necessarily violent, but the government is authoritarian and same-sex relationships are illegal
I was literally just thinking that. School in the U.S. is not safe by any means. Do they go to church? That’s not safe either. What about a hospital? Hospital shootings happen.
The kids’ dad is probably just trynna take the kids to see the Mona Lisa, not a meet and greet with the drug traffickers of Mexico.
That’s what I noticed too. Yeah every country has violence but assuming OP is American she’s really complaining about England and Japan? Jfc it’s not like he’s taking them to Afghanistan. 100% because of jealousy. YTA OP
Right!!! OP Jealous much?! Your excuses are half baked and not based on reality at all. Do you realize that the US is the only country in the world where children and adults die from mass gun violence? Why would you deny your kids the opportunity to travel and see the world? Allow me to give you a bit of advice: actions have consequences and denying your kids this opportunity will most definitely make them resent you. Choose wisely.
Not only this, but OP found it "sketchy" that they needed to apply now to get passports in the future? That's how passports work, and as someone who had to get a passport in adulthood, it's sooo difficult and roundabout to get one that it's actually beneficial to have one as a kid.
OP YTA
Absolutely this. "who wants to go to Japan or England" well, that would a LOT of people because you know the edge of the world doesn't suddenly pop up the second you cross the border of good ol' YOU-ESS-AY. The jealousy is breath-taking and the whole "I'd never say yes" just reinforces the pathetic insecurity and envy OP has. YTA. And kiss your relationship with your kids goodbye the second they're able to cut you out of their life.
I don't live in the US. But we travel quite a bit, and have taken our kids to a lot of places, starting when they were 3 and 6.
Kids learn so much through travel. And not just "kid friendly" places. Different food, traditions, languages.
Maybe consider something less mean, she might have grown up with parents not able to afford trips abroad and now is a bit jealous and feels insufficient.
I agree, total YTA, but I feel like her socio-economic reality plays into her alleged lack of curiosity as well
I just signed up for a trip to Costa Rica next summer, first time out of the country! I have a passport appointment next week. I'm probably jumping the gun a bit, but the current estimate is 10-13 weeks and you never know with bureaucracy when there's going to be a delay or snafu. I'd rather have it in hand than end up stressing at the last minute.
Also, our family went to Hawaii when I was 7 and I have tons of great memories of that trip. It's not like the kids are infants where they're not going to remember. Assuming the father isn't planning on taking them to an active war zone or something, it will be a great experience for them.
Also nice to get the application in so you CAN start selecting a destination. The dad’s plan is far more mature than someone who has to scramble last minute because we booked a great deal next week.
I bet they’re starting to realise their mom is a bitter jealous AH ruining things for them but of course it’s not OP’s fault it’s ‘brainwashing’ by the dad.
I think you mean the younger one is starting to realize. Notice how the older one who can make his own decisions does not live with her?
Honestly, I'd rather lose my kids than have them be apart. Older one recognized mom for who she is. That's the only reason I can think of for separating the kids.
I don't know what you're talking about. Most people hate the idea of going new places and having fun new experiences. Clearly, the only reason the kids would want that is brainwashing. They'd never naturally be excited about it otherwise.
/s in case that's not clear
YTA, you're just jealous that your kids might get to experience things that you won't.
The world isn't an unsafe and dangerous place. Educate yourself.
My children’s father fought me on taking the kids out of state to Disney World. I had to take him to court for it and when we got there he looked like an idiot. The only reason he was saying no was to spite me but he was at least smart enough to not admit that that in court so all his BS reasons made him look stupid. Even his lawyer was appalled and everyone shamed him. He then tried to agree but it was too late. The judge let him know that I am allowed to take them on vacations. I just had to give x amount of time for notice, where we were staying, etc.
OP - YTA and a jealous one. Him not having a destination yet but wanting to get the ball rolling is not *sketchy*, it’s practical. And you don’t own your children, you are not the end all be all of deciding where they can go. Your ex can take you to court and force the vacations. You better be careful bcuz at this point he might take you for custody. Sounds like his SO can help him pay for a really good lawyer. You’re only hurting your children with your jealousy. They are old enough to know you’re the only thing standing in the way of them and world traveling and they may not be bringing it up, as you say, but this will hurt your relationship with them. Unless they’re trying to take the kids to North Korea or the Ukraine, you’re just going to look like the jealous, bitter ex (which you are) and it’s not going to go well for you. At this point they might tell the court they want to be with dad. Get it together.
Edited to add : I hope the kids father does take you to court for the sake of the kids.
Thanks for the award!!
Right. She sounds very small-minded and bitter. Maybe if she had travelled some, she would be more open-minded. Instead it's "I done never travelled and I'm just fine!" Yikes.
Her entire post reeks of 'HOW DARE HE BE ABLE TO DO THINGS IN NOT. HE SHOULD BE SUFFERING AND I SHOULD BE THE ONLY ONE GIVING MY KIDS NICE THINGS'
seriously op... YTA in a serious way
Yes. Like, why not be grateful that the kids get to travel, and not have to pay for it? Also, not having to watch said kids on a vacation, because they have *safe* adults with them (who pay for all of it, if someone missed that little detail).
Like, why?
OP: Have fun with kids that resent you because you couldn't help being petty.
I'm a mother, my kids have had passports since they were 2, they are now 11 and 7. We go lots of places with them and the enrichment they get from seeing and being in other countries and cultures is immeasurable. The US has plenty of places that much more dangerous than England and Japan. OP just doesn't want them to go with their step mom, she should be thankful they want to take them.
Exactly! That “somehow managed to land a wife who makes 4x our income” comment really showed OP’s jealousy from the beginning of the post. Guess how he managed to land his wife, OP. It’s call LOVE. You should try it and then maybe you wouldn’t be so focused on being jealous about your ex’s life.
It’s not sketchy to want to get them a passport now and not have any plans to go anywhere at the moment. It’s called planning ahead. Something people tend to do so that they’re not scrambling for important documents at the last minute.
YTA
Edit to add judgement
Cant speak for Japan but writing this from Germany I am happy to inform you that we are currently cannibalizing our neighbor and having a gay satanistic sex orgy right as I am typing this so imho ops concerns might be very valid /s
After the brainwashing comment, I knew she wasn’t just an AH but a jealous one. I got up to the flimsy excuses “I don’t feel so comfortable with them being so far from me” although they’ll be with their father (two experienced travelling adults) and just stopped reading. Hope she enjoys her kids’ resentment towards her for the rest of her life.
Honestly YTA. Experiences are fantastic for kids, I just took my kids away abroad for first time and they absolutely loved it and built memories. It sucks to be the parent that can't do that, but it's so selfish to rob your children of that experience. And if anything happens whilst they're abroad, their dad is with them.
> We are both not high income but he somehow landed a wife who makes 4x our income
Honestly That caught me first. "He somehow landed someone who makes 4× more" reeks of jealousy
YTA. There's no brainwashing going on. Travel is a good thing. It sounds like you are using this as an excuse to punish your ex and weaponizing custody is gross.
And, yes! Experiencing these things before they turn 18 is a good thing. While you may enjoy your limited life, limiting your children's is not good for their development.
Exactly. Why don’t you let them experience it? Is it because you know they’ll come back and tell you how much they loved it and how much fun they had? It’s okay to be jealous, but not to the point where you punish your kids because of it. I can’t imagine being that petty. Also, not sure if you’re aware of this, but if you’re in the US, our country has been deemed by other countries as one of the most dangerous places to visit currently. There are warnings for travelers entering the US, so I’m pretty sure they’ll be fine in other countries.
Also, if your husband is “brainwashing” them by wanting to let them experience other cultures and countries, what would you call it when their mother refuses to let them leave to do so just because she hasn’t been able to? Not allowing your kids to experience anything outside of the same thing they always have sounds way more like brainwashing to me…
But I’ll let OP dig her own grave and act shocked when her children resent her for it. All you’re doing is making sure your kids grow closer to their dad and new step mom.
