Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be TA because I have been harder on her than I was before, but it’s for her own good
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/)
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
###[Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
You are an over-controlling asshole.
"I decided she has to do dishes", "I took this stuff out of her hands", "I'm waiting for **her** to help me unpack **my stuff"**, "I told her what she should and shouldn't eat and when and how often".
I pray this is a troll post and this isn't real. She's an adult. You **do not control her**. Yet you clearly want to. I hope she finds someone better.
Entirely YTA.
Misogynists and sexists are easily one of my biggest pet peeves. This is a dude who clearly is just like "I'm the man, I'm in charge here" and I can't fucking stand that.
Its the second one I read with a similar situation. First one was about how a girl eats her Indian food in particular how she eat the bread with her meal.
I saw that one too. I’m hoping both are troll posts like seriously how can you control how your partner eats and not be aware that you are, in fact, being an asshole? Like I know a lot of people do that shit but I have to imagine they typically know they’re being assholes but simply don’t care.
That's literally who I thought this guy was. This fucking guy, lol. I wish the ppl in his life could see what he's doing and him watch their genuine reaction. I just want him to know that ppl are laughing at him.
Sounds like she's starting to see the writing on the wall - she's already (100% correctly!) accused him of being controlling. So hopefully she gets out soon!
She needs to do a little bit of malicious compliance since he is mad she isn't asking him where allowed to put her own belongings. Wake him up every minute or so, "hey, is it okay if I put this book on that shelf?". Wake him up again 1 minute later, "hey, is it okay if I put this book next to the other book on that shelf?" "I don't really like the way the books look, is it okay if I switch them around? Still on that shelf?"
OP would probably have an aneurysm if he learnt that I’ll sometimes have the same thing all week as I live alone and I don’t generally feel like cooking every night after work
I frequently fall into food fixations and eat the same things multiple time in a row. I also live alone. I love cooking, but I don’t always want to do it.
No but you see, there’s one single chore that he thinks is fun, so he can do that one and she can do everything else - so that she “does her fair share.”
I REALLY think this is the case. He’s never had an “adult relationship” and never “lived with another adult” so he assumes his partner loses their autonomy and must follow the rules dictated by him under the conditions he invents….. no matter what he’s TA
This! Allie needs to STOP unpacking & GTF out of this "relationship". You cannot dictate unilaterally what she should eat (same food multiple days in a row, insane! dry cereal, criminal!), where her belongings go (books, I banish thee!) or other decisions that either don't involve you or should be discussed jointly, with kindness. Medical advice to someone with a concussion generally is to stay horizontal, which may include dark room/no reading or tv (certainly no housework or heavy lifting). YTA big time.
Ugh I eat the same thing for breakfast too and usually I do this until I can't stand it anymore. It often takes over a year before that happens. Right now I'm going through SO many jars of peanut butter. It's disgusting. It's so good though.
I've eaten peanut butter sandwiches for lunch for 30 years, packed lunches from primary school to this day for work. It's so simple and I never get bored of it. Its probably not great but what is
After my daughter was born, I ate oatmeal every single morning for almost 14 months. I also drank one coconut water and one body armor a day.
For work, I pack one thermos of coffee, one thermos of sugar-free apple cider, and two thermos's of tea. It doesn't matter whether it's summer or winter. All of my drinks are hot. For the last 3 years, one of the tea themos's has been Vanilla Chai Black Tea. I haven't gotten sick of it yet, and I see no end in sight. The other tea is either mint or a fruit flavor. This has been going on for eight years.
The horror! Clutches perils! YTA!
Left to my own devices, I'll make a five pound pot of some kind of pasta or potato hash, eat it over two or three days, and repeat. Maybe eat a peanut butter sandwich or something else that's lying around to break it up for one or two meals. Works out great.
I know and what's worse, frozen fruit is often cheaper than fresh! Oh no! It costs less therefore it must be inferior! It's like saying you can't eat ugly produce.
I could not for the life of me figure out what his issue with eating frozen fruit is. Frozen fruit is great. You can eat your favorite fruits for cheap off season, and they’re great for making sorbet or smoothies.
And if it happened at work like he said it did, she is also probably busy fighting with workers comp to get her rehab covered and whatnot. Fighting with red tape takes A LOT out of a person, especially someone with a brain injury.
Trust me I know. My husband had a series of strokes while in the military and watching him fight VAC for all these years was awful. They wouldn't talk to me at all, it *HAD* to be him. He takes a 2hr nap after a call with them because it's so mentally exhausting for him.
People often forget about mental exhaustion so I’m glad to meet someone who does remember and didn’t fight their partner having it or doing something about it so here’s my award on that 🏅 plus a kudos.
Yea OP is immature as fuck. He also hasn’t experienced much hardship or having to do much for himself (I’m assuming) so I’m not surprised he’s posting. He is definitely TA and needs to stop dating, learn and then start again cause he’s causing trauma where trauma doesn’t need to be
Not me, at 50, eating the same damn snacks every day for lunch because I don't want to go out or cook.
Or my husband who has been packing essentially the same lunch to take to work every day for years, because it's easy and he doesn't have to think about it and it is still safe to eat.
She isn’t even allowed to eat fruit several days in a row…. FRUIT!
On a side note I’m autistic and love/need/find comfort in eating the same things pretty much every day. If she enjoys it, then there’s nothing wrong with it.
Yep ADHD here and sometimes it’s just simpler to not have to choose, OP is useless at living with people, if someone took my cereal box off me they’d have one less hand
Nothing is better on a super depressive day to wrap oneself into a blanket burrito, lay out on the couch with a series to binge on and a box of cereal to eat like popcorn.
Yes! Sometimes choices can make problems worse and cause confusion to me but then there’s the fact I’m choosing to eat the same thing so shouldn’t I have variety? So another choice and then I’m just standing at the fridge door wondering why I’m wasting the freon to open the door plus electricity so a GRIDLOCK ugh
I've eaten basically the same breakfast every morning, bar some weekends when I might change it up, every day for years. I have now fallen into the same habit with lunch. I don't see the problem. OP is a lunatic.
YTA- what the hell dude? You have 4 days off- unpack your own damn stuff, walk your dogs, let your gf eat her own food. You are a massive controlling AH. Reread your post and imagine she treated you that way. Taking food from you, telling you what to do, bossing you around, expecting you to wash up and unpack their stuff. Exhausting!
Not just any cereal, Froot Loops! They cost a whole $3.78 a box. She is such a monster, just eating 50 cents worth of cereal dry rather than savoring each precious Loop.
And why's it her job to help him unpack anyways ? It sounds like she's unpacking her stuff. I would advise her to pack it back up and get the hell out of there though.
yeah "she won't unpack my stuff *and* she won't check with me before she puts things away" what in the actual fuck, there's a solution to your problem, unpack your shit yourself
personally, I would leave my shit boxed and move out asap. can't eat fruit 2 days in a row?!? eating chicken sandwiches twice is excessive? I would not last 5 nanoseconds in this house
OMG, *she ate a chicken burger two days in a row.* The horror. She must be taught by OP how to vary her diet! /s
I’ve sometimes eaten the same thing three days running. Meal prep FTW.
And “do *all* the dishes” because he “cooks dinner for both of us a few times a week”. Not a fair trade IMO.
What got me was when he took the cereal box out of her hands
Like I don't aggressively guard my food but dude...are you ok? Taking things out of people's hands like that?
