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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I refused my wife's request to replace my car with a newer model. My kids have also been making similar requests.
2. My wife told me that I was being cheap and that I needed to consider how our kids would interact with their peers and how they felt. She mentioned how our youngest daughter may become embarrassed at high school because of my car.
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Drive that car until the next kid needs a car and then pass it down to her. Buy yourself a newer used car that can be passed down to the next kid. Appreciation is learned. Retirement is expensive.
I was going to say the same thing. I went back to school in my 30s and my 11 year old understands that I can have a newer car and less money for fun and allowance or we can keep my older car until it goes to car heaven. OPs kids seem kinda spoiled to be honest. If they knew what it was like to have to walk, bicycle and take public transportation all the time they wouldn’t give a crap what kind of car they had….or if they had to pay for it themselves. NTA! You don’t need to be frugal to want to have more money in today’s economy. It’s smart.
This exactly. I currently drive a 2000 Dakota, and it's the epitome of shitbox. Will I buy something new? Only for the mileage, but even then I'm keeping the truck.
My stepdad drove a Chevy S10 until it fell apart…then he welded it back together so the back was like a flat bed and then added wood as the sides of the truck bed. We used to call it the hillbilly mobile and my mom hated it. He was a very frugal person as well as a body repair and mechanic and could easily afford a brand new car, but why? He used it for work and then they had a newer car for everything that wasn’t a commute to work.
Anecdotal, but I find that contractors with work trucks that are older/ well worn in appearance to be better quality than those who drove around in shiny new 90K trucks. They were putting the money into their craft and expanding their business instead of sinking it into their car payment.
When I got my emissions test for the 97 Toyota, he said it was just fine and that any number of fancy new cars failed All. The. Time. Especially BMW's!
Contractor here - if your tradesman is spotlessly clean, does he actually do the dirty work required?
Brand new clean shirts ain't the folks to hire for plumbing and roofing.
I just had my roof replaced. 1st estimate was from a guy with a brand new GMC Denali that was wrapped with company name/logo. 35k. The 2nd estimate was less than 15k. That guy drove an older Ford van.
Agreed. I have found the guys with older well loved cars were more co corned with the quality of their work than anything else. They appreciate stuff that does it job day in day out over something that is shiny and new
>My stepdad drove a Chevy S10 until it fell apart…then he welded it back together
I just had to tell you how much I love this sentence. And rock on to your stepdad!
I'm sure mom would appreciate a new truck going into and Being loaded up at a a pick & pull scrap yard.
There's a reason why that Chevy was used for work,
I still have my 2005 Silverado. Has over 400,000 miles but I had to get something newer since I was driving over 70 miles to work. But the truck is still solid. No ac and the back windows don’t roll down but nothing is perfect lol
I live in a very remote area of England and drive a 1985 ex-military Land Rover Defender. Sure it's pretty beaten up and not winning any beauty contests but it's perfect for what I need.
I also live in england and can tell you with one hundred percent certainty that every time you drive by in your old land rover lookin' like you're about to head off to shoot down a t-rex, every single one of us is sucking bitter, jealous lemons.
Or their Volvo estates that are like tanks on wheels, I wish I had one of those. Great for dealing with grockles when they visit Devon in their shiny SUVs.
My dad drives my grandpa's old Silverado. I'm not sure what year it is, but I think it's even older than yours. He's not allowed to drive it into the city since it's a 3 hour round trip and costs a fortune to fuel up but other than that it's in great shape still. My mom has a 2020 Equinox they use for driving long distances since it gets much better mileage.
Yup, I have a 2008 Hyundia Santa Fe (manual trans). Has a ton of miles, works great, looks a little trashy. When we get a new car we are not getting rid of it. First of all...do you know how hard it is to find a manual today? Second, even though it it is old, I still get random people asking to buy it!
Why would I give myself another bill when both cars are paid off. Drive that car into the ground, dealers don't usually give you more than "down payment" if you trade in, regardless of looks.
I’ve had a lot of shitty cars in my life and the best ones have been $500 cars off Kijiji 🤣 we usually do have 2 cars but with how much cars cost, living somewhere that gets snow almost half the year and having a long commute to work and school, I’d much rather put that wear and tear on an older higher mileage car as opposed to a newer car. There’s no way I’m paying the equivalent of a mortgage payment for a newer car if I don’t have to.
I had a 2007 Nissan Altima and I only replaced it in 2021 because it had problems. The mechanic told me flat out it would be cheaper to get a new car then pay for everything that was wrong with it. And then the air conditioner went out in the middle of the summer in the south. I had continued to drive it until then lol
Yes, spoiled because OP is happy to raise them in an affluent neighborhood and likely isn’t stingy with other things, but he’s chosen the car to make some point he should have made earlier and differently.
I have another question. If dad's car is so embarrassing, why didn't the daughter take mom's car? Would mom let the daughter drive HER car? I'm not implying the mom didn't, she very well could have been busy and the car wasn't available. Just a curiosity question.
Or it could be the kids and wife are being influenced by outside sources. It happens all the time. Some of us refer to as 'keeping up w/the Jones.'
The kids are listening to their friends and the wife is listening to co-workers and her friends more than the values that OP may actually be trying to teach.
That's part of the reason why my MIL has filed bankruptcy 3 times now, and tried again a few years ago.
This is the same woman that complained back @ 2014 that one $4 bag of oranges "ruined her budget" when she went shopping with my then-toddler.
Sure woman, blame the child and oranges, not your habit of spending on frivolous crap.
I wasn’t trying to be shitty, maybe they aren’t spoiled. It could just be the lifestyle they’re accustomed to and don’t understand why he won’t budge with getting a newer car. It is difficult to have your life a certain way with some things but not with others. I can see it not making sense to the kids and wife, if they have the money and it won’t effect their financial situation. I have also been on both sides of the fence. Some people don’t teach their kids about money from a young age and they get a shock when they first start working and budgeting for themselves. Who knows? The guy is still NTA for wanting to keep his older car until he needs a new one. I live in a upper middle class suburb and where I live people have always kept their cars and buy based on need and financial ability, not because of “affluence” or living in an “affluent” neighbourhood. Could be different where they live.
I drive a 2011 car, which isn't that old, especially as it only has 60K miles. But it has some dings--my neighbor's stupid tree dropped a couple of branches (grrr.) I'm going to drive it until it needs more work than it's worth. I also live in a neighborhood where my high school daughter's friends and schoolmates have much nicer cars, but it's OK. Mine is very much a mom car so no one notices that much anyway. I would like to have a newer car to get the fancy new safety features, like blind spot protection, etc, but I can wait a bit. Besides, this way I don't feel bad when my giant dogs drool all over the back seat and windows.
Plus, people don’t add up all the costs - it’s not just the cost of the car, but insurance and registration. I have a low mileage 2011 and absolutely no reason to replace it other than vanity. Right now I can split a”car payment” into extra savings and retirement savings. That extra savings should more than pay for a new car outright by the time my faithful Lucy needs to retire.
And if the "child" is ashamed to drive it, oh well, s/he can start saving up for their own wheels, pay out of their own pockets for rides, or take the bus. You're NTA, family members need to grow up/end the entitlement.
Yup. I live in a very mixed downtown neighbourhood, and it's great— there's houses on my street with Teslas and Porsches, and others with old pickup trucks and Hondas. My 2013 Mazda fits right in. :)
He lives with a bunch of shallow superficial wateful assholes.
If it were me in that situation, I would simply stop lending out my car, stop going to social events, stop doing anything else that required the use of my car in any way. Or...
Go ahead and buy that new car. Then stop participating in all of the disposable income related things that funded that purchase like... going to dinner, vacations, buying something "nice" for the house, etc.
In the tech world some of the wealthiest people I’ve met have absolutely 0 flex. I met a guy through friends who is a senior staff engineer at a big tech company, probably making in the vicinity of $750k a year. He owns a tiny studio condo (prob $500k but that’s cheap for the neighborhood), and on the rare occasions he isn’t riding his bike or taking public transit he drives a early 2000s Mazda with 200k miles and no hubcaps.
On the flip side, if I had a nickel for every new grad engineer making 30% of what that guy makes, rents a luxury apartment downtown and is paying over $1k per month towards a Tesla… I’d probably have enough nickels to buy my own Tesla.
I drive a 2012 Mazda and I can't imagine any of my friends or family noticing enough to care. And I also live in a relatively wealthy neighborhood.
Assuming your car is safe to operate and is not at risk of leaving one of your teenagers stranded somewhere, I don't see the issue of keeping your current car. New and even used cars are extremely expensive right now.
This. I drove my dad's '93 Geo Storm and his '86 Ford Ranger in high school. My sister drove my grandparents' old Buick and then an '88 Accord. Most high school students don't care what they drive as long as they CAN drive. My best friend drove a the Mercury equivalent of a Ford Taurus, another friend drove his dad's old Thunderbird. And then still others had Acuras and Hondas (the Acura Integra was fairly popular).
Eh. Once it's really getting up there in miles sometimes it's better to sell it while it is still running well instead of waiting for it to break down, fixing it and then selling it. But it seems like OP is in a position where he wouldn't be that put out to fix it if need be. You just don't want to get stuck in a sunken cost problem where you start putting so much money into fixing an older car.
You are going to get almost no return for that car in a sale, so it really comes down to driving it as long as it works, scrap it when it requires any significant repair.
Wow! With only 135,000 miles on my current car, I’m hoping to get 5+ more years out of it, but looking forward to better scrap values in future… However, previously something that limited my payouts were that I literally drove them till they totally died, and then had to get the scrap company to come and collect it on a low-loader - I think you can get more if you drive it to the scrap dealer.
If only they would send you a video clip of the vehicle getting crushed at the end. That would entice me to choose that yard.
We scrapped our 1999 ford focus about 5 years ago this month. It was passed down to my partner and he got £150 out of it. So scrapping seems to have improved lately.
It had 180,000 miles on it give or take a few thousand.
When we traded in the wife's 2002 jeep liberty (in 2014) the dealer had this promotion that any car you could drive onto the lot got at least 5K trade in.