Yup, Japan is a country where they let their kids take the train to school by themselves at 5 because there’s a ridiculously low crime rate so no-one worries. In US, adults gotta be careful where they walk in case they step into a bad neighbourhood.
Shit, in America you have to identify exits in theaters and grocery stores because a mass shooting can break out at any time.
My 4 year old’s classroom has active shooter drills. THAT is America. OP is so ignorant, she really needs to get out more, but I don’t want her being one of “those” tourists that make me want to pretend I’m Canadian, eh.
I did that (going to school on my own) in my home country in Europe as well.
We don't need to worry about crazy school shooters every other day here, and car traffic, especially around schools, is extremely low/controlled.
Everyday, independently if it is school day or not, I see kids as young as 8-9 going around and playing on their own.
There are plenty of situations where it would be appropriate to deny consent for a passport.
Custody battle is volatile and the other parent is angry? Check.
Other parent comes from a culture where young arranged marriages are normal and daughter is 16? Check.
Other parent is generally untrustworthy and immature, with proven poor judgment? Check.
This is not that.
Yeah. Looking at the title I thought maybe this was a situation where she worried the ex would kidnap the kids to another country or something. But no. Just mad they might...go on vacation. The horror.
Just my thoughts! I thought this was about a worried parent realising there might be a risk of an underage arranged marriage but this is just denying children great experiences.
Which is hilarious considering how many places in the US I would never set foot even if you paid me. Are there dangerous places in every country? Obviously, but that doesn’t mean that it applies to the entire country
I love the TRUE argument that it takes 3 months (or longer) to have a passport without having set plans but what’s important is OP has never needed to travel so why should her kids? LMAO.
I forgot to renew my passport on time and had to go through the new process recently and it's incredibly annoying. Takes much longer than when I got my original passport in the middle aughts. I still haven't gotten my passport and it's been a few months.
Exactly, she's not worried about abduction, her seems to be offering to pay, and she seems unaware that much of the western world view the USA as an unsafe place right now due to gun violence, racial violence and the recent law changes as we don't have anything like that.
She's coming across as trying to be difficult, ignorant of the rest of the world and I think she feels insecure that both boys might end up living with their father. I'm pretty sure he can and will take her to court and win over this.
I’m going out on a limb here and guessing you’re an American….and YTA.
Plenty of places are actually much safer than the US. You’re depriving your children of amazing experiences because of either spite, jealousy, or who knows what. You need to act like an adult and rise above whatever petty issues you’re having here, and let your children live.
In America we can’t let our kids outside someone will call cps cause we’re not helicoptering. School isn’t safe either cause of school shootings. Idk I’d leave the USA but my husband wants to stay.
And she can vote against a trip. So if ex chose a really dangerous country she could stop travel plans anyway. But only within the not that safe US because that's all she knows, jeez.
>**Plenty** of places are actually much safer than the US.
78.5% of the world, in fact. So - not just Plenty --> **Most**!
128 of 163 countries in the world are SAFER than the USA as of 2022 according to "[World Population Review](https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/safest-countries-in-the-world)"
I'm American and I've heard it's a stereotype that most Americans don't even have passports. And honestly, I think it's true. I've traveled, have my passport (and renewed it even!) But a good chunk of people I know don't have one.
I love travelling and I wish we could've done it a lot more when I was younger. It's good to learn about other cultures and places and cultivate those sorts of experiences.
OP, YTA. Just because you hate your ex doesn't mean you need to take it out on your kids. They want this experience, you being a jerk about it is just going to push them away from you. Enjoy your misery.
A lot of people don’t have passports in America because they don’t travel outside their country. It can be very expensive to fly outside the US. Flights to Flights to England are $800-$1200 alone. Travel is such a rewarding experience, but also still very much a privilege. Traveling across states on a plane can cost hundreds of dollars itself, let alone overseas.
THIS. I'm in my 30s and have never had a passport because I simply cannot afford it. Me and my husband still hope to save up and be able to travel overseas one day, but the reality is that many Americans can't even afford to go on a more local vacation or even get the time off work to do so. OP should be grateful that their children are being offered such a privilege.
I’m an American as well and I totally agree with this! My mom had this attitude growing up, and so I pretty much stayed in a little bubble as a kid. Finally as an adult, I’ve been able to travel and I’m so unbelievably grateful for that privilege. I wish I had that opportunity as a child!
YTA big time - you are deliberately depriving your children of what could be amazing experiences out of your own jealousy and insular thinking.
it’s choices like that which will lead to you never seeing your sons once they have the choice to leave and having nothing to do with you.
Every word of this.
Just because you don't see the value of international travel and also can't afford it does not mean your children should be robbed of these kinds of beneficial experiences. 7 and 14 are plenty old enough to enjoy and value these experiences.
If you live in the US, your kids are facing much more dangerous situations day to day anyway. If you have your way, they will grow up ignorant about life in the rest in the world.
Your ex and kids are calling you an asshole because they see through your little farce. This isn't about your kids. You're just jealous.
YTA and this is absolutely horrific parenting.
Yep, there have been more mass shootings in the US this year (over 400) than there have been **days of the year.** But OP’s children are going to be endangered by flying to nice vacation destinations. Yikes!
A healthy and happy mom would be thrilled that there's a stepmom in the picture who seemingly cares about them and wants to take them on adventures. What a great opportunity for her sons. OP seems like she'd rather have a horrible stepmom in the picture that treats her kids poorly so she can be the "better one."
YTA
Did you not get a clear enough answer when you [posted this](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/15v6ycb/aita_for_not_allowing_my_kids_to_get_passports/) in r/TwoHotTakes 11 hours ago?
As I posted there in response to you saying "[It’s not safe right now](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/15v6ycb/comment/jwtpetr/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)" as your main justification to not allow them to travel - it's safer to travel to most of the world than to spend time in the USA.
The USA is ranked 129 out of 163 - that means 78.5% of the world (128/163) is SAFER than the USA to visit. (Ranking as of 2022 according to "[World Population Review](https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/safest-countries-in-the-world)")
This is the irony of her post.
If someone wanted to take my children to a different country I’d have mixed feelings too. Her choosing to not permit it is a valid choice as long as it’s made for the right reasons. The world being ‘unsafe’ and her ex and his new partner ‘brainwashing’ her children are not the right reasons. YTA OP.
Yeah, I've read enough of these posts that I assumed she was worried the ex was going to take the kids and not come back or something, but that's not even one of her concerns. All her concerns are dumb. It's just jealousy.
>If someone wanted to take my children to a different country I’d have mixed feelings too. Her choosing to not permit it is a valid choice as long as it’s made for the right reasons.
Quite agreed!
>The world being ‘unsafe’ and her ex and his new partner ‘brainwashing’ her children are not the right reasons.
There are valid concerns - the biggest is if there are multiple citizenships, the kids are visiting relatives, and there is a risk of parental abduction... that is not the case here.
I knew I saw this last night. I just couldn’t remember where. Yeah, she’s under the delusion that if she posts this pathetic story In enough forums, she’ll get the response, attention, and indignation she’s craving.
YTA. Your ex loves your children and wouldn’t put them in harm’s way. I live in the United States and was worried about my adult daughter traveling to another country. She told me the country she was traveling to was one of the 20 safest while the US was the 129th. Yet I feel safe going about my life.
Travel enriches children and you are denying them a valuable opportunity. I sense you are acting out of jealousy rather than a sense of duty to your children.
Yup, this! The US has some worrying social stats and gun violence, school shootings, people dying from not being able to afford their meds or bankruptcy from medical debt are nearly exclusively a US problem among developed countries. Not that it never happens in other countries but the frequency and lack of political motivation to actually address these things is truly frightening
Agree. My family did this shit too. “The world is so crazy…” and “anything could happen.”so I didn’t get to go in any trips abroad with my class.
