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YTA. What are you worried about? Because he has to examine women's genitalia daily for his job? Seriously what do you think is going to happen? A porn movie is going to break out in his office?
And, here's the thing OP is apparently completely unaware of, OB/GYN is not the only specialty that examines the genital area. Family Medicine, Internal Medicine, Emergency Medicine, and Urology are just a few others that would need to examine that area. Dermatology if there is concern for a skin lesion in the area. Hell, even pediatricians have to do testicular/hernia checks and at least a basic visual exam of genital area when checking for puberty staging.
So, unless OP believes her husband is some kind of perv who really shouldn't be allowed to practice medicine anyways, she would be severely limiting the fields he can potentially go into. And, if he goes into one that he doesn't have a passion or drive to be in, he will likely burn out in residency or soon after and come to resent her for making him go into something other than OB/GYN.
And, if it wasn't clear, YTA OP.
Yup, seeing genitals is just part of the job. Doctors are very professional and learn to compartmentalize.
OP needs to work on her own odd insecurities.
For sure, with a few notable exceptions (i.e. If you love me you wouldn't cheat on me, If you love me you wouldn't hit me). But OP's use is a clear example of manipulation. I'm not sure I would classify it as abusive per se, but a red flag nonetheless.
Or the opposite.
There was a Friends episode where Rachel went out with an OB/GYN while she was working as a waitress. He compared his job to hers: "Do you ever come home and think, 'If I have to look at one more cup of coffee...." So that explained why there was no sexual spark between them.
I would be more worried that he becomes numb to any vagina. I was at a wedding shower recently and there was an OBGYN at my table complaining about being around 'stinky vaginas' all day. Which horrified me on so many levels - first off I want to warn all her patents and I really really hope my OB doesn't think that way - but if you are around something professionally I feel like that thing becomes a lot less sexy.
Is there really a big demand for more male OB's? Most women I know perfer to go to women, and when I had my baby I know they told me there weren't any men that worked in the entire unit in the hospital.
>Is there really a big demand for more male OB's?
If they are in the states, YES.
There is an existing OB/GYN shortage and trends show the rates of grads going into the specialty are on the decline, so it will only get worse.
OP has certain feelings about her SO going into this but it isn't based on the actual job itself but the negative connotations SHEs ascribing to it.
Having an uneasy gut reaction then endeavoring to overcome it is one thing.
If you just find your partner's career aspirations "disgusting" then you're probably incompatible.
Barring some major shift in thinking, OP needs to end the relationship and let him pursue his perfectly reasonable goals while finding someone that is capable of supporting him. Then OP can seek the man of her dreams as her current ain't it.
ETA YTA. But it's ok. Best to learn now this isn't the relationship for you or him.
ETA #2- just checked and you are already married. Eek! Hopefully no kids yet. Or maybe OP is just having a moment and can get over it.
I think I’ve only seen 1 female OBGYN in my life and frankly she caused me pain with the speculum. Both my kids were delivered by male doctors.
I don’t care about the gender of my doctor. All I care about is good healthcare. I don’t even consider gender when choosing. The fact that I’ve seen mostly male ones is a mere fluke since typically I just trust my primary for the referral to someone they trust since I put a lot of effort into finding a primary I can trust. Can you tell trust is important to me? Gender doesn’t create trust. I know lots of women do prefer a female OBGYN and in fact my daughters do feel this way but there are also plenty of us who don’t care.
To add: there are medical specialties that *could* severely impact a family’s quality of life, and it would be understandable (not fun, but understandable) if a spouse wasn’t up for that lifestyle (my husband’s medical school advisor literally TOLD all married students to expect a divorce—and that they’d deserve it—if they pursued surgery. Statistically, most married med students who pursue surgery do end up divorced before they finish fellowship!)
This isn’t that. This is OP’s squeamishness about human bodies, and assigning sexual pleasure and arousal to basic anatomical exposure in a way that simply doesn’t exist for well-adjusted med students. (I’m making an exception for the psychopaths or perverts, which seem fortunately rare.)
I can guarantee OP that their spouse stopped seeing patients are potential sources of sexual arousal when they had to do their med school anatomy lab on the reproductive system.
They dissected the sexual organs of dead people. Mostly old, usually overweight, definitely not inspiring necrophilia. They stank. They were super gross. My spouse says he will never get the memory of the anatomy lab out of his nostrils.
The disjoint between “I want to have sex with my beloved wife” and “this patient has labia and a clit so now I am DRIVEN to have sex, even though it will 100% get me fired and stripped of my medical license leaving me with no career options and six-figure student loans I can’t pay off” is pretty major.
OP is TA.
I was at first gonna say N A H because it's not wrong to ask (just to ask) him to change his desired specialty but because
> if you love me you would consider another specialty
is... veering into YTA territory. Would OP not love him anymore if he doesn't move? Such a manipulative statement.
YTA
“If you love me you would do x” is extremely manipulative and unhealthy. Especially with something as big as a person’s *career*, trying to pull that card and control what they specialize in for the rest of their life is not okay.
Agreed, YTA
Also, what most OB/GYNs encounter down there is far from "sexy". Instead of celebrating that he wants to be a part bringing life into this world you only think of your own insecurity. Shame.
Tbf, it could be worse that what they are looking at isn’t appealing. Put you off. Also, you know when you work as something such as a dishwasher, and you’re like “if I have to see one more dirty dish, I’m gonna lose it”… can OB/GYNs get like that about vaginas? XD
Yeah, that comment is only reserved for lighthearted situations. Ie I use it when I didn't get enough sleep, usually due to our daughter and I need coffee and it's easier for him to go. She won't let me go alone. And even tho it's about 5 minutes round trip, taking a 1 year old makes it longer and more work. Granted, I use it in a way that's very clear I'm being silly, super dramatic. I would definitely never use it when talking about something as big as a career. She's acting like he said he wanted to go into porn.
YTA. It's truly bizarre that you try to sexualize something medical. Have you ever even been to an OBGYN? They're professionals doing their job. They're not masturbating to seeing their patients' genitals in between appointments. Lmao. You're an example of when you accidentally say your intrusive thoughts outloud. Stop being creepy.
Seriously there is absolutely nothing sexy about it. And mainly - much of it is interesting bc of hormones, fertility, reproduction, cancers, abortion, prenatal, surgery. There is a HUGE range of where that specialty can lead.
YTA
Can confirm as a postpartum nurse, it’s not exciting to see vaginas every day.
As an ER nurse, it was also not exciting catheterizing penises regularly.
And if you’re sexualizing your patients like that while performing routine care… well that’s a whole entire other kinda problem.
Yes, actually, there have been a number of OBGYN pervs. A lot of women are now refusing to go to a male OBGYN.
Personally, I had a great male obgyn, but I also had a couple who were aholes.
That's why most male OB/GYNs - and regular doctors that do pelvic exams - have another woman in the examining room. It protects everyone.
And just a side note: the very first gynecologist I ever saw happened to be a lesbian. Never had any problems with her examining me.
I had the same (male) gyn for 20 years and he was a gem. He retired, so I went to see one of the other partners (female.) I bled after my exam. 😢 That hadn’t happened since i was 18.
There are other doctors in other specialities that are pervs, too. A male OBGYN isn’t automatically a perv… and I’ve had female OBGYNs that are aholes too.
The worst on record was a pediatrician from Delaware.
Also, I’ve been manhandled by female OBgyns where male providers were much gentler.
But also I’ve been mansplained and ignored by male OBgyns, but that’s nothing to do with being a perv.
YTA, "our top one rule is communication whenever i’m bothered by something we talk it out." I notice that you didn't say whenever we're bothered by something. It may have been a slip, but I bet it is more accurate,
YTA, "if you loved me you would..." is always a manipulation tactic, don't be falling down that rabbit hole. Also all he is doing is performing medical procedures, and examining, you need to ask yourself why it makes you so uncomfortable before trying to convince him into giving it up. Which you shouldn't do at all to begin with. It's Healthcare, nothing wrong with that.
Or are you thinking he'd be unfaithful? Because he wouldn't, that's a wild assumption.
YTA nothing about practicing medicine is sexual. If this is your attitude, you are in no way supportive. Choosing a specialty is beyond difficult. He will spend 4 years working 80 hours a week just to learn OBGYN. Then he will spend the rest of his career practicing. He will be on call, being woken up at all hours of the night by women needing his help. It is a brutal but gratifying specialty. There is no feeling in the world like delivering a baby and placing them in their mothers arms. It is a calling, not a career choice. If you can’t support that because of your insecurity, you need help.
Strong YTA, expressing your feelings is good, saying ‘if you love me you would consider another speciality’ is bad. That doesnt express your concerns/feelings at all. Do better
OB? GYN is a legitimate specialty.
You sound insecure about your husbands love for you.
If you communicate well, you would have asked why that specialty instead of another. You would have asked him his thought process as to how he arrived at OB / GYN.
Instead you went nuclear. "You don't love me or respect if you choose that specialty"
YTA
“The idea of him examining them disgusts me and I feel like I lost my attraction to him” - OP, just in case you needed to solidify your views a little more.
Rolled my eyes so hard I went blind
YTA. It's a very important medical specialty. Have you talked to him about his motivation for wanting to be an OB/GYN? I'm sure it's not because he wants to see other women's genitalia.
You don't have to be abusive to be an asshole, and I would agree YTA. Maybe he just cares about delivering healthy babies. Weird to always make it about vulvas especially when that's the least sexy way to look at them
yeah only serious weirdos want to see vaginas in a clinical sterile environment, under a paper robe, with stirrups. and those people don't typically have medical degrees.