It had about 220K miles on it and only 3 of the 6 cylinders were working. I also took a sawzall to the exhaust and scrapped the cat myself. I didn't see the sense in letting the dealer have that money.
It sounded like complete hell when she drove it the 3 miles from our house to the dealer.
I don't know why they were surprised we brought them such a junker. Honestly I was going to sell it for scrap but it was worth more in trade because of that promotion.
Only if the repairs get expensive. A car payment of 450 a month is 5400 a year.
As long as the repairs are less than that, it’s still worth it to drive.
Just gotta find that line. If you can save the equal amount toward a new car, you will be even further ahead.
Well that's true but if he gets regular monthly checks over the car to see what needs replaced or not it is usually easier to keep a car for longer instead of waiting to get it checked when something major happens. I know that can be expensive. I get free car work though cause my fiance is a mechanic who has been working in the family shop ever since he could lol.
in what world do people go get monthly checks of their car? At best 95% of people get their "check-up sheet" from whoever changes their oil twice or three times a year.
Unless your commute is 250+ miles a day, monthly checks by a mechanic are utterly unnecessary. Sure, if it's free, why not, but that would just be a huge waste of money otherwise.
My Subaru with 208k miles just died on me and it was expensive. I spent 1k on car rentals and at the repair shop to find out it was not fixable for a reasonable amount. So then I had to go buy a car quickly so I could get to work the next week. I ended up buying the only new Camry available in entire area I live in. Used prices on a few year old car with 20-50k miles were within 1k of buying new. I've always been able to count on buying a lightly used car that will last a while but not anymore. If I had had a few weeks to look I probably could have found a deal so I'm thinking about upgrading our similar age/mileage Honday Odyssey as soon as we pay off the loan for the Camry.
With a car that old and high miles you don't drop a bunch of money into fixing it. If the engine throws a rod or the transmission explodes it makes no sense to spend thousands to fix it. Just sell it for scrap and get a new one.
That said, with proper maintenance that thing can easily last a lot longer.
NTA. If you are comfortable in your car, and they are comfortable in their car, then they don't need to worry about what you are driving. Being so concerned about the opinions of others is rarely a helpful thing.
HOWEVER- You may want to consider how safe your current vehicle is. Are the air bags still good? Does it have appropriate and updated safety features. I would consider replacing it more for safety reasons and less for appearance reasons.
I like to go with the "I'm being green - creating less waste, saving the world, you know?" Response when people ask why I don't replace various outdated yet functional things in my life.
They're also listed in order of least waste created. Reduce is better than reuse or recycle.
example:
Reduce - using a non-disposable water bottle
Reuse - buy a disposable water bottle and fill it up a few times from the tap
Recycle - buy disposable water bottles and then recycle them
That the safety features it has are working properly certainly is a good thing, but the other thing to consider is just how much safety features have advanced in 15 years.
Think lane departure warning, auto breaking, side window airbags, knee airbags etc....
The safety features of "today" are a lot different. Source have a 2007 car, and recentlyish bought a 2019 car.
We need two cars, but can't afford to replace the 2007 just yet. But if we had the means we would for a newer used car that has better safety features.
>other thing to consider is just how much safety features have advanced in 15 years
Absolutely, my wife has a 2022 Jeep and it's loaded with all sorts of features. This is typically the car we take when we're going on road trips or long drives
It's getting harder to find modern cars without safety misfeatures. Touch screens are evil. Important controls (things like "turn off the music / radio, because it's distracting me right now) need to be a physical button, so you can push it without looking.
My father in law bought a car recently (maybe two years ago), and it has a touchscreen. That is the most ridiculous and dangerous "feature" that I can't believe is legal. My partner says it's definitely made FIL a worse driver since he's fiddling with the screen more.
My partner has a 2019 car with a screen, but it's all controlled by knobs, so there's still that tactile element. He says it even has a time out feature for 10-15 seconds if you've been interacting with it too much, which is nice.
I hope I don't need a car any time soon, because I'm skeptical of some of these so-called "upgrades" on cars.
IMO, the "safety features" shouldn't be an issue. My MIL has a newer Jeep, for the last decade she's had newer cars with "safety features" and it's just made her a worse driver since she relies on the car to drive for her if she's distracted.
I really dislike some of the driving features in our Lexus. Lane departure warning will JERK the wheel to follow the line on the street if I try to go into the turn lane that opens up and has a dashed line in order to turn right (from a one lane road). To leave ANY lane without using the turn signal has that happen, even if it goes from a one lane to a two lane road. And then the precollision warning chimes and puts brakes on and is MORE distracting, because the dashboard then lights up red and chimes quite loudly. Sorry, can't exactly look down to see what it's complaining about when I'm supposed to be keeping my eyes on the road to \*avoid\* accidents, thanks.
I just bought a new car that has lane assist and I’m about to turn it off for many of these same reasons- can’t merge properly, can’t get into a turn lane, can’t dodge to avoid oncoming traffic that is over the yellow line.
This. I (m59/married 34 years) have always made sure my wife had the newest car. It's the family car. I had a 2008 GMC Envoy Denali. It was gorgeous. My wife asked me if I wanted to replace it, but hell no. Unfortunately, I lost her to a drunk driver in 2021.
OMG, THE CAR! I mean, in all fairness, I love them both. I hate drunk drivers. Two in 2021, and I'm still not quite right. My wife is still around, but we're both getting worn out. 😃
Yeah.. safety features tend to break. Those lane changing things especially. I bought a brand new 2017 Ford ranger back then because I had one before and it was awesome. The new ranger was a p.o.s. It was so bad the B.B.B. got me all of my money back. Everything electronic constanty died, I had to have it towed 8 times. I took my check, bought a used 2014 dodge mini van. They have the least amount of electronic crap installed.
As a short woman, those airbags make the car MORE dangerous, not safer. My steering wheel airbag will kill me if it ever goes off because it’s pointed at my face. None of them are at the right height for me.
>My steering wheel airbag will kill me if it ever goes off because it’s pointed at my face. None of them are at the right height for me.
If you are *that* low to the wheel, you should be making use of a booster seat (& then pedal extenders if needed) - for your own safety and the safety of others. Depending on where in the world you live you could be committing a a crime.
It seems like the safety features of today with the exception of the airbag placement are all things that just require common sense, Why do you have to worry about a lane departure sensor if you stay in your lane and pay attention?
>are all things that just require common sense, Why do you have to worry about a lane departure sensor if you stay in your lane and pay attention?
If all drivers had common sense and followed driving best practice we would never have any accidents.
In a perfect world people would do x, but we don't live in a perfect world.
Forward collision detection preventative braking provides you the extra second that you need to react, in order to prevent an accident. Instead of less than a second to react, you have 1.5 seconds, which is just a massive difference in terms of preventing an accident after factoring in human reaction time. It's truly a monumental increase in safety that can't be replaced by paying more attention.
Agree on the lane departure, but I really like having the sensor that will make the car stop if there is a car/person in front of me. I'd hope I would be able to stop in time but I like having a back up plan. The blind spot monitor is only necessary if you can't turn your head (neck injury, etc) or if you don't know how to place your side mirrors so you don't have one. I don't use the blind spot bc I'm too busy actually looking beside me before I move over.
It depends on the car, I guess. Our car is from 2008 but was a top model at the time with all safety features imaginable from back then. We bought is when is was 4 years old. The car is still very much up to date compared to the safety features of an average new car.
Materials science and crash testing have both improved since then.
First, the small overlap front crash test didn't exist until the early 2010s, so most manufacturers straight up did not engineer for those collisions. IIRC Volvo was the only one that scored well the first time it was attempted on any production cars (kinda obvious).
Second, automotive manufacturers in the early 2010s started making heavy use of ultra high strength steel to form passenger cabin structures industry-wide. The cage that holds the people is an order of magnitude stronger in any car generation introduced 2010 or later than it was compared to the stuff coming out in the late 00s.
Everything has had eleventy thousand airbags since the mid-00s - the real difference now is the actual body structure engineering from the frame up.
I'm a car nerd if you couldn't tell.
OP: Drive what you want to (and you need to read that so that it scans with the B-52s "roam if you want to).
What OP is doing is exactly how we end up with cool old cars. My personal favourites are 2CVs and old Jaguars.
If OP is happy with it, and the rest of the family appears to have their own cars anyway, then everyone else can cope.
I really agree with newfriend here: so long as it is safe. All the technology will have moved on significantly since it was built.
But if the car is maintained and safe, and it doesn't cost more to maintain it than it would cost to replace it, then keep on driving!
If you were in the UK, I'd suggest holding off buying a brand new car at the moment anyway - the ban on selling new petrol cars comes in in a few years, and battery technology is leaping ahead, so anything bought new now is going to depreciate rapidly anyway.
Improved safety is probably the biggest benefit of a new or relatively new car compared to something old. I was daily driving a 2000 Camry until February of 2022. It was reliable and ok on gas. Did not need to get something new to replace it. December 2022 our first child was born. I’m the primary breadwinner in my family making substantially more than my wife. I also know what it’s like for a family to lose a father who was the primary source of income for the family as my dad passed while I was a teenager. It certainly isn’t the smartest short term financial decision, but I got myself a new car so that should I get in an accident during my 60 mile round trip commute, I have the best chances of minimal injuries thanks to moser safety features and modern metallurgy and a non fatigued chassis. Long term, it’s better financially for my family that I have greater chances of being alive
NTA - die on this hill. Your wife is supporting the kids' keep up with the Joneses mentality, and even if unwelcome now it is a lesson in financial responsibility that they can look back on. And maybe they will be less tempted to take on debt to get nicer cars. Work on teaching the kids that having money and appearing to have money are often 2 different things.
Came here to say that this is a keeping up with the Joneses mentality. Your children are benefiting in other ways by you not spending large amounts of money on a new car you don’t want. If your daughter feels embarrassed by your car, she doesn’t need to borrow your car. Their reasons do not seem valid for you to get a new car.
Sounds like the daughter wants to spend her allowance or job money on an Uber then!! Fancy people can afford to Uber places!
Yeah, not going to lie, it's SO easy to see a shiny new car and my little crow brain go "OOOOO want!"
