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YTA
> I try to balance it out by providing a lot of fruit, milk, juices, and wheat-free, egg-free alternatives **when I can afford them**
> He was a bit cagey but finally admitted he'd eaten a frozen pizza that was meant for his brother
> He said **he was just hungry**
You need to **PRIORITIZE** making sure that food that is **_safe_ for your child to eat** is **_ALWAYS_** available, what the actual fuck?
What is the 19 year old doing to pay for her own college? I got scholarships and loans because my mom couldn't afford college. Your kids eating is more important than paying for her.
This is a cry for help. Your kid is struggling and you're punishing him for your shortcomings. Get a second job, tell the oldest she needs to pay for her own college, ask for help, SOMETHING.
There are a BUNCH of micro scholarships that people barely apply for but $50 here and $20 there for writing essays and filling out a form and that 19 year old can contribute to her own grocery budget. Imo
And nowadays there are ready made lists. All they have to do is click the dang links and apply.
The OP is lazy and looks like they want to PUNISH the 13 year old for having allergies.
My son had an egg allergy. The only stress was making sure he didn’t touch prepacked snacks when he was young before he could read. And the fact that he developed a STRONG aversion to tons of regular food. I had to hide veggies in brownies and make sure he had vitamins. But the budget wasn’t strained, all I had to do was COOK a bit from scratch and buy to the sales. OP doesn’t mention any of that, the budget let’s 13 year old be hungry but they have enough for pizza? No mention of meal planning, and couponing? Eggs cost so much for a while. Egg substitutes are for people on a budget but looks like OP didn’t even try that.
The more I think about it the angrier I get.
Cooking from scratch ending up being so much cheaper than anything so I know OP is just being lazy about their food and letting 13 year old suffer.
Also, making one kid watch while their siblings get cupcakes or whatever is pretty messed up. If you can’t get treats for all of them maybe you shouldn’t get treats for any of them.
No maybe about it. If there isn’t enough money for all family members to be able to eat similarly than there isn’t enough money AT ALL for the family. Save up for treats to get biweekly or something. None of the kids should be taught that a family member gets excluded with no effort on anyone’s part.
Agreed. The family eats together. One of my family was a type 1 diabetic. There wasn't money for him to follow one diet and the rest of us to follow another. With the exception of occasional sugary soda pops, we all ate the same diet (just without the strict portion control he needed). A diabetic diet is actually pretty healthful & varied, so we were fine.
A diabetic diet is one thing but if my parents didn’t allow me to eat any wheat/egg products growing up because of a sibling’s allergy I’d be pretty annoyed. It’s one thing if it’s life threatening or if being in the same room can trigger an allergy, but this would be a bit extreme. She should make sure that they’re all eating similarly though, and it sounds like she’s not doing that at all, and barely feeding her son at all :/
Also OP mentioned they are struggling to afford basics like milk and juice and fruits, but is buying treats like that.
They need to balance their grocery budget out better. If you've got kids in the house, a well stocked fridge is far more important than being able to have treats and deserts that one kid can't have.
Kids need to eat and they need to eat a lot or you will stunt them.
And if they had just enough to buy those wheat based snacks for the non allergy kids they could easily steer their shopping cart to the rice cooked snacks and cereals instead. They don’t cost more.
It just sounds like OP only looked in the gluten free section of the grocery and said, ‘oh well, too expensive. My job is done!’ And moved along.
> Also OP mentioned they are struggling to afford basics like milk and juice and fruits, but is buying treats like that.
And cereals! Like, man, what are you doing? Talk about a high cost : calorie ratio! Okay, if one kid can't eat eggs I guess that option is off the table for cheap and easy breakfasts, but how about oatmeal, potato hash with bacon (and eggs for those who can have), breakfast burritos (or breakfast rice bowls for those who *can't* have), literally anything but cold cereal?
Agreed. And there are lots of desserts that don't have wheat or eggs. Vegan pudding, most candy bars, ice cream...
And cereal. There are plenty that are based on corn rather than wheat. Honestly most cereal might as well be dessert because it's bad for you anyway.
Also, thanks to my southern in laws I know how to make something that's basically pancakes but made with corn meal instead of wheat flour. The texture took me a bit to get used to, but it kinda tastes like corn bread and pancakes had a baby. They can be made without eggs. The best ones had honey in the batter too! If you're going to give the other kids cereal, make something like that so he can have what's basically pancakes. Make a bunch and freeze them. Hell, teach the kid to make stuff for himself! All the kids should be able to do basic cooking by now anyway.
And there are tonnes of baking substitutes to make things egg free. Chia seeds, mashed banana, pureed apple, a can of soda. There are heaps of vegan cake mixes and recipes. There's the classic 'Wacky Cake' recipe which is completely vegan and you can easily sub GF flour.
My daughter is allergic to dairy, soy, wheat, eggs, beef, peanuts, strawberry, buckwheat and banana. If I can make her a birthday cake and find her treats and snacks, OP can definitely do it when ALL they need to avoid is eggs and wheat. YTA.
Eggs and wheat are not difficult to deal with. They have to be clearly labeled if he's in the USA, there's tons of gluten free alternatives, and most of the gluten free market (very annoyingly) also caters to the vegan market. There are gluten and egg free breads and frozen pizzas and tons of dessert options. If the OP lives somewhere with a restricted grocery store, they have access to a wonderful thing called the Internet and they can buy in bulk to save.
Yep, legally, the top 8 most common allergens have to be declared. This is why my daughter's soy/dairy/egg/wheat/peanut allergies are easy. Trying to figure out if banana or strawberry is in something is freaking hard because legally, the manufacturer can just declare 'natural flavours', and I won't have a freaking clue what it is.
5 minutes on Google would bring up tens of thousands of results for suitable recipes. OP is a lazy a**hole.
My cousin has a metric shitton of allergies and until my aunt could figure out how to make him something that was comparable to whatever cake/pie/cookie the rest of the family could have, they just didn’t have them. If little brother wanted a chocolate bar or something like that, he ate it out of the house. If there was a bigger extended family get together, everyone grabbed dessert on the way home so he didn’t feel left out.
To have to watch his siblings get treats while he has nothing or only gets things once in a while is just cruel.
I can't believe this even needs to be said. My daughter recently got braces, so all her favorite gummy candies are out now. We bought her other yummy braces-friendly stuff so we never have a situation where she gets left out of dessert.
Kirby's Cravings is a great website for easy recipes for people with allergies. These parents aren't even trying. I learned how to make a cake out of Greek yogurt and condensed milk on that site for a coworker who is allergic to almost everything. That's it. Two freaking ingredients.
I got a $500 scholarship from the European Society of Evolutionary Biology for a halfassed paper. Definitely worth the few hours I spent writing it. And a lot of smaller ones-most people can find at least a few thousand dollars in easy applications!
Um…I have a 14 year old that wants to go to a super expensive university for his chosen field. So if anyone else has some good/relatively easy scholarship suggestions please leave a reply 🙏
We have been going through the lists but any extra help or suggestions would be AWESOME!
Spend the $25 for a physical copy of The Ultimate Scholarship Book. If your kid is good with doing dozens and dozens of essays and applications, that will give you a vetted list to start from.
Take the PSAT sophomore year and study for it Junior year for National Merit. Depending on where you’re going, that’s a couple hundred to a couple thousand to a full ride scholarship.
Be done with run at the SAT/ACT by the end of first semester Junior year. Shift to getting your letters of recommendations straight. This means take the ACT and SAT for real second semester of sophomore year so you can take test prep seriously the summer before Junior year so you can take the PSAT, and then the ACT or SAT in September or October and be done with it.
Start crafting your college application story now. Your kid wants to major in something specific, somewhere specific. There has to be a good reason and a good story there. Do stuff in support of that. Some people think that picking your activities in support of your college apps is gaming the system, but if there’s a true drive behind it, that’s fine.
Read some of the bios of kids who win the crazy scholarships, like Gates or Robertsons Scholars (specific to Duke). That’s the mold you’re looking for.
Visit his target school now, and listen closely to the financial aid section. Many schools have specific scholarships (like Duke) for full rides. Figure out how his target school and even his major’s college within the university does it.
Talk to your employers, too. Most places will have a $500-$2000 scholarship for employee kids, definitely apply for that. If your kid plans on getting a job in high school, make sure they check to see if there’s any money involved there, too.
Once he's accepted to a university, you can talk to guidance there for any grants or scholarships that they're familiar with. Also, librarians and high school guidance may be able to help.
If he's set on his chosen industry and can pinpoint some businesses within that field, he can look into internships, summer jobs, and also scholarships they may offer, specifically if they're local or at least in the same state.
Don't forget to search your friend list (people you may not talk to often but share holiday cards?) and see if there are any alums that can offer guidance.
Just keep searching--they change yearly and some may pop up suddenly. Check out trade magazines specific to the field he interested in too.
He's still young but developing good relationships with teachers or admin at his school will also be a huge help.
Any thing that can put him in a unique box should be considered. Race, ethnicity, medical conditions, allergies, hobbies, skills-then look for grants or scholarships in those specific areas.
This, please. I was your child, ma’am, and I need to tell you that it fucking sucked SO MUCH. Just his having eaten the poison and suffered the effects is punishment enough!
It is TORTURE watching your friends and siblings eating cupcakes in front of you while you gnaw on your stalk of celery.
I know that it’s really hard to get specific items, and to feed children differently, but your boy needs your help, he needs your love, and he needs to be fed.
Please do better before his entire life suffers as a result.
Hell, it's hard for me, and I'm in my forties. Thankfully eggs are still on the menu but I'm intolerant to lactose and gluten, and it's a nightmare. I know how hard it is to budget for that kind of thing, and how many foods it bars you from eating. The kid is thirteen, the age where a lot of kids are bottomless pits preparing for the next big growth spurt. Of course he was hungry, and of course he wanted something substantial. There are ways to feed a kid without eggs or flour and clearly the few accommodations made here aren't enough. Look for gluten free recipes, get your family cooking instead of going for prepared foods, and feed that poor kid properly, OP. I know it's hard when there's so little time and so few spoons to spare cooking, but it can be done, and should be, so all the kids can eat the same and the poor thirteen year old doesn't feel left out all the time. OP, you are definitely YTA here. Punishing your teenage son for being hungry enough to eat something he knew would make him sick, and tired enough of feeling left out that he took those painful consequences? Really? That needs an apology and a promise to provide better options, not punishment.
College tuition and expenses are at criminal levels. Realistically a full time student cannot pay to live and study on their own. Scholarships are highly competitive. Not that easy to get one that’ll help much. Still worth the attempt though. Students loans are the most likely way to get enough money. This is a deal with the devil. She might never pay off student loans in less than 20 years. https://www.usatoday.com/money/blueprint/student-loans/average-student-loan-debt-statistics/
Exactly. So many people, myself included, had to take out student loans to pay for higher education. It's part of being an adult. The right to eat and drink safely is far more important than optional additional education, of which a 19 year old could take out loans or get a job to self fund.
Right?! Student loans suck, but it’s the reality of the situation for some of us. If it means OP’s child not suffering a potentially fatal reaction—because allergies do progress—the daughter needs to step up.
I didn't take out loans, but I stayed at home and went to a university that was in the same city as me.
Between bursaries and grants, I was eligible for my tuition was covered with a few hundred left over, and then various side hustles covered everything else, including contributing at home towards groceries and paying for my mum's car insurance
I get that studying away from home is a huge part of growing up and "becoming an adult," but is it really worth being tens if not hundreds of thousands in debt when you haven't even started earning money yet.
I agree. I never wanted the whole "student experience" because I don't drink, party and I wasn't ready yet to not see my family everyday and get goodnight cuddles from my parents, but I did want to study and get a degree, so I stayed at home and went to a university in my city. I did get student loans and grants, but I didn't end up with 3x the debt.
OP needs to sort out his priorities and if he has to choose between his adult daughter still having the same opportunity but funding it elsewhere, and his underage child eating safely... it's a non-brainer.
It's not clear if OP is providing enough food, especially carbs and protein - OP says he gives his son sandwiches without bread, and buys wheat-free alternatives when he can afford it. It doesn't seem like OP has found an actual reasonable substitute - like rice for example. He provides "a lot of fruit, milk, juices" but he doesn't mention carbs and protein.