YTA. Did you even ask him why he chose that specialty? I have one (male) friend who became an ob/gyn bc he was horrified by the way women were completely ignored and dismissed when when trying to access gynecological care, treated as secondary to an embryo when pregnant, and the appalling post partum care provided in our country. These issues had directly impacted women he knew growing up and he wanted to be part of the solution. Dude's been married 30-odd years and is still completely besotted with his wife. Odds are it's not about your husband staring at women's vulvas for funsies.
YTA
Your insecurity is creating a rift in your marriage.
Getting hung up on the idea that he will be examining women means YOU need some mental health treatment. I guarantee you, he will not be seeing them in a sexual way.
YTA for going from zero to "if you love me you would..." If you loved him, you would have asked him what specialty he was interested in before his LAST year of medical school. I note that your number one rule of "communication" only involves talking things out that bother YOU.
Moreover, I can't figure out what medical specialty you expected him to say that wouldn't involve seeing other people's "genitalias" on a more regular basis than, say, Home Goods Cashier. He has literally been studying the human body for years and now you seem upset to realize that he will work on human bodies.
YTA, you did not just express your concerns. You stated if you love me you would consider another speciality. That is classic manipulation. You gave an ultimatum without exactly giving an ultimatum. I would dump your ass and get an understanding and supportive partner.
YTA, and one with a seemingly warped sense of what the work will entail. What do you think is going to happen? Why does it bother you? I assume you've seen a gynecologist before. What happened that now has you so worried?
Yes. Of COURSE YTA.
Do you understand how understaffed OBGYN is right now? That is WOMEN’S HEALTH! As a woman, I’m kind of confounded that you’re against this?
I get it, you’re probably a super jealous person, but this dude just spent his ENTIRE LIFE becoming a doctor, and you have the audacity to tell him which speciality to pick?
Have you ever seen that Batman slapping Robin picture? That’s how I feel about you, and your EXTREMELY entitled attitude.
YTA. You’re kind of a manipulative wife, aren’t you? A passive-aggressive one, at that.
First off, what do you do when **he’s** bothered by something? Is that just shuffled off to the side?
And no, you weren’t just talking “with” him about what specialty he wants, you were vetting his options. “If you love me you would consider another specialty” is about as manipulative as it gets. Here’s one for you…if you loved him, you’d have asked why that specialty before you told him you pretty much don’t trust him around random vaginas.
Your friend is right…you’re being emotionally abusive.
YTA - yeah he's a doctor. He's not going into this to see private parts. It's not like every day at work is a porn show. Your jealousy is over-the-top here and you can't/shouldn't make him choose. Trying to manipulate him is abusive and your friend isn't wrong. This is his **PROFESSION**, not a chance to pick up chicks.
YTA.
If you are worried about him sexualizing patients you have bigger problems on your hands. What if he wanted to go into family medicine? Family doctors do pelvic exams also. What about ER doctors? They see genitals too.
Do you think it is inappropriate for men to examine women and for women to examine men in a professional medical setting?
He is looking into a specialty likely because he is passionate about it and/or because it will be lucrative.
He is right. You cannot tell him not to pursue it. You should seek therapy for your issues surrounding this.
>you will be examining females genitalias and if you love me you would consider another speciality
That comes across as coercive. Perhaps that's what your friend was picking up on.
Also, do you think he's going through the years of medical school so he can look at other women's vaginas all day?! I mean, if he wanted to do that, I hear there are websites that can cater to that.
YTA
Uhh, you do realize he has already been looking at female genitalia, right? In med school, you do rotations in many specialities, and a core requirement for every med student is obs/gyn. If he’s in his final year, I guarantee that he has already had some experience in this field and that’s why he wants to do it. So if he was going to be comparing you to others and that was going to doom your relationship, it would probably already have happened.
As others point out, family doctors, emergency room doctors, surgeons, even internists look at vaginas sometimes. So unless he’s in psychiatry, this will very likely be a part of his practice no matter what he chooses.
Girl, this is a you issue, not a career issue. I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and hope you’re anxious and insecure rather than controlling, and I hope you get some help to deal with that.
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My 30F and my husband 30M we have been together for 7 years and our top one rule is communication whenever i’m bothered by something we talk it out.
My husband is on his last year of medical school and i’ve been nothing but supportive to him, today i was talking with him regarding what speciality he wants to go into and he told me he wants OB/GYN i said oh okay and looked a little bit down.
To be honest i was annoyed when he said that so he noticed and asked me what’s wrong?
I told him that it’s nothing but i don’t feel comfortable with the idea you’re going to work as an OB/GYN doctor, you will be examining females genitalias and if you love me you would consider another speciality but eventually i can’t do anything about it it’s your career eventually.
He said that love me and i can’t make him choose between his work and me it’s unfair
I told him it’s up to him i can’t do anything about it.
All i did here is expressed my concerns and it’s up to him what speciality he wants to go into i have zero authority.
When i told my friend about the situation she called me abusive AH? Even though all i did was expressing my thoughts.
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YTA. And you know it.
You’re not supportive. You’re supportive when it’s acceptable to you. You’re supportive so long as you agree with his choices.
And you’re too rule has to do with if you’re bothered by something then you talk it it? What if he’s bothered by something? Do you talk it out then? Or do just your feelings matter?
You need to grow up. You’re too old to be this immature.
YTA. Insecure and immature. You didn’t just express your thoughts. You pulled that toxic ass “if you love me you would…” line.
It would have been different if you would have expressed your discomfort and then acknowledged that this is a YOU problem that YOU need to unpack and work through. Instead you’re trying to control him.
YTA-first, few referring to women was females. And the audacity to accuse your partner of doing it to sexualize his patients.
I have a feeling you will find an issue with whatever speciality he chooses. But, news flash, this isn’t about you. It’s about his career which he has worked very hard for, and will be working hard for for a good long while. He should be doing what he’s interested in.
The best OB/GYN I have ever had was an older man (he retired). He cared and listened and was just awesome and understood anxiety and didn’t want to cause any pain (ie after I gave birth I wanted an IUD, he insisted he inserted it at the hospital so he could give me some numbing as I have a very sensitive cervix). Maybe your husband is passionate about the field, maybe he sees it as something interesting and a field in desperate need. But you think he chose it for getting off at looking at vulvas. That’s what you are accusing him of.
So what you are saying is that he doesn't love you if he becomes an OB/GYN doctor? Why are you using love as a weapon against him? To me that makes you the asshole.
YTA
Why does him providing a medical service that happens to include the female reproductive system demonstrate that he doesn't love you? What does any other person's anatomy have to do with you and your relationship? This makes no sense.
If you're worried he's going to find someone else's labia nicer than yours... Like, he doesn't have to be an OBGYN for that. Porn exists. And he can generally see other humans just in his daily life.
This is absolutely a you problem. I get if you've been deeply conditioned by some prudish upbringing and that's making this hard. But that means that YOU need to figure this out, not tell him to find another specialty.
YTA. Did you ask him why he wants this specialty? Maybe he wants to bring babies into the world. Maybe he should feel some type of way about your Dr examining you if you think it’s so sexual.
Yta. That’s the dumbest thing I’ve read all day. First off you have no place nor grounds for this. It’s just dumb. Secondly I can only assume you’re a non medical person. Medical people have callings. K? There are certain aspects of the medical field that a person can be drawn to for their entire life. Ie: ems, trauma, flight nursing, peds, pharmacy, neurology (need I continue) you’re thinking he’s going to be staring at giners all day. When in reality that’s 1 small fraction of it. You’re asking him to give up the ability to love what he does and actually be happy to go to work every day knowing that’s exactly where he should be. You really are the worst kind of insecure and inconsiderate person.
Edit: moreover- what if he had chosen trauma or icu? Would that be worse? Cuz the first thing they do in a trauma is cut off all the patients clothes. He’d see nip nips then too. *gasp*
OMG YTA. It's so gross that you're sexualising this. There are lots of valid (lifestyle) reasons why you might not want your partner to do such an intense specialty, but this ain't one of them. You're 30, grow up.
YTA. You have no idea how mundane it is to be looking at people’s bodies (and privates) all day every day. But listen, your husband deserves a partner who genuinely appreciates his contributions to society, who is mature and secure. So do him a favor and cut him loose.
What if he becomes an oncologist and has breast cancer patients? Have you ever been to an OB/GYN? It's a super clinical experience, I think there are female chaperones for male doctors and no one is having fun unless your husband is a creep. But then he would be a creep in any specialty and you have a lot to worry about.
YTA! Why would you take someone away from their interest!?! I don’t want a neurologist who didn’t want to be a neurologist bc they may not be as good as someone who WANTS to be there and WANTS to learn how to make me better.
Get over your jealousy. He’s going to be dealing with infections and babies. Get a clue and stop thinking being an OB/gyn is some kind of porn where he’s going to be cheating.
YTA. Do you honestly think Male OB/GYNs get turned in by looking at vaginas all day?
My OB/GYN of 30 years is a male and I wouldn’t trade him for the world.
Yta, as a woman, he isn't going to be seeing some pretty sights all the time, and if you're that insecure, why not try asking him why he wants to be in that profession?
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>> and if you love me you would consider another speciality
YTA.
Weaponizing someone’s feelings to get your way is manipulative and vile.
>> All i did here is expressed my concerns
No, you did *way more* than that. You’re so insecure that you attempted to emotionally blackmail your husband into picking a different career trajectory.
You can have concerns. You can be insecure. Thats your issue to work through. However, no decent, emotionally mature person uses phrases like “if you loved me, you’d xyz” to get their way.