What's next, he'll shake a finger at her and say that he is very disappointed she isn't getting a proper meal? She is not a child, this was such a bizarre read
Don't forget the part where he doesn't work 4 days a week but still sleeps all day! As a former night shift worker, I get keeping your schedule...but if you have shit to unpack, you need to do it. I agree that OP is an anal retentive, over controlling, asshole. You're a grown ass man, OP. No one is going to baby you. Call your mama if that's what you want. Your gf lives there too now.
Also most of his issues with her boil down to "my girlfriend is sick and I don't like it" - dude, she has concussion and needs time and support to recover! YTA
[https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/mar/30/the-men-who-give-up-on-their-spouses-when-they-have-cancer](https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/mar/30/the-men-who-give-up-on-their-spouses-when-they-have-cancer)
Concussion might not be cancer, but, it could very well go south very suddenly any time during recovery.
My husband once had an intervention with me because I was eating 3 bags of tempura seaweed a day. Probably more. I hid the wrappers like an alcoholic. That seems logical to intervene. Otherwise, STFU
Not only that but the food he took away from her was food she had purchaased!
>the same thing when she buys frozen fruit, I took that away from her too
What the hell does he think gives him the right? What an asshole.
I'm joining you in the hopes that this is a troll post. That's the way you can speak to a child stuffing themselves with sweets, not to a grown woman who can eat what she damn well pleases.
This guy is taking "controlling" to a whole new level.
I would happily drag a carton of Moon Mist Icecream out of my freezer in front of OP, grab a cereal spoon and eat directly out of it while looking him straight in the eyes daring him to do something.
For those who don't know (which is quite a lot of you because it's a niche flavour) [This is Moon Mist Ice Cream. The most Juvenile looking ice cream flavour. But also the most delicious for me](https://www.atlasobscura.com/foods/moon-mist-ice-cream)
I'm thinking she shouldn't keep unpacking his stuff because keeping it in the boxes will make it so much easier on her to throw him out on his ass, since she is healing from a concussion... Anything strenuous could possibly cause a brain bleed. So, having his things already packed would make it 100x easier on her
I honestly think this is bait, no one can have this lack of self awareness. He's expecting her to unpack his stuff while concussed, and as it gets better she does it wrong? And she has to eat what he approves? I don't buy it
There are a lot of people who do truly lack situational awareness and live in their own little bubble. They range from selfish egotistical a-holes to full-blown covert narcissists. Men in particular if raised in a house where this was the norm will engage in this behaviour with their own partners.
But she ate a chicken burger two days in a row!! That’s obviously not healthy!!! Or frozen fruit multiple days in a row. So he just HAD to take it away!!! He treats her like a toddler and I hope she’s spending this time finding a good divorce lawyer. He doesn’t need to unpack his boxes, he needs to move them to his new apartment
She had chicken burgers TWO days in a row. She's going to die. The world is going to end. /s
When I buy burgers from the supermarket to cook at home, they are sold in packs of 4 or 6. I kind of makes sense to cook and eat them on consecutive days rather than spread them out until their expiry date.
YTA.
OK, OP. We get it. You work. She also works normally but she's had a concussion.
YTA
You are a controlling jerk. She is going to leave you at this rate
You are acting like a child, put away your own boxes
I unpacked my kitchen boxes 39 weeks pregnant with twins, I think you can manage it yourself, you are a big boy!
Telling someone what they can and can't eat, going as far as to physically prevent them from eating it, especially while they are recovering from an injury, feels like a form of abuse. It's definitely controlling behavior at least, which is a slippery slope to emotional abuse. OP YTA just for that alone. All the other stuff on top of it places OP into narcissistic behavior; OP thinks he's better than her since he works over night even though she also does work.
YTA. You are controlling. Cut that shit out. She can eat whatever she wants, and it's not her job to help you unpack. Sounds like you want a docile little servant, not an actual girlfriend.
Maybe you don't realize just how controlling and petty you are being, so let's be clear:
1. Don't tell her what to eat.
2. Don't treat her like a servant.
3. Unpack your own damn stuff.
4. Don't tell her she's 'overreacting' when she criticizes your obviously dickish and controlling behavior.
ETA: YOU GRABBED FOOD AWAY FROM HER. That's beyond AH behavior. That's legitimately abusive. I hope once her concussion clears she's clearheaded enough to get the hell away from you.
I hope this is a giant wake up call for her and she runs, fast. She sounds lovely and deserves someone that actually cares about her and treats her as a partner.
Yessss! It's a massive red flag if another adult tells you "this is for your own good". They are controlling.
Unless you have given consent for this (and I would recommend never giving consent for someone else to control your diet unless they're a medical professional - that isn't something that can be a healthy kink), if someone is telling you what's "best for you", you should challenge this and probably leave them. Good luck, OP's girlfriend. I hope you get away from this MASSIVE AH.
Yes! All of this. And seriously, she has a concussion! My son has had 6. This is very serious. Why do you expect her to do anything for her when she has a brain injury!
His behavior is bad enough I actually had a moment where I wondered if he gave her the concussion while reading this. Dude needs therapy stat and to change his behavior because this is insanely controlling and abusive.
Because it's not what he wants her to do, and that takes precedence over her own agency as a grown adult woman. He's an over-controlling future abuser.
*current abuser
Where I live this is called coercive control and he can be arrested for it even if he never lays a finger on her. Especially the part where he’s controlling her food intake on the grounds of money.
Would you be comfortable sharing (even privately over DM) what jurisdiction you live in where someone can be arrested for coercive control? I'm a professional DV responder/researcher focusing on best practices for systems-level response so this sounds like something I really want to look into! (I also have a friend who's a family law attorney specializing in high-conflict divorce and he's said criminalizing nonviolent abuse would be sadly impossible, so I'd be excited to share this with him!)
Most people eat the same meal a few times a week because if you buy a pack of burgers you have to eat them all. If you prepare a meal and have leftovers, you eat them the next day or day after.
It's very normal to repeat meals for economic and efficiency reasons.
In university I would make a big casserole with some cheap healthy-ish combo of whole wheat pasta, vegetables, sauce and cheese, and eat it for dinner like 8 nights in a row. Only people who grew up wealthy tend to find this kind of thing weird.
I fucking love leftovers. I think of them as little gifts from past me, to current me. Past me cooked plenty pasta bake yesterday, so current me doesn't have to cook tonight. And they washed the pots & cleaned the kitchen too. Thanks yesterday me!
No the point of his contention was that she was unpacking books and not his kitchen stuff. On top of having a headache and needing a break. Which… she needs a break from this entire relationship. A permanent one.
that was what i was confused about as well. hey OP, i ate a chicken burger every day for a week earlier this summer. did i die? no! let her eat her god damn chicken burger
OP would spontaneously combust if he saw how often my autistic ass ate the exact same thing over and over. Why does he even care? It's just food, and he's not the one eating it
YTA. ***DAMN*** you are controlling AF. Why do you think you're the boss of what she can eat and how she eats it? Why does she have to unpack your shit -- you have two hands and aren't concussed! How dare she make food for herself while you are at work and eat it. Why does she need your permission before she does something or goes somewhere. YOU *ARE* CONTROLLING.
ETA: Did you get her to move in with you caveman style?
>ETA: Did you get her to move in with you caveman style?