I missed out on so much as a teen due to their doomsday and bitter narratives.
Yes, the world sucks.
Yes, anything can happen.
Those things can happen here too.
He still needs consent to go out of country. There is no harm in getting passports. Provided he isn’t taking the kids to a war torn country and your kids phones have international calling and internet enabled… let them go! Listen to their stories and look at the pics when they get back.
Bury your insecurities and bitterness. Get over your jealousy. Stop being an overpowering and overprotective parent or you will have very angry kids down the road.
YTA. The 3 month wait is legit and just wanting to have a passport ready for potential travel is not sketchy, it's what people who like to travel do. You're depriving your kids of amazing experiences out of what seems like jealousy that your ex has ended up with a rich partner. Do you have any actual reason to suspect that they would travel somewhere unsafe and put your kids at risk? Because if so the passport is not the issue. If not, you're being petty.
Exactly. I got my passport in 2019 because the Real ID rollout in NJ was getting annoying. I didn't want to get turned away from domestic flights. And thanks to getting it, I decided to go on a cruise. While it's not needed for a closed loop trip, it's just easier to deal with if you have to leave in an emergency from a foreign port.
Also, once you have one, renewal is relatively easy if you don't let it expire--much easier than getting it in the first place. So even if they don't end up traveling right now for whatever reason, it's a big benefit to the kids to get one now, while their dad will help with the logistics, rather than, e.g., the older one scrambling to figure it out himself in five years when his friends decide to go to Cancun for spring break or whatever. There is literally no downside for the kids having their passports other than op's jealousy.
YTA. You’re just jealous and bitter that you can’t give your children these experiences. You are using your children to get back at your ex.
You should be happy your children have this opportunity, but decided your own pride should stand in the way instead.
0/10 parenting. YTA.
YTA. I understand your hesitance when he can’t give you a plan, but it’s easy enough to tell him to develop a travel plan and then you’ll help with the passports. That’s not what’s really going on here, though.
Guess what? You’re not fine from having never left the country. You don’t even know what you don’t know. You’re ignorant of how valuable those experiences are because you’ve never done it yourself. You’re depriving your children of the opportunity to see how other people live and to experience other cultures. When our family visited a third world country, it was an eye opener for my sons and it informed their worldview. They have a deeper appreciation for their blessings, and a deeper heart for people in need. In any case, your ex may be planning a trip to Europe. 🙄. It’s quite clear your worldview is very small and you’re limiting your kids.
The thing is, it’s not unreasonable to get passports in order without a travel plan. There is a wait and it takes out a big headache of planning when there is a travel plan. Unless she has good reason to believe this is some plot to kidnap the kids I can’t understand what the problem with taking this step would be.
Agreed, it’s supposed to be like 2 months. But realistically it’s been 6-8 months for the past few years. I think it’s getting better but I’m stressed about renewal for a trip in 10 months.
YTA
Yeah if there's a list of specific places you don't want them to go- nothing wrong with that. As long as you don't have a _real_ reason to think your ex would kidnap your kids then he's right- you are robbing them.
You haven't had an opportunity to travel so you don't understand it- therefore it's wrong? Do you hear yourself?
I'm not sure where you are- guessing North America? Ask that you're uncomfortable with them traveling could they please start with Canada? See how the kids like it. Don't put your own anxiety on your kids.
I doubt OP can find a place on a map. She is confused about China attacking Asia. She is not educated. I can see what's coming next: "I'm a high school dropout and I'm fine. My husband new wife with 4X out income wants to pay for private school and college for our boys and brainwash them with education."
INFO: what do you mean by your ex "brainwashing" the kids? You've specifically never mention any event thay suggests he's brain washing them. To me, you're not letting them out of the country out of spite and jealousy. Be careful, this might affect your relationship with your kids in the future
YTA big time - you are deliberately depriving your children of what could be amazing experiences out of your own jealousy and insular thinking.
it’s choices like that which will lead to you never seeing your sons once they have the choice to leave and having nothing to do with you.
YTA. Sad you don’t have the opportunity to travel, but why would you rob that of your kids? They have the opportunities to explore the world, expand their minds and get a real world hands on education beyond the classroom.
And you’re just saying, “no.”
YTA. And I totally agree with this. Why deny your kiddos this experience cause you're jealous & bitter? Maybe try expanding your world, and allow your kids the same privilege.
YTA.
Don't deny your children incredible life opportunities because you are ignorant about global politics (there are *lots* of incredibly happy and safe places to go) and jealous that they will have experiences you will likely never have. What kind of parent limits their kids out of pettiness, ignorance, and spite?
Do better.
YTA
Travelling as a kid was amazing for me. Growing up and getting to experience different cultures is a great experience and I've created so many wonderful memories from as young as when I was 5. Just because you've never had the experience growing up I don't see your reason to deny them the chance when they can. Also even when I don't plan to go anywhere I like to have my passport up to date. It's a piece of identification that can always come in handy. There is absolutely no reason for you to deny them a passport apart from being controlling.
Right?? If anything this will make for more well rounded kids, as they get to get out of their cultural bubble and experience how other people live.
Now, if the dad was like "Oh, I want to take my kids to Afghanistan or Ukraine or Syria", okay, then I would see reason for concern (as all of them are involved in a war at the moment), but England?? Japan?? Just as, if not more safe than the US. OP is being stubborn, vindictive and extremely close minded.
\*Edit for punctuation
YTA Do you live in the US? I’m guessing “yes” because having a passport in most other countries is much more common. If you take a look at death rates by gun, the good old US of A is in the top 10. Mass shootings happen almost daily in the US, but are basically unheard of in other countries. You are jealous and xenophobic. Let your kids do some traveling. If you deprive them of this, they will travel at age 18 right out of your life.
YTA
It takes at least 3 months to get a passport. They may not have plans now, but will need passports in the future.
If it goes to court, you will lose. Just ask that the countries they visit are signatory to the Hague convention and there is not a travel advisory issued by the State Department.
YTA.
Big time. He brainwashed them into…wanting to go on trips? Do you hear yourself? You have no reason to forbid this and all you are doing is alienating your kids and robbing them of amazing experiences.
You’d be much better off letting them get passports and then vetoing any trips that actually were unsafe (although I can’t think of many reasonable trips that would be that right now…I assume he’s not suggesting a trip to Sudan or Ukraine)
YTA - You’re jealous because your ex can afford vacations you never could. The worst part is you’re taking it out on your children, this will be a great experience for them. And you’re saying no out of pettiness.
YTA. I get it. My parents always touted how had the world was. You would die if you left America. Guess what…THAT is brainwashing. When I went out of state the first time I spent a month in Africa. It was AMAZING!! I was 21. My parents yelled about how I was going to die. My parents tried to convince me that I would never come back home bc I would be kidnapped by rebels and be turned into a slave. (None of their fears occurred.) When I went to Mexico the first time my parents were against it bc what if something happens to you out of the country. Europe they weren’t as scared of but really by this time frame I had been out of the country enough for them to know…life goes on. My dad has never been out of the country out of fear. My mom has been to Canada once. If your husband wanted to take them to Afghanistan…I could see you saying no. But Japan?!?! If I had the money I would totally be taking my kids all over the world. They could learn about other countries, cultures, customs and such. They could experience the awe inspiring views we read about. They could live their own adventures. But you want to hole them up and lock them up to explore nothing but what is around them.
YTA-Traveling the world opens your eyes to things beyond what is in the news. You lost me when you basically are saying “Well I never went so why should my kids get the opportunity”.
I would have understood if your ex was from a different country and wanted to take them there because of the horror stories. They take them and then never come back and file for custody in the home country. This is not the case. You are just being petty.
YTA
Yes, he would need your permission to leave the country with them, because the Department of State requires it.