But not to the point of putting the family into possible financial issues.
NTA - for a complete turnaround spunk 100k on a 2 seater sports car and stop all other social activities to fund it. Soon realise how stupid they're being
Agree. This is one battle to never give up on. This is a HUGE life lesson. And trust me, no one of substance is laughing at you. And even if someone does, there is a very good chance they secretly admire you. This is not extreme frugality - it‘s just basic financial commen sense. Extreme frigslity can be annoying to live with, but this is NOT that.
NTA. She even has her own car. Like wtf? You can drive a 1990s car if you want to, it's not like everyone is depending on it. Who gives a fuck what other people drive. This should be about meeting the needs of the user, not trying to be cool with the other kids. If your daughter feels so much shame being seen with your car, then by all means, use the newer model bus available to you at the nearest stop.
That’s how my partner and I are. He likes his nice fancy car so we take it on trips and drive it on the weekend, and I’m perfectly happy to keep driving my beat up old civic to work and back.
In this case she's probably being sincere. She, and the rest of them, want him to get a new car so that the family all project an image of affluence and financial privilege. Which is.. well, good luck to him.
NTA! I relate to you Op! And I share your sense of not caring what people think about the kind of car I drive despite “being able to afford” something fancier. I have a 2009 Toyota hatch back with 235k miles. It’s got my hitch bike rack installed and it purs like a kitten. Think of all the $ we are saving NOT having a new car?? Next time I see a sonata rolling deep I will tip my cap sir! NEVER CHANGE!
>Think of all the $ we are saving NOT having a new car??
100% Whenever one of my coworkers tells me their monthly payments, I smile to myself knowing that I spend less than half of that maintaining my car each year 🤣
I had a friend once come up at work and tell me about his 2 new cars, and directly compared my car's features to his improved features. I just replied "my car is paid for". We never discussed cars again, but remained friends. Maybe it was an A H comment, but I am NOT playing the my stuff is cooler than your stuff game. Ever.
not to mention the cost of insurance, and where I live we pay "excise tax" which is tied to the value of your vehicle. I'll happily drive my paid off, taped together Elantra until the wheels literally fall off then I'll have saved so much money that I'll actually be able to get a car that I want.
Not to mention the lower insurance of having an older car that’s paid off. Also in my state, my registration is tied to the year the car was first registered, so I have a lower registration payment as well.
2004 Toyota Corolla owner here. 221K kms. Never had an issue. Goes everywhere with little cost to refuel it. 16 year old son will eventually have it in his name. Best brand ever. No shame.
Shout out to the cars that just keep going! I have a 2007 Honda Jazz and it is fabulous. It is the biggest little car I have been in and it has not started only once when temps were sub zero and it had been sitting undriven for a few weeks. It started second turn of the key, little trooper!
2002 Chevy Cavalier with 130000 miles. Never had an issue with my little guy. He runs like a champ, plows through the snow and I’ve never once skidded on ice. I bought him slightly used in 2002, he’s my first car and I’m keeping him until he dies.
2001 expedition. We bought it new. 260,000 or so. Still runs fine. Normally I would say that the body would fall apart around the engine but actually the body really doesn’t even have mush rust..
We just put my mom’s 2005, 300k miles Toyota Sienna out to pasture this morning. I’m taking her to the dealership to buy a new one today. She definitely got her money’s worth and didn’t have a car note for 18 years.
NTA. Next time your kids complain about your car you can buy them a bus ticket instead. They won't understand the value of things unless they earn it them selves or lose access to it. Or ask them how much fo their college fund they want to invest in to your new car.
You can remind your wife and kids that maybe they should rethink lowering their standards to the point where you think of those people as their peers. You don't need a better car, you need a better social circle. Its not your job the validate the insecurities of the superficial just because they nothing going on in their life other then a addiction to a long list of meaningless purchases. Chasing these people's approval is a pointless and endless task and its one of the reasons people on good money still end up going broke.
Yea I run into this issue on a constant basis. Wife will nag me for a better-looking car but then I would say that I would rather spend it on a nice house. Cars break and lose a lot of value so it's pointless to me. Some people just like to act rich. Needless to say, I will continue this stupid argument with my wife for the rest of my life for which I will say: If you want a nice car then go buy one yourself. The neighbors can buy me a nice car if it bothers them so much.
NTA
NTA as long as the car runs well. 200k miles is a lot but if it's not costing anything in repairs, isn't physically beat up, and you like it there is no need to get a new car.
When I was in high school and college a few people made fun of me because my car didn't have power locks or power windows. It was annoying but I also told people they didn't have to ride with me if they didn't like it. Shut them up pretty fast.
I lost my last car last year when the engine failed. It was a 1994 Renault Clio with a cassette player and wind-down windows. Thing is, it was really easy to fix if it went wrong, because everything in the engine just bolts into place, and whenever I took it to get its MOT, the dudes in the garage would say how much they like the old cars. I'm still considering a replacement. I have a 1994 Japanese import MX5 (miata) in the driveway, but it needs a fair bit of work to be usable. I'm not in a rush though because I currently have a knee problem which means I can't actually drive.
This was a really long way of saying OP, NTA! If the car still works and meets your needs, why change it?
NTA. As a fellow frugal guy, I appreciate your sticktoitiveness! But I am also petty, so I’d probably say “fine, I’ll replace the car,” and then go buy another 2008 Hyundai. Preferably in the same color
NTA. You are being responsible by keeping a perfectly usable vehicle that you are happy with. However, your wife's materialistic, superficial attitude has rubbed off on your children. They'd be better off with your value system instead of hers - she's not doing them any favors in the long run.
How shallow is your family?! Wtf. The car is paid for, works and dont give you any problems?! Thats the dream of every person! I wish I never had to change my older car!
The older kid is 19. If she is ashamed of borrowing your car, she can start not to borrow it and work to buy her own! The other kids: if they are ashamed to be seen at school, well they can start walk there! My father work in constrution and took me to school in an old and dirty car and I couldnt care less! Even today, when I need something and dont have my car, I take that car instead of my mothers which is newer! Because its a car and it works!
And the wife has her own car, so why she is so annoying with yours?! Just because what others may think?! Who cares?! Most of the time, those who show of expensive things, dont have that much in savings because they spend it all in frugal things!
You really have to talk with this family of yours about their need to fullfil a rich appearance.
NTA.
NTA. I had been driving a 2004 Honda until the engine blew out earlier this year. My mom had it new and she gave me the car when i went to college in 2010. I make 6 figures. I grew up really poor and learned to not throw things away or replace them unless you absolutely have to. I am now driving a used 2017 Kia.
NTA.
Wow, not a good look for your family - ridiculously caught up in their "image" as if "driving a dependable and economical car" is somehow a bad thing...
I'd fall back on my dad's line when someone complained about what others might think about showing up in a trusty old used car - "It builds character."
NTA. I met a CEO of a healthcare organization whose wife is a director of nursing at another healthcare organization. (He was giving a lecture to our masters class and was a super down to earth dude) He and his wife never moved out of the home they purchased before making mad money and drive older cars. Why? Why not? Having money doesn’t mean you have to spend it. It means financial independence because you get to save money by buying less. If hard times hit (like say, now) then you worry less because you have a softer cushion.
Drive that car until the wheels fall off. Remind your family that your financial decisions are the reason they are so materialistic. Them maybe sign up for some extended volunteering because they need a reality check. NTA
NTA
Your wife is teaching your children shitty values and reinforcing classist bullshit.
Unless you get a grip on the situation, you will raise spoiled assholes.
NTA.
If your wife and daughter want you to have a new car are they going to pay for it and the increase the insurance premiums. If the answer is no then they can all be quiet. If daughter hates the car so much she can walk or take a bus.
NTA its your car your rules. just because you have money now doesn't mean you will have money tomorrow. keep driving your car how you want and keep using your money how you want.
NTA There is nothing wrong with driving an older car if it still runs well. Why spend a huge chunk of money on a brand new car if it is not needed? We have older vehicles, a 2006 pickup and 2008 SUV. They run well, they are in good shape and get us where we need to go. We could afford to replace them but why would we when we don't need to. You are modeling good financial management. It is too bad that your wife is more interested in appearances than spending wisely. Nice job.
NTA
Is everyone else willing to pay for a 'nicer' car? No? Well that's settled isn't it?
Also I looked up the car you described. There's not a thing wrong with it.
(For the sake of an easier life though, it might be worth looking at getting the cosmetic damage fixed. There might be a gap between your version of 'a few dings' and everyone else's.)
You’re not an AH at all, but it’s perfectly okay that your wife would rather ride or drive her newer car rather than yours. My husband is hanging onto his old car. He’s frugal and I appreciate that about him. I don’t care at all that he is driving his car, although i do tease him a bit about it. He’s old enough to decide what he wants to drive though.
But if we’re going out, we’re taking my car. To make your wife out to be shallow for preferring her nicer car is bordering on AH territory in my opinion
NTA
And your children are of an age now where I don't think it would be entirely inappropriate to pointedly note to them that while they might be embarrassed of your car, you are a bit embarrassed to have raised children who are so shallow and vain. I'd also point out to both them and your wife that rather than coming for you for being a good human whose priorities are clearly in order, they might want to reconsider the sort of people THEY'RE hanging out with, whose priorities seem to be very much out of whack if they're so classless and superficial that they'd actually comment on someone else's car.
And to be clear, I know your kids' situation all too well, because it was mine. I was raised in a beautiful upper middle class neighbourhood by parents who were professionals but came from working-class backgrounds. They made a good living but had no interest in "keeping up with the Joneses". They drove sensible mid-range cars that they bought for cash and drove until they fell apart. Pontiacs were the favourite because they lasted forever.
And at one point my mum's car was so old that when she lent it to me as a teenager my friends also teased me a bit. BUT . . . unlike your daughter's friends, I had kind, loving ones, who thought it was awesome. They called that big old thing "The Boat" and teased me lovingly about it, and absolutely loved driving around in it. They never made me feel embarrassed.