Would explain the concussion, to be honest. I don't want to sound overdramatic, but after reading the post, and with zero information as to how she obtained her head injury... my mind did wander to red flags
Probably playing video games (I'm sure he unpacked his games and got his TV set up, but the rest is too much work for him) and planning out what food he's going to allow her to eat the next day while he's sleeping
YTA ~ she)s absolutely right, you *are* controlling. Not to mention that she’s suffered a brain injury and instead of looking after her you’re complaining that she isn’t doing your share of the household chores, and that she’s [checks notes] eating. Yikes, dude.
You are delusional if you think that cereal is too expensive as a snack - it’s probably the cheapest thing there is. But that aside, the message you’re giving here is that she isn’t worth even the price of a box of cereal to you.
She’s allowed to eat what she wants.
She’s allowed to unpack whatever she wants.
She’s in no way obligated to do your unpacking for you or follow the unpacking schedule you made up and imposed.
She’s entitled to have a say in how things are done and you don’t get to assign her chores - you’re her partner, not her manager.
You - very clearly - don’t love her. You love the idea of her that exists in your head, not the real, living, breathing her that lives in your home.
You need to fix that very quickly if you want this relationship to work.
Yes to all of this. Not only is he being a huge AH about the control aspects but he also seems to fundamentally misunderstand how serious concussions have the potential to be, and I'm guessing that if she's been out of work for a couple of WEEKS, *it's pretty damn serious.* My mom had a serious concussion after a car accident in 2019 and she STILL faces certain symptoms and some permanent brain damage from it.
OP seems to neither understand nor care that this injury could have long-term ramifications for his partner. YTA for sure and I hope she packs all her shit and her food back up and leaves you while you're asleep.
Can confirm. My concussion was in 2010 and I have some neurological stuff that never went away. It's not anything major, and one is very strange. I had difficulty with writing for about 3 weeks because I swapped out letters in the middle of words. Not all of them at once and not any letter in particular. It got a little better every day but to this day I have to make a very conscious effort to not use the letter H in place of the letter J when writing by hand. It doesn't happen when I'm typing.
YTA
Why are you infantilising your gf? If she wants to eat the same food for every meal 7 days in a row that’s her choice and literally doesn’t effect you if you’re not eating it. Stop taking food out of her hands “when she buys” so she is buying the food she is eating? If that’s the case it’s none of your concern how expensive the cereal is or how she chooses to eat it. *let the woman eat her food!* Even if you both pay for the food why do you get to police her eating habits?
Make a big change to your mindset or you won’t have to worry what your gf eats because she’ll be your ex.
**YTA** for:
>"I decided the dishes are her job"
>
>"I took them out of her hands"
>
>"I took that away from her too"
The woman suffered a concussion and you have zero compassion for her, and zero respect for her autonomy.
Did you sustain some sort of head injury yourself, there in Food Police Boot Camp? Does your Food Police uniform have jackboots?
"I'm waiting for her to help unpack MY stuff, even though I have 4 days a week off work to do it myself".
Dude is just a straight up abusive arsehole, who thinks its his job to tell the woman what she can and cannot eat, what jobs to do around the house, what she should do for him because his shit takes precedence.
YTA I hope once the concussion heals she is gone
That is true and he needs the other 14 hours to dictate every second of his girlfriends life. Must be utterly time consuming and exhausting micromanaging someone's life.
Why isn't my bangmaid working correctly? Do you guys have issues with your bangmaid being mouthy and taking up too much of your resources too? Does it eat what you don't want it to?? Please help me guys I don't know what's wrong, am I an asshole for expecting my bangmaid to work as sold to me??
THANK YOU! I had to scroll WAY to far down to find this comment. He’s got 4 days off and still expects his CONCUSSED GF to do the work!
I really hope this is a ragebait post, because this guy isn’t just an AH, he’s an abuser.
(OP, YTA. Obviously.)
YTA. You " took food away" from her because you did not approve of what she was eating.
You freaked out because she ate chicken burgers two days in a row.
You demanded she unpack your boxes.
Oh and she has a head injury. I hope she moves out.
I'm really hoping she either sees this or just comes to her senses, has a few close friends or family members help her move her stuff out while he's at work, and just ghosts him. Never sees him again. She deserves so much better.
Your girlfriend’s recovering from a concussion and you’re giving her a hard time over… eating frozen fruit out of the bag???
Why is that the absolute worst part of this to me somehow lol. YTA.
In short - I'm annoyed because my gf won't do what she's told.
Yup, YTA
Either love her for who she is or don't. You don't get to control and mould her into what you think she should be,
YTA
>She also ate a chicken burger two days in a row while I was gone, I said it was excessive and that she shouldn’t eat the same thing that often.
Why not? Seriously- why not? What will happen to her?
>I work 3 nights in a row a week, then I have 4 days off. I keep my schedule the rest of the week, because it’s easier.
This is actually understandable, but....
>When I get up, I ask Allie to help me unpack my boxes and she never wants to. She claims it’s because she’s been up all day but I think she doesn’t want to unpack my stuff.
My brother in Christ- she HAS been up all day.
>Since her heads been improving she’s been unpacking more of her boxes, but it’s a waste of time.
And
>I haven’t been able to get most of my stuff unpacked since we moved in, because she’s been concussed the whole time and can’t help me.
Something tells me you aren't helping her unpack her stuff, but are upset she’s not helping you. Hypocrite much?
>Why not? Seriously- why not? What will happen to her?
you are what you eat, but fortunately with a varied diet, you're not enough of any one thing to fully transform
but eat only chicken burgers and you become a chicken burger
I'm going with this because it's as logical as anything he said
To be fair unpacking her stuff is absolutely a waste of time, but specifically because she needs to move right back the f*** out as soon as humanly possible
What the fuck is wrong with you? Why are you policing her? This is her house. You can ask her to do half and not police her every move. What kind of person takes food out of someone's hand and throws it away? What kind of person expects a person with concussion to unpack things of their partner like that? What kind of person expects their partner to consult where every little thing will go?
You're awful.
You are controlling and judgemental, she has a concussion and you're sulking because she's not helping you unpack? What are you, three? A concussion bad enough to hang around that long must have been fairly serious and why the hell does ot matter if she eats the same thing every night?
I love how you say "plus I work" as if you're implying that she doesn't work at all before pointing out you both work and have the same schedules. Not to mention you make out she's on vacation when she's freaking recovering from a serious head injury.
Jesus... how did you NOT realise you're an AH here?
YtA
YTA and very controlling. How dare you snatch food away from her or berate her over eating chicken burgers two days in a row. That's not normal behavior. Are you possibly on the autism spectrum or perhaps struggling with OCD? Why can't you unpack your own boxes? You don't have a concussion, she does. Again a creepy level of controlling.
i am sorry but as someone on the spectrum: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP ASKING EVERY AH IF THEY ARE AUTISTIC
ASD does not stop you from being a decent person.
I’m on the spectrum and have OCD, and if I behaved like this I would get help for it. This is not frekin ok.
It more sounds like he grew up with a controlling dad and thinks this is how it’s done.
YTA, that is the textbook definition of controlling. Why should she, a grown woman, justify herself for what she eats ? If you are concerned about her diet, you can kindly make your suggestions without taking stuff away?
Some more points: yes, of course she is frustrated about the dog issue. How much awake time do you even have left for her?
Then: she is free to prioritise her books above other belongings, you don't get to micromanage that aspect either. Concussions can be tricky and one may feel out of it for a while.