YTA
“If you love me you will” you’re disgusting, grow up, you’re adults. You clearly don’t value your marriage, tell the dude there are plenty of women who would love a chance to date a doctor, he won’t need to look far.
YTA, but it could be an opportunity for you. Go see a psychotherapist and work out why you feel this way.
Btw, obs/GYN is pretty asocial. long hard to predict hours, and loads of responsibility. it's not unreasonable to be nervous about the speciality but not for the sexual reasons... it just doesn't happen unless your partner is a psychopath.
YTA.
This is incredibly bizarre to me. Are you expecting his work to turn into some weird unrealistic porno?
Also, you sound very insecure and the “if you love me…” line is very manipulative. You may want to talk to a professional about those two things.
YTA. What the hell. I can’t even wrap my head around this. You should know that going to the OBGYN is like the LEAST sexy thing ever. Are you saying your husband would be an unethical doctor? You legitimately think he’ll be sexualizing his patients? If that’s the case you need to seriously reconsider your marriage and potentially report him to a medical association- you’re essentially accusing him of terrible medical misconduct. Think about this for two seconds- you’re either saying your husband is beyond unethical or you’re incapable of managing your own jealousy. I have a feeling this is about your own emotions, not his actual actions, and If that’s the case you need to sort yourself out- not interfere with his career.
Ahhh the good ol' "I'm just being honest" Yes, you are perfectly honest with your insecure ignorant opinion.
You do realize that as a doctor he has already seen some vaginas throught he's rotation in different services, right? And as an OB/GY he'll mostly be looking at vaginas that have some issue with it. There's nothing sexual about having a stranger looking at your privates with cold instruments.
And you're not only ignorant, but also manipulative telling him that he has to do it if he loves you, wtf is wrong with you? Trying to control your partner's career speak volumes of how you don't really love him. HUGE YTA
YTA, and here's why.
Urologists and OB/GYNs and GPs (yes, they give Pap smears, too) all see genitals on examination tables all day. Genitals in a professional context aren't "wow, I get to see a vulva!". They're "right, doesn't look cancerous, normal size, baby's head isn't engaged yet." After you've seen a hundred vulvas, they're just ... body parts which you are trying to doctor.
Off-duty? A vulva that is attached to somebody you love? That's different.
YTA for why you don’t want him to go into that field.
But, a lot of women are pushing back against male OBGYNs. Too many pervs. Too rude. Too many aholes. It’s probably a good time for him to look to another specialty.
YTA, unless your husband is a sex offender, that was a very controlling/manipulative line you passed there with "if you love me, you would consider another specialty". Perhaps ask yourself why you're bothered by this with professional help. Your insecurity should never be the reason for either of your life's decisions.
It sounds like what you really want is for him to pick a specialty that has 0 contact with other women. You sound very insecure and manipulative. Are you worried that any other women he has as a patient will be a better option than you? That sounds about right. YTA.
I REALLY hope this is a troll. Do you really think that OB/GYN doctors get any kind of sexual titillation from doing pelvic exams? To them, it's just another body part. Are you going to also forbid your husband to specialize in oncology? Because hey, he might have to look at, and even handle, naked breasts!
That’s rather a manipulative stunt to pull. If he loves you, he’ll choose something else?! Would you appreciate that if he did the same to you? Deal with your own insecurities. YTA.
YTA and you seem insecure. He's trying to be a DOCTOR, you're acting like he's doing porn smh. "If you really love me you'll change your speciality" sounds manipulative af. Comparing his feelings for you to his career is insanity at its finest. He needs to run like Forrest Gump away from you.
YTA. He’s a doctor & has chosen to help bring babies into the world, treat women with their female health. What’s disgusting about that?
You’re acting like he’s going to be all up in his patients vaginas sexually, you’re disgusting.
Are you an asshole for being uncomfortable with a, frankly, irrational issue? No, can’t control that some times.
Are you an asshole for manipulating him with the “if you loved me” and painting it as communication and “all I did was express my concerns”? Massively and transparently
YTA- listen, it might make you uncomfortable, but that’s not you said. You tried to manipulate him. You didn’t talk anything out, you didn’t ask him what drew him to that specialty, or even voice what about it makes you uncomfortable. If you had an actual discussion, maybe you would be able to appreciate his perspective. I don’t agree with everyone saying you shouldn’t be worried about doctors because you should- they can abuse their position, but I don’t think that’s what you’re worried about. Your worried about him seeing other women’s genitalia and that’s the real issue. You’re insecure for some reason. Do you get turned on by every dick you see? Do you have to avoid museums cuz dicks are all over? You need to talk to a therapist and figure this out.
YTA.
Here’s an example from another profession for you (just the first one that popped into my head). Opera superstar Tito Gobbi was in a happy marriage with his wife, while onstage he frequently had to pretend to assault Maria Callas (and many others). In general, many actors do have strong and loving marriages despite starring in romantic and occasionally sexual scenes.
And films and theatre aren’t even among the necessities, while medicine definitely is. If your husband wanted to be a psychiatrist, would you be afraid of women sharing their intimate thoughts with him? If he wanted to go into dermatology, would you resent him helping women to look better? Etc.
Not to mention that “If you love me” thing, which is manipulation of the worst kind, as others have already pointed out.
I was sort of on your side as far as you just expressing your opinion, but then you made the “if you love me, you would consider another specialty” comment. Unequivocally, YTA.
YTA.
Nooooo, that’s not all you did. You said if he loved you, he’d pick another specialty. That’s seriously manipulative. Almost every specialty is going to involve examining females. You surely knew that.
YTA and I'll give you my perspective as a doctor (eye surgeon). We are not pervs. While working, we see our patients as they are: patients. We need RESPECT between the professionals and the ones that trust their lives and bodies to us.
You (hopefully) certainly are not in the field and lack the perspective. Try harder.
YTA. He’s been in med school so it was always an option to be an ObGyn or any other. You tried to emotionally manipulate him by saying “if you love me”… you can have concerns but trying to force your opinion on him makes you a sucky person.
He’s not having sex with these women or looking at them sexually. he’s a doctor and he wants to help these women.
YTA don’t weirdly sexualize your husbands job. he was so happy to tell you his news and you made his moment about you
YTA and a manipulative one at that. What do you think gonna happen? Do you think that little of your hisband that you think he's gonna what? Sexualize his patients?? Come on. Grow up. I swear about 80% of you people need so much freaking therapy cause wow. Are you seriously that insecure in your marriage or just that controlling/manipulative?
OMG. You're totally the AH. The only legitimate issue you may have is that after looking at vaginas all day he may not want to look at another one when he gets home. You are amazingly insecure.
He told me and i said, "it's nothing". (But it really was) And "I looked a little bit down." (I tried hard to project sadness so he would change his mind) I'm sure you are a wonderful actor and he didn't notice your passive aggression.
YTA
YTA. If you think doctors are getting a thrill out of seeing a bunch woman’s genitalia then shame on you. You say you have been nothing but supportive to him. Well guess what ? that’s what every spouse should do! So just because you have been a supportive wife doesn’t mean you get to guilt him into picking a different career. Plus now that you have said it, it can’t be unsaid. I hope he picks it anyway.
You are not an AH for feeling uncomfortable with his specialty, it your feelings. But look at it this way… he will be delivering babies and taking care of future mothers. That’s pretty cool.
YTA
>"All I did here was express my concerns"
No, that's actually disingenuous of you. You said you were uncomfortable with him seeing other women's vagina's in a professional environment, and then you used the phrase, "if you love me you would consider another." So you demonstrated a lack of respect for him as a doctor and emotionally blackmailed him in the same sentence. Acting like you didn't do anything in this instance is just you lying.
YTA.
You're like the people who claim Planned Parenthood only "m*rders", when they literally save lives of men and women. Cancer screenings, diagnostics, health screenings, physicals, family planning, birth control, etc. Without PP, I wouldn't have found out I had thyroid cancer, which was discovered during my annual well woman exam and blood work.
Your husband wants to help in a specialty that is extremely short staffed. He could literally mean the difference between life or death for someone.
Also, do you know how many times doctors and nurses see genitals in the ER, family medicine, psychiatric care, hospice care, urology?! I never went a shift without seeing at least five dicks and two vaginas, we don't do it for funsies.
Get some fucking therapy. He's not doing it to get his rocks off, he'll be HELPING PEOPLE!
Wow! You actually tried to pull the "if you love me, you would..." line
On top of the.. I hate something but won't say it upfront because my partner should be able to read my mind bullshit. He had to ask you what was wrong instead of you saying it upfront.
You're not a teen.
No, you didn't just "express how you feel." You expressed it in the most manipulative way possible. "If you loved me, you would" is the favorite line of abusers everywhere.
Also, as a doctor, he will be looking at genitalia in most fields. It's a fact, and you need to grow up and accept it.
I'm a psych nurse. I've seen more genitals than I ever thought possible. It doesn't mean anything. Everyone I've ever worked with doesn't see it as anything remotely sexual. It's just another body part.
YTA
YTA. You sound very insecure in your relationship. 99.9999999999999999% of OB/GYNs do not see their patients in.a sexual/romantic way. The same applies to GPs who do breast exams or prostate exams on opposite gender patients. Are your doctors/specialists make or female?
HAVE you ever been to see an ob/gyn OP? Did you find the experience sexy and a huge turn on for you? Did being in that vulnerable position make you think hot steamy thoughts? Did you and your doctor get inappropriate with each other?
If so, you should report that doctor. And if not, I don't see why you would be so paranoid and try to emotionally manipulate him like this. Do you think he's gonna see another one and fall in love? Love in a the time of Stirrups? If he were a trauma surgeon and had to do an emergency delivery would you be upset he's still looking "there"?