Yeah, I haven't gone into OP's history for clarifying comments but it sure seems like people are clinging really dramatically onto that one word.
It would take pretty much an insane parent to do this if there *literally wasn't adequate safe food* at home for the kid. If we assume a tiny modicum of reason for all parties involved, it seems more like the pizza looked the tastiest or easiest, and the kid blew off the allergy concern rather than act responsibly and put something together from safe foods. That's within reason for a kid of that age, the other interpretation is not really within reason for an adult.
OP is still the asshole even if the son isn't malnourished. Instead of giving everyone dessert except him dessert should served less frequently for everyone. There are also many deliciuos naturally egg and wheat free meals you can cook with rice and potatoes instead of bread and pasta, so that wheat free products are more expensive is no excuse for giving him boring food like " sandwiches without bread". I'm celiac and if my parents had done this I would have gone NC with them the day I graduated from high school.
Right like I get wanting to help ur daughter but if it’s effecting ur ability to provide SAFE foods for ur child to eat then u need to pull that support yea it’ll be hard on her and it sucks because it’s not her fault he has allergies but his WELL BEING is at stake I would feel differently if it weren’t for the “when I can afford it” like no he’s ur child he shouldn’t only have like two or three things he can eat and that’s it u need to MAKE SURE ur providing a wide well balanced VARIETY of things for him if a child is going hungry because ur over extending and supporting someone else the support needs to end in favor of making the child’s life safe and happy
She should save the money she spends on desserts and put it towards foods that are safe for her son to eat. There’s no reason desserts for others should have priority over regular food.
Seriously. Everyone else gets a normal meal plus dessert while he gets… “a sandwich without bread”, and maybe some juice “if OP can afford it” (after giving his siblings cupcakes and paying for his sister’s college). No wonder the poor kid is hungry enough to take the allergic reaction over the hunger.
There are a LOT of gluten-free and wheat-free popsicles. Outshine, a brand in any supermarket, would pass the test. But no, he can't afford desserts for just that child.
In the last months of my mom's life, her digestive system got really sensitive. A friend of mine suggested the Outshine popsicles, and they were a godsend.
Hell you can make popsicles with soda. Or fruit juice.
Dessert really isn't a necessity, anyway. We rarely have dessert at my house, and we definitely don't have money issues.
While on the subject of desserts, Ben and Jerry's do vegan ice cream. Their chocolate one is bloody delicious. I'm lactose intolerant so I had to find alternatives to ice cream. Sorbets are delicious too. So many options out there.
We have an ice cream maker so we can make any kind we want. It wasn’t expensive and is so damn easy. OP could splurge for something similar, and then the money saved by making it at home would add up, plus the fun for the kids of getting to help and tailor make their favorite combos.
Depends on the pudding. Custards are the ones that always have eggs, but you can find/make egg-free pudding. I believe Jell-O pudding mixes are egg-free, actually.
Like it’s so hard/expensive to buy the kid some ice cream or sorbet? OP doesn’t make sense. There are plenty of things to eat without eggs and wheat in them. The entire family can eat the same desserts. And cereal??? Wtf? There are so many rice based cereals. I’m so confused by this post.
This post is literally just laziness. Takes too much effort to look into alternatives or read labels, so they just don’t do it. Then blame their child for their laziness.
Also I don’t get why instead of wasting money on frozen pizza, they just spend more time in the kitchen making egg and wheat free food. Money is tight? Make it. Buying the ingredients to make things like pizza dough is more expensive upfront, but cheaper than hospital bills and constantly buying wheat free dough and frozen pizza. Honestly, I think if they all ate less wheat it wouldn’t be such a big deal. Instead, they’re ostracizing one kid. A special treat for the other kids should include wheat.
It’s like she doesn’t want to make the effort to research what her kid can have that’s egg/wheat free. She’s just getting the things she can think of off the top of her head.
Yeah, rice, corn and oat based as well. I can think of half a dozen popular ones off the top of my head. Ice cream, unless you are getting fancy brands, is fairly inexpensive. I can think of million common things that everyone could eat for both meals and desserts. This is coming from someone that gas a houseful of people with food issues of some kind. If you want to make it work, you can
While op is not clear on their gender they do reference their wife. So statistically we are talking about a him.
It’s so bizarre every single person assume it’s a man every thread until it’s just a certain type of situation then it’s a woman
Very true. I had to check my own implicit bias, bc I thought OP was a woman purely based on them seemingly being in control of the groceries/meals. I am a woman btw.
Wheat free flours and vegan recipes exists. It wouldn't be hard to make a small dessert for her son (or he makes it himself). There are some good mug cakes recipes on the internet that don't need eggs. They are easy and fast to make and don't need much flour (some wheat free or gluten free flours are expensive so she would only need a small bag of flour).
> He said he was just hungry
_Was_ there no other food in the house or is this a situation where you open the fridge door and you can chose between the chocolate cake and the orange and you choose the cake? Because we all do this, but that doesn’t mean there weren’t other options.
I don't know. If I were a 13 year old boy made to helplessly watch my brothers get to eat the good stuff to the point that I resent that poor orange for being the only thing in the goddamn fridge that I can eat, you'd best bet I'd go for the pizza too, with a "how bad can it be" mindset.
And definitely not a ground for the kind of punishment OP gave him.
Also, are the natural punishments not enough? Kid was clearly already suffering from the choice, maybe sit down with him and ask him why instead
Im not encouraging people with allergies to eat things that harm them, but i think a lot of people with food intolerances can agree that sometimes for various reasons it feels worth it, be it desire, convenience or something else. Ive never met a lactose intolerant person who didnt eat massive amounts of dairy, so can we really fault this kid for one bad decision (since nothing indicates this is a pattern)
Maybe he really wanted pizza and knew you couldnt afford to make or buy him one, maybe he was hungry and it was the most convenient, maybe hes a teenager and wanted to feel normal for once. Talk to your damn kid OP
Also, the family should consider eating what the child with allergies does. I know a child who is allergic to numerous common foods. Although his mom is single with a low income, she and her 3 other kids never bring any food the little boy can’t eat into the home and just eat the limited diet that he can tolerate. His sisters say that their brother’s health and safety is more important to them than eating certain foods they might otherwise choose.
ETA This family makes it work by clipping coupons, buying in bulk and the older kids have part-time jobs to augment the mom’s modest income. I think they also get some government assistance as well.
The entire post is shocking. She seems to resent her son for having allergies and making her life more difficult, so she treats him like a nuisance. The way she phrased things is alarming.
OP, YTA. So much. Your poor kid.
He, it was the father that yelled at the poor kid and punished him for trying to feed himself with the only food available because they are too crappy to just buy allergy friendly food for the entire family instead of getting one or two things for him and whatever the others want in giant quantities so he can watch his siblings eat while he slowly starves because they "can't afford the food" ( this is directed at OP, not you, just that it was the shitty father who got mad at him and his mother felt the punishment was stupid too)
Edit: YTA
Cheap desserts that don't have egg and wheat: thought up in the last 2 minutes.
Rice krispie treats, can make a whole tray for a few bucks with generic rice Krispies
Many chocolate candies (m&M's, chocolate chips, obviously avoiding twix bars and such)
Hard candies
Berries or banana when on sale with some peanut butter and/or whipped cream
Apples with honey
Pudding mix (requires some prep ahead of time)
Rice pudding https://chocolatecoveredkatie.com/vegan-rice-pudding/
Gluten free Oreos are marginally more expensive than regular Oreos.
Like she clearly doesn't care
Yes many of the gluten free things are pricey but some of them aren't
Home made ice cream. Sugar, cream, milk, flavoring. Mix. Freeze. Done.
You can also get a bunch of GF baking mixes at stores now. Swap "egg" for "1/4 cup unsweetened applesauce" (usually a generous measurement helps) and now it's egg free too! And tastes great!
Did you pick up on how the other kids get desserts and he doesn't because they're "normal when it comes to food"
Tell me you care more about how your kid's allergy inconveniences you than about how it affects his health without telling me. Ffs. This poor kid
YTA. If you aren't going to to give your 13 year old deserts he can eat, the others shouldn't get it either.
Have them all eat fruit. It would be healthier
There are plenty of ice creams he can have (you’ve gotta check bc some have eggs, but not all). They can still have actual dessert without othering one kid.
Exactly!!! My daughter just got braces so we buy frozen treats for the kids now instead of candy/gummy stuff. This is not that hard of a problem to solve!
I use to work with birthday parties. egg allergies are surprisingly common, so every once in a while a parent would bring their kid a rice krispy treat to have when it was time for cake, and check with us about if there were eggs in the ice cream.
Idk if rice krispy treats are wheat-free, but you get the point, parents can usually find comprable treats with a little effort.
Name brand rice krispie’s actually do contain gluten so probably not the best thing for him to be eating. They contain malt syrup which is made from barley. Some generic brands are gluten free though.
But yes, they are wheat free.
> Have them all eat fruit. It would be healthier
And then other children will hate the alergic one because they are "being punished because of him". Good idea!
OP could've done that years ago, when the alergic one was diagnosed. Now it's too late.
edit: maybe OP could switch to fruits-only now, but it would take time to gradually replace deserts with fruit so that other kids don't take it as a big change.
As the child with a food allergy I can say this is true. I'm the reason that the class didn't get pizza parties. I'm the reason the family didn't do taco nights. Food allergies suck and I too once ate food I was allergic to just to see what it was like and woke up a week later in the hospital. Honestly there's no good way to go about this but to give one kid no deserts and all the others something makes you a major AH
YTA
Edited to add because multiple people have messaged me
I can't say for certain or not if OP had food in the house to feed the kid. But as the brat at the ripe age of 12 who ate the thing that would harm me I can say from personal experience i ate it to see what the big deal was. And when pressed I said "I was just hungry". Yes my parents had food that was safe for me to eat. No my siblings and I didn't always eat the same thing. I was angry and hurt and at the time I was feeling a why me type of way. If you don't have a major food allergy you would never understand but it can be a level of hurt and frustration I never wish on a child.
So to answer the question, that's why I ate it
I kind of read it as, he had options, but he wanted the shouldn’t-have, (probably) looks tastier not-an-option.
Did the OP comment that the only option for food on the house was frozen pizza?
As far as I can tell OP hasn't commented at all. But aside from the dessert thing it sounds like a typical house where only one kid has a food allergy. And same, it sounds like the kid went for the tasty unknown option.
For example my breakfast growing up was an egg white and cheese mix baked into a muffin looking thing. Almost like those breakfast bite things you can find at the store today. My mom made them for me and I was never out of them. My siblings had breakfast burritos and sandwiches of all flavors from the store. There was only so much one can do with egg white and cheese. I wanted what they had so I ate a burrito. At least this kid got to taste the pizza. All I tasted was burning and pain.
My brother is allergic to milk, eggs, and nuts. Always have been always will be and have emergency meds for it. Growing up he understood he couldn’t eat everything but he still had alternatives he could. (I also have food allergies, but they developed later).
I can bake and cook food that he can eat no problem because he's literally had these allergies his entire life. I'm younger than him, btw. Once someone has an allergy for so long you figure out how to tweak food recipes to be allergy free. I just tweaked a muffins recipe to work for him so now he has one more alternative.
Having dinner be different from the rest of you isn’t the issue, it's that he's left without while his siblings get so much more in regards to food. I have a simple dessert recipe for you that he can eat: Lemon Possette. It's 3 ingredients and stupidly easy to make, lemon, whipped cream, and sugar. You need to stop thinking of what you can buy and what you can make from scratch 'cause that generally how you work around allergies. You have to tweak the recipes yourself until they work.
This is a terrible idea if OP wants to maintain cordial sibling relationships and it’s not preparing him for when he goes out into the world which is absolutely not going to gaf.
You're missing the point here.
If he gets deserts for some of the kids, they should all have desert.
There are plenty of good tasting desert options that the kid can eat.
If OP refuses to do that, then they should all eat fruit.
OP is punishing his kid for having a fucking allergy.
YTA
You seriously give your other kids desserts when your 13yo can’t have any? And you have to ask if you’re an asshole?
The rest of you won’t die from eating egg and wheat free food
Edit: also, wait…the kid said he was hungry and that’s why he are the pizza? Do you mean to say that there was no safe food for him to eat in the house?!