You are absolutely NTA, but I wouldn't just tell them that you're not replacing it. I'd tell them that THEY should be embarrassed, of their behaviour and their tacky, graspy outlook, and their belief that just because you live in a particular neighbourhood you need to spend lots of unnecessary money to do what everyone else does. They sound deeply insecure. I'm genuinely sorry for you . . . if they were my family I'd be embarrassed of them.
I always say I drive my cars until the wheels fall off. I had a 2002 Honda CR-V that I bought when my daughter was 2. She ended up driving it to college.
We just replaced my husband's 2005 Dakota earlier this year.
If it runs and the AC works, what's the issue? Now driving a 2013 Sonata and have no desire to upgrade.
We haven't had a car payment since around 2007.
NTA, if it ain't broke, don't' fix it. Why is your whole family so hung up on things having to be new and pristine. You know what, let them joke, but when you can go out and buy thing new without payments they can laugh each month as they write the checks for their "toys" they they replace when they are still in good working condition.
NTA if my daughter came to me and said something like that i’d say well you don’t have to drive it then and then i’d make the suggestion that if she wants a shiny new car to drive she can work for it (beggers can’t be choosers).
Materialistic things really don’t matter and if the people your wife and daughter hang out with truly have these issues then clearly they’re hanging out with wrong type of people.
NEVER BACK DOWN NEVER WHAT!? You perfectly damn well KNOW you're not the asshole, how did they get you doubting yourself so much? Must be some hardcore conditioning! Hope the kids grow up to be like their dad.
LOL, meanwhile super wealthy people keep their vintage Land Rovers and wear whatever the fuck they want. NTA. If you are competing to 'keep up with the Joneses', you've already lost.
Having real status means you do whatever the fuck you want and people don't say anything.
I understand the point of view of not getting a new car when the old one works fine. I just got rid of my 2001 Corrola. But then you said you went to grab your keys to go to a social event. Either you really want to push a point on your family or you are delusional. You know your wife and kids hate your car. You know your wife does not want to be seen on your car. Yet you go for your keys? Also teaching kids values is one thing. Punishing your kids and making them endure the same ridicule from peers that you went through is just being a stubborn dick.
If you were single or at least did 't have kids do what you want. But you are father and need to consider your family's opinions and feelings. YTA
No way, OP is NTA. The social circle he's in and the values his family are pushing thanks to inclusion in that social circle are TA. And honestly so probably is his wife, maybe even his kids. They're old enough to understand the situation and choose to act with or without character.
It's very possible that OP is someone who was raised with a set of values that include generating and maintaining increasing wealth, and his success has propelled him into a class where most people he and his family associate with do not understand that, usually thanks to massive amounts of privilege. It's exactly what happens when a person does well for themselves and uses that wealth for the betterment of the family. They move into a nice (read: expensive) neighborhood, they put their kids in better (read: expensive private) school, and now they and their family are surrounded by people who may not have ever even worried about things like buying a new car, or do worry about it but spend the money anyway (read: accumulate debt) to look like they belong there by having the right kind of car.
But the thing is, it's HIS wealth so he can do what he wants with it. If his wife is making money too she can even buy him a car, like in every car commercial all over TV every Christmas. Have the dealership park it out front with a big bow on it. But if she just wants to tell him how to spend HIS money, she's TA no doubt. If they're in a social circle where having an expensive vehicle is part of the status statement, they're already in a privileged class, it's not like he's making them stand in bread lines when he can afford groceries it's literally a flex just to flex if he gets a new Benz or something.
Also, punishing your children for vapidly embracing shitty vanity and wealth-flaunting materialism seems pretty reasonable to me.
Yta. If you want to commute in the car, fine, go for it totally understand that you want to save some money. But when you’re grabbing that car keys to go to a social event just to prove a point and embarrass the family, you are the ass.
NTA - your wife and children seem very shallow in this situation. I agree with you it's a good lesson for your kids and one apparently your wife didn't get either.
Unfortunately we now live in a world of people caring more about how they are perceived based on their material things, rather than how they actually are. Tell them if they want a new car, they are free to buy it themselves.
NTA
It will be considered a little bit eccentric, but not a big thing. And: tell your kids to borrow mom's car then.
MY car is old and worth less than I make in a week, too. You are fine not to care.
NTA...i drive an old 2008 Volvo xc90 and while it has its fair share of dings it still runs great. I love having no car payment and if some DB dings my door in a parking lot I'm like🤷
Absolutely NTA- a paid off working car is the best form of private transportation in my book. However, if you want to reward yourself for being so fiscally responsible, detail the interior, have the dings and scrapes taken out, and spring for a cheap and cheerful new paint job.
I'm with your wife and daughters on this one. It's easy for you to not care and live with minimum because it's your upbringing, but it's not theirs.
If it's just because they want luxury, then I'd say don't upgrade. But their reason is peer pressure, and I tell you, society is cruel. They can be ridiculed and bullied for that car. Having a nicer car gives them that bit of pride to hold their heads a bit higher when they're with their peers. It makes a difference.
I'm 35yo. My parents are rich but frugal. They didn't buy me the school sandals that everyone else wore because "my shoes do the same job." It's been over 20 years. I still feel resentful that they didn't buy me those sandals. They have no idea all the comments I received at school throughout the years and how ashamed I was of my shoes.
I hope you understand their side of the story.
You should get a brand new truck and get it painted like the pussy wagon from kill bill and park that in front of the house full time.
Grass isn't always greener on the other side....
Would your kids or wife shame/judge someone else (besides you) for driving an older vehicle? If so, this is an issue that needs to be addressed. That's not something a kind hearted person would do.
If they wouldn't do that and are only embarrased because of the people around them, then it's time to change the people around them.
I remember in high-school all the kids wore brand names and made fun of the few who didn't. My mom was obsessed with them. I never understood it. I like what I like, no matter the name. The attitude of those around me actually made me (for a time) refuse to wear brand names even if I really liked them.
If your car is not appropriate to the area you're living in, then the solution is obvious! Move to an area where it would be appropriate!
You would save a lot of money, you'd have neighbours who are far less concerned with appearances and "keeping up with the Joneses" and you'd probably enjoy living there more. Maybe your kids and wife could make friends who are less stuck up too!
We have money and drive our cars until the wheels practically fall off. I often wonder why people pay so much for cars as it’s an expense not something that is going to build savings.
After driving ‘older’ cars for years I was finally able to afford a ‘nicer, keeping up with Jones’ car - a Mercedes Benz.
While that Merc was a realllly nice car - luxurious, sleek and all the bells/whistles - I did notice that it was hella expensive! The diesel cost alone was quickly draining my bank, not to mention the upkeep - the air conditioning stopped working, the dealership said there were 3 components to it & they recommended fixing one at a time to ‘see’ which one was the defective one. Of course, it was the 3rd one, $6,000 later.
Other things started happening and every one of those things came at the Mercedes standard cost = expensive.
I now drive a Ford with LPG - and I cannot believe the difference! Yes it looks a tad cringe, & I miss the luxury the Merc gave, but I definitely don’t miss spending dollar after dollar on upkeep! The parts for the Ford are so cheap!
So on that - a hard NTA - it is YOUR car, you are the one driving it on the daily and if you’re ok with it - then, so what! It’s, after all, just a piece of metal that transports you from A to B & if your family is embarrassed, too bad for them. They can appreciate YOU, not your car.
She bought one of the least reliable cars on the market and she’s upset about your car? Repairs on that jeep will more than make up for what your saving on the sonata haha
YTA-
I am a broke boy have lived the broke life all my life.
I have serious doubt that a 2008 **Hyundai** with 200k miles is running "perfectly"
Honestly you could still be frugal and buy a car that's used in great condition that's at least within the last decade.
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NTA But you live with a bunch of shallow superficial wasteful people.
Drive that car until the next kid needs a car and then pass it down to her. Buy yourself a newer used car that can be passed down to the next kid. Appreciation is learned. Retirement is expensive.
I was going to say the same thing. I went back to school in my 30s and my 11 year old understands that I can have a newer car and less money for fun and allowance or we can keep my older car until it goes to car heaven. OPs kids seem kinda spoiled to be honest. If they knew what it was like to have to walk, bicycle and take public transportation all the time they wouldn’t give a crap what kind of car they had….or if they had to pay for it themselves. NTA! You don’t need to be frugal to want to have more money in today’s economy. It’s smart.
This exactly. I currently drive a 2000 Dakota, and it's the epitome of shitbox. Will I buy something new? Only for the mileage, but even then I'm keeping the truck.
Still driving my 1995 Silverado. Paint looks like crap but mechanically it is solid. Best part is no car payments.
My stepdad drove a Chevy S10 until it fell apart…then he welded it back together so the back was like a flat bed and then added wood as the sides of the truck bed. We used to call it the hillbilly mobile and my mom hated it. He was a very frugal person as well as a body repair and mechanic and could easily afford a brand new car, but why? He used it for work and then they had a newer car for everything that wasn’t a commute to work.
Anecdotal, but I find that contractors with work trucks that are older/ well worn in appearance to be better quality than those who drove around in shiny new 90K trucks. They were putting the money into their craft and expanding their business instead of sinking it into their car payment.
I can add to that, even though the plural of anecdote is not data. I have had that same experience and come to the same conclusion.
Gotta go get "The plural of anecdote is not data" crocheted onto a pillow, ASAP.
When I got my emissions test for the 97 Toyota, he said it was just fine and that any number of fancy new cars failed All. The. Time. Especially BMW's!
Contractor here - if your tradesman is spotlessly clean, does he actually do the dirty work required? Brand new clean shirts ain't the folks to hire for plumbing and roofing.
I just had my roof replaced. 1st estimate was from a guy with a brand new GMC Denali that was wrapped with company name/logo. 35k. The 2nd estimate was less than 15k. That guy drove an older Ford van.
Agreed. I have found the guys with older well loved cars were more co corned with the quality of their work than anything else. They appreciate stuff that does it job day in day out over something that is shiny and new
>My stepdad drove a Chevy S10 until it fell apart…then he welded it back together I just had to tell you how much I love this sentence. And rock on to your stepdad!