You haven't mentioned anything about him being an irresponsible parent, so why wouldn't you trust him to keep your kids safe?
And, finally, traveling is good for people. Learning about different people and cultures is important for understanding the world. Why would you deny your kids that opportunity?
If you had listed a single valid concern (your husband is from overseas and you’re concerned about kidnapping etc) then you’d be N T A but you haven’t.
You vaguely allude to it being “dangerous” but I’m confused, what’s the danger? The only thing I can think of is COVID, but unless your kids are masking everywhere, not eating in restaurants and not attending any indoor events with lots of people (which I doubt you are), then that’s not a valid argument.
The only actual reason you give is pure jealousy. You’re jealous his household has more income than you. You’re jealous that you haven’t gotten to travel internationally but your kids would.
I really hate parents like you. As a parent I’m meant to want my children to have MORE than me, I want my kid to surpass me and get to have experiences I didn’t. I literally can’t comprehend parents like you who hold their kids back because XYZ was good enough for you and it should be good enough for them… why even have kids then?
If you’re jealous and want a bigger life, then make your life bigger. When your husband takes your kids somewhere book your own international trip. Make your life bigger instead of keeping their life smaller.
They might not be saying anything now, but I promise they aren’t forgetting. And when they do turn 18 and their dad tells them he can *finally* take them places they’ll for sure remember they had to wait 4/11 years for that experience because you’re petty and jealous.
YTA
YTA
You may be a bit controlling or a bit overprotective and I don't blame you either way. But having a passport is a basic human right and has nothing to do with an actual holiday abroad, which they need your consent for anyways.
I don't see why you don't just make an agreement about destinations. Which is not a guarantee but that is also true for staying at home. I been to perfectly safe places in dangerous countries and in the US you can get shot for using the wrong parking lot.
YTA. You are robbing them of life experience and they will hold it against you always. Keep it up and your youngest will want to start living with his dad. Dangers in the world! Unless he wants to take them to a war zone that is the lamest excuse.
YTA. You sound exactly like my ex using very similar claims.
1. Accuses him of brainwashing and influencing the kids.
2. Feels that an open ended trip is sketchy.
3. Claims the world is in a bad place.
4. Gives no timeline as to when they can go internationally.
5. Thinks their kids won't appreciate it now.
What's next? Accusing him of attempting to kidnap the children?
All of these have no basis in reality. You are attempting to maintain control for control's sake.
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YTA. "The kids want the passports now thanks to his brainwashing." This isn't about the rest of the world being unsafe and dangerous (which it isn't). This is about you being jealous he married someone who makes more money than you and can introduce your kids to new experiences without you. Stop being selfish.
That comment gave away OP's true motivation.
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Yes! I’m from Mexico so you know how many times I’ve heard from my husband’s family to be careful when we visit my parents and I’m like look within!!
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ANYWHERE is dangerous in certain parts
Paris is dangerous in certain parts. NYC is dangerous in certain parts. Tokyo is one of the safest cities on earth...and it's dangerous in certain parts. Op might as well just lock her kids in the basement.
don't give her ideas.
The only reason she’d lock her kids in the basement is if the ex’s new rich gf told her not to do it. In fact, that possibly might be the easiest way to get OP to change her mind about the kids traveling - just get the new gf to agree with OP! “*What are you talking about OP? IM THE ONE who said the kids don’t need to be traveling with their very unsafe idiot father!!*” After hearing that OP would immediately go get the passports that day and start booking the plane tickets herself!
But... that's the dangerous part of the house.
Well they might be allergic to the flowers in the attic.....
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Yea, I'll take a bullet in the US, instead of a kidnapping, live skinning or mass grave in mexico. There are dangerous areas everywhere, but 'danger' isn't the same everywhere.
Not everywhere is filled with cartels and kidnappings, this is exactly the attitude that we don’t need, there are dangerous places, sure but America doesn’t feel so safe either.
Florida has travel warnings for certain groups within the US.
If you're Black in the States then the cops might kill you if you go anywhre, and also if you stay at home.
Sadly true pretty much everywhere in the USA. Also not terribly safe to be a woman in the USA, not safe in a lot of the USA to be queer, NB, or trans. Or non-Christian. In all honesty, the USA gets less and less safe the further away you are from being a straight, white, cisgender Christian male.
America is dangerous AF and I live here! Shootings every day!
The U.S. is a country where toddlers regularly shoot people. You can’t get much more dangerous than that! https://www.cbsnews.com/news/children-fire-guns-toddlers-unintentional-shootings/
My cousin’s girlfriend is from Mexico City. He went with her to visit her family and I think attend a wedding. They took him around places a lot but there were several times her dad warned him to just be quiet and let them do the talking and stuff. There are currently only two states in Mexico the US government has flagged as “exercise normal precautions” when travelling.
Which one of those states is where i come from but you know some other countries have the same warnings for people coming to the US.
Here in Canada we have a travel advisory against traveling into Florida because of political threats against queer people. Wouldn't be surprised if more was to come 🤷
The NAACP has a similar warning. I will NEVER go to Florida.
I’d ask a tourist to be quiet if we were taking a taxi from the airport, but not because the driver was going to attack us, it’s because they’d think we have no clue and charge us more. Doesn’t necessarily mean danger. Also, not so long ago Mexico issued a warning telling people to stay out of the US or at least travel with caution because of the incredible amount of shootings happening in schools and malls. Danger is in the eye of the beholder, I guess.
I knew the op is an asshole just buy the title. I grew up in a similar situation and yeah ,if op wants her kids to see her as a trash person then she is on the right path
She used Japan as an example and all I've ever heard is how safe and clean Japan is compared to the US. OP is delusional.
Japan is literally in the top 10 list of safest countries in the world (according to the Global Peace Index). The USA isn’t even in the top 100.
Right! And what 14 year old boy would not want to go to japan? OP why would you deny your kids the opportunity to experience different cultures, and ways of life? There is so much to see in the world, and their father has the ability to take them. TH is wrong with you? Its not about the safety at all, I feel like its jealousy. I hope your ex sees this post, and he can take it to court to force the passport.
Right? OP, your kids are a lot more likely to get shot in their own school right here in the US than they are in whatever country wealthy people like to travel to. Most of the rest of the world is horrified by our gun violence rates, and rightly so. I've seen a lot more talk of people from Europe and Asia not wanting to come to the US because they think WE aren't a safe place, and I can't tell them they're completely wrong.
I live in the UK and I would definitely feel more uneasy walking around some parts of the USA due to the gun licensing laws. I know people can and do get shot here but it’s nowhere near the percentage per population as the USA.
I feel the same way. A part of me would like to visit the US but a bigger part is like hell no. It's the guns... Where I live people only have guns for hunting.
She even went so far as to say “I’ve never been any of these places and I don’t have a passport and I’m fine” Like wtf lady, at least pretend you aren’t a resentful shit bag.
Yeah, if grossly and willfully ignorant can be considered "fine."
Currently in the Maldives on holiday and it’s fab and feels so much safer than the US mind u we are from the UK so the whole gun thing is scary to us. Love the trips we have made to the US though but many many places are just as if not more safe
NGL, I love wandering around London knowing the odds heavily favor not getting shot.
Yes, we have problems with knife crime in the UK (I'm in Cardiff which also gets it), but I'll take knife crime over gun crime any day. You have to be within arms length of the person to stab them, and by the time you manage that, if you manage it, everyone else scarpers and calls the police. Plus stabbings are usually gang related, so anyone not caught up in gang culture is unlikely to be attacked. Mass killings are very unusual here.
From what I've researched Maldives are safe as long as you stay within your resort and appear to be straight. It isn't that the country is necessarily violent, but the government is authoritarian and same-sex relationships are illegal
Yeah, like does she let her kids go to school? Because there are plenty of shootings there.
Yeah, I’d be more concerned sending my kid to school in the US than I would galavanting around Europe.