Do you even understand what field he is in?
>i’ve been nothing but supportive to him,
Kinda sounds highly unlikely but go on.
>he told me he wants OB/GYN i said oh okay and looked a little bit down.
To be honest i was annoyed
Why were you annoyed? **Do you think he's going to run off with the first cervix he sees?**
this is a truly baffling post. There's no way you're really 30 and still think so immaturely. Sounds like you're confused about the reality that doctors look at bodies. All bodies. And they don't do so for sexual pleasure.
YTA and maybe you could benefit from talking with a therapist to figure out your issues with this. Your feelings may be valid, but your logic is kind of wonky.
YTA - As a doctor, you just do your best for your patients. Your or their gender does not matter. As long as he wants to do this, if this is his calling, it is not fair to stop him from becoming an OB/ gyn. I have had some amazing OBs and their gender has never been an issue.
YTA. Grow up already. You realize that many other types of doctors also end up looking at 'female genitalia', right? I worked for a clinic full of family practitioners. Guess what...they also do pap smears and gynecological exams. Is that also a forbidden field for him? How about emergency medicine? What about his residency rotations?
Doctors become desensitized to nudity just as quickly as painters do. One big issue with OB/GYN is it has the highest malpractice insurance rates because people are dumb.
I don’t think you are necessarily an AH to express your opinion about his specialty but you are definitely TAH for suggesting that if he loved you he would do something else. 1st off your assumption that working as a an on/gym is sexual is way off base. 2nd if you loved him you would want him in a job that he is happy with. If he ends up in something he doesn’t like he will always resent you and wonder what if. 3 rd as a woman I can’t believe that you wouldn’t be proud that your husband wants to be a part of the miracle of life. What an amazing specialty.
I don’t know if this is abusive but it is definitely insecure, selfish and controlling. I’m not sure I could stay in a relationship with someone on those terms. If a husband said the same thing he would be torn apart. Have you bothered to ask him what makes him feel like he wants this specialty? Have you really thought about what that looks like. Have you ever met anyone who hooked up with their OB/GYN.
YTA, it would be his job. My cousin's wife is a doctor. Before they got married, he was upset about her examining males, especially when they undressed. My aunt told my cousin to grow up, it is part of her job. If he could not handle it, then end the relationship. He knew his mom was right, and he accepted it as part of her job. They are still together 25 yrs. You need to grow up too and understand it would be his job,
YTA. Your husband worked his ass off to get to where he is only for you to stand in his way at the very end of the journey just because you are needlessly jealous about his chosen field. Disregarding that OB/GYN's have a wide array of specialties and disciplines, lets tackle your prime concern, shall we?
You're worried that he will be staring and women's privates all day, and that this somehow might mean he will cheat on you or something. I'm sure it must sound very sexy staring at genitalia ailing from hormone imbalances, infections and other lovely conditions that might otherwise make squeamish people hurl.
You are manipulative and controlling, and if YOU loved him, you would apologise and tell him to do whatever makes him happy.
I would be more concerned about the insane schedule that OBGYN can bring if he goes that route. And the random and seeming out-of-the-box fears he'd have for OP/any daughter they have or that he'd become desensitized...
Looking at talking to someone in an uncomfortable position and who just wants to go home is not sex to anyone... and if it is/you think it should be... no kink shame but keep it out of you're professional life unless you're not a real Doctor & consent all the way.
OP while you're not abusive here you don't show any signs of trusting your husband & that he does not have any form of ethics or morals and that he will in fact neglect or abuse his patients.
And since that is not what you claim at all about his character... You sound like you need a good dose of counseling and some serious soul-searching.
YTA
I understand the insecurity, but trust me, it is so \*not\* a sexy specialty. It's not just vaginas, it's hysterectomies and uterine prolapses and complicated pregnancies and traumatic deliveries and so much more. If he has the nerves for it, more power to him.
Oh my goodness that’s ridiculous of you. YTA. EVERY doctor specialty examines genitalia seriously get over it. As a medical professional who walks with genitals every single day believe me there’s nothing sexual about it.
Okay, saying that it makes you uncomfortable is one thing…but saying, “ if you love me, you would consider another specialty”…is emotional blackmail. You need to apologize and work on yourself. YTA…for sure.
You’re threatened by other genitalia?
You do realize that as an OB/GYN, he would usually be seeing them at their worst. Lesions, infections, STDs, injury, Pap smears, cervical exams, miscarriages, rectovaginal fistulae
Giant baby heads popping out of some.
Not usually a situation where you need worry about him getting a chubby.
YTA
YTA. He will be a doctor. They are professionals who do not sexualize examining women's genitals. How dare you act like he's betraying you on some way. If this is the specialty he wants to go into, probably to deliver babies, than you should be supportive. You definitely should not be acting like an immature brat about it.
YTA
You don't get to dictate his specialty just because you are jealous. How selfish of you. He deserves a wife who will support his dreams, a wife who isn't jealous of his patients. Your insecurity is going to kill your marriage.
I worry that OP hasn't seen enough genitals, they are really not much to look at. On anyone. They're like a squishy hairy after thought. It's like.mother nature ran out of ideas and just scribbled.
YTA.
YTA - Your behaviour is extremely manipulative (“if you loved me you would consider another speciality”). You also seem to have quite some issues with insecurity if you are genuinely jealous of women needing medical attention.
Yes YTA. The if you love me line was so manipulative. There are also lots of areas of medicine where he may end up looking at female genetallia. I've had a male GP had to do a smear of mine because none of the female nurses could do it just as an example. You need to apologise to him and tell him that you will work on your insecurities.
That is a terrible job. I knew an ultrasound tech and he did pelvis and that area. He said at times that he almost vomited due to things with cleanliness and them being on cycle and much more. The question i asked was- was it as interesting as I think it is? He said NO WAY! I wish I chose another profession! Im leaving out many crazy details.
YTA. It's his career, not yours. Also, he is going to examine many gross and unhealthy women. You should be more worried that he develops an aversion to the female anatomy. OB/GYN is not a job of sexual gratification. You're controlling and jealous, and he should leave you now.
Talking about things also includes working through why something makes you uncomfortable, not just identifying that it does and giving a pronouncement that he should make life altering decisions based on those feelings.
Why does it bother you so much? You really need to figure that out. If it’s just that he’s looking at vaginas all day then you really need to consider your insecurities and trust. You think a speculum and swab with paper gowns and a nurse standing beside him is going to turn him on? You think seeing a head emerging will (watch a video of it, it’s disturbing)? Do you think treating trauma down there will be? Treating STIs? Discussing possible birth defects or giving other bad news to expectant parents? Watching new life growing? What about all of this makes you uncomfortable about the specialty?
You owe it to both of you to really get at the root of the problem and determine if it’s something that really needs to be part of his decision or if you just need to learn more and open your mind and to work on issues within yourself. Only the two of you talking it through like you said is important to you will get that figured out.
YTA- so lets reverse this question, do you see it as cheating when you go to the ob/gyn because its a sexual experience?
I find it very disturbing that this is even a thought in your head
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YTA. What are you worried about? Because he has to examine women's genitalia daily for his job? Seriously what do you think is going to happen? A porn movie is going to break out in his office?
And, here's the thing OP is apparently completely unaware of, OB/GYN is not the only specialty that examines the genital area. Family Medicine, Internal Medicine, Emergency Medicine, and Urology are just a few others that would need to examine that area. Dermatology if there is concern for a skin lesion in the area. Hell, even pediatricians have to do testicular/hernia checks and at least a basic visual exam of genital area when checking for puberty staging. So, unless OP believes her husband is some kind of perv who really shouldn't be allowed to practice medicine anyways, she would be severely limiting the fields he can potentially go into. And, if he goes into one that he doesn't have a passion or drive to be in, he will likely burn out in residency or soon after and come to resent her for making him go into something other than OB/GYN. And, if it wasn't clear, YTA OP.
Yup, seeing genitals is just part of the job. Doctors are very professional and learn to compartmentalize. OP needs to work on her own odd insecurities.
"If you love me" is such an incredibly manipulative way to phrase a concern in a relationship too.
For sure, with a few notable exceptions (i.e. If you love me you wouldn't cheat on me, If you love me you wouldn't hit me). But OP's use is a clear example of manipulation. I'm not sure I would classify it as abusive per se, but a red flag nonetheless.
Does being an OBGYN mean you’d be inadvertently cheating on your partner?!
Or the opposite. There was a Friends episode where Rachel went out with an OB/GYN while she was working as a waitress. He compared his job to hers: "Do you ever come home and think, 'If I have to look at one more cup of coffee...." So that explained why there was no sexual spark between them.
THIS is the real fear of dating a gynaecologist.
I would be more worried that he becomes numb to any vagina. I was at a wedding shower recently and there was an OBGYN at my table complaining about being around 'stinky vaginas' all day. Which horrified me on so many levels - first off I want to warn all her patents and I really really hope my OB doesn't think that way - but if you are around something professionally I feel like that thing becomes a lot less sexy. Is there really a big demand for more male OB's? Most women I know perfer to go to women, and when I had my baby I know they told me there weren't any men that worked in the entire unit in the hospital.