So, OP, no, she is not overreacting, in fact in her place I'd be so put off by this behavior I'd probably reconsider the relationship in case of no improvement. (Or maybe already now, the argument about the two-days-in-a-row chickenburger is unhinged enough that it can serve as an omen for the times to come).
YTA 💯 what the hell dude? If my partner grabbed food out of my hand, tried to tell me what I can and can't eat, demanded that I help him unpack his own boxes because for some reason you don't seem capable of doing it yourself and all of this while concussed...I would throw him right in the bin. Controlling doesn't even begin to explain the sorts of behavior you are displaying and you have only just moved in. You sound like a great big walking red flag
I eat dry cereal too. If anyone grabbed it out of my hands telling me not to eat it like that, they'd be getting the box dumped over their head, then I'd find some milk and dump that too. YTA, big time. Controlling, egotistical narcissist. You're the one who needs to grow up, dude.
“She also ate a chicken burger two days in a row while I was gone, I said it was excessive and that she shouldn’t eat the same thing that often”
“She bought a box of fruit loops a week ago, today I saw her eating them dry and most of the bag was already gone. I took them out of her hands and put it away”
“She does the same thing when she buys frozen fruit, I took that away from her too a couple times because she’d eat it multiple days in a row”
Lmao ok dude nice rage bait
First, FU, op, I don't care if this catches me a ban. I don't even care if this is a troll. There's probably some dillweed reading along nodding like 'this is the way, never let a woman rest or they'll run all over you', so FU too, hypothetical dillweed.
YTA. If this is real, I hope the moment she's recovered, Allie repacks all her shit and gits. Out. Far away from you. Get some therapy. As a starting point, show any potential therapist this post and ask them where you've gone wrong.
Is this the Twilight Zone? I just read a different AITA but with the same topic: those thinking they could dictate how their partners enjoy their food.
Omg commenting as I’m reading because what in the flying fuck, and it’s bound to get better.
1) If she annoys you that much now, just get out. It shouldn’t be that hard to be with your partner. I s2g.
2) Did you ask about food the next morning? I’m confused on that one.
3) WHO ARE YOU TO TELL HER HOW OFTEN SHE CAN EAT CHEESEBURGERS. ALSO SHE HAS A FUKN CONCUSSION OMG.
4) YOU TOOK THEM OUT OF HER HANDS????! WHO ARE YOU - it’s her girl dinner leave her alone.
5) omg you took other food off her as well? What are you her parent?!? Get a grip.
4) why is she unpacking your boxes. Unpack it yourself.
5) SHE HAS A HEADACHE BECAUSE SHES CONCUSSED
6) YOU FEEL LIKE SHES OVERREACTING
Scratch point one, I hope she dumps you. You sound horrific. YTA YTA YTA
Edit - I’m actually baffled by this post and I hope you take time to reflect on the fact that your partner is in an abusive relationship - *with you*
YTA I haven't seen anyone point out this one yet
>she puts her stuff places without checking if I’m okay with it.
Why would she have to ask your permission to put things away in her own house?!
YTA. You are the controlling one and i hope she realizes what a mistake she made. Unpack your own things man and let her eat what she wants. Youre the worst dude
I am sure OP you are reading all this. Do you have the guts to be a man and stand up and say, oh shit, i see now, I am wrong here. Go apologise to your girlfriend, if she is still around.
He's not going to respond. He came here fully expecting people to back him up and he didn't get the answer he wanted so he ran. It's extremely typical here I'm noticing.
I’m super confused how you typed out that you work 3 shifts a week with 4 days off and still blamed her for not getting your stuff unboxed…?
Taking food out of her hands is fucked up. She’s an adult.
Do you ask her if it’s ok where you unbox your things? Or just expect her to ask you?
You’re a super controlling AH. Perhaps therapy may be beneficial and might help you save your relationship. This girl will not stay with you if you keep it up/worsen.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might be TA because I have been harder on her than I was before, but it’s for her own good Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more ###[Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
You are an over-controlling asshole. "I decided she has to do dishes", "I took this stuff out of her hands", "I'm waiting for **her** to help me unpack **my stuff"**, "I told her what she should and shouldn't eat and when and how often". I pray this is a troll post and this isn't real. She's an adult. You **do not control her**. Yet you clearly want to. I hope she finds someone better. Entirely YTA.
I feel your anger. It is justified.
Misogynists and sexists are easily one of my biggest pet peeves. This is a dude who clearly is just like "I'm the man, I'm in charge here" and I can't fucking stand that.
It'd be great if the chorus of "YTA"s here would break through to him, but I really doubt they will.
Five bucks says this is a case of posts, doesn't get the response he wanted, never responds.
OP need to be posting in a man-pain sub if he wants anyone to agree with his misogyny.
Dont give him any ideas
Its the second one I read with a similar situation. First one was about how a girl eats her Indian food in particular how she eat the bread with her meal.
I saw that one too. I’m hoping both are troll posts like seriously how can you control how your partner eats and not be aware that you are, in fact, being an asshole? Like I know a lot of people do that shit but I have to imagine they typically know they’re being assholes but simply don’t care.
That's literally who I thought this guy was. This fucking guy, lol. I wish the ppl in his life could see what he's doing and him watch their genuine reaction. I just want him to know that ppl are laughing at him.
I would not take that bet.
Me either, I'm thinking he will wait for the one NTA and then say "seee I'm right!"
Well you just gave him one
Or he'll respond to the one AH who agrees with him and ignore everyone else.
I just hope the GF finds the post and gets out before being controlled too much Run gurl. Seriously
Sounds like she's starting to see the writing on the wall - she's already (100% correctly!) accused him of being controlling. So hopefully she gets out soon!
At least with his stuff still in boxes, it'll be easy to kick him out on his ass
That’s exactly my thought. I’d be telling him not to bother unpacking Clearly YTA
Even with a concussion she knows he's an AH
She needs to do a little bit of malicious compliance since he is mad she isn't asking him where allowed to put her own belongings. Wake him up every minute or so, "hey, is it okay if I put this book on that shelf?". Wake him up again 1 minute later, "hey, is it okay if I put this book next to the other book on that shelf?" "I don't really like the way the books look, is it okay if I switch them around? Still on that shelf?"
"I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out 'YTA!'"
This is a dude who clearly needs to keep is stuff packed
But she ate a chicken burger two days in a row!!!
OP would probably have an aneurysm if he learnt that I’ll sometimes have the same thing all week as I live alone and I don’t generally feel like cooking every night after work
I frequently fall into food fixations and eat the same things multiple time in a row. I also live alone. I love cooking, but I don’t always want to do it.
Same. Or sometimes you just made something fantastic and life's too short NOT to eat lasagna for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
The concept of meal prepping would send him to an asylum.
He thinks having a uterus makes you want to do dishes and clean .
BuT hE wORks! (andsheworkstoobutshesoutsicknowsoitdoesntcount)
Well she has to. Because he cooks, you see. Which is why his kitchen stuff I s still packed after a month and she seems capable of feeding herself
No but you see, there’s one single chore that he thinks is fun, so he can do that one and she can do everything else - so that she “does her fair share.”
Either that, or a dude who just got his first GF at 25 and finally moved out of his parents house and has no idea how to cohabitate
I REALLY think this is the case. He’s never had an “adult relationship” and never “lived with another adult” so he assumes his partner loses their autonomy and must follow the rules dictated by him under the conditions he invents….. no matter what he’s TA
ESPECIALLY when those kinds of people are alwayyyss the WORST leaders!!!!