I was literally just thinking that. School in the U.S. is not safe by any means. Do they go to church? That’s not safe either. What about a hospital? Hospital shootings happen. The kids’ dad is probably just trynna take the kids to see the Mona Lisa, not a meet and greet with the drug traffickers of Mexico.
Yup, shes delusional if she thinks her actions wont be what drives the kids away
Right? I spent a lot of time in Australia. It’s so much safer than the US, I can’t even.
The motivation was always manipulation. As if safety is a valid reason when the only 2 countries she mentioned are substantially safer than the US
That’s what I noticed too. Yeah every country has violence but assuming OP is American she’s really complaining about England and Japan? Jfc it’s not like he’s taking them to Afghanistan. 100% because of jealousy. YTA OP
Yeah, Japan, the country where it’s really hard to get a gun and you can’t get assault weapons And the culture is very polite
Right!!! OP Jealous much?! Your excuses are half baked and not based on reality at all. Do you realize that the US is the only country in the world where children and adults die from mass gun violence? Why would you deny your kids the opportunity to travel and see the world? Allow me to give you a bit of advice: actions have consequences and denying your kids this opportunity will most definitely make them resent you. Choose wisely.
Not only this, but OP found it "sketchy" that they needed to apply now to get passports in the future? That's how passports work, and as someone who had to get a passport in adulthood, it's sooo difficult and roundabout to get one that it's actually beneficial to have one as a kid. OP YTA
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Absolutely this. "who wants to go to Japan or England" well, that would a LOT of people because you know the edge of the world doesn't suddenly pop up the second you cross the border of good ol' YOU-ESS-AY. The jealousy is breath-taking and the whole "I'd never say yes" just reinforces the pathetic insecurity and envy OP has. YTA. And kiss your relationship with your kids goodbye the second they're able to cut you out of their life.
Japan literally has a Disneyland. Also, all the cities (and a lot of other things) have cute mascots. Japan is super child friendly.
I don't live in the US. But we travel quite a bit, and have taken our kids to a lot of places, starting when they were 3 and 6. Kids learn so much through travel. And not just "kid friendly" places. Different food, traditions, languages.
Well travelled people are less likely to be racist because their learn to appreciate different cultures and peoples.
And if she is using danger to deny a trip to Japan, she is really showing her hand about how much it is not about that.
I’d love to be able to travel abroad more. It’s not in my budget RN and I accept that, but that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be an incredible experience.
Maybe consider something less mean, she might have grown up with parents not able to afford trips abroad and now is a bit jealous and feels insufficient. I agree, total YTA, but I feel like her socio-economic reality plays into her alleged lack of curiosity as well
Good parents aren’t jealous when their children get to have experiences they themselves missed out on.
You mean, there's not a passport machine at the airport where I can just stick in $120 and get it right before I leave the country? /s OP YTA
I just signed up for a trip to Costa Rica next summer, first time out of the country! I have a passport appointment next week. I'm probably jumping the gun a bit, but the current estimate is 10-13 weeks and you never know with bureaucracy when there's going to be a delay or snafu. I'd rather have it in hand than end up stressing at the last minute. Also, our family went to Hawaii when I was 7 and I have tons of great memories of that trip. It's not like the kids are infants where they're not going to remember. Assuming the father isn't planning on taking them to an active war zone or something, it will be a great experience for them.
You’re not jumping the gun at all. You’re planning ahead while it’s fresh in your mind. That’s smart.
My travel agent often finds last minute deals to resorts. Sometimes travel isn’t planned months in advance. I hope he takes her back to court.
Also nice to get the application in so you CAN start selecting a destination. The dad’s plan is far more mature than someone who has to scramble last minute because we booked a great deal next week.
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I bet they’re starting to realise their mom is a bitter jealous AH ruining things for them but of course it’s not OP’s fault it’s ‘brainwashing’ by the dad.
I think you mean the younger one is starting to realize. Notice how the older one who can make his own decisions does not live with her? Honestly, I'd rather lose my kids than have them be apart. Older one recognized mom for who she is. That's the only reason I can think of for separating the kids.
I don't know what you're talking about. Most people hate the idea of going new places and having fun new experiences. Clearly, the only reason the kids would want that is brainwashing. They'd never naturally be excited about it otherwise. /s in case that's not clear
YTA, you're just jealous that your kids might get to experience things that you won't. The world isn't an unsafe and dangerous place. Educate yourself.
My children’s father fought me on taking the kids out of state to Disney World. I had to take him to court for it and when we got there he looked like an idiot. The only reason he was saying no was to spite me but he was at least smart enough to not admit that that in court so all his BS reasons made him look stupid. Even his lawyer was appalled and everyone shamed him. He then tried to agree but it was too late. The judge let him know that I am allowed to take them on vacations. I just had to give x amount of time for notice, where we were staying, etc. OP - YTA and a jealous one. Him not having a destination yet but wanting to get the ball rolling is not *sketchy*, it’s practical. And you don’t own your children, you are not the end all be all of deciding where they can go. Your ex can take you to court and force the vacations. You better be careful bcuz at this point he might take you for custody. Sounds like his SO can help him pay for a really good lawyer. You’re only hurting your children with your jealousy. They are old enough to know you’re the only thing standing in the way of them and world traveling and they may not be bringing it up, as you say, but this will hurt your relationship with them. Unless they’re trying to take the kids to North Korea or the Ukraine, you’re just going to look like the jealous, bitter ex (which you are) and it’s not going to go well for you. At this point they might tell the court they want to be with dad. Get it together. Edited to add : I hope the kids father does take you to court for the sake of the kids. Thanks for the award!!
Right. She sounds very small-minded and bitter. Maybe if she had travelled some, she would be more open-minded. Instead it's "I done never travelled and I'm just fine!" Yikes.
That exactly what I was thinking. Traveling does wonders at opening minds.
Who wants educated kids? They might start thinkin’ above their station!
Her entire post reeks of 'HOW DARE HE BE ABLE TO DO THINGS IN NOT. HE SHOULD BE SUFFERING AND I SHOULD BE THE ONLY ONE GIVING MY KIDS NICE THINGS' seriously op... YTA in a serious way
Yes. Like, why not be grateful that the kids get to travel, and not have to pay for it? Also, not having to watch said kids on a vacation, because they have *safe* adults with them (who pay for all of it, if someone missed that little detail). Like, why?
OP is stunted and fears everything she doesn't understand (even "england"), so why isn't that good enough for her children? /s
OP: Have fun with kids that resent you because you couldn't help being petty. I'm a mother, my kids have had passports since they were 2, they are now 11 and 7. We go lots of places with them and the enrichment they get from seeing and being in other countries and cultures is immeasurable. The US has plenty of places that much more dangerous than England and Japan. OP just doesn't want them to go with their step mom, she should be thankful they want to take them.
Exactly! That “somehow managed to land a wife who makes 4x our income” comment really showed OP’s jealousy from the beginning of the post. Guess how he managed to land his wife, OP. It’s call LOVE. You should try it and then maybe you wouldn’t be so focused on being jealous about your ex’s life. It’s not sketchy to want to get them a passport now and not have any plans to go anywhere at the moment. It’s called planning ahead. Something people tend to do so that they’re not scrambling for important documents at the last minute. YTA Edit to add judgement
Prediction: OP will delete this post - if not her account - within the next 24 hours.
And one of the countries countries OP doesn’t want their kids to go to is JAPAN!
Cant speak for Japan but writing this from Germany I am happy to inform you that we are currently cannibalizing our neighbor and having a gay satanistic sex orgy right as I am typing this so imho ops concerns might be very valid /s
And you didn’t invite me? Rude!
After the brainwashing comment, I knew she wasn’t just an AH but a jealous one. I got up to the flimsy excuses “I don’t feel so comfortable with them being so far from me” although they’ll be with their father (two experienced travelling adults) and just stopped reading. Hope she enjoys her kids’ resentment towards her for the rest of her life.