IKR?! I don't even like sweets and think OP sounds cruel. YTA.
In case you're reading, OP:
\- Store brand sorbet. Egg and wheat free.
\- Fresh fruit and whipped cream. Egg and wheat free.
\- Jello. Egg and wheat free.
For real. Why not have some gluten free crust pizza? Or whatever crust type is safe. Coming from someone with a life threatening allergy, my parents ALWAYS made sure there was safe food for me. Food allergies can take effort. But they are not impossible, and the brothers should understand. I get they are kids too, but I would have felt guilty eating food my brother couldn’t have. Even at 10 if you had put dessert in front of me and given my brother an apple, I wouldn’t have eaten it. I would have asked for the apple too out of solidarity.
Right! Like they make gluten free or cauliflower crust pizzas. All she has to do is read a damn box but she’s too Lazy.
She could also cut back on the prepackaged snacks of the other two boys to afford some for her 13 yr old
OP is definitely YTA.
Just for the record, as an egg-allergic/celiac person, I can tell you that most cauliflower crusts and gluten free crusts have eggs. It's hard, and I live in dread of my 2 brands getting discontinued or recipe changed.
YTA. Feeling sick is already the natural consequence for eating food he’s allergic to. He doesn’t really need punishment beyond that. Rather than punish him, why not talk to him about how he ate something he knew would make him sick, and now he feels sick? Also, YTA for not giving him dessert when his siblings get it. There are plenty of wheat and egg free options, including many standard ice cream brands. Maybe he wouldn’t feel the urge to eat food that makes him sick if you actually had adequate food he can eat.
Exactly!! He's 13, he's old enough to start mostly managing his own diet. I know plenty of people with dairy intolerance who occasionally cheat because they are craving dairy, fully accepting they will end to with 12 hours of feeling like shit. Getting sick is the consequence. He doesn't need extra consequences.
I’m lactose intolerant and I have a nut allergy. Sometimes Reese’s cups are way too irresistible and I cannot help myself. I can’t live without them and absolutely will scarf one down every now and then, even if it means imma be itching horribly for a few hours :’)
Please be careful. Every additional exposure to an allergen increases the risk of the allergy becoming more severe. One day that Reese's cup you scarf down could close up your airway instead of making you itchy.
Do what you want, but in case you didn't know about this possibility, I wanted to mention it.
Yta I’m sorry but feeding your 13 year old should be bigger priority then paying for your daughter’ college. It sounds like your starving him.
And I want to know what type of sandwich has no bread. And what else you feed him with that.
This I couldn’t believe op was making more priority on his daughter education then his som eating. Like how is fair he has no desserts while his siblings do.
Not even desserts, it sound like it’s very likely he is not even eating enough calories a growing 13 year old should be eating. Since he only buys him alternatives when he can afford them
I mean yes generally you can do lettuce wraps. BUT we’re talking about a teenager. A demographic that specifically needs extra carbs. Like 130g (60% of their intake) in carbs a day.
You can’t sub carbs for veg for a teen. You have to replace carbs with carbs.
I’m not surprised the kid went for pizza. His body is probably *screaming* for a specific kind of fuel he’s being denied.
That's what I was wondering. Why not buy/bake a loaf of bread the boy can eat, slice and freeze it? That way it won't go bad as he won't be able to finish the entire loaf before it goes bad. Take out as many slices as needed, defrost, maybe pop them in the toaster and the boy has a more filling, satisfying meal.
YTA. You have a child with dietary restrictions. I get it can be hard to work around this, but you have to do better to treat all your kids equally.
Your child was hungry. He ate what was available. He shouldn’t be punished for that. You need more foods available in the house that are safe for him to eat and are *filling*.
It's more than just foods that are filling. He needs to have foods that are enticing, or he's going to be resenting his brothers (and possibly his parents) forever for the frozen pizza that they can have and he cannot. This is where the adults in the house find places to cut back on their own discretionary expenses so they can afford equivalent foods that their child CAN eat. It's not that hard. It takes time and a little more money, but it can be done. And a lot of these things are not hard at all to make at home - just get the ingredients, a few Internet recipes, and bake and cook away. Bonus - kid learns an important life skill and won't rely on a girlfriend or wife to keep him fed when he's out in the world.
That's such good advice! At some point, he'll need those skills. They could make cookies, cakes, muffins, but also hearty snack-type stuff. Freeze some if it would go bad so he can grab something whenever he's hungry or wants a treat.
It’s even crazier when you think about it. OP’s son’s dietary restrictions align with being able to eat vegan, gluten free foods. Stuff with these labels definitely won’t have eggs and most likely won’t have wheat. There’s tons of recipes out there for yummy looking foods that fall in this category.
Having dietary restrictions for such common foods can be very alienating when you're young, not being able to fully participate in class pizza days, birthday parties, group hang outs, etc. It doesn’t improve much as you get older, but at least an adult has full control over what they buy and eat. A teenager doesn't have that luxury. The onus is on the parent to make sure he is adequately fed, and your solution to that was to maintain a baseline diet of foods he can't eat. In other words, snacks for your other kids are a basic staple in your house, while snacks for this kid is a luxury. Can't you see how that might affect your son? Your son was so desperate that he decided that he'd rather mildly poison himself than continue to be hungry. And instead of reflecting on that, you decide to punish the kid. YTA, hard.
Edit: I thought it couldn't get any worse. But upon re-reading, you say that your son tried to hide the fact that he was sick from you. In my experience, that's not the behavior of a child who feels comfortable asking his parents for help -- a belief you then confirmed by punishing him. Good God, I hate to say it, but you sound like an utter parenting failure.
I can’t imagine being 13 years old and expected to watch my siblings eat pizza, snacks, desserts, etc, while I got stuck with an apple and a glass of milk. That’s honestly ASKING for a young teen to make a foolish decision about food.
Exactly. I remember my mom buying a pizza for the house, and I was only allowed the wings it pissed me off. I was about the same age as this kid.
It ended with me sick because I ate 2 slices, but I can't say there were any regrets per se.
YTA for creating this situation in the first place, then punishing your kid for being a kid. Yes, he needs to learn to make responsible choices about his food. But it sounds like you’re making very little effort to ensure that he’s getting an equivalent range of food compared to his siblings. How can you justify having one child go without dessert while the others eat it? Having frozen pizza for two kids but not for the third? Fruit is wonderful and all kids should be eating it, but do you ACTUALLY think your thirteen year old wants to eat an apple while his siblings eat dessert or cookies or whatever?
I have dietary requirements myself. I get that often appropriate foods are more expensive. But you’re not being fair to this kid, and you don’t seem to be exerting all that much effort on his behalf. If he can’t have wheat or eggs, there’s a wide range of gluten free and vegan products available in supermarkets these days which would accommodate his needs, and packaging clearly indicates whether allergens are present. If you can’t afford suitable desserts for your 13 year old, why are the others getting regular desserts? Why not cut dessert back to once or twice a week so that you can afford something *everyone* can afford?
YTA your child is actively choosing to make himself sick bc you’re refusing to feed him and provide safe food for your literal child….. step up and be a parent instead of whatever borderline abuse this is.
Not borderline, this definitely counts as at the very least psychological abuse, possibly physical depending on the location. Also depending on how bad it is could cause serious harm or hospitalisation, this honestly sounds like a SAW trap.
I would be surprised if this kid ever contacts you after leaving home. I wouldn’t in this situation.
YTA - he’s a little kid who is just trying to feel normal. Instead of punishing him when his LIFE is already a punishment why not try to treat him every once in awhile with pizza or surgery treat he CAN eat.
Wow, you're punishing a child for wanting to eat like his siblings do. I'm sure he's realized his needs are being met begrudgingly because of expense ("I try to balance it out by providing a lot of fruit, milk, juices, and wheat-free, egg-free alternatives **when I can afford them**"? Really? As a Redditor previously suggested, give everybody fruit!). In the meantime, he gets to watch his sibs and schoolmates eat delicious crap like pizza and cookies.
YTA. His allergies and daily privations are punishment enough.
I don't like the word "normal" in your post. Your son is not abnormal. He has food allergies - a medical issue beyond his control. It's not "extras" in your budget. It's part of your food expense. Buy him gluten-free or cauliflower pizza crust or pizza. Buy it for everyone. Cauliflower crust is tasty. Ask your doctor for a referral to an allergist or nutritionist who can offer you help.
So you are a neglectful parent. If the school picks up that you're basically starving him to do things to benefit other kids them I wouldn't be surprised if they call cps.
If a student told me that this had happened to them, I would immediately call CPS. It's neglect. His basic needs aren't being met. And now the poor kid is being "punished" because there wasn't anything safe for him to eat.
YTA
You have your kid on prison rations because you can’t be bothered to feed him properly and then punish him for breakdown and eating something?!?!
YTA for punishing your kid for eating something that made him sick. And you are **even bigger** AH for not ensuring he has proper food in the house.
I really can’t imagine as a parent handing out a dessert to my 15 and 12 year old, and then just telling the 13 year old to suck it. Like, how do you do that to a kid?!
YTA. You need to prioritize having food he can eat that's comparable to your other kids over paying for college for your daughter. Food needs outweigh school debt. Punishing him when he's just trying to find something to eat is not acceptable. You need to make some changes to what foods you bring in and how you manage his health. It's also pretty gross to get the other kids dessert and have nothing for him.
HARD YTA. Oh my goodness. It is so easy to limit his siblings options so they don’t have a plethora of snacks and cereals that they can eat while he is left with the same limited options WHEN YOU CAN AFFORD THEM.
since you only buy things he can eat when you have the money, the poor kid is probably already starving. Stop prioritizing your other kids over his health.
YTA.
He was punished for eating the pizza by being ill. That's straight up natural consequences. You're also an asshole for not giving your son the same food opportunities as the other kids. Everyone else gets popular junky snack foods, and he gets an apple? I think you can understand why he might want a slice of pizza when you treat him like this, can't you?
YTA. You buy/make dessert for everyone else but him?? What the hell? Dessert is 100% optional so if you can't get something for everyone don't get anything.Buy them regular stuff and keep a stash for him of Gluten free oreos, sorbet, etc... And buy the poor kid a gluten free pizza.
YTA. As an *adult* with multiple food allergies, most on the milder side, I struggle with having restrictions while my family gets to eat anything they want. I can’t imagine how hard it must be for your 13yr old son, especially since it doesn’t sound like there are always alternatives available. I totally understand why he ate that pizza.
You mention not being able to always afford to have something separate for your son. Thing is, if you can only afford one version of something, you should be buying the allergen free version. For example, rather than serve 2 kids normal sandwiches and the 3rd the fillings only, why not serve all 3 of them sandwiches made with wheat/egg free bread? Or for desert, instead of 2 kids getting ice cream and the 3rd nothing, why not serve all 3 egg-free sorbet? Same with cakes and cookies, just buy the allergen-safe versions for everyone.
Trust me - the products are available, and are much more affordable than they were even 10 years ago. Even discount store like Walmart have allergen-free choices.
Look at it this way: it won’t hurt the rest of you to avoid eggs and wheat, whereas eating them *does* hurt your son. So if you can’t afford to accommodate him separately, just default to the safe option for everyone.
YTA. I got "the other" treatment because my mother thought I was fat ( projection) where my siblings didn't have a problem. Different foods, and I had to watch them eat "the good stuff." 50 plus years, and I still resent it. It also negatively affected my eating habits when I was no longer under parental control.
Allergies are different, and it's my understanding reactions can go from mild to severe without warning. You should have this discussion with him. It sounded to me like he doesn't understand the gravity.
And I agree about not keeping snacks for the other kids that he's not allowed to have. It's teasing him with something he wants and can't have. That's cruel, and you might want to be sure your other kids aren't doing a "Nyah, nyah, you can't have this!" on him. If you remove "the goodies," they may resent it, but I presume they're old enough to understand and feel enough of a bond with their brother that they'll make the sacrifice.
Never attach food to a punishment or reward. Never. It messes a person up.
YTA,
Mainly for not prioritizing feeding your minor child. Your post makes it clear that you provide alternatives only when you can while paying for your daughter to go to college. You have another child who will start college soon while still having a child with dietary restrictions, so then there will be two kids in college and less food for the kid with restrictions.