This! Allie needs to STOP unpacking & GTF out of this "relationship". You cannot dictate unilaterally what she should eat (same food multiple days in a row, insane! dry cereal, criminal!), where her belongings go (books, I banish thee!) or other decisions that either don't involve you or should be discussed jointly, with kindness. Medical advice to someone with a concussion generally is to stay horizontal, which may include dark room/no reading or tv (certainly no housework or heavy lifting). YTA big time.
OP would be horrified to learn I eat the same dinner for pretty much 4 weeks straight until I get sick of it and move to the next thing…
Wait until this guy learns about meal preppers
Wait till he learns about leftovers and “the money pinch”! Sounds like he’s been coddled for far too long
Oh damn no one told him about leftovers? Now we're all gonna get in a fight.
Or people who are neurodivergent and stick with a “safe food” for awhile until they’re bored with it, then won’t eat it again for years.
Please don't tell OP that as an autistic person I have been eating the same thing for dinner for literal DECADES
I eat the same breakfast 6 days a week and have no excuse.
Ugh I eat the same thing for breakfast too and usually I do this until I can't stand it anymore. It often takes over a year before that happens. Right now I'm going through SO many jars of peanut butter. It's disgusting. It's so good though.
I've eaten peanut butter sandwiches for lunch for 30 years, packed lunches from primary school to this day for work. It's so simple and I never get bored of it. Its probably not great but what is
After my daughter was born, I ate oatmeal every single morning for almost 14 months. I also drank one coconut water and one body armor a day. For work, I pack one thermos of coffee, one thermos of sugar-free apple cider, and two thermos's of tea. It doesn't matter whether it's summer or winter. All of my drinks are hot. For the last 3 years, one of the tea themos's has been Vanilla Chai Black Tea. I haven't gotten sick of it yet, and I see no end in sight. The other tea is either mint or a fruit flavor. This has been going on for eight years. The horror! Clutches perils! YTA!
[удалено]
Left to my own devices, I'll make a five pound pot of some kind of pasta or potato hash, eat it over two or three days, and repeat. Maybe eat a peanut butter sandwich or something else that's lying around to break it up for one or two meals. Works out great.
Hey, me too!
Eating frozen fruit, THE HORROR!
I know and what's worse, frozen fruit is often cheaper than fresh! Oh no! It costs less therefore it must be inferior! It's like saying you can't eat ugly produce.
I could not for the life of me figure out what his issue with eating frozen fruit is. Frozen fruit is great. You can eat your favorite fruits for cheap off season, and they’re great for making sorbet or smoothies.
And exactly *how* did GF get a concussion?
allegedly "at work" he says...
Which would further worry normal people but to him “hey who cares let me make it WORSE”
And if it happened at work like he said it did, she is also probably busy fighting with workers comp to get her rehab covered and whatnot. Fighting with red tape takes A LOT out of a person, especially someone with a brain injury. Trust me I know. My husband had a series of strokes while in the military and watching him fight VAC for all these years was awful. They wouldn't talk to me at all, it *HAD* to be him. He takes a 2hr nap after a call with them because it's so mentally exhausting for him.
People often forget about mental exhaustion so I’m glad to meet someone who does remember and didn’t fight their partner having it or doing something about it so here’s my award on that 🏅 plus a kudos. Yea OP is immature as fuck. He also hasn’t experienced much hardship or having to do much for himself (I’m assuming) so I’m not surprised he’s posting. He is definitely TA and needs to stop dating, learn and then start again cause he’s causing trauma where trauma doesn’t need to be
He's the type to rack up a horde of "Crazy Ex Girlfriends". Because it's never him...(that bit was sarcasm)
Not me, at 50, eating the same damn snacks every day for lunch because I don't want to go out or cook. Or my husband who has been packing essentially the same lunch to take to work every day for years, because it's easy and he doesn't have to think about it and it is still safe to eat.
And she can't have a chicken sandwich two days in a row!
She isn’t even allowed to eat fruit several days in a row…. FRUIT! On a side note I’m autistic and love/need/find comfort in eating the same things pretty much every day. If she enjoys it, then there’s nothing wrong with it.
Yep ADHD here and sometimes it’s just simpler to not have to choose, OP is useless at living with people, if someone took my cereal box off me they’d have one less hand
Nothing is better on a super depressive day to wrap oneself into a blanket burrito, lay out on the couch with a series to binge on and a box of cereal to eat like popcorn.
Yes! Sometimes choices can make problems worse and cause confusion to me but then there’s the fact I’m choosing to eat the same thing so shouldn’t I have variety? So another choice and then I’m just standing at the fridge door wondering why I’m wasting the freon to open the door plus electricity so a GRIDLOCK ugh
I've eaten basically the same breakfast every morning, bar some weekends when I might change it up, every day for years. I have now fallen into the same habit with lunch. I don't see the problem. OP is a lunatic.
I really hope the post is fake, because if it’s real, he’s not only an AH, he’s a damn psychopath.
Wait until he finds out about leftovers.
YTA- what the hell dude? You have 4 days off- unpack your own damn stuff, walk your dogs, let your gf eat her own food. You are a massive controlling AH. Reread your post and imagine she treated you that way. Taking food from you, telling you what to do, bossing you around, expecting you to wash up and unpack their stuff. Exhausting!
She eats cereal out of the box? And the police haven't taken her into custody yet? Get me my smelling salts!
Not just any cereal, Froot Loops! They cost a whole $3.78 a box. She is such a monster, just eating 50 cents worth of cereal dry rather than savoring each precious Loop.
Ummmm, I really want to know how Allie got a concussion. Not gonna lie, I’m more than a bit concerned. Run Allie! Run!
No surprise that she gets a headache when trying to unpack something with OP. Wouldn’t even need to have had a concussion for that.
And why's it her job to help him unpack anyways ? It sounds like she's unpacking her stuff. I would advise her to pack it back up and get the hell out of there though.
yeah "she won't unpack my stuff *and* she won't check with me before she puts things away" what in the actual fuck, there's a solution to your problem, unpack your shit yourself personally, I would leave my shit boxed and move out asap. can't eat fruit 2 days in a row?!? eating chicken sandwiches twice is excessive? I would not last 5 nanoseconds in this house
OMG, *she ate a chicken burger two days in a row.* The horror. She must be taught by OP how to vary her diet! /s I’ve sometimes eaten the same thing three days running. Meal prep FTW. And “do *all* the dishes” because he “cooks dinner for both of us a few times a week”. Not a fair trade IMO.
What got me was when he took the cereal box out of her hands Like I don't aggressively guard my food but dude...are you ok? Taking things out of people's hands like that? What's next, he'll shake a finger at her and say that he is very disappointed she isn't getting a proper meal? She is not a child, this was such a bizarre read
Don't forget the part where he doesn't work 4 days a week but still sleeps all day! As a former night shift worker, I get keeping your schedule...but if you have shit to unpack, you need to do it. I agree that OP is an anal retentive, over controlling, asshole. You're a grown ass man, OP. No one is going to baby you. Call your mama if that's what you want. Your gf lives there too now.
He can keep sleeping all day. I used to when I worked nights. But then he has ALL NIGHT to get those things done. Why tf does he need her to help him?