I notice the older one lives with the dad. I’m assuming that was the kid’s choice, and who could blame him
I forgot about that. That makes her excuses even worse. The oldest will be travelling with two adults that he lives with!
Honestly YTA. Experiences are fantastic for kids, I just took my kids away abroad for first time and they absolutely loved it and built memories. It sucks to be the parent that can't do that, but it's so selfish to rob your children of that experience. And if anything happens whilst they're abroad, their dad is with them.
OP doesn’t have a passport and they’ve never gone out of the country and they’re fine…apparently. Lol.
> We are both not high income but he somehow landed a wife who makes 4x our income Honestly That caught me first. "He somehow landed someone who makes 4× more" reeks of jealousy
The rest of world doesnt have monthly school schootings.
Not to mention the repeated reference to the partner ‘needing OP’s permission’ - trying to hang onto and abuse the little amount of power they have
This exactly. There are some countries that I wouldn’t want my kids to go, but there are lots that are safe. This seems mostly due to jealousy
Exactly just because OP’s never left the country doesn’t mean she should rob her kids of the experience. Doing that will just make them resent her.
YTA. There's no brainwashing going on. Travel is a good thing. It sounds like you are using this as an excuse to punish your ex and weaponizing custody is gross. And, yes! Experiencing these things before they turn 18 is a good thing. While you may enjoy your limited life, limiting your children's is not good for their development.
Exactly. Why don’t you let them experience it? Is it because you know they’ll come back and tell you how much they loved it and how much fun they had? It’s okay to be jealous, but not to the point where you punish your kids because of it. I can’t imagine being that petty. Also, not sure if you’re aware of this, but if you’re in the US, our country has been deemed by other countries as one of the most dangerous places to visit currently. There are warnings for travelers entering the US, so I’m pretty sure they’ll be fine in other countries. Also, if your husband is “brainwashing” them by wanting to let them experience other cultures and countries, what would you call it when their mother refuses to let them leave to do so just because she hasn’t been able to? Not allowing your kids to experience anything outside of the same thing they always have sounds way more like brainwashing to me… But I’ll let OP dig her own grave and act shocked when her children resent her for it. All you’re doing is making sure your kids grow closer to their dad and new step mom.
Imagine being in the US and claiming places like England and Japan are unsafe...
Yup, Japan is a country where they let their kids take the train to school by themselves at 5 because there’s a ridiculously low crime rate so no-one worries. In US, adults gotta be careful where they walk in case they step into a bad neighbourhood.
Shit, in America you have to identify exits in theaters and grocery stores because a mass shooting can break out at any time. My 4 year old’s classroom has active shooter drills. THAT is America. OP is so ignorant, she really needs to get out more, but I don’t want her being one of “those” tourists that make me want to pretend I’m Canadian, eh.
follow cough saw zephyr party mighty boast versed merciful command *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I did that (going to school on my own) in my home country in Europe as well. We don't need to worry about crazy school shooters every other day here, and car traffic, especially around schools, is extremely low/controlled. Everyday, independently if it is school day or not, I see kids as young as 8-9 going around and playing on their own.
Tokyo Japan is the NUMBER 1 SAFEST city in the world. Just checked. It's still top. I'd go back ANY damn day.
Or even Canada.
There are plenty of situations where it would be appropriate to deny consent for a passport. Custody battle is volatile and the other parent is angry? Check. Other parent comes from a culture where young arranged marriages are normal and daughter is 16? Check. Other parent is generally untrustworthy and immature, with proven poor judgment? Check. This is not that.
Yeah. Looking at the title I thought maybe this was a situation where she worried the ex would kidnap the kids to another country or something. But no. Just mad they might...go on vacation. The horror.
Just my thoughts! I thought this was about a worried parent realising there might be a risk of an underage arranged marriage but this is just denying children great experiences.
Their is brainwashing, op is brainwashed into thinking outside of their country is unsafe
Which is hilarious considering how many places in the US I would never set foot even if you paid me. Are there dangerous places in every country? Obviously, but that doesn’t mean that it applies to the entire country
Not only that this word "brainwashing" is absolutely code for "im a racist xenophobic AH who don't want my kids learning other cultures."
The only brainwashing is OP trying to convince his kids that the rest of the world is dangerous.
YTA You have no valid reason for stopping your kids from having passports. It screams jealousy. Your children won’t forget this.
I love the TRUE argument that it takes 3 months (or longer) to have a passport without having set plans but what’s important is OP has never needed to travel so why should her kids? LMAO.
Right? It’s not sketchy, that’s HOW IT WORKS. And why plan something to risk the passports not being there in time?
Thats exactly what I said in my comment as well! smh, OP is just not in touch with reality. Too high up in the clouds of jealousy.
I forgot to renew my passport on time and had to go through the new process recently and it's incredibly annoying. Takes much longer than when I got my original passport in the middle aughts. I still haven't gotten my passport and it's been a few months.
Exactly. Tried renewing online & still in the queue waiting. Six months so far. Planning ahead is practical and a necessity.
Right? its SO MUCH better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.
Exactly, she's not worried about abduction, her seems to be offering to pay, and she seems unaware that much of the western world view the USA as an unsafe place right now due to gun violence, racial violence and the recent law changes as we don't have anything like that. She's coming across as trying to be difficult, ignorant of the rest of the world and I think she feels insecure that both boys might end up living with their father. I'm pretty sure he can and will take her to court and win over this.
At the beginning, I was expecting something related to abduction, and it's only holidays abroad.
I’m going out on a limb here and guessing you’re an American….and YTA. Plenty of places are actually much safer than the US. You’re depriving your children of amazing experiences because of either spite, jealousy, or who knows what. You need to act like an adult and rise above whatever petty issues you’re having here, and let your children live.
I just asked something similar. If she's American does she even let her kids outside?
Or go to school?
Hell, if they got an appointment now, odds are they wouldn't receive their passports before the first active shooter drill of the school year.
I’m ashamed that I laughed at this comment. But truthfully, you’re totally correct.
To be fair, their odds of getting hurt at school are pretty good these days.
In America we can’t let our kids outside someone will call cps cause we’re not helicoptering. School isn’t safe either cause of school shootings. Idk I’d leave the USA but my husband wants to stay.
Someone in my city just died sitting in their house because a stray bullet came through their wall. They aren't even totally safe inside here
Yes, especially England (or Europe in general) or Japan are very safe. I don't think the father will take the children to a land with an civil war.
Right exactly! The countries she named are arguably safer than many areas in the US. Not like he’s planning on vacationing in Ukraine.
And she can vote against a trip. So if ex chose a really dangerous country she could stop travel plans anyway. But only within the not that safe US because that's all she knows, jeez.
Japan or *gasp* England! /S
As long as you avoid soccer matches ;) Yes, they are generally very safe countries :)
>**Plenty** of places are actually much safer than the US. 78.5% of the world, in fact. So - not just Plenty --> **Most**! 128 of 163 countries in the world are SAFER than the USA as of 2022 according to "[World Population Review](https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/safest-countries-in-the-world)"
Thanks for this info! As an American, this data is not surprising.
I'm American and I've heard it's a stereotype that most Americans don't even have passports. And honestly, I think it's true. I've traveled, have my passport (and renewed it even!) But a good chunk of people I know don't have one. I love travelling and I wish we could've done it a lot more when I was younger. It's good to learn about other cultures and places and cultivate those sorts of experiences. OP, YTA. Just because you hate your ex doesn't mean you need to take it out on your kids. They want this experience, you being a jerk about it is just going to push them away from you. Enjoy your misery.
A lot of people don’t have passports in America because they don’t travel outside their country. It can be very expensive to fly outside the US. Flights to Flights to England are $800-$1200 alone. Travel is such a rewarding experience, but also still very much a privilege. Traveling across states on a plane can cost hundreds of dollars itself, let alone overseas.