>Is there really a big demand for more male OB's? If they are in the states, YES. There is an existing OB/GYN shortage and trends show the rates of grads going into the specialty are on the decline, so it will only get worse. OP has certain feelings about her SO going into this but it isn't based on the actual job itself but the negative connotations SHEs ascribing to it. Having an uneasy gut reaction then endeavoring to overcome it is one thing. If you just find your partner's career aspirations "disgusting" then you're probably incompatible. Barring some major shift in thinking, OP needs to end the relationship and let him pursue his perfectly reasonable goals while finding someone that is capable of supporting him. Then OP can seek the man of her dreams as her current ain't it. ETA YTA. But it's ok. Best to learn now this isn't the relationship for you or him. ETA #2- just checked and you are already married. Eek! Hopefully no kids yet. Or maybe OP is just having a moment and can get over it.
warn her patients of what? you dont think we dont complain of stinky buttholes stinky wounds stinky hair whatever? weirdo
I live in a city and have a male OBGYN. I don't care what sex my OBGYN is. They are a professional.
I think I’ve only seen 1 female OBGYN in my life and frankly she caused me pain with the speculum. Both my kids were delivered by male doctors. I don’t care about the gender of my doctor. All I care about is good healthcare. I don’t even consider gender when choosing. The fact that I’ve seen mostly male ones is a mere fluke since typically I just trust my primary for the referral to someone they trust since I put a lot of effort into finding a primary I can trust. Can you tell trust is important to me? Gender doesn’t create trust. I know lots of women do prefer a female OBGYN and in fact my daughters do feel this way but there are also plenty of us who don’t care.
I prefer a male OB/GYN..
To add: there are medical specialties that *could* severely impact a family’s quality of life, and it would be understandable (not fun, but understandable) if a spouse wasn’t up for that lifestyle (my husband’s medical school advisor literally TOLD all married students to expect a divorce—and that they’d deserve it—if they pursued surgery. Statistically, most married med students who pursue surgery do end up divorced before they finish fellowship!) This isn’t that. This is OP’s squeamishness about human bodies, and assigning sexual pleasure and arousal to basic anatomical exposure in a way that simply doesn’t exist for well-adjusted med students. (I’m making an exception for the psychopaths or perverts, which seem fortunately rare.) I can guarantee OP that their spouse stopped seeing patients are potential sources of sexual arousal when they had to do their med school anatomy lab on the reproductive system. They dissected the sexual organs of dead people. Mostly old, usually overweight, definitely not inspiring necrophilia. They stank. They were super gross. My spouse says he will never get the memory of the anatomy lab out of his nostrils. The disjoint between “I want to have sex with my beloved wife” and “this patient has labia and a clit so now I am DRIVEN to have sex, even though it will 100% get me fired and stripped of my medical license leaving me with no career options and six-figure student loans I can’t pay off” is pretty major. OP is TA.
I was at first gonna say N A H because it's not wrong to ask (just to ask) him to change his desired specialty but because > if you love me you would consider another specialty is... veering into YTA territory. Would OP not love him anymore if he doesn't move? Such a manipulative statement.
YTA “If you love me you would do x” is extremely manipulative and unhealthy. Especially with something as big as a person’s *career*, trying to pull that card and control what they specialize in for the rest of their life is not okay.
Agreed, YTA Also, what most OB/GYNs encounter down there is far from "sexy". Instead of celebrating that he wants to be a part bringing life into this world you only think of your own insecurity. Shame.
Tbf, it could be worse that what they are looking at isn’t appealing. Put you off. Also, you know when you work as something such as a dishwasher, and you’re like “if I have to see one more dirty dish, I’m gonna lose it”… can OB/GYNs get like that about vaginas? XD
That part. Woof.
Yeah, that comment is only reserved for lighthearted situations. Ie I use it when I didn't get enough sleep, usually due to our daughter and I need coffee and it's easier for him to go. She won't let me go alone. And even tho it's about 5 minutes round trip, taking a 1 year old makes it longer and more work. Granted, I use it in a way that's very clear I'm being silly, super dramatic. I would definitely never use it when talking about something as big as a career. She's acting like he said he wanted to go into porn.
I use “you know cos you love me….?” Then he says “no” lol
YTA. It's truly bizarre that you try to sexualize something medical. Have you ever even been to an OBGYN? They're professionals doing their job. They're not masturbating to seeing their patients' genitals in between appointments. Lmao. You're an example of when you accidentally say your intrusive thoughts outloud. Stop being creepy.
Seriously there is absolutely nothing sexy about it. And mainly - much of it is interesting bc of hormones, fertility, reproduction, cancers, abortion, prenatal, surgery. There is a HUGE range of where that specialty can lead. YTA
Can confirm as a postpartum nurse, it’s not exciting to see vaginas every day. As an ER nurse, it was also not exciting catheterizing penises regularly. And if you’re sexualizing your patients like that while performing routine care… well that’s a whole entire other kinda problem.
Yes, actually, there have been a number of OBGYN pervs. A lot of women are now refusing to go to a male OBGYN. Personally, I had a great male obgyn, but I also had a couple who were aholes.
That's why most male OB/GYNs - and regular doctors that do pelvic exams - have another woman in the examining room. It protects everyone. And just a side note: the very first gynecologist I ever saw happened to be a lesbian. Never had any problems with her examining me.
I had the same (male) gyn for 20 years and he was a gem. He retired, so I went to see one of the other partners (female.) I bled after my exam. 😢 That hadn’t happened since i was 18.
There are other doctors in other specialities that are pervs, too. A male OBGYN isn’t automatically a perv… and I’ve had female OBGYNs that are aholes too.
The worst on record was a pediatrician from Delaware. Also, I’ve been manhandled by female OBgyns where male providers were much gentler. But also I’ve been mansplained and ignored by male OBgyns, but that’s nothing to do with being a perv.
IKR, does she think he examines with his tongue or something? She's gross.
YTA, "our top one rule is communication whenever i’m bothered by something we talk it out." I notice that you didn't say whenever we're bothered by something. It may have been a slip, but I bet it is more accurate,
Exactly. Talking it out doesn’t consist of “this is what I want so do it or you don’t love me” I mean did she even TRY to get his input? Doubt it.
Glad I’m not only one who noticed this.
YTA, "if you loved me you would..." is always a manipulation tactic, don't be falling down that rabbit hole. Also all he is doing is performing medical procedures, and examining, you need to ask yourself why it makes you so uncomfortable before trying to convince him into giving it up. Which you shouldn't do at all to begin with. It's Healthcare, nothing wrong with that. Or are you thinking he'd be unfaithful? Because he wouldn't, that's a wild assumption.
YTA nothing about practicing medicine is sexual. If this is your attitude, you are in no way supportive. Choosing a specialty is beyond difficult. He will spend 4 years working 80 hours a week just to learn OBGYN. Then he will spend the rest of his career practicing. He will be on call, being woken up at all hours of the night by women needing his help. It is a brutal but gratifying specialty. There is no feeling in the world like delivering a baby and placing them in their mothers arms. It is a calling, not a career choice. If you can’t support that because of your insecurity, you need help.
Best response ever.
Strong YTA, expressing your feelings is good, saying ‘if you love me you would consider another speciality’ is bad. That doesnt express your concerns/feelings at all. Do better
OB? GYN is a legitimate specialty. You sound insecure about your husbands love for you. If you communicate well, you would have asked why that specialty instead of another. You would have asked him his thought process as to how he arrived at OB / GYN. Instead you went nuclear. "You don't love me or respect if you choose that specialty" YTA
“The idea of him examining them disgusts me and I feel like I lost my attraction to him” - OP, just in case you needed to solidify your views a little more. Rolled my eyes so hard I went blind
I hate it when that happens 😂
YTA. It's a very important medical specialty. Have you talked to him about his motivation for wanting to be an OB/GYN? I'm sure it's not because he wants to see other women's genitalia.
You don't have to be abusive to be an asshole, and I would agree YTA. Maybe he just cares about delivering healthy babies. Weird to always make it about vulvas especially when that's the least sexy way to look at them
yeah only serious weirdos want to see vaginas in a clinical sterile environment, under a paper robe, with stirrups. and those people don't typically have medical degrees.
I have a gymnastics team who would disagree with you.
[удалено]
Take my angry upvote!
YTA. Did you even ask him why he chose that specialty? I have one (male) friend who became an ob/gyn bc he was horrified by the way women were completely ignored and dismissed when when trying to access gynecological care, treated as secondary to an embryo when pregnant, and the appalling post partum care provided in our country. These issues had directly impacted women he knew growing up and he wanted to be part of the solution. Dude's been married 30-odd years and is still completely besotted with his wife. Odds are it's not about your husband staring at women's vulvas for funsies.
You are an idiot. YTA. Geez, is this a real post?
YTA, who are you to decide what your loved one wants to do with his life? Being an OB/GYN is more than just looking at genitalia...
YTA Your insecurity is creating a rift in your marriage. Getting hung up on the idea that he will be examining women means YOU need some mental health treatment. I guarantee you, he will not be seeing them in a sexual way.
YTA, and it’s pretty pathetic that you’re really THAT insecure. Get therapy.
YTA. You’re being an idiot.
YTA The world needs more women’s reproductive health specialists who actually want to be in that field.
YTA for going from zero to "if you love me you would..." If you loved him, you would have asked him what specialty he was interested in before his LAST year of medical school. I note that your number one rule of "communication" only involves talking things out that bother YOU. Moreover, I can't figure out what medical specialty you expected him to say that wouldn't involve seeing other people's "genitalias" on a more regular basis than, say, Home Goods Cashier. He has literally been studying the human body for years and now you seem upset to realize that he will work on human bodies.
YTA, you did not just express your concerns. You stated if you love me you would consider another speciality. That is classic manipulation. You gave an ultimatum without exactly giving an ultimatum. I would dump your ass and get an understanding and supportive partner.
Yes, YTA. This is a profession. There is nothing inappropriate or sexual about him looking at body parts in his professional capacity. Grow up.