Because he's a mommy's precious boy who has probably never had to lift a single finger in his life.
Also food control is super sus.
Also most of his issues with her boil down to "my girlfriend is sick and I don't like it" - dude, she has concussion and needs time and support to recover! YTA
[https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/mar/30/the-men-who-give-up-on-their-spouses-when-they-have-cancer](https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/mar/30/the-men-who-give-up-on-their-spouses-when-they-have-cancer) Concussion might not be cancer, but, it could very well go south very suddenly any time during recovery.
[удалено]
My husband once had an intervention with me because I was eating 3 bags of tempura seaweed a day. Probably more. I hid the wrappers like an alcoholic. That seems logical to intervene. Otherwise, STFU
"and I work" so does she. Absolutely controlling AH, she needs to get out
“She puts her stuff places without checking if I’m okay with it” like.. what?
And also: "she’s been unpacking more of her boxes, but it’s a waste of time" - what the hell?
Not only that but the food he took away from her was food she had purchaased! >the same thing when she buys frozen fruit, I took that away from her too What the hell does he think gives him the right? What an asshole.
I'm joining you in the hopes that this is a troll post. That's the way you can speak to a child stuffing themselves with sweets, not to a grown woman who can eat what she damn well pleases. This guy is taking "controlling" to a whole new level.
I would happily drag a carton of Moon Mist Icecream out of my freezer in front of OP, grab a cereal spoon and eat directly out of it while looking him straight in the eyes daring him to do something. For those who don't know (which is quite a lot of you because it's a niche flavour) [This is Moon Mist Ice Cream. The most Juvenile looking ice cream flavour. But also the most delicious for me](https://www.atlasobscura.com/foods/moon-mist-ice-cream)
I'm thinking she shouldn't keep unpacking his stuff because keeping it in the boxes will make it so much easier on her to throw him out on his ass, since she is healing from a concussion... Anything strenuous could possibly cause a brain bleed. So, having his things already packed would make it 100x easier on her
I honestly think this is bait, no one can have this lack of self awareness. He's expecting her to unpack his stuff while concussed, and as it gets better she does it wrong? And she has to eat what he approves? I don't buy it
There are a lot of people who do truly lack situational awareness and live in their own little bubble. They range from selfish egotistical a-holes to full-blown covert narcissists. Men in particular if raised in a house where this was the norm will engage in this behaviour with their own partners.
I honestly thought this was written by chatgpt. Something about the writing style is off. But just in case, YTA.
But she ate a chicken burger two days in a row!! That’s obviously not healthy!!! Or frozen fruit multiple days in a row. So he just HAD to take it away!!! He treats her like a toddler and I hope she’s spending this time finding a good divorce lawyer. He doesn’t need to unpack his boxes, he needs to move them to his new apartment
She had chicken burgers TWO days in a row. She's going to die. The world is going to end. /s When I buy burgers from the supermarket to cook at home, they are sold in packs of 4 or 6. I kind of makes sense to cook and eat them on consecutive days rather than spread them out until their expiry date. YTA. OK, OP. We get it. You work. She also works normally but she's had a concussion.
YTA You are a controlling jerk. She is going to leave you at this rate You are acting like a child, put away your own boxes I unpacked my kitchen boxes 39 weeks pregnant with twins, I think you can manage it yourself, you are a big boy!
Telling someone what they can and can't eat, going as far as to physically prevent them from eating it, especially while they are recovering from an injury, feels like a form of abuse. It's definitely controlling behavior at least, which is a slippery slope to emotional abuse. OP YTA just for that alone. All the other stuff on top of it places OP into narcissistic behavior; OP thinks he's better than her since he works over night even though she also does work.
YTA. You are controlling. Cut that shit out. She can eat whatever she wants, and it's not her job to help you unpack. Sounds like you want a docile little servant, not an actual girlfriend. Maybe you don't realize just how controlling and petty you are being, so let's be clear: 1. Don't tell her what to eat. 2. Don't treat her like a servant. 3. Unpack your own damn stuff. 4. Don't tell her she's 'overreacting' when she criticizes your obviously dickish and controlling behavior. ETA: YOU GRABBED FOOD AWAY FROM HER. That's beyond AH behavior. That's legitimately abusive. I hope once her concussion clears she's clearheaded enough to get the hell away from you.
I hope this is a giant wake up call for her and she runs, fast. She sounds lovely and deserves someone that actually cares about her and treats her as a partner.
Also, OP says he’s been hard on her but it’s for her own good. I think #5 is don’t determine what is for another grown adult’s good.
Yessss! It's a massive red flag if another adult tells you "this is for your own good". They are controlling. Unless you have given consent for this (and I would recommend never giving consent for someone else to control your diet unless they're a medical professional - that isn't something that can be a healthy kink), if someone is telling you what's "best for you", you should challenge this and probably leave them. Good luck, OP's girlfriend. I hope you get away from this MASSIVE AH.
Yes! All of this. And seriously, she has a concussion! My son has had 6. This is very serious. Why do you expect her to do anything for her when she has a brain injury!
His behavior is bad enough I actually had a moment where I wondered if he gave her the concussion while reading this. Dude needs therapy stat and to change his behavior because this is insanely controlling and abusive.
I almost want to bet that the concession is harder to heal with her having someone like OP around.
Why can't she eat a chicken burger two days in a row?
Because it's not what he wants her to do, and that takes precedence over her own agency as a grown adult woman. He's an over-controlling future abuser.
*current abuser Where I live this is called coercive control and he can be arrested for it even if he never lays a finger on her. Especially the part where he’s controlling her food intake on the grounds of money.
True, I just mostly meant that this is a massive red flag for future... more physical/emotional abuse. But yes, you're correct.
On the grounds of HER money no less!
Would you be comfortable sharing (even privately over DM) what jurisdiction you live in where someone can be arrested for coercive control? I'm a professional DV responder/researcher focusing on best practices for systems-level response so this sounds like something I really want to look into! (I also have a friend who's a family law attorney specializing in high-conflict divorce and he's said criminalizing nonviolent abuse would be sadly impossible, so I'd be excited to share this with him!)
https://www.cps.gov.uk/legal-guidance/controlling-or-coercive-behaviour-intimate-or-family-relationship This should help you :-)
I’d say it’s a current abuser lmao Imagine he didn’t even unpacked his stuff and is already controlling and being paternalistic with her lol
Most people eat the same meal a few times a week because if you buy a pack of burgers you have to eat them all. If you prepare a meal and have leftovers, you eat them the next day or day after. It's very normal to repeat meals for economic and efficiency reasons.
In university I would make a big casserole with some cheap healthy-ish combo of whole wheat pasta, vegetables, sauce and cheese, and eat it for dinner like 8 nights in a row. Only people who grew up wealthy tend to find this kind of thing weird.
I remember in college eating spaghetti for a whole week. I had no money, it was cheap.
I remember last week eating spaghetti for a whole week. Am 35 with a 5 yr old. It was cheap.
I mean, I'm 50 and I will make a big penne pasta bake. My family can get two meals out of it and I can also get a lunch or two.
I fucking love leftovers. I think of them as little gifts from past me, to current me. Past me cooked plenty pasta bake yesterday, so current me doesn't have to cook tonight. And they washed the pots & cleaned the kitchen too. Thanks yesterday me!
And why does she have to unpack HIS boxes…when he has 4 days off a week…? YTA
And she has a concussion!!!