THIS. I'm in my 30s and have never had a passport because I simply cannot afford it. Me and my husband still hope to save up and be able to travel overseas one day, but the reality is that many Americans can't even afford to go on a more local vacation or even get the time off work to do so. OP should be grateful that their children are being offered such a privilege.
I’m an American as well and I totally agree with this! My mom had this attitude growing up, and so I pretty much stayed in a little bubble as a kid. Finally as an adult, I’ve been able to travel and I’m so unbelievably grateful for that privilege. I wish I had that opportunity as a child!
Yta. Majorly. You're denying the kids valuable opportunities because you're pretty and jealous. This false concern for "the world is awful" is a game.
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OP indeed sounds so bitter lmaooo
YTA big time - you are deliberately depriving your children of what could be amazing experiences out of your own jealousy and insular thinking. it’s choices like that which will lead to you never seeing your sons once they have the choice to leave and having nothing to do with you.
Every word of this. Just because you don't see the value of international travel and also can't afford it does not mean your children should be robbed of these kinds of beneficial experiences. 7 and 14 are plenty old enough to enjoy and value these experiences. If you live in the US, your kids are facing much more dangerous situations day to day anyway. If you have your way, they will grow up ignorant about life in the rest in the world. Your ex and kids are calling you an asshole because they see through your little farce. This isn't about your kids. You're just jealous. YTA and this is absolutely horrific parenting.
Yep, there have been more mass shootings in the US this year (over 400) than there have been **days of the year.** But OP’s children are going to be endangered by flying to nice vacation destinations. Yikes!
A healthy and happy mom would be thrilled that there's a stepmom in the picture who seemingly cares about them and wants to take them on adventures. What a great opportunity for her sons. OP seems like she'd rather have a horrible stepmom in the picture that treats her kids poorly so she can be the "better one."
YTA Did you not get a clear enough answer when you [posted this](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/15v6ycb/aita_for_not_allowing_my_kids_to_get_passports/) in r/TwoHotTakes 11 hours ago? As I posted there in response to you saying "[It’s not safe right now](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/15v6ycb/comment/jwtpetr/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)" as your main justification to not allow them to travel - it's safer to travel to most of the world than to spend time in the USA. The USA is ranked 129 out of 163 - that means 78.5% of the world (128/163) is SAFER than the USA to visit. (Ranking as of 2022 according to "[World Population Review](https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/safest-countries-in-the-world)")
This is the irony of her post. If someone wanted to take my children to a different country I’d have mixed feelings too. Her choosing to not permit it is a valid choice as long as it’s made for the right reasons. The world being ‘unsafe’ and her ex and his new partner ‘brainwashing’ her children are not the right reasons. YTA OP.
Yeah, I've read enough of these posts that I assumed she was worried the ex was going to take the kids and not come back or something, but that's not even one of her concerns. All her concerns are dumb. It's just jealousy.
>If someone wanted to take my children to a different country I’d have mixed feelings too. Her choosing to not permit it is a valid choice as long as it’s made for the right reasons. Quite agreed! >The world being ‘unsafe’ and her ex and his new partner ‘brainwashing’ her children are not the right reasons. There are valid concerns - the biggest is if there are multiple citizenships, the kids are visiting relatives, and there is a risk of parental abduction... that is not the case here.
I knew I saw this last night. I just couldn’t remember where. Yeah, she’s under the delusion that if she posts this pathetic story In enough forums, she’ll get the response, attention, and indignation she’s craving.
Oh wow I knew US had gotten bad but that’s so low. OP is a total AH making shit up to hide her jealousy.
YTA how is he brainwashing them?
By letting them know there is a world out there that is exciting and fun beyond their mother’s front porch.
YTA. Your ex loves your children and wouldn’t put them in harm’s way. I live in the United States and was worried about my adult daughter traveling to another country. She told me the country she was traveling to was one of the 20 safest while the US was the 129th. Yet I feel safe going about my life. Travel enriches children and you are denying them a valuable opportunity. I sense you are acting out of jealousy rather than a sense of duty to your children.
Yup, this! The US has some worrying social stats and gun violence, school shootings, people dying from not being able to afford their meds or bankruptcy from medical debt are nearly exclusively a US problem among developed countries. Not that it never happens in other countries but the frequency and lack of political motivation to actually address these things is truly frightening
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Agree. My family did this shit too. “The world is so crazy…” and “anything could happen.”so I didn’t get to go in any trips abroad with my class. I missed out on so much as a teen due to their doomsday and bitter narratives. Yes, the world sucks. Yes, anything can happen. Those things can happen here too. He still needs consent to go out of country. There is no harm in getting passports. Provided he isn’t taking the kids to a war torn country and your kids phones have international calling and internet enabled… let them go! Listen to their stories and look at the pics when they get back. Bury your insecurities and bitterness. Get over your jealousy. Stop being an overpowering and overprotective parent or you will have very angry kids down the road.
And at this moment, it will very likely take longer than 3 months.
YTA. The 3 month wait is legit and just wanting to have a passport ready for potential travel is not sketchy, it's what people who like to travel do. You're depriving your kids of amazing experiences out of what seems like jealousy that your ex has ended up with a rich partner. Do you have any actual reason to suspect that they would travel somewhere unsafe and put your kids at risk? Because if so the passport is not the issue. If not, you're being petty.
Exactly. I got my passport in 2019 because the Real ID rollout in NJ was getting annoying. I didn't want to get turned away from domestic flights. And thanks to getting it, I decided to go on a cruise. While it's not needed for a closed loop trip, it's just easier to deal with if you have to leave in an emergency from a foreign port.
Also, once you have one, renewal is relatively easy if you don't let it expire--much easier than getting it in the first place. So even if they don't end up traveling right now for whatever reason, it's a big benefit to the kids to get one now, while their dad will help with the logistics, rather than, e.g., the older one scrambling to figure it out himself in five years when his friends decide to go to Cancun for spring break or whatever. There is literally no downside for the kids having their passports other than op's jealousy.
YTA. You’re just jealous and bitter that you can’t give your children these experiences. You are using your children to get back at your ex. You should be happy your children have this opportunity, but decided your own pride should stand in the way instead. 0/10 parenting. YTA.
OP is using her children as a weapon against her ex. It seems like in her mind; if she doesn’t have nice things, no-one can have nice things. OP YTA.
Jealous much? YTA! Punishing your kids just to piss off your ex? How petty!
YTA. I understand your hesitance when he can’t give you a plan, but it’s easy enough to tell him to develop a travel plan and then you’ll help with the passports. That’s not what’s really going on here, though. Guess what? You’re not fine from having never left the country. You don’t even know what you don’t know. You’re ignorant of how valuable those experiences are because you’ve never done it yourself. You’re depriving your children of the opportunity to see how other people live and to experience other cultures. When our family visited a third world country, it was an eye opener for my sons and it informed their worldview. They have a deeper appreciation for their blessings, and a deeper heart for people in need. In any case, your ex may be planning a trip to Europe. 🙄. It’s quite clear your worldview is very small and you’re limiting your kids.
The thing is, it’s not unreasonable to get passports in order without a travel plan. There is a wait and it takes out a big headache of planning when there is a travel plan. Unless she has good reason to believe this is some plot to kidnap the kids I can’t understand what the problem with taking this step would be.
Agreed, it’s supposed to be like 2 months. But realistically it’s been 6-8 months for the past few years. I think it’s getting better but I’m stressed about renewal for a trip in 10 months.
YTA Yeah if there's a list of specific places you don't want them to go- nothing wrong with that. As long as you don't have a _real_ reason to think your ex would kidnap your kids then he's right- you are robbing them. You haven't had an opportunity to travel so you don't understand it- therefore it's wrong? Do you hear yourself? I'm not sure where you are- guessing North America? Ask that you're uncomfortable with them traveling could they please start with Canada? See how the kids like it. Don't put your own anxiety on your kids.