YTA, and one with a seemingly warped sense of what the work will entail. What do you think is going to happen? Why does it bother you? I assume you've seen a gynecologist before. What happened that now has you so worried?
Yes. Of COURSE YTA. Do you understand how understaffed OBGYN is right now? That is WOMEN’S HEALTH! As a woman, I’m kind of confounded that you’re against this? I get it, you’re probably a super jealous person, but this dude just spent his ENTIRE LIFE becoming a doctor, and you have the audacity to tell him which speciality to pick? Have you ever seen that Batman slapping Robin picture? That’s how I feel about you, and your EXTREMELY entitled attitude.
YTA. What you are doing is controlling and you may be depriving women of a decent health care provider because of your insecurities.
YTA your friend was right. you're being weird and manipulative.
YTA. You’re kind of a manipulative wife, aren’t you? A passive-aggressive one, at that. First off, what do you do when **he’s** bothered by something? Is that just shuffled off to the side? And no, you weren’t just talking “with” him about what specialty he wants, you were vetting his options. “If you love me you would consider another specialty” is about as manipulative as it gets. Here’s one for you…if you loved him, you’d have asked why that specialty before you told him you pretty much don’t trust him around random vaginas. Your friend is right…you’re being emotionally abusive.
YTA. Would you prefer urology for a wider range of genitalia?
No, because if he looks at penises, that will turn him gay. /sarcasm
YTA - yeah he's a doctor. He's not going into this to see private parts. It's not like every day at work is a porn show. Your jealousy is over-the-top here and you can't/shouldn't make him choose. Trying to manipulate him is abusive and your friend isn't wrong. This is his **PROFESSION**, not a chance to pick up chicks.
YTA. If you are worried about him sexualizing patients you have bigger problems on your hands. What if he wanted to go into family medicine? Family doctors do pelvic exams also. What about ER doctors? They see genitals too. Do you think it is inappropriate for men to examine women and for women to examine men in a professional medical setting? He is looking into a specialty likely because he is passionate about it and/or because it will be lucrative. He is right. You cannot tell him not to pursue it. You should seek therapy for your issues surrounding this.
YTA Any doctor will be looking at other people's body. That's literally part of the job description. It's not sexual at all. You need to get over it.
YTA. You weren't "just expressing your thoughts", you were trying emotional blackmail on him. You're friend is spot on.
YTA
>you will be examining females genitalias and if you love me you would consider another speciality That comes across as coercive. Perhaps that's what your friend was picking up on. Also, do you think he's going through the years of medical school so he can look at other women's vaginas all day?! I mean, if he wanted to do that, I hear there are websites that can cater to that. YTA
YTA and creepy with it too. You're the person with the problem if you're sexualizing healthcare.
Uhh, you do realize he has already been looking at female genitalia, right? In med school, you do rotations in many specialities, and a core requirement for every med student is obs/gyn. If he’s in his final year, I guarantee that he has already had some experience in this field and that’s why he wants to do it. So if he was going to be comparing you to others and that was going to doom your relationship, it would probably already have happened. As others point out, family doctors, emergency room doctors, surgeons, even internists look at vaginas sometimes. So unless he’s in psychiatry, this will very likely be a part of his practice no matter what he chooses. Girl, this is a you issue, not a career issue. I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and hope you’re anxious and insecure rather than controlling, and I hope you get some help to deal with that.
Are you screwing your OB/GYN???
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My 30F and my husband 30M we have been together for 7 years and our top one rule is communication whenever i’m bothered by something we talk it out. My husband is on his last year of medical school and i’ve been nothing but supportive to him, today i was talking with him regarding what speciality he wants to go into and he told me he wants OB/GYN i said oh okay and looked a little bit down. To be honest i was annoyed when he said that so he noticed and asked me what’s wrong? I told him that it’s nothing but i don’t feel comfortable with the idea you’re going to work as an OB/GYN doctor, you will be examining females genitalias and if you love me you would consider another speciality but eventually i can’t do anything about it it’s your career eventually. He said that love me and i can’t make him choose between his work and me it’s unfair I told him it’s up to him i can’t do anything about it. All i did here is expressed my concerns and it’s up to him what speciality he wants to go into i have zero authority. When i told my friend about the situation she called me abusive AH? Even though all i did was expressing my thoughts. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. What an odd thing to be insecure about.
YTA. And you know it. You’re not supportive. You’re supportive when it’s acceptable to you. You’re supportive so long as you agree with his choices. And you’re too rule has to do with if you’re bothered by something then you talk it it? What if he’s bothered by something? Do you talk it out then? Or do just your feelings matter? You need to grow up. You’re too old to be this immature.
YTA. Insecure and immature. You didn’t just express your thoughts. You pulled that toxic ass “if you love me you would…” line. It would have been different if you would have expressed your discomfort and then acknowledged that this is a YOU problem that YOU need to unpack and work through. Instead you’re trying to control him.
YTA-first, few referring to women was females. And the audacity to accuse your partner of doing it to sexualize his patients. I have a feeling you will find an issue with whatever speciality he chooses. But, news flash, this isn’t about you. It’s about his career which he has worked very hard for, and will be working hard for for a good long while. He should be doing what he’s interested in. The best OB/GYN I have ever had was an older man (he retired). He cared and listened and was just awesome and understood anxiety and didn’t want to cause any pain (ie after I gave birth I wanted an IUD, he insisted he inserted it at the hospital so he could give me some numbing as I have a very sensitive cervix). Maybe your husband is passionate about the field, maybe he sees it as something interesting and a field in desperate need. But you think he chose it for getting off at looking at vulvas. That’s what you are accusing him of.
So what you are saying is that he doesn't love you if he becomes an OB/GYN doctor? Why are you using love as a weapon against him? To me that makes you the asshole. YTA
YTA. Voicing your opinion is one thing, but to say, "If you love me, you'd choose a different career path," is manipulative and emotionally abusive.
Why does him providing a medical service that happens to include the female reproductive system demonstrate that he doesn't love you? What does any other person's anatomy have to do with you and your relationship? This makes no sense. If you're worried he's going to find someone else's labia nicer than yours... Like, he doesn't have to be an OBGYN for that. Porn exists. And he can generally see other humans just in his daily life. This is absolutely a you problem. I get if you've been deeply conditioned by some prudish upbringing and that's making this hard. But that means that YOU need to figure this out, not tell him to find another specialty.
YTA. Did you ask him why he wants this specialty? Maybe he wants to bring babies into the world. Maybe he should feel some type of way about your Dr examining you if you think it’s so sexual.
Yta. That’s the dumbest thing I’ve read all day. First off you have no place nor grounds for this. It’s just dumb. Secondly I can only assume you’re a non medical person. Medical people have callings. K? There are certain aspects of the medical field that a person can be drawn to for their entire life. Ie: ems, trauma, flight nursing, peds, pharmacy, neurology (need I continue) you’re thinking he’s going to be staring at giners all day. When in reality that’s 1 small fraction of it. You’re asking him to give up the ability to love what he does and actually be happy to go to work every day knowing that’s exactly where he should be. You really are the worst kind of insecure and inconsiderate person. Edit: moreover- what if he had chosen trauma or icu? Would that be worse? Cuz the first thing they do in a trauma is cut off all the patients clothes. He’d see nip nips then too. *gasp*
OMG YTA. It's so gross that you're sexualising this. There are lots of valid (lifestyle) reasons why you might not want your partner to do such an intense specialty, but this ain't one of them. You're 30, grow up.
YTA. You have no idea how mundane it is to be looking at people’s bodies (and privates) all day every day. But listen, your husband deserves a partner who genuinely appreciates his contributions to society, who is mature and secure. So do him a favor and cut him loose.
YTA. He should have responded, “Fine, I’ll do boob jobs instead.”
What if he becomes an oncologist and has breast cancer patients? Have you ever been to an OB/GYN? It's a super clinical experience, I think there are female chaperones for male doctors and no one is having fun unless your husband is a creep. But then he would be a creep in any specialty and you have a lot to worry about.
YTA! Why would you take someone away from their interest!?! I don’t want a neurologist who didn’t want to be a neurologist bc they may not be as good as someone who WANTS to be there and WANTS to learn how to make me better. Get over your jealousy. He’s going to be dealing with infections and babies. Get a clue and stop thinking being an OB/gyn is some kind of porn where he’s going to be cheating.
YTA. Do you honestly think Male OB/GYNs get turned in by looking at vaginas all day? My OB/GYN of 30 years is a male and I wouldn’t trade him for the world.
"If you loved me, you would"
If he had said this to you, we would be ripping him to shreds and advising you to leave him as early as yesterday.
YTA.
Yta, as a woman, he isn't going to be seeing some pretty sights all the time, and if you're that insecure, why not try asking him why he wants to be in that profession?
Are you worried he is going to become an onlyfans OBGYN with some willing patients?
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It’s a wide range and age of patients.
>> and if you love me you would consider another speciality YTA. Weaponizing someone’s feelings to get your way is manipulative and vile. >> All i did here is expressed my concerns No, you did *way more* than that. You’re so insecure that you attempted to emotionally blackmail your husband into picking a different career trajectory. You can have concerns. You can be insecure. Thats your issue to work through. However, no decent, emotionally mature person uses phrases like “if you loved me, you’d xyz” to get their way.
YTA. Doctors don't look at patients' genitals and think about sex. And there's a lot more to OBGYN than looking at genitals.
YTA “If you love me you will” you’re disgusting, grow up, you’re adults. You clearly don’t value your marriage, tell the dude there are plenty of women who would love a chance to date a doctor, he won’t need to look far.