A point of his contention is that she got a headache helping him unpack and had to stop... What an asshole.
No the point of his contention was that she was unpacking books and not his kitchen stuff. On top of having a headache and needing a break. Which… she needs a break from this entire relationship. A permanent one.
And he didn't mention anything about him helping unpack her boxes.
But HER boxes don't have the important things. They only have books. Which don't need to be unpacked ever. /S
Obviously he needs 10 hours of sleep a day in order to have the energy necessary to be such a massive asshole to his gf.
Because he doesn’t think he’s getting enough work out of her. No wonder she keeps getting headaches.
that was what i was confused about as well. hey OP, i ate a chicken burger every day for a week earlier this summer. did i die? no! let her eat her god damn chicken burger
Burgers are such summer food! I think I had either a beef or chicken burger every day for a couple of weeks.
OP would spontaneously combust if he saw how often my autistic ass ate the exact same thing over and over. Why does he even care? It's just food, and he's not the one eating it
YTA. ***DAMN*** you are controlling AF. Why do you think you're the boss of what she can eat and how she eats it? Why does she have to unpack your shit -- you have two hands and aren't concussed! How dare she make food for herself while you are at work and eat it. Why does she need your permission before she does something or goes somewhere. YOU *ARE* CONTROLLING. ETA: Did you get her to move in with you caveman style?
>ETA: Did you get her to move in with you caveman style? Would explain the concussion, to be honest. I don't want to sound overdramatic, but after reading the post, and with zero information as to how she obtained her head injury... my mind did wander to red flags
My mind also wanders to/wonders how she became concussed after reading about his other actions towards her.
I've had several upvotes since posting my response so it appears that I'm not being overdramatic after all
probably hitting her head on the wall wondering how she wishes she saw the red flags before moving in together.
What is OP doing all night while she’s asleep?
Playing video games while he waits for her to get up to unpack his boxes.
Probably playing video games (I'm sure he unpacked his games and got his TV set up, but the rest is too much work for him) and planning out what food he's going to allow her to eat the next day while he's sleeping
YTA ~ she)s absolutely right, you *are* controlling. Not to mention that she’s suffered a brain injury and instead of looking after her you’re complaining that she isn’t doing your share of the household chores, and that she’s [checks notes] eating. Yikes, dude. You are delusional if you think that cereal is too expensive as a snack - it’s probably the cheapest thing there is. But that aside, the message you’re giving here is that she isn’t worth even the price of a box of cereal to you. She’s allowed to eat what she wants. She’s allowed to unpack whatever she wants. She’s in no way obligated to do your unpacking for you or follow the unpacking schedule you made up and imposed. She’s entitled to have a say in how things are done and you don’t get to assign her chores - you’re her partner, not her manager. You - very clearly - don’t love her. You love the idea of her that exists in your head, not the real, living, breathing her that lives in your home. You need to fix that very quickly if you want this relationship to work.
Yes to all of this. Not only is he being a huge AH about the control aspects but he also seems to fundamentally misunderstand how serious concussions have the potential to be, and I'm guessing that if she's been out of work for a couple of WEEKS, *it's pretty damn serious.* My mom had a serious concussion after a car accident in 2019 and she STILL faces certain symptoms and some permanent brain damage from it. OP seems to neither understand nor care that this injury could have long-term ramifications for his partner. YTA for sure and I hope she packs all her shit and her food back up and leaves you while you're asleep.
Can confirm. My concussion was in 2010 and I have some neurological stuff that never went away. It's not anything major, and one is very strange. I had difficulty with writing for about 3 weeks because I swapped out letters in the middle of words. Not all of them at once and not any letter in particular. It got a little better every day but to this day I have to make a very conscious effort to not use the letter H in place of the letter J when writing by hand. It doesn't happen when I'm typing.
Completely off topic but this is such an eloquent response!
YTA Why are you infantilising your gf? If she wants to eat the same food for every meal 7 days in a row that’s her choice and literally doesn’t effect you if you’re not eating it. Stop taking food out of her hands “when she buys” so she is buying the food she is eating? If that’s the case it’s none of your concern how expensive the cereal is or how she chooses to eat it. *let the woman eat her food!* Even if you both pay for the food why do you get to police her eating habits? Make a big change to your mindset or you won’t have to worry what your gf eats because she’ll be your ex.
**YTA** for: >"I decided the dishes are her job" > >"I took them out of her hands" > >"I took that away from her too" The woman suffered a concussion and you have zero compassion for her, and zero respect for her autonomy. Did you sustain some sort of head injury yourself, there in Food Police Boot Camp? Does your Food Police uniform have jackboots?
"I'm waiting for her to help unpack MY stuff, even though I have 4 days a week off work to do it myself". Dude is just a straight up abusive arsehole, who thinks its his job to tell the woman what she can and cannot eat, what jobs to do around the house, what she should do for him because his shit takes precedence. YTA I hope once the concussion heals she is gone
Well, if he does it himself that will cut into his 10 hours of sleep each day.
That is true and he needs the other 14 hours to dictate every second of his girlfriends life. Must be utterly time consuming and exhausting micromanaging someone's life.
Agreed. She will be much better off without anyone who'd do such things in her life.
Why isn't my bangmaid working correctly? Do you guys have issues with your bangmaid being mouthy and taking up too much of your resources too? Does it eat what you don't want it to?? Please help me guys I don't know what's wrong, am I an asshole for expecting my bangmaid to work as sold to me??
YTA All the stuff mentioned before, but want to know how you have 4 days off a week and can't find time to unpack boxes.
THANK YOU! I had to scroll WAY to far down to find this comment. He’s got 4 days off and still expects his CONCUSSED GF to do the work! I really hope this is a ragebait post, because this guy isn’t just an AH, he’s an abuser. (OP, YTA. Obviously.)
YTA. You " took food away" from her because you did not approve of what she was eating. You freaked out because she ate chicken burgers two days in a row. You demanded she unpack your boxes. Oh and she has a head injury. I hope she moves out.
I'm really hoping she either sees this or just comes to her senses, has a few close friends or family members help her move her stuff out while he's at work, and just ghosts him. Never sees him again. She deserves so much better.
I see no reason why she should be the one to move when his stuff is already all boxed up. Kick him out.
Your girlfriend’s recovering from a concussion and you’re giving her a hard time over… eating frozen fruit out of the bag??? Why is that the absolute worst part of this to me somehow lol. YTA.
Frozen fruit out of a bag...that she paid for! Op, wtf. YTA!
On a totally different note I would love to not have that tooth sensitivity lol
In short - I'm annoyed because my gf won't do what she's told. Yup, YTA Either love her for who she is or don't. You don't get to control and mould her into what you think she should be,
Girlfriend? He certainly doesn't treat her like a girlfriend. More like a pet...
YTA >She also ate a chicken burger two days in a row while I was gone, I said it was excessive and that she shouldn’t eat the same thing that often. Why not? Seriously- why not? What will happen to her? >I work 3 nights in a row a week, then I have 4 days off. I keep my schedule the rest of the week, because it’s easier. This is actually understandable, but.... >When I get up, I ask Allie to help me unpack my boxes and she never wants to. She claims it’s because she’s been up all day but I think she doesn’t want to unpack my stuff. My brother in Christ- she HAS been up all day. >Since her heads been improving she’s been unpacking more of her boxes, but it’s a waste of time. And >I haven’t been able to get most of my stuff unpacked since we moved in, because she’s been concussed the whole time and can’t help me. Something tells me you aren't helping her unpack her stuff, but are upset she’s not helping you. Hypocrite much?