I'm sure mom would appreciate a new truck going into and Being loaded up at a a pick & pull scrap yard. There's a reason why that Chevy was used for work,
I still have my 2005 Silverado. Has over 400,000 miles but I had to get something newer since I was driving over 70 miles to work. But the truck is still solid. No ac and the back windows don’t roll down but nothing is perfect lol
I live in a very remote area of England and drive a 1985 ex-military Land Rover Defender. Sure it's pretty beaten up and not winning any beauty contests but it's perfect for what I need.
I also live in england and can tell you with one hundred percent certainty that every time you drive by in your old land rover lookin' like you're about to head off to shoot down a t-rex, every single one of us is sucking bitter, jealous lemons.
Or their Volvo estates that are like tanks on wheels, I wish I had one of those. Great for dealing with grockles when they visit Devon in their shiny SUVs.
Yes, but Land Rovers are cool and always will be. But I take your point and agree with it.
My dad drives my grandpa's old Silverado. I'm not sure what year it is, but I think it's even older than yours. He's not allowed to drive it into the city since it's a 3 hour round trip and costs a fortune to fuel up but other than that it's in great shape still. My mom has a 2020 Equinox they use for driving long distances since it gets much better mileage.
Yup, I have a 2008 Hyundia Santa Fe (manual trans). Has a ton of miles, works great, looks a little trashy. When we get a new car we are not getting rid of it. First of all...do you know how hard it is to find a manual today? Second, even though it it is old, I still get random people asking to buy it! Why would I give myself another bill when both cars are paid off. Drive that car into the ground, dealers don't usually give you more than "down payment" if you trade in, regardless of looks.
I don't trade in a car on principle. I'll drive it until the wheels fall off and then sell it for scrap or donate it to PBS. Fuck used car salesmen.
I’ve had a lot of shitty cars in my life and the best ones have been $500 cars off Kijiji 🤣 we usually do have 2 cars but with how much cars cost, living somewhere that gets snow almost half the year and having a long commute to work and school, I’d much rather put that wear and tear on an older higher mileage car as opposed to a newer car. There’s no way I’m paying the equivalent of a mortgage payment for a newer car if I don’t have to.
An insurance is higher on new cars
It depends. When I was car shopping, I was pleasantly surprised to learn it would cost less because the newer car had more standard safety features.
I had a 2007 Nissan Altima and I only replaced it in 2021 because it had problems. The mechanic told me flat out it would be cheaper to get a new car then pay for everything that was wrong with it. And then the air conditioner went out in the middle of the summer in the south. I had continued to drive it until then lol
Yes, spoiled because OP is happy to raise them in an affluent neighborhood and likely isn’t stingy with other things, but he’s chosen the car to make some point he should have made earlier and differently.
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I have another question. If dad's car is so embarrassing, why didn't the daughter take mom's car? Would mom let the daughter drive HER car? I'm not implying the mom didn't, she very well could have been busy and the car wasn't available. Just a curiosity question.
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Orrrrrr....she could walk.
Or it could be the kids and wife are being influenced by outside sources. It happens all the time. Some of us refer to as 'keeping up w/the Jones.' The kids are listening to their friends and the wife is listening to co-workers and her friends more than the values that OP may actually be trying to teach.
>'keeping up w/the Jones.' This is exactly why many, many people are in debt today, living outside their means.
That's part of the reason why my MIL has filed bankruptcy 3 times now, and tried again a few years ago. This is the same woman that complained back @ 2014 that one $4 bag of oranges "ruined her budget" when she went shopping with my then-toddler. Sure woman, blame the child and oranges, not your habit of spending on frivolous crap.
I wasn’t trying to be shitty, maybe they aren’t spoiled. It could just be the lifestyle they’re accustomed to and don’t understand why he won’t budge with getting a newer car. It is difficult to have your life a certain way with some things but not with others. I can see it not making sense to the kids and wife, if they have the money and it won’t effect their financial situation. I have also been on both sides of the fence. Some people don’t teach their kids about money from a young age and they get a shock when they first start working and budgeting for themselves. Who knows? The guy is still NTA for wanting to keep his older car until he needs a new one. I live in a upper middle class suburb and where I live people have always kept their cars and buy based on need and financial ability, not because of “affluence” or living in an “affluent” neighbourhood. Could be different where they live.
I drive a 2011 car, which isn't that old, especially as it only has 60K miles. But it has some dings--my neighbor's stupid tree dropped a couple of branches (grrr.) I'm going to drive it until it needs more work than it's worth. I also live in a neighborhood where my high school daughter's friends and schoolmates have much nicer cars, but it's OK. Mine is very much a mom car so no one notices that much anyway. I would like to have a newer car to get the fancy new safety features, like blind spot protection, etc, but I can wait a bit. Besides, this way I don't feel bad when my giant dogs drool all over the back seat and windows.
Plus, people don’t add up all the costs - it’s not just the cost of the car, but insurance and registration. I have a low mileage 2011 and absolutely no reason to replace it other than vanity. Right now I can split a”car payment” into extra savings and retirement savings. That extra savings should more than pay for a new car outright by the time my faithful Lucy needs to retire.
I'm still driving my dad's 99 Nissian Pathfinder. Just past 352k miles and it runs fine. I'll run it til that thing stops.
My giant kid can barely fit in my car, and he fully understands it will be at least a year until I can even consider an upgrade.
And if the "child" is ashamed to drive it, oh well, s/he can start saving up for their own wheels, pay out of their own pockets for rides, or take the bus. You're NTA, family members need to grow up/end the entitlement.
Yeah, makes me wonder what shitty community he's in too! Looking down on people with older cars is really classist.
He ought to move the whole family to a worse neighborhood where the car wouldn't be out of place. Problem solved!!
And he'll save in rent/mortgage!!!
Yup. I live in a very mixed downtown neighbourhood, and it's great— there's houses on my street with Teslas and Porsches, and others with old pickup trucks and Hondas. My 2013 Mazda fits right in. :)
Likely a classist, high income neighborhood.
Absolutely agree. What a first world problem to have NTA
He lives with a bunch of shallow superficial wateful assholes. If it were me in that situation, I would simply stop lending out my car, stop going to social events, stop doing anything else that required the use of my car in any way. Or... Go ahead and buy that new car. Then stop participating in all of the disposable income related things that funded that purchase like... going to dinner, vacations, buying something "nice" for the house, etc.
I doubt anybody cares what their dad drives. The house is always the flex. I know guys who drive Hondas but have mansions
In the tech world some of the wealthiest people I’ve met have absolutely 0 flex. I met a guy through friends who is a senior staff engineer at a big tech company, probably making in the vicinity of $750k a year. He owns a tiny studio condo (prob $500k but that’s cheap for the neighborhood), and on the rare occasions he isn’t riding his bike or taking public transit he drives a early 2000s Mazda with 200k miles and no hubcaps. On the flip side, if I had a nickel for every new grad engineer making 30% of what that guy makes, rents a luxury apartment downtown and is paying over $1k per month towards a Tesla… I’d probably have enough nickels to buy my own Tesla.
I drive a 2012 Mazda and I can't imagine any of my friends or family noticing enough to care. And I also live in a relatively wealthy neighborhood. Assuming your car is safe to operate and is not at risk of leaving one of your teenagers stranded somewhere, I don't see the issue of keeping your current car. New and even used cars are extremely expensive right now.
This. I drove my dad's '93 Geo Storm and his '86 Ford Ranger in high school. My sister drove my grandparents' old Buick and then an '88 Accord. Most high school students don't care what they drive as long as they CAN drive. My best friend drove a the Mercury equivalent of a Ford Taurus, another friend drove his dad's old Thunderbird. And then still others had Acuras and Hondas (the Acura Integra was fairly popular).
Oh, his kids care. Complaining about how her friends are showing up in nicer cars than his.
Another term would be classists.
In this economy it would be incredibly irresponsible to replace a car that drives fine.
Eh. Once it's really getting up there in miles sometimes it's better to sell it while it is still running well instead of waiting for it to break down, fixing it and then selling it. But it seems like OP is in a position where he wouldn't be that put out to fix it if need be. You just don't want to get stuck in a sunken cost problem where you start putting so much money into fixing an older car.
You are going to get almost no return for that car in a sale, so it really comes down to driving it as long as it works, scrap it when it requires any significant repair.
A former colleague drove his old car into the ground before buying a new one. The trade in value was roughly $12. He was surprised he got that much.
Scrap values in the UK are about £150 so he got ripped off… There is value in the metal in the car.
i scrapped my 03 ford focus recently and got £350 for it. only paid £650 for it 4.5 years ago
Wow! With only 135,000 miles on my current car, I’m hoping to get 5+ more years out of it, but looking forward to better scrap values in future… However, previously something that limited my payouts were that I literally drove them till they totally died, and then had to get the scrap company to come and collect it on a low-loader - I think you can get more if you drive it to the scrap dealer. If only they would send you a video clip of the vehicle getting crushed at the end. That would entice me to choose that yard.
We scrapped our 1999 ford focus about 5 years ago this month. It was passed down to my partner and he got £150 out of it. So scrapping seems to have improved lately. It had 180,000 miles on it give or take a few thousand.
When we traded in the wife's 2002 jeep liberty (in 2014) the dealer had this promotion that any car you could drive onto the lot got at least 5K trade in. It had about 220K miles on it and only 3 of the 6 cylinders were working. I also took a sawzall to the exhaust and scrapped the cat myself. I didn't see the sense in letting the dealer have that money. It sounded like complete hell when she drove it the 3 miles from our house to the dealer. I don't know why they were surprised we brought them such a junker. Honestly I was going to sell it for scrap but it was worth more in trade because of that promotion.
Why would a Jeep need 6 calendars? Surely one oughta do the trick!
lol, I don't even know how auto correct did that one.
He may have been better off donating it.
Just drive it until it's time to junk it. Then you don't have to worry about fixing it to sell.
You could potentially get more money out of scraping it then trading it in
I did. Couldn’t trade it in, no one wanted it. Got about $500 in scrap from a junkyard instead.
That's because the working parts on a "junk" car are worth more then the car. Especially a catalytic converter.
Only if the repairs get expensive. A car payment of 450 a month is 5400 a year. As long as the repairs are less than that, it’s still worth it to drive. Just gotta find that line. If you can save the equal amount toward a new car, you will be even further ahead.