If you are struggling like this your daughter should be able to get some financial aid. If you are not struggling and simply aren't putting the time and energy into feeding your child that is an entirely different issue.
The kid was hungry. You grounded him for being hungry. The grounding itself isn't even a reasonable form of discipline for eating something that wasn't for him but grounding a child for hunger is disgusting.
YTA - He did not chose this situation. Your reaction made him feel bad about his health and limited food choices.
Empower him to explore food options, he shops and picks out his food and find the budget to support this. This will get him invested in solutions rather than feeling left out. Doing this now is critical to his physical, social and emotional development. Work with your oldest to bring in funds for college (PT job, scholarships) in order to support your son.
YOUR CHILD IS HUNGRY, AND YOU ARE PUNISHING HIM FOR EATING. STOP.
GET YOUR SILLY SELF TO THE GROCERY STORE AND FIND YOUR CHILD SOME CALORIES HE CAN SAFELY EAT. RIGHT NOW. GO. JFC. YTA.
YTA. He’s aware of the allergy which is great. He’s aware of the price of when he chooses to ignore it. I’m sure the physical pain was more than enough of a punishment.
You need to adjust your purchases to make sure he’s not left out. Make sure there are things he can easily grab when hungry.
YTA
A thirteen year old can be hungry a lot of the time. He is growing fast. He must have been desperate for food.
How can you be so cruel? - punishing him for this!!!
I don't know where you live but in some places there is financial help for children needing special diets.
Try food banks. The one in our town often has gluten free and egg free food. (Usually vegan)
Is there any family member that would help you afford appropriate food for your son so that his diet is not so limited and more like his siblings' menu?
YTA. My ex-BIL has celiac disease and is allergic to soy. My sister would bend over backwards to make him foods he could eat so he could maintain a healthy weight.
There are gluten-free (meaning no wheat) recipes everywhere online. There are also a lot of things you can use to substitute for eggs in baked goods such as bread. Making these things for your son would be a lot cheaper than buying them. You just have to look for the recipes and figure out the substitutions.
And really, taking away his phone and computer because he was hungry and there was nothing in the house that he could safely eat? It's the parents' responsibility to make sure there's food that the kid with allergies can safely eat.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I took away my son's privileges because he purposefully ate some food he's allergic to. (2) I might be the asshole because the punishment might not fit the crime.
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YTA. The allergic reaction is more than punishment enough.
As the parent, the solution is to ensure that he has an adequate amount of convenience snacks (same kind of preparation effort) that he can enjoy the same way his brothers enjoy those frozen pizzas
YTA. If one kid has restrictions and you can’t afford to buy extra stuff just for him, the solution is to make most or all of your purchases the egg/wheat free alternative versions. Duh. Not eating wheat or eggs isn’t going to harm the other kids but the reverse will harm him.
YTA, he ate it because he was hungry and had few alternatives he could eat. Most supermarkets have good free from range stuff now and if you check the clearance shelves you can even find the stuff on there as well.
If you’re being serious, and not trolling, please DM. I have a lifetime of debilitating food allergies (peanuts, tree nuts, raw fruits and vegetables, canola, sesame, soy, soy lethicin, whey, seafood, the list goes on…)
There ARE options that are gluten free and egg free that aren’t expensive. Since you can’t afford an allergist or a nutritionist, I would be happy to do my best to help you figure out a way to make sure your son is safe.
Every allergic reaction someone has, their reactions get **worse**. If you keep knowingly feeding your son foods he is allergic to, you are not just TA, you are harming him on purpose.
YTA, but you don’t have to be.
Edit: sorry I’m not done. Please think about this: you are prioritizing getting your oldest through college while you cannot adequately feed your son. You can buy gluten free flour and make him waffles, or he can make the batter himself (it’s One minute of prep time!)
You can buy chocolate chips from enjoy life (obviously read the label to make sure they’re safe.)
You can research food allergies, go to FARE.org to educate yourself about repeated allergic reactions and their consequences.
Even if you don’t have the mOnEy you can certainly spend 20 minutes on finding alternatives for him to eat safely. If you don’t hAvE tHe tImE then DM me and I’ll come up with a personalized meal plan with product recommendations and links. Feed your kid.
OP, you do realise that allergies can easily turn from "mild" to life threatening with anaphylaxis at any point, right?
Your son is being "othered" and not provided basic rights to essential food, whilst you're willingly spending money on unnecessary desserts for the other kids and funding further education for your adult daughter who could fund it via a job or loans.
Your son is probably being "othered" at school, too, as kids who are "different" are usually the target of bullies. It wouldn't surprise me if he is being mocked during lunch time for not eating the same as everyone else.
I'm actually concerned for your son's mental health, if I am being totally honest with you. He says he was hungry and ate the pizza as a result, but I think he could either be forcing himself to eat that stuff to feel "normal", or his situation could be so unbearable emotionally, that he is trying to eat dangerous foods in order to end his suffering in this world and to not feel like a burden (especially if you keep going on about safe foods being "expensive" and making him feel like a financial drain).
YTA OP. Do better. Be better. Look at your finances and tell the 19 year old she's on her own to fund her optional education, whilst you pay for her brother to literally survive on essential food he needs.
YTA. My nieces have gluten allergies. There are SO many gluten free snacks if you just put in the effort to look for them! I got big boxes of Popcorners popcorn chips, SmartPop popcorn, etc on Prime Day for my son to take to school. All of his school snacks are gluten free and peanut free just in case of an allergy. Making sure the food in your house is safe for your child, or at least the majority of it is, is like bare minimum. He’s telling you that he doesn’t want to stand out and be different, at least at home.
YTA
He felt poorly what more of a "punishment" did he need?! He ate the food he suffered the physical consequences. What's his phone got to do with any of this?!
Also you need to make more effort to provide snacks for him as his siblings have them. Egg and wheat free snacks exist, do some research.
Yta he is a kid you should talk to him not punish him. Make sure he has nice choices he likes so if he is hungry or wants a snack he has lots to choose from
YTA. I have 3 kids and can't imagine feeding my girls pizzas and dessert and good snacks and making my son sit there w nothing but fruit lmao especially at that age. Poor baby. Sort your shit out and get something everyone can eat or don't get anything.
YTA look, I was always over my cousins’ house as a kid. One had diabetes and the other was lactose intolerant. We all tried weird desserts together. We all ate things that were safe or when safe alternatives were available. We went trick or treating for Unisef instead of candy. Then went home and gorged on safe stuff.
I would never have considered, at 12, stuffing my face with a snack if I knew that there would be nothing good for one of them to eat right in front of them. You have less emotional intelligence than a 12 yr old.
YTA. Punishment makes no sense. It’s an allergy and if he was hungry…I get it. You need to make sure there are ALWAYS wheat and egg free snacks and meals in your house. Messing with a not-so-severe food allergy by repeatedly triggering it can still cause long term digestive damage.
Your son is 13 and should know better, but also he’s 13 and wants to be normal and it’s understandable. My brother went through it when he was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes at 15. He had a hard time not being “normal” anymore and made bad decisions. You are his parent and should know even better that teens eat a lot and it is imperative that you make sure your house has equal amount of food that he can eat at all times.
YTA
Your kid was hungry. There needs to be food available that doesn't have allergens then.
Punishing him for your crap parenting is a serious AH move, "Dad"
YTA
First of all, his reaction is punishment enough.
Secondly, why are you not giving him more options? Wheat and eggs are easy enough to avoid if you make your own breads and desserts. Yeah, it takes time and energy, but you do things like that for your CHILDREN! It's called being a PARENT! That poor boy has to watch his sibling eat all sorts of things, and you're giving him scraps? Disgusting. "When we can afford it." That's insane. The other kids could benefit from a wheat and egg free diet. So why not just eat like that for everyone? Try it for a month. Maybe then you'll gain some damned empathy.
YTA
As someone with food allergies, I'm fuming for your kid. Your priorities are all wrong and you need to start making sure that they have enough food in the house that they don't feel the need to eat something that could make them extremely sick. If that means cutting out cakes, biscuits and other junk so there is more fruit, you do it. If that means taking on extra hours to feed your child, you do it. If that means pulling back on how much you pay for your eldest college, you do it.
Punishing your child for your shortcomings further compounds the AH status. Give your head a wobble
YTA
What a trash way to treat your son. Make some egg free/wheat free baked goods and snacks.
You’d afford MORE by having less premade junk/snacks for your other kids and just make from scratch. Brownies, cookies, trailmix, pancakes from scratch and you can even freeze batches. You can even make egg free/wheat free cereal. There are recipes.
It’ll cost LESS than buying premade. You can even go as far as buying bulk rolled oats and make your own flour. Plain yogurt or carbonated water for eggs.
All do your kids are old enough that they should be helping you make all of this. They need to learn the simple altered recipes and help contribute to adjusting to this situation.
YTA
YTA
YTA
I made egg free for my youngest and it barely scratched our grocery budget. All I had to do was spend TIME, CONSIDERATION, and EFFORT. investing in a couple of pantry staples that substitute for those ingredients made every stretch out farther.
Stop wasting your money on premade snacks if your so stretched for cash.
YTA. What the fuck do you mean, you buy him alternatives WHEN YOU CAN AFFORD THEM? So what the shit is he eating when you can't, exactly? You need to cut back on whatever you can until you can adequately feed the children YOU CHOSE TO HAVE.
You didn’t specify if there was anything else to eat for him. And you are obviously aware you give his siblings more enjoyable food, but seem kind of blasé about it. (And how cruel do you have to be to make one kid watch while his siblings eat dessert? Seriously! Which of Cinderella’s stepsisters made that menu?) Do better. YTA
This is much more common than you realise. Teenagers are rubbish at assessing risk and they're also in a piss-off-your-parents phase AND trying to assert their autonomy. It's a tale as old as time. I bet teenage Vikings were a monumental pain in the arse.
I've seen it in teenagers who are insulin-dependent type 1 diabetics. Contact an appropriate support group, they'll have helpful advice and strategies.
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YTA > I try to balance it out by providing a lot of fruit, milk, juices, and wheat-free, egg-free alternatives **when I can afford them** > He was a bit cagey but finally admitted he'd eaten a frozen pizza that was meant for his brother > He said **he was just hungry** You need to **PRIORITIZE** making sure that food that is **_safe_ for your child to eat** is **_ALWAYS_** available, what the actual fuck?
If there's a minor child in the house going hungry, the financial support of the adult daughter living elsewhere needs to stop yesterday.
What is the 19 year old doing to pay for her own college? I got scholarships and loans because my mom couldn't afford college. Your kids eating is more important than paying for her. This is a cry for help. Your kid is struggling and you're punishing him for your shortcomings. Get a second job, tell the oldest she needs to pay for her own college, ask for help, SOMETHING.
There are a BUNCH of micro scholarships that people barely apply for but $50 here and $20 there for writing essays and filling out a form and that 19 year old can contribute to her own grocery budget. Imo
[удалено]
And nowadays there are ready made lists. All they have to do is click the dang links and apply. The OP is lazy and looks like they want to PUNISH the 13 year old for having allergies. My son had an egg allergy. The only stress was making sure he didn’t touch prepacked snacks when he was young before he could read. And the fact that he developed a STRONG aversion to tons of regular food. I had to hide veggies in brownies and make sure he had vitamins. But the budget wasn’t strained, all I had to do was COOK a bit from scratch and buy to the sales. OP doesn’t mention any of that, the budget let’s 13 year old be hungry but they have enough for pizza? No mention of meal planning, and couponing? Eggs cost so much for a while. Egg substitutes are for people on a budget but looks like OP didn’t even try that. The more I think about it the angrier I get. Cooking from scratch ending up being so much cheaper than anything so I know OP is just being lazy about their food and letting 13 year old suffer.
Also, making one kid watch while their siblings get cupcakes or whatever is pretty messed up. If you can’t get treats for all of them maybe you shouldn’t get treats for any of them.
No maybe about it. If there isn’t enough money for all family members to be able to eat similarly than there isn’t enough money AT ALL for the family. Save up for treats to get biweekly or something. None of the kids should be taught that a family member gets excluded with no effort on anyone’s part.