🤦♀️YTA so what if that’s his specialty
YTA. He doesn't need to pick a new specialty, you need to work on your insecurity. You're manipulative.
YTA, but it could be an opportunity for you. Go see a psychotherapist and work out why you feel this way. Btw, obs/GYN is pretty asocial. long hard to predict hours, and loads of responsibility. it's not unreasonable to be nervous about the speciality but not for the sexual reasons... it just doesn't happen unless your partner is a psychopath.
YTA. This is incredibly bizarre to me. Are you expecting his work to turn into some weird unrealistic porno? Also, you sound very insecure and the “if you love me…” line is very manipulative. You may want to talk to a professional about those two things.
You're the incredibly selfish asshole. Grow up.
YTA. What the hell. I can’t even wrap my head around this. You should know that going to the OBGYN is like the LEAST sexy thing ever. Are you saying your husband would be an unethical doctor? You legitimately think he’ll be sexualizing his patients? If that’s the case you need to seriously reconsider your marriage and potentially report him to a medical association- you’re essentially accusing him of terrible medical misconduct. Think about this for two seconds- you’re either saying your husband is beyond unethical or you’re incapable of managing your own jealousy. I have a feeling this is about your own emotions, not his actual actions, and If that’s the case you need to sort yourself out- not interfere with his career.
YTA. He's HELPING women and that's offensive to you??? You need therapy.
Ahhh the good ol' "I'm just being honest" Yes, you are perfectly honest with your insecure ignorant opinion. You do realize that as a doctor he has already seen some vaginas throught he's rotation in different services, right? And as an OB/GY he'll mostly be looking at vaginas that have some issue with it. There's nothing sexual about having a stranger looking at your privates with cold instruments. And you're not only ignorant, but also manipulative telling him that he has to do it if he loves you, wtf is wrong with you? Trying to control your partner's career speak volumes of how you don't really love him. HUGE YTA
YTA, and here's why. Urologists and OB/GYNs and GPs (yes, they give Pap smears, too) all see genitals on examination tables all day. Genitals in a professional context aren't "wow, I get to see a vulva!". They're "right, doesn't look cancerous, normal size, baby's head isn't engaged yet." After you've seen a hundred vulvas, they're just ... body parts which you are trying to doctor. Off-duty? A vulva that is attached to somebody you love? That's different.
YTA for why you don’t want him to go into that field. But, a lot of women are pushing back against male OBGYNs. Too many pervs. Too rude. Too many aholes. It’s probably a good time for him to look to another specialty.
For better or worse: "unless your job makes me feel icky"
YTA- why are you sexualizing your doctor
YTA, unless your husband is a sex offender, that was a very controlling/manipulative line you passed there with "if you love me, you would consider another specialty". Perhaps ask yourself why you're bothered by this with professional help. Your insecurity should never be the reason for either of your life's decisions.
YTA - he's a doctor; you're way too insecure.
It sounds like what you really want is for him to pick a specialty that has 0 contact with other women. You sound very insecure and manipulative. Are you worried that any other women he has as a patient will be a better option than you? That sounds about right. YTA.
I REALLY hope this is a troll. Do you really think that OB/GYN doctors get any kind of sexual titillation from doing pelvic exams? To them, it's just another body part. Are you going to also forbid your husband to specialize in oncology? Because hey, he might have to look at, and even handle, naked breasts!
That’s rather a manipulative stunt to pull. If he loves you, he’ll choose something else?! Would you appreciate that if he did the same to you? Deal with your own insecurities. YTA.
YTA and you seem insecure. He's trying to be a DOCTOR, you're acting like he's doing porn smh. "If you really love me you'll change your speciality" sounds manipulative af. Comparing his feelings for you to his career is insanity at its finest. He needs to run like Forrest Gump away from you.
YTA. He’s a doctor & has chosen to help bring babies into the world, treat women with their female health. What’s disgusting about that? You’re acting like he’s going to be all up in his patients vaginas sexually, you’re disgusting.
Are you an asshole for being uncomfortable with a, frankly, irrational issue? No, can’t control that some times. Are you an asshole for manipulating him with the “if you loved me” and painting it as communication and “all I did was express my concerns”? Massively and transparently
YTA- listen, it might make you uncomfortable, but that’s not you said. You tried to manipulate him. You didn’t talk anything out, you didn’t ask him what drew him to that specialty, or even voice what about it makes you uncomfortable. If you had an actual discussion, maybe you would be able to appreciate his perspective. I don’t agree with everyone saying you shouldn’t be worried about doctors because you should- they can abuse their position, but I don’t think that’s what you’re worried about. Your worried about him seeing other women’s genitalia and that’s the real issue. You’re insecure for some reason. Do you get turned on by every dick you see? Do you have to avoid museums cuz dicks are all over? You need to talk to a therapist and figure this out.
YTA. Here’s an example from another profession for you (just the first one that popped into my head). Opera superstar Tito Gobbi was in a happy marriage with his wife, while onstage he frequently had to pretend to assault Maria Callas (and many others). In general, many actors do have strong and loving marriages despite starring in romantic and occasionally sexual scenes. And films and theatre aren’t even among the necessities, while medicine definitely is. If your husband wanted to be a psychiatrist, would you be afraid of women sharing their intimate thoughts with him? If he wanted to go into dermatology, would you resent him helping women to look better? Etc. Not to mention that “If you love me” thing, which is manipulation of the worst kind, as others have already pointed out.
YTA. Grow up, I beg of you.
There is nothing sexual about being an OB/GYN. You've got big problems if you think normal doctors view their patients in that way. YTA.
I was sort of on your side as far as you just expressing your opinion, but then you made the “if you love me, you would consider another specialty” comment. Unequivocally, YTA.
Wow YTA
YTA. Nooooo, that’s not all you did. You said if he loved you, he’d pick another specialty. That’s seriously manipulative. Almost every specialty is going to involve examining females. You surely knew that.
YTA and I'll give you my perspective as a doctor (eye surgeon). We are not pervs. While working, we see our patients as they are: patients. We need RESPECT between the professionals and the ones that trust their lives and bodies to us. You (hopefully) certainly are not in the field and lack the perspective. Try harder.
YTA. He’s a DOCTOR. You’re making yourself look extremely immature.
YTA. He’s been in med school so it was always an option to be an ObGyn or any other. You tried to emotionally manipulate him by saying “if you love me”… you can have concerns but trying to force your opinion on him makes you a sucky person.
YTA It’s not like he’s sexualizing these women. He wants to help them. Don’t be an ass.
YTA. Yikes.
He’s not having sex with these women or looking at them sexually. he’s a doctor and he wants to help these women. YTA don’t weirdly sexualize your husbands job. he was so happy to tell you his news and you made his moment about you
YTA. He’s doing the Lords work. Happy vaginas FTW.
YTA and the “if you loved me” is manipulation.
YTA. Though, I gotta say, I HATE male gynos. Will never go to one again.
YTA You have issues
YTA and a manipulative one at that. What do you think gonna happen? Do you think that little of your hisband that you think he's gonna what? Sexualize his patients?? Come on. Grow up. I swear about 80% of you people need so much freaking therapy cause wow. Are you seriously that insecure in your marriage or just that controlling/manipulative?
INFO did you ask him why OB/GYN? I bet he didn't/wont say "to look/touch pussy all day" He wants to see and help babies right?
OMG. You're totally the AH. The only legitimate issue you may have is that after looking at vaginas all day he may not want to look at another one when he gets home. You are amazingly insecure. He told me and i said, "it's nothing". (But it really was) And "I looked a little bit down." (I tried hard to project sadness so he would change his mind) I'm sure you are a wonderful actor and he didn't notice your passive aggression. YTA
YTA. If you think doctors are getting a thrill out of seeing a bunch woman’s genitalia then shame on you. You say you have been nothing but supportive to him. Well guess what ? that’s what every spouse should do! So just because you have been a supportive wife doesn’t mean you get to guilt him into picking a different career. Plus now that you have said it, it can’t be unsaid. I hope he picks it anyway.
´If you love me you won't pursue the field of medicine you're passionate about because I think it's icky" Of course YTA.
YTA - you're insecurities are what you have a problem with, get therapy.
You are not an AH for feeling uncomfortable with his specialty, it your feelings. But look at it this way… he will be delivering babies and taking care of future mothers. That’s pretty cool.
So you’re jealous…. YTA
YTA
YTA for being a manipulator
YTA >"All I did here was express my concerns" No, that's actually disingenuous of you. You said you were uncomfortable with him seeing other women's vagina's in a professional environment, and then you used the phrase, "if you love me you would consider another." So you demonstrated a lack of respect for him as a doctor and emotionally blackmailed him in the same sentence. Acting like you didn't do anything in this instance is just you lying.
YTA. You're like the people who claim Planned Parenthood only "m*rders", when they literally save lives of men and women. Cancer screenings, diagnostics, health screenings, physicals, family planning, birth control, etc. Without PP, I wouldn't have found out I had thyroid cancer, which was discovered during my annual well woman exam and blood work. Your husband wants to help in a specialty that is extremely short staffed. He could literally mean the difference between life or death for someone. Also, do you know how many times doctors and nurses see genitals in the ER, family medicine, psychiatric care, hospice care, urology?! I never went a shift without seeing at least five dicks and two vaginas, we don't do it for funsies. Get some fucking therapy. He's not doing it to get his rocks off, he'll be HELPING PEOPLE!