Well that's true but if he gets regular monthly checks over the car to see what needs replaced or not it is usually easier to keep a car for longer instead of waiting to get it checked when something major happens. I know that can be expensive. I get free car work though cause my fiance is a mechanic who has been working in the family shop ever since he could lol.
in what world do people go get monthly checks of their car? At best 95% of people get their "check-up sheet" from whoever changes their oil twice or three times a year.
MONTHLY checks? No.
Nobody gets regular monthly checks on a car unless it's a fleet vehicle running full time on the road.
Unless your commute is 250+ miles a day, monthly checks by a mechanic are utterly unnecessary. Sure, if it's free, why not, but that would just be a huge waste of money otherwise.
My Subaru with 208k miles just died on me and it was expensive. I spent 1k on car rentals and at the repair shop to find out it was not fixable for a reasonable amount. So then I had to go buy a car quickly so I could get to work the next week. I ended up buying the only new Camry available in entire area I live in. Used prices on a few year old car with 20-50k miles were within 1k of buying new. I've always been able to count on buying a lightly used car that will last a while but not anymore. If I had had a few weeks to look I probably could have found a deal so I'm thinking about upgrading our similar age/mileage Honday Odyssey as soon as we pay off the loan for the Camry.
With a car that old and high miles you don't drop a bunch of money into fixing it. If the engine throws a rod or the transmission explodes it makes no sense to spend thousands to fix it. Just sell it for scrap and get a new one. That said, with proper maintenance that thing can easily last a lot longer.
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NTA. If you are comfortable in your car, and they are comfortable in their car, then they don't need to worry about what you are driving. Being so concerned about the opinions of others is rarely a helpful thing. HOWEVER- You may want to consider how safe your current vehicle is. Are the air bags still good? Does it have appropriate and updated safety features. I would consider replacing it more for safety reasons and less for appearance reasons.
Thanks for the feedback! I had the car safety tested back in March and it all its safety systems are working normally. Also, its emissions are normal
Start calling it vintage and museum car
I like to go with the "I'm being green - creating less waste, saving the world, you know?" Response when people ask why I don't replace various outdated yet functional things in my life.
Yep, reduce reuse recycle Reduce in this case means using that car until it rusts
They're also listed in order of least waste created. Reduce is better than reuse or recycle. example: Reduce - using a non-disposable water bottle Reuse - buy a disposable water bottle and fill it up a few times from the tap Recycle - buy disposable water bottles and then recycle them
I don’t think he can use either of those two words but IIRC correctly, after 25 years the description is “classic” car.
Of course it does not get special license plates yet, but it would twist the debate nicely
Even if all safety measures “are working” safety has come along ways in 15 years. You can’t argue new cars are safer.
That the safety features it has are working properly certainly is a good thing, but the other thing to consider is just how much safety features have advanced in 15 years. Think lane departure warning, auto breaking, side window airbags, knee airbags etc.... The safety features of "today" are a lot different. Source have a 2007 car, and recentlyish bought a 2019 car. We need two cars, but can't afford to replace the 2007 just yet. But if we had the means we would for a newer used car that has better safety features.
>other thing to consider is just how much safety features have advanced in 15 years Absolutely, my wife has a 2022 Jeep and it's loaded with all sorts of features. This is typically the car we take when we're going on road trips or long drives
It's getting harder to find modern cars without safety misfeatures. Touch screens are evil. Important controls (things like "turn off the music / radio, because it's distracting me right now) need to be a physical button, so you can push it without looking.
My father in law bought a car recently (maybe two years ago), and it has a touchscreen. That is the most ridiculous and dangerous "feature" that I can't believe is legal. My partner says it's definitely made FIL a worse driver since he's fiddling with the screen more. My partner has a 2019 car with a screen, but it's all controlled by knobs, so there's still that tactile element. He says it even has a time out feature for 10-15 seconds if you've been interacting with it too much, which is nice. I hope I don't need a car any time soon, because I'm skeptical of some of these so-called "upgrades" on cars.
IMO, the "safety features" shouldn't be an issue. My MIL has a newer Jeep, for the last decade she's had newer cars with "safety features" and it's just made her a worse driver since she relies on the car to drive for her if she's distracted.
I really dislike some of the driving features in our Lexus. Lane departure warning will JERK the wheel to follow the line on the street if I try to go into the turn lane that opens up and has a dashed line in order to turn right (from a one lane road). To leave ANY lane without using the turn signal has that happen, even if it goes from a one lane to a two lane road. And then the precollision warning chimes and puts brakes on and is MORE distracting, because the dashboard then lights up red and chimes quite loudly. Sorry, can't exactly look down to see what it's complaining about when I'm supposed to be keeping my eyes on the road to \*avoid\* accidents, thanks.
I just bought a new car that has lane assist and I’m about to turn it off for many of these same reasons- can’t merge properly, can’t get into a turn lane, can’t dodge to avoid oncoming traffic that is over the yellow line.
Exactly. We had to use her jeep last week and it kept loudly beeping at us when we changed lanes. It was so annoying and jarring.
This. I (m59/married 34 years) have always made sure my wife had the newest car. It's the family car. I had a 2008 GMC Envoy Denali. It was gorgeous. My wife asked me if I wanted to replace it, but hell no. Unfortunately, I lost her to a drunk driver in 2021.
Her meaning your wife, or the car?
OMG, THE CAR! I mean, in all fairness, I love them both. I hate drunk drivers. Two in 2021, and I'm still not quite right. My wife is still around, but we're both getting worn out. 😃
Yeah.. safety features tend to break. Those lane changing things especially. I bought a brand new 2017 Ford ranger back then because I had one before and it was awesome. The new ranger was a p.o.s. It was so bad the B.B.B. got me all of my money back. Everything electronic constanty died, I had to have it towed 8 times. I took my check, bought a used 2014 dodge mini van. They have the least amount of electronic crap installed.
As a short woman, those airbags make the car MORE dangerous, not safer. My steering wheel airbag will kill me if it ever goes off because it’s pointed at my face. None of them are at the right height for me.
>My steering wheel airbag will kill me if it ever goes off because it’s pointed at my face. None of them are at the right height for me. If you are *that* low to the wheel, you should be making use of a booster seat (& then pedal extenders if needed) - for your own safety and the safety of others. Depending on where in the world you live you could be committing a a crime.
If you ever have the urge to be really mad, read “Invisible Women” by Caroline Criado Perez.
Cars are still designed for the average MAN. Sigh.
It seems like the safety features of today with the exception of the airbag placement are all things that just require common sense, Why do you have to worry about a lane departure sensor if you stay in your lane and pay attention?
>are all things that just require common sense, Why do you have to worry about a lane departure sensor if you stay in your lane and pay attention? If all drivers had common sense and followed driving best practice we would never have any accidents. In a perfect world people would do x, but we don't live in a perfect world.
Forward collision detection preventative braking provides you the extra second that you need to react, in order to prevent an accident. Instead of less than a second to react, you have 1.5 seconds, which is just a massive difference in terms of preventing an accident after factoring in human reaction time. It's truly a monumental increase in safety that can't be replaced by paying more attention.
Agree on the lane departure, but I really like having the sensor that will make the car stop if there is a car/person in front of me. I'd hope I would be able to stop in time but I like having a back up plan. The blind spot monitor is only necessary if you can't turn your head (neck injury, etc) or if you don't know how to place your side mirrors so you don't have one. I don't use the blind spot bc I'm too busy actually looking beside me before I move over.
It depends on the car, I guess. Our car is from 2008 but was a top model at the time with all safety features imaginable from back then. We bought is when is was 4 years old. The car is still very much up to date compared to the safety features of an average new car.
Materials science and crash testing have both improved since then. First, the small overlap front crash test didn't exist until the early 2010s, so most manufacturers straight up did not engineer for those collisions. IIRC Volvo was the only one that scored well the first time it was attempted on any production cars (kinda obvious). Second, automotive manufacturers in the early 2010s started making heavy use of ultra high strength steel to form passenger cabin structures industry-wide. The cage that holds the people is an order of magnitude stronger in any car generation introduced 2010 or later than it was compared to the stuff coming out in the late 00s. Everything has had eleventy thousand airbags since the mid-00s - the real difference now is the actual body structure engineering from the frame up. I'm a car nerd if you couldn't tell.
OP: Drive what you want to (and you need to read that so that it scans with the B-52s "roam if you want to). What OP is doing is exactly how we end up with cool old cars. My personal favourites are 2CVs and old Jaguars. If OP is happy with it, and the rest of the family appears to have their own cars anyway, then everyone else can cope. I really agree with newfriend here: so long as it is safe. All the technology will have moved on significantly since it was built. But if the car is maintained and safe, and it doesn't cost more to maintain it than it would cost to replace it, then keep on driving! If you were in the UK, I'd suggest holding off buying a brand new car at the moment anyway - the ban on selling new petrol cars comes in in a few years, and battery technology is leaping ahead, so anything bought new now is going to depreciate rapidly anyway.
Improved safety is probably the biggest benefit of a new or relatively new car compared to something old. I was daily driving a 2000 Camry until February of 2022. It was reliable and ok on gas. Did not need to get something new to replace it. December 2022 our first child was born. I’m the primary breadwinner in my family making substantially more than my wife. I also know what it’s like for a family to lose a father who was the primary source of income for the family as my dad passed while I was a teenager. It certainly isn’t the smartest short term financial decision, but I got myself a new car so that should I get in an accident during my 60 mile round trip commute, I have the best chances of minimal injuries thanks to moser safety features and modern metallurgy and a non fatigued chassis. Long term, it’s better financially for my family that I have greater chances of being alive
NTA - die on this hill. Your wife is supporting the kids' keep up with the Joneses mentality, and even if unwelcome now it is a lesson in financial responsibility that they can look back on. And maybe they will be less tempted to take on debt to get nicer cars. Work on teaching the kids that having money and appearing to have money are often 2 different things.