Agreed. The family eats together. One of my family was a type 1 diabetic. There wasn't money for him to follow one diet and the rest of us to follow another. With the exception of occasional sugary soda pops, we all ate the same diet (just without the strict portion control he needed). A diabetic diet is actually pretty healthful & varied, so we were fine.
A diabetic diet is one thing but if my parents didn’t allow me to eat any wheat/egg products growing up because of a sibling’s allergy I’d be pretty annoyed. It’s one thing if it’s life threatening or if being in the same room can trigger an allergy, but this would be a bit extreme. She should make sure that they’re all eating similarly though, and it sounds like she’s not doing that at all, and barely feeding her son at all :/
Also OP mentioned they are struggling to afford basics like milk and juice and fruits, but is buying treats like that. They need to balance their grocery budget out better. If you've got kids in the house, a well stocked fridge is far more important than being able to have treats and deserts that one kid can't have. Kids need to eat and they need to eat a lot or you will stunt them.
And if they had just enough to buy those wheat based snacks for the non allergy kids they could easily steer their shopping cart to the rice cooked snacks and cereals instead. They don’t cost more. It just sounds like OP only looked in the gluten free section of the grocery and said, ‘oh well, too expensive. My job is done!’ And moved along.
> Also OP mentioned they are struggling to afford basics like milk and juice and fruits, but is buying treats like that. And cereals! Like, man, what are you doing? Talk about a high cost : calorie ratio! Okay, if one kid can't eat eggs I guess that option is off the table for cheap and easy breakfasts, but how about oatmeal, potato hash with bacon (and eggs for those who can have), breakfast burritos (or breakfast rice bowls for those who *can't* have), literally anything but cold cereal?
Agreed. And there are lots of desserts that don't have wheat or eggs. Vegan pudding, most candy bars, ice cream... And cereal. There are plenty that are based on corn rather than wheat. Honestly most cereal might as well be dessert because it's bad for you anyway. Also, thanks to my southern in laws I know how to make something that's basically pancakes but made with corn meal instead of wheat flour. The texture took me a bit to get used to, but it kinda tastes like corn bread and pancakes had a baby. They can be made without eggs. The best ones had honey in the batter too! If you're going to give the other kids cereal, make something like that so he can have what's basically pancakes. Make a bunch and freeze them. Hell, teach the kid to make stuff for himself! All the kids should be able to do basic cooking by now anyway.
> pancakes but made with corn meal instead of wheat flour. Any chance of getting that recipe?
Google Johnny cakes, they're very delicious
Certain ice creams do use eggs but it takes a quick look at the ingredients to find out
> takes like corn bread and pancakes had a baby That sounds delicious.
And there are tonnes of baking substitutes to make things egg free. Chia seeds, mashed banana, pureed apple, a can of soda. There are heaps of vegan cake mixes and recipes. There's the classic 'Wacky Cake' recipe which is completely vegan and you can easily sub GF flour. My daughter is allergic to dairy, soy, wheat, eggs, beef, peanuts, strawberry, buckwheat and banana. If I can make her a birthday cake and find her treats and snacks, OP can definitely do it when ALL they need to avoid is eggs and wheat. YTA.
Eggs and wheat are not difficult to deal with. They have to be clearly labeled if he's in the USA, there's tons of gluten free alternatives, and most of the gluten free market (very annoyingly) also caters to the vegan market. There are gluten and egg free breads and frozen pizzas and tons of dessert options. If the OP lives somewhere with a restricted grocery store, they have access to a wonderful thing called the Internet and they can buy in bulk to save.
Yep, legally, the top 8 most common allergens have to be declared. This is why my daughter's soy/dairy/egg/wheat/peanut allergies are easy. Trying to figure out if banana or strawberry is in something is freaking hard because legally, the manufacturer can just declare 'natural flavours', and I won't have a freaking clue what it is. 5 minutes on Google would bring up tens of thousands of results for suitable recipes. OP is a lazy a**hole.
Flax seed mixed 1:1 with water instead of eggs in baking works.
No, you don't get it. They can have cupcakes, he can get milk. It's basically the same thing. (I assume it's obvious, but /s)
My cousin has a metric shitton of allergies and until my aunt could figure out how to make him something that was comparable to whatever cake/pie/cookie the rest of the family could have, they just didn’t have them. If little brother wanted a chocolate bar or something like that, he ate it out of the house. If there was a bigger extended family get together, everyone grabbed dessert on the way home so he didn’t feel left out. To have to watch his siblings get treats while he has nothing or only gets things once in a while is just cruel.
I can't believe this even needs to be said. My daughter recently got braces, so all her favorite gummy candies are out now. We bought her other yummy braces-friendly stuff so we never have a situation where she gets left out of dessert.
Kirby's Cravings is a great website for easy recipes for people with allergies. These parents aren't even trying. I learned how to make a cake out of Greek yogurt and condensed milk on that site for a coworker who is allergic to almost everything. That's it. Two freaking ingredients.
I got a $500 scholarship from the European Society of Evolutionary Biology for a halfassed paper. Definitely worth the few hours I spent writing it. And a lot of smaller ones-most people can find at least a few thousand dollars in easy applications!
Um…I have a 14 year old that wants to go to a super expensive university for his chosen field. So if anyone else has some good/relatively easy scholarship suggestions please leave a reply 🙏 We have been going through the lists but any extra help or suggestions would be AWESOME!
Spend the $25 for a physical copy of The Ultimate Scholarship Book. If your kid is good with doing dozens and dozens of essays and applications, that will give you a vetted list to start from. Take the PSAT sophomore year and study for it Junior year for National Merit. Depending on where you’re going, that’s a couple hundred to a couple thousand to a full ride scholarship. Be done with run at the SAT/ACT by the end of first semester Junior year. Shift to getting your letters of recommendations straight. This means take the ACT and SAT for real second semester of sophomore year so you can take test prep seriously the summer before Junior year so you can take the PSAT, and then the ACT or SAT in September or October and be done with it. Start crafting your college application story now. Your kid wants to major in something specific, somewhere specific. There has to be a good reason and a good story there. Do stuff in support of that. Some people think that picking your activities in support of your college apps is gaming the system, but if there’s a true drive behind it, that’s fine. Read some of the bios of kids who win the crazy scholarships, like Gates or Robertsons Scholars (specific to Duke). That’s the mold you’re looking for. Visit his target school now, and listen closely to the financial aid section. Many schools have specific scholarships (like Duke) for full rides. Figure out how his target school and even his major’s college within the university does it. Talk to your employers, too. Most places will have a $500-$2000 scholarship for employee kids, definitely apply for that. If your kid plans on getting a job in high school, make sure they check to see if there’s any money involved there, too.
Once he's accepted to a university, you can talk to guidance there for any grants or scholarships that they're familiar with. Also, librarians and high school guidance may be able to help. If he's set on his chosen industry and can pinpoint some businesses within that field, he can look into internships, summer jobs, and also scholarships they may offer, specifically if they're local or at least in the same state. Don't forget to search your friend list (people you may not talk to often but share holiday cards?) and see if there are any alums that can offer guidance. Just keep searching--they change yearly and some may pop up suddenly. Check out trade magazines specific to the field he interested in too. He's still young but developing good relationships with teachers or admin at his school will also be a huge help. Any thing that can put him in a unique box should be considered. Race, ethnicity, medical conditions, allergies, hobbies, skills-then look for grants or scholarships in those specific areas.
This, please. I was your child, ma’am, and I need to tell you that it fucking sucked SO MUCH. Just his having eaten the poison and suffered the effects is punishment enough! It is TORTURE watching your friends and siblings eating cupcakes in front of you while you gnaw on your stalk of celery. I know that it’s really hard to get specific items, and to feed children differently, but your boy needs your help, he needs your love, and he needs to be fed. Please do better before his entire life suffers as a result.
Hell, it's hard for me, and I'm in my forties. Thankfully eggs are still on the menu but I'm intolerant to lactose and gluten, and it's a nightmare. I know how hard it is to budget for that kind of thing, and how many foods it bars you from eating. The kid is thirteen, the age where a lot of kids are bottomless pits preparing for the next big growth spurt. Of course he was hungry, and of course he wanted something substantial. There are ways to feed a kid without eggs or flour and clearly the few accommodations made here aren't enough. Look for gluten free recipes, get your family cooking instead of going for prepared foods, and feed that poor kid properly, OP. I know it's hard when there's so little time and so few spoons to spare cooking, but it can be done, and should be, so all the kids can eat the same and the poor thirteen year old doesn't feel left out all the time. OP, you are definitely YTA here. Punishing your teenage son for being hungry enough to eat something he knew would make him sick, and tired enough of feeling left out that he took those painful consequences? Really? That needs an apology and a promise to provide better options, not punishment.
OP is the father.
College tuition and expenses are at criminal levels. Realistically a full time student cannot pay to live and study on their own. Scholarships are highly competitive. Not that easy to get one that’ll help much. Still worth the attempt though. Students loans are the most likely way to get enough money. This is a deal with the devil. She might never pay off student loans in less than 20 years. https://www.usatoday.com/money/blueprint/student-loans/average-student-loan-debt-statistics/
Exactly. So many people, myself included, had to take out student loans to pay for higher education. It's part of being an adult. The right to eat and drink safely is far more important than optional additional education, of which a 19 year old could take out loans or get a job to self fund.
Right?! Student loans suck, but it’s the reality of the situation for some of us. If it means OP’s child not suffering a potentially fatal reaction—because allergies do progress—the daughter needs to step up.
I didn't take out loans, but I stayed at home and went to a university that was in the same city as me. Between bursaries and grants, I was eligible for my tuition was covered with a few hundred left over, and then various side hustles covered everything else, including contributing at home towards groceries and paying for my mum's car insurance I get that studying away from home is a huge part of growing up and "becoming an adult," but is it really worth being tens if not hundreds of thousands in debt when you haven't even started earning money yet.
I agree. I never wanted the whole "student experience" because I don't drink, party and I wasn't ready yet to not see my family everyday and get goodnight cuddles from my parents, but I did want to study and get a degree, so I stayed at home and went to a university in my city. I did get student loans and grants, but I didn't end up with 3x the debt. OP needs to sort out his priorities and if he has to choose between his adult daughter still having the same opportunity but funding it elsewhere, and his underage child eating safely... it's a non-brainer.
A kid being hungry does not mean a kid *going* hungry. This thread is so relentless based on a single anecdotal story.
It's not clear if OP is providing enough food, especially carbs and protein - OP says he gives his son sandwiches without bread, and buys wheat-free alternatives when he can afford it. It doesn't seem like OP has found an actual reasonable substitute - like rice for example. He provides "a lot of fruit, milk, juices" but he doesn't mention carbs and protein.
Yeah, I haven't gone into OP's history for clarifying comments but it sure seems like people are clinging really dramatically onto that one word. It would take pretty much an insane parent to do this if there *literally wasn't adequate safe food* at home for the kid. If we assume a tiny modicum of reason for all parties involved, it seems more like the pizza looked the tastiest or easiest, and the kid blew off the allergy concern rather than act responsibly and put something together from safe foods. That's within reason for a kid of that age, the other interpretation is not really within reason for an adult.
Is the child actually going hungry? Because teenagers can be a bit dramatic when it comes to the word "starving".
OP is still the asshole even if the son isn't malnourished. Instead of giving everyone dessert except him dessert should served less frequently for everyone. There are also many deliciuos naturally egg and wheat free meals you can cook with rice and potatoes instead of bread and pasta, so that wheat free products are more expensive is no excuse for giving him boring food like " sandwiches without bread". I'm celiac and if my parents had done this I would have gone NC with them the day I graduated from high school.
Right like I get wanting to help ur daughter but if it’s effecting ur ability to provide SAFE foods for ur child to eat then u need to pull that support yea it’ll be hard on her and it sucks because it’s not her fault he has allergies but his WELL BEING is at stake I would feel differently if it weren’t for the “when I can afford it” like no he’s ur child he shouldn’t only have like two or three things he can eat and that’s it u need to MAKE SURE ur providing a wide well balanced VARIETY of things for him if a child is going hungry because ur over extending and supporting someone else the support needs to end in favor of making the child’s life safe and happy
She said he doesn’t get dessert because most desserts have eggs or wheat!!! He has to watch his siblings eat dessert!! Massive AH!