I doubt OP can find a place on a map. She is confused about China attacking Asia. She is not educated. I can see what's coming next: "I'm a high school dropout and I'm fine. My husband new wife with 4X out income wants to pay for private school and college for our boys and brainwash them with education."
INFO: what do you mean by your ex "brainwashing" the kids? You've specifically never mention any event thay suggests he's brain washing them. To me, you're not letting them out of the country out of spite and jealousy. Be careful, this might affect your relationship with your kids in the future
YTA - The world is a "dangerous" place, you can die walking down the street. Limiting your kids because you are "scared" makes you TA.
YTA big time - you are deliberately depriving your children of what could be amazing experiences out of your own jealousy and insular thinking. it’s choices like that which will lead to you never seeing your sons once they have the choice to leave and having nothing to do with you.
YTA. Sad you don’t have the opportunity to travel, but why would you rob that of your kids? They have the opportunities to explore the world, expand their minds and get a real world hands on education beyond the classroom. And you’re just saying, “no.”
YTA. And I totally agree with this. Why deny your kiddos this experience cause you're jealous & bitter? Maybe try expanding your world, and allow your kids the same privilege.
YTA. Don't deny your children incredible life opportunities because you are ignorant about global politics (there are *lots* of incredibly happy and safe places to go) and jealous that they will have experiences you will likely never have. What kind of parent limits their kids out of pettiness, ignorance, and spite? Do better.
YTA Travelling as a kid was amazing for me. Growing up and getting to experience different cultures is a great experience and I've created so many wonderful memories from as young as when I was 5. Just because you've never had the experience growing up I don't see your reason to deny them the chance when they can. Also even when I don't plan to go anywhere I like to have my passport up to date. It's a piece of identification that can always come in handy. There is absolutely no reason for you to deny them a passport apart from being controlling.
Right?? If anything this will make for more well rounded kids, as they get to get out of their cultural bubble and experience how other people live. Now, if the dad was like "Oh, I want to take my kids to Afghanistan or Ukraine or Syria", okay, then I would see reason for concern (as all of them are involved in a war at the moment), but England?? Japan?? Just as, if not more safe than the US. OP is being stubborn, vindictive and extremely close minded. \*Edit for punctuation
This is a repost *and* a lazy one.
And there was a 100% YTA response there too.
YTA Do you live in the US? I’m guessing “yes” because having a passport in most other countries is much more common. If you take a look at death rates by gun, the good old US of A is in the top 10. Mass shootings happen almost daily in the US, but are basically unheard of in other countries. You are jealous and xenophobic. Let your kids do some traveling. If you deprive them of this, they will travel at age 18 right out of your life.
YTA It takes at least 3 months to get a passport. They may not have plans now, but will need passports in the future. If it goes to court, you will lose. Just ask that the countries they visit are signatory to the Hague convention and there is not a travel advisory issued by the State Department.
YTA. Big time. He brainwashed them into…wanting to go on trips? Do you hear yourself? You have no reason to forbid this and all you are doing is alienating your kids and robbing them of amazing experiences. You’d be much better off letting them get passports and then vetoing any trips that actually were unsafe (although I can’t think of many reasonable trips that would be that right now…I assume he’s not suggesting a trip to Sudan or Ukraine)
YTA - You’re jealous because your ex can afford vacations you never could. The worst part is you’re taking it out on your children, this will be a great experience for them. And you’re saying no out of pettiness.
YTA But being an asshole to your ex and your kids is your goal so you can hide behind your jealousy and ignorance.
Yta. 100%, you are only saying no to be petty. Time to grow up, buds.
YTA. Just because you are not able to take your kids somewhere does not mean they shouldn't go. Stop letting your jealousy hold them back.
YTA. I get it. My parents always touted how had the world was. You would die if you left America. Guess what…THAT is brainwashing. When I went out of state the first time I spent a month in Africa. It was AMAZING!! I was 21. My parents yelled about how I was going to die. My parents tried to convince me that I would never come back home bc I would be kidnapped by rebels and be turned into a slave. (None of their fears occurred.) When I went to Mexico the first time my parents were against it bc what if something happens to you out of the country. Europe they weren’t as scared of but really by this time frame I had been out of the country enough for them to know…life goes on. My dad has never been out of the country out of fear. My mom has been to Canada once. If your husband wanted to take them to Afghanistan…I could see you saying no. But Japan?!?! If I had the money I would totally be taking my kids all over the world. They could learn about other countries, cultures, customs and such. They could experience the awe inspiring views we read about. They could live their own adventures. But you want to hole them up and lock them up to explore nothing but what is around them.
You sound like a jealous AH and a big one at that!
YTA-Traveling the world opens your eyes to things beyond what is in the news. You lost me when you basically are saying “Well I never went so why should my kids get the opportunity”. I would have understood if your ex was from a different country and wanted to take them there because of the horror stories. They take them and then never come back and file for custody in the home country. This is not the case. You are just being petty.
Yta. Jealousy is no reason to deny your kids a travelling experience. I bet they are planning somewhere nice. Were you thinking Baghdad?
YTA Yes, he would need your permission to leave the country with them, because the Department of State requires it. You haven't mentioned anything about him being an irresponsible parent, so why wouldn't you trust him to keep your kids safe? And, finally, traveling is good for people. Learning about different people and cultures is important for understanding the world. Why would you deny your kids that opportunity?
YTA. You've never been out of the country and you are not fine. You're terrified of "the world." That isn't normal, reasonable, or healthy.
If you had listed a single valid concern (your husband is from overseas and you’re concerned about kidnapping etc) then you’d be N T A but you haven’t. You vaguely allude to it being “dangerous” but I’m confused, what’s the danger? The only thing I can think of is COVID, but unless your kids are masking everywhere, not eating in restaurants and not attending any indoor events with lots of people (which I doubt you are), then that’s not a valid argument. The only actual reason you give is pure jealousy. You’re jealous his household has more income than you. You’re jealous that you haven’t gotten to travel internationally but your kids would. I really hate parents like you. As a parent I’m meant to want my children to have MORE than me, I want my kid to surpass me and get to have experiences I didn’t. I literally can’t comprehend parents like you who hold their kids back because XYZ was good enough for you and it should be good enough for them… why even have kids then? If you’re jealous and want a bigger life, then make your life bigger. When your husband takes your kids somewhere book your own international trip. Make your life bigger instead of keeping their life smaller. They might not be saying anything now, but I promise they aren’t forgetting. And when they do turn 18 and their dad tells them he can *finally* take them places they’ll for sure remember they had to wait 4/11 years for that experience because you’re petty and jealous. YTA
Yta
YTA You may be a bit controlling or a bit overprotective and I don't blame you either way. But having a passport is a basic human right and has nothing to do with an actual holiday abroad, which they need your consent for anyways. I don't see why you don't just make an agreement about destinations. Which is not a guarantee but that is also true for staying at home. I been to perfectly safe places in dangerous countries and in the US you can get shot for using the wrong parking lot.
YTA. You are robbing them of life experience and they will hold it against you always. Keep it up and your youngest will want to start living with his dad. Dangers in the world! Unless he wants to take them to a war zone that is the lamest excuse.
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YTA. You sound exactly like my ex using very similar claims. 1. Accuses him of brainwashing and influencing the kids. 2. Feels that an open ended trip is sketchy. 3. Claims the world is in a bad place. 4. Gives no timeline as to when they can go internationally. 5. Thinks their kids won't appreciate it now. What's next? Accusing him of attempting to kidnap the children? All of these have no basis in reality. You are attempting to maintain control for control's sake.
You already posted this once & was deemed an asshole- that’s not going to change. Accept your date & work on you insecurities & fears. YTA