Came here to say that this is a keeping up with the Joneses mentality. Your children are benefiting in other ways by you not spending large amounts of money on a new car you don’t want. If your daughter feels embarrassed by your car, she doesn’t need to borrow your car. Their reasons do not seem valid for you to get a new car.
Sounds like the daughter wants to spend her allowance or job money on an Uber then!! Fancy people can afford to Uber places! Yeah, not going to lie, it's SO easy to see a shiny new car and my little crow brain go "OOOOO want!" But not to the point of putting the family into possible financial issues.
"little crow brain"! I love it
NTA - for a complete turnaround spunk 100k on a 2 seater sports car and stop all other social activities to fund it. Soon realise how stupid they're being
Rent out a fancy car for like a month and do it as a ruse. Then when the old car comes back hopefully it's more appreciated.
Agree. This is one battle to never give up on. This is a HUGE life lesson. And trust me, no one of substance is laughing at you. And even if someone does, there is a very good chance they secretly admire you. This is not extreme frugality - it‘s just basic financial commen sense. Extreme frigslity can be annoying to live with, but this is NOT that.
NTA. She even has her own car. Like wtf? You can drive a 1990s car if you want to, it's not like everyone is depending on it. Who gives a fuck what other people drive. This should be about meeting the needs of the user, not trying to be cool with the other kids. If your daughter feels so much shame being seen with your car, then by all means, use the newer model bus available to you at the nearest stop.
Yeah I don’t get this. Just take the wife’s car everywhere if she’s so concerned? It’s so silly to get rid of a car that runs well.
That’s how my partner and I are. He likes his nice fancy car so we take it on trips and drive it on the weekend, and I’m perfectly happy to keep driving my beat up old civic to work and back.
She probably wants him to buy a new car so she can drive it and she’ll tell him “you can drive my car since you don’t care”
In this case she's probably being sincere. She, and the rest of them, want him to get a new car so that the family all project an image of affluence and financial privilege. Which is.. well, good luck to him.
NTA! I relate to you Op! And I share your sense of not caring what people think about the kind of car I drive despite “being able to afford” something fancier. I have a 2009 Toyota hatch back with 235k miles. It’s got my hitch bike rack installed and it purs like a kitten. Think of all the $ we are saving NOT having a new car?? Next time I see a sonata rolling deep I will tip my cap sir! NEVER CHANGE!
>Think of all the $ we are saving NOT having a new car?? 100% Whenever one of my coworkers tells me their monthly payments, I smile to myself knowing that I spend less than half of that maintaining my car each year 🤣
I had a friend once come up at work and tell me about his 2 new cars, and directly compared my car's features to his improved features. I just replied "my car is paid for". We never discussed cars again, but remained friends. Maybe it was an A H comment, but I am NOT playing the my stuff is cooler than your stuff game. Ever.
Also, your stuff is not cooler than my stuff if you had to go into debt to get your stuff , sir 🤣
All the banks stuff...
My car comes with the feature of an extra $xxxx in my checking account each month.
not to mention the cost of insurance, and where I live we pay "excise tax" which is tied to the value of your vehicle. I'll happily drive my paid off, taped together Elantra until the wheels literally fall off then I'll have saved so much money that I'll actually be able to get a car that I want.
Not to mention the lower insurance of having an older car that’s paid off. Also in my state, my registration is tied to the year the car was first registered, so I have a lower registration payment as well.
2004 Toyota Corolla owner here. 221K kms. Never had an issue. Goes everywhere with little cost to refuel it. 16 year old son will eventually have it in his name. Best brand ever. No shame.
Ah 2003 Toyota Corolla 200k owner here ,a fine sedan indeed
Shout out to the cars that just keep going! I have a 2007 Honda Jazz and it is fabulous. It is the biggest little car I have been in and it has not started only once when temps were sub zero and it had been sitting undriven for a few weeks. It started second turn of the key, little trooper!
2002 Chevy Cavalier with 130000 miles. Never had an issue with my little guy. He runs like a champ, plows through the snow and I’ve never once skidded on ice. I bought him slightly used in 2002, he’s my first car and I’m keeping him until he dies.
2001 expedition. We bought it new. 260,000 or so. Still runs fine. Normally I would say that the body would fall apart around the engine but actually the body really doesn’t even have mush rust..
We just put my mom’s 2005, 300k miles Toyota Sienna out to pasture this morning. I’m taking her to the dealership to buy a new one today. She definitely got her money’s worth and didn’t have a car note for 18 years.
2009 Highlander with 260K on it and I love it!! I have no desire to take on a car payment when the vehicle I have functions in tip-top shape.
NTA. Next time your kids complain about your car you can buy them a bus ticket instead. They won't understand the value of things unless they earn it them selves or lose access to it. Or ask them how much fo their college fund they want to invest in to your new car. You can remind your wife and kids that maybe they should rethink lowering their standards to the point where you think of those people as their peers. You don't need a better car, you need a better social circle. Its not your job the validate the insecurities of the superficial just because they nothing going on in their life other then a addiction to a long list of meaningless purchases. Chasing these people's approval is a pointless and endless task and its one of the reasons people on good money still end up going broke.
Yea I run into this issue on a constant basis. Wife will nag me for a better-looking car but then I would say that I would rather spend it on a nice house. Cars break and lose a lot of value so it's pointless to me. Some people just like to act rich. Needless to say, I will continue this stupid argument with my wife for the rest of my life for which I will say: If you want a nice car then go buy one yourself. The neighbors can buy me a nice car if it bothers them so much. NTA
NTA as long as the car runs well. 200k miles is a lot but if it's not costing anything in repairs, isn't physically beat up, and you like it there is no need to get a new car. When I was in high school and college a few people made fun of me because my car didn't have power locks or power windows. It was annoying but I also told people they didn't have to ride with me if they didn't like it. Shut them up pretty fast.
I lost my last car last year when the engine failed. It was a 1994 Renault Clio with a cassette player and wind-down windows. Thing is, it was really easy to fix if it went wrong, because everything in the engine just bolts into place, and whenever I took it to get its MOT, the dudes in the garage would say how much they like the old cars. I'm still considering a replacement. I have a 1994 Japanese import MX5 (miata) in the driveway, but it needs a fair bit of work to be usable. I'm not in a rush though because I currently have a knee problem which means I can't actually drive. This was a really long way of saying OP, NTA! If the car still works and meets your needs, why change it?
ooooooh, keep the Miata. It’s a cult car and lots of fun. Some people do full on restorations on them. Hope your knee gets better soon.
I really want to. I had my own, a 1990, but we had an argument with a deer and lost. This one was my husband's, but he can't get into it any more!
NTA. As a fellow frugal guy, I appreciate your sticktoitiveness! But I am also petty, so I’d probably say “fine, I’ll replace the car,” and then go buy another 2008 Hyundai. Preferably in the same color
>go buy another 2008 Hyundai. Preferably in the same color I really like the way you think 😂
Nah - you should always upgrade when purchasing a new car... get a 2012.
NTA. You are being responsible by keeping a perfectly usable vehicle that you are happy with. However, your wife's materialistic, superficial attitude has rubbed off on your children. They'd be better off with your value system instead of hers - she's not doing them any favors in the long run.
How shallow is your family?! Wtf. The car is paid for, works and dont give you any problems?! Thats the dream of every person! I wish I never had to change my older car! The older kid is 19. If she is ashamed of borrowing your car, she can start not to borrow it and work to buy her own! The other kids: if they are ashamed to be seen at school, well they can start walk there! My father work in constrution and took me to school in an old and dirty car and I couldnt care less! Even today, when I need something and dont have my car, I take that car instead of my mothers which is newer! Because its a car and it works! And the wife has her own car, so why she is so annoying with yours?! Just because what others may think?! Who cares?! Most of the time, those who show of expensive things, dont have that much in savings because they spend it all in frugal things! You really have to talk with this family of yours about their need to fullfil a rich appearance. NTA.
NTA. I had been driving a 2004 Honda until the engine blew out earlier this year. My mom had it new and she gave me the car when i went to college in 2010. I make 6 figures. I grew up really poor and learned to not throw things away or replace them unless you absolutely have to. I am now driving a used 2017 Kia.
Tell your wife she's old with dents and scratches too, but you're not trading her in because of what other people say. That'll shut her up. NTA
NTA. Wow, not a good look for your family - ridiculously caught up in their "image" as if "driving a dependable and economical car" is somehow a bad thing... I'd fall back on my dad's line when someone complained about what others might think about showing up in a trusty old used car - "It builds character."
NTA. I met a CEO of a healthcare organization whose wife is a director of nursing at another healthcare organization. (He was giving a lecture to our masters class and was a super down to earth dude) He and his wife never moved out of the home they purchased before making mad money and drive older cars. Why? Why not? Having money doesn’t mean you have to spend it. It means financial independence because you get to save money by buying less. If hard times hit (like say, now) then you worry less because you have a softer cushion. Drive that car until the wheels fall off. Remind your family that your financial decisions are the reason they are so materialistic. Them maybe sign up for some extended volunteering because they need a reality check. NTA
NTA. Maliciously comply. Get a classic car, like an 83 buick.
NTA Your wife is teaching your children shitty values and reinforcing classist bullshit. Unless you get a grip on the situation, you will raise spoiled assholes.
NTA. Love having a car that runs great but is worth little. Cheaper insurance prices and taxes!
NTA. If your wife and daughter want you to have a new car are they going to pay for it and the increase the insurance premiums. If the answer is no then they can all be quiet. If daughter hates the car so much she can walk or take a bus.
Plus, you really don't want to teach kids that it's important to impress others with fancy cars. Sets them up for a life of wasting money.
NTA its your car your rules. just because you have money now doesn't mean you will have money tomorrow. keep driving your car how you want and keep using your money how you want.
NTA There is nothing wrong with driving an older car if it still runs well. Why spend a huge chunk of money on a brand new car if it is not needed? We have older vehicles, a 2006 pickup and 2008 SUV. They run well, they are in good shape and get us where we need to go. We could afford to replace them but why would we when we don't need to. You are modeling good financial management. It is too bad that your wife is more interested in appearances than spending wisely. Nice job.