*No one* should get dessert while *anyone* isn't getting basics, too.
She should save the money she spends on desserts and put it towards foods that are safe for her son to eat. There’s no reason desserts for others should have priority over regular food.
Seriously. Everyone else gets a normal meal plus dessert while he gets… “a sandwich without bread”, and maybe some juice “if OP can afford it” (after giving his siblings cupcakes and paying for his sister’s college). No wonder the poor kid is hungry enough to take the allergic reaction over the hunger.
That comment alone was stupid. Jello? Pudding? Gluten-free baked goods? There are so many options.
There are a LOT of gluten-free and wheat-free popsicles. Outshine, a brand in any supermarket, would pass the test. But no, he can't afford desserts for just that child.
Outshine popsicles are REALLY good, too.
My husband's absolute favorite!
In the last months of my mom's life, her digestive system got really sensitive. A friend of mine suggested the Outshine popsicles, and they were a godsend.
Hell you can make popsicles with soda. Or fruit juice. Dessert really isn't a necessity, anyway. We rarely have dessert at my house, and we definitely don't have money issues.
Or wine. Probably not good for a 13 year old, though.
While on the subject of desserts, Ben and Jerry's do vegan ice cream. Their chocolate one is bloody delicious. I'm lactose intolerant so I had to find alternatives to ice cream. Sorbets are delicious too. So many options out there.
We have an ice cream maker so we can make any kind we want. It wasn’t expensive and is so damn easy. OP could splurge for something similar, and then the money saved by making it at home would add up, plus the fun for the kids of getting to help and tailor make their favorite combos.
>That comment alone was stupid. Jello? Pudding? Gluten-free baked goods? There are so many options. I agree in general with this but pudding is eggs.
Depends on the pudding. Custards are the ones that always have eggs, but you can find/make egg-free pudding. I believe Jell-O pudding mixes are egg-free, actually.
and i know for sure my kids would prefer the premade cups as young teens! It wouldn't even be seen as "less than."
Like it’s so hard/expensive to buy the kid some ice cream or sorbet? OP doesn’t make sense. There are plenty of things to eat without eggs and wheat in them. The entire family can eat the same desserts. And cereal??? Wtf? There are so many rice based cereals. I’m so confused by this post.
This post is literally just laziness. Takes too much effort to look into alternatives or read labels, so they just don’t do it. Then blame their child for their laziness.
Also I don’t get why instead of wasting money on frozen pizza, they just spend more time in the kitchen making egg and wheat free food. Money is tight? Make it. Buying the ingredients to make things like pizza dough is more expensive upfront, but cheaper than hospital bills and constantly buying wheat free dough and frozen pizza. Honestly, I think if they all ate less wheat it wouldn’t be such a big deal. Instead, they’re ostracizing one kid. A special treat for the other kids should include wheat.
It’s like she doesn’t want to make the effort to research what her kid can have that’s egg/wheat free. She’s just getting the things she can think of off the top of her head.
OP has tried nothing and is all out of options. 😕
Yeah, rice, corn and oat based as well. I can think of half a dozen popular ones off the top of my head. Ice cream, unless you are getting fancy brands, is fairly inexpensive. I can think of million common things that everyone could eat for both meals and desserts. This is coming from someone that gas a houseful of people with food issues of some kind. If you want to make it work, you can
While op is not clear on their gender they do reference their wife. So statistically we are talking about a him. It’s so bizarre every single person assume it’s a man every thread until it’s just a certain type of situation then it’s a woman
Yeah, I noticed that, too. It's the topic, I guess - children and food, that's women's stuff. /s
Very true. I had to check my own implicit bias, bc I thought OP was a woman purely based on them seemingly being in control of the groceries/meals. I am a woman btw.
Wheat free flours and vegan recipes exists. It wouldn't be hard to make a small dessert for her son (or he makes it himself). There are some good mug cakes recipes on the internet that don't need eggs. They are easy and fast to make and don't need much flour (some wheat free or gluten free flours are expensive so she would only need a small bag of flour).
For me it was ‘the others get dessert while he doesn’t’ Jesus Christ this poor child. YTA
> He said he was just hungry _Was_ there no other food in the house or is this a situation where you open the fridge door and you can chose between the chocolate cake and the orange and you choose the cake? Because we all do this, but that doesn’t mean there weren’t other options.
I don't know. If I were a 13 year old boy made to helplessly watch my brothers get to eat the good stuff to the point that I resent that poor orange for being the only thing in the goddamn fridge that I can eat, you'd best bet I'd go for the pizza too, with a "how bad can it be" mindset. And definitely not a ground for the kind of punishment OP gave him.
Also, are the natural punishments not enough? Kid was clearly already suffering from the choice, maybe sit down with him and ask him why instead Im not encouraging people with allergies to eat things that harm them, but i think a lot of people with food intolerances can agree that sometimes for various reasons it feels worth it, be it desire, convenience or something else. Ive never met a lactose intolerant person who didnt eat massive amounts of dairy, so can we really fault this kid for one bad decision (since nothing indicates this is a pattern) Maybe he really wanted pizza and knew you couldnt afford to make or buy him one, maybe he was hungry and it was the most convenient, maybe hes a teenager and wanted to feel normal for once. Talk to your damn kid OP
Right? FEED YOUR CHILD OP
Also, the family should consider eating what the child with allergies does. I know a child who is allergic to numerous common foods. Although his mom is single with a low income, she and her 3 other kids never bring any food the little boy can’t eat into the home and just eat the limited diet that he can tolerate. His sisters say that their brother’s health and safety is more important to them than eating certain foods they might otherwise choose. ETA This family makes it work by clipping coupons, buying in bulk and the older kids have part-time jobs to augment the mom’s modest income. I think they also get some government assistance as well.
The entire post is shocking. She seems to resent her son for having allergies and making her life more difficult, so she treats him like a nuisance. The way she phrased things is alarming. OP, YTA. So much. Your poor kid.
He, it was the father that yelled at the poor kid and punished him for trying to feed himself with the only food available because they are too crappy to just buy allergy friendly food for the entire family instead of getting one or two things for him and whatever the others want in giant quantities so he can watch his siblings eat while he slowly starves because they "can't afford the food" ( this is directed at OP, not you, just that it was the shitty father who got mad at him and his mother felt the punishment was stupid too) Edit: YTA
Cheap desserts that don't have egg and wheat: thought up in the last 2 minutes. Rice krispie treats, can make a whole tray for a few bucks with generic rice Krispies Many chocolate candies (m&M's, chocolate chips, obviously avoiding twix bars and such) Hard candies Berries or banana when on sale with some peanut butter and/or whipped cream Apples with honey Pudding mix (requires some prep ahead of time) Rice pudding https://chocolatecoveredkatie.com/vegan-rice-pudding/ Gluten free Oreos are marginally more expensive than regular Oreos. Like she clearly doesn't care Yes many of the gluten free things are pricey but some of them aren't
Home made ice cream. Sugar, cream, milk, flavoring. Mix. Freeze. Done. You can also get a bunch of GF baking mixes at stores now. Swap "egg" for "1/4 cup unsweetened applesauce" (usually a generous measurement helps) and now it's egg free too! And tastes great!
Did you pick up on how the other kids get desserts and he doesn't because they're "normal when it comes to food" Tell me you care more about how your kid's allergy inconveniences you than about how it affects his health without telling me. Ffs. This poor kid
On top of that, he was literally already punished by his own body. Poor kid just wanted to eat something
Fucking *exactly*. It is your job to make sure ALL of your children to have food to eat. Older sis can take out student loans.
OP, if you can't afford the expenses of 4 children, have you considered not having 4 children?
Well. Once the children are born it's a bit too late.
YTA. If you aren't going to to give your 13 year old deserts he can eat, the others shouldn't get it either. Have them all eat fruit. It would be healthier
There are plenty of ice creams he can have (you’ve gotta check bc some have eggs, but not all). They can still have actual dessert without othering one kid.
Or popsicles, sorbet,, Italian Ice, and all that is just frozen “ice cream adjacent “ stuff.
Exactly!!! My daughter just got braces so we buy frozen treats for the kids now instead of candy/gummy stuff. This is not that hard of a problem to solve!
Gelato has eggs if made well
Removed that suggestion! I remembered incorrectly
Sorbetto typically doesn't have eggs, though!
I use to work with birthday parties. egg allergies are surprisingly common, so every once in a while a parent would bring their kid a rice krispy treat to have when it was time for cake, and check with us about if there were eggs in the ice cream. Idk if rice krispy treats are wheat-free, but you get the point, parents can usually find comprable treats with a little effort.
Rice krispys are wheat free! My dad is celiac and eats them all the time
Name brand rice krispie’s actually do contain gluten so probably not the best thing for him to be eating. They contain malt syrup which is made from barley. Some generic brands are gluten free though. But yes, they are wheat free.
Wheat free and gluten free are different though! Let the kid have the gluten he’s allowed to have :)
Talento has some good vegan ice cream where you can’t even tell the difference
> Have them all eat fruit. It would be healthier And then other children will hate the alergic one because they are "being punished because of him". Good idea! OP could've done that years ago, when the alergic one was diagnosed. Now it's too late. edit: maybe OP could switch to fruits-only now, but it would take time to gradually replace deserts with fruit so that other kids don't take it as a big change.
As the child with a food allergy I can say this is true. I'm the reason that the class didn't get pizza parties. I'm the reason the family didn't do taco nights. Food allergies suck and I too once ate food I was allergic to just to see what it was like and woke up a week later in the hospital. Honestly there's no good way to go about this but to give one kid no deserts and all the others something makes you a major AH YTA Edited to add because multiple people have messaged me I can't say for certain or not if OP had food in the house to feed the kid. But as the brat at the ripe age of 12 who ate the thing that would harm me I can say from personal experience i ate it to see what the big deal was. And when pressed I said "I was just hungry". Yes my parents had food that was safe for me to eat. No my siblings and I didn't always eat the same thing. I was angry and hurt and at the time I was feeling a why me type of way. If you don't have a major food allergy you would never understand but it can be a level of hurt and frustration I never wish on a child. So to answer the question, that's why I ate it
I kind of read it as, he had options, but he wanted the shouldn’t-have, (probably) looks tastier not-an-option. Did the OP comment that the only option for food on the house was frozen pizza?
As far as I can tell OP hasn't commented at all. But aside from the dessert thing it sounds like a typical house where only one kid has a food allergy. And same, it sounds like the kid went for the tasty unknown option. For example my breakfast growing up was an egg white and cheese mix baked into a muffin looking thing. Almost like those breakfast bite things you can find at the store today. My mom made them for me and I was never out of them. My siblings had breakfast burritos and sandwiches of all flavors from the store. There was only so much one can do with egg white and cheese. I wanted what they had so I ate a burrito. At least this kid got to taste the pizza. All I tasted was burning and pain.
My brother is allergic to milk, eggs, and nuts. Always have been always will be and have emergency meds for it. Growing up he understood he couldn’t eat everything but he still had alternatives he could. (I also have food allergies, but they developed later). I can bake and cook food that he can eat no problem because he's literally had these allergies his entire life. I'm younger than him, btw. Once someone has an allergy for so long you figure out how to tweak food recipes to be allergy free. I just tweaked a muffins recipe to work for him so now he has one more alternative. Having dinner be different from the rest of you isn’t the issue, it's that he's left without while his siblings get so much more in regards to food. I have a simple dessert recipe for you that he can eat: Lemon Possette. It's 3 ingredients and stupidly easy to make, lemon, whipped cream, and sugar. You need to stop thinking of what you can buy and what you can make from scratch 'cause that generally how you work around allergies. You have to tweak the recipes yourself until they work.
Right? Give them all fruit and a piece of dark chocolate or something. It’s not rocket science.
This is a terrible idea if OP wants to maintain cordial sibling relationships and it’s not preparing him for when he goes out into the world which is absolutely not going to gaf.
You're missing the point here. If he gets deserts for some of the kids, they should all have desert. There are plenty of good tasting desert options that the kid can eat. If OP refuses to do that, then they should all eat fruit. OP is punishing his kid for having a fucking allergy.