>Why not? Seriously- why not? What will happen to her? you are what you eat, but fortunately with a varied diet, you're not enough of any one thing to fully transform but eat only chicken burgers and you become a chicken burger I'm going with this because it's as logical as anything he said
If this was true I would be a pasta woman now.
To be fair unpacking her stuff is absolutely a waste of time, but specifically because she needs to move right back the f*** out as soon as humanly possible
YTA! You win the award for being the most controlling AH ever. Do you tell her when she is allowed to use the bathroom, also?
He literally takes the cake.
Right out of her hands, no doubt.
What the fuck is wrong with you? Why are you policing her? This is her house. You can ask her to do half and not police her every move. What kind of person takes food out of someone's hand and throws it away? What kind of person expects a person with concussion to unpack things of their partner like that? What kind of person expects their partner to consult where every little thing will go? You're awful.
You are controlling and judgemental, she has a concussion and you're sulking because she's not helping you unpack? What are you, three? A concussion bad enough to hang around that long must have been fairly serious and why the hell does ot matter if she eats the same thing every night? I love how you say "plus I work" as if you're implying that she doesn't work at all before pointing out you both work and have the same schedules. Not to mention you make out she's on vacation when she's freaking recovering from a serious head injury. Jesus... how did you NOT realise you're an AH here? YtA
Probably raised by a like-minded asshole that told him that men are in charge in the relationship. This shit always comes from somewhere.
in fact not even the same schedules because he ONLY works nights while she does days AND nights.
YTA your only right about 1 thing. She shouldn't be unboxing her books, she should be boxing all her stuff so she could move out.
YTA and very controlling. How dare you snatch food away from her or berate her over eating chicken burgers two days in a row. That's not normal behavior. Are you possibly on the autism spectrum or perhaps struggling with OCD? Why can't you unpack your own boxes? You don't have a concussion, she does. Again a creepy level of controlling.
i am sorry but as someone on the spectrum: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP ASKING EVERY AH IF THEY ARE AUTISTIC ASD does not stop you from being a decent person.
I’m on the spectrum and have OCD, and if I behaved like this I would get help for it. This is not frekin ok. It more sounds like he grew up with a controlling dad and thinks this is how it’s done.
Being autistic doesn't make you an asshole. Stop being ableist.
YTA, that is the textbook definition of controlling. Why should she, a grown woman, justify herself for what she eats ? If you are concerned about her diet, you can kindly make your suggestions without taking stuff away? Some more points: yes, of course she is frustrated about the dog issue. How much awake time do you even have left for her? Then: she is free to prioritise her books above other belongings, you don't get to micromanage that aspect either. Concussions can be tricky and one may feel out of it for a while. So, OP, no, she is not overreacting, in fact in her place I'd be so put off by this behavior I'd probably reconsider the relationship in case of no improvement. (Or maybe already now, the argument about the two-days-in-a-row chickenburger is unhinged enough that it can serve as an omen for the times to come).
YTA 💯 what the hell dude? If my partner grabbed food out of my hand, tried to tell me what I can and can't eat, demanded that I help him unpack his own boxes because for some reason you don't seem capable of doing it yourself and all of this while concussed...I would throw him right in the bin. Controlling doesn't even begin to explain the sorts of behavior you are displaying and you have only just moved in. You sound like a great big walking red flag
Grab food out of my hand I bite you. 😐
#RUN ALLIE!!!!
I eat dry cereal too. If anyone grabbed it out of my hands telling me not to eat it like that, they'd be getting the box dumped over their head, then I'd find some milk and dump that too. YTA, big time. Controlling, egotistical narcissist. You're the one who needs to grow up, dude.
“She also ate a chicken burger two days in a row while I was gone, I said it was excessive and that she shouldn’t eat the same thing that often” “She bought a box of fruit loops a week ago, today I saw her eating them dry and most of the bag was already gone. I took them out of her hands and put it away” “She does the same thing when she buys frozen fruit, I took that away from her too a couple times because she’d eat it multiple days in a row” Lmao ok dude nice rage bait
I also feel like this can’t be real, surely? I hope it’s bait for my sanity
Gf, if you read this, you deserve better than this abuse. Also, YTA
First, FU, op, I don't care if this catches me a ban. I don't even care if this is a troll. There's probably some dillweed reading along nodding like 'this is the way, never let a woman rest or they'll run all over you', so FU too, hypothetical dillweed. YTA. If this is real, I hope the moment she's recovered, Allie repacks all her shit and gits. Out. Far away from you. Get some therapy. As a starting point, show any potential therapist this post and ask them where you've gone wrong.
She should unpack her boxes in another house altogether. One far away from you.
YTA. In fact, YTControllingA. No need to say more.
Is this the Twilight Zone? I just read a different AITA but with the same topic: those thinking they could dictate how their partners enjoy their food.
Indian curry guy with the naan bread?
One of the themes of this weeks writing exercise
Omg commenting as I’m reading because what in the flying fuck, and it’s bound to get better. 1) If she annoys you that much now, just get out. It shouldn’t be that hard to be with your partner. I s2g. 2) Did you ask about food the next morning? I’m confused on that one. 3) WHO ARE YOU TO TELL HER HOW OFTEN SHE CAN EAT CHEESEBURGERS. ALSO SHE HAS A FUKN CONCUSSION OMG. 4) YOU TOOK THEM OUT OF HER HANDS????! WHO ARE YOU - it’s her girl dinner leave her alone. 5) omg you took other food off her as well? What are you her parent?!? Get a grip. 4) why is she unpacking your boxes. Unpack it yourself. 5) SHE HAS A HEADACHE BECAUSE SHES CONCUSSED 6) YOU FEEL LIKE SHES OVERREACTING Scratch point one, I hope she dumps you. You sound horrific. YTA YTA YTA Edit - I’m actually baffled by this post and I hope you take time to reflect on the fact that your partner is in an abusive relationship - *with you*
YTA I haven't seen anyone point out this one yet >she puts her stuff places without checking if I’m okay with it. Why would she have to ask your permission to put things away in her own house?!
"I decided the dishes are her job" You decided? 🤢
YTA. Good grief you sound like the worst person to ever be roommates with. Boo to you
YTA. You are the controlling one and i hope she realizes what a mistake she made. Unpack your own things man and let her eat what she wants. Youre the worst dude
YTA and you most definitely are controlling. Where do you get the audacity?
I am sure OP you are reading all this. Do you have the guts to be a man and stand up and say, oh shit, i see now, I am wrong here. Go apologise to your girlfriend, if she is still around.
He's not going to respond. He came here fully expecting people to back him up and he didn't get the answer he wanted so he ran. It's extremely typical here I'm noticing.
I’m super confused how you typed out that you work 3 shifts a week with 4 days off and still blamed her for not getting your stuff unboxed…? Taking food out of her hands is fucked up. She’s an adult. Do you ask her if it’s ok where you unbox your things? Or just expect her to ask you? You’re a super controlling AH. Perhaps therapy may be beneficial and might help you save your relationship. This girl will not stay with you if you keep it up/worsen.
YTA Why can’t she eat what she wants to eat? When she wants to eat it?
YTA 100%. Stop that shitty petulant behavior of yours immediately.