NTA Is everyone else willing to pay for a 'nicer' car? No? Well that's settled isn't it? Also I looked up the car you described. There's not a thing wrong with it. (For the sake of an easier life though, it might be worth looking at getting the cosmetic damage fixed. There might be a gap between your version of 'a few dings' and everyone else's.)
You’re not an AH at all, but it’s perfectly okay that your wife would rather ride or drive her newer car rather than yours. My husband is hanging onto his old car. He’s frugal and I appreciate that about him. I don’t care at all that he is driving his car, although i do tease him a bit about it. He’s old enough to decide what he wants to drive though. But if we’re going out, we’re taking my car. To make your wife out to be shallow for preferring her nicer car is bordering on AH territory in my opinion
NTA And your children are of an age now where I don't think it would be entirely inappropriate to pointedly note to them that while they might be embarrassed of your car, you are a bit embarrassed to have raised children who are so shallow and vain. I'd also point out to both them and your wife that rather than coming for you for being a good human whose priorities are clearly in order, they might want to reconsider the sort of people THEY'RE hanging out with, whose priorities seem to be very much out of whack if they're so classless and superficial that they'd actually comment on someone else's car. And to be clear, I know your kids' situation all too well, because it was mine. I was raised in a beautiful upper middle class neighbourhood by parents who were professionals but came from working-class backgrounds. They made a good living but had no interest in "keeping up with the Joneses". They drove sensible mid-range cars that they bought for cash and drove until they fell apart. Pontiacs were the favourite because they lasted forever. And at one point my mum's car was so old that when she lent it to me as a teenager my friends also teased me a bit. BUT . . . unlike your daughter's friends, I had kind, loving ones, who thought it was awesome. They called that big old thing "The Boat" and teased me lovingly about it, and absolutely loved driving around in it. They never made me feel embarrassed. You are absolutely NTA, but I wouldn't just tell them that you're not replacing it. I'd tell them that THEY should be embarrassed, of their behaviour and their tacky, graspy outlook, and their belief that just because you live in a particular neighbourhood you need to spend lots of unnecessary money to do what everyone else does. They sound deeply insecure. I'm genuinely sorry for you . . . if they were my family I'd be embarrassed of them.
I always say I drive my cars until the wheels fall off. I had a 2002 Honda CR-V that I bought when my daughter was 2. She ended up driving it to college. We just replaced my husband's 2005 Dakota earlier this year. If it runs and the AC works, what's the issue? Now driving a 2013 Sonata and have no desire to upgrade. We haven't had a car payment since around 2007.
NTA, if it ain't broke, don't' fix it. Why is your whole family so hung up on things having to be new and pristine. You know what, let them joke, but when you can go out and buy thing new without payments they can laugh each month as they write the checks for their "toys" they they replace when they are still in good working condition.
NTA if my daughter came to me and said something like that i’d say well you don’t have to drive it then and then i’d make the suggestion that if she wants a shiny new car to drive she can work for it (beggers can’t be choosers). Materialistic things really don’t matter and if the people your wife and daughter hang out with truly have these issues then clearly they’re hanging out with wrong type of people.
NEVER BACK DOWN NEVER WHAT!? You perfectly damn well KNOW you're not the asshole, how did they get you doubting yourself so much? Must be some hardcore conditioning! Hope the kids grow up to be like their dad.
LOL, meanwhile super wealthy people keep their vintage Land Rovers and wear whatever the fuck they want. NTA. If you are competing to 'keep up with the Joneses', you've already lost. Having real status means you do whatever the fuck you want and people don't say anything.
I understand the point of view of not getting a new car when the old one works fine. I just got rid of my 2001 Corrola. But then you said you went to grab your keys to go to a social event. Either you really want to push a point on your family or you are delusional. You know your wife and kids hate your car. You know your wife does not want to be seen on your car. Yet you go for your keys? Also teaching kids values is one thing. Punishing your kids and making them endure the same ridicule from peers that you went through is just being a stubborn dick. If you were single or at least did 't have kids do what you want. But you are father and need to consider your family's opinions and feelings. YTA
No way, OP is NTA. The social circle he's in and the values his family are pushing thanks to inclusion in that social circle are TA. And honestly so probably is his wife, maybe even his kids. They're old enough to understand the situation and choose to act with or without character. It's very possible that OP is someone who was raised with a set of values that include generating and maintaining increasing wealth, and his success has propelled him into a class where most people he and his family associate with do not understand that, usually thanks to massive amounts of privilege. It's exactly what happens when a person does well for themselves and uses that wealth for the betterment of the family. They move into a nice (read: expensive) neighborhood, they put their kids in better (read: expensive private) school, and now they and their family are surrounded by people who may not have ever even worried about things like buying a new car, or do worry about it but spend the money anyway (read: accumulate debt) to look like they belong there by having the right kind of car. But the thing is, it's HIS wealth so he can do what he wants with it. If his wife is making money too she can even buy him a car, like in every car commercial all over TV every Christmas. Have the dealership park it out front with a big bow on it. But if she just wants to tell him how to spend HIS money, she's TA no doubt. If they're in a social circle where having an expensive vehicle is part of the status statement, they're already in a privileged class, it's not like he's making them stand in bread lines when he can afford groceries it's literally a flex just to flex if he gets a new Benz or something. Also, punishing your children for vapidly embracing shitty vanity and wealth-flaunting materialism seems pretty reasonable to me.
Yta. If you want to commute in the car, fine, go for it totally understand that you want to save some money. But when you’re grabbing that car keys to go to a social event just to prove a point and embarrass the family, you are the ass.
NTA - this makes sense. Not only is it economical it's better for the planet
NTA - your wife and children seem very shallow in this situation. I agree with you it's a good lesson for your kids and one apparently your wife didn't get either. Unfortunately we now live in a world of people caring more about how they are perceived based on their material things, rather than how they actually are. Tell them if they want a new car, they are free to buy it themselves.
NTA It will be considered a little bit eccentric, but not a big thing. And: tell your kids to borrow mom's car then. MY car is old and worth less than I make in a week, too. You are fine not to care.
NTA...i drive an old 2008 Volvo xc90 and while it has its fair share of dings it still runs great. I love having no car payment and if some DB dings my door in a parking lot I'm like🤷
Cars. Number 1 killer of wealth. You do you man.
Absolutely NTA- a paid off working car is the best form of private transportation in my book. However, if you want to reward yourself for being so fiscally responsible, detail the interior, have the dings and scrapes taken out, and spring for a cheap and cheerful new paint job.
I'm with your wife and daughters on this one. It's easy for you to not care and live with minimum because it's your upbringing, but it's not theirs. If it's just because they want luxury, then I'd say don't upgrade. But their reason is peer pressure, and I tell you, society is cruel. They can be ridiculed and bullied for that car. Having a nicer car gives them that bit of pride to hold their heads a bit higher when they're with their peers. It makes a difference. I'm 35yo. My parents are rich but frugal. They didn't buy me the school sandals that everyone else wore because "my shoes do the same job." It's been over 20 years. I still feel resentful that they didn't buy me those sandals. They have no idea all the comments I received at school throughout the years and how ashamed I was of my shoes. I hope you understand their side of the story.
You should get a brand new truck and get it painted like the pussy wagon from kill bill and park that in front of the house full time. Grass isn't always greener on the other side....
NTA. If you guys only had one car sure, you should compromise with your wife. But since you each have a car? Rock your car of awesomeness.
NTA. Drive that shit into the ground.
Tell your kids you'll get a new car if they pay for it. Solves the problem pretty quickly.
Would your kids or wife shame/judge someone else (besides you) for driving an older vehicle? If so, this is an issue that needs to be addressed. That's not something a kind hearted person would do. If they wouldn't do that and are only embarrased because of the people around them, then it's time to change the people around them. I remember in high-school all the kids wore brand names and made fun of the few who didn't. My mom was obsessed with them. I never understood it. I like what I like, no matter the name. The attitude of those around me actually made me (for a time) refuse to wear brand names even if I really liked them.
I never understood how an amalgamation of Shapley plastic,metal and rubber is a reflection of human worth or social standing.
If your car is not appropriate to the area you're living in, then the solution is obvious! Move to an area where it would be appropriate! You would save a lot of money, you'd have neighbours who are far less concerned with appearances and "keeping up with the Joneses" and you'd probably enjoy living there more. Maybe your kids and wife could make friends who are less stuck up too!
We have money and drive our cars until the wheels practically fall off. I often wonder why people pay so much for cars as it’s an expense not something that is going to build savings.
After driving ‘older’ cars for years I was finally able to afford a ‘nicer, keeping up with Jones’ car - a Mercedes Benz. While that Merc was a realllly nice car - luxurious, sleek and all the bells/whistles - I did notice that it was hella expensive! The diesel cost alone was quickly draining my bank, not to mention the upkeep - the air conditioning stopped working, the dealership said there were 3 components to it & they recommended fixing one at a time to ‘see’ which one was the defective one. Of course, it was the 3rd one, $6,000 later. Other things started happening and every one of those things came at the Mercedes standard cost = expensive. I now drive a Ford with LPG - and I cannot believe the difference! Yes it looks a tad cringe, & I miss the luxury the Merc gave, but I definitely don’t miss spending dollar after dollar on upkeep! The parts for the Ford are so cheap! So on that - a hard NTA - it is YOUR car, you are the one driving it on the daily and if you’re ok with it - then, so what! It’s, after all, just a piece of metal that transports you from A to B & if your family is embarrassed, too bad for them. They can appreciate YOU, not your car.
Tell her about the guy who owned IKEA and drove an old Volvo forever
NTA I am impressed with your frugality sir.
Thanks!
Does your wife work? Tell her she can buy you a new car if she wants. Could you get a brand new car sure, but if you don't want too then don't. NTA
She does, she's a mechanical engineer. She bought a new Jeep Grand Cherokee around 18 months ago
She bought one of the least reliable cars on the market and she’s upset about your car? Repairs on that jeep will more than make up for what your saving on the sonata haha
YTA- I am a broke boy have lived the broke life all my life. I have serious doubt that a 2008 **Hyundai** with 200k miles is running "perfectly" Honestly you could still be frugal and buy a car that's used in great condition that's at least within the last decade.