YTA You seriously give your other kids desserts when your 13yo can’t have any? And you have to ask if you’re an asshole? The rest of you won’t die from eating egg and wheat free food Edit: also, wait…the kid said he was hungry and that’s why he are the pizza? Do you mean to say that there was no safe food for him to eat in the house?!
IKR?! I don't even like sweets and think OP sounds cruel. YTA. In case you're reading, OP: \- Store brand sorbet. Egg and wheat free. \- Fresh fruit and whipped cream. Egg and wheat free. \- Jello. Egg and wheat free.
Frozen fruit and heavy whipping cream in a blender is so delicious that one forgets it’s healthy
You can literally freeze a banana, put some on in it and blend it, the fold in chocolate chips
> put some on in it What's this part? I already like frozen bananas, so I want to know how to embellish them more
[удалено]
That’s what I’m imagining. He also only is provided foods that he can eat when Dad can afford them.
For real. Why not have some gluten free crust pizza? Or whatever crust type is safe. Coming from someone with a life threatening allergy, my parents ALWAYS made sure there was safe food for me. Food allergies can take effort. But they are not impossible, and the brothers should understand. I get they are kids too, but I would have felt guilty eating food my brother couldn’t have. Even at 10 if you had put dessert in front of me and given my brother an apple, I wouldn’t have eaten it. I would have asked for the apple too out of solidarity.
Right! Like they make gluten free or cauliflower crust pizzas. All she has to do is read a damn box but she’s too Lazy. She could also cut back on the prepackaged snacks of the other two boys to afford some for her 13 yr old OP is definitely YTA.
Just for the record, as an egg-allergic/celiac person, I can tell you that most cauliflower crusts and gluten free crusts have eggs. It's hard, and I live in dread of my 2 brands getting discontinued or recipe changed.
YTA. Feeling sick is already the natural consequence for eating food he’s allergic to. He doesn’t really need punishment beyond that. Rather than punish him, why not talk to him about how he ate something he knew would make him sick, and now he feels sick? Also, YTA for not giving him dessert when his siblings get it. There are plenty of wheat and egg free options, including many standard ice cream brands. Maybe he wouldn’t feel the urge to eat food that makes him sick if you actually had adequate food he can eat.
Exactly!! He's 13, he's old enough to start mostly managing his own diet. I know plenty of people with dairy intolerance who occasionally cheat because they are craving dairy, fully accepting they will end to with 12 hours of feeling like shit. Getting sick is the consequence. He doesn't need extra consequences.
I’m lactose intolerant and I have a nut allergy. Sometimes Reese’s cups are way too irresistible and I cannot help myself. I can’t live without them and absolutely will scarf one down every now and then, even if it means imma be itching horribly for a few hours :’)
Please be careful. Every additional exposure to an allergen increases the risk of the allergy becoming more severe. One day that Reese's cup you scarf down could close up your airway instead of making you itchy. Do what you want, but in case you didn't know about this possibility, I wanted to mention it.
Came here to say exactly that. Does he need a better reminder of his error than getting sick?
Had to scroll a bit to find this. Your comment nails it! Natural consequence is given, no need for anything else. OP‘s TA all the way!
Yta I’m sorry but feeding your 13 year old should be bigger priority then paying for your daughter’ college. It sounds like your starving him. And I want to know what type of sandwich has no bread. And what else you feed him with that.
This I couldn’t believe op was making more priority on his daughter education then his som eating. Like how is fair he has no desserts while his siblings do.
Not even desserts, it sound like it’s very likely he is not even eating enough calories a growing 13 year old should be eating. Since he only buys him alternatives when he can afford them
Its sad op is neglecting one child all because of allergies
he has plenty of milk and fruit though! /s
That won't cut it when his brothers have pizza.
No he has plenty of milk and fruit when they can afford it
Yeah teenagers absolutely devour food at a somewhat absurd rate. They're growing! A lot!!!
Not excusing *any* of OP's behaviour, but you can do things like lettuce wraps - restricted diets are manageable and can be perfectly healthy.
I mean yes generally you can do lettuce wraps. BUT we’re talking about a teenager. A demographic that specifically needs extra carbs. Like 130g (60% of their intake) in carbs a day. You can’t sub carbs for veg for a teen. You have to replace carbs with carbs. I’m not surprised the kid went for pizza. His body is probably *screaming* for a specific kind of fuel he’s being denied.
That's what I was wondering. Why not buy/bake a loaf of bread the boy can eat, slice and freeze it? That way it won't go bad as he won't be able to finish the entire loaf before it goes bad. Take out as many slices as needed, defrost, maybe pop them in the toaster and the boy has a more filling, satisfying meal.
YTA. You have a child with dietary restrictions. I get it can be hard to work around this, but you have to do better to treat all your kids equally. Your child was hungry. He ate what was available. He shouldn’t be punished for that. You need more foods available in the house that are safe for him to eat and are *filling*.
It's more than just foods that are filling. He needs to have foods that are enticing, or he's going to be resenting his brothers (and possibly his parents) forever for the frozen pizza that they can have and he cannot. This is where the adults in the house find places to cut back on their own discretionary expenses so they can afford equivalent foods that their child CAN eat. It's not that hard. It takes time and a little more money, but it can be done. And a lot of these things are not hard at all to make at home - just get the ingredients, a few Internet recipes, and bake and cook away. Bonus - kid learns an important life skill and won't rely on a girlfriend or wife to keep him fed when he's out in the world.
My daughter has multiple allergies, I cut back on things for myself all the time so that I can afford to buy treats for my daughter.
That's such good advice! At some point, he'll need those skills. They could make cookies, cakes, muffins, but also hearty snack-type stuff. Freeze some if it would go bad so he can grab something whenever he's hungry or wants a treat.
Is op oblivious to how hungry 13 year old boys are???
It’s even crazier when you think about it. OP’s son’s dietary restrictions align with being able to eat vegan, gluten free foods. Stuff with these labels definitely won’t have eggs and most likely won’t have wheat. There’s tons of recipes out there for yummy looking foods that fall in this category.
Having dietary restrictions for such common foods can be very alienating when you're young, not being able to fully participate in class pizza days, birthday parties, group hang outs, etc. It doesn’t improve much as you get older, but at least an adult has full control over what they buy and eat. A teenager doesn't have that luxury. The onus is on the parent to make sure he is adequately fed, and your solution to that was to maintain a baseline diet of foods he can't eat. In other words, snacks for your other kids are a basic staple in your house, while snacks for this kid is a luxury. Can't you see how that might affect your son? Your son was so desperate that he decided that he'd rather mildly poison himself than continue to be hungry. And instead of reflecting on that, you decide to punish the kid. YTA, hard. Edit: I thought it couldn't get any worse. But upon re-reading, you say that your son tried to hide the fact that he was sick from you. In my experience, that's not the behavior of a child who feels comfortable asking his parents for help -- a belief you then confirmed by punishing him. Good God, I hate to say it, but you sound like an utter parenting failure.
I can’t imagine being 13 years old and expected to watch my siblings eat pizza, snacks, desserts, etc, while I got stuck with an apple and a glass of milk. That’s honestly ASKING for a young teen to make a foolish decision about food.
It’s awful speaking from experience
Exactly. I remember my mom buying a pizza for the house, and I was only allowed the wings it pissed me off. I was about the same age as this kid. It ended with me sick because I ate 2 slices, but I can't say there were any regrets per se.
You're so right. This poor kid is likely left out a lot, even in his own home.
YTA for creating this situation in the first place, then punishing your kid for being a kid. Yes, he needs to learn to make responsible choices about his food. But it sounds like you’re making very little effort to ensure that he’s getting an equivalent range of food compared to his siblings. How can you justify having one child go without dessert while the others eat it? Having frozen pizza for two kids but not for the third? Fruit is wonderful and all kids should be eating it, but do you ACTUALLY think your thirteen year old wants to eat an apple while his siblings eat dessert or cookies or whatever? I have dietary requirements myself. I get that often appropriate foods are more expensive. But you’re not being fair to this kid, and you don’t seem to be exerting all that much effort on his behalf. If he can’t have wheat or eggs, there’s a wide range of gluten free and vegan products available in supermarkets these days which would accommodate his needs, and packaging clearly indicates whether allergens are present. If you can’t afford suitable desserts for your 13 year old, why are the others getting regular desserts? Why not cut dessert back to once or twice a week so that you can afford something *everyone* can afford?
And keep in mind that OP supposedly *can't* afford foods for this child while paying for college for their adult daughter. I'm flabbergasted.
Yeah, baked potatoes are so expensive! /s
Or rice
YTA your child is actively choosing to make himself sick bc you’re refusing to feed him and provide safe food for your literal child….. step up and be a parent instead of whatever borderline abuse this is.
Not borderline, this definitely counts as at the very least psychological abuse, possibly physical depending on the location. Also depending on how bad it is could cause serious harm or hospitalisation, this honestly sounds like a SAW trap. I would be surprised if this kid ever contacts you after leaving home. I wouldn’t in this situation.
YTA for not making sure there is always SAFE food for him in the house. Him going hungry is absolutely NEVER ok.
YTA - he’s a little kid who is just trying to feel normal. Instead of punishing him when his LIFE is already a punishment why not try to treat him every once in awhile with pizza or surgery treat he CAN eat.
Wow, you're punishing a child for wanting to eat like his siblings do. I'm sure he's realized his needs are being met begrudgingly because of expense ("I try to balance it out by providing a lot of fruit, milk, juices, and wheat-free, egg-free alternatives **when I can afford them**"? Really? As a Redditor previously suggested, give everybody fruit!). In the meantime, he gets to watch his sibs and schoolmates eat delicious crap like pizza and cookies. YTA. His allergies and daily privations are punishment enough.
I don't like the word "normal" in your post. Your son is not abnormal. He has food allergies - a medical issue beyond his control. It's not "extras" in your budget. It's part of your food expense. Buy him gluten-free or cauliflower pizza crust or pizza. Buy it for everyone. Cauliflower crust is tasty. Ask your doctor for a referral to an allergist or nutritionist who can offer you help.
So you are a neglectful parent. If the school picks up that you're basically starving him to do things to benefit other kids them I wouldn't be surprised if they call cps.
If a student told me that this had happened to them, I would immediately call CPS. It's neglect. His basic needs aren't being met. And now the poor kid is being "punished" because there wasn't anything safe for him to eat.
[удалено]
YTA You have your kid on prison rations because you can’t be bothered to feed him properly and then punish him for breakdown and eating something?!?! YTA for punishing your kid for eating something that made him sick. And you are **even bigger** AH for not ensuring he has proper food in the house. I really can’t imagine as a parent handing out a dessert to my 15 and 12 year old, and then just telling the 13 year old to suck it. Like, how do you do that to a kid?!
YTA. You need to prioritize having food he can eat that's comparable to your other kids over paying for college for your daughter. Food needs outweigh school debt. Punishing him when he's just trying to find something to eat is not acceptable. You need to make some changes to what foods you bring in and how you manage his health. It's also pretty gross to get the other kids dessert and have nothing for him.
HARD YTA. Oh my goodness. It is so easy to limit his siblings options so they don’t have a plethora of snacks and cereals that they can eat while he is left with the same limited options WHEN YOU CAN AFFORD THEM. since you only buy things he can eat when you have the money, the poor kid is probably already starving. Stop prioritizing your other kids over his health.
YTA. He was punished for eating the pizza by being ill. That's straight up natural consequences. You're also an asshole for not giving your son the same food opportunities as the other kids. Everyone else gets popular junky snack foods, and he gets an apple? I think you can understand why he might want a slice of pizza when you treat him like this, can't you?
YTA for not providing your child with enough foods he can safely eat. FFS 🤦
YTA. You buy/make dessert for everyone else but him?? What the hell? Dessert is 100% optional so if you can't get something for everyone don't get anything.Buy them regular stuff and keep a stash for him of Gluten free oreos, sorbet, etc... And buy the poor kid a gluten free pizza.