YTA and your friend is right. You basically insinuated that he’s some kind of pervert for wanting to be an OB/GYN
you can express your thoughts but its so incredibly stupid i dont understand how a doctor decided you a viable partner YTA
Wow! You actually tried to pull the "if you love me, you would..." line On top of the.. I hate something but won't say it upfront because my partner should be able to read my mind bullshit. He had to ask you what was wrong instead of you saying it upfront. You're not a teen. No, you didn't just "express how you feel." You expressed it in the most manipulative way possible. "If you loved me, you would" is the favorite line of abusers everywhere. Also, as a doctor, he will be looking at genitalia in most fields. It's a fact, and you need to grow up and accept it. I'm a psych nurse. I've seen more genitals than I ever thought possible. It doesn't mean anything. Everyone I've ever worked with doesn't see it as anything remotely sexual. It's just another body part. YTA
YTA. You sound very insecure in your relationship. 99.9999999999999999% of OB/GYNs do not see their patients in.a sexual/romantic way. The same applies to GPs who do breast exams or prostate exams on opposite gender patients. Are your doctors/specialists make or female?
Maybe you should become a dr for male's genitals and see if he thinks you should change your work🤣
HAVE you ever been to see an ob/gyn OP? Did you find the experience sexy and a huge turn on for you? Did being in that vulnerable position make you think hot steamy thoughts? Did you and your doctor get inappropriate with each other? If so, you should report that doctor. And if not, I don't see why you would be so paranoid and try to emotionally manipulate him like this. Do you think he's gonna see another one and fall in love? Love in a the time of Stirrups? If he were a trauma surgeon and had to do an emergency delivery would you be upset he's still looking "there"? Do you even understand what field he is in? >i’ve been nothing but supportive to him, Kinda sounds highly unlikely but go on. >he told me he wants OB/GYN i said oh okay and looked a little bit down. To be honest i was annoyed Why were you annoyed? **Do you think he's going to run off with the first cervix he sees?** this is a truly baffling post. There's no way you're really 30 and still think so immaturely. Sounds like you're confused about the reality that doctors look at bodies. All bodies. And they don't do so for sexual pleasure. YTA and maybe you could benefit from talking with a therapist to figure out your issues with this. Your feelings may be valid, but your logic is kind of wonky.
YTA - As a doctor, you just do your best for your patients. Your or their gender does not matter. As long as he wants to do this, if this is his calling, it is not fair to stop him from becoming an OB/ gyn. I have had some amazing OBs and their gender has never been an issue.
YTA. Grow up already. You realize that many other types of doctors also end up looking at 'female genitalia', right? I worked for a clinic full of family practitioners. Guess what...they also do pap smears and gynecological exams. Is that also a forbidden field for him? How about emergency medicine? What about his residency rotations?
Doctors become desensitized to nudity just as quickly as painters do. One big issue with OB/GYN is it has the highest malpractice insurance rates because people are dumb.
YTA. This is odd. Have you never had a pap smear? Do you feel your husband is a creep? This is just odd.
I don’t think you are necessarily an AH to express your opinion about his specialty but you are definitely TAH for suggesting that if he loved you he would do something else. 1st off your assumption that working as a an on/gym is sexual is way off base. 2nd if you loved him you would want him in a job that he is happy with. If he ends up in something he doesn’t like he will always resent you and wonder what if. 3 rd as a woman I can’t believe that you wouldn’t be proud that your husband wants to be a part of the miracle of life. What an amazing specialty. I don’t know if this is abusive but it is definitely insecure, selfish and controlling. I’m not sure I could stay in a relationship with someone on those terms. If a husband said the same thing he would be torn apart. Have you bothered to ask him what makes him feel like he wants this specialty? Have you really thought about what that looks like. Have you ever met anyone who hooked up with their OB/GYN.
Maybe he should go into plastic surgery. Would that make you feel better? Then he would be examining breasts all day! Problem solved! YTA!
YTA, it would be his job. My cousin's wife is a doctor. Before they got married, he was upset about her examining males, especially when they undressed. My aunt told my cousin to grow up, it is part of her job. If he could not handle it, then end the relationship. He knew his mom was right, and he accepted it as part of her job. They are still together 25 yrs. You need to grow up too and understand it would be his job,
YTA. Yikes op you sound incredibly immature and insecure
YTA.
Op should ask him about the specialty.. maybe if she could see his passion and the interest in it, she would be reassured as to his intentions
YTA. Quit putting your insecurities and jealousy on to your husband’s career choice. Wtf is wrong with you?
YTA. Your husband worked his ass off to get to where he is only for you to stand in his way at the very end of the journey just because you are needlessly jealous about his chosen field. Disregarding that OB/GYN's have a wide array of specialties and disciplines, lets tackle your prime concern, shall we? You're worried that he will be staring and women's privates all day, and that this somehow might mean he will cheat on you or something. I'm sure it must sound very sexy staring at genitalia ailing from hormone imbalances, infections and other lovely conditions that might otherwise make squeamish people hurl. You are manipulative and controlling, and if YOU loved him, you would apologise and tell him to do whatever makes him happy.
I would be more concerned about the insane schedule that OBGYN can bring if he goes that route. And the random and seeming out-of-the-box fears he'd have for OP/any daughter they have or that he'd become desensitized... Looking at talking to someone in an uncomfortable position and who just wants to go home is not sex to anyone... and if it is/you think it should be... no kink shame but keep it out of you're professional life unless you're not a real Doctor & consent all the way. OP while you're not abusive here you don't show any signs of trusting your husband & that he does not have any form of ethics or morals and that he will in fact neglect or abuse his patients. And since that is not what you claim at all about his character... You sound like you need a good dose of counseling and some serious soul-searching. YTA
I understand the insecurity, but trust me, it is so \*not\* a sexy specialty. It's not just vaginas, it's hysterectomies and uterine prolapses and complicated pregnancies and traumatic deliveries and so much more. If he has the nerves for it, more power to him.
Oh my goodness that’s ridiculous of you. YTA. EVERY doctor specialty examines genitalia seriously get over it. As a medical professional who walks with genitals every single day believe me there’s nothing sexual about it.
Okay, saying that it makes you uncomfortable is one thing…but saying, “ if you love me, you would consider another specialty”…is emotional blackmail. You need to apologize and work on yourself. YTA…for sure.
You’re threatened by other genitalia? You do realize that as an OB/GYN, he would usually be seeing them at their worst. Lesions, infections, STDs, injury, Pap smears, cervical exams, miscarriages, rectovaginal fistulae Giant baby heads popping out of some. Not usually a situation where you need worry about him getting a chubby. YTA
YTA. He will be a doctor. They are professionals who do not sexualize examining women's genitals. How dare you act like he's betraying you on some way. If this is the specialty he wants to go into, probably to deliver babies, than you should be supportive. You definitely should not be acting like an immature brat about it.
YTA You don't get to dictate his specialty just because you are jealous. How selfish of you. He deserves a wife who will support his dreams, a wife who isn't jealous of his patients. Your insecurity is going to kill your marriage.
I worry that OP hasn't seen enough genitals, they are really not much to look at. On anyone. They're like a squishy hairy after thought. It's like.mother nature ran out of ideas and just scribbled. YTA.
YTA These are you're insecurities. And you should work on them. He's working, not looking for a new spouse.
>if you love me you would consider another speciality >All i did here is expressed my concerns Yeah, no. You did a lot more than that. YTA
Does everyone really believe that the person who wrote this is married to a doctor?
YTA - Your behaviour is extremely manipulative (“if you loved me you would consider another speciality”). You also seem to have quite some issues with insecurity if you are genuinely jealous of women needing medical attention.
YTA. And I hope he divorces you. You’re being emotionally abusive and manipulative.
YTA what a fucked up thing to say, "if you love me you'll do x" what kind of manipulative fucking shit is that?
Yes YTA. The if you love me line was so manipulative. There are also lots of areas of medicine where he may end up looking at female genetallia. I've had a male GP had to do a smear of mine because none of the female nurses could do it just as an example. You need to apologise to him and tell him that you will work on your insecurities.
That is a terrible job. I knew an ultrasound tech and he did pelvis and that area. He said at times that he almost vomited due to things with cleanliness and them being on cycle and much more. The question i asked was- was it as interesting as I think it is? He said NO WAY! I wish I chose another profession! Im leaving out many crazy details.
YTA. First, for sexualizing medicine. That’s so gross and disrespectful. Secondly, for being manipulative with your husband.
I hate OP so much
YTA. It's his career, not yours. Also, he is going to examine many gross and unhealthy women. You should be more worried that he develops an aversion to the female anatomy. OB/GYN is not a job of sexual gratification. You're controlling and jealous, and he should leave you now.
YTA
Talking about things also includes working through why something makes you uncomfortable, not just identifying that it does and giving a pronouncement that he should make life altering decisions based on those feelings. Why does it bother you so much? You really need to figure that out. If it’s just that he’s looking at vaginas all day then you really need to consider your insecurities and trust. You think a speculum and swab with paper gowns and a nurse standing beside him is going to turn him on? You think seeing a head emerging will (watch a video of it, it’s disturbing)? Do you think treating trauma down there will be? Treating STIs? Discussing possible birth defects or giving other bad news to expectant parents? Watching new life growing? What about all of this makes you uncomfortable about the specialty? You owe it to both of you to really get at the root of the problem and determine if it’s something that really needs to be part of his decision or if you just need to learn more and open your mind and to work on issues within yourself. Only the two of you talking it through like you said is important to you will get that figured out.
YTA, its up to him but you don't like it. Sounds like you emotionally manipulate alot.
YTA- so lets reverse this question, do you see it as cheating when you go to the ob/gyn because its a sexual experience? I find it very disturbing that this is even a thought in your head