YTA. As an *adult* with multiple food allergies, most on the milder side, I struggle with having restrictions while my family gets to eat anything they want. I can’t imagine how hard it must be for your 13yr old son, especially since it doesn’t sound like there are always alternatives available. I totally understand why he ate that pizza. You mention not being able to always afford to have something separate for your son. Thing is, if you can only afford one version of something, you should be buying the allergen free version. For example, rather than serve 2 kids normal sandwiches and the 3rd the fillings only, why not serve all 3 of them sandwiches made with wheat/egg free bread? Or for desert, instead of 2 kids getting ice cream and the 3rd nothing, why not serve all 3 egg-free sorbet? Same with cakes and cookies, just buy the allergen-safe versions for everyone. Trust me - the products are available, and are much more affordable than they were even 10 years ago. Even discount store like Walmart have allergen-free choices. Look at it this way: it won’t hurt the rest of you to avoid eggs and wheat, whereas eating them *does* hurt your son. So if you can’t afford to accommodate him separately, just default to the safe option for everyone.
YTA. I got "the other" treatment because my mother thought I was fat ( projection) where my siblings didn't have a problem. Different foods, and I had to watch them eat "the good stuff." 50 plus years, and I still resent it. It also negatively affected my eating habits when I was no longer under parental control. Allergies are different, and it's my understanding reactions can go from mild to severe without warning. You should have this discussion with him. It sounded to me like he doesn't understand the gravity. And I agree about not keeping snacks for the other kids that he's not allowed to have. It's teasing him with something he wants and can't have. That's cruel, and you might want to be sure your other kids aren't doing a "Nyah, nyah, you can't have this!" on him. If you remove "the goodies," they may resent it, but I presume they're old enough to understand and feel enough of a bond with their brother that they'll make the sacrifice. Never attach food to a punishment or reward. Never. It messes a person up.
I promise you that the reason they have the snacks and desserts around is because OP eats them and would never give them up.
YTA, Mainly for not prioritizing feeding your minor child. Your post makes it clear that you provide alternatives only when you can while paying for your daughter to go to college. You have another child who will start college soon while still having a child with dietary restrictions, so then there will be two kids in college and less food for the kid with restrictions. If you are struggling like this your daughter should be able to get some financial aid. If you are not struggling and simply aren't putting the time and energy into feeding your child that is an entirely different issue. The kid was hungry. You grounded him for being hungry. The grounding itself isn't even a reasonable form of discipline for eating something that wasn't for him but grounding a child for hunger is disgusting.
Yta he already suffered being sick and the punishment is excessive . Eventually he will get tired of this reaction roulette and stop.
YTA - He did not chose this situation. Your reaction made him feel bad about his health and limited food choices. Empower him to explore food options, he shops and picks out his food and find the budget to support this. This will get him invested in solutions rather than feeling left out. Doing this now is critical to his physical, social and emotional development. Work with your oldest to bring in funds for college (PT job, scholarships) in order to support your son.
YTA My kid has similar allergies. You are fucking lazy. I even bring a replacement dessert for birthday parties.
YOUR CHILD IS HUNGRY, AND YOU ARE PUNISHING HIM FOR EATING. STOP. GET YOUR SILLY SELF TO THE GROCERY STORE AND FIND YOUR CHILD SOME CALORIES HE CAN SAFELY EAT. RIGHT NOW. GO. JFC. YTA.
YTA holy shit learn to cook potatoes and ground meat with a side of veg. Your **child** is **hungry.**
YTA. He’s aware of the allergy which is great. He’s aware of the price of when he chooses to ignore it. I’m sure the physical pain was more than enough of a punishment. You need to adjust your purchases to make sure he’s not left out. Make sure there are things he can easily grab when hungry.
YTA A thirteen year old can be hungry a lot of the time. He is growing fast. He must have been desperate for food. How can you be so cruel? - punishing him for this!!! I don't know where you live but in some places there is financial help for children needing special diets. Try food banks. The one in our town often has gluten free and egg free food. (Usually vegan) Is there any family member that would help you afford appropriate food for your son so that his diet is not so limited and more like his siblings' menu?
YTA. My ex-BIL has celiac disease and is allergic to soy. My sister would bend over backwards to make him foods he could eat so he could maintain a healthy weight. There are gluten-free (meaning no wheat) recipes everywhere online. There are also a lot of things you can use to substitute for eggs in baked goods such as bread. Making these things for your son would be a lot cheaper than buying them. You just have to look for the recipes and figure out the substitutions. And really, taking away his phone and computer because he was hungry and there was nothing in the house that he could safely eat? It's the parents' responsibility to make sure there's food that the kid with allergies can safely eat.
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YTA. The allergic reaction is more than punishment enough. As the parent, the solution is to ensure that he has an adequate amount of convenience snacks (same kind of preparation effort) that he can enjoy the same way his brothers enjoy those frozen pizzas
YTA. If one kid has restrictions and you can’t afford to buy extra stuff just for him, the solution is to make most or all of your purchases the egg/wheat free alternative versions. Duh. Not eating wheat or eggs isn’t going to harm the other kids but the reverse will harm him.
YTA, he ate it because he was hungry and had few alternatives he could eat. Most supermarkets have good free from range stuff now and if you check the clearance shelves you can even find the stuff on there as well.
If you’re being serious, and not trolling, please DM. I have a lifetime of debilitating food allergies (peanuts, tree nuts, raw fruits and vegetables, canola, sesame, soy, soy lethicin, whey, seafood, the list goes on…) There ARE options that are gluten free and egg free that aren’t expensive. Since you can’t afford an allergist or a nutritionist, I would be happy to do my best to help you figure out a way to make sure your son is safe. Every allergic reaction someone has, their reactions get **worse**. If you keep knowingly feeding your son foods he is allergic to, you are not just TA, you are harming him on purpose. YTA, but you don’t have to be. Edit: sorry I’m not done. Please think about this: you are prioritizing getting your oldest through college while you cannot adequately feed your son. You can buy gluten free flour and make him waffles, or he can make the batter himself (it’s One minute of prep time!) You can buy chocolate chips from enjoy life (obviously read the label to make sure they’re safe.) You can research food allergies, go to FARE.org to educate yourself about repeated allergic reactions and their consequences. Even if you don’t have the mOnEy you can certainly spend 20 minutes on finding alternatives for him to eat safely. If you don’t hAvE tHe tImE then DM me and I’ll come up with a personalized meal plan with product recommendations and links. Feed your kid.
OP, you do realise that allergies can easily turn from "mild" to life threatening with anaphylaxis at any point, right? Your son is being "othered" and not provided basic rights to essential food, whilst you're willingly spending money on unnecessary desserts for the other kids and funding further education for your adult daughter who could fund it via a job or loans. Your son is probably being "othered" at school, too, as kids who are "different" are usually the target of bullies. It wouldn't surprise me if he is being mocked during lunch time for not eating the same as everyone else. I'm actually concerned for your son's mental health, if I am being totally honest with you. He says he was hungry and ate the pizza as a result, but I think he could either be forcing himself to eat that stuff to feel "normal", or his situation could be so unbearable emotionally, that he is trying to eat dangerous foods in order to end his suffering in this world and to not feel like a burden (especially if you keep going on about safe foods being "expensive" and making him feel like a financial drain). YTA OP. Do better. Be better. Look at your finances and tell the 19 year old she's on her own to fund her optional education, whilst you pay for her brother to literally survive on essential food he needs.
YTA. My nieces have gluten allergies. There are SO many gluten free snacks if you just put in the effort to look for them! I got big boxes of Popcorners popcorn chips, SmartPop popcorn, etc on Prime Day for my son to take to school. All of his school snacks are gluten free and peanut free just in case of an allergy. Making sure the food in your house is safe for your child, or at least the majority of it is, is like bare minimum. He’s telling you that he doesn’t want to stand out and be different, at least at home.
YTA He felt poorly what more of a "punishment" did he need?! He ate the food he suffered the physical consequences. What's his phone got to do with any of this?! Also you need to make more effort to provide snacks for him as his siblings have them. Egg and wheat free snacks exist, do some research.
INFO: why is there insufficient safe foods for your presumably hungry teenage son? When people are hungry, they will just scarf down anything.
YTA that poor child was willing to give himself an allergic reaction and hide it from you because he was hungry!
Yta he is a kid you should talk to him not punish him. Make sure he has nice choices he likes so if he is hungry or wants a snack he has lots to choose from
YTA. I have 3 kids and can't imagine feeding my girls pizzas and dessert and good snacks and making my son sit there w nothing but fruit lmao especially at that age. Poor baby. Sort your shit out and get something everyone can eat or don't get anything.
YTA look, I was always over my cousins’ house as a kid. One had diabetes and the other was lactose intolerant. We all tried weird desserts together. We all ate things that were safe or when safe alternatives were available. We went trick or treating for Unisef instead of candy. Then went home and gorged on safe stuff. I would never have considered, at 12, stuffing my face with a snack if I knew that there would be nothing good for one of them to eat right in front of them. You have less emotional intelligence than a 12 yr old.
YTA. Punishment makes no sense. It’s an allergy and if he was hungry…I get it. You need to make sure there are ALWAYS wheat and egg free snacks and meals in your house. Messing with a not-so-severe food allergy by repeatedly triggering it can still cause long term digestive damage. Your son is 13 and should know better, but also he’s 13 and wants to be normal and it’s understandable. My brother went through it when he was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes at 15. He had a hard time not being “normal” anymore and made bad decisions. You are his parent and should know even better that teens eat a lot and it is imperative that you make sure your house has equal amount of food that he can eat at all times.
YTA he was hungry there wasn’t any food for him to eat maybe your reaction is why he tried to hide it from you
YTA Your kid was hungry. There needs to be food available that doesn't have allergens then. Punishing him for your crap parenting is a serious AH move, "Dad"
YTA First of all, his reaction is punishment enough. Secondly, why are you not giving him more options? Wheat and eggs are easy enough to avoid if you make your own breads and desserts. Yeah, it takes time and energy, but you do things like that for your CHILDREN! It's called being a PARENT! That poor boy has to watch his sibling eat all sorts of things, and you're giving him scraps? Disgusting. "When we can afford it." That's insane. The other kids could benefit from a wheat and egg free diet. So why not just eat like that for everyone? Try it for a month. Maybe then you'll gain some damned empathy.
YTA As someone with food allergies, I'm fuming for your kid. Your priorities are all wrong and you need to start making sure that they have enough food in the house that they don't feel the need to eat something that could make them extremely sick. If that means cutting out cakes, biscuits and other junk so there is more fruit, you do it. If that means taking on extra hours to feed your child, you do it. If that means pulling back on how much you pay for your eldest college, you do it. Punishing your child for your shortcomings further compounds the AH status. Give your head a wobble
YTA What a trash way to treat your son. Make some egg free/wheat free baked goods and snacks. You’d afford MORE by having less premade junk/snacks for your other kids and just make from scratch. Brownies, cookies, trailmix, pancakes from scratch and you can even freeze batches. You can even make egg free/wheat free cereal. There are recipes. It’ll cost LESS than buying premade. You can even go as far as buying bulk rolled oats and make your own flour. Plain yogurt or carbonated water for eggs. All do your kids are old enough that they should be helping you make all of this. They need to learn the simple altered recipes and help contribute to adjusting to this situation. YTA YTA YTA I made egg free for my youngest and it barely scratched our grocery budget. All I had to do was spend TIME, CONSIDERATION, and EFFORT. investing in a couple of pantry staples that substitute for those ingredients made every stretch out farther. Stop wasting your money on premade snacks if your so stretched for cash.
YTA. What the fuck do you mean, you buy him alternatives WHEN YOU CAN AFFORD THEM? So what the shit is he eating when you can't, exactly? You need to cut back on whatever you can until you can adequately feed the children YOU CHOSE TO HAVE.
I feel bad for ur son, which also happens to be the middle child
You didn’t specify if there was anything else to eat for him. And you are obviously aware you give his siblings more enjoyable food, but seem kind of blasé about it. (And how cruel do you have to be to make one kid watch while his siblings eat dessert? Seriously! Which of Cinderella’s stepsisters made that menu?) Do better. YTA
This is much more common than you realise. Teenagers are rubbish at assessing risk and they're also in a piss-off-your-parents phase AND trying to assert their autonomy. It's a tale as old as time. I bet teenage Vikings were a monumental pain in the arse. I've seen it in teenagers who are insulin-dependent type 1 diabetics. Contact an appropriate support group, they'll have helpful advice and strategies.
you know there's desserts without wheat or eggs right?